My (30HLF) wife (31LLF) would rather open our marriage instead of working on our DB. We’ve been together 5 years this month, and we just got married on October 12. We’ve never had the greatest sex life, as she is a post kidney transplant patient, and sex has lead to a lot of inconsequential UTIs and kidney infections. I’ve always been understanding, and have always tried to find ways to work around things and to be as cleanly as possible, but it’s become less and less of a thing over the years. She’s never even tried to do things for me just to help me feel better, and that’s been hard to come to terms with. She says she subconsciously holds resentment towards me for my past drinking, and that’s why she is no longer attracted to me. It shattered me to hear her finally admit to it. We’ve been struggling much more recently due to our lack of intimacy and the ensued insecurities I’ve developed because of it. I’ve finally expressed to her on Wednesday night that I feel disgusted in myself, and that our lack of physical intimacy has lead to me losing my desire to have any kind of affection towards her. At first, we discussed just breaking up, but that killed me. She’s my best friend, and I truly do love her so much. I don’t know how to do this anymore and the depression is making me crazy. I can’t concentrate at work, I can hardly eat, and I haven’t slept well in the past few days. All I want to do is just go home to crawl in bed with her and hold each other close like we used to do. She can’t forgive me though, and I can’t continue to pay penance for my past sins, especially if she is no longer attracted to me. Will sleeping with other people help to mend this broken bridge between us, or is it a lost cause? I think I would be devastated if she can easily sleep with someone else when she claimed through all these years that her health has deterred her from it. I don’t know, I’m just so lost and confused, and my heart is breaking. I’m so afraid of what my future looks like without us. I mean, we just got married for fucks sake. We’re supposed to be enjoying the greatest time of our lives; we’re supposed to be building a future together! I wish I could just go back to being in denial about our DB. I wish I could go back to being in denial about her attraction towards me. I wish so many things, and I don’t know how to make any of them happen. 😭💔

I’m super fit and hot. Everything is shaved and I have a nice boob job. He looks at me and checks me out when I bend over but he refuses to have sex with me. We are both in our early thirties and Im super horny all the time.

I masterbate in front of him, sometimes when we are driving in the car and other places. I wear very sexy clothes around the house. Its been months since we have had sex, I’ve even offered him anal whenever he wants but nothing seems to work. I try to go down on him but he rejects me.

I’ve thought about flirting with his friends in front of him to get his attention. I don’t know how I could be more sexy to him, does anyone have any idea as to what is wrong here?

I [M, 26] am in a married relationship with a person I have been with for the last 6 years. She [25] is the best person in the world - she is smart, loyal, incredibly honest to herself and others -- I can honestly keep going forever. We also have a terrible sex life. My libido is pretty high -- hers is very low; I am adventurous -- she is not; I am flexible as to where and when -- she does not even register my advances if it's not done in a specific setting (the bed, at night).

And here is the rub -- I feel like despite being a pretty frequent porn watcher, it influenced my views on sex not at all. I don't ever want to bring fetishes from there into real life. I don't care if she can hold a circus position for an hour, if she lets me do some specific act to her, or if she looks like a 10/10 porn actress. However, I get really jealous, angry and resentful when I see tiktoks about sex. All these people our age, in our situation, ready and willing to explore, share these moments -- they are full of love, youth, and life. I, on the other hand, feel like my life is passing by me. Perhaps those are engagement bait - fair enough, a lot of them are, but when I open the comments, I see more of the same -- men and a lot of women completely unapologetic, joyous in their lust for love, life and sex. I feel like I could be with one of them, having a great time, and instead I am spending my youth, the time when I am at my horniest, best looking, best feeling, with someone who would rather I drop the whole subject, and gotten really into tennis or board games instead. It is incredibly frustrating to know there is another life out there, that unlike what our fathers believed, "man horny, woman not" is not just a natural state of the world that you come to endure, and yet also know that you, specifically you, are not invited.

Advice is welcome, but not necessary. If you want to ask for more details - ask away, that's what burners are for.

Let me start off by saying we are both in our 20s, we don't have any kids and she's an amazing person and the best spouse one can dream of! She's completely loyal, kind hearted, and just the sweetest person one can dream of! We share the same views on alot of things. She works a lot (nurse) she also has a very low sex drive because her overies don't work and she has hypothyroidism, she constantly forgets to take her medicine too 😞. I try to remind her. I am very loyal and I would never, EVER "be" with someone else on a intimate level, I am 100% committed to this marriage. I wish we could be more intimate.. I get tears in my eyes just wishing she would come on to me (I've always initiated sex) sometimes I get lucky and turn her on, but that only happens a few times out of the year. She always wants me to come on to her, but when I do she's usually not ever in the mood.

