I was invited to the birthday party of a member of a social club I'm in. Guy would repeatedly turn up late or no-show events when we had to perform.

I got him a birthday gift and handwrote him a personal note. When I gave him the gift at our social club, he didn't look at me, just took the present without a word and put it on the table. He never thanked me for the birthday present.

Later that day, at his party I asked him if he liked his gift (as he had opened it). He said yes.

He then spoke to the girl standing next to me (another member), asking her, 'What about you? Where's my present?'. I felt this was so gauche and entitled I basically facepalmed on the spot next to them.

The girl, who is a really sweet person and had literally been invited hours earlier on that same day, stammered, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, uh.... sorry'.

Is this guy rude?

For me, I always purchase off of a person’s gift registry. 1. It’s easy 2. It’s something that the person has personally picked for themselves 3. It’s easier for them to keep up with thank you’s

For me, I personally did not like off registry gifts. For my bridal, wedding and baby shower it was so difficult to keep up with thank you notes when the items were a “freestyle”.

I received no less than 3-6 gifts daily and often I couldn’t open them right away. The registry provided a nice simple checklist of gifts sent and senders addresses for notes. I often wrote notes even before opening boxes.

It completely threw me off to receive a random gift and open it 15-30 days later and realize that I had not thanked this person.

Do your receiver a favor and purchase from the registry!

Debating whether to throw my daughter who is turning two a big party and stressed over the etiquette and logistics.

Two appointments in a row now she's "forgotten" to bring her appointment book and says to text her later for another appointment. Is she trying to tell me something?

he is an IT guy but he managed somehow to give the worst technical advices ever.

I spend my whole time telling him why his ideas are wrong. It is mentally draining me.

Him: why not buy a water kettle with a USB cable it will be better than this.

me: explaining USB is just a 5V ,2A and that is just 10W so the heat loss is greater than the power delivered, then i give him 10 more other reasons

A family member got me a large bouquet of flowers but I couldn’t keep them due to allergies. My neighbor is an avid gardener with flowers in both her front and backyard so I immediately thought to give them to her. I rang the doorbell but she didn’t answer so I left them with a note saying hope you have a good day! The same day she left a different bouquet of flowers on my porch but didn’t ring the doorbell or leave a note. I wasn’t expecting anything in return. Was that proper etiquette?

Thanks to all the commenters! Although I thought it was a nice gesture, I now realize I should’ve asked before leaving something on someone’s porch 🫢

Hi everyone,

This is regarding email communication. A bit of context here - this is in the UK where I recently moved, and I am from a country where English is not the first language. I am applying to some apprenticeship programs. In two separate cases, the communication totally stopped after I sent an email. In one of the email chains, I had asked something to the program officer, and she replied within five minutes. So I said "Thank you so much for your prompt response," and asked another question. After this, she never got back.

In the second incident, the Director was consistent in sending useful information, so I said "thank you so much for your prompt updates and reminders" and there was no reply henceforth. This could be a coincidence, but I am just wondering if there's anything about these sentences and using the word 'prompt' that seems condescending or rude. Please let me know. Thank you!

Hello, everyone! There’s been an odd incident and I’m quite upset about it. I’d like to know if this is something that I’m justified in being annoyed by or is this a common thing.

Context: I work as a substitute teacher and I love baking. Usually, I give my baked goods to the staff at work. This past Thursday, I made chocolate banana cake for teachers’s appreciation week on Friday. The cake wasn’t eaten as much due to testing and generally being busy. I knew that there was a school dance that evening and I thought I’d donate the cake to the dance rather than take the whole cake home. I told the teacher in charge that I’d like the pan back on Monday morning. When I got to work this morning, I was told the cake was super popular and was quite a hit. I was pleased and said thank you. When I left for home during my lunch break, I took the pan with me. This is when I noticed that the pan was not only dirty but greasy. I did the math and realised that if the cake was finished Friday evening, then it was put in the staff lounge that night and left there all weekend for me to retrieve today. I should also mention that it is a springform cake pan, and not an aluminium kind that can be thrown away after a single use or something.

