Thought I was just going to share, need to vent and let out my anxiety and frustration. Thank you for reading.

Long story short, about a month ago my feminine side started to wake up stronger than ever and I also realised that I have a weight issue being around 172 cm and 98 kg or 5"7' and 216 lbs. A month later last night I dropped below 200 lbs. So last night, after over two decades for the first time, and after the family went to bed behind closed doors in the bathroom I decided to do a little try-on session. I ended up being upset, frustrated, and depressed because I realized that I am big and clumsy... There is no mirror yet.

This morning after I could barely sleep, I broke out the full body-length mirror from the attic that I haven't used for like never, bought in Ikea then buried it. And then oh boy what I saw in the mirror was horror at best. I realized that it's worse than I thought and that there is a lot of work ahead if I want to reach my beauty weight of around 140 lbs...

Wish me luck and if anyone is in a similar situation happy to help to discuss until then I am on a strict diet and exercising 6-7 times a week..

Regarding pictures. Not going to share them because they are embarrassing, thank you for understanding...

I’m sorry this post is so long. I’ve tried my best to comb through the details of everything I wanted to share and keep private, but it wasn’t enough to keep it short. Essentially, I’ve developed a FAT crush on my straight friend. I’m a bit lost as to how to proceed. I’ve never had a crush like this on a straight guy before. I feel slightly humiliated and mostly guilty.

For some background: I met him in my masters program around August. I was studying with a few friends and he asked to join. He noticed my shoulder tattoo and he was mesmerized by it. He traced the edges of my tattoo and I figured that he was flirting with me.

For a long time I thought I was aromantic. I don’t connect with people well, especially romantically. So this dynamic is still new to me. The next day I agreed to dinner with him. We circled around the topic of future marriage and children. This is where I asked about his sexuality, because I wanted direct clarification before I decided to make any moves. He told me he was straight. I figured that would be the end of everything.

Fast forward one night we went out for snacks together in the city, when a drunk man in the passenger seat of a passing car called us homophobic slurs for being so close. I half expected my friend to stop hanging out with me. I’ve had straight friends break things off over much less before. But, this actually brought us closer.

He started hugging me. The first time was a half shoulder back hug. He passed me in the hall and hugged me with one arm. I didn’t even have time to reciprocate it because of my shock. I assumed he was just stressed from the workload we had. However this became a routine.

I began to invest more in my hobbies to take my mind off him. I began to write poetry again…..but I found that the only thing I could write about was him. I started to read tarot cards once again….only for me to fall ever harder for him.

That tarot reading is truly when I knew I was in over my head. The closer I am to someone the better I can read for them— cues in their eyes, the energy that’s shared between us, the intensity of the cards, and my ability to open my heart to them. As I kept reading for him that night, the more it felt as though I was baring my soul to him. So much that it made him cry. I held him that night, comforting him and parting with my favorite tarot card— Death. He still has the card as I type this. Now whenever death imagery appears he’ll make a remark about how he couldn’t think of anyone else expect for me.

Turns out none of this was normal behavior for him. At least none that our shared circle experienced. He wasn’t too overly emotional with them or physical. I felt vindicated that I wasn’t going crazy. However, this now led me to a new dilemma. Who am I to say if this man is closeted? Who am I to assume that I’m his “gay awakening.” Realistically, he’s just a good friend that I needed to get over.

So I did. I focused all of my efforts in school and only focused on studying during our meet ups. In the end it paid off, it resulted in my highest scored exam block. however, when that high was over I was left with my thoughts.

I’ve spent a long time assuming I’d never be the type to have a relationship. I’m too ambitious, too career oriented. It pushes people away, but it seems as though he’s drawn to it. When he listens to me I could tell that I inspire something in him that nothing else has before. I see the way his eyes dilate and focus on me. I see his smirk as I ramble to him—as if he’s impressed, proud, and jealous of me.

