I F28 and my boyfriend M38 have been together 8 months now, I used to have an orgasm every time we would do anything sexual and now I can’t anymore. Idk if something is different if it’s I’m over thinking and it’s my whole body saying he’s not the one for me… has anyone experienced this ?

I'm worried that my partner has been sleeping around. I took a trip out of the Country to visit friends. When I came back, I had a reoccurring nightmare that she may have given a guy a hand job. She has been holding out on me for about a week. The other day, she was on a Zoom call and I accidentally passed gas while she was on mic. She was absolutely livid thinking that I did this on purpose. I've been asking her for attention in the bedroom but she claims that it is "that time of the month". I even cooked her dinner hoping that it would change her mind. Am I exaggerating? We have no kids and are not married. We haven't even been together for that long. Does passion and sex die this early?

Hi! I would love some guidance from those here who know what it's like, as I don't.

My partner is religious and ended up having a disappointing courtship and marriage with someone who was not interested in sex with him at all. He worked through it somewhat in the last year and a half post divorce, but when we met now he is getting frustrated really easily and I want to know how to support him without losing my own integrity, autonomy, and emotional safety - ie I want to be able to say no to sexual things or have certain boundaries but not face him being upset with me, which I can tell is obviously something about feeling rejected and unwanted and its triggering his insecurities or traumas from this situation.

When I have said no before he has

1. tried to convince me and say I was depriving him

2. sulked, gotten mad, left abrupty

3. withheld attention and affection without communicating his frustrations

These things were in the first month of getting to know each other. When I pulled away and started getting concerned, he felt more rejected and then we broke up.

We got back together and I didn't realize initially the extent of any of this on him, and I want to provide it and understand it as a need. But I want to be able to say no and keep boundaries, as we are still only in the first month or two of getting to know each other and I'm not ready for everything he wants to do. But I don't want to be dumped because of it or punished in weird ways.

Is this a situation where he is in the wrong, major red flags and leave, or is this pent up trauma and frustration and we can have a mutually loving and physically intimate relationship where we both feel safe and getting our needs met? I think our libidos match, I'm just the female in the relationship and I am cautious and want to move slowly.

my partner (37m) and i (30f) have had a DB for a little over seven months.

we talk we love each other we kiss we hug we see each other naked we sleep together naked.

it seems like at this point neither of us have the time or energy to have sex.. if the situation presents itself, i get anxious or he’s just not in the mood.

i use to be the seeker, and he was the rejector. now i feel like we’re neutral - and we’re understanding of each other and where we are sexually.

it’s going to sound like a pick me thing, but i love giving oral. i never saw it as a chore, it makes me feel good and ready and it’s just as much of foreplay for me as it is for my partner.

i just gave “i want to spoil you tonight. we haven’t done that in a while, i like it, and i like seeing how it makes you feel.”

and i got a reassuring response“that sounds so hot”

i’m a little hurt from being rejected so many times. in this time we haven’t done anything sexual.. i haven’t seen him hard at all, and we don’t even make-out as much as we use to.

i hope this goes well..

Hi everyone,
I’ve been married since 2016, together since 2014, and while I know we love each other, the intimacy in our relationship has almost completely disappeared. Before we were married, we had sex 4 to 5 times a week, but now we go weeks without it. It’s become a situation where I’m the one initiating 100% of the time, and even then, it feels like it’s more out of obligation than desire from her.
I try to be a good husband, I help out as much as I can, I’m emotionally available, and I show her love in every way I know. But despite my efforts, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m just not wanted or desired. I’m left wondering: Is it me? Is it my looks? What am I missing here?
I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining, but I’m really struggling with this. I’d love to hear if anyone else has been through something similar and what you did to either reconnect or cope with the situation. I have spoken to her about it multiple times and sex is not something that is important to her nor does she really desire it. She said she never really wants or craves sex, where I need the intimacy and love that comes from it. It is my language to feel loved.
Thanks for reading.

We're both 46. Overnight away from the kids. At the resort. Talking about what we'll have for dinner and how grateful we are for great kids and a great life. Did the hot tub and pool for an hour. Came back up to our room. She went to grab a shower, no invitation. Pretty sure I'll get the "Well since we're here I guess we should" message later.

