anyone have coping strategies to shake it off when you get rejected? (other than porn)

I wouldn’t say I’m in a complete DB, but my wife is (in her own words) having a dead pussy. If I’m lucky I’m having some half ass sex once a month while showering even though she knows I don’t like it there. Outside of the shower I’m lucky to have sex once in a quarter and being away on a weekend break or whatever won’t change a bit in it. Not to mention the no-passion cringe one-sided hand-/blowjobs I’m getting.

Last night is when something fucking snapped in me. We were having some talks the last couple of weeks about how I’m kind of grumpy towards her and the kids and need to improve my mood and be cheerful around the family (even though I’m in a downward spiral because I’m grumpy for not receiving any affection). I’m trying my best and actually am improving. Not always instinctively acting on triggers, being around them more and join in games etc. I also told her that stuff needs to come from both ways. I’m improving but she also needs to consider my needs.

Now back to last night. We were going to bed and she literally said: “well since you’re expecting it, let’s get it over with” and starts “playing” with me. Not even going towards sex, she’s just jerking as fast as she can to get stuff over with it. I basically told her to fuck off and while she’s apparently doing it all for me and not for her, try to put some effort in it and do something I actually like. Of course all my weeks or maybe months of improving myself were undone in these 2 minutes and I’m prepared to hear this for weeks to come. Fuck this.

Yes okay we aren’t 21 anymore but we’re 29/30 so to me there isn’t an excuse.

A little back story, Basically the sex drive for first few years was mega, seriously spicy/ kinky and often! We have been through a lot and super strong bond between us. We’ve been together 9 years and I proposed last year - but the frequency, spontaneity and “lust” feeling from her just isn’t there anymore. Yes we have sex but it’s quite vanilla and only once a week. We have a super close bond and relationship though, she’s awesome.

I raise this and discuss in an adult way reasonably often, really trying hard to be thoughtful. I know she is struggling with putting on weight and work stresses, but I do everything possible to help with this include going to gym and guiding etc.

But I’m super worried my sex drive is just super crazy, constantly looking at other girls wanting to just feel like I’m wanted / attractive as I don’t feel it from her anymore even after lots of honest chats about it. She says im hot etc but the lack of passion and lust doesn’t feel like it.

What do i do? Do I keep trying to make her feel better and have my 1 session sex a week or do I consider another route? Currently I’m good friends with my right hand😂🙄

Why is it every time i ask my bf to have sex with me he always rejects me? He’s reason is always not in the mood? I’ve tried to talk about it with him but he’s always sayin not in the mood, we are 3 years together and im starting to get worried maybe he’s getting it somewhere . I mean the first two years of us is always having sex and he’s always horny to me.

Now i only get it once or twice a month and sometimes he didnt finish. Im getting anxious . He’s not busy at work and he always have time to play dota with his friends. And he gets out with his friend , i mean always give him some time to himself, but the end of the day when i ask him to do me i always get rejected.

Suffering from a once every month or every other month (which I consider db) relationship. Unfortunately I am trapped for the time being. I feel like if I can’t salvage this one I’m done. If I get out of this I want to just be a confirmed bachelor and live honestly and in alignment with my sexual desires. I feel like long term relationships just aren’t for me. The best, most passionate and hottest experiences were with women I knew for a shorter period of time. Something about cohabitation and the 4 year mark really seems to break it for a lot of people. I figure half of all marriages end in divorce, the other half of the remainder or more end up in DB territory. If I can’t make this one work, I’m out. I am so sick of initiating at least 9/10 times it’s not even funny.

If you have been in this sub for a while you already know that the only solution for DB is a divorce.

That being said, we also know that it’s not as easy as just going our way, there are financial implications, there are family, there are kids.

After over a decade together, I decided to have the difficult conversation with my manipulative wife, as expected she got defensive and tried to play the victm without acknowledging any mistake on her part.

This time I am scarred enough that I can’t feel any pity for her, if any part of me want to fix this is just the part that wants to keep the status quo and the comfort zone, the status quo being me living a miserable life while the kids and her have a blast.

One week in this situation, each day I feel more comfortable being “a part” from her (while still living in the same house), I know her very well, she is strong while she knows I have nowhere to go, but once I get the opportunity to leave she will promise me the world, this time she is in for a surprise, each night I spend in the sofa just adds up to my anger, and each day just gives me more confidence to go on my own.

