SA story time

Imma jump right in . I was 21f and this guy was 30 , we have very wild sex in general .

I was a virgin when I met him but I had given bjs to my ex bf . So not completely new to sexual stuff .

This guy was so handsome so I thought this is a jackpot and the sex was good . He used to tell me “ i love you “ everyday , I loved that coming from a man who literally looks like Greek god .

I believed cause he made me believe live it. So basicailly the Wild sex got wilder and wilder until I decided to use safe words etc cause he just wanted my pussy and nothing else . He used to say that out too but I didn’t believe it and thought he actually liked me cause I am so used to hearing the damn three words from him everyday during sex.

So one day I invited him over cause he was at a party near by and he was drunk . He came over and we had sex, he was more aggressive than usual in beating my face very aggressively and everything and in the middle he just wanted to have anal sex . I just you can’t just do it cause it’s not possible and it requires some preparation and that I don’t have a douche or whatever idk . Or even a lube . So he put on a condom and started forcing me, I tried to run away but he brought me back by lifting me so I thought it was cute and romantic and I laughed cause I thought it was over. But he actually pinned me down and put the damn thing in me . I was still under the impression that he was joking until he actually put it in and idk what I was thinking. It was very painful so I told him to stop but he didn’t cause he would never stop that’s his style . So I’d usually like that cause I thought it was sexy . I do kinda have rape fetish so idk what to think of it . But I was trying to tell him stuff that can make him stop , so I told him that “ if you don’t stop this rn , I’ll never meet you ever “ in an undertone that I’ll report to the police but I didn’t say that I was actually scared that he will be all macho and be like yeah do whatever you want imma rape you . So I refrained from bringing up about the police. I think he got it or idk but he stopped . I immediately felt bad and tried to calm the situation by saying “we can have vaginal sex how much ever you want but I can’t do anal “ and I wanted him to continue having sex with me and make up the situation to me. So that it would feel like a normal day and that was just some miscommunication or something . But he said that me saying that made him turn off and he wouldn’t have sex with me , I immediately asked him if it’s for tn or forever cause I didn’t wanna lose him. So he said just for tn and I wanted him to cuddle me or be sweet to me . But we just slept and he wanted to leave in the middle of the night cause his nose was stuffy and that he couldn’t breathe properly. So I said ok .

I got so mad cause it was so embarrassing cause to me anal just reminds me of poop and it’s disgusting ( no judgement to whoever’s into it now I totally get it. I started wearing butt plug ) It just made me so angry . I literally grew up so pampered I didn’t let anyone insult me ever , my parents value my privacy and my descions a lot . So basically I’m saying that I’m not the type to take shit from people. I felt so insulted cause he didn’t bother trying to make me feel comfortable expected to just do it like I have a massive asshole waiting for his dick to just slide in. He didn’t bother to be gentle . I felt very insulted so I wanted to call him and have a conversation about it . But he didn’t pick up like usual cause little did I know then that he has a whole ass wife. So I texted him incase I ever decide to file a case against him , which I did . So he just pretends to not remember anything , I was kinda sure I’d forget all this in future cause I am not new to having memory blocks.

So that happened on Oct 24 and he told me he has a wife on Nov 4 th , I wanted to die and I told that to my therapist and he sent me to the psych ward . So he still told me that his marriage was forceful and that he loves me blah blah . That he gonna be honest and loyal to me . I totally forgot about the assault and started obsessing over his marriage , I talked to all my friends told them about his marriage and what I should do . Somehow they think being with a married man is crossing a line but they said it’s ok if he is getting a divorce cause it’s a forced narrative whatever , maybe we were all dumb for believing him even after being lied to for 8 months straight.

The more I think from his side the more it looks less like an assault and more like miscommunication or wild sex gone wrong .

My guess is that he wanted to either make fun of my sexuality , or do a prank on me or something insulting like that . I reported this to the police and they took the complaint . But I feel like if he is just an asshole and not a rapist am I ruining the life of somebody.

I am consumed with guilt and constant confusion. Need honest opinions on this please.

I will answer any questions regarding this.

Hi sorry if I say some bits wrong It’s my first time writing on one of these and telling someone properly..

