/r/AskMenAdvice

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A space for men and women to ask advice of competent and Manly Men even when it comes to our feminine side. Ask your questions. Ask Men Anything.

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/r/AskMenAdvice

153,519 Subscribers

1

What to gift my boyfriend?

So, I've been dating this wonderful guy for around 7 months and he absolutely suprises me with gifts and all. I want to reciprocate the same but he does not like the gifts i give him. Example he loves ps5 but I really cannot afford to gift that 😭😭 Perfumes, shirts, and what???? Also he is someone who does not gets impressed easily.

1 Comment
2024/12/01
08:19 UTC

1

Blue balls for 6 days straight

6 days ago I watched porn and got so horny, my body wanted to cum so hard but I didn't and I felt the semen want to come off. Tomorrow that day I felt discomfort/teeth-like pain in my left testicle. And I thought I should jerk off and did for 2 times. On internet everyone said the solution was masturbation. It got away temporarily but didn't take too long to come back. I jerked off yesterday and before that day too. But it is still there. I can walk easily by the way. When I go out I dont even feel that, I am busy with university. But when I'm home I feel that shitty feeling in my left ball. I am 17-18 years old. What should I do? Is it common? I am having blue balls almost for the first time.

1 Comment
2024/12/01
08:19 UTC

1

Ex disrespected me for months behind my back and wants another chance

Me (22) and my ex (20) were dating for 6 months when I randomly woke up to a "you should know this" text from one of her friends. Up until then, all was well. We both fought for our relationships. And overcame a lot of issues. She put in a lot of effort from the very first even when I was unsure and unwilling to meet her halfway and thought it was too soon. But when I did fall, I fell hard. I wanted to marry her and was planning my life with her.

Back to main point, her friend goes on to tell me how my ex has been fat shaming me for the entirely of our relationships and sends me attached screenshots. Now, she never once commented anything negative about my body, rather she always complimented me. So, to see this, i was shocked. Her friend also mentioned that my ex also insulted me while talking about our sex life.

Now, all of this was completely out of the blue. The girl I knew could never do that and I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I confronted her a few days later and she didn't deny anything. She just started crying and apologizing. I broke it off and she has been contacting me ever since asking for another chance.

I can't seem to move on either. I miss her every day. The girl I knew could have never done that. It feels like two completely different people. She claims she has DID and that's why she did that and that's why she goes to therapy every month, but I don't buy this.

But I can't seem to move on either. Not even a bit. What do I do?

3 Comments
2024/12/01
07:52 UTC

11

Men, how would you react if a female colleague gave you a small gift? (30F, 27M)

I have a male colleague I’ve liked for a long time, but we only get along on a very superficial level. If I may say so, I’m a pretty and attractive girl, and I’ve noticed several times that he watches me from a distance for extended periods, and it seems like he’s nervous around me—avoiding eye contact, for example. However, he hasn’t really initiated conversations with me yet.

From these things, I’ve gotten the impression that he might like me, but it’s entirely possible I’m wrong.
I was thinking that now, with Christmas coming, I could surprise him with something. I’d give him a funny Christmas card featuring a tattooed Santa because his hobby is tattooing. This would make my gift more personal. On the back, I’d write something like, “Would you like to grab a hot chocolate with me?” or some other lighthearted text.

I thought I’d call him aside to a private room where it’s just the two of us and give it to him there. I’d explain that I’m giving it to him with the intention of getting to know him and that he doesn’t have to respond right away.

I know it’s generally not a good idea to get involved with colleagues, but he’s expected to leave the company next year, and I’ve liked him for a year now. I want to know if I stand a chance with him.

What do you think—is this a good idea? How would you react to such a gesture? I don’t want to come across as pushy.

28 Comments
2024/12/01
07:42 UTC

0

Blue balls for 6 days straight

6 days ago I watched porn and got so horny, my body wanted to cum so hard but I didn't and I felt the semen want to come off. Tomorrow that day I felt discomfort/teeth-like pain in my left testicle. And I thought I should jerk off and did for 2 times. On internet everyone said the solution was masturbation. It got away temporarily but didn't take too long to come back. I jerked off yesterday and before that day too. But it is still there. I can walk easily by the way. When I go out I dont even feel that, I am busy with university. But when I'm home I feel that shitty feeling in my left ball. I am 17-18 years old. What should I do? Is it common? I am having blue balls almost for the first time.

1 Comment
2024/12/01
07:41 UTC

1

I have pain in testis.

For two days, I feel pain in my testicles. Firstly it was in left testis and now it is in right testis. Does anyone experienced this?