Sorry, not good enough. I'm waiting for her to finish the shower and I'm RAGING with desire for her that just isn't there on her part. She loves me. I adore her. Everything about this moment is perfect, but I guess after 23 years of marriage we're just really awesome traveling companions now.

I know there are some really dire situations out there in this thread and I feel for you, I really do. But when your life is good, you're both killing it, and everything is right as it should be, what more does it take???

Me and my gf are both 22 and we have been together since highschool when we were both 17. For both of us, this is the first serious, long term relationship and we are each other’s first sexual partners.

When we first got together, we were mad about each other. If we were left alone in a room together, we wouldn’t last 10 minutes before we started getting intimate. We did pretty much everything except have penetrative sex, as we both agreed we would not do that until at least after highschool. It was fantastic, everything felt completely natural and safe.

The day we decided to have penetrative sex for the first time, we went to the store and bought condoms and lube and then went back to my apartment. We were both nervous and didn’t really know what we were doing, and i dont remember much else about it other than that we didn’t actually have sex because it was causing her intense pain. I remember after we decided to stop trying, we both were laying together and she started crying and said, “im broken,” meaning she feels “defective” since it hurts to much to have sex. I tried reassuring her and told her we would try again. I was hopeful and figured that this would be an issue that went away as time went on, but unfortunately i was wrong. As we tried again and again over the next few days and weeks, we got the same result every time. And with every failed attempt we each got more and more upset (with the situation, not with each other) and more anxious the next time we would try. This was, i believe, the catalyst for our DB situation.

Up until this point, we were both very HL, but afterward, hers started dropping exponentially. At first i just chalked it up to the honeymoon phase wearing off. It didn’t worry me because we still had plenty of intimate time. I can’t point to a specific time when it fell off completely, it’s just like i was thinking about it one day and realized we hadn’t even shared a deep kiss in months.

We eventually sat down and had a talk about it which wasn’t exactly productive. We didn’t argue or anything, but it was just really sad. We clearly both wanted to have a healthy sex life again, but we just didn’t know how to fix it. The one good part about that talk was that we both made it very clear that we still absolutely loved each other and were still fully committed to our relationship.

The DB situation pretty much sat stagnant after that for a long time. She went to college about an hour away and stayed there during the week, and i started working a lot of hours on second shift. Even though we still saw each other every weekend, we grew very distant emotionally. I still enjoyed her company, but the energy between us was very clearly not the same. We also grew distant physically. We almost never cuddled, any time i would try to spoon her, she would flip completely around to face me so i couldn’t. She no longer wanted hugs and kisses when i showed up at her house. As someone whose main love language is physical touch, this was very very painful. It continued like this for at least the last 1.5 - 2 years.

Just a few months ago, i tried bringing it up again and she just completely shut down. All i remember saying was “i think we should talk about it” and she just went completely non verbal. Just thinking about the pained look on her face kills me. I didn’t push too hard on it because she was obviously very uncomfortable and i told her we didn’t have to talk about it right now. And that brings us up to present day.

I just don’t know where to go from here. We have not had any sexual intimacy in a long time. So long that I don’t even know how to try to initiate it anymore. Every once in a while i’ll just plainly ask her if she want to do anything (implying sexual), which i recognize is not exactly a sexy way to get her in the mood, but after being rejected so many times it has become really hard to muster the courage and energy to do anything more than that. Something that really confuses me, is that any time she sees a cute baby (she has huge baby fever rn) she’ll say something like “When can i have one?” or “Give me one.” She also will sometimes say something about “our future kids” It’s confusing because it doesn’t seem like she means it as a joke, at least not entirely. I don’t know if I’m misreading that or what but it always throws me off.

I know that enduring this is hurting me, probably in more ways than i even realize. There is nothing i want more than to fix our sex life, get married, and live a long happy life together, but i know i can’t commit to marrying her if we can’t have sex. That would only lead to a toxic relationship or an unfulfilling life or both. I would rather just cut it off before it gets bad and try to move on but i want to avoid having to do that at all costs. Please, any advice is welcome.