I know I’m not crazy. He tells me this himself. Tells me that the amount of respect he has for me grows everyday that I know him. That my ability to learn and teach is a true sign of love and passion. That the way I probe his brain and challenge his thinking is more helpful than anything any professor has given him. No one has ever understood my love for learning before this. How could I not develop feelings for the first man to ever get it?

So I confessed my crush to him. The cat was out of the bag and I was free to experience life with him without any shameful secrets being held. Whenever he spoke of his future wife, it did not cause of jealousy. Not even a slight tug on my heart. I was finally free.

Until he began to give me a glimpse of what could be mine. Domestic shopping as he asked me to pick out clothes for him and a scent profile for a potential new cologne. As if I was his girlfriend and we were on a date around the city. Now he’s consuming my thoughts again. I’ve never had a crush this bad before.

There’s much more that’s lead to the escalation of my feelings, things too personal to share. But ultimately this is wrong isn’t it? To derive so much emotional satisfaction by playing into this fantasy I have that he feels as deeply about me as I do him. I’m okay with being his friend. His friendship is worth more to me than anything a romantic relationship could ever bring to me. But that’s exactly why I feel guilty that I sometimes want him more than that. How do I get over this guilt? More importantly how do I get over this crush without cutting him off as a close friend?

For a while I have been fantasising about other guys, its been happening on and off for 4 years but the past months I have felt it again, I honestly wanna experiment and I wanna kiss a guy (pretty boy type). I have cuddled w a guy before and I enjoyed it, prolly the same way I would with a girl. I remember being spooned and I enjoyed it, I think I might be Bi.

last year i was openly trans for a while with online and i was really happy during that time, i went back in the closet after a while though because no one actually saw me as a boy, so i just transitioned into a girl again

ive always wanted to a boy, but im scared that if i do ill regreat it, im also only attracted to men. I have really bad internalissd homophobia and i know that i do, idk if its from my ocd attaching onto the fact that im scared to be gay.

im agnostic so im not really in a religion but it makes me nervous being openly trans and gay because the two biggest religions are against it.

im not sure what to do because ive always felt way happier when i think of being a boy, and being seen as a boy. idk what to do to stop hating myself for feeling like this?

Hey there, I don't have a name yet but I'm a trans guy who hasn't been able to medically transition yet. So, this past week, I've been having horrible abdominal pain and it's gotten so bad that I can hardly walk. After crying and pleading for days (not very manly of me, I know), my parents finally took me to the ER. Which brings me to where I am now, in the hospital, with my dad snoring like a damn tractor engine and keeping me from getting any rest. And the issue that the doctors found? An abcess growing on one of my ovaries. Of course the issue keeping me from being able to exist comfortably resolves around the organ I hate and want to get rid of 😭

Иногда бывает сложно понять, стоит ли рассчитывать на взаимные чувства в общении с женщиной. Как можно заметить сигналы, что она также заинтересована в женщинах, и что между нами возможны отношения? Какие невербальные или вербальные знаки могут говорить о том, что женщина лесбиянка?

Hi guys!I’ve been having some internal conflicts recently about my sexuality. I am currently in a really great relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years. I have always found myself attracted to men both emotionally and physically. However, my senior year of highschool, about 3ish years ago, I came to the realization that I am also attracted to girls. I like to believe both physically and emotionally. I have experimented before. Just basic stuff, kissing and a teeny amount of foreplay. Unfortunately, it has only ever happened while drunk so I don’t find it super reliable as actual experience. My boyfriend has know since the beginning that I am bisexual and he is totally ok with it. He has told me before that he would be ok if I ever wanted to experiment with a woman while still being in a relationship. He says he wouldn’t want to keep me from exploring my sexuality as I never really got a chance to before I met him. I find this to be super sweet that he thinks of it in that way however w Ok now here is my problem, I’m afraid that if I do end up experimenting under some circumstance (probably unlikely unless alcohol is involved, I’m not that courageous) that I will find I’m actually just a lesbian. In the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend and I could barely keep our hands off of each other. Typical honeymoon phase. Now it’s settled into more of a domestic routine where it’s a few times a week. The unfortunate thing is that my bf (or anyone for that matter, I’ve only ever been with men) has never been able to get me to the finish line. Sometimes, I get really into it, and other times I find myself getting bored and wanting to try new things. Part of me can’t help but wonder what it might be like to be with a woman. If everything would be different. Thats what I’m afraid of. I’m afraid that things will be different and that maybe I’m just lying to myself saying that I’m attracted to men. But I love my boyfriend dearly and do still find myself attracted to him. I don’t know what to do because I would love to know what it would be like to be with a woman but I’m scared that it has the potential to end my relationship. Please help lol. Side note: plz ignore the half written sentence for some reason it would let me delete it

