ok so, I'm a genderqueer afab person, my gender is fluid/flux (I don't identify or present myself with the term "gender fluid" fluid is just a characteristic of my gender) I go from feeling like a boy, to agender, demi boy, panmasculine (a type of pangender with only male and neutral genders), neutral gender, very feminine or simply genderqueer (and so much more)

I don't exactly have an ideal body but if I were born amab I would be "a genderqueer person, who identifies as a boy but also as a (trans) woman (at the same time nothing), uses they/she/him pronouns and dresses feminine but without change the gender part of their body" I would be this but NOT a femboy more drag queen style, but obviously if I explain it to a person who has no idea how it feels to know that gender is such a personal and fluid thing they take me for a transphobic person or one of those who says "I only like men but I define myself as a lesbian for aesthetics"

in the end queer doesn't mean out of binary? from the boxes of society? not only girl and boy but neither only cis and trans, Nothing like that is illegal even if you don't understand it, EVEN if you are part of the community

if I can't define my gender like that then I'm right that even if I present myself as "genderqueer" or say i don't have a gender or my gender is complicate you will always take my agab into consideration

and then I think that my problem in identifying myself with the female genders is that since the moment my gender more or less matches with my agab people will always see me with that, of the type "yes now I feel a bit more like a woman but I still feel another gender" "ah cool then you ARE a woman, I will always see you like that in the end it's not transphobic if you said you feel like a woman" or "at the moment I think that female pronouns aren't that bad" "well then I will always use them"

in the end I think that even if I was born in a male body it would have been problematic, even more since men who wear skirts are more hated and considered less "normal" than women who wear pants, for this reason I think I will always aim to seem more androgynous, I like to play when people are unsure of my agab, gives me carte blanche

Hello everyone! This is my first time actually like ever posting to Reddit, so my bad if anything is not good typing wise lol 😂. But besides thatt, I just wanted to see if anyone here feels the same/similar to my current feelings about gender and identity.

I’m not sure if this makes sense, but I’ll try my best to explain:

I’ve struggled with my gender for a longg time. Whether it’s just literally existing as a sentient human being or even something as “basic” as expression (like the way ya dress that kinda stuff), I’ve just always found myself in the same cycle of finally getting out of the small, void-like box that society has graciously placed me in, but as soon as I’m out of there, I just place myself into a more roomy, comfortable box that just still doesn’t feel “right?” It’s like the more “simple or basic” terms that are more commonly known like trans, nonbinary, or being cis. I’ve gone through a lot of identities so far, but none of them really felt like “me” until well, I came across genderqueer! :D I

’m not sure if this really fits, but I like to think of my gender (or lack there of at the same time?) as just something that’s indescribable, something that’s almost like art to where it’s up to the eyes of the beholder to “decide” what’s goin on. Not in like the transphobic kinda way though no no, more just the euphoria I get when I (consensually mind you) allow somebody refer to me as whatever they want because that’s just how I am. I’m just well, me and there’s nothing more, nothing less. Like I just want someone to just be able to look at me and just go- “what in the actual heck is goin on there” y’know? Or maybe not lol 😂. But yeah that’s mostly the gist of it.

For more context though, I identified as a trans man for awhile now because it just seemed most convenient? Not actually, but just something I can tell people so that they can not be as confused as I am 🥲. But so with that, I’ve also used he/him pronouns and I’m thinking of just using any pronouns or just letting people I know call me just by my name.

Yeah though, if ya stuck around this long, first of all, thankyou 🥹🫶, and second, any thoughts or potential advice on this? (PS: totally okay if not I’m just genuinely curious if anyone else felt this way their whole life)

Hello, I am afab, but I'm trying to help my dysphoria but finding more masculine clothing. Jeans are the hard part, because of a medical condition I am 66 inches at the waist, 5'6 in height. I have very female curves carrying more in my butt and thighs. I gave up a long time ago, but I was encouraged to look and see if new things have come along. Any brands, advice or ideas are welcome. Thanks!

Hi, I’ve been an out lesbian for about 2 or 3 years now and I’m very comfortable with calling myself that sexuality and it feels like me. However, lately I’ve been questioning my gender identity, I’ve never really felt like a woman or a man, but non-binary doesn’t seem like it fits me either so I’m wondering if maybe I’m she/they, but I don’t really understand it. I know gender is a very subjective thing sometimes, but I’m just wondering if you are she/they or he/they and how you knew you were.

