Hi everyone,

I’ve (29F) been friends with Julia (31F) for only about 6 months and met her through our mutual friend Kate (30F) who’s been her friend for years.

Kate and I recently attended Julia’s wedding and enjoyed most of it. The food was good, Julia was lovely and both families seemed really nice and friendly.

Then later in the wedding, Kate and I saw Julia’s husband Mark(28M) enter a supply closet with two of Julia’s relatives. They didn’t emerge for several minutes and we ended up knocking on the door. They told us to come in and we did- only to see that they were snorting blue powder, which Mark identified as ecstasy given to him by one of the relatives.

Mark told us we had to stay in the closet until they were ready to leave it and offered us blue powder, which Kate and I both declined. Mark went on about how he used to sell a lot of ecstasy but he doesn’t anymore and how he knows this powder is safe because relative # 1 didn’t die when he snorted it first.

Kate and I made awkward conversation until we could leave the closet, at which point Mark and the best man found us, Mark high as a kite and best man looking frantic and trying to gauge what Kate and I would do.

About half an hour later everyone was leaving and Kate and I saw Mark in the drivers seat of his car. We don’t know if he drove but he was definitely really high on weed and mystery powder, and drunk as well.

There was also some other stuff that was off to me: Mark told me he’s not like other men who are all terrible and he’s one of the good ones, the first time I met him (that night) and some of his family members blamed his ex wife for his choice to be married previously and for the divorce. And Julia told me once that Mark said his ex (who she has not met) didn’t stay in touch or fight to get anything in the divorce including the dogs, and thus the ex really must have never loved the dogs. Juli has also told me that Mark has commented before that he thinks she is trying to ‘trap him’ in a marriage or with a pregnancy.

Kate and I don’t know what to say to Julia but think we should probably tell her what happened. I also think Mark is suspicious and there’s something weird about him. What should we do? If we tell her, how should we do so?

Tl;dr My boyfriend oesn’t make me feel like a priority or a girlfriend and I don’t know how much longer I can put up with it

My boyfriend and I have been together since late October. We are sorta long distance (about an hour and a half) and I have commuted to him about every time while he has come to see me once. When I do come over it’s always just us watching tv and eating Uber eats or I am cooking. We have yet to spend a whole day together. We talk on the phone and text through out the day every day. When we are on the phone he is always either working, playing video games with his friends/family or playing them in general, or he is doing research on betting or calling me in between running errands.

About six weeks ago I mentioned to him that I need romance, I need to feel like a girlfriend than some girl who comes over every four or more weeks to sleepover then leave for work. I understand he has a lot on his plate because he has two jobs, projects he is working on and he has custody of his son part time. Like I totally get it. He just also does this thing where he will randomly be like “next time I am going to see you in your city” “I got you something” or “I want to plan this in two weeks” etc. and nothing happens? I don’t even care that he didn’t actually give me anything, I mean, I do wish he would plan a date but I also wish he wouldn’t lie? I confronted him about this also and he said it wasn’t fair because he has been busy which I will accept. I just have seen a very consistent pattern of it and it’s hard to ignore. I have been in a lot of relationships like this and I am willing to be patient but to an extent… quality time is very important to me and I wish he would put more effort in making me feel like some kind of priority. Right now he has been absolutely all talk and it feels hard to believe nowadays.

How do I get through this with him? It’s really bothering me and I am not trying bother him about, I just need to know this isn’t going to be a forever thing for us

I've never had this happen and am not sure what to do. I have known the mom through work for around a year, and she is a terrific person. Today, she gave me her daughter's phone number. I met the daughter a time or two in the past but only ever had small talk with her.

I am not sure how to approach this. Should I call or text her? 

My friend (20F) , she's quite full of anxiety and not mentally healthy just last day, she told me that she kinda like when she's physically hurt or cut somewhere, she told me that once she had a minor cut from knife, but she cut it more as it made her feel good I asked her about the pain from periods, and she said she kinda like it too and thats why she dont take any medicines

I'm (21M) kinda worried for her

Can anyone help me?

I would like practical advice if possible. Therapy isn't an option for the moment. Thank you for your answers!

I used to be friends with this girl in high school. I really enjoyed spending time with her even though we never hung out outside of school.

After high school, we lost touch. I don't think she reached out to me. I also had really bad depression all through college so I basically retreated from the world, including friends.

I have not spoken to her in 8 years but I miss her a bit. We don't live in the same place so this would just be messaging. Is it weird to reach out after all this time? What would I say?

I'm still bad at friends but I figure. This will get harder as more time passes.

What should I do?

This is fairly complicated. I (27f) have been with my partner (25m) for 4 1/2 years now.

Throughout our relationship he has cheated multiple times, through messaging over women (nothing physical although I’m sure he tried).

More recently I discovered he spent the majority of last year emotionally cheating on me and basically having a whole side chick which wrote him love letters so was deffo something serious.

