Every time my mother comes over my daughter is glued to her. We have a bedtime routine that babygirl won’t cooperate with if she knows my mother is in the house. Brush teeth, clean nose and face, diaper change, then a milk bottle in my lap in the chair.

With my mom here I do everything except the bottle to sleep part.

Lately she doesn’t want to get her teeth cleaned and gives me a hard time by closing her mouth. I try to make her laugh or something and get a couple clean quickly each chance I get but she just cries nonstop and my mother complains to me later.

Today my husband took her from me and gave her to my mother before I was finished “because she didn’t want to be in there with me,” he said.

I’m starting to feel judged about my parenting by not only my mother but husband too. I love my daughter and the being glued to my mother didn’t bother me before but she’s starting to disrespect me, like swing at me, and always tell me no. Each time I try to discipline her those two come in judging yet they don’t do anything about her behavior.

Please keep in mind that she is very smart for her age. Already counting, reading, and saying complete sentences. She knows what she wants and doesn’t want and makes it clear with statements.

Any advice?

This is today's story. so my dad went out and my mum was feeling sick today. it was just us at home and as much as I don't like her I try to be nice and kind to her because I don't want to live with regrets and I believe its reflective of the person I am and I don't want that to change. So I informed my sister and dad of this so we could take her to the clinic. A while later, my dad asked me whether she had taken painkillers (via whatsapp) so I asked her and then she proceeded to say "why is he telling you that? He should be texting me. Are you texting him separately? Hes chatting with you?" and I said why is this your focus right now, rest first. She was laying on the floor and I was on the couch right behind her so I could see her phone. She opened her whatsapp, she searched my name and saw that I was online, then she searched my dad's name and then saw that he too was online and then switched off her phone. when I confronted her about it she said I'm just doing it in my phone. idk what to say or do or if this will ever get fixed. my sibling and dad acknowledge it but don't do much other than that to show support on my side ( they get upset when I say this) and this has actually enabled her to believe shes right and this is the right way. They don't show upfront support because they are "scared" of how she will take it or that it will stir things up. knowing there is support on my side might make things easier for me but I guess that's not for me. She always spies on me from when I enter his room, what I wear, eat buy, she has to know everything. Its crazy. anyway has this happened to any of you ( I wont wish this upon my worst enemy but if it unfortunately has I pray for us).

Its about how she ruined my day on purpose by starting in the morning with the coffee saying I always buy coffee and that I shouldn't and kept badgering about why I buy coffee and started screaming at me. and then she kept yelling and asked me to clear all my bags from our second living room ( context I had just moved out it had been a month and our house is very tiny we have two rooms and one bathroom so there was no space or cupboard for me). this made me feel like she didn't like me there and wanted to kick me out bc she was unwelcoming and unhappy about me from day 1 I moved out and started issues every day related to me and she would throw tantrums. one example of this is that she wanted me and my dad to keep the door open if I'm ever in his room or if I enter the room and if I enter she would immediately come and fling the door open. ok continuing my sister and grandma cleared a cupboard out and put the things in and then she screamed and created a fuss about how my father suddenly cleared the cupboard for me but he wasn't ever involved. and this continued and even when I cried she said so what if she cries and continued. She was also pissed about the fact that they got me clothes on my 21st birthday and took me to a sky dining restaurant and she said "whats the big deal about celebrating 21st birthday" in a whats the need for you to have that. she wanted to make sure my day was in no way special and she succeeded on purpose. then my sister and I were going to go out to celebrate and that time too she caused another fight where she was yelling so much and infact told my dad wasn't allowed to drop me to the mrt station too but he did drop me bc it was my sister's car and not his. and during all these times only my sister stood up for me, my dad didn't bother (his reason being if he supports me she would make things worse) and instead she took him out for shopping and got me something I don't even like but guess what she also did some shopping herself and then gave it to me through my sister. I hate it so much that I want to break it and burn it. and when I didn't use it she didn't hesitate to say ok ill use it but that didn't happen bc I didn't let it. anyway her birthday happened my dad took her on a trip to Indonesia and then my sister's birthday was fine too. Later after a month or two in a conversation, when I confronted her about her lie to my grandmother that she apologised, she said yeah I lied to her bc what I did is right and so I wont apologise. I have always been the person who planned stuff for birthdays, anniversaries and sent cakes for each event. Ive always tried to make each of their milestone special but this incident (it kinda continues till date) really really hurt and traumatised me. it has made me view mothers in a different light and actually actually made me hate birthdays ( I used to LOVE my birthday). the fact that she didn't apologise is crazy but ig that's her. today's her anniversary. I don't want to wish her and didn't wish both my parents. I don't intend to. so she wanted to go on a dinner as a "family". I didn't go because she has no regret of ruining my day and if I go that'd mean I don't have self respect and don't love myself a little too. because she could cooperate for her own and my sister's birthday but not mine, because she could think they all deserve good things but I didn't on the day I was born? So I'm clearly hurt about it and will be, permanently traumatised about birthdays and having mental issues so yeah I refused and didn't go. I hope they have a good time as a family. and for this my sister called me selfish and a problem maker. I feel kinda bad but I believe its important for me to take a stand especially since none of my parents are on my side.

PS: Sorry its long, Im just going through it idk what to do and I have to deal with this until I get a job so pray for me to get a job please!

