My husband (27M) has a gambling addiction. We are in a hole, maybe more of a puddle that we can’t seem to get out of. I’m a SAHM to our three kids and he tells me that he doesn’t want me to work so that I can be home with the kids and I love being home but I can’t handle the stress of money. He hates his job and he can choose when he wants to work so sometimes he will work 25 hours a week which isn’t enough and we aren’t even scraping by. Our rent is due and we are like $300 short and won’t even have enough for groceries. I was under the impression that his paycheck would be bigger but I guess not so now I’m left stressed and scared. I never thought that our life would become this. I’m selling as much on marketplace as I can and plan to instacart when he gets home tomorrow. I’m sad and he seems unbothered. He went and played poker tonight and lost and that put us in the hole another $100. What will make him realize how much this is effecting our family? What can I do? Tears don’t help. Saying “you have a problem” doesn’t help. He will lie about losing money and borrow from people or pull out loans. I’m just so scared of not having a roof over my kids heads. I’d go and get a job but have no one else to watch my kids. Sorry for the long depressing post. Just needed to vent.

It seems that many of the posts here from men complaining about their wive's anger or misbehavior result in comments of sympathy for her and that she may need help with depression or menopause. But when women voice concerns about their husbands it seems the response is much more harsh, unforgiving and severe condemning and shaming the man as aggressive and evil and inconsolable and beyond reproach.

Men and women's destructive behavior are both borne from sadness and depression and helplessness. If a man feels out of control in his life or relationship he will be sad which.often turns to anger. A woman may feel helpless or lonely in a relationship and be sad, but she will cry. Both deserve sympathy and understanding and genuine curiosity.

Looking for advice not judgement.

My husband and I have always been drinkers. We met in college at a party school. Drinking and partying has always been a part of who we are as a couple to be completely honest.

Since meeting 10 years ago, we have dated, gotten married, gotten great WFH jobs where we equally share the child care load for our two amazing children and bought a house.

All of our friends come to our house because it is baby proofed with tons of spaces and cribs/play pens for littles. It’s always been the safe space for our friend group.

Lately I’ve noticed WHEN my husband drinks, he drinks to excess. Like black out, falling asleep on the floor, or throwing up, or starting stupid and honestly offensive arguments. His tolerance has weakened but mine has gotten higher. (Crazy considering I had two babies back to back)

I hate him when he’s that drunk. He’s rude and annoying and not an equal partner. It gives me so much anxiety that I stay completely sober regardless of how much I drink. He doesn’t realize when he’s drunk. I’ll ask him to stop drinking and he will say that he’s fine. He’s not.

I’m not saying I want him to drink. I love our life. I love being the safe house and hosting and he can be a lot of fun. But how do I get him to stop drinking to excess I guess? I’m not really sure what im asking. Maybe just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this?

i dont know what to do, i 23f adore my husband 23m, he is great in every aspect except in bed. we are highschool sweethearts and i love him with every fiber in my being, but he is not great in bed, we’ve discussed it but things never change. if i do not initiate intimacy we are only intimate once a month maybe, but i feel like it’s such a turn off to be the only one initiating. I’m turned on every day, several times a day, and we used to have sec all the time but this is our 6th year together (started dating at 17, married at 20) and it has become less and less. I know that my husband struggles greatly with depression and i know this can affects things, he also reassures me that he still adores me and finds me attractive, i think he just doesn’t know how to please me properly and this discourages him, but i wish he would attempt to try to learn… is there anything i should do or is it just something i suck up and deal with?

We met when I was in high school, and he was in college. I fell in love with his ambition and intelligence.

We didn't end up dating until I went to college as well. We ended up breaking up because I was young and dumb. We went our separate ways, and he married someone else.

In my thirties, I found out he had gotten a divorce and was single. I contacted him, and we rekindled our relationship. We dated for a year, got engaged, and got married in 2017. This year, we will be married for 7 years.

I'm extremely unhappy. He has no ambition; he's lazy and unhealthy. He's sweet, but he's just not what I want. I tried for seven years to either make myself love who he is or make him act like I want him to act. (I know this isn't healthy)

So the other day, I was invited to a party at an old friend's house. I thought I'd go, but at the last minute, I didn't go. I haven't seen her for years, and when I last saw her, she was way different than she is now.

She has changed her whole lifestyle. And it hit me that I didn't love her anymore because she wasn't the person I used to love anymore. That person doesn't exist anymore. So why bother trying to make myself love this new person she has become.

This is when it hit me. I'm not in love with my husband. I'm in love with the man I met when I was 15. And that man doesn't exist and may never have ever existed.

