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I hope it’s ok to post here. I’m hoping this community can help me! This is consuming my life!!

I’m a woman married to a man and I fell in love with my lesbian friend. For more back story please read the previous post from my profile. Anyway. I thought we had something, I’ve never felt this way about someone. I can’t be near her without sweating, I can’t stop thinking about her. I haven’t seen her in months, but my feelings still remain. Sometimes when we would talk others would approach and then ask if they had interrupted something important. Like anytime we talked, everything else disappeared, and when people would try to join our conversation they felt as if they were intruding. We would often sit and talk for hours. It was rare that one of us would just pop by. We would get sucked into each other then realize hours had passed. At first I wasn’t going to say anything. After a while I realized I could not he her friend. I could not get myself to see her that way again. My feelings were suffocating me. I really thought she shared my feelings. Due to glances, lip biting, treating me completely different than those around us, occasionally a light touch (like our thighs or feet under the table), but perhaps it was just normal proximity. I’m a touchy person and these things would normally be fine. I’m assuming she was gauging my reaction, I unfortunately always pulled away. Feeling guilty that I enjoyed her touch, when we’re supposed to be friends. I finally told her how I felt though I explained it very poorly, but was clear my feelings are romantic. Her response was very accepting. She said she saw us as friends and valued our friendship. I told her I couldn’t be her friend, I really can’t. I can’t see her like that, I tried so hard. But I know myself enough to know I probably would have pursued her anyway, I can’t help it. I did tell my husband about what was going on and asked if I could explore this part of me. He was not pleased.

Here’s where I need your help. She denied noticing anything different about how I treated her and said she had no idea. I was really hurt and surprised because I’m nearly certain she felt the same. It also devalued all the moments I thought we shared. Once after an odd moment between us, where I’m pretty sure we had a silent fawning over each other, like long silent pause and unbroken eye contact. She wouldn’t speak to me for weeks after. The next time I saw her she hid and when she realized she would have to say hi, she literally ran out of the building telling she would reach out in a couple weeks.

So my question is…, would you lie about your feelings in this situation?

I don’t mind us not being together, but it kills my soul to think we didn’t actually share these moments. It makes me feel delusional. Please share your thoughts. I would be so grateful for your perspective. Thanks in advance. Again I hope it’s ok to reach out to this community. I don’t know who else to ask. My therapist is a man and hasn’t been much help. Other than to tell me I don’t suffer from delusions and I have a firm grip on reality. PLEASE HELP!!!

Also. I realize now that I’m not completely straight, but don’t care about labels. You can’t help who you love. Call me what you will.

so it happened ! bit complicated but we are broken up and are starting no contact.

i think ive been checked out longer than i thought bc i haven’t cried since our convo. i def cried and sobbed during our break up convo, but once he left it’s like “okay anyways”.

i havent thought of him much either. the thoughts i do have are like oh wonder what he’s doing rn or just thinking like wow he’s not here anymore weird.

id be lying if i said i wasnt relieved. it feels good knowing im single and i think ive wanted this longer than i thought.

i dont rlly know what to do now ? i signed up for therapy to help me figure out how to break up w my ex but like now that’s over i’m like erm tf i do now ? i’m not sad so don’t feel like spending my day crying. idk just trying to do stuff but everything costs money it feels damn !!

i also feel like i can’t be happy bc my mind is like u shouldn’t be grieving and be sad. idk maybe it’ll hit me later or smth.

anyways, thank u to everyone to gave me support and kind words/advice. it all helped me sm more than yall know and i appreciate this group. if anyone is going thru a similar situation, know ur not alone and if ur thinking of breaking up, it might be best to just do it.

I (36F) have a fairly complicated relationship to coming out. I first came out at 11, spent time enjoying being around and flirting with girls and then ran back into the closet when I met my future husband at 19. He told me he was bi. I told him I was straight. We had 15 years and 2 kids together before he felt the calling to be with men again. I felt angry and then slowly realised I was angry with myself for burying my own queerness and not having the guts to break up the marriage myself.

