TW: mention of suicide.

So this might be a little convoluted... I'm 54, came out as bi in my early 20's. For a few years there, I was dating both men and women pretty regularly. But I've now been in two long term (decade-ish) relationships with men, including current partner who is about my age. We are poly. He's done more with that than I have, though for a while we had a third in our relationship, a younger woman. She died by suicide about 7 years ago, and I'm still a little heartbroken. Relationship with my partner is not perfect but good on so many fronts, and he's definitely not being a barrier to me dating other people.

I guess why I'm here is that I'm not sure how to really reconnect with my gay side and get myself out there. Post-menopause my sex drive has dropped off, but honestly I suspect that might be in part because I'm gayer than I've been acting on for a long time and I'm not engaging sexually as I'd really like to be. It feels like I have a lot of "reasons" to not actually be getting off my ass and acting on all of this - live in a small town, some chronic illness issues, gained a lot of weight between covid and menopause and not feeling particularly sexy - all real but not necessarily the real reasons.

Would welcome any perspective from other bi- women with similar stories/struggles (others welcome to chime in, but hoping there's some others out there also middle aged and maybe re-coming out to themselves who have some wisdom to toss my way). Thanks for being here and listening!

Just have to say: Sophia Bush was one of my teenage crushes and very important in me realizing I am attracted to women. She is so beautiful and also sexy. I can still feel butterflies hearing her talk or seeing her in anything. And now: lo and behold, she is dating a woman! Teenage fantasy REACTIVATED 🥳🥳

why are so many lesbians biphobic? like, what’s their problem? it’s like they think us bisexual women have “betrayed” the whole damn lgbtq community because we just happen to be able to like men.

not all lesbians are like that, of course, that’s not what i’m trying to say. but many of them seem to have this weird view of bisexuality, and i just don’t understand where it comes from?

it’s almost like they think bi women reinforce the patriarchy or something, like they view us as “basically straight”. it’s so infuriating.

and when we point stuff like this out, they just tell us we “want to be victimized” so bad and completely dismiss us.

I’ll try to keep it brief - I grew up in a catholic area. Like old school catholic. Like “women are not sexual beings” old school catholic. At 13 I got a very intense crush on a girl - and for my own safety, felt I needed to lie about this. I gave her a boy’s name to my friends. I met her at camp so I got away with it for a while. Finally I told one of my closest friends she was a girl. That friend outted me, I stopped talking to my crush (for separate reasons), and after that whole ordeal I ended up not dating for like four years. I made a group of queer friends so I finally stopped hating myself for being gay, but I never really solved the issue of feeling safe enough to be in a relationship. I barely felt like I could trust people to be my friend, let alone date them.

By the time I felt secure enough in myself to start dating again and open up, Covid hit. My family all has lung issues so I took lockdown very seriously.

Finally I meet a guy in college (I know, I know, we all love bi women and their boyfriends lmao). But my issue here is I’m now soon-to-be 22 and I still haven’t had sex, and my first kiss was with the guy I just mentioned at the ripe old age of 21. We split up, he broke my heart a little, we stayed friends because I allowed it, I finally stopped resenting him, and now some of the romantic tension has been kind of making its way back into our friendship. I’ve started to miss him.

But I also don’t know if I want a relationship with him anymore. I don’t know what I want. I feel like I’ve become the physical embodiment of an avoidant attachment style. I’m in love with him but I can’t say it and I’m terrified of being close with him and I feel like I’m 13 all over again.

I also feel like I never got to be with a woman. I’m scared that if I get into a long term relationship with this person I’ll always regret not at least exploring, but I also have zero interest in exploring because I only care about this person and this one person also terrifies me in part because he’s not a woman. There are some aspects of me I feel like he’ll never really understand because he doesn’t entirely get what it was like for me to grow up queer. He’s sweet and he tries but he doesn’t understand, and sometimes that makes me feel alone around him.

Idk I guess I’m just venting. Sometimes I worry I’ll never feel safe enough around someone to have a committed relationship with them, and sometimes I can’t tell if I just had a unique experience growing up or if everyone’s dealing with the same shit I am and I’m just not handling it as well as everyone else. It would just be nice to be in my 20s and have a silly little significant other without feeling a constant growing pit in my stomach.