My aunt kicked me out

Today my aunt kicked me out because I started talking to my dad again and got a new cat so my current one wouldn't be alone while I was at work trying to support both me and my cat I pay for myself and everything the only thing I don't do is pay rent I've been living with her the past 2 years and not once has she done anything for me I've been living off of $400 a month trying to support myself and now I have to move across country to live with my possibly still abusive dad all because I got a cat and was talking to my dad what do I do I'm so scared I'm currently with my best friend but I leave Friday she also gets 900 a month for me because I lived with her when I aged out of foster care and idk how to stop the money from going to her since she made me sign a form for the money to go to her instead of me

I'm ashamed to admit it, but my parents have degraded a lot since I don't live with them. Mum lies at home watching TV all day cause of bipolar disorder, and doesn't leave the house. My father was a smart well-read man, but he has almost stopped working and lives on a pension. They live in a flat that hasn't been renovated in decades. They don't even have the idea that it can be changed. No purpose in life.

I live abroad with my boyfriend and I'm scared to imagine that one day he will go there and see all this. People at their age are still very active here (my parents are 57 and 63).

Every day I have negative thoughts that I can't help them. I can't see how close people here are with their families; while my parents live alone and so far away from me. :( I can't buy a house, move them to a better city with a better climate. I just wanted to share.

I want to add a clever setup to my kids room, so they can watch Netflix, Youtube on a larger screen without me having to spend too much money. I have an Alexa and a computer monitor so far. Any ideas?

Okay so I'm 15 right now and the last time I talked to him was when I was 13. He's 17 right now. The last time we "talked" was when he got mad at me for sleeping in the couch and we got into an argument and I tried to kms but he held me down till the cops came. After that I started living with my dad. So I basically lost all contact with my siblings. Should I contact him or is it better to just leave it as it is? We weren't close before it happened. And if yes can you like tell me what to text him.

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My sister in law (19F) has been living with my bf (24M) and I (24F) for about a year now. She moved in with us after a family problem. Since she moved in with us all was going good for the first couple of months back in winter of 2023 but suddenly things started going south. She stopped going to school and focused more on working .. not a big deal except she’s in a second chance kind of school. Definitely not okay and considering she moved in under the circumstance her primary focus is school. She got in huge trouble regarding the police and she got her ass chewed out by her brother (24M). We thought that would be the end of it and she’d get her shit together but now we have had to set a curfew for her 11:30pm because it seems that she can’t “help” but stay out and not come home till 3am which causes her to not go to school. We’re starting to wonder what the fuck we should do? We’re not legal guardians considering she’s 19 but I’m also feeling disrespected in a way? She’s not following curfew and sometimes doesn’t come home on the weekends which I understand but she’s starting to not make it in time for weekday curfew. What should I do? Any advice? SOS please.

I have a sister who is only 11 months younger than me. She (16F) and I (17F) were close growing up and people say we even looked alike, although I did not think so. We grew up wearing the same clothes, with the same hairstyle, with even the same stuffed animals, just like different colors. Ever since she was young she hated my brother (currently 19M). I thought it was normal as you know boy cooties and all that stuff. But as we grew up it still continued and got even worse. If my brother touches anything from a door, to a chair, to my grandma, she refuses to touch it or uses one finger to avoid his “germs.” Some memorable examples are when we were staying at a hotel and if my brother sat on the bed right which are shared, she would not sleep on them but a on a chair, and I mean a literal chair. Another memory was when we used to all be seated in the back of the car my brother would be in the middle, I on the right and her on the left. Everyone knows the middle seat is significantly smaller than the side seats but if his jacket or his leg was even a bit on “her side” she get on whinny about. Another one is our dining table chairs all look the same so because of this she doesn’t know what chair my brother sat on so she sits on the island but herself which I guess is okay but then she doesn’t contribute to anything from getting dishes to spoons and waits for her food to come to her instead of getting it herself. Other basic reason like she doesn’t used the same bathroom as him, doesn’t hug my parents if he just touched them and all that jazz. I bothered me a lot because if we ever played tag it was not fun. Like I could tag either people, my brother too, but then that girls would get angry if he touched her and then she would only go after me which is no fun.

As I continued growing up I noticed a few more things, although it did not bother me a lot, it became a big matter when I went into Junior year. She has this dumb rule that say “not equal” so like my brother if he didnt start washing the dishes until like 17 or whatever then she wont wash the dishes until she 17 cause thats not equal. Another reason is she is a mega germaphobe and it so exclusive too because if my brother as you know BUT she sleeps on the floor because my mom who was just in my brothers room went onto her bed and despite washing it she sleeps on the floor with all her trash. But she has this dumb spray bottle with water and a Clorox wipe so if anything “dirty” touches her stuff she sprays it. Along side this is no one is allowed in her room because it will make her room dirty but like she can go in everyone else room no problem. For example if she is sick she will go into my parents room and sleep on THEIR bed to avoid it being in her room. Also when she gets home from school She sleeps all day until night time in my PARENTS ROOM because she is dirty when she gets back but wont get shower until LIKE 10 PM WHEN MY FATHER WANTS TO SLEEP. Not things that this “germaphobe” does is not brush her teeth but is all about cleanliness. Adding on in my house we do laundry all together right so we don’t waste water right, but at some point she gets mad that we laundry her clothes so she would dump the laundry baskets onto the FLOOR get her clothes ONLY and leave the rest on the floor. If she forgets to separate her clothes and they are being washed SHE WILL WASHE THEM AGAIN. She wants a new backpack every year which is dumb because they are dirty from last year but backpacks are expensive. At this point imma just start listing things out which may get this deleted buts it’s good to rant.

