Well I’m going to be 63 in a couple of weeks. Because my girlfriend and I ( now ex I guess) had some issues outside of our relationship, I had to move away. It really was the best chance for the situation, and it didn’t work. Now she’s broken up with me. I didn’t think I would get over my last break up. At my age I’m not willing to put myself out there again. This is devastating. I can’t go through it again. Now I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. On top of this everything else I’m my life is in ruins. I’m just venting here. I am spiraling.

This man and I had a connection three years ago, we were very close and somewhat emotionally attached. He was a good guy, and somehow we drifted apart after both of us developed feelings and I told him we should no longer pursue this relationship, we couldn't commit due to relocating to different states. A month ago, I received a message from him asking about my well being and whereabouts. I was overjoyed, happy would be an understatement. I couldn't stop reminiscing about him after all this time, and we decided to reconnect over a call, and it felt like the good old times. He would call me every day, talk for hours, and tease and flirt with me like the older days. A few weeks later, he confessed that he's dating someone for the last 4-5 months, and it's not serious and he didn't mention it earlier because he thought I would distance myself from him. My heart shattered into pieces. It's like one of those situations where you don't want to be with your ex, but it stings a bit to witness them moving on.

Then he inquired about my expectations from him. I asked him to focus on his current relationship and cease communication with me because I don't want to serve as a backup, despite enjoying our conversations. He assured me I'm not just a fallback option, and he genuinely cares for me. However, I insisted he should disclose his communication with me to his partner, as I want to be transparent and be part of his life, even if only as friends, without being hidden. He claimed it's not feasible, she would react negatively. He also mentioned that he doesn't want to complicate his life by letting the other girl know that he's talking to me. He said it's my fault he's dating someone new, had I not left, the situation would be different.

I was sad to say the least. This man, whom I've known for three years, whom I believed embodied integrity and kindness, is toying with the emotions of two women. I've never witnessed this side of him before. I'm hurt and disheartened. I regret responding to his messages. I wish I never discovered this aspect of him. For years, I held him in high regard. It feels like I've been living in denial and was deceived all this time. I yearn for the person he used to be. The person he no longer resembles. With a heavy heart, I've severed ties with him. At one point, I contemplated maintaining communication with him, even if he commits to the other woman, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He's not the individual I admired. I'm deeply wounded.

Please share some comforting words. Avoid suggesting that he would treat me similarly if I were in the other woman's shoes. Offer something more consoling. This ordeal is particularly challenging for me because he occupied my thoughts for years, and now that I've finally reconnected with him, I see a side of him that I wouldn't tolerate in a partner. I'm drained. My friend, who knew how much I admired him, criticized my decision to cut off ties with him completely, calling it stupid.They suggested that I'm the one who pushed him away, so I should give him some time and be patient with him. However, my impulsive self decided to end this drama for once and for all. I'm literally singing myself to sleep. It's agonizing, almost like a dream.

I don't think the spark can be reignited again after how he spoke to me, discussing two-timing a woman in such a nonchalant manner. I'm done with him, but I'm very much hurting.

About a week ago I contacted someone I had known for probably 10+ years (her 26f and me 26m). We met on an app at the time and we immediately started speaking to each other easily. Throughout the years we had gaps where we didn't speak much but every now and again we did and we hit it off without trouble every time. I quickly grew fond of her, not once over the years did she ever judge me or be mean to me. I eventually grew to care a lot for her.

Come that week in question, I was a more open person and I said how I felt after catching up. Here she even said she thought of contacting me a couple days ago, funny coincidence. I said I would like to date her and she said she would have liked that too and we confessed some feelings for each other. The sad reality is we wanted to meet each other someday and we planned to that day since I just got my fulltime job. I knew she was going on a date the very next day, this of course hurt me but I care for her and she had given up on long distance, because she wants to marry and long distance is not the best for that. Keep in mind we hadn't seen what either of us look like until that day, she is beautiful but it had no impact on why I care for her.

After all of this happened, the very next day that visit was canceled because she liked the guy. This viciously hurt and I said how I felt but in a very not so elegant way, nothing mean but could've been less messy, I was crying and couldn't sleep at all due to what was unfolding before me but her being her usual she was kind. I gave her some space after this and I completely broke for 3 days and cried so hard my face hurt. I couldn't sleep and barely ate. It reached a point where in the middle of the third day I suddenly got a surge of energy and happiness, I realized what a mess it was and wanted to apologize and set things right. She responded the next day and our friendship nearly ended then it seemed, I did what I could to save what we had and it went about fine. She said some things that hit home hard, such as saying I shouldn't blame myself and I was always respectful to her. We chatted for a moment but agreed to stay in touch but not so frequently out of respect for the guy she is dating.

Come today I feel alone, dead inside, for years I have tried to find someone like her but I realize I don't want someone LIKE her, I want it to BE her. Of course I want her to be happy so I will never interfere with that relationship but I am now sitting and waiting for her. I have come to realize the life I live is no longer fit for me, I do not wish to be alone anymore but how long if not forever will I be waiting? I hold out hope that there will come a day where she isn't dating again. Yes I have friends and family but I feel more alone when it's online for the most part or I have to travel a ways out. The irony.

