During the pandemic, my brother-in-law, Bill, asked to move in with me and my wife. Bill was in his mid-20's and wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life. Previously he had lived with his parents, and most recently with another family member, and now that family member was kicking him out. We discussed the request with him and agreed that he could move in if he paid a nominal amount of rent and contributed to household chores. He made it clear that he wanted to stay for at least a year, but probably not longer than that.

For the first few months everything worked pretty well. We came up with a system where the three of us would take turns shopping for groceries and cooking meals for the house a couple of times each week. Bill cleaned part of the house, and we cleaned the rest of it. Occasionally he helped out with yard work, and sometimes he helped take care of the pets when we were away. It felt like we were a team.

As time went on, Bill stopped doing his chores in a timely manner. We were happy to give him some leeway, since he said he was having a hard week. Then nearly every week became a "hard week." There was also a creeping sense of entitlement to our labor; he would frequently claim the entirety of leftovers of dinners my wife and I cooked for the house so he didn't have to buy or make his own food. (As in, he would put the food we made in a container with his name on it.) One time when I brought home two fancy cupcakes for me and my wife, who I was trying to cheer up after she had a difficult day at work, he went to the cupboard to look for a third cupcake. When he didn't find one, he asked, "Where's mine?!" We frequently let him borrow our car, but then he started taking it without asking permission first. One time I called him up and said I needed the car to go to work as he was backing out of the driveway, and he told me I could come get it from the parking lot he was driving to miles away.

He started leaving bigger and bigger messes in the common areas, too. Clothes, papers, and dirty dishes were constantly strewn throughout the house, covering nearly every surface. One time I found an entire box of cereal emptied out on the counter and floor, which he evidently spilled and then just left there. Another time he dropped a glass on the kitchen floor that shattered, which I found by stepping on a shard of broken glass with my bare foot.

He generally cleaned things up and completed his chores when we asked (and only when we asked), but each time he seemed to get more and more upset. I think he interpreted each request as a direct criticism, even though we tried very hard not to nag him. Sometimes he broke down crying about the problems in his life while we consoled him, which made it even harder to ask him to contribute to the household.

Eventually my wife and I were were cooking and cleaning 99% of the time for him. Bill never stopped paying rent, but it felt like we were basically taking on the role of his parents. A year of living together came and went, and Bill asked to stay longer. We didn't want to kick him out, so we tried to revise our system of chores so he would have slightly less responsibility. Like last time, it worked well for a short time until he stopped contributing again. I probably would have been fine with him staying longer if he kept his messes within the confines of his room and if he didn't expect us to feed him and clean for him.

After a couple of years of this, we formally asked Bill to move out. We agreed on a move-out date, but when it arrived Bill asked for more time. We set another move-out date, which he also missed. Finally we realized he wasn't going anywhere unless we planned the entire move for him and helped him find another place to go. After more resistance and a lot of weeping, he did sign a lease for a new place.

On moving day he had barely started packing. While he scrambled to stuff things into plastic bags and random boxes, my wife and I essentially acted as his movers, carrying nearly every object he owned and driving them to his new home. He promised to come back to clean his room and take the rest of his stuff that we couldn't fit in the car, but he never did. My least favorite part of that day was scrubbing stains off the floor and walls of his room. We still have some of his things (large, bulky items that I don't want to deal with) that he no longer wants but made empty promises to dispose of.

Looking back on our time living with Bill, I don't know if he was intentionally trying to manipulate us or if he was just going through a rough time. I wouldn't have had any qualms about kicking him out if he wasn't a family member, but I also wouldn't have had such high expectations. From the very beginning he made it clear that he wanted to be a contributing member of the household. Even if he ultimately couldn't hold up his end of the bargain, should we have supported him anyway because he is family?

How does a family member complicate the "bad roommate" situations frequently posted on this sub?

TLDR; I 23f live with 23m in a small 2 bdr condo. My roommate and I have been best friends for 2 years, through thick and thin.

As of the last 2 months he’s started seeing a guy who’s visiting our city on a semester abroad. Since meeting him, my roommate has fallen in love and now 10 days away from his lover having to move back to his home country they have started spending 24/7 together.

It was fine in the beginning, but then he began spending 4+ nights a week here and is popping in at least once a day, whenever my roommate is here, he is here.

My issue with this is, this guy won’t commit to him as his boyfriend. He hasn’t given any kind of commitment to him. Now my roommate is deciding to move a continent abroad to be with him, and that includes giving up a really good job here and his masters program he was about to start. I get really shady / using vibes from this guy too. I’ve only ever had one conversation with him.

Tonight, on the 7th night he’s been here, I decided to text my roommate and ask that the time that this guy spends here is more limited. But I’m left feeling like the asshole because this guy will be leaving for good in 10 days. I tried to not say anything but it is affecting my home life.

So, AITA?

