This might be a dumb question, but I’m looking for some advice. I’ve been looking for a label the resonates with me and Butch hits a lot of points, but I haven’t been sure if I can call myself Butch if I still see myself as a woman. I hit the “stereotypes” as acting in a more masculine role in a relationship than the traditional woman role, but am still unsure if I can call myself Butch even though it feels right for me.

I love being a nonbinary trans woman and accept myself as butch took way too long. I was out as nonbinary for a decade for accepting I'm also a woman of some type. About a year ago I started IDing publicly as Trans Butch and started HRT in early April. This week I went to my statehouse for a rally to demand for my pershood to be respected. I got misgendered so much it was so tiring.

Like me and another trans woman stopped at a place on the way for food and the wait staff definitely assumed we were on a date but called me sir and such basically everytime he got. I went to the restroom and on the way there I overheard a conversation about "those trans folk".

Heck at the rally for trans rights I got misgendered while wearing pronoun pin of "she/they, not the order I prefer to be addressed but my pronouns were on display. After the event my friends and I went to a queer owned restaurant and even there i was called sir, even while still having my pronouns on full display.

I feared being a trans butch woman would be hard to be actually seen as a woman and after the last few days all I think of is how I just look like a cis dude and not the butch shappic I am.

Like the other trans woman kept asking me why I didn't use the women's restroom in public but like it's so clear besides people who know me I just come off as man. I really don't want to be hate crimed for peeing in the "wrong" bathroom.

I hope it‘s not gonna sound weird but when I (masc/androgynous) am in a situation where a pretty woman flirts with me from afar, and I‘m into it, I‘m scared they‘ll come talk to me.

I‘ve had it before that girls seemed disappointed after hearing me talk. I was on T for a year and my voice is deep. Maybe they think „Oh shit, it‘s a guy not a masc lesbian like I thought“.

It‘s an actual reality for me and it‘s holding me back. I wanna talk to them soo bad idk

Btw I know that when I‘m rlly drunk I care way less

I live in the middle of hillbilly nowhere. I don’t know a single other queer I can call friend. Just found out my boss at the job I’ve worked for three years has been using a study guide called “the five lies of our anti Christian age” basically all about how gay and trans people are evil, and so is feminism. I’m very blatantly butch and have a lesbian flag sticker on my car, so it feels a little bit personal. I feel like I have to shove myself back in the closet for my own safety. I can’t tell if the state of this country (usa) is truly scary or if the internet has fear mongered me into a hole. My fucking dog of 15 years died and other interpersonal stuff I just don’t even want to type out. I don’t know what to do or how to move my life forward. I’m going to look for a new job, but with no support system it sometimes seems so fucking pointless. Who am I doing all of this for? What am I trying so hard for? I feel like an ant digging and digging against the bottom of a plastic tank, trying to convince myself I’ll eventually get free. Idk what the point of this was. Just ranting I guess.

By Trump's own definition , all men are women now , protect women's spaces #TrumpIsAGirl. Spread the word 🤣😈

I'm invited to my cousin's wedding in April. My extended family all know I'm gay and have seen me in a suit before for my nana's funeral, so no worries there. What's appropriate? It'll be a pretty formal event.

It's hard for me to find shirts that are appropriate for ties that fit me properly; nothing from the women's department has the right collar, and a men's shirt that fits in one area is way too big or small elsewhere.

Is a waistcoat under a blazer too much? I really like waistcoats.

Are bow ties too cliche?

I really feel like being a gnc butch is where my happy place is, but I'm torn on what pronouns I'd like for people to use. Like some of y'all, I had previously come out as FtM and was on T for a while before finding the butch community and reevaluating my own sense of gender. Nowadays, my friends and family still use he/him pronouns and masc terms for me. The thing is, I still want to be recognizable as a butch lesbian to other queer people rather than assumed to be a transman.

I live in a deep red state and I'm worried if I switch back to she/her pronouns, it will become less safe for me as I'll no longer pass as male in public. She/her pronouns come along with a million gendered expectations and homophobia that I don't want to face again. I wish I was brave enough to embrace she/her pronouns and say fuck it to gender norms. I wish it was easier to get people outside of leftist queer spaces to use gender-neutral pronouns. But, realistically, I know that when I face the "outside world", people are going to lump me into either the "guy" or "girl" category. I wish I didn't have to choose. I wish I could be "he-she" lol.

