Hi everyone. I'm in a gay couple, me (36y) and my husband (37y) have been married for 6+ month. We both net a year and a half ago after we both moved from our places to LA. I always knew that they are non-binary but they have not always been vocal about the pronouns they want. He/they worked fine for them. Recently they asked to be called by a different name, I didn't take it as easy as I probably could but we talked it over and we were good. They are not fully open to their family about all non-binary situation. Few days ago they came out to me as possible trans. My world turned upside down and I feel like my future and our future were taken away from me. I don;t know what to do. The thing is they don't know yet what kind of changes they want to do to themselves. All they can say to me that they are very confused about their gender and want to explore their feminine side but they don't to what degree. I'm very scared that I'm gonna loose them because I love them so much. Yesterday we had a big fight and I said many mean things to them blaming for everything we are going through and not knowing what to expect. They said they need some space from me and they don't feel loved and safe with and that is just breaking my heart because I know that I love them and don't want to loose. I don't know what to do and how to be supportive, I'm scared that this process is going to change us and I don't know how am I going to feel about them.

I guess only time can show what's gonna happen. Please, if anyone has a similar experience or an advice, let me know.

P.S. I'm very sorry in advance if my post might hurt someone's feeling, I'm trying to express my feelings and emotions but English is not my first language.

Posting here for the first time because I’m feeling so many news things and am hoping those with more experience have sage words to help cope.

I am cis and my partner is trans. He recently interviewed for a job that we weren’t sure was the right fit, but it would’ve been a huge paycheck. His many interviews went great and we were sure he was going to get an offer. During one, he decided to out himself to be vulnerable because the woman interviewing him was sharing lots of relateable experiences of her own. Well, it became clear that she ended up being the one advocating against him getting the job, and the deciding factor.

It wasn’t the right fit anyway since obviously it would’ve been toxic for him. And he is unfortunately much more used to feeling the weight of such blatant description. I feel completely upset and like no one around us could ever understand this feeling. We’ve had good talks about it—I want to be a rock for him, but he knows how hard this is for me too. I guess I’m just looking to anyone else to share how they mentally cope and avoid ruminating on the fact that the jobs that provide economic mobility are gate-kept, especially from trans people. I’m trying to just move forward because the more I think about it, the more I feel incredibly depressed. He got another job that has good pay still but I feel so angry that he was robbed of making a choice he had every right to make.

sorry for such clickbait title, nothing came to mind ahah

my friend just told me they're selling the lego roses in a store nearby. my boyfriend (ftm) will be performing on tuesday and i always buy him a rose. this time i cant help but overthink. I've seen many videos with this set, the only problem is that it's always the girls receiving them. what do you guys think?

Hey friends,

Me and my partner YouTube our experiences to help other couples. If you have any questions feel free to ask here and we will construct into a video answering as many as we can.

Note all names will be removed

Leo and Willy 🫶🏾🫶🏼

Does anybody here make it work??

I don't know if I can keep doing this. My heart aches every time they say "I love you", and even more when I reply "I love you too". My stomach hurts. I feel physically sick. I don't feel the same spark anymore. Nothing has really changed, but I'm hurting so bad. I want the pain to go away. I want the hurting to stop. They love and care about me so much, they even tucked me in when they gave me space. I have such a beautiful soul, but I feel like I don't love them anymore. They ask me constantly how I feel about them coming out and it hurts more and more, especially since they boy-mode most of the time and only girl-mode on special occasions with certain people. I'm uncomfortable with them in fem clothes. I want to go back to the way things were before I had to face the elephant in the room. I feel like a massive hypocrite, because I still want to support them, I can't do it as their partner, but I also can't imagine anywhere else I can go as I feel like I'll lose the family and friends I've made. My world feels like it's crashing around me and I'm not okay. I just want things to be okay, but I feel like I have no support outside my therapist once a week. I want to go back to being in love. I want to do couple things again. I don't feel a priority either, it's always friends with some projects or them playing video games online with friends and never us time. I feel like I'm projecting my hurt with the relationship with the added pain of the swings between transfem and non-binary.

Please help with any advice. I know I vented but I'm hurting so bad and I can't keep hiding it from them.