Cut to now. I’ve started cautiously coming out to friends and family members again, 25 years later, for some for the second time. It feels good. But I’m only 9 months out of divorce and maybe not ready for anyone yet.

That being said, five years ago I met another mum. We supported each other through our unhappy relationships with our partners, raising our children side by side. We started referring to each other as soulmates. Her partner often said he’d resigned himself to us running away and me being her happy ever after. All light, jokey stuff. But in the last couple of months it feels like it’s intensified. There are touches on my knees and thighs where there were none I noticed before. Jokes about coming round for a screw. Jealousy about other (particularly) girlfriends, comments that I’m hers, that she’s the light of my life. There are a number of other incidents that FEEL like something to me, but I can’t be sure. She’s a lot younger than me, and I can’t help but feel the neglect in her own relationship has made her enjoy the attention of anyone else.

I recently came out to her, and whilst her support has been fantastic, she made it seem that she didn’t see herself as part of that “I look forward to hearing about your dating stories with women”. The micro flirting hasn’t stopped, so I veer between wanting to shoot my shot, and burying it so as not to ruin what is an amazing friendship in my life.

As a queer woman, I’ve found it difficult in the past to build close relationships with straight women. So to have such a powerfully deep platonic relationship in which she tells me how much she loves me feels special, too special to potentially ruin?

I don’t know, I feel on fire trying to ignore this, but I also know my coming out could be so much greater if I can be with women who actually know where they are. Anyone relate?

I have a a huge crush on my friend but I'm heavily in the closet. She was giving me bi vibes (touchy) when we started being friends but i was too much of a p*** now she's started seeing a guy, just for fun she says so i'm too afraid to say anything or bring up the fact that I'm closeted lesbian and see how she would react to it. I don't want to ruin our friendship, but how do i let her know i like her without being too obvious that it will ruin what we are building? We are 28&31

So I finally let the words out.. I said I’ve been thinking I’m more gay than bi. Nothing has ever been harder to say, and this came on the heels of me telling him we needed a break for him to get a handle on his alcoholism. I love him dearly, his nephews are my nephews, we share dreams for the future. I didn’t even know if I was going to tell him because I had an “excuse” to just wait until I was ready to date again and if we weren’t back together just date women exclusively. But I couldn’t not tell him. I figured that I’m forcing us into a break truthfully so he can finally address his addiction issues because I can’t handle them anymore, but if he did get sober just for me, it was only fair he knew what the deal was. At least as much as I know what the deal is. I’m still so fucking confused. I could be bi in a female focused cycle or whatever the right words are, I could be gay. I don’t know. I never really got to explore it. What I do know is I thought it would hurt him less to feel like this break wasn’t all about him. Instead what I did was make everything way more confusing than they had to be right now. I could’ve just waited to see if we weren’t back together when I’m ready to be sexual again and if not pursue women. Then no one would’ve had to deal with wondering if our love is real. I know it’s real, and it’s possible we could still have the life we wanted if he gets sober, I don’t know. Maybe the sexual issues are because of everything else. Maybe we can still grow old together. Maybe maybe maybe if if if. Can’t stop spiralling. He was kind, but immediately aloof and immediately said he now questioned our future. I told him I wasn’t sure and that I still loved him completely and this break was for him to get better not to go fuck a bunch of women behind his back. True. I told him it’s possible to feel kinda gay but still love your person who happens to be a guy. True. I told him all I know right now is how much I miss him and how painful it has been without him because of his drinking. True. But is it possible this all blows up in my face and I’ve just shut the door completely to the love of my life possibly for no reason? Maybe. Is it possible I never find a woman who loves me as much as he does? Maybe. Am I depressed as fuck right now? Definitely.

He said he wants me to have the happiest life I can have. I guess I didn’t expect him to say anything different. Maybe I expected him to fight me on it. Convince me I was wrong. Tell me he didn’t want to leave me for questioning. All he did was say he needs to think. So on top of this already being the most painful thing I’ve ever had to do for love, leaving him in the hope he gets sober finally, I’ve also just gone for an additional act of self love but in the most backwards way possible for everyone involved. Damnit.

