/r/actuallesbians
/r/actuallesbians — a place for cis and trans lesbians, bisexual girls, chicks who like chicks, bi-curious folks, dykes, butches, femmes, girls who kiss girls, birls, bois, aces, anyone in the LGBT+ community, or anyone else interested! We're not a militant or exclusive group, feel free to join up!
/r/actuallesbians — a place for cis and trans lesbians, bisexual girls, chicks who like chicks, bi-curious folks, dykes, butches, femmes, girls who kiss girls, birls, bois, aces, anyone in the LGBT+ community, or anyone else interested! We're not a militant or exclusive group, feel free to join up!
All the rules on AL's sidebar apply to the Discord server plus any additional rules the Discord specific mods have chosen to implement.
This is the only official chatroom. Public chatrooms other than this one may not be advertised in this subreddit, as we cannot ensure their security or safety.
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/r/actuallesbians
my gf and i (both 16f) have been together for a month (we talked for 3 months prior), and i was on ft with her bc she lives far. im gonna fly up to see her soon and wanna make that the moment when i say it but recently ive been getting the urge to tell her i love her 😩 she was just playing the guitar for me and i almost spit it out and i don’t wanna scare her off on accident.
I’m a 26 F and I’m coming to the conclusion (for the second time) that I’m a lesbian. It makes me want to break down and cry bc comphet, internalized homophobia, and religious trauma has kept me from realizing who I really am for a long time now. I originally came out in college as pansexual bc I was too scared to embrace the title of lesbian and it blew up in my face. I did not expect so much alienation and disappointment from people around me.. I became scared that I won’t ever be able to find love if I’m actually a lesbian. And worse than that,, I won’t be able to fully love and accept myself enough… I think life would be 100x harder to live if I accepted this part of myself and I don’t know what to do. Now that I know, I feel like life isn’t worth living if it’s going to be THIS hard. (Not enough to be su*cidal right now, but leaning towards depression)
TLDR; life as a lesbian seems like it would be really hard and its stopping me from being able to fully accept who i am,, how did you all learn to accept yourself and have hope for the future (especially those of you with religious trauma)
No seriously what the hell? I never imagined how insanely hot phone sex can be especially when it’s with the right person. My mind is completely blown…
There’s something so mesmerizing about hearing her fully let go for me. She’s usually a bit shy so when she loses herself like that it’s like I’m hearing the most beautiful sound ever created 😍
When I’m telling her exactly what I want to do to her and she’s loosing control on the other end, I sometimes have to pause just to catch my breath. The way she’s turned on drive me wild and it makes it so hard for me to get my words out or to finish my sentence.
This morning we were on the phone for five hours which eventually of course lead to things getting heated between us. Right after she came I keep talking to her very intense which drove her crazy and she came again right after! 😍 I can’t get enough of this girl
Have you had any great phone sex experiences? Tell me about them
So, my general question is: does bi mean a woman who can select a partner of either gender for a monogamous relationship; or a woman who can't have a monogamous relationship cause she needs sexual relations with both? Does that make sense?
Anytime my girlfriend is doing something on her own she doesn’t want me to talk to her or around her. I get it sometimes. Tonight I am in our bedroom talking to our dog and she is rooms away from me writing a paper. She shouted from the other room for me to be quiet and said it’s inconsiderate that I am talking. Should I actually be quiet in this situation or is she the one being inconsiderate?
Unless the breakup was extremely toxic ofc.
I believe that as women, many times we have the emotional elasticity to turn lovers into great friends. I have had that experience once, it takes time but it worked fine. However, in that case I really had no feelings whatsoever for my ex anymore.
Do you think that is always like this? Or sometimes its just both parts still having hidden romantic feelings for each other what motivates seeking the friendship, but with the hopes of getting back together?
Would this make you jealous if your current gf was still friends with her ex? Is there a limit? Like her and her now friend ex going on a trip together would be okay?
Is it different in different countries lesbian scenes?
i fumbled a baddie and didn’t even know it bc i didn’t even think she liked having me as a friend!! she had a bf now (she’s bi and this was a year & 1/2 ago) and they seem happy but still lowkey mad at myself lol
Inspired by this post. Which jobs or fields get a +1 for you when you're on a date? Bonus: what do you (want) to do? My answer: law, education, technician & mechanics, and I want to work in higher ed.
