I’ve never really felt inclined to ask for help online about my life, and certainly not about this kind of topic, but I feel like I don’t have anywhere else to go right now. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now, coming up on 3. Unlike a lot of the situations you see on this thread, the two of us have been generally healthy throughout the course of our relationship, and have never had any conversations about the possibility of cheating.

There has been two situations involving life360 which has led me to think that she’s lying about where she is or who she’s with, but for the sake of simplicity I will only talk about the most recent. This happened only a few hours ago. While I was at work she texted me telling me that she was going to be at her aunt’s house. I respond and I don’t hear from her until about two and a half hours, which is normal because we had planned for her to stop by my place briefly after I got off work.

After I get off work and got home, I check my notifications and see that life360 says she started sharing her location from a new device two hours ago, exactly a minute before she texted and before I didn’t hear from her for a couple hours. I check her location history out of curiosity and find that instead of showing me a time stamp of something like “8:30 PM -10:48 PM” , (which is what it does every single time) it shows me two separate time stamps, one being 8:17 PM, and the other being at 10:55 PM. The first time stamp shows that she was in the house, but the second appears down the driveway. I have not asked her about the notification and the time stamps, but I did casually ask her where she was while I was at work, and she insisted she was at her aunts house the entire time.

Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.

It’s been 9 months for me since the day I found out that my ex wife was having an affair and was sleeping with another man. I divorced her in the months after that and haven’t seen or spoken to her in 6 months now.

Life has been super weird for me ever since because I’m now back to being single and lost the life that I imagined I would have with her (we’re both in our late twenties).

Just wanted to hear any anecdotes/advice from people that were years into their journey. Were you ever able to go back to feeling somewhat normal? Did you find love again?

I am learning all of these new acronyms for a page I knew nothing about 1 week ago. My WH and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary in August. We have been together for 14 years in total. We have two young children together. He has been porn binging and explicitly messaging males and females online for the past 2 years. He has spent upwards of 4+ hours a day swapping photos of himself and camming with others. I find this out the day after our daughter's 6th birthday. We are starting the reconciliation process. I came into this relationship whole and feel like I will be leaving it in pieces.

I reconcile so that when it happens again, I can say that I gave it my all. I hope I have the courage to leave if/when it happens again. Today, I feel as though I am in mourning. I am mourning a relationship that has been a lie. I am mourning the 14 years that I have lost. I mourning the swift change in the trajectory of my children's lives due to temporary gratification.

Despite this pain, I still have to go to work. Despite this pain, I still have to be a mother. Despite this pain, I have to piece myself back together. To those that have lost and gone through process, I am so sorry. I am mourning with you. May we all be able to find ourselves whole again at the end of this process.

We have been dating for 10 years, so practically the entire young adult life. We decided to get married in 2024. We got engaged and were to get married in Dec 2024. Just 2 months before the wedding I found out he was involved in sexting with multiple girls 4 years back and was literally begging them for their photos. When I found out and confronted him he accepted all of it. I even got both our families involved and informed them about this. I have called off the wedding but he is now extremely remorseful and guilty. He is now repeatedly asking for time and a 2nd chance and says he wants to make everything better for us and that he can't live without me. I feel extremely heartbroken and everything that he says seems like a lie and an act to me. He is also ready to leave behind his life his friends and start afresh with me in a different city.

I am most likely going to break off the engagement but do you think there's even a minute chance that he might actually take efforts to build the relationship again?

I was with my ex for 8 years. We originally talked about marriage and later in the relationship he said he never wanted to get married again (he was married to someone else before I met him) and that he hates children and does not want to ever be around kids. I caught him having an affair and we separated at the end of 2021. I found out yesterday that he just married the woman he was cheating on me with, and she has a child from a previous marriage. My ex was her superior at work. I know it’s been basically 3 years since we separated and that they’ve been together (and before obviously).

I never think about him. It was a fluke I even found out yesterday. I don’t want him in my life and I don’t have any love or desire for him. I met someone else and I am in a new and happy relationship, and the love I feel for my current partner is more than I ever felt for my ex.

So why is it bothering me? I woke up feeling bummed and it’s just been an off day and it’s all I can think about. Why does it bother me so much and how can I stop thinking about it?

In March of this year, I found out my soon to be fiancée was a serial cheater, I just didn’t know the extent. He left on a trip with his mom to visit a relative, and I was supposed to go with him, but stayed behind to watch our dogs. Like many other women, I had this eating feeling that something wasn’t right, and for whatever reason I remembered his iPAD password and found it. He had a 3 month affair (from what I knew at the time) with this woman named Amavi, and was sexting two other women.

He swore the world to me, and I attempted to stay with him, but asking questions turned into fights, and that turned into him not caring anymore. In July I found out he was talking to a woman named “Roger.” We got in a big fight over it because one thing he promised me when I said I would try to make it work was that he would never have any female friends ever unless I knew them. I tried to compromise, made him tell her he was doing something with his girlfriend that day (me) and he did prove that she knew we were together.

On August 8 I saw a sex video to this woman Amavi come through his watch when he was with his kids getting breakfast. He said he “doesn’t know” how the video went through. That he saw on his iPad there were a few trying to send and he stopped it. He said it must have gone through when she unblocked him. That maybe he had tried sending it months prior. Come to find out he was talking to her on his work phone that I didn’t know about on the side. He said he did it because she claimed she was pregnant, (which she did claim), and he wanted to know if she got an abortion.

