i’m a cis woman. she/they pronouns. i appear androgynous but it is not on purpose. i simply feel comfortable in comfy clothes like sweats, baggy shirts, etc… and yes i do wear more masculine professional clothing but its because i feel most comfortable in it.

i got a comment from a friend recently saying if im gonna dress like a man i might as well be one. and i genuinely think she was just joking but it just left me ????? trust me ive debated this before in high school and know myself well that i just enjoy wearing comfy clothing and that just so happens to be more masculine.

i’ve been misgendered alot by restaurant workers but i dont mind it at all. it just sucks cause i was an athlete so with a combo of broad shoulders and masculine clothing, i can see why people call me sir initially, but it doesn’t mean i want to be a man and idk how to convey to my friend that im a bit bothered by her comment. it made it seem like there is a standard to how women should be and im sure this has been a common experience for all women who wear more masculine clothing

Yesterday my fiancée and I told my parents that I’m gay and she and I are getting married. It went just as bad as I had feared. They don’t want anything to do with me and hope I take her name after the wedding.

I’ve spent the last 24 hours crying off and on. Now I just feel dead inside. Boneless. For those of you who have gone through this before, how long did it take before you could feel happy again?

I know my parents vote against my interests. They don't say negative things towards me but when they support people who fundamentally hate me, I feel it. I have young children and I've never kept them from visiting the kids. I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should slow down the contact. I would of course tell them why I would slow down the contact because I'll have to explain to the kids who their grandparents are. To me there is huge value differences between me and them. The kids are still young but I do have concerns that as they age and start asking questions I don't know what kind of influence my parents would be on them. I don't know if I should confront them.

Hi! I just got together with my long time crush about a week ago, and we're planning where to go for the first time. It's also both of our first relationships, so we're treading pretty carefully here I think. We've got a date picked out, and we kind of just want to do something nice together in central London, any suggestions? I was thinking maybe Winter Wonderland, or going to movies, or just walking down Carnaby Street for the Christmas lights, but I don't know honestly.

We were friends for about a month before, so I'm a bit scared of it ending up like just another friend hangout. How could I make it more date-y as well?

Thank you so much!!

Hello all, i was hoping you could help me with a mental dilemma I’ve been facing for quite some time. TW for SA.

So, to keep things short, i went my first 20-something years of life believing I was a “gold star” lesbian. Nothing wrong if one isn’t, it’s just something i personally find kind of cool about myself? Idk.

A while back, I found out my stepdad SA’d me in my sleep for years. To the point where i became pregnant more than once.

To cope with this, i obviously tell myself it doesn’t count, I’m still a “gold star,” but it doesn’t feel that way. It was broken by my own stepdad, and i didn’t even know. Tf?

My dilemma: part of me wants to seek out a penis-possessing-person to have intercourse with. That sounds not great to me, but it also appeases my brain so that (TW) the only real d!ck that’s ever been inside me isn’t my freaking nasty ass stepdads.

I suppose a “loophole” of sorts may be to find a trans lesbian? But then my intention of having intercourse with them kind of invalidates them/their identity. Probably/possibly?

I fully understand i sound insensitive and crass right now…i hope y’all can understand the essence of my feelings/problem and that I’m not intending to disrespect anyone.

And again, i know the term “gold star” has issues and it doesn’t actually mean anything. I may be causing more problems by having this dilemma at all, idk lol.

Just pls give me input. I can’t shake the deep feeling of violation; and for some reason, my “gold star” status is very tightly wrapped up in all the trauma.

My partner and I (both 20NB) broke up in September and got back together last week. It was a messy and confusing breakup during which they were in fight or flight mode and didn't want to reach out for fear that I'd hate them. Last Sunday I reached out because I was fed up with not having an explanation and they read my 14 page google doc outlining problems, solutions, and various other uncommunicated emotions. After that, they asked if I still loved them and sent a very long paragraph apologizing, explaining that they had been pining after me the whole time but thought I hated them. They said they thought breaking up with me was self sabotage and removing stability and happiness from their life.

