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I have a really good friend who is somewhat recently out. I’m a bit worried for her based on her new online relationship, but also want your opinions, as I’ve been burnt very badly in online/long distance relationships, so I might be biased.

My friend met someone online on a discord forum about 5 months ago and she and the woman really hit it off. They talk every day often on FaceTime, became exclusive two months in, and started exchanging I love yous three months in. They both have had various issues come up that have prevented them from meeting in person, and live 5 hours away via plane, but are planning to meet up later this month.

For me, it’s impossible to truly say I’m in love with someone until I meet. I’ve been catfished and lied to one too many times to believe something is real until I get a vibe from someone in person. I’m really worried my friend is going to get hurt, but I also do have a friend who met her wife online, they didn’t meet for a year, and now are incredibly happy.

Is my cynicism about needing to meet in person to truly have a real and serious relationship ruining my own chance at love, or am I right to be worried about my friend being love-bombed and/or catfished by this woman? Should I warn her that she might get hurt and to be careful, or would that be pushing the boundaries too much?

I've been a little obsessed with a guy recently and I do feel attracted to him at times but there were times when he icked me out that I thought it would be over but I keep getting more obsessed. I do think I'm bisexual but I have no idea whether or not my attraction to men is false.

I've liked guys before - even in high/middle school when I didn't tell anyone about my crush or try to get attention for it - I would obsess over them but do nothing about it. I've never been asked out either- I've been on dating apps but I don't feel it's the same as meeting people in person.

Whenever I try dating apps and I swipe on women, it's more exciting but I've also never really had romantic attraction to women - it's just physical attraction and I envy them but even in my fantasies I can't really imagine being with a woman in a romantic sense. I don't know if I'm blocking that or if it's going to develop later in life.

I'm only 20 but I feel so lost and hopeless. I don't know whether or not what I'm experiencing is false and I'm afraid if I come out as a lesbian later in life my friends will just view me differently and I'll feel like an imposter a little bit for having liked men in my past.

Hey everyone,

I’m a 25-year-old woman trying to make sense of my sexuality, and I could really use some perspective. I know I’m attracted to men, both romantically and sexually, but when it comes to women, things get a bit murky.

I find women incredibly attractive—like, I can look at a woman and think she’s gorgeous or sexy. The thought of making out with a woman is definitely a turn on, but I’m unsure about the sexual aspect. I’m not particularly into oral sex in general (giving or receiving). Since I know that's a huge part of physical intimacy in a relationship with a woman, it makes me question if I’m actually bisexual or if I just appreciate the beauty of women.

I’ve tried chatting with women on dating apps, but I ended up deleting them because I felt confused and didn’t want to lead anyone on. I enjoyed flirting but turn into a nervous mess. I’ve realized I’ve never had a crush on any girls like I did on guys, but as I've gotten older, when I see an attractive woman, I get this overwhelming feeling of “Do I want to be her, or be with her?” It’s confusing.

I remember feeling this way as a kid too—like when I watched “Bridge to Terabithia”, I had that same feeling for AnnaSophia Robb’s character, Leslie.

So, I guess my question is: What do you all think this might mean? I really want to understand myself better, and this confusion is tough to deal with.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

I’m a 35yo mom, late bloomer (bisexual - I think), who is married to a man and looking for friends who can relate. I love deep conversations, psychology, reading, crafts and currently obsessed with wicked 😜💕💚 Kind of in a lonely season and would love people to connect with!

It still sucks.

I met this girl on a dating app recently that I really connected with. From the beginning she wasn’t really a great texter but she asked good questions and didn’t let the conversation drop. We went on a great first date we hung out for like 10 hours lol, we kissed and just had some really intense chemistry. Afterwards she ramped up how often she would text me, which I noticed but tried to keep my head on straight because I know chemistry doesn’t mean compatibility

Second date a week later was great too and we hung out even longer. She was very affectionate and flirty with me the entire time until the last hour there was what felt like a random energy shift. I tried not to freak out and figured I would see how the next few days go. The next afternoon she sent me a really cute and flirty voicenote and she told me she had a good time. I took that as a good sign. This was two weeks ago.