Going through a whirlwind of emotions. I recently posted about feeling better mentally that I’ve stopped asking or even bringing up sex.. however, we recently went to a concert and I watched him watching a couple of women dancing for quite sometime. I know it’s usual to glance or observe someone that you find attractive.. but, it felt like a stab to my self-esteem. He doesn’t look at me like that anymore. And I’ve began to notice when other men do look at me that way.

Anyway. I’ve found myself rooting against us, like I am looking forward to having another weekend of no sex so I can validate his lack of interest in me. I feel like this has taken a significant turn for the worst, because before I would be more than happy to reconnect with him. I feel undesirable to him and honestly at this point, feel like if he finally initiated I would feel incredibly uncomfortable and unattractive. It feels like the end and it’s a hard emotion to process. He’s my best friend. Just no longer feels like my lover.

Just needed a place for my thoughts.

I am sure that others can relate as to driving your crazy trying to be prefect, just to get the attention that is missing. And over the past year my self esteem has really taken a huge hit. I am a 35(f), I look much younger, 145 lbs 5'8", with hour glass measurements and a pretty face. Prior to the dB situation I felt great about myself as a person and how I looked. I found myself at a pretty low point a few weeks ago and felt really depressed, and so angry although I have never cheated I felt like I had a right to. I myself have been cheated on and would never want to do that to someone else it is a horrible feeling that never goes away. That all being said I decided I would start doing things that were just for me that i did as a single girl, getting up a little earlier to have more time for my makeup and hair. Putting on a pretty dress and getting all done up and going on a date night with myself. Wearing things that make me feel good and sexy. It definitely seems to be helping, but has anyone else done this and do you have any advice as far as keeping for self esteem up without any affirmations from your partner.

I (45M) have been with my wife (44F) for 27 years. After years of frustration, guilt, and confusion about our dead bedroom, things are finally becoming clearer. My wife now believes she’s asexual, and we’re starting to think about what that means for our future.

When we first got together, I thought we had a normal, healthy sex life. We were both each other's second, and she occasionally initiated back then. I remember feeling desired and appreciated as a lover. However, things changed after we had our first child (I was 19, she was 18). She was on bed rest early in her pregnancy, and our sex life just never bounced back.

Over the years, I assumed her low libido stemmed from external factors. She’s always been very self-critical about her body, and she’s a survivor of childhood sexual assault. I also blamed myself for her lack of desire, even as I stayed fit, attentive, and romantic. After joining the military at 22, I started receiving attention from other women for the first time in my life. I gave in to temptation and had three major affairs during my 10.5 years of service. My wife found out, and while we stayed together, the aftermath left deep scars on both of us.

When I left the military in 2011, I committed to focusing on my family and repairing the damage. I got a degree, started a career in IT, and we built a very comfortable life. Despite this, our sex life never improved. In the past 13 years, I’ve tried everything: therapy, books, communication, and self-improvement. Nothing worked. My wife was never interested in sex and seemed indifferent to my efforts.

A couple of years ago, I started wondering if she might be asexual. When I brought it up, she dismissed the idea, and I let it drop. But recently, after tracking our sexual encounters (seven times since October 2023), I brought it up again during a tough conversation about the future of our relationship. I explained how I felt ashamed about my past but also frustrated that my needs were still unmet. I suggested ethical non-monogamy, but she was vehemently against it.

This time, however, when I mentioned asexuality, she decided to look into it. After reading about it online, she came to me in tears, saying it explained her feelings perfectly. She admitted that she could never meet my sexual needs and began questioning whether our relationship could move forward.

We’re now at a crossroads. I still care deeply for her and love the life we’ve built, but I feel trapped in a marriage where my most basic needs will never be met. I’ve suggested therapy for both of us (her individual therapy is starting soon), and we may also see a sex therapist together, specifically ones that will understand the nuances of our situation. She knows I want to explore ethical non-monogamy as a way to stay together without resentment, but she’s adamantly against the idea of “sharing” me.

For the first time in years, I finally feel like I understand what’s going on, and I’m cautiously optimistic about the future. But I’m still struggling with the question: Are love, guilt, and compatibility in other areas enough reason to stay in a relationship where one partner is fundamentally unfulfilled?

