i just cant seem to move on, it was a 5 month talking stage but we both knew we liked eachother. Im 21(f) and before meeting this guy, i had never ever liked someone romantically like yes, i had a feeling crushes but all of those were pretty superficial. I met him through a friend and initially we were only talking online and i hadn’t met him as he lived in another city. A few weeks after we had started talking, he visited my city and wanted to meet so i met him along with my friend. I guess he liked me romantically from the start and the first time we met, on our way back from the restaurant he bought me a flower???? (which i accidentally lost btw) anyways after that we just became really close and started talking very frequently on calls which is something i could never imagine myself doing. My friend kept telling me that he wanted to ask me out in the summer when he would visit my city. He came, we met a few times. Initially, it was all good but then i started noticing he wqs acting a bit distant. So when he went back I messaged him that i wanted to talk and he said he wanted to talk to me asw. Then… i get a huge ass paragraph of him telling me that he cant get into anything rn because he’s not in the right space and needs to grow as a person blah blah. I was devastated obv but i knew that he had very huge family problems and that his excuses were kind of legitimate but i still hated him for meeting me for a straight week and then just abruptly ending everything. I said its okay i understand but i cant be friends with you. It has almost been 5 months and i cant get over him, i cant move on. I think about him every single day, not a day when i dont think about him. What do i do… how are you even supposed to move on. Ik this could be because this was my first ever time being romantically involved with someone and sharing so much with a person but i want to move on. This is iust not it.

I had word vomited half of this post and somehow none of that got saved as a draft so here is another attempt at trying to get the mess that are my feelings at present across. I apologise to anyone who is going to read this because I am upset about a lot of things and they are all sort of connected and also not so please bear with me.

I (22F) started dating my ex back in 2022. It was my first ever relationship and it was everything I had hoped it would be, at least for the first few months. My ex was one of the nicest people I had ever met and it was easy to fall in love with him. He was kind, caring, funny, ambitious, responsible and just a great person to be around. I used to consider myself lucky that I had found a person like him. But roughly 6 months into our relationship, something changed. It was like he had checked out mentally. I couldn’t understand what was going on and no matter how I asked, he never told me. From that point to the end of our relationship, many things went wrong between us. I won’t get into that because frankly that’s not why I am writing this post and there are too many things to talk about. Things weren’t always bad but I never got back that sense of stability that I had felt with him. I tried to change; my expectations, my approach. I thought if I showed him I cared and tried to adjust myself according to his needs, things would go back to how they were. Sometimes they did but it was never how it used to be and I was in a constant state of anxiety, fearing for the moment where things would go wrong again. In hindsight, there were many points where I should’ve broken up with him. But I don’t know how or when I had become so emotionally attached or emotionally dependant on him that I just couldn’t bear the thought of him not being in my life. I feel pretty stupid now.

I reached my breaking point in 2023 when I broke up with him almost impulsively. I just blurted it out. I was so tired and miserable and lonely that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I thought I would feel better. But that didn’t happen either. I missed him terribly and I couldn’t help but feel that I thrown away a year and a half long relationship far too easily. I wanted to get back together which is pretty ironic but he told me that he couldn’t do it; that he was physically and mentally exhausted. I couldn’t say anything else, I didn’t want a relationship with him knowing that it was probably causing him pain. I cared about him far too much. No matter how much it hurt me I believed that if I saw him doing better it would make all the pain I was going through worth it. Where this martyr mentally was coming from, I don’t fucking know. I also naively believed that maybe if we gave each other some time, we could consider getting back together. I deeply cared about him and I believed that he cared about me in a similar way. Except that everything I couldn’t imagine happening happened after our breakup. We were briefly in contact but lost it over time. I found out later that he had hooked up with someone barely after a month had passed (this is probably a generous estimate) and 3 months later, he was in a new relationship. I know I am exaggerating but finding out all of this was worse than our break up. I know he technically didn’t do anything wrong but it was the worst betrayal to me. And above everything, I felt so incredibly stupid for caring so much, for not being able to move on, for being so naive. After he got into his new relationship, he took many actions which felt suspiciously like he was trying to show off. Rub it into my face that he had someone and I was still all alone and still in love with him. Maybe I am reading too much into it considering I may not even have that much importance in his life but it is hard to see it as anything else. I never thought he would be this kind of person. I am sure I wasn’t the perfect partner who never did anything wrong and I am sure there must have been moments where I hurt him though it was never my intention. But I couldn’t think of anything that would’ve been horrible enough for him to humiliate and hurt me like this.

