a little backstory, we were married for about a year when he cheated on me with one of my friends, got her pregnant, paid for the abortion. i will not get back together with him, im not worried about that. but he keeps trying to get some sort of forgiveness, asking what he can do to make up for what he did. is there anything? some sort of monetary agreement i can say? some sort of apology? i don’t know.

My husband left me this year after 3 staggered discoveries of cheating that he did in a 7-month time period. He said that he didn’t want to live through a 3rd D-Day. I was blindsided by the cheating and abandonment. Since then, it has come to light, after many lies on his part, that he’d actually been sleeping with multiple women, some multiple times, for at least the last 2.5 years of our 14-year relationship. They were mostly coworkers on work trips (there were at least 6 women he slept with, 1 he sexted, and 1 grad student of his that he pursued with no success). I can now look back at text messages and see the “fake love” he was giving me as a cover-up, which is heart-wrenching.

He’s admitted to having a porn addiction; although, I never really looked into it. He also has significant childhood trauma, is a trained therapist, and has been in and out of therapy. For several years, sex had been infrequent and difficult for us. I think we were both avoiding it. I know that, for me, sex could result in me feeling disconnected from him rather than connected because it was either unsuccessful or I would feel like he wasn’t fully present with me. Further, he waited for me to pursue him to avoid rejection, I think. He tried to talk with me a couple times about needing more sexual attention from me, and I didn’t react well because I felt like he was blaming me for all of our sexual problems and it triggered my feelings of inadequacy. I would’ve liked the topic to be broached as a “we” problem. In a couple other instances, he talked with me about wanting more affection from me, and I don’t think I responded well to that either. He tended to hold his issues in for a long time before raising them, so, when he finally brought something up, it had been festering for awhile and felt overwhelming. I’m not proud of how I responded - I’m very aware of my insecurities and disorganized attachment that needs to be healed and have so much remorse. Ironically, the initial discovery of his betrayal actually jumpstarted our sex life again. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough for him to not pursue someone else.

He said that his first instance of cheating began soon after he asked to have sex with me before leaving for a work trip, and I rejected him in a very insensitive way. Could his serial cheating simply be because he wasn’t happy with me? Was it really a case of “he’s not getting it at home, so he’s going to seek it elsewhere?” I asked why he didn’t leave me earlier, and he said that he didn’t want to. Now that he’s left, he seems to think that it was the best decision for himself.

Any help you could provide with my rumination would be appreciated. Thank you.

I just found my partner, whom I'd never ever thought was even the type to cheat, has in fact had a relationship going for nearly 2 years. It was easily undetected because it was mid-distance, (not long distance but also not close.) Discovery happened through many accidents, not a confession or coming clean. I would like some wise counsel from all of you who have survived the detox of departing from someone you actually STILL LOVED. (By wise counsel, I am asking for something more than just saying, "f-them," or "they are only sorry they got caught.")

1. What did you do to get through the low points?
2. How did you talk yourself out of going back when amnesia, loneliness, horniess/libido, or delusion took over your mind/body?
3. Any land mines to watch out for? Traps of manipulation, from either my own mind or this person whom I thought I knew, or anything along that vein?

I do wonder how long this would have continued if a number of random stumbles hadn't uncovered it.

My husband and I are working through reconciliation after I found out about cheating that lasted for atleast 2 years that I have solid proof of. And we had only been married for 3 years when I found out. He’s been remorseful and has never blamed me and says it was only physical and transactional with paid escorts. In the beginning our sex life came back and now it’s non existent. No intimacy at all. Obviously any sane person would think they’re cheating again. I don’t know if he is but what’s concerning me now is money. He pawned a gun he purchased for me on my 40th birthday but doesn’t know I know and hasn’t told me. He did not deposit the money in our account. He pawned his golf clubs. He’s paying a bookee for sports gambling $500 a week. He has admitted to gambling addiction and does make a lot of money but he spends it so fast. I worry the gambling is a cover to hide money. How do I approach this without taking us backwards as we have made some progress.

In the beginning of me dating my partner I was completely on the loose: I had a situationship,and was dating left and right. Although he knew about me having a messy past and present from a common friend He abandoned his prejudice and came in like a knight shiny armour and showed me serious intentions but he had his own dark back story that I knew, he was quite unorthodox in his demands from a potential partner and I also didn’t fully believe his intentions. Nevertheless I enthusiastically accepted him and we moved very quickly into a relationship. However until he moved in with me I was still not fully closing other options, and in fact had a few run ins with my long standing situationship who was on the way out but still had some habitual appearances in my life , I was so evil at the time I felt entitled to have everything.

As things progressed my partner demanded I closed all other links to the past including petty ones, which at the time I thought was a little extreme but in the process of that he found out I had slept with my situationship in the relatively early days and it broke him. In order to move on he asked me to be radically honest and would test me on that but I was so buried in my habits to lie and conceal and was afraid that he will be ashamed to be with me that I was struggling to give it to him until over half a year into the relationship.