Im having a gender crisis. or at least, i think i am. i have been out as a lesbian for five years now and have viewed it as both my gender and my sexuality. even in my hot pink, girly-girl outfits as a little girl, i never felt like a "girl"-- my style is just who i am, it has never been attached to a gender. I think im starting to realize that no part of my identity has ever been tied to a gender. calling myself a "woman" has always felt performative, like it wasnt my space to occupy. but calling myself "trans" or "non-binary" feels invasive...

i try and stay away from mainstream femininity-- its never been my thing. every time i put on a dress or make up, i feel pretty, like myself but simultaneously like a drag queen. i feel like im performing and i have to create a character to act like. it feels authentically unauthentic.

i like being a lesbian. its not restrictive. its fluid, like my feelings-- it encapsulates when i feel more masculine and when i feel slightly feminine.

i brought this up in my queer group therapy today (idk what else to call it). everyone was super helpful and supportive. I just dont know what to do or if i should even bother embracing this. any and all input is helpful, or even links to books or articles on this topic would help. i feel really bleh about this...

I am AMAB and have been questioning my gender identity for over a year. I’ve done some more thinking recently and came up with the following conclusions which still cause me confusion so I was wondering if someone could help me understand if my feelings match a gender identity other than cis:

-I feel comfortable identifying as male. That said, I only feel masculine 80% of the time.

-I enjoy having a male anatomy although sometimes I do wish I could swap out my genitalia at will. This I think has to do with my sexuality as I enjoy being in the passive role.

-I feel like I don’t identify with society’s concept of what a man should be.

-I have a hard time understanding why certain things in society are gendered and have since I was a kid.

-I don’t think I want to be a girl, I just want to engage with what it means to be a girl. Is this denial?

-I feel a connection to being a feminine boy. My desire is to present cute.

-Dressing feminine for the first time was a little bit euphoric. Dressing fem is associated with comfort in my mind.

My first thought was that I probably identify closest with genderqueer, but I have also explored genderfluid and even bigender. I understand genderqueer to be an umbrella term that is related to nonbinary but I don’t think I am nonbinary. That said, I do use He/They pronouns and I think mixing masc and fem traits resonate with me, but would that be nonbinary or is that just androgyny?

I’m sorry if I’m being confusing lol 😅

Maybe I’m overthinking and I’m just not any of these things at all….

For a couple years now l've been identifying somewhere in the venn diagram crossover of non binary-transmasc-genderqueer. But scrolling I was scrolling through the butchlesbians sub recently and I saw someone describe their identity as "feeling like I should have been born a man but being perceived as a woman has shaped my life too much" and that really hit home for me.

I feel like I should have been a man-and I used to tell people as a kid that I was actually born a boy before my parents made me a girl-but l've lived 30 years with my experience in this world being molded by being perceived as a woman and a daughter and all of that. So identifying as a man feels wrong. Even though I feel very masculine at my core and have spent countless hours trying to make myself look more masculine from clothes to hair to facial expressions. But I'm also not a woman. Even though always get clocked as one and therefore treated like one. It's a weird no man's land where I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

And in that sub there were a lot of takes on gender and how that informs societal roles that feel maybe the closest to right that l've found. So maybe “butch genderqueer" is a thing?

Similarly, l've thought of myself as somewhere on the aroace spectrum for a long time as l'd never really been interested in dating, but now that I'm starting to understand my gender better, it feels almost freeing? Like I could date a woman and she'd see me and accept me as me and not who l've been pretending to be, if that makes any sense. It's a very weird feeling.

If anyone has similar thoughts or experiences please let me know or share what helped you.

Hey so I've been questioning my gender for basically my entire life (around 15 years) and I keep coming back to the term gender queer. To me, if there was a slider between boy and non-binary, I would be closer to boy, but still on the slider, yk? I was just wondering, what does gender queer mean to everybody? How do you guys experience gender? Like, is this only me or..?