I’m just curious how other bi married women meet other bi women. Not many in my friend circle know I’m bi so it makes it difficult to meet other women.

I've told some of my family and a lot of my friends that I'm bi. I'm actually starting to feel a part of it too and it feels so good; like coming home. But many are still very shocked that I'm bi and didn't take me for someone who is bi. How do I make it more obvious?

Should I get my septum? A labret? Should I dress different or something? Wtf? Why is it even a thing to look more bi?

just a joke but please do tell :)

She's never been with a woman before so she's not sure but she's been thinking about a lot recently and for the first time she told me about it (I was proud of her for opening up about it to me). I told her that it's worth it to explore these thoughts but she thinks it would be a betrayal to our marriage. I disagree because she's been open about honest with me. How can I support her here?

don't get me wrong i know it really helps some questioning people and i'm so grateful for that, its more that every time i say that i'm struggling with heteronormativity or similar someone comes forward with 'read the lesbian masterdoc'. i just don't think thats its really effective at helping people figure out their sexuality. it more steers you into either definitely bisexual or probably lesbian.

i've read the masterdoc 4 times and i know i am not a lesbian, and when i say i'm only attracted to select men and very rarely will these turn into feelings, people assume that doesn't go both ways but it does. i've only properly liked maybe 2 girls- and it took years for these feelings to develop into romantic. i've really just come to the conclusion that i'm queer/bi.

i just think bisexuality can already be very confusing and when people keep telling you that you're probably a lesbian and should just read a 30 page document of a select peoples experience which doesn't leave much space for flexibility it doesn't really help.

i've added the link if you haven't read it and your curious, but please remember only you can define your sexuality- and its something that can change, and be flexible and thats alright. if it does end up helping you though i am really glad :))

So hello, I’m new here :) 👋. Bi and she/her (and occasionally they/them). I wanted to share a bit of a silly experience I had that basically confirmed my bisexuality to me.

I was 15 or 16. I still hadn’t fully accepted myself and was worrying if I was just pretending and if I was actually just straight. Anyway, I had this friend. She was around my height and cute. And we used to always flirt with each other in a playful kind of way. Then one day, I was standing against a wall and she came up and threw her hands against the wall on either side of me. She burst out laughing and teasing me because I just gasped. And I just stupidly giggled along like a dummy, while my heart just sped up.

I knew in that moment that, if she was ever genuinely interested, I’d date her in a heartbeat. And that I did, in fact, like girls and was, indeed, bi.

Thanks for reading.~ 😊

I remember being in a relationship with a man and when people asked if I thought we would be together forever or get married I would be kind of sad that I would not have the chance to ever see if I could be with a woman.

Has anyone else had this experience? Is this bisexual behavior or just general curiousity?

I responded to a post about porn types on another similar sub, and it got me curious about other bisexual women’s porn habits. Do you have a go to category or type?

I usually watch lesbian porn, and occasionally watch threesomes. What’s interesting is when I watch threesomes it’s almost always MFM.

That all said, I don’t watch often. Once every few months. I find my imagination is more than enough most of the time!

Did your preferences change after not taking birth control anymore?

After about a year of almost only sapphic relationships I'm suddenly craving men... with intensity.

It's so weird.

i remember that when i was a teenager it’s been normal to shave everywhere. the more body positive i got and the more girls i slept with, the more i got used to a healthy body image which includes any type of pubic hair. i feel because i’ve grown out of disliking it that society has too, but i suppose there are lots of dominant cultures where this is not the case. like does the majority of wealthy heteronormative guys still think all shaved is the way to go? i feel like that’s odd but i suppose they do? any experiences? ps i know in the end it’s all unique but there ARE different cultures in different positions so

I've been dating a girl now for about three months, and she is bisexual; I am straight. I like her a lot, and I've been teaching myself about the bi-community to understand her better.

I'll get to the point; she has mentioned to me that she will sometimes want to do certain queer things alone or with her queer friends as she feels bringing me along isn't ok for the other people in the queer community as it's a safe space for them and we are a "straight couple."

