/r/ainbow

Photograph via //r/ainbow

A free area for the discussion of issues facing those who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and all other sexual or nonsexual orientations and/or gender identities. Post links to articles, self-posts, photographs, experiences and whatever else is important to your experience of queer life. We encourage you to treat others with respect, start and/or engage in robust discussion and interact with the community. The more we know each other, the better we'll get along.

  1. A free area for the discussion of issues facing those who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and all other sexual or nonsexual orientations and/or gender identities. Post links to articles, self-posts, photographs, experiences and whatever else is important to your experience of queer life. We encourage you to treat others with respect, start and/or engage in robust discussion and interact with the community. The more we know each other, the better we'll get along.

    Like chat? Use Discord?

    Join the /r/ainbow discord here!

    Want flair?

    Get it up top ⇧ by clicking the (edit) button!
    Don't know the flags? We have these available:

    • Rainbow flag
    • Transgender flag
    • Bisexual flag
    • Asexual flag
    • Genderqueer/androgynous flag
    • Pansexual flag
    • Ally flag

    In the box below the flag grid, you can set custom text for your flair! You can put whatever you like; explain what the flag means to you, tell us where you're from, what you like, whatever! Note: if someone hasn't specified custom text, you won't see anything by their flag.

    We also have spliced versions of the trans and genderqueer flags (thanks, WTFcannuck!), for those with dual citizenship. Choose whatever flag feels right; this isn't an ID card, it's just a fun way to show your colors.

    Want these flags on your subreddit? They're open source! Check out the /r/ainbow flair on github.

    A note on moderation

    Comments and/or posts that threaten violence (including threats of self-harm, which will be reported to the admins immediately), incite violence, expose personal information about others without their consent, or contain illegal content will be removed. Please use the "report" button on only these types of posts. Contact the moderators if a post/comment has been removed in error.

    As of July 2015 we are piloting a new guideline; until we have more precise language, please don't be an asshole. Free expression can only happen when everyone in the community feels empowered to contribute, and behaviors that disempower and silence do more to create an echo chamber than even the heavy-handedest of moderator actions. If you are acting like an asshole to a member of this community, the moderators reserve the right to extend a seven-day temporary ban as a cooling off measure.


    TL;DR: Report posts that are low effort trolls, homophobic/transphobic, extremely NSFW posts, brigades, discord/chat links, advertisements, spam, and surveys without a moderator comment on them.


    /r/ainbow wiki


    Related Subreddits (WIP)

    R/AINBOW CHAT

    /r/ainbow

    178,051 Subscribers

    8

    My schoolmate is confusing me

    My schoolmate is well-educated, fit, unmarried, no relationship, and no children in his late 30's. This "straight" schoolmate has taken me out to the movies and dinner twice. The first time we sat side by side in reclining seats and he didn't make any advances. This guy is presumed to be straight; he has made comments about guys better not flirting with him and talks about f_ng women all the time. However, he asks me personal questions about the type of women that I like. I haven't informed him of my sexuality, but I think he knows. Also, I've been to his house several times, but nothing has transpired. We have watched movies together. Each time I leave, he text to make sure I got home safe...It's hard to explain but I'm getting mixed signals. I don't know what to think!

    11 Comments
    2024/06/19
    13:51 UTC

    0

    What’s your favorite NSFW Amateur Gay Twitter (X) account?

    My personal favorite for NSFW gay Twitter is - OceansAnon - he's an amateur new account who post regularly, any other suggestions?

    3 Comments
    2024/06/19
    05:40 UTC

    0

    What options are there?

    I just wound up in a predicament here, or rather I'm sure many people will wind up in this predicament.

    So basically, I have stuck to Firefox for so long, because well, the main FOSS alternative is Brave, which is run by CEO Brendan Eich, who is a Prop 8 donor and rabid covid denier. But, just in the past week or so, Mozilla proved they're horrible too. They tried to fire their CPO, just for getting a cancer diagnosis. So it's like, what options exist at this point?!

