I don't even know what I'm afraid of exactly. I just get all this trepidation and negative emotions, even months before my birthday. If I had to explain it just feels like I should be doing more, like I can't be a "girl" anymore and no one will be kind to me, help me or take care of me if I'm a real adult. I dread the shame and guilt of spending another year doing nothing and missing out on the life of my dreams. I also don't have friends and I haven't for years and I guess it hits harder around birthday.

I can't stop basing my worth around male attention and male validation. I feel like I'm less of a woman because most women always have stories or complaints about men hitting on them and getting approached but I've just never had that experience. I always thought that this was because I was too ugly to ever be wanted by somebody and I'm so sick of feeling this way, I don't know how to stop thinking about men so much and base my self worth on their validation and attention because I never get male attention and I hate feeling this way.

I have this one friend who I have known since childhood. We are now adults. We both got bullied frequently when we were younger

I personally do not believe anyone is "ugly" per say. But my confidence has grown MASSIVELY since them. I have leveled up in my career. As far as appearance goes, people go out of my way to compliment me frequently now. I am approached more romantically. It's fair to say that I have had a glow up.

This friend is someone who constantly calls himself "ugly" almost every time we hang out, as if he is fishing for compliments. I usually validate that he is not but lately I feel like he is projecting his own insecurities onto me.

Dating wise, I spent my 20s being wild and adventurous. Now that I have hit 30, dating for fun just does not appeal to me anymore. My main focus is my career. I briefly hopped onto the dating apps but nothing appealed to me because my standards for what I want in a partner are different from what I wanted when I was younger. I also don't waste time entertaining what I know isn't for me. I either swipe left or wish them well and part ways.

One time when I mentioned not being fond of the app I was on, he said something along the lines of "oh yeah it would effect myself esteem too if I wasn't getting enough matches" when I quite literally NEVER mentioned feeling undesirable.

He on the other hand mentioned feeling behind because he didn't explore as much while dating. So I feel like he was projecting onto me because I feel like there are many men who can't fathom not dating/hooking up BY CHOICE.

He also frequently posts about revelling in being invited to events but not actually showing up (extremely disrespectful). I understand being flattered by invites but he is the type to ask who's going, hype up how much fun he is going to have and chronically cancel last minute. Like he has rarely had the courtesy to just say he has no interest

I feel like people who are insecure with themselves love the idea of being the one to reject because it makes them feel powerful/desirable. Me personally, I just decline the social event so that way I can respect the person's time. If it's not an event I would have attended, declining it doesn't boost my self esteem because I'm already content with who I am

Has anyone else dealt with this. And if so, what did you do?

So my feet are small, I'm a size 2 (UK) and I've always had trouble in heels no matter which pair I try. The most comfortable type I've found are the heeled Oxford style (as long as they're not too high) but I'd rather wear stuff like what Sabrina carpenter wears. Does anyone have any tips on making them more comfortable or a style that would be better for me? When I wear them it feels like I'm balancing en pointe, and I walk like a newborn baby deer 😒 any tips will help thanks!

Throwaway account as the pregnancy wasn't public knowledge...

My friend is very very far away (I can't travel) and has just miscarried her first pregnancy. I'm totally heartbroken for her and I'm not sure what I can do. I'm there for her as much as I can be to talk but do you have any suggestions on something I could do or send her and her partner? I'm not sure what is appropriate...

Of course, I just had to start my period today. 😭 LOL. I have to fit into a corset for my costume tomorrow!! I'm hoping I can avoid bloating as much as possible by avoiding certain foods but I'm a little lost and Google isn't super helpful. Can I please have some tips?? It'd be super appreciated!! Thank you so much!!

My son is getting married in late summer (southern hemisphere). Please can you guys give me a few guidelines of what to look for. I'm not at all into 'old lady' or traditional formal wear, however I want to look put together without standing out too much. I'd love to wear a pantsuit if that is an appropriate outfit.

my class and i decided to make a senior borad which means we will put our photos on a big board with a theme, other class use a theme like crime and they are accused so do you have any ideas for the theme i think about put ourself like we are missing