She won’t open the door and constantly ring the doorbell until some one comes She hates everything my mother cooks saying ew its gross and will eat like instant noodle so my mom is wasting her time cooking My mom makes jokes about her and she got super mad and literally kicked a whole in her door She steals my things from my arts and craft to decorate her room She takes everything from the house even if it doesnt belong to her like we had a kitchen bell and she took it, ear cleaner she took it, a yoga mat she took it and doesnt return it back until like 5 month later After she gets new clothes she gets rid of her old clothes like if she buys a pair of leggings she will discard an old one which is still in perfectly good condition When she is mad she will follow me around like a stalker so i dont do anything to her stuff so if im in my room she will stay in my parents room on the floor with the door wide open so if she sees me down stairs she will follow after If I’m on the stairs she will stay in the middle and then get mad when we bump She got this new pillow and does not use it and it has been 3 years and it is still in the bag and box Whatever clothes she doesn like she puts it in my mothers closet She has this dumb new years list where she wants to buy soo much snack using my mothers money and then gets fucking mad that she didnt go when she wanted to When i got my iPhone 15 with my OWN MONEY while she got her iPhone 13 with the money of my Aunt her comment was “if i waited 2 years i could have gotten the 15 too” LIKE YOUR PHONE WAS DISCOUTNED I PAID FOR MINE She wanted this dumb hello kitty tote bag but DOESNT USE IT Depsite being vietnamese she does not want to learn like she says does not care which is stupid, she’s “American” Then if my parents speak Vietnamese she will be like “WHAT DID YOU SAY” constantly repeating it She came into my room and knocked down all my figures and all my collectibles She doesnt do anyhting in the house from doing laundry dishes sweeping and if she did it is only for herself When she grows up she says that she wants to be someone whos works for the government cause they makes lots of money cause that's what all my relative do but she is soo lazy and just wants to stay home I got her this dumb teddy beat a long time ago and SHE PUT PINS IN IT While staying after school i got my aunt to pick me up and at the time didnt know that she stayed after too thinking she had a ride i ignored her BUT NO SHE DIDNT AND CAME WITH ME AND MY AUNT SO NOW IT SEEMS LIKE IM THE BAD PERSON FOR NOT TELLING MY AUNT THAT SHE WAS THERE BUT LIKE HOW WAS I SUPPSOE TO KNOW THIS MONSTER DIDNT HAVE A RIDE. IF YOU STAY AFTER THEN YOU HAVE A RIDE She broke my door lock when trying to come into my room In the car there is the umbrella that is like in the feet area right so i move it over to her side (my brother is in the middle) and then she moves it back BUT I HAVE NO SPACE SO THEN SHE KEEPS DOING IT One time when she was crying i called her a crybaby she full on attacked me with scratches and punched and kicks. SO I WOULD FIGHT BACK TO DEFEND MYSELF AND SHE WOULD KEEP attacking to have the last hit When my mom came to pick us up this one time i sat outside while she was inside so when i spotted my moms car first i went to it so when she came she was like like “why didnt you call me first” like seriously After coming up to me and fighting me she takes ANOTHER SHOWER SHE SITS OUTSIDE THE HALLWAY SCARED I WILL DO SOMETHING WHEN I LITERALLY DO NOTHING When I get mad at her she thinks I will do something so she follows me My room is right in front of a closet so when she is mad she will open that closet door so it makes me open another door My parents will buy her food right but then she won’t share it when they are the ones that bought it for her AND MAKE THEM MAKE IT EVEN IF ITS JUST LIKE PUTTING ICE When it’s the weekend she does not want to go anywhere because it’s her day off and she wants to rest so if we go out and eat shE won’t go so MY MOM AND DAD GET MORE TAKE OUT FOOD WHILE ALREADY SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY She’s yellls at people for going in her room BUT WHEN I DONT EVEN GO IN HER ROOM SHE WILL THINK I WENT INTO HER ROOM AND THEN HIT ME Remember that bear she put pins in right I took it back so my father bought a new one for her AND SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW ITS GONE LIKE WHAT WAS THE POINT OF BUYING IT CAUSE RIGHT NOW ITS UNDER SOME BED AND SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW For my birthday party right she came downstairs because one of our few mutual friends was downstairs right cause I told my father that they were friends cause I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE but she after this friend left she didn’t even clean up her. On the bus she will sometimes deliberately sit behind me and start pressing into the back of the chair She doesnt take care of her grandma either from helping out of the car to her walking she doesnt do anything Our door has has like two doors right so while my father was putting in the password she was holding the damn door and she let go so IT HIT MY HEAD She doesn’t even learn her prayers or do them she’s doesn’t know them in English or viet and doesn’t pay attention in mass like she going to hell She Refused TO wake UP ONE TIME WHICH MADE MY MOM GET ALL MAD WHICH RUINED THE WHOLE DAY BRCAUSE WHEN MY MOM GETS MAD IT'S OVER If I did anything she will go to the parents like cause one time I put Vaseline on the door handle to make her stop OEPNING THE DAMN DOOR She wanted to buy a jacket when she already has a hoodie then after the jacket she said she wanted to buy a hoodie but it has to be red One time I was like on top of my mom right (no questions) preventing her from leaving to take her somewhere so she started to throw things at me like water bottles and tv remotes Before this my mom was like slightly tapping me which she started counted because it technically counted as hits to me so technically is decrease her list When it was time for dinner she did not come down so after my mother finished cleaning the dishes and was relaxing upstair she went up to my mother and asked her to make scrambled eggs for her… like make them yourself… so my mother was like no so she hid herself into her room but my mom was like okay imma make her food cause she didnt eat but because she was mad so she didnt come out There are sooo many more i just can’t remember them all and even if you think this is stupid if has been lasting for her entire life try living with that. My final straw was thjs girl has had a thing called “you hit me, I hit you back” it seems fair right, but she counts hair flips, the air that passes when you run, accidental shoe steps, and JUST EVERYTHING. Then she counts, puts it on a list and if she doesn't get to hit you back. But when you do the same rule to her, she will say “I didn’t hit you” “I didn’t feel it” but like same thing when I run and don’t feel the air that passes through you. So when she says that she hits me again for hitting her so thats double the amount.

