Welcome to r/BiWomen's fortnightly megathread. Talk about anything and everything!

While conversation topics can deviate from bisexuality, make sure to familiarise yourself with and follow rules 1 through to 5.

Enjoy!

I had problems keeping friends most of my life because I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere. Girls didn't think I was one of them, boys didn't think I was one of them.

The girls that did want to be my friend acted weird to me, but something is better than nothing right? But then I kept losing my best friends suddenly. And at the time, I'd rack my brain to see what went wrong and have no idea.

It wasn't till years later that I realized the weird feeling they gave me was because they were romantocizing me in their head and interacting with that version of me instead of like actual me and they probably were in love with me.

Here's a count.

1 girl stopped talking to me after I said I saw her as a sister.

2 girls stopped talking to me after getting boyfriends.

2 girls stopped talking to me after I got married.

I'm also genderfluid. I think they thought of me as boyfriend material and imagined I'd take that role if we were together and it's like no? I like being the level headed stoic person, but I married a man because I want to get someone even more level headed and stoic to be there for me.

I saw a video of Audrey Plaza talking about how her fans all want her to dom them, but she's a sub and I was like yeah. That's how I feel!

I dunno what to do about it tbh. I kinda just gave up on trying to be friends with gender non-conforming girls cause they keep catching feelings for me. Girly girls almost never do, but I don't fit in as well.

I also think having my sister have inappropriate feelings towards me probably messed up my idea of what platonic female relationships look like. I cut her off and she still sends me longing messages that sound more like trying to convince your ex to take you back than your sister.

So in April, I realized I was bisexual after years of trying to convince myself that I’m straight. Since breaking up with my ex boyfriend in July, I have realized from then to now that I have been growing a strong preference for women over men.

Anyways, I recently started working at a school and there is this girl there who is a student teacher I think. She is so so gorgeous (like she reminds me of a princess) and she seems like a very kind person too. I noticed her one day and immediately was attracted to her. Funnily enough, she approached me the next day to compliment my pants. We now always smile at each other as a hello when we see each other now.

I am developing a huge crush on her even though I don’t really know her that well. I don’t know if she is straight or not too. But if it turns out that she’s straight, I would love to be friends with her.

This is my first crush on a girl where I finally accept the fact that I like girls. Honestly it just feels so right and feels so so good.

Where does everyone find other lovely bi, queer, LGBTQA+ friends in their community? Just some back story, a lot of my (27|F) friends moved after college and the network of open-minded people have dwindled and I’ve been feeling a little out of place. I’ve tried going to lesbian bars, bumble bff, and just chatting people up to expand my friend group, but no luck. Idk if I’m too friendly, because I am very passionate and eager to get to know people, but it’s just strange because it’s never been this hard.

Anyways let me know where you guys have found success.

newly discovering that i am bisexual, i am a 25f. I am single and not really sure how to go about doing this. i have been talking to some women but im embarrassed and nervous to say ive never had sex with another woman. i have done other things but not that.

Hello again. A month ago I made a post about my mother finding out that I’m into woman and her reaction wasn’t the best. The post is on my account incase you want to read.

Firstly, thank you so much for the advice and encouragement everyone has gave me. It means so much to me especially during a depressed episode. And to all that dm me and check in, yall are the sweetest thank you💕

My friends has been supportive of me and made sure I’m taking care of myself since the whole incident. I also came out to my cousin, and apparently this is like when my other cousin( who is a lesbian) came out and the whole family was in shambles and my mom said some hurtful things. He mentioned it could be karma for what she said those years ago.

Now the update…

So basically after the post we didn’t talk for a week up til I came home for the election. We didn’t talk much since I arrived late in the night. The next day, I went out and voted with her. Idk if it’s important to add but she has on rainbow colored glasses that whole day and telling people about me since we’re in a small town. After that I went home and ft a friend about the election. She came in and asked who I was talking to and answered a friend of mine. She gotten worried and said, “It’s not that gay shit is it?” I just shook my head no and she left the room.

So yeah since then, we’ve been avoiding the topic altogether. I’m not sure what she thinking but she continues to call and text me as normal. I don’t know if I should give her time or talk to her about it but for now I’m enjoying the peace.

This thing has been breaking my brain in all the best ways. Feels way more intuitive to use than a normal strap. It also gives the wearer so much more stimulation. I’ve actually cum while giving which is so fucking hot.

I was pretty skeptical about it but it’s not slipped out of the wearer once and it’s easier to prevent from slipping out of the receiver. We both love it.

