I'm F24 and his M24 married 5 years and together 10 years.

I have struggled with PPD/PPA with our 4th baby. We have 4 kids very close in age and are young ourselves. I am a SAHM and He works his butt off.

This man has put up with so much, and every version of me without one complaint. I see my faults now not so much at the time.

But what truly makes me believe I hit the marriage jackpot is his willingness to be here.

Now we have been though a rough patch mid this year and both felt our worst, it was survival mode for a while.

However we are back! we might be slightly addicted to each other but we both love it.

We spend our day getting hyped up to see eachother every night. I come home to flowers, small gifts or acts of love. He brings home my favourite treats from the shop. He surprises me. Gives me love, attention and compliments.

I spend an hour taking myself out of the house and come home to movie nights or a room decorated with board games.

He writes little love notes and leaves them for me to see. And tells my how attached he is to me. After 4 kids he loves me more then ever.

Our family life has been so much more happier and our kids are thriving better with pedants that take time for eachother.

I love this man with everything I have to give.

Now soon when he gets home he will be meet with nerf guns at the door and a battle till the last person stands 😈

My husband is EXTREMELY self centered, all he talks about, think, cares of is himself. He rarely asks me about anything I did, doesn’t care about any progress I achieve, talks all day long about himself and I really got bored of coping with it. Also, sometimes when we’re upset with one another he gets to talk about it and get it out of his chest while not giving me a chance to even reply/discuss it.

Please I need help. My husband has gone through 15 jobs in the past two years and has never lasted for longer than two weeks at each one. He says I disrespect him because I don't consider his feelings.

He has $100k in debt and I've been chipping it away by myself for a whole year! When he has months of being unemployed, he doesn't bother doing dishes or laundry. Meanwhile, I work full-time and still stay on top of those chores.

In the past, he's always asked to borrow money for frivolous things, and I starve and we have late bills.

I keep thinking that I will have a future if I just leave him to his own devices and have him learn to stand on his own two feet without counting on me to bear the burden of debt that isn't mine.

I want a divorce. But he says I'm an immoral woman for wanting that. All I want is someone who contributes. Doesn't have to be a high-paying job, just being consistent is all I ask for.

Why didn’t anyone tell me that?

i originally posted a few weeks ago that my husband and i split up and i told him that we have to communicate about divorcing and he didn’t answer. it’s been three weeks now and we have each other blocked on nearly everything. i communicated to his mother about what’s going on and she has refused to help me on this process. 42 days prior to this, i filed for a divorce petition. i just shut our accounts down today. i asked his mother why is he waiting to divorce and this was his response.

Do you give up talking to life long friends because you're spouse is uncomfortable? Simply because your friend is male?

Throwaway account....

My (25F) husband (M33) of 6 months uses a manual wheelchair as a result of having two legs of different lengths. He is missing a gallbladder and spleen as a result of several prior (>1 yr long) hospitalizations.

The general consensus is that his health is fine and not worsening, but I was thinking last night about people aging in general. This made me realize that one day his health may not be "fine" and he may require additional care. That he currently has a manual wheelchair but may need a power chair in the future. Now lives at home, but one day may need assisted living or overnight care, at an earlier age than someone with all their organs and ambulatory.

We've never brought up the situation of what we will do if his health would decline. My parents usually pry a lot, but they have also never asked what the plan is.

I do not have medical training beyond at a high school health class level so I'm really not prepared to be a medical caretaker. I also don't really have interest in it, as I have a different career path.

That said, I talked to my best friend about it and she was really stressed that I don't have a more specific forecast for his health in the future, suggesting it could deviate a lot from normal aging.

Is there a list of questions you're supposed to talk about with your partner somewhere? We talked about politics, religion, etc but apparently we missed some questions. What health questions should we be talking about. I wish there was a Google doc somewhere with what to do.