I really hate her and I don’t need advice saying ignore, just don’t talk to her. LIKE I TRY BUTS ITS NOT POSSIBLE BECAUSE SHE WILL DELIBERATELY DO THINGS TO ANNOY ME PERSONALLY. It is ruining my mental health.

sorry if this has a lot of typos and grammar mistakes. And this most likely might be taken down so if you see this what should I do

So I am (22F) and have one older sibling (that I know of) a brother who just turned 29 today. We are half siblings, we have the same mom but different dad's... we didn't grow up very close at all as he lived with his dad up until high school when he moved in with me, my mom and my step-dad. And since we had a big age gap, I was in fifth grade when he was in high school, we barely interacted as we are always doing our own thing. When I got older around 18, I started to hang around him more because he would bring girlfriends over to the house who I would got close with. He struggled with addiction for most of his life and in the past three years he's been to rehab and really straightened his life out. He moved a few states away so I see him about once a year when he comes down to visit our mom and step-dad, and I thought we maybe could be closer since he is sober now but while he's changed, our relationship is still the same. And while I'm so proud of him and want the best for him, I also feel a bit of resentment toward him because I feel like he doesn't really see me as a sister. It hurts that I've tried to give him the utmost love and support since forever, and I feel like I've got nothing in return. He's always shown love and appreciation to our mom though and it makes me wonder if we had always grown up together or were full siblings, if he would view me different. Growing up I felt a bit lonely, I learned how to have fun and play by myself because that's the only choice I had and I enjoyed it but there was also a part of me that wanted a sibling I could play with and confide in. And there was a sense of favoritism too, my mom would yell and punish me whenever I would breakdown but whenever my brother would do even worse she would not say anything. She would scream at me for asking if she could take me a few minutes away to a friends house yet drive my brother 40 minutes away to a friend's house, where they would do drugs together without hesitation. And there was a time my brother was going to the store and asked my mom and step-dad if they wanted anything but when I asked if he could get me anything he huffed and acted annoyed. But back to the beginning, today is his birthday and I texted him saying I hope he has a great day and that I love him and all he replied was- "Thank you!!" It sounded more like a reaction to a friend than to a sister, which made me not react or respond after that. I want to be in his life because he's the only sibling I got but it seems like he doesn't really care to be a part of mine. And I've seen so many other people have really close relationships with their siblings and family in general, sometimes to an unhealthy degree and I admit it does annoy me because I've never experienced that.

So my MIL came to visit today and I asked her to watch my baby while I cleaned around the kitchen. She was holding my 9mo. old and set her down on the couch with the baby's back facing the open side. I turned around to see the exact moment my baby fell from the couch flat onto her back and hit her head. How stupid can a grown woman be to set a baby down and let go of them like that?? I grabbed my baby immediately and did what I had to do (ICE and call the doctor). MIL was mortified and I told her to leave. I'm going to have a conversation with my husband when he gets home about not allowing her to hold the baby anymore and limiting any visits to just holidays. I cannot stand this ladys lack of common sense. As she left, she acted like it was all ok. would my "punishment" be too harsh?

So for my whole life I never knew who my father was until I was 19 when I finally found enough courage to ask my mom. a few years later and here I am. I’m still scared to talk to him and reach out. It never seems like the right time especially since he’s not the greatest person ever. However, I did some researching and I think I found my 70 year old aunt who lives in the same city as me. Should I try reaching out to her? I’m just looking for some advice or maybe someone who has had the same experience as me.

hi I’m 19f and I live with my older sibling and her fiance. She gets a little angry sometimes and it scares me. I pay rent to stay with her because I have nowhere else to go. Last night I went out around 2 am thinking it wouldn’t be a big deal but I guess it was and my sister is livid. She gets very violent and I’m very afraid to go back home. Her fiance texted me and I texted him back and told him I was out with friends. Please help me give me some advice I’m actually really scared

Hi everyone I'm new here but I need advice. Please don't post this anywhere else.

Sorry in advance this is going to be long. So for a bit of background I'm 20 female studying in university, currently outside of my country. Last year when I was studying in my country I had a job to pay for basically all my personal expenses and now I'm partially dependent on my parents financially. My mother 45F used to have a not so great partner 3 years back but she ended it after a year with him, he basically lived in our house and would heavily inforce his rules and beliefs on my mother. One of them was that according to him all pets have to live in the garage and not at home. None of the rules changed since he left even though I argued with my mother about them many times but she still wouldn't change them. I wittnest her a few times backing out and not waiting untill the automated garage fully closes and I asked her many times to wait for it to close just for a piece of mind but she always knows better

So on to what happened recently, when I left to go to another country I left my dog ( 11 year old chiuchuaua) with my mother at home and she promised to take care of it and to keep it at home. She didn't do that. 3 days ago when she was backing up from the garage my dog was inside of the garage and she didn't wait for the automated gate to close fully. As she found out later it has literally crashed my dog. My brother found him 7 hours later and called my mother to tell her. When I talked to her on the phone that day she assured my that everything was alright at home. 2 days after the incident ( yesterday) I was on a phone with her talking for like 25 minutes at this point when my brother enter the room and asked her if she told me yet. She said no and gave him the phone. He made a joke to me about my dog being dead but I didn't believe him untill she said it was true. I asked her what happened and only then she told me, emidietly saying that it was not her fault. I told her I can't talk to her right now and hang up. As it turns out most of my family knew and they didn't tell me. I cried for 3 hours straight to the point of throwing up. Today she was texting me asking to talk but I responded by texting that I don't what to talk to her right now and that I am disappointed with not only what happened but also with how they choose to tell me that (I don't know why they though letting my brother joke about that was a good idea). It is not the first time my mother disappointed me but it is the first time she hurt me that much.