I was also acting quite entitled and didn’t help him much I overcoming his turbulence and lack of trust that he had to suffer every day.

I loved him and wanted to make things right but o wasn’t self aware or capable enough and didn’t take initiative.

QUESTION

Me and my partner talked again about the cheating early on in our relationship because he still couldn’t get his head around what my reasons were in reality and felt turbulent and until he could understand my logic, he wouldn't be able to rest. So we agreed we talk about it again, one last time and then close the subject. On me the responsibility was to be as honest and clear to the core and remove all of the potential contradictions to ease his mind. On his - taking responsibility to deal with it as he could, and not ask again.

The result was mixed. He said he understood the logic and that released the logical part, but my answer didn't relieve his emotional turbulence. He has reached the limit and not sure he can cope any longer.

As I hear him: My partner needs to feel pride not shame for continuing to choose me and needs to feel good about himself.

At the moment he feels shame

1. because early on I cheated on him and "preferred "another guy who gave me barely anything, when he from the start gave me deliberately everything and his unfiltered self early on.
2. Because I wouldn't do right things to fix us after that. He feels shameful and undignified because he continued to give me chances, and make all the effort for me, even in persisting in hard conversations and even sometimes by giving directions or prescriptions on how to fix things that he found undignified. I wasn't acting decisively or smartly and just seemed to unsuccessfully follow a prescribed route as much as I could. I didn't cheat on him again but it took us months to get even to compete honesty whereas that was the main thing he asked months ago.

I love him and I really wanted to accommodate him but most of the time fear and shame were greater than my selflessness.

He expressed that he is burnt out and out of ideas and he needs guidance and for me to handhold and inspire him He needs an emotional and practical reason to try more . It doesn't have to be correct but I must make him feel I am on fire and I have empathy with his constant pain I need to lead strongly but unfortunately most of the things I can think of doing I no longer have the option to do. I know I should accept this consequence of my actions b ut I love him and I don't want to lose him. I want to take this weight of his shoulders and for him to feel good. To take the turbulence and visuals away from him and to make him feel good for continuing to choose me.

Do you think it is possible to soothe a person in such a way? What actions can I take to remove my ego, show him he is not a fool for continuing to try with me and soothe the vulgar imagery he has from knowing the past?

If you read my past post you’ll see almost 4 years ago I found out my husband was having an affair. I left but was persuaded to give it another try and reconciled for another year. After getting back together I was no longer as easy and passive as I once was and was trying create accountability. The tension got so bad, my ex husband eventually left one day behind my back while I was at work and this was far worse than the cheating. He left me alone, I had never lived alone before. After 6 months of being separated I found out he was seeing his mistress again and I brought up divorce. He didn’t want to get divorced and wanted to come back home but I knew after the abandonment there was no way I could take him back and I knew that the relationship would be much worse if I disrespected myself and took him back. He moved on and started a life with his mistress, started bringing her around his family. After a few months it really started to hit me. I went from being so confident in my decision to being severely depressed. I started questioning every decision I had made .

Now we are 2 and a half years since the day he left and it kills me more than ever. They just had a baby. I feel so bad and so sad and spend my days wishing I wasn’t alive anymore because it doesn’t feel like I have purpose. I’ve dated but I think the trauma from the abandonment doesn’t allow me to move forward and connect with anyone. I think what really kills me is that I’m now 35 and the hope of getting married again and having children is slowly slipping away. It feels so unfair how does he get to have everything I’ve ever wanted and I have to be so alone? I did the right thing but it feels so wrong. I keep doubting every decision I made. Should I have had kids with my ex husband? Would that have made a difference? Should I have forgiven him? But then on the other side I know that I would have been settling. The pain I am feeling now just feels so much worse than the pain I felt when I was with him.

Came here for some encouragement as time does not seem to be healing my wounds. I am currently in therapy, I’m in the best shape of my life, i think most would consider me an attractive woman, I live on my own in a neighborhood of my dreams but somehow I feel so dead on the inside. I live a life that I would not have been able to give myself if I had stayed with him, he held me back from so much, but they’re all superficial things. I want a family I want to be a wife and a mom. Why does life feel so unfair?

Hey everyone, first time making a post like this. To preface, I am 25 now but my parents divorced when I was 6...former military brat, dad was deployed multiple times, some of you know the drill. While my dad was on deployment, my mom evidently cheated on him multiple times with multiple people. I only ever learned this information over Thanksgiving break while I was visiting my dad and step mom.

My dad is a workaholic as most service men tend to be. But he is a good man and I have always loved him. I have lost respect for my mom and what's worse is that I am terrified of confronting her. However, she is the one I have spent the bulk of my childhood with (whole other novel in itself). She won custody of me and my sister. Unfortunately for my dad, they were married long enough to where she is obligated to his retirement money from the military. My fiance and I are both heartbroken for my dad because she was the one who initiated the divorce, he was going to put up with it.

