Need help with your relationship?

My parents are orthodox christians, and as you may think they don't like people being in a relationship saying its a sin. Just today they found out me being in relationship and since then they have been giving me a silent treatment and not hearing me out. This is my 1st relationship and its been only 1 year, i know its not a long time but its going very well, she is a keeper and i don't wanna lose this because of my parents. How do ya'll think i should confront my parents? They think this will ruin their reputation in church since they've been the one's who used to go around saying "never let your kids be in a relationship!".

Me 26M with 24F in a long-distance relationship. Long story short I found out during the dating phase also long distance but decided to be exclusive she was talking to multiple guys and also her ex. I forgave her because she mentioned she didn't trust me enough due to past traumas surrounding long distance and begged for one more chance.

Everything goes well when I am with her but when I come back home my mental health gets worse and worse as each day passes by until its time to see her again on the other hand she is quite comfortable and happy in this relationship as I have not given any reason to break her trust. I start overthinking every little thing she does recently last Friday she didn't pick up my phone all evening. The next day she called me and said she fell asleep but at night I checked she did open her Insta and saw one of the reels I sent her but didn't call me or ft mine. Her response was I don't know when I fell asleep but I didn't bring up that she saw my insta message and as we were talking on FT I saw her cleaning her apartment and also changing bedsheets and also saw a hat that I had never seen before I asked her about it and she said some patient at work gave it to her. My head is going crazy making up inappropriate stories(slept with someone) and connecting the dots about changing bedsheets and hat every other hour. This has been going on since Friday and I can't talk to her about this because I know this will make her feel bad as I am judging her character but the trust issues I have now is not helping me stop these thoughts.

I really need some help to work on this because I burst out crying due to these filled emotions couple of times throughout the day and it's effecting my life and work.

As the title states, whether it’s a problem she has with me or something outside of our relationship, I almost feel like an emotional punching bag for her. She rarely approaches conflict with grace or understanding, even though we’ve talked about it numerous times over the past year of us dating. It feels as if she can’t help but make things me vs her instead of us vs the problem. It’s getting so bad that I’m starting to follow in her footsteps and take anger into conflict which only exacerbates our arguments.

I do love her, and most of the time we spend quality time together is great. I also recognize she didn’t have the easiest of childhoods, but I’ve had my fair share of issues throughout life and yet I can manage treating her with respect and patience. I have made my fair share of mistakes as well, but I do my best to apologize in the moment.

I’ve enrolled in therapy for my personal issues, mental health (anxiety and OCD), and neurodivergence which has done wonders. Another reason I started it was because I felt like the anxiety and possible autism causes a lot of our conflicts. I’ve expressed this to her, not only because I’m happy with how far I’ve come, but also to normalize it for her in case she wants to use it as a resource. I’ve also been more direct when we’ve had these bad fights and suggested couples therapy, and even individual therapy, but she never seems interested.

She has claimed to be getting better since I’ve brought this up months ago, but last week we had one of the worst fights over a misunderstanding that lasted all night and into the next day’s afternoon. Within this fight, she told me that we would be breaking up if we did not see each other that next day because that’s how I should “prove that I’m sorry through action” which to me feels like manipulation. This also wasn’t the first time she’s threatened ending things if I didn’t see things her way.

I also find it difficult to deal with the ad hominem attacks when she gets really mad, like calling me “stupid” or “idiot” and even calling me “weak” when I am crying during the worst fight we’ve had. I’m typically a pretty non-confrontational and go with the flow type of person, so these conversations can be very jarring for me.

I understand I’ve mostly outlined the bad about her here so it’s easy to shit on, but I feel like I need advice on how can I handle it all? One solution she’s mentioned is that she just needs to hold back on bringing up things that bother her. I feel that is problematic because it feels like I’m silencing her by not being able to handle the way she speaks to me.

TL;DR I’m having trouble managing my girlfriend’s short temper and quickness to anger with me as I’m a fairly peaceful person.

Hello all,

Using a throwaway account, as my wife follows my main account. Beforehand, I'm sorry this is probably be a long post.

A bit of background, me and my wife (we are not married, but I don't like partner/girlfriend) are both in our late 30s, have been together for 10 years, and have a 2 year old and my partner is currently pregnant with another boy.

For the most part, our relationship has been great, we have our ups and downs like most couples, but we are mostly good friends and great partners in life.

However, there was always a "thing" in our relationship, that in the last couple of months have been bothering me. Our sex life.

In the first years, everything was fine, I wouldn't say that we were a huge sexual couple, but we did it a few times a week, and I was fine with it.

Three into our relationship, we were living together for a while, and we started to get pregnant, unfortunately, we weren't having much success... so we went to the doctors.

The next years... our sex life changed, and it became almost something mechanical, we had to do it at specific times, a specific way, tests and more tests, month after month of disappointment... and to be honest, it was no longer fun.

We then did two cycles of IVF (in vitro), which were not successful.

At this time, I would say we had sex 1 or twice a month.
Luckily, we eventually got pregnant naturally, and we were both over the moon, but there was a lot of stress, cause we had lost a girl before... so, during this time, I didn't push too much on our sex life, and I believe we only had sex a couple of times.

When our boy was born... well. most of you know how newborns are, so in between work, stress, sleepless nights, and well... opportunity, we didn't had sex for the first year of the kid.

After that, we started having sex again, but I always felt that it was mostly a "duty" for my wife... I always had to slowly "seduced" her for one or two weeks.. until she eventually was in the "mood".

Again, luckily, we got pregnant a few months ago, and again, basically our sex life stopped again.

A couple of times I tried to initiate sex... but my wife is always "not in the mood", or "tired", or "too much pregnant", as i don't want to be a asshole, i kind of back off and stopped trying.

Everything was "fine", I kind of have accepted that for the next months sex was "off", but last month something happened that is making me rethink everything.

My son still wakes up a lot during the night, and most nights, my wife goes and sleeps with him, almost always on the clock, at 5am, the kid wakes up for good, and wants to go play and watch cartoons, and usually I go with him, while my wife sleeps a couple of hours.

Before Christmas, I gave my wife a new phone, and his old one because the phone for the kid to watch cartoons (i know he shouldn't...), and one early morning, I grabbed the phone, opened google, and on the main page, there appears the "recent" visited sites, and on one site was porn.

I know it wasn't me, or my kid, and I knew it was my wife, probably on her new phone, because it still has her google account linked on the old phone, so it syncs.

To be honest I just laughed a bit, deleted the site from recent history, and business as usual. I didn't thought too much of it, maybe some friend told her about some specific video, or better, maybe she got horny and didn't wanted to bother me.

A couple of days later... the same happened again, and this time, well, curiosity took the best of me, and I checked her browser history.

I found out she was basically watching porn two or three times a week, after I went to bed early. I wasn't mad, but a bit disappointment, but still, I tried to put myself in her shoes, maybe she isn't feeling sexy, or doesn't have the energy for sex, and relieves herself with porn.