For anyone who has been in this situation before, I would appreciate any experience you had that you could share, how is life in the other side of this? Any regrets? What makes easier to go through this?

It’s bad enough to not feel like you’re having enough sex, but also not being able to indulge in your kinks irl makes it even worse.

I’m a sort of kinky person & love the idea of bringing kink into my sex life but that seems like such a distant possibility when my wife doesn’t even want to have vanilla sex anymore.

The funny thing is she was the one who got me started with kinky stuff. When we met I was a virgin and pretty vanilla, but she was my first and got me into bdsm, bondage, dom/sub stuff, ddlg, you name it. Hell, the first time we had sex she asked me to choke her 😩 She texted me kinky things all the time and was even kinkier than me for a while.

Now, when we do rarely have sex, it ends up being mostly vanilla and I have all this kinky stuff I wanna do but I feel like I can’t even talk to her about it since she’s lost her sex drive and even just talking about regular sexual stuff makes her uncomfortable.

A couple months ago we had sex for the first time in a while and it was really good, hot sex where she let me dom her a little and I was over the moon. A few days later i was feeling hopeful and ordered a leash on Amazon to maybe use on her sometime (we’d used one in the distant past of our sex life before and both loved it). When it came, I told her I’d ordered something I’d like to use during sex sometime, and asked if she wanted to see it (hoping she’d get a little turned on). She said “no, I don’t want to see it, but maybe bring it up again the next time we have sex.” Well, we haven’t had sex at all since then and it’s been months.

I just miss having someone to be kinky with and I hate that it feels like such an impossibility now.

Hey guys, I feel really ashamed to share my situation with my friends and family.

I don’t want to insult my wife by sharing what is going on in our dead bedroom.

How do you all cope with this? Or what is your outlet?

Who do you talk to about this in depth?

I think I have seriously destroyed my sex drive. I have forced myself to have sex to the point of tears, gagging, and bleeding for 5 years. At this point as soon as it starts I immediately start counting numbers in my head to mentally escape. I've tried asking my partner to do some things I enjoy and try to make an effort to be mentally present, but it's gotten to the point where I just don't trust them enough to really be that vulnerable in front of them. It is destroying my marriage. Please help.

Idk if I'd say I'm in a dead bedroom but my wife and I certainly have vastly differing libido. The few times we have had sex recently have been in the middle of the night when she just wakes up horny, so no foreplay and not very romantically or emotionally connecting, although still very fun. It's not always like that, but foreplay is often minimal and she jumps straight into things if she ever is in the mood.

We are great partners and friends otherwise and she was willing to work on this and agreed to start couples counseling.

I'm very hopeful that things can improve from here. The first session last week the therapist brought up that it might get uncomfortable before it gets better but that's how we grow.

TLDR; Any tips to get the most out of couples counseling?

Just for context, new to the group and getting this out will hopefully get some perspective. I’m 27M and my wife is 28F We’re Christians and saved ourselves for marriage. We’ve been married almost a year and still have not had sex.

She keeps saying “Oh we will, we will” and then I ask her when and she says, “I don’t know I have to think about it” I’m always the one giving her orgasms manually and it wasn’t until recently that she even thought of returning the favor after I’ve asked her for it. It was like pulling teeth. All too often she says, “Well I don’t know what I’m doing” and I always say, “I’ll guide you along and you’ll figure it out just as I did with you.”

To me, it’s ridiculous that we haven’t had sex yet and she’s the one always saying how her biological clock is ticking and she doesn’t want to wait to have kids but yet she won’t have sex. We’ve prayed about it and I’ve wanted to go to counseling about it. She of course refuses to go. However, she did make an OBGYN Appointment for July (that she hopefully doesn’t cancel like she has in the past) to see if there’s anything wrong.

Personally, I think she has vaginismus and refuses to do anything to help solve our bedroom issues. She says that I’m sexy and she’s attracted to me but when push comes to shove she doesn’t take action.

Is there anything else I can be doing to help this situation? I’m seriously at a loss here!

I've posted on a couple of other subs recently but not here - but really need to vent and this feels like the right place for this particular thoughtstream!

