So me and my girlfriend started our “romantic” relationship 2 years ago and have yet to have sex. She’s got a full time job and i’m finishing my degree while trying to start my own business on the side. We’re both pretty young and have a small group of friends with who we hang out with. The problem is that these 2 years of out relationship have all been torture for me in the sense that we haven’t been intimate at all. The most we’ve ever gotten is just making out. The last 6 months have been gruelling for me because I also realised that I can’t even think about sex with her because of how many times I’ve been denied. I physically feel like shit and feel unattractive which makes me unable to even be turned know by her. It’s also worth noting that I am considered attractive by both my peers and friends which is due to me taking care of my health and physical appearance so I don’t see why she wouldn’t be sexually attracted to me. I would also like to mention that she is a bit chubby and doesn’t really care that much for her health at least in the sense of what she eats but that hasn’t stopped me from wanting to have sex with her before. We’ve talked about this a couple times to no avail although the thing that makes me lose hope the most is that she doesn’t want kids at all but I do. She has made this point quite a lot and doesn’t ever want to change it and openly talks about it in front of our friends while mocking my wish to have children in the future. And on top of this, in one of our talks she literally said “Would you rather be in paradise with me and not have kids or be with some hoe that wants kids with you” I don’t know how much more of this I can take but I think my best decision would be to break up with her after all of our plans that can’t be cancelled have passed

Please help me. For all those that are calling themselves LL: Like i need to understand. Am i to understand you are not interesting in the thought of sex but if your a man and your wife comes in and tries to get you going you physically can't. LIke she sucks you while shes naked and touches you all over and you just never get hard? What if you took the pill to get hard to please her? Would that not work or get you excited so you can have enjoyment also? For the women, I posted a question to men about if their wives are LL when they do have sex with them do they orgasms. Almost all men said they did and they knew wife was not faking it. So I guess it just feels like we are all using this term LL loosely. No doubt the issue does exist, but to the extent it is talked about? Just trying to understand like for women who are LL what happens if your man touched you and went down on you (assuming he knew what he was doing) do you just not get wet or aroused? LIke he is masturbating you with his fingers while eating it or whatever and you just are dry as a bone and never get excited? Im trying to understand what is happening here.

I still feel all the same urges, and I still desperately want to feel desirable and exciting. I still want to be someone's "Hell yes!" instead of their "OK, fine" or "No thanks." I gave up on thinking I would ever have that with my partner quite some time ago but could still at least entertain the fantasy of having that with someone. Lately I find myself feeling it difficult to allow myself to even imagine being wanted. Sometimes I find myself even outright resisting the notion with thoughts that it is foolish or that it would even be a cruelty to subject another person to involvement with me. I'm getting to the point of resisting or even rejecting the validation that I crave so much. I don't want to think so little of myself, but I am so tired of fighting back against what my life experience has taught me—that I'm just not the kind of person that people want and that even people who tell me they get me and are into it eventually find themselves dissatisfied with me and pull away.

In a little over a year I'll have been with my partner for 1/2 of my entire life. I hate that I can't just accept and embrace that this is as good as it will ever get for me so that I can stop wishing for more.

I think it’s time to face the reality—I’m officially calling it: we’re in a dead bedroom. After what feels like our hundredth conversation about it, I think we’ve had our last talk on the subject. Once again, she told me she has a mental block when it comes to wanting to be intimate with me. She’s said it before, but this time, I think I’m finally done trying to make sense of it.

I don’t want a divorce. I love my kids too much to even consider that path. The thought of being a weekend dad because of this feels unbearable. Plus, I genuinely like my wife—I enjoy her company, we laugh together, and she’s my partner in so many ways. But damn, the loneliness from the lack of physical intimacy can hit hard.

We’ve done counseling, and while it’s helped us communicate better, it hasn’t brought back the intimacy. For her, the desire and libido just seem completely gone. I can’t force her to feel something she doesn’t, and I’ve started to wonder if it’s time to shift my focus. Maybe I need to learn how to connect with her in other ways—emotionally, spiritually, intellectually—and let go of the idea that physical intimacy is the only way to feel close to her.

I’m just venting, but I think I’m ready to call it what it is: a dead bedroom.

For context: I (33 m) and my wife (31 f) have been together for 14 years married for 1 year and have 2 kids older than 7.

