It's my colleague's birthday party. She's also my friend.

She sent out a birthday invitation, saying no gifts needed. When my other colleague (I will call him A) had a birthday party (she was also in this party), I misunderstood A's note about "no gifts needed." I thought it would be better if I bring a gift and brought a small gift for him.

Now, after seeing people's comments on the Internet about the issue of bringing gifts when no gift was requested, I find it might be actually rude if I bring gifts when the invitation says no gifts needed! I have prepared a birthday card for her, but I'm quite perplexed about this issue.

Do you think she will find it weird I gave a gift to A but not to her? Should I still prepare a gift for her in this case although she said "no gifts needed"?

Just had brunch with three other women. Two are friends I’ve known for a while. The third was someone I’d never met before. She was visiting from out of state and is friends with one of the women.

When the server took our order, I told her I’d like the eggs Benedict but I asked her if I could make a few changes. She said “absolutely “ so I asked her if instead of Canadian bacon, could I have avocado, and instead of Sunny side up, could I have the eggs over medium, and also could I have the hollandaise on the side?

After she left, one of my friends, kind of rolled her eyes and said “wow, you’re so picky today.” I was a little embarrassed but responded by saying “She said it was OK if I made changes” and she replied “yeah but you changed everything!”

So my question isn’t about my friend’s comment because I already know that that was pretty rude to call me out, especially in front of a woman I’ve never met before, but is it rude to make that many changes to a dish? If I’m going to pay $24 for eggs Benedict shouldn’t I get them the way I like them?

So I recently moved to SLC. I come from a place where it's acceptable to dispose of dog waste in other peoples trash cans, as long as it's tied up and in the right can. This is street cans mind you, not people's indoor cans or something like that. Anyway, I've moved to SLC suburbs, where I did the same thing. Nobody seemed to have an issue with it, or they didn't notice. Anyway, today I come up to someone's house, and they tap on the window. I sort of signal to them what I'm doing, and this old lady comes out. She yells at me, saying I should throw it away at my own house. I apologize, but then she starts yelling at me to leave. I'm on the sidewalk, and she keeps telling me to leave. I've been here gore like 5 seconds, so I leave, and she doesn't go back inside until I'm a good 25 meters away from her house. Is there something where it's not acceptable, or something with sidewalks I don't m is about? Are sidewalks considered private here? Asking anyone from SLC or US in general.

I just learned in another subreddit that someone saying something like

“You don’t need to feel obligated to continue”

can be a way to warn you not to continue when someone cannot divulge information about the situation. Another phrase I’ve often heard is

“Let’s get together soon” , “let’s get coffee”

I was informed about people saying that but not meaning it. I’m not actually clear about why you’d say it if you don’t want to. It makes me wonder if people mean

“Call me” also said when parting.

I think my work and social life has had problems from these misunderstandings. I’m not sure why I don’t know. Right now it might be that I do understand other similar phrases, or I might have been missing many of these.

Do you know where we learn these unsaid meanings? Do you know how I could find more of them, explained?

Maybe there’s a genre of literature I skipped. I mostly chose my own reading material in my school years. I’m open to suggestions.

I’m thinking of using AI to generate a list but I don’t like to use AI and you might know if this type of communication has a name.

Cant tell if im just being weird. I was invited to a party over a month ago (long time notice); I did RSVP yes pretty soon after and the hostess reached out to ask if I’m still coming like two weeks before the party and I said absolutely and then I always offer to help or bring something or let me know if something is needed. She told me absolutely could you please bring dessert and I said sure not a problem. A few days before the party, she asked what dessert I was going to bring so I told her I had XYZ planned (groceries purchased, in the kitchen, and time scheduled out of my workday to assemble). She goes “oh well actually brownies would be great” and I thought it was rude.

Like I don’t think it’s wrong that she wants brownies there and I would’ve been more than happy to make them but it’s like why didn’t you tell me a month ago when you made the RSVP or two weeks ago when you asked if I was still coming and asked if I’m able to make a dessert ?? Im sure its bc she just didnt like my idea but now i don’t have time to go to the grocery store and redo everything and find a new recipe etc. AND on top of it i feel insecure bringing what I had planned bc its clear that its not wanted.

Is it ok for me to bring what was planned? Do i have to as permission to bring it bc its not desired? Is this rude?

My partner and I have been invited to a charity gala. We’ve never been to one before and are unsure of etiquette surrounding donations. The table was purchased for 2500$/10 people. We were just invited, and did not purchase the seats.