It’s been over a year since our break up and I have spent many hours trying to make sense of why things turned out the way they did. He had changed so much by the end of our relationship that he was unrecognisable from the guy I had met. I thought if I could make sense of things, it would hurt less. But nothing has made sense. The hurt has lessened over time for sure but I still feel the sting of betrayal.

When I found out he had a new girlfriend, as dramatic as it sounds, it felt like the ground had slipped from beneath my feet. I never considered myself to be the kind of person who would be able to do hookups because I deduced from self-observation that I get attached to people way too easily. But I guess when you’re heartbroken, you’re not thinking straight. I hooked up with a guy roughly 5 months after my break up. And it was great. The guy and I clicked well, it was easy and nice to chat with him and the hooking up part of things was also good. Most importantly, it gave me something else to think about. Over time, we sort of became friends?? But not exactly. I enjoyed his company and that’s all that mattered. There were some hiccups here and there with this hookup too and like who is surprised but I dealt with that surprisingly well, at least by my standards. Everything was going okay, nothing eventful really and now this guy is ghosting me. I didn’t think it would affect me but guess who has fooled herself again and is now crying like an idiot.

I am someone who is an intense over thinker and I need steady and clear communication to feel okay. I hate being ghosted and I am terrible at dealing with it, clearly. My break up has severely affected my sense of sense even though I hate to admit it. Given how things have progressed since, I can’t help but feel like no one will ever put in any effort with me. I was not worth any effort in a serious relationship and I am not worth any effort in a casual fling. I know I should let it go and not let it affect me. Hell I have watched a million videos to figure out and fix everything that is ‘wrong’ with how I deal with my emotions. But I am scared that nothing has changed. I feel like I have made the same mistakes and I don’t know what to do. I know this probably sounds like “boohoo everyone has hurt me and I am such a victim” but I really don’t intend for it to be that. I reached out to the only therapist I know and sort of have access to, given my circumstances and guess what? She fucking ghosted me. I am so exhausted. If anyone could give me any advice or even give me their perspective of the situation, I will be really grateful. If anyone wants more info even after this massive essay I have written, I will be happy to share that. Also I am sorry for any typos.

TL;DR: I have made put myself in situations that don’t favour me because I give too much of a fuck about everything and it’s kind of ruining my life. Please help.

Letting go of something or someone is never easy. You constantly do everything you can to make up good scenarios for them in your mind, but at the end of the day you can’t change other’s actions. Maybe some of you understand when I say I never wanted to let go. 3 months later & I’m still clinging on to the last bit of hope that I have. I’m running very thin. There’s not much left in me. I honestly don’t even know why or what hope I’m clinging on to. He specifically told me, he did not want to be w me. He couldn’t reciprocate the words ‘I love you’ or even ‘I miss you’ that spoke millions, but I still chose to ignore & push past & honestly? If he were to come ask me to try again, I’d probably give in. But that’s the thing, he’s not going to ask bc he does not want to be w me. I came up w so many things in my head to explain why he said the things he said to me, but literally at the end of the day, the words ‘I do not want to be w you’ poured out of his mouth so easy. ‘You can just throw my stuff away’ poured out faster than I could even get the chance to hide the emotion on my face. You can’t even see me to get your stuff? Gosh, am I so fucked up for still thinking about him? I mean, he still looks at my posts…that has to count for something? There I go clinging to every last bit I can…how do I let go?