I 18F got laid off yesterday morning at my restaurant job with no notice as i was coming in for my shift, i received a message from the manager the night before asking if i could come in early. I went in scheduled for three weeks+ on my scheduling app as well as well for the shift i was scheduled on the day i was let go. I know its not such a big deal because alot of my 18 year old friends are in college but dont work, but the difference is i live alone and would not like to return to my parents home under any circumstances, and i still need a couple 100 left to save to pay my tuition in full in february. I worked there from mid august, to yesterday. They had a whole new management hired at the same time i was hired as well as the few weeks prior to this hired a whole bunch of new people for training most of which i never saw again so im assuming they quit. This lay off comes as a shock to me as my performance has been fine and i’ve received positive feedback both from fellow senior staff as well as the new management on my performance so im confused honestly. I’m honestly panicking and very stressed already as a week prior i was basically dumped by a guy i was seeing for 5 months so this is already the worst week/month ever. I do have emergency savings as well as my remaining two paychecks coming in but that wont hold forever. I was planning to work this job as something stable because of the good tip out and hours as im enrolled to start college in January, and can’t withdraw a second time. I have started applying for jobs and sent out 50 applications directly to managers hiring as soon i got the news of being terminated. but i seriously don’t enjoy looking for jobs all the time and like stability, and getting kicked out with no notice like this on top of being in rough spot dealing with basically being dumped is affecting my mental health seriously.

Hi, I’m not quite sure how much background to give this, but for a bit now I’ve been having problems where whenever I get critique, do something wrong publicly, or am in a high pressure situation especially with a person of authority (teacher, boss, coach), I start to cry. It’s not full on bawling but I tear up and if I’m not able to control it in time it is noticeable.

I am in College and my major requires me to have public critiques of my projects often, where I present and professors then give me recommendations on what I could do better. Additionally, I am in a semi-individual sport but got into it much later than most others I compete against so am not 100% on each tiny rule that I somehow find ways of breaking every race.

Whenever I realize that I did something wrong or get a piece of criticism that hits home, I begin to cry. I understand internally that it’s not personal and it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. However, I can’t for the life of me stop my body from crying in these situations! Any tips?

Hey queens! Where do people get those cute stylish soft cardigans? They land right around the hips and are lighter material usually. The ones you can just wear by themselves buttoned or people put them over their shoulders

Prepare yourself for a big yapping!

Of my 16 years on this Earth I've had a total of one crush, in third grade. I had it pretty rough with my childhood in terms of socialising as well as have had a stark lack of female influence in my life, which I wonder whether it may have influenced my situation today.

I'm by no means against the idea of a romantic relationship. I think a bond between two people is absolutely beautiful and I gush over adorable interactions in fiction, but dating really isn't a priority in my life. I definitely don't feel like I need a partner, not out of some sense of prideful independence but rather that my life is so full without it, I feel that it's something that would be lovely to have, but that I would genuinely be okay with being an old lady, enjoying my own company and those of my friends and community. But! I'm not sure if that's a philosophy I should reevaluate.

I've seen boys as cute, but I'm not sure what other people mean when they say that. Does saying someone is cute mean that they're saying they want to date them or that maybe they're sexually interested in them? I just think people are so pretty! Like if I see someone I can go "they're so pretty" in my head while feeling my cheeks sparkle a little.

Also! Dating makes no sense to me. The way my peers seem to approach it seems almost like a boyfriend is a trophy, a decoration. That he needs to be tall, funny, play guitar.. stuff like that. I feel like what makes me gush within fiction is the beautiful connection between two humans, the vulnerability and closeness of a relationship. Two souls that have connected with eachother.

Which brings me to my next confusion: asking out strangers. When someone asks out a stranger, it can only be because they think they look nice, right? Is it out of sexual attraction, or because they think they look beautiful? And do people ask people out only when they are sexually attracted to them?????

Then when it comes to accepting a date, is the criteria sexual attraction? I feel like what makes the most sense to me is the friendship to romantic relationship pipeline where you have come to know this individual as a person and then want to spend your life with them as a result of that. Like, my life long partner would be like a best friend anyway, what's the point of establishing a relationship that can only go in the direction of romance or breaking off if not for sexual attraction?

All of this keeps coming back to sexual attraction. I don't think I've ever looked at a person and wanted to do anything sexual based off of that, but I'm by no means against the idea of sex and the plumbing still works fine below. Ah! Very confusing.

The idea of pecks and hugs and holding of hands and kisses and cuddling and so on makes me gush.

A part of me wonders if I simply haven't met the right person? There are qualities within role models in my life, whom I cant help but admire and find absolutely cool that I've never seen in peers my age. So maybe it's something of that nature?

