Rules and regulations

for context, i left my dad in jan this year. im in the uk in full time education but living alone right now. left mum when i was around 15/16 due to heavy drinking etc. somehow im getting stressed out by my mum, especially this weekend. im starting to feel like she hates me because im living alone and not with her and its messing with me so much. there is a lot to it to unpack but i dont want to make this too long. i just dont know what to do because my a-levels start on friday, i havent studied today because i cant stop thinking about it all.

Would therapy and anger management be enough? And a long separation of being together. I wonder if in years time he would be a better person

I’m such an idiot for leaving and coming back. I’m happy to be back in my home state where all my friends are but my husband hasn’t changed at all and I feel stuck again. I’m considering getting a restraining order and getting him kicked out but is that enough? I hate his alcoholism. He is utterly selfish and privileged ed and verbally abusive. I had my own place, a job lined up and I came back for this? I’m an idiot.

I am all he has in terms of support and he is not doing well at all and because I know how it feels to be suicidal I am terrified for him.

My abuser is a great person, but a broken one. So much unheard and unreleased anger. That when his anger does come out, he has no control over it. It’s like a child trying to control a raging 50000kg bull. I have been the only person he’s ever been able to be vulnerable and emotional with. Slowly we worked through unpacking his trauma. But he waited to long to seek help for his anger that I had to leave as the violence was worsening.

I have left now, he hasn’t played any mind games. But he is truly devastated and falling apart badly. He lives alone on a farm. Useless friends and family that hardly support him right now. I’m the only support he has, as a friend. But he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold on

I am terrified of losing him, I don’t wan him to die. He is not coping well and there’s only so much I can do. There’s a crisis team visiting him next week which I haven’t mentioned yet.

please pray for this man, he deserves to heal just as much as I do. I have been praying every morning and night for his well-being. Mine too of course, but the thing is… im doing okay. Surprisingly. But he isn’t 😞 Please help, im so worried

I don't know how to handle this situation. It's been four weeks almost since I left. Husband has been charged with a felony for strangling me.

My kiddo is just about to turn five and understands that dad went to jail and is in trouble for hurting mom. Mostly, he hasn't said anything about his dad at all, but today he said he missed him. My husband (I WILL be divorcing him, don't worry) asked two weeks ago or so about video chatting with the kiddo and I've tried to get in touch with my victim's advocate at the DA office for advice, but she hasn't answered any of my emails.

I don't want to keep my confused, hurting kiddo from talking to his dad. I also don't want to look, to a family court judge later down the line, like I was being spiteful or not allowing him to talk to his dad or who knows how it might look. I don't know.

I also don't want to do anything to jeopardize the case against him. I want him to go to prison for what he did and I'm afraid if I allow contact or give him an concessions it will hurt my credibility in court or something. This man is dangerous and he's going to kill somebody one day. I am lucky it wasn't me.

Have any of you been in a similar position? I don't know what the smart thing to do is, or what is the best thing for my kiddo. I feel so lost.

