I'm AMAB late teens, after a lot of back and forth and deep rounds of reflecting I've ended up being comfortable calling myself genderfluxx, as I resonate a lot with that. I believe I'm not 100 male, and partly female, both of the gender identities I feel vary in strength but I still tend to feel mostly male. I wouldn't consider myself a very feminine man, I express myself as either masculine or gender-neutral for the most part.

I find it a bit hard to explain but I think identity-wise I feel more female and more female at base. If I had been a house, I think my foundation would have been female while most of what sits on top of it would be more masculine/neutral. So strong female feelings as the base, and not as strong but more visible masculinity.

On the gender spectrum of binary with male to female on either side, I would mark myself as a circle hovering around the middle of that line. I often feel content being a guy, but sometimes it feels a bit weird to be AMAB tbh.

I want the more female parts of me to be able to show, but I don't feel like presenting as a more feminine guy (Nothing wrong with that at all, it just doesn't feel like me)

I think I'd often rather fit the identity of a pretty masculine woman, It's kinda confusing to explain but I would have liked for people to just get my femininity without having to express myself that way. I think had I been born AFAB I would have been the same as I am now, I think I might would have been more aligned with my gender identity, but still genderqueer and close to the middle of male-female.

As for how I feel and how I want to present myself I've concluded that I might be close to but not trans, or genderfluid.

It feels nice to figure this out, but also very straining and these thoughts are super close to just turning my head into a Mobius loop. I just need to get this out and tell someone, I would appreciate it if anyone had some advice thank you! :)

I’m 29 years old, assigned female at birth, and I’ve been facing a lot of confusion about my gender identity. I’ve always been labeled a “tomboy,” and recently, I’ve been wondering if I might actually be more masculine or even a man on the inside.

Throughout my life, I’ve noticed that men don’t seem to connect with me in a way that they do with other women. It feels like they only see me for brief, physical connections and nothing more. I’ve also been told that my energy and the way I carry myself come off as very masculine. This makes me wonder if my inner masculinity is so strong that it confuses or even repels men.

This isn’t just about how men perceive me, but also about how I see myself and interact with the world. I don’t engage in the typical seductive games or subtle cues often associated with feminine behavior; I’m straightforward and direct, which is more traditionally masculine.

I’m trying to understand if I should explore settling into my masculinity more and what that would mean for me. Does anyone here have similar experiences? Any advice on how to navigate these feelings or suggestions on steps I can take to explore this part of my identity more deeply?

Hi I'm 23 and looking for ppl to know and talk to, maybe discover more?? Idk! I'm not crazy lol, I'm graduating uni, I like arts and old movies. if ur artistic and random feel welcome to dm me!! :)))

Hi everyone, i am amab 30 and been heavily questioning for yrs my gender, i would have loved being girl me and recently whilst trying to put myself out there in the world months ago i started adding more people to grow my insta but cant help feel fearful or my other side, female me, for context i dont have any bad intentions at all by making an insta, i have social anxiety and love photography so its my way or slowly trying to at least be part of the world in a way i have some control on regarding myself and its nice posting pics of travels, art etc :)

Now, i get very excited at the thought of making account for female me, i already have some pics and posts ready to share, except ...none of me cause well, i am pre evetything, so i dunno, my biggest fear for this experiment to see how i feel is, when you make an account you need to lino mobile number, that way people with my number or even just my locatiom will get the account suggested to them wont they? Do i block them all asap?

Advice please?