Backstory: I’m 18 (f) and I was in a relationship with Z (lets call him Z) 18 (m) for over a year at this point, our sexual side of things has always been rough he was a Christian and I was willing to wait till marriage but one thing led to another and yeah, he loved an@L and I absolutely hated it, whenever we did it even taking precautions it would hurt so I’d say no and same with sex in general tbh I just wasn’t feeling it as we were always fighting so I never wanted sex, but he always used to tell me off and try getting me to do it there was multiple times I had to beg him to stop trying to keep asking all the time he’d do it over and over until I agreed, even sometimes I’d end up crying and he’d continue. My best friend S also hated Z with a passion because she found that Z was really horrible to me during the relationship.

So in December last year (5 months ago) me, my boyfriend Z and my friend S (let’s call her S) all stayed at mine for a sleepover, it was here we decided for the first time I was going to get drunk, we were watching a film and drinking just me and S, as my boyfriend didn’t want to because of religious reasons which was completely fair, so eventually me and my friend were drunk (me mostly) i was a mess, i only remember certain bits but i was just a mess (ive seen videos) like i fell through multiple gates 😭.

So anyway, as time was getting on they managed to finally get me to bed, my friend S went to my room whilst me and my boyfriend stayed in my mum’s, now my memory of the night is all fuzzy, but I remember parts of him climbing on top of me and starting to have sex, and I remember I REMEMBER telling him to stop over and over and he didn’t listen, he then tried forcing an@l on me and I remember how much it hurt, I kept saying stop and after a while of me begging he did stop, but I would predict maybe all of this over 10-15 mins of me begging him to stop, before he actually did, keep in mind me was 100% sober, I immediately fell asleep.

When I woke up the next morning I was sober and devastated, I remember going to the bathroom and being in pain because of it which solidified in my head that it had actually just happened. I confronted him, he said “I was asking for it” according to his POV I was touching myself, begging for it, which i don’t remember so I don’t know if I did or not, but regardless I told him to stop, you know? Over time from December to February, it was a discussion I kept having with him because I genuinely think I was raped, he keeps denying it, saying I was asking for it and it isn’t rape, he just wouldn’t admit it, which got me angrier and angrier. Eventually, roughly around January; I told my best friend S, she was devastated as she didn’t know and hates him for it, she also agrees I was raped and is adamant I was and that he’s in the wrong. However, I don’t know how to feel, the reality just has not set in yet for me and I don’t know what it would be classed as so I’m here as kind of a hope that your opinions can tell me whether I was raped or not.. I broke up with him and I haven’t talked to him in a month now and I intend to keep it that way. Additionally, one of his excuses were “well your obviously not that drunk if you remember this” and that “I was falling through gates so” which just proves my point even more that I couldn’t consent but he is adamant he didn’t do anything wrong..

Thank you for your time reading this!

Throw away account for obvious reasons. This is long but hang in there. I 29F have been with my boyfriend 32M for 7 years. We are long distance and only see each other every other weekend.

I love long distance as my life is super busy as I am a part time carer for my grandfather who has cancer, a single parent to two young children and I also graduated from university last year with a first class honours and am now working full time as a molecular biologist which is my dream job.

Recently, the past 6 months I have struggled with anxiety and falling asleep due to worrying about everyone in my family and being the sole provider and carer. My grandfather’s cancer has also gotten worse. So I went to the doctors and they prescribed me sleeping pills to help.

As you can probably tell with my stress and anxiety and trying to juggle everything to be everything to everyone, sex has not been at the forefront of my mind and is probably the last thing on my mind. By the time I have looked after my children, cared for my grandfather and been to work all day, then come home and clean the house, make the food and put the kids to bed, all I want to do it grab a shower and go to sleep.

So, onto the reason you’re probably reading this. I started taking my sleeping pills just after new year and would notice that my partner when he was down for the weekend would wake me up in the night and we would have sex. It didn’t seem odd at first but I did notice that I was already “warmed up” shall we say when I woke up. Really weird because when I sleep on my own this didn’t happen. After every time he would say “I don’t know what happened but I woke up and your hand was already on me” and every single time I would feel absolutely disgusted in myself that I would do that to him while I was asleep and felt like I had done something really wrong. I would feel really gross with myself and actually get upset.

