I posted the following story as a comment to a post about gay conservative voters in r/LeopardsAteMyFace.

Thought I'd share it here too.

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Gen X lesbian here. Years ago when I was single after breaking up with a long-term partner, I met a woman at a lesbian social event who revealed that she is a GOP voter. She was aware that I'm a progressive Democratic voter. During a long conversation, I learned some details about her personal life. (It was like therapy, with me playing the role of her therapist.)

1. Although she identified as a lesbian and had a history of sexual relationships with women, she was married to a man and they still lived together. She said he knew she was gay but they decided to remain married for 'practical' reasons.
2. She had two daughters, one still in high school at the time and one who had recently left home for college. She wasn't out to them.
3. She lived in a conservative suburban area in the Midwest. None of her neighbors knew she was gay.
4. When I asked if she was out to anyone besides her husband, she said she had told one of her co-workers. She worked in sales and frequently traveled for work.
5. She said her long term plan was to move to a city in Texas (such as Dallas or one of the other large cities) after her youngest daughter left home so she could live more openly.

That conversation was a window into the mind of a closeted conservative lesbian. Her life seemed lonely in many ways.

How could someone truly be happy while hiding such a core part of themselves from their own children? Did she have any close friends? Hard to imagine when someone is living a double life.

How did she expect to have a normal, healthy relationship with another woman when she finally comes out? Her dating pool is going to be limited.

This woman looked like a stereotypical suburban soccer mom. If I'd seen her walking down the street, my gaydar would never have gone off on her.

In case anyone is wondering...yes, this woman was hitting on me during the social event. She was thirsty and was being obvious about it.

What a trip it was meeting someone like this IRL.

I talked with this individual for about 6 weeks. It was more to see how often hints of financial need would come up. What I failed to mention to this person was my field of employment. The security sector. Based on the photo provided I was able to locate the real person, in another state with another profession. I even knew the texts were coming from a landline which made the multiple requests for assistance getting another phone all the more interesting. It was the 3rd attempt today that made me confront the individual. The game rage stopped once I sent the proof. Now it is crickets.

Please be careful with whom you text with from this sub or any other LGBT+ sub.

If you have any doubts about a person you are talking to on Reddit and you have a photo, just use it to research facts.

Hey, Good People,

I'm a singleton now (divorced, will almost be a year). I'm (57) curious to discover how others have found/built community (outside of MeetUp groups -- because they do not really exist in my area).

As I'm resurfacing from being in a romantical dyad for so long, I'm somewhat floundering. I wonder how peeps in similar situations have found their way to growing their connections. TIA for sharing your stories for inspiration.

All best wishes :D

I'm posing this question mainly to the over 40 crowd. Do any of you have experience with dating after being single for a long time? And by a long time, I mean 10, 15, 20 years. I'm about to turn 49, and I haven't dated since I was in my early 30s. There's a whole story behind it, but the details don't really matter. I'm an introvert and an HSP, so I actually really enjoy my solitude. But there are time when I miss having someone special in my life.

That said, I think it would be difficult to adjust to being in a relationship after being alone for so long. I freely admit that I'm a tad set in my ways at this point in my life. I'm curious to hear from anyone who'd like to share their experience. Were you able to let someone in after being alone for several years? Was it a difficult transition or did it turn out beautifully because you finally found your person?

Wouldn't it be fun to do a reality show lesbian version of Green Acres? Who's in? It'll be fun!!

Hello wonderful women! I noticed this sub has been kind of slow, so I'm starting this thread for anyone who may be alone for the holidays (or just needs a quick break from holiday chaos).

I know this time of year can be difficult for some of us. Especially those of us who may be older and single, grieving the loss of a partner, dealing with SAD which affects many people this time of year, or just managing life in general. Whatever the case, getting through the holidays can be challenging for some.

Let's use this thread to commune with and uplift each other. No particular topic. Just pop in and share whatever you'd like. I hope you're all doing well.

Any Cannucks on here who feel like making new friends?