I used to love being single and able to enjoy my games, movies, series', videos and being with friends whether online or irl but having that glimpse of what could be changed that. Knowing she has some form of romantic feelings for me but because of the distance it's not an option really fucking hurts. I feel so alone and I am drowning in indifference and sorrow every day that goes by, everything I enjoyed I find no joy in now. I try to get into dating and dating apps or sites but it's all shallow or people I couldn't give two shits about, no offense to them but it is the way it is. At least it's distracting for a short time till I give up and go back to waiting. I don't think I am depressed but I simply just don't care. I keep telling myself "If it's meant to be, it'll happen on its own" or "Let it run it's course, time will tell" I suppose they are comforting in some ways. I just wish I contacted her sooner. Sorry for the long post.

There was this incident when she showed up with someone else at a movie theatre knowing I would be there. She sat two rows behind me. Throughout the movie I kept looking back. I could see that his tongue was in her ears throughout😂 (laugh emoji obviously to disguise the pain). I could hear them giggling having a good time.

Obviously I cannot hold anything against her. She wasn’t officially my girlfriend and I guess she wanted to go to the movies with a guy she was falling in love with. But the incident just haunts me.this happened 7 months ago. I was seated in my car 10 minutes ago with my head in my hands just wanting to forget that moment.

How did you’ll deal with such an unfortunate incident?

I have been going to through one of the most loneliest patch of my life for 6 months then I saw a girl "saw" not meet through a friend she's was beautiful my 2nd crush in the last 10 years I knew it was never going to workout between her and me I knew she's never gonna be with me but I loved her bit's I pull myself out from my depression started working on myself so that I might have chance with her you know going gym and all I used to watch her IG stories it was the only thing in my life that looked up to everyday waking being able to see her it used gave me courage and motivation then one day her account was not showing up turns out she blocked me why you might ask because I sent a emoji of ? To her story which she didn't like ,So she blocked me now I am left with broken heart, broken dreams and aspirations losing the only motivation for improving myself resenting myself for falling for her like a dame fool resenting myself self for living I loved her more than I loved myself I would have fought the whole world just to for her to be with me and now look how it all blew up in my face I resent myself for being alive.

Came across this book "Why Men Love Bitches" and I'm bawling hard right now.

I see why I was devalued, why I was taken for granted, but I just don't understand why giving everything to someone in a relationship is a bad thing? why does it drive people away? why are mind games playing people successful and get great partners easily?

I'm .. I don't know how to stop picturing my ex. It is so hard to forget him when I gave him everything - body, mind, heart and soul. I didn't stop giving but apparently it just drove him away and he stopped loving me.

I’m 18 M, me and my gf broke up 1 month ago and after this month of no contact i decided to reach out to her and tell her my feelings. Things between us were always so good until about the 6 month mark where I began to lose myself. I got so caught up with myself becoming busier with work obsessing over the gym and other things that I didn’t realize that I was hurting the person I love the most. I stopped seeing her as much, I stopped asking about her day, my texts were getting drier I would forget to reply to her tiktoks I would forget to like her posts and call her beautiful, all the little things that made her fall for me in the first place I stopped. And whenever she would try and get me to open up about it I would shut it down, or I would just apologize without understanding why she felt like I was falling out of love with her I would apologize just so we wouldn’t argue. And that was my biggest mistake never communicating, and never opening up. It got to the point where she too stopped giving me all the attention and became more avoidant until she finally got drained and decided we should end things. But when we broke up it changed everything for me I would reflect on everything everyday finally realizing how stupid I was and how much I was hurting her. I hope when I talk to her tomorrow I hope more than anything that she sees that I’m sorry for everything, that I’m changing and I pray that it’s not too late, I can’t let our story end like this. This time I’m going to open up to her and tell her all my feelings. I’m so nervous for this, I’m so nervous to find out her feelings now and if this breakup made her feel at peace without me or made her realize that our love is worth fighting for, because for me I know that I will never stop fighting for us, it has to be her I just know it is.

Do not!!!!! If you feel the urge to reach out to them, don't. Even if you already did, take a step back and breathe. Take things a day at a time and keep on moving. I promise you'll get through this... do not text them!! It will be okay! And if you need a place to weather the storm, I've got you! If you made it this far, I'm so proud of you!! And if you didn't, it's never too late to start again. And you don't need to go through the rest of the year alone, either.

If you need to heal, if you need a distraction from the urge to reach out, we've got you. Text us instead. Sometimes all you need to heal is to have a good time: we've got helpful events and silly times to supplement the support.

