Wow. It's been 2 years since I've posted on this sub.

Needless to say. Things haven't gotten better. I've tried therapy, art as an outlet, leaned on my faith, talked and talked to trusted people, attempted to seek closure and restorative justice from my rapist, journaling, letters he'll never read, went to pelvic floor therapy after years of pain, and a lot more. Five and a half years, and even if it's not as bad as day one, I have to say. Things look pretty bleak.

The pain, in my mind, body, and spirit, doesn't seem to relent, ever. Intimacy with my husband has become so difficult, though I want to be close to him. And I mean even in little ways, like a hug or cuddle, but I also avoid touch most of the time. Flashbacks and nightmares keep me exhausted and stuck in a weird trance like state during the day. I struggle to keep up with my pelvic floor exercises and when I do, my whole lower body trembles uncontrollably for so long after it makes me feel awful. Like I'm trapped in the memory.

The ugly truth that he will never truly take accountability, will seek to attack my character and isolate me even when I've kept his horrible secret for all these years feels like too much to bare.

I'm not sure what else to say. It's been weighing on me heavy recently. I'm running out of steam, willpower, and hope. I have no idea how to move forward from here.

Hello everyone,

Al little context, I live in a third world country where rape is a common occurrence.

I (29M) recently started dating my wonder GF (24 F) this mid October.

She has had horrible experiences with all the men in her life including her family. Stalking, SA, molestation and rape. She recently opened up about how she was raped by her ex this late August and it has shook me completely.

I believe her completely and have no doubts that her horrible ex did all the things she described. She was manipulated and abused by him for the majority of last year but she finally had had enough and cut herself off starting this year. He, however, moves around in the same circle of friends as her and avoiding him would mean cutting off her friends too.

However, the same day she opened up to me, her ex also found out about our relationship and has been spreading horrible lies to her now ex friends as all of them believed him, they're all men.

We have cut them off completely and have no intentions of ever contacting them. She has decided to not report him as his abuse has been going on for atleast a year and she has been paralyzed by her friends reactions. Her friends knew about his molestations and SA's but not the rapes. They firmly believe that she couldn't have possibly been molested if they had sex several times last year and have ostracized her. She has firmly said no to him several times over his advances on whatsapp and she shown me those screenshots as well.

I respect her decision to not report him but I would really appreciate any advice y'all can give me to better navigate this trauma with her. She's an amazing woman and I really want to help her in any way I can.

I use to be abused by my moms ex. Now I sometimes have these nightmares of the guy she is seeing now and they are of him doing stuff to me. They seem real but idk. Mom says they are nightmares and so does my therapist but it happens like once a week and they are never of her ex. Is this normal

Since what happened I’ve been switching between feeling really hypersexual and sex-repulsed, sometimes in the same day.

I’ll be feeling ~it or whatever, and then I’ll remember something about what happened and just want to vomit and curl up into a ball.

I do tend to try and push through which helps sometimes, but other times it lingers. And I often get really self destructive urges to just sleep with random men for the hell of it. I’ve also definitely been into rougher (?) stuff since what happened which makes me feel kind of ashamed, even though I know many people struggle with that too.

I’ve got a fwb who is kind and understanding, but sometimes I feel like my sex drive is generally too high for him (oops) and a bit ~freakier than what he’s used to.

Not sure what the point of this was, just wanted to rant I guess

those are words i got told from my dad. for years i rarely told anyone what happened, and a few days ago i was honest, drunk and honest. it was my mistake, its a complicated story and wasnt able to give names (more like i didnt want to), but i dont know what to feel right now, my dad said those words, (for years everything was never told) and the moment im open to him he says thats its hard to believe and that i look like a grapist rather than a grape victim. i barely told anything but his words were enough. i could never do such disgusting think. i regret very being open, i had hoped for understading, bro i was a fucking child,i was your kid why should i lie, why? i knew that vicim blaming would happe but i didnt expect being said that i look like a grapist or that i would grape someone rather than being graped. it took me years to say yeah this shit happened i got graped and secually abused asa kid but those words, maybe i am at fault? maybe the issue is me, maybe its all cuz of me? i know it isnt but damn fuck i was a child back then, i dont know tbh its just too much

