I wonder if some of it stems from my childhood where I was rejected by girls for friendship and ended up hanging around the boys. Idk.

But most of the time I don’t feel feminine/pretty. If I want to feel feminine I feel like I have to remind myself and actively remember it. Otherwise I’m not really.

Except when I look in the mirror. I see it, it clicks. I’m feminine, I’m cute, femme sexy, whatever it is. It just feels like I have to remind myself of it.

I wish my default personality was more femme I guess. That’s how I want to be. I’m just not got some reason.

It’s just something that’s always bothered me.

This is going to sound weird, but I'm a cis woman who has always felt like a boy who "became" a girl. I know it's not exactly the same because some trans women say they were always a girl, but I have a weird feeling that I transitioned even though I'm AFAB. I empathize a lot with trans women about knowing you're a woman but not feeling you're doing it "right" and if other women do it one way then are you really a woman or something else? What do you guys think?

this is something i think about often but idk what it really means. so, i'm 23 y/o and i'm a straight cis guy. and by myself i feel fine about that, i just see it as what i am.

however if i compare myself to other straight cis guys the thing is that everything about my personality/traits etc just doesn't fit with that fact. i'm a very soft spoken, sensitive person, i have social anxiety and am into lots of things that are considered not "manly". i like to paint my nails and occasionally wear makeup and overall dress myself in styles that are kind of androgynous. even the way that i stand and move feel so insanely non masculine. i'm smaller and skinnier than every man my age i've ever met.

all this to say when i'm in the presence of other guys i just don't feel like the same as them. whoever it is it always feels like their masculinity and overall confidence is cranked up 150% compared to mine and it makes something in me feel off. i'm horrible at explaining it but i hope yall get what i mean.

what am i feeling exactly? do i belong somewhere else on the gender spectrum? am i just insecure about not fitting the norm? would love if anyone could help me make more sense of this

When woman love each other it's all fine and ok they get accepted most of the time when men be gay everyone makes fun of them and hates them cause of it

A DJ comp in Australia is asking for contestants that are either Women or Non-Binary. But why is a man considered binary and a woman not? Not trying to be stupid, but I just want to know what is the proper meaning of non-binary. Because if non-binary means neither man or woman, then why would this comp be looking for women as well as non-binary?

Okay

So

For a while, I've been questioning my gender. A few months ago, I landed on identifying as Demiboy but more recently I've been resonating with agender. Some days I feel more connected to my masculinity (despite being and wanting to be more feminine) but others I feel like I'm not connected to anything.

Is it more likely I'm Demiboy or agender?
Or even something else, like genderfluid or bigender??

If it's important at all, I was assigned male at birth

I wish I was a girl because if I was a girl I wouldn't have as much health issues I wouldn't be at risks of a heart attack I wouldn't been depressed I wouldn't been suicidal if I was a girl I would have made friends I would have had a bf a companion height wouldn't have mattered and my family would love me and I woikd be smart I HATE LIFE

Discussion + Vent + Stream of Consciousness post…

I’ve been wrestling with my gender identity lately, specifically my relationship to queer manhood vs queer womanhood. I feel connected to both and I identify as genderfluid, androgyne, genderqueer, gender ambiguous, etc.

I was assigned female at birth, grew up with a lot of pressure to overperform masculinity so I wouldn’t be pushed into a cishet normative “girl’s” role, I had intense body dysphoria, I’ve since gone on T and had bottom surgery, I have a (mostly) cisnormative “male” body now and I feel comfortable and free reclaiming (queer) femininity on my own terms. Embracing my femininity this way has incredibly empowering and given me an equal amount of gender euphoria as medically transitioning. I get she/her and he/him from cis strangers pretty equally and I love it. I love existing outside the gender binary.

Even though I lean femme I’m very androgynous in presentation, not in a “butch” way, but in “lesbian” spaces I’m often read as “masc” and I hate it. My femininity might be closer to a feminine “gay man’s” experience but I’m not feminine in a gnc way either. And the way “lipstick lesbians” describe reclaiming a non cishet normative femme identity after growing up as “tomboys” really resonates with me. But I feel like the only spaces where my femininity is seen and validated is queer men’s spaces.

And sometimes I definitely feel more “achillean” than “sapphic” even though I’m equally gay for men and women (and other enbies). But I don’t feel like I belong in traditional “gay men’s” spaces as a target of patriarchy and misogyny. My body, like a cis woman’s, has been intentionally understudied and for the same reasons, it was cis women’s fight for bodily autonomy and control over their own uteruses that gave me the right to have my own uterus removed. I was not raised to be a boy and I’m glad I wasn’t bc I think it would’ve made my being androgynous much harder, I did not grow up with male privilege, I don’t have or want “male privilege” now, and I feel like that stuff puts some distance between me and “gay men” (including gay trans men and transmasc people).

