Need help with your relationship?

My bf and I have been together 5 yrs — Last night my(F29) partner(M26) left the house after a bit of an argument. Things have been particularly stressful with our new baby. I’m on maternity leave and he is working. He didn’t say where he was going, but that he was just leaving “for a bit” and that was around 8pm. It’s past 6am now and I haven’t heard from him at all. I tried reaching out an hour ago to see if he was going to come home but it didn’t deliver so I think his phone is off/dead.

The worst part is that when he was leaving, I was in the middle of cooking us dinner trying to diffuse the fight - he put our 3 month old baby in her crib while she was crying and when I went to go pick her up - he was mocking me calling me “super mom” and it felt so disrespectful. We were arguing about him saying he needs more “help” from me but I am the one waking up with the baby at night for feeding and changing as well as keeping the house in order. I rarely leave the house alone since our baby is born and he’s been out drinking on numerous occasions. He told me that when we have sex he feels like I think it’s a chore, but I am a c-section mom and taking my time with healing and also learning to love my postpartum body that has changed a lot. We still have sex or oral every other day at least. I am back on birth control too because I don’t want to get pregnant again but it does affect my libido.

Not once in our argument did I call names or say anything to personally hurt him. He did these things to me though, and I maintained my calm. He left using our shared vehicle, and hasn’t made any contact with me. Considering our situation I feel like that is such a bad position to leave me and the baby in.

He normally starts work around 5/6am so I guess it’s safe to say he isn’t going to work? I am very confused because we have had worse disagreements in our past, so this behaviour seems unwarranted in my eyes.

Obviously a conversation needs to happen but I don’t know exactly what to say or how to explain how shitty his actions were. I almost want to leave with the baby when he gets back and go to a family members house because I’ve been so stressed about this all night while also taking care of the baby that I’ve gotten no sleep.

I get that he is stressed out but there’s a difference between communicating that you need to leave for an hour or two to blow off some steam — and just up and leaving with no contact.

I do really need some validation that I am right to be upset about this because I know when he gets back he will have excuses and try to blame me. What can I say that will help him understand he was way out of line for this? Am I blowing things out of proportion for wanting to leave today?

TLDR: my bf and I got into a fight and he left me and our baby (with our shared vehicle) overnight without telling me where he’s going. How do I handle this?

My and my girlfriend fight a lot. Mostly because she gets offended quite easily. And me too, I admit I can be a little naggy. But everytime we get into a fight, we always trigger each other’s traumas. Me, having had a childhood of fighting parents, tend to shut down whenever there is any form of aggression. i just want to run away from it as. And my girlfriend tends to be a little aggressive when angry. While she has fear of being abandoned. She tells me that when she’s angry, she just wants me to approach her and talk to her to calm her down. But I really can’t do it. While I love my girlfriend so much, I really can’t bring it in me to calm her down. And the fight gets so intense, harsh words are being spoken, and sometimes lead to my girlfriend forcibly making me face her to talk (which of course hurts). So it’s like a push and pull situation. When we finally make up after a long exhausting fight (mostly because we’re just too tired at this point), we always tell ourselves that we will be better next time. But it always just happens, and all the things that happened during each fight have been deeply engraved in me that I now feel anxious in the relationship. My girlfriend gets offended quite easily so each time I sense she’s angry, I tend to be angry too because I’m really just tired of it. But I love my girlfriend and I always think of all the good times we have and our plans in the future. It’s so hard for me to get through my way of conflict management to cater to hers.

My (25m) girlfriend (f24) has always been a girl to easily fangirl over male actors. As a teen girl she was apperently already fangirling about male singers and actors. Which is ofcourse normal for girls that age and in some way it is always normal.

I found myself obsessing over people less and less as i got older. Ofcourse I still highly respect some people and can be a fan. But obsessing not anymore.

I think I came to realise that they everybody is just a person with flaws and good qualities.

I feel like my gf obsesses over some people because she glorifies others in comparison to herself because she has self esteem issues. I would love if she started to love herself as much as she does others. In a way she also obsesses over me which is very cute but also not very healthy sometimes.

Now, she recently started taking 1 on 1 acting lessons because she really wants to be an actress. The teacher is a 34 year old actor who did some small rolls in certain plays. Last month he invited her to come watch a play that he was in.

I went together with my gf to the play because i wanted to support her hobby. After the play she kept glorifying how good he was (which he was). But it started to me sounds a bit obsessive because it did not stop. I told her she was fangirling (which was not very subtle i know). I think i said it because it already bothered me sometimes that she obsessed over actors all the time, but now it was also different because she sees him weekly (so not only on the tv).

I found out she was googling him alot as wel in the past month (since the play). It was not the most honorable thing to do but i looked on her computer because i wanted to know how often this happend. She googles him almost every week to look into his acting stuff i guess. She is also very anxious to go to him every week because she is intimitad because she is a fan i think. I could use some advice on how to deal with this situation. I already communicated about that i think she should stop glorifying actors. But she doesnt know i know she googled him all the time so i dont know if i can say that. I am wondering what to do in this case and if/how I should communicate this with her. Thanks in advance

Hi, y'all, first time posting here, but I don't have any friends or family who I can talk to.

Me (25M) and my fiancé (33M) have been together for almost a year. We moved in together when we'd been dating for two months and I'd gotten a job on the other side of the country, so he quit his job and came with me. We were in a very, very small town, and he couldn't find a job, because he's an immigrant and honestly people there were pretty racist. It wasn't a huge deal, because we had company housing and no bills, so there wasn't almost any financial stress.

Long-story short, I had a really bad time and quit my job a month ago, but I had this research scholarship lined up at a university, so we moved to a bigger city so I could work at the university. Now, though, we have to worry about rent and bills on top of food, since I do not earn nearly enough to even rent a studio on my own.

Now, the real issue: my fiancé has been trying hard to get a job, and even though it's a city, he still faces a lot of issues with his immigrant status. The only positions open to him are, essentially, server jobs at restaurants, or shopping vendors. He really doesn't want to go back to working as a server, which I agree with, because it's terrible schedules, awful pay, and he doesn't even get a meal voucher because ""they work at a restaurant and can eat whenever they want"".

Several vendor positions rejected him and he's basically given up hope on not working in a restaurant. I'd like him to keep looking for anything else, but he has an interview today at a bar and I'm afraid he'll take the job. I work 9h00-17h30 on weekdays, and this job would be 12h00-00h30 every day with one weekly day off, which would never be on the weekend.

This is my first relationship, and ever since we moved in together, because he couldn't find a job, we've never actually been apart besides from my working hours. I don't know how I could deal from seeing him when I get home everyday, and spending time on the weekend, to maybe seeing him six hours on the weekend and another couple of hours on whatever day he has off. And I can't vent to him about this because I know he is really stressed about not earning any money and relying entirely on me.

How do people do it? Like genuinely, how? When I get home he'll be gone and when he gets home I'll be asleep, and when I leave for work he'll be asleep. Every day. When do we eat together? Cuddle? Have intimacy? Talk besides texting? I'm freaking out, I really need some advice.