What should I do? I can't just forgive and forget. I have to go home in a month and I feel like I can't trust anyone from my family.

Hi guys I’m 15f and my sister is 18f My sister hasn’t talked to me in over a month now for no reason I think. She’s always mad at me and won’t talk to me and acts like I don’t exist. I figured it’s cause she’s stressed or depressed but she seems normal and happy with the rest of my siblings and family. It’s specifically me but I don’t recall doing anything wrong. I actually decided to talk to her about it and she said it’s because she “knows I’m jealous of her” which was so random because I’ve only ever been happy for her and looked up to her. I’ve always wanted to be like her but never in a jealous way. At the start of the argument, she hinted that u was jealous but I didn’t get what she meant until she actually admitted that she “KNOWS” I’m jealous. That’s how clueless I was because I was NEVER jealous of her!! I told her multiple times that I don’t know what she’s talking about, and that I could never be jealous. She also said that I love her but don’t “like” her. Where the hell did she get all of this from?? I was so confused because everything was ok with us. Then all of a sudden she starts yelling at me about this stuff that makes no sense. It’s like she made it up or something. She also said that it seems like I’m never happy for her and that it seems like I don’t want good things to happen to her. What. The. Fuck.

Yea I was so in shock by all this that I cried because how she think this of me?? I didn’t do anything wrong and I love her so much. I was trying to explain that I would never think about her like that and how I’ve ever shown jealousy and she was like “you tell me!! YOU KNOW how.”

Fortunately I did end up clearing things up (I think) and convinced her that I wasn’t lying?? Still don’t know how the fuck she got that idea im still so confused.

She said “ok you cleared it up now. It’s okay” and I was relieved

Anyways that happened like 3 weeks ago and she’s still not talking to me. She’s talking to me a BIT more but barely any difference tbh. She’s still rude and seems kinda mad at me and thinking about all this is stressing me out and makes me want to cry bc I miss being with her and I love her so much and I’ve been praying that we get this issue between us fixed. I still don’t know why this is happening. I could never not “like” her or want the worst things to happen to her like she said. She was SO CONVINCED too. As if I said all of that to her which I’ve never said. Everything is so awkward between us. Ugh

Please help me out and give me advice, or why you think this is happening. I have many other issues too like my mom literally got breast cancer 3 days ago and she’s still distance, even when this is when we need each others support the most.

Thanks guys

My dad has been making us do this once a month ‘family meetings’ to talk abt things our family should and what not to do. But idk, im just seeing it as more of a way on how he can control us and such. Does any other families do this?

(And info for me, im 20, has a job, doesnt do any smoke, vape, dr*gs, and family oriented. Just a good kid lol)

Hey everybody, new to the feed here but needed a place to vent.

Niece is the oldest of my sisters' children (she was born when I was 14) and I've spend a lot of time with her over the years, she often comes over to spend the weekend and asks to do stuff with me etc. I (M30) care for her quite a lot, which is why it's so painful when my sister and my BIL don't do right by that kid. They're both very chaotic people, and their relationship is quite unhealthy (my sister has already left him twice, they got back together after more than a year apart over the summer, to their children's dismay). My sister works way too much, and though I understand her work is very important to her, she's constantly exhausted and on the verge of burning out.

Niece is a very anxious kid, both because of the world she lives in (climate change especially terrifies her quite a bit), her own neuro-diversity (she's got ADHD and I'm pretty sure she's autistic as well though undiagnosed), socializing, and school (she gets anxiety attack about her grades and getting into a good university pretty regularly). Admitedly, she's not an easy kid to raise, or even to lowkey care for as I've been doing, but I love her and I think she's worth the trouble.

Last weekend she called me asking if I could take her to an event where universities and other post-highschool programs will be present so future students can come talk to them, ask questions, etc. Her mum was supposed to take her but "they're going to the mountains to spend the weekend". Why on earth would they pick that specific weekend to have a couple get away is beyond me, but I didn't say anything and told her I would if I was free (I was busy when she called and couldn't check).

I called her again a few days ago to wish her a happy birthday when she turned 16 and we took the opportunity to talk more about the event, I confirmed I was free to take her, and since she's the kind of person who feels the need to overexplain everything she started giving me details about why her parents couldn't take her. The other day her mum was like "are you not coming with us to the mountains then?". Kid was confused as they'd never mentionned anything to her about it. Her mum had to think about it for a bit then admited Niece might have been doing her homework when they talked about it. "But we figured you couldn't come anyway since you have too much homework." They didn't even ask her if she wanted to come! I asked her to clarify if they were taking her younger brother (13M) and they ARE! This is not a couple weekend it's a family weekend and she's just not invited! Niece didn't seem to mind but I'm absolutely outraged on her behalf!