I agreed to meet up with them that day and we ended up getting back together. We've had a lot of open communication since then which is good because we both barely talked to each other about emotions. We both hate feeling vulnerable or relying on anyone. I'm proud of both of our progress. However since then I've been very scared that our past patterns will come back, even though we're actively improving upon that and discussing how to prevent that together. They agreed to start therapy which is a huge step for them.

I felt so much less anxious when I was single and now I'm just consumed with fear all the time. I don't want to be broken up with every year. I worry that they will change their mind out of nowhere again. Their actions during the past week have proven otherwise and I can definitely see that they're putting in real effort and so am I. Now I'm the one having doubts about the relationship and not knowing how to trust that they want to be with me.

Breaking up with them is not something I will do. I myself probably caused more problems than they did throughout the relationship because I was severely depressed for most of last year and then grieving the loss of my cat. I want to be understanding of them because they stayed with me even when I was obnoxiously depressed and I want to be with them throughout their depression too.

How do I stop worrying about this?

so i was dating my gf for a while, but in sept 2023 i broke things off and then a year later (sept 2024) we got back together after i had a really bad situation that made me realise i was not over my gf when i thought i was, and she told me she was still in love with me this whole time.

well ever since we got back together i just have felt so ugly, she’s the most prettiest girl i’ve ever seen and she’s had multiple talking stages throughout the year when weren’t together and i wonder why she picked me. her ex-talking stages requested me on instagram in the same week when me and her got back together and they’re all so pretty and i feel as if when people see us they think about how my gf could be dating someone prettier.

i’ve spoken to my friends about this but they’re all biased obviously and say that i’m pretty myself and she, in the end, picked me - but it’s not about that, it’s about the fact in GENERAL i’m just not on her level. to outsiders i’m a downgrade. like she’s so amazing and could have anyone, and how i just look awful.

it just upsets me a lot because i didn’t feel this way before but now we’re back together and she’s just so gorgeous and i’m just there. i just feel like everyone, when she posts me, judge me and think i don’t deserve my gf and i’m not on her level.

does anyone have any tips for coping?? i’d love to talk to my mum about this but she isn’t even aware i like girls! so i just feel so helpless and clueless

Hi, just looking for some advice on how to deal with rejection.

I was seeing a girl I met on tinder for about 2 months, it was going really well and we had made lots of future plans etc, but then she ended things with me over a text.

I think I definitely hold myself back a bit and maybe didn’t come across as confident as I’d of liked to which affected things and she sort of alluded to this in the text - I’ve been really in my head about it these last few weeks. I don’t actually feel bothered about things ending with her so I don’t think I liked her as much as I thought - but since being rejected I’ve really been picking myself apart and over analysing everything about myself. It’s so draining and I feel like I’m never going to be able to find a healthy relationship because of the way I think like this.

I know that having more self confidence will improve my dating life so I am planning to spend a few months working on myself.

I’d love some advice if anyone has anything, how do you deal with being rejected? I can’t stop thinking so negatively about myself, and overanalysing everything about our dates etc which I thought went well but I’m overthinking everything now.

I have seen a frankly worrying amount of comments over the past week saying that WLW shouldn't be allowed to be WLW, should have their "WLW privilege" revoked, or things along that line, and uhhh, no, stop that.

WLW can be shitty people too. If they voted for Trump, that's a shitty thing to do and there's a high chance they're shitty people overall. But being queer isn't a reward, it's not a privilege that only decent people are allowed, and bad people aren't somehow less queer than good people.

WLW are still human. We're not all perfect goddesses and if we happen to be the scum of the Earth, we're still WLW. Being queer is not a privilege one can award or take away at will.

i’m on season 2 ep 7 and this is actually so sad and i’ve heard it only gets worse

I moved a lot in my life, but there's two friends from my childhood that sometimes I'm still in touch with because they're daughters of my dad's childhood friend/best friend. I was always closer with the young one (she's one year younger than I), let's call her "A" We used to be so close and we both cried when I had to move to another country. My dad recently told me that the dad of these two friends told him that they want to talk to me again, specially "A". And now I can't stop thinking about her, I'm thinking about all of our good moments and I'm thinking even about how beautiful it would be marrying her, living together, damn she's so beautiful. I'm looking at our old pictures together and I got so nostalgic and I want to cry. Am I weird for being kinda crushing on her by distance even if we haven't talked in years and she lives in another country? Idk if the me from the future told me that we actually get married some day or just see each other, I would be so fucking happy, I would cry.