I didn't say anything, but for the next thing... that was always on my mind. I have gained some weight, maybe she wasn't attracted to me anymore, and I did a thing that I'm very ashamed of... because her account was still linked with that phone, her social networks were as well, so I went into a rabbit hole.

My worst fear was that she was having an affair, but I think she isn't, as there are no recent chats or messages from any recent guy.

Out of curiosity, I searched my name. As expected, a lot of results appeared, but one message kind of stood out, it was basically "XXXX is kind of ugly, but i like him".

I opened it and it was a chat with a girlfriend from 10 years ago, when we met each other and were still friends.

I read a few more messages, and it was like a punch, she was basically telling her friend that I was ugly, that I didn't had the good body of YYY, but i was a "nice guy".

I searched for who was YYY, and I discovered it was a guy she was with for a few months before me, and that before him, she was with her "official" ex. When we started our relationship, she told me that she was single for 2 years... now I discover that in the 12 months before me, she was with at least 2 guys.

I checked the chats with YYY and her ex, and find out they were still talking for the first 2 or 3 years of our relationship. To be honest the conversations are not that interesting, but maybe it's my head, but I kind of find a hint of flirting here and there.

Another thing that bothers me... is that reading a bit of the chat with that girlfriend, she looks much more "sexual" than she is in our 10 years. She talks about all the "marathons" she does, the positions she tries, even anal... something she told was off-limits. Maybe it is "girl talk", I don't know.

With all this, I my self-esteem plummeted. I feel ugly, unattractive, betrayed, and to be honest... used.

To be honest these last weeks I've just tried to be alone as much as possible. I've been staying late at work, I've "woke up" more in the middle of the night and moved to the sofa.

I really don't know what I'm going to do...

The only good part of this is that I've kind of felt an urge to get back in shape, and been hitting the gym more often.

Thanks a lot for taking the time to read... What would you do in this situation ?

I met my fiancée about 4 years ago and we started dating pretty much instantly, he lived in a different country though so it was online dating for 2 years, we video called every day until we flew to meet eachother when we were 18, he proposed last summer and i love him with my whole heart but he doesn’t want to lose weight, im not physically attracted to him which makes it hard to be affectionate because secretly deep down i don’t like when he hugs me and i have to pretend to like it not to hurt his feelings or he gets upset, he’s kind of insecure about his weight but he doesn’t want to work out because he wants to believe in body positivity and believe it’s okay to be on the heavy side, so he’s probably never going to get in shape which is also irritating because i’m quite athletic i run every morning and want someone to run with me, when i talk about this with him he just gets pissed off.. which is honestly fine, i just want advice on how i can love him the WAY he is.. because right now i cant help but feel a little yucked out when i look at him sometimes.

Hey y'all,

I think I need to have a difficult conversation with my gf (20F) but I'm not sure how to phrase the approach. Here are the things that worry me:

1. She is usually very hesitant to have me in her dorm common room as she doesn't want the others in the dorm to know (she's in a student leader role and lives in a dorm with freshies so maybe she doesn't want the freshies to see her being in a relationship? idk) Whenever I'm there with her, she makes an effort to get me out of there as soon as possible. But the other day, I found out that my best friend and her were in the common room together, and though he's a good friend, I can't help but be suspicious that something's going on, especially because she's so flirty with him. How do I talk to her about this?
2. Whenever we're hanging out with our friends, when she talks to the group she purposefully doesn't make eye contact only with me, and I'm not sure why. I feel like in public she just doesn't want pda, or even any sign that we may be in a relationship together, even with people who know we're dating.

I have a date with her today: if I were to have a conversation with her about these things (I don't want to break up), then how do I approach her about these?

Edit: we've been together for 14 months

My fiancé quit his sales job two years ago to start his own business. I supported his decision, of course. It put us in a big financial bind and we’ve pretty much been living paycheck to paycheck since, but we kept trucking along in hopes that things would even out as he expanded his business. He kept talking about his future plans and things he was going to do to expand his business, but never actually took action. He’d brag about some upcoming work and finally being able to do X, Y, and Z, but it would never happen or it would fall through and then we’d end up back into a bind. This has been ongoing for two years. I’ve always supported him and helped come up with ideas to advance his business, and I’ve stuck with him along the way constantly figuring out how to make things work while he figured out how to get it going - but, he had no motivation so it never did.

We ended up having a long conversation about how I can’t do this forever and something has to change. So, he finally dialed in, found an investor, and got his business going for real this time. It’s become more successful and he recently bought a house to flip and sell that will make our lives change for the better, but after all the talk he did with no action, I’m having a hard time supporting him now. I know for sure that this time it’s solid and it will get us back in a great spot, but mentally I’m skeptical to believe it because of all of the other times he’s said things that haven’t happened. I hate that, because he’s stoked and I feel like I’m shitting on him by not also being stoked. I just don’t want to be happy and relieved for yet another thing to fall through I guess.

How can I feel happy for him and make him feel supported, when I’m still on edge about all of his talk before with no action? Hopefully this makes sense.

How did you guys move on after being cheated on? Back story. I started dating my boyfriend of 1 year, 32M, in January of 2024. In August of 2024 I found out he had been cheating on me for almost 3 months. Not physically, but through text/snapchat. They sent explicit photos/videos to each other on a pretty regular basis. I decided to forgive that, but fast forward to December of 2024. He was emotionally cheating with another woman. She’s a 27F and an ex of his. I found this out because she personally messaged me and told me how sorry she was. She sent me screenshots of their messages where he said he wasn’t with me anymore we only lived together. He’s been trying to right his wrongs for the past month, but I’m asking myself, 30F, if it’s even worth it anymore. I spent 4 years single after an abusive relationship, he’s the first man I’ve been with intimately or relationship wise in that time span. I’m confused because my heart wants him, but my gut tells me he’ll never change and I will continue to be hurt by this person. Has anyone experienced this behavior from their partner and stayed and they changed? Was it worth it or would you have chose to leave? Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post.

Hey guys! First of all, my post is a summary made by chatgpt, so sorry if some parts sound weird! And sorry I'm advance for the long post, but I thought I should give some background first

I (23m) have been seeing this girl (25f) for about a month now. We’ve had around seven dates, but the connection feels fairly intense, and we even had a conversation about exclusivity. Early on, I told her:

"When I’m getting to know someone, I naturally focus on them and I'm not interested in meeting other people. I just want to know if we're on the same page."

She replied: "Yes, I'm not talking to or seeing anyone else in that way."

However, she’s been increasingly distant and disorganized. She often leaves our plans up in the air, prioritizes other people over me, and sometimes seems inconsistent in how much attention she gives me.

Recently, she went on a trip with a male friend she met on Tinder, but she claims they are just friends. When she showed me their hotel room, I noticed there was only one bed. Before the trip, she even made jokes about how her friend would “sleep in the bathtub”.