Our sex life has never been amazing, pretty boring in my opinion to be honest. She is very vanilla where as I am definitely very open minded and want to try everything. We have had a few occasions where we've experimented with something new and it becomes a staple in our sex life for a while before being suddenly removed from the table all together by my wife.
We used to play with coconut oil massages and very sensual sex. Suddenly removed after a fun few months.
One of my favourite things is to receive a blowjob. Suddenly removed after a few years into our relationship.
Lots of play with sex toys. Suddenly removed after a year or so of play.

I never want my wife to do anything she doesn't want to or isn't comfortable with but I am simply so bored of our sex life and so exhausted of my needs not being met whilst constantly trying to meet her needs that I am finding myself avoiding sex and losing interest in it all together. I genuinely think this would be okay with my wife as well, we average sex once every 10 days and it's always a quicky (normally just before we go to sleep).

I think she sees sex as a necessary part of our relationship that she has to get over and done with, I really think she may be becoming a-sexual as shengets older and to be honest that scares me.

I want to have a conversation with her about how I feel and how we can improve things for us both however in the last that hasn't really achieved anything other than false promises and her feeling hurt. I make sure to be as respectful and careful with my words as possible following great advice on here but ultimately I'm unsatisfied and bored, I can see how that's not going to be nice to hear. The issues is my wife says it hurts and she doesn't want that for me but also doesn't do anything to prevent it (sex isn't an issue for her, I don't think she values it in our relationship so struggles to see how important it is).

I want to have 1 final ditch attempt at talking about this with her in the hopes of saving or sex life but want to give myself the best chance of success for us both and also be mindful of her feelings.
How can I plan this and discuss it with my wife as carefully as possible whilst also gaining maximum response?

TLDR; I'm bored of sex, wife doesn't see a problem with quality or frequency. How can I talk to her about this carefully without hurting her feelings?

Ahh yes here I am again. About to enter the new year wondering why I got married to a man(27) at 23 with no desire for sex.

We got his hormone test back and his testosterone is half of the lowest normal numbers but I feel like even if that’s fixed he still won’t want me. He wants more kids but is currently scared of getting me pregnant in the states. I understand that too. We’re moving and he’s adamant on not touching me until he feels like we’re safe. I’m sad but I understand this as well. However I told him that when we do move I feel like the goalpost would move too. It always does. He didn’t like that I said that. He believes I’m not trying hard enough or putting in enough effort to let things flow and just happen. He doesn’t understand how I don’t want to be just raring to go whenever he feels like it, or why when things “got better” I still wasn’t happy. I had to explain to him that things only seemed better because I stopped complaining and that he never actually checked in on me.

I feel like a shell of a human being. I want to take my baby and move in with my mom I just don’t want to be sued for custody. I told him I can’t see our marriage being successful long term if it keeps going on like this. He’s frustrated because he feels like nothing he does is good enough now and I do recognize that he really is trying. But I begged for years and he only got serious when I started checking out. I’ve tried lingerie, roleplay, sexy clothes, makeup, hair, initiating, not initiating, having conversations, offering touch that doesn’t lead to sex. All of my efforts seem futile but he wants me to still desire him when everything I’ve ever done has been met with rejection.

Withholding all of my affection has made me see him as kind of a roommate. We share a bed and a room and when he talks to me about video games or something he wants to waste his time on I pretend to be interested but emotionally I’m just over it. Worst part is I’m still putting in ALL of the emotional labor. I’m not interested in cheating. In a moment of weakness I asked for an open marriage and he didn’t give me a straight answer and was pretty reluctant about the topic in general. I dropped it. I’ve been having fantasies about being single and child free even though I absolutely adore and love my kid they are a humble reminder that I can’t leave without it being complicated. I am seriously hoping my husband cheats on me so I have an excuse.

I’m still willing to work on this marriage, most days we’re pretty cuddly. I do love my husband, it’s just hard to be interested in someone that constantly rejects a part of you that’s offered so vulnerably. I’m 24 and I’ve been with him for 4 years and before that I was another person for 4 years so I never really ever got to experiment, I just wasted my good years being told no and making myself small.