I (HLF) am married to an LLM alcoholic, which has been a huge factor in our DB. Sex life early on was good and regular, but diminished within a year. Heavy nights on the booze meant he couldn't get it up in the mornings, and we basically had to schedule it for early afternoon before he started drinking again, which was deeply unsexy and made me feel like crap. If I was at work, I'd say "please don't drink until later as I'd like to be intimate with you when I get home"... But he'd be passed out when I got there. That and the lying and bad breath and ill health which is all part and parcel of it meant I just stopped desiring him altogether. He stopped trying to initiate as well, I think largely out of embarrassment that it probably wouldn't happen.

We're now at a point where we've had what I'll call "successful" sex once in at least two and a half years (could be longer - I honestly can't remember the time before that). He's tried the 'little blue pill' (that was the one time) but you're not supposed to have it with alcohol so it's stayed in the drawer ever since.

The problem is I didn't stop desiring sex altogether. I have to "take care of myself" at least a couple of times a week, but I don't really enjoy it, it feels almost like a functional necessity, and it depresses the hell out of me. I miss SEX. The feel of a man as we make love. I miss turning a man on and feeling both desirable and desired. I want to be touched by a hand that's not mine.

I can't stomach the idea of cheating, and he's said repeatedly that it would kill him if I did (not that I've ever even suggested it, but he knows I must be frustrated). But I feel like I'm going to explode. I don't know what to do.

History TL/DR is HLM 41 (me) and LLF 40, together 23 years, terribly lacklustre sexual performance from me for the majority of that time.

https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/s/bIuaE6vdpT https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/s/asQ1X6a1Yh

My objective moving into the conversation was to talk about how to offer my wife the pleasure she deserves through shared acknowledgement of historical "roadblocks", both their cause (I.e. my behaviours or actions, or lack thereof), my acceptance of fault and apology, and shared commitment to find a way to either remove the roadblock, or find an alternate path to the goal which is pleasure/orgasm for her and heightened intimacy and connection.

My approach is to phase the discussion, starting with letting her know that I want to talk about our intimacy, that the first chat is just to give context and to get us both thinking about what is important to us both (to give her time to really think about it, given it was left field).

So, the perfect opportunity arose this evening, we were having some time together over a cup of tea (a normal evening event for us, rarely miss this time to connect or at least be side by side before bed) we started with talking about a change I'm making to medication and why im doing it, led to goal setting/making commitments, which let me lead into saying - I have another commitment to talk about, and led in.

I fumbled some, but got the preface out with a sincere apology for the terrible performance, and that my goal was to bring her pleasure. She acknowledged that she understood that I would be feeling bad about my PE but I stopped her and redirected it back to my apology and shame being the fact I hadn't worked around that issue, that it wasn't a sympathy grab but an acknowledgement of responsibility and of course, failure on my part that I wanted to work on.

I ended up heading further down the track than originally planned, she was seeking examples of why I thought I had progressively eroded her experience of sex. I described how oral (on her) stopped suddenly, then other acts progressively over time, through to current state. I wanted to avoid her feeling at fault, and start to think about what events or feelings arose when she decided that she was no longer interested, so we can talk about it and work on it.

Arguably the most challenging part of the discussion was the fact she genuinely did not think the sex we have been having was inherently bad, and that she does enjoy sex when we have it. I had to remind her that, that is because she has only ever known bad sex. She didn't want to acknowledge that, in an effort to not make me feel bad but I persisted in saying I know it's bad.

She was genuinely concerned for me in knowing I had been bottling for so long. We spoke about the fact that previous discussions were all at the wrong time such as immediately after a rejection, or poor performance. She is absolutely on board with starting the conversations and working on this, when I said I'm really glad we had the chat she said so is she!

Wow, I'm so thankful I've made the start. Lot of work to do, but at least this attempt seems to have hit the mark.

Your opportunity to make observations about our sub, to ask moderators questions, or to offer suggestions for things that need changing.

I've been trying my best not to impose my libido on her. Reading the clues and never trying if I wasn't 100 % sure, and dropping any and all expectations to protect my sanity and be in a constantly good mood.

That mostly means we've had sex on her terms. She's been trying, but not in the past month, where frequency has dropped pretty drastically. Haven't even bothered to keep track - it happens or it doesn't, and that's it.

As it turns out, she's been super horny, but super frustrated that I don't initiate, and pissed to hear that I masturbated. Coming from the person who told me to "just do that" a few years back, I appreciate the irony.

