Husband leaves for USMC next month. We have been living paycheck to paycheck for 2 years. We are constantly on edge. My husband chooses to sleep on the couch because he snores so badly he wakes me up all night. He just started a 2nd job and already fucked it up. He said he would pay the boss back for the material he messed up by accident and that he didn't need to pay him the 200$ he was owed for the 8 hours of work. We don't have family to help. We don't have friends to help. I work as a nanny. I bring our 17 month old son with us everyday to my job. We only have 1 car. So i take my husband to work every morbign at 7, then go to pickup 3 boys to take to school and make them breakfast, then come home and put my son down for nap and feed him, then go back during lunch to do their laundry, dishes, and walk their dog. While my child watches a movie in his playpen for an hour or so. Then I go home and he takes another nap then I go back and pickup the kids from school, drop them off then go pickup my husband. Then he drops us off and now goes to his second job he doesn't even know if he has anymore bc of his fuck up. Resentment is building between us. Finances are stressing us the fuck out. So is all this work. I also work 2 other jobs. I hate everything.

Husband (34M) and i (33F) are expecting our second child in February. So most of the time husband is taking care of firstborn (2F) i.e. sending and fetching to/from childcare, showering first born, etc.

I am not sure what is wrong but firstborn will cry or throw tantrums whenever husband is around. But will do fine when she is just alone with me. It is getting really annoying and I am starting to second doubt myself of my choice in the marriage. Husband keeps saying that firstborn is closer to him and that is why she behaves so differently with, but i find that it has been too much. Firstborn doesn’t seem happy with him. I am exhausted. My current pregnancy is a complicated one where i am supposed to have bed rest as well.

Put it in other words, i actually feel that there is soo much i could have done looking after firstborn making sure she isn’t crying. But i cannot handle because i am not physically fit for her. I feel so bad to see firstborn this way and i know i need to rest. So i just told husband that i will send and fetch firstborn to childcare everyday and that he hides in the room when we are home until probably shower time when he helps.

How else should i take this forward?

Hey folks. I do occasionally make some odd posts. Call it classic bipolar issue. With that said I feel a need to vent.

Read many things here and other forums and frankly I'm really tired of people making excuses to step out on their relationships. Everything from you you didn't give me enough attention to my bipolar made me do it. Its too bad that people have forgotten to be honest and truthful. For alot, I'm sure it's the hand caught in the cookie jar syndrome, for others possibly shame and yet others just don't give a flying fuck.

I fidelity is one of the most painful and traumatic things that can be inflicted on a person. A person will never forget. Time may dull it, but it will always be there in the back of a person's mind. Some can reconcile, some try and fail, yet others just end it immediately. I think I'd rather just be murdered than have to go through this. It breaks my heart to know others within my life have been through this! To see the pain they experience while their partner says I'm so sorry and that makes it ok? Nothing makes it ok.

I say to all who have doubts about their relationships and if their partner is who they want. Think about this. Think about this before you make that horrible choice. Unless you can invent a time travel machine, go back in the past and stop yourself before that bad choice, there's absolutely no possible way to fix it.

Hi, this account is anonymous cause my wife knows about my other account.

As the title suggests, I (28m) need advice for how to talk to my wife (27f) about blowjobs.

Short version:
Since we've gotten married, the frequency of blowjobs has dropped off a cliff as compared to when we were dating and engaged. Sex is still great. When we were dating and engaged, it was all the time with her swallowing and even doing facials. Now, she doesn't really initiate bjs... I still go down on her as I always have. There's been some minor discussions, very briefly, regarding like improved hygiene for both of us (we have improved), the weather being too hot for bjs as we live in a hot climate. (It's winter now)

A over the last few months, there have been small issues with me giving her a facial which I've done many times before, but she sort of pulled a really grossed out face a few times. (This was way after hygiene talks and it's really put me off from even asking for bjs.)

She doesn't really do Bjs these days, we still have sex and I still go down on her. I don't know how to address this as I feel like it's affecting me negatively. I feel a bit frustrated and I have no idea what to say or do to address the issue. I don't have an issue or expect bjs every time we have sex, it's just nice to get them now and then and now that I've been married for almost a year, it feels like this could develop into a long term problem as it's already been declining over the past several months despite sex being great.

A bit of context and more detail:

I have been with my wife for roughly 8-9 years now, we got together when I was 19 and she was 18. We dated for a year, got married early 2024. Please do not let the title fool you as our sex life is great in almost every way. I've had the best time over the past several years exploring everything with her. When we were dating and even when we were engaged, it was not always possible for us to have sex and so we would often rely on third base to get each other off.

She has always been great at blowjobs and taken care of me all the time in every possible way. It's just that since we've gotten married, that aspect of sex has declined in a verry noticeable way. It's now affecting me and I don't know how to address it.