I am angry with her and want to move closer to my dad who lives in a entirely different state. This will likely create an upset with the entire family but I want nothing more than to heal what little me always wanted and that was my dad.

Don't really have anyone I want to tell this to in my real life other than my fiance but I really want to hear from someone who relates or I can relate to. Thanks!

Two and almost a half years after DD, I still can't get over it.

I'm not mad anymore. I'm not even sad or jealous. I'm still in love with this man, and I have been happy lately, but I just can't be okay with this. I don't know how to explain it.

I want to be with him, but at the same time, I'm just "waiting" for the moment to run away. I don't want that moment to happen, but I'm impatient for it. What are the next steps here? Separation? I don't know.

So the betrayal took place 2 years ago and we immediately broke up and went for no contact ever since. I didn't do therapy. I'm a psychology student and I took myself gently throughout the process, and most importantly, I let myself feel the pain I had to go through. I feel okay now, I don't obsess about it like in the beginning, it doesn't really hurt anymore. But I sometimes have a dream with the same scenario, where I see her in my dreams where we are still in touch while me knowing what she did, and then before the dream ends, I break up with her again. It's always been this way. I usually wake up confused and a little anguished and also happy that it was a dream and I didn't let her in my life after what she did.
Besides that, I'm okay with being in a new relationship and I see myself trusting again. My main concern is there may be some deep hidden wounds regarding the betrayal I didn't heal. Because I didn't do therapy. I feel fine but that dream with the same scenario is concerning me.
My question is, from your experience, how do I know if i need therapy ?

Has anyone ever met the AP? I feel like calling her up and asking to meet-is this crazy?

What should i do ?

Hi indian 22m , i found out my by mum cheating on my dad with my cousin my uncles son , my dads very close family friend and several others several times as i can read between the line. I saw my father has grindr in his phone and multiple people , i found out he is a gay. I only know about this in in family , about my mom and my dad. I saw others sext and nudes too.

Both my parents are cheating , as in india you cant call divorce they are both above 48-52

I had a dysfunctional family growing up, i can understand my mum cheating as my father has always been rude, agressive, no empathy towards my mom, so she had to find someone to go to.

They dont know that i know, no one in family knows i know

I cant respect my father now, i cant look him in the same way, he is gay and he is not at all cooperative with my mum and always disrespectful.Plus my dad has some serious lifelong disease.

But his work ethics are something i admire, he does everything even when he is not okay dur to disease to showup at work. And mom being mom.

And i have seen my mom always agitated throughout my life every sigle day no sign of calmness.

Is this a love hate relationship with my parents?

On paper life looks good, house, okayish money, but deep down dysfunctional family, no respect between parents.

I donot know how i have processed it, i am vening it out for the first time.

Both my parents are cheating, i donot want my future family wife and my kids to have any bad effects of this, i wanna keep this to myself, what can i do

I am just venting this out for the first time. Maybe god has choosen me to teach all the lessons, i just want a stable loving people around me, is this too much to ask for?

What can i do , i cannot confront this to them, there is no day we as family has talked emotionally with eachother, even i havent talked my heart out with my siblings?

Am i cooked? Fuxkk Plus i got betrayedd by gf . 10 years of relationships.

I donot want your sympathy guys, just venting it outtttt. I know god has plans and reasons for this.

Edit: Thank you everybody for your comments. I've read every single one and will continue to read any more that come in. It has been enlightening. I have reached out to the attorney I spoke with to discuss next steps. It's going to take a while to link the gentle, funny man I have been married to with a man who has fallen in love with someone else, apparently never loved me, and is ready to move on without so much as a discussion.

Hello everybody

I recently found out my husband is having an affair. I had my suspicions but I got into his phone and went through his messages which confirmed it and more. I was heartbroken. They tell each other I love you and are planning to start a life together. Right down to discussing timeframes and dates. From their messages and the hours they spend on the phone every day it looks like they are serious. I'm not sure how long its been going on for but at its since at least September.

Of course I was devastated to find out. We have kids. He has been distant for years and I've never felt like he really loved me. I started to feel relief at the thought of our marriage ending. But I met with a divorce attorney and it made it so real. It made me doubt if I could go through with it.

I confided in my sister and she reassured me that men NEVER leave their wives. She said all the talk with his affair partner is just talk and he's telling her what she wants to hear. She said he'll never leave because we have 20 yrs together and 2 kids.

The problem is he's not just talking about divorce with her. He's seen a divorce lawyer and a financial advisor. All behind my back. This tells me he IS serious about divorce. I think my sister is trying to make me feel better.

He is the breadwinner so I don't want to confront him before I have a plan in place. Right now I just want to know how seriously I should take this talk about divorce between them.

It would be helpful to hear from people who have been through similar experiences if it sounds like I should be preparing for our marriage to end or not taking it too seriously. I know you can't tell me for sure but I'm trying to get a sense of what is actually going on here.

