A quick backstory....I knew I was different very early on like so many of us, had my "bi phase" in highschool, started to accept myself more at 18 and came out as a gay man....and there I lived for the next 22 years. Then one night I ended up hooking up with a trans man (which I was never opposed to but in the gay world I grew up in, vagina was something terrible...or whatever). Anyway, at the age of 40 I had vaginal sex for the first time...and that kicked off a series of events that led to a lot of introspection, and truly wonderful revelations about myself. So just a few weeks ago, now 42 years old, I came out...again.... This time as non-binary (they/them). So as you can imagine the last couple of years have been wild, and I've had to do a lot of teardown and rebuild. The identity I had clung to for most my life was not, in fact, me....or at least it was no longer me.

Still, with all this growth, I find myself struggling from time to time with my name. There are a few, admittedly trivial, reasons that I don't care for my given name, but putting those aside, there are times where it just doesn't feel like it fits. It feels heavy and cumbersome, so I've been considering a new name but I either come up blank, or what I come up with doesn't quite feel like me.

So, for those of you who have gone through choosing a new name, can you tell me about that journey and how you came to your new name....or it found you?

Hey yall, first time posting here!

I'm genderfluid and prefer to wear boxers for comfort reasons.

Unfortunately, because i'm kinda built like a brick finding clothing that actually fits-- let alone doesn't cut into my waist/hips is a pain in the ass. Literally. Like I could go to walmart and grab a pack of boxers but the legs are usually too short or the waist cuts in.

I was wondering if anyone here had suggestions for boxers that would be good for a bigger person, with longer legs so they don't roll up as i walk around?

I need something that can handle a 58" waist and a 62" hip, while being breathable?

Thanks for reading, hope yall have a great day!

So, I (15 AMAB) have been throught a big gender confusion on the last 4 years, i felt a connection with being feminine back in 2020, so i used to label myself as a transgirl, but after sometime i took a step back, because i noticed i also liked to feel masculine and it was somenthing which made me happy and confortable, so i started to label myself as a gay demiboy for a while, at the middle of 2022 i started to question my gender identity again, because i identified with both male and female so bad, i have a connection with some female thigns but at the same time i have a even stronger connection with masculinity, back then labels were annoying me so i labelled myself as a agender person, and honestly, that worked really well, i could be anything and nothing at the same time, not being stucked to a label made me happy and comfortable.

But well, back now in 2024, i started to think about this gender thing again yesterday before sleep, like, i feel nice being a agender person, but even tho its a nice way to label myself, i sometimes feel like this just isnt the right way, i really like being neutral, not too much of masculinity but also not too much of feminine things, but at the same time, i dont know if im nonbinnary, i dont have a clue.

Well, is there any gender label which can perfectly descibre what im currently going thru about my gender? Ive already figured out my sexuality, im gay, but im still not completly sure about my gender, can somebody help?

I’m trans male (ftm he/him) I’ve felt comfortable then I was looking through the xenogender site and idk.. I feel like maybe there’s more? I’m happy with my gender but it feels like maybe there’s more that i just can’t figure out I don’t know nothing basic really felt right but I know there’s something right outside me I can’t get to is there a label for this until I figure it out or am I just being weird?

im sure this has been asked before but im still curious: basically i was recently prescribed 25 mg/week testosterone and i have been taking it for only about two weeks, so i was curious to hear from other people who have been on a similar dose, such as how long it takes for changes like facial hair and fat redistribution to come in etc. i know it varies from person to person ( i saw on some websites that the average for the changes mentioned to occur is about 4 to 6 months ) but id love to hear about your experiences nonetheless. thanks :]

This is just going to be me ranting for a bit but I'd like to hear what other people think. Right now, I identify as nonbinary but I'm biologically female. My problem is this: a while ago a thought popped into my head and it's been bugging me. I would rather have a male or masculine body. I don't hate having being biologically female but if I got to choose, I'd pick male. Right now, I'm doing strength training and trying to build muscle just so that I can feel more masculine. I dress pretty androgynous and tend to flip flop between masculine and feminine clothing. Here's the thing, I don't think I'm trans. Even if I had a masculine body, I'd still dress feminine sometimes and like the same things I like. I have queer friends but I've never brought this up with them because I'm afraid they'll say I'm probably trans or should at least think about it. It won't stop bugging me tho and I don't know how to feel about my identity as nonbinary.

