I made a server for black queer women!

We are super friendly, welcoming and we want to grow our community and find more black queer women

If you want more black queer friends as a black queer women/nb person, or trans you are welcome :))

Want to join? Pls dm and I will send you the link :)

I find it humorous when someone replies with I’m never on here ,when on a dating app.Then why are you on here ? For the occasional attention? lol I’m just annoyed

Hello (:

I’m wondering if anyone can share their experience with speed dating? Would you recommend it?

I’m 25 and considering going in Chicago (as I live in a small town near there where I know all the out girls) but I’m so nervous I’ll look stupid.

I am considering taking a position in Western MA. I have a trans young adult at home who I want to make sure is happy. I want any insight on places that are both racially diverse and LGBTQ friendly. Springfield seems like a good option from reading online. But, is there racial diversity in the queer community? Any insight? Other areas I should look?

Something that kills me about our representation in films, are the fact that black lesbians are almost always masc representing or don’t exist at all. Any recommendations? Ive watched (The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love for those who might suggest it)

I’ve seen this question in another sub so I wanted to bring it here. What are some things that you love about being in a relationship?

I'm a Black Lesbian. I've known since the summer between High School graduation and my first year of college.

Family

• My mother and family are accepting. They don't go to Pride or marches or keep up-to-date with the latest terminology and orientations, but they think no differently of any LGBT coworkers, friends, or family they encounter or know. They treat everyone the same.
• My dad is one of the few on the conservative side, but ever since my uncle (his brother) came out as gay when I was kid, my dad's been open minded. He wouldn't be caught dead wearing a rainbow t-shirt, but has no qualms about how others live their lives.
• I have several cousins who are LGB, and others who have "experimented" with the same sex before confirming they're straight.

Before I knew my own identity, back in high school, my mother and cousins would often ask me if I liked girls. I would always clam up and deny, but they'd then ask me like a month later. Or do smthg related. For example, I often got 'casual' questions like "So... you're going to hang out with [Female Friend's Name] again, huh? 👀" from my mom as a teenager.

I think they knew I was gay before I did, but instead of finding that ironic and funny, it just fills me with dread for some reason? In a "was I already outed before I even knew I was in the closet?" bizarre kind've way??

Community

My coworkers are all VERY accepting and supportive. Me and a few others my age started last year. Our seniors are all straight POC, meanwhile the new coworkers around my age are all LGBT of color. Yes, all of us that started together are coincidentally LGBT. The others are very proud of it, and often talk about Pride, gay clubs, their partners, etc. at work.

Despite all of these positive and supportive areas of my life, I am still in the closet and am terrified of coming out???

Thoughts

For awhile, I wondered if it was because I wasn't confident in my identity. But I am. I am very lesbian and am very proud of it. The day I realized I was a lesbian I literally broke down into tears and cried for TWO DAYS out of pure happiness. So I'm definitely a lesbian.

So maybe I'm nervous because I'm afraid of not fitting their ideas of what a lesbian looks and acts like? Maybe I'm nervous, not because they might look down on me for BEING a lesbian (they've made it clear they won't), but maybe I'm scared of not matching what their IDEA of a lesbian looks like?

• Most of the lesbians in my community and family are studs. I am extremely femme (some of my fashion inspirations are coquette and princesscore.)
• Common topics in my community are romantic relationships and physical attraction. "Have you found a partner yet?" "Anyone caught your eye?" "Have you ever or would you ever [romantic or sexual act]?" "What does your ideal (type) look/act like?" But I haven't been attracted to ANYONE since graduating high school 7 years ago.
  • I am not ace, I do experience attraction, it just hasn't crossed my mind since entering and graduating college. I can't fully explain it, but it felt much easier to develop crushes as a teenager than as an adult. Maybe because in high school, you spend 4 entire years with the same people, whereas in college, every SEMESTER is with different people, most who I never saw again after the class ended.
  • Whatever the reason, getting into a romantic or sexual relationship myself hasn't been a thought in my mind in almost a decade. I like romcoms and love itself, but don't care when it comes to my own romantic life, and always feel like I have very little to contribute when asked any of the previously mentioned questions.