Right in the beginning, she was very excited to talk with me by sending long messages. Since I’m from Pakistan originally (live in US) and she’s from the US we def have religious and cultural differences that’s why we talked about most of the things in the first week. It was really nice talking with her about all the things to see compatibility and we both were happy that we shared same core values. She’s agnostic but still Her only concern was religion but I’m a very flexible person so I told her I would compromise on the most of the things. I wanted to be a bread winner, her protector and provider and I was treating her like a princess. she really liked that in me. I told her it would be up to her if she would wanna work or stay at home wife because regardless of whatever she earns that would be her own money and she would always be my responsibility. I have been literally giving her princess treatment, asking about her day, what she ate, how her family is doing. I ordered food and groceries for her a couple of times to make her feel that I care for her. I would always be very nice, sweet and gentle with her. The first week was fine, her efforts weren’t the same as mine but it was making her happy and I could see that. She would reply to my every message and appreciate me that how much I care for her. I shared my number, Facebook and LinkedIn profile after a couple of days but she didn’t. She said she wanted to take it slow and I was fine with it that time. Then I told her I wanted to delete the dating app but she was reluctant to share her number and she said she would only share after we meet so she rather gave me her google voice number. I realized I couldn’t send a voice note on google voice number so she said you could keep dating app active. After like 10 days, I started asking her if we could talk on call she said yes but she was just rescheduling it for one reason or another. She postponed it like three times and in the end I was a little upset so the next day she said she could call only for a few minutes so we talked that day. We both were really happy when we talked. I then asked her about meeting and she said May be after a month and I was okay with that because I wanted to respect her timing and boundaries. I asked if we could talk twice a week to develop some bond and she said yes but again same thing was happening that she was just rescheduling it for minor reasons and one day I told her I’m upset about it so she sent me a long message and said, I think we should tone down the endearment a little because I wanna take it very slow. I wanted to respect her decision and didn’t ask about the calls anymore. I then asked her if we should decide a date about meeting because we were hitting a month of talking and she said meeting someone new is a little daunting and that her sister is visiting that time so she wouldn’t have much time etc. I asked her when she would wanna meet and she said she didn’t have a timeline for that. She told me let’s talk and take it slowly day by day without thinking about the future. At the same time, she told me that I have everything what she wanted in a husband. It’s been almost six weeks now and I feel like instead of getting closer she has taken steps back and pushed me further away too. I have been trying my best to talk to her but she would reply late and when I would get very sweet or romantic she wouldn’t respond to that. She had drawn a very huge border and on the other side of the border she has kept me in a very narrow space from which I shouldn’t step back and move forward because she would want me to message her and check on her but not overwhelm her with messages, not talk about phone calls or meeting. We exchanged a few voice notes in the beginning but now I send her voice notes and she responds back with, “Thank you, I appreciate you saying all this”. With all the love, warmth, care, the stuffs I bought for her (when I would order something she would have to go pick it because she didn’t wanna share her address), I’m not getting good if not the same response from her. I really like her and I’m trying my best but I’m not sure what she wants. When I would share anything like this she would talk to me about it by saying that she wanted to take it slow but the frequency of our messages is getting lower and that’s because she’s pushing me away. Should I wait for some more time or should I just tell her that it’s not working out like that. I really like her but the way she’s responding is not nice because I feel like I’m investing so much energy, time, effort, money, but there’s nothing like that at all from her side. Is she not interested and I should stop talking with her?

Me and my college going Friend have been besties since the starting of our college. We come to College together, we go home together etc etc, we were always together. we used to be in the same class in the first few semesters then later we were in different classes. When we were initially in different classes, we both used to miss eachother alot and keep texting each other even during our classes, but recently she has gotten close to her classmates which is completely fine by me as I too have close friends from my class. But now her friendship with her classmates has started to take toll on our friendship atleast that's what i have felt and have communicated too, she just tells that I am jealous and insecure. But you see during our first year and till now (2.5 years) we have always gone out with eachother and we never used to go out when one of us isn't available but couple of days back we had a fight (I told her I felt like I was getting replaced by her classmates) and she went out with her friends while I was left alone. During our fight in which I mentioned that she has changed and itseems like she doesn't care about me as much as before she told me that "Yes ofcourse even if you're not there they're here for me" she might have told that in anger I can't take my mind off it. Maybe I am just a responsibility for her now you know like 'Yeah I was there with him from the starting of college and now I can't leave him' stuff like that.

Today my classes had finished early, so i told her I will be sleeping in library. she told okay then later I got up I texted her telling I'm bored how much longer will you take, I received no reply then I went near her Block to see whats up just to find her playing games with her friends. I got angry because while I was patiently waiting for her around 1-1.5h so that we could go home together she was playing games with her friends in class. Apparently the class had just gotten over when I came over there and they were playing during classtime. That is fine, she can't just leave her class and come, I Understand.

But when she had no friends in her new class she used to text me all the time even during classes but now she could play games in class and not have time to text me? Atleast she could have texted me when her class would get over. While I am the same with her even after finding new friends, I text her whenever she texts me during class etcetc but now that she has gotten new close friends, she can play games but not text me while im waiting for her for so long and I had mentioned that I'm alone and bored.

Am I the one in wrong here? Should I accept that my Bestfriend has changed and act accordingly? I don't want to loose her.

Because of difference in lifestyles, I feel nervous and awkward whenever my bf goes to a party in a bar/club with his friends. I tried communicating, but I couldn't seem to tell him how I felt without coming off as such a bad person. Though he doesn't drink as often as his friends, he still gets invited to a lot of parties (some invitations he rejects, some he doesn't— most of these are birthday parties). Unlike him, I don't like exposing myself to that kind of culture, and prefer being at home or doing anything but drink and party. While this sounds like I'm just scared that he might drink too much to the point that he'll "unconsciously" kiss other girls, I have a firm trust in his loyalty to me since he is a date-to-marry guy and prefers sticking to one girl only and is not interested in flirting with others. On the other hand, I don't wanna come off as a big red flag and ask him to go party or drink less since that's the environment he grew up in, and that is not his fault. Part of it is because I'm just afraid that I might end up with a drunkard.

Is what I feel perfectly fine? What can I do to feel less nervous? Or am I being blind and tell him that he should actually party less?

My (40f) husband (46m) has a work colleague (43f). They work for the same company, but he only officially met her in a workplace setting about a month ago. Since then, he’s been talking about her all the time. He’s analyzing how she looked at him, how she inter interacted with ha, etc. Even though she is married with kids, it’s very obvious that she has infatuation with him. She told him some personal things about herself right off the bat, and he offered some advice. Since then, he’s been trying to avoid her, but she’s been appearing in the same areas as he tends to hang out at work.

My husband is analyzing her behavior and it’s driving him crazy. He has been not himself for weeks, has had a hard time sleeping at night. We’re talking about her all the damn time.

He says that he has no feelings for her, and keeps on saying how she looks “old”, not his type, and finding other unattractive features about her.