My husband and I have been married now for 5 years. We met 13 years ago and we were dating for 10 years before we got married. We now have two kids (3 yrs and a 3 month old). I’d say we have a pretty solid foundation. Ever since having babies, things have been obviously different and stressful (in mostly good ways) Thinking back maybe 4 years ago now was the first time my husband lied to my face. We were in bed and he was clearly drunk and when I simply asked him if he was, since I hadn’t seen him drinking at all that day, he said no with a straight face and accused me of accusing him. I had a gut feeling I was right and kept pressing him until he finally gave in and said yes he was drunk and that he didn’t want to tell me because he “knows my feelings about alcohol use” and didn’t want to upset me (family history of alcoholics). I told him that night that it’s not fair he lies to me to protect my feelings and I never want to have a marriage where we lie to each other. I said I’d rather know the truth than be lied to. Flash forward maybe 4 months ago, I’m cleaning out my car one day and find a wrapper from a bottle of vodka in my car. It clearly was not mine but I knew my husband used my car the evening prior. When I confronted him, I asked him which car he took last night, mine or his. And his response was “I don’t know” then I told him about the vodka wrapper and he denied it was his. I continued to ask him about it until finally he admitted he had just lied to my face and that the bottle wrapper was his. Side note: That evening prior he told me he was going a few streets over to a friend’s house to drop off a tool he’d borrowed. I did not question him or second guess him. He was gone for an hour or so and before coming home he texts me out of nowhere “heads up I had a couple of beers” So not only did he lie to my face when I found the wrapper, he also went out of his way to lie to me the night before. When he got home that night, I felt that he was drunker than a “couple of beers “ and he smelled like liquor. But that night he denied It. This happens often. I won’t see him drinking but then he appears drunk and I know in my gut he is but he denies it. Sometimes I do smell liquor/alcohol and he will still deny it. Last night he came home from work and went to kiss me hello and I could smell liquor on him. He had messaged me on the way home from work and said he’d pick up our son at daycare for me that evening. When I smelt the alcohol I was immediately angry/upset. I waited to internally calm down before I said calmly.. “have you had any drinks tonight?” His response.. “no.. what would make you thinks that?” … I can just see it in his eyes, notice his demeanour, and smell it on him. But yet he will STILL deny it and it’s driving me CRAZY! I know my intuition is right! And I know I’m being lied to and nothing hurts more than that.

The last time he lied to me and I caught him in it, I cried for days. I thought my marriage was over because I truly believe when someone lies to you once, they’ll never hesitate to do it again. And I really believe that marriages with lies in them will never ever work out. I told him I wanted to go to counselling. He agreed to go. But this was when I was 7.5 months pregnant and we didn’t book anything and then had baby and we were in the thick of it and kind of let it go…. But I always had it in the back of my mind.

Then yesterday happened. I know in my heart and gut that he lied to me. He smelt like liquor and he appeared drunk the way I know him to be and he still lied. I have no proof other than my intuition though. And I’m sick of having to ask him several times before he tells me the truth.

I don’t know what to do. He’s still a present husband. He comes home every night after work, puts on his dad hat… does the laundry, helps with chores, plays with our toddler, does bath and bed - he truly carries half the load. We are a team. And he hides his drunkenness well. So is it really a problem?! I just don’t understand the lies. I have had heartfelt conversations with him…. Checking in, asking about his mental health, encouraging him to take time to himself, a night with the guys, etc. but he hasn’t. He says everything is fine.

I can’t help but not trust him anymore though. I don’t know when he’s telling the truth now. And I’ve replayed scenarios in my head about him drinking alone in his car, drinking at work.. etc.

I’m at the point where it’s counselling and if that doesn’t work out I’m willing to leave him because I have a feeling I’m in for a lifetime of lying if he’s already doing it..

If you have taken the time to read this, I thank you. It truly was a rant. And I hope I explained it well.

