About 15 years ago I was going through some shit and I moved cities, ended up moving in with a high school close friend and his girlfriend and it was an absolute nightmare of a year.

He was already pretty manic, but, we grew up together and I could deal with “normal” him and didn’t see it as problem. We were all 21.

But about a week into our lease he finds out he’s the product of his dad’s affair, and his mom just took him in and never talked about it. This lead to him dropping out of Uni, and dedicating himself to becoming a DJ and firespinner.

Over the course of the year so many insane things happened - one of his buddies took way too many mushrooms and was refusing to NOT try to suck another buddy’s dick so they barricaded him in the bathroom hallway with mattresses until he came down.

His girlfriend stopped having sex with him because “it’s too big and it hurts” and then we caught her cheating on him with someone very well endowed and she had just been saying that to make him feel better? I guess? She moved out a few months into the lease.

Another time I came home and he had set up a grill in the living room, and disabled all the smoke detectors, house smelled like Smokey chicken for months.

I woke up at 4am to him blasting house music daily when he got back from his job as a server.

I found him asleep on the couch using a pizza box as a blanket A FEW TIMES while the Little Caesar’s pizza raw dogged the couch a few feet away. He’d wake up and grab a slice.

One time he crashed his car, bought a cheapy Hyundai which he broke, and asked me to fix with cheap parts (I’m not a mechanic), then begged me to let me use my stick-shift 350Z to get to work for a week while someone competent fixed his car and shattered the clutch immediately.

One time I saw him sleeping with his head in the toilet, he had been vomiting from booze. His buddy walked over, pulled his head out of the toilet and laid him straight back against the wall, peed, flushed, and then wrapped him back around the toilet.

One time I came home to the house covered in blood, like a horror movie scene, with him swaying in the living room. He was drunk as hell, insisting it was fine and I eventually got out of him that he went dumpster diving for some furniture and a nail got him in the leg. That required a hospital trip.

The list goes on and on and on, I wasn’t in a good place the entire time but me being antisocial and playing video games a tonne doesn’t hold a candle to the black hole that was this guy.

My “favorite” story though… one night we bought groceries, including a jug of Carlo Rossi wine with the intention of getting completely sloshed together that weekend. The next morning, I wake up and go out to the living room to play video games and I can hear him and his gf screaming at each other in their room for like an hour. This was pretty normal so I ignored it.

Then I heard a loud crash, and the screaming stopped. I thought “nope, not dealing with this at 10am on a Saturday, it’s God of War 3 time and fuck I’m not dealing with this.”

Few minutes pass and he comes out of their room swaying, holding the now empty bottle of Carlo Rossi around one finger and he slurs at me “I fell through the window. You fix?”

I blinked a few times while I processed the situation. His gf was standing in the doorway looking pissed and rubbing one of her temples.

“Yeah, I’ll fix it. Need money though.”

He shuffled off, and came back a few minutes later with his server apron, rummaged through it, and then tossed a soggy and crumpled wad of cash at me. Turned out to be about $300. He then face planted into the couch and stayed there for the rest of the day while I continued to play GoW3.

I fixed it the next day, and bought myself a nice bottle of liquor that I labeled “For Kiefy Only” and told him it was part of the “asshole tax” and gave him about $150 back.

Being in that house for a year of torture made me turn my life around, get relatively sober, and get into engineering because I didn’t wanna live like that.

I heard that he got married to some girl at Burning Man, and then divorced a few years of warehouse living on the other side of the country later… ended up seeing him about 8 years later, and he seemed better but later I heard he had another nervous breakdown and moved in with his parents 5 states away, and then a few years later saw that his dad had died of cancer. I reached out but he didn’t respond.

Idk where he’s at now, but jfc. What a ride. That year was my rock bottom.

I (20F) live with 2 roommates (19M, 24M) and I honestly feel like a housemaid.

They are both tall and extremely hairy guys, 19M's hair being even longer than mine. I won't lie, I feel disgusted by the amount of hair they shed and either don't notice or don't bother to clean up. The toilet seat and sink are perpetually covered in stray hairs and the shower has long dark strands taller than I can even reach. I have to vacuum the bathroom floor every couple of days because otherwise it is covered in a thin layer of miscellaneous hairs. I also have to vacuum the bathtub edge because of how many short little hairs add up there. I genuinely dry heave every time I step onto my new bath mat after a nice shower to feel little hairs wrap around my clean toes.

24M also has little understanding of washing dishes in the way that he doesnt do it. Just stacks em up without rinsing until a week later I'm sick of looking at them. Whatever oil, milk, or sauce that he doesn't rinse is left for one of the cats to clean off which is horrifically bad for them to consume. Every splash, crumb and spill is left on the bench chillin. Yesterday I kid you not, I had to vacuum breadcrumbs and long dark hairs from out of the fridge. I was gagging the whole time. I mentioned this to 19M and he just laughed.

I've told them before how much this bothers me and even gave them tips about brushing before a shower to lessen the shed and collect it for the bin, but there's been no progress so far. Neither of these men have picked up a vacuum in possibly years. I am just so sick and tired of being a maid because I'm the only one who gives a shit about living in a tidy, sanitary home. I could go on about dishes but that's a given with unclean roommates apparently, I'm just wondering if anyone has tips for cleaning these scraggly little hairs? They get caught in every brush bristle and someone's the vacuum doesn't like them.

I live in a HMO (UK) and the boiler is in my room. The boiler keeps stopping working and as I am usually at work during the day, every time this happens the housemates want me to leave my door unlocked while I'm at work so the plumber can access the boiler to fix it.

I don't think it's reasonable for me to take this risk, especially as the other housemates do not reliably lock the outer door to the house. On top of this there has already been a mystery incident of money disappearing, and we have an unscrupulous housemate who is completely comfortable lying to people's faces.

They seem to perceive the non-working boiler as an emergency which needs to be solved as soon as possible at all costs. I don't see the urgency. The shower does not depend on the boiler, the stove still works, it just means there is no central heating or hot water for washing hands. It's not proportional for me to put my property at risk so the hot water can come back as soon as possible (the shower is still hot without the boiler). Meanwhile these same housemates that expect me to risk everything don't comply with reasonable requests like locking the door to the house, cleaning up after themselves or not smoking inside.