I (21F) moved into a house with a couple in July 2023, both 23 at the time of move-in. (I’ll call the girlfriend P and the boyfriend G). I mostly moved in bc I was friends with P, didn’t know G that well but he was ok, quiet and kept to himself. The first couple months was ok, they had their couple fights which I anticipated and it was really ok with me, nothing I hadn’t seen before but seriously he did not deserve her. G stayed home and played video games, all while managing to either forget or fuck up the house work. That was the dynamic they had, she works and pays his rent, he cleans and stays home to care for the cats and clean. If I was a meaner person, I’d call him useless. Also he would ignore her to play video games until he wanted to have sex, in that case he would grope her unexpectedly and IN FRONT OF ME. Ew. P worked a demanding job, being overwhelmed when coming home from a high stress job to messy house. They have cats as well, I knew that moving in. A lot of cats. I tell my coworkers how many cats I live with and they all go “JESUS CHRIST”. But I love them, they’re all super sweet and well mannered, only managing to annoy me when they get caught under my feet when I’m trying to walk around in the dark. I could have expected that tho. They’re cats. But it’s still a lot of cats, so you HAVE to be on top of the housework or it can get out of hand and smelly real quick. So with P at work and G constantly ignoring the house work to play video games, you can kinda get an idea why P was stressed all the time. You can make the argument, “well why don’t you do anything?” Well I do my part best I can and clean up after myself and most importantly we all agreed that these are their cats and their responsibility. Plus I do not deal with animal poop. Fuck no. Fast forward to December/maybe January. They break up, thank god. Maybe this would snap G out of his ways and realize how his laziness affected his relationship. Nope, not at all. I don’t even think it registered with him that P was serious about the breakup . He would still try to kiss her and have sex with her, always resulting in a “ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY” or a “I should slap the fuck out of you.” Part of me wishes she actually did. Unfortunately, she was in no position to move out. She had lived in that house for YEARS. She furnished everything and with cats the move would be a long laborious project. Unrelated, she started seeing a new guy, light years better for her. G found out and flipped shit. He threatened to unalive himself and told P if he did then she was to blame. The whole nine yards. She was scared for him, for her, and the cats. She was scared for me too, wondering how it would affect me seeing my roommate unalive himself if he truly meant it. It was a manipulation tactic sure, but you can’t just take that lightly. She’s mentioned before how vindictive he is, she’s been scared that he might hurt her cats just to hurt her. Not the first time she’s mentioned how crazy he could be, she’s let me know that he’s bucked up to hit her. After the dust settled, her job notified her that she needed to move 2 hours away, closer to a job site her company is working on. And honestly if I were her I’d jump at the opportunity too. She packed her necessities and moved part time, she still comes back every other weekend. P acknowledged that this situation put me in kind of a rough spot, alone with a man i barely knew but knew enough to know he threatens to unalive himself if he doesn’t get his way. She couldn’t take any of the cats either as her Airbnb didn’t allow it. But G and I barely crossed paths, I work and he plays video games upstairs. Sure, not ideal, but we can coexist. The first week she was gone, I believe he tried to make a move on me (I’ve asked everyone I know if that’s what it was, the results are about 50/50 so let me know what y’all think) I made myself dinner, and sat to watch tv. Periodically he would come downstairs to get himself a snack or water, each time making an effort to talk to me. Nothing super strange just water cooler talk. I’d try to be polite, but I couldn’t help but think “he never tried to talk to me like this before, but now? As soon as P left?” The last time he came downstairs he sat himself right next to me, the couch is HUGE and our knees were centimetres apart. Literally no other place you could sit? His body language was different, it was almost drunk frat guy hits on you at a bar-type body language. I made an effort to not look at him while he talked to me, I thought if I did he might try to kiss me. I waited for the episode of my show to end and shot straight up off the couch and said “I’m tired, goodnight” and went into my room. I woke up the next morning to find that he had tried to add me on Snapchat. Other than that he’s always in the kitchen at the same time as me. Without fail. Once I walked in from work, he was shirtless in the kitchen, I get off work at the same time each night. you knew I’d come home. Sus. Besides all the weird uncomfortable interactions, he doesn’t stop playing video games. Again, ignoring house work, sure I saw that coming. He didn’t do any when P still lives with us, why would he now. But what really gets me, is the constant “oh I was gonna do that”. I vaccum, I do his dishes, I clean the kitchen, he’ll walk in and “I was gonna do that” WERE YOU REALLY? The first time P came back for the weekend, I had cleaned a day or two before. Not really in preparation of her return, just for my own sanity. The moment she walked in the door he was cleaning something that had already been cleaned. Hoping she would think he changed his ways. TOOK CREDIT FOR MY OWN WORK. She didn’t believe him, and said him and I clean differently. Other than that, it really surprises me how comfortable he is living in filth. When the litter boxes are full because he doesn’t clean them as often as he should, the cats either pee or poop on the floor. Earlier I said I didn’t deal with poop or pee. Tiny little cat turds were in front of our refrigerator for almost a week. Cat turds in the cat hammock on our window as soon as you walk in. Cat throw up in front of the washer and dryer. And cat piss in our kitchen. Something that smelly shouldn’t be there for longer than 15 minutes. Otherwise, the house begins to smell like a zoo. But each instance took about 5-7 days for him to clean up. P asked me sent her pictures of the cats. Some of them stay upstairs and don’t really come down. So I walk upstairs and start taking pictures of the cats before I realize how disgusting this room smells. Cat shit everywhere. I purposefully sent her pictures were cat shit would be in the background so she would realize how bad this room looks and smells. She still sleeps here on the weekends sometimes. She called me absolutely devastated about how her house looks and how her cats were living. All this to say, I need advice on how exactly to go about this. I’m scared that if I start, I won’t stop and I’ll say something that’s cruel. Literally the more I think about this, the more furiously angry I get. If I talk to him and get flood gates to open I’m scared how he might react. You have to think like a single girl living alone with a man who can be so unhinged. Anyways sorry for super long post I just felt yall needed the whole story.

My roommates made my life a living hell and would frequently scream at me and gaslight me. I moved out early and signed a contract with them that I’d be taken off the lease and not responsible for any further rent costs. I was charged for our final electric bill $150 and they both blocked me on Venmo. Any tips on what I should do? Lol

Previously, I've had roommates who never wash the dishes, but this is just as annoying if not worse. This guy is a night owl who will load it at 2 AM while people are trying to sleep, then unload only his stuff at 6 AM. Normally the latter part wouldn't be a big deal, but he also frequently makes breakfast at 6 AM and puts his dirty dishes from overnight plus those into the dishwasher with all of our clean dishes (often piled on top). Silverware especially is usually covered in food and ones that aren't you now can't tell if they're clean or dirty. He'll also use our pans and silverware and won't unload those unless he plans to use them that morning. The end result: our stuff will always stay dirty unless we run the washer twice a day. On days we do that and unload, he'll run the washer with 4-6 things in it that night and complain that we didn't wait until he runs it. Thankfully he goes to his girlfriends 2-3 days a week so it's not a constant occurrence, but it's still annoying and such a waste of detergent and electricity.

EDIT: Mainly a vent post. Don't read if it's too long. TLDR, 43 yr old roommate cut her finger and smeared blood on everything all over the house. Trying to deduce if it is drugs.

Long story, but here goes. CW for blood I guess

I (23f) moved into a house shared with 3 other people 4 days ago. The couple that owns the house (24 m&f) has so far proven themselves to be entirely lovely. I had to delay my move in quite a bit and they were fully accommodating. They sent me a text two weeks ago that another female was now occupying the additional spare bedroom; that she seemed nice and hopefully everything would be okay.

I want to preface this entire thing by saying my landlords did full background checks on me and this roommate. My other roommate is a 43 yr old female and moved into a fully furnished room that shares walls and a bathroom with mine.

The night I moved in, I got here late; my dad helped me move in and the couple was not home at the time. By late I mean like 9:30/10:00 o'clock late. I wasn't even sure if the other roommate was really even home; there was some food left in the microwave and the burner to the stove was on slightly... but figured maybe she was shy and didn't want to come out or had just fallen asleep and forgotten her food in the microwave if she was actually there.

Me and my dad were being relatively loud, putting together my bedframe and moving my furniture in otherwise. We had been moving my stuff for a good hour until I hear the room to her door open and she comes out to talk to us. I wasn't informed of her age previously and I didn't know she was in her 40s; it was just unexpected due to the general age of me and the landlords.

The latter ended up being the reason there was food in the microwave; she had fallen asleep, and she promptly began telling me her entire life story beginning with how she had to call 911 the day before because she "broke vertebrae in her spine." Mind you, she was walking and certainly talking just fine, but I guess what do I know about broken backs? She made this HUGE deal about "being allergic to opioids and pain meds," and how she most certainly rejected all of the pain meds the hospital was so desperately trying to give her. I think the first time she let me talk was when she asked me what time it was, and I told her probably around 10:30. She continued talking about other shit and then abruptly interrupted herself with a "dang is it really 10 in the morning right now? wow"

Took me a while to explain to her it was 10:30 on Saturday night.