As title says I'm recently transitioned, I want to start voice training as It would help my confidence a lot! I am not on anything right now I am starting with clothes and then seeing where I can go from there. I was wondering if yall have any pointers to help me train my voice or pass better Thankyou!!!

Voice <- clip of me playing games, video is laggy, but audio should be fine :)

To all my trans sisters, this is a reminder you do not owe anyone femininity. you do not have to be hyperfeminine in your womanhood to gain the approval of others. transition does not have to mean changing who you are - if you liked traditionally masculine things pre transition, they you can continue doing so and that does NOT diminish your femininity, just as it wouldn't for any cis woman

Similarly, if you love dresses and makeup, shopping and the colour pink, then no one has the right to tell you there is something misogynistic in you enjoying those things

Womanhood is a concept that is unique to every woman and learning what kind of woman you want to be and what that means to you is a difficult and lifelong process even for cis women. Every day my definition of womanhood stretches and grows as I discover new things about my self and gain new experiences. Conservatives may strive to make womahood into a checklist, but remember that 'what is a woman?' Is not a political question - it is a PERSONAL one

They may never be a day where you feel you have 'become' a woman bc your sense of gender and Identity is always evolving and there will always be ppl who won't accept you. But remember womanhood is not a goal you have to strive to achieve; you have already reached womanhood even before starting transition. Even long before you knew you were trans, there was a little girl inside you, waiting for her moment to shine. You do not have to 'become' that girl, you simply have to have the beautiful courage and bravery to let her come to the surface ♡

Conservatives fear you because you are not bound by their arbitrary expectations. They hate you because they cannot confine you to a box - you are so much more than anything they can imagine. They resist progress because they can't see the magic and beauty in transformation and change that we can. We scare them because above all queerness is liberation and they envy the way we are everchanging in our expressions of our identities, yet we are everlasting in the way they can never take away who we are at the core.

So when ppl do not accept you, do not be ashamed you do not fit their standards. Walk in pride because you are free from being bound by what they think, the diversity and beauty of your queer identity is simply too expansive for them to understand❤️

P.S. hope this isn't too sappy I don't usually get personal on social media but my queerness is so important and I want everyone to know nobody can take it away from you no matter how hard they try !!!

Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate :)

Sometimes it feels like there’s no end to this feeling, and the only way to escape is to stop everything entirely maybe just lay down and rest forever. Sometimes, I truly believe that could be a way out. But it’s not that simple. I can’t let down the people who rely on me, even though sometimes I resent myself for it. It’s hard to shake the feeling that no one suffers in the same way for me or at least, that’s how it feels.

The worst part is having to listen to everyone and their problems, using me as their shoulder to cry on while I just have to bottle it up and get my shit together. my friens saying they think they want to end it all over something, like failing a class or having an argument at work, while I have to pretend not to feel offended by them using that threat without knowing the weight of that feeling, that thought. These selfish people make every conversation about them and their problems, using me like I don’t have feelings, assuming I can’t relate when, in actuality, they can’t know that because they never bothered to ask and every time i try to show a little of what i feel to talk about that and my problems i just get shut down because "I can't have it that bad". And what do I get as a reward? Nothing but the feeling that I can’t be myself that I never was myself and never will be. Like I never truly lived, and never will.

