I am a 17yo DL gay, who lives in a small town, so ngl turned to internet for a lot of connection w other gay ppl. I am very diligent in staying safe. I met this guy my age online about 6 months ago. We snap each other a lot - 97 day snap streak and going strong! He lives in the same country as me, but far away (3 times zones). He is so cute and seems rly cool. But despite snapping a lot we hardly every acc chat, especial recently. I have never had much gay relationship experience, but i do rly want it, but irl. I rly dont want an online relationship. But I honestly think about this guy all the time, and i get so obsessed when he snaps me and even more when he doesnt. I honestly kinda hate it. it puts me on such a emotional roller-coaster, because on top of all the normal feels of a crush, there is no possibility of us acc being together even if we both wanted it. I want so desperately to find someone irl, but like I said, I just can't stop thinking about him. I rly like him. I'm sorry I know this sounds so cringe - i'm grimacing even as I write this - but i genuinely dont know what to do. any and all advice would be much appreciated. Thank You!

I’m 20f. My whole life I’ve dated boys. The last boy I dated, we broke up when I was 16, so 4 years ago. I haven’t dated anyone since. I also was struggling with mental health at the time and school absolutely did not help that. In middle school I had shorter relationships and got into another fast. I didn’t have many but I had a handful. Thinking back to it, I’m thinking those were just strong emotional connections or just for fun. I had my first long relationship end up of 8th grade. It was close to a year. But it was a bad relationship. In multiple ways. Traumatizing ways. I’m not extremely traumatized. I’m not scared. I only get slight dizziness/fast heart pace if I see him in public but other than that I’m fine. I’ve healed. I had another close to a year long relationship sometime after that too, which was my last one. Everything was decent except for communication. I feel like I haven’t had any healthy relationships before. I’ve known since middle school that I was possibly interested in girls but, to this day, have not dated one. I labeled myself as pansexual for a while. I thought I had a crush on my one coworker towards the end of 2022 but it could’ve been a hyperfixation and joy to have a friend. I don’t have many friend. Or really none at all. Especially none in person. I haven’t for a while. So I feel like whenever I find someone who seems to interact with me as much as I do them, I hyperfixate on them. I also have attachment issues. Whenever a relationship would end, I’d try any way to keep them around. That could’ve been cause I had feelings, or could’ve been my attachment issues. I have bad memory loss, so I cannot recall how I truly felt during my relationships. I might’ve had actual feelings, or I might’ve just had bad hyperfixations mixed with attachment issues. Anyways, when 2020 hit and lockdown was happening, I “found myself”. As in I knew what aesthetics I was going for, and what I was looking for in life. So that raised my standards in people. I’m looking for very specific qualities in both men and women, or anyone I end up talking to. That’s just cause I’m trying to have a specific lifestyle. But the last couple years i decided that I’d try to find a girlfriend as my next relationship instead of a man. Told myself and others it was because I hadn’t had a girlfriend before but knew I was attracted to women. Since I haven’t dated or really talked to any men, or anyone at all, especially romantically, in 4 years, I cannot decide what I’m attracted to anymore. Have I just not talked to anyone in too long that I’ve forgotten? Am I deprived? Am I just scared of men now? To be fair, I think I am a little terrified of the male mind. I know certain men can be sweet, but that’s hard to find. I always see these cute relationships online between a man and woman and I’m like omg I need someone like that and in my mind I think it can only happen with a man. Or that it will be “cuter” or maybe I was thinking even “more conventional”. But also I wouldn’t have to come out to my parents if I found a man. Like I know I could do those things with a girl, but it’s more “aesthetically pleasing” when it’s with a man. Anyways, I think what I’m trying to say is, I can’t tell if I have legitimate feelings for men or if it’s just what society has told me. But that could also just be because I haven’t romantically talked to one in 4 years. I’m unsure if I’m a lesbian or just too scared of men to try them anymore. I tried to read the lesbian manifesto but some things in there didn’t sit right with me and it was confusing overall. I’d rather tell my story, or what I can make out of it, and hear real people’s thoughts on it. Maybe give me outside perspectives that I hadn’t thought of. And if it matters, I only did intimate things with the one bad ex. I had labeled myself as asexual after that because I genuinely had no interest what so ever. But I will say, when a certain picture of a man came on in health class, I did feel like puking. But I think that’s just that as its own. The whole thing. Could just be because so many people talk about how bad with hygiene men are. I can separate the man and the man tho. I can imagine happy scenarios with a man that does not include the man if you understand what I mean? I’m terrible with explaining stuff. Anyways yeah.