I am a 31-year-old HLM and she is a 30-year-old llf. Once we got married it was like a switch flipped. She went from very sexual to almost absolutely nothing right after we got married. We didn't even have sex on our wedding night. Or the night after that. Or the night after that. Or the night after that. I tried to initiate the night of and she said that she had eaten too much and was too tired and just wanted to sleep. I didn't even ask or try to initiate for the next free nights. Finally on the 5th day I told her it's been bothering me like that we haven't consummated the marriage yet and she seemed almost genuinely surprised that I was so bothered by this. that night she threw on some lingerie that she had brought and we had great sex but something tells me that it would have never happened if I had had said anything.

Since getting married? We've had sex probably 10 times in 3 years when we were having sex 10 times a month while we were dating and engaged. I didn't bring it up until about 8 months after we got married where we had only had sex three times and she shrugged It off saying that she's just getting older and she can't make herself horny. We did have a kid a few months ago but her lack of interest in sex has been going on for years before our son came along.

Fast forward to last Saturday and it was our 3-year wedding anniversary. My parents offered to take our son for the night so we booked a reservation at a really nice restaurant and got a hotel in the city. Everything went great on our night out. We held hands, we laughed, and simply enjoyed being together and celebrating our anniversary. Based on what had been happening I didn't have any expectations of anything sexual happening, but rather a dim little candle of hope that tonight would be the night.

We get back to the hotel and I hop in the shower. She gets out of her dress and I tell her that she should join me in the shower. She gave me a half-hearted smile and said that the shower is too small for the two of us, but it definitely wasn't. Could have probably fit three or four people in there. I get out of the shower and she's already in bed in her pajamas. I start kissing her and trying to initiate and she just lays there not reciprocating. Finally I said to her that she probably doesn't want to have sex but if she's up for it I would absolutely love a BJ. She shook her head no, rolled over, and went to sleep.

I just don't understand. When we do have sex which is only a few times a year, she goes wild and absolutely loves it. She talks me really dirty and tells me to do all these things to her. We get along great otherwise it's just this lack of sex that's destroying me. I've asked her multiple times what the problem is and why all semblance of physical intimacy stopped as soon as we got married and I always get the same shoulder shrug and some kind of generic unsatisfying answer in an unconcerned tone. I've asked her if there's someone else, if she's no longer attracted to me, if I'm doing something wrong in the bedroom, and she has denied all these things and just says that she has a lack of libido I know for a fact is bullshit because I came home one day much earlier than expected and went into our bedroom and her vibrator was out on the bed. I asked her if she had masturbated and she said that she was reading a romance novel and got so horny that she couldn't help it.

Not really looking for advice just more of a rant to people who will understand.

Good afternoon everybody, long time lurker first time poster. I'm a 24 hlm and we were together for 7 years DB for three. I never had a hoe phase either (kinda what im after now, especially with opening a shop at the same time) but I genuinely don't know how to bounce back after all of that. I used to be a ladies man, was very extroverted and outgoing but now I'm extremely shy and introverted and just don't want to bother anybody I'm interested in. Had a few flings at a couple motorcycle rallies but I think the out of town anonymity helped with that, I dont drink so I don't know the bar crowds around me at all and I'm avoiding online dating so I just don't know how to meet like minded people and pull myself out of the hole my ex and I dug together. Young DB survivors please throw me some wisdom and thank you for your time!

I am tired of initiating everything. Take the dog out. Grocery list. Pay bills. Clean. Cook. Cuddle. Sex. Hug. Kiss. It’s all me. I feel like my mind is always on active mode and sometimes I just want to do nothing, but if I do nothing shit wont get done. Im constantly sexually frustrated and then it puts me in a mood (who wouldn’t be) and then she doesn’t want to be in the mood for sex. But why does that matter anyways, she’s always too tired or it takes too long. I’ve said my opinion many times, but I feel like it just gets shoved under the rug. It’s unfair!

Hi everyone.

I am curious, what are your experiences with weightloss/getting in shape.... And it's effect on deadbedroom.