It first started earlier this year when she moved in and sex was going great. I didn't notice anything till well into our honeymoon phase where I tried some of the things I would do before. She slowly stopped swallowing, (She would go to the bathroom and spit) then facials were getting weird almost like she was off put expressions, and now bjs are an occasional thing... I feel like it's on a decline and I need any advice on how I can address this before it develops into something bigger.

I've spoken to her once or twice about the matter and she's told me that it was due to the hot weather and we discussed how hygiene can improve. Those two issues are not a factor at the moment and it's still kinda the same. She has given me one enthusiastic bj since then.

I find myself feeling a bit down and frustrated too. I suppose it's crushing because we have always had a good balance of sex, oral, and orgasms. We both orgasm from sex, we go multiple rounds, she orgasms several times with every session.

She's very kinky and we enjoy a lot of stuff in the bedroom.

I'm a bit unsure about how to approach the topic again as I don't want to upset her or hurt her feelings. I also want to be as understanding as possible. Any advice would help?

My husband recently said I have had great “fuck-back” lately. I asked him what he Meant and he said me being extra responsive and thrusting.

This is not an expression I’ve heard him use in 40 years? Anyone else use this or have hubbies that do? Curious

I 36(f) have been married to 40(m) for 9 years and together for 13 years. We’ve both been pretty career and travel focused. For the first 6 years of our marriage, it was amazing. I felt like I had a true partner, I was so loved, I felt our relationship was everything a marriage should be. I finished my third masters, got a huge new job, and we were getting ready to sell our house for an upgrade. Then everything imploded. My husband was spending so much money on OnlyFans, for girls barely above 18. He was also looking at leaked sex tapes, where the actresses clearly had not given consent. He said that it started during Covid, working from home and it has escalated to him spending at least two hours a day looking at sites like these. Our very healthy sex drive also took a huge nosedive. We went to counseling. He refused to go by himself. We continued with our life plan: new house, new savings goals, new travels. 18 months ago, I got royally screwed at my job because I wouldn’t sleep with a senior exec. I ended up quitting and taking a huge promotion with a direct competitor. It was extremely stressful at first switching with the looming threat of a lawsuit for violating a non-compete. During this time, my husband did not get a promotion he was promised. For the first time ever, I out earned him by 6 figures. During that time he told me he “couldn’t sleep at night because I managed my career the wrong way (according to him) and didn’t deserve my new job). Over the last 6 months, we went to counseling. He said he was hurtful and jealous because he lost his promo and was actually proud of me. Last night we got into it while I was outlining my travel schedule for Q1. He said I was work obsessed and a narcissist. I said we both used to be like that and worked together for mutual success but somewhere he got competitive with it and hurtful. It came out he’s still looking at porn and the women are still barely legal, and I’m “old”. For the record, I take pride in my physical appearance, take good care of my skin, a little Botox and filler and get mistaken for my 20s all the time, as I know physical appearance was important to him in a partner. I also found a lump in mu breast three months ago and he showed no emotion and didn’t offer to drive me to my appointment. I told him his lack of emotional support for something scary was hurtful. He also said that he had lied in our counseling sessions just to get them to stop. I asked for a divorce. He begged for another round of counseling that he’d really try this time. Sanity check but that’s bullshit right? Like there’s no way I could trust him to participate fully and work on so many issues?

Just wanted to boast about my hubby! We’ve been together for 11 years and the way we’ve grown individually and together has been such a whirlwind for me and almost like it’s not real even though it’s very very real lol (I believe I’ve never seen actual true love while I was growing up) Especially these past couple years and after becoming a father, he’s been a totally different type of understanding and being vulnerable with me. He doesn’t look down on my mental health like when we were younger (lots of diff childhood trauma that I had a hard time opening up about so he didn’t fully understand) and he actively listens to me. The past few days I’ve been struggling since getting done with my period and on top of the going through medication change and on top of THAT, my mother and brothers are moving in at the end of January so they can start over in a new state. So I been struggling lol I’ve been having intrusive thoughts that some things that happened in the beginning of our relationship and marriage will happen again if I don’t keep doing good enough with my growth and healing; and instead of getting frustrated with me or just ignoring me like when we were younger he puts on songs that mean a lot to us to help reassure me and shut out the intrusive thoughts. Freeze by Kygo is what he played in the car last night and he said he put it on because I’ve been struggling a lot with thoughts of us (to me nothing is permanent and this is the longest relationship other than both of my grandparents that anyone in my family has had since the early 1900’s 💀 I am working on it though and trusting more and more he’s not going anywhere). The songs chorus goes “Darling, can we freeze? Let me save this perfect memory Remember how it feels like flying in the dark? Like I must be awake inside a dream Darling, can we freeze? 'Cause even though you're right here next to me A part of me still feels like nothing ever lasts Like I'm already missing you and me Oh oh, can we freeze?” And when we first heard this song he had a big realization and told me he feels like this song describes how my head can get when it’s so loud in it, and that I don’t actually have to worry because he’s not going anywhere. I remember that night perfectly. The way he looked at me as he talked and was SEEING me and the way my mind works even though I’m doing my best to change it, the way he smelled, the way the air smelled while we were sitting on our deck. Everything. So when he put it on just because I was struggling I just melted and bawled because idk how I got so lucky to be so loved unconditionally and loyally and fiercely. I love him so so much and appreciate the man he is, not just because of how he loves me but also because he is who he is. So calm, collected, so much better at understanding as he gets older. He’s insanely smart (engineer lol) and so so creative, even though he tries to say he’s not lol he is fact based and never tries to pretend he knows everything (something I’ve seen in most men I’ve known in my life do all the time, especially to their wives). The way he laughs, his smile, his warmth. I’m so appreciative that even after nearly 11 years we are still so so in love. We don’t just have love for each other, we are IN love and I am just so so grateful 💖💖

