If there is a fan in someone’s bathroom, why in the world would you not use it? Why leave your stink in the air for the next person, instead of turning the fan on from the get-to to start filtering out the air? Am I crazy here?

Myself and two other coworkers are planning the Holiday party for work which is scheduled for December 14. Invites were sent out via Evite two weeks ago (kind of late notice I know but I just got back from maternity leave beginning of October and no one started anything until I got back). There are about 130 people invited and we have a total of 11 guests (like 5 people have responded and the 11 includes the plus ones) so far and 16 no’s. Is it rude to send a reminder saying if we don’t have 50 guests (at least) by a certain date (I’m thinking in about a week from now) it’ll be cancelled? I originally said RSVPs are due a week before the party for final head count. But I’d rather not get that far into it if it’s ultimately going to be cancelled due to lack of attendance.

Partner and I (28F) are temporarily and suddenly staying at his families after our home was affected by natural disaster. His 14 year old brother and us share the guest bathroom. The door is always open when no one’s in there and closed when someone is. It is just not closed basically ever without someone in there especially since it’s difficult to close. Which is why it’s weird his brother has knocked while I’m in there more times then makes sense. But what gets me is not that someone is obviously in there when he knocks but after I say I’m in there he’s asked multiple time “do you know how long you’ll be?” To me once in a blue moon makes sense when you have a bathroom emergency or rushing for something important. This also happened with our past male roomate . Though not as obvious if someone was in the bathroom or not he’d knock and ask how long id be after. Is that not rude? Ive really never asked that. I don’t believe I am excessive in the bathroom and my bf said I’m not over here at his parents. Me and bf talked today about it and his bro really hasn’t knocked on him but noticed it happen to me and it’s annoyed him.

I was in the bathroom about to hop in the shower the other day and his bro knocked and asked how long and me feeling rushed said you can you use for a minute if you need one sec and I threw a towel on and left and he went in and took a whole shower. This may have been him not understanding that I meant to go back in and he didn’t see me leave in the towel but that’s how I feel when he’s doing this. Rushed and awkward.

What can I say to the boy? And is this rude to ask that question? Why is this happening to me is it because I’m female and they think girls take too long and can rush them?

Hi! I have hosted two dinners and my babies first birthday party. My question, how do other hosts handle flaky guests? I have about half that say “I will for sure come - super excited!” then no-show.

I don’t want to buy and cook for 10 when 5 show. Do you stop inviting the flaky guests that only show 50% of the time?

Basically what’s above. Going to a close relative’s new boutique store today, and I plan on purchasing something. It’s high end stuff (I do make good money but things are tight right now). How much should I purchase to support them but not look to cheap or break the bank?

I’m getting married in February and my good friend said they couldn’t attend due to some family issues. What would be the most appropriate thing to do? Should I still send them the official invitation or just leave them out of it? The wedding will be on the larger side so there will be no seating arrangement.

A friend from high school (we both graduated not to long ago) invited me to a little birthday thing he's doing and I realized I never go to parties so I have no idea if I should buy him something or not. We're not crazy close but we hang out every couple months.

My spouses cousin (25M) got married (24F)in august. We gave a very generous gift (one that I felt was a little too much in fact) and have not received a thank you note. My in-laws complained in passing they did not receive a thank you note either, and they not only hosted the wedding on their property, but also gave a generous gift.

I realize these are younger people. Are thank you’s still a common practice? Or a thing of the past?

I have spinal issues that impact my digestion and muscle control. I have difficulty swallowing and can't hold back burps. I can't hold back farts and occasionally soil myself. It is extremely embarrassing. The thing is I look healthy and am young so most people don't believe me and think I am crass and lying. I avoid socializing as a result and starve myself for a day before socializing to try and minimize symptoms. Is there a best way to handle this when it does happen?