Am I being unreasonable if I say no to leaving my door unlocked while I'm at work and instead reschedule the plumber for a time I am available to provide access?

This happened a couple years ago, I (24M) was 22 at the time when my friend Philip (25M) who was then 23 invited me to live with him to save on rent. Philip and I worked at the same office together and had become friends. We were the youngest people at our job and our cubicles were pretty close to each other. Philip had this really cool apartment that was above a bar; it had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a big kitchen and a huge living room. He was trying to save money so he could buy a house and invited me to live with him. I still lived with my parents and I thought this would be a great opportunity to be more independent.

On the day I moved in, I carried some of my things up to the apartment and knocked on the door. Phil opened it, I came inside, and I saw a woman standing by the kitchen counter. Phil introduced me as his roommate and the woman introduced herself as Sinead. I didn’t really think anything of this, Phil and I were both single so I expected we would have women over from time to time. Phil then said that Sinead would only be here for the weekend and then would leave on Monday morning.

After I moved all my stuff in, I struck up a conversation with Sinead. She seemed cool but also let it slip that she was 42 and that she was homeless. This took me by surprise and I pulled Philip aside and asked “Where did you find this woman? And did you know she was homeless?” He said they matched on Tinder and he was fully aware of her living situation. He actually picked her up from a coffee shop a few blocks away from the homeless shelter. I told him that this was a little crazy but as long as she was gone by Monday then I could put up with how weird this was for a weekend.

Monday came and I woke up to see that Sinead was still at the apartment. I went into Phil’s room and asked what was up. He said that he started to have feelings for Sinead and didn’t want to kick her out just yet. I told him that we had to go to work and that I didn’t necessarily feel comfortable with having her stay in the apartment by herself. He brushed it off and said “She literally has no where else to go, have a heart dude. Plus even if she did steal something, where would she take it?” I reluctantly agreed and we went to work.

When we came home, Sinead had cleaned the whole apartment. It was a nice gesture but I still thought it was weird and I didn’t exactly love the idea that she went into my room. Even though I had just been living there a few days, I still don’t like my things to be touched. I politely asked her not to go into my room and she complied. Nothing eventful happened that night, beyond the moaning I heard coming from Phil’s room.

The next morning I saw that Sinead was still here yet again. I asked Phil when she planned on leaving, he told me “Dude, she cleaned the apartment yesterday. And she’ll probably clean it again today when we go to work. She’s like a bang-maid, maybe she could live here a while longer.” I told him that this was a horrible idea but I relented because I felt like it was still his apartment and that I was just renting a room (which I decided to lock before leaving). We left and went to work; but that night shit had hit the fan.

When we came home, everything was normal. Sinead was there, the place was clean, and my room was still locked. The evening was calm and nothing to write home about. However, late at night when I was in my room I heard Phil and Sinead screaming at each other. I couldn’t make out what they were saying but it got pretty bad; I heard what sounded like a plate or mug being thrown and shattering, doors were slamming, and it sounded like a bunch of pots and pans were clanging together. Phil’s door slammed again and I heard Sinead moving around in the kitchen. Phil then started texting me asking if I heard any of that. I told him that I did and asked what was going on. What Phil sent me made my jaw drop…

Apparently, Sinead was a diagnosed schizophrenic and had been off her meds for a while. If that wasn’t bad enough, she also told Phil that she thought we were going to hurt her and that she was thinking about killing us in our sleep before we could try anything. Naturally, Phil freaked out and this is when the fight ensued. I told him “Get this crazy woman out of our home, now!” He then told me that he wasn’t so sure, and then gave me a sob story that Sinead also has MS and narcolepsy. I told him that I didn’t give a shit, and that I shouldn’t feel intimidated in my own home. He finally agreed and said he would kick her out tomorrow; in the meantime, I locked and barricaded my bedroom door with everything I could find.

The next morning came and Sinead was still in the apartment just chilling on the couch. Phil came out of his room and said he was going to work early, I asked him why and he said that he just needed to take his mind off of things. I then asked him about what we talked about last night and he said he would handle it. I was left alone with her, and even though I could overpower this woman if she attacked me, I still felt extremely uneasy and vulnerable. I went into my room to start getting ready for work when my mom called to ask how living in the apartment was going. I was telling her everything that happened when I heard Phil’s bedroom door slam shut. I walked out of my room and saw that Sinead was no longer on the couch and that Phil’s door was closed. I told my mom to hang on for a moment while I listened to the door and heard what sounded like crying coming from Phil’s room. I backed away from the door and continued talking to my mom and getting ready. A half hour or so had gone by and I was about to head out the door when I saw that Phil’s room was now open. I saw Sinead sitting on the bed crying while Phil was there trying to console her. I didn’t even hear him come back to the apartment, and I asked what happened. He said for me not to worry about it but to tell our boss that he was going to be late.

When I came into the office, all of our coworkers in our department asked me what happened to Phil. I asked what they meant and they said that he came into the office for maybe ten minutes before just leaving without saying a word. Phil’s older brother was also a manager of a different department in our office and apparently he was on the phone with Phil after he left. My coworkers told me they heard his brother yell over the phone “If you don’t get her to leave, I will come down there and drag her ass to the police station myself!” My coworkers and my boss asked me what the hell was happening with Phil. I told them that he had some personal stuff going on and it wasn’t my business to share. My boss then told me “I need to know right now what’s going, otherwise I’m going to have to fire Phil for leaving without saying anything. As your boss, I’m ordering you to tell me what’s going on!” I panicked so I frantically explained “Phil has been banging this homeless 42 year-old who he invited to live with us and last night she said she was going to kill us in our sleep!” My boss and coworkers burst out laughing with my boss saying that was the funniest thing he had ever heard. Everyone kept asking me for details and I spilled everything about the situation. I turned to my boss and told him that Phil must be kicking her out now but that he said he would come in later today.