I like the idea of “women and nonbinary” spaces (FLINTA) spaces but they tend to be too woman-centered and vagina, womb, “cisnormative female” body focused. I have a penis, I like it, I went through multiple major surgeries to have it. I don’t consider it a “masculine” (or feminine) part of my body. As part of my selfcare and self exploration journey I’ve also gotten into crystals, aromatherapy, astrology, tarot cards, meditation, just manifesting positive energy, connecting with nature, inner strength and inner beauty, and empowerment though “creation” (usually art in my case) but so much of that centers “womanhood” (esp cis womanhood) and I wish it didn’t.

For context I'm AFAB and I'm a cis woman. For quite some time now I've been questioning my gender and every time I do so it never comes to anything. So I've decided to stick with being cis for now but I always have this underlying feeling that I'm not quite a girl, or not just a girl. Sometimes the feeling dies down and I feel happy and confident being feminine and feel fine enjoying girly things, other times I still feel like bit masculine but I still feel somewhat of a girl, sometimes I feel very much masculine and only feel comfortable presenting in that way, and sometimes I feel completely neutral like I'm completely disconnected from any gender at all.

I don't really experience dysphoria at least I don't think so, I occasionally get kind of weird or uncomfortable when calls me a girl, (e.g if I'm in a group and someone refers to us as "you girls" or someone refers to me as my parent's daughter) but some/most of the time I don't really care what pronouns a person uses for me (although people mainly only use she/her). There have been times where someone has said I look like a boy or I've had to act the part of one for a drama thing and I thought it was cool and it made me kind of happy. Sometimes I don't like the idea of being "traditionally/stereotypically" feminine or even being referred to as feminine but other times I love being perceived as feminine and go out of my way to present myself like that. I am mostly pretty neutral about my body and there are times when I really like it but sometimes I wish I looked more androgynous or masculine or wish I had a flatter chest.

I've thought maybe I'm trans a bit but no I'm still pretty connected to being a girl, so maybe I'm just a girl but that doesn't feel quite right so I mainly exist in a pretty netural state and if someone were to ask me what my gender is (without any assumptions based on my appearance, no judgment, etc) id probably either say akftjrvkdntodntievfbf , that I don't wish to be perceived, or that I have absolutely no clue.

Side note: another thing that makes me think I'm not exactly cis is that if I could shapeshift or had like a slider to mess around with my gender/how I look I would absolutely use and abuse that power.

https://preview.redd.it/hin311p2djxd1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=89a1f419b9fe7872f27aa6cf632fcb15f400bbda

I like being female—I was born female, and it feels right sometimes. But... I don’t always feel like only a female. There are times I just want to be nothing, or to feel male, but not look male—just be male in some way, which feels confusing. Even though I like being female, I don’t want people to look at me and immediately think, Oh, she’s only a girl

I’m not sure how to define it. At first, I identified as agender because I didn’t want to focus on gender right now and waste my time with it (which didn't help bc i look like a girl, but i couldn't cut my hair short otherwise my mom would be baffled), and I didn’t want people to assume I’m just a cis girl. Then I tried identifying as demiflux, but even that doesn’t feel quite right. I’m so confused. I considered being genderfluid but i'm not sure it actually fits me

The title contains a typing mistake! I wanted to ask "How do I overcome my identity crisis regarding my gender EXPRESSION (as a cis person)?".

I identify as a woman and I was born as a woman too. The struggle lays in my gender expression. I simply do not know if I'm either a masculine or a feminine person. I carry traits of both. The thing is that this fact is wrecking my confidence. I will go out, wearing baggy jeans, hoodie and beany and suddenly become self concious that I didn't pull pullover, skirt and some pretty boots.

I cut my hair and later catch myself crying because long hair are more feminine and would make me feel better. I let my hair grow long and later hate it and want to look more rough, thinking about even getting a buzz cut.

I start knitting and suddenly hate it and want to do woodwork. I started learning piano and stopped because the guitar is cooler and more masculine (which is not true because I know nobody except me thinks that way).

This identity crisis has been eating me alive since years. Yes, of course I could just sometimes dress masculine and other times feminine. But it's more than a fashion thing.

Yesterday, I started to bake a cake and broke down crying because I ain't no housewife.

Even if we would consider this struggle to root in internalized sexism, which way does it go? Against feminity or masculinity? Do I hate my masculine side because I secretly hate men? Or do I hate my feminine side because of the way society portraits it as weak???

PS: Cis-person = I was assigned as female at birth and identify as female.

