Ever since I was 15, I discovered that I like both genders and that I might be bisexual. I did not grow up with technology or watched any movies that could influence these emotions onto me, as I fell for two girls that I had liked, one when I was 15 and one when I was 17. This made me question so much of my gender and my body. I thought that because I liked girls, I must be a lesbian, as I was then a (15F). I am currently now a (24F). But, this did not fit right with me as I disliked being a girl for a few reasons. I disliked going through puberty and developing breasts and curves and gaining weight. I disliked how I became less sport oriented and kind of sucked in sport, that I did quite well in as a small and tiny girl before developing.

I disliked the idea that my schools would not allow girls to do boy sports and I disliked and hated having long hair and always having to dress feminine. I have always looked quite girly and was not a tomboy growing up, where my sister was one. I was always alienated and not allowed to play rugby or soccer with my sister and her guy friends, as I looked too "girly" and feminine, and I hated it. I also wanted to play with them and not be excluded because of my looks.

I often admired guys in my school and the way thay they could dress however they wanted, not wear makeup, they could have short hair and style it in a cool manner, they had muscles and six packs and they did perform really well in sports. From my perspective as a girl, it looked so cool to be a guy and I wanted to be one. If I had the choice to be born again, I would definitely want to be born as a guy and even still today I agree with that statement.

I hated how girls are fetishised and that guys would easily fall for girls. I truly do not know why I hated it, but straight relationships always weirded me out. I could imagine myself with a girl and with a guy, but as a gay guy, or a "straight" male with a girlfriend. My parents were against the idea of me transitioning and they almost abandoned me. I had to apologise for thinking this way and being me, as I valued my family more than my own happiness.

Today I am married with a man and I am still a woman. I never transitioned but I think about my past constantly and I sometimes wonder if I have made the right decisions, as I still do not really like being a woman. Is this overthinking about it a OCD or ADHD thing? As I do think about it constantly, my past and I wonder what my life would have been like if I lived it like I would want to, having short hair, dressing in male clothing and living as a man or being one.

I do overfixate over things for long periods of time. For example, last year I listened only to Waterparks and nothing else, I still listen to them now. And in 2023 I only listened to Taylor Swift and I could not stand listening to anything else. Can someone tell me what is wrong with me? Should I see a therapist about these issues?

or she/him

etc?

I am honestly so confused with myself right now. How did you guys know if you were a woman, know if you were a man, ir know if you were something completely different?? How did you guys figure it out?? I honestly don't care what people see me as, but I have this confusing tumble inside of me, wondering what I think of myself. What makes me any gender at all?? Is there a feeling inside you that I'm missing or overlooking?? How do people know?

Gender is SO confusing.

Im definitely not cis(afab btw), and ive kind of just said im nonbinary for simplicity for a while now. I’ve questioned at times if I was just a full on boy, demiboy, nonbinary, agender, a buttload of others including various micro labels/xenogenders. I feel like a girl but in a trans way(if that makes sense?), and yet I also still feel like a boy. And then at the same time neither? Nothing at all?? Do I just not want to be perceived as anything? Sorry, I was just getting frustrated thinking my thoughts and I needed to let it out. Not necessarily asking for advice/answers about what my gender could be(but if you have ideas I won’t object to you giving them lol), I mostly just wanted to say my thoughts to someone

I’ve never posted on Reddit until today, even though my account is over a year old and my other account is older, but I really needed to get this out. I already posted this r/trans but I wanted to post it here (idk if this is the right place but I thought I’d try lol)

I’m a teen, AFAB, and a few years ago I identified as FTM though I didn’t come out to anyone in my real life, just that, online I would just pretend I was a bio guy. But now I’m not sure that FTM is the right label?? I don’t know. I hate being perceived as a girl, however at the same time I don’t know if I feel fully like a guy, yknow?? I know a lot of people would probably say maybe non-binary but that also just feels wrong to me. I don’t like that label for myself. It just feels wrong and it’s hard to explain. I know I’m probably not cis, lol, but I feel like I need a label. I feel like I’ve sort of gone into denial about myself and how I feel so this has been weighing on me a LOT recently and I really don’t have anyone to talk to about it so I wanted to get it off my chest somewhere. I’m kinda scared of posting this haha but I don’t know what to do at this point

