I'm 20, but I hardly feel like it. I was diagnosed autistic at 17-18ish so pretty late, and I feel like because of this and a sheltered upbringing when I think about it, I feel like I've lost some vital "programming" in a sense on how to be a girl. I don't mean this in just a looks-wise thing; I think I'm a fairly attractive girl and I have a BF, but that's pretty much it. He took me to go see a movie called The Wild Robot, which is a great movie, but I kept getting in my own head about how I my future and how I feel like I'm going against my programming and that I'm defective and need to go back to where I belong and be fixed. I feel so behind other girls, I'm;

-bad at makeup and feel like a kid who got into her mom's drawer and is just fucking around,

-I bake for my friends sometimes, but I'm not great at cooking.

-I'm not super clean and my room is always messy and the dishes sometimes go too long without being washed and I get unmotivated to do them

-I constantly feel like I smell bad.

-I feel like I'm very unladylike and crass and cuss a lot and blurt out a lot of gross sexual stuff.

-I'm awful with kids and have no maternal instinct. I have 4 siblings but we were pretty much back to back so I wasn't the older sister who had to watch the younger ones. I'm not like a teacher or anything but I work with a lot of little kids and I get weirdly sad? when I see them, especially crying and acting bad. I'm not cooing and going aww over them - I just get sad thinking "shit, I'm going to have to do that soon, how the fuck am I gonna get a baby to stop crying or toddler from having a tantrum? How do I deal with giving birth? What if I just don't emotionally connect with it or accidentally hurt it?" If I'm being honest, I don't want kids, but I feel terrible about it and I don't feel like it's really up to me :/

Half of these are supposed to be things that you learn from your mom or older sister, but I am the older sister and I'm clueless, and I was raised by my grandparents until about 13, who didn't teach me any of this, then when I started living with my parents, it feels like they assumed they didn't have to teach me, I would just know, but now I feel like I'm lost in another country that I don't speak the language of, I don't have a phone, and I don't have a map. How do I start getting this "missing programming" back?

hi everyone, I’m not sexually active but I started seeing a guy some months ago and we had unprotected sex a couple of times. no std symptoms, couple months pass and I went to the doctor and they asked if I wanted an std test as well and I said sure. I had gotten std tests before this and all came back negative, but now I’m positive for chlamydia. the guy had asked if I had any stds and I said no and assumed that meant he tested, but I guess not.

how do I go about telling him this? I am 100% sure it’s from him, as I tested negative before him and haven’t had sex since. we haven’t talked in a while and I’m pretty sure we both moved on and didn’t plan on seeing each other again. I don’t want it to sound like I’m blaming him, but I also don’t want him to blame me when I know it wasn’t me. just want him to be aware for future partners, but this is also extremely uncomfortable and I’ve never had to tell someone this.

any advice please? possibly drafted messages?

thank you all

My heart is broken how do I heal it

I found out that the person I loved recently got married in order to obtain citizenship. We hadn’t spoken all year and I still had major feelings for him we reconnected last week and we decided that we wanted to start over and relearn each other again. Fast forward to this pass Sunday I get a call from the women he married asking me about him and that she feels he deceived her for a green card. Although I feel it would be worse in her position I still am feeling low I’ve been on and off with this man for three years and it wasn’t healthy but I had hope everytime that he would get it right. I was emotionally abused all this time and I feel so stupid I can’t eat I haven’t eating a meal since Sunday I could only stomach a small smoothie. I really want revenge because he deserves to be deported cause he’s a piece of garbage. How can I move on from this? I am soooo hurt and I know some of you may say I’m stupid but my heart has been attached to this man forever and I don’t know how to move forward. Don’t get me wrong I have my own place and car and I’m working towards two more degrees but this situation has put me in a dark place I can’t even go to work because I can’t quit crying. Not to mention he lied about his age and he has a child in Africa. From my understanding this girl left her life behind to move here with him and he has bought her a car and helped her build credit and then they got married. Please give me some tips because my family doesn’t understand that I’m really sick behind this they figure I should just be glad I didn’t get stuck in a marriage with a manipulative lying piece of garbage but I can’t completely wrap my heart around that yet. I’ve been working out because myself worth has hit zero. it’s not hard to find someone else but I’m not trying to take that route

How do I move on from these horrible feelings ? How did I allow myself to be played with for so long? How do I move on from this with out unhealthy distractions? (Alcohol and dating others and sex to get over it)

The person I loved has manipulated me into reconnecting but got married to someone else for a green card. 24f

No im not saying im so overly attached to her, i can cook my own meals, clean, do my own dishes literally all things a normal guy my age ( 21) can do.

Its the fact she makes our home what it is and shes the only woman who has my heart. I dont know why im tearing up because shes gonna be gone for a few weeks, the house wont have her energy and stuff, not to mention my dad also travels out with her a few days after.

Lowkey on the verge of tears as i right this , it doesn’t make sense, im not a child so why am i so upset just because someone i love the most in the world wont temporarily be here, this doesn’t make sense and its giving me more feelings of anger and being upset.

She will be back in the new year but i just cant fathom the house with out her. I dont know how to stop feeling upset and im really tearing rn, so to the ladies, especially ones who are mothers, what can i do?

