/r/love

Photograph via snooOG

Here we talk about all things having to do with love! Romantic, familial, platonic, what have you, all forms of love are welcome to be talked about here!

Here we talk about all things having to do with love! Romantic, familial, platonic, what have you, all forms of love are welcome to be talked about here!

The Rules

/r/love

447,915 Subscribers

1

I love my senior dog, but he really bugs me

My senior dog

I love my dog and he has a great life. Long story very short. I was given a dog on the street 15 years ago. It was 2:30 in the am and my sister and I were coming out of a night club. Anyway flash forward 15 years. I still have this dog and I love him, but I don't and never have liked him. He is annoying and just rubs me wrong. It makes me feel bad because I have other animals and I don't feel this way about them. Don't get me wrong, the dog in question has everything the other animals do, in fact he is on my lap as I write this. I just don't know why he bugs me so much! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

1 Comment
2024/12/05
03:24 UTC

1

I love my baby so much I need to talk about her I labbbbbb her so much

I love her so much

I 15m met my now girlfriend 15f on Reddit we met through r/tinntus she is such a gem she is the most beautiful girl ever I love her so much she makes me so happy I feel like the luckiest boy ever were ldr which sucks but I plan on visiting her this summer we’re 3000 miles apart. I truly love her so much she deserves the world and I want to give that to her she is so smart and kind she has the most amazing laugh her eyes are so beautiful. She’s so goofy and my lil weirdo I love her so much

3 Comments
2024/12/05
03:06 UTC

13

I realised that love isn't made for me, and maybe its a good thing

I never been in a relationship, and most probably won't get into one. The truth is that i can't be someone's partner, i live a boring life, boring style, not many interests, i also find difficult to express my feelings such as appreciation and so on. Perhaps i'm better this way, so i don't ruin someone's else way to live.

11 Comments
2024/12/05
02:05 UTC

4

Feeling lost. What is romantic love and how do I find it?

I'm feeling confused and I hope y'all can help. I think I just need encouragement, that this is more of a blip, but it's a blip I go through every now and then and right now I don't want to do it by myself.

I've always wanted to be in love, to find my person, but I have had little success. Most of my friends are married. Most of the time, this doesn't bother me that much and I feel confident that I will meet my person. But there's so much doubt, especially as I get older. I'm not really that old yet, but I can't shake this fear that it won't happen or that even if it does it will be taken away. Or worse, I'll find someone and it will be just...fine. Not the beautiful experience I really want it to be. I don't know if I can describe why that feels worse. Maybe because real life so often feels a bit boring, a bit of a struggle to enjoy.

I don't want to paint a totally abysmal picture of my life. It's actually been pretty great in the last couple years. My first actual relationship imploded. So I went into therapy. I meditated, and spent time trying to figure out my anxiety, explore who I am and want to be. Most of the time, I feel pretty good! I actually enjoy my single life most of the time. Which actually adds to the fear that I'll be forever alone in it's own way. I don't want to invite in anyone who won't enhance my life; why should I give up autonomy to be with someone who's unsatisfying?

But that's the crux of the issue. I am picky. I have tons of acquaintances and friendly relationships, but I don't click with a ton of people on a level that feels significant enough to pursue romance. The feelings just aren't there. Shouldn't they be there? When I picked my ex, I picked her because she met my basic requirements, but feelings never developed. I'm a very different person now than I was then, but I still wonder every so often if I actually know what love is, on any levell. At times like these, I even wonder if I like my family or my friends all that much. Shouldn't there be feelings? What's actually holding me to them?

So, people of the Love Subreddit, what hope can you offer? I can't imagine I am so uniq in what I've experienced, but I still feel very alone right now. Did any of you feel this lost and then just stumble on a perfect match? What is love and how do you find it? I'm very happy to have whatever feedback or encouragement you might feel you want to give.