I'm trying to look androgynous, but all I get from people is "so you're a boyish girl" (not even masculine, just boyish 🥴). I know most people wouldn't even think about being other gender, but LGBTQ folks do the same, they even assume I'm a lesbian because of my hair/clothes/rainbow things etc. Is there anything that indicates I'm enby? I already have genderqueer and non binary flag badges but they're seemingly not working. And no, I'll never have septum piercings or blue mullet 😂

Hi,

I was wondering if people could weigh in on their experience being visibly queer in corporate spaces. I cut my hair short earlier this year and have abandoned a lot of compulsory gendered behavior and I've noticed a lot of older people in my community regard my daily existence with more *suspicion* than they used to.

Ive also noticed that corporate America tends to be very white and conservative in appearance.

Have you experienced any challenges applying for jobs when you did not conform to the interviewers gender expectations or have you felt affected by this at all in your job search?

Gender envy is a new concept for me and now I'm wondering if any/every crush I've had was actually gender envy. I don't know how to tell the difference, it kinda seems like the same thing? They're both just an admiration of someone's outward appearance, the only difference is, "I want to look at you," vs, "I want to look like you," which is subtle at best, and indistinguishable at worst. Am I thinking about this the wrong way?

ok so, I'm a genderqueer afab person, my gender is fluid/flux (I don't identify or present myself with the term "gender fluid" fluid is just a characteristic of my gender) I go from feeling like a boy, to agender, demi boy, panmasculine (a type of pangender with only male and neutral genders), neutral gender, very feminine or simply genderqueer (and so much more)

I don't exactly have an ideal body but if I were born amab I would be "a genderqueer person, who identifies as a boy but also as a (trans) woman (at the same time nothing), uses they/she/him pronouns and dresses feminine but without change the gender part of their body" I would be this but NOT a femboy more drag queen style, but obviously if I explain it to a person who has no idea how it feels to know that gender is such a personal and fluid thing they take me for a transphobic person or one of those who says "I only like men but I define myself as a lesbian for aesthetics"

in the end queer doesn't mean out of binary? from the boxes of society? not only girl and boy but neither only cis and trans, Nothing like that is illegal even if you don't understand it, EVEN if you are part of the community

if I can't define my gender like that then I'm right that even if I present myself as "genderqueer" or say i don't have a gender or my gender is complicate you will always take my agab into consideration

and then I think that my problem in identifying myself with the female genders is that since the moment my gender more or less matches with my agab people will always see me with that, of the type "yes now I feel a bit more like a woman but I still feel another gender" "ah cool then you ARE a woman, I will always see you like that in the end it's not transphobic if you said you feel like a woman" or "at the moment I think that female pronouns aren't that bad" "well then I will always use them"

in the end I think that even if I was born in a male body it would have been problematic, even more since men who wear skirts are more hated and considered less "normal" than women who wear pants, for this reason I think I will always aim to seem more androgynous, I like to play when people are unsure of my agab, gives me carte blanche

Hello everyone! This is my first time actually like ever posting to Reddit, so my bad if anything is not good typing wise lol 😂. But besides thatt, I just wanted to see if anyone here feels the same/similar to my current feelings about gender and identity.

I’m not sure if this makes sense, but I’ll try my best to explain:

I’ve struggled with my gender for a longg time. Whether it’s just literally existing as a sentient human being or even something as “basic” as expression (like the way ya dress that kinda stuff), I’ve just always found myself in the same cycle of finally getting out of the small, void-like box that society has graciously placed me in, but as soon as I’m out of there, I just place myself into a more roomy, comfortable box that just still doesn’t feel “right?” It’s like the more “simple or basic” terms that are more commonly known like trans, nonbinary, or being cis. I’ve gone through a lot of identities so far, but none of them really felt like “me” until well, I came across genderqueer! :D I

’m not sure if this really fits, but I like to think of my gender (or lack there of at the same time?) as just something that’s indescribable, something that’s almost like art to where it’s up to the eyes of the beholder to “decide” what’s goin on. Not in like the transphobic kinda way though no no, more just the euphoria I get when I (consensually mind you) allow somebody refer to me as whatever they want because that’s just how I am. I’m just well, me and there’s nothing more, nothing less. Like I just want someone to just be able to look at me and just go- “what in the actual heck is goin on there” y’know? Or maybe not lol 😂. But yeah that’s mostly the gist of it.