Since then communication has been surface level (very different than before) & spotty, but she would initiate communication more than I would and tell me she was thinking of me, would just say really sweet things, but I would try to make conversation and then she would just disappear. I asked her to hang out again and made suggestions for what to do. She said yes and made suggestions for what we should do for dinner after but wouldn’t pick a day. Last weekend we couldn’t see each other because she had plans but that Sunday she texted me good morning and told me she was thinking about me Saturday night and looking at photos I sent her from a while back while she was with her friends. I tried to make conversation and asked her a question which she ignored. Messages me two days later a photo of something she cooked and said that it made her think of me. I felt a bit dismissed and confused

So I sent her a message letting her know I felt confused by the inconsistent communication mixed with the sweet messages but that I wasn’t sure if I was misinterpreting the situation. So I asked for a vibe check to see if we are still in the same page, and let her know I would love to see her again and continue to get to get to know her. It’s been 3 days no response. I guess I got ghosted

Idk why I’m even posting this, but it does sting a bit. Not asking for advice. More like words of encouragement. I just recently ended a long term relationship with a man where words did not match actions and it’s my first time dating again after more than a decade. First time dating women too btw. I wasn’t expecting it to be easier with women but idk this sucks

Hey there, this is my throwaway account. I’ve made a few post on here from my real account but I feel that was just too risky. I’m a pretty happily married mom (39F) I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 10 years. We have to beautiful young children. But right after we got married I had a 2 month affair with a woman I worked with. It was wonderful but tragic all at the same time. My husband found out and I buried it all down and we moved forward. Soon I was pregnant with our first child and life started moving quickly. Now 10 years later, I’m finding myself in a place where I have been struggling for a year because I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual and I need to be honest with myself. So, I first told a close friend and then last week I told my husband. He obviously wasn’t shocked but he kept saying he was sad for me and wishes I could “go get out of my system” whatever that means. But we dug deeper, he’s hurt but also playing it off a little. He said I need to choose. And that makes it all so hard because we have such a beautiful life. I’ve told another friend who is also gay and I plan on FINALLY telling my therapist ( I’m a people pleaser and I was terrified to tell him) but I think I’m ready now. I’m trying to live my truth and I don’t want to bury it anymore! Im desperately wanting to be with a woman but this is all so hard. I just don’t know where to start.

hi guys, long time lurker here.

i feel safe in this community, so i’d thought i’d come here with a little problem from my own life. i’m in my 20’s. i have a friend i’ve known for about 12 years now, and we’ve always been close. we get very giggly together and i always just have the best time with her and i always feel at ease. but recently whenever we drink together the mood shifts, i feel nervous around her instead. the last two times we’ve gotten drunk together we’ve ended up kissing, quite a lot. nothing further, and we’ve never talked about it. honestly i do assume that she doesn’t even think about it, and i feel silly for still thinking about the last time when it happened two weeks ago. but i can’t stop thinking about her- im trying to figure out if i have feelings for her or not.

but aside from that, even if i did have feelings for her, and if she liked women too, it couldn’t happen. she’s from a strict religious family, so i know that even if she did like women she could never be with one unless she gave up on her entire family which she would never do, since she loves them a lot. and i wouldn’t expect her to. just sat here mourning what could have been, what could happen if we ever went past the point of just drunken kisses. just wanted to let it out here so thank you to anyone that reads 🤎

I recently came to the realization I’m a lesbian. After labeling myself straight my whole life even though I knew deep down I only ever could see myself with a woman not a man and that I’m not attracted to men (suffering from severe comphet most of my life lol) I’ve finally gathered enough courage to actually start dating women. But I’m very nervous because I’ve only ever been with men. How do you meet other sapphic women? Should I try dating apps? I am very femme presenting as well so I doubt any other women will come up to me in an organic setting. Im also worried about judgement from other lesbian women because I have only been with men until now and worried it will scare them off. Any advice?

To preface this I am in my mid twenties and haven’t really dated much (of any gender), so I am pretty new to the dynamics.

I’m in a bit of shock right now and I’m not sure if my reaction is unreasonable. I’ve been on multiple dates (about 5 spread out since mid Oct) with this nice girl from Hinge, and we had another date planned for this weekend. I’m someone who usually takes a while to develop romantic feelings and kiss, be touchy, etc. however on the third date she initiated a kiss and I enjoyed it- so every date since we have usually kissed. Last date she invited me to stay over at her place and we kissed/cuddled quite a bit, and i thought it was lovely. She was definitely the initiator with a lot of the touching and kissing. I wasn’t 100% sold on our total compatibility but thought we were getting to know each other and enjoy each others company.