Side note, this woman has a picture of herself rock climbing on her Facebook background, and claims she was pregnant with twins and got an abortion at 16 weeks, which time-wise, wouldn’t have made sense based on when I found out about the cheating back in March… it would have put her closer to 18 weeks, so I’m pretty sure she lied to manipulate.

When I saw the video come through on the watch, I contacted Roger, who turns out to be an ex of his that he was in a relationship last year off and on from June-December. During this time frame, my brother died, we bought an engagement ring, he went on vacation with my family and asked my dad to marry me; all the while he was doing this behind my back.

I moved out that day. He immediately gave her access to our apartment and she started spending the night. He met up with me to talk to me about a week after I finished moving out to explain how insecure he felt, etc. and how he wanted to prove to me he could be the person I thought he was. She called and I answered, which resulted in a confrontation. After this double whammy, and some additional things I’ve learned, I decided to go no contact.

He left nothing sacred in our relationship- sleepovers, cumming inside these women, gifts, birthday dinners, telling them he loves them (even though he says he didn’t actually). He had full on multiple lives.

I don’t know how to survive. I honestly feel like I’m dying inside. The last couple of years of my life was a lie. I feel like my dreams have been taken away from me. I feel like my joy for life has been taken away from me. I used to be such a happy lighthearted and fun person and I am not her anymore. I’m in therapy, and we’re working on future planning and how to spin my story, but it doesn’t change the devastation to my life. I feel like this a wound that will shadow the rest of my life. I didn’t deserve this and can’t wrap my brain around how someone I loved so much who said they loved me and made moves to progress our relationship to marriage would do this to me.

If you’ve been through this, how did you survive? When does this get better? Does it get better?

Did you know that according to Christian beliefs there are 9 levels of hell? Each level getting worse and worse in terms of punishment.

I guess you can already tell where this is going.

We all know the answer where - according to Christian beliefs - people land who „betrayed their kindred, friends or family“.

Level 9.

I think this is a great metaphor to what they put us through. People, even thousands of years ago, understood that infidelity is one of, if not THE WORST thing you can do to your partner.

For me, before it happened to me, I would’ve NEVER imagined the pain it would inflict on me. I definitely thought I could tank it. But no.

I’m a husband in my 40s, married for over 20 years to a woman I deeply love. But there’s a part of her past that I’ve never fully come to terms with, and it’s left me with lingering insecurities and doubts that I can’t seem to shake.

When we were first committed, my wife let me read her diary. She was open about a lot of things, but one entry struck me and still haunts me today. She’d written about meeting up with a man in his hotel room, and while she described it as him forcing himself on her, she also mentioned that she orgasmed. Afterward, she chose to stay the night with him and, by her own account, slept with him again twice before checking out the next day. It happened after we were already together, and I remember feeling devastated at the time. Still, I forgave her because I wanted to be with her. I kept my own insecurities to myself, determined to let it go.

But around that same time, I noticed things that added to my unease. She seemed to be in touch with other men she met online, some of whom she saw in person. Her spending habits didn’t always add up, and there were times her location showed she’d been to hotels or resorts without any clear reason. I never confronted her about any of it because I didn’t want to come across as insecure or controlling, so I kept these doubts bottled up.

Now, decades later, I still find myself going back to these memories, feeling torn between guilt, arousal, and resentment. Part of me knows it’s irrational, that this was before our marriage, and that dragging it up would hurt her and possibly our relationship. But I’m struggling to find a way to finally let it go and move forward without these ghosts from the past hanging over me.

Has anyone else struggled with something like this? How do you finally let something like this go without damaging what’s good in the present?

Thanks for any advice.

My bf and I were together for around 3 years. On his birthday his roommate/best friend of mine let me into the apartment at 8 am so that I could wake him up with breakfast. I got bacon, eggs, sausage, orange juice, etc and I started cooking it all up in his kitchen. My bf eventually comes out shutting the door behind him. I hugged him good morning, wished him happy birthday, and asked him if he wanted breakfast. he said no and asked to step out for coffee instead. I thought it was odd since he was straight faced and ignored the entire spread, but we got starbucks. when we got back to the apartment I noticed a pair of white shoes at the door and asked who they belonged to. he told me that our mutual friend (girl) was sleeping in his room after a night of drinking and my heart sinks.

He tells me soon after that nothing happened and that he slept on the couch while she took the room. He said his roommate could confirm this too, since he saw that she was over. He affirmed that he would never sleep with my of my friends, especially since i’ve been cheated on before. I had no reason to not believe him since i slept over the night before, his roommate was one of my best friends, and I had all my stuff still there. He’s also been cheated on 4 times, empathized with me, and was the one who encouraged me to trust again. i also thought my girl friend wouldn’t do something like that to me. So i chose to believe him.

Turns out i was wrong, he lied to me and only confessed after the girl squealed to our mutual friend that they were sleeping together. They were having sex when i was in the kitchen making him birthday breakfast. His roommmate/my friend knew the entire time and didn’t tell me about any of it. He told me they were having an affair for a couple of months and he had absolutely no remorse about it. I asked him why he did this to me and he said he fell out of love with me a long time ago. He didn’t apologize or say much else. I was screaming and crying, and when he told me they’d been seeing each other multiple times, i threw up all over his carpet.