Edit: Canucks. 😀

https://discord.gg/ApUx7cWe

Where to start . . . well we met online just before 9/11. I made her laugh on the chat site of "older wiser lesbians" on yahoo. I said "all men are pigs !" . So we went to a private chat room and the next thing you know, I am in the United States. Right after 9/11. Nothing is as daunting as travelling / flying 30 hours to a place you have never been or to a person you have never met. But, we were in love and the risk was worth it. She was a great letter writer, e mailer. Her words were just beautifully written. Her intelligence was Wow ! She had 4 dogs and 4 cats. For me coming from a background of never having any pets. I loved it. Every dog and cat . . . I have found, they all have their own personality and cheekiness. Fast forward to 2024 . . . I just feel, I feel so lost without her. I lay in her spot on the bed. We have 2 cats left. The "Only" reason for not jumping to be with her now is these 2 facts 1. She would be pissed and 2. Our 2 cats. I do not want them to be in a cage wondering where mommy is. I really appreciate this place to let me try to express how I feel at this very moment. I try to think of our beautiful memories and my heart hurts and the tears roll down. That's it for now. Natalie.

Update

November 21st, 2024

Thanks to everyone for your kind words. Asking for help is hard, but, this place has helped me express my broken heart. https://www.gofundme.com/f/steps-collapsed-underneath-me-and-shattered-my-ankle?utm_campaign=p_cp+fundraiser-sidebar&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook In the video, that is me going through the steps and that was my wife just behind me.

Thank you for all your gentle and caring responses. Cindy was an amazing woman. She came to me and caressed the inner left side of my neck whilst I was on the edge of my sleep. It was amazing. I felt her caressing fingers. I woke up and said Cindy Cindy Cindy !!!

Hey all, I’ve been here a minute but never posted.
I’m a traveler. I house sit and also work in the national parks. I’m having issues meeting people. Well I meet women then they find out I’m a traveler and they dip out. It sucks because jumping in a plane and going to visit someone is nothing for me. Driving 300 miles no big deal. I am ready to settle down. Make some roots. Any suggestions how to get women to quit running off.
Btw I’ll be in north Georgia April to Oct.

If I’m just getting to know someone I would rather schedule phone calls and outings. I don’t believe in being easily accessible or inconvenienced. Does anyone else feel this way?

My wife died on March 9th, 2024. I miss her so much.

I'm curious. Anyone else pull a U-Haul marriage? Was it an elopement? How's that relationship going?

Transplant from a different state where the LGBTIA community was more visible & thrived. I have lived here for a while and it's almost impossible to meet any older lesbians. Meeting older Black lesbians or lesbians of color is like finding a unicorn. It would be nice to meet some friends. Go on some dates. Find some women to go to the range with, bookstores, Dave & Busters etc.

Anyone else find it difficult to connect with our community here? Any groups, meet ups etc you can suggest?! Any websites, apps you can recommend?!

Hello Everyone,

I'm new to the sub and I came here because I don't really have anyone else to talk to about how I'm feeling right now. I'm in my early 40s and just like the title says, I'm tired of feeling lonely. This past year, I made the choice not to miss out on things I genuinely wanted to do, which meant doing basically all of them alone. I went to my favorite Broadway show alone, I went to a big concert alone, I'll be spending an overnight for my upcoming birthday alone.

It's not that I can't do things by myself and in some ways, I get to have a very different experience than if I was with someone else. I get to have it for myself and I don't regret the memories or joy that come as part of that. But at the end of the night when it's all over, I go back to my car alone to head home and the melancholy hits me like a brick. I've been single since the end of 2010 and that was on the heels of being single since I turned 18. I've tried meeting people online and in person, but it just never really happens. My whole adult life has been a handful of one night stands aside from dating one person for six months. It just hurts so much anymore to spend night after night alone, to spend special occasion after special occasion alone. In the words of one of my favorite artists: "You can keep a dream in your mind only to find it's the hope that was killing you." That's how it feels, like the hope for love and a happy ending is slowly killing my soul.