Apologies for the longish post.

I(39F) have been with my girlfriend (39F) about 6 months ago and she is so amazing.

We have had a lot of dates and have this awesome connection. Lots of laughing and flirting, when we go run errands and stuff, we show each other affection and kiss. All of our dates have been out in public, so not alot of one on one time. We have talked several times about moving to the next level and looking forward to being together. A couple weekends ago, we finally had an over at my place date and I was super excited for it, she expressed that she was too. I was thinking we'd finally get to have some quality alone time, not expecting sex at all, but maybe some cuddling while watching a movie or just closeness. The day came around and it was a good hangout, but not what I had thought it would be. She sat on the opposite end of the couch from me and put the pillows between us. I moved closer as we were talking and things seemed good. I got up to get to get us drinks and when I came back she had put the pillows back between us. I thought it was odd but tried not to let it bother me.

Later on while we were making supper together I touched her, soft caresses, as we moved around the kitchen and she gave me that cute little smile that makes my heart skip a beat. When I tried to engage her in deeper kisses, she pulled back and I was super respectful of it, didn't push it.

After we said our goodbyes, she headed home. When she got home, she sent me a message letting me know she made it safe and then said she was sad we didn't have sex. I talked with her about it and she said that she got the impression I wasn't wanting to. I let her know that I got the impression that she was the one not wanting to and she told me that wasn't the case. I don't feel that I was sending mixed signals at all, definitely open to anything happening. I know I'm not the first woman she has dated or been intimate with.

I'm super confused about all of this and not sure what to make of the situation. Things have been decent between us since, still communicating like we usually do, flirting and all that. But I can't stop thinking about our last hangout.

I (23F) recently came out to my husband as a lesbian. It's been a couple of months since that happened, and we are working together to figure out our finances and what our life looks like before we part ways.

However, I have actually never felt more hopeless about coming out. With the current US political climate, I can't help but think to myself that this is the worst time to come out. LGBTQ+ rights are been challenged and protections are being removed. All I want is to find solace in thinking, "One day I will meet the woman of my dreams and have the life I want." but I keep feeling like even that is unrealistic. I feel so defeated, thinking that by the time I figure the divorce and everything out, it'll be too late to explore my "truth." I'm afraid of what my life could look like, but no one around me understands my fear exactly.

I have never felt so alone in my life, but I'm hoping to find someone who understands this sub. Sorry for the rant.

So I’m making a card for my gf. Inside the card are two tickets to see her favourite band. We’ve been together just shy of 7 months. We talked about yk exclusivity months ago but neither of us ever like officially asked like will you be my gf, do you wanna be.. I mean we’re in our 30s and it’s a beautiful, feels healthy new love. But i thought it would be kinda cute to ask her to be my concert buddy aka girlfriend in this card. Her French is really good, I’ve been learning more because I’ve been practicing away on the ol Duo off and on for years but we have fun doing the lessons together now.

How would I say concert buddy? Reverso and Google Translate told me copain de concert but I also read that copain on its own means boyfriend?! So I just wanna make sure I’m not using it wrong. 😅 I’m like super nervous.

TL;DR: is the correct translation for will you be my concert buddy? Veut-tu être mon copain de concert?

I (31F) have been seeing a woman (27F) for about 2 months, and she ended things a week ago, citing that I am perfect for her on paper but her feelings weren't deepening. Fair enough, I felt that vibe and was feeling insecure and like our emotional connection was faltering. I was putting in WAY more effort than her. She would never text me, call me, or really communicate in between dates. I planned most dates and was more emotionally forthright (flirty, expressing emotions, doing relationship check-ins). I was kinda waiting for her to catch up but I was getting really anxious that it wasn't a fit, so when she ended it, I was okay with it and literally jumped onto Hinge and got excited about seeing other people.