    Vivaldi is reasonably privacy supporting and has no undesirable political stances, but is closed source. Various Firefox forks exist like LibreWolf, Waterfox, etc, but are unavailable on iOS.

    For clarification, yeah, for me, being Open Source is a huge bonus, and while not an immediate no for me, being closed source is a sizable negative.

    Edit: the receipts that show that Mozilla is not really deserving of patronage either

    https://archive.org/details/jyjfub/page/1/mode/1up?view=theater

    Main way it's rainbow related is that for many Firefox users, Brave will seem like the natural alternative. What is a way to say that it isn't the best option. Many will even argue that if you disable all the crypto stuff it really doesn't financially benefit Brave software either.

    5 Comments
    2024/06/19
    05:27 UTC

    4

    Bored

    Anyone want to chat or talk about how pride is going or whatever hmu.

    0 Comments
    2024/06/18
    22:18 UTC

    22

    Xenophobia vs homophobia (? For lack of a better title)

    Hi,

    First, I really am trying to enter this discussion in an open-minded matter, hoping to be educated myself, so please don’t think I’m trying to come across as offensive or hateful. I just need a place to voice my thoughts with other people in the LGBTQ+ community who can offer some guidance respectfully.

    So for context, I had a therapy appointment yesterday that opened up the discussion about realizing that, my initial reaction to homophobia suddenly turned xenophobic and transformed into a toxic mindset. Please let me explain.

    So I’m based in the lower mainland of British Columbia, Canada, which I’d like to think is a bit more progressive than other places in Canada and the rest of the world. More so, I attend a fairly popular university. At this start of June, with the beginning of Pride month, the university shared some posts on their social media platform about welcoming in Pride month, inclusivity, yada yada yada positivity, which is great IMO. But I was surprised at the amount of hate comments under these Pride posts, and furthermore at the amount of people actually liking these hateful comments. Now, I said this out loud to my therapist yesterday that I know this is my fault; I realize how much of a bubble I’m in in my everyday life, with my environment/support system/friends/family being so welcoming of me being gay. I can’t begin to even fathom what it’s like to be in the closet nowadays, (I am not in the closet anymore. I am out and proud. And one of the many privileges I know I have is being straight passing.), let alone be in any sort of negative space just for being queer. Anyways, with this realization of actually how many homophobes were liking the hateful comments under the university’s pride posts- I suddenly assumed that there were that many homophobes that actually currently attend the same university I do, (because honestly, why should I think otherwise? They should be following the account because they attend the school in the first place, right?). And so without a hint of doubt, I actually clicked and scrolled through who liked the homophobic comments. This part, I don’t know if people actually realized that their identities were out in the open, but they were. And upon looking at each of these person’s bios, it was confirmed that they were students from that university, and I suddenly made the assumption then confirmed that these were international students, based on some of them actually stating their original locations/countries they were from/languages they shared.

    I explained to my therapist how I talked about this issue to a friend who is currently an international student themselves, from Central Asia. And I told this friend about how upset I was that there are actually a lot of homophobes upon us at this university in this day and age, in western Canada. And this friend responded back that as much as it sucks, it’s because of their home country’s culture and just what they know. Especially those from Central Asia, the Middle East, etc. And that I shouldn’t take it personally because there will always be homophobes in the world.

    I know that this friend’s intentions were meant well, but I was still so upset that my thoughts suddenly turned into; “How dare these people come here to Canada, to a place where gay rights exist, and be actively against everything I stand for within the LGBTQ+ community.” So, I voiced exactly that to my therapist. But I also knew in that moment and checked myself in front of my therapist that this is so xenophobic. But what the hell do I do about this conflict?! I’m so lost. I myself am a first generation immigrant, so the mere thought of being fearful and hateful to foreigners makes me just as sick. (However, for what it’s worth, the country I originated from is no better, is within South East Asia and is just as homophobic.)

    Going back to the homophobes liking hate comments on the university’s social media, I know that homophobia has no direct correlation to international students, and that anyone local or international or anywhere else can be just as homophobic, xenophobic, racist, etc. and all of the other things.