Please hear me out. This would basically be taking us from a conventional family to an unconventional one. I need help figuring out where the bounds of marriage end and my free will begins, or perhaps the other way around. I'd never cheat on my husband or leave him. The TL;DR version is-- I really want another baby, my husband doesn't, so I'm seeking advice on having my own baby via artificial insemination from an anonymous donor, while remaining married. Further details are basically that my husband and I are at a stand still when it comes to family planning. I feel he probably could be persuaded, but I don't want to emotionally coerce him into duplicating his DNA again against his will. I feel it's far too personal a choice in someone's life and I don't want to play God in his life. By the same token, I don't want him to play that role in mine. I desperately want another baby. I want my existing children to be big siblings. I adore our family the way it is, but I always envision one more. While I fully expect some criticism of my plan, I hope this is handled with compassion. After all, we've learned to accept thruples, polyamory and all sorts of variations of a family. While I understand I will be villainized by some for making a conscious decision to do this going into it, once done it'll look a lot like any blended family. My husband and new baby will basically be step father/child (ie a child your wife gave birth to who is not biologically related to you.) I would be very fair in paying for New Baby out of my personal account and would be fine with my husband wanting a contract drawn up to financially protect himself and his (our) biological children. Any other advice, logistical, legal, emotional (for husband and New Baby) or other?

Me M25 and my wife F28 have been together for 3 years. In the beginning I was dumb asf doing stupid things to jeopardize our marriage. Though I’ve been apologetic and on a straight path since I fear it’s too late . My wife’s been very angry lately seems to me she hates coming home and when she is home it’s just her on her phone or reading her books. Little to no conversations happens and I’m honestly just tired of feeling like this . Every sign under the sun is saying she seeing someone else and me being insecure I simply just say hey if there is someone else go be with them . Due to my past relationship issues this knot I get in my stomach just doesn’t go away it’s the feeling you get when you feel someone’s playing you like a fool. I love her more than I can begin to say but I feel her love for me is simply not there anymore . Now we go to marriage counseling and we talk when we lay in bed together but everything leading up to the night time is just her in her phone or when she does talk to me it’s seems so disinterested . I’ve seen conversation she has with her make co worker she has lengthy conversation and she seems genuinely invested but with me it’s like a bother . I can’t compete with that I don’t want to compete with that I just hate feeling like I’m being drug along out of her being indecisive . I feel like I’m going crazy and my heart and my mind are at war trying to be enough for her I just don’t know how much longer I can listen to them im just tired of feeling like this

My husband (33 M) and I (28 f) have been married for 2.5 years. He's always been this kind of aggressive person emotionally. He's constantly having road rage, always pissed about something even though he says he isn't. He's quick to blow up about little things. We have a toddler and another one on the way. He gets really upset with our child when they yell and throw things but doesn't see himself doing those things constantly and then demands her to stop, which if course she doesn't because that's what she has learned is appropriate.

I know in a relationship it takes two to tango but I'm feeling like I'm being manipulated and emotionally abused constantly. We've both came to the agreement that it would be better financially for me to be a stay at home mom and he is the sole provider for our family. But I have no access to money unless I ask him. I never know how much money we have and I feel like I'm asking my parents for money and then being denied because maybe we can't afford it at the time. I've asked if I can help keep track of the bills and be the "secretary" of the family to take some work off of his plate but he doesn't ever initiate it and just kind of shrugs that off.

Other issues, he takes a shower about once a week and not really sure how often he brushes his teeth. I don't see him do it very often though. I tell him I need him to be cleaner when we are intimate because I'm prone to infections but he doesn't seem to care to change that.

All summer he had been smoking and drinking everyday and also picked up a habit of online gambling. I recently snuck into his phone (which I have told him about) to see his gambling purchases because he kept telling me he was just using the free money they give him but his venmo transactions have been withdrawal after withdrawal for weeks straight to the online casino.

We recently got new snow tires which was like pulling teeth to get him on board. My parents noticed our old ones looked bad so I took a look and agreed. Besides that one of them had a leak and my husband knew this. But my husband thought they were fine and yelled at me saying I always just listen to my parents...even though I had my own opinion about them. Well my parents knew we couldn't afford that right now because our plan was to get a new car for more space with two kids. So they offered to buy us snow tires for the time being. It was super nice of them and I said yes because I wasn't going to drive in the snow with the ones we had on. Turns out they were terrible and had scratches on them from rubbing on the car. My husband got so mad about this because I told him I had to go behind his back to get something done that needed to be done and for our safety. Even though just the day before he told me he borrowed money from his parents without telling me or asking before hand. He said my parents could "eat the price" because we weren't paying them back. And my parents didn't expect us to in the first place. A week later we get a snow storm and he's all happy saying it was probably a good idea to have snow tires.