The day continued and there was no sign of Phil, my boss then asked me what time Phil said he was going to come in. I told him I didn’t know but that I would text him to find out. I shot Phil a text, and he replied saying he wasn’t going to come in. I told my boss this and he became frustrated, saying that he needed to figure out what to do with him. When work was over I began to drive home and stopped at a Wawa for some food. I texted Phil to see if he wanted anything, no reply. I tried to call him, no answer. I tried to call again, straight to voicemail. I began to get concerned, so I grabbed my food and rushed home. When I pulled into the parking lot of our complex, his car wasn’t there. I hurried up the stairs to our apartment and the door was unlocked, all the lights were off; and all the cupboards, cabinets, and dishwasher were open. It was so bizarre, I didn’t know what to make of it so I tried to call him again. Again it went voicemail, and I really began to be worried for his safety. I called my boss and explained the scene I came home to and how I couldn’t get ahold of Phil. I asked my boss for Phil’s brother’s number so that maybe he could get ahold of Phil to make sure he’s okay. Right as my boss was giving me the numbers, Phil texted saying that he was on his way home and would be there soon. I told my boss that Phil texted and thanked him for his time.

When Phil came home, his eyes were bloodshot, as if he had been crying. I asked him what happened and he said that he tried to kick Sinead out but she wouldn’t leave. He had to call his parents to help kick her out and she still refused to leave. It took threatening to call the cops to finally get her to gather her things and leave our apartment. Phil then told me that he packed all her stuff into his car and took her back to the homeless shelter she came from.

When they got to the shelter, the front desk denied letting her back. They told her that her spot was gone due to the email she sent them the previous night. Phil turned to her and asked what was this email. Apparently, the night when they got into that fight; Sinead had sent the shelter an eight paragraph email detailing that she was in a safe space now and that they could give her spot to someone else. Phil flipped out, realizing that Sinead had fully planned to never leave our apartment. He asked the receptionist what they could do, and she informed him that there was sister location in the city 25 minutes away, but that they could only take her in the morning. So Phil took her to a hotel and paid for her to stay for a few nights. When he told me this I said that he was the biggest idiot I’ve ever met, and what was to stop her from trashing that room or raiding the minibar and spending a lot of his money. He said that she wouldn’t do anything like that, and I had to explain to him that he has only known her for less than a week and that he essentially does not know this woman. He began to cry and said “You don’t understand, I think she’s the one. I love her man, she’s the kind of person you only meet once in a lifetime.” I told him “Yeah I sure hope you only meet her once, and never again.” He cried some more and told me he had planned a vacation to his aunt’s beach house in Georgia, and that he was going to take Sinead. I told him that he could still go to the beach house, it wasn’t like his vacation was ruined. But he then said that it would be too weird going by himself just to visit his aunt.

I told Phil “I don’t know what to tell you man, but I think you just need to take a break from women. You’re trying too hard to fall in love when you should just live life and let things work themselves out. Learn to be yourself without anyone else.” He told me I was right and that he would take a break for a while, but by the end of the week he was already dating another girl. All of this happened in the first week of me living there; and while he did do other shitty things while we lived together, this one was definitely the craziest.

My roommates have exposing themself in front of my cat, as in they will bring the cat into the bathroom to pee or into their room when change in front of her? They claim it's not weird but I am really uncomfortable with it. I look at her as a daughter and it is disheartening to know what is happening. My roommate (23M) is always insisted on "helping me" give her baths or "cuddling" with her. I'm considering dropping out of the lease. Any advice?

i am not on lease and the person that is, is getting evicted what can i do since i’m not on the lease? (although i am looking for a place of my own to put in my name)

To give a little context, I (20F) and my roommate (22F) have been best friends our whole life. I’m talking raised together and always joined at the hip. 3 years ago, we moved out into our own apartment. The first year was pretty great for the most part, we had a lot of fun and loved living together. However, about midway through our second lease things started to go downhill.

I really only have one boundary I made known since day 1: let me know when you’re having someone over. I’ve had many people come and go in my house without my knowledge and steal from me (including people she invited over) so I just want to be aware of who is there and when. She continuously would break this boundary and when confronted about it, I was always met with an excuse like “I forgot” or “it was last minute plans” to which I would respond that it takes less than a minute to send a text and let me know.

I caught her multiple times continuing to go behind my back and sneak people in. I had countless conversations with her explaining why I have this boundary and she would always say she was going to “try harder” but still kept doing it. After she would, she would become completely avoidant with me and would stay in her room for days then randomly act like nothing happened and go back to normal.

Both of us don’t make much so the apartments we were living in were old and run down, we had lots of maintenance issues. She would never handle any of them, would expect me to be the one to be there when they came, and for me to put all the bills in my name. Both of the apartments we lived in flooded and the second time, they forced us to leave unexpectedly. I had a week to find a new place, sign a lease, and move out. It was very stressful and no matter how many times I brought it up, she wouldn’t help look for a new place or handle any calls with landlords or insurance. I moved ALL of her stuff into the new place while she went away for the weekend, including her 3 cats.

She was constantly in and out of relationships and is what I refer to as a chamelon, meaning she becomes whoever she’s with. She’s been with this girl for 8 ish months now, and we got along well. However, the gf moved out of state with her family. When her family first moved, my roommate asked if the gf could stay a few days extra and I said that was fine. However, what I was told would be 2 days ended up being closer to 3 weeks. I kept asking when she would be leaving and it was always “idk”. Since then, the gf has been coming to visit periodically. They would tell me when she was coming, but never when she was leaving. She would stay for over a month at a time. I told them that she should at least pitch in to groceries and bills if she was going to stay that long, and she never has.

I had countless conversations with her expressing she’s loosing my trust and being a bad friend and roommate and I was always met with the same excuses and false promises. I eventually told her it made me not want to live with her and she just got more weird and avoidant, then randomly back to normal.

Eventually she told me I was asking too much of her and needed to find a significant other if I wanted the things I expressed I needed from her as a friend. At this point I was so burnt out trying to keep our relationship going and gave up on being her friend anymore. We both agreed to be civil as roommates as we just signed a new lease, but the same problems are still present and she doesn’t communicate at all. She won’t respond to any of my texts so I’ve had to write notes, which she has started ignoring and throwing away.

It’s been really hard on me to live in this environment and after trying everything else I could, I decided to terminate the lease. I asked her to also deep clean my couch that her cats have destroyed by scratching and peeing on, and she was very mad about that. I set up a deal with the landlord where she could downsize a unit and stay there to save money, but she told me shes hated our home since day one and didn’t want to stay. I gave her the termination form over a week ago and told her I needed it signed by Monday as it is a time sensitive issue and I already have a new lease lined up. She is refusing to sign it and ignoring all notes and messages. I’m not sure what to do at this point AITAH?