Since I started questioning my sexuality, me for me doesn't makes sense anymore, like a switch in my brain, women makes so much more sense to me, but since then I spend all day thinking about it, my mind tells me that I'm going to end up with a man, that I'm forcing my attraction to women, all men I see I test my attraction, and sometimes my mind makes me feel like I want to date them, and it makes me feel bad all day, sometimes I feel strange thinking about women and i feel bad all day again, in the past women for me wasn't a option so my only option was men, I've never dated anyone, but I used to talk to men and I thought I was attracted to them, but everytime they asked me out I panicked and didn't go, or I found I flaw in them and ghosted them, even small flaws, like something on their faces. I've never been with women either. Is normal to feel this way ?

Maybe this is just a total coincidence on my part, but have yall noticed that Women are lot less homophobic than men? Most of the women I have met that are straight conservatives are not homophobic, at least to my face, but conservative men are very open and loud about their homophobia.

Is it just me or is this something yall seen too?

(M-23) So I’ve come to terms with being gay this past year and it has been life changing. I feel like I’ve finally come to terms with myself and feel comfortable in my own skin. Coming out to my therapist and immediate family has been a weight lifted. But now I’ve been feeling lately that I do have attraction towards woman in some way. Backstory: I have always had mostly guy friends growing up and it was easier to be around them and form connections with. I feel this made it easier in my head to feel comfortably attracted to them. Plus I’ve always felt closer to my dad than my mom so that could have an effect of my comfortability levels between a guy and a girl. Growing up I viewed woman for a while as the “end goal” or the right dating path (before I came out to myself). I always felt not good enough for woman or I had to change the way I acted around them. This has caused many failed attempts in relationships with them and feeling constantly insecure (especially during those times not confronting my attraction towards men) and one even called me out for being gay. This eventually put into my head over the past couple of years that I must be gay. I feel naturally comfortable with guys and the reason I couldn’t make it work with woman was because of that. Or so I thought. I still don’t know whether I’m really gay or actually bisexual with trauma experiences with woman and especially my mom who constantly tells me I should be with a girl after coming out to her so it ultimately puts more pressure to be with a girl. This could have potentially made myself build up walls over the idea of being bisexual and repressing my attraction to woman. Cause there are moments where when I feel attracted to woman in a way and could potentially see myself with them but when I do that I get manic and scroll through online posts like “am I bi or gay” and just puts me on overload and eventually go back to tell myself I’m gay as sort of a way to calm me down from it all and ground myself. Almost like my attraction for men is certain and with woman it’s a big question mark that when I open that door of possibility sends me into a spiral. How do I unpack all of these emotions in a safe productive way or should I just go with being gay and just see how I feel later on.

I’ve been questioning for a bit and feel somewhat ready to tell someone that I am at least not totally straight (I think I’m bi). I have a friend who is Omnisexual and I can trust him to not tell anyone or react a ton when I tell him. How would one go about saying they are bi in a gentle fashion.

I was think of during lunch or between classes or something just going “hey man, I got something to tell you but can you please not tell anybody?” When he says sure I say “I think I’m bi, not sure if I really want to talk about it now but I wanted to get it off my chest”.