He told her I was a crazy ex and god knows what else, when really I was sat at our home thinking all was fine.

Anyway, today I am pregnant in my third trimester and I was genuinely really happy and excited about this until I learnt of all his lies. He’s put pressure on me to have an abortion but at this stage it’s too late.

I don’t want to stay with him but I’m unsure on how to approach the conversation. I want to keep the baby and I want him gone.

This seems to be the most unreal situation and I honestly feel hopeless. I had given the relationship my all, lost myself a bit and had made my life revolve around him and his needs. I thought I was being the perfect girlfriend.

Any advice would be greatly welcomed!

Sorry for length, moved TLDR at the top for an easier read

TLDR; partner told me details about sex with a former coworker when I didn’t ask, while also under the assumption that he gave me an STD. In the same night he reminisced about his ex. This happened a year ago and it still upsets me. Should I just end it or grow up and get over it?

I (25F) met my current partner (28M) about a year ago on a dating app. I typically don’t date through apps, but had moved cities to take care of my parents and work remote, so my social life changed a lot and I went online to meet more people.

About two weeks after we met, I went to get tested for any STDs/stis, as I learned safe sex practices a long time ago and liked to be proactive. My first result indicated a potential positive, and while I tried not to say anything while waiting for the results of a second test, I spilled the beans the next time I saw him and said he should get tested to. I knew I was 100% clean before him and asked if he tested before me. He went into a full panic (hyperventilating, crying) and said no, he’d slept with other people since his last test. Alright, that’s fair, we met on an app after all. But then, without any prompt or question from me whatsoever, he went on to describe the specifics of his last encounter, including the who, how, where, how long, etc., then said “don’t worry - I’ll text her”. At this point I didn’t know what to say. I’m fairly good at managing myself in stressful situations, so his full blown panic after be confronted with the consequences of his own actions baffled me. So I decided I’d be the calm one while he flew off the handle and told me about him fcking another girl.

After he calmed down a bit, he took a Xanax prescribed to him for anxiety. He became much more relaxed and seemed able to manage himself and his emotions. So I asked him about a hobby he recently stopped to which he said (paraphrasing) “oh my ex [from a year ago] got me into it. She was so hot and cool and I thought awesome. Then she broke my heart”.

At this point every bone in my body was calling me the stupidest woman in America for even liking this guy in the first place. I know relationships can be messy but come on. Even my middle school boyfriend knew not to cry about exes to me.

I’d later find out that it was just an STD scare and the first test was false, but by the end of that first night I was livid. The next morning I asked for some time to think, and went he texted me a day later about how difficult it was being horny and not able to see me, I snapped. I had already decided to end things by this time, and this had sealed the deal. I said a few things that showed I was clearly annoyed and didn’t respond to anything the next day while I figured out how to break up without outright calling him a dumbass.

However, a day later he asked if we could talk on the phone, and as I began to list off all the way he fucked up, he took full accountability for them. He apologized and said he didn’t remember the bit after he’d taken the Xanax, and after a long talk, I asked for some more time to think. I talked to my therapist to get an objective view (I told my friend a pg version and she roasted him, as a good friend does), and she also noted his many blunders but mentioned that yes, Xanax can impair judgement and blur memory.

So, I cautiously continued seeing him reasoning that it was purely physical, and told him as much a month later when he asked me to be his girlfriend. He understood and again apologized, but as time went on we both realized that we were pretty dang compatible, and eventually did fall in love.

Since then, we’ve talked numerous times about what I refer to as “hell week”, and he says he thinks about it often because he regrets everything he said. He understands why it bothers me and agrees that what he said wasn’t okay.

But here I am, a year later, still upset about it. Yes, I know I should just get over it, but in my head, I see it at him prioritizing himself and his feelings before mine, to the point of thinking telling me about the details of fcking someone else was okay because he was in crisis. And then reminiscing about his ex in the same night, while we’re both still under the impression he’s given me an STD. I’d never had a partner that blindly inconsiderate, and even though he’s proven that that “hell week” was a one time thing, it still bothers me, as I can’t help but remember the details he shared with me from time to time, or get uncomfortable when he brings up his past job, as the person he slept with was a past coworker of his.

Part of me thinks I need to just grow up and get over it, as he’s a great partner in a lot of ways, but another part of me is yelling at myself internally to have some standards and end it, as it still clearly bugs me even though it happened a year ago. What do I do?

INFO: First off, I’m sorry as I wrote this whole very in my own head about the situation and failed to include a lot of info that people are asking for clarification.

1. He had already told me he didn’t want to see other people and wanted to pursue things more seriously. I tend to me more cautious (peep the constant std screenings) and told him we could take things slow as I was focused on taking care of my parents.

2. He had brought up the ex mentioned in this post previous to this night and I told him that I totally get needing time to come back from bad relationships, but that I wasn’t interested in taking on the healing of that past relationship for him, and/or to be the one responsible with helping him process any residual feelings of said relationship, so if that was the case then maybe now wasn’t the right time for us to date. I mention this since people were wondering he knew how I felt about ex talk in the early stages of dating.

