/r/TwoXChromosomes

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Welcome to TwoXChromosomes, a subreddit for both serious and silly content, and intended for women's perspectives.

We are a welcoming subreddit and support the rights of all genders.

Posts are moderated for respect, equanimity, grace, and relevance.

Welcome to TwoXChromosomes, a subreddit for both serious and silly content, and intended for women's perspectives.

Thoughtful, Meaningful Content

Posts are moderated for content according to the following guidelines (hit report on violations):

  1. Respect: No hatred, bigotry, assholery, misogyny, misandry, transphobia, homophobia, racism or otherwise disrespectful commentary. Please follow reddiquette.

  2. Equanimity: No drama-inducing crossposting of content found in other subreddits, or vice versa. Likewise, posts found to direct odious influxes here may be removed. [more]

  3. Grace: No tactless posts generalizing gender. We are a welcoming community. Rights of all genders are supported here.

  4. Relevance: Please submit content that is relevant to our experiences as women, for women, or about women. [more]

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/r/childfree All Birth Control
/r/BabyBumps /r/TryingForABaby
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2

Best device to pee standing? Please help me pick

Hi,

I'd like to buy one of these plastic things that allow women to pee while standing. However, there are TONS of models and brands. How should I choose? Do you have one and what do you like/what don't you like about it?

Thanks!

0 Comments
2024/03/11
09:38 UTC

2

Nightsweats

I (36F) have been suffering from night sweats lately. It doesn’t happen every night but x3-4 times a week. The week prior to my menstruation it gets really bad (I wake up several times every night). I have been to the doctor and they ruled out anything serious (I was afraid of cancer and things like that). Do you get them quite frequently? Am I premenopausial?

Sorry for my english, is not my first language!

3 Comments
2024/03/11
07:42 UTC

6

BC Alternatives?

My 16yo has the worst periods ever and is really struggling. Took her to the GYN and they put her on LoLoEstrin FE, which worked but also made her s*icidal and completely not herself. So we stopped that as soon as we realized it was the problem. The issue is she basically cannot function for the first 36 hours of her period and the whole thing isn't good either really. Bleeding like I've never seen, massive cramps, throwing up, it's a mess. I had PCOS and so my cycles were never like this when I even ever had them, and it's been several years since I had a hysterectomy and bso so I'm at a loss to help her.

Things we're trying: magnesium glycinate the 2 days before, all days during, and the 2 days after her period, ondansetron as needed, Motrin as needed.

The GYN only offered different BC options or even an IUD, but my daughter won't have an internal exam yet (she's too afraid and that's fine for now) and the idea of more BC scares her after what she experienced from the first try.

If anyone has anything else they can suggest, or things they find helpful I'd really appreciate it

4 Comments
2024/03/11
06:42 UTC

4

How do I make sex feel better

I just started having sex a few months ago, and it doesn’t really hurt going in anymore but I still experience pain when he thrusts. I think his penis is average sized so I’m hesitant to chalk it up to him being “ too big”. Also, I never even feel like I’m even close to finishing, I do not feel stimulated at all. This is weird because I really enjoy getting fingered so I know I do like penetration. Apparently my vagina is not as wet as previous partners, so I’m wondering if there’s something I can do to get more excited before we have sex or if this is all maybe medically related. I don’t know haha, just general tips for making it more fun would be appreciated because right now I’m a bit bored.

9 Comments
2024/03/11
05:52 UTC

17

I think I’ve attracted unavailable men because I don’t like myself.

I turned 31 this February and have been going through a lot of crappy things recently and doing a lot of grieving. My dad has cancer and is probably going to die and I also had an abnormal papsmear and the doctor was concerned and wanted me to get an additional biopsy.

I guess with all that going on, and trying to date, it’s sucked. I haven’t ever had a guy head over heals for me and I never felt that way towards a guy, atleast I thought I did but learned it was codependency and having insecure attachments. I’ve mostly have been in situationships and things just go downhill in like a three months. Anyways, I just feel gross, ugly, and undesirable and I’ve done lots of therapy, introspection about this and I think I know why I feel this way and why I attract men who aren’t crazy about me. I think it’s because I don’t like myself, I lie to myself, and I’m not crazy about myself.

I guess I just wanted to vent. Thanks.

2 Comments
2024/03/11
04:51 UTC

5

I’m extremely dependent on my boyfriend and I’m concerned

The beginning of our relationship started great (as all relationships usually do) and then within months we started living together. My relationship is still great, I really believe that a lot of improvement has been made. We’re both aware of the situation (he’s also dependent on me but no where near as intense as my dependence on him) and we often talk about it. Our relationship seems to be way more healthy than it used to be. But the problem is, I rely so much on him for emotional support. I’m constantly waiting for him to get home, sometimes I don’t do anything but lay in bed depressed until he arrives and my mood changes back to normal only for it to be ripped away when he has to leave again. It also doesn’t help that I have no car, no job and no insurance for therapy (which I know would help a lot). I am currently in school, and once I finish I’ll have a real job and real freedom to leave the house and live my own life separate from our relationship. It’s just hard not to get discouraged. I’ve been at home alone for what seems like 3 years. I think because of this I’m now terrified of driving and going out in public alone. I wish I had more friends to hang out with, but most of them are either always busy with kids and/or work. And there’s a group of 3 friends I really like a lot - they also live together and are super close, I’m sadly not apart of that, just occasionally get to see them when they are available. I know from experience that having friends literally demolishes my feelings of dependency. I fear that I’m missing out on a lot of potential friendships by never leaving the house. In a nutshell, I just want to be a good partner and I want my self confidence back. Does anyone relate to this? Apologies in advance if my post is all over the place, I really just need to rant. Advice would be appreciated <3 pls be gentle but also real

6 Comments
2024/03/11
04:46 UTC

282

I broke up with my boyfriend and he's been a jerk since

I'm 25f and my (now) ex is 25ftm (transgender man). We started dating as two lesbians 3 years ago, and one year into the relationship, he came out as a straight trans man.