I had top surgery because I’m extremely prone to breast cancer, and because I hated them (I’m in my roommates room because she was in the bathroom)
[cw: talk of suicide]
i'm really confused. it all started around six months ago when i thought i had a crush on this person—i'm gonna call them garlic from now on—and i kinda wanted to ask them out, but then garlic and i got into a fight and they ended up not talking with for a month and in that month a girl—i'm gonna call her ornament from now on—asked me out, i had a crush on her for like a year, but i thought i got over it, but her asking me out ignited that crush all over again. i said yes. i love her a lot, but i also can't shake the amount of problems in this relationship as well. i'll start from the smallest to biggest. we don't really have anything in common and just end up doing nothing or making out when we meet up. ornament also doesn't really answer my messages often and when she does she kinda dry texts and i need to use a lot of effort to make conversation—and i'm not good at conversation—and this effort to make conversation is also present irl when we meet up. it's very small, but it bothers me a lot that i need to put all the effort for the barest of conversations. both of us are also not very mentally stable, and i always fear that ornament might decide to end everything if i hurt her. so, i'm always fearful to talk with her about my problems in the relationship. and now for the biggest problem, which is related to me. i'm not sure if i'm over my crush with garlic. today they told me that they had a crush on me around when i had a crush on them and that fucked me up. it sent me to a spiral of feeling horrible for being happy about that, and i feel like i should break up with ornament for her good, because i'm not good enough.
please if any of you have any advice please tell me. this is my first relationship, and everything moved so fast, and idk what to do.
they cracked me up so much, I know nothing about basketball but they are amazing 🤩
I'm fairly new to dating in general and my girlfriend is my first partner so I thought maybe I should ask for advice. Gf is a few years older than me and has had partners already and she usually keeps good relationships after breakup. However, her previous partners were abusive or toxic (mostly controlling and isolating) and she usually breaks down and tells me about them. Often even makes questions like "Why did she leave me if I loved her? We could have been happy" and so. At first I was very understanding and thought it was normal since it hadn't been long enough to be completely over it. But lately one of her exes, came back into her life and even suggested getting back together. Ofc she told her no, but is still friends with her and even texts her almost everyday. I don't really want to come across the crazy gf or something and it's not like she treats me any different, but now I fell uneasy everytime she hangs out with her exes despite being sure she doesn't want to go back to them. What should I do or how should I approach it without hurting my girlfriend?
Would just like to say you are fit, love your tattoos and your smile and your beautiful hair. You made my day by giving me a warm smile as I ordered my coffee. You're probably straight but it's fine, I can admire from afar, it happens all the time. Anyway, you are stunning and thanks for gracing the world with your undeniable charm.
Hihi!
Okay, so, me and my gf plan that i visit her end November/beginn december, and we're planning rn
Plan is that i visit her for practicaly 4 full days and on the 5th day i'm leaving again.
Thing is, i'm im germany and she is in the USA, so we both know only our own country well and maybe forget to plan sth, so i wanted to ask what we may could forget but def shouldn't.
In plan rn: ESTA, international drivers license (damn... you really can't get aroumd wothout a car over there it seems...), sim card that works over there (if anyone has experience with prepaid or sth, all Infos are welcome bc k never used one and my current sim doesn't work outside of EU and i Don't really wanna get a dofferent one bc my current contract is pretty good so it's pribs gonna be prepaid ig...?), and i think special health insurance that covers for over there would be good, tho i hope i won't need it...
Anything i've missed?
Title is self explanatory. For those of you who have gone through it, did you go through a period of feeling a little bit bitter towards the situation? Or is it just me….