This feels strange because:

1. She has previously told me she sleeps poorly with others and has declined sleeping with me multiple times because of it.
2. She mentioned not having enough trust in this friend to talk to him for three hours straight on the plane, yet she apparently has no problem sleeping in the same bed with him?
3. Instead of addressing it directly, she made weird jokes and evasive comments rather than being upfront.

I haven’t confronted her yet because I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t adding up.

What should I do? Should I ask her directly, or approach it more subtly? Could there be an innocent explanation, or is this a major red flag?

Just recently started dating this guy who has really good qualities that I'm looking for. However, he's a bit of a fitness freak and into holistic. I like that. But at times I feel he's so SO hyper-focused on what I eat more than necessary. Making comments and such, also I eat mostly healthy. But sometimes it feels so pushy, and as I have a cooking page I started to get kind of bothered that he's so hyper-focused on everything I cook and eat even when it's not even that bad.

I don't know how to not give a crap, it's getting between my passion for content creation as I know he's watching and judging both my appreance and what I eat. For reference, I am an attractive girl and get comments about that on my posts. So I'm confused as to why he cares so much? This is not the first time a man has tried to change me.

I (23F) and my boyfriend (20M) talked about our future today and realized that our goals don’t really align.

We’ve been together for four months now, and while that’s not a long time, we’re really in love and happy with each other. Right now, we’re in a long-distance relationship because I’m studying abroad. We met just two weeks before I left, and everything happened really quickly—we both fell for each other hard.

Overall, things have been going well, though we’ve had two pretty intense fights in the past couple of weeks. Thankfully, we were able to work through them.

Now, onto today. We randomly started talking about our future goals, and we realized that we want very different things. He wants to become a police officer, and that’s incredibly important to him—I knew that. Likewise, he knows that my biggest dream is to travel as much as possible and maybe even move to another country. We’ve talked about this before, and at the time, he seemed open to it. I even asked him directly if he’d be up for it, and he said yes.

But today, he told me that if he becomes a police officer, he won’t be able to travel much, and moving somewhere else wouldn’t really be an option for him. That made me curious, so I asked him if he would ever consider giving up his dream job for me. Without hesitation, he said no.

That broke my heart. Because if I were to stay with him and not see the world the way I want to, I would essentially be giving up my dreams for him. It hurts knowing that he wouldn’t make the same sacrifice for me.

Now, I’m confused about what to do. I really love him, and I can imagine spending my life with him, but I also have goals and dreams. It feels like I’m more willing to support his ambitions than he is mine. I’m also terrified of making the wrong decision—I don’t want to end up with regrets. What if I choose him but eventually resent him? What if I break up with him to follow my dreams, only to end up feeling empty because I gave up love?

He told me that I should come to a decision soon, but that I can take my time to figure things out. Ideally, I would want to talk to him about this in person, but that won’t be possible for another two months, and I don’t even know if he’s okay with waiting that long. I know he’s being patient, but I also don’t want to keep stringing him along while I sort out my feelings—that wouldn’t be fair to him. I’m scared that I might have to let him go—not because I don’t love him, but because I just can’t make a decision. And if I can’t, it wouldn’t be right to ask him to just follow along while I figure my life out.

Do I walk away from something good to chase my dreams, or do I stay and risk regretting what I never got to experience?

My ex boyfriend 24/Mand i 23/Fwould have had our 4 year anniversary this March. We have been living with eachother for a few years and theogohiut the time he has been manipulative, emotionally abusive, and somewhat physically abusive. I broke up with him earlier this month because i could finally see that nomatter how long or how hard we tried, things just weren’t working out and meither of us were happy.

A few days ago i found out he had been on facebook dating about a week and a half before i broke up with him. He even went as far to meet up with a girl a few days after i left him. Post breakup i wanted to remain civil with eachother as i had still cared about his well being and we couldn’t go no contact immediatly because of our lease. About a week after our breakup we were sleeping with eachother again (dumb, i know) but at the time I was genuinely having fun with him again because all of the stress of our entire relationship disappeared when i accepted the fact that no matter what, we cannot date again. After a few days of sleeping together post breakup i noticed he was acting weird with his phone. Closing apps the second i came into the room, texting alot while we were watching tv. So, i went a little crazy, not expecting to find anything insane just maybe a reddit post he made about me or something mundane. I went through his phone and found HUNDREDS of texts between him and another girl. At first, i didn’t mind because we were broken up i don’t care if he’s talking to someone else. But i saw that they had met up previously and “just kissed” while him and i were actively having sex. I was not okay with that for obvious reasons. If he wanted to hangout with other girls fine, but i don’t need herpes or stds if he wants to hangout with them, i’d rather we just didn’t sleep together if that makes sense? I found out they had been talking for… a long time. He made a facebook dating profile about a week and a half before i broke it off with him and had been texting her ever sense. Before the breakup, we were obviously still sleeping together and going on dates, and finding out he was texting her the entire time saying the most cringey love bombing shit i’ve read in my entire life was heartbreaking. I confronted him and he denied ever cheating on me, even though his and i’s text messages prove we were actively together during the time period he was on the dating app. He refuses to admit he cheated and blames us continuing to sleep with eachother on me because i initiated it after i came home from my friends house super drunk.

During our relationship he has done many red-flag breakup worthy things but I gave him far too many chances because i thought i was in love. Here are some highlights. When we were moving into a new apartment together he got shit-faced drunk at our old apartment alone while i was moving stuff to the new apartment. I walked in on him actively breaking our dishwasher, tearing it off the hinges, denting it, the whole 9 yards. He then proceeded to scream at me because he was angry i wasn’t with him “helping him clean” and broke our vacuum in the process. You can imagine how the rest of our moving day went.

Another time, we were at a restaraunt on our weekly date. He had gotten upset over something i said and proceeded to bicker about it with mefor 30 minutes. Until he was sick of arguing with me and said he’s going to just go home and i told him fine leave then. He paid the bill, went outside, and left. I went outside full expecting him to still be in the parking lot but alas, no car in sight. I had to text my friend to come and pick me up as our restaraunt was 20 minutes away from home and in a sketchy area.

Those are my top two traumatic memories i have from our relationship though there are PLENTY more. I’m proud of myself for finally having the courage to get out. He would hold money over my head and threaten to kick me out every single time we fought, would call me names, yell and scream, gaslight me. I genuinely thought i wouldn’t be able to survive without his care for far too long. His threats for kicking me out were genuinely terrifying as i’m in college and make about $300 a week currently. No abuse is worth taking for comfort. We were both unhappy and now we both have time to find ourselves though, he has been drinking 24/7 ever since i realized he cheated on me. I walked into our kitchen at 6am to see him taking a shot of tequila and then immedialty leaving to go to work. I don’t need that mess.

if you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading. I needed to rant in order to clear my head and remind myself it wasn’t my fault. His actions weren’t my fall and him cheating wasn’t my fault. It’s impossible to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. It’s impossible to love someone who doesn’t love or respect themselves. My heart is shattered from the news of the betrayal, but free from being separated from him for good.