18M, I didn't get a formal invite, just family members telling me to be there. No dress code mentioned as far as I know, I wasn't told. It's my first ever celebration of life, I've never even been to a funeral, I'm feeling really awkward and nervous. What should I wear? Everything says no jeans, but I only have one pair of pants, which unfortunately happen to be jeans. I don't have money to go out and get anything else, and it's tomorrow :( I don't want to be disrespectful, but I don't know what to do. The only collared shirt I have is black, or a light blue one, but I need to wear somehing over the light blue one, but the only pullover sweater I have is a dark brown, and google says to avoid jeans and dark colours. I'm not sure what to do. Any help or advice??

Hi again! I’m moving to a new apt and usu give gifts to my neighbors in the past introducing myself. However it’s the first time I’m moving to an actual apt complex (lived in in-laws or homes of ppl I knew), so is it strange NOT to give gifts and introduce myself bc I don’t want ppl knowing I’m a single lady living on my own you know? I wanna be safe but courteous. What do you guys think? Thank you for your help!

EDIT: thank you all for your responses! I feel relieved and will def not overthink my move. Thank you all again!

My brother in law (my husbands brother) is getting married soon. He only dated his fiancé for a few months and it’s a long distance relationship so I don’t know her super well.

The wedding is going to be where she lives, so we’re all headed there on Thursday to be there on time for the rehearsal on Friday (my husband is in the wedding).

About a month ago, my mother in law told me that the brides family is doing a surprise event for the bride that Friday and asked if I could come. My MIL isn’t planning the event and I haven’t heard a single thing about it from the party planners.

There was also a shower that happened where we live that I was informed of about 10 days before the party, again from my MIL and not the actual event planners. She told me I was invited to that one, but then when I said I could come, she said “great, I’ll tell them you want to come and ask if that’s okay.” So it doesn’t seem like I was actually invited to that and I don’t feel like I’m actually invited to the event the Friday before the wedding either.

I don’t need a red carpet rolled out for me by any means, but not receiving any sort of invite/text/smoke signal from the actual event planners makes me not want to go.

What do you guys think?

Would it be poor etiquette to get newlyweds items from their wedding registry that haven’t been purchased yet as a Christmas gift?

I'm going to a friend's wedding. I'm a bit well off. I want to be generous and give my friend something really nice. However, I'm not sure if I'm violating any rules of etiquette by giving something too extravagant. Thank you.

My husband, baby daughter and I just moved into a new neighborhood about a month ago. Our new neighbors invited us over Sunday to watch the football game with some others around the neighborhood. We said yes, as it’s good to know your neighbors. I went out and bought a ceramic dish to bake dip in, for the “dish to pass”, as it’s not polite to show up empty handed. My intention with the dish is to give it to the host, as a hostess gift. It’s a one time thing… any subsequent parties, I’ll bring a disposable dish. It’s a small seasonal dish, with pumpkins on it. My husband says it’s old fashioned and weird- and he’s nervous if we host, people will feel obligated to do the same thing. He doesn’t want more stuff (honestly I don’t either).

What’s the new etiquette on hostess gifts? Am I doing it wrong?

So my boyfriend (22M) graduated college this past year and is living with his parents now until we can get a place together. I love his family and me and his little brother are close. Me and his parents have an okay relationship, we are friendly and they’re kind to me but we don’t really exchange many words besides hello/goodbye/how are you, etc. I am kind of on the shyer side so i’m not very talkative to people i’m not comfortable with. We have been dating seriously for a little over a year and recently he has been asking me to spend the night about 3-4 times a week. He used to mostly stay at my house but since my family hardly comes out of their rooms it’s never really a problem. No one in my house really speaks to each other often so they hardly notice he’s around. He works early mornings so when i’m there i usually get there between 5-7pm and stay until the next morning when he leaves for work at like 7am. I am still trying to finish school so i don’t work full time yet (work part time and i am a student). I usually go to class and we leave his house at the same time. It’s worked well and i really enjoy spending time with him and his brother. My issue is i don’t want to be that person that overstays their welcome or is around all the time. I had a friend stay with me and my family and it was supposed to be for a week but she completely disregarded that and stayed for almost 2 months. My mom got really annoyed and felt i was getting taken advantage of. This friend tends to take advantage of situations like this and overstay her welcome or be a rude house guest. I would be mortified if i ever came off this way. I usually stay in his room or we hang out in the basement so i don’t take up too much space and i don’t linger in common areas. Anyways I already spent the night last night and today he asked me to come with him to a dinner with his grandma later tonight and spend the night but i am just anxious that i am staying over too often or bothering his parents. They’ve never once given me this impression but i just want to know if staying over 3-4 times a week is pushing it? He insists that it’s okay but I feel rude. I am a chronic people pleaser so i would like to know if me staying over 2 days in a row and then also staying other days in the week is too much? And for those wondering why he doesn’t come to mine instead, he works 10 minutes from his house and i live about 40 minutes north of him so his morning drive would be much longer and he has to be at work earlier than i start class so i dont mind it.