We went over the reasons again, explained about my shame of being too much and how I cannot impose anything on her etc, and she told me that she's ashamed of not being enough, but that I should express myself and try anyway except when she says she really isn't physically well. I should have, and she's kind of mad I have not.

I'm exhausted. I know she'll reject me, I know that removing the stops on my libido will create damage, but she's pushing me for it as if nothing happened those past 10 years.

I don't know what to do anymore, if I just ignore that because of her "don't ask, don't tell" policy (apparently only applicable for me...), if I tell her that this is the solution that's worked for me so far and if it doesn't work for her then SHE should provide the solution, or if I just unleash it all and let her deal herself with the consequences.

I'm going to be wrong anyway, and anything bad will end up being my fault.

I would like to start by saying that posting this is difficult for me but I don't know what else to do at the moment.

Me (29M) and my SO (25F) moved in together close to 2 months now and after the first night PIV session, it has only happened I think twice maybe and as of right now, it's been around a month that I haven't been able to have an orgasm. From her part, she has been using her toys or my hands for help almost daily but we haven't had any PIV at all since around week 2 of living together.

Before we moved in together, we used to have trips to the motels or quickies at her parents' or my place. This was around 1 to 2 times per week for like a year. As soon as we moved in together that's when it went down to nothing.

I just don't feel like doing it. Very rarely I feel like I want to do it. Sometimes I want to but it's like randomly let's say 10 am when I'm at work and it can't happen then then the urge goes away and that's it. Every night she asks for it and I just give her excuses or try to help her get off and go to sleep. I feel very insecure and hurt because I know it's hurting her and the relationship but I just can't seem to find a way to force myself to doing it. I was always a very HL guy so all of this is very different and off-putting for me. It's like I am not me from that moment we moved in and onward.

We do not fight and when we do disagree it's usually a less than half an hour thing and it's back to normal. We are doing ok ish in terms of money nothing important is missing aside from the intimacy. We spend a lot of time together watching movies or series, talking, texting, shopping sometimes, we go get groceries together etc.

I know I love her deeply she is the best person I know and we take care of each other in all other aspects. It's just I can't seem to make it work.

Btw I haven't touched myself in over a month and there is no other person. Also I was recently diagnosed with almost severe sleep apnea (that I'm sure I've had for years) but that never stopped me from doing stuff with her or anyone before. So again, it's all new what the hell is wrong with me kind of moment.

Hey I was curious for what is going on in the mind of the people who had a high sex drive then.. lost it. I'm having trouble understanding the mindset of my gf. We had an amazing sex life for years. Then it seemed one day it just stopped. Now we go months and any time I initiate she says no. We've talked about it. She says she wants her drive back and we've tried different medications(changing it), nautralpath medicine and it's has had no improvement. I can tell she's bothered by it but for some reason she just can't get in the mood.

A little house keeping for the assholes who just want to hate because they suck as people

1. All the equipment works on both of us
2. No one is cheating
3. We have time and locations
4. We are still attracted to each other
5. It used to be crazy good. It's never been a performance issue for either of us

I guess to sum it up. Why is it so difficult for the partner to has no sex drive to just let it happen on a .. say weekly basis ? I feel like if the roles were revered I'd do that but then again I don't really understand. Maybe I wouldn't?

Been together for 6 months, we don’t live together yet. So sex was great used to have it like at least 3 to 4 times a week, she used to go on about saying she’d have sex with me everyday if she could, and she’d talk about sex very comfortably. All was good until I had an accident and had a brain bleed. She stayed when it was hard for both of us when she didn’t need to, and I’ll always be grateful and love her for that. By miracle the recovery was quick and after I was healthy again we started having sex again. Shortly after however I started having erectile issues, and I wasn’t lasting long, like I never thought I’d be a two pump chump but there I was, and I could tell she was sexually frustrated and when I asked about it she said that she wasn’t and that it was ok, trying to be accomodating I guess.

Any who fast track to present day, sex quality is good again but she’s not nearly as imitate as she used to be and a lot of the time when I try to initiate she says no, we still see each other often in a week just the sex is like once a week, and when she does say yes, it seems like she doesn’t even want to but does it out of pity and it’s massive turn off.

I talked to her about it and she says that we have different sex drives and that guys want sex more than girls, but it just doesn’t make sense because she wanted it more then me at one point in the relationship. She doesn’t send me flirty texts or nudes anymore, and when I try to flirt with her, most of her responses are shut downs, she doesn’t seem horny at all. I don’t know what to do. Need some advice on what you think this is, thanks

Open thread for those of us who have left or are in the process of leaving their deadbedroom.