I need advice. From October of 2023 until Saturday night i was involved with a 19 year old weed dealer, he had a baby mama and i knew all of this before we got started i didn't take it seriously because i was 32 at the time and just didn't really want anything. Well in early December i let him pressure me into a threesome with a guy i knew who was very badly on meth and had been arrested for aggravated kidnapping and sexually assaulted a friend of mine. I warned the 19 year old that i didn't want to take him to this guys house because he just wasn't a good person to be doing anything with, because six months before that he had told me he had several STDs and when i told him he needed to tell people this before he had sex with them he said that he was just saying something to see what id say. ( i really doubt that because who says they have STDs just for shock value) anyways we had This threesome and i felt incredibly disgusted with myself and i told the 19 year old that the other guy was gonna try to get him alone again so he could do stuff to him. A few weeks later he messaged me and told me he was supposed to go have sex with this guy but he didn't want to. I told him about the STDs the guy had and he said i was at fault for letting him have sex with him. Then from that day forward he would call me to go get him cigars, bullets, food, take him on drug sells etc. I would literally drive two hours every week and take him places we would have sex on the way back. He kept telling me to not let his baby mama know i was gay because she was asking questions about me. Whenever i couldn't get to him right away he would get extremely mad and start saying he was gonna get someone else to do things for him hinting at the guy we hooked up with. Things got so bad i was lying to my family, friends and coworkers to get money for him so i could do things for him. In March of this year he asked me if he could borrow my car for the day because he wanted to take his family to a theme park and out to eat. I told him i didn't really let people who i wasn't related to drive my car. He got mad at me and wouldn't talk the whole ride to his house. Well he kept begging me and begging me until i said yes even though my father who helps me pay my car note while im in college again, was against the idea so much so we got into an argument about it. This guy kept my car all day and when i got it back he told me i didn't need to be asking him where he was in my car when he had it because it annoyed him and when he's in my car its his. I didn't say anything about that but he didn't ask me to borrow it again until easter weekend i was hesitant about letting him get it because i knew it'd cause drama with my family but the whole day he kept spamming my phone with messages about where my car was and how it was messed up that i wasn't bringing it to him. I cut my location off on Snapchat and he saw that and he said if i didn't turn it back on immediately he would block me everywhere and go beat up some friends of mine he didn't like. So he ended up getting my car and he lectured me on how he was disappointed in me and how he couldn't trust me anymore because i lied about where i was etc anyway it did cause drama with my family and he kept my car all weekend and went to the beach in it without my permission and didn't tell me he was there until he got there. On my birthday he asked me to buy him bullets with my birthday money even though he knew i was broke. He kept telling me that if id just drop out of school and work at the local chicken plants id make more money than being a teacher, about a week after my birthday he asked me to borrow my car again and i said id have to think about it because i didn't have money to get to him he kept on throwing a fit until i came and got him. He was supposed to bring my car back to me that Sunday but he had some excuse to keep it and he said that we'd have sex if he let me keep it till Monday. Monday rolled around and he had another excuse about how i had a bald tire and he didn't trust putting my car on the road with it being bald and if i gave him $60 he'd fix it i didn't have $60 so i called my sister and she immediately asked me if he had my car and i told her he did and she said she was going to get my oldest niece and nephew to go get it. I begged her not too and to just trust this guy that whole week he had excuses to not bring me the car. He would be on his second Snapchat and when i told him if he was in my car having sex with other people i would have my family come get my car before he got the $60. He told me that if they did he would shoot my car up eventually Friday came and i had paid him $60 and he was supposed to bring the car to me but he didn't and he said that if i let him keep it till Saturday he would bring it or he would get some dude he had sex with to follow him up to my apartment and he would have sex with him instead of me. By this point my Dad found out and he was angry so he came with my niece and we went to the cops they said this guys family ran a scrap yard and i was lucky if my car wasn't in pieces somewhere and i would have to wait across the street while they got my car. He found out and called me and started cussing me out and threatening me my family asked me if this is how he talked to me all the time and i said yes. Well we got my car back in one piece but he was so angry he said he was gonna kill my Dad because he got the cops involved unless i gave him another $60 i didn't but we kept talking i tried to calm him down because i honestly had feelings for him and didn't want to ruin what i thought was a relationship. Saturday he kept telling me he was gonna go hookup with the guy we had done it with in December and that i would always be broke and how he didn't care about the guy having STDs. I begged him and begged him to stop and he didn't i finally told him that if he went id tell his mom, girlfriend, grandma and whomever else what we had been doing and he told me if i did he would kill me, shoot me to be specific. He sent me a Snapchat of his gun and i got him calmed down enough and explained that i had PTSD when it came to this guy and not to play with me about him. The whole last week he would play mind games with me and i had already talked to his mom about it but begged her to not say anything. Saturday he asked me to come buy him a vape and then he randomly asked me to take him to that guys house again. I ignored him and he kept on, i told him if he did it again id tell his mom and he did so i told her. He called me and tried to get me to come pick him up saying he was leaving his phone at home to charge i had a gut feeling not to go because i knew he was leaving his phone at home so he wouldn't be traced back to me. I said no and later that night he kept begging me to come and i finally did but told him to leave his guns at home etc and i told him i told people i was with him. He got in my car and demanded that he drive and i let him i told him to drive to the church down the street from his house and wed talk there because it's well lit he didn't and he drove us to this secluded bridge and he grabbed my phone and started deleting my messages to his mother. Then he started yelling at me and i told him i did what i did because he was messing with my mental health and that i was trying to protect him. He pulled a gun out and started waving it around saying that's all the protection he needed and he made it a point to show me it was loaded. He said that he knew there were bodies in the creek we were at and that i didn't want to endup one of them. And how he had been planning on doing something to me all that week and that night. But he'd give me a chance eventually i talked him into putting the gun away and going back home. That night he called me and said he was gonna leak my nudes online, to my school, my family, my job everything. And Sunday morning he called me saying i ruined his life etc and how i knew too much for him to let me live. I haven't heard from him since Sunday he's tried to get people to follow me on Snapchat but nothing from him directly. I talked to the cops in the town i live in and they said that what he did was serious but they cant do anything because he lives almost two hours away and that unless he shows up here that's all they can do. I know i was wrong for telling his mother but he wouldn't stop pushing me to that point, what i want to know is am i overreacting about all of this? Or should i be scared and trying to get a restraining order?

I'm asking as an unemployed person. So I don't have the traditional way of making money. I'm trying my hardest to be rational about everything but I'm tempted to just jump on a plane back to California and be with my family instead of figuring things out here. I don't even need that much, $300 is enough for a one way. I fell like there has to be something I can do to scrape up a few hundred dollars. Asking my family isn't really an option because they're not in a financial position do to that. My boyfriend has been the person taking care of me this entire time. Any ideas?

^(18+)

WARNING

Talks about violence, toxicity.

I am 19 years old and facing a very difficult situation at home where my older sister, who has serious anger issues and a tendency towards violence, reacted explosively when she found out that I won't be taking my highschool diploma. My mom disclosed this information to her during a phone call today, which led to my sister verbally attacking me with hurtful and demeaning language, making me feel worthless and inadequate.

She even threatened physical harm and demanded that I come to her place to endure humiliation and get physically hurt, she mentioned many times that she would shave my hair off and beat me badly. I never hade a close relationship but whenever did a mistake or angered my mom.