However, she told me today that after giving it some thought she hasn’t developed romantic feelings, and cancelled what would have been our 6th date. It hit me harder than I thought it would, as I thought we were just starting to develop something and felt we interacted quite intimately on the date prior. Am I just being prudish by thinking all that contact and time spent indicated potential romantic feelings on her end? I’m feeling a bit led on but that might just be my naivety.

I (24f) told my mom today over the phone that I have a girlfriend. She just said “as long as you’re happy”, which I replied that I very much am.

Not that I was expecting a big reaction but it was just kind of blah. She asked about her and then we just carried on with our conversation.

I’m happy that I’ve told her and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. But I don’t know, I guess nothing feels different?

Just wanted to share my news!

I (36) split from my male ex of 16 years last year.

I made a profile on HER and made it VERY clear I just want no strings right now. I’m quite frankly a mess and really don’t want to be getting into relationships right now. I feel I need the slutty era I had in my teens but with girls.

But also pertaining to the me being a mess, I have a lot of sexual trauma that means that full on sex, like penetration is too much for me.

A friend said it isn’t uncommon in the lesbian community and I shouldn’t find any problem finding someone okay with that

But is it really? Feels like it’s a big ask for a casual thing but no putting anything inside me.. How do I even word that in a bio without getting too personal?

Well guys… it went really really REALLY well. I confirmed with her verbally a few times before progressing further than we had before. When she would touch me I’d reaffirm that she’s doing really well and that her hands felt good. We cuddled all night after and the next morning. She told me she had no idea sex could be so enjoyable. Im so happy for her. Thank you reddit peers for the hype up!!

I just want to let out that I love kissing girls. I’ve been dating a girl (24f) for the first time at 25. I was over at her place two days ago and we were making out 🥰🥰 . I didn’t want to stop 😍😍🥰 . I felt like I was in heaven.

As a bisexual girl I’ve kissed guys and made out with them. However this was just out of this world. I was straddled on top of her hips while I pinned her down with fingers interlocked as she was lying down on the bed as my pillow princess 💖 . We made out for maybe hours in total 😍😍 . Neither of us wanted to stop. While I was in the moment I was thinking that I could kiss her forever. This was just our fifth time meeting up.

Our first time kissing was on our third date at a gay bar. I initiated things by telling her about how my friends and I kissed each other as practice when I was 17. I then asked if she’d ever kissed a girl, she said no and I asked if she wanted to try. She was very shy and awkward. We kissed and it was sooo incredible. It only last a couple of minutes as we had to go to the comedy show. Right before we had to leave she asked if we could have one more kiss 🥰 . I couldn’t stop thinking about it the next day! I couldn’t even read my book. I’m so happy that I got to make out with her for even longer this time!

She got really turned on in that kissing position that she even told me I could grind on her ☺️ . To which I did. Things escalated and before I knew it I made a woman cum with my middle finger in just a couple of minutes 😁 . First time doing anything sexual with a woman and it was great!

I’m just happy and excited! It’s taken me so long because I was raised in an Islamic household and have had to work through the comphet and internalised homophobia I absorbed from religion, my homophobic parents, homophobic highschool and society at large 💖 . This is so worth it! 💖

I feel so disconnected from my body during sex and it’s affecting me mentally. During sex, I aim to be a great lover and will do anything to make my partner feel good. Whenever it’s my turn to receive I feel so disconnected from my body. I can barely feel any touch (fingering or oral) on me. I have tried everything to fix like kegels, pompoir, etc but it’s always been hard for me to cum during sex. I wanna try blindfold to see if it helps me stay focused. I’m so frustrated with myself and I feel like a terrible lover because of it. I get a lot of satisfaction pleasing my partner. I’m sad that my partners may never experience the same satisfaction from me. I can cum using sex toys and have incorporated it during sex but I don’t feel anything. I’m so jealous of my lovers that can cum easily but unfortunately I am not like this. I know that a lot of women experience this but I can’t help but feel broken.

Does anyone have any tips that could help?

Edit: I don’t take any medications.

So, I became almost asexual for a while...just no desire or any kind. Thought it was age, and tiredness. Thinking now it was depression maybe. Once I finally accepted myself as being activated to women, all of a sudden I can't turn it off. Like I'm just turned on all the time. Anyone else experience this?