My husband's brother had died by suicide one month to the day before I met my husband. He killed himself because his wife left him. My husband decided to go to college to honor his memory. Before he died, he had never thought of going to school again.

I met him when he was in mourning and trying to do something he never would have done if he wasn't trying to make his parents happy and honor his dead brother.

The man he actually is and always was are almost the complete opposite of that man. So now I've realized the reason we've had so many problems is that I'm chasing a ghost, a man who never existed and never will.

I can't divorce him because he's disabled and unable to earn any money or get disability, he doesn't have any work credits, so he's reliant on me for his survival. Today I told him how I felt and what I've said here. He's upset but OK.

I told him I'm willing to take care of him forever, but I want a contract written up that I'm allowed to date and SO IS HE. But a guarantee that I will take care of him even if I'm not in a relationship with him anymore.

I won't let him starve; I'm not like that. I just can't live this lie anymore. I know people grow and change over time. But I've had my eyes closed to who he really is for so long that there's no saving this.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice or sympathy or nothing I just had to say it to someone because I have no one to talk to.

hello! my story is boring, but I hope someone will read it and give me some advice. I was married for 10 years, my ex-wife and I had known each other since high school, I divorced two years ago due to numerous betrayals, including betrayals with my then friends. a year after this nightmare ended, I met a woman who was a single mother of a three-year-old girl. and I love both of them, I treat my little one as if she were my own, and for the rest she also treats me like a father (btw, it's a great feeling to build such a bond through hard work and devoting every moment). However, my partner doesn't really want to forget about my ex-wife. I compare myself to her all the time, in this negative way, I keep mentioning her and what she did to me, emphasizing that I shouldn't have allowed it. and I just want to forget about my ex because in my head she is nobody to me, I have erased her from my memory. but unfortunately we live together in the house where I lived with my ex-wife. Recently, the topic of marriage or a second child comes up more and more often, and this is where the problem arises. I love both girls (and mother and daughter) like no one else before, but I'm afraid I won't be able to cope. I don't want to hurt them, but the topic of my ex-wife comes up very often... my partner is diagnosed with borderline disorder, she goes to therapy, she is very self-aware, but it doesn't change the fact that she has outbursts... very often I have the impression that nothing suits her, since my work by the family (which both of them accepted as their own, the little one treats him as his granddaughter). I have the impression that she is jealous of them and is living in my past life. and I really don't know what to do, because I love them more than my life, but I don't know if I can bear it. I had to give up many bad things, stop drinking alcohol, give up most of my hobbies, come to terms with problems with my partner's job, etc., and she doesn't seem to notice it. it's like she couldn't show gratitude, be happy that we love each other, that the baby has both parents, etc. Do you think I can cope, will the topic of my ex-wife go away, or is there any chance that it will be different?

Husband is 33 M and im 25 F My husband and I lived together for two years (Plus the 3 months I spent in another state) So I was born and raised in CA I now have a sort of high paying job,I drove back to CA because we were fighting about money, and the fact that I wanted to go back to school (when the job in the other state had said I can be hired at their facility and take their CNA Class) He said it was to far ,and the schedule would mess with me picking him up from work. I would only be able to care for my Husband In CA.Now that im the only one with a job hes asking for a lot of weed paraphernalia. Now I am in a Job that also will allow me to learn CNA. I am trying to save money for he and I to have our own house here

TDLR: My Husband Needs to move back to CA.

my husband asks me repeated questions to the point that it drives me crazy. he might ask me what my food order is going to be, then call me on his way to the restaurant confirming it, and then text me when he’s there making sure again. this one is sweet but you get the point another set of questions are things i wouldn’t even know the answer to. he might ask me how an item he just bought works? or what day his favorite show airs? is that just being lazy? and then i tell him a story and he asks me a question that was just answered in the story. i chalk that one up to uninterested. anyone experiencing this too? there are so many questions 😂 maybe i just seem to know all things lol

Long sorry short, we have been together for 13 years, married 4. We have always been in love, fought plenty of times but always making up. We have also have a 18 month old.

Last night got into a huge fight over the dumbest thing. It is his fault 100%. I agreed and accepted what he said yet he kept going on and on and on. Resulted in him sleeping on the couch, something he hasn’t done in a while. We texted and left it at whatever, today he hasn’t messaged me nothing & i see from our bank he’s taken money to play the pokies. I messaged ‘wtf’ in a rage but nup, no reply. I so badly want to message again but i havent. Its so hard when you have a little one and all you want to do is cry. I have felt for a while now so sad about relationship. Not what it is since having a child.