SOME BACKGROUND

(Mom has always used her to me and another sibling threaten to call my older sister, saying she could not handle me and my other sibling. This time she called her. Her reasoning was "she would find out sooner or later")

I am nearing the end of my schooling, but the toxic atmosphere at home makes it difficult to focus on my studies or plan for the future. I know I need to find a way to leave this abusive environment, but I feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to turn for help. I have no savings, no job at the moment, and no one I can turn to for help with housing. I have previously been subjected to violence from both my older sister and my mom. I'm afraid I will face worse physical violence than what I have already experienced.

MORE INFO

This is 18+, and it can be triggering. They use very DISTURBING language. I am mostly targeted by my mom since I live with her, among the disgusting things she usually says, this stands out the most. When she gets angry with me for ignoring her, she says she would take my phone and shove it into my genital.

Long story short
I am trapped in a dysfunctional family dynamic where my mom often threatens physical violence and my sister to do the same., my older siblings encourage her to "in their words put me straight" AKA beating me. It's an environment filled with hostility and fear, where I constantly feel unsafe and on edge. IN NEED OF ADVICE.

My ex has been stalking me for months now and it’s clear police aren’t interested in doing anything and it’s never going to stop.

The city im living in is now full of horrible memories. Im tired of living in fear, im tired of having to change my life to accommodate his stalking. I feel I need to start fresh and running away is my only option if I want peace again.

The problem is I don’t know how I can runaway because I can’t afford rents anywhere else.

How do runaway when you don’t have enough money?

I've never been on here before. I've been here for 6 years. I don't know how it went this far. He's a USMC Drill Instructor. Combat Vet who lost his legs from the knees down. On patrol, roadside bomb. He has issues. I knew that. I walked into this knowing that he was angry. I didn't know or think I'd be the enemy. He's emotionally, verbally, financially, mentally abusive. Sorta physical. It's been escalated since my 21 yr old SMI daughter moved in. Just trying to give some back story. I need help. He has traumatized my baby. I lost my kids years ago. Since turning 18 all are in my life. She was bounced from foster home to institution. 15 placements in 12 years. This is all relevant. Bear with me. She was molested when she was 6. My ex husband started using drugs. We had just moved to AZ. I am from Detroit MI. Drug scene in 2005 was nothing like AZ.bi didn't know anything about meth. Ruined my life. He went to prison 9 years. I went as well 1 yr. I was a stay at home mom. Life was good. So here we are 2018. I've been sober. Met a great guy. Boom he has cancer. Take care of him till he does. I had a few friends from a homeless outreach we were part of. My now ex was one of them. Decorated war hero. He had a 3 bedroom house. I knew several people who didn't stay long as roommates. I was broken. He had a bad break up. I moved it. He has dope I relapsed after 8 years. He would explode throw shit break everything. Terrorize me. Scream at me for hours over everything. My dog lay there dying and for 17 hours he screamed at me animal abuser etc. anyways. I just let him apologize over and over. He does not going to watch TV and get mad and he needs somebody to take it out on ... me My daughter who is in now 21. When she turned 18 she was in a group home that was less than a mile form me. Her and I are so excited she was here all the time I was so happy that I had a house I could have her at a nice house financial stability I could give her things ... She ended up moving in. And things went downhill from there. Sorry accusing her of doing drugs and all kinds of stuff before she moved in she was gang raped. He told her it was her fault me and her ended up in a hotel for over a month like Lowest of the low hotel. And I haven't worked since I've been with him because I've been his caregiver and that's the he wanted it. It was easier to Go along with it because he drinks stays up late sleeps all day. Now we have animals. Needless to say I'm so attached to my animals. Right not to get sidetracked I ended up coming back here I had nowhere to go and things were good for a while My daughter ended up getting an apartment and Her ran out a couple months ago. She didn't have a job she couldn't resign her leg so she was essentially going to be homeless. She is SMI. She thought she was going to get help with housing but they told her the last two weeks you have to be homeless before we can help you. So she has nowhere to go so she ends up asking him if she can come back here He throws up a wall in the garage so she has a room buys potty... Portable air conditioner I mean the whole nine yards he went above and beyond. The day the U-Haul showed up with most of her stuff he started. he doesn't like stuff. I keep the house clean I have my own area where I can be messy and I have my own room. He sometimes uses a wheelchair. And there has been a couple incidences where he drinks and one of the month last month that really got bad he got very physical with me destroyed my room scare the hell out of all my animals and he kicked me in my daughter out. I have four cats they're terrified of him and they are my babies and I have a dog and she's terrified of him I can't hardly even leave her. I've been trying to leave on good terms. Because I have been isolated and I have no money I have nowhere to I have very few friends and friends that I do have are in no position to help. I mean I can go on and on with details in the sent the other but I mean my daughter broke out her front tooth because she passed out in my kitchen because she was afraid to make something to eat because the way he acts when anybody's doing anything in the kitchen. Complains about everything He makes you want to jump out of your skin. It's hard to explain but we have lots of proof lots of pictures and videos of him doing this. Now this recent incident happened on the 27th of last month He has an uncle in California who is a retired sheriff. He called him and he did keep him relatively calm on the phone and I spoke to him as well. So the next day his uncle flew out here let me and my daughter were made to be these absolute horrible horrible people. Retired sheriff seen the bruises on me. Seen all the damage in my room. All my broken stuff. I have texts acknowledging form both of them What he did. With that being said within a few days he signed his house over to his uncle. Well half of it. So, this is where I need the help. Said retired sheriff KNOWINGLY AND WILLINGLY took legal measures to cover his but because they both knew my ex messed up bad. Real bad. So bad he signed over half his house. Within days. Changed the locks 2 days later. We have been co existing. Not hanging out. I'm trying to buy us some time. But he's escalating. He's getting nasty cause I'm cooperating. I'm done her hurt my child. He compared her and I sexually.... Then tried to say he didn't mean it like that he loves her like a daughter.... Luckily my kid has class and said nothing. This shit has been so traumatic for her. Myself as well. I stayed. Kept thinking he would change. And he would for a minute.
Bottom line. He thinks he's better than everybody. He's superior. And he deserves to pay for what he's done. What made my mind up.... Tonight he wanted me to hang out with him.... I avoided it... He drank bourbon sat agt got mad. Came into gifts I gave him on the floor, I ignore it. He was trashed. Called me from the kitchen... Started off all nice.... Then was congratulating me on escaping him. I hung up on him. So now he's pissed comes to the door of my room starts with the f you get the f out. Blah blah.... I look at him and tell him you are being recorded. He stops dead in his tracks . All this time I made excuses that he couldn't help the rage. TBI.... Nope he could. Just chose not to. I need advice. We got till the 15th. I'm ready to go. I can't leave my kid. This is an impossible situation. Stuff is going into storage. So that is a bonus and you have some savings. Trying to get my stuff cleared out of here and get us out of here kind of sort of looking for work trying to find a place to land is number one I don't know I don't know what to do. I'm sorry this is so long I saw some backstory might help.