I haven’t been the same since and I go to sleep thinking about them being together. shes the most beautiful girl ive ever seen in my life. one of the things he criticized most was my ass. I knew i didn’t have curves, but he suggested me working out more to make sex better for him. and obviously she was very curvy, had a perfect ass, and a gorgeous face. Ive never felt so ugly in my life. Now i can barely look at myself in the mirror. I don’t feel good in any of my clothes, and i think about the fact that despite him telling me “i love you” 10 times a day, my body was never enough. I don’t trust anyone anymore and im barely surviving infidelity. not only did the person i loved the most cheat on me, one of my best friends knew and betrayed me in honor of “bro code.” Im more ashamed that i’ve been cheated on again and i was so sure he would never do this to me. i don’t know how my judgement could have been so wrong. I’m not sure what else to do. i can’t afford therapy and i’ve talked about the situation to death with my friends. how do i feel good about my body again? thoughts are welcome.

edit: ty everyone for your responses and support.

I’ve been approached by taken men many times. Some of them had been living with their girlfriends, been with them for years, had a mortgage together. All sorts of levels of commitment.

These guys made very bold moves in an attempt to pursue me, laid on the compliments, texted consistently, wanted to take me out for drinks, pretend to care about my life and problems. Their efforts would last for weeks, sometimes months.

Simultaneously, they also:

1. Lived with their SO’s
2. Went on trips/holidays with their SO
3. Took their SO’s out on dates
4. Moved in with them
5. Got pets with them

Point being, when someone wants to cheat on you, they will find a way to do it. They can pretend to be the most perfect, loyal partner, be an ‘active’ participant in your relationship, and still be pursuing someone else on the side. Hell, they could’ve proposed to you last weekend and be sending texts to someone else on their way to the bathroom. Why? Because their ego, for control, cause they hate themselves and need validation. So many reasons. None of them your fault.

If you feel that something is off, trust your gut. Question them. Check their phone. Don’t believe everything they say just because they’re your husband/wife, or cause you live together and everything seems perfect, or because you have a child on the way. A cheater will always try to find a way to cheat. The ‘affair’ or ‘chase’ fuels them. They’re actually going to be in a great mood, and be more kind to their SO when things are going well with the AP. This helps them with painting the ‘perfect partner’ picture. The less suspicious they are, the higher likelihood of them getting away with it.

I see so many posts where people shrug off their instincts because they don’t want to believe that their SO could be cheating on them. Because they’re so busy with work, and gym, and coming back home on time. They make time for other people when they want to. Trust is important, of course. But when you sense something is off, don’t ignore that.

I got into a relationship with a girl who basically wasn’t ready to be in relationship.

She had many underlying issues and past traumas that she never worked on.  We were initially friends but then after a mental breakdown episode she attached herself to me and wanted to be with me.

I was living with her at the time so kind of got sucked into it, despite saying we are not a good match and initially thinking it’s not a good idea to be involved.

She said we are meant to be together and to be patient with her.

Long story short, 8 months of great times was followed by 4 months of emotional rollercoaster.  Her unstable and volatile ways would come through every so often in the form of manipulation, love bombing, physical abuse and eventually cheating.

She confessed to the cheating last week at the end of our relationship. She brought it up, to put everything on the table so we can really work on things and move forward. I am not sure how many times it happened, but I know it was at least once when our rough patch started - 3 months prior to our final breakup.  She also said she was high on drugs and it was after a party.

After telling me this a week ago, she has called me 100+ times and sent many messages apologising and saying “I want to be with you for my whole life”, “You are my person”, “I promise I wont ever hurt you again” etc.

I loved this girl a lot, but I just know it wasn’t a good idea to be together and this could eventually happen - unless she really worked on herself over the past year. She was planning to get therapy but never did, and i was willing to forgive the other things but now its gone too far.

I just blocked her yesterday so that I can think straight.

I feel like I did a lot for this girl and was there for her during low times. Our relationship’s main positive was the closeness and trust we had.  This was completely taken away.  I always believed in her, but it’s hard to believe anything anymore. Its all just words and not actions.

What is the best way to proceed?

Recently just updated my iPhone to iOS 18 and realized that you can require Face ID and hide an app. It’s not all apps but some apps from what I read on the tips/google.

What the heck!?!?

That just unlocks a whole new level to cheating in my opinion 🙄

Had to share the knowledge if you didn’t know/curious on thoughts about this?!

Anyone still living with their ex wife? How is it working out for you?

My partner (33m) cheated on me (34f) about three years ago but didn’t tell me for a year so I found out 2 years ago. We’ve worked through some of it, have been in couples therapy. Are living together again. I was talking about how some infidelity podcasts/books have said sharing location may be helpful in building trust. He said “absolutely not” and then when I asked “even if it was to help build trust, or even just see where I am in case of late nights at work” still a no, and then I asked if we could have a conversation about it and still a no. Then I got pissed and just told him I can’t believe he won’t have a conversation about it considering all the shit I went through with staying with him. Then he stormed off, left the house (told me where he was going) and that was it.