I'd love to hear about y'all's experiences - what pronouns do you feel comfortable with using in your everyday lives? Have you ever changed which pronouns you use? Thanks :)

Do you have a “type”? Physical traits, personality, I want to hear it!

hey all, i've been dabbling in taping my chest and i'm looking for something with hold strength in between trans tape and KT tape.

all im really looking to do with it is help my chest sit a little higher. i can't stand the sensation of the bottom of my chest resting on my ribs; it's sweaty and uncomfortable. i dont have a huge chest and i dont wear underwire bras, both for sensory and gender reasons, just bralettes and sports bras.

my friend graciously gave me the rest of his trans tape as he switched to heavier duty KT tape, and it works pretty well. my main problem is that the top starts peeling pretty quick if im moving around, sticking to my shirt and slipping down a little. it's possible more tape could help, but having it poke out of my clothes is pretty uncomfortable for me. unfortunately, i dont see myself regularly using KT tape, as the removal process is too intensive.

i'd just like tape that stays in place all day without having to grease myself like a turkish wrestler to get it off ! it may be a pipe dream, but i'm hoping one of y'all has found the goldilocks solution🤞🏻

I’m looking for a way to penetrate with a harness (panties or strap) that has a hole low enough for the dildo to stimulate the wearer’s clitoris. It would be so gender-affirming to actually be stimulated when I penetrate my partner. Does anyone have any recommendations? I’m open to a harness with two holes as well. I just want it to be sturdy so that it will hold the dildos well.

I mean, is it something to do with my face? I will sometimes get “sir’d” when someone is addressing me from behind, and the second I turn around to look at them, they immediately get flustered and apologize profusely.

I don’t know what it is. I can wear my most androgynous, masc-presenting outfit in my wardrobe, and even at an event with other genderqueer and GNC folks, people will still use she/her pronouns without a second thought until I or my partner correct them.

I’m just so frustrated. I literally don’t know what else I can do to make myself “more masc” aside from literally shaving all of my hair off (even though my sides are already faded). It’s so hard existing in this gender-gray area of identifying as genderqueer. And now with everything that’s going on in the US, it feels so scary to even want to claim my identity and potentially face violent repercussions of that identity.

I’ve worked so hard to embrace my authentic self, in spite of how difficult it’s been. Especially as someone who used to be very femme-presenting and closeted in a cishet relationship. And lately, that transition and identity simply don’t feel like they are enough to assert my existence.

Thank you for listening to my rant. Just an extra hard day today, I think.

Edit: I’ve accepted that cishet society at large will take one look at me and immediately clock me as “she/her”, but in this post I’m specifically talking about people in our community, i.e., the queer and trans community. I would’ve hoped that our community would recognized that transness does not mean the same thing for everyone, and medical transition is not always a part of that equation. Right now, I’m perfectly happy with binding, having short hair, and wearing men’s clothes, and I don’t have any desire to medically transition. It’s the fact that I get told repeatedly by people in our community that I don’t “look super masc” in spite of how I’m presenting.

I’ve been speaking with a femme for almost two weeks now and we’ve been hitting it off and she’s awesome! But I know valentines is coming up and it’d feel weird not doing anything for her? We haven’t gone on a date yet so maybe our first date would be on valentines? I don’t know fellow butches please help..

Hey!

So, I've been gender questioning for a loooong time. At the very least I know I'm masc, but for a good year or so I've been experimenting with labels.

The closest words I have right now, in no particular order, are just bigender and or genderqueer, and homosexual. I specify homosexual because I find my gender tends to align with people I'm interested in? So I feel more like a man with men and like a women with women- or at least not just a man.

Because of this, I think the best way to describe my relations with women as butch? I always feel a good majority masc, but it's not always masc man.

Butch the right word, or is there another direction I should look in?

I’ve been out for a long time and everyone is mostly on board and chill about my wife and kid now but any time I dress more butch or cut my “beautiful” hair short they freeze up and act weird. I’m not trying to cutoff from folks just wondering if you’ve built up a thick skin to this or if you engage with it at all. Even happens with my colleagues at work when I lean butch. Solidarity pals.

I feel like femboys and butchs don’t get compared enough and I really think that we walk the same road of wanting to look a certain way and i was curious what are the struggles of being butch ? Because I bet they are pretty much the same as femboys but obviously reversed or who knows maybe even the same ?

Hey guys! Very typical post about Stone butch blues but im about 2/3 and im loving it so much! :,) I was wondering if you guys had any recommendations like it?