The bad part is, we still have to communicate. We are in the same lease and he’s going to pay his portion until may even though he has moved out. Any time he messages me or i text him a question i’m met with disrespect and name calling( ex:calling me cancer, miserable, bitch) I can’t seem to say anything to him without being disrespected and degraded. I’m wondering if anyone’s been in this situation before and how do you deal with the constant abuse AFTER leaving the relationship? I only text him when necessary and do my best to let him get his jabs in without retaliating but i am not perfect. I just want to be able to be civil without the name calling and disrespect from his end toward anything i say.

tl;dr Ex boyfriend is toxic when we communicate, I can’t go no-contact because we share a lease until May (he’s already moved out) I can’t find another apartment until Mayb because i’m in college and cannot afford it

I've been seeing this girl and i really like her, i think we have great chemistry and i love her smile and the way we do small talk etc. So we've been texting everyday, but i know myself and the errors i've made in the past, so i asked "hey indulge in my insecurities for a second, am i being too clingy?" To which she answered "a little bit". First off, i'm weirdly relieved; she told me the truth which means cares about us, or at least that's how i'm deluding myself

But the problem is, how do i stop being clingy? I've been texting good mornings and good nights, sending pics of my cats and generally texting, so now i don't wanna come off as rude or offended and cut it off

Like i have an idea, but y'know, i'm unsure and insecure on these kinda things

Hey Guys, i hope this is the right sub for my „problem“.

So, I (M/23) and my gf (F/23) are in a relationship for almost 3 years now and lately she hasn‘t been too happy with our sex life.

Because of my job i‘m usually not home for 3 nights per week and thus we don‘t have too many chances to have sex. We have sex around 2-3 times per week. And when we do, she sometines tells me to be more dominant.

Honestly i have no clue, what to do to be more dominant. I have tried it a few times but never really know what to do, because i tend to have too many thoughts in my head. And she says she doesn‘t feel my passion or i‘m not passionate enough in our sex life.

And i know that it bothers her and it definitely bothers me.

So, if anybody could please explain to me how i can be more dominant, what things to do while being dominant and how to be more passionate, i would be very grateful.

Thank you all in advance :)

TLDR: Gf wants me to be more dominant and more passionate and i have no clue how to.

Me and my gf have been together for 11 months, in the past I’ve been totally okay with her having guy friends and she’s been really good about introducing me, and generally being transparent. So of course I’ve trusted their one on one hangouts. Same goes with her girlfriends. Recently we attended a concert together and she noticed an old acquaintance from high school was also there. I don’t so much as know his name nor anything they’ve ever talked about apart from him asking for her location. She’s been nowhere near as transparent, laughing at direct messages and setting up a hangout. I had no issue with this as I trust her but I feel she crossed a boundary I did not even know I had. This guy and her went to hang out last night, one on one smoking in a park. Once again, I know she can handle herself but the implication that exists due to this situation really began to test my insecurities. I noticed that she’s staying out later with him than most other friends. She might rarely hang out with her bff till those hours but usually on a weekend. Recently she’s been falling asleep early to get rest for her job, which I’m happy about even if we don’t get as much time to hang out. But she’s making this time for someone who is essentially a complete stranger. I’ve also been having some problems with my parents and I recently got into an argument with my mother. She hurled a high score level insult at me and I was torn apart. I needed reassurance and some sort of comfort. I couldn’t sleep so I decided to drive and parked near her. Not trying to hide at all. I was simply waiting for a moment to speak with her as it was the only thing on my mind. I’m sure it felt invasive. But I wasn’t trying to be confrontational or ruin her hangout. Just needed an irl chat. I don’t know what I should do moving on from this. I’d like to address my concerns but when she noticed my car she drove off without approaching me and stopped picking up my calls. She said we would talk about it through text but she doesn’t know when. What can I do now?

First a bit of context, I (25F) work since I was 16, I don’t come from a wealthy family, my parents got into huge debts just so we could have a food on our tables and a roof over our heads, because I worked since 16 in IT, today I have a two jobs, I can sustain myself and have my own things, I still live in a rented apartment but I’m investing most of my money to get my own place in the future, even though I have a good job it’s still a bit expensive to get your own house in the country that I live(I live in South America), but not impossible.

So, my GF and I we met when I was 22, right after I just stopped going to my therapist after a long year of fixing my brain to think healthier because I was a mess before.

But since we got together she’s always been complaining about things in her life, about her parents, job(since we were together she never really worked on a 9-5, just some internships, etc), some girl at work/college, her brother, the food that we ordered(she chose hers and didn’t like), her eating disorder, etc. it’s always something.

And I try to be supportive, to help anyway I can, I listen, I try to draw solutions with her when she’s in a solution-oriented phase, not just a “shut and just hear me”-phase, I even offered her the idea of starting therapy and I would pay and I’ve been paying for almost a year already.

I understand her point and anxiety, the uncertainty of the the future, but it’s not just her, the whole country is knee deep in shit, I also suffered, I work my ass off, but I try to enjoy things, try to do my best everyday.

Even though her family also aren’t wealthy, she had way more opportunities than me, studied in waaay better schools, had access to much more information, did a lot more stuff than me, went to shows, travelled, recently she got into the top university in my country, and probably a top 5 in the whole continent, she loves to boast about her college, meanwhile the only thing I had in life before her was my work, something that I was lucky enough to enjoy doing when I was 13( used to write Minecraft mods).

Yesterday I got a message from her that she and her parent are going to travel to some countries in Europe this year, and today I got another message about uncertainty of her future, meanwhile I’m here, working at 2 jobs, investing as much as I can every month to have a place that I can call my own in MAYBE, juuuuuuuusst MAYBE, 10~15 years from now.

She doesn’t just complain to me, she complains to her friends, even to her therapist, that I unfortunate listened a couple of times, sometimes she has her therapy(online) when she’s at my apartment and doesn’t care that I listen, most of the times I’m asleep anyways.

I want to help her, and I’m trying to, but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t want to help herself, I started going to the gym last year to be a better version of myself, I want to be healthier, and also to be good looking for my partner, and at end of last year I tried to be supportive so she could also start doing something, she wanted to do Pilates, I paid for a few Pilates classes, she said she enjoyed it but stopped because this year’s college schedule wouldn’t allow her to make time to Pilates classes, even though she’s the one choosing the college schedule.

When she’s spending time at my apartment she rarely does the dishes or help with dinner/lunch, I’m the one doing/cooking/paying, I don’t mind paying because my income is like 10x hers, but I do need to ask her to do things or she won’t do by herself.