Hi there! So basically I'm a senior in high school and for the last few years I've dressed kind of crazy/fashionable and not at all "pretty," with short frizzy hair and bad makeup. No one taught me how to take care of myself so now I put a lot of work into myself and over time I've learned how to do my makeup, skincare, my hair (which I've since darkened and learn how to blow it out), and wear less fashionable more conventionally pretty outfits. I've been compared to Dakota Johnson and Jenna Ortega (for reference) now which is kind of cool.

But now I'm getting a lot of attention from guys (sometimes old perverts which is nothing new but also high school boys which I haven't gotten in the past). I also grew up the ugly duckling and so it took awhile to accept that I'm now pretty. My close friends tell me I'm beautiful and need to not care but it's been awkward tho because while I'm getting unwanted attention from guys, (not from nice boys but annoying ones), other girls are not being nice to me anymore which sucks. My personality hasn't changed and I'm not an egotisical person, but it feels like other girls have grown cold? I've finally become confident with myself but I'm still a girl's-girl and will always support my friends/other women no matter what. How do I even get other ppl to know this tho? Not trying to sound like an asshole here

Firstly, excuse my English if it has some mistakes.

after 5 years I finally ended a toxic relationship. And I ended all contact with my father all within a month. He is an alcoholic.

After that I pretty quickly got to now my now boyfriend. (We have been seeing each other for about 7months now) I always said to him I didn't want to rush it but I was also not going to fight it, if it felt right. Which it does, or did?

The thing is now, I feel a little numb I think. Not much feelings at all. He is really sweet, he is very caring, he calls, he texts, he takes care of me, he drives me around, , we have a lot in common, we love doing the same things, the sex is very good, but we also have the same less likable characteristics, which I learn from actually and we had some nice talks about it too. We do have less of those talks, the deeper ones at the moment. I am a lot in my head actually rather than talking because I find it difficult.

He is a goofball and at times a little too childish (which is a turnoff for me but I also try to let go because why should we be so serious all the time...) and feels super nerdy and sometimes really does not read the room. We also already talked about him potentially having autism because I immediatly noticed something. He also does not have much experience with women. He had 1 longterm relationship, after that 2 relationships that lasted just 2-3 months max. And maybe a ONS or 2. (Which he told me about that with one girl he didn't realise she wanted to sleep with him, the story was VERY funny but made me realise the autism part actually 😅)

In the beginning I did have the butterflies and what not but can't figure out now why I don't feel anything at all. I was thinking maybe because it's winter, I'm really having a hard time this year and I do not like xmas etc... Few familytrauma's. Having surgery on thursday which also stresses me out. But he is super nice about everything. We only had a few minor disagreements which we talked about normally. (Which never happened inyprevious relationship and I really had to push myself for that but it worked).

Oeff, i'm sorry, looks more like an uncoherent rant then a real question now... Hopefully you can follow 😅

Long story short, I had a rough time in my previous relationship, had a really hard break up. I met someone who seems genuine. I really want a partner to share everything with but I am confused if it's me or the relationship is just not for is. I'm sure to what extent I can trust my own judgement on my current (lack of) feelings.

I guess I'm asking how do you know if it's worth sticking around, if it's a temporary thing or not? Because I don't want to waste another 5 years. But I really would love to have found my person.

Thanks 🥹

So I found out yesterday that my boyfriend 24 M has been emotionally cheating on me for 2 months.

He is Canadian Greek, and extremely obsessed with his Greek heritage. I am not Greek so therefore maybe I don’t fit his mould that his parents created.

I find out yesterday via going through his instagram that he has been messaging a girl (Greek) for 2 months. he has never met this girl in his life. These messages are bad, She asks him what his red flags are and he lists out all of my personality traits and insecurities. He has been flirting with this girl inviting her to come visit him etc.

Meanwhile I am living with this “man” so not sure how that would’ve worked but anyway… I obviously have dumped him and blocked him on all social media after confronting him about this and him having ZERO defense. But I want to know how to get over him. We could only talk about this situation for 15 minutes because he had to go for work and I moved out immediately.

I’m extremely shocked and disappointed but I can’t cry for some reason. I want to try and get over this since I moved to US for him and now I have to move back home and start my life again.

Any tips on how to get over this?

Going to cocktail attire event tomorrow. Wearing a cocktail dress and open toed heels. (Unfortunately, it's too late to change dress and shoes). Most of the event is indoors, but there is a 1 hr segment outdoors in 40F night weather. Will I be okay that 1 hour without a coat? Dont really wanna get sick or chatter my teeth. I would bring a coat, but there is no coat check and I can't leave it in the car since someone is dropping me off. I don't want to hang onto a coat the entire 5 hours.

EDIT: Thank you so much ladies for all of the responses! I had a great time at the event and will be replying to every comment, because I really appreciate them.

Before I get into this, I just want to say I’ve had friends copy me before with things like clothes and makeup and it’s truly never bothered me. This situation though I feel goes beyond that level of copying.

For context, I live in a 4-bedroom apartment with two of my best friends. This semester, our fourth room became available, and "Shannon" (20F), one of my other friends, moved in. Shannon and I are friends, but not super close. We have only hung out in group settings before, but I thought she was nice and we got along well.

Almost immediately after Shannon moved in, I started to notice her copying me. When I say copying, she's copying my ideas/thoughts/opinions and is passing them off as if they are her own as if she came up with them. It's all small stuff but it's been happening so often I feel like I'm going crazy.

random examples:

-After seeing a movie, Shannon said she loved all of it and had no critiques when with just me. But when we were with my other roommates only 30 minutes later she echoed my exact (word for word) critique as if it were her own.

