/r/askadyke

Photograph via snooOG

Welcome to r/AskADyke. This space is for friendly and casual conversation for lesbians/dykes. Our goal is to create an opportunity for lesbians to share their lives, experiences, and thoughts.

Who are dykes? Dyke is a slang term, used as a noun meaning lesbian. It originated as a homophobic slur for masculine, butch, or androgynous girls or women. Pejorative use of the word still exists, but the term dyke has been reappropriated by many lesbians to imply assertiveness and toughness.

Welcome to r/AskaDyke. Grab a drink and pull up a chair. This space is for casual and friendly conversation. We want to create an opportunity for dykes/lesbians to share their lives, stories, experiences, and thoughts.


FAQ:

  • Dyke is a slang term, used as a noun meaning lesbian. It originated as a homophobic slur for masculine, butch, or androgynous girls or women. Pejorative use of the word still exists, but the term dyke has been reappropriated by many lesbians to imply assertiveness and toughness.

  • Who can use the word "dyke"? Slurs can only be reclaimed by members of the minority group that the slur is/was used against.

/r/askadyke

1,974 Subscribers

12

What's your favorite saphic novel?

I just read Bookshops & Bone dust: a very fun "cozy fantasy" about a butch orc on hiatus from being an adventurer. I also keep hearing about Gideon the Ninth as a great "enemies to lovers" story, haven't read it myself yet. What's your best recommendation for lesbian fiction??

9 Comments
2024/11/30
02:27 UTC

11

Do you wear pride merch? Do you notice when other people wear pride merch?

38 Comments
2024/11/28
15:19 UTC

1

Writing a story - what's the most offensive response to finding out someone was married to a man before dating a woman?

Context!

I've got a dinner scene between Ash and Kathryn, Ash's best friend Rachel and her new GF Paige.

Kathryn was married to a man for 20 years before meeting Ash.

Paige somehow finds fault/offense in this (I've got reasons for that she's not a villain!) but I am struggling with the wording. I've had her be all uppity about it and make a side comment about gold star lesbian. I'm aiming for offensive but redeemable since Paige winds up being the doctor for Kathryn's son later on. I'm just looking at ways to create tension between them.

4 Comments
2024/11/25
03:27 UTC

6

Conversation Questionnaire re: Sex & Preferences?

Howdy All,

I think I saw a post on this sub recently about an article that provides guidance on how to start the conversation with new partners about preferences. Does this ring a bell? I've combed through here and I don't see. TIA for any help. I'd love to read it.

Cheers!

2 Comments
2024/11/25
02:30 UTC

7

Are you friends with your ex?

How did that go? Did you need space away from them at first, and for how long? Was there an awkward transition period?

I just broke up with my ex of 3 years. We were good friends for 2 before that. I'm trying really hard to just go back to where we were before dating, but I'm too heart broken. Hanging in the same friend groups just feels like being the ghost of my pre-breakup life.

We met one-on-one a couple of times, just to talk, and that was fine; nice even. But the second we're around mutuals all I can focus on is the attention I used to get and can't now. It do sucketh!!

Lesbians are supposed to be really good at maintaining friendships with ex's, right?? Wha's your experience?

33 Comments
2024/11/23
05:18 UTC

6

If you have a pet what is the cutest or funniest thing they do?

8 Comments
2024/11/21
21:50 UTC

12

Butches, what is that one femmey thing you do or like?

For me it's wearing lots of different kinds of perfumes. Some are more gender neutral scents, but some are definitely girly. I've got a half a shelf full of different types in my bathroom, and I've been known to hunt for specific scents on ebay. I loooooovvvvve to smell good.

17 Comments
2024/11/19
05:18 UTC

10

how do i stop giving “bottom energy?”

21F kind of baby gay here.. everyone says I “give bottom energy” and I dont know why. How can you tell if someone is a top or bottom? I am pretty sure I am a stone top so I definitely dont want to give that impression. Like, I am kind of quiet and sweet and I worry about making women uncomfortable by being overtly sexual right off the bat. So I guess thats why I “give bottom energy” but I dont know how to not do that because I am literally just nice. Like I dont understand what I am supposed to do? I am at the point where I wish I was a bottom since everyone thinks that but I am just not turned on by dominant behavior or someone touching me. What are things someone does that makes them seem like a top? I am talking about like out at bars or things like that more than like actually dating.

15 Comments
2024/11/17
23:33 UTC

7

Happy Saturday! How is your weekend going?

I'm planning a cozy day in. I have a dirty chai and am working on a puzzle. I think I'm going to make brownies this afternoon.

9 Comments
2024/11/17
16:53 UTC

1

What did you do together to re-live your youth after ciscomphet past?

Hello there!

I just wanted to know if there are any latebloomers that missed out their youth due to compulsory cisheteronormativity. We're both in our mid 30s, while I outed myself as trans lesbian 4 years ago and she as a cis lesbian 2 years ago. We're both sometimes grief that we weren't able to live out the experience in our youth, so we do little stupid and innocent dates to fill out that gap, like cloth swapping, hair-braiding etc.

I'm curious if there are any other dykes that do something similar and would love to hear your stories and ideas!

2 Comments
2024/11/16
23:45 UTC

1

Men's shirts + big tits: the struggle is real?

Hey dykes!! I was feeling myself at my new job and got some men's button-downs and some cool ties. Real crisp look, until I realized my boobs would perpetually spread a little window right at bra height 😵

I could go a size bigger but then I just look like a box. I have a nice figure and I wanna show it off damn it!! Has anyone had men's shirts taken in around the twins?? I'm worried it will be too boob-forward then, if you know what I mean. What's your experience?

