How to deal with a coworker who says women at work "turn on her" and thinks I dislike her talking to my fiance?

I'm 31F, she is 32. She works a support role as a porter in a shop where my bf and I are both mechanics. I like her. She wants to me a mechanic too so I want to be kind and supportive. She seems to really like talking to me. I generally like talking to her.

But, she has some funny ideas about men and women, calling unaccountable men "feminine" but also criticizing all of them for "low empathy". Recently, we had a prickly interaction re: quack medicine which she mistook as me being embarrassed my bf mentioned a UTI to her. After, she apparently told him she thought I might be mad he was talking to her because she is female. Uh...nope. hadn't even thought about it like that. I talk nasty shop with men all day and no one ever thinks about it like that. I kinda forgot that was a thing. Talk to him all you want, he can talk about my UTI if it's relevant, I don't really care since I joke about weirder personal stuff. Just don't bother me with unscientific advice.

It didn't really occur to me to be threatened. Does she like to be thought of that way? Has she worked with super crazy gals or is it her? Who knows.

She has mentioned she's enjoying the "honeymoon" phase of the job where she is still a shiny new thing, and that the women will turn on her first, and then "the feminine men who are into those women" but the "masculine men" won't turn on her. She says she has always had male friends and women turn on her in workplaces and at church. She has mentioned her husband feels weird about her talking to (all male but me) mechanics all day.

Can I reasonably keep being supportive and social with this lady? She treats me like her girltalk island in the storm, and I often feel that way too. But I'm frankly worried about what ideas she's going to get about people. I've had friends before who thought pretty weird made-up shit about me (past example: I didn't help her study because I want ther to fail, rather than I didn't help her study because I like to go home and I wasnt planning to study), and I feel like this coworker is high risk for that sort of thing.

Advice for trying to keep things sane between us? I like talking to her and I would love for her to become a technician too. If I "keep it professional" that's basically a snub because the shop is very friendly and talkative. But I have let things go too far with this type before and I want to figure out how to be clearer and set some better boundaries before it gets out of hand and I HAVE to "keep it professional"

I hope this is an ok place to ask this.

Alright, so here’s the situation:

We don’t have sex very often, but I’ve become acutely aware that when we do, her vagina will develop this very pungent smell that I can only describe as mildewy. Probably important context: I almost always finish in her vagina. So, this smell lasts for 3-4 days. I can smell it through clothes when we’re out. I can smell it in the bathroom for like 15 minutes after she uses it. It’s really gross to me. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she does not believe me and gets understandably upset because no one likes to be told they stink.

Hygiene-wise she does…ok. She’s overweight, so she sweats a lot and it gets trapped in her butt. When this happens, obviously it gets real funky after a couple days. Might be related, might not. She showers every other day, everything she uses is hypoallergenic and natural because she’s allergic to a lot of common shampoo and soap products. After sex she wipes down with wet wipes, sits and pees, all the typical things to prevent UTIs. She does have a hormonal IUD. Unfortunately, I don’t have much context for how she smelled before she started birth control. I seem to remember her smelling a lot less though. I used to be able to go down on her, and I don’t recall having any issues; I should say this could also be unrelated correlation because I wasn’t ever finishing inside at the time.

I understand the vagina is self cleaning (I’m reminded every time I bring this up), and I get smells being stronger during menstruation, but is there something not being done that could be prevent this from happening in the first place? Any suggestions for dealing with it when it does happen? She is supremely confident that she is doing everything possible, and that the smell is either not real or natural. I am not above being wrong, but I am really hoping for some input from other women.

Sorry for the word salad, I know there’s so many variables and I’m trying to give context. Advice appreciated for how to word this in conversation as well!

My ex and I dated for 2 years in high school (~10 years ago). We remained close friends after breaking up for college, with her often coming to me for support after breakups despite me being in relationships. This dynamic continued until recently.

About 45 days ago, when we were both single, I expressed having feelings for her. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship (she'd been cheated on 5 months prior) but wanted to "leave the door open for the future." I knew she had a recent fling, but she told me there was nothing there.

A week later, I discovered she'd flown out to see this "fling" again, which was twice in a month. When I confronted her about feeling misled, she called me controlling and said she was "allowed to have flings." I explained I didn't question her right to date, but felt she'd downplayed the situation to keep me as an option. She said I was acting like a "third parent" and needed to "set me free." I tried to apologize and save the friendship, but she blocked me while I admittedly overwhelmed her with my attempts to fix things (I probably tried to call her 50 times, it was waaaay to much, I was feeling a lot of hurt over this.)

The blocking situation became complicated. Initially, we both had each other blocked. A week or two later, she unblocked me first. When I eventually unblocked her (after processing my feelings), she immediately blocked me again. I've left her unblocked to avoid holding onto resentment.

Most recently, I was home for the holidays and went running in my old neighborhood. She drove by me (taking a route that was clearly out of her way, passing my parents' house) and made an awkward expression but didn't acknowledge me. She still has me blocked everywhere.