Edit: she left a note saying that if I want to communicate with her “passive aggressive notes are not the civil way to do it”. I really don’t understand how she expects that from me when she makes it impossible to communicate. She also said I should be responsible for more than half of the termination fee because I’ve created an “additional burden on her”

Thank you for all the feedback! I will be going to the leasing office when they open this morning and letting them handle it from there. I know I’m a push over and it sucks that this is the slap in the face I had to take to really let that resonate, but I’m still thankful for the lesson I can walk away with from this whole situation.

So my husbands "friend" came and lived with us till a few weeks ago when I told him to get the fuck out of.my house. He is an utter creep.

So he married a woman from overseas that he met on a dating website, we recon she's mail order. We kept tell him to get to know her 1st and then propose then get married but within 8 weeks they were married. From the moment I met this woman there were immediately red flags. But a year later he was kicked out of the house and both were accusing each other of DV.

He had nowhere to go so my husband suggest he stay with us for a short while, SHORT was the key word here. His stay turned into 6 months. Now having known this moron since before I married my husband I found him creepy, staring at the women our in our group, making some incredibly werid and at times sexual comments. I made it very clear to him 1 day when he was over that BS does not stand with me. He did not like that I was vocal and head strong as a woman. Tough mate was my statement.

So he moved in, I made it very clear to stay the fuck away from my newborn and stay out of my kids room. He put a massive strain on our marriage. I found out very quickly that he wasn't just creepy but also very odd with things he did, from he didn't walk he ran everywhere, he slept on the same sheets the entire time he was here, he never bathed either.

I soon got very sick of his crap, he then made the comment that he was going to live with us for 2 years whilst his divorce and other legal issues were being settle, like fuck he was especially that he earned over $3000 a fortnight but only us a 100 a week, he also stayed that he wanted to get his own dog and cat even though we already had 2 dogs and 2 cats, he also wanted to start dating and occasionally have a woman over- he had a taste for women of the night- if you know what I mean.

I was like that's it, so I went to my husband and said get him the fuck out of my house before I kick his ass out, my husband was not keen so I told him it's either his mate or our family, his choice. His mate was informed that evening to get out, he thew a tantrum but I said mate you have lived here for months, have made absolutely no effort to get back on your feet so now it's time to because if you don't it won't be your ex calling the cops on you, it will be me now get out of my house, you have till the end of the year too which is more then fair!

He was out 2 weeks later with much tantruming and moaning that I was being more then fair

essentially the title. i share a ROOM with my roommate that is separated by a divider, however it makes virtually no difference as you can still hear everything on the other side of the room. and the biggest gag to me is that he has his own studio apartment a 12 minute drive away !

i've never been too fond of my roommate's bf. they argue loudly and often (at least 3-4 times every time he's over), she claims he's not loud but has not been the one to be woken up by him hitting the divider multiple times in a single night, he's DIRTY (not messy, dirty), and he even vomitted all over my side of the bathroom a few months back on a drunken night to which he simply said "sorry about that!" a couple of weeks ago she told me he had a quick work meeting to take but she needed to leave, he'd be no longer than 20 minutes. i walked out of my room 3 times in the course of two hours to find him on our couch watching IG reels every time.

i've reached out to her 4 times now regarding the situation, politely requesting that they split the time they stay at each others apartments (because they currently don't, AT ALL) . all respectfully, each one slowly losing their patience. he was over and loud last night before i had to be up for work at 7am, so i pulled her to the side for a chat to which she stated "you have no right to tell us where i spend my time with him" and "i hate staying at his place, i refuse to. i won't be going there".

i understand she's entitled to guests, as am i but i dont understand how she's failing to understand how this would make me uncomfortable. she asked me this morning to tell her why or how he has made me uncomfortable explicitly with examples, even asking that means you're dying on the wrong hill in my opinion. any advice on how to deal with someone so hard to communicate with???

I posted a few days ago about being passive aggressive and got a lot of feedback but today I just walked in on her taking my clothes out the machine again and I think she was taking a picture of my underwear because she turned around really quick and I heard the camera sound😭 I don’t know if I’m overthinking it but for context we’re freshmen in college and she told me she has an online job so now I'm wondering if she's selling the pictures or maybe sending them people idk😭😭😭 They were literally period blood stained too I don't know what to do this feels like such an invasion of privacy and I'm so embarrassed.

I have a lot of friends that sell feet pics so l know there's a demand for this sort of thing... also I would confront her but we're living together until may (maybe next year too since it’s a university apartment) and I really want to keep the peace.

Like I get we haven’t been on the best of terms but this is just crazy to me??😭😭😭 help pls

Housemate negativity and nitpicking

I am a 30F and I live with a 30M and a 25F. The 30M and I have lived pretty harmoniously for a while, and about 6 months ago our old lease ended so we moved and took on the 25F.

Him and I get along because we both know each other is not perfect and are very relaxed in our communication around jobs etc. he is not the best at cleaning/maintenance so I generally take the bulk of that on and in exchange I have a bigger room. I also mow our lawns and maintain our garden (neither of them has ever chipped in on helping me with this). I also applied to upwards of 50 (no exaggeration, rental crises is popping off here) properties for us to live in and attended all the inspections etc for both of them. I am also the person that pays the rent/bills/has contact with the real estate.

The 25F is a great person when we are hanging out/generally, but she seems blind to her own faults while being happy to dish out unsolicited advice and feedback to us in a pretty serious way. We will go from having a knock off beer and having a great chat to her chastising me or having some sort of crises in the blink of an eye. I’m the type of person where if I’ve done something wrong I’m happy for someone to politely point it out or make a joke of it and I’ll do my best to take it on.

She is at a point of being almost agoraphobic, she has BPD, autism, ADHD and other diagnosis’ and her executive functioning lately is honestly terrible. I am compassionate to this as I have gone through periods of bad mental health and understand that it is difficult to get back on track when you’re in that spiral. Because of this she does not really clean at all, creates quite a bit of mess and her personal items that should probably be in her room are all over the communal spaces. I have also become aware that she has had falling outs with every single person she has ever lived with except one. She has lived in upwards of 6 share houses so this is a huge red flag I wish I was aware of.