But she now wants to give it another go. She texted after 24 hours. We talked and she said basically that she is normally the one chasing emotionally unavailable women, so she really wasn't used to how open and forward I was, and how much I liked her, and she got overwhelmed. She said that although she's been a bad communicator, bad date planner, and overall had a wall up with me, she swears she's so much better than that normally and she wants to prove it. She says she really does feel things for me but just felt like she was blocked off due to life being hard lately and being afraid.

I need advice! Do I believe her that she has this whole other version of herself that was just blocked off? She is compatible with me in so many lifestyle and values-based ways, I'm really attracted to her, and I was super excited at the beginning. She's had a really hard month with some grieving of a family member, family going through hard times, etc., so I get that she's been struggling, but she didn't tell me any of that until the post-mortem chat. I'm frustrated but kinda hoping maybe she's actually perfect for me?? I think I have FOMO. What if she's actually a good fit?

If there are astrology girlies in the chat, she's an Aquarius and I'm a Taurus.

EDIT: Y'all are so insightful and helpful. I just texted her letting her know I don't want to give it another shot. Thank you all for giving me the boost I needed!

Hey yall,

I literally has the worst week ever. It was my birthday yesterday 1/29. So I'm not real big on birthdays. Honestly I could just buy myself a cake and be happy wit that

This lady and I have been hanging out. We met at work. She was new and I was the one who trained her since we will work in the same department. We started talking and hanging out after work and on the weekends. We have been truly enjoying each other.

She's new in town as well so I've showed some cool spots to hang. We been hanging out since like June of last year. It was nice to have some company and someone to get out and have fun with.

Anyways she was asking me about my birthday alot. and I told her I was probably gonna just buy myself a cake and enjoy my day off since I took the day off. She was like oh now, let me cook you a meal. Come to my place and I'll make us dinner and we can have a drink or whatever. I was excited. I thanked her and said she didn't have to but she insisted.

So I went to her house. She made steak and it was delicious We were sitting in her living room on the couch and we had a drink or two

It was candles lit and we were just chatting. We were talking about a sex scene in a movie that we had recently saw.

Anyways I got mixed signals and I went in for a kiss and she pushed me away. She was super sweet about it. She was like "No babe I'm sorry,I must have confused you."

I was so embarassed. OMG. I apologized profusely. I was like I'm so sorry, I thought we were having a moment and it was a mistake. She assured me she understood and was like it's ok.

She was mostly like we had a few drinks so she understands and no big deal. I was still so embarassed. I said I'm gonna just go home now. She said you can't drive, you been drinking. So I winded just crashing on her couch.

This morning when I left, I thanked her for my birthday dinner and having me over and apologized again about last night's mishap. She assured me she was ok and no hard feelings or nothing.

It's just hard to tell if a woman is really friendly or is she flirting with you. I always miss signals even when women flirt. I don't know maybe it's cause I'm so inexperienced in this.

I'm just so embarassed and feel so stupid. Like I thought she was kind of into me but honestly she's just very friendly and was just being a friend Honestly. I understand if she doesn't wanna be friends, feel like I kind of ruined that last night.

This is awful and it just had to be on my birthday. Just great, effing great.

Thanks for reading this! I'm just venting. Any advice on how to recover from this. I feel so bad and so dumb and just absolutely gross to be honest.

thanks for reading.

(Update below) Went on my first official date with a girl last weekend and I have nooooo idea if she is in to me or not! We texted lots for about 3 days leading up to the date. The date was good but short, just dinner and chatting about our jobs and common interests. Texting did seem a bit harder for the next few days and now she hasn’t responded to me in 24hrs. (I’ve sent 2 messages she hasn’t responded to.. embarrassing lol)

THE THING IS I dont feel that we have flirted this entire time. I’ll admit I’m usually hesitant to make the first move but I provided lots of opening for a flirty response hoping to get something and nah. It’s so hard to tell how she’s feeling and I know I should make the move for a second date since she made the first, but with her not talking to me I’m starting to think there won’t be one. Which is fine I just wish I were better at catching a vibe for how things are going? Or am I not doing girl dating right? 😭

Any feedback/experiences/ advice for a 27yo lbl?