Leavers, you’re welcome to share triumphs and struggles, the things you're certain about and the things that are giving you pause. This post is for leavers to share their stories and support each other.

*If you’re considering leaving, you're welcome to respond to participate with replies to comments. *

If you’ve left or are leaving, please post and share.

I’ve posted here before but deleted out of guilt and shame. I was in a 4 year relationship where I was only touched a handful of times despite my desperate begging and crying to my now ex partner that it made me feel so unattractive and undesirable. Well I have broken things off with them and I thought I would feel better? I did for the first few weeks but I made the mistake of creeping social media and saw words of affirmation to a new person and can only imagine what else going on behind closed doors. Why was it akin to pulling teeth to even get a compliment let alone a loving touch? Why was it just me because I know they would do things for other people, I was told they did. I gave 4 years of my life to them and I thought breaking up and moving on would be the best option for my mental health but honestly it just makes me feel worse about the whole situation knowing it could have been done but they chose not to. Thank you for listening to my rant.

My boyfriend of over 2 years has completely stopped having sex with me. MAYBE once a month if i’m lucky. so i asked him to come over and ‘netflix and chill’ the next day. and he started texting and calling and saying im a sex addict. i’m fucking done…. i really do love him. but he won’t let me even talk about this with him….

I don’t know what to do and I struggle to talk about dead bedroom issues with friends and family. We don’t have a therapist…he is reluctant to talk to one and probably would not schedule one himself for bedroom and anxiety issues. I guess this is more of a rant too…

History:

Honeymoon and medium distance ~2 years:

we met online while we were in our 20s, in grad school in different cities, and I was going to his city a few hours away by car for a work trip. I just wanted someone local to hangout with, didn’t expect much, but we had a great connection. I extended my trip, and we saw each other almost every weekend after that (he drove 10h RT in the wee hours, or I stayed at his for a few weeks) over two years, sex was good, never daily as I would have liked, nor in sync, (he prefers AM, too tired in the PM, where as I like PM before sleep and prefer to sleep in in the AM) but it would be at least every other day to once a week.

I initially wanted to be ethically non-monogamous (poly) and tried to introduce him to it, but he was not super interested, loked it in theory but was very vanilla, though open minded and willing to let me do my thing without dating others himself. I dated a few people who drifted, but we stayed together. We had a great honeymoon phase, travelled every opportunity we got and bonded for two years.

Long distance: ~3 years

He finished school first and started working in a med-high stress job, I got a great opportunity in my discipline overseas so I took the offer before finishing school with the intent to write my thesis while abroad for a year (my research was wrapping up, I just had to write). We kept a long distance relationship and met midway. We had some phone sex but he wasn’t a big fan and so we stopped, only having sex when visiting/travelling together. I also pursued a sexual relationship while abroad with his knowledge and consent. Where we confirmed he was not truly very comfortable with it and preferred monagamy.

I returned with a permanent job offer to stay abroad, but graduating was a priority for me and I wasn’t finished writing, so came back to my city. I also came home to a parent receiving a cancer diagnosis and helped them navigate treatments, so I barely made it through the last couple years of my grad school. It would not have been possible without my BF supporting me, even proofreading my writing, cheering me on, emotional support, etc.

I went back abroad after graduating and the cancer treatment intensity lessened. It was a great job and it was supposed to be temporary until I figured out my next move. My BF visited and we met in different parts of the world, sex was regularish, until COVID shut things down.

During COVID both our work hours became ridiculously long, everything blended together and gradually, (I was working in emergency) sex frequency dropped but I barely noticed since I didn’t sleep…

Living together: ~3 years

My work could be done remotely so when we could fly, I packed up and moved to his city, traveling back when required, working odd hours due to the time difference. Eventually, I quit and found a job in his city. We bought a house together, sharing finances 50/50, our incomes are similar. He had a job that was very demanding so changed to something offering more balance, fully remote but began dealing with a lot of work related stress (long hours, not well staffed or managed in a niche area…but he finds it fulfilling)