Where it gets super tricky is that I have a dog and both her and him have a cat each. Going into living together I engaged a pet behaviouralist, trainer and specialist vet to make sure I was doing absolutely everything I can to make sure he doesn’t harm/stress out the cats. While I know it has been a difficult transition, the dog is now at a point where we can confidently leave him with the cats and they are all safe and happy, this is huge and took a great deal of work on my end.

Lately, she has become negative and nitpicky with me about the dog. For example, the only time he is difficult with the cats is when they make a sudden movement or run, he will chase them, not with the intent of harming them but he gets excited and thinks they want to play. When he is getting boisterous I will re-direct him, talk him for a walk (rain, hail, heat or shine), go outside with me etc. Last night he had an incident where he briefly chased her cat but then backed off and went and got a toy to play with. She was extremely upset and told me that I need to learn how to train him and be more combative with him (this goes against everything every trainer etc. has told me). She also told me I need to lock him in my room when he gets like this.

While I understand her concern, I am going above and beyond, spending huge amounts of money, have shortened my shifts at work so I have more time to walk/train him etc and she does literally nothing to redirect her cat in these instances because she says “cats don’t get it”. Very occasionally I will politely ask if it’s okay for the pets to have some seperate time in each persons room and she accused me of just locking the cats up when things get too much which is just not true. Also, 10pm at night when I’ve had a couple of drinks and am trying to chill is not the time for a serious discussion, but even after saying “hey mate I’m not in a good space to take this chat on productively right now, can we have a coffee and talk about it properly tomorrow?” She continued to push me and was then shocked when I was not engaging well with the conversation.

My dog and the guy’s cat also have been known to steal her cats food from time to time and she is very upset about that too. I believe that if she simply moved the food bowls so they were a bit more out of reach for him it wouldn’t happen but that’s too much for her/the cat.

We all knew there would be a teething process going into this but she seems to have forgotten that it’s been less than 6 months and things aren’t going to be perfect overnight.

I am at my wits end with having these very intense sit down chats with one way feedback from her when she is honestly the messy combative one of the house and we don’t pull her up on anything.

He is set to move out in a few months and I really don’t think we are going to survive harmoniously without him as a buffer. I have moved 6 times in 6 years due to the rental crises and am tired/poor because of it. I don’t want to have to move again but she is becoming tyrannical.

Any advice on how to handle this would be super appreciated.

I’m in college and live with 5 other roommates. I’ve tried my best to keep the chores fair; we’ve had roommate meetings where we all “agree” to a weekly chore rotation but obviously it rarely gets done. In my opinion the main issue is with so many of us, it’s easy to blame someone else and feel like it’s everyone else’s mess. I try to communicate, but I’m not home 24/7 and have no idea who is leaving most of the mess.

Has anyone had any success with an incentive system to make sure roommates do chores? Discounted rent? Covered parking? A high five and a good job?

I realize this might be the wrong sub to post on cause everyone on here has shitty roommates but literally any ideas are helpful.

So me and my 3 hostel roommates lets call them Appu, Ammu, baby(Apu and Ammu are my classmates too) after first year of college decided to shift into our own apartment cuz we thought it would help us save a lots of money (actually it did help us) At first, it worked really well, and we managed cooking, cleaning, and other chores without much trouble.

But then things started going downhill. Slowly, it became like one or two of us were doing all the work while the others just sat scrolling on their phones. So, we decided to split duties. We made two teams—one for cooking and the other for cleaning, alternating daily. I was mostly teamed up with Baby, and for a while, that worked well.

Then, we got lazy. We stopped cooking every day and started eating outside more often. On our duty days, Baby and I made sure everything was done on time, but when it was Appu and Ammu’s turn, we had to literally beg them to cook.

During our second internal tests, I had enough of it. I started going home daily, saying I could focus better there, which was partly true but mostly because I needed a break from the chaos. That’s when Baby told me something that made me even more annoyed—Ammu had broken one of the only rules we had. She brought a guy into our apartment. Our landlord is super strict, and our parents had specifically told us not to do this. Neither Appu nor Ammu told me about it; I found out through Baby.

Ammu is one year older than us, so she acts like the boss and does whatever she wants without caring about anyone else.

Then there was this ragging incident with our juniors. A majority of the students in my class wanted to rag them, and Ammu was one of the leaders of this group. However, a few of us, including me, were against it. After three ragging sessions, one of the juniors complained to our teacher. It escalated into a huge issue, even involving the police. There was also a recording of my classmates shouting at the juniors.

At home, Ammu started bitching about the teachers and about me and the others who were against ragging, calling us “snowflakes.” I had to listen to all this crap, and honestly, I was shocked at how fake she was. She used pretend like an SJW but turned out to be an absolute bitch

Now, I feel suffocated staying here. I don’t want to live with them anymore, but I don’t know how to get out of this without creating a huge mess. Our rent is ₹12,000 in total, so each of us pays ₹3,000. Ammu is super bossy, and I know she’s going to make it hard for me to leave.

What do I do? I need advice.

i’ve recently moved in with my 19 male roomate (i am 24F). we met through a mutual friend and i pretty much set ground rules of mostly cleanliness and bills. It’s been three months and he has been late on every rent and power bill.

he has asked me twice to borrow rent money, but i wasn’t comfortable lending him money in such an early stage. the power bill is on autopay out of my account, but he never sends me money on time. instead he will tell me he’s “got me” on a specific date then will never mention it again and let a month roll by.

on top of that, he brings a dude in every night and two different dudes everyday. I take the trash out almost every time and i am the only person who cleans the shared spaces appropriately (ex: he will wipe the crumbs off the counter but won’t sweep them up or he will cook and leave food pasted on the floor).

the VERY loud music in the middle of the night and throughout the day while i work from home.

i was looking for a pot in my apartment, he said he hasn’t seen it. a day later i seen on my ring camera that his brother took it. the day after that his brother brought it back on the ground and my roomate apologized saying he didn’t know which pot i was talking about. i think this is the most disrespectful thing because why would by property leave my home without my knowledge..

it feels like i have an intruder in my home most of the time because of how uncomfortable i am. i’m sure i wouldn’t be too annoyed if he would pay his bills on time. right now he hasn’t paid his late fee for december rent and the leasing office told him if he doesn’t pay the late fee + january rent on time then they will start the process of eviction. i have some money that i could have go towards the late fee and rent together but it’s annoying.

i’m trying to find the best way to speak with him because he is immature and he bullshits a lot.

i could either wait for the lease to end (aug 2025) or i could ask for him to sign a roomate release and i could move into a cheaper space that i could live alone. the only thing is, the transfer fee is $500. this experience has made me realize i could never do a roomate again.