    But another thing that I dare ask, what else do I do? Is it so bad to think that I’d rather be xenophobic in the context of homophobes, and rather that than deal with a homophobe threatening my rights as a gay person in this country? If the answer is a clear ‘yes that it’s bad’, how else can I realign my morals? What perspective can I look at this through?

    Please help:(

    Any respectful advice is welcome, and if you’ve read this far, thank you thank you thank you.

    6 Comments
    2024/06/18
    20:48 UTC

    8

    unsure

    Hello! :)

    I took to Reddit for this because I don’t really have anybody else to confide in about it. I just wanted an outside opinion on it, I guess. So, I’m a guy, and for the last several years I’ve thought of myself as gay or at the very least not attracted to women, but recently I’m not very sure. I think I constructed this box of what I needed to be and who I was because it made it easier to understand myself at the time but I’m just outgrowing that box.

    It’s something that I’d like to learn more about, to understand myself better, but as odd as it sounds I am not sure how my family would react. They were all so certain I was gay that when I “came out”, so to speak, it was immediately accepted as true, even though a lot of them weren’t happy. I don’t think they’d believe me even if it turned out I wasn’t gay, but I don’t know.

    I also don’t want the family members that said I would “grow out of it” to think that they’re right, because they’re not. I’m very much so attracted to men, it’s just that if you asked me four years ago if I was interested in women I would have given you an insistent no, whereas now it’s more of an I don’t know.

    I just wanted some outside opinion, has anyone else experienced something like this?

    3 Comments
    2024/06/18
    19:20 UTC

    2

    Question

    Who many people identify with queer for talk about their sexuality ???

    I see that 2% of the LGBTQ community identify with queer.

    6 Comments
    2024/06/18
    11:49 UTC

    5

    Just need some support

    Got lots of things going through my head

    Firstly I want to come out to my friends, but I’m worried they will take it wrong.

    I have a ton of lgbtq friends. Basically, everyone in my friend group is queer or ace/aro in some way. I am bi and greyromantic. However I am not romantically attracted to the same sex, which is where the issue lies. I’m worried that if I come out to my friends, they will expect me to get a boyfriend, which I’m not interested in doing. I just feel like it would be awkward to specify to them, especially since I don’t think many of them will understand that you can be bi without being romantically attracted to multiple sexes.

    I struggle to accept this myself, what makes me think they will. I’m just terrified I’ll never be comfortable with myself enough to stop worrying about all this. I constantly think that I am invalid and a fraud.

    I feel like an outsider. All the hi people I know would live to date a member of the same sex, and I have no I eyes which makes me feel far less accepting of myself.

    Any advice?

    2 Comments
    2024/06/18
    05:55 UTC

    7

    Update to my last post about my therapy, seeking advice.

    It's been alot of weeks weeks since my parents sent me to our church's therapy sessions because I told them about my sexual thoughts about other girls and how I felt like I may be attracted to other girls or even wanted to be a man somsetimes. I've been stuck at this place for days on end, forced to do stuff like working outside (in louisiana summer, btw!), cleaning the church, and constantly praying and repenting to God about how I'm cursed and how I need to leave my lesbian thoughts away. Today, I was gripped on the arm by one of the church ladies for faking my prayers, I still have the scar as I write this tonight, it's turned into a whole bruise that makes it hard for me to turn my arm at some angle. Other kids looked all sad and depressed, and they say we really can't do much because it's kinda legal in my state.

    I made friends with a girl here at the church, and she says that she's been scratching and clawing herself after a few weeks of being here. I haven't done anything like that, but sometimes I have intrusive thoughts about running away to my aunt and cousin and Texas (my cousin is lesbian, and I think they'd accept me maybe?). My parents tell me it's for my own good and that I'll have a terrible life and maybe be killed if I don't go to church and get myself cure.

    I love my church and I love the people here and my family, but I just don't get why they treat me and other people so badly just because of our thoughts, honestly. Maybe I'm really am unnatural or sinful. I'm not so sure, but so far, I just feel the worst I've ever been in years.

