Need help with your relationship?

My girlfriend is very nerdy and geeky, I love her, but I think she's addicted to pornography because she gave me very suggestive hints. She told me that in the past she was addicted as a teenager, which is okay, I was addicted too, but it wasn't anything bizarre. In her case, she likes a lot of strange things, she watches normal porn but she especially has a thing for hentai, and wants to have sex with me while watching it and sometimes replicates extremely bizarre things she sees in it with me, like peeing, imitating the girls' lines and being fucked, making those silly expressions, it's really embarrassing, I don't know what to do to change her... I knew that excessive pornography burned the male brain, but I didn't know it did that to women too

Hello. My husband recently lost his job which he held for 27 years. This was roughly three months ago. The Monday after the weekend we got married. Since that has happened he has done absolutely nothing. He’s applied for unemployment and we are currently filing a suit against his former company but this whole situation has made me realize how truly, pathetically lazy he is as a person. He cooks and leaves grease all over everything, his room stinks, his bathroom is disgusting and he just sits and does nothing.

I - who already work 50+ hours per week and take care of my elderly mother - can’t take this shit anymore. I’m exhausted. I’m OCD about my home being clean and he just exacerbates the issue.

Additionally he sleeps all of the time. When he’s not sleeping he’s yawning - loudly. His mood when he is awake is dark and gloomy so I am fine with him being passed out after sneaky drinking all day long today.

I’ve gotten to the point where I hate MY life. I feel angry all of the time and I really think I might hate him deep down.

Is it time to move on?

I have never stayed when I was not wanted but I swear I know he loves me. It hurts for me to see him agitated and i can't really do anything immediately to resolve it. I have a healing love complex lol but I'm also in a season of healing myself. I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to other people but I also can't see how he can lead a relationship and not be solid.

At this point, I told him ain't no breaking up and I don't care what he says we still together. That just sounds cray when I typed it

I have never stayed when I was not wanted but I swear I know he loves me. It hurts for me to see him agitated and i can't really do anything immediately to resolve it. I have a healing love complex lol but I'm also in a season of healing myself. I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to other people but I also can't see how he can lead a relationship and not be solid.

At this point, I told him ain't no breaking up and I don't care what he says we still together. That just sounds cray when I typed it

For context, we been dating for almost a year now and so far, we’re compatible in a lot of things and things were going fine until I told him that I would really like to call him ‘daddy’ from time to time while we’re having sex and he said that was weird and I should go to a psychologist to treat my issues and that he is not Freud. I felt ashamed for my kink and now I don’t know how to move on from this! I mean from the topic and the feeling, I don’t want to move on from the relationship. Any advices?

I've done some awful things to my wife in the past, and I'm not proud of it, among them not listening when she had grievances, not comforting her when she was in the middle of a depressive episode, among other things I won't get into here. In the aftermath she says "From now on I'll do the same thing to you so you know how it feels", and later when I'll need comfort or a listening ear she says "It's because you're ____" or "That's what you get for ____". And when I say it's not helping she simply says I shouldn't have done it to her, or that it hurts because it's the truth and I don't want to accept it. What do you think is an appropriate response to someone you love hurting you? I totally recognize we've both been a-holes to each other and we're both at fault, but what would you do? We both want to improve and we're seeing a therapist both individually and as a couple

On and off throughout our relationship I have found intimate conversations with other men some including nude and plans to meet up. She swore she never met them in person. We would reconcile and things would be good for a while until something similar would come up again. She always swore she never met with anyone in person.

Recently she slipped up in conversation and said that some of her friends bailed on hanging out so it was just her and another guy that we had recently met. Their conversation through text was deleted but over 1500 messages in less than 3 weeks had been exchanged. There were nudes in her recently deleted that I didn't receive. She swears nothing happened but there is 4 hours of unaccounted time that I have no clue what actually happened.

After pressuring her for details about all incidents she admitted to actually meet her ex at our apartment while I was not home. Swears it was just a conversation and no physical contact.

Old conversations with other men show she has made plans too hookup during our relationship. Once again she says she never followed through.

I don't know what to believe anymore because the more I pressure the more information comes out. She is bipolar and says she straight up doesn't remember a lot of those conversations because of it. She gets mad because I've went through her phone to find the evidence and has shifted the blame on me for not supporting her enough at home. The lack of support has been caused by depression exasperated by my partner lying to me repeatedly and feeling like I am in a relationship with someone who does not respect me enough to be honest when given the chance and knowing she was going behind my back to ex's and other men for validation and possibly more

I realized I said a lot but I really wanted to explain everything in detail so it makes sense from both perspectives. Thank you everyone for the advice and taking the time to help. It means a lot to me :)

I have a HUGE crush on a girl who I went to elementary school with. We didnt go to school together afterwards but its been about ten years since I haven’t seen her until the first day of September (a month ago). We are both 20, and I really wanted to find her again and talk to her. Back in elementary I did found out where she lived which is literally 2 minutes away from my house. (I had seen her going into her apartment and waved hi) I didnt know if she still lived there all this time but I didnt want to go and see but just to find her insta. I had found her instagram and after a couple months I messaged her. (After having the confidence to dm her) This is one of the important parts to my story. While im messaging her and when I was trying to find her Instagram, i had also found a few other classmates as well, including a girl who I found out on my own that shes friends with my crush. Now I will say I have zero interest in her, and I had never followed her on insta, but since her insta was public for everyone to see and my crush’s insta is private, I would look at her friends story and see if my crush was hanging out with her or just to see her from someone elses story and what kind of person she is. Because that friend would post pics of her and my crush all the time. Idk if that makes sense but all im saying is that I was curious and wanted to investigate. After all I had a crush on her ten years ago so I wanted to know who she was.

So I messaged her and everything went super well. We had really good conversations and I could tell she was really interested in me. We would talk for hours and I really began to like her personality and we got to know each other. I had asked her if we could go for some coffee after speaking with each other for about two weeks and she agreed to it. So I had picked her up in the morning we had a good time at a restaurant. Later that night I asked if she was down to go to the ferris wheel in one city because she mentioned it. She agreed to go and we set the day three days from then.