(A strapless strap on has a bulbous end that goes inside the giver and then a more normal dildo end that is obviously used for going in the receiver. They’re connected by a flexible arm. Ours has vibrators that operate independently in both parts.

I messed up and I need advice. I am 40 years old but I have never had an intimate relationship with a woman. I am bi, so that's not up for debate.

I have been married to a man since 2005 and we have 3 kids together. I have pursued relationships with women but nothing ever panned out. My husband is aware of all of this and is encouraging.

I made friends with a woman back in June. We are both teachers in the same department but we teach on different campuses. We talk a lot about our students, send memes to each other about teaching etc. We had gotten drinks together and smoked weed together.

On Halloween she came over to smoke weed while I passed out candy. During our night she talked about a friend with benefits she had when she lived in another state.

My friend is a lesbian and poly. After too much wine I asked if she wanted my friend with benefits. She turned me down saying she wanted to just be my friend. I was kind of taken aback due to what I thought were signs she was interested in me. She had called me boo in countless text messages and said we were on a date the last time we got drinks together. She has talked to me many times about being poly and her lifestyle.

This past Friday I sat at a table with her during a department meeting. I tried to act like nothing was weird between us and I think she was doing the same. She hugged me when she first found me in the crowd so she wasn't trying to avoid me. I have been trying to get over her rejection since Halloween. We have talked and hung out together since Halloween but it's been so hard!

To avoid getting hurt again, how do you tell when a woman is interested in you?

I have not given up hope with my friend but the rejection hurt again lot. I am trying to hopefully avoid rejection like this going forward. If that be with her or someone else.

This is less about bisexuality and more about my self growth journey overall, so I really hope it's okay to post here - but it's important for me to get these feelings out so I don't dwell on them.

IThis past year I started therapy and taking care of myself, and it's really helped. Before that, I had lost myself in being a wife and mother as most of us do when we get older. But now I feel great! I'm rediscovering all of my old hobbies and the pieces of myself that I love. I accepted my sexuality and came out to my loved ones. I feel genuinely fulfilled and happy in so many areas.

The difficulty is that, in rediscovering myself, I'm realizing that all of the people around me are just so.. different from me. Even my husband. He's super supportive, but I don't have friends who are into the same hobbies and passions that I have. And I live in a very rural, conservative community hours away from a bigger city, so it's hard to meet new people. Relocating isn't option right now.

I've been trying to meet new people, but we're all in our thirties and have established friend groups/families already. I met one girl who I have a TON in common with, but our friendship is starting to feel one-sided and red flaggy :( so I'm distancing myself just a bit for now.

I feel like an awkward teenager trying to find her place in the world all over again, lol. It's starting to become lonely and discouraging, and I don't want it to take away from all of my progress. Any words of encouragement welcome ❤️

THE CONTEXT - I've been coming out for the last year (really accepting the bi part of me and intentionally integrating it into all aspects of my life) and it seems to be coinciding with a low libido.

I'm trying to figure out how much is this emotional process and how much might be medical issues that I've also been dealing with.

THE PROBLEM - Sex is almost always the last thing on my mind. And I want to want to be turned on (by anything) but am struggling to feel that urge.

It's not likely to do with my partner, nor other environmental factors as none of that has changed in this time frame.

THE QUESTION - Just curious if anyone else has had similar experiences during this period of coming out/integration?

Question for all the married or previously married. How did your partner take it when you opened up about yourself. I ask as mine was all for it. That lasted a few years and come the start of this year he had a issue with me liking women. We are now divorced and he barley even speaks to me.

I'm Quinetta, a late in life trans woman who is new to this Reddit community. Hi everyone👋🏾. My question is would bi women in general be more open to dating a trans woman than a lesbian? I personally would think so, but I'd like to see directly from the source.

Welcome to r/BiWomen's fortnightly megathread. Talk about anything and everything!

While conversation topics can deviate from bisexuality, make sure to familiarise yourself with and follow rules 1 through to 5.

Enjoy!

Hey everyone, so I'm dating a woman that's polyamorous and married (yes, this it's THAT messy) and she's told me plenty of times I'm the only person she's dating. She doesn't like her husband anymore (he knows about us and everyone else she fucks btw, it's an open thing) and she's mentioned that she would stop seeing anyone else if that made me more comfortable to be with her. Besides the point that she's married, so it'd never be just us (I'm monogamous), I don't want to close a relationship when I fear it's probably gonna end up in her cheating or wanting to cheat.