I’m a woman married to another woman I served my abusive and manipulative ex wife an order of protection and divorce papers after the most recent incident with DV. In retaliation she filed an order of protection against me the day after she was served.

Her allegations are completely fabricated. She claims I’ve threaded to kill her dog (a 70 German shepherd whom I love) and she claims she “fears for her life” bc she’s trying to get a stay away order so she can keep my apartment (which she has only paid rent for a grand total of four times in 15months) but she has nothing to back this up other than her words against mine.

I am actually terrified of the lengths she’s willing to go through to hurt me.

The problem is she is very savvy and knows how to manipulate the system.

On one instance she became abusive and enraged and started to break things in my apartment. She took my phone from me and started throwing my belongings out of the window. When I tried to stop her she choked me. Our neighbors heard the commotion and called the cops. When they arrived she was cool calm and collected and told the cops “there’s no law against destroying my own belongings in my own home is there” I was in shock and in tears and stupidly I didn’t file a report bc I didn’t want her to be affected w a new job (she’d been unemployed for a year prior to this and the financial burden was on me) and also this is how abuse works. I was afraid of her and I loved her.

The second instance of violence I recorded on a voice note on my phone bc what else was I supposed to do? My nervous system is shot and that’s all I could think of in that moment as she was starting to lose her temper again. She came home at 1am and threw a pail of water at me and thrashed my bedroom. I don’t know I could use this in court.

It’s very apparent that her order of protection against me is retaliatory. Our court date is in October but I have to live in constant fear until then. I fear she won’t violate the order out right bc she’s very manipulative. But she might give my cat away- which she’s threatened to do a lot. She might tamper with my belongings or my food. She might try and lie again and say that I violated her order. I’m terrified bc she’s capable of anything.

She’s also decided not to pay rent or utilities anymore. I am in deep financial debt bc of her.

I am more than confident that the judge will be able to see that she’s been abusive but I am deeply concerned that she’s just going to lie. I don’t know how to navigate this system and I am honestly appalled that someone could say anything they want and an order of protection could be doled out that easily. I filed mine when I had evidence of her abuse. And I couldn’t even wrap my mind around lying to the court to abuse the system to my advantage.

My question is, did she perjure herself? And is there a system in place to weed out when manipulative abusers do this kind of thing to work the system in their favor?

I married a BPD woman and immigrated to her country (Egypt), biggest mistake of my life.

She wanted a cat at some point and I refused first but then got it.

Now I want to leave this country but I need in total 90 days to deal with the vaccination, blood and paperwork for the cat.

And I refuse to leave without the cat, what can I do?

This woman loves me one hour and wants a divorce the next hour.

I can't take this anymore and I am being abused every day.

I am afraid she will make up lies and call the cops on me.

If I could leave easily I would have left 5 months ago.

We are together for a year, and it has only been shit.

I NEED TO GET AWAY ASAP!

I think i made a mistake. I know one of you from last time told me not to check on the pistol in my dad's truck but i had to know if he fixed it.

For this to make sense i had a dream. A really bad one where my mom my sibling and me and my dad died.

The dream starts off that were going somewhere,(i hadn't remebered where the where was until an hour ago when the deja vu hit me.) My dad looks normal driving until we stop under a bridge.