3. I really do try to make him feel like I’m not holding it over his head. Discussing this has come up A. the day or two following “hell week”, B. When he asked me to be his gf and I said I wanted more time since I still didn’t know how I felt about “hell week” and C. A few other times when he began to do a similar pattern of crying for hours whenever an issue came up, and leaving me to handle the logistics of it while also shelving my own feelings and focusing on calming him down and making him feel better. Outside of these, it isn’t brought up.

4. My main issue wasn’t with realizing he’s slept with someone else. Like I said, we’re adults, we met on an app, I’ve had hook up buddies before myself, it’s no sweat. My main issue was that after telling me how intent he was on pursuing things, he basically blew up at an issue that, by its very nature, he should’ve known was a possibility, and repeatedly chose to say stuff that was common sense to be considered hurtful and inconsiderate. At the same time, I felt tasked with shelving my own emotions and focusing on calming him down, and just ignoring all the stuff he said until a few days later when I knew he was feeling better. And then I also helped him find a clinic and schedule his own test because he was too overwhelmed to do so. I spent from 8pm to 11pm calming him down, and fielding questions like “do you hate me? will you still date me? are we over?”, and then from 11pm to 6am being his emotional support bud as he kept asking me to stay saying stuff like “can you stay? not to scare you but one time I drove myself to the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack from the anxiety, so I just don’t want to have to do that again”.

As weird as it sounds, it felt like I had to be the adult in the situation while he went full toddler mode and just freaked out without any care for who or what he steam rolled while doing so.

Hope this has answered any questions and please feel free to ask for any additional stuff I maybe left out. Thank you to everyone who’s responded so far, it really does mean a lot that you guys took the time to read all this and give your input

Wall of text incoming TW: Substance abuse

Hello there!

I apologize if this isnt the subreddit to ask. I read through the rules and from what I can tell it is kosher, but if I am wrong please call me out and (if possible) point me in the right direction for a better subreddit.

For a brief summary, my ex and I have had a very rocky relationship that culminated a year ago when she left. I do not blame her in the slightest because I was struggling with substance abuse and just generally a bad partner. I have done a lot of work on myself and after several relapses I am proud to celebrate 45 days sober today.

Despite our issues, we have always made my child the #1 priority. We have been cordial if not friendly during this time. But through my soul searching and recovery journey I have unearthed a lot of things she did for me that I took for granted. I won't go into detail, but she quite literally saved my life.

I have wanted to express this to her for a while, and I recently got the idea to write a letter for Mother's Day. The bulk of what I have to say is about her being an extraordinary mother, for stepping up when I was too far gone to function, and most of all for understanding my struggles.

I guess what I want to ask is whether or not a Mother's Day letter would be appropriate. Thematically it makes sense, but I also don't want to hijack a holiday that is meant for her to celebrate her majestic femininity and maternal capabilities.

Should I wait until a better time?

Thank you for reading my wall of text.

EDIT: I realize now that the details of our relationship are too intricate to discuss with strangers. I apologize for wasting time and for misrepresenting the realities of our co-parenting situation. I sincerely thank you for all of your responses but I believe the gap between what you know and what I know is too wide for a meaningful conversation.

Hello lovely people of Reddit!

I'm hoping for 1) a bit of validation that I'm not insane to be annoyed by all of this, 2) advice, and 3) possible conversation pieces I could steal (and use). ANY help is greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: MIL (70s) consistently half-respects boundaries by asking for permission for things she is literally in the process of doing, or will do anyway if I say no. She also only asks for permission for certain things, and then neglects to ask for permission for other, more serious things.

So part of the issue is MIL lives on the same street as us (M31 and F26), is a widow, has no other family in the country, and is very needy. The other part of the problem is BF owns his grandparents' old house (which is MIL's childhood home), as he inherited it as the only grandchild. BF has always lived on this street, and MIL lives in BF's childhood home. Sorry if that's confusing, but very important because MIL thinks she can waltz in like it's her place. She (unfortunately) has keys for emergencies :-(

MIL is a very nice woman and when I first met her, I thought she was great. She has cool interests and stories, and I have enjoyed spending time with her. She is very pleasant and generous. HOWEVER, I see her WAY too much.

MIL comes up with all sorts of excuses to pop by. She nominated herself as the collector of egg cartons, jars (for canning), compost (for her garden), etc. She uses these "jobs" (that NO ONE asked her to do) as excuses to pop over. While over, she will talk about other stuff too, maybe get some info (because she is nosy), or involve herself in something (she has invited herself on trips for instance). In the beginning when I moved in... It didn't bother me that much because I thought she was being nice, she is lonely, etc. But, then it got excessive to the point where she would "pop over" like twice a day. This ended up with her "popping by" while I was on the toilet, taking a shower, in various states of undress, and even DURING A VIRTUAL INTERVIEW (that she knew about).