The next day. Now it gets bad. My friends and I went to the same restaurant the next day and I messaged her saying im back at the restaurant. She then said oh I found out that my friend ( the one who I had been looking at her stories) grandmas friend owns that restaurant. She had mentioned her friends name to me as if I knew her so I thought it to be weird. But I had said I dont think I know (her name) . She said yes you do! We went to elementary together. About 15 minutes later i saw her friend posted her story and I went and checked it. An hour later my crush sent me screenshots of me viewing her friends story saying “thought you didn’t know her” now I dont know if that was lying or just a misunderstanding, but when I said I dont know her, i mean like, i dont talk to her, or know where she lives lol or anything about her other than the fact that she is friends with my crush and thats it. But she then said “ this early on and theres lies”, and that hurt a lot because now I broke trust. I asked if she can call me to talk about it and she called. At this point, i didnt know what to do. I wanted to clarify and fix it but I was so caught up in my emotions, that I ended up saying dumb things that probably didnt make sense. She told me in the call that she doesnt want to feel like she got to keep her head on a swivel, and I could really tell she lost trust in me. Then she said something that I could never forget. She told me in the call that she learned a lot about me just now. That really cut me. And im really sad to say, I probably sounded angry, and it felt like an argument :’(. Looking back I hate myself for how I acted and handled it, but thats what happened. She said at the end “how about no for the ferris wheel” which was what we planned three days later. We ended the call but five minutes later I called back apologizing. I didnt think I was sincere. But she said im going to take a step back. Later that evening I messaged her saying lets talk about it because I cant let this day go without making it up. And she said i think its best if we not because you were adamant about your stance and thats fine. She also said we dont have to come to an agreement. I responded by saying I have to get your trust back because you have a good reason say I lied.

The day before the canceled plans for another date, I asked a friend who is much older than me, what to do to gain someones trust back. I ended up telling him everything and he said “if she said she wants to take a step back, that means she isnt interested in you and she never was. He told me she probably had someone else and other bs that I started to believe because i trusted him. But the thing is , he doesnt know her, only I do. But I believed him. Another big mistake. After my conversation with my supposed friend, i called her to ask if we were cool. But again, my emotions and how I was feeling got to me, I couldnt think straight and I ended up just talking bs to her and probably not making sense to her. But I asked if we were cool and she said yes we are cool, and that she had already forgotten about what happened but i didnt think she did. So we ended the call and that was the last time I spoke to her. My supposed friend told me to unfollower her, deleted messages and everything. And to ignore her. What kind of toxic shady advice is that. But I believed in what he said and caved into my insecurities that maybe she did find someone else or she didnt actually like me. All I did was unfollow her. BAD IDEA OFC. A day later, she unfollows me. I was devastated by what ive done. Everything ive done, without even daring to not even in a million years would I ever want to, yet I involuntarily pushed her and scared her away by my actions. The very girl I want to be in a relationship with. My stupidity. I tried calling and of course, no answer, texted her, left on delivered. That was the end of it. I pretty much fxked it all up. Lost her trust, and showed her how much of a fool I am and I cant handle situations. But, although I dont want to make an excuse, in my defence, I was going through a lot at the time. My mom had some health problems and needed surgery, and my friend who passed away, his son who I was close with was in the hospital for cancer and passed away the week my crush and I had the situation happen. So I had a lot going on emotionally and I think that had something to do with how I handled it. But its been a month since we talked, and I want to find a way to get back to how it was. And for her to trust me again. If I could express how I feel and apologize sincerely and say sorry for how I treated her and how I made her feel. if only I can have the chance to, I would absolutely. I thought of a letter, but I need help. Any suggestions, thank you to all who read my long story haha. i needed to express it. But anyway thanks for the advice. :)

My (f22) and my bf (m23) have been together for over a year. His past relationship was with a girl who was in a toxic household, where there was verbal and mental abuse, and she was in a terrible mental health stage in her life (su*cidal and self-h*rmed). Their relationship was very toxic and constantly on and off again, manipulation, lies, and fights, she would use her situation to her defense which my boyfriend said made him feel guilty and feel obligated to stay in the relationship which he thought he could make better. They ended it a year before he and I started talking.

Four months into our relationship, in December, she messaged him begging him to answer because she was struggling with her mental health and was having episodes that “only he could help her with.” He told this wasn't the first time she used her mental health as an effort to get his attention to talk to her before (threatening to comm*it) .I was with him the whole time. In this text message, she also claimed to know that he was dating again and knew who I was. What was weird about this is that we did not put anything about each other on our social media, we are very private people, only our families and very close friends knew. Our socials are private and she is blocked. She claimed she knew me because of her friend that I once knew years ago but do not currently talk to.

A couple of weeks ago, the friend contacted saying that my bf's ex had told her that she (the ex) contacted him in December (the messages we saw!!) and they met up. My estranged friend told me that she doesn’t know what actually happened, and then proceeded to tell my other very close friends that my boyfriend had cheated on me. The thing is, she just texted me that, no follow-up, no how are you doing just, “Hey your bf is cheating by the way". I feel so paranoid that my boyfriend’s ex has realized she can't ruin his life so she is now trying to hurt me. I don't want her to bring this situation to even more friends or my family, if she wanted to she could easily get all of my information. My bf is trying to calm me down by saying that she is a coward and wouldn’t actually do anything, as well as a liar (which I already know). I hope that all this happened because she was bragging to my ex-friend and got too far with it and didn’t expect my estranged friend to contact me. Has anyone had an experience like this before? What did you do? I'm honestly considering looking into getting a background check just in case. My bf and I have been talking about it and so far we want to keep quiet and on the down low in case she feels like doing something again. 

Before I begin, yes I’m in therapy for this and no it is not helping me find a solution. Anyways. I grew up in a chaotic household so I’m very well aware that feeling peace may seem boring to someone with my brain. But idk if I’m self sabotaging or just growing in a different direction than my bf.

When I met my bf, I was really fucked up and young. He was the first man ever in my life to look at me like I was a person and not someone to take advantage of. He is the absolute best and loves me with all his heart and soul. For 5 years I was pretty complacent with him. What I mean by that is I wasn’t growing at all, I was the same person for almost 5 years with him because it was just routine and comfortable. But recently, on 6th year together, I’ve been changing and evolving to a better version of myself that I’m starting to love. I no longer resonate with the person I used to be. I’m growing out of my introverted and depressed stage and I’m becoming so much more social and happier. I can talk to people with no problems, I actually want to socialize, go places, do things, meet new people, experience new things. This was never me before. I’ve always been a very homebody, “I hate the world”, stay in the comfort zone, type of person. Not anymore though.

But since I’ve changed, I’m starting to not feel the same for my bf and it’s been crushing my heart. My therapist asked me what I loved about him and I was having troubles. I didn’t want to say that he’s sweet and kind because those are things that serve me. So I was trying to figure out what I loved about HIM. She rephrased and asked me what I used to love about him. And that was easier to answer. I used to love that he was introverted like me. He was a homebody like me. He hated parties like me. He was shy and quiet like me. He had no need to do things and lazy days were fulfilling. He was too anxious to try new things like me. We had each other and that was enough. But now I don’t resonate with that.