We’d be more than happy to donate. What is a typical donation amount? There is a silent auction portion and live auction portion of the evening. I know donation amount may be quite varied but I really have no idea.

I'd gotten a large dental procedure done rather recently and came in to the dentist again because I was having pain in that tooth. I wasn't sure if there was an issue with how the dentist did it, or if it was caused by something else. As the dental assistant was prepping me, we were talking about the possibilities of what may need to be done to remedy the pain. I asked the assistant, "If the dentist has to do the procedure again, will I have to pay for it again?" After I got her response, we both agreed to just wait and see what happened and take it a step at a time. But later I felt really foolish, wondering if it was an inappropriate or rude question. One the one hand, I am a patient and thus a customer, but on the other, in retrospect, my question sounded really tacky. Should I do anything about this?

Is it rude to sit in the backseat when carpooling with people who are acquaintances. Even if it’s just two people is it then weird to sit in the front seat then if you weren’t before?

A few days ago a close friend's dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.

My friend kindly invited me to the funeral (if 'invited' is the right word). I didn't know the man well, but it's still sad and I want to support my friend so gratefully let my friend know I'd be there.

The question is, does my partner come with me? She has not been explicitly invited. On the other hand my friend and my partner know each well and get on, so maybe it would be weird if they didn't come?

For context we're all in the UK

My coworker likes to talk to another coworker frequently. The problem is just how loud he is, I can hear him clearly from 100 feet away with part of a wall between us. I have to play my music so loud to drown him out I'm actually concerned about my hearing. It doesn't help I extremely dislike him (racist, homophobic, ableist, etc). He can spend anywhere from 10-50 minutes talking.

How do I tell him to talk quieter without causing any problems? When another coworker asked him not to say "retarded" the guy apparently went on an hour long rant. I'd rather not have him freak out on me. Any help would be appreciated.

I'm throwing my brother a surprise birthday dinner with some of his closets friends. Should I offer plus ones? I don't know too much about hai relationship with his friends significant others, but I'm sure they've been around each other. I'm also inviting his significant other (obviously) so her and I would the the only women there if she's able to make it.

Is there a certain etiquette? I'm not sure what his expectations would be. I think he'd be appreciative either way.

I(m)have made a restaurant reservation, should I wait for my date(f) at the table or should I wait for her outside of the restaurant so we walk in together?

Last night I texted a coworker about going out. I suggested a place and they are all in and excited. Unfortunately, I ALSO went out last night and dinner has proved to be too rich for me. I need to stay home and drink some miso soup.
I HATE cancelling. But I also can't eat anything and not feeling great has taken a bite out of my energy level. Please help me shoot them a nice Slack or text that's not TOO flakey-sounding.

Someone posted this on another sub and it’s an old US Navy etiquette video. I love etiquette lessons from the past and found this cute (the first part is the “bad example”, hang in there!) Does anyone know of similar, 1960s-era etiquette videos?

https://youtu.be/yC5NcQjDj-Y?si=ldkXaKfot1M4b3fE

Place is closing down so it was our last day together. Sent me a lovely, very reassuring text message about my future. Would it be strange to say that I was very lucky to be able to know them? ("I am very lucky to have known you") I just want to be able to respond with the same sort of sentiment

I'm curious what etiquette/manners expert stance is on saying this phrase as an excuse. I think this is just me, but I find this statement to be a pretty rude and dismissive way of saying you need to change an appointment. I think a lot of people think this is some artfully polite and clever way of flaking. But I just find it so pointless, why say it at all? The effort of saying it feels passive aggressive towards me in some way. Especially from a business. I'd really rather just hear "I need to change this time to a different one." If you can't come up with even the slightest pretense of a justification, then don't form sentences pretending to, only to deliver the message that the recipient simply ranks lower.

I think what bothers me about it is that its rude to communicate that there are conditions under which people are worth your time. Even if we all have secret conditions and rankings, you don't tell people about it. "First come first served" is generally the polite and fair way to operate. Saying "something came up" is admitting that somebody came along after you made a commitment, and instead of giving them your next free spot, you're bumping them up in the line and downgrading the person who already got a commitment. And obviously life is full of very good reasons and those reasons are not my business depending. So just, go with something a little more substantive and professional, or not at all. Dancing around with 'something came up' has an air of 'there's no good reason for this, definitely not one I'm going to tell you, and I want to make sure you know that by giving a non-reason framed as a reason.' I really would rather not get anything dressed up as a reason.

I don't know, am I weird? Is this considered polite speech?