It's almost everyday at this point that I wished I was at least born or could just become a man, I hate how my body is perceived and even during when puberty started, I kept questioning how I looked as a girl, I felt weird whenever shopping for bras with my mother. I don't wanna tell her, I don't know how she'd react - nor would I wanna find out. I find myself kind of undesirable to me any time I look in a mirror, it just makes me think about being a boy more since people already have mistook me for one in the past.

Despite that,

I like being a girl, I enjoy being able to live as one and I wholeheartedly embrace that. But I want my body to be a boy, and I wanna *be* a boy but I also have moments where I'm happy I was born a female. It's a confusing conflict that I've found myself going through.

I just wanted to get this out, I've felt like this for a while - since around 11 I'd say, and I can't find it in me to actually express this to my friends because they're not exactly the best group to talk to when it comes to any gender-related topic.

Aside from a few other things, that's really all I could get out for now. Basically, just, I feel genderfluid - but it could also be body dysphoria, I'm not sure if those two are any different though.

This isn't even one of the overtly feminine ones but I'm getting gender envy from this God dang thing. There's no possible way for me to look like that but I crave it

so ive been thinking about some gender related stuff recently but i keep getting stuck before reaching any kind of meaningful conclusion.

ill start with what i know: i know sex doesnt equal gender and gender doesnt equal gender presentation, so i can be woman and wear short hair and no makeup, be a man and wear a dress or be nonbinary but non present androgynous.

so my question would be what makes a woman a woman (or a man a man)? people say "when you feel like one" but what does that mean? i know trans people feel dysphoria (although as I understand it theres some discousrse about it not being a prerequisite for being trans) and being born a woman ive never given it much thought but now im wondering what does that mean? is this a nroam thing to other people question or am I being weird? idk I hope this is intelligible someway somehow because it doesnt make sense in my head either lol

I'll keep this short and simple. I'm an effeminate gay guy, i have a masculine side that i want to allow to exist but i cant, i was abused alot growing up because of how effeminate i was and my teen years a certain traumatizing event happened which caused the people in my town to start rumors and started defaming me everywhere ( all related to my gender expression and sexuality) and now at 22 i can't do anything that might make me appear or look masculine, i feel like i'm gonna die, like they will see it and think they were right, like I might think they were right and agree with them, like they will actually come back at the harassment because what if they saw me doing something they precieve as manly and somehow think to themselved " oh he's gettint fixed lets go at it again to help him" I think i have ocd but i dont know.

So like I’ve been feeling like I’m genderfluid lately, but there’s something strange??? I’ve identified as a Trans Man for like 3 years now(but I’m closeted irl), but lately I’ve been thinking I might be genderfluid. But the thing is that I don’t feel comfortable when people use she/her or call me a girl/woman online, yet don’t really mind when people do it irl??? Idk what’s up with it

I go by they/them. I told my parents and my brother about it. My father tries to use they/them as much as possible and my mother and sibling don't even try. Their excuses are things like: they don't have time for this, or they "forgot" (I told them so many times about my pronouns that it's hard to forget), and because they aren't used to it, they won't use it. Another excuse my mother came up with was: "But now you don't have any gender".

Does anyone have advise on what I can say for them to listen to me?

EDIT: nvm, my father also doesn't try anymore...

I'm serious I have no idea about genders other than male female gay lesbian and trans

Hi guys,

today a friend sent me something about gender and I knew something about it already (that it is socially constructed) but I wanted to read a bit more into the definition and this is the first paragraph on the Website of WHO(world health organization) about gender:

"Gender refers to the characteristics of women, men, girls and boys that are socially constructed. This includes norms, behaviours and roles associated with being a woman, man, girl or boy, as well as relationships with each other. As a social construct, gender varies from society to society and can change over time."

This made me wonder a few things. The way I understand this - and please, the purpose of this post is to correct or add something to my understanding - it means that identifying as a woman equals some specific characteristics. Norms are part of characteristics (according to the text) so if I take the norm: women should shave their legs, does that mean, if I identify as a woman this norm will be expected of me? I think this is not always true because if a person whose sex is male but identifies as a woman (gender) then, I am not sure if it will be expected of them. If they look stereotypically "masculine", I think this person will be rather not accepted as a woman and still expectations/norms will apply to her what would apply to a man.

Another example is with the characteristic: "roles". So if I identify as a man, then the role I should have in a relationship is the "provider" or how does this work?

I am genuinely interested in this because I was born as a woman and I never thought about my gender and I don't think I care about it at all. I just live the way it feels right to me, whether it is a "masculine" or "feminine" way to live. You see, I am not much interested in my gender but in the term itself and what it means to others who do care.

So this is also a question I would like to ask:

If you are someone who is invested in their gender, I would love to hear some of your thoughts what your gender means to you so that I might understand it better.