I've now gone to the extent of posting some "gym" photos online just to feel attractive and mabey desired. Sad

Been an a DB for past few years after 3rd child born. Situation getting worse and worse past few years . Now have sex once a month or so. She hasn’t initiated for maybe 5-7 years I honestly can’t remember. I’ve decided to stop begging, pestering or even initiating. Been 2 weeks so far. I don’t think she notices or cares though. She thinks a DB is normal once you get to your 40s but I feel too young to and my sex life I’m only 42! want her to want me. I don’t want to be rejected again. The first few years I could deal with it but the cumulative effect of all the rejection and no initiation is really messing with me. I’m sick of making all the effort and have no confidence. I’m so hurt she doesn’t care. Does stopping initiating actually help though? I think it might just make me more resentful and deepen the rift between us. I think she might just used to zero sex life and make her sex drive even lower. Any first hand experience of how this might play out?

Title says it.

Celebrated my 29th birthday last week at the start of Dec (husband 32). I dressed up for dinner, husband came down in something he wears every day. I did my hair and makeup nice. Went to dinner. No conversation of substance. Got home. I went upstairs, he stayed downstairs. Comes to bed. Not a hug all day. Not a kiss all day. Certainly no sex. I've stopped initiating touch to see how long it can go when I don't initiate.

Spoiler: 2 months so far without sex, 1 month without a kiss other than a peck once. I'm so petty and over this I've started tracking.

I'm in therapy working through if I want to leave, since there's other issues. He's too old to be this dumb, and I'm too young to not be getting anything.

Sigh.

Hey all, I'm really struggling here and looking for advice. I've tried quitting porn multiple times, but it never seems to last. Each time, I get drawn back when stress hits or out of sheer boredom. I know it's impacting my relationship. My partner is amazing, and I want to be a better partner but can't seem to break this cycle for good.

I need strategies that have worked for others. How do I stay motivated, especially during tough times? Are there particular triggers I should watch out for, and how do I tackle them? I'm hoping for real, lasting change this time.

My (46HLM) wife (39LLF) are attempting to resurrect our DB.

As we start to get intimate the other day, she says the title: “I’m just going to lay here and you can do whatever you want.”

Talk about enthusiastic consent!

I paused as she said that, but tried to hide any reaction. She immediately knew what she said was fucked up and not really productive to repairing this DB.

She did try to be a bit more energetic after her comment, but the damage was done.

She is trying, but it feels so forced. So, idk, robotic?

Not sure what I’d even say to someone in my situation, so just really looking to vent here.

Appreciate y’all on this sub…

Tried starting a conversation with my wife (45F) about having more frequent and better sex by telling her I (50sM) ordered male assistance supplements. Her immediate reaction was “you’ll die if you take those.” Really??? This exchange happened a few days before my birthday. Birthday comes around and while I was busy with work for the better portion of the day, all I got in the way of “intimacy or flirting” was her poking her head in while I was on a webinar, making a face and grabbing her breasts. I said come in here and do that, camera was off, and she just went on about her business. I thought maybe I’d see her again but nope. Flash forward (because there really wasn’t anything happening the rest of the day) to bedtime. I fell asleep reading in another room and when I woke up around midnight (birthday over) and went to the bedroom, she was awake playing phone games watching true crime shows. I get changed and get into bed only to be cuckolded by the dog. Literally pulled the dog from the foot of the bed. Gave him pats and kisses then pulled him close and rolled over with him, back to me. I’m not done because I have spent way too much time and energy trying to improve myself physically and mentally for the betterment of us. But I miss intimacy, not just the sex but the physical connection that triggers the endorphins of contentment and peace.

That’s it. I 24 HLF posted here a few months ago saying how the relationship was finally over with 28 LLM, but I guess I’m weak. It’s been 5yrs and we stopped having sex after 2yrs- with a few exceptions. We’ve been able to better so many issues, but this one remains, and honestly I don’t think it’s ever gonna change because I’m def LL4U at this point. Never gonna believe he wants to be intimate even if we tried. I don’t know if it’d be better for me to suck it up and accept that void in our relationship or end it. I feel like I’m just floating in a gray area right now and leaving it up to him. I do love him, and I do want to be together, but sometimes I wish he would make it easy and leave because he’s tired of me complaining or something. We have two kids to further complicate the situation, but so far we’ve been good coparents. Neither of us are going to change most likely. What am I even doing? Tell me I’m dumb so I can agree and then still do nothing because apparently I’m an idiot

He’s unemployed and struggling. His wrinkles are deepening and he’s losing a ton of weight. I know he’s under a lot of pressure.