I thought maybe I wasn't a lesbian, maybe I could be bisexual and stay. I tried. I supported him through all of it, but I'm truly a lesbian and there's nothing I can do about it.

In June 2023, I started therapy for an issue completely separate from my relationship and sexuality. But slowly, as I opened up, I realized a lot of things about my relationship and about myself. Yes, that I'm truly a lesbian. But also that my relationship with my ex was toxic as hell to me.

I literally gave him so much. So much love, care and attention. I sacrificed so much for him: time, money, energy... And I gave and I gave and I never received the same care. We could never communicate, because he has the emotional range of a 13 year old boy. I suppressed so much of myself for this relationship to work. I didn't feel like my own person anymore. I just felt like half of a relationship.

I broke up with him two weeks ago, citing only my sexuality as the reason. I didn't mention all of the other problems in the relationship. I honestly still cared about my ex and was hopeful that we could part ways amicably and maybe stay friends later on.

Wow, was that hope misplaced. At first, he seemed fine, sad, but fine and things looked like they would be okay. Then a day after, he exploded, said cruel things and really tried to hit me where it hurts. Then he apologized.

He left me alone to take care of our pets (they live in a cage and have to go out at least one hour per day in a special pen designed to hold them) for the whole night while my leg was still in a cast from my broken ankle.

He tried to get a rise out of me by saying that "Tinder and Bumble have changed since we were on there in 2020" (we met on Tinder)

And plenty of other awful things. I really can't write them all. It's like now that I don't provide him with anything anymore (love, sex, etc.), I'm worthless to him. It really truly feels like he's showing me his true colors right now. He's been so nasty one second, then the next apologizing and asking me if I changed ny mind about not renewing the lease. (Spoiler alert: no, I haven't changed my mind about NOT renewing the lease, especially with the way he's been acting these past two weeks)

I just can't believe he flipped a switch so fast. I spent months agonizing over this decision, over hurting him, because I still had love for him and didn't want to hurt him even though I knew it was inevitable. And holy shit. I really shouldn't have felt so torn about it after all.

I wasted 3 years of my life on this asshole. God, that makes me angry. He got so much out of the relationship and I got nothing but sadness and hurt.

I can't wait to be out of here in a few months. And fuck his friendship.

28 Comments
2024/03/11
03:05 UTC

10

Middle aged man keeps staring at me at the gym

There is this middle aged guy at my gym that keeps staring at me. I understand that majority of the times when people stare at you at the gym, there’s many reasons like ‘wanting to use whatever ur using’ or they’re just in their own little world zoning out not knowing they’re actually staring at someone. But in my case, this guy is being so obvious. This started yesterday when I came from the locker room and he was right in front of me also going back to his locker room and he stared at me as we walked by, and he also looked back. And then after couple mins he came and stared 10x harder when I was at the massage chair.

Now here is what it gets weird, today he was at the gym again. And he was staring literally so much. I’d say we made eye contact more than 10x and there were times I would literally avoid eye contact and knew he was looking cus I was looking from corner of my eyes. When I was getting dumbbells bunch of times he was looking at me. I didn’t mind again because it’s public gym and what’s worst that can happen? I go to this mixed gym during weekend anyway because I go to women’s only during the week but in weekends the gym closes at 3 pm so I have to go to the mixed. After like 20 mins, he went outside he finished. This gets so weird because I finished working out after about 1 hour after he went out. I came out and I saw him sitting on his car.

We made eye contact again. My first reaction was to memorize his car plate then I went straight to my car which was 1 car away from his car. I waited until he’d go and he eventually went after 10 mins. Now I have no idea wether im just panicking because I’m a paranoid person or it’s definitely something i need to keep my eye on.. I

I need advice.

7 Comments
2024/03/11
02:40 UTC

250

Fatphobia on this sub? Really?!

I can’t even post something venting about my doctor prescribing a weight-causing medication without telling me it causes weight gain without trolls popping in the comment section telling me I REALLY gained weight because I ate too much and I need to eat better. Wtf you don’t even know me. The point was my eating habits hadn’t changed and my DOCTOR SAID the medication was to blame. Are you my fucking doctor?! I think not. I believe their comment got deleted but I was pissed and removed my post altogether.

Why do I bother posting? I’m just gonna get more negative voices chanting along with the one in my head. To those who gave an ounce of empathy. Thank you.

Why are women never believed when we talk about weight gain being due to multiple reasons? Or from medication. Or from diseases. These are complex issues. No. No. It’s ALWAYS our fault don’t you know. We just stuff our faces aaaallll the time. Women and their chocolate am I right? /s

99 Comments
2024/03/11
02:26 UTC

685

I'm so fucking embarrassed

I have this posted elsewhere but I lost my baby to SIDS. It doesn’t feel real and I don't think it ever will. I had a manic episode where I erased everything on here, erased other social media that held nothing but memories, and then tried erasing myself so I could join my baby. I’m glad I didn’t succeed because as awful as things are right now, I still have hope.