Like the title says, I have a lot of people in my neighborhood that like to share the baked goods they make. This is AMAZING, but I feel like kind of a mooch coming over just to eat whatever they've made.

Are they expecting anything in return? I don't bake myself so I can't return the favor. Even if they aren't expecting anything, I want to show them my appreciation. What are some good ways of doing that?

Male = Sir Female = Ma'am They =???

I wish to be courteous to those who are non-binary in the same way that I was taught to be courteous to men and women.

So if we call those that are presenting as male sir. And those that are presenting as female Ma'am. What do we call those that are non-binary?

I’ve been facing some frustrations with my neighbour's recent building works, particularly concerning external wall insulation they installed. Unfortunately, these renovations have resulted in unsightly holes in the render of my property.  I've also discovered a leak from their pipe - I don't know if this is causing damp patches on my kitchen wall which is particularly alarming as the damp spots are situated dangerously close to the wiring from my boiler, raising concerns about potential electrical hazards.

In an attempt to address these issues, I took it upon myself to fill in some of the cracks on my side of the wall, while my neighbour offered to repair the holes created by his renovations. However, despite his assurances that he would "fix up anything left that needs fixing," his follow-through has been disappointing. He has cancelled on us twice now. Initially, we had set a date and time for him to come over, but he called to say his son was unwell and needed to be taken to his aunt’s.  The second time, he claimed that his wife was stuck in traffic and would be unable to make it. Each time, I found myself having to rearrange my own plans, which has added to my frustration.

I’m thinking of calling it a day with them and finding my own builder. What do you think?

I stayed late after work today to catch up on some stuff and my boss happened to come back to the office after finishing a work dinner. He asked if I had eaten and I said no and he offered me his leftovers. I said "I won't say no" without thinking and took them. Then after I left I started to feel anxious that maybe I should've just turned them down. Like maybe he would've brought it home for his family otherwise or maybe I come across as very pathetic taking someone's leftover food.

I feel like this is definitely something my parents would chew me out over. Is this bad etiquette? I find I have difficulty knowing when to take something offered to me and when to turn it down. Like when to turn something down when it's offered to be polite and not actually a real offer.

I have an extremely small mouth opening (about two thirds of a normal adult male mouth height) so I’m a messy eater, sometimes I’ll end up having trouble taking in a sandwich or burger with one bite and get food on my face or beard. I’ve taken to just holding my napkin over my mouth whenever I’m chewing to avoid any embarrassment. I have bad social anxiety and OCD (being autistic also doesn’t help with trying to seem normal) and I’m really self-conscious about being gross, weird, or offending people. I was doing this at a group lunch at work, we were having subs and I thought it would just be interpreted as courteous but now I’m worried my new coworkers think I’m weird or gross for doing this, like it could attract even more attention to my eating, so I’m screwed either way. What should I do?

Awkward one. But then I'm horrible at asserting myself especially around money stuff.

38f if it matters (ie should probably know better!) I resigned from my corporate job several months ago due to burnout and health related issues. I have a decent amount of savings & a husband with a very good job, albeit I'm operating on no income right now so pretty budget conscious.