Anyway, this weekend just gone I took my pills, said goodnight but just couldn’t sleep. But as I laid there he leaned over me, to check I was asleep. Something in me told me to lay still and pretend I was asleep, so I did. He then proceeded to touch me, started moaning and then moved my hand to him and used my hand to please himself. I made my hand go limp and he then manoeuvered himself onto his side to then keep using my hand. I just froze. I was so angry and upset and felt utterly betrayed that he would let me think it was my fault that this kept happening every time he came over and blamed it on the pills.

I was so angry that I just turned over and put my back to him. He then had the nerve to say to me in the morning. “You blue balled me last night, you started doing it and then just rolled over” and I just said “how do you know if you were asleep too like the rest of the times?” and he said “well I woke up and you were doing it and then you rolled over”.

My question is. Do I leave him? Was this rape? And how do I recover from this?

For some context on this situation , I am 21f and have been raped and assaulted by many people throughout my life, mainly due to hyper sexual using myself to cope with my low self worth. Some of these assaults were very violent and damaging. I am confused about if this particular situation I’m about to mention was rape or not. This guy I was seeing on and off for around a year wanted to hang out with me, before I came to his house I told him I couldn’t have sex , this was because I had a UTI but was to embarrassed to tell him that was the reason . He said that was fine and we could just watch a movie and cuddle, so I came over. At first we just cuddled, but then he tried to take off my underwear. I told him I really didn’t want to have sex right now, and he said he didn’t understand why I didn’t want to since we would usually have a lot of sex. I’m not a very assertive person, so the way that i said I didn’t want to probably came across as apologetic and maybe he didn’t realise I was being serious. I didn’t wanted to tell him it was because of a UTI since I get embarrassed talking about health issues. In addition, I also told him throughout our relationship that I liked rough sex and being dominated, so I don’t know if this also made him think I was just being playful by saying no this time. I moved away a bit after he tried to take my underwear off, but then he moved closer and pulled them down more forcefully and got on top of me. I tried to move away a bit but he pinned me down and got his dick out. I didn’t really know what to do because I really liked him and didn’t want to start a fight with him, so I just passively said I really didn’t feel like having sex right now. He just put it in, and it was very uncomfortable and a bit painful since I had a UTI. After like a minute he realised it was uncomfortable for me, and then he asked if I wasn’t enjoying it and I said no I wasn’t. He stopped immediately and he seemed embarrassed and agitatedly said “fuck”, then we just cuddled the rest of the night without him trying anything again. I just am confused about if it was rape or not, or if he genuinely thought I was just being playful by saying no, since he knew I was kind of into CNC.

Can someone explain to me, step by step, what exactly happens when I visit a gynae in the UK after being raped? Not for forensics but a medical check up due to pain / burning sensation

M27. Off my chest post, no need to reply. Thanks if you care though.

I shouldn't be empathetic towards my rapist. I was raped by a coeval who was also a verbal bully, whose group had harassed my highschool life 11 years ago. 11 years, ago. I still remember the feeling clearly.

Long story short I incidentally met him again. But now he act like a better person, we both have a job and share a friendship with a cool man. When he first apologised to me through text, I was annoyed. But I couldn't tell him to get away from my life, because I had so many wonders that I couldn't bring myself to ask him. But he met me again at my workplace, shit like wth, but too panicked I agreed to talk with him afterwork (I'm dumb and brainless af)

Eventually I think he is genuinely guilty about it. It's so weird somehow you feel relate to your past rapist because both of you can't get this off your chest towards anyone else in real life. Of course, still I can't be friends with him. I can listen to his yapping, screw this big overthinking sympathetic heart of mine, but I still can't look at his face now, being a grown ass man. I dreamt of that day when he raped me in that nasty bathroom, but with his current appearance. I'm still overwhelmed and angry. But I just want to forgive it off. I just want to forget everything and move on.

It somehow feels lighter to know what he thought. It's like commit a revenge. I feel like letting some of my problems go. But I still feel like he obviously has more chances than me now, I think he can get a girlfriend, can live a normal life without having nightmares and ptsd. Which I can't. All just because he was curious how would it feels and decided to try it on that shy kid.

I hate my life.

