/r/OneY

Photograph via snooOG

A place to thoughtfully discuss issues that affect men of the world today. Everyone is welcome but intolerance is not.

A place to thoughtfully discuss issues that affect men of the world today. Everyone is welcome but intolerance is not.

Posts are moderated for content according to the following guidelines (hit report on violations):

Respect: No hatred, bigotry, assholery, utter idiocy, misogyny, misandry, transphobia, homophobia, or otherwise disrespectful commentary. Please follow reddiquette.

Equanimity: No drama-inducing crossposting of content found in other subreddits, or vice versa. Likewise, posts found to direct odious influxes here may be removed.

Grace: No tactless posts generalising gender or gendered groups. We are a welcoming community. Rights of all genders are supported here and broad generalizations [including about feminism or the men's rights movement] will not be tolerated.

Relevance:

  • Submit content that is directly relevant to our experiences as men, for men, or about men and masculinity.

  • Do not purposefully post articles you disagree with as rage bait. Doing so will result in you losing posting privileges.

  • Avoid low effort images or tabloid content

  • Avoid medical questions that are best answered by a doctor.

Related subreddits
/r/AskMen
/r/Daddit
/r/TrollYChromosome
/r/malelifestyle

/r/OneY

37,419 Subscribers

73

A reminder for everyone here

3 Comments
2024/06/15
22:36 UTC

25

No feeling during sex at all

I'm 26, and I have had this issue for my entire life. I don't really know what to think or do about it anymore.

For starters, I am not on any sort of SSRI or other mental health related drug. I do not do "death grip" while masterbating, nor do I masterbate excessively. I HAVE talked to a doctor about this, but they were unable to give me any answers. (Nor did they seem to want to.)

I have had many partners, and only have cum a single time. It took her a little over two hours to get me there and it was the most exhausting thing I think I've ever done. I don't know how she did it, and I don't really want to try that again to replicate it. I don't even think I was hard when she finally got me there. (I do not have erectile dysfunction, I am fully able to maintain an erection.)

This also isn't an issue with frequent masterbation. I served in the Air Force and went 8 weeks without any sexual touch whatsoever during boot. My ex wife came to visit me after I graduated and we had sex straight out of boot. Still felt nothing and couldn't climax.

When I say that I don't feel anything, I do feel a sort of pressure. Almost like being numb. However, at a few certain spots I can feel a bit more? I don't know what is normal since this is the only penis I've ever had.

I hate not being able to make my partners happy. I know they want me to finish, but I can't. I am the only person who can bring myself to the finish line, and I don't understand why.

Any advice?

24 Comments
2024/06/15
07:10 UTC

13

My dad's family had businessmen, a suave actor, decorated soldiers, and (way back when) vikings as men. My mom's had flirtatious singers, smooth bankers, farm hands, two heartthrob actors, and (way back when) brutally violent tribesmen. I can't talk to women for fear of being a creep. No confidence.

My dad's family still owns most of the farms in their town from previous men's business acumen as well as several banks and a handful of hardware stores.

They still have a letter from the Secretary of War thanking my great grandfather and great grandmother for their sons' exemplary valorous service during the war.

My grandmother has so many family medals from WW2, the Vietnam War, and the Korean War she literally just keeps them in a hat box because she doesn't know what else to do with them.

My great great grandmother allegedly met my great great grandfather (a cavalry officer) after he let his troops against a tribe of Native Americans and saved her from death.

My mom's family has a small village with their last name in their home country. Allegedly there were a number of warriors that donned that name early in the region's history.

The family has friends in their home country that still send regards because of the number of connections and relationships the bankers in the past had established.

There is an old newspaper article of the police having to be called out because the number of women that flocked to see my great uncle (one of the actors) overwhelmed the hotel he was staying at.

I could go on. It's ridiculous.

You'd think with all of that competence and capability in my family I wouldn't be a disappointment.

I have a decent job, decent looks, I dress pretty well, smell pretty good, am decently strong, can fight and shoot and survive in the wild, am regarded as above average intelligence, and lead a handful of groups in my job. Most of the stereotypical "manly" things. That is not what's lacking.