I think I'm also afraid that if I were to come out, any relationships I've ever had or do have will be looked at differently. Most if not all of my friends are women. I don't have any close male friends. Despite me being attracted to women, I am not attracted to any of my friends and wouldn't ever want my relationships with them to be viewed differently. But I feel like they will be if I were to come out.

Final Thoughts

Okay so in the title I said "idk why", but I suppose I do have some guesses. This anxiety and terror I have just feels so ridiculous!

My coworkers were talking about Pride the other day and innocently asked if I had ever went or would ever want to go, and I broke into a sweat as I stuttered out an incoherent answer and fled to another room for "paperwork".

Funnily enough I'm seen as the "token straight" amongst the coworkers my age, but I'm now worried I might be coming across as homophobic because of how much I don't want to be exposed as a lesbian... to my GAY COWORKERS!!! It's so ridiculous and stupid. "What if the gays find out I'm gay?!" Be fr brain, please.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? Whether you have or haven't, does anyone have any advice or suggestions? I have no idea how to move forward. I just want to be a lesbian in peace.

I hope this post won’t cause too much of a stir but you never know on here lol. I am a black queer woman. All my exes are black women so I know there are great ones out there. I’m open to dating other races but my preference is other black women. However when it comes to dating we seem to be very lackluster compared to other races.

There’s hardly any effort on their part. Whenever I am getting to know them they rarely ask me questions about myself, give dry responses and don’t really initiate. It’s like pulling teeth trying to get them to talk which is crazy because they are the ones who liked me first. The ones that are actually interesting to talk to never want to meet up.

Whenever I ask they get quiet or always have excuses. Others will stop talking to me for months then try to pop back up like nothing happened. I am a fem interested in mainly other fems so I know a lot of fems don’t like to take initiative so that could also be a big reason for my issues. I have talked to a few mascs but the same things still happen.

Generally it seems like they are super inconsistent and hot and cold. On the flip side with other races its completely different. From the start they actually seem interested in conversation and genuinely want to get to know each other. The consistency and communication is there. Most of the time we can plan a date relatively soon after starting to talk.

And majority of the time that date actually happens whereas on the other side it usually doesn’t. With other black queer women its rare I go on an actual date its always “come to my house” “smoke me out” “dates are on formal” etc. Has anyone else experienced this? I guess its just sad to feel not liked by your own race.

Hello everyone,

For context, I live in a very homophonic country, so it’s not often people openly ask me out.

This girl who is in my class asked me on a date. And I am not sure I want to go. But I agreed to go on a date.

I mean, I don’t mind being friends with her, but also I am not in the space for anything sexual or romantic.

I also have anxiety around turning women down because I don’t want them to be sad. She also expressed how she is scared to ask people out for fear of being rejected. And so me doubling back and saying no, makes me feel like shit.

I don’t know really what the significance of agreeing to a date is. I don’t want her to get the wrong impression and think that there is or will be something between us.

Can you help me out with that to do?

Thank you.

Cause I’m LOOKING y’all, I SWEAR! 😭

I’m 24 F, sub/dom switch, and love to text! I’m more on the fem side, and I’m looking to talk to anyone above 21+. (: I am an open book. I’m down for just friendly conversation too if romance isn’t your intention.

Thanks gallsss 💜

I've been to these events before and really enjoyed it. I am still thinking whether I'll be going to this one....

So the other night I was waiting for my game to load & logged into reddit & the first thing I saw was a post in one of the larger lesbian subs & it was a 'celebrity crush' type post. I opened it & saw that as per usual it was a slim white woman & it was actually a content creator that I've seen before & while she is attractive & her content is great she doesn't resemble me or any of the women I've ever loved. I was a little down about it until I realized I could make my own posts showing the type of women I find attractive. While I have liked & dated white women in the past, I do want to keep it to women of color for this group. When I actually started going over the names of actresses, models, activists, content creators, etc that I've found myself giggling & kicking my feet over it actually was more than a page & I realized perhaps it would be better to make this a weekly thing vs one huge/long post. What do you ladies think? Would this be a welcome addition to the sub? Would you prefer one huge post or regularly spaced posts with one or two people for each? I would love your opinions & you'd 100% be welcome to add a crush of your own on each post. I'm thinking of doing some light research on each person so I can add a quick caption for each person in case anyone is interested in who they are or looking them up for themselves.