She said a lot of conflicting things during this conversation, including that she actually DID take pain meds that's why she slept so long, and some other things about her life that I didn't care enough about and I so desperately wanted to leave the conversation I didn't ask for clarification.

Things otherwise went fine that night, and I spent the next night at my friend's house; I came back early Monday morning to clock in to my work from home job. Skip ahead to Monday night, me snuggled up in my bed at 3 in the morning. I want to add there are locks on our doors, but I guess I didn't feel like I needed to lock mine. Big mistake, because I literally almost shit myself and screamed when I open my eyes and she's standing over my bed, holding her finger wrapped in a paper towel.

Now she's spewing nonsense, and I had JUST woken up and was struggling to comprehend that this strange 43 year old lady just waltzed right into my room and woke me up at 3 in the morning. She was saying something along the lines of, "I'm sorry for waking you up, I just chopped my finger off, I'll just call it in, sorry," and just repeating "I'll call it in," as if that made any sense at all, but what I understood was she was going to call 911. Again.

I was a pharmacy technician and have had experience with dealing with cuts and just pretty general medical knowledge overall, so I asked her if I could see it so we could determine if an ambulance was needed. She unwrapped her finger, and it really wasn't that bad; I was expecting it to be hanging there by some skin or some shit, but looks like she just took a bit of skin off of the edge of the side of her finger. It was bleeding pretty bad though.

After I explained she should just wrap it, hold pressure and in 20 minutes go to urgent care/an ER if it doesn't stop bleeding, she then unwrapped it again, in the process DRIPPING BLOOD ON MY BED. She laughed and literally smudged the blood around on my sheets with her shirt and said "don't worry I don't have HIV or AIDS or anything." Honestly I wasn't worried about that but now I am, because she felt that be the most important thing she say after doing that. Okay.

She yapped her face off while I helped her wrap her finger up and left her in her room, explaining to her to put pressure on it and I'm going to sleep but to just go to the hospital or something if it doesn't stop and she's genuinely concerned about it. I go back to my bed and am texting my friend about what happened. I fucked up, though, and I didn't lock my door again. And she opens the fucking door. Again. It is 4 in the morning this time.

At this point she is just fucking talking, saying rly conflicting stuff about how the landlords love her but they baby her, then saying they hate her, telling me to tell them that she went to the ER, but then saying I actually shouldn't tell them because they fucking hate us BOTH and don't give a fuck if we die. Saying that it was unfair that she pays more for a furnished room, that the rent of my room specifically was going to go up to $1000 next month, that she's impressed that I was a nursing student (I'm not even in college and kept saying I wasn't). After about 5 minutes I told her "It's 4 in the morning. I have work in 3 hours, I need to sleep, please get out of my room and go to the hospital if that's what you're going to do." After fighting back by saying "you work from home you don't need to sleep," she FINALLY got up and left the room. I locked the door this time.

I texted my landlords who were sleeping in their room while all of this was happening. I woke up to several apology texts from them, saying they were having issues with her and that that is why they had told me if I ever felt uncomfortable to let them know. They did tell me that when I picked up the keys from them but wasn't sure exactly what they meant. They didn't explain explicitly what issues they were having with her, only mentioning she was up making noise and cooking and shit all night.

I walk out of my room to get coffee and then see the absolute state of despair the house is in. Blood all over the carpeted hallway. ALL over our shared bathroom. The kitchen. Everywhere. Almost like she smudged it all over everything kind of purposefully. To put icing on the cake, I know this happened AFTER I helped her bandage her finger because I had to go to the bathroom to grab stuff from there, and the house and the bathroom was fine.

That was when I texted my roommates saying it was fine and that I understood you never know until you know when moving in with strangers. They explained to me her lease was only until the 29th of this month. That day they got in contact with a lawyer and the police, and had me sign a disturbance agreement that they have been trying to get her to sign as well that will serve as grounds for reason to evict her earlier if she breaks it.

She won't leave her room now. I know she's here because she leaves her period blood all over the toilet when she uses it. She half assed wiped up the bathroom, but there's still some blood that my other roommates told me not to touch. We are all uncomfortable.

It's Wednesday now, and she hasn't been to the kitchen or anywhere besides the bathroom this whole time. My roommates have tried talking to her through the door and she acts like she's not there. I assume she has been sleeping off a high for the past two days. Any guesses? I thought maybe opioids from her random spewing of the pain meds mention when I had first met her but now I'm thinking maybe meth?

Jokes aside though, this situation really sucks. I don't blame my landlords as we found out through the police she gave the background check incorrect information and she actually does have charges for mischief and other things from other housemates she has lived with. They even installed an additional lock on my door and are considering taking me with them to stay on their other property if things get any worse. We just legally unfortunately can't do anything until the 29th of this month.

I kind of want to cry, as this was supposed to be a huge step for me becoming independent and was really looking forward to staying here, getting off my feet and eventually getting my own apartment. I'm genuinely just so exhausted. I don't know if I can stand two more weeks of this, and not knowing what is going on or what is going to happen while she is in the room right next to me is making me so anxious. ):

So I (24f) have 2 roommates J (24f) and L(22f). J has a boyfriend of maybe 3 months W. I've noticed he's been around a lot in recent weeks. I was away for 6 weeks and came back 4 weeks ago, and he's been always here. Then this week he showed up with 2 giant suitcases. And I'm convinced he was hiding in her room while she was at work today. I'm really confused, and I don't know how to ask what's going on because if I'm wrong I sound paranoid and overbearing. I feel like I should maybe ask L if she's noticed anything, but again I'm not sure how to. But I'm really uncomfortable with the idea there's potential someone hiding in my house that I'm not "supposed" to know is there.

AITA

I've been living with my roommates for the past 3 years, we're not really that close just people who live together and say hi when we pass by one another. There hasn't been any big issues but they seem to complaining about every minor inconvience for them, and while the things they do bring up are valid, it's just constantly frustrating to be reminded to fix the way I live to accomodate for the little inconvinences. It's valid but at the end of the day, you're living with other housemates and so theres bound to be some living incompatibility that you would have to deal with (jsut my two cents but let me know if I'm just a bad roommate). Whenever they bring up some things, I do my best to fix them. For instance, after cleaning dishes I would just put them on the drying rack. But he comaplined, I stacked the wet dishes on top of their dry dishes and to either move the dry dishes back onto the cabinet or stack them away from the dry dishes. It's a reasonalble complaint but I feel like it's just trying ot bring up minor issues for no reaosn. It's not that big of a deal, we have literally hundreds of dishes in think cabinents if he wanted dry ones. Our dining room is also right in front of his bedroom. I almost never eat in the dining table because of this reason, probably twice this past year. The one night I did, she complained that I was being too loud and to keep it down since she was trying to sleep(I was just on my phone wtaching videos). At the end of the day, I could wear headphones but it's just minor things that they're complainig about that bothers me. Like really, I can't watch tiktoks on my dining table , i've only ate there twice this entire year. I also cook rice everyday, and my roommate occasionally does. I typically cook my rice, and leave the bowl for the rice cooker, and the next day, when I want to cook rice, I would then clean the ricecooker when cleaning rice. Note that I bought the rice cooker and every other applianace in this house. He complained that he was getting annoyed that he would have to clean the rice cooker because someone else didn't. Or when I forgot to close the fridge all the way they had brought it up (this was the only time this happened for 2 years). Maybe they're just trying to bring things to my attention but it's frustrating to be getting complaints for every little thing. I came home drunk one time in my entire years living with them (i'm a college student) and when I got home, I accidentally knocked their tooth brushes in the sink. This is valid, the sink can be gross, but I obviously didn't do this intentionally and it was an accident that just happened. They could've just picked up their toothbrush and let it go but instead had to bring it up.