-When I mentioned Dylan O’Brien as my celebrity crush, Shannon suddenly became obsessed, talking about him constantly and even coming into my room multiple times just to show me pictures of him. She never did this or talked about having a crush on him before I said I did.

-I told her about a TV show I liked, and she said she had never seen it so I shared a few of my favorite moments so far. 30 minutes later, with my roommates she claimed it was her favorite show and repeated my favorite moments & opinions on characters as if she had been watching it.

All of the examples above seem so benign but it has been really bothering me because she repeats what I say exactly, word for word. It's also been progressively getting more and more frequent, to the point my other roommates have noticed it.

Any advice on what to do/how to deal with this so I don't blow up my living situation? I feel so silly confronting her about stealing my opinions on TV shows and celebrity crushes but she copies my opinion on every single thing.

It's difficult for me to feel comfortable while trying to be sexy with my spouse (26M). I want to be, but because I don't really know what I'm doing, I'm not confident with it, which then makes me more uncomfortable. Part of the problem (possibly) is that he has a low sex drive and we only have sex like once a week. So there aren't many opportunities for me to practice and I don't want do something wrong or ruin the mood since he's doesn't get in the mood often.

It's his birthday this weekend and he wants me to dress up in lingerie and seduce him, which sounds very intriguing, but I don't know how to be confident.

Hi guys,

As the title says I’m 26M and have rarely had sex. All throughout school/Uni it was something I was never really bothered about, all I wanted to do was party and have fun with my mates.

Once I graduated from Uni and started my dream job things got very stressful for 4+ years, and on my days off all I wanted to do was chill and do my own thing. I was so focused on my career that I didn’t really care about anything else, sex was just a distraction to my goal.

Flash forward to now, I have recently been promoted and have ‘achieved my dream’, but I’ve missed out on so many relationships with women. So much so that I now feel like I’m being thrown into a new world which I am not experienced enough for.

I should also mention that I’ve watched wayy too much porn in my life, something like twice a day for over 10+ years. For my career it was a major stress reliever but it’s made me struggle to get hard with women in real life and is something I should’ve quit years ago. I’ve been off it now a week and I intend to never watch it again.

Going forward, what is the best way to approach this with girls? Should I be upfront and honest, or should I try to hide it? For the average 26 year old my ‘sex game’ is probably terrible, and most women always expect me to be good because of my apparent “fuck boy” looks. I notice that a lot of women seem to lose interest once they see that I’m inexperienced.

Any help would be appreciated beyond words!

Friend (F) and I (M) have started dating. We have been friends for a while (years) but the dating is new (2 dates) and we sometimes get caught in odd "how does this work" or "how do we date" moments. Last time I saw her, she expressed that sometimes her body and head are not at the same place. The example given was when kissing her, my hand moved to her butt, which she physically liked but which also her brain registered as new/different and took her head out of the moment. When I was told this, we talked about it a bit and because she felt mixed (physically enjoyed, wants to mentally enjoy but it pulled her out of it) I asked where the boundary/comfort level is. In that, and a slightly later convo, we both expressed a desire for that boundary to expand, but at a speed that lets her head and body move together. This is where my question is: How do I let her set the growth rate for the relationship, without it feeling like I'm pressuring her. If we are kissing, and I know hands on back or head/hair are OK but butt was too far last time, how do I stay aware of the boundary and stay in the moment and accept evolution in the boundaries without her either feeling pressure or her getting pulled back into her head with a "I wish he'd do X, but I don't want to (always) be the one to ask" type thought? Asking about updated boundaries (in advance) feels pressury while asking afterwards (was X too much) feels both pressury and like it is too late. I have said that I'll respect the boundaries and that they can change (in either direction) at any time, and that a boundary or permission can be temporary, but that again feels like putting the onus on her to be the one setting/updating boundaries (at least until we hit one of mine).

If useful context, I have been in a serious, long term relationship before; she has dated a little but nothing serious. Also, if useful, while I'm in favour of us dating, (I like her, trust her and find her attractive), it was her idea.

Tldr: how do I respect her limits without her feeling like all the onus/pressure is on her (or is this not actually a problem)?

In brief, there's this guy who goes to my school that I have more or less made plans to meet up with over the break. Now, he has truly not done or said anything to me that indicates any alarming/worrisome beliefs or anything of the sort. That being said, my friends don't like him, and have mentioned that they've heard rumors that he was especially problematic and misogynistic in the past.

Essentially, what I am struggling with is figuring out if it's worth it to let the logic of "well, just give him a chance, you don't actually know" win, or if I should believe the generally questionable vibe and somehow avoid him.

I think he's really attractive. Whenever I am around him, I feel uneasy -- and cannot tell if it's the attraction + the anxiety that he might be dangerous in some way coalescing, or if it's just genuine discomfort. What I am worried about is that we have actively made plans to hang out this break -- off campus. Meaning, no one we know will be around us publicly, and, in private? Well.

What's more, he got rejected by one of my closest friends and she said that he just started acting petty and "like a little bitch" afterwards, as per her description. She said that whenever she'd try to initiate conversation with him after, he'd just be very curt and cold. I thought that might have something to do with a hurt ego, but it is admittedly a strange attitude for a grown man to have.