1 Comment
2024/11/15
22:20 UTC

6

Attempting online dating for the first time: Best dating app?

Trying to get over a rough breakup by getting back out there. I haven't had the self esteem for a dating app before, working up the nerve to try it finally.

Any and all advice is welcome: for profile, good pics, opening lines, etc. Want to know what dating apps you've had success on: apparently bumble and hinge are the best for rule of large numbers? Has anyone tried Her?

17 Comments
2024/11/15
17:32 UTC

10

What are you doing to make your home a happy or calm place?

15 Comments
2024/11/14
18:30 UTC

16

Does emotional intimacy matter for you when doing the deed?

For me personally it really does matter 🥹. I see intercourse as something that’s like special and once you have it with someone you sort of let them into your world / mind?? by letting them touch parts of your body you don’t really show to anyone else and yeah!! I was just curious what other lesbians think about the matter ❤️.

Edit: AAHH!! I am surprised a lot of people responded 💖! I hope you all enjoy your intercourse lives well ❤️!! MWAH MWAA sending you all warm hugs

45 Comments
2024/11/13
13:03 UTC

1

How much would you guess that you spend on a date?

10 Comments
2024/11/11
21:53 UTC

6

how the hell do you take it slow?

i met someone yesterday that i felt a little spark with, which tends to be pretty rare for me. obviously i have no idea if she could be interested or if we'd be compatible, but i do know from experience that my heart tends to run too far too fast with romantic feelings. it's maybe the #1 lesbian stereotype and in this case the shoe fits like a glove.

i don't want to get carried away - i don't feel that's fair to myself or any potential partner- but i've already caught myself daydreaming a little. i'm painfully aware of the issues i have with this and have been trying to work on them as best i can. nevertheless this cycle of over-attachment and unwarranted heartbreak repeats any time i catch feelings for someone.

the advice i find is always things like "stay in the moment" and "don't get ahead of yourself" and yet i've rarely seen actual mechanics of HOW to do that.

so, my dykes, i ask you: where is the middle ground between repressing your feelings and letting them run loose? what do you do to avoid inventing a whole relationship before the first date?

ETA: we'll be seeing each other once a week through the end of january for a gay sports league, so it's not a missed connections situation; rather, i want to take my time getting to know her without losing my mind lmao

13 Comments
2024/11/07
16:37 UTC

3

Since winter is approaching: Mittens or gloves?

Also, why can I only find one half of my gloves today? Gloves and mittens are worse than socks

9 Comments
2024/11/06
16:16 UTC

7

Curious to know where everyone is from?

Im in Wellington New Zealand. It’s a pretty progressive city.

33 Comments
2024/11/04
23:35 UTC

7

What major influences led to woman you are today?

9 Comments
2024/11/04
16:43 UTC

11

Hello fellow dykes. I need experts on this? lol

I just started seeing a girl we’re LDR she lives 2 hours away.

Anyway she fell asleep early and i want to surprise her with something cute in the morning but im fresh out of ideas.

I started making a playlist for her,, but i ran out of songs to add because I don’t want to be all lovey dovey. We’ve only been talking for 2 weeks so i don’t want to freak her out by adding obvious love songs

Any recs on what i could add. Any other ideas that are not playlists are also welcome 🙏🏽

8 Comments
2024/11/03
20:35 UTC

4

Help! Sentimental gift for a true masc?

Hi y’all, so this will be our first Christmas together as wives and I want her gift to reflect how madly in love I am. She wears no jewelry other than a wedding band so jewelry’s a no-go. The elopement photo and vows are already on the wall, so I can’t give her that. I’m at a loss!

We’re going to this little gay place in the Ozarks for Christmas and I booked something supposedly haunted because she loves all that but she needs something special to unwrap, and I wanna lock this down before it costs me sleep. 😂 ..Anyone got anything?? 🙏🏼

8 Comments
2024/11/02
22:10 UTC

6

What is your favorite kind of candy?

I love the dark chocolate twix.

6 Comments
2024/11/01
15:12 UTC

11

Happy Halloween! 🎃 What are your favorite spooky movies?

16 Comments
2024/10/31
16:20 UTC

7

Date suggestions for an introverted masc?

I want to get out of the talking stage within the next month or two, and I need help with date ideas. She masc, introverted/a bit reserved, and she likes knives and fishing. I like nature, animals, and spiritual stuff, and I’m drawing blank on date ideas outside of a hike. It’s getting too cold for that, plus I’d like to make her as comfortable as possible. She doesn’t like coffee so a coffee date is out the window, and she’s also not a big fan of tea like I am

Update: thank you all for the ideas so far! I really appreciate them, and I’ll make sure to casually slip in the ideas in our conversations 💕

10 Comments
2024/10/29
22:08 UTC

13

What are you doing in your free time?

I may not look like like it but I enjoy going to the gym 3 - 4 times a week and I sometimes go for a run or two as well. These are things I usually do before even going to work lol so after work or on the weekends I usually enjoy gaming, hanging out with friends or watching hour long videos about media I enjoy.

14 Comments
2024/10/29
06:38 UTC

11

Have you seen lesbian stereotypes change over your lifetime?

7 Comments
2024/10/28
13:33 UTC

16

Were you aware of any out gay or lesbian adults when you were a kid?

34 Comments
2024/10/24
18:20 UTC

4

Let’s talk about finger orientation?

2 Comments
2024/10/21
17:51 UTC

4

Help me figure out a Halloween costume for my masc gf plzzzz?

11 Comments
2024/10/20
19:14 UTC

4

What was the most outrageous thing you did you impress a woman? Did it work?

7 Comments
2024/10/20
17:28 UTC

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