I have a very mentally abusive/gaslighting ex boyfriend. He had narcissistic tendencies and lacked a lot of empathy. Recently I’ve started remembering and reevaluating some of the experiences that I blocked out from our time together. I’m trying to figure out if what happened was rape or some sort of sexual assault or just scummy behaviour. I figured I would find a subreddit where I could just lay it out and someone might be able to give me their opinion.

Context: As I said he could be very cruel to me. An example he once said to me “it’s a good thing you’re so pretty because you have a terrible personality”. He was always sharp with me but in a condescending way. He loved to argue and call me dramatic when I was upset with him. I was with him on and off for three years and in that time he never told me he loved m; that he would love when I was a better girlfriend, or argued less, or was less mentally ill. He slowly started to become more physical with me, twisting my wrists when he was frustrated. Grabbing me and holding too hard. My final straw was him grabbing my arms and backing me down into the bed and holding me there.

During the mid part of our relationship I started to notice that the only time he was really nice or showed me affection was after we had sex and he had finished. I mentioned this to him and he agreed he was more affectionate after. As time passed he would suggest I sleep with him if I wanted him to be nice to me. I would joke at the time that maybe I should fuck you so you stop being so mean. It got to the point where he would be cruel and I would just let him penetrate me while I laid there so he could finish and I could have some kindness. I would always tell him to be as fast as he could. I would suggest maybe a handjob but he would say it’s not the same and won’t have the same effect. I think if I had said no he would have stopped but I don’t know as I never did. I wanted peace and a break from the constant belittling and cruelty so I let him do it.

Thinking back on it I feel taken advantage of but I don’t quite know how to classify it and that bothers me. I would appreciate some outside perspective so I can figure out what I need to do to heal this part of me. I’m happy to provide more context if it would be helpful. Thanks guys.

I asked my therapist that I want to see some other therapist in same organisation and they are threatening me by terminating the therapy

I'm seeing a gov hospital's psychologist taking therapy but they in between check their phone, sort their papers on table and I don't feel heard listend so I asked them if i can change them And my psychologist basically a mphill trainee said she will talk to her sir. And today she said that his sir will talk to me cz then if I'll change the psychologist then next time again I'll do it so they will talk to me otherwise just terminate the therapy.

I can't afford private psychologists pls help.

it took me years to realise that what I went through during my college years was grooming and sexual coercion. my mental breakdowns are an everyday occurence now. sigh.

This happened like three years ago btw but I’m still confused as to why he did this.

4 years ago I was raped, 1 year after that I tried to unalive myself. During my hospital stay I was still extremely scared of men and had many other triggers related to the rape, one day I was in bed (you could only be in bed and go to the bathroom btw) and this random doctor comes up to me and tells me he need to check something, then he just gropes my vagina and leaves. I was in a horrible state of mind so I didn’t say anything but now it just pisses me off so much.

Almost 3 years ago when I was a freshman I was raped by a senior who I thought I could trust, I was only 14 years old. While it was happening to me it felt like I was watching myself in my brain but through my eyes if that makes sense. I couldn't move and I couldn't speak while it was happening to me I just knew it was wrong and what was happening. I don't know if disassociation is the right word for it, it was like my entire body but my thoughts just froze up. I don't know if this was a normal reaction or not because I always think I could have done something to stop it but because of me just sort of drifting off like that I just couldn't do anything. I don't know if it was fear or what I just need to understand why.

I need to get this off my chest last year I was hanging out with a guy and halfway threw our hangout maybe before that I knew he was going to “rape” me and I walked into it idk why I continued to be there with him maybe i was to high to care maybe i was using it as self harm like i do with sex

idk why I stayed around to find out but I did I even played dumb a little bit I knew as soon as he took me out of sight of the general public he was going to do it and I pretended I didn’t know what he was going to do idky I did it but I brought it to me I know I deserve it because I chose it.

When he started I begged him to stop so many times i tried to crawl away I tried to hit I tried to cover my self up but each time I failed and after a while I was so tired and so high that I gave up and just let it happen.

The worst part was it felt good physically that is it was the closest anyone has ever gotten to making me cum I’m so disgusted that a part of me almost begged for more but thankfully I didn’t and instead told him how much I hated him. He apologized after and waited with me for my ride to pick me up. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t press charges on him in court next month I chose this I knew it was going to happen and he was nice to me after.