I started a new job a week ago. My car got repo’d so everyday after my shift ends I go sit in the bathroom stall for about 10-15 minutes so that no one sees me walking. I’m embarrassed that I don’t have a car. Today, about three minutes after I went in, two of my coworkers came in. I’m 99.9% certain they saw me go in because it would be an awfully big coincidence that I caught them talking about me.

“That new hire smells like cheap perfume”

“ She has to know she isn’t pretty enough to pull of that buzz cut”

“ Why does she wear the same thing every fucking day”

“ A woman her age should know about hygiene, I’m going to tell HR”

I was mortified. They didn't use the bathroom or wash their hands and they both have cars so they followed me in there just to say that. My water was turned off a month ago, before I even got hired. It is what finally forced me to get a job because if I didn’t start working nothing was going to get better. No one is coming to save me. I was in such a depressive hole that I stopped taking care of myself. My hair was matted starting at the roots. I couldn’t save it so I shaved it.

Do I know how awful it looks? Yes, I do, But I knew I couldn’t work with how badly my hair was. I lost alot of weight so I only have one outfit that is appropriate so I have to wear it everyday. I take it off as soon as I get home, rub fabric softener sheets over it, and put it in a clean garbage bag to attempt to keep it “fresh” . I try my best to not sweat because I only have baby wipes to clean myself. I know covering up with cheap perfume usually does the complete opposite of what I'm trying to achieve. I know I need a proper shower. A “everything” shower where I scrub every inch of my body. I know I need shampoo and soap.

I don’t want to go out in public, let alone go to work looking like I do but I don’t have a choice. Nothing is going to get better if I keep hiding in my apartment. My small town doesn’t have a gym close and the nearest big town is a 30 minute drive. I’ve already sold everything I could in order to stay in my apartment. I shouldn’t have grieved for so long. Yes I’m uncomfortable. I’m mortified. I’m so disappointed in myself. I don’t feel human anymore.

But I do know that it won’t be like this for long. I’m going to get my check in a week, I’m going to get an uber to go shower, once I get solid paychecks coming in I'm going to get my water back on, I’m going to get a few more outfits as soon as I can, and my hair is going to grow back. I’m sorry that I’m disturbing my coworkers but I wish they would take a second and consider how I feel because we are all doing the same job so I’m obviously not stupid or less than.

I have to go to work tomorrow and I'm scared, how damn pathetic is that? I've tried my best to get as "fresh" as I can but I know it's not enough and now I know my coworkers agree. I want to crawl in a hole again.

102 Comments
2024/03/11
02:25 UTC

50

Is sexual favours in hospital ever ok?

Is it ever acceptable in a relationship to be visiting a partner/wife etc in hospital and basically demand sexual favours because the man “has needs”?

I’m fairly sure I’m being gaslit here…..been told it’s acceptable in some relationships. I argue it’s fucking crazy and shouldn’t have ever even been thought of at that time. (Yes I’m ignorant when it comes to relationships. ASD and parents had a shockingly bad abusive relationship. )

(Tried to post in relationship advice but apparently a yes/no post isn’t accepted)

47 Comments
2024/03/11
00:12 UTC

20

I thought I had a yeast infection for 3 months, but it was cytolytic vaginosis. Sharing my story to help anyone who is struggling with this!

I’m posting this from a throwaway because too many people know my main account.

I wanted to share my experience in case anyone is going through the hell I went through and save them from the torment and depression I endured. Here is my story.

In December 2023 I was having yeast infection symptoms, mainly a vaginal and anal itch. I went to the doctor who did a full STD panel and a vaginal swab. The STD panel was negative. The swab came back negative, but I still assumed it was a yeast infection because the itch was similar to what I’d experienced before. However, 8+ rounds of Diflucan did nothing. Two weeks of boric acid suppositories made me feel even more inflamed and irritated. Intravaginal probiotics with reuteri and rhamnosus did nothing.

By January I was feeling desperate and willing to try anything. Still thinking it was a stubborn yeast infection and utterly in despair, I tried Terconazole for 3 nights. It did nothing. I tried garlic clove insertion and yogurt insertion on separate occasions, but neither did anything. I also tried Vagibiom intravaginal suppositories and those made the itch intensify immensely. I continued to take Diflucan which did absolutely nothing. I then decided to do a Juno swab vaginal test mid January. When the results came back, I met with their wellness coach for their 15 minute consult.

The Juno wellness coach informed me since I tested positive for ureaplasma (.35%), gardnerella (13.98%) and Candida albicans (low fungal load) that I needed to first treat the ureaplasma, then the gardnerella, then address the candida.

I took her advice and did a 14 day regimen of 100 mg Doxycycline twice a day and 2.5 mg of Azithromycin thereafter. I then did a week of Metronidazole oral pills. Throughout all the antibiotics, I was taking at least 5 different probiotics for women’s health. I tried the anti-candida and low histamine diet. I completely eliminated caffeine. But I was still having itching, in fact it was just as consistent as before.

I started taking 400 mg of Diflucan daily for a week and 200 mg of Diflucan daily for the following week along with a bunch of natural antifungals: caprylic acid, undecylenic acid, and kyolic garlic extract. For those two weeks I took four different biofilm breakers every evening as well. I was so convinced it was a yeast infection. During this two week period I went to a urogynecologist and a regular gynecologist. Both tested me for BV and yeast. Both of their tests came back negative.

During the time I was on the antifungals I took a second Juno test, and it showed I had 91.46% Lactobacillus bacteria, as opposed to the 83.28% on my original test. On my second test it showed that 80.86% of that bacteria was the crispatus strain and 2.63% jensenii (compared to 66.89% crispatus on the first test with 4.53% jensenii).