I'm so tired of his attitude and he wonders why I'm always mad or in a bad mood or anxious.

To top it off, I'm a bit weirded out by his response to hardly being intimate. That's an area he gives me grace. Like I said, I'm prone to infections and he doesn't shower so I don't initiate much and he doesn't seem to be missing much of it either. He's pissy in every other area of our lives except this one. It's hard to pin point if he's being understanding and a nice guy or something else. He says he doesn't look at porn anymore because we both agreed that it's not healthy for our relationship a couple years ago when he was doing it a lot.

I understand he works hard to provide for us financially but sometimes I feel like that's all he's doing. He's cleaned the bathroom maybe twice since we've lived here for 5 plus years. He always mentions the rule he used growing up about whoever cooks, the other person cleans but the dishes pile up after I cook and then I end up having to clean so that I can cook something. I'm cooking and making food all day being a stay at home mom. I don't ever ask him to clean anything except help with the dishes. Then he yells about them piling up because we have a mouse problem and that's what causes them to come in here. He says he'll set a ton of traps and then hasn't for a couple weeks. I could do this but that is one other thing I told him I don't want to be my job.

I've offered my help with plenty of areas besides keeping track of bills, like painting and mudding because we have been doing remodels everywhere in the house and it's taken three years to get the bathroom and bedroom done and he doesn't want me to touch anything. He acts like I'm incompetent and can't do anything except take care of our kid. Which who he just started to consistently change diapers for.

So he gets into this work load and I see and try to lighten it for him but he won't except help from anyone and then yells at me and gets stressed about everything constantly.

I'm tired and sad for our child and honestly the list goes on about little everyday instances where I feel like I'm being emotionally abused, which I've told him and he just says, "what do you mean you feel emotionally abused," Very aggressively and accusatory. I can't mention anything to him without anger and defensiveness. Then after him being so upset and me feeling diminished and giving up, he love bombs me and tries to tell me he loves me and he's sorry. I told him that's love bombing and he gets pissed and tells me to stay off the Internet.

My husband and I have been married for two years now. When we started dating years ago, I noticed he had many female friends. He assured me they were only friends despite my gut telling me it was more than that. That gut feeling was often solidified when these women acted strangely around me.

It came to a head a few years ago when one of his closest female friends drunkenly told me that they used to sleep together ore we started dating. He had hidden this from me, and when I confronted him about it he told me he was afraid I would "tell him" he couldn't be friends with her anymore. I told him I would have rather it not been kept a secret because that just made it MORE suspicious.

During that conversation, I put a boundary in place. I told him I will not tolerate being left in the dark about past flings he is currently friends with. I asked him to tell me if any of the women he is currently friends with are exes of his or past hookups. He looked me in the eyes and told me no. I forgave him. (silly me) He even deleted snapchat because it did have some of the women he used to talk to on there. He has used the "you are just insecure" and "I can't even have female friends" card, and I'm over it.

Two years later, we are married. I always felt suspicious about one woman who texts him often. They were in college together. I do NOT see her as a threat in a self-conscious way. I did not think she was even his "type". This is one of the women he promised me there was never anything more than a platonic friendship with. He left his Apple Watch at home, and it lit up with a message saying, "**** sent you a message on snapchat" prompting him to download the app. When he got home, I asked him about it and he told me to just look at his phone.

I re-downloaded the app. It was the girl. They were sexting each other years ago. It is NOT currently happening, but the fact that he lied to me about her does not sit right with me. He said they were just friends and nothing more.

Last night, the same woman sent him a facebook message while we were lying in bed. Instantly, my heart started to race. He showed me the message. SHE is innocent. He is the one who checked in on her. He asked her how her job, love life, and dog are doing and sent her a borderline sexual meme. Turns out they check in on each other regularly. I told him I felt sick. I asked him why he even cares about her love life or if she's "getting back out there". It's not his job to build her up and it's not his business if she's screwing anyone. I told him this is a huge red flag.