I honestly don’t even think I want his location but his response of absolutely not threw me off and not even wanting to have a conversation about it. I honestly don’t think he’s cheating on me at this point I think it’s just the “I don’t want to be controlled by another person etc.” It just brought up a to of past feelings of being angry again, I don’t think if I wanted to share locations it would be too much. It just put me in a bad headspace again and is making me doubt myself and invalidate that I am okay to be upset about this. Also makes me question a lot about the future.

I’ve found my (30F) partner (28M) has been sending sexual messages to his female friends. He doesn’t know I know. My heart is broken. I’m hurting so much. In the 8 years we’ve been together I’ve not even looked at anyone else. Why does it hurt so much. I can’t eat, watch tv or even do anything. I find myself staring at nothing playing this over and over in my head. Crying. It hurts so much. How can someone I love more than anything do this to me. I would’ve done anything for him anything. I’m broken.

I (32m) had the very unfortunate experience of finding out last weekend that my fiancé (30f) and partner of 7 years has been sleeping around with ant other guy she knew from uni on and off for a year and a half. She was logged into Facebook on my phone, and I never even considered looking through it (I didn’t even know she used it) and I saw 2 years of message history with him. She was very sexually explicate, often time sexting him while clearly right in front of me, or even at my parents house for Christmas. She was even talking to him when we were making plans for our wedding and picking the venue. To be fair our relationship has been rocky the past 6 months, so we put the wedding plans on pause, but I can clearly see where all that has stemmed from.

The crazy part about it is that she is the one always talking about cheating and how evil it is, and how relationships should always stick together (her parents have divorced twice, and was a very unstable relationship for her growing up).

I was very close with her family (several siblings) and both parents. I know she is going to pretend to be the victim and make me out to the be bad guy. Should I reach out to them and let them know what was done, or let it die? This has been the worst experience of my life and I can’t tell if I genuinely want them to know so they can try and guide her life back on track, or if I simply want revenge and to protect my own name.

I uprooted my life out of America to move to Europe for her (she’s British, I’m American). I also took out an 80k loan to pay for an American masters program for her, that I’ll be stuck with for at least another decade. Her family doesn’t even know about that either. Should I even mention that?

It’s all happening so fast and I almost feel embarrassed to start telling my friends about all this. But I will cross that bridge after a couple days.

I was betrayed by my spouse, cheated on me for years find out about it last year. He was cheating on me with sex workers. I have copies of text, pictures, emails etc. we decided to try and work things out…no judgement please because even though it’s been a year I still struggle with the reconciliation. Anyhow, things have been really good and honestly I get mad because we are closer than we ever have been before & I still struggle with why he could not have come to me rather than go to sex workers . Anyways with everything going great why do I always find myself looking at sites, old text , pics, emails etc that he wrote. If everything is fine why can’t I just leave that alone, does anyone else find themselves doing the same thing. I had to stop myself from digging those things out? And yes I kept them because at the time I didn’t know if I need it for financial /separation reasons. Our couple therapist thinks we can cut back on our sessions since she feels we did the work but she did suggest that I need help dealing with the trauma because she feels I have a form of PTSD. Can anyone offer any suggestions on how to deal with these thoughts and actions

never mention exactly how you caught/trapped your spouses to find out. you can give a vague idea but dont tell exactly.

because it gives cheators idea what to do what not so dont mention exactly recently i saw a post in one of a cheator sub in which they are discussing you should not do this and maintain your security if you dont wanna get caught.

what do you guys think?

My back story is nothing special. You can read more in depth in my history but in short form the usual middle aged man falls for younger coworker and leaves his relationship of 25 years and two children for what he thought was greener grass. Seems we are going to continue to follow this cliche trope based on recent events.

The ex has been messaging me a lot lately. At first it was all accusations and attacks and threats. I ignored all of them and continued with what I always do, only messaging him about schedules and medical for my daughter since my son is now an adult. This apparently was not good enough so he started threatening to take events away from the kids unless I started talking to him. Which didn’t work either and he eventually gave in. He then insisted my daughter go to counseling with him which she refused until he told her the only way he would let her go to an event she really wanted to go to was for her to go to one session with him which she agreed to.

When I sent the paperwork giving my permission back to the counselor I requested a meeting with them prior to the start of services so I could ask some questions. This set the ex off. His threats and accusations and mean messages increased. I responded with a list of reminders and expectations from our separation agreement to remind him I didn’t have to tell him anything outside of what was agreed upon. His response is to tell me that he is going to have surgery, he remembers me being super supportive and helping him through his last surgery, he has been working on himself and is now remembering the good times and suggests we do something called reunification therapy because us getting along is “what is best for the kids” and my actions were harming them.

I feel a little ashamed to admit that worked in causing me to respond. I let him have it. Listed out everything he has done in the last two years that has traumatized them including downplaying my daughters heart condition, pinning my son to the ground when he wouldn’t do what he wanted, moving the woman he cheated on me into the home while they were gone and without telling them and fighting with my daughter while I was on my way to a surgery there was a disturbingly high chance I wouldn’t wake up from. There was way more than that. I ended it with telling him not to speak to me again about anything outside of what is in our separation agreement especially not to suggest anything is “best for the kids” when he has not done a single thing that is best for anyone but himself for the past two years.