Click here if you're interested: https://discord.com/invite/Rjh8hAuGVM

You can make it through the day. That's what's worked for me, and I hope it works for you. Leave a comment on here on what's worked for you or consider joining a support group to get you through these hard times.

i know im going to sound extremely delusional but a part of me is still holding on. hes blocked me on everything but he hasnt deleted our shared album. hes very ocd about his notes app (less than 5 notes) and uses it everyday for his workouts but he still has a note he wrote for me shared. he wasnt never active on spotify and told me that he never paid attention to the lyrics but he keeps adding songs that are related to feelings after a breakup. can someone please be brutally blunt and honest with me?!?! im simply just delusional right? i already know.. but just tell me because i need to hear it.

One of my favorite past times is going on the Unsent Project, typing in my name, and reading them in your voice. The chances of one of them actually being from you is probably worse than the chances of the sun setting in the east. But a girl can dream

This is a big post so you can skip if you want but I’d appreciate if you read this and give me a good advice

I 19M moved to this city for college, there I met this girl In my college. She’s the same age as me. She had a bad past and a horrible family and always had issues.

We met on a dating app but she goes in the same college as me just a different department. she told me that her ex called her unlovable and a bunch of other things so she left him and made an account on the app the next day and from there we started talking. We matched interests and started to like each other instantly after 20 days of talking we kissed, it was my first kiss and it was the most beautiful moment of my life it was new year and the next day I asked her out to be my girlfriend to which she denied and asked me to take things slow after that her sister told her to not let a good thing go so after 2 days she asked me out and I said yes.

We started dating for a while and it was good very good both of us our efforts for each other and then one day she decided to go out clubbing one day with her sister where on text she told me guys are hitting on her to which I became a little insecure but I thought I shouldn’t let my insecurities ruin her fun as it’s her first time clubbing with her sister. She became dry and stopped seeing my messages even leaving me on seen but posting stories on Instagram, then after some time she posted a story changing to a big club with expensive alcohol knowing she’s a student she can’t afford it I assumed she’s with someone else because she mentioned earlier that guys want her to take her out for and drive and a bunch of things just that after that what she did she didn’t tell me so my insecurities took over and I thought she cheated which I am sorry about and I apologised. it was night and she wasn’t responding so I got paranoid so I vented to a female friend of mine to which she told me that I’m overthinking and I agree I was the next day when I met her I told this to her and then she broke it off with me and as it was my semister end I went back home and while I was home I got to know she made hinge again and went out with a guy 3 days after the breakup.

When I came back from home she wanted to sort things so I went and talked to her and asked her about this to which she told me nothing happened between them but she confessed me that she made out with another guy after that I got really hurt and then her friend told me that she also made out with the first guy she went out with to which she lied to me about ( later after many months she confessed that while I was home the dude also came to her flat and they slept and didn’t have sex but they went till third base oral sex) i didn’t knew this and I was devastated but I forgive her and we stared talking again and after a month or more she broke it off again she told me she kissed another guy before we started dating but never told me who it was but after a while she told me about this friend of hers which she introduced me to while we were dating and told me he’s a very sweet guy and friend of hers that time I didn’t bother to pay much attention but then when we were broken up again i got to know he was the guy she made out with when we weren’t dating and after we broke up she was in fwb with him.

She’s broken it off with me a lot of times and been physical with other dudes not sex but till oral sex and after being with them she always comes back to me and I being a fool always took her back she even dated a guy for a week but came back to me the next day she broke it off. I was always sweet to her and so was she she also did a lot for me and after months of this she didn’t do it and for a few months it became great but for it to become good I paid a price which I’ll tell.

She always had anger issues and constantly let her anger out on me her constant shouting on me and her lying to me never made me open up to her and whenever I did it led to a sudden burst of emotion leading to another breakup. Whenever we broke it off she’s said a lot of shit about me I’ve been called so many things by random strangers I don’t even know because how she described me but smh every friend of her became better friends with me when they started to talk to me.

I have hurt her too one time I messed up big time so I traveled 3.5 hrs one side to apologise to her to which she accepted my apology and then after 3 days she went at 11pm to her fwb house got physical and came back she told me she wanted time and did this and when I asked her about this she told me she came back because she missed me when I got to know that she actually came back because that guy didn’t wanted to do anything anymore because she wasn’t good at it and she said she did this because she was hurt and lonely and didn’t know who to go to even after that I let this slide because she kept guilt tripping me because of my mistake and I kept blaming myself for this.

she always just said that whatever we do after a breakup is none of my concern I’ve heard things about me like she said she only comes back to me because I’m better at the sexual stuff and how she can do whatever she wants and I’m such an idiot I wouldn’t even understand I talked to the fwb guy and he told me a lot of things she say about me it was her bday coming up so I didn’t bring it up because I didn’t wanted to ruin it this was in October so I didn’t brought it up I got her a cake got her flowers got her gifts and then in her bday just because the story I posted on my bday wasn’t good enough she kicked me out of her house on her bday in front of her friends insulted me and then next day when I was at her place, I told her that I miss the time when she treated me like her boyfriend to which she got really angry got up and left her house and came back after 20 mins and broke it off with me that was the time I told her everything that I heard from him and how she lied to me even after that I forgive her and then after a while it became good she stared caring more and became more affectionate and started to work in her anger this is the price I paid for a few good things for a year.

she didn’t even held my hand in public saying she feels weird to do pda. I have loved that girl to my dearest on my bday she got me gifts and she was at home so she wanted to surprise me but she couldn’t keep it in so she told me she’s coming this was in December last year it was going very good till I checked her phone that night and she has said so much shit about me to her friends calling me a rotten c*nt and she agreeing to everyone of them.