Last week she spent the whole week with me, but I got too busy at work(I work from home), and I had to ask her to cook our lunch, because I was too busy, I wish that she would offer more help, I don’t want to be like a man in the 80s making his partner do all the chores while he’s making bread, but I would like that she at least offered to help.

When she had her apartment, before moving back to her parents, I would spend some days there, I did the dishes, I cooked, helped clean the apartment, bought dinner, etc. I would do things without her having to ask because that how I grew up, my parents were the type of people that if you invited them to dinner your house would be cleaner after the dinner than before.

There’s also her self-esteem issues, she’s always like “why are you with me?”, saying self deprecating things, putting me on a pedestal like I’m something too good for her, I’m always “I’m with you because I love you”, but I’m starting to question myself if that’s really it and if my feelings are real, or it’s just something I have for her because she’s my first love, while I’m her 5th or something, sometimes I think I was just a safe option.

Does someone had a similar relationship? Does it get better with time?

How can I approach this with her?

Hi All. Wondering if anyone has had success in staying in a relationship after someone cheats. So many of these posts are “just leave” advice and that’s not entirely helpful when trying to work on things. So hoping there are people out there which some success stories.

I (30F) cheated on my (34m) husband of 8 years. We had a rocky start, got married quick (due to pregnancy), and had terrible communication (on both sides) for years. Neither of us were very good at expressing our emotions or communicating our needs. I feel like this was due to us being young, not really knowing each other well before getting married, and him leaving for a lot of military trainings/deployments. The cheating was no more than a hookup, I wasn’t looking for any type of relationship but the person was a mutual friend. I really feel like I fell into the wrong crowd of friends (I’m a SAHM) who were cheating on their spouses and made it seem like it was okay. I have since cut ties with this friend and can see how their toxic ways really leached into my life.

I know that I made a mistake and truly do regret it. And I have so much hurt and regret for the mess I’ve caused. In my heart I believe that this was an isolated incident and with work & better communication with my spouse we could get through this. We have 3 small children and it’s scary to imagine their lives being torn apart; yes I should have considered them when cheating. I do know this, it eats at me everyday. My biggest fear is that we can make it work but he’s hurt deeply by my actions and will live with resentment and some type of disgust for me for the rest of our lives. I’m worried we won’t be able to get back to a place where he’s not always living in fear, seeing me as a shitty person, or can find himself lusting for our love again. Living together knowing he feels this way would be harder than separating and starting over. Obviously it’s all fresh but I’m really hoping there are people out there who have had success in working things out. Please go easy on me as I’m looking for success stories or some positive feedback. I’ve read many, many of yalls comments telling everyone to just leave and while I understand that’s the logic for situations like this, is trying to make things right again just absolutely the wrong answer? Would love some positivity and success stories if they are out there. I’m prepared to face to true consequences of my actions but damn, I really am not ready too.

My wife and I have had an on-again, off-again relationship for many years. Late into our relationship, we decided to have a child, who is now 1.5 years old, and we are both fully committed to his well-being. Though unmarried at the time, we married during his first year for security, and maybe a bit out of fear.

However, at the first sign of tension, she suggested divorce, which was demoralizing for me (it was still early into the marriage but too late for an annulment). In hindsight, we probably shouldn’t have married. Our intimacy has become non-existent, and due to her moods, we often don’t get along—she can be hard on me. Though we argue at times, I am not an angry person, and there is never any threat of physical violence. She has no desire to work on the marriage - I've asked her directly.

We live in a nice home I purchased before our marriage. She is a stay-at-home mom, which we both wanted. I have a stable WFH job (8 AM - 5 PM) and ensure she feels secure by transferring money to her savings monthly (she also helps me a bit with my side biz, which doesn't take much time for either of us). She is a very good mom.

I definitely help around the house, getting up with the baby daily between 5:15 and 5:50 AM and giving him breakfast before she takes over. I am not a stranger to changing diapers.

While she handles most childcare, I’ve encouraged her to hire a mother’s helper. We have no help from family, and my wife's only time to herself is in the evenings when our child goes to sleep, or a bit more on Sundays when I try to do more of the childcare. I posted ads and tried to facilitate the hiring, but it seems she is too anxious to allow someone else to care for our child.

She is very particular about her space and gets mad over little things that I might do - she likely struggles with depression. I am not a difficult person to live with, but she thinks I am. She wants to live apart but in close proximity, but I can't simply sell our nice home and buy a duplex, especially with current mortgage rates.

I don’t want to live with her anymore, but I also won’t leave my child. My greatest concern is his well-being.

I know the above is a one-sided description, but I am not deliberately hiding anything to frame myself as the victim. I have no addictions (no drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.,) or major personality disorders, and I put my family first. I am not perfect and probably have negative things about me that contributed to me ending up in such a relationship.

I have considered getting an apartment for myself, but I would end up being at the home all the time anyway because I don't want to be apart from my child. The answer is probably obvious to others, but I feel stuck. What advice can you give me on how to proceed? While I try to build up security for my son, it would suck to have to waste a bunch of money on an attorney, a separate living situation, another car (we share one), etc., but I have to do what's necessary for our sanity.

I’ve been in a relationship for 9.5 years, naturally we’ve gone through tremendous ups and downs along the way and have always had each others back. There is an age gap between us of 8.5 years, he’s 40 and I’m 32. When we first met I 22 and he was 30. At 22, I did not have much to offer and had a bit of a drinking problem. No job, no car, not even a license, but we knew there was something special between us. With him being older and a little more emotionally intelligent than I, he protected himself by telling me that it wasn’t gonna work although we knew we wanted to be together at some point down the road. I was quite disappointed that my lack of independence caused me to lose someone that I knew I could love, for the long term, so I “got my shit together” to win him back, and now we’ve been together for 10 years in March.

To make a long story short, he dealt with a lot from me within the first 4-5 years of our relationship, from me finding jobs, to quitting jobs, struggling with drinking, etc. However, within the last 5-6 years I’ve cleaned up. I don’t drink anymore at all— I work full time making a 6 figure income, I just bought us a new home in 2022, and I try to do whatever I can to be the best partner I can be. (Although I never claimed to be perfect).

The issue now is finances. I very much have a growth mindset in the aspect, I want to invest, build a real estate portfolio, create passive income in hopes to work less and enjoy life more. Isn’t that what this life thing is is about?

On the other, he is 40 years old with no retirement plan, no savings account, has over $40,000 in credit card debt, and although he’s made small changes and started to tackle the credit card debt, (because I’ve had to practically lose my shit for him to make said changes) I think there is much more room for improvement and he seems to think that slow progress is better than no progress, but time is not on our side and I think he needs to buckle down 100% vs slowly improving because it’s what is comfortable for him.

I’ve even offered to help him pay down the debt once I see a substantial change in his habits, which has yet to happen. Although he’s an incredible person and I’ve always admired his selflessness, humanitarian qualities, and ability to brighten a room just with his presence, he is very stagnant, he doesn’t think my point of view is valid when I tell him to stop eating out, buckle down and get the debt paid off, stop taking weekend vacations, etc. He tells me that I’m gonna “take his sanity away from him” if he has to make these changes although I think it’s what needs to be done or else I’m risking my financial future as well.