Hi, im 25F in 6 years relationship with a 35F, our sex life lasted for maybe a 1-1,5 years (we were long distance relationship back then. After 8 or 9 months I moved to her and since then it starter to be a real problem. I had strong desire for her - even if that wasn’t the great sex - just to feel the love, the connetion, that’s what I was used to in my previous relationships (lots of sex, fun etc). But that was not the case for her, as I heard from other ppl, she wouldn’t have had sex with her ex, which caused a cheating drama etc. At first it was SO tough for me, cause I couldn’t understand that, how she could love me, be attracted to me physically, and at the same time, don’t feel the desire to have sex with me. But as we continued our relationship we somehow made it work, besides our bedroom is DEAD - literally. And what’s funny I also lost desire for sex with her, but that didn’t made me love her less - we are the happiest copule I’ve eter met - I mean it. We never fight, we are „touchy”(kissing,cuddling), very respectfull, planning to have children soon, and I couldn’t imagine how my life would look like without her. But, I’m so scared that someday maybe I will do something by an „act of desperation” just to feel like I’m desired by someone, cause she can’t give me that.

Just for the record, we talked about it for numerous times, we went for a therapy, we tried different things, but even if we try now (she cares about it, and give us a „sex chance” once in a while) I don’t feel the desire anymore. I just don’t enjoy it.

SO my question is is that possible that I changed so much, that I will be able to be in a relationship without any sex, and not regret it in the future? Should I do something more? Idk, sometimes I’m so confused, but in the other hand I can’t imagine to end it just because of it. I’m so happy with her, and hers influence on me, even my closest likes to say that to me once in a while. I never talked about it with anyone, and needed space to get it out of my chest. So if you got this far - thank you I just needed to be heard. Feel free to speak your mind.

40m, HL here. Long time lurker, first time poster.
I met my ex in my late teens, before that I was a super awkward and nerdy guy. I'll admit the the relationship was one of convenience and necessity but for a time there was mutual respect and a form of love between us. Years down the road major life changes caused us to want different things from life and for a time I was left in my home alone. (She had taken the kids and moved to her parents.) In my loneliness and desperation for human contact I sought the attention of other women, and began a streak of cheating, lying, and manipulation that I am not proud of.

Fast forward several years and a divorce later I find myself with a wonderful woman. Showering me with affection and attention in every way but one. Due to circumstances beyond either of our control her libido evaporated almost overnight. Counciling was fruitless, medication had no effect, and any time I could convince her to participate it felt like I was assaulting her. I adore this woman and we saved each other in a very real sense, but the lack of physical intimacy is unbearable. It's not just sex either, the cuddling, the kissing, even just being next to each other is a one sided effort.

It shames me to say it but I've downloaded those same apps from the past. On the prowl for any scrap of connection I can find. I don't want to do this, but I don't want to live without it either. Sorry for the long rambling post, I just wanted to scream this into the void.

“Everyone has the right to be happy, and I love you so much. I will always wish you happiness, no matter what direction your life takes.”

Gosh, this message from my mother-in-law broke me. I’m sitting here in the kitchen crying. My in-laws and my parents are the only reason I’m still married to him. I don’t want to disappoint them. I don’t want them to think I’m a terrible person for handing divorce papers to my husband because everyone knows he’s a good man.

But I’m not happy anymore. I would rather be alone than feel alone with someone. It’s my birthday today, and he’s still in bed scrolling through his phone.

I hope, in time, I’ll find my own happiness, even if it means being alone and no longer worrying about what others think.

I think that my wife sees sex a lot like most of us see exercise.

She doesn’t actively hate it, but she also doesn’t want to put in the effort to do it. She wants to want it, but that involves a commitment that she’s unwilling to make. It’s work for her moreso than fun or doing active maintenance of something that’s important to her.

Every time we discuss it, she’s gung ho and down for it. We’ve ordered a few different products to help out and to make it so that we can overcome the logistical issues and do it… and then she’s never interested in taking them out of the box when I ask her about it. The week was just too exhausting, the news was too depressing, there’s some new family drama back in her hometown, etc. No excuse is too silly to use again.

There’s always an apology to go with it, always some self-defacing comment about “I know I’m a terrible wife and I hate myself” where the only comment I can give is support, because I’m not gonna be the sort of tool who says, “yeah, you really are awful, your sole focus should be touching me on wiener.”