My question is to other polyamorous people, on how to feel more secure when dating someone who fucks around more than you're comfortable with. I knew from the start she was polyam and that I was not going to change either of us's preferences for this relationship, so I'm trying to do my own internal/emotional work to navigate through this.

I've asked her that she doesn't tell me when she's sleeping with someone, although I'm quite sure she hasn't since we made our thing more official. Still, she's usually always on the phone talking to me, so whenever she's not... I get insecure/jealous (although I'm working on it). I think I need other polyamorous people's views on relationships to know how to navigate this one. Why do you guys want open relationships or polyamor? How do you know which role has every person in your love/sex life, and how do you communicate that to them?

I didn't really think of myself as bi until early 2024 when I finally acknowledged the whole thing of not wanting to be certain women but wanting to be with them. And I've kinda embraced it and feel comfortable with the label but I've got super religious family that would actually attempt to like kill me if they knew cos they "don't believe in homosexuals" and I don't know how to at least say it to my friends, really I just need advice how do I come out? Cos I'm sick of pretending that that one girl I know is not so fucking hot I would kiss her Infront of her bf if she said it was cool in the middle of a fucking anti pride rally... So yeah, what do I do?

So basically, I’ve been friends with this girl for six years, and recently, we’ve gotten closer. We are both in high school and the same grade. Our friend group is super flirty and touchy as a joke, but with her, it feels different. I don’t know if I like girls or not, which makes this even more confusing. On a school trip for Model UN, we roomed together and were inseparable. One night, I told her I’d never been with anyone, and OUT OF NOWHERE, SHE SAID, “We could practice kissing if you want?” LIKE EKWITHENSKAJABRBR!!! WHAT!?!!! I was just so caught off guard, and I don’t even know if I like her like that, but maybe I don't know. I’ve never felt that before, so idk what it means. I kinda just stared at her after she said that, and I told her, “No, it’s fine, we don’t have to,” because we were going to some guy's room that night to prepare documents for the next day. I think I had butterflies when she asked me, but idk. During the trip, we held hands, snuggled, and even took naps together. She rested her head on my shoulder, and I’d rest my head on hers. We kept flirting, too—she’d call me hot, and I’d say it back, but I couldn’t tell if she was doing it the same way we do with all our other friends. On Saturday, we went paintballing with friends, got high together in secret, and then hung out at her house. We snuggled in bed watching TikToks, and she kept touching me—fidgeting with my pockets, leaning her arm against my hips so she could better hold her phone, caressing my face and jaw and neck, and bouncing her loose fist against my lips. She’d also turn and stare into my eyes for a few seconds, which made me feel so hot and flustered. At one point, I ranted about friends with benefits, and when I finished, she just turned her head and stared at me FOR LIKE 5 WHOLE SECONDS!?!? That confused me so much and made me so flustered and have butterflies because why would she just stare into my eyes and make eye contact for that long after I just said all that??? The confusing part is she talks about guys she’s into, and after I left her house, she went on a walk with one of them (the guy she likes the most who lives in her neighborhood and goes to our school). She’s straight (apparently) but then does stuff like this, which doesn’t feel normal for a straight girl. I keep replaying all these moments, wondering if she likes me or if I’m overthinking and what would’ve happened if I had just made a move or something. Should I ask her to practice kissing again to see how she would react and to see if I even like girls? I’m so confused—what should I do? Please give me some advice and tell me if she's flirting or not. Anyway.. thanks for reading my post. It’s one of my first few times posting/talking about myself on Reddit, so I’m nervous. Btw here's the link to my original post on my inactive account that has more details: https://www.reddit.com/r/WLW/comments/1h4emt4/i_think_my_friend_is_flirting_but_im_unsure/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I wrote this post in the FAW subreddit while coming down from an episode a few days ago. It wasnt really related to the subreddit but i kept staying within subs with negative atmospheres for some reason while also trying to force myself to be positive about everything. Just yesterday, after working together for a while now, me and my therapist have sorta officially "worked out" that am bisexual and have been suppressing it because my dad is homophobic and my brother is creepy towards lesbians. I was trying hard to play up heterosexuality to try and mask my bisexuality. So when i wrote this, it was out of limerence, overperforming heterosexuality, and just wanting to express attraction to Sabrina Carpenter without saying "i wanna fuck Sabrina Carpenter". It was wild and unnessary post but I find it kinda funny.

I talked with my mom about this(she actually is accepting of queer people so I knew she was safe). She somehow thinks this will improve my chances of dating. I'm still the same socially inept, unconventionally attractive person with the social understandings of a 14 year old. My chances are staying the fucking same lol. But I can still dream and keep trying to improve.