I’m trying to figure out if it’s worthy of considering separation over this issue because it’s caused so many problems with very little sign of improvement. Sometimes I think the love we have for each other and who he is as a person is enough to “just deal with it” but sometimes I’d rather be alone then resent someone for potentially stripping me of my future because they don’t want to make some uncomfortable sacrifices for a few years.

Do you guys have any advice because?t

I M24 feel stuck in this relationship with my gf (fake name) Lucy F26 of a year. 1 year

This is my first proper relationship, before being quite afraid of commitment and only had brief relationships. We started as a situationship until Feb last year when she expressed her dislike of it and demanded I chose if we were together or not. I built quite a bond with her, she really had my back against some very hard situations at the time so I thought why not give it a shot.

Over the past year, we ended up arguing more and more and as time went on, I started feeling less and less interested in this relationship and sought to be single again as we seem to conflict our personalities when we argue, showing an obvious rift between us. It felt like alot of the time she was far more interested in me than vice versa, which led to multiple breakups before. I guess one stipulation worth mentioning is that I used to live in London before moving out to a nearby city due some really toxic friends ruining the experience and I wanted a change in life. When I came back to London to visit fairly frequently, I would crash round her house and that became quite a common routine as sometimes I also missed my friends and experiences in London. I do sometimes regret this move so perhaps I wouldn't have had this reliance on her but I was really struggling to be happy in london at the time.

Anyway, she really helped me feel supported against these toxic people who, with her support, are widely shunned by my group of friends now which is great, everyone I know keeps thier distance from them as thier toxicity is well known. I plan to move back to London due to this, and I think putting all these factors together, mainly the arguing, I decided to try breaking up and moving on yesterday for good. I mentioned in person how I feel like it's not worth all the arguing and for her to feel not reassured by me but she freaks out and ends up in fits of crying and says she hates me. This really hurts as I still really care about her, and the thought of her (and probably her friends) hating me really fills me with dread and worry because they've been such good influences in my life. I've tried so hard to mutually agree on a breakup with her, mentioning how much we argue etc, but she never will agree and feels like she'll always hate my guts if I do. I ended up saying I wanna be back with her (purely because I hated her being hateful towards me) and as I thought, she was nice to me again and I could calm down.

The break up would also mean going to London less, I could crash at some friends places before I move back for gigs, and I'm fine with that but I just don't know how or when or if to escape this relationship. I don't know if I should wait till I go back to London so I no longer have any reliance or that's just delaying the inevitable. One things for sure is it will definitely be over text because I really can't deal with her fits of sadness and anger in person, I find it low-key traumatising.

That's the story, any advice would really help. Thanks?

For context they dated for around 6 years, and he was the absolute worst to her, tried to get her to leave many times, but she continued to stay for years until recently. Recently shes been doing well and even has a potential suitor who makes her happy. We were talking the other night and apparently her ex came back into her life. She says that he still loves her and doesnt like her new interest. Whats crazy is i dont understand why shes doing this? Apparently he picks her up and drops her off to and from work everyday, they go out for breakfast with each other, she admitted to still having certain feelings, and feeling nice when he compliments her still but she claims she doesnt want him back and that she just wants to be friends because they have great times together and she loves to laugh with him?? It was one time we had to take her to the hospital because he beat her so bad. Apparently he kissed her as well and it was just one time thing because she doesnt want to kiss him anymore but i dont know whats going on? Why is she doing this, definitely while having a great guy in her life?

Things have not been easy in my marriage lately. I work a full time job that has only added more hours and responsibilities over my career and now may be under threat due to the political climate. I was given a promotion last year but it was rescinded due to me being "better suited for company efficiency in your previous position". So right now I am struggling working 12-14 hour days 6 days week to keep the lights on. On top of that my wife wants a vacation for her birthday and our goal for the year is to pay off a credit card and a student loan.

Suffice to say I am stressed.

I try to spend what little time I have with my wife. I have given up all my friends, social gatherings, and any hobbies I had to give her care and attention. But recently she has been dropping a lot of statements that feel like she is accusing me of infidelity. Any time a notification goes off on my phone she accuses me of receiving texts and dirty snaps from other women. If I am twenty minutes late home from work, despite telling her that I am going to the grocery, then "you could have been seeing another woman." She claims she doesn't know where I am at work and even when I show her a GPS trail of my daily route that is updated every thirty seconds, then it's some nonsense about me having possibly dozens of mistresses that I visit for less than half a minute.

I know it's insecurity. But no matter how many times I swear to her that I am not cheating she will continue to accuse. And to me that is calling me an unfaithful liar. I am not even an attractive or charismatic man; I am just a tired working class jerk, and all I am doing is my best to provide for her.

TL;DR my wife keeps accusing me of cheating, I need advice on how to settle her fears in a mature and calm manner.

EDIT, the GPS is work required, not her snooping.

I need your insight regarding my current relationship.

I’m (33F) in a relationship with my 39-year-old boyfriend. He has a 6-year-old son from a previous relationship. I’m currently pregnant with his child.

We moved in together a year ago because he was living with roommates. We recently moved into a bigger house that I found on my own since he told me that it was mostly a “woman’ s business” to shop houses and that my choice would be his choice anyway.

He smokes weed daily despite attempting to stop twice last year. He found a temporary job while building his business (he’s an electrician). His business is not very successful yet, but he has a plan to increase his income. My worry is that he gets demotivated very quickly (maybe because of his daily weed-smoking habit?).

Our relationship started well , despite some red flags (him cancelling plans, being contantly late, not apologizing, having old-fashioned views about women) but I realize now that we may not be a good match. I no longer feel attracted to him and don’t want to kiss him or be intimate with him.

This is also probably due to his lack of organization/motivation, tendancy to procrastinate, his poor hygiene and his lack of involvement in the household. He doesn’t necessary help out unless I ask for it and he’s kind of a messy person (leaving his dirty clothes for weeks in the hamper, not wiping out the counter after eating, etc…) My friends told me that most men are the same but being a very clean person, it bothers me a lot.

He is very affectionate, romantic and wants to have intercourse quite regularly. I refuse to, most of the time and he is very unhappy about this. We’re both unhappy it seems.

Deep down, I feel like I should leave him and that we’re not a good match, but I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy making me think like that.

I don’t want to deprive my child of his father, but I don’t feel like I want to pursue a long-term relationship with him. He’s very kind and I don’t him to be with someone who doesn’t make him happy.

I don’t know what to do and I’m in great despair.
Thank you for any guidance you can provide.

PS: sorry for the spelling mistakes, I’m not a native English speaker.