    6 Comments
    2024/06/18
    04:48 UTC

    5

    Restarting (again?)

    Long story, but maybe relatable, I’m 29(m) and something lit under my ass to really dive back to my life with creating new goals in love, work, environment. In 2020 I was in a fast serious relationship with someone I did not see myself with in the future. We stayed together since living in California(home state) was starting to go up in rent significantly. We both had our own issues with drinking, cheating, and it ended badly. I picked up the pieces by moving to panhandle Florida where my parents relocated for work 6 years prior, at 26 turning 27 and now we’re here 2024 at 29. I’m sober close to two years, maliable career that’s easy to move with if I’m okay with building from the ground up. I quintessentially did that when I moved to FLA however I felt like my life ended there with sobriety, dating, and relearning who I am. Slowly..

    I’m approaching 30 next year, and where I at I could live comfortably in my own place, maybe even buy. I could go on being in the comfort of what I know. The dating scene is dismal, the sobriety I have here is strong, and I’ve made good close friends. I AM grateful, but something in me knows I could do more. After recently dealing with some gay bashing, some failed dates, and the need to be where I can see new fun memories being created I’d like to move again. The only person who is holding myself back is me and my subconscious knowing I want to move the right way. Disappearing isn’t going to make life ups and downs go away; however being happy in a city with more growing opportunities at work sounds promising. I could relocate back to California(easiest with connections) or say fuck it move to a new city. (Tampa or ATL)

    I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or some similar stories about restarting. It’s a trip to be at the end of my 20s and feel like I’m 25 still in my head. Thank you!

    0 Comments
    2024/06/17
    20:56 UTC

    2

    A Near Miss! 🤦🏾‍♂️

    Sooo I was in Target shopping and this guy walks by. I’m facing the items on the shelf and instead of him saying, “excuse me”, he says, “Hi, how are you?” in this soft yet confident tone. Im thinking he was talking to someone else because my back was facing him but when I looked around, I saw it was just him and I in the aisle. So looking over my should to make eye contact, I say, “I’m good, how are you?” he responds saying, “I’m doing good 🙂” with the most cutest fearless yellow-band-braces smile lol. I froze up, I couldn’t believe something so majestic was standing in front of me. He continued shopping next to me, so close it was like the universe was yelling, "Are you going to say something?!" and so I was just lost of words, I didn’t know what to say because it caught me smooth off guard but I didn’t want to loose this moment in case it can evolve into something. The moment I finally thought of something to say, he walks away 😞. He walked away slow like a dream. Face palm! 🤦🏾‍♂️. It’s like he slipped out of my hands cuz I waited to long lol. Although I believe the Creator of the Universe gives us unlimited opportunities, this moment taught me that it is important for us to take action and not think so much. And have an eye to see opportunities as they come. ✨

    0 Comments
    2024/06/17
    15:28 UTC

    33

    I will never understand

    You know I would have thought that in my 51 years of life that parents would’ve started learning better by now. I cannot understand why it’s so difficult to love a child regardless of their gender their sexuality or whatever here in 2024 we should be accepting people as they are, especially our children. Why is it most parents believe if their child is gay or trans or anything like that that they have somehow done something wrong that they didn’t raise them right?

    I was in Walmart earlier today and sadly they have only one little display of pride merchandise but this boy probably 11 or 12 years old if I had to guess wanted something from the display I believe it was a pride flag, but I’m not 100% positive what I am positive about is the dressing down verbally that his father and mother both gave him right there in the middle of the store. They gave him the whole. My child is not gonna be gay speech. We raised you better than that. It absolutely made me sick.

    I know the parents that need to see this probably won’t but I’m gonna say this anyway as a parent and even though I’m a gay man, I do have two daughters both grown but as a parent, our job is to love and nurture our children. we should never tear down our children based on who they love or who they are instead we should encourage our children to be the individuals we raise them to be.

    I will never understand how a parent can turn their back on their child and kick them out of their house just because they’re part of the LGBTQIA community. It’s sickens me that in our current society we st I will never understand how a parent can turn their back on their child and kick them out of their house just because they’re part of the LGBTQIA community. It’s sickens me that in our current society we still have families that operate that way. I’ll have families that operate that way.