I feel lost

So at the time I was taking sleeping meds that made me loopy. M21

I was supposedly popping off at how I was gonna go out that night and sleep with another girl/ me and my ex weren’t officially together at this point and some girl was messaging me. I know it was wrong of me to say but I wasn’t in the right headspace.

The thing was though, I could hardly stand I was quite dizzy and when she grabbed me and tried taking my phone it instantly fell out my hand/ she then turned me on her and put me in her and I wasn’t really mentally all there so midway I fell asleep but woke up again and tried my best to sleep with her but fell asleep.

Next day I felt like shit really sluggish and asked her if I dreamed that. She said no. She told me not to tell anyone as she didn’t wanna be banned from the country as she wasn’t from where I’m from and I didn’t wanna ruin anything.

I don’t know if it was r*pe but I felt weird about it.

She said she did it to stop me from sleeping with someone else but like I said I couldn’t get out of bed and was spewing nonsense even then it’s my choice….

She never talks about it but was really sorry in the moment… later she said she didn’t believe I was on sleeping pills and it was my fault and she didn’t care anymore.

I no longer take the pills.

Yeah… Anyway

Sorry, just ranting into the void. I don’t expect any replies, don’t worry.

I’ve just been struggling with what happened. I feel as though I’m wrong about what he did, and that he’s actually a decent guy. Like maybe he just ignored me trying to stop things because he thought he could make me enjoy it eventually? And I’d eventually consent?

It felt as though he was just trying to make me orgasm, and so my head keeps telling me that means he was doing it “for me”. He also said he was doing it for me when I spoke to him. He did make me orgasm, and it was the first time I’d orgasmed with someone else. He seemed happy with himself and I was full of shame.

In most other aspects, he’s really nice and normal. Everyone likes him. I’m worried he’s a nice guy and I’m just so wrong about this all. That I should have tried harder to stop it, I should have said no more or fought him off harder. I gave in in the end and let him do whatever he wanted. I thought it would make it finish quicker, but he probably took that as me finally consenting.

Other people in my life also think I’m lying about this (I’ve been told by friends they’ve heard), so that’s always great.

I also feel as though I’m overreacting about what happened. I was SA’d when I was a child and teen, and had lots of pretty rubbish things happen. I managed to cope with them. But this guy (as an adult) has just managed to completely violate me somehow, even though what he did was technically similar to things that I don’t feel affect me v much from being younger. So confusing.

Just 🫠🫠

so pretty much everyday this kid in my class will come up to me randomly and grab my ass or slap it and would slide two of his fingers in and i’ve told him many times to stop and he just laughs and thinks its funny.

So I don’t really know if it’s okay to post this here, but my boyfriend told me he has fantasies about rape. I’m 100% sure he would never do it, but he likes to watch animated porn about rape. It’s called hentai I think. He recently told me all of this. I wanna ask if anyone has same experience or knows how could I help him. He doesn’t want to seek help, because it’s intimate for him, but he’s really sad about it, because he doesn’t want it to ruin our relationship.

I was outside with my dog and he walked past me, I know it was him, I think he did not recognize me, as I wore a sort of disguise as always, but I'm so scared, and I feel so unsafe, I can't talk to anybody here at home I can't call anybody I think I'm safe but I feel like I'm in danger, please anybody talk to me, I need somebody to convince me I'm safe.

I'm in bed now cuz it's only private place here and I have a throwing knife on my just to make me feel safer but I'm still so scared

My girlfriend was sexually assaulted for a while when she was young, I will spare the details of her experiences as they aren’t mine to share. She’s a very kind and caring person who can be a little sensitive at times. She’s very aware of her emotions but I know that she's still growing and managing that trauma she’s experienced before and that it’s still affecting her. I love her so much I want to be the most supportive person i can be in her life. I cannot understate how much i love my girlfriend and how much i love everything she's done for me. We've been dating for six months and i was her first sexual partner I had one before her, but she had a boyfriend before me and this is my first relationship. Neither of us have much experience. I have a much higher drive than my girlfriend. I was wondering what I could do to make her feel more comfortable because she barely even acts like she's intimately attracted to me. She doesn't get horny or initiate physical intimacy even kissing. It just feels like she's never intimately interested in me and it's making me have bad thoughts about myself and my body image. I do not ever want her to feel pressured into having sex with me. I need some advice on how I can work through this without making her think that she's needs to start having sex with me or I'll leave or love her any less. I spoke with her about it and it didn't go well she was just very upset and broke down. But is it wrong for me to stay with her? Should I accept that we aren't compatibles and move on? I wish I had someone to talk to about this because I know it will break her heart if I bring it up as we are leaving for the summer and may not see each other much until the next semester of college.