TLDR: I wrote a long unneccary post about wanting male validation and liking Sabrina carpenter in an unrelated subreddit then finally came to accept that im bisexual and attracted to Sabrina Carpenter.

I (24F) have no experience with kissing or sex with anybody. I am extremely afraid to kiss someone I'm interested in because I figure I'll be pretty bad at it since it's a learned skill. People my age don't really want to teach a person how to kiss and because I'm bisexual and greatly prefer women, women are even more likely to be turned off by a bad kisser. The thought of kissing someone gives me panic attacks. Is it possible to date without ever kissing the person? Are there people out there who will be ok with it?

im going on my first date with a girl and i am genuinely clueless. we're going pottery painting and maybe for drinks after. do i pay for her pottery? i was planning on paying for at least something, whether that be drinks or the actual pottery, but im not sure. i've never done this.

if anyone has tips, please let me know. we've been talking for a couple weeks and this will be our first in person meeting and im extremely nervous.

Welcome to r/BiWomen's fortnightly megathread. Talk about anything and everything!

While conversation topics can deviate from bisexuality, make sure to familiarise yourself with and follow rules 1 through to 5.

Enjoy!

Hi folks 👋 I'm trying to unravel something about my sexuality and curious if anyone relates or can share any insight. Please be kind.

So I've always been into power dynamics/kink stuff with sex. Like literally since I was a kid 😬 I feel like my primary sexual orientation is around power play more than gender, with a partner of any gender and me in a sub role.

In used to date men and women. Then I had a couple traumatic relationships with guys and it changed my sexuality to be about male/female power stuff more specifically. I recognize that's a trauma thing but it's persisted long past trauma healing.

I dated women before that but haven't in a long time bc now when I'm attracted to a woman I don't know how to fit that into the way my sexuality has changed.

Over the past year or so tho, I've been having more sapphic sex dreams. It makes me think maybe things are finally shifting back and I could have a relationship with a woman again?

At the same time, I've been getting to know a woman in my volunteer group. I had a minor crush on her right away but it's growing into real deep feelings.

Usually I think of her in a wholesome romantic way so the other day I thought... am I really sexually attracted to her? Could sex work? So I tried to just let myself have a fantasy and YES I am really attracted to her 😮‍💨 .

But the fantasy only works if I'm in a dom/top role with a strap and she's in a more sub and receptive role. Eg in the fantasy I take control and fuck her (consensually) silly and she is in the role I am typically in with male partners.

I don't care about her touching me, I don't want to get attention, I just want to make her melt/shake/moan with a strap. The strap aspect is key here.

It feels... male? Like I have to slip into a male role to make sex with a woman make sense post-trauma. The fantasy also feels much more visual than when I am fantasizing about being a sub – the visual aspect feels male as well.

IRL I carry myself kind of gender neutral. I am lazy about gender and don't feel compelled to find the exact right identity or identify presentation... just wear jeans and a t and a flannel/hoody and call it a day lol. I still look slightly femme of center because my face and body are very feminine.

I'm just struggling to wrap my head around this. Being in a sub role was the only thing that worked for me sexually for... ever. And suddenly I can put myself in a top role but only in any way that feels masc. Is that just a trauma thing? Or an nb/gq thing?

I would be super curious to hear about any similar or related experiences.

(I am already in therapy so btw but have never been able to find a therapist who can support me with navigating kink stuff)

Starting from next week, users with shared accounts will no longer be allowed to engage with this subreddit. This is due to past and frequent rule breaking. Shared accounts will receive a warning and if it isn't taken into consideration, this will result in a permanent ban.

If you're a bi woman who has a shared account with your partner and would like to participate, make sure to create a separate account to do so.

This will be added to the current rule 5: Men's input is not needed if it's not positive/empowering bi women.

General Reminders

• This is a sfw (safe for work) subreddit.
• Make sure to mark text posts with mature themes 'nsfw'.
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• If you're new to the sub, read through the rules before posting or commenting. Here is a more detailed description of them.

Mods have decided to change the schedule for the megathread, from once a week to twice a month to allow for more discussion. The most recent one is currently pinned in community highlights at the top of the subreddit.

This change will go into effect starting this Friday. While conversation topics can deviate from bisexuality, make sure to familiarise yourselves with rules 1 to 5. We'd like the discussion to be safe and welcoming for everyone.

