I’m about to go on a date with a man that isn’t you. My moon I miss you. I wish you didn’t treat me this way.

I hope one day you realise what I did for you untill then. Life is just going through an another phase with you.

You really are like the moon, surrounded by darkness and untouched

Dear x, I miss you so much. I don't understand why you couldn't tell me anything about why you had to leave. You were too much of a coward to say goodbye. You left me alone shaking with anger and sadness. I'm grieving. Tears have filled my eyes.

It's been over a year and my heart won't go on. I am beautiful, intelligent, kind, have money, have a future- I have everything but you that I want. I now only imagine strong hugs to fill the gaping wound in my heart because all the other memories don't make sense to hold onto when you aren't now the same man you were a year then. Why couldn't you at least say goodbye? You did the right thing the wrong way, and I resent it. I loved you beyond addiction and jail time so why block me when you got out. I didn't enable you. I didn't use with you. I did my best to be honest with you and help you win in life without telling you what to do. I lived as an example. I lived for the spark in your beautiful deep blue eyes. I waited for expressions of serenity and joy. I waited for our lunch dates and hikes. I waited for sharing our dreams out loud.

So now you are in rehab, and you'll be there until July. I think 18 months changed you if you put your whole heart into it. You had the strength through Christ. My heart didn't let me leave you even though you left. Why am I so stubborn? I know it's because I knew you loved me too. I wish I'd hear you singing for me again.

So you're finishing rehab and I'm graduating college. I'm struggling with knowing that the career path I have taken without you knowing is one that serves to save lives like yours. I want to be an addiction psychiatrist because I saw the human behind the disease. I loved you more than anything. I'm not doing it for you. I know that I will never save you, nor do I want to be the one to save you. I want to provide better resources for those who share our story. I've come across so many beautiful souls who couldn't cross the lines. We need better in this world. I'm scared you'll be mad at me if you were to hear of my career choice, but I know that I am doing the right thing.

So don't hate me if you ever find out what I've done. You might hate me already for trying to save your life and for loving you beyond the love that you could give me back. When you get done with rehab, show me what you've learned and help me help others find healing. You probably won't because it's radio silence. The last time I saw you was when you were in jail. You had left the visiting room to go back to your cell, but you walked back to peak around the corner and smile at me one last time. I should have cried since you have never seen tears in my eyes. You're gone.

My beautiful boy, I didn't know what unconditional love was until my eyes looked into yours. You're my addiction. My mind doesn't know how to quit you. I'm a case of my own. You could make that right, but you probably won't. All that is in between us could be very harmful for you if you had to trudge back through it to come find me again. You made me promise to live big in my college years. I wonder if you did that because you knew you wouldn't be here. I love you. I was only 18 when we met, and now I'm 22. Please please please don't stay gone.

H

Reddit -

I (F30) met my boyfriend now ex (M29) a year ago. When we met he had just quit his software engineering job because he was burnt out. I didn’t see it as a red flag at the time, but then 6 months rolled by together and he basically was still jobless doing nothing. It seemed like he was living at his dad’s, playing video games, smoking weed, going out with friends, but not really doing anything beyond that. Despite all of this, he was a really loving boyfriend. So kind, romantic, sweet, loving, emotionally intelligent, and attentive. So I stayed. Because I loved him and wanted to be there for him through thick and thin.

I first brought up my concern 6 months into our relationship and he said he wanted to do better, but I really didn’t see any improvement even after that conversation. He got a part time job as a barista for a month but then ended up quitting that and just went back to playing video games and smoking weed. A year was about to hit and I was feeling all of this resentment that I built up because he hadn’t done anything to improve himself even after I spoke with him about it. I would understand if he was busting his ass looking for a job, but he truly was not even applying or trying. And his mental health started getting worse and he wasn’t making efforts to work on that either. I got in my head and began to see all of this as a character flaw. If he can’t hold down a job or take care of himself, how is he going to take care of me or kids?? On top of this - he was really anxiously attached and began to have little outbursts regarding me not meeting his needs.

We ended up splitting up with the main reason being he couldn’t take care of himself and I felt like I was taking on a caretaker role and it was emotionally draining me. This was really hard for me because he truly loved me and poured into me and I felt stupid for leaving someone that cared about me that much. Maybe I should have stuck it out and tried harder? Maybe he was depressed and needed extra support? But how long should I have been waiting for him to help himself? I feel so much guilt because I feel like I quit when it got hard. I feel like I was a horrible gf that left him in the hard times.