However, we’re still talking about her. He also has become more distant, more critical of me, less present emotionally with us. Our sex life has suffered because of that - I feel like she lives in his head for whatever reason, and it makes me feel disconnected and emotionally unsafe.

Is he just trying to talk himself out of having romantic feelings for her?

Throwaway account because he's very active on reddit.

Me and my bf have been dating for 5 years, but 4 of those years have been long distance. Over the last year we've taken multiple trips together (8 of them, ranging from 3 to 7 days together).

Onto the issue at hand. My bf insists he has a bad memory, but I've seen how he interacts with his friends, and he's able to pinpoint exact details that they have shared with him before. The reason this is concerning is because he seems to completely forget even the smallest detail about my life, and whenever he does he blames it on his "bad memory". It just feels like he doesn't care about me or the details I share with him, so naturally he doesn't register it long enough to actually stay in his memory. Honestly I now wonder if there's any point to me even telling him anything about my life because he won't remember it anyway.

This is just one of multiple issues, all stemming from the fact that he joined a post graduation course that apparently keeps him too busy to give me any attention, but not busy enough that he doesn't get time to party with his college buddies every second day.

Anytime I bring up these issues he sheds a tear or two and claims that I'm hurting him, but then how on earth am I to express myself? The moment I say a word about what I'm really feeling he quietens up and acts like I've insulted him. I'm only trying to talk about my feelings to him but that itself is too much, so what am I to do?

I then try to pull myself away because being attached to someone who doesn't care about you is hurtful, but even this he does not allow me to do because then he gets hurt. He wants me to be available for him whenever he's free, but when he's not I need to take care of myself.

I need some advice on what to do, or how to approach a constructive conversation about this with him. Thanks in advance!

I know the age gap is huge, but i really like him. We met in college this past fall, and started hanging out a lot this spring semester. All of our classes are together, so we see each other everyday.

We have tons in common, and could talk for hours and hours. I’ve never felt this way towards someone. Especially in high school, where I never had a crush and most boys disgusted me. We are in similar points in life, due to his rough upbringing, so I believe our maturity levels are similar. I’d also like to mention that the rest of my friends in college are anywhere from 19-28, and I get along with all of them super well- sometimes they forget i’m 18 lol.

Him and I had a conversation about our age gap before, asking if I was uncomfortable with it and if my parents knew. He also said he had told his friends and family about my age as well, and although some were iffy about it at first, they all said they wanted to meet me! My parents have met him on multiple occasions and love him. They’ve actually asked me to invite him to certain things!

I don’t know what to do. I really like him but I’ve seen so many posts about how people regret relationships like this when they’re older. I don’t think I will, but there’s always a possibility.

TLDR: I (18F) have a crush on my friend/classmate (25M)

My fiance & I will marry in September then get a house with his sister (23F) & her husband (25M). My fiance wants to be able to cook for them frequently but how can we do that without continually funding their food budget. I am vegan so I will not be eating the same foods they will, therefore, I do not want to pay for their dinners all the time.

We thought about having a grocery fund jar but I wouldnt feel right taking from it when I know theyre not going to eat my food & I dont want to put money into it to fuel another couples marriage. Its more complex bc my fiance & I intend to have a joint bank account. Does anyone have any solutions on how they can share meals & we still get our money back for it without seeming too stingy?

To be direct, I do not have the desire to cheat. I love my boyfriend so much and we he makes me so happy. Currently we are on a break because his father just died and we've talked about him not having the emotional and mental capacity to be my boyfriend while he's grieving, but we still continue to talk and meet up. Ever since then, my friend Jake (fake name) has been flirty with me after finding out that my bf and I are on a break.

It started when my other friends and I attended his birthday party 3 days ago and while he was drunk he said that I shouldn't drink because something might happen to us, and I felt weird because I don't drink. I have psoriasis so I do not drink alcohol. I left the party shortly after that and confronted him the next day, he said he doesn't remember ever saying that. I just let it be because it's better to ignore, but I was wrong. Ever since I messaged him first, he keeps on texting me. Asking if I ate, how I've been, if I've showered like who tf does that? I've just been indifferent because indifference for me is like the biggest middle finger I can give to someone but he doesn't let up. So yesterday I confronted him again to stop bombarding me with messages and to respect me because I have a boyfriend and he wasn't like this when my bf and I were okay, but then he says he just wants to be a nice friend and that he feels offended. Now he wants me to apologize.

I feel like I've been gaslit, I don't wanna bother my bf with this, though I plan to tell him once he's feeling better, I just don't know what to do with this guy. He's part of the friend group and I don't want to make things difficult.

To be direct, I do not have the desire to cheat. I love my boyfriend so much and we he makes me so happy. Currently we are on a break because his father just died and we've talked about him not having the emotional and mental capacity to be my boyfriend while he's grieving, but we still continue to talk and meet up. Ever since then, my friend Jake (fake name) has been flirty with me after finding out that my bf and I are on a break.

It started when my other friends and I attended his birthday party 3 days ago and while he was drunk he said that I shouldn't drink because something might happen to us, and I felt weird because I don't drink. I have psoriasis so I do not drink alcohol. I left the party shortly after that and confronted him the next day, he said he doesn't remember ever saying that. I just let it be because it's better to ignore, but I was wrong. Ever since I messaged him first, he keeps on texting me. Asking if I ate, how I've been, if I've showered like who tf does that? I've just been indifferent because indifference for me is like the biggest middle finger I can give to someone but he doesn't let up. So yesterday I confronted him again to stop bombarding me with messages and to respect me because I have a boyfriend and he wasn't like this when my bf and I were okay, but then he says he just wants to be a nice friend and that he feels offended. Now he wants me to apologize.

I feel like I've been gaslit, I don't wanna bother my bf with this, though I plan to tell him once he's feeling better, I just don't know what to do with this guy. He's part of the friend group and I don't want to make things difficult.

l've been in a relationship now for a year with a woman I love. She's a great partner.

Here's the issue: three months into the relationship we decided to go celibate for religious reasons. Before we made this decision together, she kept telling me she wanted celibacy. I thought I was okay with it, but l've been struggling and now I'm completely over the celibacy. Sex is a need for me, and am growing more and more upset about the fact that she was never celibate with anyone else before me, but is celibate with me.

I don't want to plan elaborate vacations or trips, because why? At the end of the night, we just sleep and don't have sex. If we go to the carribean or Mexico, I want to make love to my partner. At the core, 'm just hurt that she was never celibate until our relationship got serious. And when we got in a relationship, she kept hinting at celibacy until I agreed like a dumbass. I wish this was brought up in dating but it wasn't.

She keeps asking me "are you okay" because she senses something is slightly off. Lately I haven't enjoyed spending time with her because we are celibate, but she want celibate with any other man before me

My (23M) Girl (19F) and I got into an argument and she hasn’t spoken to me all day and is trying to leave me for the fourth time. When she breaks up with me, she ends up coming back to me and telling me she loves me after I call her enough times and show up to her house because I just wanna talk. I love Emily more than anything but I can’t keep going back and forth with her. It seems like everything is an issue in our relationship.