Does anybody else like forget what your assigned/presented gender is? I don’t think I’m wording this well but like I’m not out at work and forget that my mental perception of myself is different from how everyone else at work sees me. Like buffering before using the bathroom because I gotta like… remember which bathroom to use? Idk just moments like that where I gotta remember what social standards I gotta adhere to in certain environments. I’ve only ever used my agab specific like bathrooms and things. I feel like I worded all of this horribly but it was a weird moment and I just kind of realized that I just don’t perceive myself in any kind of way much less remember half the time how others perceive me.

dudes... I don't want to feel like a man like that's not completely me ykwim?? but also I feel the strong and definitive urge to be seen as more masculine at times guys what if im genderfluid am I lying when i say im girlflux what if im HIAHSDFJKFJKASJDFHKSHJKf WAHHHHHHHH I HATE BEING NOT CISSSSS this sucks

I feel I cannot identify as this because it is mostly associated with being trans/enby and im scared to identify with being trans cuz of a rabid fear of it (not of trans ppl but ME being trans or confronting the possibilty) so I was wondering if its okay for cis ppl for identify as genderqueer i hear some ppl saying yes but im scared if im wrong hehe....... just incase im faking my feelings i could still fit into the term no matter what happens lol and not have a existential crisis

I've been passively aware of my turmoil with gender for a really long time now But not until recently have i been actively searching for how i want to express myself or for an word to maybe aid describing how i've been feeling. Who i am.

I'm really relieved to have found this label.

Its really broad and just me. I'm sure i'll change with time and who knows if i'll always identify with being genderqueer but right now im just so incredibly happy.

I hope every genderqueer person here knows in how much awe i am of you and how incredibly lovely you are to me.

I hope today brings you relief too.

Ever since I was younger, I would try on my sister‘s clothes. I thought it would grow out of it, but I never did. Fast-forward to college and I realized I identified as non-binary or non-gender conforming because some days I feel more feminine than some days I feel like neither, but I never or hardly ever feel male.

Growing up with sisters, I understand the actual struggles of being a female and never identified as female because I personally felt that it’s unfair to those who were born that way.

Over the past few days, I realized I’m happier dressing, more feminine, and acting more feminine but I’m not in a community where that’s acceptable. If anyone has some advice, support groups, communities I would love some advice.

I don't know, I keep thinking about it and reading about it but I don't understand how I should identify myself. I prefer she/they as pronouns, but I don't really relate to demigirl as I am biologically female and don't feel like I belong to a gender. In general, I feel like neither a woman nor a man, as for my appearance, I have short hair (not too short) and dress more masculine.

What do you think this is?

Write something to give me ideas I feel confused 😐

My assigned gender at birth is female, but I just realized that I have felt massive amounts of gender envy for men for YEARS and I just didn’t know what it was. I still feel like a woman but I think I also feel like a man sometimes. I want to try using she/he/they pronouns in safe spaces but I’m so anxious. Not because I feel like people will judge me, but because now that I know this about myself I feel that there isn’t any going back to who I was before (even though I’ve always been this way) and I know that this is going to change my life, the way I feel, and the way I perceive my world and the people in it.

I know I’ll be ok in time and will feel comfortable with myself again, I keep going through through waves of excitement and anxiety.

But I just wanted to ask if y’all had any tips on processing and embracing that side of myself? I haven’t felt this anxious since when I came out as Bisexual and I love my bisexuality now so I know I’ll love my gender identity in time, right now I’m still just processing.

I (26) have been out as bisexual for many years but only came out as gender queer about 2 years ago. I’ve always hated my body and specifically, my chest since I was a kid. After 2 years of self reflection and experimentation, I’ve decided to schedule a consultation with a surgeon. Initially, I was very excited about this and I told my parent. while they were supportive enough, they worried that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed if I ever decided to have kids. They had me in their mid 30’s and talked about how when they were in their 20’s they would have never thought they would have kids. They mentioned they think I’m too young to make such a life changing decision. But I don’t want kids. And even if one day I do, I will NOT be the one giving birth. Aside from medical concerns, being pregnant does not appeal to me in any sense. The only positive aspects my chest brings me are sexual validation from others and the prospect of kids. But I don’t want kids and being sexualized for my chest brings about conflicting feelings of an ego-boost mixed with shame, dysphoria, and self-fragmentation.