I saw him yesterday a month after the break up to reconnect and it felt like hadn’t done much to improve his situation. I was holding onto a glimmer of hope that he would’ve tried harder after we broke up. But he hadn’t worked to find a job, wasn’t going to therapy like I wanted him to, and missed his appointment to talk to someone about meds. I could tell he wanted to get back together but I couldn’t in good conscience do that knowing that he still wasn’t trying even after breaking up.

I just want to get some outside perspective. Should I have stayed longer and tried to grow with him through this season of his life? AITA for letting him go?

I don’t know if this is the right sub for this but I don’t know where else to go.

To preface things I am deeply in love with my wife. We are happy together and have been together for nearly 20 years. We have children and I have no intention or interest of leaving her or cheating on her. I’ve even turned down offers before.

I started a new job a bit ago in a leadership position and have been meeting the people in the workplace (manufacturing). Recently I moved departments and met someone we’ll call Mary.

Mary and I hit it off instantly as our sense of humors align great. She’s funny and fun to talk to. She’s a native Spanish speaker with poor English and I’m trying to learn so I can communicate better with the workforce. That’s where much of our friendship was built. Mary is also very flirty in general with most guys. The areas we work are rather close quarters so it’s not like I can escape super easy. She’s a touchy-feely type person as most of the people there are. Hand on arm as they talk to you, hugs for each other, etc.

Mary tends to touch me too long it seems, and when there’s a chance to just pat me or tap me it turns into a slow rub on my arm or back. I find her watching me work a lot when I look up or out of the corner of my eye. There’s loads of eye contact and always a smile ready from her when our eyes meet.

All this to say at some point I started falling. I can guarantee she does not feel the same and it’s pointless regardless as I have no intention of destroying my life like that. But I don’t know how to deal with this. General touching is acceptable at our workplace because of the cultures present. But every touch from her is electric to me.

If I have a conversation and single her out about touching I fear the repercussions from a very tight knit group of workers, not to mention I’m so new being the odd person out that refuses the camaraderie of touching is a rough look. I need their support for my success.

I don’t know how to handle this. I can’t create distance as many times there’s very little distance to be had. I’m losing my shit here.

I never thought I’d be here—heartbroken over someone who was never mine. I’m curious if anyone else out there is struggling to get over an emotional affair. Some days, I feel fine—like I’m finally moving on. Other days, it feels like my heart is shattering into a thousand pieces.

The silence is the hardest part. It eats away at me, but I know breaking no contact would only throw me back into the same cycle of hurt. Still, I can’t help but wonder if they feel the same yearning I do. If they miss me too.

It’s one of the worst feelings—to want to be someone you can’t be, to long for something that can’t exist. I hate how much I thirst for someone else, when I should be focusing on my marriage. I feel like I’m failing in that way. I know I should be focusing on my marriage, my kids, my life. But a part of me is still stuck in the what ifs and what could have been.

I’m almost 40, a mother of two, and been married for almost 16 years. A few years ago, someone I used to work with found me on Facebook, and what started as innocent conversation slowly turned into something more. He’s 46, just got out of an engagement, and moved in with his mom. He’s an Uber driver. The life I have with my husband is way more than I could ever have with him, and I know that. But I just wish I knew what changed. I don’t want to go back, but I can’t stop wondering.

His messages became less frequent, his responses started taking longer, and eventually, I had to walk away.

Has anyone else been through this? How do you move on when your heart still aches for something that can never be?

The truth is this hurt me deeply. I took you for granted and now I pay for that everyday! I deeply regret hurting you because I do love you so deeply. I’m sorry that I couldn’t get it right.

I’m sorry that I didn’t give you your mourning process and pushed you away by trying so desperately to make it right. I’m sorry for it all! I take full accountability for my actions and understand why you were done with it… I will always love you and always regret how things turned out. I wish you nothing but the best and true happiness.