I don’t like that he’s too shy to have conversations with people. I don’t like that he doesn’t want to do things with me because his anxiety thinks people are judging him and he would rather stay home where no one can perceive him. I don’t like that he isn’t spontaneous enough. I don’t like that he’s too anxious to try new things. I don’t like that I always have to be the one to start and keep a conversation going with him because if I don’t he just won’t talk. I don’t like that when it’s us two alone he doesn’t want to do silly things together. I want to dance with him (I love to dance but he’s always too self conscious to dance). I want to paint with him but he’s not good at painting so he won’t do it with me. I want to cosplay together but he cares too much about what people think so he doesn’t want to do it. He won’t even do matching Halloween costumes with me because it’s too embarrassing for him. I know those are the little things but they are starting to add up. I love him to death but I feel as if I’m just not growing with him and it’s heart breaking.

I truly hate myself right now because I feel like anything he does will never be enough for me and he doesn’t deserve that. He’s still such a sweet boy despite me not resonating with the person he is. I don’t want to change him because that’s who he is and always has been. It would be wrong to want to change him, so my option is to accept him and love him for who he is. But it’s becoming really hard to do that. The guilt I have for feeling this has been awful. I’ve been telling myself that the grass isn’t greener on the other side and that the grass is greener where I water it but nothing seems to help me get the romantic feeling back for him and I’m at a total loss at what to do. I want someone to match my spontaneous ways and he doesn’t fulfill that but I don’t think it’s fair to throw him away like nothing just because I’m growing in a different direction… but also I feel it’s unfair to keep him around if I am growing in a different direction and feeling out of love for him. I can’t tell if I’m self sabotaging something great just because I’m mentally better or if I’m genuinely falling out of love for him and I should let him go find someone who is more perfect for him. I’m just so lost and I have no idea what to do.

TLDR: I’m outgrowing my boyfriend of 6 years and everything I used to love about him, I now don’t like.

I looked at my wife’s insta DMs the other day while she was in the shower. We have been together 16 years now, but we are currently having a break and living separately. I seen on her DM that she was talking to an old friend of mine whom she previously stated she had a crush on years ago. I asked her today if she had heard from him lately and she said no. I couldnt say i knew that she was lying as it would highlight the thing i done that was also wrong of me to do. (Looking at her phone) i dont know why she would lie and it upsets me. The messages did not contain sexual content, but some banter between them. She knows that he would go with her in a heart beat if she ever asked him as friends of hers told her that he always wanted to sleep with her. I dont know if i should be worried. Is there a chance she is cheating?

So l've been out with this women F20 a few times. And I'm (M20) really liking her, we have a lot in common. We have fun, we both want to take things slow, we have started making out and going down that road but we don't have interest in sex like it's not like that. She's like me, she's driven, she's intelligent and cute, and compared to all of my past relationships it seems like this one could be quite healthy (: The only red flags l've noticed up to this point (two weeks in) is that she isn't connected with her parents. And she like grew up in a decently wealthy family and I had to do some things I regret to make money for my family and I feel judged for that sometimes. But we are good at communicating and talking through things when they arise. I've slept with her twice, but we've done nothing but talk about things we want and don't want and what is and isn't working in the almost relationship, nothing sexual. Until recently when I let her see my "downstairs". Y'all can just say "penis" in the comments I don't know what Reddit allows. And she was like all happy and excited not just about the size like l'm around 6 which is apparently perfect but that's besides the point. Right after she started telling me about her ex ana how he wasn't long it was just so girthy that it was nainful and che told ma cha hanac it didn't destroy her so much that it doesn't feel good for me and like told her "I don't want to hear this" and she said sorry and stopped. But later she talked about how her boobs move a lot but it has only happened with "dick" her words not mine. And like whenever I jokingly say the word "girth" she always brings up her exes dick and like compares mine to everyone else's. And it's always like a good thing like "it's better than this guys because..." like is this normal??

Like I neverrr bring that up ever, she doesn't even know the names of my exes but she only unfollowed one of hers yesterday with me on a FaceTime call with her "girlfriends". She doesn't want me to grow my hair to too because then I'll look like her ex.

This girl is one of my suitmates best mates also, and if I were to not be with her then it would be a huge thing. I don't know what to say to him (M21) and I don't know what to say to her. And for clarification, this women ended her relationship with this terrible guy of 3 years like 5 months ago. And I ended my 2 year relationship 9 months ago and I'm over it but 3 years is like a long time? I think I need to go on more dates and get to know her but I really need advice here. I don't know what healthy relationships are like and mby this is normal?

we have been best friends for about 3 years and have know eachother for 5. and when i mean best friends i mean there is never an awkward moment and we act like siblings. in fact, we often act like sibling go to the club just to pick up men/women. i have never ever felt any romantic feelings towards him until past summer, i noticed i was starting to get jealous of little things and developed a little crush on him and i figured when i go back to college it will fizzle out (it did not fizzle out).

edit: side note when we first started becoming friends he tried to make a move on me and i rejected him, he also made a comment to my friend a few months ago about how he thought i was so cute when we first met

anyways, i got wasted the night before thanksgiving and couldnt help myself, i was all over him, hugging him, grabbing him, even fell asleep on top of him. our friends started to say things like "friends to lovers" and recently, theyve been suspecting that we're dating. (he usually clap back with some snarky comment but he never did)

i am usually touchy with him, but this was an extreme and i was trying to give him the hint but i guess he just assumed i was being a drunk.

now this is where i fuck up, yesterday i got drunk (again with friends) and he was completely sobdr. i ended up making a fool out of myself. begging him to sleepover. crying because his dumbass put the notebook. and confessed to everyone how i felt about him (which didnt surprise them because i cuddled him by putting my head on a pillow nestled up against him)

he moved away from me and then when i put my head up he came back.

i know im overanalyzing this. i just cant help it, i dont want to lose him hes one of the greatest people to ever walk into my life and i dont want to ever make things awkward. i just wish i knew how he felt. has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Hi Reddit! Would like some advice regarding if I (25F) should take my partner (25M) back. We have been dating for 1 year and I decided to ask for a break last month. I made my intentions clear that I was looking for someone career-oriented, family oriented with a welcoming family, someone who likes to plan and be chivalrous. I’ve come to realize since the spring that I was mislead, in the majority of aspects. I have had to push my partner to pick up extra shifts, I’ve had to plan our dates, I even bought our anniversary tickets. Regarding family, my mother has done everything in her power to make him feel like a son, she bought him a birthday cake and brought it over, would invite him to family events, etc. my relationship with his family is a “hi and bye” even after a year despite telling him several times that I’d love a closer relationship. Nobody texts or asks how work is or how my family is doing, we don’t spend quality time, nobody really spoke to me during holiday gatherings last season. I’ve had to ask to go on dates, I’ve spent 2k on groceries and bought stuff for his place, and planned every vacation. Now that I say I want a break, he decides to buy tickets to a sporting event and swears to be more romantic. He even sent a screenshot of a convo with family and promises that they’ll make a greater effort. I don’t want to adjust my standards, but I’m unsure that if things change if they’ll be temporary. Would love advice, and to hear what you would do if you were in my position. Thank you :)