6 Comments
2024/12/04
23:59 UTC

13

I've lived long enough to actually become the bad guy - the line between commitment and harassment

I always had a personal principle for myself. To never be "bad" to anyone. Maybe I've been so focused on that goal, I forgot what it meant.

I just read about harassment on Wikipedia. "harassment". "intimidating". "controlling behavior". "bullying". "gaining and maintaining control over another person"

I never thought of this as a bad thing. Is it bad to have control over someone's life if you only wish to make it good for them? I guess this is something everyone has to figure out for themselves, together with their partners.

I didn't understand the difference between "commitment" and "unwelcome persistence".

Fortunately, it never got far enough that I actually hurt anyone, but I'm still ashamed for having been blind.

I never believed I could be "scary" or "threatening" or "intimidating". Now I know that anyone can be anything to anyone. It's sad, but all you can do is leave and let them go.

When you're slow to understand things, you might actually start bullying someone. That is - repetitive harassment. Why repeat? Because you don't understand.

I'm somewhat ashamed. But I'm sure I will get over it, at some point.

8 Comments
2024/12/04
22:59 UTC

40

I have the most wonderful and beautiful man and just need to talk about him.

Sometimes I like to just post online and talk out into the universe because I'm afraid my friends and family will get tired of me gushing about my boyfriend haha!

But I'm just so extremely thankful I had the guts to ask him out. I just never could have ever guessed such a wonderful person existed.

He is the most kind and gentle person I have ever met in my life. He is so soft and thoughtful, his eyes are so beautiful and you can see his soul shining through them. When I see him smile I feel like my heart will explode, it just brings me so much joy when I see him happy. I love that his heart is so big, he's got kitties, one he rescued himself, and one he adopted. He's always trying to help people as well, he's just is so loving.

He's so EXTREMELY intelligent too, and I am just so happy that he is going back to college. He deserves to be able to have the career that brings him joy and happiness. Haha, sometimes when he talks I have to ask what some words mean because he has such a big vocabulary.

He is so passionate about his projects as well, and so good at what he does. I would not be surprised if he was a famous author someday.

I love that he does not suffer from "fragile masculinity", I hope that term is not offensive, I don't mean it in a negative way (I just don't have a large vocabulary). Just that, some men are raised and live in environments where they are pressured to be a certain way. But he has not turned out that way. I love that he can enjoy things with rainbows, and call things cute, and collect plushies! He is a strong man, he is handsome, and he can be those things and still have cute plushies!

I love that I feel so safe with him too. I feel like I can completely have my guards down with him. He is pretty much the definition of love, and I just have no worries with him. I can talk to him about annnnnything at all without judgment. AND BOY DO I.

This man deserves EVERYTHING. It's my mission to bring him as much joy and warm feelings as he brings me. I feel so lucky to have someone so wonderful in my life. I've made it a goal to never forget or take for granted how special and wonderful he is. That would just be a sin.

I just love him so much, just never knew I COULD love someone this much. This man is such a gift.

Thanks for listening to my gushy stuff. ;w;

9 Comments
2024/12/04
22:48 UTC

34

Have you ever had to break up with someone you still loved deeply?

Can you remember the feelings of wrenching your heart out and making yourself do something you didn’t want to but knew had to be done? The feeling of seeing them move on before you? Being happy without you? And was it all worth it?

56 Comments
2024/12/04
22:17 UTC

12

Am I self sabotaging? The guy I’m seeing does not want to make it official yet

Hi guys, so me and this guy have been getting to know each other, the chemistry and vibe between us is good and after breaking up with my ex almost 1.5 years ago, he’s the only guy I feel like I actually like and would want to be in a relationship with. He took me on a nice date and we had amazing sex some couple days after and he made me get my first orgasm ever (yayyy). But I met him when I was going through a purity journey, and decided to give it up for him and I don’t regret. We have been actively talking for 2–3 weeks and he sometimes sleeps over my place because I live alone. I think he’s everything I would want in a man and because of this I’m really sure about him.