If you have read this to the very end, thank you! I would love your thoughts and advice.

That’s the best flare I think lol. So I have had sex for the first time in the past month. I have no regrets, it all felt good but like I have no clue what an orgasm is like. I still have no clue if I have one or not. I think part of it is because I still to this day have never masturbated (boyfriend was actually incredibly shocked when he found out I hadn’t). So he has found ways that seem to make me feel good, but like I don’t know anything for sure. He is the only person who gets me interested or wanting sex more than an annoying tap on my leg (I believe I am Demisexual). I want to make my boyfriend happy because he wants me to orgasm and everything but like I don’t know if I do or not. Like I think I have felt what others have described as orgasms but like nothing that I could ever say definitively. I have seen things say masturbate so you know what you like but masturbation scares me way more than any sex. I am so confused as to why sex is fine but masturbation is still nerve wrecking and I struggle to actually attempt to masturbate

I just made a new friend in class. She's great and we get on pretty well, but she just invited me to her place for dinner tomorrow. I said yes, but I'm a bit nervous because she has a baby and I have ZERO experience with them.

The first time I held a baby, I forgot to hold his neck so his head flopped around for a second. He was fine, but I felt like scum. The second time, with a different baby, I just held him and didn't really know what else to do or say. Then he pulled out a bit of my hair.

Anyway, I'm really nervous about making a "good" impression with her daughter. I like this friend a lot, so I don't want to put her off with my awkwardness around kids. Any tips? Should I bring a gift for my friend or for the baby?

The baby is 4 months old, if that helps!

L I am terribly scared that I am a bad person for not feeling family love.

Let’s start with media. Most people see me as the super emotional girl who always cries until eyes are swollen for movies, but here’s the catch: I ONLY feel touched by ROMANCE related movies. Yes, if (and only if) it’s ROMANCE related, whether it’s a movie,or a book, or just a short story, I always cry at the sad and touching parts.

If it’s family related movie, whether it’s the recent Thai grandma movie about losing a grandparent to death, or any movie about a daughter losing her mum to death, I strangely shed zero tears because I don’t feel sad at all.

All the “try not to cry” challenges about parents sacrifice for their kids or about missing home, 0% evoke any response in me.

Movies and shows aside, I cried when my best friend got married especially when they said their vows, which means I have a lot of feelings. But it’s only ROMANTIC feelings. I didn’t cry at all when my family relatives passed away. Yes, 3 have passed away so far, and they’re blood related, and you know what I thought? “Living until 100 years old is already an accomplishment, very good already”. So cold and logical!

Even if it’s just a celebrity crush, I feel this sense of warmth in the pit of my soul as I think of him. I know what feeling it is and it’s a DISTINCTIVE feeling from what I feel towards my parents. When I see my celebrity crush, or my real life boyfriend, the excitement and smile comes NATURALLY. When I see my parents, the smile comes POLITELY because I feel morally obligated to love them as a daughter, not because I’m genuinely happy to see them.

I swear I’m not asexual or aromantic. I have had 2 boyfriends and I feel joy and happiness around them. I don’t feel the same feeling towards my parents AT ALL.

If you count how many tears that stream down my cheeks for romance (over movies, novels or real life), it’s easily 100. If you count how many tears I shed for my family, I swear it’s 0.

Are you supposed to love your mum in the same way as you love your boyfriend? I’ve asked around and they say we’re not supposed to feel the same way for biological family or there will be incest and that’s wrong.

I’m not asking “how to be a better daughter” because I know the logical actions. I’m asking how I can make myself love my parents at least to half the extent I love my romantic partners.

I ask because Flo, Stardust, etc were touted as free online, and on older posts here, yet they weren't free after I downloaded them. I don't just want one for tracking period, but also for tips on what to expect from my mood/hormone fluctuation (please). But one that does not charge money (I don't have money and don't wanna give my age to anyone on Reddit).

She’s going through a tough time- just had a breakup and is really struggling, usually more at night. You have to get up for work early. You definitely can’t leave her while she’s full on crying- how do you navigate this in general though? Not sure if this is the right subreddit, please correct me if so!

Hello. I’m finding myself struggling with figuring out if a guy is being caring or patronizing when they’re explaining something to me or trying to show care for me. The reason I’m questioning if it’s them or me is because I’m an eldest daughter, and it’s hard for me to accept help or reach out for help in general. I’ve noticed I tend to get a little irritated when someone tries to explain or show me care, like asking if I’m okay or trying to explain something to me. I can’t tell if I’m just not comfortable accepting help or if what they’re saying is patronizing and condescending. Any general tips? I can’t think of specific examples, but how do you all discern the difference?