I'm confused by her contradictory behavior. She plays blocking/unblocking games, drives by to possibly see me while maintaining blocks, calls me controlling while monitoring my presence, and sets firm boundaries but doesn't fully stick to them. It's been a month since our fallout. While I understand people process things differently, her mixed signals are hard to interpret. I want to address things maturely but can't force a conversation she's unwilling to have.

I guess I’m looking for some perspective on all this, it feels very frustrating to me and I’m kinda wrestling with a lot of confusion in regards to this. I’m still feeling hurt, but she feels so avoidant whereas I just want to address it. I know I need to continue to respect the boundary of the block, but it’s been a month and her action feels like it’s not proportional to the issue. To cut off your first love and a decade long friendship feel extreme, it feels like something to at least talk about it in a less emotional state. But it’s been a month and I’m giving up hope on getting that conversation. Even if that conversation ends in a permanent goodbye, or a reconciliation, or just opens a future dialogue, I think anything would be better than this stonewall block. But her actions still seem to keep me tethered, because it seems like she still cares and wants me to think she’s doesn’t.

Anyways, any advice on my situation and what I should do would be really appreciated. At this point I’m just at a loss at what to do or how I can understand this.

How should I handle my wife not being honest about her approach to sex in a relationship?

When my wife and I got to know each other and we realised things could get serious, I set a few expectations, because I had some bad experiences in a past relationship and wanted to be fair and open, for us not to realise we are not a good fit years later. One of the things I said to her was, that I have a rather high libido and sex has always been a very important part of a relationship. I was a very happy single when we met and liked to have a fulfilled physical life, as in a past relationship my girlfriend had basically zero interest in sex and after eight years I decided to end it (not the only reason), as I noticed I was starting to look more and more at other women and did not want to let something happen, that would be dishonest and hurtful. My wife said it is also extremely important to her and that she liked sex and liked it rather frequently. We fell for each other fast, and things were really good the first year of our marriage. Things have however changed dramatically since then, our sex life became very scheduled, and rare (maybe one every 2-3 months). I spoke with her about it and she was apologetic and admitted, she actually never had a super high drive, but was worried I would not give the relationship a chance. She cares and would have sex with me now if I asked for it, but this really depresses me, as I fell like she is doing a chore to keep me happy, I do not feel craved or wanted. It breaks my heart, because she is most certainly my best friend and the love of my life in every other aspect - but I feel like I have to give up on something so important to me, being only in my mid-30s. I take good care of my physical appearance and I get a lot of attention from other women, although I have zero interest in them and unlike in my previous relationship I do not crave others, I just would want my wife, the person I love most to share the need for physical affection. I feel a bit lied to, and it is frustrating, so much that I have had tears in my eyes more than once thinking about it. I still have a high sex drive and feel depressed.

I met a girl few months back. She is well mannered & my well wisher. I see her just as a friend. I talk to her politely & honestly I gave her a lot of time because she was going through something & I felt I should give her company. She is now making suggestions on what dress I should wear, how my specs should look etc. I wear average things, live simple life even though I can afford way expensive things. I don't think she should have any opinion on these things. She is too freaking average to give any suggestions at the first place. How to tell her to stfu? I can't be rude with anyone on face. Just not in my nature. Don't wanna hurt a lady, not in my education. Not sure how to say a polite stfu? I am careful how much elder I'm.

Me (F) and my boyfriend (M) are both in our senior year of high school, we have been dating for seven months however recently I’ve been feeling really uncomfortable being sexual with him.

I’ve found that I do not enjoy having sex at all, it doesn’t feel good for me whatsoever and I only really do it so that my boyfriend feels good. Most of the time I’m just wishing for it to be over.

I found that often when we were hanging out that ended up being one of the main things my boyfriend wanted to do, and I had communicated with him that I did want have sex as often as more time often than not I never felt fully inclined towards it. (However, when I did communicate this the first time his response was super weird. He started turning away from me and would refuse to look at me because he felt bad, like sort of self-pitying? It was kinda hurtful because I was just trying to communicate).

Anyways, not much has changed since. He always is really touchy and is always asking to touch my areas or is really aroused when I’m not at all. My question is, is this normal for a relationship? I feel like I’m being so dramatic but ideally I always saw a relationship being more than just sex, and I feel like at this point that’s what it may be becoming. I put a lot of effort into other aspects, like planning dates and buying him nice gifts that I spent lots of time thinking of. But it doesn’t feel like he shares as big as an interest in those things then I do.