Pic of our cuteness earlier this spring when we took our yearly spring photos with our trees when they bloom 💖✨🥰

Not sorry for the novel, I just love him and appreciate him so much 🤪

I read a post on here earlier about how it’s no big deal if your husband has a silicone vagina toy. Years ago I had a friend who found out that her boyfriend had one. He told her that a lot (most? Idr) men actually think they feel better than the real thing. This has always stayed with me so I can understand why a woman would be upset.

FWIW a dildo or vibrator feel nothing like the real thing.

Men what are your thoughts on this?

So as the title says I always have sex with my husband whenever he wants it, even if I’m not in the mood or even if I’m really unwell. I don’t want to keep doing this but I’m scared of his reaction if I say no.

It’s the same with giving him head, I try to say no and just end up doing it anyway. Even when I don’t want too! If I don’t he usually gets grumpy and then avoids me and physical touch for days, and I really don’t want that.

I just want to be able to say no when I really don’t feel like it, without feeling guilty and like I’m a bad wife. I’m scared if I say no he will withhold sex from me, as I sometimes think he does this to punish me but I can’t be 100% sure.

To add I do have a high sex drive, so I obviously don’t mind but sometimes I just wanna say no but I can’t.

Does anyone have any advice please? ❤️

It’s exactly what it says my mother-in-law brought hell to my house. I’ve been married to my husband for six years. We have three children and two dogs. My mother-in-law and her husband sold their house and they had nowhere to live so we offered for them to live with us. I thought it would be great because she’s a really awesome grandparent but she’s been here for a couple months and it’s been absolute hell for me and my husband.

At first, it was little comments that were rude, but I just ignored and brushed off. But now it’s come to her treating my oldest child different who is not My Husband’s biological child. My youngest got sick with the flu and she message my sister-in-law who is my brother’s wife to come watch me watch my son because I’m a stupid adult that doesn’t know what I’m doing. So she thinks that I can’t take care of my children adequately without being supervised. I took a nap on the couch with my son who was sick while my other two kids played. I thought it would be OK because there was another adult in the house to keep an eye on them. She called My Husband to tell him that I’ve been sleeping all day because I chose to take a nap for a couple hours in the evening now I’m a lazy piece of shit that sleeps all day. There has been other comments made about how I don’t do anything in my house. I don’t clean. I don’t do laundry. I don’t sweep and mop. I don’t feed my children properly. Among many other awful comments and it’s come to a point that I can’t handle it anymore.

I can’t stay at my house with her there because she’s got something awful to say to me. 😍💋My Husband💋😍 has stood up for me. I’ve stood up for myself and my children, but I just can’t take it anymore. I would rather go live with my parents where my children don’t have to be around that.

So I talked to 😍💋My Husband💋😍 about me going to stay with my parents. The conditions of me living with my parents would be that I would have to take my daughter out of public school and put her into online school, which she has done before, and my toddlers would be at my sister-in-law’s during the day for babysitting. I also would have time during the day to work and make some money so I’m not just going to my parents and crashing. My kids would also have the opportunity to do extracurriculars while we’re there which is just a bonus. We would come home Friday through Sunday then go back to my parents for the work week.

The problem is, he doesn’t like this idea because he sees it as me breaking up our family while he stays home and works. He sees it as a separating and I’m like I’m taking the kids from him which that isn’t my goal. We had a huge argument about it so now I’m stuck and I don’t know what to do. I love 😍💋My Husband💋😍 he’s my best friend and I’ll never leave him. I just can’t take it anymore so what do I do?

Please help I’m desperate.

I feel like this is the biggest wake up call of my life. I might not show it, I’m really struggling and questioning everything, but in a good way. I’ve done a lot of reading in the last couple months. Like, imagine if Johnny [our son], today he's 2 and 1/2 if was all of a sudden put in the middle of Thailand, and raised in Thai society, Thai culture, by 2 Buddhist parents. And then there’s Johnny, that’s raised in US society, US culture, by you and me.