In addition to coming by at horrible times, the "jobs" she gave herself became annoying too. Mostly because, I'd rather do them myself, and they stopped feeling like she is doing them out of the goodness of her heart. It felt like it was a way for her to be nosy and it felt like my space was being invaded.

BF talked to her about it because he had enough of this (he's not used to this either because she was way more distant when she had a partner). She has chilled out, but only a little bit.

MIL will now knock before marching in. Does she wait for anyone to get the door? Or does she leave when no one answers? If you guessed "No!", you are correct!!! This drives me nuts!! Why even bother knocking?

The other thing she has started doing, is asking for permission to do something she is in the process of doing, or is going to anyway (if the answer is no). For instance, she really wants to give our dogs food scraps because she thinks it's good for them and they deserve it. We have explained to her that they have sensitive stomachs (and have had literal diarrhea after eating things she gave them) and to not do this. Well, now she asks "Can I gave Doggy 1 and Doggy 2 some eggs I couldn't finish?" and when I say no it's probably better you didn't- she goes ahead and does it anyway when we aren't looking. I get she is trying to spoil her "grandchildren" but it's just annoying.

I just find her respect of boundaries to be extremely inconsistent. She will ask for things like an ingredient and be super polite. But then for other things she will come over while we are at work and just take it without asking.

I can tell BF is in a tough situation and feels bad for her. He is trying to help her, but it's very difficult with her involving herself so much, treating us like children (with the chores), and just the inconsistency in boundaries. I'm in an awkward situation because I feel like I can't say much to her because I don't own the house and it's his mom.

I wouldn't be lying if I said that this whole dynamic isn't making me re-evaluate our relationship. I do not know if I can handle another 5 years of this, let alone 1. Furthermore, I feel awful even feeling upset/annoyed by her because she is just an old woman trying to be nice. But also, at a certain point I wonder how does she not realize how much she is overstepping.

Thank you so much in advance!

I read through the rules but please let me know if this question doesn't fit the vibes of the subreddit. But given how women are socialized it feels like the right place for this question.

Basically, I have not been involved with anyone for years, and I am insecure about it even though it's given me plenty of time and space to build good friendships and work on myself mentally. I want to try dating again, but among other hangups, I am very afraid of being rejected because of my body and quite certain that it will happen.

My question is, what are some ways I can try to work around my fear? Like, ways to either reframe, gaslight myself, and/or seek out rejection exposure therapy?

Asking here because while my friends are wonderful and supportive, they are in better shape than I am and I don't want to resent them for it. I am in therapy, but my therapist's advice is mainly to be gentle with myself. Thanks for reading !!

We have been together for 5 years now and recently moved in together in a different city away from both our parents. I am getting classes to start my dream job and she is working online (was also working online before we moved in). She is here to support me and we are getting married as soon as I am done with classes. City we moved in is pretty expensive but both of our parents are helping us with rent. We get to get out only once in a week (usually on weekends). She is expressing that she is bored of doing the same things over and over. We basically cant get out more or we will not be able to collect money for our wedding. I asked her if she wants to travel in our free time but she is not keen on doing it. I am already stressed about the classes I am taking and not able to think of a way to spice our lives without me debunking the classes or us running out of money. I was planning on getting a laptop for my studies but now that she is depressed I gave up in it. I want to splurge a bit on her but I need advices.

What do you ladies suggest I do? I was thinking to surprise her by taking her to a massage saloon right now. Second option is buying her tickets back home so she can spend and clear her head a bit with our friends there for a week or two. And when she comes back I would surprise her with a dog (she adores them& she wouldnt be alone at home when I am outside for classes).

We both love each other and we started dating in October 2023 . We’re also each others first bf/gf and he’s the best. In early Aug we’re going to our different colleges and I’m spending the first year abroad. We both weren’t planning on doing long distance and it sucks even more because once he leaves, his family is moving back to the state their from. So it’s not like I will see him when we’re both back home from college. We pretty much 2.5 months left together. How do I get through the break up? Any advice tips? Should we consider doing no contact? Please help I hate this.

Really hit it off with this guy recently and we have hung out around 6 times in 2 weeks, but one thing that’s bothering me is he doesn’t really compliment me or my appearance and he also hasn’t shown a particular interest in pleasuring me. He went down on me the first time we hooked up, but the second time I didn’t orgasm and he didn’t seem to notice or care. He acts extremely interested and texts me first every day, alludes to things we will do together this summer, says he can’t wait to have me again, wants to talk with me on the phone, etc., but he doesn’t really say why he’s interested in me specifically, like calling me pretty or otherwise complementing me as a person. Even when he sends sexy texts, it’s never oriented around him finding me attractive or wanting to make me orgasm. He talks about wanting me a lot but just doesn’t really say why. I haven’t dated in a long time and I’m just trying to figure out how I could maybe communicate to him that these things bother me or talk to him about it?