For more context though, I identified as a trans man for awhile now because it just seemed most convenient? Not actually, but just something I can tell people so that they can not be as confused as I am 🥲. But so with that, I’ve also used he/him pronouns and I’m thinking of just using any pronouns or just letting people I know call me just by my name.

Yeah though, if ya stuck around this long, first of all, thankyou 🥹🫶, and second, any thoughts or potential advice on this? (PS: totally okay if not I’m just genuinely curious if anyone else felt this way their whole life)

Hello, I am afab, but I'm trying to help my dysphoria but finding more masculine clothing. Jeans are the hard part. Because of a medical condition, I am 66 inches at the waist, 5'6" in height. I have very female curves carrying more in my butt and thighs. I gave up a long time ago, but I was encouraged to look and see if new things have come along. Any brands, advice, or ideas are welcome. Thanks!

Didn't think I needed an edit, but I put afab because I am a trans man questioning if genderqueer, so I posted under this tab for that reason. That's why I said i was having dysphoria, thanks to all the positive comments and help!

Hi, I’ve been an out lesbian for about 2 or 3 years now and I’m very comfortable with calling myself that sexuality and it feels like me. However, lately I’ve been questioning my gender identity, I’ve never really felt like a woman or a man, but non-binary doesn’t seem like it fits me either so I’m wondering if maybe I’m she/they, but I don’t really understand it. I know gender is a very subjective thing sometimes, but I’m just wondering if you are she/they or he/they and how you knew you were.

Im having a gender crisis. or at least, i think i am. i have been out as a lesbian for five years now and have viewed it as both my gender and my sexuality. even in my hot pink, girly-girl outfits as a little girl, i never felt like a "girl"-- my style is just who i am, it has never been attached to a gender. I think im starting to realize that no part of my identity has ever been tied to a gender. calling myself a "woman" has always felt performative, like it wasnt my space to occupy. but calling myself "trans" or "non-binary" feels invasive...

i try and stay away from mainstream femininity-- its never been my thing. every time i put on a dress or make up, i feel pretty, like myself but simultaneously like a drag queen. i feel like im performing and i have to create a character to act like. it feels authentically unauthentic.

i like being a lesbian. its not restrictive. its fluid, like my feelings-- it encapsulates when i feel more masculine and when i feel slightly feminine.

i brought this up in my queer group therapy today (idk what else to call it). everyone was super helpful and supportive. I just dont know what to do or if i should even bother embracing this. any and all input is helpful, or even links to books or articles on this topic would help. i feel really bleh about this...

I am AMAB and have been questioning my gender identity for over a year. I’ve done some more thinking recently and came up with the following conclusions which still cause me confusion so I was wondering if someone could help me understand if my feelings match a gender identity other than cis:

-I feel comfortable identifying as male. That said, I only feel masculine 80% of the time.

-I enjoy having a male anatomy although sometimes I do wish I could swap out my genitalia at will. This I think has to do with my sexuality as I enjoy being in the passive role.

-I feel like I don’t identify with society’s concept of what a man should be.

-I have a hard time understanding why certain things in society are gendered and have since I was a kid.

-I don’t think I want to be a girl, I just want to engage with what it means to be a girl. Is this denial?

-I feel a connection to being a feminine boy. My desire is to present cute.

-Dressing feminine for the first time was a little bit euphoric. Dressing fem is associated with comfort in my mind.

My first thought was that I probably identify closest with genderqueer, but I have also explored genderfluid and even bigender. I understand genderqueer to be an umbrella term that is related to nonbinary but I don’t think I am nonbinary. That said, I do use He/They pronouns and I think mixing masc and fem traits resonate with me, but would that be nonbinary or is that just androgyny?

I’m sorry if I’m being confusing lol 😅

Maybe I’m overthinking and I’m just not any of these things at all….

For a couple years now l've been identifying somewhere in the venn diagram crossover of non binary-transmasc-genderqueer. But scrolling I was scrolling through the butchlesbians sub recently and I saw someone describe their identity as "feeling like I should have been born a man but being perceived as a woman has shaped my life too much" and that really hit home for me.

I feel like I should have been a man-and I used to tell people as a kid that I was actually born a boy before my parents made me a girl-but l've lived 30 years with my experience in this world being molded by being perceived as a woman and a daughter and all of that. So identifying as a man feels wrong. Even though I feel very masculine at my core and have spent countless hours trying to make myself look more masculine from clothes to hair to facial expressions. But I'm also not a woman. Even though always get clocked as one and therefore treated like one. It's a weird no man's land where I don't feel like I belong anywhere.