I am just scared. And I don't want it to be a situation where I showed clear interest and made an effort to reach out, only to backtrack and act aloof once he actually tries to set up a time. It feels unnecessary. But I also don't want to have a tragic, scarring little tale to tell by the end of winter break. What is the best thing I can do for my own safety here?

TL;DR: I like a guy and made plans to hang out with him over the break, but I am worried he's potentially dangerous/problematic because of rumors I have heard, my friend's meh experience with him + the generally weird gut feeling I have around him. What should I do?

Let me give you some context first. My parents have been friends with this other couple for about 30 years. They were pretty close since before I was born, and have been in touch since. This other couple have two daughters, that I had a good, friendly relationship with, although we wouldn't meet for years on end. Fast forward about 15-20 years of minimum contact, I have to serve my mandatory military service in the town the older daughter lives. I get her number from my mom, contact her, and I went to see her. We had fun, I went back to my base.

She stays in touch, and I feel like the conversation is taking a progressively more romantic direction, but that's fine with me. When we meet again next weekend, she's very affectionate: hugs, kisses on the cheek, poking fun at me and she's generally beaming. After lunch, I get a little sleepy, so she suggests I take a nap on her bed. I suggest she should join me. Nothing naughty happened, but we (or at least I) slept hugging each other tightly. When I woke up, in the same position, she was holding the hand I was hugging her with. That was the last straw, and I went in for a kiss.

Immediately after our lips touch, she asks me if I'm sure about this, and proceeds to tell me all of the reasons why I wouldn't want to be with her. She's a very devout person, as is her family, and also very shy, so she didn't have any prior relationships. She's scared that I will look for someone younger than her (because I'm younger). And she also brought up the fact of our parents relationship and how it could be an issue. I naturally assure her that I don't see her age and faith as problems, and that I would be very happy to solve every other problem that arises together.

I was leaving in a few days (I was transferred to a different base) and that naturally was a bitter point throughout the week. As I had a few days free before the transfer, I thought it would be a good idea to spend a couple of them with her. But my parents had a different idea and came to pick me up right after I was out of the base.

My mother claimed that since I was gone for a long time, I should spend this time with my family, that it was the right thing to do, and made a big fuss about it with me, her and her family. I reluctantly returned home, but promised her I'll be back first chance I get. The very next day, my mother asks me if there's something going on with me and my friend. I tell her no, except for the fact that we were texting. Then she goes on a rant about how their family is old fashioned and they'll try to get me to marry her very soon, because she's at marrying age, that they had some financial struggles and had gotten some money from my parents and so, they would be looking at me like a trophy husband. She asked me to let my friend down gently, and because she was very emotional, I told her I would handle it.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know I'm a bit too good for my friend. I'm relatively handsome (as per friends and several past love interests), well educated, athletic and my parents have made sure that I have a decent amount of money waiting for me to collect, when I start living on my own, that is, after I'm done with the military. This woman is not my type, but I fell in love with her character and personality. She's had trouble finishing her degree, and is currently helping at the church to make ends meet. But again, I'm ok with this and I let my mother know.

So here's where I need advice. Yesterday my mom and I had a conversation where I confirmed I was still talking to my friend and what had happened between us. She made an argument again about how she's not a good fit for me, that I'm too good for her. I told her that I don't see it like that, and that her good qualities are what I care about, not her looks, education and salary. After she saw that I won't budge, she started sobbing and told me that she couldn't stomach me being with my friend and that she didn't want her as my wife. After that, I was furious. I took off, went to the gym to cool off, and when I return home, I just went straight to my room. I didn't come out until later in the evening, when I just grabbed my keys and left again, without saying anything, to meet some friends. How should I handle this from now on? Is my mother right to try to stop me from having a relationship with my friend? I love her to bits, but she's becoming increasingly controlling. I also don't want to make my friend sad, because I can see that she's very happy about us being together. Iam at a loss. I don't want to lose either my family or my friend, but I'm afraid I'll have to, sooner rather than later.

Sorry for the long post, I appreciate everyone that reached this far.

TL;DR: Met with a long lost female friend, we started dating, but my mother thinks she's not a good fit for me and told me she doesn't want her as my future wife.

So basically what the title says. I need to make a doctor's appointment sometime in January and have been trying to work myself up to it. I haven't been since sometime in 2019. I had 5 or 6 appointments in 2021, but 4 of them were canceled by my doctor(F, unsure of age). The other 1 or 2 I had to reschedule due to Covid quarantines (I was working in a daycare). The last appointment was the 4th time the doctor canceled, and I decided to just wait until some other time. The problem is, I feel like the doctor doesn't actually listen to me on a normal day. Making an appointment and trying to explain that I don't feel right without knowing how to explain what's wrong doesn't feel like it'll go well. How would I go about talking to my doctor in a way that makes her listen? Or at least gets my point across that something feels wrong?

Okay, so I hope I'm okay to post this here. If it's not appropriate, by all means, please delete. I am seeking advice or shared experiences.

One of my (F40) best friends (F40) today came over today to talk, as she had a very distressing incident happen to her a few days ago.

She went to a gyneacologist after having some suspicious growth cut out and sent off for testing. When he was doing the examination, he very clearly rubbed her clitoris not once, but twice.

Let me be clear, this was no accident, and it happened twice in the 1 sitting/examination.