Additionally I had done a Microgendx test shortly after the second Juno test, and the only result it listed was lactobacillus crispatus, NGS 97%.

I started to become worried and paranoid that I might have lichen sclerosis or lichen planus. I was mentally preparing myself for a biopsy.

Throughout this whole ordeal I had been compulsively and obsessively researching as much as I could on Reddit. Two nights ago, I stumbled on the cytolytic vaginosis subreddit. It was there I read that lactobacillus crispatus is often found to be dominant in cases of cytolytic vaginosis. I knew my test results weren’t conclusive enough to say I had it, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try their baking soda suppository method.

The next evening I measured out 150 mg of baking soda, poured it into a capsule, and put it in my vagina. Within seconds, I started to feel relief! I could feel the baking soda bubbling inside me, soothing the itch, the inflammation, and irritation. It has now been 12 hours since I inserted it and I feel like a new woman.

All the itching is gone, vaginal and anal. The irritation, the raw feeling, the bladder discomfort, GONE. I saw two different naturopaths, two gynecologists, one urgent care doctor, did three vaginal swabs, and no one ever thought to mention cytolytic vaginosis. And no doctor ever did a wet mount to look for lactobacillus. I really don’t understand why.

I did also do a GI and an OAT test and am still waiting on those results. However, since all of my symptoms resolved from the baking soda method and no other bacteria, yeast or fungi were detected through Microgendx, I am inclined to believe my diagnosis is cytolytic vaginosis, an overgrowth of the good bacteria! And it makes sense because I was taking inordinate amounts of probiotics every day thinking I needed to replenish my gut. I realize my test results might not look like a classic case of CV, but I firmly believe this is what I was suffering from.

Apparently cytolytic vaginosis mimics many of the symptoms of a yeast infection, so I’m trying not to beat myself up too hard for not trying baking soda earlier. Everything I’ve been through with my vagina deeply affected my sex life, it was practically non-existent because I was afraid I might pass on a candida infection to my partner.

I will continue doing the baking soda suppository method every 3 days for 3 weeks. I feel like I finally have my life back. I hope sharing my story can help someone out there!

I wanted to add that the vaginal naturopath I saw told me she would not have recommended treating the ureaplasma or gardnerella because the percentages were so low, so her opinion seemed to differ from Juno. She was worried about the antibiotics affecting my microbiome. However, it took weeks to see her after my Juno consultation because she was completely booked (I did it through My Vagina). I wanted to be proactive and fix whatever it was that was potentially causing the issue. Looking back, I do wonder if I had just done gone the baking soda route, if I could have nipped all this in the bud immediately and found that my symptoms resolved right away rather than going through vaginal hell for 3 months. I remember having read about it but I was too afraid to try it, and it didn’t seem like I fit the cookie cutter test results for cytolytic vaginosis.

For further clarification, these are all the symptoms I was experiencing the past 3 months:

Itching, stinging, raw feeling in inner/outer vagina and anus

Odorless, smooth white discharge

More frequent urge to pee, bladder pressure and discomfort

Vaginal and anal aching (mild and infrequent)

Pinching feeling by clitoris (infrequent)

2 Comments
2024/03/11
00:09 UTC

258

My Best Friend (F22) was SAd in a Gay Bar. Women Aren’t Safe Anywhere

So with my friend’s permission, I wanted to anonymously share her story with you all. Because once again, she is left traumatized and enraged as many of us are and have been.

I want to start by sharing some perhaps relevant details. She is very traditionally attractive, has long blonde hair and blue eyes, about 5’7 and 120lbs, relatively feminine presenting. Gets hit on by men 24/7 even though she’s an openly flaming lesbian in a LTR. And she unfortunately already has a lengthy history of prior sexual assaults.

So a couple nights ago, she goes out with a few gay (cis male) friends to the only gay night club/bar in her urban, GA city. She gets up and starts dancing with her friends on the dance floor after a couple drinks together. They’re basically dancing in a circle and having a good time. Then eventually this guy shows up out of nowhere, and starts dancing in their circle with them. So it’s chill, and then her friends kind of start dancing together on their own. And this guy holds his hand out to her, and assuming he’s gay, she takes it, and she twirls him around her… like a friendly, gay, twink. But then he interlocks their fingers and starts pulling her into him, trying to place her hand on his shoulder and her other hand on his waist, and she pulls away from him.

But his grip only got tighter, and he starts literally grinding on her. At that point she said stop, loudly, and pulled away again. But as he’s grinding on her, he reaches down, grabs her ass, and pulls her into him and then grabs her by the chin to look up at him. Then he leans down into her and guides her head, to make her kiss his neck. Then she says stop loudly again, and tries to free herself. She manages to face the other way looking for her friend, when he then grabs her from behind, starts humping her with his raging boner and pushes her back forward to bend her over. Then she catches sight of her friend and yells loudly at him to help her. He came running over and yanked her away from him, back the few steps to where they had started, and the guy ran off.

She asked when they’d leave and her friend said “in a few” bc he was (drunk) busy making out with his partner. So she walked out of the bar the long way around, and the asshole guy bumps into her to thank her for the dance. She’s like “whatever” and he continues to follow her out of the bar. He goes “My name’s M what’s yours?” And she says “good for you” still walking away. At which point he left her alone, with his tail between his legs.

Not even 9 months ago she was at a high end club with her girlfriend, walked away from her drink for all of two minutes to dance, came back for a sip, and was roofied. She started puking, passed out, and was taken to a hospital via ambulance when nobody could get her to wake up. Someone weird and sketchy was trying to pick her up from the hospital so she refused care, discharged herself, and went home.

