You get extra points if that book(s) is a novel or an autobiography. And preferably that can be found on Amazon?

Just wanted to take time to show love to all my non-binary/gender-queer siblings. Y’all are beautiful and I hope you enjoy the weekend ☺️

Hi! I am a disabled queer white person and wanted to send an invitation for my discord server, Plans Ahoy! Its a mutual-aid group that helps people with alternative methods of survival and getting basic needs met. It's also a space designed to build a network of covid cautious intentional communities!

This is the link: https://discord.com/invite/GmSDG4SEFF

Currently have resources on:

• Van life
• Off grid living
• Starting an intentional community
• Live-aboard (ex. House boat)
• Workstays
• Immigrating
• Squatting
• Government services
• Tenant organizing
• Basic needs

I have a boyfriend who hasn't been able to make me feel secure in this companionship. We live together and his friends get all his attention. Like you always hosting and catering to they're wants n needs before even asking me "how I feel"? I sit for hours in our room thinking I can have a guy who pays me the attention I need, also I'm faithful never cheated. But have those thoughts. I even said something 1 day and made it seem like I was so clingy n needy for attention. Before I break up 💔 with nih, I have to find out why he shows no affection and rather be talking to his friends but says hhe loves me? Advice anybody.?

Super excited to report this place as fairly safe for black queers.

I’m on the plane headed home from Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. I was terrified on my way here. It’s my wife and I’s first time visiting and we just really didn’t know what to expect. Most of the vlogs and trip advisors said that this city was queer friendly, but bfr….”queer friendly” differs depending on the hue.

There were a few instances of people being weird to me. Specifically, at the airport… but once we gotta out of their things were smooth sailing. Heads up, if you go to Puerto Vallarta after going through customs there will be a mob of salesman as soon as you are exiting customs. They will say ANYTHING to get you to the counter and try to sell you a timeshare. Avoid avoid avoid. We somehow got talked into a 3 hour presentation. One things for certain two things fasho…. We’ain go.

Overall, I felt fairly safe in their city while trying different restaurants and walking the street after dark. There was a beautiful commonality between our culture and theirs… “minding thy business“. No intrusiveness or awkward staring. Loved that.

My wife prefers resort life while I prefer being as close to the hood as I can get. We found compromise in an airbnb nestled in a neighborhood right outside of “Zona romantica”. The views were fuego and we got to live among the locals for the week.

Highly recommend… if you’re thinking about visiting, do it!

Do you ever notice when you keep to yourself and you don't bother anybody but people know what or who you are they mess with you?

    (This kinda long, read it or don’t)

Yeah I tried so fucking hard for years. I’ve been out for 3 years, but never proud. I’m still insecure, still obsess over what others think, and my social anxiety makes it ten times harder. Like it’s gotten so bad it’s made me go almost mute. I don’t even like going outside because I get overstimulated and start shaking, start feeling like I’m 9 years old again. I always chew gum in public because it helps subdue my nervous tics/twitches and Dee fear of being perceived. I wasn’t always like this, even as I was lonely and rejected. But being bullied and outcasted my entire life, and having homophobic African parents simultaneously did a number on me that I can’t snap out of, no matter what. It started in the seventh grade when I was scared of going up the steps to my second period art class. I was late every day because the bullying was so severe from a group of boys: being insulted, cornered in hallways, and smacked etc. that’s when the anxiety truly started. No teacher stepped in for me and spoke up as the adults, and I internalized the hate because my parents hate gay and trans people as much as the bullies did.

I quit the weed because it was making me more nervous, it wasn’t helping w my anxiety like it used to. I got into journaling and started reading again as a old hobby. But I think I’m abt to go back on my progress and start back up w the weed(and maybe drink a little too, I was starting to do that a little more). Because for the past two weeks of my sobriety, all I’ve done is ugly cry myself to sleep. I’ve been so tired from work that I’m dozing off in the back of the Ubers on the way there. And the part that destroys me is knowing that nobody actually cares. Everyone’s has their own stuff going on. I don’t think I’m gonna be around for much longer. I haven’t known what it feels like to be “calm”, for going on 10 years now and I’m 22. The feeling of being relaxed in your body, and not having a perceived threat, I am not familiar w it like I once was. I’ve been on high alert since. You can imagine what my mind is like, and how that eventually will do you.