I'm not really here for words of encouragement, though I appreciate those that would offer them. I really just needed a moment to vent because I'm feeling particularly down tonight. Yesterday, one of my favorite shows, Arcane, came back for its final season and despite the excitement and enjoyment, I felt very hollow after watching the first three episodes. I pretty much felt like Vi without my Cait (IYKYK).

I know my life isn't over and I could meet someone at any moment, but it doesn't stop the pain I feel right now. I'm doing my best to take care of myself and keep moving forward, but sometimes it just gets to be too big to hold it all inside.

I love deep conversations, polite/flirty debates, story telling and sharing/comparing interest and I’m having a hard time connecting with lesbians. I’m not into gossip, television or movies. I also don’t assume people are automatically interested in me if we meet outside of a dating app. Does anyone have suggestions on connecting with women online through conversation?

Any babes 30+ in Kenya ? Please hmu I'd like to make friends as well as dive back into the dating scene

Why is it when looking for friends in the lgbtq+ community we are judge with our looks and still not befriended? You would think that being just friends, looks wouldn’t matter right? How can one make friends genuinely without being judged and just accepted just for their loving soul and heart? Why must it be complex?

Hi, this is a super duper trivial question: Does anybody remember when it was GLBT? I think it started to change to LGBT and then LGBTQ in the 90s, but I don't know why. Love to hear your comments.

Hi, I’m 42 from Texas and I’m in search of friendly companionship. I don’t have many friends and I would like to make more in the community. I like to play video games, I’m old school and a hopeless romantic. Lol, yes I know, cheesy. I’m okay being friends online as well, so you don’t necessarily have to be local.

I just turned 40 and I’m learning that I’m very much set in my ways when it comes to dating and getting to know new people.

I’m not into the societal norms that are popular like consumerism, content creation, living like a celebrity and etc. I’m very much into my mental health, minimalism, my kink journey, hyperfemininity, tiny living and just figuring out what I TRULY want in life. I’ve lived a lot of lives so I didn’t desire the hustle life or mentality… I’m in a space of wanting to live and love correctly…..

But in 2024 it’s hard to find women with the same mindset. With all the facades, labels and situational standards, it’s easy to put my desire for love to side and continue to focus on myself.

I (34f) have been dating a 36f for 9 years. I have been talking to a therapist recently because of some past trauma I felt I needed to work through. Well my therapist has recently told me that I am with a manipulative partner, and it is almost borderline abusive according to her. Some examples are:

• I have been under a lot of financial pressure and been feeling overwhelmed since I am also in a somewhat caretaking role for my partner. I pay the bills and also help her get to her appointments for her health issues. I recently told her I need maybe 1 day a week completely to myself. She seemed cool and understanding at first, but later makes comments like “is this 1 day a week thing going to be permanent because if so, let’s just break up”

• She has insane anger issues and will belittle me in public, I’ve had strangers come up to her and tell her to stop talking to me that way. But then she will justify it by saying I am making a big deal out of it, and that I am making myself seem like the victim so people think I am being bullied by her.

• She has a switch and if she gets angry, she will yell really loudly, even if I am just sitting there just listening to her. I will ask her to stop yelling and it’s almost like she can’t control herself.

• If I am upset, or if she is upset, no matter what it is always my fault. I usually end up apologizing and learnt to just bite the bullet and apologize just to get her to stop.

• She is constantly bossing me around. If she is talking to me and upset, she makes me sit next to her and reminds me to keep making eye contact with her, constantly repeats to me not to interupt her. Once I had to sit for 2 hours listening to her talk about how amazing she is and how horrible I have been.

• she used to be much more awful, but has stopped doing certain things. For example, once she got mad that I wasn’t reacting enthusiastically enough to her cooking and pushed me off a high top stool and I fell on my back. She would yell and argue with me in front of her mom, which would make her mom take her side making them both gang up on me. We went to couples therapy and she hasn’t done those things again.