He just exhales and puts the gun to my mom pop, then my sibling pop, i manage to get my gun out and shoot him just as he shoots me. We both shoot eachother in the head. My vision is all fucked up and i can see his head wavering up and down, he coughs out the words, "good" and dies, then i woke up.

An hour ago i finally remembered where we were going in the dream. It was my siblings graduation. Thats why we were all together as a family.

My siblings graduation is tommorrow.

My dad was angrily mumbling to himself a lot today. Probably jealous we didn't invite him to my siblings college events yesterday and earlier today.

My sibling was also very angry that my dad had eaten all the snacks he had gotten.

My brother fucked with a bunch of his shit after my dad went to sleep. On top of that he left a message to let my dad know it was him and why he did it.

I didn't know what to do.

I was worried, that what if the dream becomes true. Usually i'd think that would be bullshit and it most likely is, but i just couldn't take the fucking risk i had to know if he was ready.

So i got rid of the note my brother left and i snuck into my dads truck.

For some reason the windshield wipers cycled once as i opened the door.

Is that a trick to know if someone has been in your car? Did i just make a big fucking mistake?

I had my own gun on me too, because i know if he wakes up and catches me he will definitely know i'm working against him and he will go crazy.

For reference it was around 2:30AM.

I had brought his bowl of keys with me since i was worried taking the chain would make too much noise clinking against the bowl and he would wake up from that distinct noise.

And i look around the car. I find the pistol. And i had brought a bullet of matching caliber with me to test in the shed.

I figuered the shed would muffle the noise and theres always shooting every other night so, its not like he would hear that and wake up, especially just being only one shot.

I load the pistol up and aim at a safe spot while having my shoulders shrugged over my ears to protect. And then when i pull the trigger i realize this type of gun won't shoot without the magazine.

Not wanting to risk having to sneak through the backyard more times i just turned my phone light on, unloaded the pistol and looked inside. The firing pin hole was still empty. I shined overhead.

No firing pin, he never even replaced it after i removed it months ago.

I go back to the truck and i check the rounds. All his rounds were still there. I guess he had lied about going to the range after all.

I then set everything in his truck back the way it was. I then carefully slowly close the door and push it tight and closed so he wouldn't hear the doors close on his truck and wake up.

After that i carefully carried the keybowl inside and slowly set it back.

And about 10 minutes later he wakes up briefly walks around and goes back to sleep.

It's so quiet i can hear the god damn dining room clock ticking.

And all i can think about is, does it mean something? Is our time running out?

I swear that windshield wiper going off had to be some kind of way for him to know i was in his truck.

I'm worried i fucked up.

That kind of shit isn't supposed to happen when you open a car.

I don't know it's probably nothing, and honestly i feel guilty for using this sub reddit for dumb shit like this.

Its 3:47 AM and i'm going to try and sleep. I got a graduation i want to go to. Good night.

I’ve been working up courage to make changes in my life but it’s been so difficult. I live with my gf in a town away from my family and I’ve been physically and emotionally abused by her for a little over two years.

For a while I didn’t take the abuse personally, maybe because I’m a man and somewhere deep down feel I should be able to take some punches. But it’s been going on for over a year now and I have to make a move. My gf has so many mental health issues and essentially relies on me to take care of her. She also is an alcoholic which fuels her psychotic episodes. Our lease is up in July but we haven’t talked about breaking up or anything even though she suspects I’m going to do it (which fuels her abusive episodes).

Another aspect is that she has almost no support system, misunderstanding mother as well as an alcoholic narcissist father. They both feel overwhelmed with dealing with her so it’s up to me to get her medication or take her to appointments. Her brother is great but just had a baby with his wife. I guess she’ll be moving in with them when the lease is up but I have so much anxiety.

My gf is also suicidal and threatens suicide often. She has said before very frankly that if I left her she’d “probably kill” herself. I want to believe that things can be ok after I’m gone but every part of my being is anxious to.

Any words of advice are much appreciated, also I’m in the Missouri US if anyone has any resources.

Edit: I should also mention she has BPD, autism, schizophrenia, depression, and alcoholism.

One of my friends told me a few months ago that a man I used to date around 6-8 years ago who was abus*ve, violent, and assaulted me multiple times is trying to become a teacher. I did report everything to the police. The DA did not decide to file charges. I also had a domestic violence restraining order granted in civil court (has since expired I'm no longer in danger). I feel like I've exhausted every option, but this man should not be in schools. I feel so guilty because I know what he is capable of. He is a repeat offender, but the justice system is what it is. I was really lucky to get out alive. Is there anything else I can do? If I tried to contact the school districts or the state or something would they even care? I'm scared for the teachers and students he'd be around.

I feel very guilty for leaving my abusive ex but he threatened my life and I was not safe with him so why do I feel so guilty for leaving him and I feel bad for him what should I do any suggestions ?

TLDR: advice for standing by someone who knows they're in an abusive relationship (& constantly complains about it) but would rather cut everyone out of her life instead of leaving the abuser.

My best friend is in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. Borderline physical at this point. Married for ~5 years and divorce papers have been threatened multiple times by her husband. She has even signed and given them to him to finalize it, but he never signed and sent them in.