Since then he has increased sending me messages. Most are not accusatory. They are pictures of our kids and telling me he wants to take them places which he has never done before. I have ignored all of them but I am highly frustrated. My kids tell me the girlfriend has been leaving the house a lot. I fear he is trying to worm his way back in in case that doesn’t end up working out.

Tl:dr: Wife (gf at the time) cheated on me twice. Lied about 1 of them for 20 years. Im a 1, AP's were 10's. Is a great wife now but I can't trust her and am just sad all the time as i don't believe I'm good enough. What do I do???

It's a long sad story, but me (M) never got any got any interest from girls at school because of my looks. Hooked up with a friend of a friend @ 19, lost my virginity to her, even though my mates all told me to stay clear of her (she was only 18, but had a reputation of being easy, and sleeping with a lot of guys). I fell for her straight away. After about 5 days of her coming round every night and mostly staying over I "asked her out" ( I.e. start a relationship), she was all for it and said yes. A few months in she tells me to my face she's meeting an old friend from school that had moved away but was home for a few days (air force guy, think Tom Cruise but taller, a 10). We have a fight because I won't let her meet him alone, I want to come, she leaves anyway. Me being the stupid idiot I am just let her walk out. Find out a few days later that she did sleep with him, I ring her, she admits it. We split. After about 3 months we start casual sleeping together again for about 8 months. She seems to have changed her life around so we start a relationship again. A few years later get married, then have kids.

10 years after the cheating I catch her having a 9 month long platonic online chat with a mate of the AP. That hurt that she would hide it from me, but what hurt more is she told him how I was treating her so bad, etc. probing him to ask why, so she could then tell him that she slept with the AP. I asked why and she said to make him jealous because he would always hit on her at school. It hurt so much that she would use AP to make him jealous and not me... I'm a 1 at best (in the looks department, probably a 9 if you take looks out of it).

Another 10 years later (this year) and things are starting to get to me. We start fighting about things, lies, etc. I ask her some questions about things that happened 20 years ago, and she denys this and that, then later on she says something that doesnt make sense and bang! she realises she stuffed up and comes clean. And around the same time as the first cheating my mates said they knew about another cheating while she was drunk at a party, with me. I've asked her about that and she always denied it, for 20 years... I said one day that I'll take her to a lie detector so we can just forget about it once and for all. 2 days later she said she had a dream and remembered that she did cheat on me that night as well. I kicked her out of the house that morning and she kept saying she just remembered it. Once she realised I was keeping the kids it hit home for her and she admitted she was lying and had never forgotten about that cheating. 2 days later I was missing her too much and asked her to come back...

I think about her and (air force) AP daily. How he is so much better than me. How I'm only "enough" now because she got to f@#$ him. I'm torn. Do I stay and be sad and depressed. Or do I leave and be single and sad and depressed. She is an awesome wife, does absolutely everything for me and the kids. She naturally has a very high libido so it's hard to know if all the sex initiating with me is because she likes me or she just wants sex. (I can barely get hard for her anymore due to the traumatic thoughts sex brings on) but she tries her best. I don't initiate at all really.

It's all a big mess, i don't know what to do. The easiest answer is to just take myself out of the picture, but I don't want to do that to my kids.

Anyway, please ask any questions if I'm not really clear. It's hard to condense 20 years into a short story like this.

Thanks all. I'm just desperate for help. I don't know where else to ask.

Yes, I've gone to therapists, tried 3, and a MC, none helped. Yes, I've tried to make myself better but I'm just naturally a big guy, I'm never going to be a 150lb tradie like they women like, and so I just get depressed again and lay in bed...

TL;DR 10 years together, married, we live in a foreign country, wife (30F) cheated for at least half a year, I (33M) have an option to force her out of the country back to the homeland

We’ve lived together for 10 years. She’s a female, almost 31. I’m a male, 33.

We moved from Russia to European country in 2021, couple months before this terrible war started. I have a well paid job here and valued a lot. I haven’t seen my family and friends for three years. She didn’t like it there first year or so: no friends, lack of dance parties she likes and so on. Eventually she started to like the place, found friends and all the dances she wanted.

She does not have a job. She had a remote Russian job, but decided to stop that job right after the war started.

And we’ve been very distanced for several months lately.

She is into pair dances like swing and boogie. She went to dance parties and dance festivals in other countries with a short notice. She left the home early and returned home usually about 10-11pm, went to bed when I was asleep, sometimes at 3am. Sometimes she just slept on the coach. She told me she had insomnia and it’s hard to sleep with all that energy released and produced during the dancing.

I suffered all this time and finally initiated a talk.

She confessed eventually that she was in affair during the time I was suffering, it means at least for 6 months!

“Only kisses and hugs”, she told me. But also after additional questions throughout several days I learned they spend a lot of time very privately, talking, sharing and touching. She said they were “very close to have a sex”. I don’t believe this 100% at the moment. They might have had a lot of sex by my understanding of all the context.

He is a dancer. And a programmer (like me). He’s tall (like me). He has a family (15 years).

She loves me, but she loves him more. She loves that he can dance with him and I do not dance at all (it’s a very hard topic for me!).