There are things that they do they I could also complain about but I don't because it's not that big of a deal. While they can be annoying, it's just how it is.

Her girlfriend is over every single day. She doesn't sleep over, and is always in his room but is always here

His hair is always on the sink and clogging the shower, which I always clean

Eating at the dining table and not cleaning the crumbs

Leaving their lights on when not home (I pay for utilities)

Leaving a mess in front of the coffee machine every day

I always take out the trash.

​

Let me know if I'm just being delusional and these are actually valid concerns, were just incompatible or if they are just being nit picky

My Roommate has been collecting my rent money and not paying the landlord for 5 months. I transferred the money to him by cash app. Is the a way I can get my payments back?? If you know please help!!!

My (29M) roommate (30M) has been my best friend for a bit over 10 years. He's not a bad guy and we tend to agree on almost everything, from political viewpoints to our own brands of humor. We have to share a room due to circumstances and for the most part, it's never been a problem until a few days ago. For context, his girlfriend (32F), whom he's in a long distance relationship with, has also been my friend for just as long and we have an absurd amount in common, though we've never dated and the thought never really crossed our minds. Lately, my roommate has been showing signs of paranoid suspicion and insecurity in how well me and his girlfriend get along and is constantly fighting with her over it, and though I can't do much to stop that, she and I talk about it often because she's able to vent to me without worrying about me taking it to him and causing another fight. However, I've come to find that he's been sneaking onto my computer while I'm at work to go through all my personal files and accounts, I guess to find some kind of "Aha!" evidence of his girlfriend cheating on him with me, despite there being zero evidence to support that paranoid theory. I can't confront him about going through my computer because Windows 10's activity tracker doesn't exactly show when an application was opened, and looking at the latest activity through Properties only shows me the current date and time for most recent activity, so I don't have any hard evidence to corner him with. All I have is that he somehow knows that his girlfriend and I talk on Facebook messenger and play games together every day while he's at work (she has really bad anxiety and having someone around to keep her company while her roommate is at work keeps her from having an anxiety attack that would aggravate her asthma). I really don't want a fight to break out over this, as I am extremely non-confrontational, but I value my privacy above everything else and can't tolerate when that privacy is violated. I honestly don't know what to do and I'd prefer to keep things as peaceful as possible. What should I do?

Edit:

I feel like I need to expand on some details.

1: I met both my roommate and his (now) girlfriend at the same time.

2: They didn't start dating until spring of last year.

3: I am not the only person my roommate is projecting his paranoid jealousy on, however because he and I live together, he can play Sherlock Holmes all he wants when I'm at work.

4: We have separate PCs and all of my devices are locked and password protected, but he works in computer technology and knows how to bypass all of that.

And lastly: I don't spend the entire day hanging out with his girlfriend. Just the 3 hours between me getting home from work and him getting home from work.

Hi yall!

I am (f20) and currently living in a sorority house. Last semester I did not have a roommate but this semester i decided to room with “Candy” (f21) as I felt very isolated by myself and I got along well with her!

Me and Candy have known each other since we were kids through a shared sport and we finally got the chance to get closer being in the same sorority. She would often come to me and vent about her roommate troubles last semester and how they would isolate her, get mad at her for not being there, etc. She also would constantly vent to me about her ex boyfriend and situations with him. I’ve always been the “therapist” friend and struggled with setting boundaries so honestly out relationship mostly centered around her ranting about her issues and asking me for advice. I looked past this when we decided we would room together as we shared a lot in common-at least i thought. We have similar sleep schedules, mental health histories, hobbies, and I thought we were pretty similar natured.

Once we started rooming together everything honestly went pretty well! We honestly didn’t see eachother that much due to different schedules but everything was still chill. However I began to notice weird behavior from her like her completely ignoring me when we were hanging with mutual friends, being passive aggressive and micromanaging me, and an overall air of disrespect towards me. I also have my best friend (f20) and it felt like she would be put off when I was with together with her but at the same time it felt she did not want me to hang out with anyone as when we were others she would act like i’m not there.

From the start of the semester I would spend maybe half the week at my best friend (also my ex) place and I honestly didn’t think much of it as many girls in my sorority live at their boyfriends places so similar principle to me ? At one point after coming in with my bestie and Candy acting put off I sent her a text asking her if everything is alright and if I had done anything to upset her, and she said she was going through her own mental health issues and didn’t mean to take it out on me. With this confirmation I felt better and as I do have a more avoidant personality and honestly just love being around my bestie and her cat I stayed with her for a week which turned into a month as she was also going through some shit and I wanted to be there for her. Throughout this time I would see Candy every once in a while and she would progressively act more cold and uncaring towards me; mustering the fakest smile when she saw me. It was one of those weird situations where her behavior physically indicates one thing and her words make things seem fine as she would still be like hello etc. but basically giving me the complete silent treatment. Whenever I did run into her I always led with asking about her day, hows she’s doing, etc. and trying to signal to her kindest and peace as much as possible yk 😭 I was met with indifference everytime and I know when someone doesn’t want to talk so I would drop it as I didn’t want to annoy her.

Anyways, me and my bestie are finally returning back to our typical schedules and ending our really codependent era lol and I am planning on finishing the rest of the semester at my actual room. As our schedules don’t align I left a note on her desk explaining how I felt things have been awkward and that I care about her as a friend and I didn’t mean to make her feel hurt in any way it wasn’t my intention and that I would love to talk about things if there was an issue when she returned. She didn’t sleep over that night but did take the note. She came in this morning and I woke up and she didn’t say anything and when I went to say bye she had her headphones in so idk if she heard me but she did not respond lol…

So that’s basically the situation laid out on the table and I’m trying to present it as neutrally as possible to get someone else’s opinion. At this time I think I’ve done what I can in my power to reconcile and I’m trying to focus on my own emotions and what I can control. I just hate drama and tension especially in my own living space and with someone I would consider a friend and have no resentment towards!