Long-term boyfriend won’t have sex and says we don’t have chemistry or compatibility. We even discussed breaking up — I told him I don’t want just a platonic best friendship. He said to give him some time to get his life together. Sent me a text later saying I shouldn’t listen to him when he’s sleepy or drinking (his way of saying sorry?).

We’ve been together for 7 years. Up until the pandemic we were having sex all the time. Now once or two a year if I’m lucky.

So so sad. We are both in our 30s and attractive.

Please help. My heart is breaking. What should I do? I love him too much to leave especially when he’s suffering and fighting for his survival

He’s on finasteride which I know kills one’s libido. His lack of desire for me makes me feel absolutely worthless. I am so sad I can’t move

I'm done, we're roommates with kids together.

Work is more important than kids or me, she wants to be the company superhero.

The validation of her life by either our kids or me means nothing clearly.

I get crumbs of a relationship, kids get bought with trinkets and sweets. 7 year old is obese.

I failed. I bring up any of this narcissistic shit and I get shut down by being threatened with divorce because she knows not being with my kids every day would kill me.

Fuck it.

1st time post. It took me way to long to figure this out, even though I did have the talk a few times, it probably could of been done with abit more conviction. I started too rely on porn and then last year I had this sad empty feeling were it wasn't enough anymore and I just wanted to to be with her physicality. Unfortunately it's been made pretty obvious our drives are very very fair apart. I do believe I will have to bring up the talk about splitting I can't keep being this sexually frustrated daily. Oh and this all started 12 years ago if not abit more, so yeh I definitely blame myself for this situation

I (32F) have been married to my husband for almost 7 years now. My husband (34M) seems to have a much higher libido than me. We have sex maybe once or twice a month, and I try to not forget to do it at least this often but I often have very little to no libido. Sometimes I have a drink or two to relax and ensure I can satisfy him because I know he needs it but not necessarily because I want it really bad. When we do it though, I like to use different toys and I finish every time (sometimes several times in row). I do enjoy it but I feel sex is overrated overall, I’m just not that interested in it. My husband is pretty good in bed but he is not a big fan of role play, which I would be curious to try. Other than that, our marriage is perfect: we both love to kiss and cuddle, we genuinely care for each other and have so much fun living together (no kids). I love him very much and he often says he loves me. But we spoke a couple of times and I understand he needs sex more often. He says he would love to do it every day but even once a week would work. I am really struggling to make myself want it every week. When I was in my early 20s, I wanted sex all the time. With my ex I wanted to do it 6 times a day (he was a lot smaller and less good at it and we had a pretty toxic relationship but I think the toxicity of it and constant fighting turned me on like crazy). In my marriage, everything is so good, happy, calm, and predictable. There is no drama and it’s so good for my happiness and mental health but I guess my libido highlights the traumatized part of me used to drama. I also think hormonal birth control has just completely destroyed my libido. I stopped taking it and it has slightly improved but still nowhere near where it used to be. Please give advice. I don’t know what to do. I really love my husband and I want to make him happy and satisfy him as often as he needs it. I am terrified of it ruining my marriage in a world where it’s so difficult to find a good match and build a happy relationship. I spoke to my doctor and she said nothing can be done about libido. She didn’t even discuss this much with me. I even thought about offering to try a hierarchical monogamy for a while to see if it helps (he could get sex as often as he needs and I could experiment with other partners to see if diverse experiences will wake my libido up). But I’m worried it will make things a lot worse and ruin this beautiful connection we have, especially knowing he is somewhat traditional (he allows me to use toys in bed though). I don’t know what to do. Any advice or experience appreciated.

Long time lurker. I (30 F) don’t even know if I am high libido anymore but I need to just say getting rejected again and again from my bf is killing some part of me. It feels like I want to molest my bf. I don’t even have to think about birth control just because I only fucked him 5 times this year (I begged for it). Today I am vulnerable because I initiated sex after we had a nice evening. It’s cruel to me that I feel like I overstepped with my advances. I shall respect his boundaries but today I am not in a good mindspace.