… but we just don’t see eye to eye on this. Sex is a form of emotional intimacy to me. Yo-yoing back and forth between “here are all of these ways we can do it” and “ah, shucks, can’t do it today. My great aunt has a melanoma that she needs to see a doctor about I’m too overwhelmed with stress to do anything” is frustrating as hell. It makes me feel deprioritized and like she doesn’t see my needs as worth the effort.

We did a year of therapy about this. I made a lot of changes based on those conversations, many of which i didn’t agree with (if I’m the sole source of income and taking care of all of the effort associated with grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning up the kitchen, you can clean the fucking bathrooms on your own without me claiming that responsibility, too. You get an extra 9 hours a day that I don’t)

I hate all of this. I feel like I’m morphing into the bitter old men that I judged growing up, who would bend your ear at the slightest provocation to say, “I worked 90 hour weeks and ignored my wife, and she wouldn’t be a sex machine for me, so I left her!” Every time I complain about it— but I’m also just not happy. If I bring it up, she’ll tell me that she still loves me and is still attracted to me and wants to have sex, and will pin our hopes to the horizon that it’ll get better next week…. Only “next week” isn’t a date. It’s “next week” from whatever today is. A perpetually moving target that’s always just on the horizon, like a cult promising that you’ll be happy and that everything will be hunky dory if you just give them that next payment.

I love my wife. I resent my wife. I want this to work. I want to leave and have casual sex like I’m 20 again. I know I’m never going to be considered attractive in today’s dating market or have any sex if I leave. I want a divorce. I want this to work. I want to focus on her needs and avoid being selfish. I want my needs to get that same treatment and effort and follow through.

I’m overwhelmed by conflicting thoughts on…. All of this.

Well this is a little uncomfortable for me to admit to anyone so. I guess the only way to do this is with strangers on Reddit.

I 33HLM have been married for 11 years to my 32LLW. I love her a lot. And I know she loves me. We have 4 kids and they mean the world to me. Hence why I stay. I would say it’s been a db for over 5 ish years. I mean I guess it depends on your definition of db and frequency. But my guess is 25x or less a year( I know some of you are at a lower number than that) the quality of sex has been so mediocre that I can tell it’s “duty” or pitty sex and there’s not really a lot of passion. She doesn’t like kissing. And for me I love foreplay and kissing and for her it’s more like when can this be done. You take too long.

So I decided a little while ago to self reflect and see what she needs to feel that she’s loved and asked her what that is. She then described in detail those things. Which I have no made a habit to give her those so she feels loved. That being said. Sometimes I’ll wake up early to fill her car up with gas for a long work trip along with snacks for the road. I help out around the house a lot, make good money so we can enjoy lots of vacations. Ect. I am a very present parent. She then asked me what I needed I explained it her. Tried for a week or two and now it’s all back to normal.

Now we fast forward to today. I have never been one to play lots of video games or anything like that. But as of late I’ve been using it as a distraction to get away from feeling unwanted and undesired.

This is the part where I tell you why I’m a monster. Over the course of our db I just get more And more sad and need and want to feel desired. I am a good looking man, I frequent the gym and stay in decent shape. But that feeling of being wanted never goes away. So i searched out for it through online sex chat rooms. And I’ve had several women sext me, and want to have phone sex with me. Now I have never met any of these people in person and I don’t think I ever would. But I struggle knowing that I have so many who do desire me but the one I want to desire me the most could care less. Idk I guess I needed a space to talk about this and not feel judged. So here i am Reddit.

I just feel different. It’s been almost 5 months. I go through really weird phases where sometimes I feel so collected, so zen, like I don’t need sex anymore, I feel satisfied in myself.

Then, there’s times like this. I’m angry. I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want to do a damn thing for him. He asked me to make him a cup of coffee & I just wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. I didn’t tell him that, but I also didn’t make him the coffee.

I feel bad and guilty. I do t get how he can go this long without & still be himself? It’s fucking killing me, but I don’t feel safe in our sex life anymore. So the last time he tried to initiate I shut that shit down. I do t want to have 5 minutes of lame sex to just be left feeling rejected & unattractive for the next 6 months.

Fuck all of this. I hate it.

It’s that time of year when the hallmark movies start making an appearance, but nothing else changes at home.