I’m 19F and I have never thought much about people’s genders, even less my own. Lately it feels like an issue I should deal with, kind of like a bill that needs to be paid. I have no idea how I should even start figuring out myself, it just seems so confusing. Gender has never really made much sense to me as in why does it matter, even though the labels are quite strictly he/him and she/her from where I’m from. I don’t think I care much about the labels, but the idea of presenting myself as what I am would be nice (I have no idea what I am). I feel most comfortable in masculine clothing, but I adore feminine looking outfits yet being both feels awful. I’m just confused maan please tell me someone has experienced smth similar?

Curious since I consider myself cis and genderqueer and wanted to see if any other people here are like that too

Hey there! I'm 18 (afab), i realised i'm enby a few months ago. I'm in an awesome theatre group/ acting class, and there's a fellow non-binary, and he told me they could call me whatever i feel like at the moment and we'll see which feels right. The problem is i have no idea y'all. I like to picture myself as a man who paints their nails, wears cropped tank tops, edgy baggy jeans, has long hair. But i'm in no mean fem or masc, and i compansate with button up shirts, and don't paint my nails since it wouldn't do what it supposed to do on me. So i use they/them, i want a name that is slightly more masculine or, could be completely on the masculine side. I like James, but it didn't work out for me. I love names that has a gentle sounding like, Michael, Riley, Caden, Kyle...

It's getting awkward, today a girl asked my name and i was be like anything, i mean...well, don't bother, let's just do the exercise💀 Give me names that would make me feel like a gentleman or a gentle man!

I've always identified as male. I've found that pansexual is the most accurate description of my sexuality. Yet, I've found myself in a years long, unresolved crisis. I'm a top (sexually), but I find more comfort and feel more attractive in "female" clothing. Exploring this has been difficult. I feel my community would not accept that expression (hard to explain). I also find it nearly impossible to find a romantic partner who is ok with my confused sexual/gender expression. Maybe my confusion is off-putting or maybe I'm looking in the wrong places.

Idk what I'm looking for. Any support would help, I s'pose.

Hey !

Im currently trying to figure out stuff with my gender - whether I’m nonbinary, gender fluid, gender queer, or maybe just confused and cis lol? I really like how I look in a binder and oversized clothes that make me look boxy and masculine, but also like to wear clothes that show off my boobs and look more feminine. I don’t really feel like a woman? I guess I don’t really understand what feeling like a woman should feel like?

What ways did you come to terms with your gender fluidity? Did it happen gradually or all at once?

Hey all, I’ve been struggling with this for quite some time and I’ve decided to finally just bite the bullet and ask about this. First of all, I should clear that I am AMAB, but I don’t exactly relate/feel like a man, but at the same time I don’t exactly relate/feel like a girl, which has led me to the conclusion that I must be somewhere under the Non-binary umbrella. I did a bit of research in my own time and found I feel like I’m gender apathetic since I don’t really have a strong opinion on my gender identity and don’t really care how others view my gender identity to the point where I’m pretty indifferent on what pronouns people use for me, opting to just list “Any pronouns” as my preferred pronouns on the major platforms I use. It’s probably super obvious and I’m just being paranoid, but I’d like some advice and maybe a push in the right direction. Thanks in advance, and I’m sorry if this isn’t the right subreddit.

Hiii, I'm a demifaun 👋

Any other demifauns here? 🤗

Im a biological female but I have days where I want to go by he/him pronouns and be really masculine. I don’t know if this has a name or if other people experience this.

Hey all.. I’m wondering if any born female folx who have always been very androgynous/ nonbinary experience becoming more female presenting as they age and have started taking T to maintain their genderqueerness? I’m in my 50’s and have always been naturally muscular and both male/female presenting but now I’m losing muscle, face is thinning, skin sagging, all which adds up to looking like an older woman. I don’t feel like myself, and it’s very depressing. I want to maintain my androgynous, genderqueer looks so I’ve been thinking about going on T, but I don’t want to transition.. I just want to see and feel a moderate change( and I don’t want to lose my hair or grow facial hair.) Anyone have experience with this or advice? Thanks in advance 🌈

I was rereading my journal from earlier this year just because I was bored and I came across a really freaky sentence that I had forgotten I wrote. For context I came out as genderqueer to my friends late this past June and have recently been leaning more into wanting to be a girl. I'm still unsure of the details of my identity, I have to unlearn a bunch of toxic masculinity stuff from how I was raised and things I did to myself mentally.