What should I do about this? And is this normal? I mean heck I’m assuming it may be since I’ll be going to college and stereotypically this seems like a majority of college men. I just want more out of this relationship and I know there’s potential for it but it seems like I’m loosing it and I feel so crazy :(

My partner has mental health/anger issues, and is triggered/set off by relatively minor things...such as leaving a dish in the sink, accidentally leaking menstruation blood on the sheets while sleeping (sorry, gross I know), him thinking I have a certain tone of voice/expression he doesn't like, etc. He can get into these fits of anger/rage that's hard for him to control since he has impulse control problems. Sometimes he name-calls, cusses me out, throws/destroys things (not my stuff, and also not at me or in my direction, but just in general), and threatens to break up with me/actually breaks up with me briefly (saying "we're over, this relationship is done, pack your things and leave"). He's also tried to dump me (essentially abandoning me in an unfamiliar city) when I was in a foreign country, without my passport, wallet, or a way to get back to where I was staying.

He does these things out of anger and then always apologizes afterward. He also has a hard time controlling his behavior with parents, friends, and other people, so it's not only me who he behaves impulsively/erratically with. He says he wants to work on his anger problems and be a better partner. I'm wondering, from a man's perspective, is this behavior considered abuse or would you classify it more as anger problems? When he is not in an anger rage, he's the sweetest person and my best friend. The anger fits happen around once every few weeks - once a month (and when they happen, we usually end up fighting/breaking up for about 24 hrs or more), and in between the rage fits he is supportive, kind, and loving.

Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this.. Anyway, I have been with him for 8 years, I moved to the country he is from. He is my first "serious" boyfriend, we rarely talk about marriage/kids, and if, it's "we don't want that".

From the start we always had bad communication, I was very shy. He was never very romantic or showed much interest in sexual things with ME. But I did see him watch p*rn stuff online in the past, and look at other girls in public. In the past my self-esteem was shit, so I always thought it's because I'm ugly and awkward etc. But as I got older I realised I'm pretty good looking apparently, and I was always in good shape, still am. And other men have shown interest in me. I'm open to trying different things, wearing lingerie etc. I AM a bit awkward with sex stuff, but how can I get better when we never do anything..? But he rarely shows any interest in sexual activities. In the start, we had it a bit more often, but not much. Now it's maybe 1x month.. and when it happens, it's very fast and doesn't even feel good for me. And then he becomes even more against doing it. And I want it more. I think he is very insecure about his size down there, and he also has issues staying hard for "longer" time. When I ask him "how can things improve? Do you want to stay celibate for the rest of your life?"(as a joke) he always just pushes the conversation away, and even say "yes I will":/ But that means I am too then.. We never talk about sex, it's impossible with him. It's like my whole 20's, I've been with someone who rarely shows they want me in that way.. sometimes I'm not sure I can take it anymore. How can I talk more with him about this? He does have some anger issues, so it's not easy to talk about this stuff.. It's so frustrating, I even have many sexual dreams lately, like my dreams are giving me what I can't have irl.

(Edit; he is btw quite a jealous person, doesn't like me to talk with other men, even just friendly. He always jokes "oh you like him" etc..) but HE doesn't want to show much affection to me, but others are not allowed.. )

My 53 year old girlfriend has been struggling financially for the past few years. I have helped her out all the time. Groceries, birthday gifts for her kids ect.

Now, I am anything but cheap. I feel I have been quite generous.

She recently sold her house and now finally has the means to pay her bills ect. This was recent and now it seems she is even less likely to contribute anything. Her behavior is baffling to me. You’re the man you are supposed to pay. You’re being so petty. I don’t get the mind games. She’s 53 and I’m 54.

Here is where I am really upset. She constantly will say hey if you drive, I’ll pay for the gas. Or hey could you pick this up for me, I’ll pay you. Hey could I borrow X amount and I promise I will pay you back and you won’t have to ask.

When I ask to be paid or for her to pay she says I am being unreasonable and always says I am criticizing her. Can she do anything right.

I have helped her a lot with her and her two kids. Yet I am feeling very upset and frustrated with the in ability to communicate with her.

We have been together for 3 years and l really don’t want to throw it away and break up right before the holidays.

However I am aggravated and upset more than anything and none of this seems to bother her.

Please help, I’m so torn on what to do and could really use some perspective here.

TLDR.I have been very generous and don't feel like she is willing to acknowledge nor pay for anything moving forward and it's upsetting to me.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Whenever i see stuff that makes broad statements about men, i know that what i should do is turn away because i should know that it’s not about me. But i always get offended by stuff like that which i know means i know it’s about me deep down and that i’m part of the problem

I get offended when a piece of media only portrays the men as bad, even though i know thats what leads chuds to complain about minorities and stuff in media and i really dont want to be like that

How do i stop myself from getting offended by this stuff? I feel like a horrible person whenever i do and i really dont want to be part of the problem and a red flag and stuff

I (34F) recently ended a relationship with someone (36M) due to general incompatibility. We were together less than a year. He has an anxious attachment and I lean more avoidant. Part of what led to ending the relationship was my need for personal time and his growing need for all of my down time. We had regular conversations about our differences and the pressure I felt from him and he dismissed my concerns often saying that I created expectations or routines that I felt restricted by. Our discussions frequently became him talking in circles and repeating the same points and I felt consistently unheard.