Further context: I’m from an Indian family but I live in the states. I was taught to never give back an empty plate, and that it should always be cleaned. I’m not sure if this was a cultural thing. So, I texted my friend who lives in the south. He didn’t seem too pleased by the state of the pan either.

What do you all think?

Hello all. I decided to ask Reddit because I’m getting different answers about this. I’ve had several occasions lately where I’ve gotten gifts for people and have noticed something. When they open their gifts they immediately ask me where it’s from. I am by no means buying cheap or unusual gifts so I’m wondering if they just don’t like it and are figuring out if they can return or exchange it? I’ve asked other people about this and some say this is impolite to ask where it came from and they’re trying to find out how much it costs. That leads to my next question which is should I start including a gift receipt with their gifts? Again, some I’ve asked say they always do this and some say no way because you’re assuming they won’t like it or that it’s kind of a passive aggressive move. It’s not that big of a deal, it just got me thinking and I’m curious what everyone else thinks about this. Thanks!

A friend of mine (we are in a class together but don’t talk much outside of it) asked me what i was doing on the weekend and i informed him that i have work (shift ends at five since i’m part time) and he then asked if he could come over to mine after i get off. I don’t have the energy to host someone after i’ve been on my feet all day and since we’re not too close i don’t feel comfortable being blunt with him (especially since i’ve already implied that i’m unable to host and he’s being persistent). How should i tell him he can’t come over?

I had a few friends visit for a night and I’m wondering if their behavior is rude. In February, my then-boyfriend and I bought our first house. A few weeks ago, we got engaged. My friends (3 couples) who live out of state sent a few nice text messages but we didn’t receive any cards or flowers or anything in the mail.

I invited them all up to stay with us this past weekend as a kind of housewarming/sort of engagement celebration/visit. They all showed up empty handed. No wine, no cards, nothing to even say thanks for hosting this weekend. I cooked all the food all weekend. No one offered to help clean up in the kitchen. Everyone ransacked the house, eating everything in sight even though I put out tons of grilled foods, snacks, pasta salads, etc.

For context, we’re all lawyers in our 30s and I gave each of them a card and a little bottle of champagne to mark their engagement. We’re close friends - I was in 2 of their bridal parties.

Joining friends on a mutual vacay of sorts. Myself, a buddy, another buddy and his lady. They have selected a nice AirBnB With a grand master bedroom and two person jacuzzi tub. I get that that is fitting for a couple. But it’s been made apparent the cost is what it is because of this lavish room experience. Should it be split 1/4 ea or should the couple pay a little more? Should we do the whole sqft thing like some have suggested when having roomies?

Only ever had a single roomie at a time and we always split it down the middle but all bedrooms where the same, each had a bath, etc.

Don’t want to be an asshole but don’t want to get skated over on either.

I knew this person for a few years and we were very friendly towards one another. They brought a little bit of joy to my work day every day. Their spouse is also my coworker and we were also very friendly. That said, we never saw each other outside of work. If we interacted at all outside of work, it was occasionally through social media.

Tonight is the viewing and funeral. I feel weird about going to the funeral because I don't know their family and "real" friends. We weren't that close. But I want to support their spouse and pay my respects. Would it be weird for me to only attend the viewing? I don't want to seem callous or disrespectful.

EDITED TO ADD:

I was very upset when I heard of their passing. This is my first "adult funeral" and I want to learn how to navigate these situations appropriately.

Also, their spouse said everyone is welcome to attend. But I'm not sure if they were speaking about the event as a whole, or specifically the funeral.

This is my first time attending a quinceanera. It will be a formal event. I know the theme color to avoid. The event will begin with church mass in the morning, and then a formal evening dinner and dancing all night.

My biggest question is do people wear one outfit to church, and then change for the evening event? Or do people find one dress that can be both church appropriate and fit formal evening wear?

Is a black dress appropriate for both?

If we are not close to the family, should we skip the morning church mass and just attend the evening party?

I am neither religious nor hispanic, so any advice would be much appreciated!

A family member gifted me a Dazzle Dry nail kit after I complimented her manicure. I’ve tried it a few times, and it’s not really for me. On the other hand, she loves their products (which are pricey), and is always adding to her collection.