This week I met up with my oasis and we had a great dinner, she asked about my trip (never happens at home).

We spent the evening naked and cuddling in bed and talking. We decided together that was what we wanted, and she has been sexting me since then about the things she is going to do to me next week.

No changes at home, nor am I expecting any.

There is hope! This camel has found an oasis!

HM, LLF, LLM, etc. i have no idea what any of them mean

My husband (29) and I(26F) have been together for five years and I've struggled a lot sexually. I was kinda abused when i was a teenager and it's just generally made me uncomfortable with sex. That and years without a libido due to medication. I'm off medication and my libido is around when I'm ovulating but every other week of my cycle I still default on retreating into myself and trying to avoid sex. I'm going to get my hormones checked but I dont want to keep falling into this habit with my husband and he doesn't deserve it. We really want to have kids but our sex life is not strong enough as is.

Here's my plan of action:

• i work from home and basically only change out of sweats when we go places. I'm going to start getting dressed every day, for him, even if its only just before he gets home. No days off
• i'm going to initiate 1 kiss and 1 hug every day. Increase frequency from there
• i'm going to make a list where I add something new thats attractive about him every day
• TMI but im going to try at least once to blindfold him and tie him down so i can expiriment without getting self conscious

Does this sound like a good aproach? What would you do if you were in our situation? What else can I add?

For context I am HLF my wife is LLF, both in early 30s. Just over 2 years ago, my wife's dad died. It wasn't unexpected, as he had been struggling with cancer for about 5 years and had stopped the ineffective treatments. Our bedroom had been slowly dying but nothing compared to our current DB. We were having sex about once a week but we used to have sex every other day. It just so happens that we were having sex when she got the call that her father passed. I've asked her if this was part of the LL and she said she doesn't really think about it. My therapist's advice was that grief is a long process and I have to stay patient for her to process.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Id love to hear from people experiencing grief themselves to give perspective. I just don't think my wife is ready to think about it.

How do you lot handle these in your DBs?

I (31M) here, with my first long term relationship of almost 4 years, first time in my life should get lucky regulary, but beside some issues that would be on my spouse, be it lower libido or "strict" sex conditions, which are not really matching mine, I think the root of the problem is I just bust way too fast.

I feel like I'd have to have sex everyday to keep up and "numb" myself and get used to sex enough to finally be able to go over 5-10 mins without going 2 rounds, and this seems like impossible.

What kind of "too fast" do I mean? First round can be point of no return basically the moment I get in, 2nd round doesnt really guarantee a long sex, it happened, but it's not a rule and we had recently like 3-4 day row and i think the most I could last was like 5 mins with very carefull thrusts.

I remember even if I was to meet a girl after some time of dry spell, even if I rubbed one out before she arrived, it seems like my "heat" level just increases so fast that it didnt seem to really change much. Im just so sensitive and getting turned on very quickly/easily that it may be the main reason.

Do anyone here have actuall advice that they have tested and that worked on them? I dont want to hear all the stuff that's posted everywhere that people that havent had this problem or it was very minor are posting.
I thought about sex therapist or so, but can they really give an advice that's not here? Im so tired of this that I'd rather just jerk off myself and focus on my pleasure, rather than spend 25 mins foreplaying and making my girlfriend cum, while I just get myself finished with very prolonged 1 minute of "sex" (dont get me wrong, I care for her pleasure and thats why I focus on getting her off, but id like to have 2 way pleasure, not this)

SO dropped periomenopause coming. No doctors appointment or anything. I did a quick Google search, but I've got to ask. What's coming? Its already been a VERY long time. What's this going to do to our already flatlining bedroom?

Been off and on here over the years. HLM, LLF. Married for ten years, now processing a divorce. Two kids. Complete DB for 1 and 1/2 years. Walkway wife scenario, counseling was a complete failure. Currently residing in the guest bedroom while financially supporting the family.

A few notes:

• When the LL pulls away, take action immediately. Don't accept vague reasons or answers, get to the bottom of the issue any way you can. If I had pushed counseling years ago this wouldn't be happening, maybe. Once they start to withdraw your timeframe is incredibly limited.