i have uni assignments due in less than two days and after having one of my most intense attacks in a while, i just have no energy for anything

i was raped and sexually assaulted repeatedly by my ex boyfriend for 2 years. it’s been about 2 years since then and i’m still not healed. i still get flashbacks and still have PTSD from it. i haven’t really gotten to talk to a therapist about it. i’m in a sexual violence support group but it’s not really helping it mostly just triggers me. i feel like i’ll never get over this.

got molested a few days ago but idk what to think about it. Feel weird too. Idk. Has anyone ever felt this before? I saw the man again today in the train with another girl probably a little older than me and idk what to think about it

I made a fair number of posts here, but more recently had a bit of a breakdown and deleted everything, so wanted to just post this now and say for the first time in weeks, I'm actually doing okay. I'm still not feeling great, it's gonna be a while before I get to that stage I think, especially with the anniversary of the assault coming up soon, but considering I went from thinking about it daily to now having gone a little while without intrusive thoughts or nightmares, it feels really good. It does help that I have family around who support me when I don't feel good, and I hope everyone else will be able to have that. I know this is a bit different to how posts on this Reddit usually are but I thought it would be nice to just talk about something a little more positive. Have a great day everyone.

For context, I'm 19 female, my partner 19 male and the guy who did it, we'll call him Joe, is 42 male.

A few days ago my partner and I had a big conflict because of some of his interactions with Joe. Mainly him violating my boundaries in conversation with Joe and him tolerating sexual advances by Joe over text. That conflict is more or less solved and my boyfriend knows that he hurt me and that his behaviour wasn't okay, but it's important context for what happened.

During the fight we had about him accepting those advances he told me that he was so sorry and that he never really liked it, but it gave him the feeling of being sexually desired and that it gave him confidence for a few moments. Especially because he doesn't like his body and doesn't have the best relationship with food. But after breaking contact with him for a different reason, now he feels disgusting and objectified. He got to know Joe and his friends after his last break up and they were all very sexual with each other. My boyfriend joined into that because it helped with the pain of the break up, but also because he felt pressured because he didn't want to be seen as boring or prude. He mostly didn't really do stuff with them, except being flirty and jokingly sexual, from what I understood.

But yesterday he told me that one time he was staying the night with Joe and a friend and Joe was making advances to the other friend but he said no. After that Joe came to my boyfriend and started cuddling and eventually began to touch him. He wasn't able to do anything because he was in shock and could only say something when Joe tried to kiss him. After that he was able to say that he needed to go to the bathroom to clean up.

I'm so so proud that he was able to tell me about that and I'm so mad that this happened to him. He was afraid I'd count this as cheating, because he didn't say stop and didn't tell me about for so long. He blames himself for not being able to say stop and for still being able to spend time with Joe after that.

He doesn't know how to call what happened, because he says it's not rape because he never said no, but that it feels like it.

Right now I'm so overwhelmed with everything. I felt nothing when he told me about that. I wasn't angry or sad or sorry. I was just numb. When he said he wanted to talk about something, I knew that he would tell me that Joe did something to him. I hoped it would be something else, but I knew. And I just don't know what to do, I can't tell anyone, because my partner doesn't want anyone to know and I understand that. But it's so exhausting to know this.

If anything is unclear please ask, I just want to talk have a possibility to talk about it.