Even with therapy, a great gf, and a fantastic support network, she cannot live in a moment’s peace, go anywhere, do anything with anyone, without constant anxiety and paranoia that a man, ANY man, could and would try to do something to her. (As I’m sure many of us have felt far too many times.) She can’t go to a GAY male bar with GAY friends, without a man trying something. Because men EVERYWHERE are a THREAT. And NO woman is safe anywhere. End of rant.

64 Comments
2024/03/11
02:10 UTC

6

Hey is there someone I can talk to? I just need advice on friendship issues not sure how to address

Hi! I just need to chat with someone I’ve posted about it and only get a few replies just need honest advice

6 Comments
2024/03/11
02:07 UTC

1

Is it a common thing for people to hand out unsolicited advices for you to "improve yourself" or do I just look like a very insecure loser?

I (F 24) try to take care of my looks. I am more on the alternative aesthetic side. I know how to do my make up, some people may compliment my clothes, my looks etc But I realized i often find myself in situations where I get a bunch of unsolicited advice, and they always come out as if they were solicited, as if I had just asked the person for their opinion, as in "look, if I were you I would..." Or "I think you would look better if...". It's mostly in my small town where I guess people may feel like I am weird or whatever. I just honestly cannot tell if I am truly ugly, if I just have this lack of confidence specially because of my bad posture and kinda shy manners of if this is a general experience with women, although I don't think my friends go through this as much as I do.

I know I probably shouldn't care, but I just get this sense there is something wrong with me and I never really know what it is.

5 Comments
2024/03/11
02:00 UTC

0

Is it weird to post a selfie of yourself on social media where you were just “feeling yourself” but it was taken while you’re in the tub? Totally no sexual intentions and shows only from shoulders up.

I just liked how I was feeling when I took it. Weird?

12 Comments
2024/03/11
01:35 UTC

12

Finding my orgasm

The unimaginable happened, and I just wanted to shout it annonymously from the rooftops (for my own joy and for anybody else that may have the same experience).

Background: I’m (53), mom of 3, happily married to a very wonderful guy and together for over 25 years.

But, I had only once had an orgasm- ever, and I wasn’t even sure it was real.

When I was younger I was frustrated by this lack of ability and put some effort into figuring it out. Some partners before meeting my husband, tried self love… toys, but eventually just gave up and figured it wasn’t going to happen - I even thought that maybe there was something flawed in my anatomy.

My husband and I are intimate but not often - mainly cause I just don’t have the drive. He is a giver and would follow my lead in whatever I wanted to try (and he was game to help “figure it out”) but I had no direction of my own to give him.

Which brings us to last fall - I lost my high stress job, was taking some time to regroup and found myself listening to audio books. I usually jump into sci-fi but decided to give a random fantasy book from a “best of the year” list a try. When I unknowingly stumbled onto the first 4-chili-pepper-level spicy chapter my head completely exploded.

I had an intense buzzing sensation all over my body and needed my husband to get home ASAP. (For those that read these kinds of books it very much felt like my signet power was manifesting - lol! IYKYK)

A flip just switched in my head and I became super horny - for days on end, which led to my first real orgasm. Something I can now also do on my own!

In the past few months I have been pestering my husband, DAILY! and also enjoying time by myself - I am seriously making up for lost time.

It feels like those videos when folks who are color blind are given the special glasses and something previously unseen is revealed.

This THING happened, my body can finally do the THING and it feels like a freaking miracle. I’ve unlocked some level within myself. It has been both mentally and physically empowering. And, this has been a wonderful revelation to share with my husband. It’s just plain silly at our house right now.

I realized in the last month that I have a condition called aphantasia where you have no visual mental images which I think makes fantasizing very difficult for me. Combined with being self conscious about my body - it just took 30+ years, and one very detailed, tension filled, spicy chapter, to figure this thing out.

It blows my mind that I had completely accepted I never would, then BAM! - Orgasm!

2 Comments
2024/03/10
14:36 UTC

2

It’s crazy how quickly things can turn from “ your smile can make someone’s day” to “ I hate that crazy bitch” lol

What made you hate or dislike someone so quickly?

1 Comment
2024/03/11
00:21 UTC

135

Men criticizing Circe by Madeline Miller is always so hilarious to me

Greek mythology that was created and maintained by men for thousands of years is filled with rape and abuse of women. The rape of female figures is absolutely engrained in Greek mythology. Yet when a female author writes a book that highlights the various ways female figures were controlled and abused and raped, she’s “portraying men badly” and “misandrist because all the male characters are bad” (when that’s literally not even true). Do the original myths portray male figures in a… good way? …No. They do not.

The FRAGILITY these men display when a beautiful piece of fiction doesn’t revolve around men and have maleness on a pedestal is astounding. The complete inability to see why fiction like Circe is valuable shows a real lack of media literacy skills and I simply wouldn’t trust their opinions on any literature.

15 Comments
2024/03/11
00:06 UTC

10

Runaway

If you haven't watched the series "Runaway" on Netflix yet, please go do so immediately. Wow. It's a heart-wrenching and realistic portrayal of how young girls and women can get tricked into human trafficking, even if they come from a good, stable family. The story centers around a 16 year old girl, Fanny, who meets a music producer at a party. They start to "date" and eventually he grooms her into prostitution. If you've ever found yourself thinking "how could someone be so naive and stupid?", this series will make you understand.