So to start off, I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we've been living together for 7 months now. This relationship has felt like a dream. I love him more than anything and I thought he felt the same way about me. Like 2 months ago I saw he got a notification on his ipad for a new match on DateFit. I didn't want to jump to conclusions so I did my research and found out he had downloaded the app back in 2020 via his apple settings. I then went through his phone and saw he didn't have the app so I figured it was an old account he forgot to delete. Well today while he was at work I was downloading Rosetta stone on his Ipad so he can learn my native tongue (He knew I would be doing this). Well as I'm on his Ipad he gets a notification from imessage and my finger accidentally pressed it, it was one of his coworkers so it didn't matter before getting out of the app I noticed "Your TINDER code is....." This was a text he got yesterday at work. I immediately jumped to the conclusion that maybe one of his friends asked to use his phone number for a tinder account. Well unfortunately for him I'm not naive. I downloaded tinder on my phone and since his phone number and email are linked to his ipad it was too easy getting in. Off the bat I noticed the account was paused but since he got the text yesterday I went to his messages on tinder. Well well well, his last matches was were from June. This really hurt to look at. I went ahead and opened the messages and he had lots of matches but had not communicated with any of them. The last person he spoke to were from a week or two before we made things official. So did he cheat on me? Why is he matching with people just to not talk to anyone? But my most important question is, how do I confront him about this without making it seem like I invaded his personal property? I'm hurt but he technically hasn't "cheated on me". But this is still something I can't just let go.

I 35F and my bf 42M have been in our relationship a little under a year. I fractured my back a couple years ago and have had serious back problems since. At the time I gained a lot of weight. Way more than ever. Since then I've lost a lot. I'm still overweight though. 5'2" and 160lbs. I struggle with mental health issues and addiction. My boyfriend has tried to be supportive in his own way but I still feel undervalued in our relationship. He says he has to force himself to have sex with me that it's hard for him because of my weight. We don't have sex often at all. I feel awful now after being told he pity f*€ks me. I've never really had issues with men wanting me before. I told him I've always been curvy. I worry that it won't be good enough to lose the extra weight and get back down to a usual ~135lbs again. I've never been a skinny girl with a slim body. I feel like a whale and his criticism (which he calls accountability) just makes me feel like I'm not enough. I have been making an effort to go to the gym and move my body more but admittedly I don't go and sweat my butt off. I don't know how to give him what he wants while feeling so bad about myself. And then when I do change I don't know how it will be worth it. The sacrifices he expects me to make for what? I do value him and want our relationship but I can't tell if he actually values me back. He says he's still with me but there's always a looming threat of leaving if I don't make great strides to change. He is the love of my life and I am happy with him. Losing the access weight would help my back as well. How do I move past my insecurities and feel motivated to do the work of this? I feel like I’m under a lot of pressure and judgment.

I ‘22f’ and boyfriend ‘24m’ have been dating for 5 months now but have known each other for a couple of years prior to dating and we’re long distance right now. I recently went out with some friends and they asked me about my bf and what’s he up too, etc. I told them I didn’t know where he was and they just asked “You don’t have his location?” I told them no (I don’t think I need it) and they gave me a weird face about it. Now I want to ask, when is the appropriate time to start sharing your location with a partner? Is it necessary to do so?

Tl;dr: do you share locations with partner and when is the right time to do that?

As per the title, I (m19) have a friend (f18) and we've known each other for a few years. We don't see each other much in person but we message almost each day.

We recently confessed our feelings (it was mutual) but decided to keep things as friends (for a few reasons, namely she is still friends with her ex)

Thinking logically, I don't think any relationship would work out in the long term, we lack like common interests and most of our conversations are just surface stuff. Like I think we'd struggle to connect and spend quality time in a proper relationship.

How am I supposed to process and move on from this whilst still somewhat being friends with her? Every time I try to distance myself, I catch myself being drawn back in, even though I know it wouldn't work out in the long term. I just really want to move on but suck at doing so.

TLDR: need advice on how to move on whilst still being friends

I F19 met a guy M19 on October 21nd after talking on Hinge for a month and I fell in love. I genuinely can’t get enough of him, I feel so sad whenever I don’t see him, but I don’t know if he feels it back and I think it’ll break me if he doesn’t.

I met him and went on two dates which he organised (important for later), then following that I went round his twice and slept round and hooked up, the first time being on the 2nd date. Whenever I go round his I end up sleeping round (4 times so far), but he’s giving mixed signals. Whenever I sleep over we end up cuddling and hugging and stroking each other’s hands and it’s overall just really sweet.

His grandma died the day after our first date and he ended up going home (3 hours away) to the funeral at the beginning of November. He was away for a week then when back, I didn’t want to invite myself over like the previous 2 times so waited for him to suggest something. Since then I’ve seen him once, however he doesn’t ask me to come round or asks to come to mine or to do anything. I thought it was the end of everything, but when I asked if I could come round after he was back (November 26th, 3 weeks after seeing him last), everything was normal, except we didn’t hook up and he didn’t kiss me like every time before, but I don’t know if this is casual as I’ve never been in a relationship or talking stage before? This should be a massive sign to say he doesn’t like me but whilst we were sleeping we were close together and he had his arm round me, and was moving the blankets so we were closer, so it’s just giving completely mixed signals. I thought everything was normal but he’s usually a horrible texter, so the next morning it went back to the anxious feeling that he doesn’t like me as his texts are more like just replies rather than conversations. When I first saw him after he was back it was a slow start to get comfortable again, however I held his hand to look at his nails and whilst he was sat next to me when we were watching a film I kept moving my arms and legs so they’d be close to and slightly touching him, which seems like he got the hint because he reciprocated this then put his arm around me.

I’ve messaged him twice asking if he still likes me still and letting him know that it’s okay if not but I’d prefer him to tell me, both to which he said yes. On Tuesday 3rd we’re meeting up in a public place (mutual ground) and talking as I want to ask him if things are mutual and try figure out the answers to why he never wants to do things etc, but is this the right idea? I’ve only been seeing him in person for 41 days so is this too rushed?

Extra: He told his mum about our first 2 dates and has had me pinned on Snapchat since we started talking (unsure if he pins me just when I come round but he said he always has it) and he deleted Snapchat plus because I mentioned I love half swiping people.

Throwaway account.