She's everything I ever asked for in a spouse... It's just this one thing that makes me sad some days. We both love each other VERY much and make time for cuddles, dinner dates, etc.. and we are happy with each other and her low sex drive IS hard on her, it hurts her too. I wish she wouldn't forget taking her medicine, she says her job is very physically and mentally demanding and I believe her.

I don't watch porn, I get off on erotic literature and my own thoughts, but I can only do this for so long. It gets really depressing not ever having sex. 😞.

We talked about it together and she said she'll try and work on the stresses in her life, her work primarily is taking a huge toll on her mental health.

35 HLM here. Dead bedroom with my 35 LLF wife... Dead bedroom for 6 years. Married for 10 years. Over time the dead bedroom evolved into a truly dead relationship. Like many others I'm staying for the kids.

My heart desires the feeling of being wanted, being cared about. Miss the physical touch. Miss the feeling connected to another woman. This Thanksgiving was a lot bigger than our typical. At my uncle's one of cousins recently married, the other recently engaged. My siblings all married. And it was evident to me that they all deeply desired each other. All I could feel is envy and regret. Wondering how I got to the point I'm at right now.

We had the talk, I literally tried everything in the book. Hell even this year alone I decided to try to be the best version of myself...i lost 75 lbs and look better than I did in my twenties. Thinking maybe by making myself more attractive that things will get better. You name it, I tried it....Once that didn't work resentment started to rise... And then resentment became mutual resentment.

I'm one that carries my emotions on my sleeves. I can't fake being happy. And by me showing that I'm unhappy I've made her unhappy. And since I made her unhappy our marriage and relationship is unhappy. I can't just blame her, and I'm not here to bash her either. This is just my situation that I find myself in now. Alone, lonely, lost in my own thoughts. I've tried seeking fulfillment outside of marriage... Yes yes I know for many that's morally corrupt, but I wasn't sure what else to do... But all that road has led me to is getting hurt. Thinking that feelings were reciprocated when they weren't. Which basically feeds this negative feedback loop of pain and looniness...

Anyways - I just needed to get my thoughts into the world. I just truly hope something positive changes in my life soon.

Typical dead headroom story. I (27f) have been dating my boyfriend (35m) for 4 years. He never initiates sex, ever. I’ve talked to him extensively. He says he has a problem getting hard. We’ve tried blue chew but I have to ask him to take it each time (so pathetic, I wince even writing that). If I ask for it again too soon (within a couple days,) he groans. We go months without sex and it feels like it’s always done out of pity.

Except, I’ve caught him a few times subscribing and paying for online chat services with sex cam girls. Sending the most intimate dirty messages lusting after these women. Almost desperate? The stuff he says to them he NEVER says to me. I’ve confronted him multiple times. Says it’s just porn. What is it that they have that I don’t? I mean he is willing to pay them to masturbate for him when he could ask me to do it for free. I’ve even sent him a risky video recently, hardly a response except oh cool. I am sick.

All this is so awful. But he fulfills me in other departments. Like never allowing me to pay for anything. Takes me on dates unprompted. Takes care of my family. I wake up to water on the bedside when he goes to work and a clean house when I get home. Like he cares about me but isn’t attracted to me. Sometimes I feel he likes the image of a relationship but he never seems to really give me any passion. Just wants a close friend to take adventures with. Am I shallow to end it? How do I get through to him?

Friday I woke up and my wife was awake. She was on her side with her sexy ass on my hip. I rolled over and gave her a hug ( I wouldn't call what I have as a DB, but I have given up initiating sex years ago, and if she wants sex, she makes it obvious by laying next to me, grabbing my dick, kissing me to make me hard, then I feel like a warm dildo while she rides me, uses me to come and as I've had half a hand job I'm no where near ready, so I either do or don't come) Anyway, I touch her ass and say " I do love this ass". To which ant sexual references get me a " is that all you think about " and a huff. Anyway, in work I get a message. " I'm having a bath tonight, and I want you to eat my pussy and ass". Now she has let me eat her ass once about 3 years ago. And I love to eat ass but, I only felt she did it to please me. Even though I used her wand in her clit and she came so hard. Cut to bed time..she's in bed before me, I go in, she's naked on the bed, I crawl over to her, she kisses me, touching me, I'm touching her for like 5-10 mins and she's wet, I'm hard... And I feel a change in her, like she ain't into this. So I tell I want to taste her..she loves oral sex, I go down and I may as well have been licking a stamp. Nothing. She then says she needs the bathroom. I stop, roll over to my side, she comes back in after few mins, turns the TV on, snuggles up to me for a hug. And starts to watch the TV. Like WTAF.