Please help me, i dont know what to do and keep crying.

My husband stopped my living expenses and transferred all the family money, threatening me to sign a post-marriage agreement with him on sex, housework, childbirth and restricting my personal freedom. He never communicated with me about our financial situation. When I asked him, he said that we had no savings and still owed money. I needed children, but I couldn't get pregnant in this uneasy marriage. Is it necessary to continue this marriage?

My husband (42m) is upset with me (39F) because I didn't get a girlfriend. Let's give some back story. Once upon a time my husband was with a girl for almost a decade. He claims she kept promising him a threesome. (She had done it before) She would especially do this when they were fighting.

Okay, so background info on me. I was molested by a friend when I was a kid. It really messed me up. I think I've always been attracted to women. But because of the trauma I find myself confused about my attraction to women. If I'm really bisexual or just curious. I've kissed a girl later in life and it wasn't that enjoyable. But I've had a few steamy moments here and there with friends that I quite enjoyed.

Okay so my husband a few years ago expressed to me that he really wants to watch me with another women. Like there was a time that is all he talked about and all our sex life revolved around was his fantasy. That he wanted to watch me go down on someone while he hit it from behind. Not about us personally making love. It did kinda put me off for a while that everything was so centered around this fantasy. I didn't know how to bring it up to him that I wanted to pull back a little. So I think that comes into play later.

Okay so about threeish years ago I got on tinder and tried to connect with a girl. I did and met up with her a few times. We kissed a few times. But it didn't lead to anything cause her husband didn't like it. That's okay, she had to do what's best for her. Also at this time I didn't feel very sexy myself so I was very nervous putting myself out there. So after a while I deleted tinder and just put it on the back burner.

My husband was upset, he felt like "I'm dangling it in front of him and taking it away." Like this impacted us for several months. He would just shut down after saying that. He would be so short with me.

Fast forward to present day, I feel more confident and wanted to try again. So I download tinder again. I had over 76 matches in the last year. Only one meet up. She was nice, but there's no chemistry. I did put in my bio I'd like a spicy best friend. So like friends with benefits. So even though I wasn't attracted to her I thought what the hell she can still be friends with me. Well homegirl has been coming on strong. She's been sending me nudes all the time. Talks about how her husband doesn't like her on Snapchat doing it. So she just keeps making throw away accounts to hid it. (It gave me the ick.)

So a few days ago I brought this up to my husband. Basically saying, man I'm not vibing with anyone on tinder. I'm not attracted to the girl I did meet. There's no sexual chemistry. I really want to make this happen, but I'm just getting dead ends. He's been upset with me since. Said that I've hurt him by dangling this in front of him. That he's given up on it. Cause he's starting to resent me for not getting it done. He's been very short with me. I don't know what to do or say. I really have tried. But now I just feel lousy. Any suggestions of what I do now? I deleted my tinder account again. I don't think I'll ever try again. I can see where he can be upset about the first attempt when I pulled back. But I really did try this time. So am I the one in the wrong? He's avoided me all night after he got home from work. Maybe said five words to me. didn't hug me goodnight. I have anxious attachment so my nerves are on high alert tonight. What do I do?

We are 36 both and married for almost 4 years. We have two kids, we both are well educated and have great careers. But we are so close to ignoring each other and living like housemates due to fights and misunderstandings. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Starting out we were great, dates, movies together. Cook and clean together. Slowly he expected me to do it all, we started arguing about money, house work, we had our first baby, his salary increased and I went on mat leave, financial burden fell on him, he started coming home late; tired and always replying emails. We barely went out. Or did things together. He only wanted to watch stuff he liked, and I tried to get into it. Asked him can we watch something I like since we finished this show, he tried but had no interest in it.

We had our second baby; the night we had her I slept on the couch angry and didn’t want to see him from our fight earlier on. It just kept getting worse and worse. He gets triggered if there are dishes left, if the house is a mess, if I buy stuff from Amazon for the kids.

My son was sick, throwing up all night, and we sat with him trying to calm him. Slept with him in his room, the next morning my husband went to work, but my son was super clingy and upset, I have a newborn who doesn’t want to be put down at all. He came home and I was crying, it was a hard day, he gave me a brief hug and our talk went into an argument about how I am always complaining. I told him I don’t feel this overwhelmed everyday, I just needed my previously caring husband to hold me and say I’m here, things will get easier. That’s it. He said he is overwhelmed too, but he doesn’t complain as much as I do….i broke down, after talking and trying to understand each other we tried to reset. I suggested let’s all go for a drive and get ice cream, we got ice cream and he kept driving and touching the car screen, trying to change some stuff. A car almost hit us, but he said that wasn’t true. I told him can we do this when the car is parked and drive carefully, we have two babies in the car, he still proceeded to play with Apple CarPlay. I told him I can do it, you drive.