I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but I’ve never given myself the opportunity to stop and acknowledge just how much my sexuality has effected me. I downplay shit a lot, I don’t like to be pitied or vulnerable, but I need to stop pretending like this doesn’t fucking suck sometimes.

I’ve been aware that I’m gay for years, this isn’t news to me. And I’m still so scared. I wish I could navigate my relationship with my girlfriend like it’s normal, but I can’t because people don’t see it as normal. I’m afraid to tell people that we’re dating. It’s not fair that my siblings and cousins get to bring their partners to family gatherings and I can’t. It’s not fair that I’m scared to go on a date with my girlfriend in public.

I joke a lot like “haha I’m so happy I don’t have to date men” because I don’t know how else to cope. Most of my family knows I’m gay but it’s so fucking awkward. I feel like I’m doing something wrong, and I’m still scared to tell them that I have a girlfriend.

I’m just so tired of being scared. In high school I had a friend who was nice to my face but would say homophobic things behind my back. I genuinely can’t describe the distrust this has given me. If someone is openly homophobic that sucks but at least I can cut the line then and there, but the idea that people in my life are secretly unsupportive and judging me is so terrifying.

Anyways, sorry for the rant. I’ve just been thinking about this stuff a lot

We can’t go more than 3 days without talking to each other, we talk almost every day. We usually face time for at least 2-3 hours but sometimes longer and if either of us stops communicating for more than 3 days we get sad lol. I like her more than a friend, what do you guys think? We were also talking about how much we have in common and how we were meant to meet lol

Back story. We confessed our feeling but neither of us was ready for a relationship but that was earlier this year. We kinda just paused that and have been platonic but she’s been saying things lately that make me wonder. Like we were looking at cute couples and goes “I want a gf” and she talks about how she want me to come over so we can sit in front of her fire place and stuff. Should I ask her if she still has feelings for me and how should I ask?!?

(33F) As the title suggests it takes a long time for me to cum when with a partner. And by that I mean without using a vibrator. I get self conscious bc I can tell they're getting tired whether they're using their hand or mouth or both. I do communicate what feels good and how and where. I'll be close and tell them to keep doing 6 then I lose it. I try not to think too much about it, but idk how not to do that? I can make myself come but even that takes some time. I've never been able to vaginally only exterior and only 3 times in my life has another been able to make me come. Are there exercises or things I should be practicing or doing so I'm not in my head too much? I'm more of a giver but I can tell the couple women I've been with get a little frustrated they can't make me come. They say they aren't but the body language tells me otherwise. I don't want to depend on a vibrator or myself to get me there

Ok so strange but I want to know if this has happened to others…. I hooked up with a girl last night and spent a lot of time going down on her (which was fantastic). This morning, the connective tissue underneath my tongue is super sore 😅 I think I injured it? Wtf?

Has this happened to anyone else? Am I doing something wrong?

I'm 56 years old and I had never fallen in love anyone except my favorite singers. Until I met her. I was at a Halloween party in Tokyo. I was dressed as a 70s singer. She was dressed as a 80s singer. We talked and I felt how I heated up and my heart beat fast. I knew it was love. I was with her for a while and got her contact info.

She's really adorable. She is taller than me and chubby for Japanese standards. She's 40 years old but acts older than me. So cute and a bit perverted. She has lots of sexual experience.

Since then I have been constantly horny and thinking about her so much. I feel like a teenage girl! It's all so exciting like a new world :)

I met with her a few times until she finally confessed just 2 days ago. I'm now her girlfriend. We have cuddled and mutually masturbated but not had sex yet. I can't stop thinking about how I want her to deflower me!!!