EDIT/UPDATE: most of the responders on this threaad are gonna hate this, but she actually replied a few hours after I wrote this post to both of the messages I sent... She then asked about something she knew was going to do that day and when I asked about her day she told me she had lots of personal stuff that day (she told me details). After more texting I decided to ask about a second date and she agreed and seemed excited.. I'm gonna give the second date a try and see if theres anything there and try not to overthink texting bc as many of you have said - I barely know this girl lol

Hi everyone, I’m having a bit of an internal dilemma. I met this girl a few weeks ago and we started talking which has been amazing. I’m so mind blown at how similar we are, we want the same things in life/out of a relationship. She’s extremely thoughtful and understanding, I’ve never met anyone that I’ve connected with so quick with the same level of reciprocity. My words are definitely not enough to describe how great she is. We speak everyday through text, voice messages, and phone calls and I usually absolutely hate getting to know new people through all of that but I guess we’re super intentional about communication because she’s so far away. We recently did a brief FaceTime call to see each other which was sooo good, I was so nervous but in a good way. After FaceTime, I’ve begun to realize that I’m not yet physically attracted to her. This is not to say she’s unattractive, I actually think she’s very cute but she’s not my usual type. I do have many types but I’ve never really been strict about that since I believe that you never know who’s actually everything you’re looking for but brush them off because they’re not your specific type.

While I’ve been queer for 5 years, lesbian for 2 years I haven’t seriously or casually dated much. A couple dates here and there but it’s always been a turn off because I can never find women I’m attracted to on an emotional level (I’m demisexual). There was one woman I dated that I actually liked but that was a while back. Since our FaceTime call, I’ve been really thinking about this and I’m a bit scared that that physical attraction will never come. I’m not really sure where to go from here, I want to keep talking to her to get to know her further and not sell myself short since I feel like I might be overthinking it but at the same time I don’t know. Do I tell her?? I feel as though that would hurt her feelings which I don’t want to do at all, she’s been nothing but kind to me. She’s always checking in on me to see where I’m at in this thing we have going on here and has always made me feel safe to express myself. She’s also always reassuring me and reiterating her intentions (I am too). It’s also only been a month so I’m aware that these things may take time in my case. Has anyone been through this? How did you overcome this feeling if at all?

I am her first girlfriend. She just came out after being in heterosexual marriage. She's got a little girl, very religious family. How can I best support her. If you have been in a similar situation, what helped?

I moved out from my and my now ex-husband’s home this weekend and into an apartment. It’s been a crazy month. I’ve been so busy doing practical things, buying and moving stuff.

I moved in on Friday and I have had my three kids (soon 4, 10, 10) here since Sunday. They like the apartment and their rooms, but OMG it’s so tough being a solo mom. The logistics! The never sitting down! The constant noise and the mess! They are also edgy and more sensitive than usual, which of course is understandable.

I know that the divorce was the right decision. I was not happy in our marriage, and I know that I love a woman. This is my chance to be with her properly. (I have no intention of introducing her to the kids for quite a while.)

But it’s rough and I just want to sleep and cry. Please tell me I’m just exhausted and being alone with the kids will get better. I don’t know if I can manage this and my job in the long run.

I’m (23f) currently living with my bf (23m) and just recently (with the help of this forum and the lesbian youtube community) discovered I am not bisexual, I am a lesbian. I told him first, and told my closest family and friends over the past few days. Everyone is super shocked. Everyone loves my bf, especially me. I don’t know what the future holds, and I’m scared - but also feel more authentic, and excited about a future where I can feel authentically me. There’s no pressure to be romantic or sexual with a man if that doesn’t come naturally to me. Lesbian is not a dirty word. I’m ready to be me. <3

It's wild how now that I've come out of the closet, I feel like im experiencing the actual full range of human emotions... The intensity of emotions I feel is wild... after having lived three plus decades not aware of these levels of intensity that are possible... thinking they belonged in novels and songs only... it's sometimes hard to even endure them... it's a wild ride to live true to myself... so raw

I met my girlfriend online and she is older than me, she realizes her sexuality late and I am her first girlfriend. She has been with guys before. Unfortunately her family is very homophobic ☹️

When they found out she was dating me they went ballistic, cut her out of their lives, some of them even harrased me because I "took away their daughter".