New homeownership and pet ownership demands piled up, some resentment grew from imbalance in housework…he became engrossed in his work, constantly stressed and before I knew it, three years flew by where we lived together and we had sex maybe a dozen times the entire time. At first I didn’t mind so much and got toys to amuse myself - which turned him off. It may have also sent the wrong signal that he wasn’t enough..? the frequency dropped further. I would be rejected at one point daily and cry myself to sleep… to be fair, he was likely burnt out, depressed and anxious but a large part of it due to his own high expectations at work and poor communication. This went on nonstop and his stress never fully improved, or if it did, it was short lived. I gained a lot of weight and am working that off… but he said he is still attracted to me, just constantly trying to problem solve his work problems while falling asleep…I see he works and falls asleep at his desk often but he has little time sinks too (tiktok videos, watching sports)

Editing to clarify, I didn’t know if the lack of sex was from his lack of attraction to me, or lack of libido. He’s too nice to tell me he wouldn’t be attracted to me…We discussed if he still at least gets urges and masturbates, ruling out libido. (But if he has secual drive, and is attracted to me, why not have sex with me?). His response like others I’ve seen in the sub are that he wanted a quick release without the pressure of pleasuring me too. And now that he knows it is an upsetting topic, he denies even masturbating nowadays. I showed him this subreddit and how serious it gets and he was sympathetic.

We discussed over two years about needing a change for our relationship to work. We talked about boundaries and shared priorities in life, home and work life…us and our careers… He bought an engagement stone when he felt pressure from me, but there hasn’t been a proposal…no wedding dates despite mutual agreement, the onus is on me for logistics and planning for most things in our relationship. I don’t know if he even wants to get married and have kids…of course that wouldn’t even be possible with a dead bedroom. I am getting to a higher risk age for pregnancy and we are so close but so far. I made plans to leave and looked for places to rent and move out, set ultimatums but those have fallen through. Despite not having kids, our interlaced finances on our single car and home ownership does make it tricky.

He won’t get his T checked, thinks it’s fine, blames stress and naturally low libido for lack of sex drive. I found other things to occupy myself, but I was going mad… even got ADHD diagnosed and treatment which has helped with mood regulation, being patient and kinder...

Where are we now… We had sex last weekend so it should be a win, but it was so short and unsatisfying. Yet it’s not something I can complain about where he’s at the verge of considering it a chore and we are (I am?) working to make it regular again. Baby steps right? The time before that was more than two months ago…

Anyway… end of rant. I haven’t seen much change in three years and I don’t know if the signs are there that it’s time to cut my losses (or his) and end it fully, or if this relationship can be salvaged and the combination of COVID aftermath/mental health/stress/life stress justify our slump to ride this out a little longer. I am just driven mad because I think I come back to this state of questioning every few months.

We are compatible in other aspects, and he is committed, but I need a reality check.

It’s not that I(32,HLF) don’t love my husband(36,LLM), it’s that the love from him is forever passive, and I have always craved overt, passionate, lustful affection. I don’t know that it is in his nature to behave in that way ever, though I’ve communicated my needs and wants repeatedly and in a variety of ways over time, regardless. We have been married for 6 years, together for 10. As a partner, he is just about perfect- loving and gentle and ever-patient, and I try to be patient too. But It has been 3 years since we last did anything, and I have tried so hard to be sensitive to the insecurities and struggles surrounding sex.. and I also went from a decent amount of confidence in my desirability to absolutely none throughout this process- which doesn’t feel fair either. The rejection crushed me over time. And I’m getting to the point where I’m having a hard time being physically attracted to him now too. It isn’t like we went from all the time to nothing, either. It’s kind of always been like this. But I was raised religious so I saved myself for marriage thinking surely my future partner is gonna want me physically, it’ll be worth the wait (which I regret now as an atheist, realllllllly wish I’d slept around a bit to figure out what I like and want, but anyway) ..and now I’m in an otherwise loving and supportive marriage, feeling like I don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaints. Like he’s so wonderful in so many other ways so I should just suck it up about this one albeit quite big and painful thing. And what’s really compounding all of these issues is that an old fling (one of those “wrong place wrong time” people) just reached out to pretty blatantly lay out his feelings for me. It is SO HARD TO RESIST BEING DESIRED WHEN YOU HAVENT FELT IT IN YEARS. I can’t stop crying. I want to give in and get carried away in the moment of being desired and craved. I came really close to going too far (verbally, not physically) but walked it back before I crossed a line because I love my husband, and I don’t want to throw it all away for sex, especially if there’s a version of the world where we could work it all out. But I’m just so tired of not feeling heard about this and I don’t know if we are past the point of no repair, or how much more effort I am willing to put in. Ugh, what a unique and painful hell this can be.