For further info, I’m more irritated if it’s a man doing this compared to a woman? Not sure if that would make a difference.

It's another lonely birthday, so I'm here letting everyone know that it's my birthday today, and would appreciate if i could get any advice for this age! :D

So for background, I'm into D&D. My college has a D&D club but because it's so big, we only really do one-shots and special events. I've been trying to find a long-term campaign, but the way the club has people advertise their open campaigns lowkey sucks. There aren't that many and most of them aren't that interesting. A couple still piqued my interest, but they have their caveats. One is fine with me joining but the campaign will be ending soon and the DM isn't sure he wants to do another next semester. For the other, the DM and prospective members were a bit older than I was expecting, definitely out of college, and all guys as far as I can tell. I only met three of them and supposedly there's a possibility of 1-2 more joining, and I'm pretty sure they're also guys. Also, the meetings would be taking place off-campus at the DM's house.

I fortunately haven't ever experienced sexual harassment or assault but I am very aware of the possibility and I realize this could be a potentially dangerous situation. However, I struggle a lot socially and was hoping joining a campaign would help me reach out more. My worry is if I decide against joining, I won't be able to find another campaign that interests me before the rest of the year flies by and I'll be just as alone as before.

I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any good tips for staying safe in this situation? My current plan is to buy some fabric scissors and air freshener for some makeshift self-defense weapons as a just-in-case since they don't exactly sell tasers near me and I wouldn't know how to use one anyway. But I'd appreciate any extra advice I could get on this.

normally i would just walk around feeling like a zombie, but i have a REALLY important competition for a sport and i need to do well... but my period is supposed to come literally the day before. is there any way i can be feeling my best the day of comp? or am i doomed to do badly...

I feel SO overwhelmed lately.

I am 35, about to be 36. Female. Not married ever. Currently single (over a decade now). No kids.

I got really sick at 26 with an autoimmune disease that crippled me while failing to get diagnosed for five years (very luckily finally did get diagnosed and treated and got my life back), then the pandemic hit — almost died from covid, lost lots of hair. I have just lost a crap load of life and youth during this time.

I am college educated in the humanities (clearly a mistake), but because I didn’t get to work for about seven years, I just took the first job that came along so I could get back in the game/get my groove back. It was perfect because it was remote and nothing too complicated. Hard work yes, but I don’t bring it home with me. I work in a call center, and over the past two years, have been promoted to Team Lead. But I make SHIT. I bring home about $2,500 a month WITH a bonus. My company sucks in this regard. Horrible.

I just feel like a piece of garbage, honestly.

These are all of the things I need to do:

Lose another 100lbs, I’m 72lbs down.

Get another job that actually allows me to live, and that I enjoy.

Plan for loose skin removal surgery as I begin to experience this as I lose, even on my freaking neck!!

Save for retirement.

Upskill.

I want to have a life partner.

I want to have a kid.

I want a house.

I want a dog.

I’m just getting so overwhelmed and hopeless with this huge list of things that I need to accomplish. It seems impossible to get a new job, and everything feels harder because I don’t know exactly what I want to do anymore. I used to work in film and now I work in a call center. Truly on different planets.

I’m tearing myself apart all of the time. As I lose weight and see loose skin collecting under my chin (literally never would have imagined that being an issue mid thirties). As I have to take oral and topical minoxidil to slow/reverse my hair thinning after Covid. As I stay in this job and get paid WELL BELOW what I should be. As I watch everyone else have a wedding, partner, house, pets, kids and I do not — and I wonder how I will even attract someone with loose skin + thinning hair.

I am imploding on myself and know this isn’t how I am going to achieve anything.

I’m just not sure what to do at this point. It feels like I need to do so many things and I am not sure how to organize them or break them down into more manageable pieces.

First order of business is that I need a new job. I’m so scared I will not get a good one and will be in low pay forever. I’m afraid I have to go back to school and either can’t afford it or will be in debt and one of those people who got a masters but is still in a terrible, low paying job position.

How do I move forward and not crumble? It just pisses me off that on top of everything, I feel like I have to be so worried about my looks to attract a man, a job, etc etc. Clock is ticking to have a kid and I am no where near ready for one.