We are happy together, but sometimes i can't help but feel guilty, even if i know they were going to be evil to her anyway.

Whether here or from a therapist or a friend. What’s a standout comment that resonated HARD! I’ll go first. My very good friend said “You know you don’t have to sex if you don’t want to?”.

This was in relation to me just getting sex out of the way with my husband. I’d never considered I could adamantly say no and stick to it. It was the first time in my life where I realised I could say no, and that just lying down to get it over with despite not being into it was wholly unacceptable.

The other one from here was: “Straight women don’t lie awake wondering if they like women”.

What’s your nugget of wisdom?

I feel a little stupid for even posting this, but I’m so scared. We have a 15 year age gap (30 & 45). I’m the late bloomer. We met two years ago while I was still married to my ex husband. She’s just… perfect. I never knew I could love a person so much. And it really doesn’t make any sense for us to be together, but the love and connection is undeniable and even after these two years, we still want to spend every single moment together. I have 2 reservations, one legitimate and one probably shameful. She never wanted kids. I have a 3 year old daughter. And she’s amazing with my daughter, and has gone out of her way in EVERY way to embrace her. But she is a definite no on more. And I have always wanted multiple kids. Especially now that I can actually do it with, you know, a partner I’m actually attracted to and so in love with. (Fuck comphet, fuck it to hell!) Then the mom guilt hits, I mean my daughter should be enough for me. Right? I still am a mother, that won’t ever be taken away from me. So it’s not like I’ve wanted kids and then will regret never having one. When I think of not having more kids, I get sad. When my friends have babies, I get depressed. But when I think of a life without my SO, the pain is unbearable. I don’t want to get years down the line and regret not having more kids. I also don’t want to regret losing her. We are so perfect for each other in every single way other than this. The other thing is, I’m scared of being alone when I’m older. Like, I know shit happens and a meteor could take me out tomorrow. My brother and nephew were murdered so I’m no stranger to unforeseen life changes. We both have some difficult health conditions that will be hard to age with. I’m scared of getting older and having to live for so many years without her. I want to take care of her forever. But then who will take care of me? I feel horrible and selfish for having these thoughts. I wish I had a crystal ball. Everything hurts.

So I’m 26F, I’ve never dated anyone. I had a really traumatic upbringing with physical and emotional abuse and because of that I’m terrified of physical and emotional intimacy. I’ve also always been a little chubby, and I’m scared to have sex for this reason. Men have called me fat, and said things like “you’d look like a supermodel if you just lost 20 pounds.” My entire life, I feel as though I’ve been preoccupied with my weight. I have never felt good enough. The most I’ve done is drunkenly make out with a guy. But the thing is, I recently realized I like girls, and I don’t even know if I like men. I’m terrified because of how behind I am. I’ll be 27 in a few months which is really stressing me out, I feel ancient. I’m a virgin, and I have nothing figured out. I’m also in love with my best friend who is also gay. She is 23F, turning, 24 in a couple months, and I feel like I’m so much older than her. She gives me a lot of mixed signals, so I’ve been talking to other women on dating apps as well, who want to go on a date but I’m just so scared and keep coming up with excuses. I feel like I’ve accomplished nothing, but the truth is I have done some cool things. I’ve solo backpacked for months at a time, I’ve been to 24 countries, I moved to Korea to teach English, but my brain just tells me I’m a loser. I hate how focused I am on what others think of me. I’m too loud, I’m too quiet, I’m too fat, it’s endless. I also don’t understand why men have been so rude to me, i feel like they’re not as rude to my friends. Like why are they critiquing me? I’ve had comments made about the smallest things, like my jawline being too wide or something. Constantly men comment on my weight, but I always thought I was just midsize. I feel so scared to turn 27 and still have this lack of romantic experience. And I just don’t know what I want from life. Oh I’m also going on a trip with the friend I have a crush on, and I’m scared for that 😭