I’ve known her since 4th grade we’ve always been close but recently got closer after she broke up with her boyfriend, that I was also bsf’s with around Halloween 24’. When they broke up me and her hung out a lot more. Everyday, two three times a day. Every night to smoke. When I became friends with her I never had any feelings nor did I intend for anything past friendship. I didn’t wanna look like that guy that’s been waiting for her to break up just so I can swoop in and save her. That’s not me wasn’t me. But sadly I found out the hard way I get attached easily. Being around close proximity with eachother everyday, and without acknowledging it, building a deep connection and a bond by the day. While we were bsfs she was seeing guys and at first I didn’t give a single fuck. Slowly I started caring more n more until the pain was unbearable. Having to watch someone I fell in love with, drool over all these other dudes. So last week I told her I need distance to focus on myself as I am not happy with my life and don’t want anyone being apart of it. Ima bad liar and this might’ve been why she found out that the reason for my distancing was because I grew feelings. She found out and hasn’t texted back since, I’ve been trying to convince her there’s no such thing but I think I already lost her for good. The pain will never go away.

22 (M) India

Hey, it's been 6 months and am completely shattered after my 7 year+ relationship breakup. I feel lonely and if any girl here who is interested in talking or in a same condition then we can connect.

I stare at lamps wondering if this is real or not. I can’t stop thinking about you, morning, noon, and night. I hate this. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling of hope I have. I hate myself. I hate the way I am and how I think. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t drink. I have no appetite for anything let alone life. I have no life now.

What I would give to go back a few weeks ago, and feel what I felt. Secured, warmth, love. Which has now been replaced with, uncertainty, cold, and isolation. Where I use to have that security, that feeling of being comforted when I was sad; is now replaced by nothing. Not even my own family gives me those hugs or comfort. It’s horrible, I crave that comfort you use to give me. Those deep tight hugs, the kisses on my forehead and cheeks, the warm caressing words in my ear. All gone and replaced by a pat on the shoulder by my parents.

So I stare at lamps. Hoping this is all a nightmare that I have yet to wake up from. But I know it’s not, because I hardly sleep now. I’m lucky to get even 1-2 hours straight. I wake up every hour to check my phone and see if there’s any notification from you. But then there’s nothing. I awake to nothing. I go to sleep to nothing. I love for nothing.

Everyday is getting more and more tiring. I keep thinking there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, but I’m now thinking it’s not the sun, but the heaven side waiting for me to commit.

Lately that’s what my thoughts have consumed me of. In lieu of you, I think of unaliving myself. I feel it’s the only way to get past this and stop feeling this way. Stop the pain. Stop the heartache. Stop the constant thoughts. Stop the neglect. Just stop.

I’m tired.

And so alone.

There’s nothing for me now, and I’d be happier to die with the memories and thoughts of this future that will never exist. Than to keep hoping for it to happen.

But I’m scared. So I cut. And cut. And cut. And cut. My thighs are constantly on fire. Constantly burning. Constantly bleeding. Constantly reminding me. Please just stop.

I just want it all to stop.

So I sit here in silence, just staring at lamps.

Never gonna be anything except for the pathetic Asian guy he tutors, I’m never gonna amount to anything for him and he’s probably dating someone else. I mean, he’s fantastic. He’s wonderful. It’s never gonna be anything more. I’m so stupid. I’ve been so, so stupid. ineed to get over him, itw impossible. We’re on two seperate planets.

Just found this sub and thought this message could inspire you and put a smile on your face. Sincerely, Yours🤍

https://youtu.be/vyaVXXgc8CI?si=dsVHf6R8toBpQ42U

had my first break up, ever, a few days ago. a relationship of 10 years. im gutted but knew it was coming. it was mutual but neither of us wanted it to go this way. there was just a single deal breaker that wasnt going to go away.

they were my best friend, we met in highschool and no one really expected this to go for as long as it did. but we were so happy, everything just worked, except for that one thing that we just couldnt figure out.

the breakup was the healthiest thing to do and the right decision for everyone. but god it really sucks. i wish things couldve been different.

there are so many silver linings to this situation and im not afraid of living life and moving on, but the small quiet moments are killing me. Ive never had a breakup before (they were my first of almost everything) so ive never experienced going from talking to someone every day almost all the time, to complete silence. I miss being able to tell them about all the little things that happened, like trying a snack they might like or a nice gift a friend gave me, and hearing about their day in return.

im okay being on my own, despite always being somewhat of a lonely person, but this is really difficult to adjust to. grieving what couldve been is hard, but the quiet everyday moments that they filled feel so overwhelming and painful now.