Update: I feel the need to specify that the guys coming over are people he is dating.

our light bill is very high because he does laundry every day.

Drives me insane! Can hear it almost where ever I am in the house. This is a 40 year old dude who works in an office with a bunch of other people every day. Says he has Crohn’s disease too so apparently ‘doesn’t have an immune system’. I’m no doctor but just doesn’t seem right to me. Surely there are hardcore decongestants he could take? I’ve mentioned it quite a few times and he’s just like ‘is what it is’. Nothing he can do. Almost like he has zero awareness it’s really annoying to have to listen to. He was recently seeing a new girlfriend but she called it off. I do wonder if it’s because of this issue. He’s a great guy otherwise. Just seems like maybe one time a doctor said there’s not much they can do to help so that’s it, he’s just stopped trying / accepted it. Surely if you were Jeff Bezos or something you’d just be able to find some specialist doctor to sort this. Even just with medication.. I just find it really hard to believe there’s no fix. You can’t just live the next 40-50 years with a runny nose and having to clear your throat all day long can you? Surely..? In this day and age

Edit: ok thanks for all the replies. Just to add more to the story I’m the homeowner and he’s a lodger. For the first few weeks when he moved in there wasn’t an issue. Then it all started. I mentioned it a few times to which he said ‘he had a bit of a cold’, or ‘had bit of hay fever’ etc. Various minor reasons he’d brush me off with. Then over time he’s finally admitted he has Crohn’s. Then just this week he started saying he’s allergic to dust too. So he’s been very very slow to tell me all this. Like after about 6 months. If he’d warned me of these issues when I was interviewing people for the room there’s no way I’d have offered it to him. I know that this stuff niggles away at me. I suppose that’s why he didn’t mention the issues - he wanted the room. So now I feel like I got conned a bit / he’s not been straight with me. He lived alone before. Looks like I’ll just have to live with it for now which is fine. Alternative is to ask him to move out which would be incredibly harsh. At least now I know it’s likely not something that can be fixed so thanks everyone. I can stop questioning it in my head and with him occasionally

There's so much pressure living with my roommate and I have no idea how to fix it.

I (21F) am living with a roommate (24F) in an apartment. At first, we agreed to share the housework and take turns to buy the groceries, and I gave her a booklet as a guide to the building we are living in.

After a week since she moved in, she started to make loud noises (banging the doors, smashing the toilet cover down really hard) at 6am everyday. I asked her to maybe lower down the volume in the morning. She apologised and promised to do so. The next day, she was banging the doors and smashing the toilet cover again.

When I thought maybe she was in a hurry, and everything would be fine. She blew up the kitchen by reheating a frozen Mac and cheese in the microwave. The microwave exploded and the kitchen was a mess and we had to report to the landlord about it. She looked so lost when I rushed into the kitchen, so I helped her to clean up the whole mess.

After that day, she started to cook more often in the kitchen, and as a result, more trash laid in the bin. I had been emptying the trash for weeks, but everytime the bin is empty, she filled it up with her own trash the next day. I told her to help with the housework, and she just nodded without replying me. The next day, I left the filled bin there, waiting to see if she will throw it out. The trash remained there for a week, and the bin is now still filled.

The other thing is that my roommate won't buy the grocery we shared. I bought toilet paper for us for 3 rounds straight, and I asked her to buy it for her turn. She ignored my message, and when I returned with the toilet paper she was cooking in the kitchen again. She was home the whole time and she decided to ignore my message to escape from her responsibilities.

I just cannot do this anymore. The noises in the morning are keeping me awake, and my head hurts due to sleep deprivation. She is also acting as if I am her maid, helping her to do all the housework when we paid the same amount of rent.

TD;LR: I left a living situation that was turning very toxic and controlling. 2 months have passed and the roommate has still not found a tenant. She is struggling to be on her own and says she cannot afford to break lease despite saying we could do that if needed, before I agreed to sign lease with her. Will not cooperate or communicate with me. Has made me feel guilty for leaving, despite what she put me through. I have the option to send a form to terminate my portion of the lease due to domestic violence. Although I have a right to do this and I’ve been more than patient in this situation, I worry how this will impact her. What should I do?

Now for some background on the situation:

I left a toxic living situation after living there for 5 weeks. So the story goes, I moved in with a friend I got to know recently. We both have PTSD and autism and we got along well so thought it was a good fit. However after only a few weeks her behavior began to take a turn for the worst. At first it started with a simple meltdown over the sink being left on in the bathroom, her reaction was very understandable to me and we got through it. But then one time I simply texted her asking her to turn the TV volume down, she started yelling at my door, slamming her bedroom door and yelling that she should just kill herself. I tried to calm her down during this incident and I told her I was just being direct in my text. We had a civil discussion although I was shaking, I said I was thinking I’ll need to move out, because this sort of behavior is impacting me a lot. She was understanding of that. However there were also other red flags. Not willing to compromise or listen, using slurs, letting her stuff take over most of the space, getting angry at me if I left the door open for a minute.