Sorry if this is written badly, I’m rambling and adding things as I think of them Advice(?) would be appreciated 🫶

So, hi. I'm a cis girl (maybe? I dunno at this point). Lately, I've been thinking. I don't really care about my gender and pronouns. I only identify as a girl because that's what I was born as and I dont feel connected to any other gender, nor do I feel connected in any way to being female other than that's what I was born as.

This got me wondering whether that's normal for a cis person? Because I feel like some of the people I know would be like "no, I could never identify as a gender I wasn't born as" but like, I just.. wouldn't care. Like, if someone told me I had to identify as a guy and use he/him or nonbinary and they/them or any other combination of gender and pronouns, I'd do it without complaint. I wouldn't care.

Like, I do like being mostly feminine presenting, and I have nothing against my physical form, but, like, I just don't feel connected to any gender or pronouns apart from the fact that I was born a girl and have used she/her my whole life. Like, they don't matter to me.

Is that normal for a cis person? If not, is there a specific word for it?

I'm seeing that lots of posts here are getting downvoted for some reason

I see people in this group asking what gender they are and I also see the rule about not asking people to make assumptions about your identity. I don't want to break any rules so I'll describe what I am and maybe you can help me find a name for it or other's like me?

I am afab. I am a woman. I'm biologically a woman. I have all the woman parts. I have large breasts. My hormones all fall in the level of 'woman' but they are all right on the border with male. I do not have pcos but, like all other medical tests I 'just' don't have it. Like one tick more and I'd fall into the right bracket. I have facial hair, rather heavy but I don't grow a beard. I have chest hair as well.

I grew up as a tomboy. I hated dresses as a child. I dressed as a tomboy well into adulthood until the time came when family and friends raided my closet and threw away my clothes and bought me 'girl' clothes.

I'm a dominant person. I've always done 'boy' things, power tools, fixing things, etc. The only traditionally 'feminine' thing I do is cross stitch and crochet.

Inside, I feel like a boy. When I wear dresses I feel like a fish/pig in a dress and I feel ugly. There aren't really any clothes at all I feel good in so I just dress for comfort.

Now, here's where everything goes wrong.

I want to be a woman. More than anything else I want to be a woman in a big aloofly dress. I want it so much. I hate my facial and chest hair. I hate all the physical masculine traits about me. I feel like I'm a fake woman. I also feel so guilty because I have a woman's body shouldn't I already feel woman enough?

I don't know how to align with what I am because I feel like I'm in a constant state of internal conflict.

tl;dr

Physically female

Inside like a boy

Feel like a fake woman

Gender is analogous to the challenges faced by Taxonomy: The "confluence of traits" that make a "Man" are as arbitrary, ambiguous, transient, and repressive as the "confluence of traits" that create the non-taxonomic group known as "fish". Of course, the fish likely don't care very much.

But not only does gender share the flaws of ignorant taxonomy, it doesn't even have the empirical certainty of taxonomy. Taxonomy can at least point to immutable observed qualities, while the qualities that define gender don't even inherently belong to the object trying to be classified!

I will concede that there might be behavioral trends in the sexes. But trends do not define the set. They are patterns not definitions. Thus, the attribution of these patterns as defining the archetype of man is determined socially and culturally, but are not ontologically necessary for all humans of the broad sex categories (which are, themselves, not as clearly defined as one might think).

Hi, just a quick identity question. If you use xenogenders or are genderfluid, please interact! Anyone else is okay tho <3

Okay so, I have alot of gender identities. Aswell as genders that align with my separate, non-gender identities. My gender changes alot, which also tends to change how I perceive myself and, on occasion, now I act. Obviously you'd assume this is just genderfluid, but it doesn't feel like it swaps from one gender to another, but more a group of genders to another group of genders. Some genders are fixed, like transmasc, while others come and go quite often, like zoomiegender. The groups will tend to be similar genders besides any genders that are fixed.