There are moments when I can pretend to be “happy,” but it’s never the kind of happiness that feels real, if that makes sense. All of this is because I’m too afraid of losing everything and everyone I care about if I change.

So I choose to keep suffering not because I want to, but because I don’t want to hurt or lose the people I think I love.I want to say it gets better, and maybe for some, it does. But for me, it never really has. Just putting this out into the endless void of the internet,

hoping someone might understand but also hoping no one else has to feel this way.Sometimes it feels like I just want to lay down and rest, but I can't.like I'm exhausted, but I never get a chance to sleep. I've tried to drown out this feeling with some bad habits, thinking it helped, but in reality, it never did.

Thanks for reading this rant. It helped a bit getting this off my chest.

i’m a guy that’s trans (FtM) and i need some advice. i’ve been doing sum stuff with this guy (cis guy) on and off for a couple of years. when we met, we were both virgins basically so we started with just make-outs, dry humping, and over the pants masturbation.

we both have intimacy issues cuz he’s been taken advantage of by men in the past, and i don’t like my biological parts so we never did anything skin to skin, but we kinda wanna try going further in sum way. there’s oral sex i know that, and the both of us are mostly opposed to penetrative sex (with my detachable one lol or with his attached one) cuz of what i mentioned, so for the mean time what are other things we can do?

also consider the fact that i like to be more dominant, but because i’m pre-op i feel like i’m kinda limited in what i can do.

TLDR: what are other ways that we could get each other off? any general advice for sex in this case you wanna share?

thank you in advance :P

My mom is a strict Christian, and believes God doesn't make mistakes. I found out I'm trans about a 3 months ago. How should I tell her, and should I tell her now?

I’m Bigender AFAB and only attracted to men. When being attracted to a man it feels most of the time like a gay kinda love but not all the time am I allowed to use the blue gay flag as a AFAB Bigender person or is there a flag for Bigender people for only like men?

I’m not comfortable using Androsexual I think the name and flag is ugly

(Yes I know labels don’t matter but I want one to make it easier for people to understand and to make cute pride art <3)

I (27M) am gay and have been living with HIV for 6 years and HSV for 3 years. I am starting to lose hope for my sexual/romantic future. I feel like many gay men are really mean, judgmental, and shallow so they will not accept me for having these diseases...I I think gay men value their sexual freedom so much that they would not be willing to accept a person with herpes. as a partner. I am okay with the HIV because I am undetectable but getting herpes made me feel broken again. I feel like I cannot go out to gay clubs anymore because I feel like a danger to everybody else -- it feels like I shouldn't be there. I've been in therapy for almost 5 years now and it feels like nothing has made me feel better. I am still unhappy and alone. People have tried to reassure me that things will get better with time but I don't believe them. I am cynical. I think things are different for LGBTQ people -- I have only seen straight people talk about herpes on YouTube but I have yet to see a LGBTQ person talk about living with herpes. Why is this issue so taboo in our community? There are literally people on Sniffies/Grindr who say "Bareback Only" and I don't know how people could possibly avoid getting herpes by having casual sex without protection on a regular basis. I know I am not the only gay person with herpes but I still feel very alienated from the community. I genuinely feel so ran through, not because I slept with a lot of people, but because I have these STDs. I do not know what to do. I miss having sex and I am very sad. I hope there is someone out there that can help me feel better.

hi I'm a gay girl(? who tf knows fr), and I'm wondering if it's seen as 'ok' for me to say the f slur. I don't plan on saying it I'm legit just wondering as I have been called it before...