34 Comments
2024/12/01
07:41 UTC

0

When to masturbate

When feeling like it or when fully erected by itself.

  1. When feeling like it means one is emotionally aroused but there is no erection.

  2. When it is erect by itself without influence.

6 Comments
2024/12/01
07:29 UTC

1

Unanswered questions

1 Comment
2024/12/01
07:29 UTC

0

BF doesn’t ask me why I’m upset with him

All I said was, I am mad at you. He called me, I couldn’t answer and I immediately get a message that says “Fasho.” I called him back and he said I didn’t call you, I have no reason to call you I guess and then hangs up without a bye.

Is he fishing for a reaction or genuinely just doesn’t want to hear me out.

35 Comments
2024/12/01
07:03 UTC

1

How to move on?

Im 22m and i just got out of a relationship. Reason for the things didn’t work out is absolutely my fault and she was my dream girl. But unfortunately i was not emotionally matured and i was not putting efforts as well. We stil love each other and we still talk and To be honest she was the only person who i can be comfortable around, literally my only friend. The problem is she said we still can be best friends and stil can be close as we were but it hurts so bad when she isn’t with me and i expect same things we used to do as a couple. And yes i know i shouldn’t do it. So after the break up we talk as we used to but there are some days which i feel like im completely a stranger to her. She ignore my messages and she ignore my calls for a day. But somedays we are the closest we ever been. It’s so hard to be like this since she was the only person who cared for me in my entire 22 years. Confusing part is i gave her a stuffed teddy bear to keep with her when we were in the relationship she still use it when she goes to sleep. Even we love each other she said this is not going to work because of what i did not put efforts even though she gave me alot of chances to change. My question is how to keep her as someone who is close to but in the same time move on from her?

5 Comments
2024/12/01
06:51 UTC

1

My (21F) boyfriend (22M) used to be emotionally affectionate, but now he’s emotionally distant – what is going on?

I (21F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (22M) for almost 2.5 years, and lately, I’m feeling emotionally neglected. In the first year, everything felt amazing. He was emotionally affectionate, spontaneous with "I love you"s, and even talked about our future together. We went on a trip, and everything felt like it was going in the right direction.

But over the past year, he’s become distant. I feel like I’m the one who has to initiate emotional affection, carrying our texting conversations, and bring up our future. Whenever I bring up my feelings or any concerns, he either shuts down or gives short responses. If I express that I miss the emotional connection we had in the beginning, he says things like "I’m not comfortable with affection" or "It doesn’t feel natural to me." Whenever I try to talk about when we will get married or have kids, he either gets annoyed bc of how much I bring it up and gives minimal responses, saying he doesn’t know where he’ll be in a few years. I bring it up a lot because he’s never given me a clear answer.

He apologizes when I bring up how I feel, but his actions never change. It’s like we’re stuck in a pattern where nothing ever gets better. I’ve tried to be patient. I have an anxious attachment style, so I need reassurance, but it feels like every time I bring it up, he pulls away even more. How do I know if it’s a sign of an anxious-avoidant dynamic?

TL;DR I (21F) have been with my boyfriend (22M) for 2.5 years. In the beginning, he was emotionally affectionate and initiated conversations about our future. Lately, though, he’s become emotionally distant. He no longer initiates affection or conversations about our future, and when I bring up my concerns, he shuts down or gives short responses. What should I do?

2 Comments
2024/12/01
06:48 UTC

11

What is the kindest way to break up with my boyfriend?

I’ve been dating a wonderful guy for the past several months who treats me really well. I’m in my 30s and him in his 40s. Unfortunately, he is really irresponsible and bad with money and I just don’t see the long term potential. The longer we are together the more I find out. Today I found out that he has been driving his car (and driving me as a passenger) with no insurance and hasn’t had insurance in years. It was the final straw and I need to end it.

My question is, how honest should I be when I break things off? He is a good man with a good heart and has had a really tough few years. His wife left him, then he lost his home, then lost his job, and then got diagnosed with cancer. He’s been through a lot and I know he feels really self conscious about it and his current situation (still living with parents). I don’t want to tear him down or make him feel worse. I could easily just tell him that we’re not compatible and I don’t see a future. But should I tell him the specifics? On one hand I want to give him the opportunity to know so he can improve for future partners, but on the other hand it feels cruel to give him a list of all his dealbreakers just to leave him right after.

So if it were you in his situation, would you want to know the full truth? Or to be let down easy? Or somewhere in the middle?