Can genderfluid apply to changing from different 'baskets' of genders? Or is there a separate microlabel? If genderfluid does count for multiple genders, but there is also a microlabel specific to groups, please tell me!

Thx people <3 and for anyone who cares, RN I'm airydaisygender, kawaiigender and catgender! Aswell as the fixed genders like enby and transmasc :3

Good evening all,

I am here to seek opinions / viewpoints from you on the following.

• Massage therapist working for a large spa facility. The massage therapist is transgender and identifies as female. They maintain overtly masculine characteristics.

• What steps could the employer take to protect the employee from discrimination and uncomfortable situations with customers?

-What steps could the employer take to protect / respect customers who attend for a massage? Bookings tend to be made online. I am conscious that customers may have their own beliefs +/- traumas. Some will feel entirely comfortable, and others not so, particularly as treatments involve a degree of nudity, physical contact and are conducted in a private space.

I hope to gain some valuable insights on this and look forward to the responses

I’m genderfluid and I’ve never considered nor cared for hrt until now. I’m starting to think about getting on T to look a little more androgynous but it’s just funny that I’m thinking about this now with the current administration. I’m probably not going to be able to get it at all. I might just work out as much as I can. It’s just disheartening.

If anyone has any advice or things to look out for with taking testosterone, let me know! I’d appreciate it. I’m still in the researching stage. I’m not 100% sure if it’ll work for me yet.

Recently I've been feeling like I should be a girl and not a boy. I'm a teenager and am in an all boys school that only Recently merged with the girls school. I don't know. I've always considered myself a boy but being around girls for the first time in years is starting to make me think how much I want to be one of them. But, I've never had any sort of trans thoughts or dysphoria of any kind before a few weeks ago but now I think about it every night and it's affecting my sleep. Is there a way I can test if it's just a phase or do I just have to wait around and see if it goes away?

I'm new to this world and have no idea, I don't have any trans friends.

Any help is appreciated

Ever since I was really young, I knew something was different about me. Nowadays, I’m an openly gay man, but something still feels different. I don’t really “feel” like a man, but I’m not sure what I feel like. I used to think I might’ve been transfemme, but truth be told I don’t like the idea of presenting femininely. The most feminine thing I really do is painting my nails dark colors or wear grungy eye makeup if I’m going out. I’m 20, and it’s really starting to hit me now. I watched I Saw the TV Glow back in November and something shifted in me. It was a very cutting, but freeing feeling at the same time. I haven’t been able to watch it since, though, just because of how overwhelming the movie was for me. I tried exploring feminine fashion afterwards, but it still doesn’t fit for me, and I hate the way I look when I shave my facial hair off.

Still, I can’t help but feel like I’m not a man deep down. I joke around sometimes and say “I’m not a man or a woman, but a third, more sinister thing” and while I think it’s funny, I feel like there’s a lot of truth to that statement. I’ve experimented with pronouns and I’ve found that I still feel most comfortable with he/they, but I really couldn’t care less what someone uses to refer to me. And I’ve always thought the whole idea of the gender binary was stupid. It’s not even that I try to put myself in a box of masculinity, but I still feel like a caricature or a parody of a man.

I’ve been trying to figure this out for myself and I’d love some input or some insight because I don’t know too much about this type of stuff. I have trans and nonbinary friends and while I relate to some of the things they experience, I don’t feel like it’s the same thing.

I’m sorry if this isn’t the right subreddit to come to regarding these types of issues, by the way, but im not sure where to turn to.

Edit: I don’t know if this matters or not, but I’m built naturally masculine as well. I’m 6’4, and fairly hairy. I think part of my discomfort in the idea of femininity is the aspect of it just not “fitting” on me physically.

Does nonbinary gender exist without the umbrella definition of the genders man and woman?

Stay strong. We will never go away no matter how much Trump and his administration try to erase us. We have always existed and will always continue to exist. Be yourself. Find community.