Thank you for reading all this while if you get to this point! :)

So, my (24f) roommate— I’ll call her Lainey (23f) and I have lived together for almost 2 years. We’ve been friends since high school and moved in together after we both graduated college. Initially, things were great. We got along, we were going out all the time, etc. until last spring.

Last spring I was SA’d and I told Lainey about it. I also told her I really wanted to cut back on going out because drinking only made me relive the SA. She understood, and continued going out with other friends. Throughout the summer we’d make plans for a “girls night in”, going to movies, activities where we could be together & not drink, but almost every time without fail, she’d bail to go out with other friends with little to no notice. After months of feeling alone and sad about it, I hit my limit and stopped trying to make her stay in with me.

In the fall, things continued as they were. Any plans I’d make that didn’t involve drinking/clubbing were rarely (if ever) followed through on, unless it was a week night. My job requires me to wake up at 5 while hers started later, so she’d get home at 8, we’d hang out for maybe an hour, and weekends she’d go out. I also noticed she was using “nose candy” more regularly. I tried to talk to her about this because we’re in the middle of a Fentanyl crisis, and while normally I don’t much care, I know 3 people who’ve died bc of it and I’m concerned for ALL users. She got angry with me, and told me I was smothering her. Fast forward to Oct.; she attempted suicide. When she told me about it, I begged her to get help, and she dismissed my pleas.

Finally we get to Jan., when she bailed on some plans we made, and I told her I was hurt she was bailing. This prompted a long text about how overbearing I am, and what a bad person I am for being upset about her bailing, and then she ignored me for a month. Literally. I was dumbfounded, but eventually we had a convo, and things were okay. Then she attempted suicide for a second time in March. This attempt was more serious, and she only survived on sheer luck. Again, pleas were made for her to seek help and all were dismissed.

About a month ago, one of her friends (who I’ve known/been friends with) was over while Lainey was gone, and I (mistakenly) talked to her about everything I wrote above because she began talking about Lainey’s suicide attempts. I wasn’t trying to talk poorly about her, but after her second attempt I was lost on how to help/what to do. Well, she ran to Lainey and told her everything, so Lainey began ignoring me again. We haven’t spoken since, but about once a week she sends me texts about how awful I am for leaving dishes in the sink (for 1-2 days I am not a perfect roommate), and they’re all anger filled and mean.

I guess I’m just trying to figure out what to do? How to move out? How to stay & coexist? How to reconcile? I know I’m not perfect, there are always 2 sides, but it feels like my side isn’t being heard and I’m just lost on what to do.

Has anyone ever experienced a roommate doing this? I had an absolute slob of a roommate a few years back that had a bunch of empty bottles filled with what could only be urine we found when he moved out. I had never heard or seen this before.

FF to present day, I was feeding my roommate's cat when he was out of town (it stays in his room due to my dog), and there's a milk jug that has to be urine. I'm just trying to understand if this is something I'm not aware of, or what's up because it's pretty foul. He's also got his own bathroom, he's not a gamer and unable to take a break, just trying to wrap my head around it.

Otherwise he's a good roommate, so I don't want to confront him about it, it's his space..just trying to understand.

I (27M) got a roomie (30M) for my apartment that i previously rented by myself to help save money. That part has been nice, but, I am truly paying for it in other ways. For reference, he has his own 12 month lease, I cannot tell him to peace out.

Lets call the roomie "H," well he moved in about two months ago and every single day i have regretting letting him. He isnt a stranger, I knew him a bit from years ago and kept up w each other on fb. But I wish i would have picked a random stranger over him because I cant imagine them being much worse. I don't know what else I can do. Talking has not worked.

I will just make a list- not in any specific order of severity. Please read about his behavior at the end of this post, it is what freaks me out the most.

1. He is messy, very messy, leaves trash and cans everywhere, his clothes, etc. I have asked him to clean up after himself many tomes. when he moved in he noticed that i keep things clean (not bananas level, just normal clean) and he promised he would help make sure not to make shit messy. he does. It got to the point where i started storing my dishes under my bed because he kept using them and not cleaning them. I also store my laundry detergent there because he thinks he has a right to it and wont buy his own. I have started to put hus messes into a bag and put it as his door if the mess is blocking common spaces that i need to use. I refuse to throw his trash away or put his shit away, he is 30, im not a maid.

2. The bathroom, he aims and misses. I had to ask him for weeks to clean up after himself before he started doing it. He is constantly clogging the toilet, and used my toilet brush to unclog it then left it covered in shit in its holder afterwards. There was poop water everywhere and he did not clean it. He leaves water all over the floor after showers and does nlt clean his beard trimmings. Also, will not participate in buying TP.

3. Noise: He sings snd plays music very loudly at inappropriate times. Have asked him to stop and sometimes he does, but why are you screaming at midnight when we share walls with others? Why do i have to ask him each time to stop and he hasnt gotten the hint that singing loudly at nighttime isnt a good idea? The other night, neighbors were yelling at him to stop singing so loud and instead of stopping, he recorded them yelling and played it back for them even louder. He acted like they were the issue and expected me to agree.

4. food: he leaves it around and lets it mold in the fridge. he does not seem to care or notice.

5. smell: there is a nasty smell coming from his room and i have asked him to investigate it but he says nothing is there, theres something, and it makes the whole place stink if i dont spray stuff or light candles

6. Thermostat: It is summer level weather here, 80F, we do not have to pay for air, mind u. It is included. I have a fluffy dog (aussie) and a fluffy hamster, I keep the temp at about 68F, and usually its warmer than that cuz the AC isnt the best. If it gets above 72 my pets start panting (because usually that means its close to 80, again shitty thermostat). Also, we control the air of the studio apartment next to us, so what we set the temp as is what the studio will be. H keeps turning off the AC and letting it get to 80, if im not home he will let it get so hot that my pets get distressed. My friend will go in my apartment sometimes to walk my dog if im stuck at work, and she will have to set the AC back on because itll be so hot inside. Mind u, the other apartment is suffering as well due to this. I have asked him over 4 times to not do this and explained why. Last night, he put the HEAT on. Again, it is summer weather where i live.

7. Behavior: he is odd, not fun odd, off-putting odd. I knew him before but not well enough to know he was like this at all. For the first month and a half (so he lit just kind of stopped) he would sleep on the couch and spend all his time on the couch, making it so i would have to ask for him to clean up and go to his room if i wanted to be in my own living room. I will walk into our apartment and he will be half naked asleep on the couch, i had to move my blankets and pillows for decoration to my room because he made them stink. This isnt a "dont exist in our apartment" thing, i have had roomies before, i dont mind sharing space, but he takes it over. He is on stimulants and depressants, he will act almost manic sometimes, saying and doing odd things (like accusing me of going through his stuff and saying there are strangers coming in the apartment when he isnt here, he will watch through the peephole as if someone is going to be there). He leaves his light on 100% of the time, which is his own business i just think its odd to sleep with the overhead light on so im mentioning it if anyone can explain why tf he does this stuff. Theres also always those hotel sized alcohol bottles everywhere, when his room door is open and i pass a glance it is disgusting in there, pill bottles and alcohol bottles all over the floor + trash & food. Again, not my room so he can be messy in it, but theres a smell & im including it to show overall behavior. He lost his key for a bit and then when he found it in his pants he was and still is convinced me or someones else went into his room and put his key in his pants pocket. weird. As i write this he is going in and out of the door looking around as if there are people waiting, or as if he is hearing shit.