So…when I was 15, so two going on three years ago, I was raped by my (at the time) boyfriend. It was my “first time” (in quotation marks because I don’t consider it my first time). I was just wondering, could I still be considered a virgin because I didn’t consent? Most of my family members don’t consider me a virgin (although they’re not exactly supportive since one them said “you were in a relationship, sex is expected” and another one said “nothing happened”)

However, some people still consider me a virgin because I didn’t consent so…What do you guys think? Am I still a virgin or not? (I’ve not had any kind of sex since the assault because of how badly it messed with my head)

My cousin is 15 and she dated a 18 year old and had sex with him twice whilst she was 15 and he was 18, traded nudes talked sexually pretty much some pretty crazy shit she just told me in the state of Mississippi isn’t that rape and other charges?

I'm getting a colonoscopy for personal issues I won't get into. I'm a lot younger than the recommended age. Anyway, I'm on the pill. Because of the prep for it, I'm worried the pill won't work, and I'm freaking out about being assaulted. Should I take plan B afterward just in case? Am I being dramatic? The idea of going under anesthesia and not knowing what's happening to me is so triggering. The idea of it happening again...I keep panicking about it.

So for starters im trans fem and short story is i was raped my my sister at 10 years old at least twice probably more and ive had to see her everyday since while living in a room with my brother who masturbates basically whenever 10 feet away from me extremely obviously so im deathly afraid of sex and anything related to it makes me feel sick and extremely stressed and i honestly don't know how to deal with it its been nearly 10 years of this since i was first touched i feel awful about myself tbh i don't think ill ever be able to date i mean who wants a non virgin whos absolutely terrified of sex.....

i have trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder) and have been pulling/looking at my hair for hours every single day since i was 9 years old. im 23 now and ive never had any white hairs anywhere until my pubic hairs grew back after i was raped 2 months ago. i haven't seen any on my head or on any other part of my body but now there are several strands of white pubes. is this some kind of Marie Antoinette syndrome or something? i got tested afterwards so i know its not some kind of disease or anything so what the fuck ?

He came back into our bedroom after being in the bath. He then decided to jump scare me, and I got flashbacks to when I was attacked.

I haven't liked being jump scared, but I normally scream, and it's cute, I guess. But it rarely, if ever, causes falsh backs. He doesn't do this on purpose, btw.

I start crying, and then he climbs on top of me and asks what's wrong. This was because I was lying down. He wanted to cuddle. Pur bed is against the wall, so he couldn't go around the other side, which was fine. I didn't really do much. I just paid there frozen and sorta cried.

Then, for some unknown reason, he removed my blanket and told me to open my legs. This was not in a sexual way. I was naked at the time. I did open my legs after much hesitation and then somehow kicked him in the balls.

He then started kissing my neck and French kissing. I got very confused as we did this a lot during sex. And then we cuddled normally after. I asked if he had a boner and he said no, which he did not.

And for some reason, I got horny. I guess it's the way I deal with my trauma. My boyfriend is aware of what happened to me and roughly how it happened.

I already feel down about myself. I keep saying I am disgusting. I wanted him to take hold of me and have sex with me, but he didn't. I know why he did not. Bit my brain keeps saying it's because I am dirty and spoiled now.

And I think it's true. Since my attack, a few years ago, our sex life has decreased. Being felt up, cat called, and such made me into a sex addict. Being raped turned me into spoiled and damaged goods.

Hi, I don’t know how to think of this. I was with my ex for 2 years (18-20) and so regular consensual sex. He always suggested anal and it was never something I wanted to do and told him it wasn’t something I wanted to do. I’d just started smoking week quite regularly (just moved to uni) and he did too (he had been for a while), but I am a massive light weight and he is not. One night when I was pretty out of it after smoking, the memory’s hazy but he started having anal sex with me and I have hazy memories of telling him to stop or memories of telling him it was painful - but because it was hazy I couldn’t be completely certain I had and it was dismissed when I questioned it the next morning and he told me casually/flippantly that I’d wanted it.We were together a long time after this and I guess I just listened to how he defined the situation and pushed down the way I felt about it but there’s just a weird feeling in my stomach and it comes into my mind surprisingly a lot (I’m 24 now). At the time I had remembered wanting to argue back and say no why would I want that I know I wouldn’t have - but I suppose I just people pleased and swept it under the rug. I’m not sure why I’m posting this, I’m sorry if it’s not really for here but I haven’t told anyone and I don’t know what to do with the nasty hazy memories that crop up from that evening. Thank you for listening.