I (28F) am a virgin and sex makes me so sad. I know I could go out and lose it today to someone but I don't think I'm really smart enough for sex. I can't keep a job because I can't learn fast enough and my mind loses focus. People/bosses get mad at me for not remembering things they've showed me and i have to ask for help multiple times. I want so so badly to be intimate but it seems even more difficult than having a job and there's so many techniques to remember. I don't want the person I'm with to be disappointed and think I'm dumb.

How has sex been for you since coming out and dating? Is it always good, or are there some mediocre connections as well?

I'm feeling defeated and insecure in my gay identity right now. I've only slept with three women/AFAB people since coming out, and only one of those was good. That one was with my catalyst and was so, so intense and amazing, and consistently turned me on over the year we dated (something new for me). It was the first time I recognized the euphoria and connectedness of pleasure-based sex, and it really defined the type of intimacy I want to have moving forward.

The past two women I've slept with have felt way more like performance-based sex, though. It's really disheartening. I know orgasms aren't necessarily the metric for good sex, but also, there haven't been any orgasms. I felt way less turned on and way less connected, like I could stop anytime.

I know that sex can be clumsy in the beginning and that you're not gonna be a match with everyone, but I can't help but feel disappointed. I thought my issues in bed would end once I stopped sleeping with men. It makes me feel insecure as a lesbian because I'm not frothing at the mouth with every woman I've been with.

What's the first gay thing you did after that realization?
Mine was to exclusively binge watch all the lesbian movies available. It took nearly 200 hours, but ah got it done🙈

(20f) Well I'm still confused. I think I'm bi. I literally relate to almost every single symptom of Comphet but I still truly believe I'm still attracted to men. And my attraction to women is through the roof I've just never been with a woman. I've never found the opportunity for a relationship with a woman because I've always ended up with a man. I've just been left with this sense of longing ( way before I even dated or slept with men) for a woman's touch and compassion and I don't know when or if I'll ever find it. I just get confused by myself because I've been in 4 or 5 relationships with men ( also currently) while fantasizing the whole time about a gorgeous woman sitting on my face. Almost every relationship I've had, I've talked about opening up so I could try to meet a woman.ENM is also something that I wanted to explore but I don't feel ready yet.It almost makes me feel greedy, and i feel bad for it as well. It's all just so complex. Have anybody else felt this way? Or does this even make sense? Idk its so complex sorry for the kinda rant.

I've been lurking on this sub for a while now but this is my first time posting. I am in a long term relationship with an amazing man who is my best friend. I have been questioning my attraction to men for about 6 months now. I discovered this sub and it has only made me question deeper. I have thought for a long time that I was bisexual but I relate so much to what is shared here regarding intimacy with men.

Anyway, one night a few months ago I told my boyfriend that I thought I was gay. This sparked a really hard conversation between us about our intimacy and relationship. When he found out that I may not be attracted to him, he was really, really sad and upset. We almost broke up. We ended up talking it through and we are still together and having intimacy (which , I should add, may be more of a way for me to show him I love him rather than it coming from a place of desire within me). I don't think about sex and I don't really initiate it. I should also mention that we have recently opened our relationship and have been exploring ENM. If this hadn't happened I don't know if I would have started questioning my sexuality.

The bottom line is that I do not know what my sexuality is but as time goes on I worry that I really am gay (or... at least way gayer than I thought) and that I should have just broken things off then and there. I feel like a horrible person for thinking this and writing it. I have been struggling with this for months. I don't want to be unfair to him but I don't want to break his heart. I don't know what to do. I am frozen in fear.

I had my first sober, enthusiastic hookup with a woman since I’ve really been feeling like I might truly be a lesbian. And all I can keep saying was wow. It was so incredible and I didn’t want to stop. I loved every inch of her body. I came home with her pussy juices all over my face and I fucking love it. I need a new vocabulary to describe the pleasure and joy I’ve been missing. My only regret is why didn’t I figure this out sooner?!?

When I was growing up, I was obsessed with men. I was always looking for which one I thought would end up being my husband, dreaming about the perfect wedding, and daydreamed about chick flicky romances. I grew up in an extremely conservative religion, left for a while, then started to fall back in again about a year and a half ago. I was so sure for 6 years (as long as I've known I like women) that I was bisexual with a preference for men, and I mainly fantasized about, had dreams about, and was focused on trying to date men. I've been analyzing my attraction to men and women recently because something just doesn't add up.