Sooo I’ve never actually posted before. I guess I didn’t really have anything to post about lol 😅. There’s this woman that’s in my first class of the day (Masters program) we actually take a lot of the same classes together throughout the week. I’ve liked her as a person for her enthusiasm, smarts, sensitivity and sense of humor right from the start. The more I got to know her the more I was thinking “oh shit! Don’t get too close to this one she’s just your type 😱”. Anyway, I assumed she was straight and off limits so I kept my distance despite her attempts to become more than classmates (more like friends). She would invite me to get coffee or talk after class etc. She’s pretty friendly with everyone so this wasn’t her giving me special treatment or anything btw (just to be clear). Then someone told me she was either gay or bisexual. Actually more than one person said this about her and I naturally was pretty happy to hear that. (Maybe I was just being foolish 😔). She invited to talk after class today under what I thought was the pretense of “revisiting a project topic” for a group we are both in. I was like, “ Sure! Sounds great!” Whelp… very quickly it became obvious that she really just wanted to talk to me about her day/ friends/ apartment/ pets/ parents etc. And I told her all the same stuff about me etc. Our class ended at 2:40pm we talked until 6:30ish (yes! You read that right!) We were having a blast! Honestly I haven’t laughed or connected with someone so effortlessly in years! We only left because the cleaning crew was closing the building we were hanging out at on campus and it was dark outside! The sun had set! We hadn’t noticed! Towards the end of our conversation she brought up the topic of romantic partners. I kept my info very vague. No names or genders. She then looks kinda frustrated and tells me how a couple of our classmates had WRONGLY assumed she was gay or bisexual because of her style and her DIY projects (and some other stupid stuff that has nothing to do with being gay or bisexual at all). She also told me how upset this had made her….(my heart sank 🥺). I managed to school my features and said something like “oh that sucks”. I think I changed the conversation direction pretty easily and without her hearing the tiny cracks forming in my heart 💔. This whole situation sucks! I was being SO careful not to get closer to her! Damnit! 😫 Now after our amazing talk and sharing session she’s thinking we’re closer to being friends and I’m thinking oh fuck my heart it hurts so badly! Anyone got any advice? Besides “create distance” I can’t do that we have multiple classes and projects together and it’s only the second week of the new semester! I feel tricked or like set up somehow (I know I wasn’t but damn that’s how it feels!) ☹️. I guess it was my mistake for being hopeful and listening to the idiots (my classmates).

40f ready to explore

I have been questioning my relationship for some time now, big part because of things in the relationship it self but also because this last few months I'm starting to realized that the idea of living all my life with a man just made me unhappy. Tbf right now I'm blaming the bi-cycle as I think my attraction to men in the past was real. But damn right now i just want to be with woman/nb so horrible bad.

I have been with my- well i guess now exbf for 5 years, he is my best friend and I really care about him so it's really hard going through this, specially because he's really attached to me, so he's taking the break up really hard. I hate doing this to him, part of me wishes just to go back on my word and continue pretending everything is fine and just hope I will feel happy again in the relationship. But I know that would be miserable, for me and in the long run for him too. The idea of going back after I finally made this step feels extremely distressing for me. Yet I can't help but wonder if I'm doing the right decision, if I didn't fight hard enough (doesn't help that he thinks that) if I'm just pursuing the idea of a woman/nb/queer relationship over a loving and great relationship that maybe with time would get better.