I (32f) and my husband (44m) have had dwindling intimacy for almost a year now. Started noticing it back in like February. To cope with my urges I have just been self satisfying. Haven't used any toys or anything crazy. But I started reading some literotica and then got into watching videos. Now I feel like I've come into new stuff nothing crazy. I got bold and mentioned some stuff to my husband and was met with shock and aw. Not the good shock and aw. So now he really doesn't engage in even cuddling anymore. Did I make things worse? Is there a way to recover what was there again? I'm just confused because I thought maybe I was vanilla before and it wasn't enough for him but now I'm too much? I'm just so confused snd frustrated.

I’ll save you the spiel because my DB story is the same as everybody else’s, but more in post history if youre into that.

My husband (30LLM) asked what I wanted for my (28HLF/LL4U) birthday and Christmas a while back. I told him sex lmao. That went over about as well as you’d think.

Anyway, today was my (28HLF/LL4U) birthday. He initiated and we had sex for the first time in three weeks. I could tell we were both rusty. I had my period so didn’t want to ask him to go down on me. I faked it and that was that.

And afterwards I felt self-conscious/embarrassed/cringe. You know how when you talk too much at a party, you overthink and cringe afterwards? I’m embarrassed that I let my guard down and was intimate/revealing. That I felt horny. That I wanted to kiss and be …. touched. If that’s how I feel about my husband, where does that leave me?

God my heart is sinking into my stomach writing this. Back to therapy….

I feel so irritated with him all the time. I feel bad. I’m not a mean or irritated person, at least I didn’t use to be. Now I find myself constantly feeling on edge. I hate it. We haven’t had sex in 8 months. When he kisses me or tries to hug me or be cute or funny I just find myself pulling away and seriously getting angry. I’m noticing all these little things about him that just piss me off. He’s messy and his hygiene isn’t great. He loves to talk but never follow through with anything. I do feel bad thinking this way but I don’t think I can help it. And I’m sure it’s not good for me to feel angry and stressed all the time. It’s very exhausting. Honestly if he tried to have sex with me at this point I would probably turn him down. I do love him though… which is confusing. ❤️‍🩹

What does it mean? Is it a game? My husbands our entire 9 years of marriage has rejected me sexually. I used to cry myself to sleep feeling so rejected not desired and unloved. He would have the most random silly excuses “if this couch didn’t have the built in cup holders we would be sitting closer and it would probably lead to us having sex because we could snuggle” we got a better couch, nothing changed because of course, it wasn’t the couches fault. From the very started even a few days after we were married when I made a move he said “I want to have sex I’m just tired” then we had kids and he would say “but if we go off to the bedroom what about the kids?” Even if I put the baby in the playpen. There was always a new excuse. He would say “I have a headache” or “I didn’t think you would want to so I jerked off in the shower “ even though I told him don’t jerk off because I want to have sex. So then the other day I said hey let’s have sex. He then took a shower and I started to give him a BJ and noticed he couldn’t get hard and he said “I don’t know why I can’t get hard now, I got hard in the shower just fine” the next day he asked for sex off and on but my feelings were hurt and I was still upset so I said no. Next day he rejected me after my advances then later that same day asked to have sex. What the hell! Is it a game? Why reject me then ask for sex? What does it mean? What am I missing? I feel like I’m so desperate for that connection sexually that I always say yes because I know it will be so so very long until I get the chance again , so whenever he asks I jump on it but when I myself make an advance he rejects me. In other words, if I ask he says no but if he asks I say yes. But that makes me feel like shit! So I’ve had enough! Finally this time I said no! This feels like some kind of game. A couple times throughout the year he isn’t able to get it up. I would say maybe once or twice a year. So here and there some kind of ED I think? I am in good shape, nice looks. He is 320 pounds and I wonder if he maybe has low T? Porn? I know this is kind of disjointed hopefully some of this makes sense.