Ex texted wanting to have a conversation for closure now that he has had more time to process. I told him I was willing to hear him out but that I have said everything I had to say and I think it would be for the best for him to text what he wants to say. He said it would mean a lot if it could be a phone call. I reiterated that texting would be best and he is repeating that he needs it to be a call. I don't feel like this is an unreasonable request, but I feel like I will still be in the same cycle of catering to his wants/needs over my own even though we are broken up and I feel no need to further discuss things. I am frustrated that I feel this is a perfect example of why things devolved between us and he is so blind to everything I have said to him.

I guess I'm looking for advice on how to handle this situation. Am I overreacting? Do I let him call and get it over with? It's not as simple as a call because nothing ever is with him, he'll want to schedule and he'll just be talking in circles for at least an hour.

So i met this woman years ago through work and we had an instant spark but she was with someone so we never did anything about it. Fast forward to now, we reconected through a dating app about 8-9 months ago and the chemistry has just been amazing. In the last 3months we had started being more serious and talking about the future and our life together

Now for the real issue i need advice on. She’s amazing kind very carring in her own way and to top it off so beautifull but her last relationship traumatized her (we went in details about how her ex treated her and her insecurties following that relationship) to sum it up she has no self confidance doesnt like herself and think she doesnt deserve love and wants to rebuild herself and learn to love herself which yes that is very important i get it

Through all that i think shes trying to push me away by being cold and distant i tried to reassure her that i aint leaving and she worth it but right now the silent treatment for days to her apologizing and us having the most amazing times together i dont know if i can keep hurting myself this situation is breaking me but my feeling are genuine and i really do want to keep my words even if we dont end up together i love her so much i dont want to be the guy shes let in her heart sharing all her insecurties and feelings just to hurt her more and ditch her. What to do? Leave and protect my heart or stick by her and leaving her the space she needs

Tldr: situationship with a woman that left a very abusive relationship and dont know if i should stick by her even tho its destroying me.

Context: I like him as a friend, nothing else, and would prefer to remain friends with him

I have been in a mixed-gender friendship group with him for about two years. This year, I've begun to notice him showing signs he likes me, and the other friends agree that he does. (This has been a recurring conversation topic.)

Frustratingly, he follows me around alllllll the time. Like, it can be kind of nice having some attention? But today I was out shopping with the group, and he followed me everywhere the whole time, constantly hovering over my shoulder, and standing rather close to me. My other friends noticed this and when I had one singular time alone with them during the hours-long trip they asked if I was okay, and I expressed my discomfort to them, and they shared my frustration.

Upon telling him "You don't have to follow me all the time," he responded with "oh sorry I was zoning out." To which later my other friend affirmed that he definitely knew what he was doing.

How can I get him to stop/lessen this behaviour? I have already made it obvious that I am sort of into another guy, but the behaviour still hasn't stopped.

i (20 f) and my best friend, wyatt (22 m) and i were recently having a conversation with my roommates and someone brought up the rice purity test. this comment led to a conversation between wyatt and i later that evening.

(for context, wyatt and i are super close. when hes not at his apartment or on campus, he is at my apartment. we spend a lot of time together on campus as well, and work together. we are both very trusting of each other so conversation topics like this are typically brought up.)

we were sitting in my room and we took the test together, comparing answers but not really…more like having conversations about experiences we’d had. again, nothing out of the ordinary. there is a question that asks ‘had an orgasm due to someone else’s manipulation?’. i didn’t check it because that hasn’t been my experience. he jokingly made a comment about how i missed a box, but i told him i hadn’t.

we talked for a moment and it led to a more in depth conversation about my previous experiences with intimacy. at one point, he offered to help me check that box and i laughed it off, but he immediately told me that he wasn’t joking. we eventually just laughed and finished the tests, but i haven’t been able to get over that.

both of us are single and i am not necessarily against it, but i feel weird bringing it back up as its been about a week since the initial conversation. up until this point i haven’t had feelings for him and i don’t know if he was joking or not.

he is home for thanksgiving break and all of my roommates are gone so ive had a lot of time to dwell on it. if i bring it up im worried it will make things weird, but im also worried if i dont say anything things will be weird, its a viscous cycle.

i should also mention that the way he said it wasn’t in a douchey way at all (or in a way that was arrogant or anything) it was a genuine offer and his tone reflected that.

how would you approach this if you were in my shoes? any advice on what to do? TIA!