After 105 days from DDay, trying for reconciliation and no efforts from her end, I finally gather the courage to let her go. I called her and told her I understand that she is in alot of guilt and wants to be alone and I also understand that she does not know what effort or things she needs to do to show me that she still wants to do something with this relationship and she cares about the love that we shared. She switched the call to video call, we talked, she cried alot, I cried alot, she asked/begged me not to leave her. I explained it to her, while I do not want that but it is for the best for the both of us as she clearly stated earlier that she does not want to do anything with Love in general or any relationships and commitments and only wants to focus on her own and to make herself whole again by finiding herself and focus on her career.

So I reminded all of that to her what she said to me and the best way to do it to stop any contacts which will only give us more confusions about where we stand in this relationship. And I need my peace of mind back, I cannot live in the tine sliver or hope that she might come around and start putting in some efforts that this relationship still means something to her, especially when she was the one to ask for the second chance.

She thought I will not be blocking her, but I told her that I will be blocking her and it's not like that she cannot reach out to me from other sources like thru her sisters and brother.

It hurts like crazy alot but I know this had to be done. I tried for 105 days even after being cheated but she didn't put any effort. I tried because of the love that I have for her withoug without knowing if she will reciprocrate. But as she already clearly said it to me that she is not in her mental and emotional space to reciprocrate anything, so I am not that preson who will be an option amd be that selfish to use her guilt to turn her around for me.

I had to do this and also because on Dec 9th it would've been our 6th anniversary.

So, this is it for this relationship. I'll have to find myself too and remind me who I was and who I want to be.

5 weeks ago my husband (who I’d been with for 12 years) asked for a divorce completely out of the blue. We tried to do couples therapy and other things but really he did not put much effort into working on it. He would lie to me, his friends, and family about where he was at night. Ten days ago we officially separated and a few days ago he partially confessed to an affair after I caught him in so many lies he couldn’t get out of one. His confession was all over the place - it started after he asked for a divorce, then only after we separated, then somewhere in the middle. But I have evidence that he went to her house a week before he asked for a divorce. When our friends confronted him, he was still lying about the timeline. So, naturally I have a billion questions. And I guess I’m just wondering…when (and if) he will ever be ready to tell me the truth? I lie in bed obsessing over what the truth could be. I can’t help it. I know it could be different for everyone but any insight to put me out of this misery would help. Thanks

I am 23 and have been dating this girl for six years. During those six years, everything seemed fine. I treated her with genuine care and love, never mistreated her, and always did my best to be there for her emotionally, physically, and mentally. Despite having our differences and individual interests, we made it work throughout the years.

However, last month, I caught her sleeping with another guy. She admitted to it, and after a lot of emotional turmoil, we broke up. We were each other’s firsts and had only been with each other until recently. I found out she had been entertaining this guy for a few months and was even dating him. She told me she played it off as if she didn’t have a boyfriend.

I was devastated. I loved this girl deeply and never did anything to harm her or the relationship. I thought I had loved her in the best way I could. It’s been a month since we broke up, and I recently saw her posting pictures of herself with this guy. I decided to quit social media to avoid more pain and focus on my reality, but the hurt remains.

The memories we shared run deep, and I still don’t understand why she did this. We had an agreement: if either of us found someone else, we would break up properly before moving on. She was close to my family, and I was somewhat close to hers as well. It feels cruel that she could do this to me after all we’ve been through. I was loyal, faithful, understanding, and loving. While I know I’m not perfect and have my flaws, I thought she was my ride-or-die.

This has been the most painful experience of my life. Even now, I can’t imagine myself being with another woman. I recently discovered I’m demisexual, so casual relationships or sleeping around aren’t options for me. I’ve read countless Reddit posts on similar situations, but I still can’t wrap my head around what happened. I am scared that I will not be able to find love and connection as deep as I had with her and also I am scared that I won't be able to move on from this. She is my first girlfriend, my first time, my first long term and my first heartbreak and infidelity

She was a good person and a great girlfriend when we were together, which makes it even harder to process how she could do what she did. I need advice on how to cope with this situation.

It’s been two weeks since D-day. All contact has been through text/email(including me confronting them with texts)since we were LDR.

I was with him for 7 years and still find myself yearning for his touch. For him to comfort me. I know it doesn’t make sense but I do.

I’m trying not to give in to a phone call like he’s pressuring me to do.

He claims he misses me but still keeps lying on the specifics of the cheating(when I have screenshots galore of proof of him not only cheating on Reddit but relapsing on meth while on probation).

Can someone tell me it gets better?

And that it’s possible to find someone you love as much as the one who cheated on you?

I’m 28: was with him my whole young adult life and now there’s a giant hole missing

Backstory: in a relationship for a year and then got engaged, built a house together, booked wedding venues, bought a wedding dress. Found out he had been cheating on me the entire time with his ex girlfriend. We got back not far after D-day. It’s been 2 years since D-day and since then little things have happened where he’s broken my trust but I have never found out anything physical. I am now 27 (F) and he is 32 (M)

Recently, he gave me an ultimatum: either I say yes to marrying him today, or he’s leaving me. Earlier this month, we were at a friend’s birthday party, and I had his phone in my purse (he used to leave it there even when he was actively cheating). I went to the bathroom with his phone still in my purse, and even though I had told myself I wouldn’t go through it, I didn’t. However, he started freaking out outside the bathroom stalls, which only made me more uncomfortable. I didn’t check his phone and acted like nothing was wrong when I came out.