But I asked him when we are going to be exclusive, he told me we should take things slow and get to know each other first because he’s scared of what happened in his last relationship. I have been sure about him for a couple of days now but he seems like he wants to see how things go.

But my problem is, we are already so intimate and we are sure we like each other. I told him I’ll be now restricting his access to me and I’ll be talking to him like any other guy I talk to and will be going on dates as well since our feelings are not mutual. He told me I’m self-sabotaging but he understands where I’m coming from and gave me my space. I want to know if I’m overreacting?

13 Comments
2024/12/04
21:54 UTC

19

Update: Communication is key to a healthy relationship, and so is trust.

https://www.reddit.com/r/love/s/UyiO4Y3x9g

After this post, I talked to my (boyfriend? what is happeningggggg) and explained exactly why I was feeling the way I was feeling, including the fact that I needed some time to adjust to physical contact with him as more than just friends. He was more than okay with this, and the rest of the night was absolutely wonderful. I asked him to ask whenever initiating physical contact to start, just so my body and head can get used to trusting this new person touching me in a more intimate way - not that I’m talking about any ‘special’ touches, but physical contact with a loved one just feels a lot different than with a friend, and I’m trying to get over my trauma from when I didn’t feel comfortable or safe being… well, I’ll leave it at that.

anyway, getting used to being a (girlfriend?), so expect more updates!

5 Comments
2024/12/04
17:25 UTC

340

Is there an equivalent of “girl boner” when my bf kisses, cuddles or hugs me ?

Something I’ve noticed is when my bf and I are close to each other, could be cuddling, kissing or just holding each other in general, I have this tingling sensations down there, like I’m horny but I am not at the same time, I don’t have the envy to have sex with him. He also gets those boners when we cuddle or kiss too, or hug. Is that a thing also girls get ? Any girls who gets like this here ? Sometimes I just think about him and I start to feel those tingly feelings too

83 Comments
2024/12/04
15:48 UTC

135

I’ve finally understood the beauty of being in a secure relationship

It’s that I can be completely myself and need the other person. If I need a hug, I ask for a hug and it will never be too much for my partner. And if it is, they will tell me. Intimacy is part of our relationship and my partner will not reject me, even if we cuddle every day.

And I was seriously afraid that they will, they will get tired of me and not want my touch or hugs. That is because it used to be like that with my ex; he really never wanted to get close.

There has been a few times when I thought my current partner was about to do that and in that moment I felt like the rug was pulled under me. But when I communicated my needs my partner quickly understood the situation. Im forever thankful of him.

7 Comments
2024/12/04
11:48 UTC

25

I have never traditionally “dated” someone, what is it like?

I’m a 19m and I’ve never properly “dated”. I had a girlfriend for a year but we just had great chemistry and started spending all of our time together and I had a situationship when I went to college but I’ve never like “dated”. Is it just like oh, we go out once a week maybe, and text and such or like how does it work to just date? Very curious to hear what “proper” dating looks like.

18 Comments
2024/12/04
04:20 UTC

31

Post vacation depression 😢😢😢 anyone else deal with the separation anxiety after?

My boyfriend and I travel really well together. We have the best time together in complete bliss every time. I always feel a heightened sense of closeness and extra bonded. It always feels magical!!

We don’t live together so when we come back we each go back to our own houses. I have a SEVERE come-down when he leaves. I get so used to going to sleep and waking up together every day. I don’t get sick of him ever. We just got back from Vegas and now I’m sitting in my apartment alone and just feel so sad. Last vacation this year, it took me a week to snap out of the depression.