So my gf has been raped multiple times and we been dating for like 5 months now and she has now been talking about what happened during those times and how it's affecting her I've known that she was a victim since we started dating but she never talked about it but she has been talking about more and more with me like what happened and all She's been going to therapy which is good it's going well I think I've noticed that she's been doing better She does have flashbacks to what happened and she tells me when it happens. I try my best to help her whenever it happens or she starts thinking about it and all I know is just me talking to her seems to be helpful but I'm just here seeing if anyone could give advice on how I could help or should I just keep doing what I've been doing which is either just listening to her talk about it or try to distract her from it which I think is good but I'm wondering if there's more I can do to help.

I’m confused, Im a 15 year old girl and I wanted to come on her talk about this. I feel like I can come here and talk about this Online because nobody will know this in real life.

I’ve been confused of my sexual orientation and if something is wrong with me. As of 2 years ago these thoughts started because I’ve been Sexually Assaulted & Raped by my brother’s girlfriend, as of recently my family is figuring out what to do about this situation but that’s something I don’t need to talk about.

But when the rape and sexual assault started I wasn’t very worried about as I should’ve been, it started with her wanting to be closer to me and of course I didn’t think much of it since she was my brother’s girlfriend and we should get along, Then it progressed to her giving me kisses on my face or near my lips and she would hug me in a very intimate way.

I didn’t tell my family about that because I didn’t think it was something that big and I thought they wouldn’t really care, (I really wish I told them!) But the kissing and the hugging went on for a while till she took a whole 180 and started touching me intimately, like touching my breast or my butt and it was such a shock when she first did it, it was like my voice wasn’t there to tell her to stop, like I was just letting her do it to me, and I like I didn’t have control over myself.

After this started I of course still didn’t tell anybody, I thought it would just stop or she would realize she made a big mistake but no, And that’s when I guess she thought she had the pass the just rape me, the first time she actually raped was so rememberable that I couldn’t get it out my head after the first few months it happened, I probably showered over 15 times and I took lots a baths to wash her touch off of my body but it was like her hands was still there holding my body down and it was the worst feeling ever, but I stayed quiet because I was scared and then she started asking if I loved her or did I like it while she would rape, Even though I would say no she would tell me I did and I sick person to like that of sex.

And during this whole ordeal I felt so blank, like my feelings didn’t matter and if I told someone that I was raped they would think I was lying and that I liked it, I started watching extremely violent porn, either it be girl and girl or girl and boy,I would watch it and I thought that maybe I actually did like it and I did like it when she raped me and I was being overly dramatic about this, and I think that’s what she wanted, me to let her have sex with me and feel like the tape is something I wanted, but I wasn’t because it happened again and i felt so disgusting, I don’t know why but if felt worse than all the other times, like I could throw up just thinking about it, her telling that she in love with me and I liked what she was doing, she was saying she hope we’d be together, and to be honest she sounded fucking crazy with it happening in real time, but it was disgusted because no matter how much I cried or pushed her she still had this narrative that I liked it or I was in love with her.

It’s been 4 months since I told my family what happened and at first I felt so disgusting telling them because I thought they were going to think that I was disgusting and wrong and I did like what she did to me for those 2 years, but no my mom was livid when she found out and so was my family, my brother felt guilty but it wasn’t his fault.

But from all of this I don’t know what to feel, I don’t know how to move on from this and I don’t if this made me feel different about my sexual orientation, I don’t know what to do and I know it’s only been 4 months but I want to move away from this as fast as I can, I don’t want to feel depressed and horrible about myself because of her but it’s all my mind can think about right now.

And I don’t know how to feel about her, I think I hate her, but I want I really really want to hate her but I can’t help but feel like I let her do this and since I have her the invitation why wouldn’t she go to the party.

What can I do? What should I do?.

I was seeing someone, and the last time I had sex with him, while I was on my knees and facing away from him, he took off the condom. I had my suspicions since it looked half off when I turned around, like he hastily put it back on. He was also complaining about the condom a lot earlier when I was blowing him. I confronted him and he said he did, and now I'm kind of spiraling.

Pregnancy has been one of my biggest fears since I was a kid. I'm trans and on testosterone, so I can't rely on missing my period since I miss it 9 times out of 10. I've stopped taking my hrt bcz of the slim chance of legal trouble if I am pregnant, since testosterone is a teterogen. I'm very lucky to live somewhere where abortion is legal, and if I am pregnant I will abort, and I know I'll be okay, but it just feels too much right now and there's no one in my life I feel like I can talk to. It's been 18 days so I'll still have to wait another 10 days at least to get a reliable pregnancy test. I'm going in to get std lab work done tomorrow.