I’ve been hurt so many times to my lowest that I just got used to it. She’s also done things for me cooked for me she told me everyday how beautiful I am and how much she loves me but her actions make me feel otherwise skip to match things are worse we just fight constantly and I have never raised my voice on her eve but things got so bad that I started fighting back too our relationship was very good sexually but it just dropped to the point where we don’t even touch each other I mentioned this a few times but nothing happened I initiated a lot of times but she declined but at the same times she kept saying I don’t like her sexually so I took more efforts so she knew I do she’s always had issues with her looks she things she’s ugly and I don’t like her but she’s actually very beautiful not just in my eyes but she’s actually beautiful like soft skin a slim waist good hair beautiful eyes she’s very very attractive this time all we did was fight just fight she kept asking for constant breaks this March and then after a while she broke it off with me while I was staying hoping that it’s just a bad phase and it’ll go away. I love her a lot to the point that I cut off a lot of people in my life because they made her uncomfortable which is valid but it took a lot for her to do that and not even fully I miss her a lot in my eyes she’s the most beautiful girl ever and though I only mentioned the bad parts in this there are a ton of good memories and moments for her I’m crying writing this because I miss her a lot and I don’t know what to do it feels almost impossible to move on and it hurts a lot and she doesn’t even talk and whenever she does it’s cold I’ve tried reaching out to her but doesn’t work her last message was that she’s tired of failing as a partner and seeing how unhappy I was and she’s not in the right space to make me feel good or do anything good for me.

I don’t know what to do I keep blaming myself for all this my best memories are with her she’s also made me the happiest I don’t know what to do I’m tired of feeling like this

I’m happy to take any questions in the comments

TL;DR : this post is about my relationship and I need advice

I am coming up on 1.5 months post breakup, and I remember scouring this sub reddit trying to find pieces of information to help me cope with my feelings. Now that I can breathe a bit more, I wanted to return the favor and start a post of things that you used to help you get to the place you are now (podcasts, quotes, songs, journal prompts, etc). I'll start:

1. Deleted social media from my phone for 5 days at the very beginning. I let myself have 5 days of wallowing, TV shows, phone calls with friends, takeout (if I was even hungry). I was able to take some sick time from work, but the no social media really helped me process what I was feeling Vs. getting triggered.
2. I ordered a cute pocket sized journal and brought it with me everywhere. The second I had a thought about it, him, feeling sad, I wrote it down. It was for me and only me. There were days where Id write for hours. Genuinely.
3. I made a playlist of podcast episodes that resonated with me and listened to them on repeat. Some of which are "Why you havent healed from your break up and how t get over your ex" - Jay Shetty, "Letting go and moving on: what to do when a relationship ends" - This changes everything, "How to overcome the most painful rejection" - Matthew Hussey, " Matthew Hussey ON: How to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships" - Jay Shetty
4. Journal prompts: Things that remove him from a pedestal (ex. he didnt ask me many questions, but I get asked questions by X people in my life), What I brought to the relationship that made it fulfilling, things that he did that I did not like, things I know to be true about me, ways I want to level up this month
5. Went to therapy
6. I did not listen to any music - this might be unique to me but sometimes it was triggering
7. I cried, a lot
8. Reminded myself that my person is someone who choses me everyday, not someone with all the great qualities.
9. I made a dating profile, but it remains inactive until I am ready. It was a good boost to find pictures you like of yourself, trying to come up with funny prompts, etc. It remains inactive and I dont have a timeline on when I would be ready
10. Made plans with people. Even if it was inconvenient, being with other people was a distraction
11. Signed up for a half marathon. While it doesnt have to be this, maybe start taking classes, workout classes, online coding courses, have a goal to walk a certain amount of time a week. Something consistent that will take up 8 weeks of your life.
12. No contact. First 2 weeks after breakup I kept reaching out, but then I just deleted his number, deleted all our old convos. If I need his number, Id have to ask a friend, because I dont trust myself. The embarrassment of having to ask for it has truly kept me from contacting him

Please reply with anything that has helped you!

Hi (m22)

Recently my girlfriend of 4 years left me. It sucks and I am struggling with it. Back story is my both my grandparents recently passed in such a short period of time and I didn’t handle it quite well and food became a massive comfort for me as my gf would work a lot and couldn’t see her much. Obviously I have put some weight on , it’s not an amount that’s shocking but you can tell. Since putting the weight on my girl friend became more distant turning away when I try to kiss her and pushed for any kind of affection or affirmation which hurt the most.

Recently it got to a point where I brought it up - I regret doing so - she said she doesn’t find me attractive anymore and in turn she no longer loves me

Which been told point blank in the face by the person you love the most is the worst thing ever.