Am I alone here???😭

15 Comments
2024/12/04
03:19 UTC

23

Question for people who have broken up and gotten back together after no contact

How did you make it successful? Please, preferably happy stories ♡

So my situation is that my boyfriend (23M) broke up with me (22F) recently. His reasoning was that he's not ready for a relationship and doesn't see himself being in one, and also the fact that it was an LDR bothered him as well. But he did say that if he ever would be in a relationship, i would be the only person he could see himself being with. I know that is a bad thing to say and that it's likely gonna give me false hopes, but i do wanna believe that he also acknowledges the bond we had together. I've never encountered a person who could be that perfect of a match for me. We were both into video games and almost every day played together, we had similar views, values and future plans, we had the same kind of specific sense of humor and damn even the same diet. I really did see a clear future for us, and now that it's so abruptly taken from me, ngl i'm quite devastated.

I told him that i have to block him everywhere to get over him, and he understood my reasoning to do so. He asked if i would some day unblock him and if we could able to be friends, and i said that i really don't know. I truly feel hollow now and that there is a part of me missing.

One thing that is giving me the tiniest bit of hope is that maybe, just *maybe* at some point in life we could try being friends or maybe even try rekindle the relationship. Sometime when i have completed my studies and have a stable job and money to move abroad, and hopefully he has experienced some personal growth as well. It could be a year or probably even more, i just want to heal from this properly and maybe in the future we could have a fresh start. I'm not really religious or spiritual or anything like that, but i really do want to believe that our paths will cross again at some point in life.

21 Comments
2024/12/03
22:29 UTC

6

I asked my boyfriend if we could play my fav song at our future wedding

okay so there's this artist I absolutely love and his name is lil darkie. even tho he's pretty controversial because of his lyrics and songs, there's one song I absolutely adore. It's called 'every heartbeat' and he recently released it this year!! I've listened to the song at least 5 times in a row and I brought it up with my boyfriend and asked him if we could slow dance to it because it's perfect for it. He hasn't replied yet but I'm extremely excited to know his response because he knows how much I love lil darkie and know how much I'd appreciate him playing the song for our first dance <3

if u guys want to listen to the song yourself, here it is [every heartbeat by lil darkie] (https://open.spotify.com/track/0rPTlNlpexrky3HF2RrjhK?si=Gb5Rbb2-TGSpORv-RDjU-Q&context=spotify%3Aplaylist%3A37i9dQZF1EIVVNNItRL0MP)

2 Comments
2024/12/03
22:08 UTC

239

why am i content with the idea of being his ex girlfriend one day?

i’m in a relationship with someone i love very deeply. things are going good with us and nothing is leading to a potential break up anytime soon. i had a thought cross my mind the other day that kind of left me feeling confused yet content. and that was if we were to ever break up, i would almost be honoured to be his ex girlfriend. even if i wasn’t his forever, i’d still be happy with only being with him for a part of our lives. i wouldnt have to be with him forever to know i love him, just knowing him alone felt like a gift. i really value, respect and cherish him and think i still would even after our relationship. i think i would always love him from afar. does anyone else feel like this?

55 Comments
2024/12/03
20:08 UTC

18

Seeking advice for self love: Where does one even start when there is no foundation ?

How does one even begin to love themselves when they were never shown love from their primary source of love: parents. I lost my mom to Alzeihmer’s 4 years ago, and even before that, we weren’t really on the best of terms. It seemed like she preferred my brother over me. As for my dad, he never hugs me or shows me love. In fact he’s the source of all my insecurities and mental issues.

How do I (24F) even love myself when I was never shown that im worthy of it? Logically, I know I shouldn’t wait for others to love me in order to love myself, and I do believe that, this is my best opportunity to love myself : I should love me when no one does. I should do that for me. But… I do not find myself worthy of love….