My friend is wanting to follow it up and is aware of AHPRA (Australian Health Practitioner Regulation Agency), but is unsure of the best way to start dealing with this. As we were Googling things together, it's very clear that many medical professionals get a "slap on the wrist" for this kind of misconduct, if any consequences at all. So, we're trying to think strategically the best first move for her to make. He cannot just get away with doing this, not only for her, but for other women that he may try this with. He's been practicing for a few decades. One does wonder how many others there are!

Another consideration that's worth noting, is this gyneacologist is quite high up and very well respected in his field. He gets referrals from gyneacologists that have patients with abnormalities etc, and oversees training others I believe, as he is also a professor.

My friend has tried looking at his Google reviews to see if there's anyone with similar experiences, but there were none of this nature. I don't know that anyone would post something like that, and if they did, I'm sure there's a way to "clean up" reviews like that when you're a medical professional that holds so much power in his field.

A couple of people had mentioned in the reviews that their partners weren't allowed in the room at the time of examination, even at their request.

Please if anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated 🙏

Thank you for taking the time to read

My wife and I are getting divorced. For the first time since i was 19 im looking at dating strangers.I know it's scary out there for women. What are some ways I can make sure women feel safe as I re enter the dating pool? I have 2 little sisters who mean the world to me, and I worry about them navigating me every day. It's very important to me that I am safe for women, and they feel safe around me.

Good morning, everybody! Like the title implies… I HAD a savings. I had money invested, money saved, a decent bank account (still do — that’s not the issue here… it’s mainly tied to my savings), but now I’m starting at square one again.

I graduated college a year and a half ago and got my first “real” job (I was interning before that) this past May. Work-wise, things are going great, but throughout all of this… I was in a 2-year long abusive relationship. I was abused emotionally, financially (hence why I am making this post), and physically. My current girlfriend knows these things, but not the true extent.

My last girlfriend would essentially syphon all of my income — it was especially bad once I left school and was working full time. I had managed to save money in school and invest a lot of it, but for the year before we broke up (we broke up in June) I was being drained for everything I had on top of paying rent. It completely annihilated my savings and my drive for live in general. I had to sell stocks, sell a car, DoorDash on the side (if I was allowed to by my ex), and consistently dip into my savings in order to supplement her lifestyle and make sure I wasn’t going to bed hungry and could get to work every day. I was essentially working to provide for two people. Mind you, my ex has a seven-figure trust fund and a decent savings of her own. She grew up privileged (I did not — my parents were never the most financially well-advised, but they raised me well. I absolutely love them for all they do) and never had to worry about money.

My ex made me pay for breakfast, lunch, dinner, buy her random stuff, and on top of all that… I still had to pay my rent, my insurance, my credit card, and anything else that I needed to survive. She was… expensive. I looked at how much I have saved since leaving her (like $1500/mo) and it made me sick to my stomach.

On top of all of that, I have been paying my part of the lease with my ex since I left in July because she has refused to sign me off even though I found a replacement roommate multiple times. My current girlfriend knew this was happening, however, as of this month (and a decent amount of attorney fees later…) I am out of that lease! I still had to pay for this month as a part of the agreement, but it’s still relieving. That’s like $900/no extra in my pocket every month that isn’t going towards my ex. I left the apartment in July and moved back home to my parents which also added an hour and a half to my commute each way. Even outside of the relationship, she was financially abusing me — did I mention that her friend was staying rent free in my room the entire time? (Who knows if my “rent money” was actually going to rent or if she was collecting $900 from me and pocketing it while also collecting from her friend)

Fast forward to today, I am with the absolute sweetest person I have ever met. She’s kind, she’s understanding, beautiful, and very caring. I truly do love her and want to do the best I can for her. She also has her shit together… like way together. She was fortunate enough to graduate a year early in 2019 (I was only starting school at this point) and has worked at her current company since the day she graduated. Throughout all of this, she was living at home and banking all of her money, investing it, saving, etc… with no rent. She only just moved out this past January, so she has A LOT saved (high six-figures) for somebody her age.

As for me, I have basically nothing left aside from a couple thousand in my checking, $1000 in my IRA that I just deposited, and $1000 in a HYSA that I also just deposited. All in, I have ~$5000 to my name after leaving my last relationship.

My current girlfriend knows I’ve been struggling financially, but also thinks I still have a “decent” savings (that’s the verbiage I’ve been using). I never gave her an amount, but she keeps saying how proud of me she for saving/investing which leads me to believe she thinks it’s a significant amount of money. I don’t know how to tell her that I am only just now getting back on my feet.

I have a steady job, own both of my cars, pay my dues, and am now managing to start saving again now that I am being uplifted by my partner and family/friends. I am extremely fortunate for the people I have in my life. I just feel incredibly guilty for not being 1000% honest with the person whose opinion matters most.

How should I proceed? She keeps saying how proud she is of me, but I don’t feel proud.

TL;DR — Abused for two years, taken for everything I had and depleted my savings as a result, but my current girlfriend likely thinks I’m doing better than I actually am.

Hello!

I’m 24F, boyfriend is 31M.

We live together and have been together for over a year, everything is perfect on that front. Where issues arise is with his mother. Over the year i’ve known him, he’s gone to spend a whole Saturday or Sunday there, every week. I’ve gone with him most times because our work schedules don’t align the best and weekends are practically all we have in terms of actual present and awake quality time.