The thing is that when she is not angry (which is about 70% of the time) she is so great. We have amazing chemistry and have so much in common it is crazy. It seems like we are always on the same page, and I can see myself growing old with the “good” side of her. When she is angry, it is truly hurtful and has eroded my trust in her promises she will change.

I am at the end of my rope and let her know I cant put up with it anymore, and she is begging me to stay. Tells me I am making the worst mistake of my life. Tells me I am throwing her away.

I am so torn because I love the good side of her so much but I feel like there is only a piece of me left. I can’t give anymore of my trust. It is painful to think about leaving the “good” side of this person.

Edit; thanks everyone, i really needed to hear it

I’m 35 semi femme, looking for friends. I’m recently single (about ~4 months now) and moved back to my home state of California. I’m a bit of an introvert so being in crowded places alone is tough to meet new people. Anyway! Looking for anyone who just wants to talk about video games, horror movies, random thoughts, life, dogs, etc.

Me and my pals built together three mostly Safe For Work, mixed and inclusive subreddit communities for everything centered on adult women and gender variant people after our totally private and inclusive group chat room grew so big that we had to build a subreddit community.

We currently have more than 1600 member users and more than 195 posts with image descriptions accessible for visually impaired people added to the large collection of diverse content growing with new additions almost daily in our subreddit community called r/GalsAndPals that we built because of popular demand.

r/GalsAndPals is as a mostly Safe For Work and inclusive safe space built for everything centered on adult people who at least partly somehow identify with unconventional womanhood, including top, verse, dominant, switchy, gentlewomanly, girlboss, punky, tomboyish, futchy, butchy, ursine, crossdressing, androgynous, intersex, altersex, transy, transbianish, genderfluid, and genderqueer woman-ish people, but anyone is welcome to post here as long as they are respectful pals to the gals and request mod permission.

We currently also have more than 220 member users and more than 35 posts with image descriptions accessible for visually impaired people added to the large collection of diverse content growing with new additions almost daily in our subreddit community called r/DollsAndPals that we also built because of popular demand.

r/DollsAndPals is as a mostly Safe For Work and inclusive safe space built for everything centered on adult people who at least partly somehow identify with conventional womanhood, including bottom, verse, subby, switchy, housewifey, ladylike, femme, futchy, androgynous, intersex, altersex, transy, transbianish, genderfluid, and genderqueer woman-ish people, but anyone is welcome to post here as long as they are respectful pals to the dolls and request mod permission.

We also currently have more than 360 member users and more than 160 posts with image descriptions accessible for visually impaired people added to the large collection of diverse content growing with new additions almost daily in our subreddit community called r/GuysAndPals that we also built because of popular demand.

r/GuysAndPals is a mostly Safe For Work and inclusive safe space built for everything centered on adult people who at least partly somehow identify with unconventional manhood, including bottom, verse, subby, switchy, malewifey, househusband, twinkish, softboyish, femboyish, ladylike, crossdressing, androgynous, intersex, altersex, transy, transbianish, genderfluid, and genderqueer man-ish people, but anyone is welcome to post here as long as they are respectful pals to the guys and request mod permission.

We do have some basic respect safety expectations as guidelines written in the rules page section of our subreddit communities to help sustain the health of our groups as welcoming, accessible, inclusive, diverse, mixed and shared safer spaces free of judgement and harm that you should read.

We are inclusive of transy, transbianish, transfeminine, transandrogynous, transmasculine, detrans, retrans, genderfluid, and genderqueer people in all three of our subreddit communities.

Anyone is welcome to be in our community subreddits and contribute posting, but ONLY AS LONG AS they are RESPECTFUL WITH EVERYONE AND HAVE already had a sent MOD PERMISSION REQUEST APPROVED, because our subreddits have changed status from being totally private communities to being a somewhat restricted communities.

Our subreddits are only currently temporarily somewhat restricted for being in an experimental early development stage until becoming more accessible, public and welcoming after a time when we are more prepared enough to deal with more diverse types of visitors having access to our place.

If you may be feeling interested in joining, just drop a comment here below or send a moderator mail message to get permission granted to be able to post in one or all of our subreddits or if you want support to create another group.