Honestly, situations like that have happened throughout the two years we’ve been together. That’s why I still have reservations and feel like I need more time to process everything, but he’s not willing to give me. It just sucks because I feel like in every other aspect he’s so good. Am I doing the right thing of not giving in to his ultimatum?

I’m 36M, my wife is 35F. We married for 12 years and known each other for 15 years. Blessed with two kids, 10F and 7F.

Wife had EA before for a period of more than 2 years, caught by me two years ago. I could write a separate post specific for the first affair, later. Here is the summary of the affair though as it has impacts on todays event

It left me with great emotional distress, I loved her, while she has checked out, drowned from the love of her AP, 42M and alleged indifference treatment by me. Especially when the kids were infants.

I was not introduced to Reddit and its stories back then. Had I known, I’m certain my marriage has ended back then. I decided to fight for the marriage. Installed surveillance or her Android phone. Some of the message exchanges broke me. I decided enough is enough and told AP’s wife. So from my D-day to the AP’s wife D-day. It spanned 6 months. When AP wife knows, AP broke the relationship once and for all. It took me further 6 months to get my wife to fell back in love with me.

Again, I didn’t know reddit that time, and I have kids. We live in a South East Asian country, the child custody law if different. Female kids have right to choose their custodian when the reach 9 years old. Before the age, the custody always goes to the mom or mom’s family. This is the magnet that makes me fight for her and got it, albeit with some lasting emotional damage to me, which I try to put deep behind.

Fast forward today. The surveillance keeps on. She never lies to me. She changed phone to IPhone so I no longer able to read the texts. She got a new car which comes with hidden telemetry / GPS function. Her iPhone is able to transmit location also. She works currently in sales of healthcare products which means her schedule is quite flexible and able to meet clients anywhere. I work part time and have own business too. I am primary caregiver of the kids, sending them to schools and cooks for them.

I periodically track her phone and a month ago she started to visit an unfamiliar area. This place is housing states with some restaurants. First she visited there once a month. This month, it became once a week. I was hospitalized this week after an accident while installing a cabinet. Today, as I am having physiotherapy section, I tracked her going to the location again. I am in a chat group with her colleagues and they post a photo of themselves in the office without my wife. I used this opportunity to ask my wife about her whereabouts. This is when she lied to me. I thought the phone could transmit wrong location so I compared the location of the car and phone. The location pings are the same.

I engaged a PI for the first infidelity, albeit his use is not exactly needed as I already decided to tell the AP’s wife that time. However we maintain a good relationship. I contacted him and he is willing to help. I am hospitalized and would be unable to surveil her.

Dear redditors, I don’t have much info about this peculiar behavior. Should I wait and see, or just confront her? I am tired from the treatments, physiotherapy. My idea, if she visits the place again, I will send the PI or myself to check out. It could be innocent hangout, alone time. But that place is like 15 minutes of car drive from her workplace, So it is kinda out of way. She is taking care of the kids now, she keeps texting me asking if anything is wrong, as I delay to reply her.

Thank you in advance.

Summary: wife had an EA before, we reconcilled. Two years later she lied about her whereabouts and I am in a mess right now. Should I confront her, or gather more information.

Hi guys,

My heart is heavy but I’ve already spoken about this with so many people (friends, relatives, psychotherapists etc.) that I feel perfectly comfortable sharing my rather trivial, yet incredibly painful story.

I’m a believer (I was saved almost a decade ago and have been a believer in Christ ever since) and I married my wife when I was only 24 (in 2014). This was my first real girlfriend, the first woman I had sex with etc. The relationship was awesome, with true love and passion – the lot. In 2014 we had our son and in 2017 our daughter, both real blessings from the Lord.

However, this is when things started to go south, mainly due to the shift in the man/woman dynamics in the relationship. I’ve always been introverted, while she’s an extrovert and I’ve always been super supportive, helping with household chores and anything else. Yet, our sex life suffered and initially, she was the problem, but then, a few years later (in 2019/2020) she regained her sex drive but this time mine didn’t match hers and still continued to deteriorate.

She began disrespecting me by sharing personal (explicit info about our sex life with a male co-worker, who we all think is actually not into women, but it doesn’t make it any less demeaning) and even telling me that she’ll find an affair partner if we didn’t fix our sex life. I was kind of in a depressed state, being more inert and just cruising by, not being the man that I knew I could be, nor the one she wanted and/or hoped for.

We were drifting apart in terms of moral values and overall outlook on life more and more. I am much more spiritually oriented, looking at this life as something very brief while she’s all materialistic and living for the moment. This led to her getting breast implants, as a last resort to rekindle my desire for her, but it just didn’t help and our issues continued.