I’m sorry for posting this but idk what to do atp.

It’s rape if someone puts it in your butt even if they know you don’t want to right? Like if you were having regular sex and they tried to do the other kind??

I don’t even remember if it actually worked I just remember feeling bad pain for a second and then he stopped but I don’t remember well. He only stopped because he couldn’t get it in.

Was this rape or am I being dramatic I’m gonna lose my mind.

think I'm finally ready to move on. To put the past behind me and let it go. It wasn't a choice I made or anything, just somewhere inside me knows that I'm finally ready to move on and let it go. I'm finally ready to burn those damn pictures of him that my family gave to me when he died back in May. I thought I'd feel happy or excited, or something at least, but I just feel numb. I've only gotten 6 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours, and I've eaten a total two meals in the last three days. I don't feel hungry or tired or anything. All I've been doing is reading really dark romance novels (please don't judge me) and crying. It's not even a sad or upset crying. I just lay there completely numb, staring at blurry letters on my phone's screen while tears fall from my eyes. Is this how moving on is supposed to feel?

In August I was raped by two men. At the time I was working as a stripper and had been clean from hard drugs for 15 months. The initial trauma from the event led me to relapse and I went to inpatient rehab for two months. In rehab you have a lot of time with your own thoughts and mine were doing a number on me.

After about a month after the initial shock died down, I began feeling different about what happened. I found myself almost fantasizing about it. My counselor told me this happens sometimes with rape victims as a response to the powerlessness of being raped. I still feel really icky about this and am uncomfortable with it.

But beyond that, I found myself interested in men. I came out as lesbian when I was 19. I've exclusively dated and had sex with female partners since. I was very open about my sexuality. It wasn't a question.

But now I don't feel that way. I've found myself attracted to men and fantasizing about men. This is not something I've felt really my whole life. Why would being forced to have sex with two men make me crave men? Why did my brain respond this way? I'm so uncomfortable with how my brain seems to be processing what happened.

Hi. there was one time with my ex from last winter, he kept trying to have sex in a place that I had said I wasn't comfortable with (anal) and every time I would be like "wait" or "no" or "wrong place" etc, he would just brush it off but he would keep trying until I would say something and there's no way he actually thought it was just the "wrong one" because he deliberately would to do that, mid having sex I was comfortable with. And there’s also no frickin way that he did not feel the resistance or that it felt different there’s just no way.

Also side note he had SA’d me before so this wouldn’t have been the first time.

If you’re having sex with someone that you agreed to, but then they make you do something without your consent, and then go back to the thing you originally consented to, is the original consent still valid? Or did being violated automatically invalidate the original consent?

Im a 15yo boy and i have been raped by my teacher a year ago, she was arrested but i feel like i want it again, i dont know why and im looking for help here, not saying im looking for rapists, but im looking for help to know what i can do.

i had just turned 13 and he was a 17 turning 18 year old drug addict . he brought me to his house knowing how old i was . we hung out for a bit and then tried getting me in bed with him by saying things like “ur so boring” “let’s go lay down” so i did, i didn’t really want to do anything sexual because i was catholic and wanted to wait for marriage but i did kiss him . after that he lied and manipulated me by saying he loves me so much and he’s so in love with me . then he asked me if i want to date him so i said ok . i knew i was going to be sleeping at his house that night so i thought that was that and closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep . he then put his hands in my pants and starting digging his fingers inside me, a few seconds had past and he was trying to take my pants off . i was scared n didn’t know what to do or say and before i knew it he got on top of me and shoved himself inside me hard and fast, i started screaming and crying so i told him it hurts and instead of stopping he laughed at me and told me to “just breathe” . this went on for about 10 minutes until he finished . we went to bed and then when we woke up the next morning i left his house and went home about 5 minutes after i got there i went on instagram and seen that he had broken up with me . i was confused because i didn’t do anything wrong so i spoke to a few of my friends and they said that he’s going around making jokes about how he used me for my body, im a whore and saying i lied about my age just to sleep with him even though i have a screenshot of me telling him how old i was the day before he did this . at that point he had ruined my reputation so i started telling people the real story about what actually happened then he sent me a voice message on instagram telling me to “keep his name out of my mouth before he gets me stomped out” along with multiple other threats . i felt dirty, i felt humiliated, my private parts hurt for days after this and a while later i was diagnosed by my doctor with depression and anxiety because of him . this man has a history of doing these kinds of things to other young girls too and he got away with it every single time . is this SA?