TL DR - about a week ago my best friend offered to help me orgasm for the first time after a conversation about my past experiences not achieving that. i have been thinking about the offer and im not opposed to it i just dont know how to approach the situation, advice would be appreciated! TIA

Hi everyone, ‘I'm F19 ’and “M:19 going on 20 in a month”. He is a coworker at work and has shown interest in me. We met 3 days ago and I went from disliking this guy to thinking I might like him. M is very childish, uncoordinated, pretty loud, obnoxious, and annoying. Most people don't like him and can't tolerate him. I on the other hand get told I act mature for me age, people usually thinks I'm in my early 20s because I am mature, well spoken and always put together. I used to dislike his guts because he talked a lot of crap about me when we first met. Well, fast-forward I gave him a piece of my mind and he stopped for a while and talks less crap. Well for some odd reason, he told multiple people that he is interested in me, and he also told me this in a sneaky way. He told me he got permission from my dad’s friend(he also works at my job) to date me. He only listens to me apparently. I seem to kinda like his presence despite him being childish he notices when I'm moody or upset and always checks up on me. I find myself looking for him whenever I step into a room, I oddly care for him a lot, giving him food, feel the need to defend him, basically caring for him. He waits for me and I find myself also doing the same, he skips his break/ lunch to be with me. He would wait for me after work and I do the same. He is always willing to help me but for some reason, I can't maintain eye contact with him anymore and this is one thing I get compliments on “being able to hold eye contact”. I can't stop thinking about him. I also don't want to date anyone from work, people keep asking me about us and if I will give him a chance or date him but they also said not to because he is too childish. His voice keeps playing in my head. I need help, please. I'm confused.

It seems like everyone around me is married and is either pregnant or planning on having kids, while I’m still single and have never even had a serious relationship. I really want kids in the future but haven’t met anyone and every time I try dating, life gets in the way (for example, my work gets busy or family obligations arise - I’ve had to take care of my parents who were sick for a long time). I feel anxious that my clock is running out and I can’t help but feel jealous of other women who are already having kids. I know it’s not a race but I feel so behind.

I love my job! I do a lot, but a core responsibility is leading a team. My issue is that most of them are men, and it's so clear that they don't respect me as much as they do my boss, another man.

I promised myself that I wouldn't be a micromanager, but if I'm too attentive to their work, they ignore me, and if I dial it back, then they get behind, or mistakes happen. It's very frustrating because I know they don't see me as their lead. I keep everything organized and structured for them, I send resources and reminders, and I do weekly checks on their workload -- but somehow, I find myself constantly repeating the same things.

Another minor thing I noticed is not reacting to my messages on our channel. when my boss post then suddenly they're very active, but when i post it's crickets.

How can I get them to respect me? Listen to me? Any books, advice, or videos that can help?

They used to work together and have been dating for six months. In those six months they have rented an apartment and bought a puppy.

I’m genuinely worried for her safety and all of my friends seen to think that because she’s 20, she can make decisions for herself.

She wont let anyone meet the guy and when we tried to see her new apartment, she said we couldn’t because her bf was home.

Is there really anything I can do/say here? Or would it be better to not bring it up but make sure I stay close by?

Also not sure if this is important, but the man just got divorced after a long marriage with his childhood friend. I’m unsure if the divorce was because of my friend because I wasn’t told directly but her mom said she broke them up.

I have a lot of internal issues with anxious attachment styles, low self-esteem, a lack of solid identity, and an understanding of core values. This results in me being consumed by a romantic relationship and allowing disrespect and not showing up as my authentic self (whatever that means) trying to play a role of a perfect girl. Most importantly, I hate being alone and feel no happiness without being in a relationship.

  Additionally, I have external issues such as lack of financial stability, constantly moving around, about to graduate without a job, family problems, etc. This makes me very dependent on a partner in an attempt to find stability.

  It just doesn’t seem like I should be dating at all at the moment, and the dating scene is making me depressed to begin with. I should focus on myself yet every time I feel lonely and want affection, I keep justifying to myself why I should be on dating apps and how much I am missing out and wasting my time when I could be cuddling and having sex with someone. So then I become stressed out about not pursuing anyone and “wasting” the good years. This gets especially worse when I hear other girls talking about hooking up with people.

My boyfriend of 9 months accidentally sent me a picture of another girl in a tight dress who usually posts that typical revealing gym/workout content stuff on instagram. She’s a gym influencer kind of girl. He sent this post on accident via DMs to me when we normally just send funny memes back and forth. I responded with “assuming this wasn’t supposed to be sent to me” to which he responded “I was sending it to friend who has a crush on her.” (friend has a wife). I mentioned that this didn’t really help. The friend follows her already and would have seen the post regardless.

I dont know why this instantly triggered something in me. I instantly began to overthink, like many girls would, and spiraled into intrusive thoughts that I cannot decipher. I began to feel insecure about my body, my looks, me everything when I’ve never had these thoughts before. I think it was because he unintentionally sent it to me, it bothered me the most. Again, at its core, this isn’t that big of a deal. It was just the way it made me feel that was a big deal. We have never had any problems before this. I felt SO bad about myself. I felt like if this was accidentally sent to me, how much more is there that I don’t know about etc etc. Moral of the story, it made me so sad to this he’d rsk everything we have built together to send some picture of another girl to his friend.