We haven't had sex since the birth of our daughter (6 years ago), apart from a couple of fumbles. We're now more like flatmates looking after our child. She is more needy, and I'm avoidant. She said she developed an 'emotional attachment' to someone at work, but has now stopped that. Who knows what's true. There have been many stresses and strains over the years, with periods of unemployment, moving house several times etc. Anyway, she wants to break up. Has anyone ever come back from this? I don't want to be a fool, but I'm happy and willing to try anything.

I'm 24F and my boyfriend is 23M. We've been together for 3 years. For the last two years our sex life has basically been nonexistent, we will sometimes go a month or more without sex and when we do actually have sex he seems to just want to get it over with. I don't have an absurdly high sex drive or anything but I mostly have to keep my arousal to myself because when I try to initiate sex I'm shot down 9/10 times and usually end up crying over it. The last year or so has been particularly difficult because while I was mostly able to accept it at first I find myself becoming increasingly frustrated about the situation and We've talked about it numerous times. When he do talk about it he becomes defensive and tells me he feels like I'm blaming him and should be more accepting of him. These talks usually end with him saying he'll be more open having sex regularly but then nothing actually changes. I bought a vibrator and tried to see if when I become aroused he would be willing to use it on me instead of us having sex but he shot that down as well. For a few months now I've been having sexual dreams about other men and fantasizing about the same thing and feel really fucked up about it. He's never explicitly stated why he doesn't like to have sex often until recently when he told me that after sex he feels dirty and guilty and doesn't know why. He went on to explain that the majority of times we have sex he's basically forcing himself to do it to appease me. I asked him how he could go about working on these feelings and he said he doesn't know and doesn't want to see a therapist. I love my boyfriend but feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I feel completely unsatisfied sexually and like there is a major emotional and physical disconnect between us that gets continually worse the longer we go with such an unhealthy sex life. I've put up with the issue for a long time but feel like I can't keep it up anymore. I don't want to leave him but I can't imagine the rest of my life like this. Where do I go from here?

Hey I don’t think I’ve posted here before but I have commented on someone’s post explaining my dying sex life.

Idk if my situation is normal considering we are in our 20’s and most people are sexually active. But my partner and I are nonbinary but have female private parts and honestly I’m the high libido and they are the low libido. When we first started to date we had sex often and fucked like rabbits, but slowly we started to fuck maybe 2-3 times a week down to 1-2 a week down to 1-2 a month.

My partner has explained that when we first met they were more mentally okay and had been losing weight and they suffer with pcos and said they didn’t have a sex drive for years but when we met they had garnished it back and stuff. That being said they are on antidepressants only two to help with the issues but they were on this before and it didn’t deteriorate their sex drive with me until recently which honestly has been a shit show in their life so they are going through stress in everything. 

We are finally getting individual therapy to help with dealing with traumas and stuff, and I’m hoping this helps them really with stress and dealing with the depression and anxiety. I often get really horny and have kinks that they know and sometimes indulge in but lately they just don’t have a sex drive which i understand but it’s been almost a month since we had sex. I feel like it could go on for months before we even try to do anything together. 

I brought a female libido pill to help bring back somewhat of their sex drive, And they agreed to it and we did research and looked at the ingredients and I ordered it. So I’m hoping it helps bring back our bedroom life. We have toys that we don’t use.

Before anyone says anything that is on the lines they don’t find you attractive or isn’t interested in me like that, they have reassured me that they definitely do but they don’t even touch themselves and they have tried, but nothing works. But they have told me this happens to this sometimes and they don’t know for how long and stuff. I just hope this helps or something, idk if anyone can here can give a suggestion of something that works for increasing the sex drive just in case this doesn’t work for us.

Now that one of our kids has left for college (the other is living at home while they go to school in town), I've been thinking more about what life will be like when it's just me and my LL wife and our pets.

I'm in my early fifties and she'll be fifty next year. Her forties have come and gone without any hint of a resurgence of her libido. She takes meds for anxiety and I truly feel they have killed our sex life.

Any sexual/romantic playfulness on my part is met with exasperation and/or outright hostility. I can feel my own libido slowly ebbing, and I'm afraid once it's gone, I'll have so much resentment I won't want to be around her anymore.