So, this happened almost 10 years ago when I was a teenager, and I've been trying to figure out if I was raped or assaulted or what ever since. my friends and I would get drunk and kiss often enough, and one night while a few of us were over at a friend's house, she and I were making out and it escalated. I was pretty drunk at the time, I don't remember how drunk she was - I just know I was drunk enough that I didn't really remember any of this when I woke up, it took a few hours to remember everything. anyway what I do remember is her going down on me and fingering me, and feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable about it all, and her using this dildo on me which I didn't want and I think I told her not to. I wrote somewhere after that I didn't consent to this part, but it's hard to remember apart from the fact it hurt and when I told her to stop she did and went back to fingering me. at that point I pretended to cum to put an end to it. then we just went to sleep and in the morning I didn't remember anything for a while but it slowly came back to me.

anyway I've struggled with this ever since then, in the immediate aftermath I said it was fine even though I then spent a long time feeling ashamed and upset about it (a kind of delayed response I guess?), and started compulsively seeking out tv/films/books/art/fanfic/anything about or including rape/SA, which obviously didn't make me feel any better, and ultimately has just become something of a lingering quiet obsession, I guess. and I feel bad because whatever happened to me feels so minor but sometimes I read/etc. about these things and it almost feels like it's happening to me. or like I want it to, to justify how horrible I feel about what did actually happen to, which feels like an overreaction. which brings me back to the starting question of this whole thing, because I think after nearly a decade of ruminating and not talking about this I'm getting very confused by it. what do you guys think?

My friend is a deep sleeper but has been having intense dreams that their intimate partner of 16 years is doing nonconsensual stuff to them in their sleep. They have already expressed to their partner that this type of activity is nonconsensual of they are also, * as it has happened previously resulting in them waking,* but are now unsure if these dreams they are having are "real" or not. The dreams occur cyclically sometimes with many months between. They want answers that are lie-proof. They are not willing to leave the relationship on this uncertainty. They are not tech savvy enough or feeling morally willing to use a hidden camera. (I can't change their mind, but hope maybe they will be open to considering it one day)

Are there other discreet ways they could go about finding this out?

I'm thinking things like Uv powder that shows up under black light, but obviously this is not a good long term solution since it could be months in between incidents and that stuff would get everywhere if it was being applied every night.

What would be something discreet, usable long term, that would be an indicator someone had been touching you sexually in your sleep, but would most likely be overlooked by others?

Thanks in advance for any support.

I want to start this off by saying I dont want this post to make people think im coming on here asking for it, im just hoping someone can help le understand and process my feelings. Its been a while since I was raped, at the party at first I didnt really know how to react or get over it but ive come to accept what has happaned. But I cant seem to understand why I feel the urge to wanna be raped again. Will help me in understanding the reasons behind my recurring ideas. Is this typical? I don't think it is. I feel so negative because of this, too. I feel like a terrible person, knowing what happened to me was wrong and that it hurt me. I know I shouldnt want it but for some reason I do. Im scared that one day im gonna let it happen again and it would put myself in danger.

Was this rape?

Sorry this is going to be long.

So this happened my second semester freshman year of college and I’m just now piecing together stuff.