In 30 years, there’s going to be two Johnny's with completely different realities. There’s on one side, the events that happen, and our perception of those events. I feel like it’s that perception that makes your reality, and everyone has a different “reality”.

I was raised by different parents, in a different country, in a completely different culture, and sometimes we end up thinking differently. I’ve really reflected on this, and I feel like I don’t believe in IVF. Like scientifically, it works I know. And there’s so many complications, it’s extremely rough on your body all around. I mean morally, I feel that IVF is humans trying to play gods. Even if you don’t believe in gods, take religion out of it, I’m talking about nature.

When humans mess with nature, that’s like playing with fire. Can you think of any modern medication that actually treats the root cause? I can’t think of any doctor’s medication in the entire world that actually treats the root cause. For example, you get cancer the doctor gives you medicine to treat the cancer. If you have infertility, the doctor gives you IVF to treat the infertility. If you have low progesterone, the doctor gives you medicine to treat the low progesterone. And then there’s the luteal phase “defect”. If you stop and reflect on it, the human body has millions millions of years of evolution [or if you’re religious, it was perfectly created by God].

It’s laughable that doctors call this a “defect”, because for whatever reason, your body is shortening the luteal phase to lower the chance of you getting pregnant. For whatever reason, that doctors don’t have the answers to. And the low progesterone, in case you do still get pregnant, it’s the body saying, no right now’s not a good time to be pregnant. That’s just how I feel. And when I put everything together, it totally blew my mind.

It was the feeling of a light bulb literally exploding in my head. I feel like it’s not this, or that, it’s not one specific thing. It’s your entire life. And hear me out when I say this: What happened is not your fault.

I feel that we need to take a minute to stop. Stop trying again right away, because we tried doing things back-to-back already [recurrent miscarriage], and we tried the medical intervention. Did it work? Is it your fault? Right.. it’s not, and it was a worth a try, it really was. But, but now I feel like it’s out responsibility to stop.

Stop and see this as the biggest wake up call of our entire lives. And moving forward, what can we do now. I will stop drinking alcohol 100%, and I will stop the caffeine and get in the best shape of my life.

Let me ask you, do you love your self? You don’t have to tell me, just think about it. On a scale of 1 to 10 how confident are you? I feel like science, medicine, the doctors. They run all of these tests and exams, yada yada, and forget about this little thing over here, this little thing called life. And your health, is made up of the physical and the emotional.

I’m still processing things, we all react differently and it’s natural, because we have different realities. I believe from the bottom of my heart, that everything happens for a reason. That brings me peace. And I believe in you.

If you connect the physical and emotional, when is a time in your life you had the best physical and emotional health? For me, I feel like ever since I’ve known you for the last, 8 going on 9 years it was when we were living in Colorado. Is that fair to say? I feel it that your confidence is a night and day difference.

I feel it deep down inside, that we both need to get back there, to that state, because emotionally and physically everything is interconnected. These will be the hardest and most transformative days of our lives.

Remember just one message from this letter. That there’s events that happen to us, and then, there’s our perception of those events. In that gap, and right now it feels like there is no gap, in that gap is peace. I love you and I believe in you.

My husband (36M) and me (39F) are currently separated. We have had issues in our marriage related to alcohol abuse and general laziness, he was unemployed for several years of her marriage. About a year ago, I asked him for a separation and he left for seven days. He came back and said he needed to be in the home to be comfortable to make changes in his life. during this time, we’ve also been doing couples counseling for about a year or maybe a little over a year. I finally reached a breaking point and told him I wanted to a separation, but I was serious this time. I’m moving forward with a legal separation and he has moved out for three months. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but I feel sad only in the context that I miss his company, but only at certain times. I feel more so guilty that I’m not that sad. I think my issue is that he feels like a passenger to my marriage never felt like a partner and I know that I had played a part in that because I was controlling, which I felt like I had to be because he was dealing with a lot of stuff and never stepped up to the plate. I can be very controlling, stubborn, but I am making sure everything is being taken care of from all fronts, including financially. I want to keep things friendly as we separate, but how do you separate the guilt of what you’re doing especially when it makes you happy?

When you’re having an argument and someone gets to the point where they need to walk away (which is totally valid), whose responsibility is it to resume the conversation ?

I’m getting married soon, and I’d love to hear your advice or well-wishes for the big day or married life!

Husband and I have had issues over the in law topic for the last 2 years. I find his parents very overbearing and stressful and just a general mismatch with my personality so I tend to not spend too much time with them. Typically only once a week. My husband sees this as me trying to drive them apart and he says he is not going to be with someone who is making him feel like he is not living life how I want to live it and is constantly stressing him out. Living life how he wants = chilling with his parents frequently with our son and me.