How do I even…

12 Comments
2024/12/03
18:17 UTC

38

I love my life, girlfriend, friends and family so much

I am so happy, I don't know how is it possible to be so lucky! I have a beautiful girlfriend, we met in school long ago, she is green flags only, good family, has no history with anything toxic, no social media, drugs, relationships, she is so caring, I want to build my life and have family with her, and she wants the same with me. I have an amazing group of decade long friends that each would give an arm for another, and despite being In separate universities we still meet at least once a week and keep in touch constantly. I have great family that supports my goals and sets me up financially for the start of my life, gave me good education and culture, took me to travel around the world. I am studying what I love, I have hobbies that I make money off, and have future prospects in as a job. I have no debt, I am healthy, strong, not bad looking. The only thing I can even care about is loosing hair early.... Man the life really is good with so much love. I love my life

6 Comments
2024/12/03
17:39 UTC

8

Love vs mental health and vanity - aka when love isn’t enough

So we’ve been together for half year, we met while I was not in a good place (mental hospital to be exact) and wasn’t searching for a relationship, until I get my shit together. I’m 21F.

Meanwhile there is my boyfriend 23M who has his life together, he is a college student, works, professional athlete and has his life together. Also I’m in love with who he is as person, he’s caring, loyal, family oriented, hard working, disciplined…The list goes on. Of course there are things I don’t like and I no longer have rose glasses, but the love strengthens each day which is freaking me out.

He’s aware of my mental issues, and is determined to work through them with me, so we could be together, but he also said that if I can’t handle that or the relationship is too much for me he would let me go…And he cried while he said that, and I realised how much he probably cares about me.

I’m genuinely asking what is wrong with me because all I think about is when I’m going to leave or when it’s going to end. I was always avoidant in previous relationships, but this is the one I know I will regret the most. And it almost gives me a joy, like I like punishing myself, because I know I don’t deserve love, and I also have hard time believing him that he loves me.

My reasoning for leaving this behind is that I need to get myself together first physically and mentally, I also think it’s my ego that feels like it’s less in the relationship. I have scars on my body I want to get a laser on, and perhaps more body enhancements, which I know will make me perhaps more happy than being in a relationship, because the hatered for my looks and my body is so strong and long lasting.

You can see I'm not in healthy place to be in a relationship, but I've been in therapy for years and I'm tired of discussing my fucked up childhood, low self esteem, I can see why I am the way I am, I just don't know how to change and I don't think I ever will.

And since my symptoms get worse in a relationship and I can't make myself believe that anyone else loves me anyway…What is the point of staying in a relationship?

It's irrational and in a perfect world where my brain would be normal, I would wan't to marry thjs guy and spent the rest of my life with him…But in this world, and after what I wrote I know that I'm going to let him go as soon as possible, because it is going to happen eventually.

And the objective is he deserves better.

3 Comments
2024/12/03
07:29 UTC

231

My BF saved my birthday today, after it was the worst of my life.

Yesterday (December 2nd) was my birthday. It was my first birthday since i moved out, alone. I didn't sleep the whole night beforehand and basically was very sad and crying all day. That is until my boyfriend happened. He is currently long distance, and very sick, which only added to the sadness. Despite that he sent me this balloon, along with flowers and ice cream through doordash. I cried with happiness that time. He also called me a bit later and played a game with me. I loved him already, but i can't even process the amount of love i feel for him after this. I think im set for life with this one.

Long distance is difficult and I appreciate this effort more than anything. If you're in a similar situation, just appreciate what you can do now and think about the possibilities.

12 Comments
2024/12/03
06:39 UTC

6

I need help dealing with my partner’s sometimes selfish tendencies

I’m extremely fond and appreciative of my boyfriend, he is wonderful and very kind. While knowing all of that, sometimes I feel that he can be a bit self serving? Idk I feel like saying selfish or even self serving is overdramatized.

For example, today my apartment is out of power and where I am is very cold and snowy. I was on the phone talking about how I’m freezing and he mentioned picking me up to spend the night at his place. But later said, “I would love for you to come over but the roads are icy and I don’t wanna risk it”

Which is completely understandable and I don’t want him risking getting hurt either. But if the roles were reversed, I would 100% have driven. I’m hurt by this a bit because he does these things pretty often, not offering to do something if it inconveniences him. And I don’t think he’s does this maliciously, it just hurts because I would do anything if he needed something.