A close friend invited me to a concert that's a big interest to the both of us. I enthusiastically said yes. She's in a very stressful leadership job and seemed super busy, so I went ahead and bought the tickets. They are not cheap, I offered to pick them up before realising they are $200 a pop. I assumed she would revolut the cost to me. The concert has been and gone, no mention of the ticket cost and it seems like it hasn't occurred to her to pay me back. I'm usually OK to let things like this go, I've previously made a decent salary, but given my current circumstances, it's kind of irked me.

What's the most sensitive way of handling it, with honoring and respecting our friendship? Said friend has always been generous, and was my Maid of Honor last year where a lot was spent on me what with bachelorette, bridal party etc.

Encountered a lady having 4 separate work calls in the middle of the library while many around her appeared to be studying. I was at the seating area next to her doing a course for work and could hear her through my headphones. In your guys opinion is this rude? The staff desk is right across from her and he said nothing.

For context there is bookable soundproof rooms and a cafe in the front of the library with its own seating section where people often hang out.

My new neighbour (of 4 months) asked me if "I'd like to" drive him and his girlfriend to the airport Dec 23 because the cost of leaving his truck parked there is too much (he'll be gone for a few months). For me, the drive is 3 hours return. I would not dream of asking someone I barely know to do such a thing, it'd be a huge inconvenience for me, gas money or not. And who knows what the weather and roads will be like that day. For context, we live very rural - there is no public transport. We do each live alone out here, and in my own self-interest I think: what if I say no, but need his help one day too? If he had an emergency, I'd 100% do anything, but this favour is too much in my opinion. Does it sound like too much to you too, or would you do it out of the kindness of your heart and/or future neighbourly relationship?

Hace un año imedio me vine a vivir con mi pareja, su madre osea mi suegra era muy simpática y amorosa pero con el tiempo cambió algo, hace más de un mes traje a mis hermanas para que me visiten por dos días, la sobrina pequeña de mi pareja escuchó una conversación entre mi suegra y mi cuñada sobre como era el comportamiento de mis hermanas, no les gusto, que eran fastidiosas y odiosas, al igual que otras cosas mas sobre su aspectos y en eso me moleste, le conté a mi pareja y el se enojo y me expuso de como yo me sentía, ese día fue un caos, mi cuñada me gritó diciendo que yo me creía, como si no tuviera derecho a enojarme o molestarme y desde ese entonces aun no me pide disculpas, cuando llego a algún lugar y ella esta se retira y simplemente me ignora y mi suegra cambió radicalmente solo me saluda cortante y luego se va, cuando estoy con mi pareja ella es amorosa pero cuando ella está con el obra mente le dice todo sobre mi que está cansada que se siente mal por todo ¿soy la mala por molestarme de que hablen mal a mis espaldas sobre mi familia?, lo único que he echo desde que llegue fue ayudarlos desde haciendo aseo en la casa, cocinar y ayudándolos en lo que pueda asta económicamente, ¿merezco esto?

Hey everyone, I’m looking for some advice on what to wear to an upcoming memorial service.

I am an international students come from East Asian and it is the first time I know this form of memorial service. This service is described as a “celebration of life,” and guests are requested to wear our school colors (navy and yellow). The family wants it to be respectful but also to honor the life of the person we’re remembering.

The situation is , I only have a black oversized blazer with a modern, loose fit and relaxed black nylon pants. (All of my clothes like this...) Would this work if I pair it with my school’s tie(navy and yellow, I bought from the School bookstore) ? I’m also curious if anyone has experience with this type of “celebration of life” ceremony—does it lean more formal, or is a slightly casual look acceptable?

Additionally, I have a navy jacket and jeans in one of our school colors, and I dont have any yellow ones. but I’m worried this might look too informal. Which combination would be better? I’d be grateful for any input! If the outfit I have is too casual, I’d also be willing to attend virtually out of respect.

Sorry for my bad English, Thanks for any guidance!

I am a nurse and my coworkers are wonderful people and are all very open and sometimes intrusive (good-naturedly so) in each other’s lives.

