I am gender apathetic, meaning I do not care/have any preferences when it comes to how people see and refer to me at least gender and pronoun wise, and I have not seen very much representation or mention of it without searching to find it. My identification does not feel as though it would 100% fall under the gender queer umbrella but I am also not sure what I would fall under otherwise and instead of deciding on own only I thought it would be a good idea to reach out to the gender queer community. I don't mean any harm by this, only looking for where I belong and fit in.

So I've (18) always wanted to talk to a group of people who would best understand my weird, complicated gender identity. I'm AFAB and use they/them pronouns. I've used they/them pronouns for 4 years after having gender dysphoria when only being called she/her while using she/they pronouns.

I've always had this deattachment from being a woman for as long as I can remember.

Prime example: When I was 11, identifying as a "straight girl," I had a crush on a lesbian girl, and felt like I didn't have a chance because she was lesbian. Now that's stupid right? 😭 I laugh at it all the time, because no straight "girl" would feel like they don't have a chance with a girl who likes girls. I first questioned my gender being 13, wondering if I was trans masc, and having gender dysphoria.

My gender identity/expression pipeline is from: cisgender girl (she/her, fem) -> questioning trans masc (she/her, fem) -> demigirl (she/they, fem) -> demigirl (they/them, stem) -> demigirlflux (they/them, stem) -> genderqueer (they/them, mostly fem).

I settled on genderqueer because I love the ambiguity of the label. I no longer have to stress about finding a specifc label that fits me. Too much stress from wondering which one I am. I can essentially be whatever, and I love that.

I'm a mostly feminine person who's existing, who has a largely feminine, smallish masculine attachment to gender. I'm out of the binary, but not entirely out, yet I'm simultaneously nothing. I wish that when people see me in particular, despite how hyper fem I often dress, they associate my presentation with nothingness; not girly, not woman, not womanly, not ladylike, nor manly.

I know that gender is a social construct, and because of that I'll always be perceived as a woman, and I'm not upset about any assumptions by any means. But I get massive gender euphoria when I'm called my correct pronouns and am perceived how I see myself. I get gender dysphoria from transphobes and people I came out to who disregard my pronouns, still call me she/her, and still refer to me as a woman. It kinda bottles up and I absolutely break after a long time period.

I'm not nonbinary; I'm in the binary in some weird way. Yet I'm not fully in the binary either. Demigirl or Demigirlflux stopped becoming a good label for me once I realized I have a masculine attachment to gender too instead of just partial womanhood.

I came here to get this off my chest because last night I was ranting to my cishet boyfriend (18M) about the same thing, and he couldn't understand what I was explaining 😭 He respects my gender identity, calls me the correct pronouns, and doesn't see/treat me as "woman-lite." He just doesn't understand, especially not after I described my gender as air. So I thought I'd be the better thing to go on this insane rant to y'all.

TL;DR I'm not fully in the binary, but have an attachment to gender. I have a large feminine and small masculine presentation and attachment to gender. Hope to find someone who relates, as no LGBTQ+ or ally person in my life relates.

Just wondering if anyone else relates, whatever their religious belief is. I'm Christian and I know not all Christians would be like this, but I know it wouldn't be taken well to most. So I supress it and pretend living like a cis-gendered person. Unfortunately, I don't think I can ever come out, because even my friends and family who aren't religious wouldn't understand it due to the stigma. Only my best friends know, who identify with the lgbtq+ community.

I've recently discovered myself as NB and noticed how much I deeply dislike how hairy I am.

I'm AMAB, rather hairy and my body hair is generally pretty long. I've never ever fully removed body hair other than my beard, and I just don't know how to remove my body hair without fucking it up somehow (you know, shaving bumps, ingrown hairs, skin irritations).

Razor shaving is straightforward, but seems very inefficient, since it takes a lot of time and the results don't last. Plus I have long hairs I'd have to trim them on the first time I shave.