I started dating a guy a while ago (its over now) and I really loved the attention he gave me but when we cuddled I felt like I had to give myself instructions, it just didn't feel organic; And, when he was affectionate with me it made me feel giddy but also really uncomfortable. Everything felt like I had to act a certain way and tbh I went into it knowing I wasn't attracted to him physically but I felt an emotional connection so I thought I would give it a chance because I didn't want to be shallow. I had felt like I wanted to sleep with him (and, months later now, realized he was coming onto me multiple times but I missed the signals) but when it ended I was SOOO relieved that I didn't. And before all of that I had thought I had fallen in love with a man who was in a relationship, but with the dating experience I'm starting to think I just loved our friendship and was sad that I was losing it because I was moving.

So I'm left now with a lot of confusion. Once I had stopped dating that guy I was filled with disgust and regret with how I had ignored all of my instincts and initially I blamed it on who he was because he was shitty to me, but the feeling of disgust just would not go away. I've been desperately trying to figure out what about that experience made me feel so disgusted because nothing really bad happened. Its complicated too because that was one of the worst times of my life and I was super lonely so it could just be my feelings toward that time and not so much the guy, but that just doesn't explain it to me. So recently I started asking myself about past crushes and even male celebrities, if presented with the opportunity would I actually want to sleep with these guys, and I can't think of a single person where the answer would honestly be a whole-hearted yes. I realized in my fantasies with men I'm always an inactive participant and that is something that has bothered me emotionally for a while. There is part of me that wonders if this is just my fear of men, the fact that I've never had a healthy male figure in my life, or my hatred of misogyny; I just can't think of a good explanation other than me being a lesbian (and no, I am not asexual).

Disclaimer for this next part: This comes from deep seated religious guilt, so please be nice.

I can't shake the feeling that there is something wrong with me. I can't visualize what it means for me to be a lesbian because I just assumed that my attraction to women would always take a secondary role in my life. I never bothered to imagine what my life would look like if I could have a long-term relationship with a women. And, as messed up as it is, I felt like I couldn't be complete without a long-term relationship with a man. I have had a relationship with a woman and it was messy but it felt real; I felt much more deeply connected to her and I really wanted to sleep with her. It was my first relationship so sometimes it felt like I was acting but I think that was because of the disconnection between what we wanted and expected from relationships.

Anyway, I just wonder, is there anyone else who Identifies as a lesbian now who had primarily fantasized about and visualized a life with men? Does anyone else have a hard time thinking about themselves in a relationship with a woman even thought they want that? Or am I lying to myself again? Because, thanks to repressing feelings towards women in the past, I'm left wondering if I'm repressing feelings for men.

i was scrolling through tiktok (my fyp has been gayer than usual lately) and it just hit me that i get to date women???? and i never have to date a man again if i don't want to??? i already knew that was true, but i think a big part of me was scared to accept that that's something i'd really want for myself. still working on figuring out my identity and trying to get over the nasty case of comphet i've had for the last 6 years, but honestly i'm thinking 15 year old me might've had it right all along and that is a beautiful thing lol

I’m currently off work due to a short term illness (this is being treated and should hopefully be better within the next few months). Due to this and previously being in high demand work environments I’ve taken a rather long break away from the dating scene (uk), about 4 years in total. I’ve reflected during my time off and think it would be good for me to get myself back out there and prioritise dating more once I’m back to work and healthy! Has anyone got any advice for someone who’s only had casual relationships for the last few years and it’s looking to find something more long term? (I do wonder if it may be off putting to some people that I spent this break in multiple casual relationships/ flings)

i'm starting to intentionally follow more lesbian and queer creators on social media and woo boy, watching the couples content reminds me that i am so ✨gay✨. it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

specifically i really like alaire thomas and jordan rand - they both post their own content and sometimes include one another. jordan is a model and motorcyclist from CO and alaire is a neurotic nonbinary lesbian from CA. they met at the restaurant where alaire works (worked?), catalyzing jordan to embrace her queerness and leave a relationship with a cisman for a nb woman.

i relate to jordan as a bisexual who's far more attracted to women/femmes and "homoromantic" and alaire's hilarious adhd, lovergirl musings. also, alaire is openly experimenting with different aesthetics which i really hope to do too in 2025.

do you follow any queer/lesbian creators? please name them thank you!~

I’m in a bit of a sticky situation and I wanna vomit because I don’t know what to do and the pressure is eating away at me.