The question is: would it be wrong to offer her what I haven’t used? I am a grandchild of the Depression & hate things going to waste. Most of my girlfriends live out of the area I’m currently in, so there isn’t anyone else I’d theoretically give it to, though I’ve thought about donating it to a nail salon (if they’d take it). However, this family member also has a really good heart, and I sent her a photo of my own manicure with it once I tried it as part of my “Thanks.” I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

TL, DR: was given a pricey cosmetic as a gift & it’s not for me. I have a lot left that I probably won’t use. Is it wrong to ask the gifter (who loves this type of product) if she’d like it, or is that incredibly tacky/weird/rude?

I am attending a going away party, and since sending my RSVP have received three emails from a co-host (not the people moving away) asking for $50/person attending to cover the costs of the party. The most recent email was today (Mother's Day).

First, I don't know him and he's asking for the money to be sent to his Venmo or Zelle. Second, if I wanted to give a going away present it would be money, but I'd give it to my friends directly.

Am I completely out of touch for being really annoyed by this? We are grown-ass people in our 40's and 50's. I feel like this is something that someone too young to know better would try to pull. I'd love to hear thoughts on this, because the Mother's Day email just really bugged me.

I got invited to a friend of a friend's BBQ at their house and we had a good time. The next day, they told me I have to pay $37 since we are splitting the costs of the BBQ per person. We only had 9-10 people at the BBQ so I have no idea why the cost is so high! We had hot dogs, hamburgers, a couple snacks, and drinks (soda + water). Is splitting the cost of a BBQ normal? Am I underestimating the cost of hosting a BBQ these days?

EDIT: I was not informed by anyone about splitting the cost before the BBQ. My friend just asked if I wanted to go and just told me the time/place.

One of my best friends didn't attend my grad school graduation because they had an engagement for another friend that I don't believe they're incredibly close with. My grad was in the morning, and the engagement at night. I am 4 hours away, but logistically they could've make the day workout..yes, it would've been hectic...but so was the day last year this time around when I sacrificed a day of studying for an important entrance exam and got them gifts for their own grad..and made them feel appreciated and loved that day.

Also, this friend works remotely, and has known about this date for over 2 months. they even told me if the engagement gets canceled, they would come to my grad, which i kinda felt incredibly insulting, like it was clear that i was the second choice. this friend has also reached out several times congratulating me and apologizing for not being there

thoughts? is this a best friend worth keeping

Potential wedding invite: I was given a save the date, but my friend who is a mutual friend, but fell out of touch with a bride will most likely not be invited because she hasn’t heard anything from her and she asked to be my +1 bc my partner cannot go. Weird vibes, we kinda fell outta touch and I don’t know the groom at all but I’m best friends with the +1. I’m pretty sure the bride would have invited my friend if she had intended to or wanted to so I feel like it’s rude to have her as the +1. Or do I ask permission?

What is the proper way to handle being presented with a free alcoholic drink (on the house) in a restaurant, when you don’t want to drink alcohol?

For context: everything I ordered was alcohol free, although the other person drank some wine. During dessert, the owner came to our table and set down 2 small glasses of a strong kind of alcohol (judging by the smell) telling us these were on the house. Never asked us if we wanted anything, nor did he tell us what exactly it was.

Does one just leave it untouched?

(I ended up asking the other person to have mine, as they know I won’t have alcohol).

I’m headed to a joint birthday party for one very close friend, and one acquaintance. The acquaintance is a good friend of my friend, but someone I haven’t seen in 10+ years and not someone I’ve ever spent much time with. I have a bag of birthday gifts for my good friend, that I planned to bring to the party (although I don’t think gifts are expected from guests). I don’t have many opportunities to see her recently, so giving it at another time isn’t an easy option.

My question is, what are my gift obligations for the other birthday girl? Is it rude for me to bring a gift for my friend but not hers? Should I pick up a second gift, and if so, is it rude if it’s noticeably less/smaller? Or is this a situation where it’d be extra nice if I did, but not rude if I didn’t?

Thanks for your input!

I'd like to preface: this is not a debate about whether or not you should tip. Please leave that for another thread. You should obviously tip in places it is customary.

What I'm here asking about is the difference in tipping in my lifetime.