Pretty much what the title says. I'm 3 weeks clean and furious. Of course I'm craving the nic, and have been more irritable recently, but I've stayed strong. My bf clearly hasn't. We were on Facetime and he thought I was asleep. I saw him get up and grab something, then lay back down and shortly after I saw him hit a vape. A geek bar, which is what we usually smoked. So I know for a fact it was a vape he was smoking. I understand if he doesn't want to/isn't ready to quit, but I don't understand why he said he would quit with me if he wasn't gonna follow through or wasn't ready to. It's not like I forced him to quit with me. My biggest issue is him doing it behind my back being sneaky, and thinking he won't get caught. It makes me start to think of what else he might be lying about and doing behind my back. I would have rather him have come to me and said he's not ready to quit. Honestly, this broke my trust with him, I'm hurt and angry and I'm unsure how to address this with him. Any advice or comment is appreciated. :)

My boyfriend constantly tells me I need to gain weight because I used to be a little bigger, more toned i guess. I weigh 98 lbs now. I find it very hypocritical because in the past I found him looking at photos on his phone at girls on google that looks freshly 18 with no boobs, no butt, and really small framed. I also seen on his Facebook the reels that popped up where the girls dance and do cringy stuff, they look the same as what he looked up on google. I just don’t understand how someone can be such a hypocrite.

The only reason why I looked is because he’s done something skeptical in the past. I haven’t looked since.

For some better context, we had only been dating for a couple of months, about 6 to be exact. Still, we have seen each other every single day since we started, and have been living together since about a month into the relationship. It made sense at the time, she couldn't figure out where she was going to stay after the summer, and I offered my place because it was closer to her school. Over the last three months, we have gotten into a few fights, and nothing has ever been physical or abusive. A couple of weeks ago we got into a fight about how I tend to react in some situations. This is where I will admit my wrongdoing, she told me I made her feel like it was her fault every time I got upset, and instead of apologizing I told her "How am I not supposed to get upset when you are actively doing something that led to me getting hurt" and "how am I not supposed to take it out on you when you are the only one in my direct vicinity". This was completely my ego, and I fucked up big time by saying this I get that, I would never intentionally have directed my anger at her, but my feelings towards her at this point had built up into a bit of resentment. I felt like every day I was working towards a better life for us. I was struggling at work because they had cut me down to 2 shifts a week and I was making servers pay, so I couldn't afford things like Christmas presents and groceries. I felt horrible about this and it completely crushed my pride. I never let that affect us at the time though. I got a campus job, threw myself back into school, and canceled all of my subscription services to account for the loss in pay.

Throughout this, I never asked for help with the rent or any other expenses aside from groceries so she could pay for her college classes because she was stressed about that. My actions that day were fucked up and I made so many decisions in my lack of judgment that it put heavy pressure on our relationship afterward, and that combined with all the other stress I had taken on just burned bridge after bridge with her. I can and will accept my wrongdoing and grow from it, but I feel like I haven't been cut any slack for the number of times I did things right. I didn't have a family or sister to go talk to when I was upset, guys don't talk about relationship problems with their homies. I always tried to deal with my stress, annoyance, and frustration by staying quiet and dealing with it on my own, but when I did this she took it as me being angry with her! She told me I could talk to her, but how do you talk to the person you love when they won't listen or when the topic is about them? and then they say "I don't want to talk about it anymore" as soon as you disagree on something? I admit I am an asshole, but I gave so much and got so little in return. Except for comments on how I wasn't spending enough time with her, but we lived together? I was always right there. She would spend whole days on TikTok or watching TV or reading even after I got back on my ADHD meds, quit video games, and tried to start helping out more and building that life she said she wanted. I was always available to hang out, but I was always expected to be the one who set up dates, I was the one who was expected to take her out and make her feel special. The gifts were great and she always seemed so happy to give them to me but all I wanted was more than just things, I wanted her to work as hard as I did.

I thought we were a team, but it always felt so one-sided. So yes. Was I an asshole? For sure I was, but I'm still a human being, and I felt like I couldn't express how I felt because she never heard me. I couldn't deal with it on my own because that made me childish. I couldn't slip up and take an annoyed or frustrated loader tone because it scared her. I said what I said and I can't take it back. I picked the wrong moment to stand my ground and it bit me in the ass. She left me, blocked my number, and didn't say a word to me beforehand. Six months, Seven if you count before we started dating, of seeing each other every single day, and I get no closure. I got no opportunity to help her understand because I was at the point where I was so closed off, stressed, tired, annoyed, and upset that I couldn't get over myself and make things right. I just needed to get it out there and see what people thought. She's made me question wether or not I'm a good person, and that is one of my deepest insecurities. She promised not even 5 days ago that she wasn't going anywhere, and yet here we are. I thought when you loved someone you fought through this stuff. I just don't get it, and yet at the same time, I get it all too well.

So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months and all has been well, except the other night I caught him in a lie. He told me he wanted to go to sleep early since the next day was going to be busy (he was going to travel up-country to see me), but when I called him hours later to let him know I was going to sleep, I found out he was out with his friends eating food/hanging out (he tried to lie and say he was still in bed, but I heard voices and he confessed). It hurt so bad, considering we had mildly argued earlier that night about him wanting to go to sleep early and me wanting to talk a little longer.

He’s very much a ‘I want my free time’ kind of guy, and I’ve been very much a ‘You are my free time’ kind of girl. Recently, however, I’ve been giving him more space to do what he’d like to do without the responsibility of needing to text me every second. It became a problem and I knew I needed to work on that nasty attachment style of mine. Since that resolution, things have been great!

Back to catching him in the lie, though:

When I expressed my upset with him over the lie and how it made me feel that he wouldn’t give up time for me but he would for his friends, he turned off his phone and only called me until he was home. He ended up explaining that the reasons he got up and didn’t tell me a single thing was because 1) had he—I wouldn’t have let him go out, and 2) one of the friends he was meeting up with he hadn’t seen in 5+ months. He apologized, said he’d never do that again, and I believe him. But since that event, it made me think of all the times he’s done similar things.

I’ve asked to visit him in his hometown several times and he constantly shoots me down. Mainly because he works on weekends and I’m only free on weekends. He says he doesn’t want to meet for lunch because he’d rather sleep. But didn’t I just tell you that he gave up sleep after his friends called him inviting him out to dinner at 12:30am? He’s also woken up to their calls to go to the gym. He’ll skip sleep to hang out with just about anyone but me.

It makes me feel less important. It makes me feel like I’m asking too much. But even after I sit with myself and breathe the mantra that he’s allowed his freedom and doesn’t have to tell me everything, it still hurts that I’m not always considered; that my feelings aren’t valuable enough to be put first.

I didn’t add all information, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask. But my question is: how can I begin to understand his want of freedom/his lack of wanting to see me whenever opportunity strikes? Am I making a problem out of my own unresolved trauma, or am I noticing an unfavorable pattern that will eventually break us apart?