Hi all, my partner(pan-f) and I(pan-m) are 24-26 respectively. I have past trauma from being cheated on in a long term relationship, which I think is where this stems from. My partner is stunning and I am unique/good looking to enough people where I’m not super concerned about it, other than being rather thin which is another insecurity.

All to say, I have some problems around trauma and insecurity.

My partner has allowed me a safe space to talk about it when I feel insecure and we both care about each others wellbeing a lot. I am usually taking care of her for her anxiety but sometimes my insecurities get the best of me and I break too.

Yesterday was hard for no reason, it was good until she canceled/postponed our plans to be together tonight to get food with her coworker who is a gay male and another ex-coworker. Totally fine and nothing wrong, right? Right! There’s nothing wrong with that. But my brain made me so anxious I felt paralyzed and like I needed to vomit.

I feel insecure about her coworker for a few reasons, he seems to be overly interested in our sex life early on in them working together which made me a little uncomfortable. She told me about a couple times they were talking about sex and what toys we use, etc. then at some point he told her that he wants to date a girl after his current bf and my intrusive thought said “oh my gosh he has a crush on my girlfriend” 99% sure that’s false but my mind can’t shake this off vibe I get from him. About a month after she was telling me about those convos, she was getting me birthday presents and we were on the phone and she was trying to be mysterious about what she was getting me (I knew it was a sex toy) and she said oh maybe I’ll ask (her coworker) if this is a good one. I pleaded for her not to because I knew what it was and she still did. More recently he said he wants to play an xxx question card game with us.

How do I tell her how uncomfortable this all makes me? Do I even tell her? I know I I have problems I just need help

For context, we met in the 2nd grade & have been inseparable since. We ended up in the same cities thrice, and were neighbours 2 times out of that. We used to speak every day, both senseless & meaningful - and are/were basically each others rock. In the last 1 year though, things have changed. She's doing well career wise (got a promotion and raise, moved cities), has been in a stable relationship for 3.5 years, and indulges in a lot of time for herself and her hobbies.

I on the other hand, am struggling a little bit. I lost my father and both my grandparents last year in a span of 8 months. Have not been working for 1.5 years, ended a 11 year toxic relationship with my ex because I found out he was cheating on me with my other best friend of 12 years. A lot of changes.

Through it all, we both have been there for each other and have always had an open line of communication. But last September onwards, I started noticing a change in our relationship and my gut is almost always right. Her replies to me became infrequent, it was mostly me initiating plans to meet (we live in different cities), our conversations dulled, and something just flipped. We talked about it once and she said we're adulting now it's difficult to juggle life, work, and relationships all at once. She said that she tends to push people away the moment relationships become demanding, and I understand. She said she can't bear the thought of losing me because I'm her only constant too, but this is the max effort she can put in.

I don't annoy her or double / triple text. She goes 4-5 days without replying to me, and it kind of sucks because she's been kinda like my habit in the last 20 years. I don't bug her or reach out again and again, but deep down I feel like I need her a lot more than she needs me. She's found a new place in this world, and I feel like I'm being left behind.

She's of the opinion that friendships should be effortless and must flow, which is why we worked for 20 years. I'm of the opinion that while that is true, every dynamic still requires some kind of effort and communication, especially when we grow old and start drifting apart. Not too much, but enough to sustain it so things don't go sour.

We were talking last week and decided to take a trip together in sept, we were planning out the itinerary & everything, and she went awol again mid conversation - but is active on IG.
I feel like a needy girlfriend or something lol, abandoned and neglected because I'm an anxious type when it comes to all this. But I'm not saying anything or letting her know that because she's already told me what her bandwidth is. I'm just having a hard time accepting that the my only person in life probably doesn't value me as much.

How do I deal with this? 20 years of friendship is no joke.

Basically, I’ve (21f) been seeing this guy (27M) for 5 months every weekend and it’s been going really well up until now. We had a conversation about our future and he told me he was serious about me. I also lost my virginity to him the 2nd month of us dating so both our physical and emotional connection is very strong. I saw him 2 weekends ago and everything seemed normal and when I got home we stayed up texting until 4am. He texted me last Tuesday saying he was really busy with job hunting and then left me on delivered until Sunday where he told me that he needs time to himself and thanked me for respecting that since I hadn’t texted him in awhile after he didn’t respond. He also told me he’d reach out soon. It’s now been over a week since he’s texted me and I’m pretty torn on what to think or do. I understand that he has his own life and has things going on in his life, I just really miss him and I don’t know when he’ll reach back out. I’m staying loyal to him even though we aren’t exclusive, since he said in the past that if I talked to/had sex with other guys he’d leave me. I told him that the same goes for him because I don’t want to be dating someone who’s talking to other people or sleeping with other people. I just don’t know how long is the appropriate time to not hear back from him and whether or not it’s appropriate to check in on him during this time. I feel kind of sad about this situation, since he was the first guy that I actually vibed with and the first guy I’ve dated that actually treated me right. Should I try texting him at the end of the week if he doesn’t reach out? This situation just makes me feel kinda depressed because it feels like he doesn’t like me anymore. What should I do?