My fiancé [F36] and I [F32] recently got engaged after dating for a little over 2 years. Up until the proposal I was completely on board with marriage. We'd talked about it, I knew it was coming, we'd had plenty of discussions about having a future together, so when she popped the question, I said yes.

Since that day, I've been riddled with anxiety. I'm filled with all these new thoughts about whether or not we really work well together, whether we're compatible in a way that we can have a successful life-long marriage, and I just don't know what to do. I NEVER had these thoughts before she proposed and now I can't get them out of my head. At the same time, I can't tell if my doubts are rational or if I'm self-sabotaging or having normal pre-marriage jitters. Before I get into it, we are planning to do premarital counseling and I'm strongly considering doing some solo sessions as well, but I'm hoping to get some preliminary advice or get some first-hand experiences from Redditors on whether these differences between us are normal and workable in a marriage or if we're setting ourselves up for failure.

1. Our lifestyles are a bit different. I am a very clean eater, she is much more lax with her eating habits and would eat pretty unhealthily if I didn't cook healthy meals for us. I don't drink much and she likes to drink, usually socially, but sometimes alone here and there throughout the week. I worry about the long-term effects her habits will have on her health and what kind of example would be set for any future kids we have (to be clear, I don't think she has a drinking problem, like she doesn't get DRUNK, just buzzed. But definitely an unhealthy level of drinking takes place throughout the week). I want a partner that stays active with me even later in life, though for her this isn't as big of a priority. I like to have no-screen times, especially when eating or first thing in the morning and would prefer doing non-screen-focused things when we have time to relax at night a couple times a week. She likes being on her phone throughout the day while she's eating, first thing in the morning before getting out of bed, any free time she has, and when she's relaxing at night. Even when we’re at a family gathering or something, she’ll be scrolling through TikTok on her phone, it drives me nuts 😅

2. Our partnership doesn't feel balanced. I do a lot for my fiance in terms of doing acts of kindness for her here and there throughout the week. I like getting her little gifts, doing projects around the house that she'll appreciate, taking care of some of her tasks for her when I know she's having a busy day, etc. I also do all of our cooking, laundry, and the majority of our cleaning. On special occasions I do a lot of planning ahead to make the day special and enjoyable for her. I LOVE surprising her with nice gestures and seeing her face light up, and it's a win-win because it makes me happy to make her happy. Doing this kind of stuff for me (or others in general), however, isn't really her thing. She operates in a way that, now that I'm having all these thoughts, feels self-centered. She never offers to help me make dinner, she sits on the couch on her phone waiting for me to tell her it's ready (I've told her I'd appreciate if she offered to help every now and then). She doesn't take initiative to dust or sweep around the house since she feels I'm the one that prefers a higher standard of clean, so it shouldn't be on her to keep it that way. (Like, she genuinely doesn’t find the house to be dirty, so it doesnt cross her mind to clean it. I’m talkin dust bunnies under the coffee table, little dirts and leaves tracked in from outside, a thin layer of dust on the tv cabinet, etc. nothing crazy, and to some this isn’t dirty, but to me it’s something that should be cleaned up.) She rarely, if ever, does anything extra to make me feel appreciated throughout the week outside of hugs, kisses, and cuddles. Of course I appreciate those things dearly, but I also feel like she's doing those things because, in that moment, SHE wants hugs and kisses. She says "I love you" often, but, to me, her actions don't make me feel like she genuinely thinks about my happiness like I think about hers. ie love as a feeling vs love as an action. I feel like she operates in "ME"-mode, whereas I operate in "WE"-mode.

We've had some heart-to-hearts about this, mainly about the domestic chores and wishing she'd help out more around the house. Things get better for a short while, but never last.

Outside of these issues, we get along well. She makes me laugh, she gets along with my family, and we’re both completely comfortable around each other. Before the proposal, I was excited to share a life with my best friend, but now that I’m in it, it’s like my brain is listing out reasons to run away.

Has anyone else experienced this with their partner? Are these things that can be worked through? I overthink EVERYTHING, I’m terrified calling off the wedding over something that shouldn’t be a big deal in actuality.

I 39F, have been married to my husband 38M for 11 years. Going on 19 years as a couple.

Last night laying in bed, husband was scrolling on instagram. I was just laying there next to him, waiting for him to put his phone down to snuggle. He possibly thought I was asleep.

Mostly sports on his feed as he scrolled. Standard. I wasnt snooping, just literally laying there with him. I would never hide my phone away from him because I have nothing to hide. Next post comes up, a girl in her gym gear. He stops. Swipes across to the second image, looks my way to see if I'm awake. He must have thought I was asleep and then slightly turns his phone and zooms in on her chest.

I'm totally fine with him checking other people out. We've been togethether almost 20 years, totally natural to appreciate another good looking person but come on. Right next to me, laying in our bed.

Now, this is my biggest issue. Me being me, I address it instantly. "Why did you just turn your phone away from me?" His response.... "I didnt".

I said "you definitely did, because you zoomed in on the girl right in front of me and obviously didn't want me to see. That didnt feel great."

And his response is "I'm not hiding anything from you, don't say I do that. You're angry at me zooming in her and nothing else." Not true, the turning away and knowing it was wrong to do in front of me hurts just as much as the zooming on the girl.

He then proceeds to turn it against me "this is why I dont engage and go on social media because now I'm in trouble".

I said "I just wanted to point out that it hurt and I felt a bit disrespected 1. That you brush me off when I saw it and 2. You're laying next to me zooming in on other girls bodies. Surely if you saw me do this it would hurt you?"

His response "well I dont know what you look at on your phone".

I feel like he is putting it all back on me.

I slept on the couch. He didn't even care I was upset.

Almost 20 years together, 11 married and 3 kids. I thought we were just in the thick of young kids, but this just makes me feel like there is no point anymore. Our intimacy could be better, but this just makes me feel even worse about even wanting to be intimate.

I feel like he completely gaslit me and turned it back on to me.

Don't even know what I'm expecting from posting this. Feeling so alone right now. This is a long line of small things that have added up to me feeling this way, but am I over reacting? How can express this to him to move forward?