Fall inlove to my straight friend

Hi! Im gay and i've been inlove to my straight friend for 3 years. And i need advice of u guys. We've been friend for 7 years, we are schoolmates since elementary to secondary and that's how we've known each other. He's one of the most coolest people and friend i have. So fast forward when pandemic hits, we've got more close to each other as we play online games 24/7. In every each game, we are duos. So we were definitely talking to each other every time until 2:00 of the midnight. And it is happenning everyday. So back in 2021, he knows that i aint straight and since we got close to each other, i am suspecting too that he's not also straight. As he's kind of a softboy and he's really really close to gay people. So yeah as we talk always, i fell inlove and confest my feelings to him. I said it to him through chat. He said that he's more cool if we were just friends and it is totally fine if i've fallen inlove with him. At that moment, i thought he's just tryin to be nice to me in chats but irl, he's going to be mad or feel weird around me. After a week of my confession we meet up on a party. We got to look each other eyes, he immediately smiled to me but i did not do the same back as i was so embarassed about my confession. So after eating at the party, i was outside of the party and he followed me. He approached me and said that it is okay to him that i've catched feelings. So long story short— I continued talking to him and also my feelings. Months go by after the confession, we are still talking and my feelings got deeper as he updates me about everything on him and send pictures of him. So yeah even though my feelings got deeper, i did not confess. But i ask him to go out and he says "yes". That date is just so memorable to me. Because it is my first date with my crush (yeah i kinda consider that as not a friendly date. lol im not sure bc im not just into relationship. As that's my first time having, messaging, confessing, to someone). And i really think that for him, it is really a friendly date. Day by day, time and time goes by we're still talking and updating each other not until i was the one who stopped messaging. I stopped because i just feel so embarassed of having to message my crush everyday and yet he did not have the same feelings. That was 2022 when we stopped talking. We were still friends tho, but we're not just messaging each other anymore. We only message occasionaly but i still have the feelings i felt back in 2021 and even up to this day. We even barely meet too, but when we meet, he's still that cool friend who will take care of you or bring u up. I just really love him so much as i never felt those feelings before falling in love to him. He has been one of my inspirations on everything that i do in my life. So the thing is, i want confess again to him on our graduation day? As i am the top performing student in our school and i think he (sort of) deserves some recognition and as praise him, should i tell that i still have feelings for him? Help me pls.

Ps: i still think that he's not really straight. Because back then as his both straight and gay friends who live in our town, they kind of shipping us. To the point that his friends are messaging me to push him to hang out with his friends when he don't want to go outside of the house. They are messaging because they know that we are having our messages and they think we are together. But his cousin which is my friend also, says that he's really straight but only acts as soft boy that is why a lot of people thought he is not straight. Also, inside the 3 years, he have been dating with girls. He posted it in his story that's why im still not sure about his sexuality.

Yeah i think my story is kind of messed up and a hard thing to understand. But pls help me on what should i do. Thanks :)

TRIGGER WARNING: Abuse

Me and this girl have been girlfriends for 3 months after pining over each other for 6. Im her first gf and also the reason why she found out she was officially gay (she was questioning before). Shes actually the most kindest and prettiest girl Ive ever met which is extremely surprising because her mother is borderline psychopathic and it scares the hell out of me. Her homophobia is extremely ridiculous, but she also has very sharp intuition. She said she has a feeling that the two of us were dating even though my gf keeps denying and insisting were just friends, plus shes extremely feminine which helps support her statement.

Her mom assumed that I was gay since Im pretty androgynous from the first time she saw me when she drove my gf to my house, and from there on out, everything went to shit. She always referrs me as 'tibo' which kind of feels like a slur, I'm not sure if it actually is, but it feels really hurtful. Her mom a;sp thinks that Im currently manipulating her to "fall in love with me" and insists to distance herself away from me while still being friends?? She always says that I manipulate her daughter into doing bad stuff and insist that I'm a bad influence. And whenever my gf complains to her about school or something in her life, her mom always spins it back to me and my gayness saying how her world revolves around me, how her coming home late was because she was hanging out with me and not because of her extracurriculars. And even though my gf gives her evidence that she wasn't hanging out with me at all, her mother is still extremely delusional and insists that it was me and spouts homophobic comments about me. Me and my gf barely get any 1 on 1 time and the only time were we can get to hang out is at school, which doesn't feel enough for the both of us.