So my partner & I have been together almost two years (maybe more, im awful with remembering dates). He and I do have a larger age gap but this has never been a problem in our relationship. Last year he got sick; we don't know what it is but think it could be long-covid since no tests came up with results. Anyway, ive been thinking of an idea to possibly help our frequency ( commonly once a month as a couple, minus a couple times of me 'helping him). I thought that if somehow I could ask nicely if he could take a small break from watching p**n, that might help with our intimacy. Ive never had an issue with adults films.. its more the frequency somone watches it and how it affects the connection. To add a little more context I believe he watches almost everyday, ive walked in accidentally twice just a couple weeks ago. We also have opened our relationship to another female, mainly for me but id be dumb if I didnt/couldn't admit there isn't somthing ( or pleasure) in it for him too. I enjoy her and like our time together (all 3) it's just he gets distracted; in the past he gives her more attention & pleasure which makes me feel inadequate. I can't be pushy about intimacy because then he feels guilty, insecure & defensive (which i don't want). It just gets frustrating.. my illogical brain tells me he would rather watch adult films, have the other women over rather than be intimate with me. I wish things could go back to the start of our relationship, we had more communication issues back then but he seemed more romantic, he initiated intimacy & said he loved me/ appreciated me. I know its normal for people to get comfortable in relationships but this to me is just a little more than just comfort. Yes his illness has a part to play but even on good days he doesn't initiate anything unless I ask or have been asking. I feel guilty for getting emotionally & sexually frustrated. I just wonder if taking out some of the adult film watching would help.. but how do I ask him to do that without him feeling attacked?

—I (25FHL) and my husband (26MLL) have been married a little over 3 years - married when we were both 22.

—We waited until marriage to have sex but when we were dating he was very affectionate/we were all over each other and were very excited to have sex.

—Since we got back from our honeymoon, H has had lower desire than me.

—H has low T, he had around 200s when first tested. He takes an estrogen blocker and is now around 800s I believe. Although he’s on T now, I don’t feel like it has really helped in the sex drive department.

—We scheduled sex for around 2 years until about 3 months ago. There were many times where I just felt like H was just doing it to comply with the schedule/have duty sex so that’s why we stopped scheduling and let it be when we both actually want to.

—We have sex usually around 1x a week. Longest we’ve gone is 2 weeks almost (recently when in a fight). A good week would be 2x a week.

—We have around 4-5 hrs every weekday evening and all day Saturdays free. We don’t have kids. We both work from home. We have a lot of time basically to have sex if we wanted to.

—We’ve had lots of other issues too but this is a main one. We’re in therapy and are trying to work through them. We also have had periods where we’ve been very happy. Even if we’re happy he doesn’t necessarily always want sex.

—I just get so sad being rejected time and time again or just waiting around for him to want to have sex. I feel undesired, sad, and then frustrated when I see all these women on social media talking about how annoying it is that their husbands are all over them 😢😢

Question: In our situation (young, no kids, lots of free time), is it unusual/bad that he only wants to have sex around 1x a week? I fear that this may never change (his words too) or only get worse as we age/have kids, etc. I know the “average” amount is 1x a week but in our circumstances I feel like that’s low. Or do I just have too high of expectations? Ideally, I’d prefer sex 3-4x a week and I’d still be happy with 2x a week. Is this something that’s worth getting divorced over? Sometimes I feel like it’s not but nothings changed over these 3 years 😢

I’m a little tipsy, but I just left my company office party. I have a coworker who comes from the same field as my wife, and is a good bit younger than both of us .

We spent a chunk of time talking, and I was reduced to tears multiple times, when we realized that she knew of the work my wife has done and work that I am so proud of her for. It was amazing to have someone else realize how amazing my wife’s work has been who isn’t just me.

I’m so proud of my wife, and I love her to death. But we have no sex. I don’t know how to reconcile these realities. I know that most of my coworkers see me as highly accomplished/top of my own field, but I am just bursting with pride and tears right now that someone else recognizes how amazing my wife is.

Not sure what the point of this post is - just that I am wrecked by how amazing my wife is and also broken by how much she doesn’t seem to want to fuck me.

The first years that my husband (32M) and I dated we had sex all the time. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other! Ever since we got married a few years ago sex has become a chore. I’m tired of begging and initiating only to get rejected. He claims he has no sex drive (even after T injections, Viagra, etc). Then I blame myself. I get hit on by other men often and it’s getting hard to resist temptation. I’m at a crossroads of debating whether to continue the marriage. I do love him and he is my best friend, but I need sex and passion.

Struggling so bad with a dead bedroom. Reading other’s story’s it seems like it’s not that bad but it’s so mentally hard on me.

We have sex about once a week and I always initiate. I’m 38F hes 39M together 14 years.