I just want an honest opinion on the break up I’m going through. We didn’t date that long but this one hurts because I made a mistake. Everything was going great until one night my now ex saw a msg on my Instagram. I said hey to a past friend from school and she responded the same night we were driving home. She saw this msg and immediately looked upset. I panicked and my anxiety had me say the stupidest thing. I grabbed my phone and lied to her that it was an ex. My very first ex brother had cancer so I told her I msged her to see how she was doing as I still get updates from sunny broke hospital. I instantly started crying as I realized I fucked up and I let my fear of losing her take over. She flipped out on me, told me I was emotionally immature, said that she was gonna get tested for STDs, told me that she thought I was doing this because she had scars and said “ what did you think I was gonna kill myself “ I was shocked and couldn’t say anything. I wanted to tell her the truth the next day but she blocked me on everything… it’s been a month and the guilt fucking hurts. I really enjoyed this girl and was starting to fall for her. Idk what to do and if I should reach out somehow to apologize. Ik I fucked up but her reaction was so strong and I felt like I had done something wrong so I lied like an idiot when I did nothing wrong.

What should I do ?

Things have been rocky between us for months. We are still very emotionally attached but have been having a lot of fights. There is no abuse but just a lot of resentment over needs that are not being met. Last week, i saw his instagram account that just bashes me for various things and it was really hard to read and it makes me not want to work through anything anymore.I don’t use instagram but just decided to recently sign up. It wasn’t anything abusive but just really not things he’s said to me before so I’m really surprised to see it online. I know what he is discontent about but it’s how he is venting that is bother me. He is saying things like “don’t come crawling back” or “some people don’t deserve 1% of your effort” on instagram and sounds so cruel. I just never thought he could say such things toward me. There’s a lot that I’m unhappy about too, but I could never apply those words toward him. If I’m hurt, I’m hurt, but I’m not angry. I kinda want to bring it up but part of me feels like he’s allowed to do whatever with his social media and I would just be petty to mention it. The other part of me feels an injustice and a need to defend myself cause it’s been really upsetting. But I also want to handle this maturely and that part of me says to ignore it and just breakup civilly and not everything needs a reaction.

Edited: for more details

TLDR: found my bf instagram account where he bashes me about things he is resentful about but at a level he has never expressed to me before. It feels like betrayal and am wondering if the mature way to handle it is to just breakup and not mention it at all

It's been 3.5 months since he broke up with me, and yesterday was his birthday. I never thought I wouldn't be there with him to celebrate. When we started dating, he told me that birthdays weren't really important to him because they've never been special. As soon as I heard that, I intended to give him the best birthday ever. I was going to buy him an expensive wallet he'd wanted for months and take him on a trip either to one of his favorite cities or to a city he'd never been to before but wanted to visit. I would have surprised him with a ton of balloons, his favorite desserts, and a sentimental card in addition to the gift. Then we'd be on our way to our little getaway where I would treat him to a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant and we'd spend the weekend staying at a nice hotel and doing whatever his heart desired.

Instead, I had to keep myself busy all day to prevent myself from frequently bursting into tears. I did not wish him a happy birthday because he asked me to leave him alone the last time we had communication and I respect his wishes. I wonder if he expected to hear from me though. I wonder if he thought about me or mourned the special day he could have had. I'm sure he was content having and average day like every other year. But I wonder if he thought of me or missed me at all. Well, he chose to leave me to please his family, so I hope he was happy spending the day with them and my absence. I hope breaking my heart was at least worth it.

Edit: This is me venting, not looking for advice.

My ex was head over heels in love with me but left me because his mom made him feel like he had to choose between me and his family. When we were together, I was his everything and he very badly wanted a future with me. If anyone's ever been in my ex's position with someone you believed was your soulmate, did you ever regret it? Did you ever have resentment toward your family for putting you in that position?

I miss him I don’t want to tell him or text him but how do I stop the urge to

Me and the girl I'm seeing have been going through a rough patch! She pulled away from me and it triggered my anxiety! So now I'm always very insecure and needing validation from her. She says that when I'm like this it puts to much pressure on her and makes her not want to be in a relationship. She also told me to tell her when I was feeling this way but I think my timing has been very insensitive and inappropriate. Her step dad's mum has passed away and she has been preoccupied! I messaged her today saying that I felt detached from her. She has told me this is why she doesn't want to be in a relationship. I have apologised and said I was wrong but she says she's not doing it and now isn't speaking to me. I feel like I've sabotaged this relationship and I don't know what to do. I've apologised but I think it's over for good now

I spent most of the day in bed, without eating or showering. I kinda fall asleep at times but my mind is constantly racing filled with thoughts of just how wrong I'm done whenever I remember about the huge betrayal that led to our breakup yesterday. I'm overwhelmed with anger and have nothing to take it out on so I just cry...for hours. Anyway now I'm watching funny and wholesome vids to uplift my mood. Yeah they did make me laugh then I get the urge to send the vids to him like I always used to. And I get depressed cause I think about how I could never do that again and also will not talk to him again. I talked to this person literally from the time I wake up till I fall asleep at night... everyday for almost a year. We're constantly exchanging texts throughout the entire day and now he's gone. It's hard.