The one thing that scares and hurts me the most is that if her mom ever finds out that me and my gf are actually dating, shed beat my GF and also me in the process, saying how she'd humiliate me in public for influencing her daughter. Her mom also says that she hasn't beaten her recently which is probably why I've been easily 'influencing' her, and its really sad. My gf also says how sometimes her mom would repeatedly say she'd kill me, which isn't possible but still scary. This honestly puts the thought of breaking up with her at the corner of my mind always. I don't wanna risk my gf of even more pain because of me and my gender, and even though I promised her that Id stay and work it out.. I just.. cant see a future with it being like this, with her mom calling me slurs, threatening me, banning her from seeing me outright, and hiding me.. I don't like that. But I feel so selfish, shes the sweetest ever and I love her so much, I don't wanna bring her anymore pain, but her mom has such a grip on everything it feels so restricting. I promised her that I would stay with her but the situation feels so bleak. This would be so much easier if we were in a heterosexual relationship, but we're not. Her mother will always be like this, and it'd take YEARS to change her mind, and by the time she does, she would've probably forced us apart by then.

Its such a culture shock since normally Im surrounded by accepting people, but now that Im faced with actual homophobia, it sends a pain into my heart that Ive never felt before. I just wanna hear other people's insights about this.

I (21f) have been having some troubles with my sexuality lately and I have had a hard time rationalizing it or coming to any solution. There aren't really any people I can talk to about it. I've been lesbian for pretty much as long as I can remember. All my crushes have been girls, I've only really been interested in girls and even when I have that really weird dream where you live your entire life and marry someone (only to wake up and be sad), that spouse is always a woman. So.. definitely lesbian. Except, I've become very close to one of my best friends, who is a guy. I don't know if it's because I haven't been in a relationship for a long time but on occasion I'd just imagine myself doing romantic things, holding hands, pretty innocent stuff. I figured it was harmless and that it was simply because I missed being in a relationship. However things got complicated when he actually confessed that he had grown feelings for me. It came as a shock but we talked about it and I let him down as gentle as I could, but I felt awful. Truly awful. I've had people confess to me before and I could just let them down gently and move on, stay friends, all good. but I don't know if it's because I know him much better than all the other people, but it really hurt me and made me question my entire sexuality. There's a part of me that wanted to say yes, and that's the part that I don't understand at all. I don't find men all that appealing and in terms of sex I don't think I'd ever feel really happy in a relationship with a guy. But there's still that romantic side that's stabbing at my heart and I'm really confused. I genuinely can't make sense of it.

On one side I want to say yes to a relationship that is most likely never going to work out and we'd probably both be unhappy in, but on the other side it really makes me sad to say no and really hurts and I don't know why. I feel like my brain and heart have become tangled. In the end I decided to follow my gut and try to let him down gently and move on together as friends, but I just really don't understand why it hurts me this much. Any advice is greatly appreciated. thank you

I’m 28 and came out two years ago to my family when I was 26. I’ve been in the closet my whole life up until then. My only real true relationship was when I was 12-13 years old with a girl. We were with each other for almost two years on and off until she left me for another guy. I guess that’s where my insecurities started. When she left me for another guy, that completely destroyed my confidence and who I was. I thought maybe I was ugly and unworthy. I thought maybe I’d never find love again and I’ll just be alone forever. It took me forever to get over her. I mainly shifted my mind and focus onto my schooling and career for about 12-14 years. I didn’t put myself out there. I didn’t speak to anyone.

I hadn’t been in a relationship for over 15 years. I knew I was into boys since the 3rd grade, I never acted on it, I never told anyone, I just kept it to myself. When I was 26 years old, curious little me started scrolling through reddit and found local men looking for sex. Guess what I did? I met with a few men, and started really exploring my sexuality.

At first it was just me having sex with randoms, nothing more. I didn’t catch feelings, I didn’t really feel any sort of romantic feelings. Until I met this guy one day on here. Let’s just name him “M.”

M was 24 at the time and I was 26. We met one night and he blew me. Nothing more than that, but he was very comforting, and I found some sort of attraction or feelings towards him so I pursued him, even though I didn’t know wtf I was doing. We met some more and started to know each other. We went on dates, I slept over his house, we made out and held hands, and then I realized I was starting to like this guy. Little me who was insecure, who was still in the closet, and hadn’t been in a relationship in over 15 years started to develope feelings for a man.