Big trigger warning for this series: Domestic abuse, sexual assault, nudity and sex, drug use. It's a pretty tough watch. I had a hard time with it and I have not been in this situation, nor am I a parent. Those of you with teenage girls, or those of you with SA trauma, please take care when watching.

Also head up, it's a French Canadian show, so you'll need to watch with English subtitles. Watching dubbed is an option, but I always recommend subtitles so you can hear the actors true voices and emotions. PS - I typically won't even watch foreign shows because I'm not a fan of subtitles, but you guys, this show.... worth it. It's VERY well done.

I think this is a really important story to tell, because it is the lived experience of so many young girls and women. Maybe something for you to watch with your teenage daughters, if it feels right. I think it could generate some pretty powerful discussion.

1 Comment
2024/03/10
23:56 UTC

688

My husbands inappropriate reaction to a fender bender

I have been driving for over eleven years without any accidents or being pulled over by police. I enjoy driving, I don’t do a lot of it anymore due to WFH but I end up putting ~7-8k miles on my vehicle every year. Last year, I finally was on track to make decent money with a promotion and I wanted a new car. My hoopty had some serious issues, my initial intent was to buy used, but I ended up with a brand new car.

This car represented a lot more to me than just being a car - it was representative of my hard work at a shitty job with shitty people for so long. It’s nearly paid off, too. I’ve never had anything so nice, so I take great care of it. So of course, time to do something dumb and wreck it. I got into a fender bender, my fault, I made an honest mistake. We exchanged information and my husband was in the vehicle when it happened. It will get taken care of, no one was hurt, and it was a lesson learned.

Except my husband just couldn’t help himself. After it happened, he was curt, rude, and being completely unsupportive. He knew what the vehicle meant to me but there wasn’t any space for me to feel upset, he decided he was the one upset. He started lecturing me about how I don’t know how to drive after it happened. You all can debate if I can/can’t drive but I was not letting my husband debate that and to be frank, his backseat driving has been on my last nerve for years. This man has wrecked his car six or seven times into animals, other vehicles, inanimate objects, and almost slammed into a biker once. And he has only owned the car for seven years. Every panel of his vehicle has a dent on it from doing stupid shit at every possible moment. So Reddit, you can judge my driving, but my clown husband cannot.

I wanted support. I wanted to be told that it was fine. I already knew it was my fault, I knew what I did, I took ownership of it. But instead I was told “use your fucking neck next time,” “try using your eyes to drive,” “maybe just learn to drive for once like I’ve been telling you.” From someone who has dents in every panel of their vehicle…

So finally he says “I’m glad this happened, I’m sick of hearing about your car,” and that really exemplified all of the love and support I was getting in this situation. That’s kind, thank you. It’s ironic, for years he had a lot of fun talking about my car. But I guess it was only a fun topic of conversation because it was making fun of my old car and how I had to press a button under the steering wheel to turn it on, or how it just decided not to start immediately, when the windows stopped working, how loud it was, how slow it was, how old it was, etc. But even that’s funny, my car had all of those mechanical issues but not one dent… Mmmm.

And then the complaints about insurance begin. I make plenty of money and said I would be paying for any increase. We aren’t in poverty. It came across as just another thing for him to bitch about when the lecturing on driving got boring.

I still don’t really know what his actually problem was. It was a mistake that he used to treat me like shit for a few hours.

After my husband spent the day being emotional about my car wreck on my behalf, we finally had an adult conversation about how to appropriately react in these situations. Even though we had a productive conversation, I can’t help but still feel annoyed about the situation. Like, especially when I get into his passenger side and hear his dented door screech open.

Also, thank you to everyone who has commented. I really do appreciate the support and different perspectives. I was just venting but I am definitely seeing that there are underlying issues with my husband that need to be addressed. We will have a talk.

148 Comments
2024/03/10
23:32 UTC

66

Cautious about playing horror games with a FMC because they’re always pregnant

So I’m big into horror games currently, especially since Resident evil has gotten popular. But whenever I’m recommended games from other franchises where the protagonist is female, there’s always an overarching plot or allegory surrounding “the horrors of womanhood”. Which is exclusively sexual assault, forced pregnancy, childbirth, etc, and it’s made me actively avoid a lot of horror games because of my tokophobia.

I get that these are very real fears that women like me face and the deserve to be talked about, but the horror genre specifically focuses on it to the point where it’s fetishistic or tasteless shock value, like with one game that got big on tiktok about a little girl locked in a cellar being raped and impregnated by her captor.

I understand what the game devs are trying to say with these stories but it’s really telling when the men making them think that’s these are the only issues I face in day to day life. It would be nice to have the horror come from something other than the FMC getting reduced to breeding stock.

35 Comments
2024/03/10
23:07 UTC

5

Struggling with uti like symptoms, any one ever have the same problems?

Starting in the beginning of January, I thought I had a UTI, and got put on antibiotics. The symptoms pretty much went away so I thought all was well. Well about a month later, all the symptoms came back, but this time WAY worse. Like excruciating pain and burning like I’ve never had before. I ended up being put on two different types of antibiotics for it, with doctors thinking it was antibiotic resistant. It got better finally, to almost gone. But it’s just been sort of lingering in the background. 2 days ago it came back and I just can’t take it anymore. I’m about to cry my eyes out.

The doctor did test me for UTI, and it was negative. He tested me for STDS, yeast infection, pregnancy, all that fun stuff. It was all negative. He says I need to see a specialist now. But those appointments are weeks away.

Everything online just tells me UTI or STD, but I already know it’s not that since I was tested. A few places said maybe Interstitial cystitis or vestibulodynia.