I(f) am confused(shocker) i can't tell if im trans or not, when i ask myself if I want to be a guy im like: "well i mean i do but like DO i, I mean what if it turns out that Im just genderfluid" AND IT MAKES ME WANBA RIP MY EYES OUT RAHHHH

Basically, I've (23 f) always identified as bi/pansexual. But...when I was younger I used to identify as genderfluid (she/he).

I thought I grew out of it once I had a 'glow up' (aka became conventionally attractive as a girl). Ive explored my queer identity as a girl with fem girls, demigirls, cis bi girls, cis bi guys, demiboys, nonbinary dudes, straight guys, etc. Whatever you can think of, Ive either thought about it, hooked up with, or dated someone like that.

For the last few years, I've become very comfortable living as a girl and expressing my sexuality as one. I briefly considered if I wanted to express myself as they/she but I really like embracing my feminine identity and body. The most female gender affirming relationship I've been in was my most sapphic one because...it felt like I was strongly desired as a woman and was desiring lesbian sex.

So I thought my gender questioning was resolved...until last night.

Currently I'm dating a cis guy (20 m) that identifies as omnisexual. This is probably the most 'seen' I've ever felt in a relationship...Over the few months, I've been deeply talking about my sexuality and gender identity to him. Last night, we talked more about this weird insecurity I have about...whether he would like me sexually and romantically as a guy. He made a student film with a guy friend (way before we met) where he was the camera man and his friend ate a cliff bar reeeeeaaaally sexually. I told him I sorta felt jealous that...it was like he was sexualizing another male body, which I'll never have.

At first, he was confused why I'm even so hung up with an imaginary guy me that doesn't exist. But I told him more about my insecurities. Especially when other queer people have chosen masc guys over me because I'm so fem presenting. I have some weird gender envy towards guys and if I tap into a 'guy me' I basically feel the same insecurities I felt when I was a younger. That girls would choose more masc dudes over me. That I wasn't tall or strong or masc enough to be a guy. He said he related to having similar guy insecurities. I thought these feelings were resolved because Ive explored my sapphic self already and I'm pretty confident as a girl.

Last night, we engaged sexually while he psychologically perceived me as a guy for the first time (honestly not sure how). We had penetrative sex like normal, but I didnt feel fully relieved. I was kinda really sexually frustrated...as if I had ghost limb I couldn't scratch. After acting uncharacteristically flustered, as if i was ashamed to admit something, he realized that i felt pent up that I didn't have a dick for him to pleasure me with. Then he started stroking my crotch as if I had a dick...and that got me off...he told me he's into me even when I'm in 'guy mode' and that he was turned on by 'guy me'.

...IM REALLY CONFUSED! How can I feel like I'm in a same sex relationship with a cis dude if I'm just a girl?? I've never felt desired as a guy before...nor have I ever felt so strong that I wanna have gay guy sex with someone!!! I told I'm really confused because...I've never really explored a guy identity with someone before...most people perceive me as JUST a girl.

But also I'm really content and comfortable in my physical appearance and identity as a girl!!!!!

Even before this experienced...well we've talked about me getting some sort of strap on...But I've honestly been thinking that I want a strapless realistic prosthetic dick...kinda like what trans guys have...

I'm really confused because...this doesn't feel the same as to when I've thought abt getting a strap on for sub guys or sub girls. This feels...REALLY GAY. As if...I'm doing this as a dude...and not as a dom girl...

We are both switches but..wtf I've never had someone be able to switch my gender and get me feeling like a guy?!

I'm not really sure what's going on. But I think I'd be lying if I didn't feel like my bf has unlocked a hidden away guy me that very much wants gay dude sex with him. And hes sexually attracted to me like that too??? I think this is strangely gender affirming but I don't know if its right for me to accept it as that...

I'm wondering if anyone has had a similar experience to this?? Is this...genderqueer? But what does it meant to feel like a gender, independent from all the social constructs of what it means to 'be a boy/girl'???