I had a female friend that stopped talking to me recently. It was because I bought a house. She wanted to go on vacation but I explained that I could not because I have to be around to take care of the new construction and attend certain meetings for it. I also couldn’t afford it because I put the down payment on the house. She ended up telling me, bluntly that the house was “disgusting” and that she’d never live in it and in this state. She also ended up telling me that if she did live with me in this new house that she’d burn it down with me in it. I don’t want to sour our friendship and I would still like to talk with her. How do I go about doing that? It’s a delicate matter. I just needed a place to live since I moved out of my parent’s house to a new state and I got a new job. Thanks!

I know that my partner (M25) is more attractive than me (F24) and obviously I'm okay with that. He's never given me a reason to not trust him. I've moved away and we've done long distance before so this isn't new territory for us. Recently he's been hanging out with his co worker outside of work, they play football together and he's told me that he enjoys her company in the office. He's told me that they're going on a run together because in conversation he mentioned it and she wanted to join. I'm not sporty and so i don't know if he's just happy to have someone that he can do all these things with. Here's the thing, I feel insecure everytime he tells me he's hanging with a girl I've never met before. I don't like how I feel when he mentions it but I don't like that i get that insecure either. At this point everytime he talks about her or other women I just go completely quiet and try to control my emotions. I need to know how to get over this.

I don’t know if this is the right place for this but my wife F25 and I M28 moved to a new city recently in hopes of better opportunity. She dreaded the move because it would take her away from her family and friends but we both knew it was a decision we had to make for the sake of our future. I want her to try and make new friends now that we live here and always encourage her to do activities that she enjoys so she can meet new people. She enjoys dancing so I suggested she join a dancing group or something of the sort where she can meet similar people. But she doesn’t seem very excited about that I guess because even though she’s a social person she’s very shy to try new things. I don’t want her to go into depression living here so I don’t know how I can get her out of her comfort zone because I know once she opens up she’ll enjoy this city because it’s much bigger than where we used to live. Any advice on how to get her out of this mindset would be very helpful.

I have been described as 'very intimidating' by a good handful of people I have met over the years. I do not tend to start any conversations unless it is necessary. I also suffer chronic RAF(Resting Asshole Face) and have a bit sunken eyes. I am not asking for appearance advice as that is against the rules, but more behavior advice. To be honest, most of my friends kind of 'fell in' to my life. I didn't really do much to make them. I think this demeanor I have is responsible for that. My question is, what can I do to put people at ease around me? I hate the idea of walking into a room and being considered a potential threat right away, understandably cautious as it may be. I admit, binging on some true crime stuff has made me extra self-conscious about this.

Tl;dr How can I, as a supposedly intimidating person, ease up people(esp potential partners) who may be frightened of me at first?

Context:

She has a boyfriend(for like 2-3 months),her parents are very controlling, they didn’t let her go outside so she’s grown very shy, stays on her phone 24/7,doesn’t go outside, doesn’t talk about her problems with anyone but there are sometimes that she tells me or her parents about them, barely has any friends, would like to make more friends, doesn’t want to interact IRL with anyone, she interacts IRL with some family friends but they are very toxic and are slowly poisoning her(not literally) but she doesn’t see it. Because she doesn’t really speak with anyone about her problems her boyfriend doesn’t know what’s going on so he’s not talking to her more often, she really enjoys talking to him but recently he’s talking to her more rarely,

Problem:

She’s calling herself ugly and denies any complements. Thinks that her boyfriend is talking to other girls but he’s not because my male Friend is cycling with him all the time(he’s even recording it for me) so he tells me/shows me the recording when they’re together and when they’re not and until now every time he said that he’s cycling he really was.

About a year ago I made a very big life change to move back to hometown to help my single mom (51F) and my sister after my sister (18F) got pregnant her senior year of high school. Since l've been back, l've lost my car, my job, my social life has plummeted for so many reasons, I have no solitude, and of course my coming to help has been completely thankless.

My mom sees herself as doing me a favor by allowing me to move back into the house and room I grew up in and obviously resents me for existing and "ruining her life/blocking her opportunities" because she had me. She also holds me responsible for the poor decisions my sister makes or simply just won't hold her accountable at all.

My mom and I have never had a good relationship and living together isn't making it better and I can no longer attempt to mentor/ support my sister. I want to move on from them and treat them like strangers but it makes me sick to my stomach knowing that I pretty much h8 them and I can’t even leave.

if TLDR: I (27F) gave up my solitude and independence to help my mom (51F) and sister (18F), lost almost everything I had, and even though my relationships with them weren't great before I moved back, we're definitely worse off. I am not in a position to leave anytime soon so how do I navigate living with family members that I can’t confidently say I love, who blame me for anything, thank me for nothing, and simply don't respect me whilst simultaneously expecting money/support from me?