I have no confidence. I can fake confidence, but it comes off as weird. This lack of confidence makes me overly stiff to friends or potential friends and creepy or weird to potential partners. My ex flirted with other men during the relationship and I didn't leave her after telling her it made me uncomfortable and she did nothing. I didn't have the confidence and self respect to enforce my own boundaries.

All of those generations of men beaming with confidence and capability, what went wrong with me? Why am I such a limp noodle? How do I fix this?

Tl;dr: Paragraphs 1-8 are just examples of why I look so pathetic compared to my ancestors. The rest is me going on about how I am doing okay when it comes to the traditionally masculine attributes and pointing out that my issue is confidence and self image. I'm asking for help figuring out how to fix this.

8 Comments
2024/06/08
19:39 UTC

6

I’m bad at most sports but I’d really like to get into one yet I feel like people will be mean to me etc if I join a club/team or that I’d just be letting my team down… (I do do some long distance running and workout at home regularly by myself)

(Im currently in secondary school/middle school or equivalent)

7 Comments
2024/06/07
20:01 UTC

7

🌈Survey on LGBTQ+ Minority Stress and Emotion Regulation🌈 (Anyone identifying as LGBTQ+ can participate)

Hey everyone,
I'm conducting a survey for my masters thesis on how lgbtq+ people manage their emotions when experiencing discrimination or other gender or sexuality-based stressors. The study is completely anonymous and every person that identifies as lgbtq+ in any possible way can participate. You would really help me out with your participation and get instant good Karma back! 🔥

Here's the link: https://univiepsy.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_77KddElcpfVvYLs

Thank you :)

0 Comments
2024/05/30
13:33 UTC

8

is it normal to cum really really slowly?

hello, im using a throwaway to post this but im wondering if this might be a medical issue. so, I've tried googling my problem but all that comes up is lasting long in bed… i normally only last a few seconds if that

(im very sensitive due to my autism and other issues so this might just be related to that)

the problem is when I cum, it takes really long to come out, like I have the build up and the orgasm and everything a normal guy would have but it just forms a little bead then finally all comes out really quickly, so if I’m not in my wife I end up basically in a puddle.

I have about two and a half inches erect and I'm on the heavier side of things when it comes to weight, I also have very watery looking clear sperm, I don't know if that any of that stuff matters or if that's why this is happening. Is this normal?

2 Comments
2024/05/23
00:44 UTC

3

Do you wipe after you pee?

I (27M) have a partner and they think it is gross that I don't wipe after I pee and I have never done that ever in my life nor have I ever been told to do that, so I'm trying to gauge who do.

View Poll

4 Comments
2024/05/22
04:33 UTC

13

Why doesn't my dad want a relationship with me?

Why doesn't my dad want a relationship with me?

So I (20f) have never really had a relationship with my dad because he was never present in my life, he lived with my mom and I here and there like 12 years ago but that's it. He has sons, my half brothers who I've recently met and that's been wonderful. He keeps in contact with them, but has never once tried to reach out or find me in about 12 years. My grandma and aunts and brothers are all so ecstatic to have found me again, but why not him. For context, my dad had my older half brother A, with his lady, then must've cheated or something on her with my mom, then had me. The thing is, A's younger brother L and I are only 1 month apart, meaning our dad was promiscuous and had sex with our respective mothers 1 month apart which as you can see caused drama. I just wonder why he doesn't want to know me, his only daughter

7 Comments
2024/05/21
22:43 UTC

7

GF making me feel unheard, but I’m certain of her love. Am I being a fool or just over reacting?