Also a recent example is that we were at his place on a Sunday night, he initiated sex. Once we finished, maybe like 2 minutes later he asked if I could leave because he had work early in the morning and still needed to get some things done. I didn’t drive there that day, so I waited for an Uber for like 20 minutes outside. That was really hurtful because I’m someone who needs aftercare, and leaving immediately afterwards felt kind of harsh.

And we all have our quirks and share of imperfections, so I feel guilty for being upset. I’m sure I’m equally thoughtless in a different way.

My question is am I being over dramatic and sensitive? Are there things like this that happen with your partner that you just learn to deal with?

18 Comments
2024/12/03
04:07 UTC

8

what even is the meaning of life? realizations i've had because of unrequited love

my life's not worth any of its struggles; not the overworking, not the anxiety, not the ugly crying, not the insomnia, not the depression and definitely not the loneliness. not the guilt that comes from the regret of an action, not the shame that comes for said regret, not the sadness that comes with the realization that this action hurt someone, and this someone being the only person i love on this world.

it's been recently that i've experienced the first serious love on my life, what started with connection and admiration, which in turn evolved to them supporting me unconditionally through times i've been suicidal and spending some of the best time i've spent along another person, ever. it's not an exaggeration when i say i would stab a knife on my guts for this person.

all of this support awakened some feelings when i was along this person: warmth, butterflies on the stomach, pressure on the chest... i love every aspect of this person, i'm head over heels for them, i was completely in love... yet it was non-reciprocal.

i realize that i've made many mistakes, and despite that they still chose to forgive me, hang along with me and support me on my rough times, which just makes me cry. i haven't cried since i was 7, and this person took away the weigh weighting on me of all these bottled up emotions throughout pretty much my entire life.

i love them so much, and i wish i didn't, because i find them to be a great person, and i wish i just thought of us as best friends. i never wanted to feel like this, i just wanted to be with this person forever, to make them happy, to make the time we spent enjoyable for them, and to enjoy it myself. we do spend time together, it does work out, i enjoy our interactions and i know they do too. they've supported me always, through anything at all. yet suicidal thoughts dawn on me.

experiencing my first true love and it being non-reciprocal has led me to rethinking about many aspects of my life, and about why is it that i still haven't killed myself. after all, what's one thing that brings me joy? is it videogames? music? talking? is aaall of the bullshit worth these three past-times i dont even find joy in anymore? do i want to overwork every day to eat, to play videogames, to listen to music, to chat some then go to sleep? every day? and even if there was no work, would i still even live? waking up and doing mildly entertaining, mindless activities which i don't enjoy? really? what's this crap of life that i've been summoned to? this is completely unethical!

my life's filled with desire, the satisfaction of which leads to a completely neutral state, and the unaccomplishment of it leads to craving, sorrow and suffering. where's the good part then? when do i get to enjoy any of this? where's the justification to all of the horrible things that have to happen to make my life sustainable?

i was supposed to kill myself a couple months ago now, but this person i love saved me, on multiple attempts, and they're the only real reason i'm alive. we plan on living together at some point, and they mean my whole world, but i know that as much as they appreciate me and enjoy me, they don't love me back. the least of things i want to do is to impose all these neurotic and pessimistic thoughts on them, and i want them to live a happy life, and that's one where i'm not around. that's the only realistic outcome where my problems completely disappear. yes, suicide is the only viable escape i see to my life, and to any, since i could be living any kind of life and that wouldn't stop me being suicidal! fuck my parents for making me exist, fuck all of the people who traumatized me through the years, fuck all this despair that i feel daily, fuck all these things that have unwillingly been placed upon me.