He does not seem to give a shit about my boundaries or my feelings. I have no issue with him having female friends, but talking to former hookups is a red flag. Especially when he lied about them in the first place.

TL;DR I want to forgive my husband and move past this, but I feel like a fucking moron. We will be seeing a marriage counselor. Want to hear the kicker? He's a therapist, and I'm finishing my degree to do the same.

My husband and I have a 6 month old baby. I work and he’s a stay at home dad. We spend anywhere from 2-5 hours together at night everyday when the baby is sleeping but he still says we don’t spend enough time with each other. Today I accidentally took a nap when my baby did and he seemed off to me when I woke up. He said he only saw me for 20 minutes before I went and slept and he just got upset. I don’t know what to do to fix him feeling this way.

He says he desperately wants a child, but when it come time to do the deed he always has an excuse. He is tired, stressed, hung over, distracted….our sex life is a bit of a challenge as is. He takes a lot of coaxing and he doesn’t like it when I initiate (difficult to coax and not initiate). Frustratingly he ends up getting nasty and saying that me wanting it makes him not want it. The only time we do have sex is first thing in the morning when I’m half asleep. He’s not a CNC type (I’ve suggested role play) - but he likes a challenge. I am fit, attractive, and highly sexual. I’ve never had this issue before but now that we want a baby I feel the pain of this situation acutely.

Just curious about the nuances of this situation (no, I didn't do this before someone accuses me)

What does your spouse do that makes you feel loved? Regularly & irregularly. A small thing, a grand gesture- anything in-between. I'm grasping at straws here & looking hard at why I feel so unloved sometimes or maybe more.

My cup is empty. Sometimes I get a splash of something & im so elated that it's there I get so hopeful, things are good now, we are better, see look what he did, he does love me, I was dramatic before, thats not how it is, this is how it is- we are great. But then my cup dries out or he dumped it out for me. Then I feel like I currently do, ugly crying in my car absolutely convinced my husband doesn't even like me.

Trying to think when my cup felt full...

So ya, please share with me what makes you feel like your spouse loves you. Maybe it will remind me of something my husband does that im not seeing.

My husband get so upset if I interrupt him. At this point it's easier to text him, even in person to avoid this happening. I'm sick of him getting so frustrated at me because of it. At this point why even talk at all? What can I do?

Hello! Looking for some advice. I (27F) am dating (31M). I am going to be getting engaged any day now and we plan on getting married pretty soon after our engagement. A few months ago my boyfriend and I traveled down south to visit with his mother (I am from the east coast). The last night of our trip she pulled me into her room and told me if I didn’t put a sweater on she was not coming to dinner. She told me that the whole week we were there I made her feel so uncomfortable with my clothing, and around her family I need to “cover my nipples”. As I said, we traveled down south and it was pretty hot. The whole week I was wearing athletic dresses, sports bras/ tank tops and biker shorts. Unknown to me- at some points during the trip (I would assume when we would go inside where the ac was cranking) my nipples would get hard and you could see the dots through my sports bras/ tank tops/ athletic dresses. Mind you I was wearing Lululemon sports bras- so they are lined but they don’t have padded cups. My boyfriend spoke to his mother after the fact and she basically said “I didn’t think she was going to tell you I said that, I was trying to not embarrass her by saying it in front of everyone- I was trying to have an adult one on one conversation with her”. My boyfriend said he told her “next time you have something to say about her you need to come to me and tell me first and do not say it directly to her”. My boyfriend and I have spoke about this at length. Before this moment, he never commented or told me what to wear. If anything he tells me all the time how nicely I dress. I am a young professional, I am in sales and pride myself on my clothing/ fashion. In no way, shape, or form was I trying to offend anyone with my clothes (nor do I think my clothing was offensive around his family). I thought I dressed very nicely when I was there given the casual setting. My boyfriend told me moving forward when we are in his mother’s house I need to follow her rules and wear different clothing/ be more conscious of her rules. I told him moving forward I will try on the clothes/ outfits I am going to wear around his mom before we see her to make sure they won’t offend her. We spent Thanksgiving with my family this year. I wore a turtle neck sweater, a skirt, tights, and boots. He made a comment saying “you look so hot but my mom would not like this outfit, you definitely could not wear this in front of her” and it just set me off. My 95 year old grandmother commented on how nice I looked. I don’t want to have to “change” what I wear to make his mother more comfortable in the future but I also know marriage and spending the rest of your life with somebody comes along with compromise. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like him and I do not see eye to eye on this.