So me F19 and my ex boyfriend M21 were in a long distance relationship with our own ups and downs we started seeing each other in the end of 2023 and got into a relationship in December but it wasn't really working out so we both took a break from each other , then in 2025 jan i texted him and we again started to talk , this time it was going good but we were on a video call one day and he saw the scars on my arms of the cuts and he asked me multiple questions about all of the self harm topic which i really didn't want to talk about and i did tell him about it and then he said that he cannot talk to someone who cut themselves and blocked me and i felt really bad about it . Its like im too much into him and now im feeling as if its my fault that he left me , idk.

Three years ago, I was confident. I was radiating. I had just graduated from university with top marks, started styling assisting in the real world, and was surrounded by a new circle of friends. It felt like life was just beginning again, especially after lockdown.

One night, on a whim, I messaged someone on Hinge and invited them for a drink after work. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, just someone to pass the time with, someone I felt would be safe. We met up, and I paid for everything—he was locked out of his bank account. He kissed me a lot and said he didn’t want the night to end because he was afraid he wouldn’t see me again. I went back to his place, on the condition that we wouldn’t sleep together. We talked all night—mostly, I talked, and he listened. His flatmate seemed bothered by my presence, even vacuuming aggressively and texting him about when we were leaving because she wanted to go for a walk. It was strange.

What followed was the beginning of my slow unraveling. The signs were subtle at first, but over time they became impossible to ignore. James, for all his promises, showed me a profound lack of effort. A lack of communication, of intimacy, of basic care. He never planned a single date in two years. He didn’t learn my birthday for over a year. He was miserable—about everything. No job, no passion, no drive. And I stayed. I stayed because I loved him. I stayed because I thought I could fix him.

But all that I gave, all the support I offered—emotionally, financially—he took without a second thought. He quietly invested in crypto with the money I was spending on us, all while I begged for something as simple as a trip to the bowling alley we’d talked about. For three years, I begged. He received a gift certificate to go bowling from his flatmates—still, he refused to take me.

I booked us a trip to Sydney for our anniversary, the one he had forgotten, and he sulked the entire time. He didn’t touch me. He didn’t kiss me. He didn’t compliment me. He preferred to stay in bed, watching TV shows, while I wanted to experience life, to connect. By then, my confidence was gone. My self-worth was in tatters. I saw the texts on his phone, the ones where he spoke ill of me, and I couldn’t understand why he’d be with me if he felt that way.

But I couldn’t leave. I was crushed. All I wanted was approval. I wanted the small, thoughtful gestures: flowers, compliments, affection. I wanted to feel loved. But I settled for scraps. Week after week, I was ignored, my suggestions rejected. I would buy tickets to events, and he would pull out at the last minute. Every weekend was his choice. I lived in his world, and mine didn’t matter.

James wasn’t an evil person. But he did awful things to me. He made me feel small. When I look back, I see how much I loved him. I loved him so deeply, so desperately. His happiness came before my own. I cooked what he wanted, watched what he chose, stayed up late, did whatever he asked. But I wasn’t treated with the same care. He yelled at me. He belittled me. He grabbed me by the neck in public. He made me cry more than I ever thought possible.

When my mother was in the hospital, he didn’t check on me. When I asked for help, for comfort, it was always “too much” for him. When my friend passed away in a car crash, I asked if I could stay an extra night to process my grief. He rolled his eyes. When my grandmother died, I was on the phone, saying my last goodbyes, and he left the room. He didn’t send flowers or even come to the funeral. But when he missed his own mother, I held him. I comforted him.

I did everything for him. When he wanted a gym set, I hired a van, gave up my whole day, and helped him build it. When he needed furniture, I drove him to IKEA and helped him put it together. When he needed to move, I booked the van, lifted the boxes, did everything. I helped him with his job applications, locked ourselves in a room for days working on projects for him.

I was afraid to ask for anything in return because every time I did, I was met with anger, with silence, with gaslighting. I told him I needed affection, words of affirmation, basic care. But those things were withheld. I was stonewalled, made to feel like I wasn’t worthy of love. And the worst part? He withheld sex. He made me feel like the most repulsive thing in the world, while I made sure he felt adored.