For me emotional affair is the most important part. I believed that we were honest, faithful and allowed some freedom one another. I muted all the jealousy and all other “irrational” feelings.

Even having this knowledge of betrayal I tried to heal the relationship. I took a week off my job. To talk. To find ways. To remind how we were happy together. We’ve been talking and crying non stop. We said we love each other. After 4 days she finally decided to split.

I’m going thought suffering. I am seeing therapist three times a week. I went to psychiatrist and I’m taking anti-depressants. I did a stupid thing. I run away to Russia for a week or two. I am not afraid to be there anymore. I’m with my family and friends now. They are great and very helping. I’m crying while I say how supportive they are. What the great friends I have!

It’s been more than a week I learned about betrayal. Almost a week after the break up.

We have a month before getting new annual residence permit. I promised that she would get it and only after that we’d have a formal divorce. She can get the documents only this way, any other way requires her to return to Russia and do the paper work through embassy from Moscow. And she would need some serious reasons to get the documents, like job offer or having a family reunion.

I have an option to cancel her part of application for annual residence permit in this country. She wouldn’t be able to do anything and she’s going to be forced out of the country. She can return to Russia or some “friendly” visa-free country. I gave her enough money to live very comfortable life for at least 3 months. It would be more than enough to buy the tickets and rent a flat in Russia.

The most important part is that she wouldn’t be able to live with him. She would be required to find a way to live her live alone. To deal with grown up shit. To get some real job. To become an adult.

I don’t believe her lover would follow her. Especially, if he is selfish as she is.

It’s going to force her to suffer. And my feeling’s swings sometimes come to anger, which justifies it.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t do such a thing without waiting. Without knowing that it’s not just my anger phase.

There’s so much I would like to write, but this post is already too long.

I’m here to share my issue, to hear your thoughts, opinions and advice. Thank you for reading this!

They're just silver clouds.

Over 12 months since separation and almost every aspect of my life is better.

• No anxiety - 'is my relationship going to work', 'is she cheating on me'
• No more emotional abuse
• I see her for who she is and am thankful not to have her in my life
• I've lost good friends. But realised they weren't actually good friends. I've made exceptional new friends who I love a lot
• I have become an amazing dad. I didn't like being a parent before. Now it is the best thing in my life and I value every moment with my children
• I've taken up new hobbies and am feeling fit and strong
• I have a new house, filled with my things.
• I have my freedom

Sure, I've lost some things I would have preferred not to

• Shared moments of childcare
• Relationships with inlaws
• Some friends

...but I've come to terms with these and they're insignificant now.

It's been a brutal journey and I've been to some dark places. But I came through it with warmth in my heart and my head held high.

Until we're tested we don't know how strong we are. And I am strong.

Thank you to everyone in this community. I've spent hundreds of hours here and it's given me perspective and strength.

I'm here for you too.

Can a relationship recover from infidelity 2ith a DA? I deeply believe he is DA.. He was the one who confessed to it and been trying to get to me to apologize!! He apologized a few times over the past week, pushing to speak and really wants fix what been broken.. He had deep and long messages, voicenotes and all.. I understand we both had wrongs in the relationship and since I'm only learning about his DA now I could have done things differently in some ways just I haven't cheated! I never went out the relationship with anyone else.. He did with (two) according to my knowledge so I'm not sure if it had happened before.. He really seems remorseful and told me I had hurt him too in ways and somethings he mentioned is valid which I understand but many of those led up due to things from his side... regardless I just didn't go out of the relationship... He truly tried every angle the past month to talk to me etc see me but I held NC for 3 weeks before I decided to chat.. He says he wants to fix and asked me to help him fix said he'd even do counseling with me etc..

I'm so scared, my trust is deeply broken but I in a sense understand I hurt him too.. I just can't find a justifiable reason for him to have cheated.. were all different.. we broke up alot in the past year and what.. He says he realizes he loves me and wants to build a life with me grow old with me etc he also said maybe it was a good thing coz he opened his eyes.. he understands my hurt as to what I can phathom.. I just really don't know what to do? Do I go through all this with him regardless of how hurt I feel because I do love him or what... our relationship has been rocky since the beginning and we both agree that we didn't do it right from the get go.. we both have unhealed trauma which I believe led to a lot of mishaps from the get go.. but I just don't know.. My head and heart tells me to let go but could it be because I'm just so raw from all this.. He has done so much for me since day one, renovated my house, bought me many things, used to want me around all times.. spent alot of time with me.. He also mentioned last night that he is a over thinker and sometimes need space to regulate and put things in order which I understand coz I'm kind of the same..

He also mentioned that he was even thinking of getting us n place of our own sp we can work through it with me because he agrees to us needing space since we're never alone always have company.. He even said that we should chat about a way forward and not harbor on blaming each other but really trying to make things work..etc

My concern is, if he gets angry again or has his DA pull aways that he might just go drinking again and go outside the relationship for validation I wouldn't be able to handle it and I'd be damned going the extra mile with him only to fall back to this...

He seems very sincere due to this deep kind of conversation never ever happened before, he did mention he has held back alot in the relationship and I'm sure for his own hurt as well.. And yes he did..