Thank you,

The r/BiWomen Mod Team

Hey ya’ll. Im bisexual and I’ve only gone out with two women (one date each). They both went well, but I felt awkward. I also met both of them online & I’m kinda over dating apps. I’ve been to gay bars before, but usually as a “straight” woman with my gay friends. And also since I’m mostly attracted to feminine or stereotypically girly women, it’s sometimes hard to tell of a woman is into women.

Any advice??

28f i have the worst luck with ladies, i don't know why and I'm genuinely curious if anyone else has been in the same position? I match with girls on tinder, bumble etc. But no one seems to want to meet or get to know eachother? The only times I've had luck are with poly or ENM couples. But I'm not really interested in being a 3rd wheel at all. I think women are captivating, gorgeous and lovely! I've experimented with other girls when I was a teenager but never "gone all the way" if that makes sense, now that I'm older I'd honestly like to get to know another woman and see where things go but luck has not been on my side 😂

Hi babes! I need advices!! I'm a bisexual girl, with not much experience with girls, and I'm starting to feel a little desperate, cause what I really dream about is a girl (or several). Every time I start talking with girls, they back out. And in dating apps, I've got lots of matches and stuff, but noone answers me back, it feels like every girl I meet is afraid of me.. but I don't understand why? Also I'm a strange person, I have always learned things my own way, because I've never understood the "normal" things everyone else seems to just know, so I have a hard time figuring out how other girls think, what they mean, and what they want. I have never had anyone to ask or talk about my gayness to, so I need to ask you. Can you please give me all your advices on how to pick up girls, when you're a girl yourself? And just how to be a good bisexual? And are girls afraid of sex? Is there a hookup community on Reddit for girls?

Love moon

Hey everyone! We're Bi Women Quarterly. If you haven't seen us in the sub before, we're a literary arts publication focused on the bi+ women experience. We love all the creative work shared here on the sub and want to encourage folks to share it with the wider world! So, we thought we'd offer a quick intro to what literary arts journals are and how you can be published in them.

There is a huge amount of literary journals, with a large portion specifically dedicated to queer identities. In these journals, creators can get their stories, poetry, artwork, photography, reviews, essays, and more published. There's so much variety in journals' vibes, themes, demographics, genres, audiences, and more, so there is a journal for everyone!

You can search for opportunities to submit through websites like https://www.chillsubs.com/ and https://www.submittable.com/, where journals (including us!) post their submission calls. You can include search filters like what genres they accept or what their demographics for creators are. Both of these sites are free to make an account on and submit through. JSYK, some journals do have an application fee or optional donation (usually around $5) which they collect to support operating costs. Most of us are low- or non-profit endeavors, propelled by wonderful volunteers and a pure love of art and literature, so these fees and donations are what allow the journal community to keep going!

For BWQ in particular, all of our submission info is available at https://www.biwomenquarterly.com/submission-guidelines/call-for-submissions/. We accept art and writing of all kinds you can imagine, with no submission fee! We have themes for our issues, which come out every season: the next to arrive will be "Teachers and Mentors" in December, and we're currently accepting submissions for "Pieces of the Puzzle," all about the things which helped us discover and build our identities as bi+ women, for publication next spring.

Please reach out if you ever have more questions about the lit journal scene. We hope to see your work soon in our submissions inbox and on the pages of other journals!

I (bi, 24F) wouldn't say I'm exactly a baby bi at this point, because I have been aware of my sexuality for maybe about 3 years now, but haven't exactly had many opportunities to date women due in part to mostly time constrains from life (work, life happening, etc), and living in a still somewhat moderate anti queer area where it takes a bit of time and effort to find and dapple in queer spaces, which I also am not exactly confident enough to say that I know my way around yet (red state, living with somewhat conservative family I never intend to come out to), and thus, don't have a ton of experience dating women since we tend to be harder to find that are willing to date, as we should.

Now that you understand the context, I have noticed a sort of... tension (?) being alluded to or mentioned between bisexual women and lesbians, and I kinda feel like I missed some sort of major event I'm supposed to know about or might of did something wrong by not knowing already, but am afraid to ask anyone irl because I don't want to piss anyone off, bring back up any past problems, or offend anyone, so I've just ended up resorting to asking around online to see if I can get a straight answer that makes sense. Did something happen between bisexual women and lesbians that I should know about before dating or is there some sort of unspoken rule I'm supposed to know about so I don't do anything wrong?

Hi I am frum women married .I wounder anyone here also bi and married or single , he knows about it and for it .love to find someone nearby to chat ,