IM GAY BUT MY PARENTS DONT KNOW

I went to the lickevent

today I called my dad to tell him about it

I told him that the DJ was attractive and about the girl I lost

I described her as "pretty & attractive"

they asked if inwas lesbian in an angry tone and cut the call

even if I was straight what's wrong to referring to another woman as pretty & attractive??

this is so odd

I'm androgynous looking. Very facially androgynous with a womanly body.

I'm from Australia and from a city but I live in the suburbs in a multicultural area. I look more androgynous within the past few years and also with the political climate regarding trans people I stand out.

Thankfully I haven't been subjected to too much unhinged behaviours but I've been glared at and experience hostility. People generally feel uncomfortable around me. Recently I had two instances of guys taking photos of me. People have said is that a girl or boy and I can't tell if that's a girl or boy. Surprisingly I don't get misgendered often.

There was one incident in which I was called a fking faot by a trainer technician at my last workplace. It was on my last day so I didn't take action.

https://peoplesforum.org/events/course-our-freedom-cant-wait/

I don't know how many of y'all have watched the show Harlem. But it's group of female friends and one of them is a lesbian. And there's scene where she ends up going home with a woman and she immediately goes down on her...minutes after getting in the door. Like bruh...did a man write that scene? I get that things get hot and heavy but no build up? Not one ounce of foreplay? Did it happen in the taxicab on the way over? Like what are we doing here...

I’m a black woman and when I thought I was straight, I didn’t care too much about how feminine I looked and I didn’t wear makeup. I wore what was comfortable to me. But lately, I’ve been getting stuck in all these labels, lipstick fem, chapstick fem, stem? Masc. I’m feeling self-conscious because I’m pretty sure I’m a femme but based on what people say a fem is, I don’t look like it. I still prioritize clothes that are comfortable for me, so like t-shirts and stuff. I don’t wear makeup or jewelry except for earrings, but now I feel insecure. I’m just worried about people thinking I’m masc when I’m not. I know I shouldn’t care but it still bothers me. And given the phenomenon of people automatically assuming queer black women are masculine, it just bothers me how I’m perceived. I wish it didn’t and I could go back to how I thought about myself when I thought I was straight. Anyone else felt this way?

My housemate is ready to start dating, but is nervous to put her foot in the water. I figured I could vet a few apps/cites so she's more comfortable (and I wouldn't mind looking for a partner myself while I'm there). What are your favorite or most successful queer/bi/lesbian dating apps/cites?

Things to consider about my housemate: 32 yrs old, cisgender she/her, interested in any non cis/male, POC, most comfortable with dating another POC, monogamous, never dated before, Plus sized +, high functioning self-diagnosed autism, polytheist eclectic practicing witch.

So which apps/cites would be most supportive for her and her lifestyle? Are there any apps/cites she should avoid? Also, she is not "stereotypically beautiful by society's standards", so she's nervous to be judged by looks alone. I explained that most of the sapphic community I know have very different beauty standards than the average male gaze, so she has less to worry about. But she's still nervous about it. I think some apps/cites focus less on looks. what do you think?

So far, I am going to check out Herr and Taimi.

Thanks!

I have been visiting home for the past week along with my younger sister and her boyfriend for Lunar New Year. My sister and her boyfriend have since left, but I am staying for a few days longer. Today when I was alone in the car with my mom she asked me if I envied my sister for having a boyfriend and being in a normal relationship.

It's been hard being home with the relationship I have with my parents. As the eldest I am expected to set an example, but I am 32, broke, and not in a financially stable or lucrative career field and I know they look down on me for it. Coming home I have been constantly compared to my cousins and family friends who have gotten married, have kids, bought a house, or are financially successful. I also had to ask my mom for help with rent since I am taking time off to come home and have had to hear constant remarks about how little money I make. Dealing with all of this has been very emotionally difficult and hearing this comment from my mom today really put me over the edge.

Being home has really reminded me of all the barriers I've had to push through just to be myself. I grew up largely unsupported without any encouragement in my home life and felt very isolated in my community and family. Visiting home has never been a carefree experience and always triggers so much anxiety and insecurities. I did already have a session with my therapist last week on these issues and plan on joining a support group next month for healing your inner child.

Thanks for reading if you have made it this far. Things have just been tough in general, but I am doing my best to reparent myself as well as pushing past my learned insecurities. I just needed to share this and your support is very much appreciated.