Looking for some suggestions/reviews on the 🌹 toy 🤔 Feel free to send me your honest opinion or if you just want to rant about your dead bedroom stories you can drop that below as well ❤️

Currently in a 13 year relationship. With exception of our first 6 months of dating, I am the one to initiate sex 95% of the time, never declined her sex, and have always been available and willing. I’ve always been super interested to explore our sexuality, have discussions on likes and dislikes, kinks etc.

Starting to think that maybe I am just too easy.

Have you ever had an argument with your partner who’s denying you sex, and stated you are no longer going to initiate in anyway from this day forward. Has this made any difference throwing the ball in their court?

I’m sure others have done this, so interested to hear your experience before I go ahead. TIA

Dead bedroom for over a year now. It sucks but that's not even all of it. Together 15 years 2 kids and used to have the best sex of our lives but recently it's been rough. Got into a pretty big argument the other day about something as petty as not backing the car in the garage instead of pulling strait in. After she stormed off I sent her a text because I wanted to make sure I said all of what I wanted to say. Here is that text-

I wanted to come talk to u but I was worried I'd lose all the words when I try to say how I feel. I've never been the perfect guy, I procrastinate, I'm lazy sometimes and I know there's times I say things then forget about then and never follow thru. But I've always been a good guy. I try and take care of u and the kids the best I can. I run to the store when u don't want to, I try and get everyone fed, I've been trying to keep up with the laundry, I've cleaned multiple rooms in the house only to watch them be messy again in a few days. I love u and will always try to do right by you. I know your depression and anxiety takes a toll on u, I understand that I really do, but I'm completely lost right now and don't know what to do anymore. A week ago we were hugging and u said to me "Thanks for being here for me and not leaving, even tho I'd understand why if u did". Then today it just feels like I can't do anything right and I feel like I'm the main cause of whatever it is that's eating u inside. I hate seeing you like this, and can't help but feel miserable myself because it seems like I make u that way. I feel like I've tried ro make strides in our relationship and make a conscious effort to be better for u but u seem so completely uninterested in me, that it's hard to want to keep putting in the effort. I dont know what to do anymore. I'm still here because I still love u, I just haven't felt loved back in awhile. I miss u and I don't know how to get u back.

Her reply was

I'm fine If you want to leave me u can. I understand.

What would u guys say to a situation like this???

Can you share your opinions? I really am curious on your sides if this issue. What would help in your opinion? Or were you LL at one point and something changed how did it change?

Bedroom was never alive to be honest. I should have known from the start. I was the one asking for sex when we first started dating.. he wanted to take things slow… and we didn’t have sex for the first few months. I was young and was only focused on how nice of a guy he was and how well we got along. I ignored all of the red flags. Even told him we were more like roommates before we got married and it was like I couldn’t see the writing on the wall still. I wanted so badly for the happy ever after part… for a nice genuine guy. Now it’s almost 14 years later and I can’t stand the idea of having sex with him anymore. He does more research on video games and other random things than he ever has into trying to figure out how to please me. Told me things would change and he would show me… I gave him a year and the changes only lasted so long and they were never enough. I finally cut it off and said I don’t want to have sex anymore. I knew it would mean no sexual touching at all because he only knows PIV but damn… it’s still so disappointing. He jokes about sex.. says he would do it.. but has not once tried to initiate any type of foreplay. Said we would talk about it again but hasn’t brought it up. I refuse to bring it up myself even though I’ve wanted to a million times now. It’s almost been 6 months. He hasn’t tried to convince me otherwise, hasn’t tried to discuss things. He said before we could do therapy but hasn’t brought it up or tried finding a therapist. I think we’ve both given up on this working and it’s heartbreaking. Sorry for the long rant… I just don’t want to burden my friends with all of this.

Anyone have experience with this? I don't know that it's the cause of our sexless marriage but it certainly contributes. Tonight was a good example. It's one of the rare nights where everything aligned for us to have sex. But instead, she became hyper fixated on something far less important until it was too late in the night.

It's fairly common for her to do something like this. I can't really tell anymore if she does this stuff on purpose because she is trying to avoid it or if it's the ADHD.