TLDR: Im developing feelings for a friend and need to take a step back from our friendship, but unsure the best way to do that.

I (30m) have recently reconnected with a friend of mine (30f). We were really close in highschool and college. Always platonic. We naturally grew apart when I moved away. We would always share happy bday texts, happy holidays, get drink when I was back in town, etc. but definitely not as close as we used to be.

Anyway, I moved back to our hometown a few years ago and we recently have reconnected and started spending time together. Its been great. It tend to be an introvert/home body so it been good to get out of the house and do things. However, as we spend more time together, Im starting to develop romantic feelings. Shes a great person and we are compatible on so many levels (probably why we've been great friends). But, I am positive the feelings are not reciprocated.

I realize I need to step back and check my feelings. How do I tell her this? I dont want to make things weird or make her uncomfortable. Do I just tell her the truth and accept the fallout regardless of what happens? Do I make something up? Lying doesnt feel right. I value her friendship and dont want to burn that bridge, but I cant keep on like this.

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

Hello there. I had three big arguments with my older sister the last year, and they completely devastated me. I'll try to be brief about what happened. English isn't my native language, sorry if anything sounds funky.

My sister and I love each other very much, but I never felt like I could talk to her about serious issues. She gets defensive fast and things escalate, and she's always verbally aggressive during arguments. She's verbally hostile even during smaller arguments that pop-up during normal conversation, like which food is better. This made me afraid of talking freely to her for a lot of my life.

As both of us got older and matured, I tried to feel more comfortable with talking about problems between us. It didn't work, and it escalated into big fights. She attacked every single aspect of my personality, even though I didn't attack her once. I did my best to remain calm and listen to her, to deescalate, but it was still horrible. She cursed me a lot, but she never elaborated when I tried to understand why she was calling me those things. Some things were hypocritical and unfair. She said our family never allowed her to cry and criticized her for it, saying she needed to be the tough one. That's unfair because I actually never said anything like that to her (she didn't disagree when I pointed it out; she just ignored me), but she DID make fun of me all my childhood and teenage years for crying, calling me a cry baby and other things. She called me hypocritical, and I tried really hard not to be defensive and asked why, because I'm afraid of being blind to hurtful things I'm saying or doing, but no matter how much I asked she didn't elaborate. She said I can always be dramatic when I want to (I have depression, and she was referring to me trying to commit suicide). In the last few years she has been telling me that I could go to her when I'm feeling suicidal, and I even did once, but after she called me dramatic for it I don't want it anymore and I feel betrayed.

I can't even try to resolve this with her, because she showed me that talking to her doesn't work (and said so herself). I don't have money for a therapist at the moment. Writing about it, venting to friends and giving it time hasn't helped. There's even older hurts that I was hopeful one day I could talk to her about it, but now I feel hopeless. I do not want to cut ties with her because I love her a lot. After the first argument, I thought she would never speak to me again, and I felt like my world was ending (ppl have emotional depency with their partners but I have with my sister lmao). I know it's healthy to cut ties with family sometimes, but I want to avoid it if there is any way to solve this.

I'm not trying to win all this fight, I just want to fix things, for us to be able to talk and for our relationship to be better. But I feel like my only options are either to simply talk to her like everything is fine, which is eating me alive, or to cut ties, and both suck.

She's been reaching out a lot after the last fight, offering things, trying to be nice and etc, and it feels like she's trying to compensate for the things she said, but I can't even enjoy this new more warm version of her because I'm still very hurt.

I don't know what to do and any help would be appreciated.

TDLR: My sister is easily verbally aggressive and said a lot of hurtful things to me. I'm hurt and don't know how to keep interacting with her like I'm not. Can't resolve things with a talk bc she's verbally aggressive. I want to avoid cutting ties.

My partner and I were talking about a local singer who was murdered by her ex-partner and he mentioned that she got what she deserved because she was a "whore". I told him that it was not okay what he said and that it was disgusting that he justifies the murder of a woman, whatever her behavior was. He then got annoyed and said that he was not making excuses and called me retarded. I asked him "what am I?" again because I hoped I heard wrong and he just answered "retarded" and took the phone and was on it for about 15 minutes, while I sat and looked around (we were in a cafe). I felt so humiliated that everyone was looking at us, he was using his phone and ignoring me while I was sitting alone. Then I said let's go home, he just got up and went to the car and drove like crazy the whole way, and I was terrified.

After he drove me home, I told him before I left to never speak to me again. The next morning he sent me a message "have you come to your senses, can you talk normally now?" and I wrote that I can't and I don't want to. Later he wrote to me that he was sorry and when I said that I didn't want to talk, he wrote that he was a good man who wanted to talk, which made me sick because he sounded like some narcissistic.

Was I wrong to refuse to talk to him? Can such behavior be justified? It is not the first time that he humiliates me in public and diminishes my feelings, but he has never called me an ugly name (he would only say something indirectly). What should I do? Should I stand by my decision and leave him? Please help me come to my senses haha.