One day he decided it was better that we’d be friends. That broke me because I didn’t know why. Was there something wrong with me? Am I ugly? And I unworthy? It broke me for a few weeks, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t work, I just slept all day. I would message him and bother him and he would just ignore me. Then one day, he decided to meet with me and told me there was someone else. That also broke me because it brought me back to feeling unworthy and insecure base on my relationship 15 years ago. It broke me so bad I decided to come out to my family. My 8 siblings and close friends. I guess I was stupid because I thought coming out would help me gain confidence and help me find “love.”

Here I am two years later struggling to find love. Finding myself on Grindr and sniffies hooking up with randoms. I did meet a few possible people but it never got anywhere, there was just no spark. Even though I did find some that I did liked so much, it just never worked. Crazy enough M and I started dating a year after he told me there was someone else but he decided to ghost me after a few months.

I’m just constantly finding myself dealing with heartbreak. I only ever liked 4 people since I’ve came out but been on so many dates and random hookup, It almost feels impossible.

I’m over this hookup culture and over liking people who doesn’t like me back. I just feel so heartbroken inside and alone. I feel lonely and feel there’s no hope for me. It sucks because I just don’t like anyone, I try and try but I can’t connect with anyone. People I like seem to not like me and people who like me I seem to not like.

I’ve been single for 15 years. I miss the constant cuddling and the constant companionship. I’m ready to settle down and meet a lifelong partner. I want to wake up with them every morning and do little errands together. To go on trips and dates and see the world with each other. I find that on weekends I’m lonely and would open Grindr and meet people to only really hookup and be disappointed. I just feel so discouraged and hopeless.

Is bisexual more than sexual attraction?

I’ve been questioning and people in this app have told me due to the nature of my attraction that I’m not bisexual. I don’t know what I am. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I feel like I’m all alone. I just want to accept myself and be happy. What am I? I can’t deal with it.

For context; I (male) could see myself in a relationship and being sexually attracted to women. For men it’s a bit more complicated. I couldn’t see myself in a relationship with a man or having sex with one (I find genitals to be repulsive) but I am attracted to men. Some men I find to be incredibly hot and arousing, like I want to stare at them and kiss them all day. I get non romantic crushes on certain people (I am aware it’s confusing, I’m confused myself).

The weird part is I am still attracted to and aroused by men even though I want nothing to do with male genitalia or romance with a man.

Is bisexuality more than just binary sexual attraction? Even if I don’t want sex with a man but I’m still attracted to them in a non romantic way am I valid as a queer person? And I know labels aren’t needed but in my head I need a label to define myself. I know I’m not straight but I don’t fit it anyways. I’m too gay for straight and too straight for gay.

I’m tired

I’m on the verge of tears

I feel alone

What am I?

I just want to be accepted.

Hi, I’m 22 and have finally started to explore my sexuality. I’ve only ever had relationships with women, but recently I’ve been in a very confusing situation.

Back in August of last year I met a guy (60) on Scruff and we started chatting here and there. FaceTimed once to get to know each other because he lives in Chicago and I’m in Detroit. He visits here to see his family. From December to today we’ve talked about everyday either by text or FaceTiming and I’ve developed some real feelings. He’s told me things like “we have a real connection” and he “cares about me” and canceled plans to FaceTime me.

In February we met up finally and it was amazing. After that I told him my feelings and he said there could never be a relationship between us due to our age gap and distance. It broke me, and he tells me about his books up and it feels like a stab to my heart every time. I’ve been trying to ignore it due to my feelings for him though.

We met up last week for the third time and it went further than oral sex. After we just laid in bed together for a few hours just talking. It was amazing. Eventually he said “this has been fun in a different way” and I’m not sure what he meant by that. Part of me feels like he has feelings for me but won’t admit them due to the previous reasons. But since he’s been back home he’s been taking forever to respond or leaving me on read.

I don’t know what to do, I’ve fallen for this guy and it’s tearing me apart. Just any advice would help

Can I share some Trans Joy? 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSFQv5M8k/

Hey everyone,

I've spent my lift a bit scared of talking to straight cis men and I don't know why. Here's a puzzler for you: why does it sometimes feel like talking to straight cis men is like navigating a minefield for us gay guys? Is there a secret handshake I didn't get the memo on?