So for the past 2 months, I have been talking with this girl right, we flirt with each other all the time, have 5 hour phone calls, text each other all day long, and have just been spending almost every day together. Now this sounds great right. We even have plans to do things like going out to eat, movies, sports games etc. she is obviously very into me and I am obviously very into her. The problem comes in when we are too different religions. Now for normal people this wouldnt be a problem, but she is extremly religious, and so am i; so since converting for either of us is out of the question we are now just two people who are super into each other that cant be together. Just had to come vent here

TL:DR - i picked the one girl i couldnt smooth talk.

Hi,

I keep asking myself if he loved me actually or just loved the feeling of someone being 100% devoted to him.

I keep replaying everything in my head. He’s been nice. But he’s also been horrible.

My mind keeps replaying the bad. And maybe I’m looking at things from a hurt perspective that distorts it into bad, maybe disinterested is the better word.

For 3 years I’ve felt like I’m something that’s easy to pick up and put away. As if my presence is not wanted but not despised either. Like I’m just a background character.

And I keep thinking about love. How I love him so. And he says he loves me still, but no in love.

My question is, I would never do or say the things he’s done. That’s not love. So why does he say things like that. It’s apparent he does not love me. But it messes with my head to hear him claim it.

I’m so desperate I want to believe it. But I know the truth and it kills me. I genuinely just don’t want to do any of this anymore. I wish I could disappear.

Someone who doesn’t talk to 10 girls at once and believes in being in love with just one girl . Someone who’ll have a heart full of love to give like mine

Losing someone isn’t just a feeling of sadness. I have found that whenever someone leaves, they take apart of my “heart” with them. I’ll never be able to replace what they took. But my mind knows what was once there. An empty spot on the self. Nothing can take its place. Just a reminder of what once was.

In today’s society love seems like it’s just a game. People play the game to advance themselves. The mindset seems to be how do you improve my life and not how can we improve our lives. I guess that’s just the way it is. Nothing to do to change it.

Hope. What do you do when all hope is gone? It feels like trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom of it. You’ll never succeed. No matter how hard we try.

My ex ended our relationship 1 week ago. She said she didn’t love me anymore and that broke my heart because to me that came out of nowhere. She seemed quite determined and sad about the situation. Ok, it was a difficult period and we didn’t connect as much as before, but every relationship has its ups and downs and we always mage through tough moments together. It bothers me that she didn’t even try to talk to me and give me the possibility to fight for our us. Now, I want to see her for different reasons: because I miss her, because I want to know why she took such a decision and I know that there is a part of me that does want to give up on us.

Can you please give me some advice? How much should I wait before asking her to meet again so to have an explanation and a closure?

Should I try to fight or just give up? There are people who say “fight for the people you love”, I wonder if someone ever succeeded in making their ex fall in love again. Just out of curiosity

I’ve been dating a girl I really loved for 9 months, and just recently, we officially entered a relationship. After we made it official, she told me that 2 months ago before entering the relationship she had slept with another guy. I’ve been serious about her from the start and always assumed we were both exclusive and not seeing others.

One big mistake I made early on was not deleting my dating apps instantly when she had deleted hers. I only deleted them before we became official. (Big mistake) I blame myself so much for this now, even though she never told me it bothered her. She said later that it made her feel unsure about my commitment and caused her feelings for me to grow cold. I never realized this was affecting her, and I wish she had just talked to me about how she felt.

I really loved this girl, and even though I was afraid to say it out loud, I thought my actions showed how much I cared. Now, I wonder why she didn’t just tell me what was bothering her before it reached this point.