That made him mad and we turned around to go home. He said I distracted him driving and he can drive just fine. I cried all the way home. I’m overwhelmed, alone and sad. My husband is a stranger to me. I don’t know what to do.

My tears don’t mean anything to him anymore. I am trying to just figure things out on my own as if I’m living alone. My family lives states away, and I am new in this state.

I wish there was a manual book for Marriage. I mourn a lost best friend…

Seriously, sometimes I think he is truly the most insufferable person to deal with. When I feel this amount of disdain, I mean, I HATE him. I feel it so palpably and this cannot be normal. I find him to be of toxic nature, very unreasonable and stubborn and harsh with his words and non empathetic. I don’t know what to do anymore. How do I deal with these feelings?

I’m on my phone, please forgive any errors.

I am [31F] and my husband is [30M] we have a two year old daughter together. When I first started dating my husband he dressed well. Not to the nines, but he tried. He groomed his hair and beard and wore nice shirts to work. He was messy, car was a bit gross, house needed a “woman’s touch.” I didn’t mind at the time and continued seeing him.

Eventually the mess became worse and he started to not care. When I moved in it became apparent how bad it was at times. But I was recently kicked out of my family home because I was no longer JW and my husband was incredibly kind and compassionate about my situation. So maybe that why I stayed?

Anyway, fast forward we move to another state during Covid. Away from any of my remaining family that would talk to me. We have our daughter and it gets worse.

1. He wouldn’t get a job during my pregnancy.

I don’t know why I didn’t run. I guess because I was a first time mom with no support near me. My husband would dote on me, drive me anywhere, but he wouldn’t clean our cats boxes. I should have realized he didn’t care.

I spent the first year of my daughters life taking care of her at night. He rarely helped. Sure he changed diapers and fed her. He got a job and cleans the dishes now! But 12 months of him rarely taking her so I could sleep. He denies it now.

Suddenly around the 18month mark he becomes “perfect dad.” Always taking her to places, gym, dance, the baseball games. Because she’s easier now. And he lets me have “breaks” which I keep telling him in cleaning the whole damn house when you’re gone.

I should note we have two cats and a husky. He wanted his dream husky, she’s a good girl. But huskies shed a lot. And he does not clean up after her. She currently has poop and pee oh her puppies pads in the crate in the garage. He won’t clean it up.

God there’s so much. I feel like I can’t write it all down. It’s going to become a novel.

My current complains I’ll just list out.

1. has applied to over 200 jobs and no one has called back

2. won’t clean up after the husky, including poop, and won’t walk her.

3. begged for the cats but cleans their boxes every two weeks or less. And yes I ducking clean them.

4. will not take regular showers or change his clothes. He does not dress nice, hes embarrassing to be around.

5. sudden mood changes like right now. We were fine two hours ago and now he won’t even talk to me.

List goes on and on. I’ve talked to him about all of this several times. I have made lists, I have been nice and not yelling and have held his hand during chores. I have a current list in two places. I give him gentle reminders.

I guess my biggest thing is, why doesn’t he want nice for his daughter? Why is he ok with her being seen with a dad who looks like he’s the walking embodiment of depression? Why won’t he keep the house clean for out little girl? Why is ge so ducking ok with leaving dog poop out tht makes the house reek?

I messed up.

Wife and I are both near 40. I make an average salary but still more than her since she’s self employed.

For the most part, it’s fine since we have no kids and don’t live extravagantly. I probably pay for 75-80% of our shared bills which I’m ok with.

But what gets me is how we talk about things like higher taxes/me contributing more on my w4, saving for retirement, expensive home projects, a high medical bill, a new (used) car she will need in the near future, etc…and then she immediately pivots to talking about things she wants us to do together which include an international vacation in the next year or so, buying a second small home on a lake or something like a RV/boat. I have zero interest in that last one and gently told her as much last time it came up. I could tell it upset her even though she acted like it didn’t.

She gets upset at me for basically not jumping in enthusiastically to talk about these things when I’m worried about how the heck we would pay for them. The vacation could be do-able, probably not right away, but she basically already wants to start planning tomorrow. I guess I just don’t understand how she doesn’t see that we have certain expenses while at the same time she has all these other pricey goals for us. She thinks things will just work out but I’m more pragmatic.