    2 Comments
    2024/06/16
    19:15 UTC

    80

    What’s your opinion on hiring a scort?

    For straight men is super common to hire a female scort but I feel like for gay men is like a taboo or something more controversial.

    I’m 28, 5’8, and 150lb/68kg, I think I fell into the skinny fat category. If I go into a hookup app or a club is not hard for me to get some action but being honest since a couple years ago I got a taste on hiring these kind of service, it’s just easy, if I’m stressed, really in the mood and no one is available or just found some really hot guy going through those pages where they offer themself I dont doubt on doing it but i feel at least in the gays around me it would look bad if they know i do it while around my straight friends they talk about like the most normal and casual thing

    So what do you think about it? Why it's controversial for gay men and not for straigh ones?

    58 Comments
    2024/06/16
    18:26 UTC

    10

    Straight coworker

    I have a straight coworker that treats me really romantic, he tells me love, tells me that he loves me, i am getting really confused. I have a partner and he has a girlfriend. Have this happen to you?

    8 Comments
    2024/06/15
    21:35 UTC

    6

    My story for pride

    hi everyone, hope you all are having a good day and are staying cool assuming it’s hot for you are it’s 95° here where I’m at so it’s hard to stay cool but doing the best I can.

    I wanted to take this opportunity to share my story for pride. I think it’s important if we can to share a little bit about our past so that others can see where we came from and how we survived to show them that it can be done so in the next few sentences I’m going to share my story about when I came out and what I’ve been through.

    like most of you all my life my parents had always told me I could be anything I wanted to be and I could love who I wanted to love as long as I was happy. I came to realize when I was 13 though that that didn’t mean I could love , another boy. When I told my parents that I liked boys instead of girls, the fight was on. Turns out they were extremely homophobic. Hell I would imagine trans phobic, and everything else too, but I digress.

    when my father realized I was not going to back down about being gay, I was promptly turned out on the streets. I will not go into a lot of detail, but I will say when you live on the streets, you do what you have to do to make money and survive . Luckily, a cousin of mine found out what was going on and her family was willing to take me in so I was only homeless for a couple of months.

    I finish school got a job and did the best I could for myself. Life was not easy, but I was not going back in the closet. My parents and I did mend the fences enough to be civil, but they never accepted me.

    I tell this story because I want people to understand just because there’s nothing wrong with being LGBTQIA it does not mean everybody in our life will accept us. My parents and I can tolerate each other, but that’s as far as it goes. I made a new family with friends and others. I met along the way, so I’m never alone.

    I don’t want you to think I’m telling this story get you to go ahead and come out of the closet that is not my intention. Everybody has to determine when is the right time for them. I do want you to know that when you do come out of the closet if your family doesn’t except you, it’s not the end of the world you have others like myself and people here in this Reddit that are willing to help you and listen to you and guide you along your way.

    If you need someone to talk to, I am here please feel free to DM me if you would like to talk.

    0 Comments
    2024/06/15
    20:28 UTC

    61

    Boyfriend wants to move out

    My boyfriend of almost three years moved in with me last year. We almost got a new place together but I changed plans last minute. He’s been upset with me ever since (this week). He now has decided that he wants to live solo for a while (he has never lived alone) before we make the next step in our relationship. He wants to experience relying on himself for his happiness instead of us/me. Is this normal in gay couples or traditional couples in general?

    22 Comments
    2024/06/15
    19:43 UTC

    8

    what to expect from a pride event?

    hey- was thinking of going to a pride event this year for the first time, but im completely unsure what to expect and sort of want to know the general vibe before making any plans what sort of stuff tends to be there/happen? would appreciate any experiences, tips, advice etc., both positive and negative!

    8 Comments
    2024/06/15
    14:17 UTC

    24

    16 Children Killed by Restrictions on Trans Youth Healthcare

    0 Comments
    2024/06/15
    13:56 UTC

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