He imagined this life where we’d have dinner/ chill together frequently throughout the week but I have a demanding job and I am done work at 6. With the baby’s bed time starting at 8/8:30 I don’t see it as worth my time to get ready to go see my inlaws. (I work from home so I would need to get ready after work).

He also always makes me feel bad and says things like. “You are exactly the type of woman I didn’t want to be with” and “I wanted someone who will be good to my family and treat them well”.

To be fair, because his family rubs me the wrong way I am not overly warm with them but I’m not mean or rude by any means.

I’m starting to lose hope. We fought about this topic 3 times in the last two weeks alone and he has hung out with them 4 or 5 times in the last two weeks plus daily for the quick pick up and drop off of our child since his parents are helping us out with daycare while we work.

Is this even worth fighting for at this point?

My husband (M, 36) hates Christmas. He wants nothing to do with it, so I (F,41) do all the decorating, planning, and shopping for our kid and both our families. That’s fine. But when it comes to Christmas Day and there’s either no presents for me or one or two super cheap gifts, i feel super upset and unappreciated. This happens every year. I love gifting and spoiling those i love, so i know i go above and beyond, but considering he literally only has to worry about me, i don’t understand why he can’t step up. Its become a tense topic now. We live a simple life and i don’t ask for much- our house, cars, clothing are all very modest and frugal. And im fine with that. But we are by no means poor and once in a while i want to feel spoiled and appreciated and have the nicer things in life, and he’s refusing to give that to me. He implies that im being shallow and materialistic and most married couples don’t give presents on xmas. So i guess the question is do other couples give gifts? Am i the weird one here? Do i need to put my big girl pantiez in and get over it? Or am i justified in my hurt?

I'll try and make this as short as possible.

I am a M33, wife is F32, we have 4 children together. We have separated back in October. Mainly issues on my end (financially and emotionally). As we separated, I found out that she had been talking to an old male friend, whom also moved in with us 10 years ago when we also separated due to financial issues on my end. 10 years ago, my wife and this friend slept together (consensual or not, I still don't know to this day). Well, he is back in her life as my youngest is also not mine (which I knew about 10 years ago after we separated the first time). Fast forward to now, this male friend is currently living at my home, sleeping on the couch in the basement (as far as what I am told), and we are still separated. When I question her on what is going on with us, I get told that I need to work on myself to ensure that I'm not going to push her back into a depression by emotionally abusing her. I am seeing a therapist to work on my issues, and we've been heading down a good path. However, my concern is that I'm not being told the full truth. She doesn't allow me in the house, because whenever I see a photo of something in the house, I question why she changed something or moved something, and I get told I nitpick too much about silly things. So to not "stress her out" about it, I just don't get allowed into the home. Even when picking up the kids, we meet at the mall a few blocks away from the house. Deep down, I feel like there is something going on between them, but I keep getting reassured that there isn't. I also constantly get reassured that as long as I'm treating her well and not being rude to her or emotionally abusive, there is definitely a chance we can move forward, and she tells me that's what she is hoping for. I made one request that the male friend move back home so she can prove to me that she wants to move forward with us, and I get told that he or anyone else in that house is not the issue, the issue is me and the things I need to work on. Even as far as doing things together (going to dinner, or hanging out), she tells me she doesn't want to be trapped somewhere with me because she's worried I'm going to be an asshole to her, and she wants to see that I am changed before she agrees to any of that.

My question is, am I doing the right thing by continuing to try to work on things? Or does this sound like a lost cause and I should walk away now before I get hurt even more? TIA

My wife makes repeated comments about various items in my wardrobe, or comments negatively on how I dress. The history is that I showed up once or a few times at a weekend garden party in very casual clothes (imagine cheap sweats and fleece). She was embarrassed about it and told me later that she hates that I don't take better care about my appearance and the impression I give about us to guests. Sometimes when I buy something she tells me it's terrible style-wise and shows her obvious disdain.

It is true that I don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes, and I am not a big fan of paying for brand names. So yeah, I guess I am cheap. That being said, I have made an effort to be mindful how I dress. Often I don't see anything wrong with a item, but she thinks it's horrible. Or I think she has approved of it in the past, but suddenly she blurts out that it's horrible. I'm often shocked.

About a week ago, ahead of a kids party we were hosting, she told me "Please make sure you dress nicely, because we are going to meet parents of new friends of our son, from the new school" I got angry and told her to not tell me how to dress. Unfortunately our son was present in that brief exchange. 2 days later I told her that I feel demeaned and humiliated to be admonished how I dress, and I asked her not to make these comments anymore. She promised not to, but she also expressed her hurt that I was so rough in my anger and I shut her down in front of the kid. She felt put down, and I have unfortunately done that before in front of kids. It is a part of a bigger pattern of emotional abuse that I have perpetrated, where I was angry, argumentative, defensive.