Since she’s self employed she gets tired of the routine of being at home. Don’t get me wrong, I get it, (I also work from home) but for her the answer of getting out of that routine always seems to be something expensive and it drives me crazy since I feel more pressure being the one who pays for most.

I feel like I’m obligated to be the no fun responsible one while she gets to be the one who daydreams about all this stuff and gets annoyed if I’m not on the same page or not willing to plan something I’m not even sure we could afford. I always feel like the bad guy but I don’t see the point in having serious discussions about, for example, a second property when I don’t think it’s a realistic possibility for us anytime soon. Am I supposed to humor her? That seems like an even worse idea.

He wants to smoke weed everyday, jerk off, play video games (even on the days he’s supposed to watch the kids but they’re with my parent in another part of the house). He says he’s stifled and needs freedom. Is that what freedom is? Am I missing something?? we both are pushing 40 and sounds like he just wants to live like a 20 year old?

My (34m) husband and I (35f) been married 3 years together 7yrs. Met him and was madly in love. I thought he was a dream come true from the other men I have dated in my past. I thought safe to finally let me guard down and that I would never experience the abuse and trauma like I did in the past. I noticed a lot of red flags that I thought were minor always gave him the benefit of the doubt. He lied a lot and even when caught he wouldn't hold himself accountable. Anything he did wrong was because of another. I always told him just be honest. I let it slide because life and relationships is a learning process.

As time went on we had kids he was a great father. We got caught up with kids and work so again I excepted his excuses. For example sleeping the whole time at the hospital after birth of second child, never coming home 5 days a week bc he worked 1.5 hrs away even tho my work was about the same distance.

At that time he wasn't home I was rasing 3 kids, working all while going through Post partum. I was so stressed I had a horrible seizure. He still wouldn't come home. Said he was tired or low of money. So right my seizure I took a job bartending bc it was walking distance I lost my license from my seizure. But I wanted to help take the financial stress off of him.

It wasn't until I was bartending he came home every night. Accused me constantly of cheating. Accusing me pissed me off more than anything. I was busting my ass at home. I felt so disrespected I went out to the bars a few times. It wasn't him accusing me it was him going through old phones social media accounts etc. He started getting physically abusive where I was afraid to come home.

I knew in my heart he obviously did something. So I would ask him he would lie. I would find things in his email and he would lie. I felt it in my gut. I drove myself crazy search for answer. Why and what happen to the man I married.

He is now mean, cold, vindictive to me. He is mad bc I was to understand what happened. The truth from his very mouth. He threatens me with our kids. Threaten me to get an abortion. Kicked me out when I was pregnant. Continued to abuse me.

Now my phone is being hacked. Is it him? Most definitely and he is taunting me with hurtful annoyance messages that is my life. How he hates me. How he cheated goes on and on. Why? What did I do? For it to go thos extremely hurts me. I cry every night. It just want him to handle this like an adult and with respect. I deserve that. I feel like I will never know what happened. I feel like I know but until he says it I will always wonder why

I (35M) have been with my wife (34F) 7+ years (married 2+) together we have a 16 month old son. Things really got challenging after we became parents, before this , no issues.

I do alot of he things a good husband should do - I'm very loyal and don't cheat or even come close - my wife could go through my phone I wouldnt care.. I work 2 jobs and make more than enough to support us so no pressure on my wife for her job... I pay for most things when we go out...I'm a very involved dad ... I put my wife's needs first and if something does bother her I fix it. I do alot of chores around the house, I cook and clean. And I always have energy for my wife no matter how tired I am. And I put my wife's needs first intimacy wise. I'm always down and able to be intimate

My wife has a great work from home full time career. My wife is a great mom, and an overall great person. She gives me more money than I even ask for when contributing to the bills (I'm not selfish I've been pumping way extra of my left over money into our mortgage so I'm def not taking advantage of my wife giving me more than I ask) my wife does food orders and keeps our fridge full of groceries as well as ordering everything the baby needs so I never need to worry, its always there.

My wife works 4 - 11 hour days a week from home starting early. She is usually too tired after work, is never affectionate to me at all anymore, is only in the mood to be intimate literally 1 day a month. This is a bit sad for me. She was never like this before we were parents. And as good of a husband as I try to be, I deal with my own mood problems where I can be sensitive and get depressed. And when I get like this, I shut down.

I don't have a temper, worst thing that happens when I'm in a mood is I get quiet and shut down.

My inlaws have wreaked havoc on our marriage, and caused a ton of stress, but outside of that, the one thing we have issues with is arguing over household things. Idk why it bothers me so much, but sometimes I feel like I'm picking up after my wife a bit more than I'd like and I get upset. I'm either quiet but noticeably bothered, or I will come out and complain. I HATE fighting with my wife and am not trying to. Clutter build up also bothers me. I try to talk to my wife in the nicest way possible and not come off as accusing and attacking but it always somehow leads to an argument.