We've been married for over 20 years. Sex was never plentiful as I wished it could have been, but we were at least normal in the sense that we got together often enough to prevent serious resentment. Over the last five or so years, she's become almost anti-sexual when it comes to me. She has a vibrator (which I bought for her in the vain hope it might cause some sort of awakening) which she uses occasionally - and then tells me about what a good time she had using it. She'll tell me I should take care of myself, but that if I watch porn it's not ok.

I consider myself to be a pretty selfless lover; when we were physical, she always came first. I never wanted to finish pleasuring her - she'd have to push me away. When it was my turn, her attitude would change to "let's get this over with". I still don't understand how someone can be so uncaring and callous toward their partner. There were times when we both were in a good mood and had a wonderful time, but the pattern of Her First Then Me Second (As Quickly As Possible) has been our routine for years.

Any suggestion of changing things up in the bedroom is met with derision and judgement. I've suggested all manner of kinky things, and she has zero interest. Her job is stressful and she's never in the mood unless she's had a day of rest. Friday night? Too tired, don't talk to me. Saturday morning? Ew, morning breath and besides I haven't had coffee yet. Saturday afternoon? No, I'm tired from my spin class/errands and I just want to relax. Saturday night? No, I'm going upstairs to do crosswords and derp on my phone. Sunday morning? No, see Saturday morning. Sunday afternoon? Maybe... assuming she's in the mood. And do I get the luxury of NOT being in the mood?

Meanwhile, I've been ready all week. After dinner mid-week? Why not? Before work randomly one morning? Why not? Can I cuddle you for a bit before work? No, I have to get ready. Am I talking too much after work? Probably, because she has to deal with so many people at work.

I am here. I am human. I don't deserve sex just because we're married, but I have needs. I am here, waiting. I just don't know how much longer.

My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for the last 2. We have a wonderful child who is the greatest gift I could ever ask for. Our marriage and relationship has definitely had its ups and downs but I know that she is my rock... I love her dearly but our sex life is basically non existant.

It's always been rough, her ex left her with a strong aversion towards sex that she always says she'll work on, but has put in basically no effort to improve.

I learned pretty quickly that sex was only ever on her terms. she had to be in the mood first or nothing... And I almost always spend the whole time servicing her and her needs. All our foreplay is my turning her on and pushing her buttons. I'm lucky if I get a 30 second handy.

Whenever I would try to initiate its always a no and pushing me away... Which hurts... She usually implies I should jakc off if I'm horny... But like... If I wanted to jack off I would have... I don't want my hand, I want my wife.

I could mostly manage... Sex once every 3 months is better than no sex right? But as the relationship progressed... Especially since we had our child... Sex is... Well I'm pretty sure I can count on one hand the amount of times we've had sex... Or any intamcy for that matter... Since our child was born (16-20 months ago)

These last 6 months however have been brutal.

We joke a lot about sex still, which is nice. I semi seriously asked her if she'd be interested in hotwifing (literally desperate to find anything thatll get her in the mood More often) and she seemed to sorta consider until I said I'd get to watch... Then her face turned to revulsion and the topic was dropped.

Last week we had a date night. Dropped off our child with their grandparents, got high and watched some trashy TV... The same thing we did when our child was convieved... This night was planned specifically to be in the mood and finally do it after months. She went to bed at 9pm fully clothed and slepted until 10 the following morning. In fairness she was getting over a cold... Shit happens so we rain checked to tonight

Same deal. The trashy TV of short is basically a bunch of women trying to fuck but their sons are around... It's super trash and unapologetically horny.

I start getting a little playful, trying to set the mood, doing the things she likes... And then the second I lift her shirt she pushes me away. No problem, admittedly nothing I'm not used to, this is the usual result 99.9% of the time.

After a few minutes I adjust the way I'm sitting and she asks if I'm "super horny" I say no but I could be put in the mood and she hers super flustured and gets that same look of revulsion and panic on her face and tells me "this is me telling you I don't want to have sex with you"

I thanked her for the clarification and we went to bed shortly thereafter.

And now I'm here, typing this from my couch because I am just too hurt to lay next to her at the moment.

Am I over reacting? Please tell me if I am. I know she's her own person and I can't expect sex from her just because she's my wife, but like... Man I want that connection with her.

Idk

Please be honest with me, I can take it.

I’ve given up trying to initiate with her, I’ve talked to her and got the “I didn’t realize I do that”, but she’ll still let me get worked up thinking it will happen but never will. I’m tired boss. Please help.

I’m a 40 yo HLM and I’ve been married to my 37 yo LLF for 3 years. It’s been a dead bedroom ever since we got married. I love her and care about her and give her the world(vacations, jewelry, etc) even though I barely get anything from her. But she doesn’t fulfill my sexual needs even when I literally beg and plead. The thought of sex with me seems to just repulse her. She states that she feels too exhausted from work and life in general and gets annoyed when I try to help her. I’m starting to resent her.