So… basically, I’m starting to consider I may be a lesbian, but this isn’t the first time. I’ve swapped labels so many times since high school once I found out I was sapphic. That’s one thing I’m absolutely certain of- my queerness. It’s being attracted to men that I keep getting confused about, unable to discern real attraction from comphet.

Fast forward a bit. In my late teens I had a moment where I was CERTAIN I was a lesbian for multiple years. Then that came crashing down when I drank a lot in my early 20s and had some hookups with men, and then when I had a sober hookup I thought okay, maybe men aren’t scary? And thennnn, I met a guy who I had a lot in common with and I just kind of went for it and said okay, maybe I was bi after all and it’s just rare for me to find a man!

So. Mid 20s, been with a guy for over a year now. Do I love him? Yeah, but am I attracted? I don’t know. I believed I was attracted to him because of how close we had got, I thought how affectionate and caring and real he was made me attracted to him like that, but lately I’ve been seeing a therapist and doing a lot of work on self care and my own mental health and as I’m getting more mentally healthy, I’m noticing so many red flags not only about him, but about myself and how I actually may feel about being with him romantically for the rest of my life.

I don’t know how to word it. I used to be able to reciprocate his affection but now I don’t feel like enough to be what he needs. I keep saying that my periods of hyposexuality are probably from stress or my meds, but what if I’m actually just into women? I can never have the lights on, can never make eye contact, can never go down on him, I am autistic so I think that may contribute, but I don’t know. I was so sure of myself several years ago, and now I just don’t know.

He is very love bomby. I used to be too before I started working my shit out in therapy and focusing on myself more, but now that I’m making more time to hang out with myself, he seems to be put off by it and will bombard me with messages about how he misses me and is sad and lonely without me and it used to be cute like a little puppy dog,, but now I feel a mix of anxiety because I can’t properly reciprocate and also kind of an ick?? Like. I miss him too, but I cannot spend every second of my free time with him. I need time for myself too sometimes. It worries me. Now that I’m getting better, I can see how he is getting worse and that frustrates me because that’s just so much pressure. And now on top of that I’m questioning my sexuality again, and I’m freaking out because he’s so attached I know it would kill him even if I was just throwing it out there that I might not be into dudes. It’s so complicated.

Here’s the worst part. I’ve been having so many thoughts that have been just flooding my head lately about how I’m not supposed to be with a man. How I wanna be held by a woman again. How I do love my boyfriend, but not the way he or I need romantically. I have been thinking about how he wasn’t the exception after all and still can’t reach the bare minimum, how lately he hasn’t been treating me great, how he puts me on a pedestal unhealthily one moment then disrespects me the next. He’s not violent with me or anything, but he’s possessive in an insecure way that makes me feel trapped. I don’t know. Every time I feel upset with him, he love bombs me until I forget why I was upset, and then i remember later and get the ick and it’s just this cycle lately.

I’m spiraling now because these are things I haven’t been able to confess with anyone, but I might have to with my therapist next session. Anyway. I already have been starting to question if I’m happy with him, and now I’m back to realizing I might be a lesbian after all like I’d thought in the first place. I reread the lesbian master doc for the first time in several years- last time I read it, I’d never been in a serious relationship with a man so everything except that section had things I could analyze and resonate with, and… reading the section about common lesbian experiences in relationships with men resonated and. I don’t know.

Earlier today we were out together and I saw a small lesbian flag colored Christmas tree. That’s what started my realization today. I instantly got sick and went home to think. I started bawling. The tree was so cute, I love the lesbian flag- but that’s the thing. I saw it and it felt like a sign. I was there with him, we were fighting a bit at the store too and then the lil gay tree is just staring me in the face and I was thinking oh shit, this is probably the answer after all. So I got home and started bawling and thinking and reading the doc, and I feel sick because I care about him so much and am so scared of breaking his heart. I have been with him well over a year. We have done so much together. I have just started getting so tight with his family too, I want to be in his life but I know he wouldn’t want to think about me. Or even worse, we slowly drift apart or he gets a new lover and ghosts me when I still want to be best friends.