Last week we were both busy and I felt like I was picking up after my wife a bit around the house. We were having a calm convo and I tried to say nicely that I need more help around the house and it came out wrong and my wife got so upset at me. She said that she does so much and it's never good enough for me. That Im always getting on her. She feels like she is walking on egg shells with me all the time (I don't have a temper so idk why she feels this way) and I'm just so negative and why do I have to ruin her night and get on her about a few crumbs left behind by accident.

Last week a bunch of times I was cleaning up/picking up after my wife. Idk why it bothered me so much and I honestly wish I didn't bring it up at all and then get moody when she got defensive. I always thank and compliment my wife for what she does do. My wife says she is so busy at work she doesn't get to keep up with things and I should understand. But I'm not asking her to take time away from work to clean. I'm just asking to either be alittle more careful or if something is spilled /mess left take a second to clean that up and not leave it. Take a second to put clothes in hamper instead of just leaving on floor laying around etc..

The last few days my wife just seems like she absolutely wants nothing to do with me and is miserable around me and I just feel awful. I'm in my own therapy and we are in marriage therapy only problem is we have been spending all of it discussing her toxic family because they are a separate issue that caused us ALOT of problems.

I do so much but then can throw it all away over an argument about house organization. I really feel my wife is checked out and hates me the past few days. And I do feel bad and like it's my fault because of the way I get sometimes. I don't mean to be this way and no matter what I do to be a good partner, I still find myself in this spot.

My husband (29m) and I (28f) have been married for almost a yr. In the beginning of our relationship we were having sex all the time. Even after we got married we had sex frequently. For the past 2 months I've tried to initiate sex with him but I've been getting rejected.

For example: the other night, my husband was laying on the couch and I started kissing his neck and he put his hand up for me to stop. So I stopped and walked away.

Another example: I'd text him freaky stuff during the day or evening time and he replies back saying okay or tell me why am I blowing up his phone. 😔

I've tried communicating with him when I noticed one month went by.

I'm kind of a sexxual person and truly love having sex. But getting rejecting a couple times it makes me wonder am I not attractive or is there something wrong with me.

So my questions here are, is it okay to go 2 months w.o sex? Does sex decline in a relationship once you're in a marriage?

My (24F) husband (26M) have been together for 5 years, married for 1.5 years. When I met him I realized he wasn’t like all the losers I dated, he genuinely cared about me, opened doors for me, planned dates, we did fun and crazy things. Well here we are, adulting. We’ve navigated life together this far and have gone through the usual ups and downs, losing jobs, infertility, house hunting, family issues. I have never been afraid to speak my mind about things that bother me and usually my husband is very receptive about things I say, but it feels like lately, we have been arguing non stop. Today, I got home from work and went to lay down for 30 min because I felt overstimulated from work and he wanted to give me a hug-I told him that I didn’t want to be touched (we BOTH express feelings like that if we are touched out) and he got upset and said “you don’t have to be a dickhead about it” and stormed out of our bedroom. Of course, I cried a bit and laid in bed for another half hour just getting in my head. He came back in and told me that I was being rude and sassy and I told him that me saying “no” isn’t rude.

My birthday is in a few days and he mentioned how he’s short on funds which yes, is a red flag. I have planned 5 birthday parties for him, ordered cookies, got cakes, decorations, gifts, everything to make him feel special. I told him I didn’t want anything from him, that I plan parties for him but who does that for me??? At times I just dream of what life would be like if I didn’t have to carry the mental load of our marriage. And if someone reciprocated all of the things I do for him. And then there’s times where I think “he’s my best friend, we are literal soul mates.” Idk..husbands I just want to know how you perceive this and what I should say to my husband because right now I’m just hanging out in the bedroom while he watches Shameless like a dummy.

My husbands 2nd cousin (who i have never met) wedding is coming up next weekend. We did not really want to go as it is 3 hour drive away and we’re not close with them but out of family obligation we RSVP’ed yes. i have gotten the time off and my dad coincidentally just planned a trip to visit my grandma who is not doing well on the same weekend. She’s in another state so it’s a flight there. It is really hard for me to get time off and get there so now I’m conflicted because I don’t want to drop out of the wedding last minute but I’d also like to visit my grandma and spend time with my family. It could be my last chance to see her. Is it bad if my husband and i both cancel one week before the wedding? Or do we need to split up and he goes to the wedding solo? we want to make everyone happy but at the same time don’t want to let ourselves be pulled in 2 directions.

