She’s always been bisexual but in her later years has decided no more men, bring on the ladies. Problem is she doesn’t know where to meet them. And she lives here in very LGBT Los Angeles county, CA. She’s very “lipstick lesbian” if you can excuse me for stereotyping here.

She tried Bumble and another app but said that literally there would be like 3 people in her feed - an incredible dearth of lesbian women in her age group.

Where do older gals meet other gals?

So, I have theory of color. When I wear a certain color I feel more attractive and get lots of compliments. There are more than one color involved but for me right now it’s military green blouses. Does this happen to you and with what color?

I live in a rural area but about 85 miles from a decent size city, so I really don't meet many lesbians in my area but I'm thinking I could maybe meet someone in the city. Anyway, would like reviews/suggestions of dating sites. There are so many advertised online. Which are worth the time and $?

When you were a kid, what piece of clothing now looking back in retrospect made you realize that you were indeed wlw.

I’ll go first, when I was in elementary school I would wear vests with a white t shirt underneath, skorts and dressy or tennis shoes. My style was very “sporty.”

Wanted you all to know this event is happening for free on zoom on Friday. Even though it is complicated, i's never too late, is my motto. https://www.consciousgirlfriendacademy.com/senior-lesbian-dating

Hi all! I am 37 & have been out since my early teenage years. I have always lived in big metropolitan cities and, when I came out, I immediately began to connect w local lesbian culture.

Because of the speed of technological advances, I feel like my experience of being queer tends to be very different than people who are even a few years younger than me, or who came out a few years after me. My earliest queer years occurred before social media, back during the earlier Bush years. I was in a very long term queer relationship before gay marriage. Long story short, I tend to have similar gay cultural references to lesbians who are in their 40s. I am much more at ease going on dates with people who are my age or older.

I’ve been single since early covid, and dating feels nearly impossible. My dating pools consists of primarily people who are younger, newly out, and / or have completely different experiences than I do. Nothing is wrong with the above, we just don’t tend to connect. I would strongly prefer to date somebody with a similar life experiences, but those people just don’t seem to be around in the dating scene. I’m not opposed to dating somebody more recently out, however I do feel a sense of safety and chemistry with others who remember gay life pre social media.

For lesbians who are in their early-mid 40s - would you consider dating somebody under 40? Wondering if there is a stigma I don’t fully understand about dating younger.

Question for all - how are you connecting with older queer folks offline?

Hey folks, I'm currently separated from the wife, it has been a month. It broke my heart. She told me to move out, so, I did. She sent an email asking to 'talk, really talk'. I'm not sure I feel about that, however, I am really curious to know how many of yous separated and then afterwards moved back in with your wife?

I know all the 'it's up to you both' and all that jazz, but I do want to know what your experiences have been? Good, better and or not worth it? Going back would be easy, I know, but but but.....

Can someone explain to me the extinction of women’s bars… I miss the experience, dancing , camaraderie, etc. What you do now to find community?

Hi All,

So, my wife and I are starting to think more seriously about retirement. We currently live in California and are discovering that it is so expensive to live here for so many reasons, we may want to leave the state in our retirement and re-establish ourselves elsewhere. We are worried about doing this, because we have had super bad luck with regard to living near neighbors that behave terribly toward us because of who we are.

I am wondering if you lovely ladies in this forum can tell me where you think we belong based on some information about us.

For starters, we tend to prefer living in rural locations (hence, why we live in California, but often find that the neighbors are homophobes). Here are some other details about us:

*Edited to add:
A) No humidity please.
B) Doesn't have to have a huge LGBTQ+ presence, but should have acceptance by most residents*

1. Prefer about 10 acres of property with a home on it (2-3 bedrooms, 2+ bathrooms).
2. Horse amenities would be great.
3. Want to live somewhere that we will not be discriminated against (and at least not hated for who we are)
4. Would like to be sort of nearby a city/town with a good hospital, because well, we're not getting any younger. And, if the city/town had some cultural things to do, and maybe a community college with fun classes to take, that would be a bonus.
5. Must be among evergreen trees.
6. A little bit of snow would be super great.
7. We wouldn't hate it if the ocean was nearby.
8. Friendly/Small community.
9. Decent weather: Can be cold in the winter, but not more than 80-85 in the summer.
10. Must be in the U.S.
11. Cost of home would not be more than $500k (and that's a stretch).

I'm anxious to hear what you all have to suggest! Thanks...

Hi ladies ⚘️ I [45f & single] am looking for some other women to game with. I'm on Xbox and I play Red Dead Online mostly, which is an open world multiplayer game. (The images on my profile are actually of my RDO character.) Other multiplayer games that I currently own, although I do not currently play very much, are - Stranded Deep, Conan Exiles, The Elder Scrolls, Fallout 76, Fortnite, No Man's Sky, and Stardew Valley. My DMs are open 😘

I was given some advice that dating younger might be easier, but I've found more issue with even talking with women in their mid 30s. I don't know if it's a bad streak or I should limit my age range a lot more. Before I was willing to go 31 to 51, with me being 41. Usually I find women that are around 35. I'm not really sure what I should do, but I'm burnt out on apps and getting close to the same on Reddit. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

How many times have you had to come out at your dr check ups? For me, all the time. I’m a millennial and the thought of coming out to medical personnel would freak me out. I’ve had only pleasant responses. Some female doctors were shocked and tell me that they are glad I’m gay since men in their life have not lived to expectations. I guess I’ve been lucky to have positive experiences.