So she decided to leave me , she wants to remain friends but I love her to much just to be a friend and I have decided to do no contact.

Going from speaking to someone every day to nothing is the pits but I can’t just be a friend I love her.

Idk why I am on Reddit never been a big user but just typing how I feel helps

Alright, so I’m 22M, been single for 2 years and had a couple pretty crappy relationships. Had my insecurities and my doubts about the future and whatnot, just like everyone else around me, and I felt somewhat normal.

Just recently (Last November) I found interest in this girl I work with. She had recently moved here as a manager and her and I got really close. We talked about deep shit and worked well together. We had great chemistry and we felt very similarly. I fell hard for her, and in February, she told me she had a crush on me.

Now, this was crazy news to me, I was basically in love with her, and I’d NEVER felt this way about a girl, ever. The thing is, she’s engaged to the man she moved with. They love eachother, and she has plans to have a family, and all this. Now, she had spoken to me aboutnhaving doubts about their marriage and their future together, and as her friend I wanted to console her, but as someone who’s in love with her…Well, you know. We would sit in my parking lot on our days off sometimes and talk about our lives and we kissed eachother on the head, shared intimate moments of carressing eachother and whatnot, and that felt great but I also felt really guilty.

A couple weeks go by, and she tells her fiance about us. Part of me respects this, part of me obviously hates it, but mostly I can appreciate the fact that she wants to try in their relationship. So a couple weeks go by, and a little kore flirting ensues, but then we call it off again, with a little anger about the fact we both fall into eachother’s flirtacious habits.

Fast forward to now, and she’s moved stores temporarily, I have a promotion, taking her job, but I’m still crazy in love with her. She recently set a date for their wedding, and now she talks about him a lot to people. I still text her, but I find myself still needing her attention. I feel like I’m dying some days when I don’t talk to her. I feel really suffocated by the distance she’s recently kept me at, and recently I’ve told her that I’m frustrated that she told me that she liked me in the beginning.

She’s apologized and has complimented me as a means to console me, but honestly I’m just really fuckin hurt. She’s said that in another life, we’re together, but notnin this one. I don’t know how to hold this anger and sadness. I’ve never felt it more intensely. I have a therapist but I’m just not getting as much help as I wish. I WOULD talk to my parents, but they passed this last year (That’s a whole other story and post)

So I just feel alone, I’ve never felt this alone before and I’ve never felt as though I needed someone as much as I need her. I’ve never felt so alike with anybody and I feel like she’s the one. Someone please give me words of strength or hope. Any words to guide me or help me feel less lonely or broken. I want to wait, I want to try, but I also want to live for the sake and life of ME.

I am struggling with the embarrassing moments that occurred in my past relationship before we broke up. There were a few things that I feel ashamed of:

1. I had a strange social habit that I didn't even realize I had until my ex pointed it out. He found it almost disgusting and I had to explain that it was a result of my upbringing, that my childhood was different and these small nuggets came out now and then, that if anything that was a positive because subconsciously I must have felt safe around him. Now, I feel embarrassed about the habit and also for sharing about my childhood.

2. In the days leading up to our breakup, I started feeling anxious and overthink things. I brought up some meaningless social media stuff that made me seem like I had low self-esteem, like I was suspicious and jealous of other women instead of directly addressing my feelings that I sensed a shift in his behaviours.

3. When he broke up with me, I begged him to stay and try to work things out. He had to black and white tell me no and reject me over and over again. He clearly didn't want to be the bad guy and kept trying to pass the actual "break up" over to me, when I would come back with "I love you we can do this" he would say "I love you too this won't work, I'm unhappy with you, there's no way to fix this, but we will talk on the phone" then I would proceed to beg more he would tell me no "but" and it went in circles for days.

4. He wanted to call and break up but never actually called, instead just kept texting we would talk, this went on for days, he was busy with work so was I but I just kept rambling on and on in texts, it is grim to read them back now. It feels so desperate. There was never a call in the end he had time to fit in a call if he really wanted to I know I would have made the time if I was him and didn't want to loose me but when it was all over and clear he did once reach out for a call and I said it felt like too much to be told via text and verbally that the relationship was over and only to call if he wanted to fix it. Hence, no call.

5. I overshared to much in general in the relationship I told him about little work and social gossip stuff he probably found boring, I got overexcited when we saw each other, became loud and hyper because I just forgot everyone else around us, It all feels so cringe, having these memories of him politely telling me to lower my voice or shh. I told him about other men who tried to ask me out and I shut them down because I was so prideful I had an amazing boyfriend.