I want to get rid of this source of discomfort but I’m nervous that down the line I’ll regret it for one reason or another. If there are any enbys that have had top surgery, how did you know it was right for you? How did you get over feelings of hesitation or self doubt?

I'm a closeted genderqueer AFAB who's quite happy with she/they pronouns. I've been a bit confused about neopronouns for a few years because there's so many (or at least as far as I've seen on the internet). I don't know why someone would choose ey/eir over ze/zir for example. Is it to do with what sounds more masculine or feminine or neither?

My 'they' is because I have multiple personalities. My headmates are a mixed group of male, female, neither and 'yes'. I've always known myself to be female with one personality but now I've got headmates that are a different gender/sex to me. I sometimes use 'we' to describe 'ourself/lves'. I try not to do that too much as I can throw people if I use it accidentally. I suppose that's new to a lot of people lol.

I probably won't use neopronouns as they're not for me, but it is something that interests me and I would love to learn more about them.

I'm very new to all of this, so please be patient with me.

EDIT: Guys this thread is blowing my mind, I'm so happy :)

Hi everyone, I’m making this post because there’s a lot of things I’ve been wondering about lately, and I want to see what other people have to say about it. Just an FYI this post’s content will probably be all over the place since I’ve got lots of questions.

So about 5-6 years ago is when I first started questioning my gender identity. Specifically, I was thinking I might be trans, but that didn’t seem quite right. Then I thought maybe gender-fluid, but that didn’t seem right either. After a while, I settled on agender. But recently I’ve been thinking about it again, and now “agender” doesn’t feel like it fits either.

As for why I’m questioning my identity, I’m AMAB but there’s certain aspects of my body that I’m not really comfortable with. For example, I’d rather have less body hair and a higher voice. Those don’t necessarily seem like things that inherently make someone LGBTQ+ at all. I do notice that I get a bit uncomfortable when people refer to me as “dude” or “man” though.

I’ve also been thinking it would be cool to wear feminine clothing like skirts and a bra, and the idea of having breasts appeals to me too. I’m not opposed to wearing more typically masculine clothes most of the time though. I mentioned before that I don’t think I’m trans, and that’s still true: I’m not interested in a full transition to female.

Having said that, HRT still sounds appealing to me. Along with things I said earlier like having breasts, it’d be nice to have a more feminine appearance in general. I’ve also heard that HRT can make you more emotional, and I’ve been wanting to be more in touch with my emotions. But the problem is, I don’t know if HRT is something people do without planning to fully transition. Even if it is, it feels misleading to be taking it without being trans.

I think that’s everything, and thanks to anyone who took the time to read this far. If I think of anything I forgot to say, I’ll put a comment about it. I’d appreciate any insight you all have about possible gender identities, or steps to narrow it down, at least.

Once again, thanks for sitting through my rambling. I needed a place to communicate with someone about all these thoughts. I look forward to reading your comments!

For background knowledge, I've been AFAB and felt comfortable—though rather neutral—about that fact: going by primarily she/her. Well, that is until I joined a school's theater program, and I noticed members have been referring to me by they/them, seemly only being applied to me. Oddly enough, I don't find it bothering in the slightest. Rather, it got me thinking about my stance on identity, that being:

1. I don't hold particular attachment or feel strong about my gender, if that be strictly girl or boy: it seems flexible or undefined, however, I'm rather reluctant to say I'm genderfluid or Non-binary(?) though agender isn't a bad fit.

2. Despite initially saying "comfortable," that is not entirely true(?) I don't know how to convey it, but I always felt a pit/unease when people use gendered terms: (Ms, girl, women, etc...) when I'm nearby. However, it wasn't nagging enough for me to address. Moreover, my preferences in clothing style and presentation is stereotypically feminine, and that uncomfortablely doesn't extend to my body.

At this point, I'm just tackling myself and now debating if this all some by-product of me over-thinking. Additionly, it feels fraudulent if I'm anything but a women (she/her): everyone knows me as one and it's never been an active issue (How would I even break the news to my friends?)