I've been BEST friends with her for about 3 years now. She's told me about all of the family that she doesn't talk to any more because of him. He hates her family because they're concerned for her wellbeing. She's told me about the friends that she's lost because they eventually get into a fight about her putting up with his abuse.

As an empath who knows that it takes A LOT to leave that type of relationship, I'm emotionally drained. She will complain about something and be upset that I agree. I know she really needs a friend, and I value her friendship so I don't want to be another relationship that her husband ruined. How can I support her without being so sad that she's getting treated so poorly? How can I help her?

So I came home and as I’ve previously explained my husband is back on his bs. And I have a 6 month old and could/should leave again but he has a 17 year old who desperately needs a parent and I’m the only one who will do it. If I leave, she’s on her own and her mom is not in the picture and has her own addiction issues. So my plan is to find a stable job, resources, and kick my husband out so his daughter can have a normal parenting experience her last year home. I don’t see him fighting me on letting me keep her but he might fight getting out of the home. What options do I have to get him out of my house?

I am a college student. I want to continue going to college and get my degree.

I am disabled. I use a wheelchair and am very physically weak. I have two service dogs, each does different things for my disabilities.

My husband has choked me and hit me and controlled my money and where I could go. A few days ago, he bent my arm backwards and I had to go to the ER to check if it was broken.

I know it will just keep getting worse from here. I don't feel safe.

Everyone thinks we are a perfect happy couple because he never leaves marks. In the ER, he was with me and I had to lie about how my arm got hurt. My primary doctor I see multiple times a month for my disability always asks about my husband or talks with both of us if he comes with me. I am so afraid to tell him that the nice husband he things I have is all a facade.

Most of all, I am scared because if I left, I'd have no car, no money, nowhere to live over the summer while I wait for school to start so I can live in a dorm. I am unable to work due to my medical condition, but they are taking a very long time to determine if I am disabled and give me benefits.

I promised my husband we could go to couples therapy still and I would try to make it work if he doesn't touch me again. This is a lie. I am hoping to get out as soon as I can figure out a plan. I need him to think I'm complying so I can get out.

I'm also stressed because I have two service animals to take care of financially if I left. I need them for me to live, if I give them away I would be much more at risk of death from a medical accident that could be prevented. One is for PTSD and it would be immensely helpful to have her there for the fallout that would inevitably happen when I leave. I was hoping to find a way to go to the humane society's dog food pantry and get free bags of dog food there for a while, but I'm not sure about vet care.

My school also has a silly rule that says only one assistance animal per dorm room. Legally, I am permitted to have as many as is necessary, and they are prescribed to me by my medical team. I just don't think I have the energy to argue with my school about that...

I just want to feel safe again, and move on from this relationship. I want to find someone I feel safe with and who would be a good father, not an abusive father, to my future children.

I don't have any income or any money. I don't have a car. I don't know how I would leave- I need lots of medical care so I need a way to get to appointments, I need a safe space to be able to leave my assistance animals sometimes, like for when I get MRIs etc. I don't have anyone that can help me. I'm completely alone.

I've thought of committing suicide instead, but my husband keeps his guns locked up, and last time that he found me with a knife, he hit me a lot. But only on my torso so no one would see bruises. He says he doesn't want me to die because he loves me, but then does things that cause me to feel suicidal.

I don't know how I am supposed to survive if there is no way for me to buy food or medical things, or get to appointments, or a place where I can stay long term. I can't just get a job and find an apartment, I am not able to work. I'm so stressed out and I'm just wondering if anyone has experience and can explain how long I can stay in a shelter, what it is like, etc.

Is there any programs that will help you move into a new place if you’re a victim?

I woke up with a sadness in my stomach and a feeling of emptiness. I miss them 😭

I’m trying to remind myself of all the abuse and pain when I miss him but still, it hurts and I can’t help it.

Advice please

I feel so very weak and have no energy to do anything since I blocked my abuser not tong ago what should I do?

Hi! My husband and I own an automotive repair shop and wanted to start a free service for checking for tracking devices placed on vehicles by abusers. I want to ensure we roll this out with the victims safety as our primary concern so I am reaching out here.

I would approach local shelters and counseling centers to let them know we will offer this service.

We would meet the victim at a mutual, public and offsite location so as not to reveal anything to the tracker/abuser.

We will stress this is a FREE service and no upselling is allowed by the techs or service writers.

We would ensure no customer information is input into our system and a privacy policy for inbound phone calls inquiring about existing customers is in place (the latter already in effect actually).

I have not worked through all angles the removal/disposal part yet. Anything I am missing that hasn’t been covered? Anything else we can do for our community to assist potential stalking/abuse victims? Thank you in advance!

I haven't contacted my husband in several weeks. Been separated for months. Experiencing all kinds of strange emotions. Emotions isn't even quite right. It feels almost physiological. I have no desire to contact him and yet it feels like something is clamoring and also trying to detach at the same time. This strange mix of experience has been derailing at times as it's really hard to understand.

Does anyone understand what I mean? I feel like *I* don't miss him, but my body misses him....somehow...?! But that's part of me, too.

I apologise for length of details: I have not been in a relationship with this person since 2016, so this post is not really about leaving a person, rather leaving a situation I have found myself in (and I am sure many of you can relate).