Long story short we’ve been dating for two years and the first month we started dating in (December 2022) he was having a sexual relationship with a girl for a few weeks. I found out and I stayed with him because I was so in love with him. A month later i got SAed while being unconsciously intoxicated and he broke up with me for 3 weeks. We got back together and there hasn’t really been any issue since. he’s definitely changed and we’ve had a healthy relationship with arguments here and there. I saw a TikTok talking about looking in their boyfriend’s links on their Instagram account. so I did and I scrolled and found he was looking at a girls VSCO and another girls OF. he clicked these links November 15 after I saw that I didn’t scroll more, but I’m sure there was probably more. The VSCO account he clicked he didn’t follow them, but they followed my BF. he had clicked it two different times in the same day and then clicked the OF account three different times. I left his house. I just really don’t know what to do. We’ve been together for two years and it’s hard to choose. I really just need advice on how to handle this.

we have been best friends for about 3 years and have know eachother for 5. and when i mean best friends i mean there is never an awkward moment and we act like siblings. in fact, we often act like sibling go to the club just to pick up men/women. i have never ever felt any romantic feelings towards him until past summer, i noticed i was starting to get jealous of little things and developed a little crush on him and i figured when i go back to college it will fizzle out (it did not fizzle out).

edit: side note when we first started becoming friends he tried to make a move on me and i rejected him, he also made a comment to my friend a few months ago about how he thought i was so cute when we first met

anyways, i got wasted the night before thanksgiving and couldnt help myself, i was all over him, hugging him, grabbing him, even fell asleep on top of him. our friends started to say things like "friends to lovers" and recently, theyve been suspecting that we're dating. (he usually clap back with some snarky comment but he never did)

i am usually touchy with him, but this was an extreme and i was trying to give him the hint but i guess he just assumed i was being a drunk.

now this is where i fuck up, yesterday i got drunk (again with friends) and he was completely sobdr. i ended up making a fool out of myself. begging him to sleepover. crying because his dumbass put the notebook. and confessed to everyone how i felt about him (which didnt surprise them because i cuddled him by putting my head on a pillow nestled up against him)

he moved away from me and then when i put my head up he came back.

i know im overanalyzing this. i just cant help it, i dont want to lose him hes one of the greatest people to ever walk into my life and i dont want to ever make things awkward. i just wish i knew how he felt. has anyone else been in a similar situation?

I’m really confused about my relationship and not sure if what I’m experiencing is normal or something more serious. It feels like whenever we disagree, my partner doesn’t want to find a solution. Instead, he talks over me, goes in circles, or deflects for several minutes. to the point where hes talking to himself -If I try to bring up a concern, he blows up or gets defensive, talking about random things, and won’t let me speak and tells me to stfu. it can be something so simple, turnt into something else--Sometimes he says really hurtful things, bringing up my past traumas or things I’m insecure about. He constantly accuses me of being with other men or talking to other men, and even says things like I have "evil spirits" or that if he dies it’s my fault because I "stressed him out."

As a new mom, I feel unsupported. If I ever get invited out, he calls me selfish or says I don’t care about our baby or says my priorities are messed up , simply because my friends are caring about my mental health and invite me out sometimes. He even criticizes everything I do with the baby, blaming me for things like diaper rash, even though I’m still learning and have no help at home. When I went out once, he said it was fine, but when I checked in to see how the baby was, he purposely didn’t answer my calls and made me feel guilty when I came back by saying he didnt answer because i "care about my friends more... *this was my first time out since giving birth!!!*. Now, if i get invited out, he says he will NOT "babysit", to make it where I cannot go out-- but he can do whatever he wants.

I’ve asked him many times to stop yelling at me when he’s upset, but it still happens. I’m already struggling with postpartum depression, so it’s overwhelming, and when I cry, he says I’m manipulating him and doesn’t comfort me. He just gives me a cold look. If I bring up any concern, I just know he’s going to throw a fit, and nothing gets resolved. He’ll even say he’ll "ruin my day" if I bring something up he doesn’t like.

There are also things that bother me, like him following his ex on social media, liking her posts, and talking to other women ab our relationship- I’ve let it go, but if the roles were reversed, I don’t think he’d be so understanding. It feels like he doesn’t want to hear my side and always wants things to fit his narrative. I’m just feeling really drained and defeated after almost two years together.

My husband wants sex constantly

So I’m(23) in my early first trimester and am already so exhausted and sick constantly. I already had a few chronic health conditions which are being exacerbated by pregnancy which isn’t helping. My husband(24) and I used to have sex multiple times a day basically every day especially while we were trying. Now unfortunately I’m so exhausted all the time, I barely get out of bed and can’t stop throwing up until like 2pm, plus he smokes and cigarette smell on his clothes and body makes the nausea even worse. So my sex drive has diminished, I’m still trying to initiate whenever I feel better or like after he’s had a shower but he’s complaining it’s not enough. Before the pregnancy we were into more D/s life but now I just don’t feel well enough to have rough sex that leaves me sore for days after, especially when he wants that everyday. It’s hard because he does so much for me and with my health issues he has to basically take me everywhere I need to go etc, so when he starts telling me he loves me more than I love him and asking who else loves me like he does I feel so bad, especially since he says he’s been taking care of himself like three times a day, and wants me to at least be available to give him oral whenever he wants, but my gag reflex is so bad rn and he knows that but still gets upset. Any advice on how to explain that I physically can’t give him what he’s asking for rn?

TLDR: How can a chronically ill and pregnant wife with lower her husbands expectations for sex during pregnancy?

Using a throwaway because my last post here (weirdly) was tracked down by a random person who sent it to my SO and caused all kinds of unnecessary drama. Im simply looking for advice on how to improve this area of our relationship, NOT to end it. I love this woman and want nothing more than to be happy with her. For context, we have been together for almost 9 years and have two kids, 6F and 2M. Got pregnant with our first about two years into our relationship and before that, we fucked like rabbits. I’m talking about at least every day, usually more than once per day when we were together. Couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Which honestly, is exactly the passion and desire that i was always searching for. Due to some crazy family circumstances, she moved in with me only about 6 months into our relationship and that’s what created the opportunity for constant sex. I am a hyper-sexual person, and in the beginning, i thought she was too. We never had crazy, wild sex but it was very loving and passionate which was something that genuinely meant a lot to me and was a pillar of our relationship; ive never felt the intimate bond that i did with her, with anyone else in the past.

Ever since our first was born, it was like she completely changed. And i realize that pregnancy changes a lot in a woman, but i mean we went from 5+ times per week to maaaaybe once a week. I’m ashamed to admit this, but it eventually led to us breaking up and spending about a year apart. I paid her child support and we were very amicable as far as communicating and being civil around each other for the sake of our daughter. We also hooked up occasionally throughout this time, and every time it was the same, deep passion that we had experienced in the past. I dated another woman during this time. It was nothing official, only ever a FWB type situation, but i lied to both women constantly throughout this time and there was a decent bit of back and forth between the two. I don’t personally think that this is related to the current problem but I’m including it in case any of you think that it is. Also as a side note, during this time she spent a fair share of time experimenting with other women sexually.

Flash forward to today. We’ve been back together for over 3 years now, have the two beautiful kids, a nice house, nice cars, good job, essentially living the dream life. We rarely argue or disagree and we love and respect each other wholeheartedly. Except for this one thing..