This is in regards to a text exchange with something I know solely in a work capacity.

We are both working on a project and I had to let them know I wasn’t going to be able to supervise a subcontractor she had arranged because my kid is sick. It’s not a big deal though, this guy can go do what he needs without anyone there, it was more me saying I wanted to be there. But since I now know I can’t, I wanted to let her know and to tell the guy in case he was expecting me. Her response was totally chill basically “sounds good, hope kiddo feels better. I’d go over there myself but I have to go to a funeral this morning.” I have no idea who the funeral is for, how well she knows the person etc. And this lady knows A LOT of people and works A LOT. Not implying that any death is insignificant, but whoever’s funeral it is could range from a close family member to someone she sold a house to once 30 years ago. She’s just that kind of lady that knows a million people and would still respond to a text on the day she has to go to her mother’s funeral (if her mother is still even alive I have no idea I don’t know her like that).

So, how do I respond? I feel weird not acknowledging the funeral thing at all since she mentioned it but I also don’t want to make it dramatic if that isn’t warranted.

How do you respond to a text from a friend asking you to go somewhere/do something that you don’t want to do? Usually I make up an excuse but I always feel guilty. Is there a better way to go about it?

I’m wanting to buy someone I know a ring doorbell camera. We have talked about them getting one before but they are very frugal and just wouldn’t spend that money. I was comparing the doorbells either each other and there’s really not a huge difference that I can see. (I’ll attach it just for the curious minds lol) I don’t want them to feel like I was being cheap but I don’t see why they would need heat detection on their doorbell with how their porch is set up. Like there’s no where to hide lol these things are like $50-$350, I have a hard time feeling a doorbell is worth $350 ya know?

Is that rude? Or am I over thinking this lol

Since I'm babysitting and going there straight after work, the mom asked me, "Hey what do you want for dinner tonight! We'll order you some food!" I know she asked but I'm totally embarrassed to ask for anything at all which is ridiculous. It's really rude to say anything's fine but anything is fine I'm glad I'm being fed and paid for the easiest job in the world. How can I respond and what's ok to ask for? I feel like pizza is easy and cheap but a whole pizza is kind of a lot for one person

I know it’s the NICE thing to do, and I just might. But is it necessary based on etiquette?

We have had zero contact with the groom in over 20 years, have never met his children or soon-to-be 2nd wife. . Never received a thank you for his first wedding. Wedding is 8 hour drive away, where he’s been living for decades.

His mother (I do know her) sent a text in hopes of collecting names and addresses for the bride to send invitations to. Also included a paragraph long statement that she understands that we probably will not be able to attend.

Am I obligated to send a gift for a wedding for people I don’t know?

I received a notification that a couple will be having a baby due in May. What is the proper etiquette? Do I send a gift, do I wait till thebaby is born… Not quite sure how to handle this. Thank you!

I’m meeting my boyfriend’s parents for the first time this weekend and they decided to go out to dinner for it. Should I offer to pay? Leave the tip? Should I bring something like flowers for the mom? I don’t want to feel like I’m not contributing but also don’t want to be over the top. Anything helps here!

Edit: I’m 29(F) and my boyfriend is 27(M) if that helps with some context!

I, like many people, dislike phone calls (for various reasons). I much prefer to interact with others via text, E-mail, internet post, etc. Is it normal for a business to refuse to do business with you if you will not switch to phone?

I found a couple of businesses I was interested in online (annoyingly, they both request that you contact them for quotes instead of providing prices freely online, or even an estimate of average costs; I hate that business model, but as I was looking for slightly niche services, I could not find one who just came out and told you), and contacted them both with questions about their terms of services and costs via their E-mails posted on their websites. One was polite and helpful (guess whose services I'm far more likely to pay for), but the other responded to my inquiry with the following:

Many thanks for your email, I think this will be easier to discuss on the telephone. 

May I have a number and some suitable times that I can call you on tomorrow.

Of course, I do not want to discuss this over the phone. Their website provides a phone number; if I had wanted to talk on the phone, I would've used it. I contacted them by E-mail because I wished to speak by E-mail. I replied:

No, I far prefer having a text record of everything that is said; it makes it easier for me to keep track of things. I also find there is less pressure to make an immediate decision. If a paragraph of questions looks like an overwhelming wall of text, I can also arrange them in an ordered list so that you can make sure you've answered questions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, etc.