Edit: My first post for Woman Crush Wednesday is up! Go have a look here: https://www.reddit.com/r/QueerWomenOfColor/s/sLQP0lsoMT

Hi guys, I’m mostly trying my best to be content about who I am and to be open about it with my parents as much as possible since they do know and try hard to support. I still cannot let go of feeling guilty for it all. I have made it a new goal to share more about my life and my gf with my parents and I feel quite proud about it everytime since it’s a huge deal for me and they do react quite okay as well but I can hear their sadness in the voice and see it and I keep feeling super guilty to put them through this. Have you experienced this and if yes how do y’all deal with it?

Hey guys, I’m looking for a perfume / fragrance (even perfume oil) that is gonna get my back broke lmao (I’m so unserious). Could you guys name some scents that you either smelled on someone else or that you wore that had this effect (ie: getting you twisted like a pool noodle / drove you wild LOL).

I feel like most of my collection is really good smelling perfumes, but nothing that gives like super sensual, sexy vibes. I need y’all’s help.

Just a caveat, I prefer fragrances that lean more feminine, but if you have a unisex fragrance you think could swing that way, lemme know 😌😉. Hell I’d even like some masculine fragrances too to maybe spray on someone else in future.

I’m 24, African American, and based in Philadelphia. I am totally into connecting with long distance friendships too!

Please forgive me if this kind of post isn’t acceptable. But I am just leaving a long term relationship, started therapy , and have actively been missing the idea of hanging out with women. I am Pansexual, but have only been a munch for about a year way back in 2021. I am just looking for someone to hang out with sometimes, and if the mood is right, I’m definitely happy to be a munch. I have a split tongue that i never really got to test out.

Thanks ! 🌸💜

My besties and I would flirt (at least in my opinion) heavily in high school. I have no idea how they felt about women though! It felt like jokes.

Is anyone else here Aromantic or Asexual? I feel like the “A” part of LGBTQIA gets heavily ignored and everyone assumes that you are obsessed with being in love like them. I feel out of place in all spaces because they tend to focus on romantic dating always. I’ve never had marriage goals or soul mates dreams. I’m also childfree. I’ve been content with knowing I’ll be single until I die and that’s ok for me but it seems to upset other people or they can’t fathom it. The only times I feel like I need a “partner” is when it comes to issues of finance and health. I have surgeries where I would need a caretaker but I’m understanding that I’ll probably have to depend on friends for assistance in those aspects. I feel extremely unrelatable and judged by my life choices.

Hi, Everyone! My name is Tamica and I’m the founder of Brown Shuga, a social collective for queer women of color (@wearebrownshuga on Instagram). Today, we just released the first episode of our self-titled podcast!

On the Brown Shuga pod, we highlight various queer women of color and look into how their identity intersects with their work, passions, and experiences. We will also discuss current hot topics within the lesbian community 🤎✨.

You can check out our podcast here on Spotify! I am in the works of getting it on Apple, but we should be on there in the coming days.

If you’re interested, please take a listen! And while you’re there, maybe leave a like, rate or follow! And if not, that’s okay, thanks for making it this far anyways. :)

UPDATE: It’s now live on Apple!

I don’t know how to start this. I’ve been with my partner for about two years ans our sex life has been on and off. In the beginning we were quite into it and it was nice although I never had an orgasm with her during that time. After that there were moments where we had sex again and it was nice but it was always something that wasn’t happening regularly.

It didn’t bother me too much but at the same time I did solo time a lot and because of that it was fine for me although it felt a bit weird doing solo time while having a partner.

Soon after meeting we had a long distance relationship for 10 months (we tried having sex when we met but it was a lot of pressure, but still a few nice memories) and ever since that ended we have been struggling to get our sex life going again. Sometimes I fear we are going back to a friendship dynamic although physical intimacy apart from sex is very much there. It’s just the sex part that is missing. Maybe it’s also important to mention that my partner went through a lot of physical changes and I do notice at moments feeling more physically attracted to different body types than hers. I feel awful saying this.