I don’t know how to rebuild myself after all of this. I withdrew from my family, embarrassed by what I allowed to happen. Part of me is even angry at my mom for getting sick, because it was too much for James. He broke up with me the moment he found out my mom was out of the hospital. I feel broken. I feel like I don’t even know how to trust anymore.

The pain is so heavy, I can’t bear it. I think about dying. I think about escaping the hurt. I’m exhausted from pretending to be okay, from putting on a front for everyone when I’m falling apart inside. All I ever wanted was to be loved. But I gave all my love, and it was never enough.

Nahihilo nako sa totoo lang. Nagbreak kame weeks ago. Days after breakup nakakasalubong ko pa din siya pero nakasimangot lagi sakin eh siya naman nakipaghiwalay ng biglaan as in wala akong idea bigla nalang siyang nagdesisyon, nung una sabi niya di niya naman daw tinatapos yung samin, tapos biglang sabi na ayusin man namin magpapanggap lang kame, nagulo na ng husto brain cells ko. then all of a sudden, bigla nalang akong pinansin ng ex ko. Halos magkalapit lang kasi yung workplace namin tapos nakasalubong ko siya. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, papansinin ko ba to? Pag di ko pinansin ang bastos ko naman. Pag pinansin ko, marupok naman ako. San ako lulugar? Mas pinili ko pa din maging marupok kesa maging bastos. Well, syempre mahal ko pa. Di ko matiis yung tao. Dapat nga galit ako eh. Di ko naman magawang magalit. Nakakainis ako. Nakipagkwentuhan pako, next thing magka-chat na kame. The day after, lumabas kame. Dinala niya ko sa place na sobrang bet ko. As in yun yung mga lugar na narerelax ako. Cafe na vintage theme and mga lumang musika. Syempre iwas drama sa kwentuhan kaya about sa mga balita sa buhay namin yung usapan namin. Biglang nabrought up niya yung breakup namin. Di ko na isama sa kwento. In short, gaya ng dati pano kami nagsimula. Eventually may eme na nangyare. Pati kinabukasan, wala namang halong alak. So namindfuck ako. Lamang yung naisip kong baka gusto lng nito ng masaya peeo hindi matured enough para sa relasyon? After ipakilala namin isat isa sa mga pamilya namin. Hirap na hirap ako araw araw gumising tpos kailangan kong harapin tong sitwasyon na to. Parang wala lang yung more than a year na magkasama kami sa iisang bahay.

I just need to know if anyone can relate but, when you miss someone, does your heart just hurt all day everyday? thats how it feels for me. sometimes it hurts so bad i feel it in my fingers. it feels like someone is squeezing my heart through my chest. i hate it so much.

My girlfriend of 2 years told me she cheated on me with her cousins boyfriend, then my friend told me she also cheated with another man. 2 days after telling me she cheated she left. She said she was young, had to figure out her life and being in a relationship wasnt the way the figure it out. And that our "long distance relationship" ( 1 hour apart) wasnt working for her and she didnt know how she could continue without constant support...... after 2 weeks apart i find out shes already dating another man, The same man she cheated on me with and that man lives in America (im in canada).. so shes in a relationship after saying she couldnt be in one aaaand in a longer distance one then we had..she lied about everything and i just can't stop thinking about it all. It hurts. Also her cousin doesnt know she cheated with her boyfriend should i tell her ? .. ok rant over I just wanted to get it all out somewher thank you and have a good night ❤️

Made some mistakes in my relationship. Crossed her boundaries and now she doesn’t know what to do. It’s been a week of her trying to decide. I’m trying to stay hopeful but at this point i’m contemplating ending it myself. She was my first love and we were so good together. We were so happy just a week ago. It hurts because I believe I would work through anything with her. I would forgive her for anything, except cheating. I am not perfect and I’ve made mistakes i’m sorry, but how could she not remember all the good times we had. We are still very much in love and get along so well. I don’t get why she would end this when it obvious we can be good together. I feel like she gave up so easily. Now I wait for her to decide when I already feel what her decision will be. When it’s finally over will she miss me? Can she live without me when just a week ago she claimed she could not live without me in her life?

There will always be a a hole shaped you,

within the very depths of me.