Topics disability, autism, coparenting, DV

I split from my ex when my daughter was still a baby, had a restraining order, and left my job to care for my daughter full time. At time of leaving, I still loved my ex but our relationship was very short, he had barely handled the baby and basically it was an accidental pregnancy. I was supported by the police to leave the relationship. Courts forced gradual contact and he paid for his own aggressive solicitors. I had support from an IDVA and realised the abuse he had put me through (largely emotional, some violent episodes) and i felt somewhat healed. I moved away from ex and we were eventually (after 3/4 years) given a final CAFCASS order. My daughter is now 8 nearly 9 years old and was diagnosed with some significant neurodevelopmental disabilities. She has always seen/had contact with her dad but their relationship is poor.

I have done everything I can to support my daughter's relationship with her dad and have always offered her for contact even when I know she didn't want to go/ I was worried about her safety. I have a great co-parenting relationship with him now but I am pretty sure that he has got me exactly where he wants me and I have literally no life of my own. I am aware that he still has a massive tie/link to my emotional wellbeing and I am absolutely the default parent.

Current arrangements: Ex phones daughter once a week (at my suggestion) and sees her Sundays in my presence (usually) between about 11-3pm in our area (he lives about 1 hour away). Occasionally (like this weekend) I have asked him to have her for a few hours on his own. If daughter seeing dad alone, I have to work really hard to prepare her/ specify exactly what will happen and promise her that he won't make her travel too far. There are no current overnights. My daughter's disability means she is a very poor sleeper and has a night time medication regimen which is quite complicated. As an ex healthcare professional therefore I am only really confident in my own ability to manage her meds safely. I think my ex is quite happy to not have her overnight, but if i upset him in anyway he threatens me with wanting her overnight which he knows absolutely terrifies me.

4 or 5 times a year ex starts dating someone new and I get a few weeks respite of his daily phonecalls and texts. He gets a bit cold and distant, and then they break up and he is back to texting me everyday again.

My daughter is now at any age where she simply flat out refuses to see her dad (even just on a sunday) unless I accompany her and persuade him (usually via flattery appealing to his ego) to do as she wishes. My daughter's autism means she has some unique phobias and has meltdowns easily/ needs ear defenders and eats a highly selective diet. My ex's personality is very much a lad's lad, bit of a narcissist, often tired and hungover, didn't really want a kid. My personality is academic/ ex children's professional, anxious mum, somewhat traumatised, trying my best, lonely, trapped, worship my daughter and would love more children (with a new partner if I ever found one). All my qualifications and knowledge of DV was gained post seperation (I was very young when I had my daughter).

THINGS I HAVE TRIED OVER THE YEARS- WITH LIMITED SUCCESS

1. I have tried having the child contact phone during early days, when we were in court, and During this time contact was arranged a week in advance, I only checked the phone once per week. I also try muting his notifcations and only allowing myself to check once or twice a day. If i don't respond within an hour, he rings.

2. I tried being grey rock and giving him freedom to be as involved as he wishes in her life, Sometimes I try pulling back and letting them spend time alone together. My mum keeps saying this contact suits him as he only really wants to spend time with me. My friends state they are concerned he is obsessed with me, and ask me why I allow it.

I have observed over the years that he always tends to arrive one hour late, and within a few hours of my daughter he runs out of steam.  On occasion I have asked him to stay past 2pm/ suggested longer and he has stated he is too tired. If he is upset with me though he will keep her 8+ hours as described above. If he is having a very hungover Sunday he makes lots of excuses to use toilet, where he hides for 30 mins each time to get out of whatever current thing we are doing with daughter. Usually he is on his phone every 5 mins or so. Most sundays are pleasant enough which is why i have done this method for so long, and always pleasant because i just geninely love being with my daughter and can tolerate him.

3. I have tried going no contact unsuccessfully once for 6 months in 2023 where my mother handled the communication. This worked great for me, I felt free and happy for a time. I never gave my ex an explanation just literally stopped talking to him/ told him to text my mum. Ex punishment for me was to insist on overnights (despite having no current spare bedroom for her). I forced my daughter to go to each contact for the full day but i didn't force overnights. During this time I noticed that my ex gained about 2 stone and daughter started to display violent outbursts at school and becoming non verbal at home. She started to openly state that she was afraid of her dad but this was also interspersed with her telling me nice, happy things they had done together. This was all a tad confusing. The text messages from ex to my mum got longer and longer and my mum didn’t know how to respond or she would forget to respond and then he’d get mad. I then started supporting contact again because i was so worried about my daughter's behaviour at school. During this time I asked for additional support from social services to manage my daughter's violent outbursts and school started giving her additional support. As a natural consequence, started discussing things with ex again.

4. I have tried asking my daughter to choose the contact and communicate with her dad via her own phone- my daughter just refuses to speak to him/ will answer the phone and then not speak.

Basically option 2 I have done now nearly 4 years. I restarted option 2 after a period of no contact and guess what within about 3-4 months my ex lost the 2 stone he'd gained! EVERY Sunday I support. Option 2 is the only one that keeps daughter happy, and stops ex getting abusive/fat/depressed but comes at immense personal cost to me. During these years since our seperation I have never had another relationship, and very rarely a weekend to myself and my daughter. I am exhausted and ready to move on with my life. I love my daughter though and will happily sacrifice my future and all Sundays for the rest of my days to keep her safe and well. .