I 21M don’t really know how to deal with this anymore. My girlfriend 20F whom I love very much, and who I’m sure loves me back just as much, have been together for quite some time. We have really good communication and try our best to understand each other. But there’s always been this one little thing in the our relationship that has been bothering me since the start. My girlfriend doesn’t really know how to listen to me. She would either be talking about herself 24/7, which mind you I love hearing about, but on some minor instances, when I go through something big, I would only get 2 or 3 texts of ‘it’ll be better’ and we will continue talking about her Macha and her favourite TV show. (We sometimes do long distance so we always update each other stuff) It’s incredibly hard for me to share something ing with her because I feel like she’s taking the bare minimum interest, and if I’m telling the story about oh how I crossed a bridge, she would listen to me half way and start talking about how hard it is to cross a bridge and proud she is of me crossing that bridge without even letting me finish what I was saying. This is just an example and I hope you get the concept. Initially, I would let this pass thinking that, we’re all learning, no one taught us proper communication and conversation skills but I have been becoming frustrated more frequently now. I have been very very open about this and I have probably discussed this 10 times, about how I feel unheard and not seen in this relationship. I feel like I’m not getting enough emotional support from her. It soemthing big happens to me, like a job offer etc, we would talk about it for 5 minutes of how she’s so proud and how hard it was to get the job and that’s that, she wouldn’t ask me where my job is, what it’s about, and we would start taking about her matcha yet again. I am really getting exhausted here now, I am not sure how to tackle this. The more I try to communicate this, the more I feel like I am telling her that ‘ what you talk about is less important ‘ than what I have I say. Which is defo not the case.

My question is, how did you deal with your partner in a similar situation, am I correct to assume that she needs to learn how to communicate better or am I being overly sensitive and asking too much of her?

Would appreciate any and all input. Cheers,

TL;DR Girlfriend is making me feel unheard, not sure how to tackle this.

6 Comments
2024/05/18
22:33 UTC

7

Left nut higher than the other nut

I just got fucking kicked by my classmate up my groin and the pain last not that long but now i have a nit higher than the other one. I feel no pain at all rn but please help.

3 Comments
2024/05/07
09:16 UTC

11

As a man, what do you want out of life?

All the following questions are linked to the one above:

What are you striving for in order for your life to be fulfilling?

What are you looking for?

16 Comments
2024/05/02
20:49 UTC

0

What Would You Proud Brothers In Scrotums Prescribe For Chronically Itchy Blueballs?

I must know your secrets.

I must know how you all go through life free of all itchiness in the jewels. For you see, my jewels too come with a secret..........................

Lean in closer and they will tell you their plight.

3 Comments
2024/04/29
07:57 UTC

51

Does Anyone Else Get Bothered by the Shitty Dad trope?

I (m36) am a single father. And I am extremely bothered by jokes about how incompetent Dads are. Don't know their children's clothing sizes. Don't know what bus their child is supposed to be on. Totally reliant on their wives to keep track of everything child related.

It bugs the crap out of me. I know my daughter's clothing sizes. I know her schedule. I keep track of everything. I'm tired of other Dads talking to me and cracking jokes about being a Dad and being reliant on their wives. They expect me to relate as a fellow father and be part of some shitty dad club and it's supposed to be funny.

It's not funny. Be a better Dad. Be present in your child's life. Stop relying on women to do everything. I honestly don't know how women put up with this shit from their partners.

Sorry, a bit of a rant here. But I hate this. It really bothers me. Normalize fathers who actively participate in their children's lives.

7 Comments
2024/04/28
16:13 UTC

16

How serious are these? Should I be worried? Male 17

7 Comments
2024/04/18
16:04 UTC

4

[Academic Research] Survey on Premature Ejaculation / Rapid Sexual Response

Hi,

We're reaching out from a collaborative research team led by David Rowland, Ph.D., Senior Research Professor, Valparaiso University, Valparaiso IN USA.

We are seeking men who experience rapid ejaculation or who reach orgasm more quickly than desired to participate in our survey.

Link to survey: https://cwru.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_e4GAZ0o7rbMGZ7w?srcid=rd8

The survey duration varies based on your responses, but it typically takes about 10 to 15 minutes to complete

Why is this important?

Our study seeks not only to shed light on the complexities of PE but also to pave the way for more nuanced diagnostic tools and personalized treatment options, enhancing sexual well-being and quality of life for those affected.

Your responses will be anonymous. This project has been reviewed and approved by the Institutional Review Board of Valparaiso University in the USA. Thank you for your time and candid responses to this survey. We appreciate your interest and help.