Those hair removal creams seem a little dangerous and people say they are smelly. But on the plus side they appear to be less time consuming than razors.

Waxing is scary. On one hand, the idea of waxing seems kind of attractive because of how long it lasts. But damn, everyone I've talked to about this looked me in the eyes, laughed at me and said "don't wax, it's not worth the pain".

I don't know much about epilators. Apparently they're pretty painful as well, but I have no clue how fast the shaving process is with them.

Laser hair removal is pretty much the dream. But I'm a broke college student, so paying for multiple sessions is a no go.

For now I've just been thinking about trimming my legs and torso, to at least reduce hair length and perceived volume. Trimming would also make razor shaving way more viable. But I'd like to get some advice/opinions from other hairier AMAB people, because most advice I've seen online doesn't really help with that specifically.

Bit of a rant. I’m AFAB and I guess this is what my gender thoughts come down to. I’ll be jealous of men I see in public or some of my guy friends in how they look, I’ll sometimes present myself with the intention of looking like a guy and having people perceive me as one and using he/him, sometimes I prefer masculine terms to feminine ones. But I don’t want to be a man, I don’t want the physical characteristics of a man and I don’t want to take up space in the world as a man.

I’ve used they/them pronouns for about a year and it feels right to me when other people use them (though I do cringe because I feel like i’m making them pander to me and they’re just tolerating it) and it hurts a bit when they don’t. But I use she/her for myself in my head.

Honestly, I’ve found that when I look more “normally” feminine, eg with longer hair, I’m more inclined to present masculine and use they/them or maybe even he/him pronouns. It’s like an armour in that sense. But when my hair is shorter or something I’ll feminise myself, distance from the androgynous parts of myself bc I don’t want to be too “weird”. It still feels like myself but I’m doing it more for others if that makes sense.

Since childhood I have had a complex relationship with gender informed by internalised racism and misogyny and it makes it hard for me to know what my real feelings are. I think I still feel quite connected to womanhood. I exist in a community of women and in some way see myself as one of them. But I feel like I spend too much time thinking about androgyny and looking masculine to be completely cis, but at the same time I feel like I could make everyone’s lives easier by just living as a cis woman and probably be fine. Before I started questioning my gender I was living life as a cis woman just fine, I don’t know what changed and I almost wish I could go back - but I can’t now after having explored this side of myself.

I think ultimately i’m scared of being different and what that might mean for me. But I don’t even know if I am different in this way, or if I’m just trying to be unique.

I just wanted to jump on and say that I just ordered my first binder!

🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

Celebrate Trans Day of Visibility by helping raise money for Point of Pride, a nonprofit that helps provide gender-affirming care to the most vulnerable in our community!

Last year Mercury Stardustt and Jory (@AlluringSkull on TikTok) raised over $2 million and the goal this year is $4 million! There have been some major setbacks including trolls reporting the livestreams resulting in 9 live bans across multiple accounts in the first 10 hours and TikTok autoblocking people watching (this happened to me and a bunch of others yesterday).

Let's pull together and show the trolls and TikTok that trans joy can't be stopped! They're almost at $1 million currently! 🏳️‍⚧️

To donate, text TRANSJOY to 44321 or use this Give Lively link (Give Lively only works with reputable nonprofits): https://secure.givelively.org/donate/point-of-pride/2024-tiktok-a-thon-for-trans-health

If you're unable to donate right now, the link should be up for at least a week after the streams are done. And if you donate, check to see if your employer has a match program to double your impact!

You can also help by sharing the link, watching the streams on TikTok and engaging with them (tap, share, comment): https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRTmhm1Q/

If you would like to apply for support, check out Point of Pride: https://www.pointofpride.org/ Requests for binders or gaffs are open year-round and applications for HRT, surgeries, or hair removal open in November!

🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

I recently got my first partner, but they use only they/them pronouns. Referring to them as just “s.o” or “partner” sounds a little odd, so I’m hoping you guys have some better ideas! They don’t like joyfriend, which is the only one I know lol

Edit:

We are both also asexual, so things like “lover” feels kinda off for us lol

And a lil formal lol

I am recently out as gender queer and have changed my gender marker and pronouns on dating apps, but anyone who has seen my profile before I did that has only seen me identifying as a woman. I don’t want to have to explain it to every person I talk to, especially since I don’t want to feel rejected repeatedly when people are only interested in me if I’m presenting as cis. Should I just delete the account and start over? I’m specifically on hinge so if anyone knows a way to reset or something, please let me know! I’m also open to any dating advice for a newly-out gender queer person :)

So ive been confused about my gender for a long time, pretty much since knowing male/female werent the only options. I dont feel very feminine, but i feel a bit female, even though deep down i know i wouldnt feel like that if i hadnt been assigned female at birth. I have a couple of friends who say they identify as non binary, but forget 90% of the time (ie, saying that theyre proud of being a girl against men, then remembering theyre non binary) and i completely respect however they feel about their gender, but i dont want to be seen as copying them or smthn.

I often feel like gender is a construct that most people get, and i just dont fit into very well. I have talked to one guy abt this, but i haven't told any of my close friends because of them thinking im copying my nonbinary friends. I think i feel agender, but sometimes i feel more like a girl than others. I looked it up, and i guess that means im demigirlflux, but anything with "girl" in it feels to feminine, and unlike me, so i have no idea who or what i am, and i guess its just a rant, but i also want advice a bit, and i dont feel like i understand myself anymore

i think ive found my identity, it Just clicked today.

like yeah i knew my gender was fluid but now i know EXACLY what it is.

So, on every (more) 'official' site where there was something about genderfluix (which is rarely Seen sadly) is GIBERISH to me. that explains a lot tbh.

fluix is when someone's gender changes thru Time (like g-fluid) and intensity (like g-flux). and it sounded kinda but not fully.

I was looking thru some forum to describe my ✨today's gender✨ and someone was talking about fluix. they described it as "agender but with feminine and masculine aspects changing" or smth similar. it kinda opened another view for me.

So yeah, i think thats it but who knows lol. nothing more, i Just wanted to share. its kinda similar when i found pangender label, i felt happy that Time Beacuse it was a Word that described me the most.

hope it helps someone, take care and i wish any reader a good Day/night :3

I'm 25 AFAB but never associated or felt comfortable with femininity. Since early teenage years, I had a strong adversion to most things societally 'feminine'. However, for some reason, I've also never identified as a trans man or trans masc. I've just kinda felt like me? And I don't feel a need to label myself.

I think part of me also thought it could be a phase, and that the feelings would reduce with time, or that I'd grow into my femininity. However, ever since turning 25, something in me has shifted. I feel like I KNOW I'll never be comfortable in this body. And I feel motivated to finally do something about it, and to be happy when I look in the mirror.

The thing I've settled on, which I thought was never something I'd seriously be able to get, is top surgery - be it DI or drastic reduction. I have quite a large chest, and it's definitely the root of most of my self loathic and body dysmorphia/dysphoria (I'm honestly not even sure which one it is, or if it's both?). I started feeling like I wanted this surgery about 10 years ago, but also thought I'd grow out of it. But now I'm 25, I somewhat feel like it's now or never. If I pursue this now, I have plenty more years actually being comfortable in my body and being able to become the person I feel like I am inside. I've researched, have a financial plan to make this achievable in the next few years, and have found the surgeon I want.

My issue, however, is that I feel like I'm taking resources away from a FTM individual. The surgeon I wish to use seems lovely and posts selfies with all his clients after their surgery. I see all of these very masc individuals and feel like I shouldn't pursue DI because I'm not 'as' trans as them, and that a 'fully' trans guy could have the surgery slot I take? I know it's silly to feel like this. I LOATHE my chest - I'm writing this post on the back of a breakdown in my work bathrooms because my binder was so tight it got painful after lunch, and I had to remove it, and now my full size chest is out under my sweater at work. But if the surgeon took a photo with me, and posted it to his socials, I'd stick out like a sore thumb as the most 'femme' presenting person - even though I don't present femme at all, I'm just not on T and don't have short hair (yet).