Then, a few months later she began an affair which I found out only a year later (it had been going on for a bit more than 12 months). I can’t explain the pain I felt and the bewilderment as I was 100% sure that my wife would never do this to me and that she wasn’t like that. Well, I was foolish, very, very foolish.

Initially, she wasn’t sure that she’d be able to completely commit to making things work but shortly after that she did agree to reconcile and our journey of reconciliation began (in August 2013). She only said “sorry” in a genuine manner once, as she started crying, but ever since I can’t really feel any true remorse on her part and she even says that she’s not guilty (she immediately started blaming me after the discovery and even said that our marriage was already dead long before the affair). Still, after agreeing to reconcile I’ve set new rules, boundaries and conditions, which she agreed to. Initially, things went well and gradually got better as our “new relationship” peaked around February this year.

The sex was good and overall things looked normal, except that I didn’t feel the same love for her (and I think that she felt and still does feel the same way, although it’s never been confirmed). I cannot see her with the same eyes and I’ve definitely loved respect and appreciation for her as a result of what she committed, for an entire year, with all the lies, deception and so forth.

Since February things have devolved slowly, resulting in more fights, a lack of intimacy and just resentment. We’re currently 2 months without sex (I was on a business trip for 3 weeks though) and things look very grim. We started therapy immediately after the discovery and we’re currently actively doing work, but it doesn’t seem to help that much.

I just think that I’ve lost my genuine love for her and I’m fooling myself that I can keep this marriage going, mainly for God (who hates divorce and we’re to do everything we can to reconcile) and my children. However, I have Biblical grounds for divorce (if love is indeed gone and resentment is all there is) as found in Matthew 5:32.

I’m fully aware that it’s my decision and I’m responsible for taking it, yet I still feel like trying. However, it feels like we’re just spinning our wheels and my wife is crystal clear that she wants to live in peace, without such issues and to just live happily.

Can you truly love your wayward wife again, after she willingly emasculated you in such a way by letting another man do what only her husband should? I feel like I already know the answer to this one...

So I found my husband’s AP Snapchat and she posted a pic holding my husband’s hand on Thanksgiving. He is supposed to be on a business trip and will be back next Tues. I am trying to figure out how to bring this up to him because he is acting like everything is fine when he calls and texts me, even asking me if I want to go on an impromptu road trip. I don’t want to say anything yet because I want to see if she’ll post anything more. But how should I bring it up to him? I was thinking I’d show him the pic when he gets back and tell him that was the highlight of my holiday.
What do yall think would be the best way to bring it up? I plan on leaving him and moving back with my family but I’ll need time to get a job and situated.

Hello everyone,

I was looking to hear the wise words of others who have experienced something similar & how they navigated their way out.

The details can be spared in this story, but my partner (30M) has cheated on me (25f) multiple times within our 3 year relationship. Yes I thought he was my forever etc etc, but it’s killed who I am as a person now and it’s time to move on. However, I have a really really good job locally to where we live. We rent a cottage together and have a lovely little ragdoll cat.

Now here’s the problem, I know I need to move on and move out. But, I cannot find anywhere local that would accept me & my cat to live there, I don’t get paid very well so renting on my own would be really difficult. Giving up my cat isn’t an option, I’m a huge animal person and she’s the little bundle of joy that got me through each sad day of this relationship. How have other people navigated the actual ‘leaving’ of the relationship…? Maybe I’m fussy but I’m not moving into a crappy little 1 bed shitbox in a shit town, I want to leave here onto better things. For now we are still living together and I’m just pretending everything is allll okayyyy whilst I get my ducks in a row 😅

You can read my post history for more context. Long story short she cheated 8 months ago and she constantly belittles and insults me into silence. I promised myself if she made me miserable or insulted me or treated me badly again I would leave and find somewhere else to live.

Today she was in a bad mood and she said some things and I am now crying in the bathroom I know how pathetic that sounds. I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to put my foot down. I hate living here, I hate enduring this living nightmare. It's Friday in my country, I don't have work tomorrow so I can't even escape to anywhere. It's established that my weekend will be ruined and I can't cope with the thought of that. I want to ask my friend if I can stay at his house this weekend. I can't do this anymore I told myself the last time is the last time and now it's evident that this is my life now. Help me please I am seriously begging. I don't want to live here with her anymore, I realy can't, I'd become depressed. Please help me I am begging.

How do I get the courage to leave? How do I find the strength to tell myself that it will NOT GET BETTER and I need to stop clinging onto that hope and get out of here. It's the hope that this is a one-off event and that I'll cause more problems if I leave that keeps me in this hellish cycle. How can I escape please? I need to get out of here permanently. Please

Long story short I caught my husband talking to someone he talked to in the past. I found a secret Snapchat, he confessed to sexting, sending nudes and videos, he also confessed to going to her house and having sex twice. He bought her flowers for her birthday and a necklace and bracelet on other occasions. He claims it was just for sex and he initiated it because he was horny and knew she was easy. I thought we had a good sex life and he claims it’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing and he doesn’t know why he did….i am threatening him with a divorce and he is begging me to stay. He has come clean about everything and other things he did. I have contact the woman and she wants us three to meet in person so that all of the truth can come out. What do yall think about this entire situation? I am so heartbroken, we have 2 kids and a business. HELP

Please someone help me understand how he can turn this back on me!!