My wife and I are about to begin this journey. I'm so lucky that she supports me fully in my journey to living authentically.

My question is how can I support her during this process? I know that even though she is on board with this there will be tough times as I begin to look less like the man she married and more like the woman I am becoming. Are there certain things/milestones I should be cognizant of?

Thank you for any tips!

TLDR: wife is trans but appears male due to no medical/physical transitioning and it makes me feel ostracized from people.

My (26F) wife (21F) is trans and I have a lot of frustrations that I don’t want to voice to her because I don’t want her to stress so I guess I’m wondering if other people have these issues too.

My wife is a woman but does not want to medically transition, so to many she appears male. This makes making new friends/going new places really hard because most times people assume she’s male and she doesn’t correct or anything just out of safety and/or wanting to avoid long awkward conversations. She’s super introverted and explaining her identity over and over isn’t something she’s comfortable with, and I follow her lead because I want her to be comfortable!

This, however, makes it hard to become close to new people. Even the most liberal of people have not been able to understand that she’s trans regardless of hormones or surgery.

It’s really isolating and makes me very sad that she can’t be herself in most public spaces. I don’t feel comfortable getting close to coworkers out of fear that they will not understand or be hateful. And obviously I wouldn’t want anyone who thinks that way to be a friend anyway.

I guess it’s just the way it is, but finding community is so difficult for us. I also identify as a lesbian but I don’t feel comfortable sharing that with people either because, in the past, they always point to the fact that my wife “is basically a guy”.

Sorry for rambling…I just feel so alone in this sometimes. I know plenty of trans people/people with trans partners but all of them are medically and/or socially transitioned. My wife just is not feminine and doesn’t desire that.

Is there anybody else out there who understands?

We are a transgender family of two loving women and two adorable boys aged 3 and 8. One of our concerns before my transition was how it would affect our parenting approach.

What changes have occurred in your families since beginning the transition, and what advice can you offer?

Hey Friends!

While this is a support space, and sometimes we work on heavy stuff, we want to celebrate the wins and milestones, too!

What brought you joy this week? Any fun plans for the weekend?

Share your thoughts here!

My lovely spouse (30mtf/?) is picking up their first dose of girl juice today!!!!!!

Also nothing to do with this subreddit but-This week I (29f) discovered the term Omnisexual. The past couple years Ive known I'm not Pan but like all genders can be hot lolol and bisexual sometimes feels like youre just telling people 'women and men', even though its just more than one. I'll definitely use both terms because its still under the bi umbrella and both fit... But its just really nice to find a more defined term that matches. I didnt think it mattered to me, but alas lolol

Ready for companies to trick us into buying pride merch next month hehehe 🏳️‍🌈

Idk what to flair this as so I hope this is satisfactory.

Okay so I'm 16 (cis f) and my gf is also 16 (mtf). We've been talking about sex and she says she doesn't want to do it until she gets bottom surgery (when she's older). I was supportive at first (I'll still support her no matter what choice she makes), but my mom has been saying stuff like "if she takes hormones she is gonna get cancer" and "what if she gets an infection down there or dies on the table". I know she's not very educated on the subject, but it's still starting to scare me.

I want my girlfriend to be happy with her body, but at the same time I'm worried about the possible complications. She seems pretty set on it tho, so idk if talking to her about it would make it worse.

Before I move on to my next problem, I want you guys to know that I'm not a chaser. From what I've heard about them, chasers usually only date trans people for sexual reasons. That's not why I caught feelings for her and started dating her. It was because of her personality. She is so sweet and i think her nerdiness is cute (i love hearing her infodump about her interests!! 🥰).

The other thing is if I say anything offensive or insensitive, it's not my intention. I'm sorry if I do.

Ok so I haven't had sex with a person with either type of genitals before, so this is just my thoughts of it in theory. Before I knew she wanted bottom surgery, I imagined us having sex with her current parts. And after I knew she wanted bottom surgery, I imagined us having sex with her having the other parts. I find that thinking of having sex with her with her current parts arouses me more than her with the other parts. But this is just in theory. Maybe my mind will change once I do it in person.