I have read about the biphobia that people in opposite-gender relationships face, and I recently witnessed it with my girlfriend. Something to note: my main friend group is a group of gay men, so I mainly go out to gay bars/clubs, so this is nothing new to me. We went to an event at a gay bar with her queer friends, and we both dressed up similarly. One of the patrons assumed we were a straight couple and made passive-aggressive comments about it. My girlfriend felt uncomfortable and looked hurt. Later, she used this to explain why she feels uncomfortable going to queer-focused places/events with me. I told her we looked like a couple because we dressed the same; beyond that, nothing we did or didn't do would have given that off. She insisted that these are safe places for queer people and that us going to them is wrong, and that we can go to straight bars instead. I told her that it's not bad for us to go to a gay bar and that she shouldn't feel ashamed of who she is. But she said that it wouldn't change what people would say about her. I brought up a hypothetical situation: if she and her friends wanted to go to a gay bar, would I have to leave? She replied that I didn't need to leave, but there might be times when she would prefer to go out to gay bars without me. I want to clarify that I am perfectly fine with her going out without me, as it is not an insecurity I have.

In a recent conversation, we discussed watching a movie together, and I suggested "Love Lies Bleeding." However, she expressed that she would prefer to watch it alone or with her queer friends because it's a queer-focused movie. She tried explaining to me why (related to the reason mentioned earlier), but I couldn't wrap my head around it as, for me, it was just a movie. Later, she mentioned the upcoming pride parade and planned to attend with her friends. I asked if I could join, but she hesitated and said she would let me know. She seemed uncomfortable with the idea of me coming and said that if I were to come, I wouldn't be her primary focus. I understood her perspective and wasn't expecting to be the center of attention at a pride parade anyway. Similarly, when I asked if I could watch her play in the queer league she's in, she gave me an excuse and suggested I come to watch during the playoffs with all her friends. I wondered if the real reason was that she was embarrassed or ashamed to have her straight boyfriend at these queer events. She admitted that she was afraid of her community invalidating her and saying things like, "Look at this straight girl at this queer event."

This conversation has come up often between us, and I am the one initiating it. Recently, I finally told her that I feel left out whenever anything queer-related comes up. I don't like feeling sidelined, and I want to support her sexuality and participate in these events with her as it was one of the ways I read I could support her. However, she disputed my concerns by reminding me that she had mentioned that there would be events she would like to attend alone, and she doesn't want to be that hetero couple that does everything together. If I want to support her, I need to do it the way she wants it, not the way I do, and that means her going to queer events without me. Despite this, I still can't shake the feeling of being hidden or that she might be embarrassed or ashamed to be dating me because I am a guy.

I would love to hear the perspective from your community and learn how I can better deal with my insecurity or address this with my girlfriend. I understand her perspective of going to queer events with me and being singled out for not being "queer enough."

TLDR: My bisexual girlfriend told me early on she likes sharing her time with me, herself, and her friends and that there will be events (mostly queer-related) to which I won't be invited. But lately, I've felt like it is because I am her straight boyfriend, and she is afraid of bringing me along because she would feel invalidated, so she avoids that by "hiding" me.

I am a older teen My parents are homophobic and controlling so they go through my phone and I want to afford a phone and to go to collage for history but I don't have a job i'm not allowed too. Is it possible to afford collage and my own phone plan? My parents are toxic and I just want to get out I'm exited but worried about the future.

Have a good day I just would like to have some advice or know if my dreams are possible. 💗💜💙

Hello all! I’m currently in a relationship with a man, whom I love a lot.. we haven’t been together too long, and he knows I’m bi. But just recently I’ve been having these deep feelings of needing to be with a woman. And those feelings tend to grow the more he lets me down. It’s not anything to do with sex, but rather a need to have be with a woman I should say? But I don’t want to leave him because I love our relationship. Before I met him I thought I was a lesbian, and in fact haven’t really been attracted to men at all, despite being with like 2 before him.. I never really found those guys attractive. (That sounds awful.) I feel like I need to be with someone who entirely understands what I go through on a day-to-day basis as a woman. I feel as though I need a woman to comfort me, and reassure me that the way I feel is valid. On top of being able to be with one in a relationship aspect..

I’m sorry if this makes no sense, I’m just very confused right now

I'm in a long-term relationship with a man and I'm not sure, but I think the love is completely gone on my side. He is a nice guy, but everything I thought was amazing in our relationship, it's actually bellow the bare minimum of what I expect in a relationship.