She shows absolutely zero interest in sex or any other things of that nature, whatsoever. I have had to come on to her nearly every single time. In the last three years i can count on one hand how many times she’s made advances towards me and every one of those never felt good because it felt like she was only doing it out of obligation, or because she felt sorry for me. It was always shortly after me voicing my thoughts of feeling undesired and like she wasn’t attracted to me. There was (I’m not exaggerating) a three month period where i just didn’t make any advances to see if she would eventually just want me on her own and make a move; it never came, and we went three months basically without touching each other.

She tells me that sex just isn’t important to her any more and that unless i put her in the mood, it’s just not something that she desires on her own. Yet at the same time, she shuts me down 75% of the time for what always seem like just excuses. Too tired, we just did last week, the sheets aren’t clean, i want to watch my show, etc. And guys ive gotten creative, ive gotten blindfolds, ties, outfits and even gone way out of my comfort zone to try roleplaying, nothing sparks her interest. Ive even put on about 15 lbs of muscle in the last year by going to the gym thinking that maybe if my body was a little more fit, it would spark some of that old desire in her. Nothing.

I feel like I’m rambling at this point and i don’t want to make this a book, I’m just genuinely feeling like she isn’t actually attracted to me, and the only thing that keeps her around is our kids and the fact that she really doesn’t have anywhere to go without me (fucked up family and no work/college experience). Part of me even wonders if deep down she is gay or at the very least bisexual because (this might me too detailed) she used to get dripping wet during foreplay and nowadays she’s dry as a bone and we need to use lube, no matter what i do beforehand to get her in the mood. The sec isn’t exciting or passionate, it feels like she’s just allowing me to fuck her so that i can get off and she consider “mission accomplished”

It’s really starting to weigh on me, and I’m contemplating if we’re really even a good fit for each other any more. I love her with all my heart and i want to find a way to fix this problem. And to be clear, i don’t need sex every day, that’s not my complaint. My complaint is that even when we do have sex, for the last 3+ years it has never once felt like she wanted it. It’s starting to affect my job and my overall happiness. Any thoughts that don’t include “leave her” are appreciated.

Edit: i guess i should’ve mentioned, i have talked to her many times about this. And each time it’s the same explanations of just not desiring it any more and that she needs me to basically attack her and put her in the mood. Yet when i do that I’m usually denied which has led to me trying it less and less. She swears she’s not gay and that she loves my body, my facial hair, my recent drive to get more fit. Yet i really don’t believe her because those are her words, and her actions haven’t backed that up at all

Hi. Im worried my past relationship has broken me past healing.

Currently dating 25M. met when I was 21 he was 23. we saw eachother on and off casually, but he was always a lot more into me and i was really scared of commitment because of my ex (dated when I was 18-20). [TLDR for that relationship is he had pictures of girls that looked very young, notes on his phone about hot 13 year olds, and lots of screenshotted photos of his so called friends and coworkers used for self pleasuring (im talking insta pics). This has led to me having the constant feeling that men do immoral stuff secretly, and regularly. I would have reoccurring nightmares during this relationship about all sorts. I stayed with him for 2 years, so I was tormented everyday by my own brain.]

Anyways, he had told me that he lost his virginity at 23 to this coworker that was 19. For me, huge red flags, for a casual situation where I was quite fresh out of a relationship (and quite excited about being more promiscuous), not so much.

A year into seeing each other on and off, with him consistently trying to make it a relationship and me consistently being too scared to commit, we started hanging out pretty daily. Then he said he had a rash down there, and he was worried he had given me something. I had really opened up to him in this period, and didnt expect him to be sleeping with others since I said that I wasnt. Then I found out she was also 19, he was 24 at the time.

Now, we have been together since April. Obviously I didnt deep the above facts enough to let it affect me when there was no weight to us (being casula), but the further ive got into this being a relationship the more I realise how scared and paranoid I am. He talks about young coworkers, and to me, i have the instant feeling of “he’s into them, he wants them.” The fact he slept with a coworker that was 19 doesnt help this paranoia. However hes the nicest guy ive dated. He is so sweet, so caring, and very gentle and constantly is trying to show his love. Everyone loves him.

Despite this, I have nightmares about him leaving me for a younger girl. I morally dont think its right (“if the age of consent was even lower, would you go lower?” mentality) and he says it was a mistake, but surely you dont make the same mistake twice, a year apart? Do I need more therapy to try to get over deep rooted fears from my ex? Will I ever be able to have a healthy relationship with relationships again?

Edit: for reference I live in the UK.

So I (26f) met this guy (36m) on a dating app a little over 2 months ago. Wasn’t sure about him at first bc he had a lot of baggage (divorced, 3 year old child). I decided to give it a go, and things got hot and heavy pretty much from the jump. After the first 2 weeks or so we were spending 3-4 days a week together (he would make plans with me basically whenever he didn’t have his kid). Great dates, chemistry, everything was fantastic.

I started going to therapy again right at the beginning of us dating (for unrelated reasons) but made a point to dedicate time in my sessions to talk about what a relationship with a guy who’s quite a bit older than me with a child means. I was head over heels for this guy so I really invested a lot into seeing where this would go.

About a month in we had the “talk” about defining the relationship, and he made it clear that he only “dates intentionally” and isn’t trying to mess around. I was nervous about this bc I thought he might be trying to relive his 20s now that he’s divorced (divorce happened a year ago, marriage fell apart right after the child was born). He assured me that wasn’t the case, that he was committed to seeing where this could go between us, and that he wasn’t interested in seeing other people. This has come up multiple times since then (I get a little anxious about this stuff bc I’ve been cheated on in the past so I gave him multiple opportunities to keep things fun and casual) and every time he has explicitly said he is only interested in seeing me.

Although he did say that he tends to take things slowly because of the kid (which I completely understood), he’s been taking things anything but slow. Planning multiple dates every week, inviting me on a quick work trip to nyc with him, allegedly telling his friends/family about me, and scheduling a vacation for us out of the country in mid December.

I had plans to go back to my hometown for thanksgiving, and left on the Monday before the holiday with plans to stay through the holiday weekend. He said he’d pick me up from the airport when I got back into town, has been texting like normal, saying he misses me, etc.

On Thursday (thanksgiving) I asked what his Friday night plans were and he said he was going to a hockey game with one of his old coworkers from when he was a finance bro. I didn’t think anything of it. He posted an insta story at the game and it was easy to figure out where his seat was (right against the glass). I decided to watch the game, and I tried to see if I could spot him in the crowd (yes, I was being nosey).