I am in therapy but like, wow, it’s as if there’s nothing that can actually help me understand how best to move forward. Literally about to turn to ChatGPT.

Any words of wisdom are appreciated!

Title basically. I've realized I do have an RBF but does that really affect how much guys would approach me when out? I am pretty unconventional, short, overweight (even though my friends say its in a "good way" I don't really think so), and my face isn't very conventionally attractive either. I also do dance horribly so maybe that could factor in as well? But I feel like I've seen girls who look similar to me get hit on, have one night stands, have boyfriends but I haven't had any of those experiences. I won't say that I'm like completely without being hit on but I will say that typically they are older, not my type, or are usually are doing a 2-man to talk to my friends lol (which is okay ig get your rizz on wtv). I've kissed one guy when drunk and he didn't want anything to do with me after he just left which is fine but like it would've been nice to know that it wasn't just to kiss someone or smth yk. I just don't understand why guys don't approach me, and please don't say I should go up to guys because yes I know that is an option but sometimes it would be nice to know that I can be desired or that I can look attractive.

Hi all. Sorry to be so crass. I recently got married. My husband and I did not wait until marriage, however, we did wait to “go raw” if that makes sense. We are both ready to start a family and have made the conscious decision to have unprotected sex and be excited for whatever outcome. So far, he has pulled out every time. We leave this week to go on our delayed honeymoon and want to really “go all the way” and try to conceive. I don’t know why, but the idea of him finishing inside me is very intimidating and frankly a bit icky. I want a baby so badly, and I love my husband ( and also enjoy our sex ). The idea of it leaking out freaks me the hell out. I have never experienced this before and want to be prepared and also as knowledgeable as possible regarding the proper self cleaning afterwards. I am seeking advice on how to navigate the after-sex-part of a partner finishing inside. Thank you all so much for your insight and advice. It’d be massively appreciated.

Edit: i survived guys! thanks for the pep talk!

How to act unbothered in situations that REALLY bother me..?

I wish to have Halloween plans instead of staying in. I’m not a party person, I don’t drink and I don’t smoke so I wouldn’t be surprised if people find me boring and don’t want to include me in their plans. But I want to try to see if my associates are getting into anything and would let me tag along. I’m kind of scared to try to reach out because trying to initiate hang outs hasn’t ended well for me recently and that hurt me but I’m open to it again currently all for the sake of being able to say I tried my best. I’ll go to a party, sounds fun seeing people dress up. You might as well say that’s all I care about besides being able to hang out with people I want to spend time with. Only when I take away the part of it only being inebriated people there. Look, Idc I just want to try to not sit in my apartment that night. Should I do it? If so how? How can i navigate this, I’m scared that I’ll be a downer to anyone if they let me go anywhere with them because I don’t know how to party and I’m not going to take any drugs or alcohol😬 I am hating the idea of even going anywhere with people who may make me feel like I need to make up an excuse as to why I won’t drink. Ughhhh

My issue is anytime i try clothes shopping for anything like pants/shirts/dresses i get so much anxiety cause i’m built a bit odd (i’m like 5’2 large chested and while i have some chub my boobs take up the majority of my tops with clothing so i’ve worn men’s shirts for years cause they’re comfier). I’d like to eventually expand my clothing sense as i try leaning into more feminine styles though i’m unsure where to start.

I have no idea what to do, but I still have 2 years to plan

There are so many possibilities, but I wanted to do something different than just eating at a nice restaurant or a simple weekend trip that I usually do all the time.

Is there a way to cope after SA?

TW sa ❌

First of all idek if this is really bad… I’ve never talked to anyone about it but it’s been resurfacing for me a lot.

…. ……………………………………………………………………………………………………

Couple years ago, like 5… a guy I met off a dating app, without my consent, took off my shirt and bra and started sucking on my breasts (nipples). He was really heavy. On top of me. And I froze. Feeling of doom etc. He drove me home afterwards and we never met again. I was in a state of shock for months. Until I wasn’t and I became depressed.

Idk how to talk to someone about this. I feel humiliated. I don’t trust men anymore after this. I get panicky if any man tries to kiss my breasts. I recently had another SA experience but not as intense but for the same feeling of doom. And I haven’t been able to cope with the compounding trauma.

I’m writing to ask if it’s really that bad… I mean it’s had a really big impact. And idk how to really cope… im scared of being victim blamed on here too on this sub…