73 Comments
2024/12/01
06:21 UTC

1

How to Trick my Boyfriend

With Christmas around the corner, I need some advice. My boyfriend insists I don’t buy him anything, and I’d be fine with that—if it meant I wouldn’t get anything either. But of course, that’s not how he sees it. The problem is, there’s no way I can get him to tell me what he actually wants for Christmas.

We’ve only been together for six months, so I’m nervous about guessing based on his likes or hobbies. I’m worried he might not love the gift if it’s not something he truly wanted. Do you have any tips on how I can subtly get him to reveal what he wants or needs without outright asking? I want to make sure it’s something meaningful he’ll appreciate. Any advice?

8 Comments
2024/12/01
06:11 UTC

0

Would you leave your wife if she flashed? I made a bad mistake.

It’s nearly 6am here and he has yet again woke me up at 2am to tell me how much he hates me and how disappointed he is in me.

Last Saturday I went out to lunch with friends. I’ve probably only ever been drunk ten times in my whole life and this is one of them. I wasn’t terribly drunk but I was definitely tipsy. It was about 4pm when I got home and my husbands had two friends round watching football with him. My phone was dying so I went to get the charger which was plugged in near the tv and I was blocking it as I struggled to reach the charger. They were playfully telling me to get out of the way and booing me when one of them said “move your arse we’re trying to watch the match” and I genuinely don’t know what came over me as I’ve never done anything like this before but I turned around and pulled my top and bra down and said “watch these instead” I feel so embarrassed just writing that. They all sat there in shock and there was an awkward couple of seconds of silence and then I just left the room as quickly as I could (without my charger).

After they left my husband came upstairs and was screaming and shouting at me that I embarrassed him, cheated on him, he hates me, he insulted my looks and age a few times which I won’t repeat here. I just kept apologising and said I’d make it up to him.

The next day I again said sorry and I would leave if that’s what he wanted or I’d do anything to make it up to him. He ended up writing me a list of things I had to do to make it up to him. The list was:

  1. Don’t drink. I can handle that as like I said I don’t drink anyway.

  2. Delete his two friends who were round off social media. I did that.

  3. Do all the cooking and cleaning for a month. Ok.

  4. Message the girlfriends of the friends telling them what I did and apologise. I did that, neither really cared.

  5. Sleep in the spare room until he wants me back in bed with him.

I’ve done the things he asked but every night he’s woken me up shouting at me and name calling me. This morning I told him enoughs enough and to either let me sleep and start to move past it or I’ll go live with my mum until he decides whether he wants me or not.

I know it’s only been a week and it’s my fault but I don’t know how much more I can take. Was I harsh to say I’d leave and can I do more to make him feel better?

TLDR: I drunkenly flashed my husband and his friends. I’ve tried to make it up to him but it’s not enough.

453 Comments
2024/12/01
06:02 UTC

19

I love my long-term girlfriend, but I'm not attracted to her and feel checked out of our relationship

We've been together 10 years, both 30. She's a truly kind and sweet person. But I've felt a minimal amount of passion and attraction toward her for several years now due to issues I've hoped would get fixed for maybe 8 out of these 10 years now. I feel like a fool for expecting that, and a fool who's wasted both of our time for failing to end things sooner.

Where to begin...a lot of the problems seem to stem from anxiety, depression, and a lack of willpower. Within a year of starting our relationship, she pulled out all of her eyebrows, and they've been gone ever since. She pulled out a bunch of her hair around the same time and has worn hats to cover it. Several months ago she completely shaved her head to "get a fresh start", but has continued pulling it out. For these reasons, despite my best efforts, I haven't found her attractive in years, and it makes me feel like a piece of shit. We have sex maybe 3 times a year, and I basically force myself to do it even then. I've told her nicely for many years how I feel about her appearance, just phrasing it in how I miss her hair and eyebrows, but she's never been able to leave them alone. Meanwhile I lift weights, and not to sound smug, but look better than I ever have, take good care of myself. I invite her to join me exercising and she's never interested.

Then there are the more practical matters. She oversleeps and is 1-2 hours late to her remote job most days. Makes me late to everything, including weddings, family gatherings, etc. Her money disappears as soon as she gets her paycheck, presumably to online shopping. I ask her for a pretty meager amount of money to help with bills every month, $400 out of the $3000 or so I pay for rent, electricity, food, etc, and she's $2000 behind on that. She's so overwhelmed with day-to-day life that I don't feel I can ever have children with her, even though I want them.