First off, I’m a teenager and I quickly created this throwaway account for this specific question. My entire life, I’ve been okay with being a girl (besides the classic “I’m not like other girls” phase, and being in preschool and preferring to play legos with the boys, which doesn’t count). But despite me having no issue with she/her or being a girl in general, I’ve always almost felt disconnected? Like I was missing a part of being a girl or something. Anyway, I never really questioned it until a character I liked came out as agender, and suddenly I was asking myself gender-related questions. I’m usually just fine, but there are times when I just don’t feel right. Right now I’ve told everyone my pronouns are she/they because that just felt close enough for now, but idk. I’ve cycled through so many different labels (demigirl, girlflux, demiflux, etc.) and honestly after I settle on one I find another that fits better and the cycle continues. I’ve been saying I was a nonbinary girl for a while but I’m still not sure if that’s right. Am I just making stuff up?

Edit: also if there are any better subreddits or websites that can help I’d appreciate if you would let me know^^

Hi everyone,

I am studying Law and aiming for human rights. I am concerned about my lack of knowledge of gender and sexuality. When the topic of gender or sexuality comes up, I get stressed and flustered as I do not want to offend anyone. We are all just human beings aiming to make life count and to enjoy it. I am of the opinion that we are all just human, and we can be whatever we want to be, no need for labels or oppression just to be free to be YOU.

I want to learn about everything, the different genders, different sexuality, what offends, what is politically correct. I am open and wanting to learn, so in the future, I can aim to help everyone, regardless of gender or sexuality.

Comments, messages, criticism, all are welcome. I am eager to learn and understand. For instance, I am of the opinion that for most people, sexual orientation and gender identity are shaped at any early age.

People may ask Why ask why? I believe we are all the same, human beings aiming to make it through life happy. It doesn't matter what you identify as people deserve equal rights and to be treated fairly.

Thanks

I saw a video where a young boy, could be no older than 8, was tasked with saving a toddler or infant from a drain pipe. The young boy was small enough to fit in the drain pipe and retrieve the baby from the bottom. He successfully did it! The boy is a hero!

However, the title of the video bugged the hell out of me. I'm paraphrasing but it said "He went into the drain pipe as a boy and came out a man". What is it with this bizzare standard of masculinity being imposed on boys or men? I've noticed this while growing up and always hated it as a cis male myself.

I know for a fact, if it was a girl who did the task, no one would be saying "She went down there as a girl and came up as a woman". We would just be calling her a "Hero"

The reason I'm irked by this is because I feel that word "Man" has such an imposing connotation when it's used this way. You're imposing these odd rules and gender stereotypes onto this little boy. It's like telling a male "Be a man" just because they're showing signs of weakness.

I don't know...I may be looking to deep into this. I just felt safe expressing that here. I feel like people would understand here.

So currently I identify as "transmasc nonbinary" at least that's what I tell people.

But I'm finding that whenever anyone assumes any kind of identity for me- masc, fem, nonbinary, ect- the part of my brain that deals with gender immediately goes the opposite direction. Ex. Someone says "Hey, girly!" I'm immediately a man. Or someone says "Hey, dude!" I'm immediately a woman. So on and so forth.

When I'm on my own I don't really have a gender, just a vibe. Like some days I want to be pretty- so I dress pretty. Some days I want to be grungy- so I dress grungy. And some days I don't want to be perceived- so I dress in all black and try not to interact with anyone. Some times the pronouns come with the vibe, sometimes they don't. Most days, I'm just me. But that doesn't help the people who need to refer to me.

At work and home I use he/him. With my girlfriend, mom, and twin I use He/they By myself I just use the royal we. If a stranger asks I just give them the first one that pops into my head

I know that's technically Genderfluid, but that also feels wrong. Anyone got any ideas for how I should describe myself?