He is probably ADHD or/and bipolar, don't want to go to therapy, college, barely wants to work, I have to basically threaten to end our relationship to convince him of taking a shower and brush his teeth (I know it's toxic of me, but it's the only thing that works), complains about house chores and basically about everything else, I get a lot of this since I'm neurodivergent myself, but I don't know how much is adhd/bipolar and how much it's just weaponized incompetence.

We talked about some of those issues and he started cleaning everything without me having to basically beg him to do the chores, so it means that he can see what needs to be done, but it lasted one week and now everything is back to normal again 😒

I feel like I'm parenting a 40 years old guy, I'm in my early 30s, I don't want to parent anyone. I Just fear I might regret it, he is my first relationship, I was 24 and very naive when we met, I never feared being alone before, but I'm fearing it now. I'm really confused and anxious.

PS: I'm not fluent in English, so be understanding about my mistakes.

Find women's bodies (even if only fictional ones - not irl) pleasing to look at.

And

Can imagine themselves with women without feeling disgust (not mentioning the oral part, since that confused me for a while too lol).

I blame society for saying that women are at least a little bit attracted to other women, for my lack of awareness of my potential bisexuality.

Im F 24, 2 years and this is about F 28. My roommate is M 29 i’ve always been straight, always had a bf, had a 3 way once w a girl but I was black out. I’ve been through tons with men, and continue to be attracted to them, but lately, and I’ve known this girl 2 years now, I’m suddenly getting some feeling for a friend. It’s complicated because i met her through the same guy I had a three some with, it was with him & his gf at the time, and we have stayed in touch, dated briefly for two months a year ago, years after I met him (I’ve known him 4 years). I loved back in as a friend, although I’m sure he wants more, because the best term is could use is i was groomed by a 60 year old at 21 to become his fiance, and I’m dealing with the down fall of that currently. She is very sweet, and puts her all in to whatever she need or wants. She’s a sweetheart, and I care for her as a friend deeply. I’ve been seeing her more recently one on one as friends, and lately I honestly just feel like kissing her, or honestly, wanting to get into bed even though I don’t know the first thing about what I’d be doing. My roommate/friend would be mad af, as he continues to try to not even make us friends and he’s a very jealous man. She is bi, mainly attracted to girls. I know she’s attracted to me because my roommate made a point to tell me, and my roommate last year. He was not happy about this, and distanced our communication, but I’ve been more in touch this year with her. I know this probably isn’t the place to post this, but just looking for a little advice? I’ve never been attracted to a female like I am her. I really just am very very soured towards men at this point & would love to hear what you guys have to say.

so this weekend, i went to a lesbian bar, one i go to pretty frequently, to basically just hang out and such. i’ve made some amazing friends there, and it’s really cozy!

i’m a bisexual woman, 22 y/o, and i’ve been fully out for a couple of months now.

anyway, i was striking up a conversation with this one woman and we were having a good time, just talking about anything and everything. but then we started talking about previous relationships and i mentioned my only ex, which is a man. and she seemed sort of confused by it, so i clarified to her that i’m bisexual, after she said “aren’t you a lesbian?”

and once i had told her that i’m, in fact, bi and not a lesbian, she straight up told me that i do not belong in that bar. the conversation ended right after that, and i was honestly pretty much speechless for a few moments.

i totally understand that lesbians want lesbians-only spaces, and i would never ever try to infiltrate those spaces. but this bar isn’t one of those spaces.. the people who work there (who i’ve befriended over the few months i’ve gone there) all know that i’m bi, they’re all lesbians and have never had an issue with me going there.

it hurt A LOT to hear her say that i “don’t belong here”, to be brutally honest, i became a sobbing damn mess once i got back home.

and though i’m bi, i do prefer women over men, if that counts for anything…

so where do i belong, then? where do i, as a bisexual, get to hang out and feel like i also have a safe space?

Hey ya'll, I'm single and loving it but was thinking of dating women because I used to date men back then but failed. I'm introverted and I want to get back on dating apps but I don't want to go back to scrolling and swiping most of the time just to find the one. I want to date women but if it's okay to start off as friends before getting into a relationship. What should I do? I live in Southwest Ohio and I'm concerned about the women there.