I feel heartbroken and deeply regret not deleting the apps when she did. I never thought it would be such a big issue. The hardest part is that I’m scared I’ll always feel anxious moving forward. I never had doubts about us before, but now those doubts constantly creep into my mind. Can this relationship work out, or is the trust broken beyond repair?

I don’t want to start seeing a life without her.

I’m afraid that at certain point I will be ok without her, despite I should.

I’m really afraid of stop thinking about her all the time.

I’m really afraid of moving on because I love her way too much, I love her more than my life.

She meant to me more than she could ever imagine.

My mentor and dear friend confessed to me after a year of working together. The feeling was mutual. He saw and brought out the best in me, and has seen me at my worst, and when I was at my worst, he nurtured me back to health. He was always so tender, generous and caring. There’s a deep duty of care that transcends just love. I would not be the chef that I am today without him.

However, I knew deep down that we wouldn’t last as I realised that our values did not align. Although I loved him deeply, I struggled to keep him grounded and I couldn’t get on board with the idea he had of us marrying and moving to another country - even though it sounded like the ultimate dream. Deep down he knew that I was skeptical and he was respectful of it. Something within me couldn’t love him the way that he needed even though I tried. We were never together officially, just bonded by love.

I took some time off to travel, in the midst of my journey, I met someone else. Someone that I could potentially fall fully in love with.

Yesterday, I broke the news to my mentor, and he was kind and was encouraging about it. Deep down he knew this day would come - albeit so soon. Today, I woke up to a beautiful yet painful message in French, which he shared his deepest regrets and full feelings for me. It broke my heart - it really did. I had to be direct and tell him that I couldn’t marry him, as much as I wished I could. Unrequited love is painful on both ends, and I feel an immense amount of guilt for not loving him back, because he deserves it all, and even more..

Why is it that this 💔 feels like being stabbed. It seems like I’m experiencing a heart attack. My chest pain is back. The only difference is that before I didn’t know it was from heart break. I thought I was dying before. My anxiety is through the roof.

The only thing that help is numbing it with alcohol but I’m not a drinker. I can’t even finish one bottle of beer.

I know this thou shall pass but I cant anymore….

I broke up with my ex-bf (first relationship) of 5.5 years in April, two weeks later found out he cheated on me with this girl who started subletting in january of this year. Immediately blocked him on everything, went to therapy, did so much work over the past almost year or so and am finally starting to feel like I'm in a better place.

Friends tonight told me that there was a questionable/flirty venmo transaction a few months ago that they saw and didn't tell me about, which set off the alarm bells. I looked at a mutual's letterboxd page (haven't checked social media in months and months) and sure enough, they saw a movie together sometime in august, so they are confirmed in a relationship.

I feel so delusional for thinking that he even cared about me even in the slightest still to make space to get over me and grieve, but finding out that he is in fact still in a relationship with her after months and months and putting stuff out on social media about her doesn't strike me as he's just using her to get over me and he actually really likes her. Sure, she's getting the worst version of him and he's an asshole for what he did, but now it seems like no amount of self-progress or anger at him will literally change anything. No amount of "the trash took itself out" feels like it's going to help in this situation. I was clinging to the hope that he would be single and miserable without me because that's how i've been feeling this entire time, and now it feels like i'm losing. i lost everything meanwhile he gets what he wants and doesn't have to feel the consequences of his actions. I just feel so sad, I don't even want him, but i feel the most worthless i have since i found out i was cheated on.

I never realised I kept dating for the feeling of love until the one girl that made me want to date purely for her love. I tried to replace her and ended up hurting others alongside myself. I guess I'm just too far gone. I don't know what to do.

I want to die. I want to die I want to die. I don’t wanna go on without him… I can’t do it I’m not strong enough to keep living. It isn’t getting easier and it isn’t getting better

I met someone a few weeks ago on hinge. We connected instantly and we hit it off. Fast forward a few weeks he told me he doesn’t think we will work out in the future and that we should go our separate ways. I am so hurt by this whole situation because I really thought I found my person. I’ve never felt a strong feeling like this for anyone and it hurts so bad. I want to call him or text him to tell him I miss him so much but I don’t want to be a bother to him. I just came here to pour out my feelings. Has anyone else felt like this before?