I personally believe looking back we both had shortcomings alot and I can admit to mine even tho I feel I had reasons.. we were both wrong and blaming won't help.. he really isn't a bad guy and I see alot of qualities in him, he acknowledges my qualities as well.. I'm just so scared!! And yes maybe I do and did focus on my own hurt more than what he also dealt with and that's probably selfish on my end too but I'm just scared.

Can this truly be fixed, can things get better going forward? Counseling and all.. what are your opinions? Has anyone been through similar situations? And that it worked? Yes at the end of the day I need to make my own decisions regarding this but I need support and some guidance please..

Hi all, throw away account but feeling desperate and hoping internet strangers can help. I may do a long post at some point, but basically my husband just told me he's been having an affair. This happend a couple of days ago. The marriage has been less than perfect, issues on both sides with patience, communication, etc. There has been tension for many years where we both don't feel heard and we end up stuck in a vicious cycle of bickering.

He has self esteem issues and I have grown impatient, there is resentment on both side and things that have made me feel like I can't trust him in many ways. Ultimately, I have grown insecure for valid reasons that he would not stay faithful. He had never cheated but has lied about things that were a big deal to me and other things that made me feel insecure like he would. I bring this up a lot and while I can understand this made him feel a certain way ultimately, again, these concerns were valid and I never felt he made a real effort to reassure me and take concrete steps to strengthen the trust between us.

I have been stressing a lot more about the cheating lately, I had a very emotional break down about it a couple of weeks ago. It scared him, it scared me and come to find out now that this was a week after he slept with her. I think my body sensed it, something in me made me react like that I just couldn't possibly know it's been something had happened.

He shared this has been going on for months, it started out as him wanting someone to listen to his side of the relationship problems and turned into something more where he started to develop a crush on her followed by stronger feelings where he expressed to her he wanted to kiss her.

He said it was emotional first and then after a big fight where we did not speak for over a week and then had a blowup via text (we were sleeping in separate rooms) he went to to her place looking for sex. Shortly after this we started speaking again, it felt off and I was struggling with it. Again, i didn't know but something felt wrong but we tried to push through it then a couple of days ago he drops this bomb on me that they have slept together twice now. He says he is remorseful, he says this is his rock bottom, etc. While I have heard many of this before there is also a level of self awareness and validation of my feelings and what I've been going through these last couple of years that I have not received from him before. In a way, this acknowledgement and validation of these things makes me feel good if you can say that, it's all I have been wanting for a really long time but not at the expense of completely obliterating my trust and destroying me with an affair. He says this time it's really different and he is going to do the real hard work and this is his ultimate low. It feels sincere, but he has said things before and not put in the full effort. This does not mean I forgive him or plan to, I am moving out asap. I am just reeling and feeling very alone, sad, hurt and confused.

I want insights, advice, has anyone really fully come back from something like this? Is this a real thing we could overcome? I have always felt absolutely not, I still do but I would love to know from people with a similar experience. If you were the one that cheated, did you really never do it again and truly grow and work on yourself? If you were cheated on, how were you able to move on/have you really moved on? How long has it been. Please any insights would help.

I am so utterly devastated and in so much pain.

Our courtship was beautiful. Intoxicating. 25 years into a marriage I cherished, he cultivated an emotional affair, and he tossed me in the garbage. It was shocking, and sudden. I’d believed with all my soul I was safe. I believed we knew each other. I was mistaken. I don’t know if his decision to disrespect me was related to cognitive changes. He is not well. I just don’t know. After a couple of strokes he seems to have regressed emotionally. He doesn’t seem to understand what he did, or who I am inside. Now we co-habit as friends. It’s a reasonably good life, and a rewarding relationship in many ways, but I miss us. I long for what we had. I thought I’d be ok without a special person. Maybe I’m not. Maybe I need someone for me. Maybe I do.

Found out about a week ago from my partner that he had cheated on me a month prior (a one time hookup, not a long lasting affair.) I cried and yelled at him for hours after he told me and he apologized and I believe he is remorseful and we’re taking efforts to fix things but I can’t get over the feeling of being unattractive now. I’ve been secure in myself for most of my life and now it’s gone. I haven’t been able to eat since he told me and I can barely look at myself in the mirror (and I avoid looking at my naked body as much as possible.) I’ve lost significant amounts of weight and sleep because of this and I feel ugly and boring and inadequate and gross. I used to enjoy things like taking selfies and such and even in past relationships where I have been cheated on, I never felt unattractive in the way I do now. I’m hyper sensitive to everything he says or does now even if they’re seemingly innocuous things I was okay with prior to the cheating.

Every time I hear anything about a woman being near him (even things like waitresses and cashiers) I start comparing myself even when I don’t know what she looks like: is she skinnier? is she more curvy? does she have better skin? better hair? a more symmetrical face? does she have a more attractive voice? is she more interesting? does she have more in common with him? Even women he doesn’t know personally and would never have a chance with (like celebrity crushes) make me feel inadequate.