I cant move out right now, cannot afford it, and i just moved in late last year and i love my place, everything in it is mine so id have to move everything all over again. I get anxious knowing hes alone at the apartment with my animals, anxious that he acts so erratic and thinks there are strangers or even me going through his stuff, anxious that he appears to be abusing medication or alcohol (wont say he is for sure but i have a suspicion). I have to go visit family in about a month and will be leaving my dog at home (my best friend comes over to spend time with her and take her out) and im genuinely worried he is going to leave food out or the heat on and shes going to get sick. And, that ill come back to a disaster of an apartment. Im also worried about him potentially going through MY stuff if he thinks I'm messing with his.

I dont think he has done anything worthy of the apartment complex kicking him out, talking with him does not work, I cant move out, idk what to do

Is it reasonable for me to feel disgusted about my roommate sterilizing her menstrual cups with boiling water in our shared coffee cups, or am I overreacting?

looking for advice/consolation/etc on this situation.

i’ve noticed lately that my roommates talk about every new nice item i get. whether that be new fancy soap or a nice birthday present. the weird thing is that they talk about how fancy, expensive, and nice it is, and then they justify why they themselves don’t have that item(s) to each other. or how unnecessary that item is. most of these comments happen behind my back or when they think i’m not home/awake. my friends think that they are jealous, and i’m starting to think the same. but now i’m worried that because of this jealousy they will deliberately use my nice soap or attempt to use my nice items when i’m not around. while the easy answer is to just put it in my room, but i’m more annoyed at their ease of using nice things that aren’t theirs and then trashing it or using it all up when i don’t do the same to their things. not sure if i’m overthinking things..

This is a long one so buckle up.

So I (f25) moved in with a friend (f21) and her boyfriend (m33) almost a year ago and lately it's been causing me a lot of stress. I have been friends with this girl, let's call her D since she was 19 when we were all still living in our college dorms. I met her when she started going out with my other roommate, let's call him K. Now, if I'm being honest, before the two of them started dating, I did not get along well with K at all. He is a chronic mansplainer, incredibly condescending, and a bit spoiled. I have been putting myself through university working multiple jobs to make ends meet. K, however, has everything paid for him by his family and did not get a job until this last year. He and I only started spending more time together when he started dating D because their relationship was a little concerning to me.

I know it wasn't really my business, but they started dating in the same week she broke it off with her boyfriend from back home, he is significantly older than her, and he was very secretive about her. He would leave to meet her late at night, saying he was going to go take a walk or go hang out in the forest with some friends around 11 PM and roll back in around 2 or 3 AM. She had only been 19 for about a month, living away from home for the first time, and this is where my nosy, well-meaning, dumbass got involved. There was nothing overtly wrong with their relationship other than it seemed to move very fast. At this point, I started to hang out with the two of them, really to make sure that K wasn't pulling any weird shit and found that D and I got along incredibly well. She is a very smart and funny girl with ambition and spunk. Additionally, it seemed like we had some similar life experiences having both come from abusive home situations so she and I were fast friends.

Sometimes she would come into my dorm room to smoke weed and chat, and I really enjoyed spending time with her. Because she was often in my room, she met my now boyfriend, J (m24), when we were still just fwb. She immediately disliked him and part of this was my fault as I was downplaying the nature of our relationship, but she quickly racked up a small number of incredibly petty beefs with J. D would come in to smoke and hang out, she would interrogate J, and then she would find a reason to take issue with his answers. When I say these issues were petty, I mean they were PETTY, she would make judgments on his morals based on things like which characters he liked best in a videogame they both were into.

It wasn't long until she had moved into the dorm with us despite having her own dorm across campus. No one really had an issue with this, she was fun to have around and also made K come out of his shell a bit in a way that made living with him more enjoyable.

Next school year comes around and most of the original roommate group has split up, no hard feelings, just life. D and I stayed close and made friends with the people who have moved into K's dorm. J and I got closer and are spending a lot of time together at this point, but I'm still seeing D all the time. I was being invited to hang out at K's dorm, and on occasion J came with me. The thing is J and I had one fight over summer and given that D and I were so close, I confided in her. She was there for me, but also as good friends do, D was distrustful of J because of our fight. By the time we got back to school though, things had worked themselves out and I was feeling pretty good about balancing work, school, and my social relationships.

This is when D let it be known that she was no longer comfortable with J hanging out at K's dorm as she had grown to dislike him so much that she did not want to even be in the same room as him. I was annoyed by this because I thought it was a little over the top for her to make rules about who does and does not get to hang out in a dorm where she doesn't even live. Still, I respected her wishes and stopped bringing him around. The result of this was that I hung out less because I knew J wasn't welcome and I didn't want anyone feeling uncomfortable.

J had become one of my best friends and I honestly don't think I would have made it through that year without him. I had been sexually assaulted on a date in October of that year and it was a huge hit on my mental health. I relied very heavily on J during that time because I really didn't have the energy to socialize. I don't want to give the impression that I abandoned the friend group, I was still seeing everyone multiple times a week, it's just that my evenings were no longer spent going to K's to smoke weed and play video games. Instead, I would see D and my friends during the day, and then go home to spend the evenings with J. D interpreted this as me choosing a man over our friendship and told the rest of the friend group that I was abandoning them for a man who I didn't even get along with. This last part was based on two fights that had occurred in the first year of J and my relationship.

During this time D and K were also fighting all the time, big blow outs that made everyone in the dorm involved in the spectacle. At one point she went over to K's dorm in the guise of hanging out with our other friends only to sit outside his door the whole night and listen to his conversations. D is an eavesdropper and likes to listen when K is on the phone because his parents don't know about his relationship with D. He claims this is to protect her from his judgemental parents, but it's not a good look given their power dynamic with him being older and richer than she is. Still, it's not really my business, she's happy so I don't make judgments on the way they handle things even if I would have handled it differently. It became clear to everyone in the friend group though, that when I wasn't around to facilitate between D and K, they were suffering communication breakdowns on a fairly regular basis.

At the end of that school year, we received notice from the school that returning students would not be prioritized for on-campus housing in order to encourage new students to come to our school after covid. D was a superstar at this time, finding affordable housing for us after I agreed to move in if they found a place. Really, I want to give the girl credit, we wouldn't be living in this place if she hadn't found it. The thing is, D and K are kind of lousy roommates, the house is always a mess. D is a bit of a collector and the tiny apartment is filled up with her stuff. I get no room in the fridge, dishes are always piling up, and they often borrow my kitchen things and leave them dirty for weeks at a time. This is because D is doing the cooking and cleaning for both her and K but it doesn't get cleaned up because he's soo tired from work and she gets easily overwhelmed.