And then tonight we have one last call to finish setting things up for tomorrow and I'm like "hey, you sure you want to go to that specific event? It seems to mostly be about stuff you don't particularly wanna study any way..." She said there are still a couple schools there she wanna look into and also "mum really wants me to go". Oh, really? Well mum clearly doesn't care enough to cancel her weekend in the mountains so why should we care? (We're still going, it's important to Niece, but damn am I even madder!)

Anyway, guess who's getting a suprised trip to the bookstore after the event to pick every single book she wants as a belated birthday gift, then a nice dinner at grandpa's with me?

I'm honestly ashamed of my sister's behavior here. Niece said "she feels bad" but "bad" doesn't even cut it. I don't care about my BIL, I've never liked him, he's never been a very good father, but my sister should be better than this.

(I still don't know if I wanna start anything with her about it, we've had fights about the kids before and at this point I'm not sure there even would be a point, but I'm definitely having a long chat with Niece to make sure she understands that this is very much not okay and she's entitled to feel less than happy about it.)

Thanks to anyone who's read. I feel very bummed for her right now. She deserves better.

TLDR; my sister and BIL are taking my nephew (M13) on a weekend trip to the mountain and just decided to leave my niece (16F) behind without even asking her if she wanted to come.

!My brother is 3 years younger than me (he's 10). He definitely has unresolved psychological issues but my parents never comment on it. But lately, his anger issues are put out on other people.!<

!My dad usually laughs it off when he yells but with me, his anger is taken out physically. He hits me, really hard. And I never hurt him, yell at him, or do anything to provoke it. But one time, I beat him in a game and he started yelling. I told him nicely to stop because it was "just a game" but he pushed me off the couch and I fell onto the floor, he started fucking stomping on my head really fucking hard and I almost passed out.!<

!I told my dad but he just asked what I did to aggrevate him. Am I a bad person for thinking that that was fucked up?!<

My Mom rocked the 60s with something called a bouffant hairdo that looked a lot like a beehive. To maintain this style required an immense amount of Aqua Net, aka hair spray, that had the strength and hold of gorilla glue.

While moms hair styles changed with the decades, the Aqua Net remained a part of her daily routine.

Frankly, I'm surprised she hadn't succumbed to the fumes by now. Like a fog, it hung in the air for hours.

But the worst of her loving attachment to this glue in a can occurred when I heard yelling coming from the bathroom one day.

For a little backstory, at the time I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and moved into an apartment with my daughter and Mom. My daughter and I had one bathroom while Mom had her own.

One day I was using our bathroom so my daughter decided to use the other one to bathe. All was fine until I started hearing yelling coming from the bathroom my daughter was in. Like any Mom I sprang into action and went running towards the screams. When I ripped the door open I found my daughter standing in the bathroom with her feet literally glued to the floor. I couldn't help but laugh a little at the situation, finding that my Mom's hairspray had left a layer of dried adhesive all over the bathroom that when my daughter stepped out onto it with wet feet it reactivated the hairspray into what I would describe as human fly paper.

I wrapped my arms around my daughter and pried her off the floor with a little strength. For one second I honestly thought she was going to need skin grafting on the bottoms of her feet but upon further inspection she was a little upset, but fine.

Tell me about your upbringing. What makes it unique?

My mom and I have had a turmoluous relationship throughout the years. She previously had no boundaries and was very suffocating all throughout my 20s. Not only that, but she suffers from severe depression and mood swings. Our relationship got so bad that I did stop contact for almost a year last year. We're back talking again with new boundaries in place. She's been working on respecting them.

She's single and has been for about a decade. She followed me to a different state away from our family 7 years ago. For Christmas this year, I was thinking about going home to see some family with my spouse. I know that when she finds out she'll expect to go with us and stay with the same family member. The problem is, we have some family (not who we'd be staying with) that no longer speaks to her due to past behavior. I'd like to see them all during my trip preferably for a Christmas dinner. Plus, being around her for extended periods of time is quite emotionally draining. I'd prefer to go on this trip with my spouse, sans her.

It probably sounds easy to just tell her this but then I get this intense guilt for leaving her for the holiday to be by herself. I feel very conflicted. How should I go about this with her?

Tl;dr: I feel conflicted about either bringing my mom to Christmas out of state or leaving her by herself.

I need advice on how to do this…

I’m cutting my parents off because my mom is just very controlling, she controls every aspect of my life to the point where even in college she has my location and gets mad when I’m not in my own room. I want to go outside and have fun! Go on a late night run or something without worrying about my mom catching me, i thought moving out to college would be better her not having less access to me but i was wrong. Every phone call and every text i fear her. She inflicted fear into my head and i just can’t do this anymore I’m trying to gain control of my life and wanting to cut her off, I’ve dropped out of school since she pays for my tuition and she had threaten to withdraw me so i did it myself for her. Currently I’m applying for jobs and wanting to be financially stable and eventually paying her back the tuition money she spend on me. Once that’s done I’m finally out of her grasp i just need to know what to do after getting a job, should i stick with my bank account and kick her off of it? should i get a new phone so she doesn’t have access to it and give her my current phone back to her? how do i apply for housing? what about medical insurance and all of that i just need advice please!!!

I am not too close with my family besides my mom. My sister has always been an asshole. She always stole my friends when we were kids at the playground, she even stole a love interest when we were teens but he ended up being a piece of shit so I can’t be too mad, she threw me down the stairs and broke my ankle then proceeded to get on top of me and hit me because I didn’t want to talk to my dad (I had just found out he was cheating on my mom), she got into drugs and alcohol because of the previously mentioned boyfriend, she ended up running away from home a lot and got sent to boarding school. I was around 14 I believe. We never really spoke again after that. When she came back she was 18 and left to start her own life.