PS: also aware that my ex dates pretty aggressively, and has new partners every few months or so but he will never introduce them to our daughter (not yet anyway). He goes out drinking about x3 nights per week. He moves house regularly.  He has started to talk about developing health problems. He enjoys looking at himself in shop windows obsessively when we are out on Sundays. (He looks like every other 30 something British bloke). He was angry that our daughter wasn't a boy. He told me that I was fat and would never meet a new partner when I left him (I had hyperemisis and was actually underweight when I was pregnant). He asks me regularly if I am going on any dates. I always say no i don't have the time (which is true).

I got strangled by my husband multiple times a week ago. He treated me like a dead body when he dragged my feet down on our stairs. I never hurt him, but he did multiple times. I avoided to fight back violently. He's staying with his family now, as a mama's boy. And here I am alone at home with our child.

I thought I wanted annulment (no divorce in our country yet). But a part of me wants him to stay so I can make him suffer. So I can hurt him back. Is it normal to feel this way? I am fueled by anger and desire for revenge.

He said to our child thru chat that he lives normally now. But here I am, scarred and sufferring inside everyday.

January 14th is the actual day I was beat up and strangled. My mom insisted I go to the hospital that night and I let everyone pressure me to talk to the police. I was hurt kinda bad, 2 swollen black eyes and a broken nose. Not to mention the loss of power at my life being played with and the emotional pain felt before during and after.

I didn't want to press charges but I knew just having the police show up would take that decision from me. The state pressed charges. I told my mother not to get involved because she doesn't know the PoS he and I were to each other. I go over it in my head a lot. The mistake I made, not just his. But she immediately gave her info as a witness despite not being there. Now they don't need her, they need me. So she's trying to convince me to go talk to the people. I already said enough to the 20 year old officer's body cam. I'm not going to court. She said "he's trying to drag your name through the mud!" I said I deserve it too. He's the one with a mugshot and a felony charge. At least I don't have that.

I've been thinking about my future more lately. The idea of a relationship sounds like fun... but then i remember all of the bad feelings that come with that. Not to mention all of the true crime cases I see where a man sets a woman on fire, or a man just up and kills his family one day, or a woman traps a man in a suitcase and listens to him slowly suffocate... people are horrible. Everyone is capable of being horrible. On the outside I'm doing so much better. My nose didn't turn out crooked by more than like 1 or 2%, I've lost 40lbs, I lift weights and exercise... but my thoughts are different now. I don't think like I used to. I'm always assessing people as different threat levels. Constantly thinking about all of the bad things I've done. I fooled myself into thinking I was better, then got in trouble with a co-worker. Just more pain added. I feel like no one cares to understand, which is fine, but I do feel very alone. I'm afraid to make friends. I'm afraid I'll never trust anyone again. I'm trying to focus on bettering myself physically, mentally, emotionally. I don't want to hurt anyone else ever. And if that means staying single then that's the way it will have to be. I don't want to give anyone else the opportunity to hurt me either.

So healing the damage done after a 12 year relationship that ended in one night takes a long time. I don't see any end in sight and I'm more or less at peace with that.

My ex-boyfriend and I were in the middle of trying to conceive when he disappeared and I got a DVPO order. I was really excited about parenthood and already bought tons of stuff for my anticipated pregnancy. He’s been in contact with my attorney and I’m wondering if I should ask for him to donate sperm so I can keep with my plans to get IVF either now or in the future. My hearts so broken not because of the end of our relationship but because I was ready to be a mom.

A relative threatened to kill and rape me tonight. They struck several times. Hit me with cans of food. I am injured: swelling, very sore on arm, shoulder, right abdomen.

Relative threatened to kill me multiple times. Medics called to scene to evaluate relative but they did not admit them/no involuntary hold. And relative refused medical help. They were arrested for communicating a threat and assault with a deadly weapon. Police said I have to go to magistrate in the morning to request domestic violence protection order. I am disabled, immunocompromised and have severe mobility issues. It takes me 2-2.5 hours to bathe and dress myself (have to do it in several small steps, holding on to things and resting between steps, easily get extremely fatigued, weak lightheaded). This is everyday life for me, to give you an idea of my state/functionality.

I am hurt but too scared to leave the house to go to doctor because I'm afraid relative will be released and back in the house before I can get to the magistrate. Sorry if this is disjointed and confusing. I don't know what to do.

I called Safe Alliance and they told me to call Victim Assistance when they open at 8 am to get help with DVPO paperwork.

Does anyone know transportation assistance for disabled DV issues? I cannot drive. I have no neighbor or family to help. Isolated and alone. Safe Alliance gave me the number to CATS Special Transportation. ST requires medical documentation and their review process is not quick enough to help someone in emergency situation who has to get to magistrate in a few hours.

Thanks for any help. Again sorry so disjointed. I am in Charlotte, NC, Mecklenburg county.

I keep saying relative because I am having problems processing this. Its hard admitting it, saying it because I am trying to fight falling apart. Trying to function, and stunned. My son attacked me, an adult.