I swear I feel like I'm about to loose my mind. My husband was caught in an emotional affair 1 year into our 10 year marriage.

Td;lr: husband cheated. I tested positive for an STI 3 weeks after he was acting super suspicious. The same week i became symptomatic he had a fender bender and needed a rental car (suspicious to me since he has questioned if i used a gps devoce in the past)His test were negative. Mine positive. I confronted him. He denied and claims it was me. And we are in house separated until divorce is finalized. But he keeps making little "digs" about me cheating. WHEN I HAVE NEVER BEEN WITH ANITHER PERSON OTHER THAN HIM.

We didn't work through it by the standards set for infidelity. He forgot everything (there was some indication if was physical but not hard proof) supposedly and would get mad at me anytime I brough something up.

Fast foward 4 years into marriage. And looking back to me it's now apparent he started cheating because I can see when he began to use OPSEC. And most likely started cheating.

Looking back I kept finding signs that he would minimize and gaslight away. Black wash cloth in our laundry after I went out of town. An odd message or two. Nothing that would pin him down. Until 2021. When GPS showed he left our home in the middle of the night. He denied. A few months later he partially confessed. Then within days denied the confession. Then a few months later confessed. Suddenly he was threatening self harm. Then denies the confession. A few months later he starts seeing a sex addiction counselor for "porn addiction". He still was denying physical infidelity. 2 days after I asked for a seperation he came home and had a faint scent of perfume. Wanted to wash his face. Then wanted a shower at night (odd). Then decided he wasn't sleeping in the same be that night because she suddenly wanted to monitor his blood pressure.

A few nights later he wakes me to sexual activities (I know it's assualt but I can't prove it). Almost 3 weeks to the date, I got severe vaginal issues. Went to doc and tested positive for an STI. I confronted him thinking "finally he has to admit to it!!". He has denied. And is accusing me of having an affair. We live in a fault state and now he is going after me. I mean talk about severe backstabbing abuse.

Then! We are in house seperation until divorce is done. He is making digs/jabs/insinuation about me being unfaithful. I truly, truly cannot comprehend this. Like why? Why is he taking it this far? My doctor said there is no way this was a false positive. It's such odd timing. And I was on antibiotics for 3 weeks for a severe throat infection right before he came home smelling of perfume.

I literally feel like I'm going crazy. I don't understand his objective. Obviously there is some sort of game or power and control. And I don't get it. Like does he want me to hate him to leave faster? Like I'd almost wonder if he didn't cheat if I didn't have all the evidence leading up to and then a positive diagnosis. And that's something else. How is he so sure I didn't get a PI?

My sister and I found out a couple of weeks ago that my dad has a sugar baby (a bit younger than me, and half his age). My parents have been married for 27 years and he’s been seeing this girl for at least the past two years.

My sister and I told our dad last night that we knew and that he has to tell our mom. He acted completely emotionless about it and didn’t seem to care that we knew- though my mom said he had stomach trouble all night. He said they would probably get a divorce because of it but if we insisted we tell her he would.

My relationship with my dad has never been good, but this is the final straw for me. I’ve realized how narcissistic and awful he truly is and he has never acted like a father to me. Our relationship is over.

I’m really worried about my mom though. She is very isolated and doesn’t have many interests or hobbies or friends in the area and I just know my dad is going to turn this around on her. He is the worst at delivering bad news, and based on our conversation, he is not going to be gentle or understanding of her side at all. l We’ve tried telling her for years how terrible of a father we think my dad is but she’s always defended him and has seemed happy enough on their marriage.

People who have survived infidelity, what would you have wanted from your adult children in this scenario? I am just so afraid she might hurt herself or something. I wish we hadn’t even said anything but my sister insisted and told my dad without me. I feel physically ill worrying about my mom. Should I warn her something is coming?? Tell her best friend to check in on her?? I want to stay out of it because it isn’t my marriage but I want her to know I’m on her side completely.

I have felt like he blames me for his affair. He even tells me things like “it didn’t start out of nowhere” “you need to take accountability”. Anyways, what do you think of this? He says my betrayal was taking the lead on our business and displacing him. Which isn’t entirely true, I always tried to stay working together but he wanted to be the one to make the business work. He feels invalidated because I told him that it’s unfair that he expected me to not have any business or something to make money. He ONLY wanted me to take care of the children. Which also, I still basically only took care of the kids. I only worked on business stuff during their naps or after they went to bed.

• Hey. I’ve had this on my mind. And maybe I just feel like I can finally relay this to you. It’s okay if this doesn’t resonate with you. I just gotta tell you how I feel.