Fast forward to when i got pregnant with my first child. My mom guilt tripped me into telling her I was pregnant so I told her that Christmas. I got her a card that said, “congratulations you are going to be an aunt. I’m pregnant.” She said, “I’m sorry” and continued to go on about how we were going to be terrible parents. When I cut her off again and kept her out of my baby shower I think she realized the gravity of it all and apologized. I decided to forgive her. She had to pregnancies during that time and I made sure to be there for her because I was completely alone during mine. I suffered a lot during my pregnancy. But anyway, i was there for her through both pregnancies and both post partums. Then two birthdays ago, her and her husband decided they didn’t want to go to my birthday dinner but they wanted my mom to take my nephew. I had been with my nephew all day because i treat him like my own son. I took him to pick up two kittens that we adopted from the animal shelter that day. I took him to lunch. The whole day him and my son were fighting because they’re like brothers. So, I asked my mom to leave him with his parents so we could have a chill dinner for my birthday dinner. She said no and proceeded to call me evil and then decided not to go to my dinner and take my nephew out to dinner instead. That’s fine.

Anyways, I guess my mom told my cousin her side of the story which makes it seem like I’m this evil aunt. My cousin ran and told my sister this side. And instead of talking to me about it my sister verbatim told me she doesn’t love me, we don’t have a close relationship, she doesn’t want me to go on the family trip to see her graduate but she wants my cousin to go because my cousin has always had her back. I didn’t say anything at the time. She then finished with “but if you want to try having a relationship we can start.” The only thing running through my head was everything I had done for her since I decided to forgive her but you do things from the heart, not so you can throw it in peoples faces later. So I just kept my mouth shut. Later, I sent her a text pretty much saying that our relationship was over because for the past 6 years I had been showing up for her and I don’t possibly know what else I can do to build a relationship with her. I tried yall i really did. I took my nephew everywhere with me. Paid for all his things. Helped her with breastfeeding when she was a knew mom and in the thick of it. Always brought her food. Went all out for her birthday. So many things but she decided it wasn’t enough and that i needed to try harder. She never really did anything to build our relationship during that time.

Anyway, when our relationship ended she completely iced out my son. He was 6 at the time. He would text her in his iPad and she just stopped responding. So did her husband, which was literally my sons favorite person. That is what hurt me the most. It killed me to have my six year old ask about them. I wanted to desperately say “they’re selfish assholes. Forget about them because they forgot about it you.” But I just always say maybe they’re busy or they don’t have phones anymore. I hate that life has had to reach this lesson to my son. So I won’t make it worse.

We still see each other because she lives with my mom. I became pregnant with my daughter and she never acknowledged my pregnancy. Never said congratulations when she was born. Nothing. This added salt to the wound because i had been there for her through both pregnancies no matter how terrible she was with me in my first. Now she doesn’t even acknowledge my daughter. It hurts me but only because my daughter doesn’t deserve that. She’s already hated by someone and she’s only 4 weeks old.

Anyway, there’s been a lot of death and sickness around lately. This got me thinking, if my sister dies would i be sad? If my first thought was “yes” then I would try to latch up the relationship. But everything inside me says no. I’m wondering if anyone has experience with this? Like has anyone ever cut someone abusive out of there life but when their abuser died they felt sadness? As I wrote the question I realized how messed up it is. Maybe I should just ask my therapist.

Same with my dad. He was a deadbeat of the worst kind. He thought so highly of himself. He was very smart I will give him that but he didn’t provide and constantly cheated on my mom then left her with two kids. He stopped calling me. Missed my birthdays and graduations. Then one day I go to pick up my son from my moms house when he my son was one and I walk into my dad holding my son. I was furious and grabbed my son. I asked him how dare he and I was furious with my mom. My dads last words for me before I left the house were “You’re nothing. You were always nothing. You’re nothing.” I know it’s not true. I try to be a good person and a great mother. I would say I’m doing ok. I got a Statistics degree with an emphasis in Data Science and I’m thinking about going to law school soon. I have a beautiful family and I’m the only kid that’s moved out from home. I have a lot of friends although I do struggle to let them fully in but they accept me still.

Anyway, I’m going on about myself let me get back to why I wrote this post. If either of them died, I don’t think I would be sad at all. Is this something I’ll end up regretting? Who knows.. life man.

Hello all, my first post in here. I just needed to get it out.. I have introduced my mom (50 yrs old) to kdramas on Netflix because she was bored at home. I even put my Netflix logging on her phone and on house TV. But since, she got addicted.. She watch until 2 a.m, then start again at 7a.m She stays on bed, doesn't even shower or brush her teeth. She go shower and start the house chores around 5 p.m then by 7 p.m she is back to her room watching kdramas. At first I was thinking it's okay, she will soon get enough of it but no.. watching 16 1hour long episodes in 2 days and soon get to complete 4 kdrama per week...she watches so much that she even complained that there are no new dramas on Netflix fast enough. It starting to affect all of us as all other family members go to work and doesn't really have time to run the house or cook. Mostly my younger brother is 9 years old and mom doesn't even help with his homework anymore. He even prepare his own bread or cereals because mom told him so as she doesn't want to pause her episode. We tried to talk her out of this addiction mentioning that she just need to do the basic household work (washing the clothes, cooking and vacuuming). I even suggest to do it 3 times per week first thing in the morning so she can the just stay on Netflix all day long... but nothing work. The house hasn't been broom or vacuum for 3 weeks... My subscription got canceled because i couldn't pay this month (i couldn't pay any of my other subscriptions too) and she started crying because of that... i found that exaggerating and excessive reaction. What are your thoughts ?