I mean no harm or ill will on anyone thank you in advance for any help!! 😌🙏

Hi y’all, so long story short; I (25M) have been going on dates with this really sweet and handsome guy (43M) for the past month. Recently, we went on a dinner date and surprised me a christmas gift (he’ll be out of the country almost all of December, hence why the early gift). He got me a Wicked hoodie - the movie we went to watch during our second date. I had been debating whether I should get him a gift or not, given that we are a very recent item. Now that I know I want to get him something, I need help finding a gift that is thoughtful, sweet but not desperate-looking or corny! If you guys have questions that, by me answering, would help you give me a suggestion, by all means drop them down below! Thank you guys!!!

I (25f) find masc women so attractive. I have kissed women before but it never turned into anything more. Ive thought about trying dating apps but I’m scared to match or see people I know. Ive only ever talked about possibly being Bi with my close friends. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it, it’s just something I’ve never really truly dabbled in.

ive already told them im bi, and theyre fine with it. One is bi too. i just dont know how to bring it up and what to say lmao

Myself (26M) and my boyfriend (24M) had a night out in what used to be an accepting town but ended our night in a fast food venue facing semi directed homophobic slurs. We held our tongues waiting for direct contact to engage as we believe it's better to not rise to idiots unless we are directly impacted. Firstly, I am unsure if this was the correct reaction ? They were younger like 22 but it feels wrong to jump to arguing/fighting over something that may be a misunderstanding. Another thing to consider is that I am quite a big guy with many years in hospitality dealing with idiots like this so I know when a reaction will lead to judgement of myself and the gay community so I held myself back. Secondly I'm just curious as to how much confrontation we all see in just living our happy gay lives ? P.S I hope you are all happy or at least maintaining the fight to be the amazing bunch we are

I know that it's rough out there!

On another subreddit, someone had asked why homophobes say “it’s my opinion“ and think that means they’re right or absolved them from consequences.

of course people answered, since that is one of the many big sentiments bigots say.

but there were some comments who were like “I don’t hate lgbt people, I even have lgbt friends, but I don’t support it”, “as long as they don’t make it their whole personality“, and “as long as they don’t shove it down my throat“

like they were being genuine and like not realizing they’re also being a bigot. Saying how ‘they see us as people/human’ but will never support ‘it’

and it’s just so frustrating and I just needed to let it out.

I (F22) have a deep fear of coming out. I feel like if I did, it would be ok for most people in my life (except my parents lol), but I still can’t bring myself to tell anyone and it’s starting to eat me from the inside. Whenever I start to think about it I get really anxious, stressed and angry. I want to date and I want to know love and I feel very lonely. I have never dated anyone. I am very straight passing, and guys hit on me but I couldn’t care less. Girls don’t, because everyone just assumes that I am straight. People around me don’t really understand my disinterest but no one has ever hinted that they might know what I am so it would be a bit easier for me, they just think that I’m focusing on my studies and that I am very secure and independant, which is true but still. Sometimes I go on dates or accept to talk to a guy even though I know that I don’t want anything with them and I don’t know WHY I do that. Recently, I have seen myself become more and more angry. During dinner with my friends one of them started to ask me about boys, without any ill intentions but it made me feel like shit. I just changed the subject and after that I just left rudely. I have become really moody and jumpy, I’m irritable and I just think about that 24/7. I WANT to let people know but I genuinely can’t. There is a constant and deep angst within me and I am starting to get really depressed. I feel like I would be ok letting people know only once I leave my hometown. I know that the only solution is to accept myself and start to talk about it but right now I am not brave enough to do so. I am ruining my friendships because I am so angry at my friends for something that is not their fault and I resent them for not understanding me even though I am the one who doesn’t talk (my fault I know but still feel angry about it). I just want people to know without actually having to tell them but like I said I am really fem and apparently a lot of people can’t grasp the idea that you don’t need to act or present yourself a certain way to be a lesbian and so they are always talking to me about boys and I just can’t anymore. So I get mean and rude out of the blue and they don’t understand why but I can’t bring myself to be honest with them. I sincerely hate myself, not just for being gay but for being a coward who can’t communicate. So I just stay alone, feel like shit every single day and hope and pray that someday I’ll be brave enough to fully accept myself and come out.