Today out of the blue she said my winter jacket is horrible. I told her I am shocked because I thought we bought it together. I don't remember if we really did but I do know I changed my jacket about 2 years precisely because she thought the same thing about one I had bought at Costco. She said it lacked style, etc (fair enough, but I didn't see anything wrong with it). Nonetheless, I accepted to change it. I hate that she isn't proud of what I look like. I guess it really hurts that I am viewed as such a slob by the one woman whose opinion of me matters to me. I also don't understand how her opinion has changed - maybe the jacket is worn or maybe it's because I have gained weight and she told me she doesn't like how the jacket has a big belly/bulky in the front and doesn't flatter me. I feel humiliated to be judged and have to get her approval for what I wear. Yet I do want her approval.

I got very angry today after her comment, I put the jacket on and asked her what is wrong with it. After she told me, I got v angry and told her this conversation is over and it's exactly what I asked her not to comment on anymore. I told her I'm going to leave for work, but I was visibly angry. I marginally calmed down in 5mins and wanted to continue the conversation about unrelated admin stuff we need to sort out but she told me she needs to recover from the aggression and violence of my reaction.

What I want to ask is: why does this bother me so much? Why can't I just hear the comment and smile and move on? I literally cannot stand it, it does something very deep to me, I get v v angry inside, even if I moderate my actual behaviour.

Last, is it valid for me to ask her to stop making comments about my clothes, at least for now, only because I cannot tolerate it? Maybe I should be able to, but I just can't at this time. She feels that she should be able to speak the truth and she shouldn't feel muffled by my reaction. Just because the truth hurts, she should be able to speak it.

There is more background of course: DB for last 2 years, but it has many causes, many that have with me. Nonetheless I feel very hurt in my self esteem that I am not desired.

One more: why is it so important to me that she apologises?! I hate that she never apologises when my feelings are hurt. Somehow it's always me that has to apologise. It's almost never black and white where one party is fully in the wrong and the other is not. Here my part is that I reacted so angrily. It's been my issue for a v long time. I need to own that, but I never get "thank you, and I'm sorry I said something that hurt you". We just end up discussing my faults in my behaviour.

I have noticed in various relationship-focused subreddits that men are often treated as victims, even in situations where they have cheated on their partner with another woman. In such cases, phrases like "homewrecker" or "she wanted another woman's man" frequently come up. What do you think – why are men often seen as if they are the property of women or helpless individuals who lack free will and the ability to make decisions for themselves? Let’s be honest – men made the choice to cheat yet are still often portrayed as victims in such situations.

So, my wife and I have sex everyday mostly, it is good sex, we are lucky to take our time and most of the times she comes at least once. I make sure I arose her enough, I go down on her and respect her limits. We have a happy sex life from that point of view

However, it has been 12 years by now that we are together and probably 3 or 4 times very shyly she has initiated the game. Any other time, it is me after her but I should say it, she never rejects me unless there is something else to do.

I am 46 years old and I am running tired of it, to the point that I am struggling lately to get an proper erection like I used to because I have the feeling I am just a penis for her to have her daily orgasm/s. I would like to feel that she needs me for sex, that she is after me sometimes, that I am the one she wants. That she prepares for me, that she tries to convince me… but nope. Nothing there.

What do you think? Am I making a problem out of something irrelevant? Been trying to overlook at this since always.

I know some will say I can’t complain cos I have sex everyday but that’s my reality.

Cheers

Hi , im a wife (25) and my husband is 31. He was addicted to prngr@phy before. He recovered but always having relapse.

We are 5 years married , i got married early because i have reproductive problem. Until now, we dont have a child.

I am not into skincare before but when i got married he always demands that i should put make up and change myself into something he wants. I changed myself and do everything i can. Im taking different supplements, glutathione, and too much skincare now. Still, i cant reach his standard and expectations.

I am a kind of wife who cooks well, arrange the house, i earn my own money so i wont be asking him too much money, i buy him gifts, and i do everything from giving him his toothbrush until putting his socks. Like, everything!

Now, he relapsed again. And telling me that he doesn't even want a wife anymore. And that he hates himself. But he doesnt want us to separate because he needs me. He is very confused.

We have multiple cheating issues since we got married. I always forgive him thinking he will change. Now, I've reached my limit. I feel like im willing to give up. But he doesn't want us to separate.

I don't know what to do. He even admitted that i am not enough for him. And it's not my fault but his.

I feel so down and belittled.

How i wish, there is a man who can love me without expectations, who can love me as i am, who is always in love with me. Someone who will make me feel assured and secured. Who will remove my insecurities because of the way he loves everything about me.

So out of curiosity, how do you manage family-work and everything aside of it?