I can’t accept the fact that half of the world hates me, wants me to be imprisoned or to just be executed. I’m not a bad person. Like it’s hard to wrap my head around that concept. I’m a decent human being who treats others well, I don’t go behind ppl back, and I always look out for others. But it’s always gonna be someone that dislikes me just because of my sexual preference. I’m always getting nasty stares from some straight dudes at work, I’m truly over it. Heterosexual people get to be judged fairly, and I have to deal w animosity for things out of my control such as what I like, my mannerisms etc,

Everyone says being sober is a good thing, and in many ways it is! But I carry so much pain and exhaustion, you can see it in my eyes. I’ve done therapy multiple times, positive self affirmations, tried to talk myself out of being miserable, and nothing has worked. When I was a pothead, I was high every hour of the day. Literally. I forgot what it looked like to be sober. It was also hell, but it numbed my emotions. My first heartbreak wasn’t from a man. (I’m not ugly and get male attention, just never dated). It was from my family not accepting my sexuality when I came out, it made me bitter. It made me jealous of ppl who have a family to turn to. I barely get any sleep and legit feel like I have enough rage in me to hurt myself or hurt someone else. Also I’m pretty sure I have undiagnosed ADHD. A therapist told me during a psych evaluation that she believes I do, but I disregarded it because w her not being a psychiatrist(and it was my first meeting w her), I disregarded it. But I remember legit not paying attention in school, like the entire day for most of elementary school. And even when I started trying to, it was still difficult to grasp.

I’m looking to see if anyone here has any magical advice that I haven’t heard. I’ve heard it all when it comes to loving yourself. I really want one of y’all to stop me from going to the dispensary tbh. If you can’t then I’m going to go. And if the weed keeps making me nervous, I’ll just graduate to something different, or start drinking me. I don’t apologize for being sick in the head. Whatever will help me float through the day, I’m willing to do. My days here on earth is limited anyways. I will one day know what it looks like to actually take a deep breath and relax, even if it means I have to transcend(or descend like our homophobic family thinks).

Hi! Im Cora and the beautiful woman next to me is my wife Mei, and we want to visit interesting places in the US that deal with or show things about Black LGBT culture! whether bars, museums, themed restaurants. and thus be able to document them and share them with the rest of the community! ✨💞 Does anyone have any good recommendations?

Hey everyone! So, I've got this thing going on with this guy, and he's totally awesome. We catch each other's eyes a lot, and there's this energy between us, you know? But here's the deal: I'm not out yet, and he is. I'm totally into him, but I'm nervous about making the first move. How can I let him know I'm interested without actually saying it?

Before, when I wasn't interested in him and was unaware of the fact that he was gay, he approached me when I was with a friend and started talking to me very familiarly and excitedly almost like he was flirting. So much so that my friend even asked me if I knew him. He walked away smiling and later came walking by me and my friend again looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

Now, I always catch him checking me out, he is always flashing me those killer smiles, and holding eye contact for what feels like forever (all of this happened AGAIN today as well).

It's like there's this unspoken connection . I know he is gay but I'm not sure if he's waiting for me to make a move or if he is just being friendly. I really want him to take the lead here, but I don't know how to encourage him without outing myself. Any advice on how to send him those vibes that say, "Hey, I'm totally into you. Take the hint and make the first move"?

Unlike most crushes:

He is gay and recently broke up with his boyfriend

He spoke to me FIRST and expressed interest (I just can't tell if he wants to be friends or more and haven't completely reciprocated)

Hey everyone,

Looking for some support and advice.

I'm 20, a sophomore in college, and a gay male. It's been tough since my parents, who are African and religious, are in denial about my sexuality.

I rely on them financially, and I initially wanted to tell them once I was independent. But last semester, fearing someone might out me and my parents would find out, I had a panic attack and called my mom.

My mom initially struggled but said she'd try to understand. My dad found out the next day and called me, surprisingly calm but dismissive, calling it a "phase."