My senior year of highschool I spent most of my time pretending to be a cis man but one night in my journal I wrote down the sentence ""I crave a connection I can never have with friends bc of the shape my body took during incubation in the womb." Surrounding context for that, most of my friends and girls/femmes and I was(am) upset that my girl friends didn't treat me as they treated 'their' girl friends. The comfort, the emotion, the intimacy. Always felt like there was a barrier, like every friendship I had was diluted.

Now, I wrote that entry down in January of this year. Now I've been having thoughts of that vein for years but that sentence really felt like a crack in the egg, though I didn't notice it at the time. I just it's crazy how I could write something like that and still go months thinking I was just a man. Since coming out, though I don't look much different bc I'm still with my parents who would not be supportive of me experimenting or with my gender identity as a whole, but since then I feel like Ive gotten alot closer with my friends. Most of them have been so supportive the and Ive gotten alot more comfortable talking to them and with physical platonic intimacy which has been great(hugs, leaning on eachother, stuff like that.)

Idrk what I was looking for in this post, lowkey just wanted to yap and this seemed like a fine place to do it.

I'm wondering if anyone else here has gone on HRT and stopped due to opposite dysphoria?

Like, you took HRT because you were dysphoric, but then stopped because you started feeling like you were getting dysphoric for not being enough like how you were pre-HRT

Anyone here surgically transitioned?

all my life i've gone by she/her but i've been starting to feel like i'm more comfortable with she/they, so im starting to go by it. i don't know how to tell most of friends about this as as of the time writing this no one knows about this. i know it's not that big of a change but i still feel like im gonna have trouble telling them. (i don't know how to out this into words very well)

edit i have told a few of my friends and they are all cool with it im working on telling some of my other friends just to make sure that thought is not in my mind

tldr: I'm not anxious about not being a boy. I'm more anxious about "what if I'm trans?" and not feeling feminine enough.

as of rn I'm a cis, 17 year old girl who's been anxious about her gender for the past 6 months. it's very anxiety inducing for me. i want to think it's my OCD latching onto a new obsession, or possible neurodivergence. But as time goes on I think I'm just in denial. all the signs are there.

I've never felt an extreme yearning to be a guy, but I've always felt like a guy on the inside. even as a little kid. it's worse around other girls; I feel so big and weird and they feel so dainty. i also get gender envy often. very recently I've been imagining myself with a "guy part", despite always being fine with my hooha.

I've always hated LOOKING masculine (esp since my hormones might be fucked up and I naturally get masc features), but I've always liked acting masculine. mostly in speech. i have a mix of feminine and masculine mannerisms.

part of me doesn't want to let being a girl go.

ive never minded my feminine name, nor my fem pronouns. I've always being told "that's my girl" and stuff along that line. sometimes my boobs make me uncomfortable, but I do NOT want to get top surgery. i don't want any surgery at all. i even like tracking my period cycle and looked forward to getting my period when I was younger.

maybe it's just my daddy issues/need for male validation, but I've always wanted guys to perceive me as a girl (I'm male-preferenced bi). I've always wanted to have more curves and bigger boobs so guys would like me.

I've cried from having broad shoulders, a strong face, stubble, and small tits. though that might be a self esteem thing and not a gender thing.

i don't know what to do.

does anyone wear a packer with compression underwear or gaff? would like to know brands you use/what you do!

This is mostly a vent post, i guess. I am Afab genderqueer person (They/he) who looks really masculine, and has a fluid gender expression, so lot of people don't know how to gender me. The other day, i was wearing a skirt at a halloween party, and someone asked me if I was a Man or a Woman. I didnt want to explain myself, so i just said the typical joke of "Yes to everything". A friend of mine was there, and he said "he's a man". I said "i am not a man" and he responded "its the same" He said it so no one would missgender me and call me she, but i felt missgender either way. I talked to that friend and he apologized, that's not the problem here. When i dress masculine, everyone thinks i am a Man, when i dress femenine eneryone thinks i am a girl. I cant wear the clothes that i like because people are going to gender me a certain way, i have to force myself to be androgynous when I don't want to be. I feel that i am not nonbinar enough, like people think i am a trans man that just wants to feel different. Idk why i feel like this, i am no man, but sometimes man is the most close thing i get to be called when people dont want to missgender me, but it still feels like missgendering. Is it still missgendering if im afab and they call me a man? Or am I just being too dramatic?