Then came the incident which really made me realize this was starting to look like a domestic violence situation, and scary reminiscent of my own trauma. She came home one night, I could tell she wasn’t in a good mood and was probably overwhelmed because she was muttering to herself about the blinds being open (the blinds were shit and I was unable to get them down after I opened them earlier). I was shaking at this point even though I was in my bedroom. Then she attempts to turn on the TV, has problems with it, then comes to my room, starts yelling and intimidating me, accusing me of breaking her TV (I didn’t and it turned out afterwards it wasn’t even broken). I broke down crying, yelling back at her to “stop screaming at me”. Even writing this out now, I feel it all coming back to me, it was traumatic. I was terrified and ended up calling emergency to go to a mental hospital as I didn’t know what to do, I just knew I had to get out of there. The police helped me travel to my friend’s house. The next few days, I kept putting stuff against my door to make sure she couldn’t get in, and I was terrified to be in the living space around her. A few days later I felt calmer and since I got accepted into a property I had just applied to, I had to talk to her about everything. She apologized and explained that this was due to her trauma with an ex-partner, she acknowledged that she was acting the same way as him as a defensive response of some sorts. From before we moved out together, I was aware of her triggers, and she was aware of mine. However she never told me that this is how she reacted to her triggers. And there was an air of power imbalance. I had to walk on eggshells to not trigger an outburst, but she wouldn’t listen to me or even compromise on simple things most of the time. We were friends again, however I had decided of course at this point that I had to move out. I was seeing the patterns, and was not hopeful enough that it would not happen again.

So I moved out and now it’s been almost 2 months since. She has still not got a tenant in. I have tried to help but now she doesn’t want potential tenants to go through me. I tried to communicate to find solutions and have redirected people to her. One person applied but backed out last minute. Last time I spoke with her in November, she had only had 3 people visit. At the beginning she was sending an obscure “quiz” to find the right roommate. Fair enough, however her expectations were way over the top, even someone who was interested told me the quiz made her uncomfortable. She says she has stopped sending it now, but in the beginning she rejected a bunch of potential tenants who were interested in the beginning. She even gossiped to me about someone who applied, saying something like “why did he even fill out the form if he doesn’t smoke weed” (she smokes multiple times a day). The roommate says she’s not sending this quiz anymore, however, it’s hard to understand how only one person has applied so far, after two months.

Now to my main question:

I have the option now to send a form that will allow me to terminate my portion of the lease due to domestic violence, because technically that’s what happened and was ultimately the reason I left so soon. It feels kinda cruel doing that as she has told me she can't afford it, but it’s been draining on me both mentally and obviously financially. I’m just able to afford it for now, but it’s not fair that I’m still paying for two houses after two months. I’m facing an anxiety-provoking dilemma. On one hand: I can continue paying rent, accepting that she doesn't want to talk to me or allow me to help find a replacement tenant. I feel bad for her as she has said that she is dealing with a lot on her own, she seems to be very stressed out being left alone in the house, and says she’s doing the best she can, having messaged lots of people. On the other hand, I can send this form through and finally move on. But with the guilt potentially eating me alive. She says she cannot afford rent or to break lease. But simultaneously won’t allow me to help. It seems almost like she has learned helplessness. I have OCD and one of my obsessions is unintentionally harming other people. I worry how this will affect her as she is clearly already mentally struggling. I just feel very stuck. I have spoken with the real estate, even they seem to have become frustrated with the situation saying they want this sorted by Christmas. It’s a complicated situation. I’m sorry for the huge amount of text, there might still be details I’ve left out, but I’ve tried the best I can to summarize the situation so it’s easy to understand. The whole thing has been traumatic for me, but I also acknowledge that it was probably traumatic for her too. I will probably delete this post later for my own feelings of safety and privacy.

I just discovered this subreddit, and I need to vent.

It's my first time living in a shared apartment (27M) and I'm freaking out.

Here's some context. I moved in with who I considered my best friend, and she knew I was in love with her. She is someone who has issues with alcohol and her sexuality, moving in with the first person who smells new and makes her escape.

I had talked to her before we moved in, telling her that I was not going to put up with her going away for 2 days without hearing from her, as she had done on several occasions, in a context of partying and drugs.

She moved back to her parents' house about 1 year ago, to, according to her, remove herself from that kind of life.

The first week when we arrived, she didn't say anything to me and went around, a whole day. I know she would drink and so on. After that, one day she explains to me that a "friend" (I can't call her anything else, without the quotation marks) had just had an abortion and that she wanted to leave her city to get away from that environment. I agreed and she came. As soon as they were together, they started feeding back on the alcohol issue, drinking every day. This "friend" all she did was ask and ask, being very ungrateful and overbearing. She didn't even clean the house.

A couple of days later she (my ex bestfriend) tells me she is pregnant, that she needs money so her parents don't find out she is going to have an abortion (Tell me who you hang out with and I'll tell you who you are). I left her the money. That was a month ago.

There's another guy we share an apartment with, and he's more of the same, he thinks cleaning is moving laierds around.

I am still waiting for her to do her part and see that I am worth billions, but I am already disillusioned and I know she is just looking for her own hedonic benefit to get away from it all.

Since yesterday I have a fever and I feel sick. She hasn't even bothered, in fact, we have a pending conversation and she preferred just yesterday to leave and not show up until today, as if nothing had happened.

I have already given up and I prefer to go my own way, until I leave soon.

There is much more behind and this context falls short.

I would like to know your opinions.

I (31F) live with 4 housemates. Mostly they're very nice and we all get along. But there have been a few sticking points about cleaning, and one in particular confuses me.

One housemate has a big issue with crumbs on the counter. Like, ANY crumbs, even a few tiny ones. Understandable; we all have pet peeves. I usually brush crumbs off the counter with my hand (into my other hand) and then throw them away. But we had a house meeting last night because apparently that's not good enough? 3 of the 4 were complaining about how the kitchen isn't clean enough for them, and when I mentioned how I de-crumb the counter, they insisted I use a wet paper towel or cloth. One even made a face and said "well, but then you're running your hands all over the counter!"

I don't leave dishes in the sink except rarely, when something needs to soak overnight, and then I get to it first thing in the morning. I wipe up spills when they happen. I stay on top of the dishwasher when it's my week to see to it, I take out the trash and recycling ditto, and in my opinion, generally leave the kitchen at a perfectly respectable cleanliness level. But I think wiping down the counter fully over a few crumbs that could easily be brushed away is too much.

(I also got accused of checking off bathroom cleaning on the chore chart without doing it, which is completely untrue and confuses me because I clean all the surfaces/appliances- toilet, tub, sink, etc. -with the appropriate cleansers, restock toilet paper, put the bath mat in the wash if necessary, so I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to be doing?)