J and I had a big fight back in October, mostly due to the fact that our fwb relationship had become more and we weren't really sure how to navigate the terrain. He had graduated and we weren't sure we wanted an LDR but we were certainly not ready to be done with each other. This fight got ugly and we both said things that were a little out of line. He and I broke up for a couple weeks, and it was really like the third time we had ever fought in two years. D, being an eavesdropper, was posted outside my room listening to J and I have this very sensitive fight. When I came out of my room, she had already heard the whole thing so I figured the damage was done. She and I went to the bathroom to smoke a little weed and talk about the fight. I confided in her as a friend and she was quick to talk about how this was a good thing, that he's a piece of shit, etc. Two weeks after this fight, J and I decided that this no-boundaries, fwb relationship was not working and that if we wanted to stay together we would have to take things seriously. We both apologized for what had been said, and J committed to behaving differently. Honestly, our relationship has been solid as a rock since then. I am so happy and I really feel like I found the one.

D was not pleased about this. At the beginning of this school year, D was looking for a new job and I got her a spot at one of my jobs. I was glad to do it! I work really closely with the local community and D is really passionate about community work. She was totally qualified and it seemed beneficial to hire her, convenient because we live together. Like I said D can be a total superstar.

The thing is, D has been incredibly passive-aggressive about my relationship with J, acting like it is a personal slight against her that I have stayed with J against her wishes. He has come to visit me a couple of times this school year, and each time we try to stay out of D and K's hair as much as possible. I know she doesn't care for him, that's ok, we just keep to ourselves in effort to not make anyone uncomfortable. When he comes to visit though, D and K come up with conditions to his visit. Stuff like "sure, he can come, but you guys have to do the dishes that week." This, again, is a little bogus to me because really we aren't responsible for their messes, but if it's what I have to do for my partner to come over, I'll cope.

However, I have recently learned that D has been going around to our friends and coworkers and telling them the intimacies of J and my fight back in October. Stuff that I told her in confidence has become public forum. She had been telling my business to everyone while smiling in my face. She turned 21 recently and I was happy to bankroll the festivities. It was her birthday and I had the money so I didn't have a issue with it until I learned that she was talking about my relationship behind my back the whole time. There is plenty I could say about her and K, but I would never parade her business like that. It is incredibly unsavory to me that she would hold the worst moment of my otherwise loving relationship under a microscope for everyone we know to cast judgments. No one deserves that in my opinion.

J and I are very happy and over winter and spring break, I met his family. They are great people and I have felt very welcomed by them. D has taken issue with this, once more acting like by meeting his family, I am doing this to hurt her. I know she is insecure because she has not been introduced to K's family and this is likely a projection of her feelings. Still, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time. D seems determined to take everything I do personally. If I go hang out with friends, I'm leaving her out. If I stay home, I'm not talkative enough for her and she feels ignored. We used to hang out a lot, but now she doesn't invite me and I don't ask to go. I stopped spending as much time with my other friends because I don't want D to feel left out and my other friends don't want her around because they feel like she makes everything about her. I feel very lonely most of the time because I can't hang out with other people and I don't enjoy spending time with D anymore because I don't trust her not to spread my business around.

Our lease is up in May and I really don't love living here anymore. I feel on guard all the time and I am constantly making myself smaller to keep the peace. The thing is, housing is tight where I live, my apartment is close to school and work and the rent is reasonable. Its unlikely that I could get housing that's even as close to as affordable as this place, and as I don't have a car, walkability to campus and work is important to me. I know I have to talk to D about this, but she has BPD and confrontations are liable to become a bigger issue. I also know that part of BPD is an anxiety surrounding abandonment that might make a person act more volatile than someone without BPD. I want to keep our friendship, but I don't know if its possible. Plus, things would get weird because we work together in a very small department of only 6 people. I just found out D and K are not going home for the summer and I am feeling a great deal of distress having to spend time with them without the excuse of going to class to get out of the house. I am worried I will not be able to spend time with my friends because D will take it as a personal attack and spray passive-aggressive vibe arsenic into the atmosphere. I am worried I will not be able to progress my relationship with J while we live together because there are so many consequences to when he visits, and there are even consequences when I go to visit him at his place. I don't know how to talk to her about this and keep the peace. She's obviously unhappy but refuses to actually talk about it. PLEASE REDDIT WHAT DO??

Am I wrong?

We live in a very small appartement and my door is litterly 1.5m away from the counter top of the kitchen, and his door is also around 1.5 M away from mine and we share a wall

We live in Canada so walls are basically drywall with some cheap isolation

Past midnight he wants to cook and make phone calls which disturbs my sleep, am I in the wrong for imposing the quiet hours policy, 11 PM to 6 AM, the landlord took my side and imposed the policyz as he lives with us, the roommate only respects it when he is around, we argued multiple times about this

Also yes, his phone calls sound like someone is humming/talking in my room, it is so annoying

Also he refuses to clean, and he is nasty but that's a story fir another time

Share your opinion respectfully plz

Okay I know this is going to come off as me being a bully but just let me explain.

Everyday he is in the bathroom for 45 mins at a time minimum 5 times a day (4 roommates 1 bathroom). I wish I was exaggerating, like I understand we all have to take care of our business but this just absurd. I am a woman so I can’t just go pee outside it’s to the point it’s burning to hold in my pee because he’s just constantly in the bathroom and I don’t have access. We have brought it up to him a few times and he’ll stop doing it for a while but then it starts up again. I don’t even know how to describe the smell that he leaves in the bathroom after he has his marathons. It’s not like someone who just took a shit it’s like putrid and not human, the best way I can describe it is like old hotdog water/dog breath/sweaty buttcrack combined together. It’s just not fair that my other roommates and I have to deal with it. I had to pee so bad this morning I seriously was about ready to bang on the door and curse him out. I don’t need advice I just needed to vent because this is just bizzare. He’s just not a very hygienic person in any form and it’s affecting my quality of life at this point. I have to basically pray every time I need to use the bathroom that he’s not in there. If y’all think I’m being harsh on him I dare you to live with this type of person it’ll drive you to insanity. This is just the surface level of other issues I’ve come across with him.

Edit: Just to clarify he constantly smells like this it’s not just after the bathroom. His room is a pigsty and the smell is basically bleeding into my roommates rooms that’s why I just had to vent it’s unbearable and nobody should have to live like this.

So I live with 2 roommates. One has cracked a plate in front of me, apologised and I let it go as accidents happen. However I've had a few items become damaged but still usable (low value, e.g. plates/cups) in a short time span, not normal wear and tear. My issue is I let my flatmates know to be more careful handling things due to this and while one flatmate discussed with me and it probably isn't them, the other is radio silence on it.