And I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling like every woman is a threat to my relationship and self esteem. I hate comparing myself to other women. I hate looking at myself in the mirror and picking apart every part of myself. I hate looking at myself without a full face of makeup because I just feel ugly now (and even with makeup on I still don’t think I look good enough.) I hate looking down at myself in the shower and thinking of all the women who have better bodies than I do. I hate listening to my own voice and being irritated at the way I speak. I don’t want him to see me naked. I don’t want him to see me without makeup. I can’t talk to him about my genuine thoughts or interests anymore because all of it feels boring and uninteresting. I can’t make jokes or flirt or banter the way I did because I don’t think there’s anything good left in me. I hate spiraling every time he’s not with me or on the phone with me. I hate feeling like I have to control every part of his life to feel just a little bit more secure.

I haven’t brought this up to him because it feels like something I need to fix on my own but maybe I should? Does it ever go away? Does anyone have suggestions for what could help?

All cheating is unacceptable and I'm totally aware. I'm just wondering which is worse?

I was cheated on multiple times. Twice before marriage, once during my engagement and once during marriage. Each time, my partner cheated on me with sex workers. He was under the influence of drugs and alcohol. I'm pretty much filing for divorce- I'm just hesitant right now because I'm on maternity leave with my second. I am absolutely destroyed by all of his actions over the years. I stopped loving him long time ago.

I never thought I’d be writing this, but here I am, feeling hurt, angry, and betrayed by the man I looked up to my whole life. My father recently admitted to cheating on my mom—while she was bedridden, sick, and almost dying. The worst part is that he did it during the lowest point of her life, when she could barely move, was covered in bed sores, and couldn’t even speak or stand on her own.

For seven months, my mom was in that state. As the eldest daughter, I took on the responsibility of paying the household bills, as her hospital visits and medicines left us drowning in expenses. My full-time job wasn’t enough, so I started working part-time too, totaling 12-14 hour days just to make ends meet. When I wasn’t working, I was taking care of my mom.

My father was managing a small store we own, something my mom had handled before getting sick. But soon after she became ill, problems with the store began. Two months into her illness, my father started borrowing money from me, saying the store wasn’t doing well. I was stretched thin, so I trusted him to handle other responsibilities, like paying our electricity bills. After three months, our electricity was cut off, and I discovered he hadn’t been paying the bills. When I confronted him, he claimed he’d used the money to settle their debt.

I’m ashamed to say I believed him because I trusted him—I've always been a daddy's girl. But recently, with my mom on the road to recovery, three different people approached us, saying they’d seen him with another woman on three different occasions. I finally learned the truth: while my mom was bedridden and I was struggling to keep us afloat, my father was taking this woman to motels, giving her money for groceries and salon visits every week.

The betrayal is heartbreaking enough, but his response is the most painful part. He’s now blaming my mom, saying, “I’m a man, I have needs.” It’s like he doesn’t even realize the depth of hurt he’s caused us both.

I’m lost. How do you even begin to process this kind of betrayal from someone you trusted the most?

I almost kicked her out the instant I found out. But it was actually a long time ago and I am not 100% innocent either I guess. I can’t tell if I’m not kicking her out just because I don’t want to be alone. Nights have been really hard. I told her not to go last night and to at least stay on the other couch with me. I think maybe because I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts, and I feel like even though I’m furious, if she’s here with me, at least I have whatever little peace of mind I can have in a situation like this

I have missed a few days of work and I’m planning on going back tomorrow. I want to get a good night sleep and honestly I just fucking miss holding my wife in bed. Would it be a bad idea to sleep in bed together? Am I weak and should I be strong and just kick her to the curb?

So my ex’s mistress is his coworker, and he has a very important job in their company. From the moment I discovered who she was I told him, “She doesn’t love you, she’s just a company climbing opportunist.” I knew that she’s only using him to advance her career.

(Also on top of being my stalker and a partner poacher, who was just trying to steal my man to make herself feel better.)

She’s an absolutely SICK individual.

Anyways, fast forward 15 months to now. The other day, he “liked” my good friend’s posts of trees on FB. My friend that was probably his closest person of my friend group. He knows that I love trees and that she’s definitely gonna tell me he liked her posts. It was calculated and unnecessary.

At the same time, his slimy mistress, well, she’s on the hunt again these days, liking random (successful) men’s posts on LinkedIn.

I always told him that LinkedIn is her hunting ground, just by looking at her “like” history. She’s a fucking predator on the hunt for high-powered, successful men, and that he was the idiot that took the bait, that took the hook between her legs… 🎣

So now 15 months later, after all the trauma and devastation, in my heart I KNOW the cracks are showing between them. The honeymoon is OVER. The grass was NOT greener. And now finally, he’s realizing that he truly fucked up.

He definitely didn’t need to like my friend’s posts. He was “testing” the temperature. And I hope he knows that the temperature is ICE COLD.

I hope he enjoys watching that disgusting ghoul chase other high-powered men trying to fill that bottomless void inside her emptiness. Inside her disgusting (void) that she leaves open like a fucking parking lot.

Because his energy, his presence and his sex simply wasn’t enough to fill her emptiness. OF COURSE IT WASN’T.

People like her, who actively pursue other people’s partners, don’t need a partner. THEY NEED THERAPY.

These individuals are deeply troubled, and their toxic behavior is a manifestation of their unhealed traumas.

And he blew up his whole life FOR THAT.

But that’s exactly what he deserves.

Fuck him. And fuck her.

As an edit: I was with him for 5 years. Not an eternity. But also, long enough.