I thought that was polite enough. I want a written record, and I do not wish to be subjected to high-pressure "BAI EET NAO" sales tactics like I'm at a used car lot. I offered to make my questions easier to process. But then their response to me was this:

Many thanks for your email, I hope you have had a lovely weekend.

As I am sure you can understand an audit trail and documentation is essential to the responsibilities of my role.  Notwithstanding that, I feel that I am going to be unable to manage your expectations, and with that in mind I wish you all the very best; but I can no longer further your quest here.

Bit odd. I'm not planning to chase them up for this, but I want to know how normal this is in the general business world. Is it common to insist clients switch to phone when they E-mail you, and then to nope the flip out when they state they'd prefer to keep using the method they contacted you with? Why have an E-mail listed if you refuse to use it? What if I was deaf, would that be different? Why should I have to be deaf to get the advantages of text? It's not like it's an unreasonable request or difficult accommodation. It quite baffles me.

My friend and I go water skiing in his boat. He’s very particular with it, keeps it sparkling clean and obsesses over small marks or scratches. I’m the only other person besides him with a boat licence so I drive it for him when he doesn’t want to. So yesterday I was driving his boat and we hit a submerged object and bend the propeller. Well expectedly, he lost his mind over it. The cost to replace the prop would be say around $400-$600. He says because I was driving the boat then I should pay for it. I gave him $200 and said I’ll never drive your boat again.

I believe I shouldn’t be paying a cent. I was doing him a favour by driving his boat, his boat his problem as far as I’m concerned.

What is the etiquette here?

I plan social events at work (= go to a bar to drink some beers for instance), and we usually end up by being in the 10-20 people range, so I have to call the place (bar) and tell how many we are, etc. to be sure we have enough spots. I usually count 1 or 2 more spots, unless it's a very small bar (out of respect for the bar, I don't want to book half the bar if we only occupy a quarter of it in the end).

My problem is that people sometimes cancel last minute, or they tell me they're joining last minute (heck, sometimes they just come without telling, and then we're like "wait, there's 10 chairs and we are 13, and the bar is full").

How can I politely tell them it annoys me and make them understand it's rude to do this? I don't have the choice to not invite these guys, as my manager wants the whole team to be invited.

I (American female) travel solo for work in the US and sometimes have to stay at higher end hotels that have bellhops. I always prefer to self park, but sometimes, the bellhop approaches my car and tries to help me load/unload items. My car is often a mess as I routinely am driving 5+ hours, so there’s snacks, water bottles, and maybe a change of shoes or clothes strewn about. I like a moment to get myself organized, put items back into bags to carry better, get my purse, phone charger etc. I just need 3-4 mins and sometimes depending where I am, it’s not safe or easy to pull in somewhere else to do this organizing before arriving at the hotel.

The bellhops always want to help me unload the car, and it really stresses me out. I know they are trying to be helpful, but having someone stand next to me while I switch out prescription sunglasses and pack up bags really really stresses me out. If the trunk or back seat is open, they automatically start unloading. Because it’s work supplies, some bags/boxes of supplies don’t go into the hotel and the bellhops are eager to empty everything. I always am polite and gracious, and say something along the lines of, “Thank you but I can get this! I need a moment to get organized.” But often, they insist on helping carry the bags and will stand there while I pack. I get so anxious about it, I often leave things accidentally! Admittedly, I think they’re bored. I’m the only person around who “needs help.”

Assuming I’m not blocking traffic or causing any backup, how can I firmly decline assistance? I really would prefer to load my own bag and place them where I want it in the car. I feel like if I were a man and said “no, thank you,” they’d walk away. How do I politely say PLEASE, please just leave me alone for 3 mins?!

I’m part of a women’s game group. We haven’t been very active since Covid, but we’re trying to get back into our monthly groove.

Usually someone hosts in their home and provides food, drinks, prizes. (We used to pay a small amount per month to offset the expense, but we’ve dropped that; the host now pays for everything.) Alcohol has always been a part of the mix.

In recent years, I’ve stopped drinking (weight loss/health), and my husband is many years sober. I no longer wish to purchase alcohol … but I’m fine if people want to bring/drink it at my home.

Is it acceptable to host a game night, pay for food/prizes/nonalcoholic drinks and encourage guests to bring any alcoholic beverage if they choose?

Thanks!

I saw somewhere that it’s considered tacky for the mother/MIL to host a bridal/baby shower. It should be someone more removed like a friend, SIL. I’m just curious as to the reasoning behind this. I’ve been to a few showers where the mother was the host and didn’t feel like it was weird. I’m more just curious as I mentioned above.