I’m a business owner of a growing business, grow is nice but also demanding. My regular schedule would look like this; • Regular hours from 7 to 4 • We usually gym together from 8 to 9 after she drops off the kids • I close a bit when the kids arrive, meaning from 17h to 19h30 and continue for ~1.5 hours after they go to sleep • 1/2 days a week I arrive at home around 19h and might continue for ~1h • Travel 2 to 3 days each 3 months

I employ my wife in my company so it’s not we don’t see each other.

Never working weekends and trying to spend time with them and friends the most I can during the weekend.

Further, we go out at least once a month and regular sex (2 to 3 days a week).

Still she said recently I wished you had a “normal” job. What are you missing in above list?

I recently taught my daughter's class a Bruno Mars song and I've never led a chorus or done anything musical so I was very nervous. My husband left work and drove 30 minutes to watch that 20 minute program before driving 30 minutes back to work. I was so grateful for him doing that, but I forgot to ask him to record the performance. I usually take photos and video of our important days. I led the song and gestured big and broad like a conductor, singing along with the kids to keep them on track. Afterward, I asked my husband if he recorded it. He didn't. "I was living in the moment." I was deflated. It's hard being the one who captures all the memories. He's an orphan. He knows how fleeting this time is. I was instantly sad. On the way home, I heard my daughter say she knew he didn't get it recorded because "he was just staring at mom with with a big smile for the whole 10 minutes!" I got video of our performance from another parent and the memory of being watched and loved in such a big way is even better than the one I hoped he'd catch on video.

I was a little playful and horny yesterday at work so I sent nudes to my husband before I went home.

He was over the moon when he saw the photos and replied with excitement saying tonight's gonna be the night.

During the deed, I asked him twice to stop.

1. He went down on me and his beard is scraping my labia and it's really irritating

2. His untrimmed fingernails are again, irritating

Still he managed to make me cum, however, at the time he will penetrate, his p*nis is already soft. I gave him a bj and a hj, still won't erect.

I am disappointed but I told him let's just do this tomorrow since it's late and we have wake up early. Then I get up to wash, get dress and sleep.

I do not want to make a big deal out of it but I can tell that he is annoyed that I did not even try more or harder.

throw away account. Sorry for the long post in advance. My husband and I have been married for about 2 months now. We have been inseparable ever since we met, I love him and want a life with him, and I know he wants the same. The week before we got married, I had this heavy gut feeling, which lead me to go through his phone while he was showering (not something I have ever done, nor something I am proud of). I was expecting to find nothing, as he had given me no previous indication that there would be anything to find. When we had first starting hanging out, he had even gone as far as to tell me he didn't watch porn/masturbate (as I'd told him I don't do that, I wouldn't expect that from anyone else, just personal preference, but it's the principle here). To my surprise, I opened his phone and went down a rabbit hole after finding a recently used app similar to TikTok, but for OF-type content. This lead me to dig deeper... I found countless OF charges to his cashapp, OF content creators he was following on various social medias with various throw-away accounts, web history of visiting these sites, link history to OF pages via instagram, among other things. These girls looked nothing like me. I have a slim/athletic build, not much going on in the chest region, brown hair, but still an okay body. These girls were slim waist, huge boobs, big butt, everywhere from blonde, brunette, white, asian, etc. But none looked like me. We had an open, honest conversation about it (we communicate well) and I thought it had been resolved. A few weeks later, I checked again, not much, but still some stuff on his phone, after I told him cold turkey and he agreed. He claimed he only clicked the links "out of curiosity" and he never actually looked at their pages. I don't believe that for a second. He had 110% of my trust, and lost it all in a few minutes. He had even told me a couple days prior to everything "I'm so attracted to you, that I don't even want to look at any other girl anymore." I've been trying to build back trust, as has he, and I haven't seen anything alarming on his phone in about a month. Also, due to my new insecurities/loss of trust in him, I haven't been able to fully want to be intimate with him since all of this. But I guess the point of all of this is this: I can't seem to stop replaying it all in my head. I've been obsessing over girl's online and have developed so much self-consciousness over my own body that I didn't ever have before this. I need to get past it, but I'm not sure how to believe any compliment he gives me because it all feels like lies now. I feel hurt, betrayed, ugly, and foolish. And I don't know how to make it stop. Please, any help is appreciated. (I don't want to end things, I just want to figure out how to move past it, while still holding him accountable.)

TLDR: Caught husband cheating online via OF, don't want to end things, just need to know how to get past it.

Husband and i been together since our teenage years. Married 20 years he's 41 im 39. Anyway i noticed he always tries to get me jealous. I don't know why and it's disgusting to me. He does jiu-jitsu so he takes pretty close group pics with the opposite sex in it . I'm assuming its normal but he will point it out sometimes like oh look at this pic. Other scenarios too. I get turned off by him when he does that. Why does he do this? I don't show any emotion. I feel like he tries to trigger me for some reason.