And in that sub there were a lot of takes on gender and how that informs societal roles that feel maybe the closest to right that l've found. So maybe “butch genderqueer" is a thing?

Similarly, l've thought of myself as somewhere on the aroace spectrum for a long time as l'd never really been interested in dating, but now that I'm starting to understand my gender better, it feels almost freeing? Like I could date a woman and she'd see me and accept me as me and not who l've been pretending to be, if that makes any sense. It's a very weird feeling.

If anyone has similar thoughts or experiences please let me know or share what helped you.

Hey so I've been questioning my gender for basically my entire life (around 15 years) and I keep coming back to the term gender queer. To me, if there was a slider between boy and non-binary, I would be closer to boy, but still on the slider, yk? I was just wondering, what does gender queer mean to everybody? How do you guys experience gender? Like, is this only me or..?

I’m 19F and I have never thought much about people’s genders, even less my own. Lately it feels like an issue I should deal with, kind of like a bill that needs to be paid. I have no idea how I should even start figuring out myself, it just seems so confusing. Gender has never really made much sense to me as in why does it matter, even though the labels are quite strictly he/him and she/her from where I’m from. I don’t think I care much about the labels, but the idea of presenting myself as what I am would be nice (I have no idea what I am). I feel most comfortable in masculine clothing, but I adore feminine looking outfits yet being both feels awful. I’m just confused maan please tell me someone has experienced smth similar?

Curious since I consider myself cis and genderqueer and wanted to see if any other people here are like that too

Hey there! I'm 18 (afab), i realised i'm enby a few months ago. I'm in an awesome theatre group/ acting class, and there's a fellow non-binary, and he told me they could call me whatever i feel like at the moment and we'll see which feels right. The problem is i have no idea y'all. I like to picture myself as a man who paints their nails, wears cropped tank tops, edgy baggy jeans, has long hair. But i'm in no mean fem or masc, and i compansate with button up shirts, and don't paint my nails since it wouldn't do what it supposed to do on me. So i use they/them, i want a name that is slightly more masculine or, could be completely on the masculine side. I like James, but it didn't work out for me. I love names that has a gentle sounding like, Michael, Riley, Caden, Kyle...

It's getting awkward, today a girl asked my name and i was be like anything, i mean...well, don't bother, let's just do the exercise💀 Give me names that would make me feel like a gentleman or a gentle man!

I've always identified as male. I've found that pansexual is the most accurate description of my sexuality. Yet, I've found myself in a years long, unresolved crisis. I'm a top (sexually), but I find more comfort and feel more attractive in "female" clothing. Exploring this has been difficult. I feel my community would not accept that expression (hard to explain). I also find it nearly impossible to find a romantic partner who is ok with my confused sexual/gender expression. Maybe my confusion is off-putting or maybe I'm looking in the wrong places.

Idk what I'm looking for. Any support would help, I s'pose.

Hey !

Im currently trying to figure out stuff with my gender - whether I’m nonbinary, gender fluid, gender queer, or maybe just confused and cis lol? I really like how I look in a binder and oversized clothes that make me look boxy and masculine, but also like to wear clothes that show off my boobs and look more feminine. I don’t really feel like a woman? I guess I don’t really understand what feeling like a woman should feel like?

What ways did you come to terms with your gender fluidity? Did it happen gradually or all at once?

Hey all, I’ve been struggling with this for quite some time and I’ve decided to finally just bite the bullet and ask about this. First of all, I should clear that I am AMAB, but I don’t exactly relate/feel like a man, but at the same time I don’t exactly relate/feel like a girl, which has led me to the conclusion that I must be somewhere under the Non-binary umbrella. I did a bit of research in my own time and found I feel like I’m gender apathetic since I don’t really have a strong opinion on my gender identity and don’t really care how others view my gender identity to the point where I’m pretty indifferent on what pronouns people use for me, opting to just list “Any pronouns” as my preferred pronouns on the major platforms I use. It’s probably super obvious and I’m just being paranoid, but I’d like some advice and maybe a push in the right direction. Thanks in advance, and I’m sorry if this isn’t the right subreddit.