Ok so I was super depressed and was drowning my feelings w alcohol. One night I was snapping this random guy who I’ve never met and we were talking and he knew how drunk I was. (At least like 6 shots in the past hour) and he was sober. He invited me to his place to drink with him and even though I knew he wanted to fuck I absolutely did not but I was so depressed and lonely that I went over. I offered him a drink and he said no. We watched a movie and then he asked me if he could kiss me and I said yes. We started making out for a while and I knew he wanted to fuck but I did not but I was like ugh whatever I guess I’ll do it. I gave him a bj and then I don’t remember much after that but all the sudden I remember being on his bed. BUTT ASS NAKED. Here’s where it gets sketchy cuz even though I was like ugh ig I’ll sleep w him, never in any hookups have I ever been FULLY butt ass naked. Only in the PITCH BLACK dark in the hot tub, anything else i had a shirt on or my underwear. Anyways I remember waking up and he was on top of me like his whole body weight. I’m not a hundred percent sure but I’m pretty sure he was fingering me bc I remember the pain and I think that’s what “woke me up” bc if fucking hurt. And while he was on top of me I realized what was happening and stuff and was like wait no I actually don’t want to do this and I kept telling him to slow down and to wait and he wouldn’t and I tried to make out with him and move his hand and he ended up pinning my wrists down above my head and making out with me but still fingering me. When I tell u that shit hurt. It fucking hurt I thought I was bleeding. Anyways fast forward I’m able to talk him out of me and I tell him point blank that I don’t want to do it anymore and he starts getting upset and saying stuff like “we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do but… and then goes on a rant abt how we should do it” and one thing that blows me is he point blank said “we don’t have to but you were the one that initiated it and wanted to do stuff first” and he was right so I just gave in and we started making out again and then he starts trying to put his dick in me and I keep stopping him like wait and slow down fast forward again I somehow manage to stop him and get out of there.

Why I’m confused is because he didn’t actually put his dick in me so I don’t know if that’s considered rape? But also I don’t think I was cuz D to V penetration never happened and plus it was literally all my fault. Like I went over to this guys house at 3am pissed drunk and initiated stuff.

So what do you guys think? Be honest cuz I’ve been debating this for a couple days.

Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I'm going crazy. You can skip the backstory and shiz if you want.

[BACKSTORY AND SHIZ]

After everything I've gone through it hasn't improved. Even after i tried so hard. I was born into a cult, a 'light' one which was mostly child abuse, severe neglect, some csa, etc. A lot we don't remember.

Then at 13, I desperately wanted to live despite being suicidal. I thought I got out, but it was another cult, a more dangerous one. It was best i can describe focused on demonology, sci fi themes, family, and sexual slavery. I was a goddess told that she had powers that would end the world so I needed to be harmed and kept for the good of humanity.

I was an animal. I was a child. I was so many things. I brought it down singlehandedly. God it feels so high and mighty to say it, but in actually it felt so pointless, so meaningless. I spent 2 years getting evidence both for myself, and in case it was a cult. It was, and I got out and stopped it.

And now? Now I'm back. I'm back with my original abusers with no way out. And God I'm so fucking tired of the constant victim blaming and toxic positivity. Yes, I've been in theraoy since I was 11. Yes, I love my selves as I'm a DID system apparenty, which I only found out last year. It took a lot of work. I've gone to crisis centers. Tried getting aid, all the stuff and resources.

But I'm in the US, in poverty, disabled, can't work, I have POTS, possibly hypermobile EDS. I'm autistic, adhd, have insomnia, arfid, and so much else. I can't afford to eat every day, I'm barely 100 pounds. I used to have body image issues and now I feel ashamed I am that skinny because it feels so unhealthy seeing my own ribs.

I'm conventionally attractive i guess. I get asked if I modeled a lot as a kid, and whenever I go out i get people trying to ask me out. But it's scary. It's so fucking scary. It's scary to have people hold up traffic to ask for your number, or follow you in a dark parking lot and lean inside your car door. And it sucks having people only see me as a piece of meat.

And i hate that i wish I died in that cult. I hate that I miss being raped and tortured and a slave over this slow death. It feel like, would you rather be stabbed to death or starve to death? One is a lot slower and more painful. No one can accept my situation except the crisis people which feel guilty they can't help, which only makes me dissociation and self doubt worse.

[END OF BACKSTORY AND SHIZ]

And I wish I could be hurt again. But for some reason, all the 'low effort' abuse i get dealt feels like an insult now. I guess because it's like, I've been through extreme hell, i was conditioned and programmed. It doesn't feel real enough. It's not bad enough. And I can't find anything about people relating to this feeling.

It makes me dissociate more and more, and when I deal with it, another part of me comes out and experiences it all over again and I have to start over. I'm switching so much lately. And the urge to be hurt again just gets worse. I'm sorry if this is a lot.

It's suffocating.

I feel like I can't breathe. Like I can feel them remembering... it's like trying to breathe in a room filled with smoke.

Every part of me is tense. Like their hands cover me still.

Two weeks ago I (f20) was raped by a 35 yr old man in a bathroom at a club. I was drunk and he just took me and locked the door. I don’t remember thinking anything, just standing there.