We been together for about a year. But knew each other for 3. She has a tough time at home with her batshit crazy mother and we spend time together. She has yet to bring me home, but I open my home to her whenever. She moved into a family members apartment this year and has changed how often she wants to sleep over.

I’m a bit embarrassed to admit this publicly, but I had bedbugs for a while which I thought was a rash from the cat litter. (Since I have one room my cat flicks the litter and some gets on my bed) We hired somebody to get rid of all of that. Once my mom told Emily about that, she acted different too.

My lease ended two years ago, so I moved back home. I live in a shed in my moms house. It doesn’t have a bathroom or kitchen but it has wood floor, painted, and has a queen bed. Emily has a tendency of not wanting to stay the night anymore. So at 10-11 she’s trying to go home but we are so comfortable and I just want her to spend the night. After some time going back and forth about it, I finally asked her what the issue was.

She told me “Sleeping in a shed is uncomfortable when I could just sleep in my room and be comfortable.” She told me she has asthma from the cat hair being stuck in the AC and because I don’t have sheets put on all the time. But she could put them on if she’s that uncomfortable. I personally don’t care about any of that stuff.

Sometimes my cat pees on the floor or bed but I clean it. It’s not my fault he does that. I told her she was being ungrateful and classist. My mom had it worse. She came into this country with nothing and rents out a multi family house now while she lives in a converted basement there. I go there to use the bathroom/shower and her bedroom literally can only fit a twin size bed. I think my situation is literally fine.

I would be able to move out if I had more money, but my girl ruined that for me during my last interview. I was gonna make 22 an hour and I ended up getting offered minimum wage cuz I was a mess during the interview because she broke up with me.

TL:DR - After 9 years together, my girlfriend started feeling distant due to financial disparities and found herself attracted to a coworker. She confessed her feelings to him, but he rejected her, leaving her heartbroken. Despite knowing I should end it, I'm struggling to let go because I still love her deeply.

Me (29M) and my girlfriend(26F) are together for 9 years. We loved each other, everything was great between us. For a long time, it was a long-distance relationship, and we used to visit each other about once a month. Then, after a few years, we moved in together to Opole, where we rented a room together, and at that time, I felt like our relationship was heading in a certain direction. Along the way, of course, there were problems, arguments, and differences of opinion, which ended with harsh words, but we always reconciled and ended the argument in a good atmosphere.

Then, there was a turning point in my life. I moved from Opole to Wrocław because I found a great job as a video-editor, rented an apartment, earned good money, and there was a huge prospect for the future. My girlfriend used to come to visit me, she was studying, and everything was going great for us. We started to envision marriage and a wedding, especially since she finished her studies and also started a great job with good money. She moved in with me, and we were living at a good level.

Unfortunately, that best period lasted about 3-4 months. That's when my girlfriend started dropping hints that it would be nice if I earned more, asking about when we'd get married, when would I propose. The pressure from my partner started, leading to arguments about it.

Now we come to the point where I unfortunately lost my video-editor job (despite promised opportunities for development, nothing came of it, I was deceived). On the other hand, my girlfriend and her career skyrocketed. So, the roles reversed. Previously, I was the one earning, she wasn't. And now she earns, and I'm looking for another job for myself because finding a good job in Poland is hard.

Because of this, the arguments and tensions in our relationship started to escalate, it's been going on for about a year now. The passion faded, the shared moments faded, we spend less and less time together even though we live together.

Now we come to the most important point. On New Year's Eve, 4 months ago, I had an honest conversation with my girlfriend about us in the relationship. Strong and harsh words were said to me at that moment: "Tomek, for the first time in 9 years, I'm thinking about other men, and it feels good, when I think about you, I feel bad, but when I think about others, I feel good." That was also the first time in my life that I got up from bed and went to sleep on the couch.

Nevertheless, we talked the next day, and my girlfriend asked me to get my act together, to finally find a well-paying job, to finally stand on my own feet because she doesn't want to wait for me forever. To some extent, she's right, but on the other hand, it's not like I'm not trying. I've been trying all the time, and I've already found a job now, an internship, and I'm still looking for something else to settle into another job after the internship.

And now we come to the climax of this story. The words from Ada (my girlfriend) saying that she's "thinking about other men" weren't just a general statement without any specific direction. No! Two weeks ago, it somehow turned out that this "other man" actually exists, his name is Maciek, and he works with her. He looks similar to me, has a similar character. The difference is that he has a more stable life situation than me. A more stable job, more money, and a car. Oh, and he has a girlfriend, that's worth mentioning too.

And for the past 2 weeks, the intensity with which my girlfriend became aggressive, cold, and distant towards me has reached the size of an atomic bomb. I feel almost hunted in my own home; it's hard for me to talk to her; she even criticizes me for the smallest things.

Now we come to the period from a few days ago, Easter. I went to my hometown, she went to hers. So, we didn't see each other for about a week. During the holidays, we didn't talk to each other at all; the wishes were made reluctantly. And when we returned to our apartment, she didn't even want to greet me normally. No hugs, coldness, aggression, sadness, and a feeling of being a stranger in my own home. I asked her what happened, and she said, "You know what happened..." "Oh, so you're thinking about Maciek again?" I said. She replied, "Yes, over the holidays, I only thought about when Tuesday would come so I could see him, and I also intend to do something in that direction because this feeling is tormenting me. I would really like to redirect my feelings from him to you, but I can't, it's my nature, I can't control it."

I figured she just wants to confess her feelings to him to know where she stands and how things will develop. I know that rationally at this stage I should put my foot down and end the relationship, but I can't, my head is empty, I love her too much.

And yesterday she went to meet him. She confessed her feelings to him, and in short: He told her he has a girlfriend and doesn't intend to break up with her. He also told her she's pretty and if he didn't have a girlfriend, he wouldn't hesitate.

And Ada came back home, sat there all evening, and cried. I was sitting locked in my room; she was crying.

Additionally, I did something a bit immoral - I looked into her laptop while she was absent and saw what she was talking to him about and what searches she made on the internet. Here are a few of them:

-falling in love with another man in a relationship

-how to recognize if someone has fallen in love with you

-toxic relationship with a man

-my man doesn't impress me

-falling in love and looking away

Honestly, I have no idea what to do. Theoretically, I know I should have ended it a long time ago. But I just can't. 9 years invested in the relationship, plans for a wedding, shared memories. Everything fell apart within a few months. Is it time to break up? Or should I give her time to think about what she did and hope that from now on it will only get better, because she saw that the world does not revolve around her and that I am valuable to her after all?