I have loved you so much the majority of my life.

But there are some years, I’ve hated you.

I hate you now and I’ve never hated anyone more.

I’ve never hated you this much.

It doesn’t matter though.

I know I’ll love you my whole life anyway.

It makes me hate you more.

Our love isn’t made for happy endings.

I’m not obligated to love you,

But I do every day, whether you’re here or not.

I don’t want to love you at all, I still do every day.

I have loved you for so long that I don’t even remember….any of the reasons why?

Not to say there aren’t many reasons why.

I could name a million if I wanted to.

The first thing that comes to mind is the way you look at me.

The next is how when you touch me you make all the pain in this world bearable.

I feel completely at peace with you.

Did I ever tell you that there’s something I realized after last seeing you?

I realized after spending more time with you again that there are things I love because of you.

But you didn’t even really like those things anymore.

I still love those things today.

They’ve shaped my life in insurmountable ways.

This is how I loved you.

This is why I hate you.

Can you imagine loving someone that way?

This is the way you shaped my life.

It’s torture.

At the beginning of this year my fiance of 5 year broke up with me. I had never dated before her and I felt like she was the one and I got really lucky. Me and her are still friends but it's been hard. As a 23 year old male I feel like I will never be able to date a good woman again. I don't know where to look or how to date or anything. i also feel like a lot of women either like a tall man or a rich man and I am neither. I want a woman who will love me for who I am and be there for support when I need it. I want somebody I can love and trust and take care of. I am not looking for sex or anything like that. That will come when she is ready. And advice to help me figure out life would be appreciated.

My turn to scream into the void, it seems. I've (38m) been with the same woman (37f) since I was 23. We were together for 7 years before we got married, and we've been married for the last 7 years. Now, during that first 7, there was a problem with infidelity on her part. I felt at the time that what we had was real, despite all of that, and I gave her a much grace as I could find in my heart. Mistakes should not define a person, in my opinion. Say what you will about my judgement there, the criticism is fair, but I'm proud to be a person who reacts with love in a difficult situation. That being said, I have had no reason to doubt that she has been faithful since we've been married. Take me at my word on this. I may be a fool, but I'm not a blind fool.

Skipping ahead for brevity, she moved in with her sister last summer. It was supposed to be a break, but now she's saying it's likely permanent. So here's the rub: in a recent discussion, she suggested she may have married me out of a feeling of guilt and obligation due to the aforementioned infidelity. And when you think about it, how much can you say a person willing to cheat loves their partner?

So, that pretty much accounts for all of it. A good third of my life may well be a lie I've been telling myself.

And I think, deep down, I knew.

I came across an old post of my ex tonight on a community we were both a part of (I'm still in there). It was an accident. Nothing intentional. It didn't make me too sad but I still have that touch of emotional pain whenever I see her face. I could see she is still with the same guy. The one she left me for. She'll never know how badly she screwed me up psychologically but I still love her. I don't think I'll ever stop loving her. I have trust issues and don't like getting close to others anymore. I just can't see myself having affection for another woman in the same way. I know you shouldn't let someone who isn't in your life anymore control you like this but I feel like with any girl I think I have feelings for, it's more a way of coping for her absence and I even try to do things that remind me of us once upon a time.

So I choose to stay alone and yeah, being alone is super depressing but I don't think I can fix myself and I don't expect anyone else to either and nor should they. I don't want to hurt another person by still having feelings for my ex. I know it was so easy for her to replace me and move on but for me, it's a struggle that has never gone away truly. I go grind at the gym or anything to try and forget but I don't forget. I love her and that's that. It sucks. The memories will always haunt me.