I don't even know the purpose of this rant, really. I just felt I needed to get some feelings out, because I'm sat here in a jumper that doesnt look good on me without a binder, and it's all my stupid fucking boobs making me look ridiculous and not like me at all.

I'm starting a journey this year, I've made the decision. I'm getting my (very) long hair cut next week. I want tattoos. I told my mom that I want top surgery. But will I ever actually feel brave enough to get it? Fuck knows.

Hi everyone, I was hoping for some advice or maybe just to get this out there. I'm amab but have always felt a little different and not always happy being the male me. I always feel more feminine but there is always that slight masculine side to me, so a few years ago I started to identify as Gender fluid. As I seemed to move a bit around the gender spectrum. Then just recently I have for some reason been thinking about Gender a bit more and me, and I am pretty confused. I'm now not 100% sure if I would rather be female more and thats how I want to be seen. The issue is that I just see myself as me and think i would be me however I present.

You would think these things would get easier as you get older, I'm in my late 40s and still trying to figure things out.
Any advice or thoughts are welcome. Hopefully it's not to waffly and thanks 😀

Hey all!

I am on a deep dive search for professional office wear clothes for my partner. They are fem non binary (amab). This is their first office role and I think they may be worried they will have to be too masc presenting given the sort of fashion available close to us, as they’re not fully out - only amongst friends and family. I was hoping people could suggest some good online shopping websites that provide enough style variation where I could hopefully buy them some office wear that is more feminine cut or androgynous without being so obvious that it is technically ‘female wear’ until they’re more comfortable with that! I want them to feel confident and beautiful in this new role! Any help would be amazing! Also we are in Australia, so websites/delivery accessible for this area is needed!

I've been having more dysphoria than usual this week, which triggered a bout of depression starting on Thursday. On Friday, my back, which has some issues, started hurting as well, gradually escalating to the point that I had a hard time showering this morning (Saturday).

I knew a haircut would help the dysphoria, though, and I'd been waiting all week, so I pushed through to get my hair washed and get myself to the haircut shop. There I got my hair trimmed back into a more masculine style, and when I walked out, not only did I look more like myself, but my backache was gone. Woohoo!

I would like to use she/they pronouns. I believe gender is a social construct and gender roles tend to be bs, imo. I am technically biologically female, though I've been mislabeled due to my appearance most of my life. Some part of me wants to be "girly" asthetically but that's never going to happen, and now cancer has stolen my breasts and reproductive organs and even stopped estrogen production.

Basically I'm an old sheltered person asking am I doing the trans/nonbinary etc community any sort of wrong by considering myself "they"?

Well, straight to the point: since last year's I questioned my gender A LOT and found out a - resumed - conclusion; I "don't care" about gender (?).

I am amab, and I accept "being a man", but I don't really feel my gender, it's just like something someone imposed to me and I just said "oh, ok so". I already thought I may be trans in the past since I don't fit gender norms and don't really ""feel like a man"", but I also don't ""feel like a woman"".

Gender is just a concept floating above my head that I just let people decide for me.

I'm I possibly non-binary?