Hi guys Im a lesbian and i knew i was since 15yrs old i am now 19. I always thought the reason i couldnt have any relationships was because of the situation of my country. I am from a country that is 98% muslim and the queer community is very much under attack all the time. However i managed to get into a uni in europe where obviously there are much more visible gay people and its not that big of a problem to be queer. Being here for the past couple months i still have not been able to interact with girls in a romantic way. This ofcourse had a big hit on my self confidince and i feel like a failure. I have been on hinge for a couple of months now and i havent even had one person reach out to me. I dont think i am an ugly person although i am a big girl. How does one get involved with the dating scene. I need advice as i dont have many queer friends and i never had a chance to do that back in my home country. Thanks in advance

“I vowed to love someone forever who loves a felonious, raping, oppressive megalomaniac who wants to take my rights. I’m blindsided that this never came up (because I never asked her while dating, spoke about MY values after committing or made it clear what a dealbreaker this would be) & would like for you to hear the specifics of my case & offer sympathies bc I am upSET! What should I do?”

Ya know. Just to streamline things. They’re all getting the same advice from all of us, because there’s only one piece of advice in this situation.

I know it must suck to be married to a Trumper, but you had a choice on letting that in your life, unlike the rest of us. & if it’s a “they were never like this!”, take them to a neurologist. This is not a dig, this is serious advice. Someone wildly changing opinions, especially to support someone who actively wants to destroy them, is often a sign of something else going on. But if it’s just that you never knew, WhAt ShOuLd I dO?

Your due fucking diligence.

Please forgive me for being cringe 😭

Hey y'all. I'm a lesbian who has been married for four years. My spouse identified as a woman when we got married and was feminine presenting. A couple years later, they shifted to nonbinary with a masculine appearance. They are starting to talk about doing HRT but insist they are not a man. I am trying to take them at their word but I know things change, so I'm having a bit of an identity crisis about being married to someone who could possibly identify as a man in the future. I'm wondering if anyone has experienced this. How did you handle your feelings? Any words of wisdom or advice?

TL;DR: My girlfriend appears to have blocked my phone number out of the blue yesterday, yet didn’t block me on Snapchat—though hasn’t responded back to me either and was active on her Instagram account. Don’t know if I did something wrong or if she’s in trouble or anything and it’s starting to make me feel anxious, worried, and hurt.

Yesterday when responding back to my girlfriend’s voice note message with my own, the message didn’t send through, being left on “not delivered”. She was at work by the time I sent it, so I thought maybe her phone died or she somehow didn’t have service suddenly. Nothing in the voice message she first sent me had a tone of like angry or being upset, she was just telling me about some things she did the day before and was driving to work.

So I sent messages on Snapchat, and they’ve been on delivered, but not read. I’m not blocked there, but have yet to be able to still send messages to her actual phone number. My girlfriend has an Instagram account, and just checking that now, she was in fact active on it as she posted yesterday evening.

I’m so confused and honestly just feeling numb around yesterday evening to this morning, and clinging onto this hope there’s obviously a perfectly good explanation for this—though I truly don’t know what I did wrong or if something happened. I remember her telling me when she first tried dating and talking to other women, how she had two bad experiences in the talking stage with two previous women, telling me how they weren’t transparent and communicative with her and she felt led on. I had to reassure her many times that I value communication in a relationship as well and also want her to speak up if she feels uncomfortable or wants her needs met or anything. Now I feel foolish and hurt how she isn’t being open with me, that communication is instantly thrown out the window and went straight to seemingly ignoring me.

Again, I have felt sort of numb and like in a state of denial since it’s been about around 24 hours now; though as I’m typing this, my eyes are getting teary, it literally feels like my heart is sinking deeper into my chest, and I feel sick, like wanting to throw up kind of sick. Since accepting being ace, I never thought I would really find a genuine relationship where someone could accept me for me; which I why I really believe what we have is so real. She’s gorgeous, makes me laugh, I feel genuine happiness when I’m with her, I just wait for her messages every day, she’s incredibly passionate and intelligent, and every time we hold hands or cuddle, just knowing she’s with me and her presence makes me feel this warmth and love that I haven’t felt at all in my previous relationship. You know how people fantasize on like moving in with their partners or what a life would be with them or a wedding and imaging a future with them? I’ve never had those thoughts in my previous relationships, and always felt like maybe something was wrong with me and maybe I’m just meant to be by myself—but this genuinely is the first time I have felt that, like being actually in love. And it’s definitely starting to fucking hurt now and making me feel sick.