me and my ex broke up a few days ago and im really sad to see it end i loved her a lot and despite us being young i made sure not to be over romanticising about us and in my head i could genuinely see a future with her in a mature sense and not in a blinded love sort of way. but we ended things a few days ago because over the past few months things outside of our relationship really took a toll on both of us from both sides and we would have weeks where we would fight a lot but it would always be resolved but over time it began to take a mental strain on both of us and we could see that. we ended on good terms and said our goodbyes and wished each other well but as time has went on and ive told people around me about some details about our relationship it’s made me realise that i was too easy going and too nice at some points. i made my fair share of mistakes in the relationship and i have always made sure to tell anyone who asked recently about my relationship because to put it simply there were times were i fucked up simply because i didn’t think before i spoke and i am completely to blame for that, it was always on sensitive topics surrounding our relationship and there would be times where i would just blurt something out and it would hurt the other person and to this day i feel guilty about every single thing ive accidentally said and i tried everything to regain her trust but there were two times where i kept part of the truth from her about things such as one of my parents who is a severe drug addict and it was something i had to deal with by myself for years as it was just me and them in the same house, none of my other immediate family had any idea so it left me with some trauma and it made me struggle to tell her but when i did it felt like she was almost angry and to be honest i don’t blame her i broke a promise and we took that seriously but i just wanted to make it clear that i made a lot of mistakes in our relationship and i was able to admit when i was wrong but upon talking to some people around me about some of the details of our relationship it’s made me question whether i was too easy-going? it was clear from the start that we were too mentally struggling people and maybe that was a recipe for disaster but we both helped each other and now we’re both going to therapy and i’m so proud of her for it and the steps we’ve both taken. but there was some things i told my friends that they said i shouldn’t have ignored and i think one of the things that really stand out was in the last week or so before we broke up she got back in contact with a boy she had a thing with for two years before we spoke, this boy had made her school life hell during this time and made her feel unsafe at school and as we went to different schools i was unable to look out for her so when she came to me to say that her and the boy had made up and they apologised for things they had done i was a bit skeptical at first but she made it clear to him that she loved me and that she was in safe relationship and she would tell me whenever he started to like flirt or talk about their past but the day we broke up we spoke on the phone and she told me that since her and the boy had started speaking again it made her think of all these what ifs? like what if we hadn’t started dating and she had started dating him instead and she told me she knew those thoughts were wrong but she couldn’t stop them which makes me wonder if despite all the times she made it clear she loved me maybe the feelings for him started to come back. another example was that she felt as if we weren’t as close and i think that’s a normal worry in a long term relationship as we had been going out for nine months and it’s natural for things to maybe die down a little after a few months but i never intended to make her feel that way and she used my reply times as an example as when we first started speaking our replies were fast but now they were maybe every 10-15 mins on my end but i always told her like if i’m taking more than ten mins it’s because im playing a video game and it made me worry because something tells me that the reason for her bringing that up was because her and this boy had fast replies and it made her feel nostalgic. it may all just be a coincidence but that was the main part that stuck out to me especially with the timing. my main concern is the amount of stuff i maybe let her away with such as times where she would scream at me and throw her phone and i would have to calm her down or there was a time where she was upset and she slapped me because i tried to get her phone because i knew she was going to throw it, or there was an instance where she was upset and she was screaming at me to break up with her and demanding it happened which scared me because it seemed like she totally changed person in that moment. there were other times where she openly admitted to guilt tripping me to try and get me to shout at her, which is something i told her from the start that i would never do and had never done once to her but she knew this and she knew i hated being told i was sick (i have a medical condition which so many people i know have and is one of the most common neurological diseases) so when she would call me sick i knew what she was trying to do and even when she openly admitted it i said please don’t do it again and whilst it stopped mostly i would still catch her doing it and she would just laugh about it. i think one of my main worries was that she took advantage of me as i made it clear from the start that i loved stupid things in a relationship like notes and homemade gifts and she made me so much and i did the same, for christmas she made me a scrapbook with my favourite shows, music etc and i wrote her a notebook with drawings and pages about us and towards the end these things slowly stopped and i still wrote her a note and i always bought her flowers at the start of every month so she’d always have flowers from me but she told me at the end that she didn’t feel like i was putting in effort and in some ways i did understand because she largely meant planning dates which i always tried my hardest to do despite not knowing many resteraunts or places we could go to i still had so many tiktoks saved of resteraunts near us and i had a whole date planned for so long but it felt like i was always under pressure to do more and im not sure if it’s because that’s the type of person i am or whether she used these big homemade gifts to hold something over my head to use against me in an argument, but one of the reasons she used for us ending was that i didn’t buy her her favourite flowers but i had bought her flowers the month before and she said this at the start of april which is the time i would get the money to buy her flowers. she also mentioned that she felt as if i was becoming more closed off but i felt as if i was getting better, she knew everything there was to know about me and the reason i didn’t tell her like if i was struggling was because i was in a much better places thanks to everything she had helped me through and i genuinely didn’t feel that way but to some extent she was right im in the processs of moving away from the parent mentioned earlier on top of going to therapy which is causing me to open up to my other parent which is all new and unfamiliar to me as the whole drugs thing caused me to distance myself from my family so sometimes i would let little things slip like telling her what game im playing or what movie im watching but she used that as an example and said that i i dont tell her those things and she was right but it was unintentional i felt so guilty about it before she even mentioned it so i was self aware. i have more examples of things that my friends and their girlfriend red flagged to me so if more background is neeeded about the medical issues we both dealt with during our relationship that put a strain on us or about the mistakes i made please pm me i won’t go into more detail about them here due to privacy and due to the fact she had already found and stalked one of my reddit posts months ago about my medical condition without asking which kind of scares me to post this but if any questions need answered ask away.

Throw away account just in case. TL;DR at the bottom

My brother (let's call him Jerry) 38M, and I, 30F, have a strained relationship over something I think we are both in the wrong for. For background, he is military, so he doesn't live nearby. We were never really close when we were younger and didn't have a strong bond until I was about 17 and through my college years. Our whole lives, I was always treated as the little sister that did not know anything while he was older and more knowlegable. Jerry is a narcissist and I think myself and the rest of my family realized this too late because looking back now we see the behaviors he was displaying for years, and we think that is what contributed to his first 2 marriages failing. He is currently on his 3rd marriage and the relationship with his wife and my family has been strained from almost the beginning. Things have gotten slightly better over the past couple years after they had kids and his wife has been going to therapy for her past issues. (I truly believe she is putting in the work to better her relationship with us, and I have been trying to have a better relationship with her as well)

A few years ago (2021 maybe?), there was a very large argument in our family group text chat between my parents and Jerry. My SIL had said something to my dad during a casual conversation between the two of them when we visited one summer (nothing that was secret or was supposed to stay between them) and my dad had brought it up to Jerry in the group chat. My SIL lied and said she never said it and Jerry accused my dad of being a liar in defense of his wife (SIL later admitted to lying about not saying it later on). I stepped in to the conversation finally and said something to the effect of "We were your family first." (Hindsight 20/20 I should have been more clear in wording) I never meant it as a personal attack against him or his wife, moreso just that "We have been family for a long time, why would our parents lie about something so like that?". The conversation progressively got more heated and we got to the subject of Jerry and his family not visiting until his kids were older, so I told him that he "did not know my situation as I could not afford to come out to visit often." He then responded with something to the effect of "I do not care about your situation." At the time, I took that as he did not care about my situation and did not care about what was going on in my life so we did not speak for a while after that. I was immature and shut down and shut him out of my life completely. The following year after all of this and us not really speaking, I got very sick around his birthday and was unable to get to the store and send him a card, but I did text him and wish him Happy Birthday. He texted me very angry about not receiving a birthday card, and he was still mad even after i explained I was sick.