What should I do? Also sorry about the wall of text. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!! :]

Hi! Just found this page while looking for advice.

My bf is trans and has been out for as long as I've (cis woman) known him (about four years, but we’ve been dating for 6 months). We’re both in college right now, and we’re going to meet each other’s family at graduation. My family doesn’t know he’s trans, and I recently asked him whether or not he wants to come out to them. He said he doesn’t need it to be a big thing, but preferably he wouldn’t have to hide his identity. He also said he probably wouldn’t mention it until it comes up naturally. Around campus, he’s very open about being trans. He’ll make jokes about it, write or talk about it in classes, etc.

I would love for him to be just as open around my family, but I’m not entirely sure how my parents will react. I’m not sure how much they really know about being transgender/GNC. My siblings all know already, and they’re supportive.

My younger sisters seem to think that my dad will make fun of it or not take it seriously. I think that even if this is the case, it’s very likely that he’d come around to it with time. Over the course of my life I’ve seen him become more accepting with LGBT issues. My older brother and his wife think that both of my parents will be supportive, and when they lived with us they hung up a rainbow flag in their room that neither of my parents had a problem with. I don’t have reason to believe that anyone in my immediate family will behave violently.

I had wanted to tell my parents that my partner is trans before they meet him because I figured that if their first reactions are a little rude or confused, I could teach them about what it means and help them understand. But then I started wondering if it was worth bringing up at all? Maybe it would be better for them to meet him, and I could bring it up casually afterwards?

Ultimately, I want to make sure that I’m keeping my partner safe and comfortable. With that in mind, what would you do? Any advice for coming out to family or people who don't know a lot about being trans?

Also, for context, my family is Catholic, and while my family isn’t homophobic, the Catholic Church tends to be more conservative with these kinds of things. We Catholics also tend to be bad at sharing personal things, which is why I’m not super sure how they’ll react–I’ve never talked to my parents about gender identity before.

Hello. I (27cisF) posted previously about my partner realizing they are trans (24MTF) and tried to adjust to continue the relationship. Every milestone she reached made me feel so conflicted. She was racing ahead and I wasn't really included in a lot of it, so I was constantly feeling like I was playing catch up with her. We tried intimacy a couple times (no PIV) and I did not enjoy myself like previous encounters beyond pleasing her. She'd become extremely submissive and wasn't willing to switch. In hindsight, we should have broken up as soon as she told me she would not be freezing sperm. I want kids some day and she doesn't want to be a part of their creation.

She came out in December. My grandma passed away in January and I started an antidepressant. February was us downgrading to friends with the hope that we rekindle our relationship when we (I) felt less stress. In March my wrist was broken in two places due to a traumatic work incident involving a violent riot. I stopped taking my antidepressant after the incident because I felt emotional blunting and i wasn't capable of any emotions besides "fine" and "sad." In April, I had surgery related to the incident in March and we offically decided we're better as friends. We still love each other very much but we need different things to feel fulfilled in a relationship now. We both still have romantic thoughts about each other.

I invited my ex into my group of friends before we started dating about two years ago. She's an integral part of our group and I'd never want her to leave. Now, her and one of my best friends (28cisM)--who I have developed a crush on every time I'm single for the past 7 years and my ex knows this-- have been getting close to the point that I've felt like a third wheel for months -- even while trying to make a relationship work with my ex, I was often upset that she spent so much more time with my friend than with me. They are both unemployed and spend a majority of their free time (all day, 8-12 hours daily) together. I have a gut feeling that my best friend and ex like each other as more than friends and while I WANT to be happy for them, it makes me feel like chopped liver. When venting to my mom, she said "let the losers take each other off the market."

I have been trying to make new friends outside my original circle because I feel doubly jealous being around them lately. I miss how our dynamics used to be.

I don't feel less stressed with time. I am the most stressed I've ever been. I haven't even had my period since November -- the month before she came out to me. I tried therapy. My first therapist met with me twice and then dropped her caseload. I tried again with another therapist. They also met with me twice and then they switched to another company. I quit trying for therapy after that point because it didn't feel worth it to pay for sessions to get nowhere. I plan to try again now. Third try is the charm, right???