I make good money. You may interprete, ‘good,’ however you may, but I can afford creature comforts.

But, the amount of money I have or make is an integral component of my self-worth…. It’s like “look at me. Now, I belong to be seated at the big kids table,” my income earned me the right to be free, genuine, and authentic; almost like giving the middle finer to others….. I NO longer feel like an outcast, the weird one, or the misfit. As I have previously felt.

I know this isn’t health. How can I break this mindset? Have others experienced?

Would it be weird to reach out to my dad's ex-wife to say hello? I was 7 when they got married in 1989 (I'm 42 now), but they lived in a different state than me so I never really got to know her, I only visited him during my summer vacations while he was living in that state. The only thing I remember of her is how nice she was, and how much I really liked her as a child. My dad on the other hand was a complete ahole to every woman he ever married or dated. I have no idea how long they were married for, I don't believe it was very long at all because I only have a couple memories of her, but she made enough of an impact in that short time that I've always wondered about her. I only remembered her first name until I recently when I was going through a box of my dad's old things (he has since passed away), and came across their wedding album. It had her full maiden name listed, and with that I was able to find her on Facebook. I would love to reach out but I feel like at the same time it could come across as weird and awkard, especially possibly for her. I really don't care to know the details of their relationship, I'm not looking to ask her any personal questions related to that, I just wanted to say a friendly hello and see how she has been doing after all these years, and if anything, to thank her for showing me kindness because he sure didn't.

Do they have an annoying smoker’s cough? It drives me crazy! My sister smokes one to two packs a day. She plans everything around smoking! At meals she leaves the table, when we’re in the car together she needs to stop for a smoke break, the list goes on. And she can’t even laugh without breaking into a coughing fit. How do you deal with this, I’m at wits end!

need advice pls!! in october my appendix ruptured and i (21f) had to have emergency surgery. i called my family and told them, and even though my siblings were in the same town, neither them or my parents showed up. i told them i was scared and in a ton of pain (after they tried talking me out of going to the hospital). my best friend was with me and she stayed there for the 18 hours i was in the hospital. her mom also offered to be there with me if i needed her too (her mom has always been there for me). i had the surgery done and my best friend drove me home and then my sister stayed with me for a few hours (she refused to come while i was actually in the hospital). once my sister left, i started having really bad pain and had to go back to the hospital with a small complication. my best friend was there with me again while no one in my family showed up. i got to the hospital at 7 pm and was discharged at 11 am. while the nurse was printing out my discharge paper is when my mom showed up. for the past few weeks i’ve been really hurt about my family not showing up for me (to be fair, it was my mom’s birthday) but haven’t said anything because it’d start an argument.

i had to move apartments this week (i didn’t get to chose the move out day), and my complex gave me from wednesday - friday to move everything. my siblings both promised to help but told me about 15 minutes beforehand that they couldn’t. my mom had an endoscopy that morning and when i saw her at 5 pm she was up and talking and just overall seemed fine. my sister said she had to stay and help take care of my mom. my brother said that he had to drive my OTHER sister to a dentist appointment the next day and was tired. i brought up how her appointment wasn’t until next week and he was like “oh… well i have a paper to write”, which at that point just sounded like an excuse to get out of helping. i can’t move on my own because i can’t lift more than 10 lbs because of the surgery. my family tried asking if i could ask my apartment complex for an extension on my move out day but i told them that wouldn’t work because i have 3 group projects to work on this weekend and even more homework, plus i’d be worried about an added fee. my best friend was able to help me on thursday and was going to help again today (friday), but her brother is currently having a really big medical scare and can’t help. i called my front office for my complex and asked for an extension because i dont have anyone else and now i have until tomorrow morning. also my sister was able to help me move smaller stuff last night. my mom and i just got into an argument about how i was able to ask for an extension for my friend but not for my family and i brought up how she came to the hospital only after i was readmitted and 15 hrs after i had been there, while my friend was there the entire time. she hung up on me and i know she’s hurt, but i don’t know what to do. im tired of feeling like im not important enough or forgotten about but i also dont want to hurt my family’s feelings. should i tell them how i feel or just let it go?

My brother and his wife are very very heavy handed and authoritative with this child. They crush him and force constant authority on him. He has little apparatus to express his own autonomy there.

My personal belief is that he takes it out on any other adults who act as authorities or give him instruction.

For example, I even asked him nicely as he walked away from the dinner table eating with me and my parents (his mom and dad weren't present), "Hey (name), could we help grandpa/ma clean up the table?" *Rolls eyes**deflates body langauge* "Fiiineeee."

I am very respetful of his personal independence and actually encourage it in him. For example, I have asked him if I can give him input on sports after a game. He said "no", so I respected it. I encourage him to speak up when he has a though for me, and then apologize when I was wrong about something, etc.

I'd like help with:

1.) I'm very concerned about his long-term emotional health/development because his parents are so heavy handed. They haven't quite discerned leadership vs. needlessly untamed authority.

2.) How do I resolve how he feels even when I ask him politely if we can do things? I mean, we have to be polite and clean the dinner table, and I phrase it to him in a question. But still there is this deep seated emotion in him where he feels terrible inside when any level of authority or request is given to him from adults. I am concerned how he feels inside. He feels so attacked by authority at home (I believe), that all levels of polite instrution/request feel like an attack b/c it is so polarized at home he struggles to discern.

Thanks!