Tell me how you're spending your day!

the experience was so fun abs better than I expected. I made new friends there

also omg I lost someone😭😭

like I wanted to get her socials but she disappeared 😭😭😭😭

I want to reconnect with her

I’m just gonna be upfront — I’m (20f East asian) rn crushing hard on my friend (20f Black), and I really can’t discern my feelings towards her & how she feels about me, and in honesty, my relationship is not the my priority right now bc I have certain things I have to tackle first (family emergency, etc.)

In cases like these, I need some good recs of escapist media lol, so what are your go-to show/movie, manga/webtoon, art, books, or anything that depict the lesbian BIPOC relationship (especially those between Black and Asian)

Thank you so much! Really appreciate your help!

I’ve always been scared of initiating or like making moves when I like someone but when they initiate I am often very romantic and no longer fear taking initiative. I currently like someone (they/them) that might prefer someone who initiates but I’m scared of rejection. I was thinking of getting them flowers and telling them I like them but I wouldn’t wanna pressure them to go on a date. What should I tell them?

I’d like to take my girl out on dates but I find myself very exhausted lately after work and school. She’s really great at gift giving, but I’m more of an acts of service and physical touch person, so I have to really put effort into giving her gifts and it’s worth it for me. I would like to do romantic things for her more often without breaking the bank (I don’t mind splurging once in a while but I have to be realistic so I can be consistent). I am thinking of creating a comic book, knitting her something by hand (she doesn’t know I can knit), making her a perfume, or making her a custom vinyl/cd with custom art of her fave artists and the lore behind their albums.

My gf and I have been trying to make friends with people for 4 years, and it’s so hard for us as a wlw couple for several reasons. The biggest reason is that we’re in a small town with predominantly white people, so they already don’t want to talk to us as woc, in both straight and lgbt spaces.

But also there’s this thing that happens pretty frequently where we go to wlw community events, and people will hit on us. I swear one time we went to an event wearing matching couple pajamas, and this one girl approached us and started flirting with me in front of my gf. She even said, “Are you two a couple? Because sometimes friends wear matching pajamas.” After I clarified that we were a couple, she got kind of annoyed and left the event altogether.

It’s pretty disheartening, honestly. My gf and I always talk about how community building events often don’t feel that way in our area. Either, people aren’t receptive to us bc of our race, or they don’t want a platonic friendship with us. Ideally, we’d love to be friends with other wlw couples, but it’s just been hard to find another couple our age, let alone one we get along with.

Is this a problem anywhere else, or is it just a small town thing? I’d love to hear input from other couples. Idk, the lgbt meetups in my area have rank vibes https://youtu.be/r5pEFAm63NM

We’ve decided to stop going to our lgbt events since they usually don’t receive us well. We’re going to focus on going to other community events related to our hobbies and interests (we’re starting to go to book clubs and sports groups together). Hopefully we’ll have better luck there!

Anybody else watching Studs vs Fems on Tubi? It’s a reality show, I’m not sure what it’s about yet lol! But it’s entertaining once they get settled. 🤣

We were texting for weeks but like every single day. We finally met and had our first date yesterday. It lasted about 3 hours. I feel it went really great. Tbh we planned our 2nd date before our 1st 😂 I’m excited to see her again. Everything just feels so healthy, even, natural and I couldn’t be happier rn. I already know how I feel about her but I will remain chill. Definitely could see a future with her. If I can’t see a potential with someone I can’t continue seeing them. Wish me luck y’all. Hope things work out how I envision them ☺️

Hey guys! I’m a high schooler who is in my GSA (Gender Sexuality Alliance) club, and I wanted to bring awareness to Black Queers in the Community.

I wanted to touch on this as a black lesbian myself, and I had many ideas, but now that I’m actually getting started with the presentation all of my ideas are suddenly gone… 😅

I already have a slide about under-representation in the media, and I wanted to add some of my personal experiences of feeling alone and isolated in the club considering that the majority of the people in the group are white.

I also had a hunch that black families normally didn’t accept their children being queer in contrast to their white counterpart families, but I didn’t know if that was true because I didn’t have stats to back it up. :(

My overall question going into this was “how do Black Queers experiences in the LGBT community differ from their white counterparts?” And this was all I got.

I wanted to see if I can expand on just POC (Asian, Mexican, Native American, Indian, etc.) queers as well, but I didn’t want to generalize and speak for other groups of people!

I will be posting in other LGBT groups so I can get more ideas!

A user on here pointed out that the largest feminist subs on Reddit are run by men.

To fix this, I have created a new feminist sub

r/FeministActually

I think this can be a happy medium for those who are not practicing 4B but are interested in having serious discussions on feminist topics.