Before I met my wife, I was friends with benefits with a girl that fulfilled all of my sexual needs. She would be spontaneous and go above and beyond. She wanted to make me happy in all areas. She cared about me, gave me gifts on birthdays, gave me meaningful things on the anniversary of my mother’s death. I’ll admit I never gave her anything in return. She was a good girl but I wasn’t in love with her or had those feelings. I know she did though.

I just feel like I picked the wrong girl and now I’m paying for it.

I (HLf) am so sick of feeling like some type of sex crazed pervert with my partner (LLm). He's never said anything to imply this, but it's hard to feel this way when I'm the only one with desire.

I have so many kinks, and I tell him all the time how attractive he is. I tell him I need to be fucked, what i want us to do together, etc. with nothing reciprocated. I'm tired of bringing it up. I was fed this narrative that all men want sex, which really impacts how hurtful it is too. This page is evidence enough that this isn't true, but I also am in the line of thinking that, "if he were truly attracted to me, this wouldn't be an issue".

He insists he desires me and finds me attractive. He insists he has sexual drive.

I can't tell you the last time we had sex because I turned him on. It always starts when im half asleep, he finishes, and then rolls back over. My prowess, confidence, & self esteem is rapidly crumbling and the sexual parts of my identity are being shoved into the dark dusty corners of my soul.

I have an irregular cycle, so I don't ovulate as much as the average person. I think I'm finally ovulating now, and it really sucks when you have a partner who isn't interested on sex and also doesn't understand what's happening in your body. I just wanted to post this for all the people out there who get it.

Friend of my wife just said this to me. I guess she was told we have sex only once a week. It’s more like once a month, I didn’t correct her.

It’s different dealing with this is in private, but when an external light shines on it, it hurts. Sitting by a fire drinking whiskey, staring into the flames wondering how the hell I let it get here.

I’ve improved myself tremendously over the last few years, but the dead bedroom never goes away. There’s literally no one I can say this too, so typing into the Reddit void. Hope y’all are doing alright.

Edit: 40 minutes later, I just drank half a bottle of Buffalo Trace by a campfire. Cheers friends

Exit2: got laid tonight, go figure. It’s all pretty funny. She actually waited up for me, she sniffed out that her friend spoke to me. She never waits up for me. I can’t believe I didn’t get whiskey dick and got the job done for both of us. Still feels empty, but whatever.

Laid it all out there a year ago. Little had changed in our relationship. The one big change is now I'm LL for her. Weird, distant, friendly conversations. I have about 2 years left to get what I want out of this marriage (family things). Nothing is going to change because I'm not willing to chase the moving goal line for the "prize." Hoping we can be friends after.

Wife and I have been together 17 years, she doesn’t initiate or seem interested in sex anymore with me (55M) (51F) She’s very sexy to me and my best friend, when I try to initiate she says no, how much of an asshole would I be to have a one night stand? Now I love this woman with all my heart, but I’m sick of watching porn and jerking off! When we do actually have sex, it’s wonderful, she’ll squirt we both go down on each other, and I make sure she is satisfied before I am. Guess I’m looking for advice, sorry for the shitty explanation!

I know the term “normal” differs to everyone but is it normal to have sex once a week only? For context, married for 2 years, in our late 20’s, no kids

I had a conversation with my husband last night about the difference between intimacy and sexual activity (he sees them as a spectrum of the same thing, and I see them as discretely different things.)

We spend time together. We talk. We snuggle. We spoon. But sexual activity is rare, and he and I don’t see eye to eye on this. I would describe our sex life as lacking, where he thinks our intimate life is wonderful, and doesn’t understand how those two phrases don’t explain the same things.

Anyone else with this same issue? I’m trying to understand this from his perspective.

My partner (31 m) who has been in a relationship with me (32 f) for 5 years already, has an understanding to slowly be open with the idea of being in a Polyamory to solve our dead bedroom situation. We couldn’t fvck properly ever since I had an abortion. He has erection problems and couldn’t get hard because he is afraid and worried I might get pregnant again even if we wear protection. So we are open our relationship to polyamory so we can get pleasure somewhere else without breaking up. Another issue is he is bisexual and I'm fully aware before our relationship started. I’m not homophobic, I accepted his sexuality but damn last night, I saw one of the guy he fvcked and I wanna throw up because he is like 55 years old. I am 4”11, asian beauty, slim, super feminine and I felt slightly pissed off as a woman cause he can't get his d!ck hard with me while he can with this old man? he is so a f up and strange, guys. I need help. I know you want to say break up with him... I'm sorry to trigger you guys but breaking up is not practical decision for me..

we tried to have s3x last night and I tried almost everything to make his d!ck hard — when i moan and talk dirty, he like sssh-ing me cause its not helping his dick hard. I try to be silent but its making him awkward. this man has erection problems and when finally he is hard, he jerk off easily without pleasuring me. he can't finger and fvcking eat a pussy because he doesn't like it, he said he gets bored cause his tongue is short and he doesn't know a vagina. im practically teaching him how to touch me everytime. he is so fvcked up.