When we met I wanted us to be independent. For us to have our own things. For us to find fulfillment in our stuff. But when I found the business I found a way for us to do something together. And I wanted us to be together as a team. I had a new purpose. A better purpose. To be the leader of our home. It became my identity. More important than being an army officer. Giving you the world. We got married on this foundation of what we wanted for our life together.

I have spent the past few years being constantly invalidated by someone I thought was my best friend. I think you see what you did as justified. Or that I shouldn’t feel betrayed for what you did. I think you believe my emptiness and loss of hope is unwarranted. I think you believe that my loss of sex drive and loss of dreams and even loss of happiness from music is dramatic or can’t be true.

I need you to know how difficult it is for me to focus on the effects of my betrayal while feeling not only betrayed, but completely invalidated in feeling the way I do. It’s difficult to feel like I am being treated like the only one that needs to change for us to be able to work on things. It’s hard to feel like I cannot show in any way how angry I am from this whole situation. Like I’m expected to bottle up my anger and if I show it it’s proof that I’m not a good Christian man.

If we’re going to continue in any capacity I need more from you. We need to focus on our betrayals in tandem. We need to get help. I need you to try to understand me through your betrayal at least as much as I’ve tried to understand you through mine.

To continue on without focusing on my feelings of betrayal is not going to get us anywhere. My heart is not going to feel like I’m making progress to keep it safe. My actions are going to feel forced. And you’re constantly going to feel like I’m not all in…

The past few years have been difficult for me. I know they’ve been difficult for you too… I just don’t want to move forward in any capacity with you unless we’re getting support from a counselor we like. I don’t want to try to be friends. We know we can be friends... I don’t want you to send me reels. Pictures of the kids. I don’t want to spend extra time with you. No goodnights.

What we’re doing has not been working. And it’s not going to work. It’s escaping. You’re losing me.

I hope that everyone is doing well this week. But please let us know how you are doing! Any trials, tribulations, or success stories are welcome; whether you just found out, are a couple months out from D-day, reconciling, or in separation, this is the thread to post your thoughts. As usual, please follow all the rules of the sub when posting; we want this to be a place of shared sorrows, shared successes, and support. I wish you happiness and peace in the week to come.

Been 3 weeks since I found out. I feel very conflicted. TLDR, emotional affair. She is in partial denial. I really don't understand how my wife thought all of this is ok. Omitting she was meeting this guy here and there, taking selfies with him, having chats and videocalls, and not mention about all of it once. She says she never said anything because of a past interaction between us. She was getting gifts and other stuff from him and I questioned his intentions. She brushed it off and thought this was my way of trying to control her and she never mentioned it because she didn't want for me to get upset. (I am a bit of a control freek, but I did say to her that his intentions seemed weird to me and she should be careful of this guy) Well, great fucking way of doing it. I found more photos of them, nothing out of the ordinary just more. I discovered they went on a very short motorcycle ride. I remeber the day, she went to the gym and spent way more time than she usually does. What got me to post this and plays in my head on an infinite loop, is a clip from him saying he kisses and eats her nose. She says all of this is nothing and that she never thought of why he was sending photos and clips like these to her, that she never thought anything of it. She acknowledges that she was kind of leading him on, now that she looks back. Also she said to me before she passed the polygraph that maybe I will be better without her broken self, cause she never wanted for me to get hurt. I asked if she is projecting and she said no. I guess I just wanted to put out my feelings and looking on ways to move on forward. I do love my wife, what I struggle with is that I'm not sure she realizes how broken she made me feel....

P.S. if all you want to say is my marriage is over, just don't.

This is going to sound fucking insane but...

Even if you'd decided you're done, did you do some shared counselling sessions to help figure out the mess and get some form of closure?!

For context:

I'm still in the unraveling stage here, trickle truths and I think (who knows!) finally all of the details out in the open. Over the course of a week

Married 14 years, 2 kids under 6. So unfortunately more casualties than preferable.

We have had a tough year or so. The relationship needed work absolutely and I own my part in that. What I'm finding out is this started with massage parlours around a year ago. Then a prostitute while I was recovering from a hysterectomy, then another one recently - which was how this all began to unfold, I found the escort site and chosen prostitute page on a mobile phone browser.

I'm disgusted. I'm hurt. I'm feeling like I'm to blame because I know I've not made him feel great for a while due to ongoing issues but fuck sake, no matter how bad I felt I would never use an out like this.

Here I was planning a real go at working on things once the crazy part of the year settled down and my eldest was in school, allowing us more time to actually invest in the relationship and not spend every moment with the kids. I'm at such a loss.

Sorry for my english. She told me everything, the cheating lasted 8 months with her co-worker, i'm so hurt at first, i dont know what to do. But after a few days, i went numb, i don't feel anything. It's so frustrating, i want to be angry, i want to cry, but i just feel empty right now. It's been 2 weeks now since. Is this normal? Of course i won't let her back.