I have been out to see my niece and nephew a couple of times when he is away for work and I am able to get time off, but I haven't visited while he is home. I didn't think I was able to have a conversation with him without him talking down to me and then me losing my temper, and I felt like that was me trying to be an adult. He has made a couple comments to our mom about me taking vacations with my husband/our parents but not coming to see them.

Fast forward to now, Jerry informed our mom that he wanted to clear the air with me but I was going to have to be the one to reach out first to start the conversation. Jerry also informed her he still has all the text messages from what happened, and he claims that what he said in regards to "not caring about my situation" was he "did not care because he would have bought a plane ticket for me to come visit them anytime I wanted to" but I truly can't recall him ever stating that specifically. I don't have the texts anymore because I stopped caring and moved on from it. I do not apologize for what I said during the conversation, but I can admit I was wrong with my wording, and maybe I was even wrong for getting involved in the first place, I dont know.

I am torn between wanting to be the bigger person because I want to see my niece and nephew more often without fear of having a blowup with Jerry, or continuing not having a relationship with him and resign myself to only seeing my niece and nephew when he is not around (which is only going to get harder). I am angry that he is basically forcing me to be the one that initiates this conversation if things are to get better.

TL;DR: My brother and I both said some things during a text argument that were not clearly worded enough and were taken the wrong way by both parties. However, he says I should be the one to initiate the conversation and I feel that is not far.

(i think that is everything, but I can answer questions/clarify/add info if needed.)

I feel like I know what I need to do, but I also don't at the same time. Advice? Words of encouragement? Tips to make the conversation productive should I decide to go that route? Thank you!!

I'm a 30M and am six months into a romantic relationship with a 28F. I think this girl has an AMAZING personality and I love being around her, but I don't find her particularly sexually attractive. The sex we have is OK. I get a fair amount of pleasure from it, but I'm not crazy about it and I can even find myself feeling a bit put off by her. Is this something I can navigate? Could things get better as I get to know her more intimately, or is this a bad sign so early in a relationship?

I really don't want to let this person go. She has all of what I consider to be the most important traits in a partner. She's kind and open-minded, she's emotionally intelligent, she's playful and has me laughing like a kid, and she has very similar tastes to me in films, books and conversation (which has historically been hard for me to find). Having said that, it feels disappointing that I'm missing out on the pleasure and excitement of being with someone I can't wait to jump into bed with.

This dilemma has gotten me questioning what's going on inside my head and I'm asking myself what the healthiest way to respond to this situation is. I don't want to be one of those guys who goes from girl-to-girl chasing only physical attraction and not developing a real connection with anyone. I, like most men of my generation, have watched a lot of porn in my time and think it's infected me with some slightly toxic ideals around what I want from women. I look at some of my friends' girlfriends and wonder how they find them attractive - and I feel like that shows I'm pretty shallow and am not paying attention to deeper sources of sexual attraction.

Given all of that, I feel like maybe the healthiest direction for me to go in is to start consciously discrediting the lusty part of my mind that says it needs a girl with incredible sex appeal. Maybe practicing this attitude is actually what I NEED to mature sexually and get past my primitive infatuation with superficial features.

I should also say that I semi opened up about this to her about 3 months in, as I was hoping that communicating about it could help improve the situation. She was incredibly mature and compassionate about it (which made me value her personality even more!) but I quickly realised that I was only straining the relationship by making her doubt herself. I've kept my mouth shut about it since, because it doesn't feel like there's anything to be done about it. It's not like I need her to satisfy some bedroom kink I have. The problem is that I don't find her particularly sexy and that's completely out of her control...

I(18F) was a loser throughout highschool and now I have confidence and gained a few friends through lying that I have a friend group and that I’ve always had this confident persona. I made up personalities for them and everything.

So I invited my new friend (20F) and her friends to my house drinking last night and before I left the house I was texting myself to make it look like I was texting my friend and said she cancelled and my new friend laughed that she stood me up. Now she probably thinks I am a friendless loser and I don’t know what to do ???

I will try my best to be brief and objective, please help

Me and my now ex have been raising a kid together hes 4.5 now, we have been a little on and off during that time but mostly 90% on and seeing each other although we love each over (at least, I always loved her and NEVER cheated even with a few opportunities) what we wanted out of the relationship was always clashing for example i naturally wanted to live together and try being a real family, something she flat out refused because she didn't like it from her previous relationship. The result being that because she doesn't have much money it resulted in a larger financial load for me AND i don't get to see my son enough.~

Anyway ill try get to it.

I finally broke up with her because the relationship wasn't panning out the way I envisioned, the relationship looked and felt exactly like she wanted it but after 7 years of never getting anything I wanted at all, I decided to leave, even though i love her and will love her always. She didn't want to live with me, she hated dogs, she didnt want to meet my friends, she barely met my family, she barely ever came over to my place, she left the entire financial burden on me.

In fact even though we were a happy couple she basically signed up as a single mother against my will and thats how she pays for things. Shes back to working part time now but has none, and will never have any savings for anything more than her holidays.

Anyway, to prephase what is coming next allow me to say this with utmost honesty: She is a great mum, I am a great dad, my lad is a great well behaved and balanced lad that i played football with and had NOTHING but a great relationship with.

Now

my ex is refusing to let me see my son now. They went away on holiday and now I got a txt and she is saying our boy has been saying he doesnt like me several times so basically unless i do as she says (which is probably going to be to tell me to goto therapy) she isn't going to be letting me see him.

Now, I need to paint a picture of myself just so we are clear.. I was there the moment that boy was born and held him in my arms moments later. I changed every diaper, looked after him so my girlfriend could sleep, played with him, taught him. I was there every step of the way, I have savings for him, I put him through nursury myself (with help from my family), I never missed a birthday. Ive been taking him to play football twice a week since BEFORE HE COULD WALK. Our relationship is INCREDIBLE, we are inseparable.

As for myself im a trained engineer/operator and make pretty good money, my girlfriend is a great mum but she has ZERO savings for him, does not value money at all. Has zero hobbies to show him, doesn't discipline him at all and frankly he is sooo much more dislikeable when he is around her. Its like switch flips and he turns into a little shit that cries, throws tantrums, lies, ignores you etc.

Anyway, this is what I have done.

I have called the police and they told me there is nothing they can do. Apparently its not a police matter. Let me repeat that, my son is being withheld from me and they are saying its not a police matter, they actually got angry at me for inquiring any further.

I can't get hold of citizens advice bureau but i will keep trying.

I looked into a solicitor but im being quoted £100/hour, I don't qualify for legal aid, and although I do have some money to my name, this would ruin me completely and might not even get me legal time with my son. Im reluctant to go down this path frankly I don't think I have it in me. The last time she prevented me seeing my son I eventually became suicidal and I feel like the loss of money on top might just push me over the edge.