Me and my bf have been together for about a year. We are rarely sexually intimate and we're both content with that, but when we are active it's usually only him that finishes, and im left kinda waiting for my turn, which never arrives.

This makes me feel kinda,, disappointed or let down and when it happens im usually in tears( I don't know why, i literally cant help it). I just want to feel good too! When we talk about it he says hes scared to disappoint me because we have tried a few times just rubbing with his fingers (not inserting) and its very hard for me to get off that way, so he kind of got bad self esteem because we've had to stop on multiple occasions and i'd "finish the job".

I've suggested some ways he could pleasure me and have communicated multiple times how this makes me feel. I think communication is super important so i tell him exactly everything. I also experiment alot on what he likes, but he never experiments on me if that makes sense. I've told him multiple times if i get uncomfortable with anything that i'd tell him and i've given him full permission to just discover and experiment, but nothing ever happens.

I don't want to break up with him because of this, I just want some suggestions on how to get him to atleast try, because its a very unbalanced level of reciprocation and I get very sad and frustrated about it.

So what can I do about this? I don't really know what more i could tell him. Or am I in the wrong for this? I don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to.

Burner for obvious reasons... I tried posting this a few weeks ago, but I never saw it go through. Not sure if it got deleted or whatever, but I'm trying to post again. Just a vent session...

I've (38MLM) been together with my wife (39LLF) for 13 years. We have 2 kids - 10 and 5. Our sex life has been declining slowly for years now. Same story as a lot of you I know. We're probably at maybe 1x a month right now, which I guess qualifies as a "dead bedroom". I wouldn't even call myself high libido, once a week would be amazing at this point.

Outside of sex we have a pretty great marriage. We are pretty affectionate - almost every night my wife will get naked and she'll lay sideways on the bed (with her head on my chest) so that I can rub her back, ass, & scalp. We'll usually be watching a show or just talking to unwind when this happens. Usually about 90 minutes - 3 hours a night depending on what time we get the bed down and if either of us have to work. It's something we both enjoy but of course it turns me on, but if I try to pursue it at all she gets uncomfortable doing it because she doesn't want it to be something where it's leading to sex or where sex is expected or anything. We went through a spell without our little routine and we didn't replace it with sex, just being apart - which neither of us enjoyed.

Most physical touch is initiated by me, but when we snuggle she'll reach under my shorts and grab my junk or even grind me occasionally - but still not be interested in having sex for whatever reason. She'll send me nudes, make out with me, but then 2 seconds later is totally uninterested. I never know what to expect and try not to get my hopes up when she sends me nudes or sexts, but I'd rather get them than not right? So I don't even know how to broach the subject with her.

This morning she was getting out of the shower while I was still in bed. She was naked while getting dressed and I made a joke about her sitting on my face and she did for about 5 seconds before she hopped off and went to finish getting dressed. I asked her if it didn't feel good or something and all she could say was "it was fine" with a smile.

We are both pretty good about taking care of meals and the house, I think just between work and kids is the big stressor for her. She has a pretty high stress job that requires that she's on her phone a lot (some days she will have 20-30 conversations with different people throughout the day). But if it's not messaging clients, it's stupid Facebook Reels. She will be "too tired" to watch a show or play a card game with me, but she'll lay in bed watching reels for an hour. Just kills me.

When we a vacation earlier this year with no kids, we had sex everyday for a week, and it was magical. Also when she is away (for work or every month or two she'll take an overnight girls trip with her friends) she will be super horny and sext me the entire time. So I know she's still horny a bit at least, I just don't know how to help her not be exhausted with kids or work. Work is not slowing down for her and she's only getting more busy, do I just wait for our kids to be more independent haha?

-- edit --

Couple of other thoughts to get off my chest - I don't initiate sex because I'm tired of the rejection, but her initiating is just "want to hump?". There is almost never any foreplay, just straight to sex. I really enjoy the buildup of sex, and I hate just jumping into it. At this point I have no idea what turns her on, and that drives me crazy. I'm not totally sure she knows either because when I ask her she won't tell me - just "you know".