Hiii, I'm a demifaun 👋

Any other demifauns here? 🤗

Im a biological female but I have days where I want to go by he/him pronouns and be really masculine. I don’t know if this has a name or if other people experience this.

Hey all.. I’m wondering if any born female folx who have always been very androgynous/ nonbinary experience becoming more female presenting as they age and have started taking T to maintain their genderqueerness? I’m in my 50’s and have always been naturally muscular and both male/female presenting but now I’m losing muscle, face is thinning, skin sagging, all which adds up to looking like an older woman. I don’t feel like myself, and it’s very depressing. I want to maintain my androgynous, genderqueer looks so I’ve been thinking about going on T, but I don’t want to transition.. I just want to see and feel a moderate change( and I don’t want to lose my hair or grow facial hair.) Anyone have experience with this or advice? Thanks in advance 🌈

I was rereading my journal from earlier this year just because I was bored and I came across a really freaky sentence that I had forgotten I wrote. For context I came out as genderqueer to my friends late this past June and have recently been leaning more into wanting to be a girl. I'm still unsure of the details of my identity, I have to unlearn a bunch of toxic masculinity stuff from how I was raised and things I did to myself mentally.

My senior year of highschool I spent most of my time pretending to be a cis man but one night in my journal I wrote down the sentence ""I crave a connection I can never have with friends bc of the shape my body took during incubation in the womb." Surrounding context for that, most of my friends and girls/femmes and I was(am) upset that my girl friends didn't treat me as they treated 'their' girl friends. The comfort, the emotion, the intimacy. Always felt like there was a barrier, like every friendship I had was diluted.

Now, I wrote that entry down in January of this year. Now I've been having thoughts of that vein for years but that sentence really felt like a crack in the egg, though I didn't notice it at the time. I just it's crazy how I could write something like that and still go months thinking I was just a man. Since coming out, though I don't look much different bc I'm still with my parents who would not be supportive of me experimenting or with my gender identity as a whole, but since then I feel like Ive gotten alot closer with my friends. Most of them have been so supportive the and Ive gotten alot more comfortable talking to them and with physical platonic intimacy which has been great(hugs, leaning on eachother, stuff like that.)

Idrk what I was looking for in this post, lowkey just wanted to yap and this seemed like a fine place to do it.

I'm wondering if anyone else here has gone on HRT and stopped due to opposite dysphoria?

Like, you took HRT because you were dysphoric, but then stopped because you started feeling like you were getting dysphoric for not being enough like how you were pre-HRT

Anyone here surgically transitioned?

all my life i've gone by she/her but i've been starting to feel like i'm more comfortable with she/they, so im starting to go by it. i don't know how to tell most of friends about this as as of the time writing this no one knows about this. i know it's not that big of a change but i still feel like im gonna have trouble telling them. (i don't know how to out this into words very well)

edit i have told a few of my friends and they are all cool with it im working on telling some of my other friends just to make sure that thought is not in my mind

tldr: I'm not anxious about not being a boy. I'm more anxious about "what if I'm trans?" and not feeling feminine enough.

as of rn I'm a cis, 17 year old girl who's been anxious about her gender for the past 6 months. it's very anxiety inducing for me. i want to think it's my OCD latching onto a new obsession, or possible neurodivergence. But as time goes on I think I'm just in denial. all the signs are there.

I've never felt an extreme yearning to be a guy, but I've always felt like a guy on the inside. even as a little kid. it's worse around other girls; I feel so big and weird and they feel so dainty. i also get gender envy often. very recently I've been imagining myself with a "guy part", despite always being fine with my hooha.

I've always hated LOOKING masculine (esp since my hormones might be fucked up and I naturally get masc features), but I've always liked acting masculine. mostly in speech. i have a mix of feminine and masculine mannerisms.

part of me doesn't want to let being a girl go.

ive never minded my feminine name, nor my fem pronouns. I've always being told "that's my girl" and stuff along that line. sometimes my boobs make me uncomfortable, but I do NOT want to get top surgery. i don't want any surgery at all. i even like tracking my period cycle and looked forward to getting my period when I was younger.

maybe it's just my daddy issues/need for male validation, but I've always wanted guys to perceive me as a girl (I'm male-preferenced bi). I've always wanted to have more curves and bigger boobs so guys would like me.

I've cried from having broad shoulders, a strong face, stubble, and small tits. though that might be a self esteem thing and not a gender thing.

i don't know what to do.