My gf and I have been together for 2 years. About 6 months ago she flirted with a coworker and it ended in a kiss that she says she stopped all contact with that person ever since. She kept that information from me until about a month ago. We have since had conversations about it never happening again and I have forgiven her. But now when she thinks about me and our relationship she gets anxiety so bad her stomach hurts. On our anniversary (before she confessed) she went to the ER because her stomach pains were so bad and she was throwing up for days. I’m trying to work it out, but if her simply thinking about me gives her painful anxiety to where it physically affects her, should I let this relationship go for her to heal?

Struggling to feel good about myself at the gym and was wondering what you gays wear when lifting? Singlets are hard because of extra skin on my arms from being overweight in my past life.

existing as a butch on T in the united states has got me feeling so down. i’ve been putting all my free time and energy into making art.

here’s a mosaic i made!

Have any of you guys had any intense luck with voice training off T? I am unable to take T due to me going into the service in the next few years. Id still love to get more comfortable with my own voice. Any advice would be awesome 🙏

it’s been a year since i’ve cut all my hair off. i used to have very long beautiful hair and one night i decided to get rid of it. it was a big deal to me because when i first came out to my mother, the first thing she asked was that i don’t become “one of those lesbians” and i would always get questioned by peers if i would ever cut my hair off. i was already really masculine presenting before the chop so now im two feet in. i genuinely really like how i look with my short hair, i feel more like myself. but the problem is the looks i get. i’ve always been an overly observant person but i feel as though ive gained so many more stares since ive cut off my hair. i live in a pretty conservative latino community so you don’t see people like me often. how do i deal with this constant anxiety that’s everyone is judging me? how do i deal with the nasty looks? i constantly feel out of place where ever i go.

I love y'all and I love us. And I just wanted to say that because I feel like I rarely see anything said about us, let alone anything positive.

I feel like I meet a masc4masc lesbian once a year, maybe. It's always a special moment of feeling like I'm really being seen. I wish it happened more often.

So ❤️❤️❤️ to all of you who are out there.

This is my first time posting something, honestly a bit nervous, but. I recently listened to "Red wine Supernova" by Chappel Roan, and as a very insecure masc i just heard those lyrics:

"Long hair, no bra, that's my type"

And honestly, i started wondering. How many lesbians relate to this part? Is that a high enough number for me to never find a girl who likes me with short hair? I'm scared of never finding a girl who likes butches. I know it's the dumbest thing ever, but I still have that doubt in the back of my head.

I honestly feel kinda stupid for feeling so insecure about a song lyric, but whatever. Thanks and goodnight i guess.

Had to dress “business casual” for a school event today and I feel like I always end up looking sloppy/less put together than my classmates because when you dress masc as someone perceived as a woman you have to try twice as hard. I really struggle with 1. finding clothes that fit my body in the first place and then 2. putting them together in a way that comes across as professional and confident. Any advice? For reference, today’s outfit was a plain white button down with corduroys, a belt, and white sneakers. I’m about 5’5” and my hips are the same width as my shoulders.

Hello, femme here just wanting to say how grateful I am for butches in general but I also have a storytime that just added fuel to my ever burning fire for y'all. 💕

TW for sexual harassment and men 🤢

So I went to a queer party solo dolo a few days ago at a gay bar held by this group that hosts different queer events across the city at different venues. This bar happened to be in my city's downtown area and I've been trying to go out by myself lately so I was like why not? Keep in mind I've only gone to the group's sapphic events prior so it'd be my first "mixed" party.

I get there like 10 mins early before the party starts and I'm immediately accosted by this overly familiar man who proceeded to follow me, harass me, and the worst part? He would keep touching me and try to maintain some type of physical contact even when I'd move away. He would incessantly say how beautiful I was and look me up and down like a piece of meat 🤮 I attempted to bypass him after a minute of crazed rambling from him (I think he was in some kind of spiritual psychosis and on something) and go to the bar when ofc he followed me talking bout "I'm buying you your first drink" like mf no tf you're not 💀 at that point it was like the heavens opened up and here comes a butch to my rescue lol.

She happened to be one of like the 4 people that were there at the moment and was one of the hosts from the event group. She walked up to me and started a conversation but I know she definitely saw what was going on. So as I was talking to her, the bartender was talking to the guy to avert his attention. And no I don't know where the bouncer was btw I wish I did 😭 At one point the creepy man (who was a flamboyant older man btw not your typical str8 man) jumped back into me and the host's conversation.