Hello,

Through a random chance visualization of a message on a cellphone screen followed by looking at the message history, i found that my spouse has been intermittently messaging back and forth a longtime ex/childhood sweetheart for over 8 years.

The mother-in-law was also involved in contacting the ex intermittently.

We have been together for over 15 years and married for over ten years.

Most of the messaging that I found (although I didn’t do a comprehensive search) was pretty bland with some reminiscing about the good times here and there. Considering the communication was over 8 years, there’s also not that much communication.

However the ex told my spouse about the mementos saved for over 16 years since they broke up.

The ex also apparently tried unsuccessfully to get my spouses attention in public one or twice for example while driving and while riding a bike.

Also, it turns out one of the ex’s kids and one of my kids share the same name. Whether this was chance or planned is uncertain, but it certainly looks like random chance from the message history.

Would you be hurt by this and how would you proceed?

I feel my spouse and I do love each other, but parenting (multiple kids) and work responsibilities have taken a toll on our personal time recently.

Hello! I am recently engaged (yay) and wanted some advice on this topic, as I feel like visiting the strip club is common during bachelor’s parties in America. To preface, I am a very sensitive person, and do get jealous, which I am aware of and I am working on. Because of this, I feel like I may have some unreasonable ideas about the topic of bachelors parties.

Personally, I will not be having a bachelorette party. I will probably just go out for a drink with my closest friends, because I am not big on parties or heavy drinking. Also, I am hit on quite often when I go to bars and so I prefer not to put myself in those situations, as I hate that kind of attention. My fiancé on the other hand, likes to go out with friends and drink, which I don’t mind at all. However, he has a few friends that I am still a bit distrustful of, and who I feel may try to influence him to go to a strip club during his party. Would it be unreasonable of me to ask that he not go to a strip club? I personally feel like the tradition is toxic, and a bad way to start a marriage. However, as previously discussed I can be jealous, and so I cannot tell if this is an unreasonable request. I would appreciate any advice/ opinions that you may have on this topic!

My husband and I had our first baby 6 months ago. We got back to having sex pretty quickly, basically when I got cleared at 4 weeks postpartum. Since then, we’ve averaged sex once a week. A few times it’s been more like a week and a half, or almost two weeks. We used to have sex around 3x a week pre-baby, and I'm not surprised it has been less, but apparently it's not enough for my husband.

I constantly feel pressured into having sex. One time when we visited his family for one and a half weeks and didn’t have sex at all during those two weeks, he told me on the way back how hard it was for him to not have sex, and that he thought we’d at least have sex once. I told him there was literally no possibility at all. The baby slept in our room, and besides at night, we were surrounded by family around the clock.

Since then he has said a few times that he thinks we don’t have enough sex. Honestly, he’s making it worse every time he says it. For starters, I haven’t felt super sexual since giving birth (traumatic emergency c-section), and I thought averaging once a week is pretty good. I only stopped breastfeeding two weeks ago as well. We also don’t have daycare for our baby yet, and she’s with me around the clock. She’s the worst napper ever, only sleeps for 10-30min at a time, at unpredictable times, and wakes up up to 5x every night (usually twice within two hours after putting her to bed, so we kinda don’t even have the night for ourselves). My husband has tried to have sex with the baby right there and we have done that, but I’m just not in the mood for a quickie when I can literally see baby at the same time.