I've spent years trying to resolve these issues. She's clearly deeply depressed and anxious, she's on meds and gets therapy, but the problems have never improved. She just lacks the willpower to keep any positive habits at all, it seems. Just tells me "I'm working on it" and gets pissed if I push it.

Why am I still with her? Man, we've been through a lot together. She's been there for me throughout a lot of tough shit. She loves me for who I am, I've never felt I had to modify my personality at all around her, which is unique to all the women I've been with. She loves animals. I truly believe she is a very special and kind soul. But man...do I want this to be the rest of my life? I don't think the spark's ever coming back at this point. It's been too much for too long.

She's somewhat aware of how I feel. She knows breaking up is on the table. I've told her I feel I'm wasting her time, I don't want to start a family (the part I leave unsaid is that it's her in particular I don't want to start a family with), and she insists I'm not and she's happy with me and wants to stay together. But it feels hard to believe; when we first met, she was pretty and ambitious, now she's bald and seems miserable. I often wonder if I make her unhappy in some subconscious way. It just feels too painful to pull the trigger on ending our relationship.

This is more of a rant than a clear-cut question. Just needed to get the whole thing off my chest, and hopefully some advice from folks.

54 Comments
2024/12/01
05:45 UTC

0

I'm done with Stihl. Hello Husqvarna.

Months to get my Stihl parts parts meanwhile husky had no issue.

1 Comment
2024/12/01
05:41 UTC

1

Should I wonder?

I’m just going to get straight into it.

8 months ago, I found out my girlfriend was pregnant. Around the same time, I found out how many men she’s been involving herself with. This includes snapping or texting or even fucking. She’s fucked 1 person that I know of been snapping a whopping 10-15 guys her ass and tits.

Well, she told me hadn’t slept with anyone since February. I believe her and we weren’t SERIOUS. Although, something makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t even think it’s someone else’s kid, it’s more so the fact that I know this shit and I just accepted it because I found out she was pregnant a week later.

To be frank, what would you do in this situation? We fight weekly, NOT DAILY. Although, she doesn’t really seem like she gives a fuck. More like, she cares ENOUGH to keep me around. What would you do? I don’t have a stable career and we’re considering moving in with parents to save. I’m lost

6 Comments
2024/12/01
05:08 UTC

0

I (F20) accidentally found a playlist my Boyfriend (21) made with another girl and have not been able to stop thinking about it. How do I talk to him about this?

The playlist is 8 hours long and it’s just the two of them on this playlist. I can tap on her profile and it’ll only show her pfp. My friend said it might me because she left the playlist or deleted it from her account but I’m so so worried there’s another woman. I don’t want this to be the reason we get in a fight or never talk to each other again. I know she wasn’t just a friend because he truly believes man and woman can’t be friends without someone catching some kind of feelings. How do I talk to him about this and other things that concern me in our relationship? I give him all of my time and effort only to be treated
indifferently or below him most of the time. Please help :(

16 Comments
2024/12/01
05:04 UTC

0

How big is it?

Hi guys, I (27F) have been considering dating again after some major changes- my ex suffered a motorcycle accident- a little after 1.5 years ago, and have some dates lined up, and I’d like to be intimate eventually after said person gets tested and shares their results. I have no problem asking for that, but…..

How would you be most comfortable about a women probing your size? Is a subtle rub while making out okay? I worry how insulting it’ll be to not do more if I deem the size unsatisfactory…

Please provide the most respectful way that doesn’t lead someone on while also addressing my interest.

Edits:

After some discussion the following context has been added

1- My ex’s accident occurred and paralyzed him, we dated for a year after the accident. It has been 1.5 years since we’ve separated. We are still close but no longer dating.

2- 1.5 years later (no dating whatsoever in between) I’m seeking advice on the above. To be clear, this post only asks about size because other qualities and characteristics I am confident I can weigh and assess on my own without offending someone.

46 Comments
2024/12/01
04:59 UTC

0

Too fish or not?

I know it’ll probably be a lot of defensive and arrogant men in the comments but if you can please retrain from being distasteful…anyways, why on dating apps you guys post pictures of fishes?! Maybe it’s just a thing in South? I know many of you barely take selfies and post pics from years ago on there but why? Haha. 😭

6 Comments
2024/12/01
04:39 UTC

1

Self care

How do we all do self care and how often?

3 Comments
2024/12/01
04:25 UTC

2

gonna ask my girl out tmr, any advice?

I already know she’s going to say yes because she keeps talking about it and everything i just really want it to be memorable. currently im considering just getting her flowers, giving a gift i know she wants, taking her to the movies, getting food and driving around. i also want to ask in the start of the date. i don’t have too much experience as this would be my first real serious relationship so im not exactly sure what women want

5 Comments
2024/12/01
04:25 UTC

2

Why so many guys avoid their wife or gf when struggling?