I'm going to miss you so much. Thank you for showing me what it means to be truly loved and im happy it ended in the best way possible. Hopefully one day we'll be able to talk again, as friends.

I posted this un r/breakups as well, but I really need to about into the void.

I met my gf in college when she was a sophomore and I was a junior. I was her first boyfriend, but she was my 2rd girlfriend. We started dating in the 2nd half of the school year and we hit it off from there. A year passes, I go through my senior year as she goes through junior year. I graduate, get a job, and we got an apartment together. For the next year we were happy. A few months into our second year, we talked about marriage. Obviously we weren't planning on an early marriage, just small questions of if I would marry her. Of course, I said yes.

About 2 weeks ago, she told me that she loves and cared for me, but she's been having feelings about the fact that if we were to get married, she would never have the chance to explore more of herself. Iw ouldve the only person she's ever been with, and that this relationship isn't all there. She said she wanted to either go to couples counseling or go on a break, and we decided on a couples counselor.

Last week she had her consultation, and basically the counselor told her that breaks usually resulted in break ups, and that young relationships tend to not last anyways. The day after, she told me she wanted to explore more of herself, and she broke up with me. She stressed that none if it was my fault, and there was nothing wrong that I did to make her leave.

I'm still so broken. I loved her with all my heart, and I just don't know where to go right now. My 2 relationships before more were short, about 6 months each, and ended up with me being cheated on both of them. She gave the love that I never knew I wanted. We hugged, kissed, cuddled. We went to live shows and conventions together. She got me into musicals and cosplaying, and I got her into some of my music. We also still live in the apartment together and our lease expires in 8 months, and it hurts so much seeing her everyday knowing we're not together anymore.

I have no reason to believe she was cheating or was looking for someone else. She's not that type of person. She said were both still so young (I'm 23 and she's 22) and that there's still the whole world. She said that I'll find someone better, but who's could be better than her? I feel like if I get a new partner, I'll just be comparing them to her. Where do I even look for a new partner these days?

I just loves her so much and I just don't know how to feel. I'm sad and heartbroken, but I also feel a little frustrated and angry. I don't know where to go from here or how to recover.

I'm a coach trying to understand people's feelings after breakups, and be able to get over their exes. My question is this: what is the one action after a breakup that worked for you to help you get over a breakup. 

I've been in a long distance relationship for almost 3 years. She told me she couldn't do it because of her mental health anymore, and then she told me it had to do with the fact that she couldn't live in my country and she couldn't have me live there because I would be too far from my child. I have a feeling it was all three reasons.

She still wants to talk and be friends, and I can tell that she genuinely wants that. But it hurts, I don't want to lose her. I realized how heavily I invested in our relationship, and none of my friendships. I feel like I lost the love of my life, and my best friend. She still talks to me, but the conversations are not near what they used to be. I just feel so isolated and alone.

She said things that make me know that she's serious, and that there's most likely no path back to a relationship. I keep thinking of trying to write it out, and maybe she'll reconsider eventually. I feel like that's just a fool's wish. She is struggling with her Mental Health.

I just hate how quickly everything changed. We were talking about getting married, I was going to buy a ring soon. I planned on proposing in February. I hate the idea for not being my partner, my fiance, and my wife.

She is dealing with her own stuff, but it almost feels like she's so disconnected from it and I'm the only one that's heartbroken.

I hate this so much, and I can't stop thinking about her. I checked my phone all the time wishing she would text me back or just text me random stuff like how she used to.

I'm trying my hardest to make more friends, but it's difficult. She's hanging out with people, she's hanging out with new people. It's like there's not a lot of time for us anymore, but I guess that makes sense since we're not dating. I just don't want to be this pathetic loser. I just needed a place to put my pain out there.

I have this issue of jumping into new relationships, and them turning into long-term relationships. I don't want to do that again, and I'm still not over here. The idea of even having a random hookup is disgusting to me.

Thank you to anyone that read the post, I just want to scream into the abyss and let out all my heart

Also, I did just want to clarify even if I were to move to the other country it's relatively close. So I would have been able to visit regularly for holidays, summer, and to Virtual visits. They were obviously other plans involved as well but contact would have been much more consistent with my child than me just never visiting with them.