Sorry if this isn’t completely coherent I’m AFAB and very feminine presenting but something just doesn’t feel right I’m in this space where saying I’m a woman is wrong but I get imposter syndrome when I say I’m nonbinary or genderqueer. It’s like I have this itch inside me, like I will never have a solid identity, so I lie and say I’m just a confused teenager or if I’m feeling brave a gender queer lesbian I worry I will never be “queer enough” or “trans enough”. I don’t to cut my long hair or stop wearing my skirts and I’m honestly to lazy to change my name or pronouns Thanks for reading my rant

TL;DR I can't really relate to or comprehend what gender is and I'm mostly ranting about it

I just don't get gender. I read about it. I know they're norms, behavior, roles associated with men and women. I see myself exhibiting a lot of these behaviors, especially feminine, but I don't identify with being a woman at all and as a man very tenuously

It's like I can observe elements of gender in myself but I don't feel anything strongly. I read stories from others that have this extreme dysphoria with their bodies or how they appear or are referred to and I can't relate. I don't identify strongly enough with any gender to really understand

I've bounced from genderqueer to agender to libramasc to agenderflux to libramasc back to genderqueer and it's driving me nuts. What I exhibit are gender associated behaviors/qualities that don't translate into gender identity. Like I don't know if behaviors are gender without attaching them to a gender identity

The more I think about it, the more turned around I get. Genderqueer has always been my home base, this big queer umbrella that I can sit under and not know what I am

According to definitions of gender, behaviors are gender, at least a part of it but I just can't identity with it. If anything, I identify very slightly as a man given my presentation and pronoun preferences but my behaviors/qualities/traits are overwhelmingly feminine without feeling like a woman

I'll always be genderqueer, not completely agender, likely libramasc, possibly agenderflux depending on what you consider gender to actually be

sigh

I'm thinking about chucking it all and just going back to just genderqueer where I can hide in ambiguity

im looking for resources to work on making my voice flexible and getting a wider range. my voice is currently deep but id like to learn how to sing high as well as low. i dont know if transfem tutorials are really appropriate because i dont want to be affirmed in a “girl” way - not to mention my voice is deep from taking testosterone when my gender was more concretely masculine

i feel like my gender changes over Time with it intensity, So im here to Ask if thats what genderfluid term means? Or what dies it EXACLY mean Beacuse i cannot understand explanation from other sources

I’m non binary afab at birth. I’ve started socially transitioning at school and I wear a chest binder when I can. Lately Ive been feeling really dysphoric about my face it’s round and soft and way to feminine for me. I want to put my hair in a masculine way but it just looks weird because of my feminine face? Any advice?

Posting this here because it's possibly "political".

Questioning myself pretty hard right now. I thought I was on track to figuring things out and feeling more and more confident but it's back to feeling like a fraud again.

I asked about psychological evaluation in a subreddit that describes itself as "for people who have been banned in other subs". I don't know why I thought that would be a good idea, I guess I was under the impression that I'd get more links to articles and tests and less "believe in yourself" comments over there. But after getting someone going straight to chat just to call me names and drag me down, I realised why these people are actually banned everywhere else.

Here's the thing. I'm new to this. I'm not from a place where we're educated about all of this stuff in school and far from an environment where I'm free to explore and experiment. It took me an embarrassingly long time to even look up the actual definition 'non-binary' but I felt like I was reading about myself within the first few sentences. I DON'T consider myself transgender because I don't desire surgery of any kind or identify particularly strongly with one binary or the other. I think I'm simply 'non-binary'. Am I wrong? I made this clear in the post I made, yet I was called a "transfacer"?

Is that what I am? Is that what people think of someone in my position? Should I just stop questioning things and stop trying to figure out who I am and "be a man", just like every toxic, conservative dickhead told me growing up?

I'm really not trying to appropriate anything, or trying to follow some trend, or trying to offend anyone simply by seeking answers. I haven't even told anyone in real life yet how I'm really feeling. I'm just trying to find the answers to why I am the way I am and always have been.

Am I just a poser and a fraud? Sadly mistaken and going down a wrong path? Should I be looking for answers somewhere else?

Edit: thanks for the responses guys. Learning more and accepting myself more every day.

Is there any Dollogenders or Chameleogenders here that could share their experiences with how they figured out that they are one of these genders? Because I'm trying to figure it out myself rn, but idk if I'm dollo or chamel. So I think hearing about other people's experiences might help me figure it out! Like no pressure, but I would really appreciate it :D. Also if you people know about any other gender identities that are similar to these sharing them here could also help me, so i would also appreciate that too!