6 Comments
2024/12/02
22:26 UTC

138

The feeling of waking up on our first over night trip together

In November my partner and I had our first trip together. It was our first time sleeping in the same bed and learning each other’s daily habits. And gosh, waking up to his face was a feeling I’ve never felt before and couldn’t even describe. It was amazing getting to see him wake up and immediately smile at me.

13 Comments
2024/12/02
19:21 UTC

8

feeling a little blindsided and looking for hope for the future

old anon because my main is compromised and i just need to brain dump i think lol. the username is a reflection of issues past, i promise hahaha

i just recently got out of a year long relationship (28F 29M). there are so many silly little details to the story, but basically: everything was wonderful until i point blank asked if we had a future — despite them regularly telling me how committed they were to me and establishing we were serious about each other; in fact, in the discussion after i asked they told me that a month ago they were telling friends how they could really see a future with me and that they were excited about it, but that we had a couple weeks of disconnect due to the stress i’ve been under about NOT talking about this and that made them question everything. they acted completely normal and affectionate during this time despite telling me they noticed i was stressed. they have a life change coming up that made discussing this a little more urgent/complicated than it would be normally. they didn’t really have an answer for me, went back and forth and led me on, then told me they felt i was really pushing for an answer and we’re not compatible without much further explanation. which was surprising to me after a year together lol i’m really hurt and can’t help but anxiously research attachment theory and draw a few too many parallels (guess which one i am?) i keep trying to understand why but that’s an endless cycle.

i guess i’m just feeling scared about the future. i’ve never had someone approach me with such intent, romance, and care. i’ve certainly been wooed but it’s always been people that i am absolutely not interested in. i lost a lot of respect for them in the way they handled the end of our relationship so i know it wasn’t perfect or what i want and deserve in the end, but amongst my grief about losing them, i’m scared i’ll never experience that reciprocal love again. i’m 28 so i’ve dated around plenty and i know this was special in so many ways. i don’t know. i like being by myself but i love love. i hate the weird dating games that always seem to happen and i’m so sad to have to reenter that at some point. this just sucks. have y’all experienced an intentional love more than once? how did you trust it?

1 Comment
2024/12/02
19:15 UTC

18

My chest is twisting up in knots and I’m anxious/scared for some reason

I met someone about a month ago, and we’ve really hit it off. There’s lots of doting, physical affection, and snuggling, but my stomach keeps twisting up in knots. They recently told me that they’ve fallen for me, and I feel the same way, but… I don’t know? I would love to just be happy, but for some reason my body seems to be fighting tooth and nail to make the experience as uncomfortable as possible. Maybe it’s fear? I didn’t grow up with super steady friend/family relationships, and this is my first real relationship.

I also would like to take things slowly, and I’ve communicated that, but I’ve also said yes to dirty talk, and… augh. Why is this so complicated???

23 Comments
2024/12/02
18:39 UTC

8

Please let me follow up on my (F45) partner (M46) not being able to say "I love you"...

Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1gbqu6w/f45m46_i_need_some_perspective_please_how_can_i/

And this comment about a party we went to: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1gr41nv/comment/lx36vt6/

Yesterday we celebrated our 1 year anniversary. It was a fun day, we sort of recreated our first date - minus the going home our separate ways part. :) The mood has been great between us, it has been so consistently ever since the party I commented about in the second link. I have decided for myself that I'd take what he gives me, because it's already better than anything I've ever had before and certainly FEELS like 100%... and he's never made me feel unloved, ever. I decided to just tune in to the feelings and emotions he conveys non-verbally, and not talk about the issue again. I decided to be patient and wait for him to be ready, and not make him feel pressured in any way.

I told him that I loved him a couple of more times since that horrible conversation, and he just sort of squeezed me in response - but by then I just said it in order to express myself... not to hear anything in return. Of course him not answering stings... but I want an honest response regardless, so it's alright. He's consistent with what he told me.