I feel humiliated and keep having flashbacks of those moments. It's like I'm transported back to those times and my body feels like it's on fire. My mind is cluttered with so many memories and emotions, but I can't focus on any one of them. I wonder when this embarrassment and shame will pass? We had broken up before. and I was so hurt, but I didn't feel ashamed of myself then, now I have hurt and shame. I want to throw up thinking about how much I overshared and begged. I didn't keep even a semblance of my character that I had when we broke up before. Now, his last memory is me, desperate and pleading.

me and my ex of 2 and a half years broke up 3 days ago. right before we were on a very romantic holiday in amsterdam, 2 days after we came home he told me he didn’t love me anymore. every day i am shaky and weak. i feel like a ghost drifting through life. he was my first love and i’m unfortunately still in the “why did he do this to me?” phase. i don’t know where to go from here or what to do next. i’ve never had so many family and friends offer me advice, all different. i’m glad i found this community because i’d like to just share my thoughts. my only comfort has been writing poetry right now.

Boyfriend and I broke up after 2.5 years dating. He was my best friend, my first love, as I was his. Ultimately he came to the conclusion that though we had the happiest memories, we also had some of the worst due to our pasts and histories with family, trauma etc. He was right in making that decision, and I know it came from a place of love. We both want to work on ourselves, and address issues that were underlying the majority of our problems. I think what hurts the most is grieving that I let him go with absolutely no hate towards him, though it would've been easier letting him go if there was. I love him, he's my world, and he did what was right, I felt it over the duration of our relationship, but just couldn't.

We spent last night together, crying, holding each other, and just sitting with the fact that this was the end. This is the most bittersweet moment of my entire life. I hope he succeeds in life, achieves all that he wants to, and maybe one day when we're both older, wiser, and more stable and sure of ourselves, we will meet again. We had a connection that I truly felt was rare, but I know that when you love somebody you need to let them grow. I feel like it was right person wrong timing, but who knows what the future holds. He taught me so many lessons, and I think future me will look back at this and him, and love him even more for pushing me to grow now.

AJ , I love you. My best friend. My rock.

I have been going to through one of the most loneliest patch of my life for 6 months then I saw a girl "saw" not meet through a friend she's was beautiful my 2nd crush in the last 10 years I knew it was never going to workout between her and me I knew she's never gonna be with me but I loved her bit's I pull myself out from my depression started working on myself so that I might have chance with her you know going gym and all I used to watch her IG stories it was the only thing in my life that looked up to everyday waking being able to see her it used gave me courage and motivation then one day her account was not showing up turns out she blocked me why you might ask because I sent a emoji of ? To her story which she didn't like ,So she blocked me now I am left with broken heart, broken dreams and aspirations losing the only motivation for improving myself resenting myself for falling for her like a dame fool resenting myself self for living I loved her more than I loved myself I would have fought the whole world just to for her to be with me and now look how it all blew up in my face I resent myself for being alive.

My boyfriend and I dated for almost a year. Things got rocky towards the end and I had to move to a different state. He told me he wanted to work on things and commit to long distance. Things felt like they were good. We were making promises to each other telling each other we loved each other. All the good things. I started a new job and was able to be with my family for the first time in over a year so I wasn’t always on my phone. I became a little more busy. He told me that he was over thinking and worrying non stop and that if I wasn’t going to be on my phone for an hour I had to tell him in advance so that he wouldn’t over think. I understand over thinking and how difficult it can be. I’m an over thinker myself. But this didn’t seem practical. I was extremely loyal during our entire relationship and I never showed or gave him any reason to worry or be afraid that something would happen. I would reassure him every day try to keep him updated in what I was doing but nothing seemed to help. I had a conversation with him about it. How I felt as if he was making his overthinking my responsibility and how he wanted me to fix it some how. I told him that I can’t carry that weight. That I care about him so much, that I understand him, and that I want to support him, but if he’s really overthinking that badly he would have to be the one to take charge if his emotions and help himself. He told me that he wanted to work on it and things kept going as normal. Telling me he can’t wait to marry me and that he loves me so much. One day he did something hurtful to me so I brought it up. I explained how I felt and he told me “if that’s how you feel then why are you still here”. I was caught off guard by that and he continued the conversation by saying he couldn’t do this anymore. How he couldn’t stop over thinking and worrying and he was hurting himself by doing this. That the long distance was too much for him. How I didn’t communicate or give any effort to show that I wanted things to get better between us. And that he was done. I know that I gave a lot of effort and was trying to communicate better. I think he may have been projecting. He was never truly honest about his feelings. If he was unhappy he would let it fester until he couldn’t take it anymore without giving me the chance to reflect or try and correct my behavior. So in the end he blamed me and the fact that he couldn’t stop overthinking and worrying. I feel like I may have handled it in the wrong way but I can’t control his emotions or always be there to help when his mind wanders. I know I made some mistakes and handled stress in the wrong ways but I just feel like it doesn’t make sense. And I feel completely helpless. I love him and cared about him more than anyone. I wanted a future with him and I wanted to be with him forever. I want him back. But I don’t know if it will ever be possible

me and my ex dated for a year and a half, he broke up with me 6 times in that relationship, I think he had commitment issues, we’ve been broken up now for four years and recently I reached out to him because I really missed him, it’s not just lately that I’ve missed him. I’ve missed him the whole time. I am so in love with him, we decided to be friends and then I told him we should try dating because I’m in love with him, and he said that he would give it two weeks to see if he’s ready for a relationship, it was going so well, we were supposed to go on our first date on Tuesday but today he broke up with me because he said he’s not ready for relationship, he said I care about you and I don’t want you to get hurt, especially by me. but I am hurting and I’m broken. he asked to still be friends, but I don’t know if I can. whenever I see him, I’ll just cry.