Hi all, I [27] recently started dating this girl [23] that I met on an online dating app. We have been dating for only a month and connect very well emotionally. However, I am a bit concerned about her current career path and student loans, which may impact our financial future together if we were to get married eventually.

She is currently in graduate school to become a Family & Marriage Therapist. However, she will have student loans of $150k from the program. And after she graduates, she will have 2 years of an associate program where she will be working under a supervised program, which has a very low salary. After the associate program, her estimated salary per year is still low ($50-$70k) per year.

If we were to eventually marry, I am worried about our financial future together. I am currently working as a Program Manager making $110k per year and am saving up for a down payment, and ideally would prefer a partner with a similar financial situation. Is this shallow of me to consider ending things for this reason?

We have never been great at communication, not helped by the fact that he has a short temper and can't see how over the top his reactions can be sometimes in relation to the situation. On the other hand, I am pretty sensitive and have never responded well to anger or confrontation. Recently things were going pretty bad and I pushed for us to start going to marriage counseling - or even going separately. Just some sort of professional help to try and help us work through all of it. He has a really old school mentality toward mental health so he always adamantly refused counseling. This week after a particularly bad argument I insisted and he seemed to concede. Shortly after that he said he found out that any mental health services he receives, including marriage counseling would have to be reported to his employer (federal gov) and could complicate or threaten his career. And that was that. But as far as I can tell, what he said is not true.

Does anyone have familiarity with policies around federal employment and mental health disclosure? Is there a grain of truth in what he claimed? Even like a - well no, but in some cases...?

TLDR; Husband said marriage counseling would have to be disclosed to his federal employer and could threaten his job. Is that true?

Seeking Advice

P.S - using a throwaway account and not a karma fishing post.

I am 29M and I was in relationship with my university gf 29F for 6+ years. She belongs to the different caste and community.

Last year we told this to our families but it went wrong. Her side was partially ready but my side was not ready at all and there were lot of emotional rollercoaster and addition to that my gf started giving me strict timelines, disrespecting my family for not following up even if it was pure anger. She even had the condition to not allow my parents in our house because of the hard time they were giving us while approving for the marriage. I am a single child to my parents so I couldn't leave my parents even after strong suggestion by my gf.

She wanted to get married asap and after all this charade her idea was to look for the guys in arrange marriage and until she finds one if my side is ready then we can proceed otherwise we can take the decision.

We started having lot of fights and In between all of this, I became unhinged and broke up with her thinking it's for the best for both of us. She immediately blocked me from everywhere and asked me to delete everything on my side ( even made sure I deleted everything with proofs ) ( It was normal pictures of us but she had phobia of someone creating issues with them in her life in future )

I just needed some time but due to ultimatum and timelines I thought it's for the best.

My parents started searching for girls in AM and I said to myself "let me choose my partner in AM at least and with this it will be easier for both of us to move on" and went along with them. After talking stage, accept, reject with few girls on Parent side Rishtas, JS, Shaadi. I felt connected with one girl and it felt like she is the one.

I tried to tell this to my ex that my marriage could be fixed with slight hope that she will stop me but she bashed me with curse words and piled up anger. I had to email her to unblock Me so that we can exchange few words. She were talking to the few guys in AM and she was happy that she will get a match.

So I went ahead with the AM route and after few meets and lots of conversations I said yes to this arrange marriage girl and we decided to get engaged in 2 months. It was AM in my community so families were involved from the beginning.

Just few days before the engagement my ex came back asking me to get back with her but here I was, already on the path to get engaged.

Not knowing what I really want I said to her that it's not possible now and It's too late. I couldn't cancel it because I was scared of my side families and AM girl's family. This went on for few times and eventually I got engaged, then married after few months to the AM girl.

In between we both tried to do no contact and out of respect for what we had I even told my ex about my marriage month because I didn't want that she find out from 3rd person. I wasn't happy about my marriage neither I was sad. I was just going with the flow with the neutral state.

Now the real problem starts, after my marriage I cannot do anything but think about my ex and various scenarios where we can be together, be it annulment or divorce or anything. I am being alone and neutral which is eventually bothering my wife.

I know that my ex didn't find anyone yet even if she is a very good soul and I feel that I am in wrong marriage and I should get back to her with the right way ( getting a divorce or dissolving my marriage since it's fairly new )

Please advice me on how should I take this? Whether I deserve any one of them.

P.S - My wife is unaware about this emotional torment because it's AM and I have kept myself reserved to me only since the beginning. She is a very good person with kindness and love towards me and trying her best to lift up the relationship. It breaks my heart when I think about various scenarios because it's 100% unfair to her and she didn't ask for this. She trusted me and here I am, with my all glory plans to let her down😔.

I know I am a bad person but I genuinely asking for advice instead of bashing out on me.