Im based in UK, does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom for me? I'm scared the longer this goes on she will basically manipulate him into forgetting about me completely so he litterly won't even care about seeing me.

I broke up with her because I felt helpless, now she has made sure to make me feel suicidial AND helpless and even though I hear fathers have rights it doesn't feel like it now and nobody will help me.

PLEASE HELP.

Is there a limit to expressing yourself to your significant other?

I F(25) and husband M(24) decided to get married young. I had never considered marriage but having him as one of my best friends and developing an emotional bond over common family issues had me considering that I did not want to lose such a special person.

This year will be the 3rd year of us being together and when I am upset about something I like to express myself to him as I always seek his comfort. Recently his come to a point where he tells me that I am full of drama.. That I need to get over things. I know I have trauma from my childhood and so does he and we had bonded over that but there are certain things that still happen in the present that triggers my trauma and all I want to do is talk about It (because I still have to face the people who caused trauma and no one stands up for the wrong) and feel comforted not be told to just get over it. I know I have to get over it because I don't always want those things playing in my head but it hurts to be told by the one person you expected would always be there for you to be patient with how you deal with your trauma. I am an anxious person and I don't express myself to my family only to him and it feels like he just kicks the door in my face by making me feel like I am asking for too much. Am I?

Now he says he has no time for me and my feelings. And I'm selfish and everything is about me when I run to comfort him about his problems because I know how it feels to have something play in your head a 100 times and all you want tto do is turn to the person you love to quieten the noise, he shuts me out and later says I was not there for him.

When I ask him if he cannot do the bare minimum he says the bare minimum is too much. I know my marriage is phasing out and it scares me to think that this will be over but I'm trying to be strong. I told him I cannot continue being married to him if he does not consider marriage counselling and he said that the only one that needs to be fixed is me. He refuses to do marriage counselling because he doesn't believe in it.

He says there's a limit to me expressing myself and to not go over my problems with him because his tired of it. Now I'm starting to think am I asking for too much? Is wanting comfort from your significant other so wrong? And is there a limit to what you share and how much you express yourself to your significant other?

I (F25) have been in a FWB with a friend of mine (M24). We both agreed that it would be exclusive and it’s been great because we aren’t awkward around each other and we get along really well. The other night, he came over and I made a joke saying if I get him this necklace that he really wants, then he has to tattoo my initial with a heart. He said he would 100% do that and was being serious with me. He’s super protective over me, I had a creep follow me and my FWB came over to make sure that I’m fine. He sleeps over and we cuddle and do normal things together. He kisses me in public and is a really really great person. I am wondering if this is going to turn into a relationship because at the beginning when I asked him what happens if one of us catches feelings, he said we will talk about it when we get there. He messages me a few times a day and I really do enjoy talking to him and I feel safe around him. What should I do about this? I can see myself with him but I don’t want to scare him off and ruin a good connection.

i (22f) have pretty bad social anxiety but im also human and desiderate(?) for social interaction. i thought it'd be smart to try to make friends online to begin with before working up to making friends irl! (side note #1: im well aware of the differences between online friendships and those made in real life, im still working through my social anxiety though so please don't be too overcritical _;). anyways, i met this guy online (21m) and it felt cosmic (another side note: i keep my relationships online platonic... especially as a girl who grew up on the internet, im hyperconscious of making sure I set clear boundaries with ppl i meet online. particularly that of with men)... but with him, it was just.. different? honestly in my 10+ yrs talking to ppl online I never felt this deep, core feeling of needing a man this badly 💀.

this is the first time ive ever rly felt like this for any man tbh. life feels so much bigger knowing him... truly, I wake up hearing music in my head. the kind that plays in cheesy romcoms. the world is painted in ultraviolet. my bad days feel bearable. and I feel this glowing warmth in my chest, growing inside of me when I think of him. which, to be honest, I basically never stop thinking about him.

we both come from pretty broken childhoods, which I never felt compelled to share with anyone but he made me feel safe sharing with him? our views on most subjects align. we have good banter. he accepts me for who I am, my flaws included. and idk, he was just a really good friend throughout it all (especially in a time where I felt extremely lost and misguided). theres a lot more i can say about our relationship but idk if i can put it into words. but yeah, I really think I'm in love with this man, guys 😭

the only issue is: we pretty much live.... across the world from each other (I'm an American, he's from Turkey). I feel pretty willing to live in the country he is residing in but he thinks more realistically than I do 🥲 and says it'll be impossible.

he's a good guy. truly one of the best I've ever met. he has good morals and treats me with kindness and respect, always. he's funny. he's witty. he's smart. hardworking. lovely. good. caring. supportive. honest. patient. considerate. dependable. forgiving. unselfish... (the list goes on and on. you get the gist)

we actually tried cutting contact for a little but I was honestly inconsolable and practically begged to agree to at least stay friends (any way to have him in my life😭) which he agreed to because he's just that good of a guy.

but yeah. i still feel deeply in love with him. for anyone who's dealt with something similar, I'd like to hear your thoughts! thank you so much 💚

For clarity, I live on the west coast and recently moved into a new apartment. Therefore, I didn’t call the police because I didn’t want a scene. My name is the only one on the lease and she did not live with me.

Anyways, I broke up with her last week Saturday. She went home, started to cry (even threatened to harm herself) and got her parents involved and they called me wanting to understand what happened. I told them what happened and they admit that she was wrong but they’re telling me to give her one last chance. There’s a lot that I didn’t mention in the previous post but it has been 2.5 years of me putting up with her disrespect and nasty attitude. I blocked her on everything, but her parents are still trying to convince me to give a one last chance and that her behavior will change. I don’t believe her behavior will change with me and it won’t happen immediately. I really don’t see it that way. She is still calling me on random numbers and trying to talk to me. My head says that I’m making the right decision but it feels weird making that decision and her parents are trying to convince me otherwise. what do you think?

Tl;dr - I broke with my gf but her parents are trying to convince me to give her one last chance. What do you think?

My gf has a double standard. She wants me to accept her entirely as she is but judges me on certain things. So I am good looking and could be a player, but I am about having an emotional connection. I used to go to clubs and raves with friends and have done grinding but never hooked up with anyone. My gf used to think I was a player as a result. My gf is a bit bothered by that because that means I danced with other girls. She doesn’t club or dance. She is the 3rd woman I have slept with in my life.

We had talked about dating history and what we want out of the relationship. We also talked about how we view relationships and sex. We both agreed it’s an intimate activity and requires connection. We believe in monogamy. She has told me she absolutely requires an emotional connection and always has. My gf likes that I am not a player, she is the 3rd woman I’ve slept with. So I have experience but not a large amount. However, she has actually slept with more people than I have but is bothered by the fact I used to club/rave. That bothers me as she has actually slept with at least double the amount of guys, but I am being judge for dancing at clubs in the past.