I dated this guy for about 1.3 years. Believe me when I say I gave him my all. I loved him completely. I accepted every flaw, every issue, every piece of trauma he shared with me. Unfortunately, I just didn't get the same back. You keep holding onto something for so long but one day it finally clicks in your head and that was last night for me. For context, we have had really major and traumatic things happen in our relationship which I don't want to get into. Last night, he told me that he watches porn after me having multiple conversations with him to not. That completely set me off. I haven't cried, I haven't felt sad, I'm just done. My heart has shattered but I'm completely numb. It's time to focus on myself, my body that I have been neglecting and my mental health. Do all the things that I wanted to do for myself. I think I'm done with dating until I completely heal and accept myself. I have so many things to accomplish and hey, J Cole just dropped an album! So if you somehow stumble upon this, fuck you and your lies! I'm out bro! & IM FINALLY FREE GUYS!!!!!

First full weekend post-breakup with relapsing ex-bf. Seeking support/advice/reassurance for later tonight when I'm alone.

Day 4 No Contact Coping/Grief? (25F; 27M)

Note: my ex is blocked on everything except his actual cell#. Our last contact was him calling me Monday night and hanging up on me, I think bc I'm 99% sure he was using and I refused to entertain him asking me what I thought he was using.

My ex who has been relapsing since mid-February after 8 months sober broke up with me a week ago from tomorrow. I was not expecting it and he cheated on me with his ex who I'm pretty sure enables the shit out of him given what he has told me in the past and his behavior last weekend. We've been dating officially since December and exclusive since late last May/early June 2023.

He was my best friend too, to be honest. He was in recovery for heroin/alcohol as his DOCs and I am in recovery for just alcohol— sober since 07/08/23 still. I miss him so fucking much this morning and it's Friday and I know it's going to be a hard night. I do have some other friends but he was by far my closest in addition to being my boyfriend. Since I'm 25 and sober it's kinda difficult for me to make friends post-college and I still avoid a lot of large social gatherings because most of them have alcohol or other drugs involved and I really really want to stay sober.

That, and I'm naturally not comfortable around a lot of strangers and I feel I stunted my adult ability to socialize because alcohol was such a crutch for me to rely on from ages 18-22/23.

Basically I don't have a lot of super close friends. The ones I do have and my older siblings did not like my ex and most have been aware of at least a few relapses and shitty events for the last 1.5 months (only my dad knows about every single one) and so I can't really blame them for being a little ... irritated. Like my siblings especially since they're both over 30, and independently both told me this would probably happen. I don't an overarching friend group and I didn't go to AA to get sober or treatment. My ex was the first person I dated who was an addict and we were together sober for a long time. This is the longest I've been sober since I was 18.

But it's Friday and I've been keeping busy this last week and I have a busy morning and early afternoon, but after that, nothing. I don't really want to hang out with anyone, I wish I'd made closer friends in recovery because right now, I don't want to be around people who aren't addicts. I don't want to explain to anyone how addiction can actually alter someone as much as this, or how I can still love him and miss him even after all of this shit.

I plan on attending an in-person meeting today for the first time ever for AA and Al-Anon. Yesterday I was able to eat a full meal finally so I want to workout, which prior to my peak of addiction I did, a lot, for years. There's other more practical things I could do like schedule an oil change and tire rotation I need. Laundry. Clean out my sorta-gross car. Yesterday I schedule a dentist appointment. Two days ago I drove around for 3 hours listening to music.

It's 7AM now. I'm worried about tonight. I don't think I'll relapse but I feel so fucking hopeless right now, it's always worse before I go to sleep. I miss him so much and I'm worried too, he is a terrible addict and I don't think I would be okay if he died or does something stupid like get another DUI or really hurts himself.

He told me he loved me a week ago today for the last time. A week ago I had no idea what was coming. We had plans for him to sleep over just six days ago and go out for breakfast the next morning. How am I ever supposed to process all of this, it feels like it will never stop hurting so much. I assumed our breakup was due to his relapses, what if he's sober right now and just hates me? What even happened? His reasons didn't make sense and he was so unkind about everything the same way he is when he's drunk. Is it possible for him to stop loving me in 10 hours?

TL; DR: first weekend post-breakup with my ex I still miss and love so much. Not sure how to process all of this pain later tonight by myself, any thoughts or suggestions or even validation/comfort would be appreciated so I can read it later and feel even slightly less alone.