Also make sure to check out our long, creative, diverse and inclusive lists of silly and cute user flairs and post sections, especially the "Transcribed" and "User Introductions" post sections, to familiarize yourself with examples of how and what content is posted in our communities.

Sharing is caring, because sharing new content like posts and comments in and out of our subreddits is the bare minimum enough to support our spaces living and thriving, so feel free to share our content out there to invite your adult lovers, friends, partners and acquaintances to join our subreddit communities.

The moderation is always open to answering questions and clearing doubts.

No need to be shy as we do not bite.

It's clear my wife and I are getting near the end of our marriage. We’ve tried, done better, do bad again, tried again, to the point where there isn't much hope left. Therapy has been only marginally effective. It's more a waiting game at this point.

Devastation and heartbreak aside, how do I do this, systematically speaking? We’ve been together for 12 years so divorce will be….help!

There's the mortgage we’re both on, there's everything in the house, pets, who lives where, boundaries for living together until someone can move out, not to mention all the things I haven't thought of.

Finishing up and starting over advice much needed and appreciated. I don't need or want ‘save the marriage' advice, it's not happening.

I am dating again after several years.
Here’s my question: what is the standard for 50+ women in the personal hygiene area.
Specifically, hair or no hair downstairs.

I follow Them (lgbtq magazine) on Instagram. I see a post every once in a while about Ellen and it's usually not good. I don't understand how we can bite the hand that fed us. I don't think a lot of people know or remember what she did for the LGBTQ community when she came out on her show. I remember. It was huge. Her daytime talk show put a lesbian in the dens and living rooms of cis hetero women aged 35-50 every day. That's a big deal because before her you would have never seen an out queer host a day time talk show, even Rosie O'Donnell's show was a result of Ellen. I don't even what to get into what this must of have done for the win for same sex marriage. I don't know all the ins and outs of what happened on Ellen's show. I know there were some staff that claimed that it was a hostile work environment that included berating staff and racist remarks. Has the LGBTQ community shun one of it's biggest heroes? Would we have done this to Harvey Milk had he lived on and become, dare I say it, another Boomer? Sorry for the long post. I'm just not sure if cancel culture is helpful towards progression.

Here's my update addition to my post because I'm feeling the hate:

How was it when you came out? or have you come out yet? I came out in 1987. A lot harder to do than in 2007 only because of the visibility that came from celebrities coming out. Now I'm seeing alot of queers in their upper 30s and lower 40s (which doesn't make you older by the way) saying that they could give a shit what anyone did for them after stonewall. Harvey Milk (do you even know who he is) is rolling in his grave.

Update to this last update I re-read my edit. It does sound condescending. I could delete it but I'll keep it there with my apologies, I kind of come off like a jerk. I'm really reading everyone's comments with a more open mind. I appreciate the discussion and would like to learn what I can from this. Thanks again

at 18 i graduated high school and got my first full time job working at a warehouse. within a month i got switched to another side of the building where i met her, she was my manager. it wasn’t like love at first sight but more like a slow burn.. after flirting for a few months she revealed to me that she was poly & married with a girlfriend who also lived with her at the time! that honestly didn’t make me feel any different about our situation because i didn’t think i’d actually fall for her. in between us flirting & texting on snap chat every other day, talking about us wanting to be together she starts dating a lady who drove trucks for our warehouse. i also forgot to say she got a divorce & broke with her gf while talking to me & starting a new relationship with the driver. at this point im annoyed because why would you tell me all this then go jump into another relationship? i was hurt but brushed it off & let it go. at this point im still talking to her and having sex occasionally while trying to date other people 🤦🏽‍♀️

three years later i feel stuck.. we’re not in a relationship still doing what we was doing three years ago & trust me i’ve tried dating people but NOBODY seems to top her. anytime i’m with another person all i think about is her, haven’t been sexually with anybody but HER.. for some reason i feel i’ll never be enough for her.. SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME 🥺🥺🥺🥺🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️