Hi everyone! So I'm veeeeeery recently out, and engaged to a man. My dating experience with women is really limited, and I struggled for a moment feeling valid in my sexuality. Mostly, I realized that I want to present much more feminine, or at least feel like I'm harnessing my feminine energy. I was always tall and strong and when I dated girls most of them kind of pushed me to be more masculine in a way I didn't vibe with. What are some ways I can feel more feminine?

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first wlw breakup :(

i (f22) just got dumped yesterday by my first gf (f23) and i’m feeling absolutely devastated and so depressed. it was a really good relationship even though it wasn’t very long (7 months) and we were long distance. the reason she broke up with me is because she’s really struggling mentally right now and just needs to take care of herself, which i completely respect and understand. plus long distance was getting really tough for both of us and just making it harder to keep a connection alive. i just have a lot of other mixed feelings and didn’t really see this coming until a few days ago when i got a gut feeling, but she reassured me a million times over that she was so committed and loved me more than ever and wanted to make things work. so i guess i’m struggling to understand how this even happened so fast. i can’t even be mad at her, i just want her to take care of herself and get the help she needs. i just don’t really have anybody in my life to talk to about this and i’m feeling so lonely and depressed myself which is making me extremely unmotivated. i have so many big responsibilities to take care of for college and i can’t even focus or get anything done because this breakup is eating me up inside. i could really use some support or advice from other people who understand

weeks before i made out with my best friend and i’ve been thinking about her ever since in a different way. what should i do

TL:DR Bullied by girls growing up, mostly only ever had guy friends, slut shaming parents = my messed up relationship with femininity now and doubting my bisexuality because I never “fell in love with a female friend”. I just never really had them be close enough. I have them now but only a few and it’s hard even to imagine being safe or vulnerable with a woman.

So, I’m a really late bloomer (late 30s) in fully embracing my sexuality. I’ve always thought I could in theory fall in love with or be attracted to anyone, but only very recently realised just how suppressed my feelings have been all my life.

I can look back now and see all the odd hyperfixations, intense need to be friends with girls, being aroused by WLW content and movies etc. However, something I always used to tell myself (that I wasn’t really bisexual) was that I never fell in love with a female friend. I never found myself getting sexual feelings that would’t go away about another woman. Yes, I’ve had sexual thoughts about women but they felt fleeting, or at least I shamed myself so much that they came and went quickly. Tbh I viewed all “bisexual” thoughts the same way I viewed any kink thought - a bit weird, private, pushed away to be forgotten.

But here’s the thing, looking back I never really had many female friends. I have ADHD which is a recipe for being bullied at school (apparently we are ~2 years behind socially at that age, which other kids really don’t like). So as I got past puberty, I had one good female friend who I wasn’t attracted to, and then almost exclusively socialised with guys all the way through college and beyond.

Femininity and women were basically threatening to me. I was afraid of being bullied by them, having to compete with them, feeling just generally completely different and assuming they would all hate me. I definitely thought “she’s beautiful/sexy” from afar here and there but never got close enough to be attracted properly.

To add to that, my mother was terrible for slut shaming and I was essentially raised to view all femininity with suspicion, shamed for wearing any revealing clothes, and generally never saw myself as a “proper girl”. I know I’m not entirely trans, because I don’t get warm feelings from the idea of being a man, however I do feel more comfortable in mens clothes, even watching gay porn vs. wlw porn (I know it’s because of the crappiness of wlw porn, some of the more alt queer stuff is great). Sometimes I think about how bi guys have jack off clubs and I think about how much I’d rather have a dick and go to one of those, than go to a similar room full of women which in my mind feels like a sheep walking into a den full of wolves.

So as a result of all that, I keep doubting my bisexuality. It’s silly because I know I’m attracted to certain, specific women romantically and sexually, but it’s so rare that it keeps reminding me that my general relationship with womanhood and femininity in general is kind of fucked. I sometimes see really sexy figure hugging dresses for sale, and buy one, and do feminine hair and makeup, and feel good for a day, but then the next day don’t want anything to do with that stuff - either be attracted to women like that or wear those clothes.

Tied to all this is my own self esteem. When it’s in the sewer, I can’t even watch porn with women in it. I can’t imagine myself as a sexual being because it ruins the moment for me.

I know this is all complex and I do have a therapist, but I was just wondering if anyone else here has had a similar experience?