We had a productive conversation about it and he didn’t get mad at all. He listened to my feelings and understood how it looked and how it made me feel. He reassured me that it was just simply him sending a picture to his friend because his friend has a “gym crush” on her. (Again, am I stupid for just thinking this was completely unnecessary to do). He reassured me that I have nothing to worry about and that his intentions were never to hurt my feelings. I had even mentioned that this made me not want to be with him (a trauma response to previous relationships). I still think it was completely unnecessary to even risk me seeing that and knowing it would make me feel bad.

It’s just the fact that it’s been done. I’ve seen it. It made me feel awful about myself and made me lose a bit of trust with him. And I know it’s not like he’s talking to other girls and messaging other girls. He’s not. It’s just the principle of having a girlfriend who you love and doing something so UNAVOIDABLE to make her feel less than that.

Thoughts on how I can cope with these feelings and not continue to overthink and overreact? Tell me why I should not feel insecure about this.

How can I tell my best friend that she has really bad body odor?

My best friend and I have been friends for over 15 years since middle school. She has never had a hygiene issue. She likes soaps and candles and used to wear perfume. The problem began when she became engaged to her now husband. He is actually my husband’s brother so he is my family too and I have known him for 10 years.

My husband has no issues with hygiene, but his brother does not wear deodorant, ever. BIL and his clothes have that strong BO smell that follows people that don’t use good smelling soap or antiperspirant or deodorant.

Best friend/ SIL now smells like that too. She always smells like that even when we hang out just the two of us and she is wearing her own clothes. Idk what kind of laundry detergent they use or if she stopped wearing deodorant but if I were her I’d want my best friend to tell me but idk how to do it

TL,DR best friend stinks ever since she started dating her now husband

Let me just start by saying my boyfriend has always been amazing towards me. My last two relationships were abusive with every kind of abuse you could think of. But then I was celibate for a couple of years, and then I met my current boyfriend. He is sweet, funny, loving and caring, he always tells me I’m beautiful and he says he’ll take care of me forever (I’m disabled and bedbound) and has my back forever. On the rare occasions that I snap at him he never snaps back, just de-escalates. He thinks even the things I say are my flaws are beautiful.

But a few days ago my boyfriend’s dog snapped at me and “bit” me (she didn’t break the skin so it’s not actually a bite). She also has been displaying behaviors that I thought were aggression/dominance/jealousy behaviors (licking me furiously, trying to take food from me when my boyfriend leaves the room, staring incessantly, whining when my bf and I are cuddling, pinning her ears back at me).

I’ve since learned that the dog’s behaviors are just her being enthusiastic and playing.

However, immediately after the “bite” happened, I didn’t realize this and I was under the mistaken impression that she’d just displayed dangerous behavior. She’s part pitbull so that also made me biased against her. And in response to my fear, my boyfriend did these things:

He said - “I know you freaked out babe, but she’s not dangerous, I promise. I know in my heart she would never hurt anyone.” This felt dismissive at the time.

He also took videos of her playing with kids on the sidewalk and sent them to me to illustrate how wrong I was about her aggression.

He also said “My mom is terrified of dogs, but she gets along great with my dog!!” Again, it felt like he was dismissing my safety because of his love for his dog.

He also said “You need to do some stuff too, you need to work on your fear of my dog and overcome it”

He also says all the time that me and his dog are the most important things in his life and that we are “equally important.” This bothered me because I am selfish and expect to be the #1 in a guy’s life (but this logically makes no sense because he’s had the dog for like 2 years and only known me for one year, so of course I wouldn’t be more important than his dog because his dog is his family!)

Well. At the time, I resented him saying all of these things because I was convinced that his dog was dangerous and really posed a threat to me. And I felt numb towards him immediately following his dismissal of my feelings and my fear. I didn’t feel anger, or love, or anything. Just …….. numb.

I threatened to break up with him unless he got a trainer and he did get a trainer on the phone the very next day. We talked, and the trainer agreed that the dog was displaying dominance behaviors towards me. Only then did my boyfriend say that I was right about the dog, and he agreed to get her more training.

But I still felt increasingly numb towards him, because it didn’t escape my notice that he only took my fears into account once a trainer backed him up. And I was still holding grudges about the things he’d said earlier — how he tried to convince me I was wrong about her being dangerous.

I then posted on Reddit about the incident and my delusion got even worse. People told me that since the dog is part pitbull she will RIP MY FACE OFF or even KILL ME. I freaked out even more and even considered breaking up with my boyfriend!!!

However, a few Reddit comments — and my mother — finally made me realize that I overreacted. I finally realized I was wrong, the trainer was wrong (her whole theory of dominance/alpha has been disproven) and my boyfriend was right. The dog is 3 years old, just playful and has lots of energy. The licking was her trying to bond with me, and the snapping was just her being playful.