Edit: A lot of people have commented similar things, so I think it deserves clarification.

1. My boyfriend and I constantly call each other to tell each other good night even if we know the other is sleeping. This is nothing new, nor is it out of either person’s boundaries. We think it is cute, hence why I made the effort even though he was ‘asleep’.
2. “Wouldn’t let him.” Yes, I have been guilty of making him feel bad when we wanted to do something other than talk to me. I admitted my attachment style was nasty and that I have since worked on it. The efforts I’ve made to detach myself from his personal life have sustained themselves for the past month. We are in a much healthier position.

Overall, I made this post because I feel my efforts to get better about his space have not been met with his own to meet certain needs I have (quality time). He sees his friends and family often and I do not bother him while he’s busy like I once did.

My boyfriend is a lot more emotional than me, which is something I'm used to, and apparently is what I'm attracted to because this has always been the case in my relationships. That's fine, I am forever working on being more sensitive.

However, I feel like I'm reaching my limit. Usually when I ask a question that begins with "why", it causes hurt feelings, no matter how playful or lighthearted the question is or how much I go out of my way to preface it with "any answer is okay -- I'm not judging you!"

The other day he gave me a sip of his water from his yeti and I laughed a little and m asked him why he had a yeti with a hot dog on it. He got super defensive and asked what's wrong with that, and I said, "well nothing, it's just you don't particularly like hot dogs, so I was just wondering" and he said, "I do like hot dogs! I don't PARTICU--" and was about to say he doesn't particularly like hot dogs but then realized that's exactly what I said and stopped himself. Then he went on this long, long monologue of all the hot dog places he has enjoyed in his lifetime, and I was like, yeah, but you like hamburgers too and you don't have a hamburger yeti, and he said, I would if I saw one! And the entire conversation felt insane, and then I realized the hot dog yeti was from Chicago and he used to live there and Chicago is known for hot dogs so I was like, oh THATS why you have a hot dog yeti. And he was like, yeah, I tried to explain that to you! And I was like, no, you went on and on about how much you like hot dogs.

If we're having an argument and he says he's sorry and I ask what he's sorry about, he gets super upset and says I should know. I guess this is more common, but it's part of the problem, too.

Today, I asked why he found some data interesting, because I was just curious. Totally innocuous question. He again got super defensive and was saying, "I just do! I think it's interesting! I don't think there's anything wrong with that!" No, of course there isn't, I was just curious, geeeeez.

And then if I try to talk to him about how I don't feel like I can have meaningful conversations with him because when I ask him questions -- no matter how small -- it always becomes a fight, he starts crying and says I'm yelling at him. I mean, he is ALWAYS crying when I try to have a serious conversation with him. I truly am starting to feel like I'm unable to talk to him about anything going on in his mind, and it's making me doubt that this can work.

Can anyone relate to his perspective? I feel like there's something I'm missing here.

Howdy. I (25m) have been dating my gf (24f) for 3 years. We met while in college. We have been living together since we both finished undergrad (about 2 years ago). My gf is currently in grad school and I work as an engineer. Through our time together, I have learned about past issues that my mom and gf have had.

Her mom was very manipulative to her while growing up. I have begun to see the same manipulation tactics as I’ve gotten closer to her family. They’re small things, but they’re present regardless. For example, her mom will buy her a nice gift, but will come back three weeks later saying, “Remember when I bought you ___. You’re going to watch our dog/house this week while we are gone. You owe it to us.” She has also used the fact that my gf is still on their health insurance to tell her she couldn’t color her hair or get a tattoo (both things my GF really wants.) I understand if these seem irrational or very minor, but these are just a few to mention. I have pointed some things out to my gf that I find strange or concerning. My gf acknowledges them as being strange and concerning but just says “that’s just the way my mom is.” It doesn’t seem quite fair to me.

Her mom has began to make comments to me, more so in the past year. Her mom has picked up the fact that she stresses me out a bit. This is due to her also being chronically late, on top of being manipulative to my gf. I grew up in a lower middle class fam from the Midwest that emphasized hard work and punctuality. (~10 mins early to everything) My gf’s fam is upper middle class from TX and is usually 10-15mins late to everything. To me, I find that people who are chronically late or “time blind” are inconsiderate/selfish/disrespectful of others time. Luckily, my gf is the black sheep and is punctual. Her mom has acknowledged that she has stressed me out while making us late to dinner reservations, events, and parties. She usually does so by poking fun about it stressing me out. Recently, we were late to their very close family friend’s wedding bc her mom decided to wait to get ready 20 mins before we had to leave (walked in at the beginning of the ceremony). When she’s on time, she will make comments like, “See OP I’m on time this time!” Or, “Wow look at me OP, we’re early! I still had more time.” This usually grinds my gears as I was the one to coax everything along to be there in a timely manner.

Sorry for the rant/ramble. I’m nervous for the future with my gf as it becomes closer to proposal time. I dont want to fall in line with the nightmare MIL stereotypes. I know it isn’t fair to my gf that her mom is the deciding factor.

Y’all might find some of this valid but I also might just need an anti-anxiety prescription. Would love to hear your advice.

I graduated back in April of 2024 and due to family situations I’ve been living with my grandmother. Mother doesn’t have a place with room, father has 1 extra bedroom for myself and my sister who needs a place to stay occasionally. My grandmother is very religious - and grew up/lived very privileged - and the family has always spoken about how she feels she has to be in control.

My cousin introduced me to this girl (24F) on a complete blind date. We didn’t know what each other looked like and we hit it off. We get along very well and have been dating for almost 8 months. At first my girlfriend lived far away. I’d go visit her for a couple days and then she would come here for a couple days. She would stay in a seperate room, because it’s the only way my grandmother was comfortable.

Now my gf has moved to the city and since then my grandmother has been making increasingly strange or controlling comments about our relationship. She’s mentioned introducing me to her friends granddaughters to set me up - because they’re from rich families. Now she’s been really upset for the past 2 days and approaching me about how since my gf and I are intimate with each other I’m ruining my life.

She says that since we are intimate, “we’re already basically married” and then when my gf inevitably gets pregnant my life is ruined. She says she’s ruining my career and future since I didn’t want to move to the US from Canada for a job offer. Judging her about if she can actually cook and be clean (which she can much more than myself). She’s saying my girlfriend cannot visit anymore - which is fine since I’m living at my grandmothers house and not my own - but it rubs me the wrong way. She says once my girlfriend is pregnant I have to leave

My girlfriend is very sweet, clean, thoughtful, and caring. I do deeply believe that the main issues my grandmother has is that my girlfriend’s family isn’t financially up to her standards and that I am intimate with her. I have always told my grandmother that it’s “your place and your rules so I’m fine with anything” but I worry that this will just be getting more and more constant. She approached me about it this morning and I got super light headed. Is it time for me to leave? Id get my own place if I could but I’m out of work right now… maybe I should reach back out to my parents?