I’ve never opened up to anyone about this yet so bare with me. I’m a 26 y/o female married to my 30 y/o husband. We’ve been together since 2018, married since 2021, and have the sweetest 18 month old baby.

Some context: I wouldn’t say our relationship was ever rocky in the early days - we just were VERY different people. We met while I was in my wild sorority college girl days and my husband was a few years into his law enforcement career and had never left his hometown. We were polar opposites but I brought the wild side out of him and he calmed me down so it worked well.

Fast forward to marriage and starting a family, we absolutely ROCKED the newborn stage and the first year of our son’s life. Like we tag teamed everything when it came to having a small child, household chores, etc. I couldn’t of asked him for a better postpartum experience and being my lifeline.

Our son turned one in October and it’s like everything suddenly changed. My husband has been increasingly irritable with me and it feels like I’m walking on eggshells. We both work in pretty emotionally tough careers (with him in law enforcement, me in family law) so we’ve always been very matter-of-fact in how we approach issues. I could tell my husband was starting to experience jealously over our son, our son was sleeping horribly which led to less sexy time for my husband and I, and he was having some supervisor issues at work. I hoped it was just a phase and life went on.

It’s been over six months since I noticed this change and since then, we’ve started routine date nights, he’s gotten a new supervisor so work has been better, I’ve tried to be more proactive with making intimate time with him, we’ve gotten more involved in a church, had a few sessions with a counselor - but things still just feel off. It’s like everything we do irritates the other to the point where I don’t even want to talk. Lately, I’ve found myself dazing into the “What If’s….” about people in the past, even had several dreams about old flings, and I just don’t know what’s happening. I can barely keep my husband’s attention (and for what it’s worth, I still look bangin’ for having a baby) and when I have his attention, it’s like we’re just arguing anyway.

I know these complaints sound so minuscule but I find myself looking at him and wondering if this is just how I’ll feel for the rest of my life. I love him, but I feel so distant from him that I don’t feel “in love” with him the way I did and I truly think he feels the same.

TL;DR - Is feeling like roommates who just get on each other’s nerves just a stage with young toddlers? Even if this never happened during those rough newborn days? Can we bring the spark back or are we just better off as friends and co-parents?

What do you do when you realize you might be the toxic partner, you feel like you did a bait and switch to your amazing husband. My husband is a gem of a human. I marred my Chandler Bing to my Monica Geller. I think he’s the better person in the relationship and I don’t measure up or show up in the wars I want to and that he’s entitled too. I have medical issues and he’s been nothing short of supportive. He’s the only one who can disarm me with humor. He can easily win over people and influence people. Very stable, loyal, respectful. So much compassion. I have chronic pain illness and a mood disorder. We’re in marriage counseling to learn better tools to keep and it hit me that I’m the root cause of all unrest in our family. I think he married down and that I need to get better at wifely duties, work on my self. I wish I was more like him. What do you I do?

He comes home from work, we live in a tiny house already with two kids, and throws his clothes on the ground. I’m already picking up after the kids constantly. I put a basket right next to the door for him to put his stuff in, he still throws his clothes on the ground and not in basket. He leaves his books and anything the touches everywhere. Clothes ask over the bedroom floor, closet, bathroom on floor next to hamper. If he eats or cooks he doesn’t pick up the mess. If he helps with dishes , he can’t put anything in the right spot. I organize the fridge and food cabinets but he can’t put anything in the right spot so it constantly looks like a hurricane flew through our kitchen. Our salt and pepper, or anything he touches are constantly greasy, handprints from food all over the OPEN cabinet drawers and walls. He doesn’t use napkins so his pants and shirts all have grease stains. We have talked about it, and I feel like I’ve tried everything. How do I get him to see this is extremely important to my mental health to have a SOMEWHAT organized life. If I ask him to clean he throws everything in the corner, makes it even harder on me to actually clean. I feel like I just can’t focus in his mess. I am starting to resent him (we also are just constantly fighting). I’m pregnant and I can’t do this anymore , I’m literally looking at milk he spilled on the floor 2 days ago!!!! I give up when it’s too messy. 😭

Okay so let me start with this: I (29F) am VERY forgetful and can even be airheaded st times. My fiancé (25M) does so much for me, and I'd never do anything to hurt him, emotionally or physically. He has full access to my phone, he's not a control freak in the slightest and never goes through my phone looking for evidence of anything unless it's administrative (needs the kids socials or has to dig up signed documents, that kind of stuff).