Ive got a question Like i am struggeling with my femininity. My appearance is pretty feminine but i am tall and strong for a "Girl". Most people Tell me ive got rather masculine charaktertraits and it bothers me, i dunno how to handle it. What can i do to be more feminine but still me?

i don't know what gender I am. Like I could be a girl and that would be fine but also I would be fine with being a dude or not a dude. idk man I just want to look masculine but with curly hair. Is that not masculine. i dont know whats going on

Before I explain anything, I have never given myself the space to truly allow myself to think this through. But I keep realizing that the bandaid of nonbinary that I've given myself keeps slipping. I've always been very feminine presenting and it doesn't help that I'm AFAB, but growing up I always wished I looked like a boy. I'd noticed that I never felt like I fit a specific gender binary, so I just decided I'd go by nonbinary and fem pronouns and move on with my life. But I never escaped the (I don't know how to explain it) hunger to have a mans body.

In reality if I were born a guy, I'm not completely sure if I would feel the same way I do now. Around 5 years ago, I thought about the idea of transitioning, but the fear that I'd go though that in between space and that I might never look like the image I have of myself if I were just born a man stoped me. People tell me I'm lucky how I look, but their validation is the only reason I began to accept and enjoy showing what I have. I have no idea if this is what being genderfluid is, but I've never felt at home with myself. I am comfortable to an extent. I like being a girly girl sometimes, but I just don't feel at home sometimes either.

I'm so sorry this is so all over the place.

I'm AFAB. I would say I identify as a woman but I hate being a woman. I hate the way I am perceived as a woman if that makes sense? I identify myself as female but I hate being called female. I think most women feel this way though?? I don't identify as Transgender and I don't think nonbinary suits me. I do like when people use she/they pronouns for me. I would say I'm feminine presenting and identify with femininity and I don't typically like to dress masculine but I don't mind it. I look cute in a shirt and tie. I do like to express myself through my wardrobe as much as anyone does i'm sure. I love playing with patterns and colours in what I wear. These days my clothes are less form fitting and more baggy and flowy. I love dresses. When I was younger I did dress a bit skimpy, I miss feeling comfortable in my body in that kind of clothing. I feel like some people might find it a bit childish.. but anyways lol.. I have this distinct memory of myself in Kindergarden. I walked into the class in a pair of new jeans that had me feeling myself and declared that I was a boy. I do remember wishing I was a boy at some point but as I got older I'd rather be a girl. When I was in my late teens/early twenties I felt a distinct anger towards men because of how they treated me Idk how thats relevant but anyways. I'm ok with my body but I do think I experience dysmorphia. I identify as bisexual but i'm questioning if that is the right term for me. I am attracted to people sexually and romantically regardless of gender and like the term queer even though I've mostly dated men. I've had this idea that non-men aren't attracted to me even though men have slept with me and I'm pretty sure they didn't even find me attractive. Anyways i'm in my 30s and i'm sick of this shit I want to feel confident about who I am and I'm tired of people telling me I'm a woman and have to act accordingly or because I present and act certain ways I am a woman. I recently read a book about physics where the writer identified as an Agender woman, I thought that was interesting.

I just need to rant really quickly.

CW: Unsupportive Parents.

For context, I (18 trans masc) have been exploring my gender identity for about 5 years at this point. My mother (very conservative Christian woman) isn't very happy about this. It got really bad for a couple of years right after I came out (being isolated from supportive family members, switching from public school to homeschooling, ect). The past three years, things have cooled down, and we've just brushed the issue under the rug.

About a week ago, I learned I'll be teaching a class at the theater I'm an intern at. The theater makes Facebook posts about everything going on, and teachers foe each class. I sent in a headshot and bio for my specific post. I used they/them pronouns in the bio. It was posted three days ago, and my mother has been upset ever since. She's been avoiding me, and acting as if I've hurt her. We had a conversation the night it was posted, and she repeatedly expressed how "she was confused. She didn't understand. I wear skirts. I continuously talk about wanting a boyfriend. No boy is going to want to date someone with they/them pronouns. She feels lied to." ect. I knew she would act this way, which is why I didn't outwardly tell her, and let her find out through the post.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt her, but at the same time, I'm sick and tired of acting like the "perfect little Christian girl" for her.