1 Comment
2024/04/18
14:00 UTC

12

The Forgotten Workers of Dubai - We Need to Help These Men

0 Comments
2024/04/18
09:01 UTC

2

I made a site that helps men meditate through AI meditations contextually focused on men issues like isolation, shame, societal expectations, and more!

2 Comments
2024/04/09
18:39 UTC

3

Lies Men Tell Themselves About Divorce

6 Comments
2024/04/04
02:49 UTC

12

Is something off if I *don't* fantasize about / masturbate to my current lovers?

Title basically cover it. 36yo male, hetero.

Historically (from say 20 – 30), if I was in a long-distance relationship, I'd frequently fantasize about my girlfriend / partner, and if we were in the same town I was happy with our sex life and rarely masturbated (unless one of us was away for over a week, say).

I'm polyamorous, though the past few years I haven't had many lasting lovers. I have one currently (lives a 90min plane ride away), who I rarely fantasize about but am happy to be with when I am. If I'm masturbating without porn, I'm usually thinking about a handful of past lovers or some woman I've never slept with but would like to.

I think I'm just in a lull: haven't felt in love or really into someone in about 5 years (had a year-long lovership end around then).

6 Comments
2024/04/01
16:38 UTC

0

想找一夜情兑现

请问芙蓉有一夜情吗?

1 Comment
2024/03/28
16:17 UTC

19

New Hampshire representative destroys infant circumcision

1 Comment
2024/03/26
21:44 UTC

2

Is it Possible to Separate the Art from the Problematic Male Artist?

7 Comments
2024/03/06
23:38 UTC

19

I (18M) feel like my GF (19F) is placating me.

TL;DR: My GF seems to be drifting away from me emotionally and only shows me love when I’m sufficiently disappointed or feel a lack of reciprocity.

We’ve been together seven months now, and met at college. We got together incredibly fast, maybe only a few weeks after meeting each other. This is warning number one for me… maybe we didn’t have enough time to get to know each other’s personalities and now it’s coming to a head?

For the first four months or so we were super close, inseparable even. She was always happy to see me, would smile when I came around, and our life was very active and fulfilling for the both of us. I feel like when I left for winter break, something changed. I didn’t visit her because our college is almost three hours away from me, but she stayed back to do some optional intercession classes.

When I came back in early January, she seemed very distant and uninterested in me. After over a month of not seeing her except for FaceTime, I figured she’d be overjoyed to be with me again… I sure was looking forward to seeing her. A week or two went by and things got a little bit better only after I expressed myself to her and asked if she needed help emotionally or whatever. Fast forward two months…

Now I’m lucky if I’m allowed to kiss her without her complaining I’m smothering her. She doesn’t respond nearly as quickly to my texts (an hour or so now vs a minute or two before). She doesn’t want to come over as much as she used to (I live just off campus but she lives in an all girl dorm). She doesn’t really reciprocate my romantic gestures, and most frustrating of all to me, is when I do let it slip that it’s bothering me a bit, and I have sort of a downcast look about me, I’m the problem.

I’m always quick to forgive and forget, and she is to an extent. It seems to me recently that isn’t the case for her anymore. My hea d is racing about her and some of the boys on the track team she’s a member of (does she not need my love because she’s getting enough of it from somewhere else?) Am I not a enough lover? I buy her lots of gifts and make a huge effort to take care of her mental health when I can.

In short, what should I consider before talking to her about it? I know that’s the only way to solve it, but could there be some angle to this I’m not seeing? Thanks in advance.

11 Comments
2024/02/29
14:56 UTC

0

Is it a weakness for a man to have high integrity?

28 Comments
2024/02/25
16:17 UTC

42

Do you do anything internally to stay hard?

So I’ve been having problems with staying hard either while undressing or readjusting for different positions. I am able to get hard just by a quick kiss but by the time we are either to the bedroom or by the time we undress I have gone full soft again. Staying hard while actually having sex isn’t a problem.

So is there anything internal you guys do to stay hard? Like for example flexing it or even stroking in the mean time

12 Comments
2024/02/24
01:26 UTC

42

My girlfriend used to do onlyfans before we started dating. She deleted it, but it still gives me anxiety that she's going to cheat on me. How do I stop it from bothering me?