I’ve been questioning my gender for a while because I’m being complicated as hell. I’m AFAB and asexual and use she/her pronouns (for now?).

I feel like the label cis is too cis, but trans is also too trans. I’m not fluid because I’m always in this weird space where I feel feminine and masculine. It also isn’t non binary because I definitely associate with a “gendery” feeling and I generally don’t really vibe with they/them. It’s not that I mind if someone refers to me with those pronouns but eh. Same for he/she I really don’t care that much? It’s weird. Send help.

Im not sure how to label myself and how to deal with all of this and I need help :’)

I'm AMAB and consider myself male but with a female-wired brain for lack of better words. I think I'm gender-flux in my feelings of my own gender both my male side and female parts of me. (Of course, your gender is as correct and valid regardless of anatomy let me just make that very clear!)

Still, I feel like a big part of my male gender is more linked to my physical sex, and social roles and stuff like that. I don't really present my "feminine side", I'm either gender-neutral or male and I'm generally comfortable with that. Sometimes I want to be female, In those times I would like to be a more masculine woman, but I wouldn't want to transition socially or physically. I have a dream of almost just being able to snap my fingers and suddenly be in the body someone born biologically female and with a female gender identity but maybe with some masculine traits.

Sometimes I see women for example on the bus and getting a strong feeling of wanting to be in their shoes. This all gets a bit constricting for me feeling like a guy, but also feeling mixed of 2 genders, being born male, but also wanting to be a masculine girl, but not presenting a lot as a feminine man. It often feels comfortable being a guy, but also a bit weird that I'm not AFAB.

(Also writing I realized for example in 65 years I can't picture myself as an old woman, only as an old man, and the same for If I'm ever going to have kids I can only really picture myself as a father and not a mother?? The women I see that I would like to see how it would be to be in their situation is pretty young usually in their early 20s. I'm in my later teens, idk if this is just because I'm looking forward to my 20's and starting university etc or if there is another reason but this is something I just thought of now)

I'm thinking about telling my friend about a queer (not genderqueer) girl I know and trust, she is relatively masculine acting in a couple of ways and has, for example, expressed frustration over how people expect her to dress because they think she dressed too manly, I feel like this is a person that I can more easily talk to about this and that will probably help me about my feelings. Still, I'm not sure what to do about what I feel even tho exploring my gender identity feels nice, it also takes it's toll going back and forth on complex feelings and so on.

I appreciate all commentary and advice greatly! Thank you for your time :)

Hi guys, I just wanted to write to people who maybe had more understanding or experience than me about this. I’m AMAB and have been on HRT for a month now, and I can’t help but feel guilty. My gender revelations have all been in the last 2/3 years, I haven’t had the same ‘known since I was young’ thing happen to me.

I don’t like the way my body looks in the mirror as a man, and my body and brain to me just feel better when my body had more feminine qualities. I like dressing In feminine clothes occasionally but I dont really want to change my style or my voice or my pronouns, I only want to feel more comfortable and feminine in my body.

Part of me feels like I haven’t felt this way for long enough to know that HRT is what I want, rather than maybe breast implants for example.

I also like the change in thinking and overall increase in range of emotion of taking HRT, so at least that’s something, but i feel bad that I’m taking up space and resources in a trans space, all for my own personal feelings?

Hopefully this made sense, what do you guys think

I'm AMAB over the last year I've discovered/accepted that I'm asexual. After understanding and accepting that I'm queer, I've come to realise started accepting that I'm in some form genderqueer. I think I have never really thought about this before. I know I'm a form of genderqueer but I don't know what more I am, I know more what I'm not. I think of myself as a guy and use he/him pronouns, that feels right, however, I feel like I'm partly female too, idk what to say my brain feels like it's wired as more female. And I sometimes wish I was female, and (depending on the individual of course) relate very emotionally to female people (especially female people that might be considered a bit more masculine), and I sometimes think it's a bit weird that I was not born female or that I don't have periods for example?