Things seemed fine for a few months until today. When I told my dad I wanted to celebrate with friends, he noticed I mentioned many female friends and was confused as to why I didn’t have a girlfriend, he then pressured me to get a girlfriend, warning me against my lifestyle and financial support.

Hearing things like “you have to consider other people” “you can’t go into that rubbish lifestyle” “do you want to kill your parents?”, I got nervous and diverted to “not just being interested in having a girlfriend now because I’m focused on my studies” excuse and I just left it at that.

All my life I’ve felt fear, conforming to these pressures is so hard, I thought of ending it all today because I would be free, just when I was healing, this happens again…the birthday outing is definitely getting cancelled because now I feel this weird tightness in my chest and stomach and I can’t think about anything else.

I think it’s game over, I can’t find a single ray of hope😣

Is there a recognition for cooties for gay kids? Did anyone experience something like what stright people talk about...(initially interpreting sexual feelings as 'finding something gross' and thus treating the person who triggers your sexual response as if they are 'disgusting').

Growing up, I knew the term and would hear people use it but I really never got it. I always expected to feel something like it towards girls, but never did...I suppose I was too much on the lookout for feelings towards girls that I may have missed other feelings but I do remember feeling very 'weirdly' about guys...but only guys I found attractive..like nausea, but much less sickening but still stomach whirling. It died down as I got older... but ... I also kinda feel I haven't really resolved it...and it kinda feels like internalized homophobia at times...idk...

So I wonder, is there a 'gay-cooties' stage for gay kids and does it take longer to process than straight people...?

So I have a complex where I feel I'm "too poor" to date, especially right now despite having consistent work experience, a full-time job and side job, and a degree, while still feeling not yet established at my age (30, living at home with my mother with both of us trying to make ends meet despite both working full-time.

Because of my insecurities, my friend said that I "sweat classism" which was driven home by me saying that I feel I should just "stay in my lane" - I'm very far from being affluent, I don't have my own place at the moment nor a significant other or kids (wouldn't want those until after I'm financially and mentally well-off, just overall good enough for my standards), and I don't see myself bringing value to someone's life and existence.

On the other hand, I've also been perceived as bougie, which is fair - I catch myself looking down on/turning my nose up at others and things that could be perceived as "ghetto", "poor white trash", "ignorant", just anything that strikes me as classless and I feel the need to police myself at all times, unconsciously thinking, "at least I'm not that kind of black person".

Being a Marylander, my mother once asked if I wanted to move to back to PG County, somewhere like Largo, Landover, Lanham, etc. and I said no with abhorrence, only to be called bougie. Another friend said that I'd be insufferable if I were rich but kept humble because of my financial status, and while I wouldn't flaunt my wealth, I'd likely try to keep up appearances. To be honest, if I were to become financially successful, I'd do my damnest to never "go back" to being poor.

Sometimes I feel even disconnected to my own blackness (and that people can't connect with me and vice versa) because of those factors, even when it comes to dating (feeling far removed and low value compared to American beauty standards in terms of dating outside of my race, but rejecting my own race if the person strikes me as "hood" or "ratchet"). It makes me feel colonized and a pick-me token, an archetype which I detest.

I've looked for a black therapist that caters to LGBTQ+ individuals, because of my insecurities and neurotic tendencies, I feel disconnected from people as a whole.

I’m talking to this person, they still have Grindr and scruff. I’m obvs insecure af, but they said they wanted to see where things go. I just find it annoying when people say that,but stil talk to other people lmao. Yes I know we’re not exclusive but my bad for assuming if you wanted to get to know someone you’d be less likely to be on those apps, unless there was a reason for it

Tbh, idk how to start this. I really don’t. I truly and from the depths of my soul don’t know where to start.

But in all my 29 years of existing, I’ve only had two black women into me. One is my best friend of 14 years. Which is not gonna happen.

And the other is an ex friend that’s long gone. We were just at different points in our lives and decided to call it quit. That was my first love though for sure. But unfortunately it just didn’t work.