The sex is incredible when we have it, he’s always hard the whole time, I always come, sometimes he comes twice if I can get him hard again. So there’s no ED Whatsoever. I’m in good shape and take care of everything for him so he can come from work and chill.

He’s always had a lower libido than me even when we were younger.. I’m a ‘masturbate a couple times a week’ girl and he’s a ‘literally never touch it’ man. But atp it feels like pulling teeth to get him to do it. And he’ll never just come right out and say “not tonight” he leads me on saying stuff like “maybe when…blank happens” so I’ll reach the ever moving bar and end up turned down 5 times in one night when he never intended to say yes. He makes me feel like a rapey old man.

And it’s not just in the bedroom he seems so annoyed by me in general. I just so badly want to be wanted. I suspect he has depression and he does too but he won’t do anything about it, we’ve talked about it so many times. Maybe even low T? Anyone have ideas on how to help a man who won’t help himself?

Hi all. So... I was recommended here by a friend. Me and my partner have been together for almost 4 years. Our 4th anniversary is coming up in just a few months. At the start of our relationship we had sex very consistently. Not every night, but mostly. 2 years ago we had our son and sex, afterwards, took a backseat. We had a lot of problems with birth control and so that, understandably, hampered our ability to have sex.

Once we got it sorted (she's not on birth control as her body rejected her iud and she can't use hormonal bc due to other medical issues) sex started back up. But, after discussing having a second child (2 under 2) I reccomended we wait, as we had a wedding and other legal issues to contend with, as my biological daughter from a previous relationship (I was married once) is under temporary gaurdianship by my former mother in law. CPS got involved with the childs mother (my ex-wife) and had to be remove her from the home.

At THE TIME my living conditions weren't appropriate for a child ( the house I was in was in major disrepair). And due to some drama between myself and my daughter's gaurdian I'm going to need a lawyer just to get my daughter back.

Now, I know the pull out method is not %100 but it's all we had that we felt comfortable using. What I didn't know, is that my fiancée was still trying to make me get her pregnant. Lying about being on a "new form" of birth control, even holding me inside until I finish (pretty sure that counts as rape).

Anyway, after discussing us needing to wait and me not wanting another child right now, we slowed down on sex. To once a week or two, which is when I started noticing that she would, sometimes, try to keep me from pulling out. After telling her that I didn't like it when she did that, sex slowed down further to once a month. Now... tongiht... everything has come to a screeching halt. I cooked her a steak dinner, took care of EVERY household chore (which I've been doing anyway as we both work fulltime). I didn't cook her dinner in hopes of getting some, but it would have been nice. Instead, I made one, single comment about how attractive I find her and sexy she is and I'm met with "You need to stop pushing for sex."

After talking about it for a while and arguing about it, it's clear now that the only reason she's wanted sex was to have another kid. It's got nothing to do with love or showing affection, which for me is what sex is. It's showing love, affection, care. It's being vulnerable and loving someone in their most vulnerable state.

Now that I have this information... idk what to do or where to go from here. Therapy and counciling are out of the question as she believes that she doesn't need therapy or counseling and that there is nothing wrong with our relationship because we love each other. I need help... what do I do? I love sex, I dare say that I NEED sex in a relationship, for it to be a relationship. Otherwise, what difference is there between a couple and two people living together? Thanks in advance.

I (32 HLM) been married to my wife (30LLF) for 3 years and everything in the relationship has been amazing but the sex is miserable . We have sex once a month if I'm lucky and when we do it's feels robotic , there's almost no enthuasim from her. It feels like I've married a best friend who has no sexual interest in me.

I've spoken to her about my feelings and I constantly get promises that things will get better but nothing changes. I'm a really sexual person and trying to initiate 2 or 3 times a week and getting rejected till I get pitty sex isn't working for me. I've taken her on a romantic holiday, do most of the house workz tried romantic dates, bought some toys, Nothing sparks her interest.

I'm lost and don't know what to do, and really just want someone enthusiastic about having sex with me at this point

I am amazed at the way my wife can lie next to me, talk for hours and not even touch me. I mean nothing sexually, just casually too. I am the one who uses her arms as pillow, hugs and touches her. It's frustrating. I can't even focus on what she is saying when these thoughts flood my mind. Yesterday I tried not to touch her as well. Very difficult for me. Only this works. I lie on my back and Tuck my hand below my butt. Man life sucks.