So, I thought i was transman but like fullon, basicly i was SURE i was transman and its complicated... im not lets not talk about it please

then i thought im nonbinary (under the umbrella) and i sticked with it. but i feel like mamy genders. pangender, i thought, but the more i think and read about it the more im not convinced.

my gender is weird, like i sometime feel like 40% woman, 25% nonbinary and rest man. then i feel like more nonbinary less man. then more man than other. then everything +/- equally. WHATS HAPPENING ACTUALLY.

is there a label for it?? i know genderfluid is similar to that but i thought its more like once mam once woman etc etc but in my case its like if a bad cook was making a soup or a shake and put the ingridienta diffrently everytime Lmao Im Open to like xeno/neo/etc -genders idk maybe thats it...

Me and my boyfriend have been talking about this alot. I think anal is disgusting, the thought grosses me out so much that I dont enjoy it. We tried

There are other ways to enjoy ourselves in bed, but its getting less enjoyable. i really want to feel him inside me, and he really wants to be inside me. Ive been wishing for a vagina to make everything more enjoyable for about a year now, and slowly have developed disgust for my genitals.

But i dont want to change anything else, no hormones or other sugury or pronoun change. Is it possible? Is this normal or is this another one of our bedroom kinks? I apologize if this isnt the right place, im not trans. Sorry and thanks in advance

I'm not sure how to put this so I figured I'd go to y'all as a sounding board. I'm afab, perisex, and salmacian (wanting mixed or multiple equipment configurations). And as long as I can remember, I've definitely been nonbinary, mostly agender if I were to put a name to it.

But the last year or two, I've been having gender envy towards transfem folks, watching trans women's progress reels, all that kind of thing and wanting that for myself - but I don't have anywhere to journey, I'm afab, socialized feminine, and definitely not cis... I just want to approach femininity from the outside, as a choice and a difference. So I have no idea how to think about that, figured I'd ask if anyone's got similar experiences or any opinions?

Hi all

I’m thankful to live somewhere that I can get X as a gender on at least some of my govt issued ID. Although the term ‘gender queer’ has only entered my vernacular in the past few years, I believe it’s an apt description of who I am.

I don’t really care about the gender markers on my govt issued ID, but somehow my drivers license was issued with the opposite gender than what I was born, and doesn’t match my other govt issued ID. I’m anxious about it becoming a problem, so I need to address it.

However, I’m not really interested in putting the effort at this point into changing ALL of my govt issued ID. I’m wondering, then, if anyone knows if it’s an issue to have govt issued IDs with multiple genders (X on my drivers license, but the rest would still read what I was assigned at birth)?

Tia!!!

I don't know how not to obsess about labels.

I'm agender. I've used that label for quite a while, and I'm pretty happy with it. Yet I'm not neutral. Presenting myself in a masculine way is also an important part of my identity. I want a term to capture that, but nothing really seems to fit. (For one thing, I'm just not very macho. I'm shy and unassertive, and I'm physically weak due to chronic illness.)

The result is that I go around in circles trying to find a label for myself, tentatively adopting and then rejecting different ones. I don't know why it feels important to have a word for this, but it does. The process of looking for one makes me anxious. Yet I keep doing it. I don't know how to stop. Help.

i just really dont think i am a gendered being, i feel like i have just as much gender as a peice of drywall- you might occasionally hear me refer to myself as a girl because that is who i was socialized with and the experiences of girls closely align with mine but im not really a girl. i mean you will also sometimes hear me refer to myself as a guy lmao. for how i dress i usually like it to be completely androgynous with masc and femme aspects- i have been told i wear dresses and skirts like men do and that i wear more typically masc clothes like women do. i really just dont think gender is real for me though, it is a socially made up thing and i don’t understand why i should have to pick a gender and conform to it when i dont even believe it does or has ever existed