But now I’m having symptoms (sorry for tmi) in my butt and I’m pretty sure it’s correlated. Since everything is connected down there. It’s mostly just itching. But like insanely bad and everyday. And I don’t know what things relate to both besides STDs which I don’t have. My main symptoms are itching in butt, burning alone and when peeing, sometimes frequent peeing, and decently bad cramping which I never get.

Thank you for anyone who can help and give advice. I just can’t take it anymore.

2 Comments
2024/03/10
23:01 UTC

0

Jealous over ex from years ago

Just venting, I hope people can relate because I feel crazy. I (27F) feel jealousy about someone (41M) I dated for a month a couple years ago. I liked him a lot and we had a lot of values in common, I thought we might be compatible for long-term.

I wanted to get together officially but he felt more compatible with the other woman (30? F) he was dating and called it off. There was not a lot of communication at that time and I kinda pieced it together in hindsight; I did know he was dating someone else, she knew about me, he just didn’t give that as the reason for ending things, more of a I’m not ready and not sure what I want kind of thing. I don’t even know if called it off is the right term, he just said he needed some time to figure things out and then never hit me up again. It stung at the time and I’m embarrassed that I got upset / clingy during our parting conversation but in hindsight it was for the best. I did feel some sense of inadequacy/ jealousy towards the woman and it took me a while to get over it. I unfollowed him on Instagram and deleted his number, and moved on. I embarked on a period of personal growth and have matured a lot since then and pretty much stopped thinking about him.

I’ve been with my current partner (27M) for a year, we have aligning goals and values and I love him very much. However we are both in the early stages of grad school and struggling financially, which makes me feel kind of stuck.

Now I see on Instagram (her public page, not his page, it just popped up) that they bought a house and are expecting a baby and the jealousy is rearing its ugly head again. I feel a mix of why was I not good enough to settle down with, and happy for them, and just jealous that my partner and I can’t afford to have a baby or buy a house.

I didn’t even think about him anymore until seeing that, and now one stupid ig explore page post has me reeling?!?!! And we only dated for like a month what’s wrong with me?! Ugh. I did block her page so that I wont be tempted to lurk lol

I don’t even know if it’s actually about him or I’m just about my feeling frustrated about my current financial situation and feeling my biological clock ticking lol. I feel guilty for feeling jealous too when I love my partner so much. Am I crazy or is feeling this kind of jealousy normal? 😭 also this man is like 14 years older than me so it’s NORMAL to be buying a house and whatnot at that age I’m just salty I guess?! Also he still has a piece of jewelry I left at his house and idk if asking for it back after so long (not in person) would be weird or give me some closure?

——————————

TL;DR just learned that ex situationship is having a baby with partner he chose over me, feeling jealous and existential.

2 Comments
2024/03/10
22:49 UTC

5

I feel very privileged and it's making me feel guilty I feel like even though bad things happen to me I'm always okay in the end and often even better. (long post)

I'm only posting this because I don't know what to think. I feel like yea I went through all these bad things and so do other victims but you often hear things not working in favor and getting worse. I feel guilty because that is not and rarely the case for me now. I'm always given second chances at life and easily accomplish my goals.

So for context, I was emotionally and physically abused by my mom since 4th grade and witnessed her being a victim of DV and addiction my entire life. I was also sexually assaulted by family and a friend of my stepbrother (mom was not involved, nor was it in my home, and she was always very supportive when I spoke up). I want to clarify that my mom is not a monster. Though after I had enough as a teen, I called CPS, and they immediately took me out of her care, along with my two young “adopted” siblings. I was placed in foster care alone and then moved around foster homes before being placed in a group home (my very own apartment). Objectively, my life was hard. However, when I was abused by my mom, she was also fun at times and wasn't the meanest mom. When I was sexually assaulted by my stepbrother's friend, even though he didn't go to juvie, he was charged and also ended up getting beat up by his brothers and other guys for a long time for what he did to me (I just found this out, and I didn't even know them!).

Everyone always talks about their experiences in foster care and their trauma. Foster care was the best thing to ever happen to me. I didn't like foster homes, but I was only there for a little time and mostly got to live in my apartment while being supervised by staff. I was very happy. On top of that, I am now in college with free housing and will graduate with an associate's and bachelor's debt-free. I never tried throughout high school and barely learned anything.

I am now always called very intelligent and am often recognized by teachers and authority figures as very bright, given special opportunities. I constantly quit jobs after a very short time (due to being depressed, but still, everyone is depressed) and I continue to find work very easily. Men often paid for my things as a teen, and a lot of the things I own were bought for me. I was bullied as a child, and now, though I'm still insecure, I'm always given compliments by random people on the street. Things are still hard sometimes, but I feel like my life is very easy compared to how others describe life. Granted, my life was hard as a child, but all things equal, my daily life seems more bearable. I get things I want fairly easily, and it seems I accomplish all my goals. People are always nice to me, and I am often given the benefit of the doubt. It feels like doors open very easily for me. My life isn't perfect, but still, these things I don't understand them. No, I am not from money. BE BLUNT I PREFER IT!!!! mostly looking for your opinions and insights also kind of a vent

11 Comments
2024/03/10
22:46 UTC

138

Anyone else feel like their dads hate them? I’m the only and eldest daughter.

Warning for a slightly astranged dad rant because I’m so damn sick of it.

So my brother (16) strolls in the room and says dad just bought him and his friend each a pair of £300 work trousers. And that made me so upset all over again because it threw me right back to when I was 16 and had only my school uniform and clothes I got when I was 9. I had asked my dad for one (1) pair of £50 jeans since I had nothing to wear when I started college.