I didnt think I could be such a fool. And yet, here I am sobbing uncontrollably, again. All the signs, the red flags and all the other times ive felt this way, my life is like vinyl going round and round. The delicate tiny tip of the needle hitting the same groove over and over. Stuck. Like a vehicle stuck in a ditch, without enough power to get itself out. Except the record, like the tires on the vehicle keep spinning and the vehicle like the needle remains stuck in the deep groove. Now there are no tunes heard, no Sylvia's Mother saying anything, no Suzi Quatro's, Four Letter Words just a blip...blip, blip...blip, over and over. Why do I not just stop the cycle. How do I even do that? Was I sick that day at school? Was it even taught in school, elementary, high school, college, university? Maybe, I wasn't paying attention during the lesson on how to stop the cyclical dangers of my life prior to getting hurt. idk? One time at the carnival, I lifted the bar over my head, stood up and hollered at the operator, "Get me the fuck off this death trap!" It worked, then! He stopped the whole ride and I got out. So it worked then, why not now? At the time, I felt my life was in danger on that ride. The lovely "crack" technician at the helm seemed more interested in smoking from his glass pipe inside his hoodie. I'm sure he was too busy puffing and, not getting caught to tend to the safety of anyone on that ride. As it turned out, at 12 years old and 79 pounds, I'd made a good decision that night. My best freind, who wouldn't get off the ride with me and another girl were both thrown from the ride and sustained serious injuries.

I sit here looking out the waterfall stained window, the same blurred shapes and colors keep passing by. I can't help but feel a sense of danger, that same danger I'd felt so long ago, that loud warning telling me to, "Stop going round and round!" If I go around one more time, I don't think im strong enough to withstand it, not again. I've tried hollering, "STOP!" No one hears me, there's no one to help me. If I could just let go. Would I fly through the air and land with a "thud!"? Would inertia take over and hold me hostage forever? I can't seem to let go. I'm afraid to let go and that makes me hold on even tighter. I dont want to sustain life altering injuries. I clearly remember seeing my freind soar right over my head and land on the top of the Balloon Pop game, just like it was yesterday. That was from going round and round bad things can happen going round and round too much. I'm still haunted by the image of her looking like a rag doll being tossed across the fair grounds, you know, kind of floppy? She looked just like my Ragedy Anne doll just before our dog ripped it's arm off. My friend may have looked like a rag doll flying through the air but when she met the landing, it was with a loud thud! She was so lucky, though,it couldve been much worse. She actually landed on top of the Ballon Pop game on a canvas awning and under the awning was a shelf that held all the soft prizes. She ended up landing on 3 layers deep of fuzzy pimp hats, in all the colors, pink, zebra, purple, tiger and jaguar spotted hats. However, she was in traction for two months in children's hospital. She then had a full body cast for six months, then pins and snaller casts. It ended up being so much fun that year. She had a wheel chair and I'd push her everywhere or we'd go down hills and I could stand on the back!

Anyway, I'm much older now and I don't want to go through that. Soneone please tell me how to stop this cyclical train of heart break! 💔

Someone help me understand how someone can ghost u with no indicators, and no dryness. The day before she ghosted me we had a 2 hour long convo that went very well. I don’t understand females anymore but this one genuinely hurt me…especially that I found her perfect, but whatever you gotta have some self respect and let it go sometimes, that’s why I’m ranting here. She still frequently posts on her insta comments so she’s fine. It’s been 10 days now and I decided to just try and forget her by blocking her on everything , still hurts tho. Idk what to do however, my heart has been hella heavy for the past week, and no matter how much I push myself in my workouts and sports still seems to go back home with the same heavy heart, I think I have worked out maybe like 20 times in the past week whether it’s gym or sports. I don’t get why’d she do this

My ex calls rubs it in my face about how many bodies she’s cause an men she has

Now she keeps blowing my phone up mocking me I can’t cry yell or anything

I wanna scream for an hour straight an just melt away my buttons are being so pushed right now all of these calls are too mock an call me out my name

Why won’t she just stop change wake up? wtf is wrong with people

The song - miracle? By kristoff krane Brings me deep tears every single time. All the way to end the tears pour out harder.

It’s a good reminder to look at the bigger picture in life. To open your eyes wide enough to look at things from another’s perspective.

Every day I am learning. Today I’m starting to recognize maybe friends, isn’t in his and I’s deck of cards either. It’s either half assed or only one sided. I see that more clearly now. Just co workers for the next few months, is all that he wants and all that it will be. I don’t even know if I have a few months left in me to stay here.

I’ve completely surrendered to this chapter. It has won. I have lost. Time to start a new one. Instead of letting the wound from this one continue to hurt me.

I took the risk. Even the risk at attempting friendship after, more than once. There’s nothing more I can do here. This chapter has closed itself.

Now I have to take the next risk, figuring out where I will start my next one.

Life is hard. But I am tough. Everything just is, what it is.