My bf is struggling with depression and while I totally understand and give him space. It hurts when it seems like he finds more comfort in his friends during this time than me.

It's not like he doesn't open up at all. He'll tell me what's going on and what's bothering him. But once he has an actual depressive episode, he avoids me. He'll reappear every few days. Just a few days ago he told me he's grateful and thankful for meeting me and having me around

And then he vanished again.... Any ideas on why friends seem more comforting during these times? Am I somehow stressing him out and don't realize it?

58 Comments
2024/12/01
04:09 UTC

1

Am I overthinking?

So I need help processing something. My husband ‘41M’ and I ‘35F’ are discussing getting a dog. He hates dogs (since childhood). He got a dog for his ex wife, and until last night, I thought it was because she got pregnant and they had a shotgun wedding. He had previously told me that he was about to have a baby, so he did the family thing and got a ‘family dog.’ Ok makes sense. They got divorced and he gave the dog away to a relative. After being together 2 years, he’s ready to get one with me.

However, I just found out last night that he got her the dog while they were dating, before she got pregnant. Basically. She fcked him so good he decided to get her a dog despite hating dogs. Me, on the other hand, he’s had to warm up to the idea for 2 years. I’ve always had dogs and this is the longest I’ve gone without one. We’ve discussed it and even figured out the timing to get one (in a month). He never fcked me and said hey let’s go to the pound and get you a dog.

I know I’m overreacting but can someone help me process how I’m feeling? Yes I know it was in the past, but I’m feeling inadequate now.

12 Comments
2024/12/01
03:44 UTC

3

Marriage advice

So we have been married about 8 years. My wife has never particularly got along with my family. Up to the point of being rude. I get along great with her family, even with serious issues involving substance abuse and her siblings. It seems like she doesn’t even like me most of the time and is only affectionate to me when someone else is around. I know I’m not perfect but it seems like I am always the problem even though she has been suffering with health problems and a very stressful job. Even thinking about starting over is scary at this age. I want a family and we have been trying for the length of our marriage. Anyone gotten divorced later in life and what is your take? I don’t know if continuing with this is sustainable. I am thinking about an ultimatum involving therapy and potential adjusting mental health meds. Thanks and grateful for input

3 Comments
2024/12/01
03:39 UTC

0

Is it a good idea to flirt with unattractive women to gain experience dating women in general?

I’m a 5’3 24 yr old guy so dating is a nightmare for me. I use tinder bumble and duet and I get the most likes on duet (10+ likes and matches). Tinder is a desert (only 1 match and 5 likes in over a month) and bumble is the same way. With that being said, would matching with the unattractive (almost always very overweight women) and going on a date with them be beneficial in improving my game with women who I desire a relationship with? Also, I know this sounds selfish and I get that but I’m also going in with the mindset that these women I can match with are just humans and I think we can get some enjoyment out of just hanging out.

Also, I don’t want to lower my standards for appearance significantly because my ex of 4 years was an absolute bombshell Latina. A bit nervous I won’t be able to match that.

I’m just asking here to make sure what I’m thinking is not completely absurd.

54 Comments
2024/12/01
03:31 UTC

1

How to maintain an old car

I will receive my older brother's old car this upcoming month, and I wanted to ask what I should look for when receiving an old car. It has over 100k miles on it, and it is a 2016 model. What should I do, and how should I maintain it?

6 Comments
2024/12/01
03:23 UTC

1

Which personality trait do you think is the most attractive in a woman? Confidence, kindness, or intelligence?

36 Comments
2024/12/01
03:22 UTC

1

Time to think

Ok, I’ve been crushing on a man I work with for about a month. We’ve hung out some outside work, we text some, he sits next to me in meeting and walks with me to others where we are both involved. We are not directly on the same team, but we do work together a lot. Because of this, it took me about 2 weeks to come to the idea that I could date him, and then another 3 weeks for me to do anything about it. So, on Wednesday, I asked him if when I got back from vacation, we could go on a date. He paused and asked for time to think about it, which I absolutely understand because we work together. But now, it’s been three days and I’ve not heard a peep. Obvs it was thanksgiving and he’s had family things—but I’m losing my mind. Any insight?

3 Comments
2024/12/01
03:22 UTC

11

Sex toy question

Do men get jealous if women have sex toys that they use alone?

32 Comments
2024/12/01
03:09 UTC

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