However, I don't feel like I'm trans either cuz I like being a man, I don't think I'm quite non-binary either. I think if could magically just transform back and forth between man and woman that would have been perfect, and I don't feel I'm genderfluid. This might sound weird idk but I would like to experience both binary sexes physically like having the full anatomy etc (at separate times). I'M NOT SAYING YOU CAN'T BE FEMALE BECAUSE OF YOUR ORGANS! let me get that clear YOU'RE AS WORTHY AND RIGHT OF YOUR GENDER OR LACK OFF REGARDLESS OF WHAT GENDER YOU'VE BEEN ASSIGNED AT BIRTH!, I just feel personally that a lot of my male gender feeling comes from my physical sex and the experience of that. And I don't think it would feel right for me to transition between or be another binary gender without all the physical aspects of it.

I've also seen the terms bigender and demi, and I resonate a bit with them more than most terms but idk if that's completely me either?? To describe myself rn I would say an AMAB-male who has a lot of typically female identity traits and can relate to both sides of the binary spectrum, but I think I relate more across that spectrum than most binary non-gender-questioning people. I present male/gender neutral tiny bit female but very little and I generally feel confident with that, sometimes I see women generally a bit older than me maybe in their 20's that just give me a woaahh I want to be that vibe, but more in an alternate universe type of thinking kinda hard to explain.

Well I know labels aren't everything, and I've already acknowledged my queerness, but I'm still searching for more specific labels to describe myself mostly to hear from others with similar experiences to learn more about myself.

For many many manyyy yrs i have been questioning my gender identity, id have preferred being born a girl, but like my body as is, except i keep seeing female me in my head, i sooo wanna date straight men and would have loved seeing her live in the real world but to pass id have to take hrt and have surgery right? The desire and idea has lived within me up to now age 30 so i cant ignore it.

Thinking of trying to experiment in private however its so hard as i live with intolerant family and have no income, no job yet. Any advice or can anyone relate, id like to hear yr stories. I sorta feel being a guy is compromising but i dont know if being female me would be as fulfilling as the idea seems, and what if i dont pass etc, i cannot revert medical stuff. So i am stuck inbetween not exploring as id like, but also knowing the difficulty of if i did try to live that way.

Shout out to any prior gay men who become mtf and even got srs down there. Id love hearing yr experiemces and advice, if thats ok.

Hi all, I guess I'm trying to make sense of my identity. I have fluctuated throughout my life as identifying as more feminine or more masculine. I am female sex and comfortable with that. I use female pronouns and am comfortable with them. I don't see myself as male, but I also don't identify as a butch female. I feel like at times I have a masculine spirit which dominates my personality and then it will switch and a feminine spirit will dominate. When I am feeling masculine, I experience some dysphoria. For example, I recently painted my nails and it caused me extreme anxiety because it did not fit my masculine self. What does this make me? I feel very confused. I don't like my top and wish I had a dude's chest most of the time because I find it more appealing to me and I don't feel a connection to my breast's. I am totally OK with my bottom self.

Hello, I need some advice or discussions. I don't need to be swayed away from what I'm thinking, but thoughts would be nice.

I have identified very fluidly since I was very young. I was trans as a kid, and a very masculine person. I have gone through steps to transition. I've been out for 10 years and I'm still a little confused about my gender, so I do what's comfortable. I don't mind being called he/him, but I've started leaning towards they/them pronouns, and more recently, it/its. I don't know many people that do the they/it combo, but I definitely want to try it. I'm just a bit conflicted.

I don't want people to judge me or tell me I'm dehumanizing myself. I can't stand the judgment towards who I identify as, it's very irritating. But I guess that's part of being trans in general I feel, that you can't please everybody, and some people will just not like you because of being trans. You know what I mean?