But I just don’t get it. I try to go out on dates with other black women and can barely get them. I’m not self hating at all. I love my skin, my people, my family, our people, our culture and so much more.

I love supporting black businesses, black women and so much more. I have a degree in mental health and LOVE talking to black families that come in and how mental health treatment has been different for us and easing their families pain when it comes to treatment of their child. Because I get it 10000%.

Anyways, I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ll go out on a date with another black woman and won’t get a call back after, try to get to know them, they don’t think it’s gonna work, etc.

But other ethnicities? Totally fine. Get call backs, get text backs, other dates, wanting to hang out more, etc.

I’ve never been fetished. It’s always been genuine relationships that I’ve had. Long term, we go do stuff, travel, have a great time, etc.

I’ve been told I’m… god I hate using this stereotype because one size does not fit us all.

But I’ve been told I’m too “white washed” but again, it’s not like I don’t acknowledge our accomplishments, struggles, culture, support, etc.

Like I just don’t know what to do anymore.

This isn’t me giving up by the way. I know there’s another black woman out there for me. I know.

It’s just, literally in my 29 years of existence, I haven’t had a long term relationship, a hook up, etc with one of us and it’s kinda heartbreaking.

Idk if this rant comes off as “weird” but I’d be lying if I said didn’t bother me somewhat.

I was almost afraid to post this in fear of being judged or seen as one of those black people who thought “oh, she just sees the rest of us as inferior so she’s doing it to herself”.

Theres NOOOOO self hate here at all. I love every part of us. 🥰

But I feel like there’s something wrong with me.

If a celebrity is closeted and are not openly with a spouse, do you think they just have sex with the opposite sex or what? If you had an experience with a closeted celebrity I am intrigued to hear it.

Hey, so the Last Post ive received so much Love and positivity from you Guys. Thank you so much :) <3

But since im fully aware that this Reddit sub can be full of Trolls Sometimes ID still risk to ask this question since it has been bothering for a Long Time.

Background information:

Im 21 (Male/gay/african descent) and currently studying sociology

The Dating Apps im active the Most are Tinder, bumble and okcupid.

I live in Germany and am Born here

Hope this helps.

When it comes to my Dating Life, i Made rather negative experiences than positive ones. Whenever i would Match with Guys (who Most of the time are openly gay/bisexual) they either unmatch or never respond to my Messages which. And the sad Thing is, this Happens to me 80% of the time whenever iam on the Apps. Even with black men (who are mostly my Main preference) dont write me back. An Overall pattern ive observed throughout the years Being on Dating Apps are that the Main Guys who do write me First are usually White/non black men. The conversations usually go well and Last for Like 2-7 days. After nice conversations, something that ive also observed is that whenever a Date is planned (mostly on their Side, Not Mine) is that they tend to cancel Last Minute on me with reasons of ilness or Work (which happened to me 3 Times in a row) in which i never hear from them again Afterwards.

Tbh i dont think its because im unattractive and im fully aware that Nobody owns me an explanation of why someone suddenly loses interest in me for whatever reasons, but Sometimes i think it boils down to the fact that im Not white (Not conventionally attractive; Not the Standard in the country i was born) because in comparison to my white/ non black gay Friends, they have No issues getting Attention from all Kinds of men or getting in relationships.

Does anyone Else feels this way ?

I love you and I love us. This shit is hard. I want you to know you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. sending you comfort and peace 🫶🏾

Idk, I just feel like that kind of person would be a negative influence in the long run given that’s what they use for entertainment. I mean there’s this show where girls go back and forth on a stage about disagreements they had while partying (the partying isn’t part of the show) until one of them is ready to fight, then they fight while the judges egg them on. They have security but they don’t stop them. They just let the girls fight until they get tired. Then another group of girls comes onstage to argue about their grievances until one wants to fight, and that just repeats until the show ends. The entire premise of the show is random girls beefing over things we know nothing about and have no reason to be invested in, fighting, and judges determining who won. Bro.

Hi everyone I'm tired of trying in all my online spaces to just exist and it being filled with racists who negate very obv anti black things. Just wanna experience black queer joy!

hope u all have a good day~