Since the split with my then girlfriend 6 years ago, something definitely changed inside me and never fully recovered. Yes, I've moved on and have gone on dates and met other women after, but none of them were right and i still think about my ex. This isn't about trying to get back with her or anything like that... I don't know what went wrong with me after that. My life slowly started to crumble and every year is some monumental fuck up or another for example, choosing the absolute worst people to date, cutting ties with people for the smallest of reasons, breaking down for things not going a certain way and not having anyone to talk to about these things. I tried therapy and I just couldn't afford it anymore. I work out regularly and spend a lot of time honing my skills as a guitar player but I lost a lot of screws in my head over the years and I just don't seem to be getting better. Life is crumbling slowly year after year. Every birthday has different people and i have an extremely strained relationship with my family too. Don't really know what to do and I don't know if there are other people out there who feel the same way.

Also... I haven't worked in a year. I'm in between switching careers at the moment. So I don't know what to do in that regard either.

Anyone feel me?

But I do. I can't leave. Even now with the breadcrumbs of hope. Even though another discard is here. I have no will to fight but here I am anyways. I think this is gonna kill me.

They keep going back to their ex (A.). Every time there's a small argument, they're playing video games with their ex that night. The messages get short? Playing with their ex. Anytime I wanted to play games they took priority every single time. If I wanted to discus things and voice my anxiety I was dismissed and told it was no big deal. This went on for the entire month of January. It took a whole month of me going to boundary breaking legnths for them to decide who they wanted to be with and got a week into what was supposed to be our new relationship. They ran back because they were afraid of hurting them and said they couldnt see them like that after lovebombing me for an entire week and getting my trust issues somewhat settled against the very thing they said they wouldn't do. I was only gone from their house an hour when this happened. I made a post on my Facebook about how down I was without mentioning names while being somewhat vague and they got straight up verbally abusive before completely shutting me out. I spent three days in absolute agony.

Then, and as dumb as I was to let this happen even after blocking them on everything, saw that there was a text from them and started things up again. They came back to me because he let them down in more than a few ways that I told them in detail would happen. Things were good for two weeks and then? The past pattern struck again. There was a trip coming up they had planned while they were together that we were going to go on ourselves. They balked for a few days or so, made me believe they might end things then and came back after they realized he wouldn't change after giving them yet another chance. After that we had a few weeks of complete radio silence from the ex and things were good for about a month and the overall trip went well except for some health issues on their end and we ended up being reckless about it which caused some friction between us. Even though said ex was "blocked" at the time he managed to slip a message in. They never told him they were still going on the trip nor who they were with.

On the way back from the trip we had an argument about another ex (B.) of theirs who's been a source of trauma for years they cheated on the most recent ex (A.) with. The argument was about social media and the fact that despite this guy straight up using them for sex on occasion they still had active requests sitting in their inbox to friend them should they ever want to reach out and use them again to which they said they were unsure of if they'd cheat again. I asked them to unfollow and unfriend said ex and aparently that conversation ruined the entire trip. When asked why it happened, they only said it was because they were unhappy with their ex (A.) and it was a mistake they still regret.

Our relationship started out with them cheating on said ex (A.) with me and it was a fact I found out about afterwards. Even then my boundaries were both extremely fair and clear and that I would have to meet said ex (A.) or be able to play in the same game lobbies before any type of communication was had individually between the two of them, they immediately disrespected this, trampled my boundaries, straight up lied and I only found out they were communicating after just a day or two of being back by logging in to play a game solo. After we got back from the trip, they were extremely secretive about the whole thing saying they were tired of having to reassure me of what they were doing and said they made the choice to choose me. Two weeks later of me biting my tongue and multiple days of two word, single sentence messages with a few nice reassuring dates between did they finally ask for space and a "break" so they can work on themselves. They say there's no one else and they just want to work on themselves but I can't trust it. How could I?

They still breadcrumb me but bought a fancy mic to play games and stream with. They're back to following each other on social media. I know I can't win. I don't know why they string me along. Playing with my emotions only to discard me at every turn. This is the worst heartache I think I've been in and only after typing a short version of events do I realise the scope of the abuse done to my heart. The neglect wounds are tearing me apart. The betrayal all around is staggering but the worst part?

I know. And I still love them.

I wish I didn't. I wish I had the strength to leave and never look back. To just let this all go. Forget their kids I got so close to that started calling me "dad". Forget the way they showed up and supported me at times. The sweet things they'd do and say. Their eyes. I wish I could hate them for all the wrong they did but here I am. Begging to be wrong about it again. That they come back one more time. I'm broken. Why?

Why can't I just be normal?

Kind strangers of Reddit. Please. I'm in the worst heartbreak I think I've ever felt and I'm no stranger to it.

Please help me survive this in whatever way I can because it hurts so much I can't even cry and damn.

I could use a good cry right now.

Edit* This entire story happened over the span of three to four months.

TLDR; Cheated on in ways I'll never understand.

He must be missing me too…?

Maybe he hasn’t reached out because…

He must have cared, he’s just bad at showing it…

Maybe one day we’ll meet again and I’ll feel his sadness for a missed opportunity and lost potential…

Oof.

If there were a villain in this story it would be me. For the lies I’ve tried to tell myself