• be curious about their issues, and try not to blame them. I acted out of defense for a long time to very damaging results.

• on the flip side, don't just accept blame. Whatever the issues are, they are absolutely NOT all your fault. We all have failings but a relationship is a two way street. Don't let them deflect their lack of accountability towards you.

• NEVER move out of the bedroom. I did because I couldn't take being so close to someone so far away from me. Big mistake, she has her own little world and couldn't be happier. She can masturbate whenever and however she wants while I am right down the hall alone. Take up space, let them be the one to leave the marital bed.

• Know when it's time to go. And when it is, take care of yourself. Get counseling, surround yourself with support , don't let your relationship with intimacy be ruined. You deserve to be happy, loved and DESIRED.

I know that I am an attractive and successful man who can now move forward with confidence into the next part of life, but it took a lot to get there. We are all here on this sub because we need to connect. It's not about sex, really. That's a huge element, but it's really about being seen, and accepted. So for all of you, someone out there will be and do all of the things you want, it will happen. And when it does, nurture it so that it lasts.

I’m leaving him. The worst part, he isn’t phased by it… for months actually he has been saying I wouldn’t blame you for leaving. That I have every right to, but hopes he doesn’t. A part of me is hella relieved that we will be friendly through this process, another part wants to see him suffer as much as I have through this whole process. I have been grieving our 18 years together for months now, so it’s been an easier transition. But I’ve only ever known him.. here is to starting over at 30.

Sometimes there isn’t much else to do. I was emotionally and mentally abused through our marriage. I overcame a lot of obstacles and pushed through regardless of the situation. I can probably count the amount of times we were intimate in these years. I was willing to stay through it all until he did the most unacceptable thing and crossed over the only boundary I have ever placed. He lost my trust and I broke.

Advice: there had to be a limit to what you will take before you erase yourself completely - morals, beliefs, sense of self… I saw mine and decided it wasn’t too late. I did everything I could to save us, but sometimes they don’t want to be saved, and I refused to drown any longer.

I wanted to thank this common because over multiple accounts I have been a faithful member here for 11 years. With all the respect, I hope to never be here again.

43/M… been married almost 20 yrs to a good wife who has a big heart, attractive, and loves me. She’s a good mother to our kids… but I don’t think she’s attracted to me (sexually or otherwise). Not that she’d ever admit to it. I actually wish she would, at least I’d know.

We knew each other for several years before we started dating. She had a few boyfriends between that time and as friends she shared things with me that I really wish I didn’t know about their sexual escapades, sizes, etc. Why did she share these things? I don’t know. I never asked. I was a late bloomer. Never really had a gf (dated some) and never had sex until my early 20’s.

Eventually she, I guess, enjoyed me more than the other guys and even broke up with her last one because she wanted to date me. The only thing I took note was that she told me she “loved me” within days of dating and that “she knew our relationship was so strong she wouldn’t even have to have sex ever again to feel loved/fulfilled”… that didn’t sit right with me then and it never did.

That being said, the relationship felt so natural. Started slow but it was real and purposeful and felt so natural. And within a few months, we finally had sex. The sex was so good. I mean I was new to it so it was all great but she was clearly enjoying it as well.

A few years after marriage I could sense the sec cooling off but every so often we’d have this absolutely Earth shattering romp… just to cool back off.

Fast forward 20’ish years and through all that in the last 4-5 years, she suddenly doesn’t like to give oral sex (but will gladly receive it 99 out of 100 times. Turns me down for sex at least 2-3 times before we finally have it a week or two later. I literally have to initiate every single time. EVERY single time. And it’s always, just before bed, missionary, and I do all the foreplay and the actual love-making. What the hell?!

So maybe a dead bedroom isn’t the best analogy but it’s definitely on life support. And if it wasn’t for me resuscitating it… it would def be dead & buried.

I’m a words of affirmation guy… no feedback during sex, after sex, or at all? Am I being unreasonable? She had no problem telling how good & bad things were with the exes years ago but I gave to ask for a compliment

I’m a quite strong, very attractive 43/M… and I’m not a cheater. But I do often wonder if (selfishly at times) would it be better to seek that validation elsewhere. Gah, I feel like a dick. But I’m just so tired of not being “desired”