My relationship with my family is a bit different in that I see them maybe once a month for a few hours, and everyone is okay with that. So his weekly visits to his mom struck me as a bit much immediately off the bat and when i mentioned it, he said it’s because she’s lonely (she’s been divorced for almost 20 years) and just wants company. (He has a brother that lives closer with his girlfriend, and they go more than once a week)

Now though, she’s been recently diagnosed with something called GAVE that they will treat her for for a while, and she also has carpal tunnel that’s being treated. So these past few months have become increasingly overwhelming in that she needs them there almost constantly. The younger brother’s girlfriend has told me that she gets texts like “is X awake” or “what are you guys doing? When are you coming over?” Or “if X wants to sleep over at mine please don’t argue with him” or “you guys are different, you never come over anymore “ and the girlfriend will say “i’m sad you feel that way because we’re always with you” to which the MIL will respond with “you guys don’t care that I’m sick, and I don’t feel well”.

If neither son goes for a week, we don’t hear the end of it the next time we’re there. She gets jealous whenever it comes up that we saw my parents, or they saw the other girlfriend’s parents, or did anything but see her. They’ve told her to talk to a therapist because her anxiety/depression is too much and it’s hard on them and her, she said no, then yes when my boyfriend asked her alone, then no again this week.

She’s asked them to move back in, will ask them to sleepover for X amount of days, etc. They’ve said no but his brother is obviously far more present than my boyfriend is. Every time she catches me alone she asks me when we’re moving closer (we’re 40 minutes to an hour away), and I tell her we’re not moving closer, where we live is perfect.

Also, my boyfriend’s workplace is near her (because he started working out of that office years ago when he still lived with her) and has tried to switch into an office closer to our place and every time it fails, he tells me it’s better that way anyway because he likes his present office and doesn’t want to risk losing it.

She’s also told him not to switch offices because why the hell, he’s good there, he’ll move closer to her eventually, etc. I’m within 20 minutes of my friends and family. He’s also within 20 minutes of his closest friends except the ones from high school that he’s barely seen for over a year that live around where his mother is…

Now, he’s told me he would like to eventually move closer to his mom (the second time he tells me), and I can’t do that. Because moving closer would mean he’d most likely spend half his week sleeping over at his moms and I don’t know how I’m supposed to build a life with a man i have to share with his mom. These types of issues usually arise much later in life, not at this age, right? It terrifies me that this would be my life if I stay, but what if she gets better and suddenly doesn’t want them there every week? I will have lost the best man I’ve ever met.

I genuinely don’t know what to do, I’m sure he’s hoping I change my mind, but at this rate I can’t. It’s unhealthy and it’s already affecting our relationship although he disagrees on that front.

Help me please :)

Please and thank you for your words

TL;DR: I think I might lose the love of my life because of his mother and I don’t know what to do to fix it.

I (27M) have feelings for my friend (26F). I have never been in a relationship or even liked a girl before so I don't know how to proceed.

So, it started as friends. And as friends, I sent her some reels and maybe a reel I sent her was too "Relationship" level. She said, "I don't know how to reply to that as we are not that close yet." I had no feelings for her then and just sent her the reel because I found it funny. We talked through it and figured it out. But after that, I started developing feelings for her.

The thing is, she is really busy all the time so usually, she doesn't even reply to my texts. I don't know if it's just me or if she is like that to everyone. But she is always super sweet when we meet. We joke, laugh. She invited me to a hockey game she was going to. She invited me to her class presentation. We hug when we meet. Other than the "not replying to text part" we are pretty good.

Also, the kicker is that she is leaving the country for 6 months. We were talking about relationships and she said, "What kind of a relationship I will have if I leave next month." And I replied, "The right guy will wait for you." Then later that day when we were leaving, I said to her, "I would have waited for you." And she just laughed sweetly.

Many more things happened/happening, but yeah, that's the gist of it. Should I tell her I like her or just savour the friendship right now? Feel free to ask for any clarifications. Thank you!

We were close friends before.

At the beginning of our relationship he also couldn't get an erection at all due to medication and anxiety. He didn't communicate about it at all though so I was HIGHLY anxious about it. I did all the communicating.

My therapist said I was "emotionally caretaking him". Sex (or lack of) was so anxiety inducing for me.

I dont really like oral so there wasn't much he could do for me.

I have lost some attraction to him now because of all of this

Now he is mostly better (he looses erection occasionally, runs out of breath and needs to take a rest, etc). Which is fine.

I just have developed an avoidance to him. A little bit of an ick.

He also isn't great at making me orgasm. He tries really hard, but he can't quite get it.

My body is irritatingly picky. 😩🫣 Few partners have made me finish though. It's my fault. I hate that my body is this way.

In past relationships, I've been happy having slightly rough piv sex and then getting fingered to climax, either by myself or by my partner... but he is uncut and this doesn't seem to be his thing.