Lo and behold, there he is on the TV, snuggled up with another girl. He never texted me back once the game started (before I figured out what was going on). I had asked him how the game was. He didn’t text back until the morning (suspicious af) and he said the game was good but that his team lost. I responded “yeah I watched the game so I saw. So do you wanna talk about the girl you were with now or in person when I get back?”. He texted back that it was an impromptu thing, that he had met this women in June in NYC and that she is from our city so she was back in town for Thanksgiving, and that someone (not sure if it was him or her) reached out about going to the hockey game to catch up. He said that it was just the game but that he understands my POV and is happy to talk about it. Said that he didn’t mean to hurt me, and restated that he hasn’t been dating/seeing/having sex with anyone else since we started getting more regular. He said that this was just random and in hindsight he shouldn’t have gone. He also apologized. I told him that I need a few days and that we can talk next week when I’m back.

I’m at a loss. I feel shocked and betrayed. Obviously he knew he was being shady or else he wouldn’t have made up a cover story. I already have trust issues from previous relationships, so I’m tempted to just cut my losses, eat the cost of the hotel I booked for our vacation, and cut him off. As much as I want to believe that nothing else happened and that this was a brief lapse in judgment, I’m worried that I’ll be paranoid moving forward and always worrying about what he might be doing when I’m not around. This whole thing basically just brought up all of the insecurities I’ve been trying to deal with since my last relationship.

My head is spinning a bit bc at the end of the day, it’s only been about 2 months, so things typically wouldn’t be very serious, but he said so many times that he was serious and wasn’t seeing other people. Is there any chance we can move past this? If you were me, would you see him next week and let him say his piece, or just end it rn via text? Would you cancel the vacation, or tough it out and try to have fun? Would you continue going out with this guy but just put the brakes on and make it more casual and start seeing other people in the mean time?

TL;DR: exclusively seeing a guy for a little over 2 months, have a vacation planned together in two weeks, just found out he went on a date with another girl, but he says he’s sorry. What would you do?

Basically my partner is always in a bad or negative mood over jobs that need doing around the house. We both work full time and therefore most evenings and weekends are filled with jobs, laundry, cooking, cleaning and caring for our toddler. I sort of feel these jobs are normal and just get on with it but my partner is always in a bad mood and lashing out with me because each weekend I try and clean the bathroom, catch up on laundry, vacuum the house etc. his main complaint is that he is just a total slave to the house, which I understand because that’s sort of what life is like a lot of the time going from one job to the next but he’s not the only one doing it. He seems to think that other people don’t have to do jobs all weekend but I don’t really know how to get around it unless one of us worked less. We split everything 50/50 rent bills car expenses etc so I only see it as fair we both do jobs. His main problem is that he complains he is always cooking and cleaning the kitchen but he chooses to do that job each night instead of the toddler cleaning bath play time routine. If I ask to cook then he gets annoyed I’ve taken the one thing he enjoys off him. I have stopped going out as much because then more falls onto him and it makes the situation even worse, only going out to exercise or do small things 3 hours or so once a weekend. He usually goes out a Friday night and Sunday afternoon/evening and complains about getting no time to himself. I want to get extra stuff done around the yard and renovations but as he can barely handle the day to day level of jobs I don’t see how I can ask if we can get some projects going. How do you deal with your partner and household jobs/responsibilities? Is there anything I can do to help this situation?

I met my partner 6 months ago and we clicked straight away, from my perspective. We met playing music and then began to do paid gigs together at different venues as a duo which got decently successful and we ended up doing it every weekend. She showed a lot of interest in me, calling me often, texting often, I met her parents a couple of times, on her request and stayed with them for a week. I got along great with all her family. Our love life was great, initiated often by us both, tried new things for both of us, always had really loving intimate moments and felt like both of us were being ourselves in a weird and wonderful way. I've had 3, 2 year plus relationships that were no where near to being this fulfilling or like I just connected with someone on such a great level. We have similar goals and outlooks on life, agree on children, ideal future housing etc. Not necessarily talks pushed by me just like yes I want this one day not trying to put pressure on it to be her but that i'd also love it. I show her all the love and committment in the world and have been open with my feelings etc throughout the whole relationship which I've never done before.

Anyway, a month ago she came to me saying she's unsure about our future, she loves me but is nervous about not being as sure as I am about the relationship and it's future. I'm very vocal about the fact I love her. I told her if I'm putting too much pressure on her I can cancel some of the thing that may feel too serious i.e Christmas at her parents house (I was invited as my parents aren't in the picture, I have a son (5) but only am able to see him Xmas eve this year due to agreements.) She told me she's worried about some qualities I have (ego towards my job, not being able to drive). I told her I'd learn to drive as I agree it's something I want and will do for us (she drives) and I will try to have less ego towards my job, it's just a defense mechanism of working in a competitive industry (music outside of our duo). She accepted this said she loved me, we had a great couple weeks. Earlier this week she tolde she needed to consider our future as she's not as sure in our future as I am and needs to think, then came around the next day and left me, stating she loves me but doesn't want to waste my time on her uncertainties. She gave me my Christmas presents she bought for me which were customised lovey things and I gave her mine, she packed the things she had here and then I asked her to stay the night as she was leaving for her parents out of town the next day, she agreed and we both cried and held eachother all night, not sleeping at all. I didn't beg for her back I told her I wish we could make it work but I understand it's not my decision. Time came, we hugged and cried and kissed goodbye. She's studying for exams under a lot of pressure so I told her if she needs one last night to look forward to when she gets back in a few weeks I'd be there, if she decides not to that's fine too, I just wanted her exams not to be impeded by our breakup.

Thats the whole story. She'll be back in 10 days to do her exams and we have 3 gigs booked that weekend that we plan to talk about either continuing for the money or calling it off. This has been the hardest week. I don't have my partner, I can't beginoving on because everything feels open ended and I don't know what will happen. If she comes back and her decision was based on exam stress or just needing a break and she wants to continue and I had forced myself to begin moving on, how can I be sure it won't happen again? If she comes back and never wants to see me again I understand although difficult I will have to find a way to accept my new life. If she comes back and wants to continue gigging but not our relationship, how do I ever get over her?

I feel SO dramatic letting a half a year relationship dictate my whole life as I've gotten over my longer ones quite quickly afterwards but I genuinely for the first time thought this girl was the love of my life. She's so intelligent, beautiful, kind and caring. I've never met anyone like her in my life, I'm not interested in other women at all. I'm genuinely lost, the balls out of my court and I feel powerless. I fully understand she's young and I'm her first serious relationship (over 2 months) but what do I fight for? What do I let go? Do I just wait and live with whatever she decides to do? Do I respect myself more to say I won't have one last night? Do I say we can't keep gigging?

Sorry for ranting, I've never been so heartbroken this far in my life. I hope she doesn't come across this but I needed to throw my feelings to the wind. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

TLDR: Partner left due to future uncertainty but book still feels open, unsure on next steps.