Also, I’m looking for help moderating if anyone would be so kind!

I’ll be moving cross country to the Tacoma area this summer. It’ll be my first time ever leaving my state and I’m super excited and of course a lil nervous.

Community is really important to me (specifically queer folx and WOC) and was just wondering if any of you folx are from the area? Maybe have any good tips on meet up’s or volunteer opportunities?

I don’t think I’ve seen a discussion post about this before; but even if there is one, I think it’s still an interesting discussion. Essentially, I have noticed in a plethora of online spaces the push and pull dynamic between newly out/dating queer people and seasoned queer people.

I have seen plenty of posts/sentiments about not wanting to date women who are newly queer/baby gays or not wanting to be the first girlfriend to women. I think this is fair (and a lot of times ethical) because everyone wants what they want and also people are at different life stages where dating certain types of people can be inappropriate or lead to incompatibility. But usually, we see more comments along the lines of treating inexperienced queer people as if they are these ‘deer in headlights’ individuals who need to be shown everything or taught how to navigate dating spaces and unintentionally harm the more experienced person due to them being in a learning phase.

And while that can be true, sometimes it comes off a bit one-sided. And by one-sided, I mean we don’t often hear until years later about how dating a more experienced queer person can negatively impact or be a red flag for an inexperienced queer people. Due to what I’ve seen and experienced, being super against or super in support of dating inexperienced queer people makes me do a bit of a double take. On both sides of the spectrum, I get a tinge of underlying control issues (from different but related sources, of course) or expecting a certain outcome for the relationship with the inexperienced person: especially if things turn sour. And also sometimes there’s this underlying energy of infantilization that can happen where the inexperienced person is thought to be “self-sabotaging” or “not know what they want” when in reality there maybe something unhealthy happening that they see within the dynamic that the experienced person thinks is fine. Even the term baby gay gives off that connotation. Newness doesn’t equal Naivety or lacking awareness. This is especially true if we’re talking about late bloomers.

I’m a bit long-winded lol but thoughts?

And also in no way am I trying to offend anyone or shit on how people navigate their relationships; this has just been a reoccurring thought in my head.

I’m an Asian trans woman, and it is so exhausting trying to find people who will date me, won’t fetishize me, and aren’t white. I’ve avoided white people up until now because I’m afraid that even “non-racist” white people are still low key racist-ish.

But I’ve moved from a very conservative area of the U.S. to a very liberal area, and the white people here are much better about racism I think. Or maybe they’re just better at hiding it? I’ve experienced partners of color being weird about my race, too. I haven’t been in a proper relationship in 3 years, and I think I’m cutting myself off from too many people with this restriction. Maybe I’ll open myself up to white trans people? I don’t know. I’d appreciate some advice.

I am currently going through a break up that happened 2 months ago. Pretty much since I was 18 with the exception of a few months between relationships I was never single. I’ve always been in relationships. Whenever I told myself I was going to be single someone else came along. I’m still struggling to get over my ex even though it was my shortest relationship (only 10 months). My natural instinct is to go get into another relationship but I feel like that will do more harm than good. I was thinking about just having a “hoe phase” where I just talk to people, hook up, a few dates here and there and etc. I thought about doing it a few years back but the people around me at the time had some rude things to say about it so I didn’t. Now I feel like that would help me get over my ex and allow me to explore myself since I really never had the chance to. Is 26 too late for one? If you did have one, do you think it was beneficial or do you regret it?

This week’s hot take is live. Chime in with your thoughts.

That me or if i have a girlfriend i wanna call my relationship a queer, wlw and sapphic relationship rather that a lesbian relationship.

Because i grew up that a lesbian couple is 2 lesbian women together and i am queer not lesbian so it makes sense.

Tell me guys what you think about it ?

For the longest time, I told myself i couldn't date a nonblack person. I've never been in a relationship before but I've only been on dates with Black people. However, I started texting this person recently who I really enjoy talking to. Theyre mixed, but very much white. We scheduled a date on Saturday and I'm looking forward to seeing them. We have so much in common, including our birthdays (same year too!!)! And I really want to know them better.

But I felt anxiety about "breaking" this rule I've always had. Maybe it's because as an already queer person, it felt like to be in an interracial relationship on top of that would be another level of societal pressure I'd have to deal with.

I brought this up to my roommates (who are basically my siblings we're so close) and they both had interesting things to say. Theyre both queer but have not dated non-men. Especially my Black roommate had a lot to say about how she doesn't really trust white women compared to white men, mind you she's dating a white man. I told her straight up I have no idea what she's even talking about but I felt disheartened that my roommates didn't seem enthused.