When I was growing up, 10% was the default tip and you left 15% for "good" service.

Then after a while, it seemed to be 15% is the default tip and you left 20% for "good" service.

And now it seems 20% is the default tip and you leave 25% for "good" service.

Is this truly the case? Why has the tipping percentage doubled?

In my country (Canada), servers make minimum wage ($17.40 per hour) plus tips. Servers where I live make approximately $75,000 per year between wages and tips. They are by all accounts well paid.

Is 15% still a reasonable tip to leave in this circumstance, or am I "skimping" by not leaving 20% for basic service? I do leave 20% for good service, just not mediocre.

What is the etiquette for gifting when attending an open house for an acquaintance whose kids are graduating high school?

For context, i live in NYC. Traditions here are that we give cash/check for a wedding. And because weddings are so expensive here, I’m talking like $200 per guest apparently.

I haven’t been to a wedding as an adult, so that’s why I’m seeking etiquette advice.

I have a group of 8 friends that i met in grad school (we met about 6 years ago). I consider them all close friends. Three of them are getting married this year.

I guess my question is, do you base you gift on the venue/how much you’re already spending between bachelorettes, hotels for the wedding, and travel? Or just based on how close you are to the bride/groom?

Friend A and Friend B are getting married locally in/around nyc. I’m staying in a hotel for friend A because hers is in Long Island and there’s no way i could get back home at night for a reasonable cost. For friend B I’m staying at my parents, but if my parents didn’t live in the area I’d have to stay in a hotel as well. Both A and B are getting married at “traditional” wedding venues, having between 150-200 people.

Friend C is getting married 5 hours upstate (so technically a destination wedding even though it’s in the same state). Her wedding starts earlier in the day, meaning i have to book a hotel for two nights. She is also getting married at an inn/restaraunt, not having a DJ, etc so it’s more of a smaller, intimate wedding.

I guess I’m just conflicted on if i should give all friends the same amount of gift, or friend C less because of the traveling costs. Not sure if I’m being an asshole though. Please tell me if i am lol. I wish i was in a position to give as much as i wanted but im also saving for my own wedding and cost of living in nyc is hell.

My gut is telling me to give what i can, but i am also leaning towards giving less to friend C.

Just typing this out makes me feel like an asshole but would love to hear your opinions! It’s just hard because we’re all friends, (although i don’t think they would discuss with each other how much they were given as gifts). Although i will say Friend C has made some questionable choices in the past that might be making me a bit biased against her. But that’s why i wanted to hear your unbiased opinions lol.

Tl;dr: 3 friends in the same friend group are getting married this summer. Do i give the same amount of money as a gift to all three or do i factor in traveling and lodging costs, which would therefore lead me to give less money to one friend?

How can they send me 2 messages on insta when the limit is only 1?

Hi guys, so I’m graduating university tomorrow and I’m having my family as well as two close friends attending my commencement ceremony. However I don’t know if I should invite my close friends to a lunch or dinner, is it rude to not invite them? What are some graduation etiquettes on this?

My company was invited by a vendor to attend a customer appreciate thing at an outdoor show. They have 2 tickets for their private chalet, lunch provided, drinks etc etc. It's a kid friendly event that I will definitely bring my child. I was thinking about asking them if it's possible for me to purchase and additional ticket so my husband can also come.

Would that be rude or tacky? There are other options for tickets but it's obviously a separate area from main viewing so my husband wouldn't want to buy a ticket and hang out in the heat by himself.

Thanks in advance!

I am meeting up with a friend I haven't seen in several years. She knows my husband/has met him and I have met their partner on several occassions. We all get along for the most part despite some differences in opinions. The last several times we got together, it was generally in a larger setting and both our partners were there.

We recently got in touch post-COVID and made plans to meet up. It's been a while and she wasn't necessarily clear whether she wanted to have a more private night with just the two of us, or if our respective partners were also invited.

I know it's silly, but what's the best way to ask whether my husband is invited? I'm worried just by asking she will feel obligated to say that he is, even if that was not her original intention.

TIA

Does it depend on the relationship to the hosts? Is there a general etiquette rule to how long it is appropriate to sleep when staying at someone else’s place for a visit?