But i still feel numb towards my boyfriend. Even though I’ve logically realized that he did nothing wrong and i overreacted — and allowed biased Reddit people who dislike dogs to sway me — my brain has realized this, but its like my body hasn’t received the memo. I still feel like I don’t really want to text him, or talk to him, or see him. When he texted me “I love you” just now I didn’t have it in me to say it back. I don’t feel safe with him anymore — and I know it’s because of my paranoia and history of abuse.

TL;DR I freaked out about my boyfriend’s dog “biting” me and convinced myself he didn’t care about my safety. I’ve since realized I was wrong, but I still feel numb and distant to him. How do I stop this numb feeling and realize how amazing he is??

I would like to find tips, media, strategies that you’ve found helpful in dealing and processing. Any advice or resources are also welcome. I know that this is an event that happens more often with women so I thought I would ask for advice (I’m a man who was raped a couple months back). Currently in therapy but it’s not as helpful as I would’ve hoped. Regardless I hope everyone is doing well.

I’m more than happy to offer context if needed.

So for context, I met this guy a year ago and we went on a date, things got intimate, we had a fun time. Not long after that things died out pretty quickly, he wasn’t in a position to commit and I was going travelling for a few months - it just didn’t work. Still I didn’t really stop thinking about him. He only moved to my country just a few months before we met, he got out of a toxic relationship and moved by himself away from everyone he knows, I was always aware that he was looking to date people casually and he was honest about that. I realised I didn’t want this, we stopped speaking but I held out hope that our paths would cross again at some point when things were less chaotic in our lives. Recently he got back in touch with me - we went on another date and it reminded me of how much I did like him, I started evaluating whether I could casually date him and be ok with it, I know I’m not. I care about him a lot but I know I have to put myself first. The idea of us not speaking again makes me really sad, I feel like I’m losing him again when I only just got him back in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever really connected with someone this way, when we’re together everything is great. He doesn’t have a great support system now with his friends/family living in another country, he’s homesick a lot and I guess a relationship isn’t a priority for him. I just feel like I’m always gonna want more if I say let’s just be friends, but I’d rather be friends than not speak again. What do I do with all those feelings if I can’t give them to him?

I (23F) have only ever been lusted for and never been seen for anything more than my body. It is an absolutely pathetic feeling to be only ever wanted for your body. It's not like I dress provocatively or give hints of only being interested in sex/physical intimacy. When I like someone I like them in every way possible but guys have had the audacity to say to me that all they wanted was physical intimacy/sex and nothing else, even when I let them know beforehand that I absolutely despise being only desired physically and struggle with the feeling of being used later on.

This has happened to me twice this year and it kind of happened simultaneously. I had also been extremely picky about whom I go out with or engage with in such scenarios. Hence I feel betrayed that even after confiding in them, they did this to me.

It has broken me tremendously and on some days I can't help but dabble with the feeling of being worthless, unlikable, unlovable, being used for, and not having anything to offer when I actually do.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? If yes, how did you cope and overcome this feeling? How did you rebuild yourself? I worked a lot on my self esteem till the start of the year, but being only lusted and nothing else especially by one of the people I trusted the most in my life, I'm not able to pick myself up even after months. I cannot shake the feeling of being used and starting to get negative thoughts on relationship and sex. I've struggled with relationships and sex all my life, and these incidents makes me want to never deal with a man again.

I feel like all the work I did on my self esteem, views on sex and relationships have all gone in vain. 🥲

Context: My best friend’s cousin puts me at ease for some reason. I’m typically not comfortable or flirty with anyone.

We skirted around each other, fooled around a bit and after a few years finally coordinated a hook up. We live in different towns and I was conscious of what we did at family events.

While he is a good guy, would do anything for you type of person, we don’t really talk much when not together and it tends to be more sexually oriented.

And maybe we would be good together. I mean we do get along fine, he has a great kid & family and he somehow gets something out of me many don’t. But I feel like he is mainly interested in the physical aspect of things, asking me for hook ups etc when we are around each other.

My friend (30f) really believes that we would be good together and keeps saying we should at least sleep together to see.

It’s to the point where maybe I tell her to stop her?? It’s also not only my thing to tell.

I’m not good at sharing this sort of stuff. And I will always maintain he is a good guy, but maybe not ‘partner’ material for me. More mates that banter.

EDIT: probably should have said, it was once and close to 10 years ago. He has asked again but I wasn’t in the headspace to do it again.

My boyfriend(33M) and I have been together for ten years. Last night we got into a pretty big fight which has resulted in him giving me the silent treatment for the past twenty four hours. He's done this many times before and I've always been the one to break the silence to try to resolve the issue. This time I'm currently just staying quiet as well, and waiting it out so to speak.

When this has happened in the past I've usually tried to reach out by now to make peace but we never actually talk about the issue that originally caused the situation and just end up going about out lives like normal.

I've started to realize that this may be a pattern of abusive behavior and would like advice on how to navigate this situation.