I'm not going to make a stink about the counter thing because it's not that big a deal, but I'm still rolling my eyes over this. Or maybe it's normal and I'm the problem?

EDIT: Okay, to clarify, it is JUST CRUMBS we're talking about here. In this scenario, all that needs to be removed from the counter is crumbs. No residues, oils, spills, etc.- obviously I clean those up with a wet paper towel (soapy if it's something that could breed salmonella on the counter). Do so many people seriously think it's somehow dirty to not wipe the counter down entirely over a few breadcrumbs? Even if the crumbs are being removed regardless?

Our roommate keeps leaving the front door unlocked and a large sliding glass door to the patio wide open.

The insides of our house are completely lit from the inside day and night, and extremely visible from the outside. To make matters worse, our patio is at ground floor and surrounded by a small chest height fence, which we commonly make eye contact with people walking to their house over. Right outside that fence is a parking lot surrounded by a lot of tall government subsidized housing.

Every time I go for a 10 minute walk I see at least a couple people that look visibly altered by long term drug use, who are often acting a bit manic or strange. We sometimes hear shouting or large groups of loud drunk people.

We try to keep discussion of behavior in our household to a minimum cause it almost always causes resentment, so we need a really tactful way of sending a casual message about leaving our house completely vulnerable and an easy target.

Never thought this was going to be something that was difficult to explain 🤣🤣

I have this korean housemate in my household. I moved in before he did and occupied the top shoe rack in the common area. The shoe rack is enough to place 3 shoes on each level but I've only placed two. I have a third shoe in my room but since I'm not using at that moment so I kept it in my shoe box. Then after tenant2 moved in, he placed his 3 shoes on rack2 and his 4th shoes between my 2 shoes. I let it slide since I'm not using the space at that moment. So recently I needed to use my 3rd shoe for work and I move his shoe to rack5 occupied by tenant5 since he is occupying 2 racks, and it is the only rack with a space left. Tenant2 is not happy and confronted me regarding moving his shoe. He said for 6 months he has been placing his shoe on the rack with no complains. I said everyone in the house is occupying 1 rack and I am the only one who has to share a rack. He said this space on my rack was empty and he occupied it rightfully. I said how you like it if I saw a space on your rack and occupy it. Surprisingly he said sure. I continued and said having all your shoes in 1 rack is how it should be and how he like it if he have his shoes on different levels of rack. In the end he moved in reluctantly citing if this is what I want so be it. I swear I need a brick next time to reserve a spot.

Living with my roommate has been a real test of patience, but the cleaning situation is next-level bad. Instead of actually cleaning, they just…move stuff around. Dishes? Stacked in the sink, never washed. Trash? Bagged but left sitting in the corner for days. Vacuum? Never heard of her.

When I’ve brought it up, they always say, “Oh, I’ll get to it,” but it’s like their version of “clean” is just hiding the mess in plain sight. Meanwhile, I’m stuck doing the actual cleaning to keep the place livable.

Anyone else dealt with a roommate like this? How do I bring this up without starting a war? Or do I just accept my fate as the only adult in this apartment? Help!

Living with my roommate has been a real test of patience, but the cleaning situation is next-level bad. Instead of actually cleaning, they just…move stuff around. Dishes? Stacked in the sink, never washed. Trash? Bagged but left sitting in the corner for days. Vacuum? Never heard of her.

When I’ve brought it up, they always say, “Oh, I’ll get to it,” but it’s like their version of “clean” is just hiding the mess in plain sight. Meanwhile, I’m stuck doing the actual cleaning to keep the place livable.

Anyone else dealt with a roommate like this? How do I bring this up without starting a war? Or do I just accept my fate as the only adult in this apartment? Help!

So me (20F) and my roommate (19F) live in an off campus apartment owned by the university, so it’s technically a dorm, with RAs. She is a sophomore marketing major, and I’m a senior finance major (summer birthday + graduating early which is why I’m 20). The girl, a friend, I was originally going to room with pulled out last minute (financial issues, it’s an expensive dorm), so I posted asking about roommates for the apartment because the girl I was currently with by random assignment was allergic to cats, and I was bringing my ESA cat.

My roommate told me she was a kind of a neat freak and it was important to her, and her and her roommate last year had issues because of it. Understandable, my roommate last year kept the apartment a disaster and while I love her to death, it was a problem. I tell my roommate, no problem, but warn her that I’m of course not perfect. I had also made sure beforehand that the cat was ok with her. I love a clean common space.

The issue? Dishes. I wish I was kidding. Ever since we moved in, she was texting me every few days to get my dishes out of the sink. It’s important to note that this is only a couple dishes, usually from like one meal, and 95% of the time they were there less than 24 hours and 85% of the time weren’t there overnight. She goes to bed early, I don’t, and I usually handle dishes before I go to bed so I can chill after dinner. I cook, she doesn’t. Also would like to note both of us keep the counters and living room table totally clear, even though I’m the only one using the living room.

One time she texted me to get a bowl out of the sink that had only been there literally an hour. Another time she texted me to get my things out of the living room (she wasn’t using it) while I had a high fever with the flu she gave me. All that was in there was my backpack with nothing taken out.

I always put her dishes up when I unload the dishwasher, she never does this for me. She puts my stuff on a drying mat. Last time she didn’t even put up her dishes that I used, which was just some measuring spoons. We got into an argument over text about the dishes (she was nagging me about some dishes in the sink I accidentally left overnight) and are no longer speaking in person (I’ve tried and offered her food), she claims I live nasty and that because I’m home a lot, I have time, but I’m studying. She told me after move in she thinks she has OCD but won’t get diagnosed.

RA wants us to meet, I’ve given him times and days but he never follows up so I assume she’s not getting back to him. What can I even do? I have another semester with her, and even my friends say she hates me. I did tell her I would no longer be responding to dishes texts. My life can’t revolve around dishes when I’m the only one who cooks, I feel like I deserve to watch my shows and study for a few hours after I cook before doing dishes? Am I insane? Feel free to ask further questions/context

Edit: she doesn’t always put her dishes up immediately when she makes breakfast, but expects me to do so. Ironically, she also doesn’t check the dishes properly when unloading the dishwasher and I regularly find dirty dishes set out or put away.