So upset. Thank you

My brother (27M, 6ft built guy) and I (25F) got into a fight over a very silly thing. This is how it all went down - It was 10m in the morning and this was our first interaction for the day. The night before we had gone to a wedding and everything was okay. We also chilled together because we didn’t know many people there, but I don’t know what happened the next morning. He was annoyed with me over a small thing and he made it clear, and in return rude to him (I didn’t abuse nor did I raise my voice. I just said that I was going to do it anyway, but now I won’t touch it) but he didn’t like my ‘attitude’ and asked me to shut up or he’ll hit me. I asked him to try if he can and he did. He slapped me and then things escalated to the point where he started hitting me repeatedly. My mother and our house help had to intervene and beg for him to stop, but since he’s huge, they couldn’t do much to stop him, so they stopped me and locked me in a room. They also said stuff to me like you’re acting like you’re possessed and girls shouldn’t abuse. I was already hysterical at this point. I was hurt and humiliated. I was dreaming and abusing him which led to more hits. It ended with 3-4 slaps, 3 hits on the back of my head and 1 almost knee to the chest.

I left home the same day. My father dropped me at a hotel and I stayed there for 1 night. I went back home the next day to tell my parents that I’d be moving out and picking up my stuff. It led to a lot of tears. My dad was okay with me moving out and offered a few alternatives as well. My mother (probably) thought that I’d calm down in a few days and come back home so she was also okay with me moving out. They said that he’s at greater fault but I’m also at fault because I provoked him. If I knew he has anger issues, I should’ve de-escalated the fight. My mother spoke to him the next day of this fight. She shouted at him and he was apologetic (in her words), but then she also told him that he said that it was all my fault.

This is not the first time this has happened. He slapped me 5 times in front of my mother and grandmother 7 years ago. At that time, my mother had forced him to apologise to me and he did and then I was expected to act like things went back to normal. I have told them repeatedly since that incident that if anyone touches me at home, I will leave the house immediately.

Currently, I’ve been living at a friend’s house for the last 2 days. I have a decently paying job and a ready to move in option at a friend’s apartment, so living on my own won’t be a problem. My grandmother keeps calling me asking me to come back. She keeps saying why are you punishing us because of the actions of 1 person. My mother said that I should come back and not trouble them any further.

I don’t know what to do. I definitely don’t want to go back there because just the thought of being in the same house as him makes me anxious and I’m also disappointed with my parents. But I don’t want to hurt my parents as well. I don’t want to cause them any pain because my brother already does that a lot to them. Things have been bad for years now and my brother has lashed out many times. He has broken our dining table, and washbasin, pushed my mom and came very close to hitting my dad in anger fits.

P.S. I don’t have the energy to read it again, so please excuse any mistakes.

So I have a newish friendship (couple of months), we're both moms in our late 20s. We get along really and we talk nearly everyday, so our friendship is pretty good imo. I'm currently pregnant and I asked her if she had any big comfy maternity clothes I could borrow because I gave all my stuff away after my last pregnancy. She very kindly brought over a bunch of comfy stuff for me, one of which is a giant comfy blanket sweater thing with a huge pocket in the front. Well tonight I put the sweater on... and there was a pink vibrator in the pocket lol. My husband thinks it's absolutely hilarious and he thinks I should tell her (he also asked his buddies, who dont know her, what I should do... they said to tell her and they also think its hilarious). But I think that I would be absolutely mortified if the roles were reversed (that being said, I'm very shy about taboo topics). Should I tell her? Or should I just throw it away and pretend I didn't find it? I'm honestly not sure how she would react lol.. I don't know if she'd find it hilarious... or incredibly embarrassing (like myself).

I want to be able to better myself. I need to stop thinking about myself negatively, but I couldn't help it. As soon as I begin to find myself pretty or embrace my body, I remember negative memories which lead me to think so badly of myself. I'd wish l'd have a smaller figure, be prettier, have bigger boobs, etc... and I would just seek validation. I’m afraid if this would continue to happen, I wouldn’t be able to fix my relationship with myself and with my partner— especially with my partner.

Hey everyone l'm a 23F and I'm thinking of potentially breaking up with my boyfriend 26M of 2 years

When we started dating I knew I wasn't his type because I went through his Instagram to find a meme.

On his for you page I saw to very curvy women with ginormous breast. I was a bit hurt because I'm very skinny with DD. I asked if that's whet he likes he said yes but I just forgot about it because it isn't my business.

But somehow I'm always reminded how he prefers thicker women and its making me feel like he settled. Here are a few things that has happened since then

• I saw the porn videos he watchs and it's all thick women with big big boobs I'm talking z cups. Even his fav pornstars are shaped like that.

• one time we watched a movie and the protagonist was skinny like me and I heard him say ' I don't know how anyone could find that attractive' mind you l'm like barely 2kg heavier than her. Men are stupid so I don't think he really thought about what he said

• he'd mention how thick women are the preference for most black men (we're a black couple ) although this is unrelated it was still a lil trigger for me because I know he is talking about himself too...

• his ex has the exact body type he prefers

• we watched porn together (idk why I did this to myself and the woman ass was like me x5.

I'm a size 6 but he prefers sizes 12-14. I could tell that he was enjoying the video and felt my self esteem crush into pieces.

Apart from this he is the perfect boyfriend. But I find it difficult to not take this personally.

I just feel like I deserve a man that finds me body type attractive, even if I'm not his type, l don't want to be reminded constantly of his preference etc. let me know if I'm overreacting.

I'm not currently talking to him now, kinda feel like I need space. Being in a relationship isn't healthy if you feel like you're not enough. I started comparing myself to Cuvier women...

I've been with him for 2 years now, so I'm kinda in too deep.