I feel like our sex life was really good until our second child and she got PPD. She went on anxiety medication and I feel like that tanked her libido for a while. She was also on birth control, but she's off of both of those now so it's hard for me to make the excuse in my head that "it's just her meds".

That being said I know she's making an effort - she did get her hormones tested and she was low on T. She did take the pellets to get that raised, but it didn't do anything and she didn't want to try that again. We have also tried using an app that has "intimacy challenges" every day and that does help our relationship, but not necessarily sex.

Sex life was always mediocre but she always seemed interested in the past kissing and teasing and such and would reasonably often lead to sex. Could always attribute the mediocre sex life to have 3 kids and being exhausted. Ever since she went on anti-depressants it steadily got worse and worse. Sex comes once every few months, which feels more like and check in the box and a chore. If I try to initiate, I get a disgusted “no”. She never teases anymore other than an occasional boob flash which feels like she just wants me to acknowledge her. It never leads to sex but I remained hopeful for so long.

I finally decided i’m done trying or caring. I dont want the every few month check in the block sex. Im done being excited about it to only be let down again and again. Now just need to find some kind of hobby to fill the void.

Me (m23) and my gf (f23) have been together for years. We had a thing in high school but weren’t together for a while due to her parents. (A story for another time perhaps)

She’s amazing. The most caring and compassionate and supportive person I’ve ever met. She’s been there for me through the worst things I’ve ever experienced. I’m trying to be there for her as well because she is struggling too. We both have our fair share of mental health challenges. I was physically and sexually mistreated throughout middle school and high school and eventually was diagnosed with cptsd. It’s been a work in progress but I’ve been making huge strides in that area.

For the past few months (closer to a year) we have had a severe drought in intimacy. It’s been causing problems for a long time and for a while I thought it was wrong for me to want to be intimate and I felt guilty for a myriad of reasons (one being raised in a very religious household and having faced severe bullying and a lot of shame in the church I was raised in.) so for a while I would do everything I could to suppress my urges and not bring it up bc I felt like I was being rejected constantly. I was constantly reminded by her that she had to consent and if I pushed it or asked too much then it was a huge breach of trust and felt toxic and manipulative. So I went on for all of spring and summer feeling like I was a disgusting sexual assaulter if I ever wanted to be intimate with her. I hated myself bc of it and wished I never felt any sexual or intimate desires at all. We would occasionally be intimate but it was always just a quick handjob after I satisfied her. [insert “it’s like a reward” meme] this has happened several times over the past 10 months and only after me sharing my feelings about it and her telling me things would change.

My birthday arrived earlier this fall and she said she was gonna treat me and make me feel special and wanted. So I was excited but when we finished dinner I brought it up to her and she said she was feeling sick so she went home and said she would tomorrow and that she was sorry. It didn’t happen the next day. Or any of the times she said she would after that so I just gave up. Her birthday comes around a few weeks after mine and she wanted to be intimate which I was ecstatic about so of course I jumped on the opportunity and while I was going down on her I asked her if she wanted to do it to me after and she said yes. But after she finished she didn’t want to anymore and her mood shifted and I asked her about it and she just said she was stressed and didn’t want to but told me to stop asking so she could just jerk me off. This was early October.

We had a good experience a few weeks ago that felt good and made me happy and things were fine without issue so I was hopeful that things were changing. We have both been really busy so we don’t see each other as often but we still spend time together playing video games at night. (We don’t live together.)

I think she gave me a handjob once since then and then today she said she wanted to do stuff (give me a handy) bc she had been cancelling plans for the past week or so.

So we’re relaxing and she says “let’s go do it” in a really casual manner and says some other stuff about how she wants to hurry and that she has to go soon. So I turned to her and expressed how I wanted her to like flirt with me and make me feel special and she responded by saying “I did flirt with you I told you that we should go upstairs” and I responded by saying “you just sound really uninterested and have been talking mostly about how you need to hurry bc you have to work soon.” And she then said “well yeah I do need to go” so I said “ok let’s go then I’ll walk you out” because at that point after multiple attempts I just decided it wasn’t worth getting into another fight about intimacy. But it was too late. We talk and talk and she just doubles down on everything saying “I tried to flirt I just really need to go soon idk why you’re mad about that” and me just saying “I just was trying to communicate my feelings.” And then she said something that really hurt. She said something along the lines of “I’m so sick of always getting in trouble and feeling like I am never enough when I didn’t do anything and idk why you had to cause this whole thing.”