Today it escalated a bit. We had sex yesterday, I was the one initiating. I wasn’t really feeling it, but I knew that we hadn’t had sex in a week and a half, so I went for it. Then, today he tried having sex when baby finally went down for a nap. He said he could give me a back rub and we’ll have sex as well. Knowing him, his ‘back rubs’ never last longer than 3min before he makes it sexual. He also never rubs my back without making it sexual at some point. I told him I’m not really in the mood, and he asked me if I just don’t find him attractive anymore. I told him of course I do, and he said ‘well I guess sex is just a chore for you.’

I feel hurt. Sex is NOT a chore for me, but I’m just not as often in the mood as I was pre-baby, and honestly there aren’t many opportunities for us to have sex at the moment. I thought once a week on average was fine for now. And I thought that once our baby goes to daycare and sleeps better, we’ll probably have more sex again. For me it was never a big deal. I understand that everyone is different and that it’s more often a big deal for men, but I just feel so pressured. He constantly makes me think ‘when was the last time we had sex?’ ‘Has too much time passed since the last time?’, killing my mood for it completely these days. Also, the fact that he barely even touches me unless we have sex does not help.

Advice anyone? Thank you’d

Alright, I see you, slam-clicking on this like it’s the tea of the century. Don’t worry, no scandals here—just me sneaking around for a wholesome reason. Stick around, though, because I need some sneaky ideas for next year!

Every year, I do a savings challenge and give it to my husband on Christmas. It's become a tradition that started years ago when I noticed how stressed he gets about finances—especially around the holidays. He's the only income earner for our family of five (we have three kiddos), and gift-receiving just isn’t his love language. But I couldn’t bear to do nothing for him….sooo I found a loophole. 😏

The first year, I saved up money from a little side hustle and bought a little bit of gold every month. It was the smallest box under the tree but to this day, he still says it was his favorite gift ever. The whole point is to show him how much I see and appreciate the financial weight he carries, and to "give" him something that’s 100% stress-free. Since then, I’ve tried to get creative—one year it was antique coins, another year it was silver.

This year I got one of those “smash-to-open” piggy banks and secretly started adding to it. It’s been sitting on our dresser all year in plain sight, disguised as a plant stand. He looks right at it multiple times a day, yet has no clue! 🤣 I can’t wait to wrap it up with a hammer and watch him open it on Christmas morning.

But now I need to plan something for next year! I’d love to hear your ideas for savings challenges or unique ways to gift savings. Imaginary bonus points for ideas that are extra clever or have a fun twist. Let’s hear it! 😜

Prequel:

Since 2021 he has accused me of trying to fuck my daughters 21 yo BF. Ewe I'm not a pedi. and My daughter was always with us. I broke down on day he asked on car phn what the fuck are you doing with them I need to drop off the old Christmas tree to recycle. (I broke down and cried my last cry and emotionally detached) Her BF was helping me with my daughter present with us SMH. I asked for a divorce. Then 2022 He accused me of trying to fuck my BFF husbands' friend because he was at events we went too. (eyeroll). Maybe I should have. I again asked for divorce. 2023 Then he was drunk at a party flirted with my BFF friend leaning into her and rubbing on her. She looked at I shrugged like I was over him. Then he went to a car club dance, and he took me out to dance left me there grabbed another girl to dance. I left him there and smiled. his hommies were like what's up I said IDK. Took some pictures with the bestie post to snap map and guys were texting say it was fucked I would never do u like that ur pretty, up made it that much worse. I was humiliated. When we got home he said to get my shit and get out I recorded him on my phn. I again asked for a divorce he said this time no one will ever call me back after they see my C-Section scar. Now in 2024 I have asked for a divorce twice he's like I will change. kinda did but to lil to late IDK. and still emotionally & verbally abusive. I asked in Sept for a divorce twice he changes the subject and says ur mine CREEPY.

Forward to three weeks ago:

I had a migraine came home from work early. Finally fell asleep. He came home from work grabbed me SLEEPING by the neck, I freak out he tightened his grip. Starts to rub it and asks who I was with who was here and why I came home. as he is asking, I felt so scared I thought I was going to die. Am I overreacting like he says?