The value of said items is hardly anything as they are old, and also they are still usable just physically damaged, but if I had done it I'd replace said items out of respect, or at least say I did it. So for me I don't care about the cost, and I'm not gonna start a petty drama over that. But if I get new stuff and have it happen I'll be real pissed. I'm also a bit over living with radio silence flatmate so for me this isn't worth thinking about any longer.

However, how do I ensure flatmates are more accountable rather than only accountable if I happen to witness them. I feel slightly doormat like if I let accountability slide.

My roommate might actually think my cat is hers

So I 23 (F) have a 9 month old cat that I adopted about 5 months ago. I do live in a house right now with 3 other female roommates, before adopting said cat I made sure everyone was on board with me having a cat and him having access to the main living spaces in the house and made it clear that I would of course be the one taking care of him, paying for his expenses, and etc. Everyone was on board and ecstatic even, we all love animals and we’re all just super excited.

Now here is where it gets kind of weird to me. One of my roommates 23 (F) took an instant liking to my cat which is great, she spent a lot of time with him, checks in on him while I am at work, and I really do appreciate it.

It then kinda started to where she would start telling me the things that I need to do, or moving his things/changing his food and water bowls etc. I also have recently bought a deshedder brush as my cat is very very fluffy and sheds a lot, however you’re only supposed to use it sparingly otherwise it could damage their skin or their undercoat. So this roommate came to me and was telling me she used the brush on him and I made sure to tell her like “hey please don’t do that next time, like I make sure to use that when necessary otherwise it could cause more damage” she said oh okay and we moved on. Well flash forward to this week she has told me that she USED THE BRUSH ON HIM AGAIN. So at this point I have just gone ahead and hidden the brush from her. We also had a conversation where I had told her it was fine if she came into my room to grab his toys or regular brush, or even after he had surgery to go in there and spend time with him, but I have since found out that she would go in there and cuddle with him on my bed????? I still do not fully understand why she would think that is appropriate but we did have another conversation where I asked her not to do that and she has since stopped.

Now all of those may not sound that bad but the thing that drives me the most insane is the way she corrects him and punishes him more than I do (for things that I feel like he shouldn’t be punished for) he is still a kitten technically so he does attack ankles still but in a playful way. She is always the one to get on to him. He is not allowed to jump on the dining room table or the kitchen counters. However the rest of the furniture in my eyes is free rein (one because it is all mine) I told her I don’t care if he jumps onto the TV stand or the washer (it literally hurts no one and there are no clothes on top for him to get fur on) or sometimes he will be sneaky and get into some pretty cozy places but no where that I feel he would legitimately be harmed. Such as behind the water heater or under our food pantry, but basically just always correcting him when I feel like she shouldn’t be.

If that is not enough she also has weird nick names for him, will randomly just go into my other roommates rooms and pick him up and remove him, post him on social media like it’s her cat, and lastly she had her sister over and she was asking if it was HER cat that she had been talking about. Now my question is she moves out in July do I just tolerate it until then because I will hopefully never ever have to see her again or do I risk saying something and sounding absolutely insane?

Throwaway account

Live in a diverse household but one of the housemates seems bias and picking on only me. For example, they leave their laundry in the shared washer/dryer overnight for days but when i use the machines, they toss my clothes out of the machine mid-cycle. This doesn't happen with anyone else. My food in the shared fridge also seems to be touched. In passing or face to face discussions, they act as if there is no issue, which is odd. I used to think they were trying to bully me to leave (the empty rooms will only be filled with tenants after me; not like he'll get the whole place to himself). I also used to think this person was just absent minded and didn't have any ill-intent but now I'm starting to think otherwise with how it seems i'm being targeted. Never had a problem with anyone else prior to this person moving in. We all mostly keep to ourselves.

Any advice for a passive aggressive housemate who won't acknowledge their disruptiveness? I also have some suspicions that this may be racially charged, but won't jump to that conclusion just yet.

Being misled, manipulated and kicked out illegally of a shared apartment- I would like to leave with a revenge, a tribute to "Home Alone" .

I am aware that this is not the mature way to go about this, and that revenge is toxic, and that the best revenge is not to be like the other person, and that anger is like an arrow you shot at yourself, and I respect everyone with this point of view.

Taking all of this this into considerations, and without providing here much detail-the conclusion I came to is that they are the scum of the earth, and truly deserving of this.

I would like to cause some havoc and damage just when I leave. Nothing illegal or that will cause them any physical harm, or that will cause a fire (as tempting as putting laxative in their food and Nair in their shampoo is).

I was thinking of putting wet things or coins in their vacuum cleaner, bubble bath soap in the dishwasher and washing machine, loosing their spare keys.

There is nothing they could do if they find out, as they have noting to do against me, and they are running a lot of illegal things in their apartment.

They are also, despite being jerks, not dangerous in a way that they will harm me physically.

Any other creative or funny small revenge ideas?

Step 1: Ask your roommate to pay your bill everytime you shop together. (make up reasons such as forgot card, scared of paying by card etc)

Step 2: Pay roommate back a few times to build trust, point to note: always send money electronically.

Step 3: Wait for your chance to not pay, by this time your roommate trusts you and doesnt check if they received the money or not.

Step 4: Let them come to you asking about the money.

Step 5: Gaslight them by saying you paid in cash. Say you have no problem paying again if they dont remember.

Step 6: Give them the cold shoulder for a few days, act like you've been wronged.

This is my roommate's modus operandi and I guess it worked quite well for her in the past.

So people, learn from my mistakes, don't fall in this trap!

I have a housemate who consistently takes several days (2-5, really until i run into her irl) to pay me back (utilities etc). My messages are left on delivered (she has read reciepts so my messages straight up aernt being opened) and then if I see her in the house after not being paid back I'll say 'hey did you see...' and within a minute she'll pay me back. So I genuinely cant tell if shes intentionally trying to put off payment to see if I forget its owed eventually, or if shes just borderline irresponsible in that area. She also doesnt have venmo so I cant request and see the pending transactions, which is helpful with my other roommates.

I dont know what to do because I dont want to be sounding naggy about the $20 or whatever.... its not necessarily the quantity owed thats the issue, but if she frequently is leaving room for missing payments then overtime that could add up.

I dont know her financial situation really, but on the chance she sometimes doesnt have enough to pay me back or whatever I'd rather she just tell me she needs x days than wonder if shes avoiding it for no reason.

Anyone have ideas on how to address this without sounding stingy/uptight/whatever the adj is?

Edit: I'm not really worried about never being paid back. The issue is more so I want to be able to trust that things will be paid back, and as of right now I cant in good faith trust it will happen without reminding. Its frustrating to have to be naggy to adults. If I didnt remind her I just dont know if it would end up 100% forgotten.

Edit: we have a spreadsheet for the house which includes the billing date, so if she wanted to she could easily check when it’s due