So he was on my phone trying to figure out why is was yelling spanish phrases at me. He got sidetracked with fixing my secure folder that I havent used in years, and decided on his own to go through and delete old videos of us, and myself. I was on board because I have been trying to be better about my faith lately.

Anyway, he stumbles upon the worst thing that could have happened, a full on oral video. 😭 it was in a screen recorded compilation so we were both blindsided. This is why i mentioned being forgetful, I should have had all of these deleted so long ago!

He says that it's fine and that he's not upset, and he told me that he understands that I had a life before him and that he should have known better than to blindly sort through it. Despite this i know it hurt him to see that and he gave me my phone back and said he was going to go ahead to bed it's 9:00 pm we normally spend another 2 hours watching tv and cleaning and cuddling and now i cant help but feel like shit. He doesn't want me to feel bad but I feel like I personally hurt him no matter how much he tells me its okay.

Is there anything I can do to amend this? Any advice would be appreciated

He always complains about this and it’s fucking annoying! Didn’t you want to have a family? Then, there will be interruptions!! We have a toddler his teenager and a dog - cmon dude - man the fuck up and stop bitching about “I couldn’t finish the video in one sitting” w t h.

Hello,

My wife and I have been married for 2 years. Never had any issues with this prior to marriage but she frequently compares our marriage to other couples and we almost always argue over it.

It started when her friend told her that her boyfriend/ fiancée makes ~$300k/ year (he’s mid/late-20’s) whereas I make about $95k/ year. Naturally, I was shamed for that. Then the same boyfriend got that girl a job at the company he works at. Whereas my girlfriend was unemployed for awhile and I finally got her into my company as an intern. Which of course, is subpar despite that being her first job. They went to Hawaii and had a blast. We went to Hawaii and were on a budget and had a list of things we could reasonably afford. She was basically a Debbie downer the whole trip because it couldn’t have lived up to this trip her friend did. Her friend also has a house that was gifted to her by her parents. Of course that doesn’t help the situation since he tried to buy a house and quickly realized it wasn’t feasible right now with the current rates.

Then there’s her family. Her brother just got married. He had a big wedding and the parents paid for everything. They paid his wedding, bought him his Tesla, and will gift him one of their houses (in China so it’s more of a condo vs a single family home). If I were her I’d be pissed too. However, my parents didn’t do those things for us and her parents aren’t going to do those things for her. So I understand she feels wronged. But of course I get it all taken out on me. She told me “If I knew this would happen to me earlier, I wouldn’t even be with you”. I’m just very distraught over this and I feel kind of betrayed. Advise on how to handle this?

TLDR: wife compares our marriage (mostly financially) with other people of similar ages that we know. She always finds a way to make it seem as if we are inferior and I take a lot of heat over it. It’s taking a toll of my mental health and I dread even talking to her about family or friends. Advice on how to handle this and help my wife see the positives and stop comparing our marriage to other marriages?

Hello all!

I am in need of advice or guidance… or whatever because therapy is expensive and perhaps you can give me perspective.

My husband and I have been married for 10 1/2 years now and we have two children. I’m going to jump into it…

Whenever I share my feelings with my husband (which usually ends in an argument), I tell him that I WANT/NEED communication in our marriage. This is the same topic/argument that comes up pretty much every time. The words, “I can’t read your mind” pretty much come out of his mouth every time and the words “I’ve been telling you for the past __ years” come out of my mouth every time. This ranges from small things like “Why don’t you just send me a text if you’re going to be home later than expected?” To “what??? You’re working in another state now???” … my husband usually gets annoyed when I ask him questions like what time he will be home and he would respond with, “Do I need to tell you when I take a shit, too?”… he comes home late some nights because he goes out with friends or exercises. Recently, we got into a heated argument because I expected him home at a certain time and he came home over an hour and a half later. He said I should’ve called to remind him about the time because he wasn’t thinking about it. I admit— I stared at the time and could’ve called but I just hate mothering him. Another topic that usually comes up is TIME. I told him that whenever we spend time with each other it is because I initiate it. I plan it. I make the effort in our one on one time because I want to be more than “mom” and “dad” -more than just roommates. He has no problem wanting sex from me but when it comes to spending time and communication… it becomes a foreign language again. He keeps making empty promises saying he’ll put more effort into both communicating better with me and spending time with me but I’m not seeing/feeling a change. It’s been years. I’m crying over the same thing over and over and over and over and over again. He even called me controlling when I told him that I just want him to let me know when and where he’s going out late at night. I don’t want to control him. What do I do? I know I can’t force or make him want to spend time with me or put more effort into communicating.