He ended being rude asf to her cause I think he peeped what she was doing but he started to talk about how his sister always questions his sexuality since he presents as effeminate (?) completely random topic for the conversation btw and then looks to me, looks me up and down once again, and says he'd diddle me in the bathroom in nicer terms and went back to talking about who knows what. Me and the host was like 😳 At that point I acted like I was taking a call, called one of my friends, and left with the quickness. Keep in mind the party didn't even start nor did I even get to take my coat off or anything! This was all in the span of 10 mins 💀 But I was sooo appreciative of the host bc she kept talking to him after I slipped away and left so I wasn't followed by him. Wish I could say thank you personally so ig I'm saying it here, bless butches. 😩🌹

Idk if they kicked him out after that but I hope so bc that was a whole predator, I think I'm just going to stick with the sapphic events they host bc I never had a problem with our people. 😭 That being said I hope every butch is having the greatest day thank you for your existence 💕

TL;DR: Got heavily creeped on by a man at a queer party and a butch came to the rescue which let me leave without incident

Hello, I'm looking for a bid of advice here. I really want a pair of good cargo shorts. The type that are almost militaristic. My problem is that they are not made in women's sizes at all. Cargo pabts do exist, but they SOMEHOW managed to make cargo pants without the pockets. Im still mad if you couldnt tell. Anyway, ive decided to shop men's pants. The only issue is i am plus size and very curvy. My hips are wider than my waist lol. I wear anywhere from a 20 to a 22 in women's sizes. Would it be possible to find pants that would fit? I dont mind them being loose around the waist. Thats what belts are for lol.

How do I know whether I’m a butch or just a masculine lesbian? I don’t want to use the label if it’s not for me.

Today I had two interactions of a type that I haven't had since I was much younger and not presenting as a butch. Since becoming an adult and embracing my masculinity, men leave me alone for the most part. However, as a young woman when I was still trying so hard to fit in and be accepted I got harassed and threatened quite frequently, and it always left me afraid and shaken.

Today after work I decided to go to a grocery store. I had taken my bicycle and so it was a chilly bike ride accross town; I was bundled up like a marshmallow.

The first interaction happened as I waited at a light. A man who was experiencing either drug induced or au naturale schizophrenia was having a freak out on the corner. He locked in on me and started screaming at me. I ignored him, and didn't even acknowledge his existence. I could see out of my peripheral vision that as he walked past, screaming at me, he kept turning back to see if I would react, look at him, or engage. I didn't. When the light changed I moved on unmaligned and unshaken.

The exact same situation happened to me in my early 20's, only I was terrified and the man approached me physically and I had to ride away through a red light. This time was different in that I felt calm, confident, and prepared to deal with the guy if he came up to me. I think he sensed that and chose not to engage because I wasn't an easy target.

When I got to the grocery store, I locked my bike up and a man I'd never met approached me asking me if I remembered him. The colors he was wearing told me he was likely gang affiliated or trying to become affiliated. Again, I felt so calm and prepared. In response to his question without even skipping a beat I said "why would i?" And he said "haven't we met here before?" And I said "definitely not". At this point he had leaned his paint splattered bike near mine, and was very close to me and getting angry so I just sighed and took my u-lock back off my bike, getting ready to brain him with it if I had to. That was when he decided to walk into the gorcery store, saying "you think I can't smell smoke?". Sniff sniff motherfucker.

I was a bit annoyed though, because I decided to leave instead of going into the grocery store. I didn't want to deal with whatever he was going to do to my bike when he got back out.

Again, I was so calm and not at all afraid. Whenever this happened to me as a younger woman I would always freeze and fawn and be like "oh um, I don't think I remember you. Maybe I forgot? I'm so sorry!" But now I just feel so calm calling out the bullshit, rejecting unwanted interactions, and just being ready for the violence instead of fearing it. AND GUESS WHAT? When you're ready for violence, they seem to know it and suddenly it's not fun for them anymore!

I've been mulling this over all morning and feeling so proud of myself. I used to think it was my masculinity that had put an end to this kind of street harassment, but now I'm realizing it's actually the confidence and fearlessness that embracing my masculinity has given me that has been protecting me all along.

I love being a butch!

Original gouache painting by me :)

Does any other short butch lesbian experience this? feeling like a little boy sometimes, but maybe it’s just the height and the hair