What do you think is the best thing to do?

shes repeatedly asked me to be rough with her, and it made me uncomfortable at first, but ive worked my way up to choking her, pinning her down, pulling her hair and talking dirty. but she wants more, shes asked me to beat the shit out of her (her words). im just not comfortable with hitting her but i want to satisfy her. neither of us have any experience apart from each other. im pretty vanilla, and i find it hard to keep up with her

ive told her i dont think i can hit her, at least closed fist, i might be able to slap her but it feels wrong to me. goes against my nature. shes been patient with me but she still wants more. how do i satisfy her without traumatizing myself

Hi! Posted this problem in /relationships but I thought this might be a better demographic to post, coming from someone in their mid 20s.

I (24F) my boyfriend (22M) have been together for over a year now. We both graduated with Art Bachelors last year. Currently, he doesn't have a job and has moved back to his parents' house. I'm finding it difficult to deal with this, and it's even affecting my attraction to him at the moment.

I've worked all through university, started studying a bit later, and have had several full-time jobs before. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has had a few jobs here and there but has never committed to something long-term. He’s done some shifts at a local pub since moving back home, but although he says he’s looking for a job, he still hasn’t found one.

I understand that he's 22 and we both just finished university in May (so it’s been six months), and I was also unable to find a job in the arts. That's why I took a full-time job outside my degree field, which is paying my rent. I’m currently working 45 hours a week and saving up. However, I find his lack of employment really unattractive, especially since he doesn’t seem to be putting in the effort I expect, or the effort that I myself put in.

I've spoken to him about this several times, but I don’t want to feel like I’m taking on a “mom” role. I also told him that I don’t like receiving a “good morning” text after 10:30 or 11 a.m., or a “goodnight” text after 1 a.m. on weekdays, as I find it frustrating that he isn’t more motivated. Is that unfair for me to say?

He says he’s trying, but it seems he’s either too naive or doesn’t want to settle for minimum wage, and sometimes he applies for jobs that are far beyond his current qualifications. I see him hanging out with friends and seeing people he hasn't seen in ages, which is also something good. But...

Fyi, he is the love of my life and this feeling has come very unexpectedly. I don’t care about money, but I do care about having a purpose in life, something to be passionate about, and staying busy as a partner. Unemployment and living with his parents in a small town, where he can’t get anywhere without borrowing his mum's car and sleeps till late, don’t feel like how he should be spending his time at 22. it feels lazy

Is it fair for me to find this my boyfriends unemployment so unattractive? Or should I give him more space, considering he’s 22?

Why are his parents, who he lives with, not stepping in here? Or is the world just fucked and getting a job is just really hard, and I am making that feel even harder by not understanding his situation?

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and are both 22. While our relationship is mostly good, I’m struggling with his lack of motivation and planning for the future. I’m currently in college working toward a business degree and striving for financial stability, a better future for us, and the ability to help my family.

He has been working a full time job for two years, earning $20 an hour, but hasn’t saved any money. I’ve tried helping him budget and suggested he pursue his GED or trade school, but he doesn’t seem interested. We’ve been living with his parents for a year, and while he pays $600 in rent and covers some bills, I feel like he could still save something if he wanted to.

I don’t contribute financially because I’m in school, but I handle the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. It bothers me that he isn’t making any real effort to secure a better future for himself or for us. When I’ve brought this up, he gets defensive. He’s also mentioned that having a baby might motivate him to work harder, but I believe our relationship and shared future should already be enough motivation.

I’ve thought about moving back in with my parents to focus on my goals, but I don’t want him to feel abandoned. I still care about him deeply, but I don’t know how long I can wait for him to figure things out.

How can I approach this situation to balance supporting him and prioritizing my own future?

We been together 6 years, been through a lot, covid, traumas and minor surgeries. I looked after her, took to drs, paid rent, utilities, she was off work for nearly a year. no kids or mortgage as my job allowed rent. She kept her wage to herself( i work in healthcare unsocial hours, shes a lab tech)

She had guys prio to me, but still chats through facebook when they text her. We been living together abroad and returned home close to relatives. I drove 2000 miles on Friday with my last stuff and i was exhausted. That day she was chatting with ex boyfriend as he has missed her. Didnt tell me anything for the past week. Should i confront her and ask if she respects me and finish this or just let it go and work towards our future ?

I was going to buy a house for us to settle in to start family, but now i dont fkn know anything. Any good ideas?

I had a traumatic, abnormal childhood. As a result I spent most of my 20s completely lost, working minimum wage jobs that made me suicidal, heavily drinking, and hanging out with people I didn't have the emotional skills to realize I didn't even like being around. I had a shift in my late 20s where I saved up some money, traveled a lot, and got to know who I was as a person more. I went back to school and got an associates degree and graduated this past spring. My life has become completely derailed since then because of a relationship that completely reset who I was as a person, I spent most of this year thinking of nothing else. Now I finally have the mental ability to think about life beyond the next 24 hours of emotional crisis again, and realized I'm totally lost once more. I have no idea who I am or what I want. I'm running out of money. I'm terrified of becoming trapped in a shitty job and being swallowed up by depression again. After this relationship I don't even know what I like or what I want anymore. I couldn't tell you a goal or a dream I truly deeply want if you held a gun to my head. How am I supposed to figure this out while also finding a job and deciding if I should further my education and trying to find a place to live (I'm staying with my parents rn) I'm paralyzed by the amount of things I don't know and have to do, and I feel like a blank canvas as a human being once again, and I'm still emotionally a wreck over my breakup.