Should I be bothered that her history actually shows she’s not consistent with her claim that she has always valued a connection? And, how should I deal with the way I am judge? I am upset that I actually do value an emotional connection and my history reflects that, but I am being judged for enjoying dancing and music. Her history indicates otherwise. She also tried to compare me dancing with other women in the past and the amount of people she’s slept with. Her experience actually involved getting intimate and much further than me. So why is okay for her to judge me when she went further? I feel that maybe she is dishonest with me on her character. I question if we really align

I think she is insecure by the fact I like dancing/clubbing/raving and she does not. Big crowds actually give her panic attacks. And, she may be worried that if I go to one without her, I will cheat.

As mentioned in the title we've been dating for 4 years and it's been a really amazing relationship the whole time. This entire time we've voice called pretty much every day and I've been to spend a month with about a year ago and we had really great chemistry in person too.

Lately though she doesn't want to spend any time together at all. She's said she's having mental health issues. Her mom died two years ago and she feels stuck working a dead end job. I thought we had a really good talk about it and she seemed to be in a better mood for a bit but it quickly went further downhill.

It's been about 2 weeks and we call maybe once every few days, I text her and she'll respond a day later and only send 3-4 texts back. The worst part is that we've been planning for about 6 months that I go see her again in the summer. She seemed really excited about it before but she's been dropping hints that she doesn't want me to go. She keeps reassuring me that what's going on has nothing to do with anything about me but I can't help but feel hurt.

In all the time I've known her I've never experienced her acting this way. She's also in the UK and I'm in the US so it really wasn't easy to get everything together for this trip. Worst yet, I can't even get a refund on the tickets I've already bought. Im just letting her have space right now but I've been feeling really hurt and just distressed in general. Is there anything I can do? Im really afraid this is signaling the end of our relationship and the worst part is that I really don't know what went wrong. Even a few weeks ago we were making plans of the different things we'd do while I was there.

Hello,

A few weeks ago, I found my partner had made a post about me on this subreddit. While I do not know their reddit account, I honestly know for a fact that post and account was theirs and obviously wasn't meant for me to be seen (i have blocked that account so they don't see this).

I do not quite understand why they did this given that they know that I am an avid reddit user and the post contained a lot of identifiers.

Regardless, I did read the post before they deleted it and it was, obviously, one of the most hurtful things I have ever read. In our relationship, my partner is the one who will never, ever, ever bring up an issue. in the 2 years we have been together, he has said there has never been an issue for him with me, that i am perfect, that this relationship is something he is really proud of (the reddit post he made contradicts this).

There have been numerous occasions where I have brought up if there is something on his mind, if there is something I can do and it always perfect, great etc. Whenever I bring up issues I experience with the relationship in terms of communication (sent me 5 - 10 texts a day "omg" "great" "okay" "fine" for 2 months, I got sick of it and said I need better communication, took it to heart saying they don't need to take shit from me, later apologised and said lack of communication affected them too. hadn't seen me for 4 months, when he came back to town he ignored my request to meet up for 2 weeks etc.).

The way my partner communicates is very strange (we are primarily ldr, same city but do not get to meet due to restrictions). They will be gone for 4-5 hours and when I ask him what he did he will give me a vague answer like I was taking a bath, I just finished talking to my friend. Obviously these things do not take this long but it's just how they communicate. Because of this, there were occasions where I would doubt my partner and obviously that would not feel nice (example, he didn't text me for a whole day saying he doesn't have access to his phone. he was however texting my friend for work related things). Obviously, I felt confused about this and do not like to think less of my partner so I brought this up to them and they clarified that they apparently were using a spare phone they have I didn't know about. I believe him about this but the way he represented this in the post was I told her I didn't have my phone but she didn't believe me, doesn't trust me and choose to track my activity which is certainly what didn;t happen because my friend was on call with me when she received his text and told me herself.

The post contained situations similar to this and a lot of other material that truly has happened, but not represented accurately or with any consideration to my side or explanations I have already given to them at all. That post and the comments under it triggered a depressive episode (Bipolar Disorder). The way I was phrased and represented led every single commenter to call me a narcissist, controlling, borderline abusive, emotional vampire, spineless, ambitionless and bitter and that the only solution is to break up with me. I will be honest, based on the way I was written about, anyone would think that. This obviously took a toll on me so I made a separate post representing exactly how it happened where my partner's behaviour was described akin to being emotionally unavailable (that's it).

I honestly do not know how to deal with this. They claim that we are perfect, reinforce it, say he is so proud of our relationship then posts something that makes me feel wow, you feel that pathetically about me yet you still choose to be with me and say these things. Obviously I feel conflicted and ironically, similar to the post about me, feel my trust in him wavering. Should I consider this a red flag or should I brush it off because he did end up deleting it (still hasn't deleted his comment).

The reason I feel so strongly is because this is the first time he has EVER said something remotely negative about the relationship. in 2 years.

TLDR: found a post about me my partner (who claims I am perfect and is proud of this relationship) made where every single argument we have experienced has been represented with complete unfairness to the real situation leading me to be called borderline abusive, controlling and an emotional vampire. this is the first time he has expressed anything negative about us and its been represented purposely to paint me as the villain. is this how he truly feels about me or is this just a rant he needed because it followed a major argument where he had to accept his behaviour was two months was wrong.

He frequently interrupts me, speaks over me, or totally ignores what I said, for example.

When he does it, I point it out calmly, and it just launches into an argument about definitions.

For example, I said something and he didn't acknowledge it in any way, and then changed the topic. I asked him why he ignored me. He then told me he didn't ignore me.

I felt like I was going crazy, so I looked up the definition of ignoring. He read it, and said his definition is different.

Then we spent an hour arguing over the definition of ignoring someone, with me getting increasingly desperate to get him to understand why i was overwhelmed with this becoming an argument instead of us solving the problem. However, he just argued with everything I said.

If he isn't arguing with what I said or claiming his definitions of things are just different, he sits there silently and says nothing, or starts playing with something, or just gets up and leaves.

Can we fix this somehow? I am 36 and want a family so my time to find a partner has run out. I don't want to start over. He wants to marry me.

Throwaway account as my husband follows my Reddit account..

I have very long hair and I’m getting over it. It’s very heavy. It gives me headaches when I wear it up. I have to wear it down for work and it’s in my way. I’ve had long hair my whole life and I really want to cut it off short and do something different.

Growing up i never had short hair..It’s really curly and it was easier to manage when it’s long. so I just kinda forgot about it but now I don’t want I so long..I also have friends who change there hair all the time and mines been the same I think it’ll be fun.. I don’t want to dye it or anything.

My husband loves my hair and I keep explaining to him that it will still be long (I want to cut it to my boobs) and he got so mad.

He said i would look ugly and it’ll make me look old. He doesn’t want a wife with “mom cut”. He said he only likes women with long hair.

I’m tempted to just go behind his back and get it cut after it all it’s my hair right???

Sorry for this stupid post I’m just getting so frustrated arguing about MY HAIR it’s making me crazy he’s so obsessed with me not getting a haircut

Edit to add: we live in Florida so it’s not a culture issue.