I am saving to move but it takes time is there anything to help with apartments in the meantime.

my husband has been talking to random women about sexual things we’ve been married 5 years and he’s also super flirty with his pool teammate who’s newly divorced and also super hot in my opinion 😂 is there something I’m doing wrong in the bedroom??

When my husband and I were engaged (I was 26, he was 24), his parents helped him with a down payment for a $500k house we were supposed to live in after marriage, contributing around $100k–$150k. Only his name was on the title, and when I asked to add mine (since I’d also be paying the mortgage), he said it wasn’t necessary because it was matrimonial property. I asked for peace of mind, but he said he needed to check with his parents.

They decided I needed to pay $35k to "balance" our assets since I had a car loan and only $120k asset. My husband told me he couldn’t add my name unless I paid them, and if I insisted, we’d have to break up. When I proposed separating finances after marriage (since their gift wasn’t for me), he refused.

Though I felt insulted—especially since in our culture, women traditionally receive a dowry—I paid the $35k because I was deeply in love. I earned more than him and didn’t ask for anything from his family, but this issue caused years of resentment. What hurt most was him often saying, “My parents did nothing wrong,” while I felt their actions distorted our relationship and poisoned our marriage.

Looking for suggestions

Partner 1 owns home and 2 vacant lots which are protected under prenup

Partner 2 owns no real estate

Up until now, partner 2 has been paying partner 1 “rent” (which would include living there as well as utilities) as well as splitting other costs (groceries, dates, vacations)

How can finances be combined if one partner owns the properties (protected under a prenup) but both are helping to pay off?

Should partner 1 be responsible for the payments since they retain ownership if the relationship is terminated? In that case should partner 2 pay rent and if so, HOW IS IT CALCULATED?!?

Please and thank you.

I’ve never really been alone. My husband and I started dating when I was 20 and he was 27. I’m 31 now with an 18 month old and another on the way. I’m unhappy. I want to leave. He’s not a good husband and I think he’s starting to show his colors as a bad dad. But I’m terrified of starting over. I’ve been gaslit so much in my life. What if no one else is ever able to love me again? What if I end up single, only seeing my kids 50% of the time, and living in a tiny apartment I can barely afford. I don’t see that as a happier life. 1 bad day a week can’t be worse than every day being awful. I want a family. I never want to see my kids struggle. I want the world for them.

There’s a part of me that wishes I could find someone else to be with before leaving. But that’s so messed up. My husband has created dozens of dating profiles over the years and sexts with hundreds of women. He’s done it to me so it’s hard to deny wanting to hurt him back the same way. But my moral compass is too strong. So I just sit here. And wish I could leave. But I don’t.

Women of Reddit I could use insight. Please no rude comments. My husband and I have two children and 2 months ago I had found out I was pregnant again. His immediate reaction was “we are not keeping it” and was extremely angry with the idea of me even wanting to. With our other two he had no problem with it at all and was happy about it (I found this odd). Unfortunately it turned out to be ectopic and through the process he showed no empathy towards the situation even though I was heart broken. Right after this he started picking up overtime at work a lot and would have meetings he claimed were at 9pm (he works at a casino) and since has been extremely irritable with me anytime I try to communicate with him. He’s also been recently making comments or questions of me wanting to be with other men. When I’ve brought up some of these things to him he immediately gets defensive no matter how I’ve gone about speaking with him I’m not sure what to do at this point it seems like we haven’t been able to get along at all and I don’t recognize my partner anymore.

Husband and I both are in our late 30s. Married 10+ years, no kids. Sex has been pretty good all throughout but has been vanilla since quite sometime, and we are trying out new kinks. This has improved our sex life overall.

One thing we are addicted to recently is, in the middle of the night around 2 or 3 AM still in half sleep, we start cuddling and then making out. We make out for quite long sometimes like 20-30 minutes. When we have a quickie and fall back asleep immediately after. This has added another task of washing and changing the bedsheets daily, but honestly that effort is totally worth the satisfaction we both get. I find it very hot, and was curious if any other couples experience it at a certain age of after a decade or two of marriage.