The sexual aspect of the relationship is very important to me and we have had multiple conversations about this. However as you can imagine this also puts a bit of pressure on both of us to perform when we decide to have our physical time.

I’m a bit lost as to how to approach this because ideally I want us to work out but there are moments where I wonder if I’m just not being honest with myself that my needs are not being met. And other days I think sex is not everything and maybe we can keep working on it.

But by the end of this year we will approach the third year of the relationship and I really think that should be a question that should be figured out until then.

Has anybody struggled with something similar or has any advice for me?

I’m not too big on having to choose a label because for the most part I feel/think I am queer. But other than that it’s like i’m not really sure. My only relationship has been with someone who at the time we met identified as a woman and then over the course of the relationship they realized they were nonbinary. But before that I had never even “talked” to or dated anybody. So I don’t have much to reference. I’m not like those people who have always felt attraction to a certain gender regardless of never being in a relationship. It’s kind of weird but I don’t know my sexuality outside of attraction? In my mind, sexuality is a personal thing and also expressed towards and with others. I’ve done the latter but have not explored the former.

Attraction is strange for me because I find all types of people pretty without me being attracted to them (as most of us do). But I can’t tell if i’m emotionally/sexually attracted to someone unless I actually interact with them which is why it’s hard for me to have crushes. When I see a beautiful woman I don’t really think anything? I just think they are pretty. It’s the same with men, except I don’t really ever think about men period 💀.

I don’t know, I think I will learn more as time goes on but for now i’m just kind of in limbo. Honestly, I don’t really think about relationships at all since I’ve recently broke up with my aforementioned partner. Sexuality is very weird.

Not pretty enough for the Masc but not masc enough for the femmes.

😂😩

I’m redoing my box braids so I thought I’d bother yall! 🥹💗

what’s your definition of love? have you ever experienced love? do you persue & foster love outside of familiar love & romantic love? Do you believe in love?

Posting this here because I have no gay friends and I fear I’ve reached the complaint limit with my straight ones. I’m in need of some older wiser queer advice.

We were together all throughout college and couldn’t make it work in the “real world”. I don’t miss my ex or our up and down relationship, but I am really struggling to process this emotionally. I’ve gotten rid of all the love notes, gifts, pictures,and clothing items I could find but to no avail. I still think about her more than I would like to admit and most of the time I am angry for sticking around when the writing was on the wall. Quite frankly I’ve never felt more pathetic and sad in my life. This is not a cry for help I am okay but I am wondering how long this grieving process is going to take?? I went completely no contact at the start of this year despite her insisting we remain “friends” and that we try again in the next few years. That last year we spent together was draining to say the least and our breakup was traumatizing so naturally I never want to see her again.

We argued so much that our intimate moments were the only times where I would feel close to her. Two weeks ago I tried to have intimate time with myself which made things worse. My sexual desire was left behind in 2023 too I suppose. Couldn’t watch any lesbian porn or read any erotica without getting triggered??? Thing is she’s the only person I’ve slept with in five years, even when we would take breaks(Ik very naive and stupid). This is completely new territory for me and I am feeling scared that this relationship has damaged my views on love, sex, and intimacy. How am I supposed to get back into the streets when I can’t preform? Logically I am at a really good spot right now. I am 25, beautiful, making great money for my age and can be charismatic when I try. Emotionally I am cynical and bitter I don’t know how to flirt anymore and I’m pretty sure I come off kind of intense lately.

I’m doing all the things the self help books and videos suggest. I have a therapist. I have friends. I’m working on unpacking all the reasons I stayed for so long and tackling the biggest issues I have with myself. But it’s not enough.

How long did it take for you to get your groove back and get over that first serious queer relationship? If anyone has stepped away from a relationship that lasted over 3 years please please comment, we were going on 5.

All comments welcomed. Sorry for the long rant.

wagwan sexys

I’m getting down because my present situation is not aligning with my manifestations. I’ve put in the work & I believe in the universe that She has my best interest at heart but only one thing has come to fruition yet & I’m getting reallyyyy anxious about the rest. I don’t know how to stay grounded because my scarcity mindset has returned or maybe it never left 🤔 if this isn’t the best place for this kindly tell me what group I could add this too xx