I am (23F ) and boyfriend is 31 (M) , looking to see what next steps could be

Financial situation is taking a toll on my relationship

TL;DR Financial situation is taking a toll on my relationship

I’m going to be long, I really need help, not really set on what to do, I (23F) am currently dating a guy (31M) that I met at my past job exactly a year ago at my old job where I was making enough to be comfortable. Let me give you a background about myself, I am an immigrant who’s been here for 5 years, been thru a whole lot, so I have been very very careful abt people that I date, currently (23F). I’ve been thru a lot of trauma prev so I made sure I got time to heal b4 I got into a new relationship.

I was also going to school full time until I got hit with a debt from my past school ($10000) which I started making payments twrds. I have no support from family so I’m on my own. So dropped school and started working hard to pay my bills and pay this debt.

Met this guy (30 M) at the time, was making enough money to take care of himself, one thing led to another we started dating, he told me he was willing to help, gave me a provider mindset, oh if I knew!

We moved in together naturally after a while, a month after, he loses his job , my car breaks down, so I start using his. He gets another call center job (wfh) so he’s comfortable with me using his vehicle at any time.

It started with “you take care of the rent bc I won’t get paid until ….” So as I have always done, I did start paying for the rent, then the bills. And I forgot to mention, he can drink 12 beers with shots of Jameson in between, which in my culture is UNBELIEVABLE! So we came to an agreement very early in the relationship that he could only do that during the weekend. But anyway, I take care of everything in the house, he gets a job and loses it every time so he has not got anything sustainable these past 6 months, thinks he’s entitled to my money now and calls me selfish when I am ready to give him my cc which is almost maxed out to buy his beers.

He has no vision, he doesn’t have the provider mindset he was talking about. So here’s the deal, I work for a big company now with leased cars, I will be getting benefits in July which means I can get a vehicle for myself. At that point, I want to go ahead and end the relationship immediately, saying this bc my commute is 1 hr so I need a car.

Ps. He takes accountability for nothing and turns the situation against me saying that I’m selfish every time like he doesn’t know that we would short on the rent if we want to live the way he lives. Is there any more grace I need to give him? Please give me some advice

Hi!! Quit conflicted what I should do here:

Quick backstory, my boyfriend went on a couple dates with a girl before he met me. She would hit him up, then dissapear. When they hung out, her boyfriend would call her, but she would decline his calls and claim that he is her guitar mentor.

He saw the red flags, and moved on from her. They never had anything serious. In November 2023 me and him start dating and he posted me on Facebook. Same day she texts him (while still being in a relationship herself)

“Hey stranger, wanna meet up and grab breakfast with me?”

He didn’t reply. Next day she texts him: “ooof, ok”.

In December, she texts him again but now through Facebook: “Hi” (mind you, still in her relationship).

Then yesterday she texts him: “hey, how have you been?”

He didn’t reply. Today she texts him: “well I hope you have been good!!!”

So, I got annoyed because girl 1 you are in a whole relationship, 2, you know damn well my boyfriend is in a relationship and you keep hitting him up even though you get ignored?

We text her back together: “does your bf know that you are asking me how I am?”

She replied: “the guy who cheated on me, idc. I saw some of your stuff and was wondering how you were doing”

Saw his stuff on social media? You mean his relationship too then right?😂

We reply: guitar lessons ended huh… At this point we were trolling because wtf 😂 you desperate…

She said: that’s not funny. But ok hope you’re well!

We blocked her on everything But, the rage in me still wants to hit her up and be like yo you gotta stop. It’s disrespectful af not only to me but also to your boyfriend.

Idk, I might be too dramatic, but it’s like over the course of months this girl has not given up and tried to hit up my man on multiple occassions, but then I feel like hitting her up is causing more drama and I don’t want that.. but for some reason I want her to know that I know that she tried to chill with my mans😂😂😂😂😂

It’s so dumb, but I just need to know what you guys would do in a situation like this

Normally it’s fine. I just have some basic standards of communication & involvement in each others lives. But in the days leading up to my period and the first few days on it, I am exceptionally needy.

For instance, today I broke down because my boyfriend hadn’t messaged me all day (at that stage it was 7:30pm). But also, he keeps saying “love you” and even though he has told me he means nothing by it, it feels so passive-aggressive without the “I”.

Thing is, I know I’m pretty much just looking for something to be wrong cause this is all very non important in the grand scheme of things. How do I get my heart on board with me and stop panicking?

When I was a baby I was treated with a highly invasive form of radiotherapy. This procedure is no longer performed in developed nations since it causes cancer and other health complications.

There’s a very likely chance (30-60%) I’ll develop cancer in my 30s. I know I would not pursue radiotherapy or chemotherapy for treatment.

I’m 20 years old. The last man I loved left me. I like to write and make art, of all forms. I’m studying business. I will work in corporate America starting this summer. How do I make this short life long?