I’m 24F and have never been in a relationship. No talking stages, no situationships, I’m not even aware of anyone that’s ever had a crush on me. I’ve tried dating apps, all I encounter are men looking to hook up and nothing more (which sometimes I’m down for that too! and do engage). I know this is common just due to dating app/hookup culture and my age, but it’s getting so difficult to celebrate the wins of my friends in their dating lives while I’m still stuck in the same spot I always have been. They get taken out to cute bars and restaurants, they get flowers, they’re loved out loud and I’m so happy for them! But deep down internally I get sad for me and wonder if I’ll even get to know that feeling. I was seeing someone (25M) from Hinge for about a month, just having dates at his apartment, and once we had a conversation about our relationship history and he found out about my lack of one, he said he would never date me but would continue sleeping with me.

For context, I’m a size 10/12 and love being curvy. I think I’m beautiful, I have hobbies, a career I’m passionate about, I live alone and have supported myself since 18, I’m smart and funny, genuinely think I’m a catch and don’t know why I have such bad luck in dating. Does anyone have any advice on how to live with this without feeling defective or unlovable? I don’t want to think either is true about myself, I would never think that if someone were coming to me with these feelings, but it’s hard to keep holding out hope. I don’t want this to be something that holds me back, and for the most part I don’t think it does. But I would be lying if I said it didn’t weigh on my confidence.

TL;DR I’m 24 and have never had a boyfriend and would love if someone else out there could give me advice about how to cope and maybe help me view this differently.

We are together for 6 months now, and we had our biggest fight to date now. It was completely my fault, because I broke a promise we made each other at the beginning of the relationship. I failed, and i competely understand her being angry at me. She feels horrible. She told me she needs more love and affection from me right now, because she is quite hurt. When we text she is quite cold towards me, which i understand, i just don't know what to say to her to make her feel more comfortable. I don't want to flood her with apologies and saying i love you, when she can't really say "i love you" back. It hurts to see her this way, it hurts that I messed up so badly.

I was going to gift her a box with my favorite moments with her. I wrote 18 cards with the date on them; I poured my heart into each one, hoping this gesture will show her how much she means to me. Do you guys think its too much?

Do you guys have any advice on how to navigate this? I was going to show her with actions, that i can keep this promise, and that she can trust me. She told me that she is not going to leave me, but i just feel horrible for what i did to her.

Firstly I don’t even know how to express how I feel because part of me feels I’m over exaggerating but heres my story

I (22f) have a close male cousin (20m) and we used to talk about everything from family drama to personal relationships. We also grew up kinda close together. So as much as I hate to admit it during my adolescence peak I used to like him but I never said and he never realised. Obviously I’ve realised that it was the hormones speaking but recently he admitted he had a crush on me and I sort of confessed I did too in the past.

so I don’t know what mindset that put him in because after that once we met for a family function and were living in the same big house. While all cousins were watching a movie, we sat together under the same blanket and he groped my breasts. It was very unexpected and I let him do it because I was scared to say anything in case anyone saw. But after a while i made him stop. Next day was awkward but He apologised saying it was unintentional and just happened and I was okay with it( kinda even tho I hated this was the first time a man touched me) but I knew I could overcome it. So i let it go.

but as much as I wish that was the only time things got worse

[also fyi I’m muslim and I having some guy other than my husband (not married yet) touching me is not okay with me and it really did destroy me. anyone who doesn’t know it’s a major sin to be have sex and do acts of that nature with anyone other than your husbands/wife in Islam)

When things got worse is, we actually lived in different cities so I assumed I never have to worry about this kind of incident happening again because we wouldn’t meet anytime soon. But coincidentally almost 4 months later he happened to come to my city for some reason and was staying at my house for 2 days. And before we used to talk about sex and stuff just in general in the sense how it would be and sometimes would jokingly flirt with each other ( I do realize now I should’ve never entertained this) but in case he took things seriously I did mention that when he came here i didnt want to do anything of that kind and he said okay. But when he came here as soon as we were alone he started touching my breasts under my clothes and trying to kiss me and I stopped it went away saying my mom would see. But that night he made me or convinced me idk anymore to get naked all expect my panties and he touched me kissed me gave me hickeys.

during all of which I was mortified. I tried to get him to stop I tried to scare him saying we might get caught but nothing worked. Now I feel i let it happen that I didn’t fight hard enough. I should’ve ran away from the room but I didn’t and I’m scared to admit a part of me wanted it.
This is a big deal for me because I don’t do relationships and this was my first time being exposed in front of a man. My dream was for my husband to be the one to do all this to me and now I feel so broken in knowing how would I even tell this to my future husband one day. Would he even understand?

I still get flashbacks of this night as much as I’m trying to forget and move on but i can’t share this with anyone because it gets judged badly. and I’m still kinda friends with that cousin, he did apologise but he still likes me to that degree and im afraid to be with him alone knowing what he can do again.

So please any advice or ways to overcome this would be greatly appreciated and also how do I deal with that cousin.

Thank you for reading the full and commenting to help!