I am already going through heartbreak about this because I know if I’m thinking it through this thoroughly, I’m not in love with him the way I thought I was. I don’t know. Maybe I’m abrosexual? But even then it doesn’t feel fair to him. How would I tell him that? He claims he doesn’t mind that I have periods of time where I don’t wanna kiss or touch or anything, but I can’t help but be paranoid he will take that personally.

I’m just so confused. I’m not confused about being sapphic because I’ve been certain about that for over a decade. My attraction to women and nonbinary femmes is unwavering. But when it comes to men, my current boyfriend is the only one I’ve thought I was certain about being attracted to. I had online bfs and fictional men I crushed on before, but irl… my bf is the only one. So like… I love him as a person?? But do I want a husband?? It just doesn’t feel me. But I’m so confused.

I am just so stressed out. I don’t know how long I need to be doing thinking, how I will know for certain I’m a lesbian and not into him that way… I’m just scared that now I’m questioning it so hard again that I’m betraying him, or that I’m leading him on. It’s scary. He’s been dropping hints that he wants to get married soon now too to add on to the pressure and I am so terrified of him proposing and me not being able to say yes or no because I don’t know who I am right now and wanna be fair to him while also giving myself time to figure myself out.

TLDR because that was like an entire novella… what would you do in my situation? I’ve put so much into this relationship and so it’s really scary and nauseating to be suddenly thrown off as I’ve woken up from the honeymoon phase and am spotting the red flags not only in him but in my own actions as well. I’m starting to feel guilty and like I rushed into making him mine because he treated me with some crumbs of affection and the bare minimum impressed me but now I’m buried in them and like nooooooooooo waiiiiiiiit-

im spiraling. i cannot stop thinking about women now and i wanna puke, i don’t wanna break his heart but what the hell do i do. I know that clearly if im spiraling about this the answer is not to keep suppressing it and letting things rapidly progress now that im recognizing it but I dont wanna leave him hanging either, and he’s said breaks are a dealbreaker before for him too so thats not an option. And last time i asked for space he guilt tripped me about it and i did not get space. And that is a whole ‘nother can of worms I don’t wanna get into here because I’ve already talked out all that stuff with him,, but point is… how do yall do it. How do yall have the courage. I feel like even just saying I need to figure it out is sugar coating it. There’s a. 99.9% chance im a lesbian in denial rn bc I love him so much platonically that I don’t wanna break his heart. What the hell do I do!!!!!!!!!

I only found out very late that I was "bi". I had a thing with girls and thought it was "just trying it out" back then, I didn't even realize that I could also be into women. I was always on the lookout for a man, did everything I could to please men and had a thing with anyone who gave me attention. I was also obsessed with getting married in the future and having that picture-perfect marriage like in all the movies. Sexually it never went well, I rarely wanted to (1-2 times a year on my own) otherwise I only did it to avoid stress. I never liked lying in a man's arms for a long time, I thought it was just me and that I got overstimulated too quickly. Now I've fallen in love with a friend and I'd love to lie in her arms for hours. I can only think about her, imagine kissing her... She's fallen in love with me too, but I'm married. I can't eat anymore, I can't sleep anymore and my whole body is tingling. I'm so overwhelmed.

Okay I’m 27, did the straight-bi-maybe a sexual- nope just a lesbian pipeline, broke up with my ex boyfriend and came out as a lesbian earlier this year. I’ve since started dipping my toe in the dating pool and I feel like I’m going actually insane. When I was dating men I thought I was very secure because I was very chill. It turns out, that was not in fact security it was indifference. Since starting to date and talk to women I feel like I need a lobotomy. Everything feels so intense, my hormones are insane, the fear of rejection when starting to talk to someone is suffocating. A lot of it is fun, it’s nice to date and actually feel excited and giddy and desire for the first time in my life, but it is so jarring after dating men and being so “eh” the whole time. I am pretty good at keeping an external lid on it so I’m not putting my baby gay energy on other people, but my brain feels like it’s on fire. How the hell do you do this while keeping your rational brain in tact??

Being this emotionally raw and vulnerable is overwhelming and terrifying 😭

May I please recommend an amazing Spanish TV show on Netflix (with a bit of a late bloomer story line) that was so good?? Do yourself a favor and turn on those subtitles (if you need em) and watch it. It’s more of a friendship story than lesbian story but lots of lesbian themes and it was so sweet and heartwarming and well made.