​

What's your take on breaking the ice with our straight counterparts? 🤔🌈

content warning: involves mentions of abuse of minors

I’m tired of this stuff… I was on grindr talking to a guy when he just randomly starts talking about how he wants his (underage) son to be involved. of course, I got out of there as fast as I could, but not before questioning him a little bit. anyways, he blocked me before I could report him or do anything about it, and I tried to tell somebody else who I thought I knew on there and was cussed out. as of now, I have no response from anybody at grindr, and the only stuff I got from the community was hostile towards me because apparently I’m the a**hole for being appalled by somebody trying to bring their very young son into that.

I’m pretty heavily sleep deprived (posting this at 3am) and shell-shocked from the whole experience, so this is about the least coherent thing I could write about it, but I just don’t understand why people have to be this way. I love my identity as pan and I don’t want to have to hide it, but people like that are ruining these things for everyone, and I want nothing to do with a group that encourages that behavior.

Mods, if you take this down, I get it, I’m not sure where to post it but I needed to rant.

Edit/update: Thank you all for your responses. I did end up contacting the appropriate authorities today. I didn’t have a lot of the guy’s info but hopefully they’ll be able to identify him. I was really out of it when I was writing this last night, but now that I’ve had a chance to think about it, I realize I underplayed it big-time. Between the two encounters I had with this guy he described three different kids that were “his” (which I know almost for sure wasn’t true considering he claimed to be 19). I have substantial evidence and I really hope that the authorities are able to make sure the kids are safe.

Hi there,

I'm sure this question may get asked a lot. I'm 28 (F) and have been in a relationship for nearly 11 years with my college sweetheart. He's 37 (M) He's completely straight, but knows I like girls as well as boys. I have always known from a very young age that I liked girls. Mu first crush was my female best friend in school, but never really went through with pursing girls in teenage years/adulthood. I have had only relationships with guys, but have had sexual relations with a girl in the past, and really enjoyed it.

I think some male celebs are attractive but if i could hypothetically date them i dont think i'd do anything sexually with them, i think its more admiration of them. But I really cannot see me in the long run being with a guy. I get jealous when I see two women together and happy being in love on socials and feel like maybe I'm missing out. I imagine at times, being intimate with a girl and how amazing that is or that I'd be an old lady with a wife or female partner and can't shake these thoughts that come and go, where I think oh maybe I am gay and I'm hiding it really well.

My partner has playfully teased me in the past, but can't help but thinks I may be gay. I feel like I'd be the last to know. I don't really have many friends who are LGBT who I can confide in, so I turn to the Internet to see if anyone may have gone through the same thing or can give me some advice.

I wouldn’t say accepting my sexuality was too difficult but more so I think understanding it while being a committed monogamous heterosexual relationship has been. Especially since I’ve never experienced being with a man. She knows and is accepting of my sexuality, we can joke about it and she’s great sexually., I know deep down I can’t lose her. She’s absolutely terrific and I plan on marrying her.

Lately tho I’ve been craving men more than before and have been on Reddit (too much and I need to stop cus I don’t wanna lose here and I don’t do anything than chat.) but I was wondering how you stop the urges or how ur arrangement with ur partner works

Dating feels terrible. I've been trying to date for a few years now and it just hasn't been successful. I had a good number of first dates, but I can count the number of second dates on one hand and anything after that is just out of the question. It feels like I'm just an unwanted person.

I'm genderfluid, 27. It absolutely feels like people don't want someone like me. People want someone who's always going to be one presentation, one gender. It feels like I might actually get a date if I pretend I'm just a cis guy or a trans girl. Maybe then someone might actually care.

I keep putting myself out there. I'm on pretty much every dating app, I go out to events all the time trying to meet new people, I'm social and have plenty of hobbies. It just doesn't lead to anything. No matter what I do, when people start to get to know me, they don't like me. I went to a speed dating event this past weekend and I ended up getting zero matches out of it. Turns out, I just suck too much for anyone at the event to want to go on a date with me.

My life feels like that old adage: "if everywhere you go you smell shit, check the bottom of your shoe." I'm the common denominator with all these interactions, so it has to be that I'm just a terrible person who no one would want.

It's just very difficult to date as a queer person. It's making me feel like trash and I'm getting so demoralized. Feels like no one will ever want someone like me. I'm tired and lonely and the only conclusion I can come to is that I just suck.