Have you come out to drs? If so, has it been a pleasant experience? If not, I see you and I believe in you!

Im curious as to know if you all have unique or cool hobbies.

My hobbies include collecting rocks from places I travel and do leatherwork on the side.

What are your hobbies if any or what would you like to get into?

TIA

Hi all! I know that many of us older lesbians either have our own children or have partnered with someone who has children from a previous relationship.

I'm in the latter camp so kiddo (30s) is functional but has ham-strung himself with felonies and recently violated his parole soooo I'm guiltily relieved that he'll be incarcerated for a time 5+(?) yrs. My partner is beside herself however. All of her energy is spent on him. The last 10 years I've been right by her side in all these matters supporting her but our relationship has been severely damaged because everything is sacrificed for this person who doesn't give two wits about anything other than his d*ck. I'm seriously thinking of breaking up with her just to allow myself a few years of space, peace and autonomy. On the fence....

I'm not overly sensitive so insult if you must but it must be accompanied by rational justification.

My question is just for a simple yes or no.

Was your coming out happy?

for the record my answer is no.

What is the most romantic gesture your wife, gf or significant other has done for you? It doesn’t have to be expensive or money related.

For me, my wife knows how to comfort me with her hugs after a rough day. If it’s a gift, she gets me a little treat from a bakery that we haven’t tried.

Women are just amazing when it comes to love ;)

I'm currently going through a separation with my wife of 16 years. I'm definitely feeling and handling it a lot better than I ever thought I would be; considering I thought we would be together till the end times. I've been a lurker on Reddit from time to time but never a real contributor. I feel like I'm missing out on a great community of people.

Please send memes, comments, DMs, let's talk about kittens, your journey, what you are doing throughout your day, etc. I love a great talk.

What do you think of the many new gay flags. I was happy with the rainbow for all. Just asking opinions?

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I'm almost 44 and won't meet her for at least a few more years because of... life. Please tell me the story of how you still found the one so I can believe there is hope that I won't be alone forever.

"Older" here meaning whatever you want it to mean. How are things better for you now?

For me, it's such a relief to enjoy what I want to enjoy no matter how popular or not the thing is. In college I'd stop listening to an artist entirely if my friends didn't like them.

What was your coming out movie?

For me it was Better than Chocolate and Lost and Delirious

Where in the U.S. would you advise me, a 53 yo butch, to move in a couple years? Ideally, I’d like affordable, temperate climate, progressive, with a lot of opportunities to build lesbian community, and not a big city. Decent health care infrastructure is important, too.

My story: My ex-fiancé ended our relationship in October. We were long distance all six years we were together and I was going to move out to where she lives when my kid goes to college in a couple years. I’m completely devastated by all aspects of this loss—she was the love of my life and I would have been by her side forever if it were up to me. One thing keeps tripping me up which is that since I planned to move out there, I have no idea where I want to live once I’m an empty nester. Staying where I am is possible, but it’s really expensive and I moved here for my kid. I’m desperate to dream of where I’ll live next as a way to manage at least that one small part of my grief—the loss of her home becoming my home, too.

24 hrs no communication and not even a Sorry at the last minute.

Hello, Good People,

I'm (56GenX) recently out of a LTR. I am *not* interested in dating; nevertheless, I am wondering how peeps find each other.

A decade back, I found my former via OKCupid. I've heard it's kinda skeevy now.

In any case, I'd love to know more about what queer women think of the HER app.

TIA!

EDIT:

Thank you for those who have suggested ideas for building community. I realize my original question was muddled. To clarify: Though I am not interested at the moment in dating, I will be in the sometime soon. What do you think of finding dates via HER? TQ. :D

When I first came out, I came out to a friend I had a crush on at age 14, she was 18. She was a little older than me so I thought she would be ok. Our friendship became weird. She would always flirt with me but tell me that we would never date. Years passed, we ran into each other at an event, she (f28)had a bf. They invited me to dinner, I went over to their place and gifted them a housewarming gift. Months later, I get an invite to their wedding. The wedding date was a day before my bday. I didn’t go to their wedding. Time passed and we would communicate here and there. Every time we would run into each other we would connect as if time didn’t pass. She would call me every time she was pregnant to announce her pregnancy. I would congratulate her. Years passed. Then I (f35) got pregnant and invited her to my baby shower. She claimed she didn’t see my message yet I would see her online on social media. Long story short, she apologized for not making it to baby shower. I was ok. My daughter was born and she didn’t congratulate me. Her bday then came, she turned 40 and I chose not to congratulate her since my salutation attempts were always one sided. Long story short short, is that I miss our friendship but I was always made to feel small. Before coming out to her, she was cool. She was the sister I never had and made life fun. I wish her well and I hope she is happy. 20 years later and I have no hard feelings for her, just love and good wishes for her and her family.

Why do straight women put us down when we come out to them?