Also, I am seeing a therapist, and have seen a gender therapist in the past. I am overcoming internalized feelings of transphobia and other things towards myself, as I see other people with whatever gender presentation more valid, sometimes more than my own experience. I'm still learning.

Anyone who goes by the they/it set, how is it? How do you feel? What made you decide that was best and most comfortable for you? And how would you decide your gender?

I don't really know why, but I'm indifferent to gender. I could be a man, woman, non-binary, duck, mortal peasant but I'm more likely to use she/her or they/them pronouns, and I'm just so confused about that.

Just a rambly post about my thoughts lately. Nothing serious.

My feelings regarding my gender and just myself in general is always fluctuating and confusing.

I've been lately feeling a bit of a stronger yearn to look like a feminine man with long hair and cool makeup. I don't particularly suffer from dysphoria though, not that I think. I've played around with the idea of top surgery for awhile but I don't feel a massive need or want for it despite all that.

I hate how my chest looks in a lot of shirts though and wish I could wear clear/mesh or tighter tops without it accentuating or showing my breast shape. It makes me feel disgusted when I see them accentuated. I want to be flat so I can express myself closer to how I'd like. Binders don't do it for me unfortunately.

I fear I may grieve my chest if they're gone and regret them. I enjoy having chest sensations as well so that's another con for top surgery. Sometimes I think being a dude with boobs sounds cool because it's like a mix of gender expectations. Top surgery would let me dress how I'd like better and the clothes would fit me how I'd want it to. It's a bit difficult to decide what to do about this. I wish my chest was just detachable.

So am I gender queer and by all or any I just mean he him she her they them

Hi family.

I’m in my 40s, of italian descent, and my birth name is Mark. I really don’t feel like it fits me. But i am having a hard time coming up with what fits (and gaslight myself that i’ve made it this long so why bother…)

I’ve thought of trying to find something based on my name, like m (or em), but also it sort of feels like a cop out lol.

Any tips?

As title states, I’m a plus sized human (afab) who is realizing that I lean into the genderfluid lifestyle. I’m really struggling since I do look really feminine (thanks H cups. So glad to be “blessed.”) and a lot of clothes like to hug my hips, stomach, and chest. Does anyone have any advice for helping me pass as more androgynous at the very minimum?

For context, I have shoulder length curly hair that I really don’t want to cut, h cup chest, am 5’3 and roughly 250lbs. Help me?

I'm afab and identify as a demi girl like I'm a girl but I don't fully feel like one like partially female but anyway when I'm putting on clothes that are more feminine I feel bad about it like a feel like a boy playing dress up when I just wanna look feminine and feel feminine, like my brain is telling me I look very masculine like I'm male. I sometimes like looking masculine but I would get real pissy if I was preferred as he/him. I'm just kinda confused and when I feel like this nothing I put on feels right and idk. HELP PLZZ

Hey yall! I’m genderfluid and have been on HRT for a while. I’m reaching my ideal point of where I can really switch any way I want and “pass”.

The problem is that I live in the southern US. I only started more comfortably using the other bathroom around a year ago without being clocked or questioned.

I’m trying to embrace being genderfluid and non-binary more lately by being gender chaotic with my gender presentation. Not necessarily in an “that person is androgynous so I’m not sure their gender, but gonna blink if they use [gender restroom]” but more in a “that person is dressed very femininely but is sporting a full beard so I’m gonna judge them either way” kind of situation.

I’m dealing with a lot of anxiety/OCD lately regarding my presentation even though it’s what I want. I’m worried about getting harassed or worse, especially when I don’t know the place or situation I’ll experience in public. Like a place I know is queer affirming or an event with affirming people I just try to use what’s available. Otherwise, it’s really up in the air.

Looking for advice or experiences or anything. I’ve become more confident and sure of what I want from myself thanks to a bunch of non-binary/genderfluid influencers I’ve seen lately so that’s been affirming, but this is the biggest thing holding me back. Thanks!!

[crossposted from r/genderfluid]