My experience with woman is close to 0. Tho I'm very secure in my attraction to them (I have identified as bi since I was in middle school) and I think is something I have always yearned for since I discovered my bisexuality I can't help but wonder if it all just a fixation I have or smth idk. I'm scared I'm just being selfish and ruining everything by doing this... but wow I just don't want to go back. Even if I'm wrong I at least deserve to give my self the time and experience to understand myself better. Even if it just the bicycle, ever since the break up I just feel so free in a way. The idea of being single and being able to pursue a woman in the future (when I have healed and worked on my emotional well being) just makes me so damn happy. I also had two crushes on woman through the course of our relationship (which i told him about as i felt that was the right thing to do and he felt comfortable with that, he would even tease me about it, which makes me feel more guilty about the whole break up ngl) (one of those crushes is still active but I'm just letting that one die down since it's on a friend and I don't expect anything from her (out of respect for her and our friendship and my messy situation rn) i see this feelings more as an inconvenient than anything since this has made all this situation even more confusing, and I keep wondering if I'm just doing this because of that crush but i know at heart that's not it, its not even a crush I consider pursuing)

He was a great bf, like really amazing which makes this so hard but I just didn't feel the same way he felt about me at least this last few years, specially this past few months.

I have to go see him in person next week (since we haven't able to meet up, I didn't want to break up over text but the circumstances made it so that's what ended up happening) since I have stuff of his to give back and i guess to say goodbye properly. I'm scared of how his parents are going to treat me since they can be kinda volatile sometimes and I doubt they are taking this well too. I'm also scared of how hurt he's going to be. I don't want to go back on my word out of guilt so I'm trying to prepare myself emotionally, that way my people pleasing heart doesn't win over what I know I want and what I know is for the best. It's going to be difficult but I just hope I look back and I feel happy with the route I'm taking.

I’m a late bloomer. 36 F been officially out since Covid. I knew I was gay since high school. Tried men anyway and it was not for me.

Anywho, I have been told by more than one woman that I am too put together and too established. I’m like what the hell? When I was in my 20s and a hetero it was always I wish you had it put together more.

I wouldn’t say I have a type but coming out later in life means that majority of women I date have been married and divorced. I have never been married so I can’t relate. However the amount of women that tell me either A I’m too established for them or B that they wish I was on the same level as them. ( I’m wondering if it’s because they wish we could rebuild together).

I understand from watching my mom that rebuilding after a divorce takes time. However I don’t understand if it’s just jealousy talking or wanting to be independent with a rebuild. I’m not the type to one up it in anyone’s face but I feel like Scooby Do with a confused look that at least the women I am matching with don’t want someone established.

I don’t regret being established. I even would help a fellow woman out if they needed help. Is it women comparing themselves to others? A few of the women did say they feel like failure compared to me. I tried to explain that it was not a competition and that they are not a failure at all. I understand that self esteem plays into this a bit as well. Is being a confident established woman a turn off these days?

So I feel like I should clarify I am married to my husband. I’m bisexual but we are open to non-monogamy and I’ve been wanted to explore more into having more relationships with women…I’ve kissed women but I’ve never actually…had sex with one. I’m quite nervous and I tend to be more shy with women so does anyone have any tips to help me out. When it comes to sex or dating.

I just went through my first lesbian breakup, and I’m trying to process it appropriately. I’m not looking for advice here on that, but if you have any recommendations for lesbian dating/breakup books OR cathartic lesbian fiction that centers around the topic, I would really appreciate it right now

I filed for divorce a couple weeks ago, super easy since things are relatively civil and my husband and I were able to divide up everything as we wanted. The issue now is that my husband thinks the divorce will process “too quickly” and thinks we should try to pause it until the fall. Granted he hasn’t been served papers yet but our state’s filing system said everything was accepted. My husband is leaving in the spring for a summer job then wants to return in the fall to pack all of his stuff. I get his reasoning in that it’ll give us both time to save up to get places of our own (our current place is paid for through my work) but it bums me out. I feel like I’m still abiding by what he wants and i feel like I owe him this much. I know financially it probably is a better thing to do, but it sucks to not have my own space living in an area I don’t want to be in with all his stuff around. Not to mention the responsibility of selling all the things neither of us wanted falling on me. It’s stupid and I feel like it’s the least I can do for him given the circumstances but I just want to move forward.

That first heartbreak in the first wlw relationship. What have you all done with mementos, paper communication and gifts?

I don’t want to keep running into them. I also want to honor the love that I had put in regardless of reciprocation. It’s been years and I need to stop putting this away.