For this he told me I was being demanding and out of order. I had gone from asking for nothing ever in my life to wanting jeans so I guess that was a bit much for him. He didn’t get me anything for my birthday or Christmas which I didn’t mind at all. I’m 18 now and work two jobs as well as full time education so it’s not like I would want anything from him anyways but it’s just upsetting my dad got me literally nothing and two weeks later he demanded access to my savings account so he could take out what he had out in there to keep for himself. (I’m freshly 18 and got access to my Child ISA) But he is taking my brother on a £1000 tiling course, but he hated me for ages because it costed him £60 to take me to a university open day which he volunteered to do, I was going to take the train and he insisted

It’s just so upsetting I would ask I would beg anyone to come to my parents evenings but nobody cared, he couldn’t even spare me a thought when I called him at Christmas because he was too busy with his new family and it’s just miserable.

I know it sounds petty but to think I wasn’t even worth getting a pair of jeans but he just got my brothers FRIEND a £300 pair of work trousers just because is actually so upsetting. I’m 18 and a grown up now but he told me that the 150 a month he gives to my mother will be going to me when I go to university but I don’t want his money really because I don’t want him to have something to dangle over my head, there is always a catch and I’m paranoid. I am just sad that I’m not worth anything. My dad doesn’t even speak to me unless it’s regarding my brother or the other men in my life, nothing else. It’s so lame I feel invisible I have always been invisible.

I don’t really see him much anymore but even when I was little it’s always been like this.

35 Comments
2024/03/10
22:22 UTC

1

How to Balance Yourself and Other People

It seems like when I try to take everyone's feelings into account, people think I'm a pushover and don't respect me. I feel like I let myself down and taken advantage of. When I set boundaries and push back, the feedback that I get is that I'm too sensitive, making a mountain out of a mole hill or rude and disengaged. I used to love making other people happy, and it made me happy. Now I don't care to do so very much and would prefer to put myself first. It seems like a lot of other people do this, so I should be able to as well. But other people seem to react poorly to it. I can't tell if I've let people in my life that tend to take advantage of me, because I've allowed it, and now they're upset, or if I'm genuinely being rude. I have a few examples. Friends were supposed to come into town to see me and a few other people, but they bailed each time. This time I said I wasn't available but we could chat over the phone. I didn't feel like preparing only to have them bail again. I'd rather enjoy my own company. They were sad and didn't call in the afternoon like they said they would. A fwb asked me out after disappearing for a month and I said no and that he'd ignored me and it was rude. He was pissed and said he'd been traveling. Then at work my boss tried to push more party planning on me (my post history will show I work in Human Resources) and I said that I could work with a vendor but that I wasn't going to be a pack mule hauling food to different sites when I was behind on other aspects of my job. She said I was going from 0 to 10, which seems to mean she thinks that the words weren't wrong but they were too emotionally charged. My voice was definitely shaky and I know I turned red because this makes me nervous, so maybe that's what she was talking about. I said she told me to speak up more and this was me letting her know that other work is behind and I need to prioritize it and that I simply do not enjoy party planning because we do not stick to plans we made. She said she would take me off of a few events for this year. I feel good because I'm advocating for myself, and I'm tired of feeling pushed around, but I'm not sure I'm striking a good balance. I don't want to be an asshole who doesn't have any relationships with anyone because I'm too self-centered, but I'm tired of not respecting myself and allowing other people to do the same. How do you advocate for yourself while maintaining your relationships with people? I'm posting here and not somewhere else because I would really like the perspective of other women.

TLDR: How do you balance what other people want with advocating for yourself? Do you prioritize yourself every time? I'm trying to and feel like a jerk sometimes.

2 Comments
2024/03/10
22:14 UTC

20

Are there information resources for disabled people wanting to leave abusive relationships?

I have combined mental and physical disabilities that have made me unable to be in the workplace for over a decade, but I want to leave an abusive environment and take steps towards that without diving in unprepared. I can't leave as I am without ending up homeless or in a worse living enviromnent. If you have knowledge on this subject or information resources to share I greatly appreciate it. Thank you!

3 Comments
2024/03/10
20:39 UTC

15

Struggling so bad with sleep.. I’m losing my mind

I have an almost three year old and ever since he was born I’ve been struggling with sleep. I’m a light sleeper. I can’t fall asleep. I find it impossible to get back to sleep if I have to get up. I constantly think I hear our son crying when he’s not crying. I find myself laying awake waiting for him to wake me up (even tho he rarely does). I wake up every few hours. I wake up very early.

I wake up every morning with burning eyes because I don’t get any sleep and Under my eyes throb. I’ve tried every OTC sleep aid. I talked to my dr she had me try every trick/hack. NOTHING WORKED. The sleeping pill she gave me didn’t work. Only thing that seems to work is heavy indica weed or weed gummy.

But now that isn’t working. I talked to a few friends and they gave me a few of their sleeping pills. NOTHING. I’ve taken cold meds/allergy meds/other pills/having a drink. NOTHING. I feel the effects of everything fall asleep and about an hour hour 1/2 I’m abruptly woken up BY NOTHING my body just wakes up and I can’t get back to sleep but I’m still feeling the effects of the sleeping pills or whatever I took It’s so frustrating

My sleep has been getting so bad the last month it’s affecting my day to day life big time. Has anyone else struggled like this? Im going to reach back out to my DR but she’s so busy.. I’m considering going to the ER it’s making me feel that insane. I’m not sure how I can continue to function if I don’t sleep

13 Comments
2024/03/10
20:56 UTC

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