I don’t know what to do—I don’t want to constantly blow up her Snapchat if she doesn’t want to talk to me, but I can’t wrap my head around why she hasn’t responded back to me. I checked her Instagram through safari web since I don’t have an account of my own, but had a desperate thought to just make a dump account to message her. Though to me that’s too far and dumb to make an account just for her to possibly ignore or block me. It feels futile, unnecessary, and downright creepy to do that… if she really wanted to talk to me, she can respond to the messages that I’ve already sent her.

Just needed to let all this out when I can before I inevitably cry later.

Take care of yourselves guys, the best ways you can

We're both in our mid twenties, and met on a dating app then met up for the first time last week and have been on three dates. The dates have all gone really well and I am so so attracted to her - she is my exact type, like both her personality and appearance.

Anyway I'm worried that I'm beginning to like her a lot already, and I don't want to fall too fast. I would really love to be one of those chilled girls but I am not. I know she likes me too but I'm sure it definitely isn't as much as I like her. We get along really well and are very flirty and jokey together, and it feels so natural. I find her so easy to talk to and I love spending time with her.

We haven't slept together yet because although I really want to, I told her I wanted to wait a little more (I've ruined things in the past after sleeping with them too soon). She was really respectful of that and said she's happy to wait until I am ready. It feels like we have spent a lot of time together already because every date has turned into us hanging out for like two days, because I am a lesbian stereotype.

However, last night she told me that she wanted to tell me that she is also seeing and sleeping with other people at the moment. She didn't tell me how many but that kinda shattered my heart? Knocked me down a few pegs? And realised I must like her much more than she likes me, because I don't want to date other people. She's the only one I want to be dating.

That kind of made me spiral a little, but I lied and told her that I didn't mind, she doesn't own me anything, and we can just see what happens. But I went a little awkward and quiet after that so I'm worried she might have noticed that it upset me a little.

She is very confident and gorgeous and I shouldn't have been surprised that she is dating multiple people. I am not usually an insecure person but I started overthinking everything after. Like I imagined her having the same types of conversations we have, with other girls, and sleeping with them - and I felt so so jealous I felt my stomach turn? I found myself putting myself down, like thinking how those girls could be hotter than me, funnier, better at sex... and what if she liked them more than me? I don't want to compete with other people, or let someone impact my self esteem so bad.

So she said that she told me because she felt like she needed to, and she said that she doesn't know how long that's gonna go on for, but she wanted to tell me. I don't really know what part meant. She also told me to talk to her if I am overthinking anything, but I can't tell her all this. It's too early on, she can date and sleep with whoever she wants - I know that she doesn't owe me anything, it's only been three dates. I don't want to be too much.

I have never dated anyone before who was also seeing other people - I know that's a very normal thing to do, but I don't know how to deal with these feelings? Like I want to be cool and okay with it, but I feel scared. I'm scared that I'm gonna like her too much and it just all isn't a big deal for her. I really don't want to get hurt, and soon I might end up calling things off with her to protect myself - I used to do that a lot in the past. But at the same time, I really want to see where this could go, and I adore spending time with her. I think I would actually miss her quite a bit already if things ended right now. Maybe I am in too deep already.

(sorry for the long post I am just feeling a lot of emotions rn and need to vent/ need advice)

edit: also she told me she isn't polyamorous, so if things did get more serious between us I don't think that would be an issue later on

Welcome to the daily chat thread! These are a a place to talk with fellow WLW (Women Loving Women) about whatever you like. The threads will show up five days a week. The two days without chat threads are Selfie Saturday and Wedding Wednesday, so save your photos for those days.

Daily threads go up at 9am EST every day and remain stickied on the front page until the next day's thread replaces it.