I know tomorrow I’ll be asked who I voted for and honestly I don’t want to share. We are a very politically polarized group of folks, and I don’t enjoy taking politics outside of close friends, but I also want to keep it light.

What’s a good response?

You know those people in your life who just ask questions. And its like being in the hot seat and being grilled? What are some phrases to keep in your back pocket to avoid that kind of person/conversation and direct it back? Had this happen recently; was literally out to lunch and an acquaintance from undergrad (we several years post grad now. Im not close with her anymore bc we are so different but she is still stuck being 20 and I cannot stand it) who was there (after declining invitation bc work then suddenly was able to show up the day of… ugh so i wasnt prepared to talk with her/ committed to plans bc I thought she wasnt going to be there). I wonder if she was over excited bc she just started her first job and whatnot so she was on “introduce self and resume review mode” from work? But i mean… instead of asking how family is or life or what it was like 50 mph word vomit questions and I was so mentally drained that 90 min felt like 3 hours. Cant tell if the questions were just word vomit or if they had rude undertones to it.

Like: How long have you been at your job? Omg 5 years! Thats crazy are you happy there?? Will you leave??? It doesnt matter! You are stable and if youre happy who cares (I dont care, YOU clearly care!) How is your bf? How’s his job? Whats his company? What does he do? What is that? Will he stay? Where’s his house? Are you happy with your living situation? (This question pissed me off lol bc my living situation hasnt changed in years and she KNOWS full well) ,Are you traveling? Omg why not? You should travel it’s so good for you. The other person at the table tried to get her to stop when she started grilling my bf who told them face to face about work a few months ago when we saw them out and she said “hey he told us that in june! Remember?” And the girl didnt get the message and WENT ON I couldnt even get a word out and ask her about her new job.

Is it rude to insert self and be like “ENOUGH about me now tell me about you?” I literally felt out of breath sitting there and i will NOT be going to lunch with her ever again but chances are she may crash something else lol

Every year I host Christmas Eve for my family, usually around 10 people. I cook dinner and we do a gift exchange. We’ve never had “rules” around the gift exchange, and people usually exchange a small gift with everyone in attendance.

This year, my husband’s step mother has invited her adult daughter and her husband. They do not live locally, but will be in town this year. She did not ask, but of course they are invited. They’re family.

She told me last night that they would not be participating in the gift exchange and started telling other family members to not get them gifts. She thinks they will feel uncomfortable receiving gifts if they are not giving gifts. I told her that I’d like to get them something small so they don’t leave empty handed, but that it was no big deal if they didn’t buy us gifts (it’s a financial issue, I understand).

Now she is insisting on talking to them about it and doesn’t want them to feel awkward.

I’m not sure what to do here. I do not talk to them regularly and do not know if the idea to opt-out of the gift exchange is something they actually said (in which case, I would respect) or if this is something her mother is assuming.

Hello! My boyfriend and I mutually broke up ~ 2 mos ago. We live in the other unit in his parents’ duplex (tog for 3.5 yrs, lived tog for 1). During our time tog, his family, esp. his parents, have been overly gracious to me as their son’s gf and tenant. I’m glad that we will maintain to have a good relationship! I gave them a formal notice that I was moving out, and now that I’ll be officially moving in 2 weeks, I’ve prepared a thank you card and have invited them to a thank you dinner the day before the move. I feel it’s not enough though to thank them for everything they’ve done (his dad is a fisher and retired chef, so they invite us for meals often. His mom is an excellent baker. I was able to be helped so often as if they were my own family, which actually makes me tear up bc I don’t have a reliable support family network of my own… like his dad letting me park in the garage without extra charge (street parking tough here, so they park their extra car on the street just so I’d have an easier time)). Is a thank you dinner and a card enough to express my gratitude? I was orig thinking a bass pro shop gift card (dad) and a designer passport cover (mom- his mom and I both love Louis Vuitton 🫣) in addition to the dinner. But is that too excessive? What is appropriate? My love language is gift giving but funds are def tight w the move… what could be a good gift otherwise? Thank you for your honest input on advance!