Part of it may be that today i went on a date with this Black girl I liked seeing around. My roommates were really excited for me to go on it because I expressed how I struggled with dating. It was nice but I feel like I didnt really click with her as much as the person I'm texting. I don't know how to feel about all this.

I wish you could read a person’s mind because that would help me understand why people act the way they do. There’s a woman who I was interested in. I told her and she said she didn’t like me like that. I was like cool. Things seemed fine between us. Later (weeks and weeks later), she starts acting funny with me. Only speaking to me in private, but ignoring and distancing herself from me in public and around mutuals we have. I’m getting confused because for someone who claims to be my friend this is very odd behavior. I chalked it up to the fact that I had told her I was crushing on her in the past and maybe initially she didn’t care but now randomly she feels awkward. At this point I’m trying not to feed into my delusions that maybe she does like me and now it’s difficult for her to talk to me like how things were before. Anywho, she never says anything so I end up addressing it with her and she acts like we’re good and like she’s not acting any different. She continues to behave this way. At one point SHE asks if I want to grab a bite to eat with her. I’m thinking okay cool friends go out to eat all the time whatever. She continues to act weird with me though. Avoids eye contact when we’re around other people but has all the words in the world when it’s the two of us. We go out to eat and she pays for the both of us. There’s no flirting or odd behavior. At this point I want to address her behavior again but I’m not sure where to start or what to say. Other people know I’m queer so I’m not sure if that’s why she acts “embarrassed” to be around me or if she possibly did have feelings and she’s afraid of coming across as flirting or acting queer too around these other people. Like she’s afraid of it slipping out so she avoids me completely around others. I can sit and analyze all day but at the end of the day I don’t know what to do or say.

How should I address this with her? I already tried to talk with her about it in the past and she kind of blew it off. Something about the whole situation just wreaks of insecurity, whether it’s in her own sexuality or just the validators of our friendship. Friends don’t treat each other this way.

Dating someone I really connect with. We have so much in common. We can talk for hours and make out for hours. It feels so good to find your person and I hope everyone can find theirs, you deserve it.

I haven’t been on a proper date with a woman in years (no exaggeration). What do proper modern first dates even look like? Do women still like flowers? I have pretty much always hated flowers. But I am a hopeless romantic and really like her so far based on conversations and want her to feel special. Since her fav color’s yellow I was thinking of buying her some yellow flowers. I’m cringing even thinking about it though. Are kisses even expected on first dates? Any other advice? If it matters, I consider myself a stem and she’s definitely giving fem vibes which is perfect for me. Throw in any advice for my sanity please. TYIA.

So, there’s been a (presumably straight) girl I have been crushing on for (wayy) too long. I find her so unbelievably attractive, that she’s kinda became my dream girl - as in, whenever I would have a romantic scenario in my dreams, she’s been my leading actress 😭

I originally met her college by having a class with her, but we are now some time out of school so I haven’t talked to her in person for a while. I follow (stalk really let’s be frfr) her instagram, and like/comment on things sporadically. I even had worked up the courage to ask her if she was interested in women, and she left me with “I’m unclear at the moment” and she’s well aware that I’m a lesbian.

Chat, what do we think?? Does that leave room for me to believe I might have a chance? Should I just ask her out, and if she rejects me it just puts me outta my misery?? Should I let myself ride my limerence to the ground?? Gah 😩

We’ve officially opened up a 40+ lesbians chat channel in the sub for real-time convos and connecting with each other. It’s an open space for folks in that age group to vibe and chat.

That got me thinking - would y’all like more dedicated chat channels in QWOC for specific topics or general chat and what kind of topics/chat?

Unlike something like Discord, subreddit chat channels are public (so no passwords or private access but are still monitored). But they’re another way to have casual, ongoing convos with people from the QWOC community, directly in the community.

If there’s enough interest, I’ll set up more channels. Also, if privacy is a big deal for some topics, Discord could is an alternative and there are plenty of options that are already out there.

The main reason that QWOC doesn't have a dedicated discord is simply because it's additional outside work for myself or another mod to maintain. Anyhow, please drop a vote below, let me know if chat channels are something you'd like in this community.

If you're curious what it looks like in practice, r/IllegallySmolCats/ has a good example.

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any chance anyone lives in Berlin? Visiting the city for a few weeks with hopes to move in the future. would love to meet locals and chat?