A lot of emotions I’m unable to process or explain right now. My dad was nice about it. I can’t stop crying
I’m 21 and I go to an historically women’s college filled with lesbians. But there are 0 dating opportunities and I feel like I can’t approach a girl without being a creep. I mostly feel this because there’s no designated “appropriate” place to approach a woman socially other than parties (which is ineffective because they just end up ghosting you). I feel that people are going to hate me for saying this but I sympathize with straight men’s dating struggles COMPLETELY. I get no likes on dating apps, and just feel that no one is interested in me. I have made the first move 100% of the time on dating apps and women responded approximately 13% of the time so I gave up. And yeah, okay, just join a club and get to know people yeah yeah I know I’m getting some clubs up and running. So maybe something good will happen there but I seriously feel that women want absolutely nothing to do with me. I thought lots of girls would like me but that hasn’t happened mostly because I have not prioritized putting myself out there and making time for social connection, however, the opportunities I feel, are just ridiculously scarce for dating.
This has happened several times, but whenever a guy asks me out and I tell him I like girls I get super anxious. Sometimes men will just start harassing you out of nowhere because they’re butthurt and think they can like convert you or smth 💀💀
I (18NB) have liked my friend (17NB) for a while. It's been quite a few months, at the least. I suspect they might like me back, but I'm not sure. The thing is, I've started at a college three hours away, and they're still back at home in their senior year of high school.
If it does end up happening, I don't have much experience with relationships. I've had maybe two that actually counted as a relationship, and any long distance relationships I've tried didn't get very far.
Does anyone have any advice on long distance relationships? What can I do for them when I can't see them in person for weeks at a time? Obviously I'd try to call them as often as possible, but they're very busy until the winter. It's not like we can go on dates or anything while I'm away, so I want to make sure they don't feel neglected. Are online movie and gaming dates my only option? I think both of our love languages are physical touch as well, so this might be a bit difficult 😭 what can I do to make them happy?
We can both drive, so maybe we could meet somewhere in the middle sometimes? There's a zoo that's about an hour from them and two from me, but two hours is still a trip to make for just one day if I'm not going all the way back home. Would this be a bad idea?
So I know I’m romantically attracted to women, but I absolutely cannot see myself enjoying sex with anyone, but I still get horny and I masturbate, what is this???
I think mine is in the runaways when joan jett and cherrie curry kiss on The stooge's I wanna be your dog I don't this scene made me feel things ahah
Hi friends. All my life I was hesitant to ever try to get close to anyone and suddenly now I'm past 35. But now I am scared... People who are older but single, doesn't that mean we're single for a reason? Maybe we are actually toxic? Now I'm a little terrified that I will never meet a kind person near my age
Hi! I’m a 26F and looking for some friends to just chat with in the community! If interested send me a message or comment below ◡̈
hey everyone
i don’t wanna give too much context about what happened but pretty much i was seeing someone i really liked but the relationship gave me anxiety because she was freshly single. she was never consistent with communication, in fact she is horrible at it but after weeks of strained conversation and her obviously slowly backing out of our “relationship” and becoming even shittier at communication because of some personal issues, i’ve decided to just block her and move on.
it hurts like hell but waiting to see if she’ll come back hurts more and causes me even more anxiety. i understand her issues but i feel like she’s being hesitant in giving me a conclusive answer about where i stand with her. i want to be done with it because of the anxiety she causes me but i don’t want to feel like i’m turning my back on her or walking away from what could be a good relationship with lots of work. i don’t feel that she is putting in much effort to keep me, but i know this might be because of the issues she’s dealing with.
do you think i should keep the line of communication open or just close it all off and save myself the trouble and anxiety?
I was so Fred in this scene gosh
Lately I’ve been feeling really horny, I’ve tried masturbating and it worked and a few hours later I’d still be horny. Today I just had sex with my gf and I still feel horny. I’m usually not like this, I don’t get horny 3 times in one day or I don’t stay horny for long. Even when I’m about to start my period I’m never like this. Idk what’s going on with my body lol
She was an exchange student in the US. I fell in love so hard with her and never expected her to have another gf back home. She also seemed so in love with me. We had the most magical time together.
On the last month before her departure, she now confessed to have lost feelings and change her mind about me and came back to her other girl once she arrived in her country.
I got to know about this months after she was back in her country because an anonymous person contacted me to reveal everything and I confronted my then gf on the same day, and confessed everything.
We are still talking and want to keep her as a friend, but it is taking a long time to heal from this as I am extremely confused about everything. How can she say she loves the other girl? They never brokeup and our relationship was so intense emotionally and sexually. Also she confessed she barely contacted her while she was with me. Any thoughts?