I'm AMAB late teens, after a lot of back and forth and deep rounds of reflecting I've ended up being comfortable calling myself genderfluxx, as I resonate a lot with that. I believe I'm not 100 male, and partly female, both of the gender identities I feel vary in strength but I still tend to feel mostly male. I wouldn't consider myself a very feminine man, I express myself as either masculine or gender-neutral for the most part.

I find it a bit hard to explain but I think identity-wise I feel more female and more female at base. If I had been a house, I think my foundation would have been female while most of what sits on top of it would be more masculine/neutral. So strong female feelings as the base, and not as strong but more visible masculinity.

On the gender spectrum of binary with male to female on either side, I would mark myself as a circle hovering around the middle of that line. I often feel content being a guy, but sometimes it feels a bit weird to be AMAB tbh.

I want the more female parts of me to be able to show, but I don't feel like presenting as a more feminine guy (Nothing wrong with that at all, it just doesn't feel like me)

I think I'd often rather fit the identity of a pretty masculine woman, It's kinda confusing to explain but I would have liked for people to just get my femininity without having to express myself that way. I think had I been born AFAB I would have been the same as I am now, I think I might would have been more aligned with my gender identity, but still genderqueer and close to the middle of male-female.

As for how I feel and how I want to present myself I've concluded that I might be close to but not trans, or genderfluid.

It feels nice to figure this out, but also very straining and these thoughts are super close to just turning my head into a Mobius loop. I just need to get this out and tell someone, I would appreciate it if anyone had some advice thank you! :)

Hi I'm 23 and looking for ppl to know and talk to, maybe discover more?? Idk! I'm not crazy lol, I'm graduating uni, I like arts and old movies. if ur artistic and random feel welcome to dm me!! :)))

Hi everyone, i am amab 30 and been heavily questioning for yrs my gender, i would have loved being girl me and recently whilst trying to put myself out there in the world months ago i started adding more people to grow my insta but cant help feel fearful or my other side, female me, for context i dont have any bad intentions at all by making an insta, i have social anxiety and love photography so its my way or slowly trying to at least be part of the world in a way i have some control on regarding myself and its nice posting pics of travels, art etc :)

Now, i get very excited at the thought of making account for female me, i already have some pics and posts ready to share, except ...none of me cause well, i am pre evetything, so i dunno, my biggest fear for this experiment to see how i feel is, when you make an account you need to lino mobile number, that way people with my number or even just my locatiom will get the account suggested to them wont they? Do i block them all asap?

Advice please?

Does anybody else like forget what your assigned/presented gender is? I don’t think I’m wording this well but like I’m not out at work and forget that my mental perception of myself is different from how everyone else at work sees me. Like buffering before using the bathroom because I gotta like… remember which bathroom to use? Idk just moments like that where I gotta remember what social standards I gotta adhere to in certain environments. I’ve only ever used my agab specific like bathrooms and things. I feel like I worded all of this horribly but it was a weird moment and I just kind of realized that I just don’t perceive myself in any kind of way much less remember half the time how others perceive me.

dudes... I don't want to feel like a man like that's not completely me ykwim?? but also I feel the strong and definitive urge to be seen as more masculine at times guys what if im genderfluid am I lying when i say im girlflux what if im HIAHSDFJKFJKASJDFHKSHJKf WAHHHHHHHH I HATE BEING NOT CISSSSS this sucks

I feel I cannot identify as this because it is mostly associated with being trans/enby and im scared to identify with being trans cuz of a rabid fear of it (not of trans ppl but ME being trans or confronting the possibilty) so I was wondering if its okay for cis ppl for identify as genderqueer i hear some ppl saying yes but im scared if im wrong hehe....... just incase im faking my feelings i could still fit into the term no matter what happens lol and not have a existential crisis

I've been passively aware of my turmoil with gender for a really long time now But not until recently have i been actively searching for how i want to express myself or for an word to maybe aid describing how i've been feeling. Who i am.

I'm really relieved to have found this label.

Its really broad and just me. I'm sure i'll change with time and who knows if i'll always identify with being genderqueer but right now im just so incredibly happy.

I hope every genderqueer person here knows in how much awe i am of you and how incredibly lovely you are to me.

I hope today brings you relief too.