Thank you to anyone who answers.

i just have no friends and never had any and I just generally don't have anyone to talk to and I just feel so alone and don't know what to do. sorry if I wasn't supposed to post it in here but you just seem to be the most understanding and generally caring people on reddit, and I really need something like that because whenever I say this on other parts of reddit I just get lots of hate for some reason :(

can someone help me pls? So I’m biologically female, I’ve gone as other identities (such as non-binary and agender) but I never really found the right one for me. I’m confused not really about my identity but compliment wise. When it comes to compliments I’d rather be called the generally male version of compliments rather than female. (Examples would be like prince instead of princess or good boy instead of good girl) why is this and is it ok to feel this way?

I have identified as genderfluid recently and i have questions I recently learned about pupgender and catgender and im wondering if i am one of them. I feel more masculine when I feel more like my theriotype, Cougar. (yes, im a therian) And ive started to realize that more. I also feel more masc when doing certain things. Like watching heartstopper, i dont know why tho. Maybe its because im being shown these relationships of two guys so it somehow makes me feel masculine? maybe because I want to be them in some way, i also relate to Charlie so I think that has something to do with it. Idk if its normal to feel more like one gender while doing something as simple as watching a show. And im still questioning catgender because of the cougar theriotype masculine thing. Im not sure!

plz give me feedback!

I know I’m not cis, way too many thoughts and actions that would prove otherwise. This by technicality makes me trans but beyond the fact that I’m not cis I don’t really know what I am and what labels are best? I’ve been attempting to go by they/them pronouns irl but my internal sense of self seems to vary from day to day. Does anyone here know much about this? Anyone know how to explain gender fluidity simply? I’ve read all the resources to help figure out I’m trans but after that the specific flavour hasn’t stood out to me mentally. Sometimes I feel more feminine, but only certain aspects, sometimes I feel like nothing, which may be a separate identity issue, and of course I have my “typically masculine” likes and dislikes which could have been nurture not nature. Any advice would be nice.

I'm a man and never thought of anything like being gay trans or changing gender but recently I've had dreams in which I was a woman and I don't know why but I've been feeling kinda good in these dreams and I've been thinking about them ever since

I never wanted to become a woman but if I had a button in front of me that made me a woman instantly I'd honestly press it (if I could turn back into a man) and I'd probably like just see what it's like but I've never wanted to like become a woman forever.

Like if I could shapeshift the first thing I'd do would probably change into a woman and you know, be like this until changing into like a bird or something bit then I'd change back and it also depends when I could shapeshift because if I could shapeshift whenever and wherever I want I'd probably change often but it also depends on how long do I shapeshift. If it was like “pop! You're a woman! pop! You're a bird! pop! You're a man! pop! You're a dog! pop! You're a woman again!” I'd change pretty often into animals and a woman but if I could only shapeshift into a human then yeah I'd be a woman for like a week. If I could shapeshift every day or week and like only while sleeping or something I'd probably stay a woman for a while.

I just wanted to ask if this has a deeper meaning or something.

I’m amab and I’m confused. I sometimes want to be a girl, sometimes I want to be a girl, sometimes both, sometimes neither, and then sometimes I feel like a mix of it all. I feel trapped in my head because I have no idea what I am. I’ve had to argue with my mother about wearing a hello kitty shirt multiple times because it “is too girly” so it’s not like I could ask to get feminine clothing to experiment with myself, and even if I could, I live in a very conservative state and everyone here is bigoted except for the lgbt+ people. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I am and I don’t have a place to be whatever I am.

Hi, I M 35 have for a long time known about some gender issues or confusion and am just looking for people to talk to and maybe some help figuring out if there's a community for people like me.

I occasionally feel a desire to physically be a woman(entirely for sexual purposes). I have no attraction to men and have always been attracted to women but am still curious and even fixate on the fantasy of being a woman.

I have no desire to go through gender reassignment surgery or anything like that and intend to live out my days as a man. I'm just not sure how to deal with the dissonance between my sexual desires and my true gender.

I had a friend who I used to talk to about these issues but he unfortunately passed away several years ago. I also don't feel comfortable talking to my wife or family about it because of their own bad experiences with a previous family member who transitioned back in the 80s-90s without telling anyone so there was a lot of damage and fallout.

I guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to and maybe some coping strategies.

Hello to whoever may be reading this, I’m kinda confused like I’ve told some friends that I think I’m gender fluid but that’s mostly just cause I’m comfy going by any pronouns and do enjoy women’s clothing and enjoy having my makeup done, I suppose I just don’t know, like sometimes I feel like I’d be more me with yk boobs, but at the same time other days I’m like nah I’m good like this.

Honestly just wondering if anyone else gets what I mean?