So I just kinda started to walk away and said this conversation is negatively impacting my mental health and I need to take a break from this conversation. She then gets mad at me for walking away so I go back and try to discuss it a little more while whispering the whole time because I had a family friend staying with us and she tells me to “stop yelling” and that really was upsetting bc I was literally whispering. So I said “I’m not yelling I’m literally whispering” and it just keeps going back and forth. So I eventually just try to diffuse the situation and I walk her out the door and she leaves to go to work. She called me and we went back and forth a little more and I just ended up shutting down bc the conversation was fruitless. So she apologized and said she will do better and she hears and understands me and I apologized too.

It’s just there’s been so many times of me asking and being rejected and asking and her saying things will change and fights about it and I’m just so sick of the back and forth and constantly stressing out about it. I tell her I just want to feel loved and special because that’s my love language and I really have struggled with that my whole life and she responds by saying she’ll do better but things never change.

I’m sorry for the long post. I’ve been lurking this sub for a while now and I am just at a point where I can’t express any of this to anyone. My parents are really religious so I can’t talk to them about my intimacy life because our “values” don’t align on it I guess. Aside from that they are amazing and supportive. I don’t want to talk to my therapist about it or anyone bc I just feel like I’m going behind her back and she always tells me she wants to keep her personal issues private and she doesn’t like people being involved.

So I write this anonymously in hopes that someone can tell me something helpful. Idc if it’s just support or if you even say I’m an asshole and am manipulative and forcing her to do sexual things. I’ve always respected consent and I know that no means no I’m just so tired of getting rejected all the time.

She’s amazing and the most kind and compassionate person and we have so much fun together it just feels like this is such a big issue that I want fixed and I’m just worried that we aren’t sexually compatible.

Rant over.

TLDR: I just at least want a fucking hand job once a month if it’s not too much trouble.

My (29F) husband (31M) just handed me his laptop to watch Netflix while I fall asleep. I opened up the browser to some AI porn website and decided to log in to see what on earth he was up to. To my surprise he had generated an AI pornographic video using my BEST FRIEND’s face. I am still picking my jaw up off the floor.

He is completely denying having anything to do with the video and the picture that was put in to generate it. He said he was on some dodgy websites that synced with his social media but I’m having trouble believing that as my best friend doesn’t have social media. He says he can’t prove it but is desperate for me to believe him.

We are already in a horrendous place relationship wise, contemplating separating/divorcing, but this is just completely out of left field and, even if we were in a good spot, would be a deal breaker for me. I am devastated. Feels like the final nail in the coffin.

Any advice would be appreciated. Is it possible for this type of thing to happen accidentally? What would you do?

I want to talk to my wife about it all but I just don’t know where to start. I’m afraid of being rejected like I have already been

Hey guys I’m a 30 HLM that ended his relationship with a 22 LLF about 2 month ago. At the start of the relationship, intimacy was amazing and frequent but the pressures of her graduating college and starting grad school started wearing on the relationship. I attempted to end the relationship amicably once I noticed the intimacy started to dry up by telling her “I can be your friend or your boyfriend but I can’t be both”. Instead I ended up staying in the relationship for two more months and continued investing my time and my resources. Although the relationship ended (only about 6 months long), it was still one of the greatest moments of my life and wouldn’t take it back.

Honestly after reading numerous post on this subreddit, I realized that what happened in my relationship is the nature of all relationships whether or not marriage, homes, vacations, or kids are involved. So on that note, what is the point of marriage when the nature of romantic love is fleeting and temporary whether it lasts 6 months, 3 years, 10 years, or etc. As much as I would love to get married and have “my one”, it seems that men and women change over time, so what’s the point of fantasizing and participating in the covenant of marriage when many of them become unhappy or end in divorce?

We have sex about once every two months. We've talked about our sex life. I've fully accepted if this relationship continues I will continue a very personal relationship with my vibrator. We have no kids and do not live together. I have not decided if our current situation will work for me in the long run, and that will be a decision I'll make down the road. One thing that isn't working however is that he constantly feels the need to feel me up. Which normally would be fine, if he didn't immediately pull back the second I start trying to touch him intimately back.

Just yesterday I was bending over in front of the fridge to get us a couple drinks and he walks up behind me and starts feeling up my rear. I turn around and press myself up on him and he just? Walks away? And then later on when we go to bed just tells me good night, rolls over, and goes to sleep? What?

I've been LL in the past before we got together so I understand what it's like, but I also never teased anyone with something I wasn't willing to deliver. I can't wrap my head around the psychology of what's going on. Anyone have any ideas?