Last night when we finally settled for sleep, he pulled me really close to himself, as he always does, cradling my head against his chest, his other arm wrapped around me. I couldn't help but sigh a content "I love you" all nestled against him...

...and without skipping a beat he responded with "Me, too."

I know it's "less" than saying "I love you, too" - but a) our language is not English, and it's a bit different in ours, and b) OMG HE DIDN'T SIMPLY JUST SQUEEZE ME IN RESPONSE. He actually echoed what I told him, verbally, he actually confirmed that he does, in fact, love me!

I think I sort of froze in his arms and stopped breathing for a sec. I just hugged him even tighter. He asked me if I was ok, I nodded, and then he asked me if I was really sure that I was ok... because I was fixing to break his neck from all the squeezing, and I didn't even notice. :D

I didn't make a big deal for fear of shooing him right back behind his walls, I just laid there in his arms, quietly crying happy tears. I've been floating on clouds ever since with the occasional moment of "did this really happen or was I hallucinating it in a half-asleep state"... but no... I know what he said. My mind doesn't play tricks on me.

It reinforced my decision of being patient with him, and to trust my gut when it comes to how he feels about me, despite of the things he said.

I am so very happy today, and I wanted to share with you lovebirds! <3

2 Comments
2024/12/02
12:29 UTC

485

29 years ago today I kissed my wife for the first time.

December 2, 1995 was the day I (50 m) kissed my wife (48 f) for the first time. It was at a concert club in Cleveland called the Agora. We were there for an Anthrax concert.

My wife was (and still is) my sister’s best friend. When my friends and I walked up to get in line for the concert, my sister and some of her friends were already there. It was cold outside and my wife was shivering because she had left her coat in the car. I had this old army jacket that had a big Motörhead patch on the back of it. I took it off and put it around my wife’s shoulders.

At the time I just thought of her as my sister’s hot Latina goth friend with the nose ring and green highlights in her hair. I had no idea that she was also actually an incredibly kind and funny woman. I also had no idea that my one nice gesture would lead to the love of my life, a long and happy marriage and three wonderful daughters.

I told her to give me back my coat once we got inside. She did give me back the coat and thanked me. She told me it was the first nice thing I’d ever done for her and she was surprised because I usually ignored her. I remember telling her I did one nice thing a year and since it was December I had to do my one good deed.

I also remember she kept looking up at me with those big brown eyes and she looked so good. Then she said she thought I was a really great guy and wanted to know why I never asked her out and she said something like aren’t you even interested in me a little bit? So I went in for a kiss. She reciprocated and that was our first kiss.

We’ve been together ever since that night and I wouldn’t trade our life together for anything. We had our first daughter kind of young and it wasn’t always easy but we stuck together and I feel like the luckiest man in the world.

35 Comments
2024/12/02
11:43 UTC

0

I think I am not made for love and relationship?

I 19(M) has this 16(F) in my life we have been talking for the past two weeks regularly so it's a talking stage and everything is going good she's emotionally available and understanding she's pretty I am attracted to her definitely but there's something wrong with me this Saturday and Sunday we were sexting non-stop it was pretty intense but from yesterday night I have been feeling emotionally disconnected it was my first time sexting I have had many talking stages in the past and one pretty long Situationship which was emotionally taxing and messed me up bad and Yeah I have my fair share of emotional baggage cause of my parents unhealthy marriage I used to think i had no issues or when I start a relationship with someone it will be a healthy one but here I am running away from it and I am feeling so emotionally disconnected from that girl I can't put it in words I really don't wanna hurt her cause she's sweet and she's amazing but I don't think I will be able to continue talking to her and the problem is that we have some friends in mutual so it's basically a double edged sword situation for me what should i say to her so she isn't hurt? I never wanted to hurt anyone this way thinking about it is killing me I think i am not made for relationships and love i wanna be left alone so bad without having anyone in my life.

12 Comments
2024/12/02
06:28 UTC

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