It was like 4am now and he tried to take me in a park afterwards and told me not to bring my bike (so I couldn’t escape). He was super manipulating, and actually got me to go to the park. Luckily I brought my bike even though he told me to leave it several times. He held me in a tight grip and told me that we should go behind a bush. Luckily it was so late/early that a man was walking his dog and saw us. That guy SAVED me. I saw my chance and got out of my rapists grip, jumped on my bike and biked as fast as I could home.

It fucking traumatized me. He didn’t even use protection, so I need to buy plan b now.

Yesterday the perv texted me, I don’t know how he got my number. I blocked him and he found me again on WhatsApp. I told him not to text me and blocked him there. I know he lives in the same city as I do, and I’m really freaked out if he finds out where I live.

I have a really sweet boyfriend who is staying with me a lot, but he can’t stay at my place every day. I don’t sleep if he’s not by my side.

What do I do?? I really don’t want police to get involved, I don’t want it to be a big deal, don’t want any more drama, and I don’t want anyone, especially my parents to find out. But I’m so scared

Edit* people who are texting me saying I cheated, wtf is wrong with you?? I got raped.

I feel so awful and guilty. I'm sad and I feel disgusting. I (23 f) had a friend over last night (26 m) things were fine and we were having fun, playfully joking around. He's one of my best friends and knows I'm in a active relationship but he came onto me like he got on me and started kissing on me. I admit it felt good but I didn't want it. Immediately I pushed him off or tried to. I begged him to stop. I kept saying how I didn't want to cheat on my bf he is so sweet and I really love him but my friend wouldn't stop until I gave in. He just was do aggressive and he kept saying "just this time and we can keep it between us" only I feel like I did something horrible and I'm scared to tell my bf. I don't want him to think I cheated. Please help. Was this rape or sexual coercion?

so for context i was assaulted when i was 15 and again when i was 17. i don’t want to go into too much detail but it was rape, it all feels surreal to think about but i have weird symptoms that i haven’t talked abt to anyone. like thinking about my assault makes me feel weird and gross and sometimes when im really triggered i start to regress, its all really confusing and idk what to do. any advice?

Me and a friend and my kid were at the pool and came back 10 mins after and I saw her brother standing over her bed while she was naked. I found out after a month he raped her and did it again a few days ago.(hence why she finally told me besides being scared and everything ) I have been raped myself at a young age, but nothing I say or do is helping. She's thinking about relapsing on drugs to make it go away.. she's also broken up with me twice and then wouldn't let me leave. She has bpd as well and so do I but I've worked very hard on myself to try to handle situations better. Can anyone please give me any time of advice? I love her with everything and it's killing me not being able to help.

I was in a relationship for 7 months.

Things weren’t chaotic in the beginning as the mask wasn’t down of his true colors but attempting sex was severely painful as I would always tense up.

The person I was with at this time usually would keep going despite my vocalizations of being in pain which usually required removing myself and had mentioned on multiple occasions that if he simply couldn’t slide in when I was tensed up he might just have to use more force even if I was vocalizing a lot of pain.

I had chose to confine in my grandmother about what happened recently with being in severe pain and vocalizing I was in pain often removing myself, we had talked about it again today and she had mentioned how it was rape which had led me to break down and tell her about the comments he made of simply trying harder to penetrate when I was too tense to penetrate.

I don’t think if someone had ever told me it was rape I would have known because I simply considered it possible I was experiencing it but had fears and still do that I’m in some kind of a wrong because I recognize I didn’t have the sex drive as well as this fear I would be left as a Borderline because anything that was out of the norm would be considered to him as a need to think about the relationship. So I felt I had to have sex with him so he wouldn’t leave and overall he frequently treated me badly followed by kindness. So there’s this sense to blame myself even though the rational part of me still understands that if someone is to continuously keep going even if you’re vocalizing pain and on the verge of tears and that they might just have to force it even when you’re too tense to penetrate that consent becomes revoked in that circumstance.

But the psychological feeling I always had of being tense before penetration never left because of the violation I had experienced multiple times. I recognize why I never got past this intensity was because my body believed it would be violated.

I still understand that it’s not my fault.

Hugs to all, I don’t wish this on anyone though I see many here with the same experiences.