I had light spotting (which hasn't happened in 3 yrs) about a week ago, which is right around when implantation would be. And today Ive been really nauseous and getting period like cramps and an unusually large amount of discharge. I've had health related anxiety in the past that convinced me I had hiv at ten, and convinced me I had rabies at 18, but this time it's different because there are actual real symtpoms and im not just being delusional and it's just too much.

I took tomorrow off work. I said I was sick, which I kind of am, a little, but mostly I just feel paralyzed by the anxiety. I have trip coming up I payed a lot for to see friends I haven't seen in a long long time, and I'm dreading that this will weigh on me the whole time.

I think it retriggered the csa I experienced as a kid really bad too. I was sexually abused by my mom for years as a child and I keep wanting to call my mom bcz she's my mom, and then feeling this pit of dread.

Everytime something awful happens to me I repress everything hard (whether I want to or not) after a brief period feeling intense emotion. it happened when I was forced to give my dog away and when everything I owned was stolen. I fully expect to wake up tomorrow and suddenly feel no emotions about anything but tonight I'm a fucking mess and I just need to be told I'll be okay

IM SORRY IF THIS IS GRAPHIC, I DON'T KNOW WHERE ELSE IT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE TO SHARE THIS.

My bf was raped as a very young child, he doesn't remember but he's sure it's before fourth grade. He was gang raped by his teenage neighbors (he doesn't remember exactly how many were there but maybe 10-15). After that, he was then coerced multiple times into performing oral on some of them in different occasions. And even before that, he remembers his mom performing oral on him as a literal young child, even before first grade, this happened a few times too.

This all came to light when I confronted him about his porn addiction because we have been together for a long time and it was a boundary for me. He came clean to me, about everything. He became very vulnerable and told me all about these. Until now, when we talk about the rape, he gets hard. And he said he's been confused about his sexuality because he's watched trans porn too but he was too shameful about it. He said that as a child, he tried exploring anally, even up to our relationship, he admitted to using my sex toy on himself once. He's been thinking about those experiences and saying that maybe he enjoyed it and maybe it felt good to be abused (?) Last night he was thinking about being penetrated and masturbating at the same time. And he was so turned on by that.

I guess I'm wondering if this is normal? Or is this even his real sexuality, or how do we even start figuring that out?I don't even know what I'm asking but maybe I just need to share it with others as I can't share it with anyone in my life because he says he will take these experiences to the grave. We love each other, but I don't know. This all confuses me so much. I don't know how I could help him and we could not afford therapy (we live in a third world, very patriarchal country), I know that's what he needs to process all of these. But how can I help him?

My gf who I’ve now been dating for 5 months was raped a few months before I met her. After the incident she went to her house and tried to kill herself which lead to her missing a whole year of school considerably messing up her life. It feels like she puts a lot of the weight of the whole situation on me and I don’t know how to deal with it because I love her and will do whatever it takes to help her heal but I can only do so much.

She has some very concerning traits and I don’t know if they developed after it happened or if it’s just her personality. I often catch her lying about little things that don’t matter and making up stories to make herself seem better. She’s also really sensitive about me and is probably bipolar. I just don’t know if these are things that happened because of it or if that’s just her.

My boyfriend has TBI. He requires a wheelchair. And can't talk. He acts kind of childlike at times. Eventhough he is "different" or "special" we get along great. We were together for about 6 or 7 months when she assaulted him. I knew my sister was a horrible person long before this happened. And had already been avoiding her as much as possible for several years.

So he sexually coerced me. But when he was inside me his ***** was not hard and soft. Then too I got too scared i took one i pill within 24-48 hours. And my periods happened to come on 11th, but got on 7th. Also that it was light period and today on 8th it has stopped. Also hadn't had much food last night. My grand dad died. So so much stressed.

Can you pls help me guide? Was that my pregnancy bleeding or periods. Colour was pink red. And seen few clots but not sure.

Should I check with pregnancy kit? And if yes how many kits also with diff company I should i use right, to get the perfect answer. Or should I visit doc. It's been 20days. Of that event