I (20M) been dating this girl (19F) for about two months, and we were very close friends for about six or seven months prior. During the time that I got to know her, she opened up to me about a lot of things, one of those being that she had an onlyfans. When she told me this, we were still friends at the time. Personally, I'm against sex work; I think that it's harmful to both sides of the exchange, along with a variety of other reasons. I explained to her my view points on it, and while she disagreed for the most part at the time, she heard me out. Eventually she ended up deleting it because she didn't want it to affect how I thought of her. Fast forward to now, and she regrets opening an account in the first place. But for some reason, the fact that she even did in the first place deeply bothers me. For some reason I have this gnawing fear that she's going to create another account, or that she never deleted it in the first place. I can't shake the thought that she's going to cheat on me, and the thought of what she could have posted on that account really bothers me. But I really don't want to feel this way at all. She's one of the kindest, most understanding people that I've ever met, and I really do believe that it was just a mistake that she made because she's young and impressionable. I've told her about this fear before, and she listened and told me that it's not unreasonable to be upset that she had an account like that, and that she understood why it bothered me. I have every reason to forgive her, but no matter how much I try to mentally, I still feel the anxiety and disdain emotionally. It's gotten to the point where sometimes I'll start subconsciously viewing her as this person who has no self respect, or as someone who wouldn't care a thing about monogamy. I really want to get over this problem, because it's making it difficult for me to even be in the relationship, and I feel like I'm ruining a good thing. What can I do to help this?

89 Comments
2024/02/23
09:22 UTC

26

Losing your value as a man

I’ve had a rough time including messing my brain up pretty badly and permanently with medication about ten years ago (now early 30s). I lost all contact with any ‘friends’ (never really felt close to anyone) I had from my youth. I had a reasonable connection with a girl a year or so ago but it fell apart in a pretty upsetting way and I’ve left my job too.

But what I feel like I’ve noticed throughout this time is how as my value as a man has fallen away, so has my value as a human. I feel like a commodity rather than a person.

Now I don’t know how much this is in my head and maybe it’s only my own perception that makes me feel like this, but it just seems like my place in society has now lapsed. I feel cast aside because I can’t fulfil what I am supposed to be. People don’t want to message me back because I have nothing proper to say so it has no worth for them and I’m going to end up forgotten.

Just how I’m feeling.

25 Comments
2024/01/27
22:28 UTC

20

This might be silly as a dude but I’m jealous my friends are getting married. Advice?

When I was 19 I went through a nasty breakup (I got dumped) and it put me out of commission for a while. She was my dream girl (IVY graduate, charismatic and model tier gorgeous) and even though the whole thing lasted 4 months and was a fling it hurt my self esteem when I got dumped. I’m 23 now and while I do scroll through dating apps I’ve been happily single for almost 5 years now. That said, I’ve been seeing my friends male and female getting engaged, go on dates and get married. I feel… jealous (not in the I hate you way but in the wow congrats way if that makes sense), upset for being behind and overall scared I’ll never find someone especially where I’m am in life. These feelings usually come up when I see either social media posts or scrolling on TikTok I find that most advice is oriented to females and idk if I’m weird for feeling like this as a dude. Advice? Am I normal or just emotionally stupid?

5 Comments
2024/01/09
07:37 UTC

4

Is it possible for women to ever properly genuinely deeply emotionally support and connect to men?

i mean in a real way. because women seem to either be too overwhelmed, not understand properly, feel defeated weak and passive and just stay there and pay attention and can agree but there's not that deep emotional connection, or understand logically but again no proper emotional processing and mirroring. I've heard of only 1 story that i can recall right now of it being successful but it's a very extreme and specific example. in my experience a lot of men are lonely at least in part bc they are toxic and don;t see the other person, get offended and make assumptions, like they don't want to get rid of their personal toxic conditioning they see as reality, but it doesn;t mean that every lonely male is so because he is out of touch with reality, besides you could aruge he's missing something but then why isn't anyone who has it giving it?

12 Comments
2024/01/08
04:53 UTC

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