I'm ready for life to not suck again. My emotions are mostly locked up but little things can have me crying in an instant. (e.g. my mom offhandedly commented "you're in love with someone that doesn't exist anymore" and I started crying in the middle of a restaurant. She then told me I need the antidepressant if I cry so easily. Fair). I know I'll be okay with time, but GOD have these past months been awful and painful and miserable. Thanks for reading this far.

Update: Everything above was typed about a week ago but never posted. TODAY I found out my best friend and ex DO have romantic feelings for each other, confirmed. I feel jealous and betrayed and used. That "best friend" interviewed at my place of employment TODAY because I vouched for them previously. I plan to distance myself from both of them now but I feel really lost in the meantime while I try to make new friends.

My partner (gender questioning at the moment, no clear path as to what the transition end goal is) is out with me and at the moment only dressing when at home when the kids are not home. They’ve started the hair removal process, our teens are pretty clued in, so will start noticing soon.

My eldest is in a typical asshole teen stage, where they say stupid things and stupid shit. They are a good kid for the most of it. When it comes to time for my partner to share this with them both, I am worried about the reaction from the eldest, I don’t think it will be a supportive reaction but a negative one. A lot of resources are geared towards younger kids.

Any advice or tips?

Nine months difference between these photos.

Since I started my social media activity, I've been receiving several messages every day from transgender individuals and their spouses. Most of them are seeking support and someone to talk to, someone who understands their feelings and emotions—the journey they're going through.

I believe only those who have experienced gender dysphoria can truly understand it. While cisgender people can be supportive and accepting, they may not fully grasp the depth of the experience. It's like trying to explain hunger to someone who's never felt it; only the hungry person can truly understand.

I've been in a similar situation, and I had only one person besides my wife whom I could talk to. Together, we supported each other through the toughest times. Thank you, my dear Latvian friend, for being there for me.

My goal in being socially active and speaking openly about my experience is to provide hope and support to those facing similar challenges. Please feel free to send me a DM if you need someone to talk to.

My (transmasc 45) partner (ciswoman 37) have been together for 5 years married for almost 2. Since our wedding we have had intimate relationships once more than a year ago where I pleasured her but she never touched me. I understand there may be medical or psychological issues, but she also keeps telling me all the sex she had with her previous (all cis men) partners. I am starting to feel she likes me bc I am supportive and I dont put preassure on her but she doesnt desire me at all. This is messing up with my mental health. I have always been in queer relationships and never felt undesired by someone. I know she loves me but I am not certain as a lover. I am no longer sure I can keep on like this for longer. It is not because of my sex drive but because not feeling desirable and wanted as a trans person is really harmful. What do you think? How do I approach this with her again? We have talked about this but shefeels offended each time. What can I do tomake myself feel better? What shall I do? Please help, I am seriously depressed about this situation.

My partner is trans, been on e for 9 months and she has been an absolute terror for the last 4-5 months with the e and tough times at work. Two nights ago I went to her apartment to discuss a life event (resigning a lease or not) and we have been going around and around on this subject for a good year. She told me that she signed her lease for another year this basically saying that the potential for us to live together has been paused for another year. I left pretty quickly after the discussion ended because I was very frustrated and feared that I’d say hurtful things I’d want to take back.

In addition to being trans my partner and I have a D/s relationship where she is supposed to text me every morning by 8:05. Yesterday she did not text me at all, and this morning she also missed her obligation. Not sure this is the right Reddit thread for this but how do I reopen the lines of communication or do I just let her think on her things and reach out when she is ready, if she is ever ready?

Extremely hurt and holding back so many words (both constructive and destructive).

My partner only disclosed a few months ago and I’m the only person that knows so far. I’ve expressed nothing but support while simultaneously privately processing what this transition will mean for me, and I think I’m in a place where I’m certain it will unfortunately end our relationship. Even from the baby steps that have already been taken, the sexual attraction is completely dead already, unfortunately. I haven’t told them but I owe them to do it ASAP.

I will always love my partner. I will always be their cheerleader. I really hope we can remain friends. But we have to break up, my attraction is just gone. I won’t phrase it so bluntly to them or frame anything in a way that could be seen as rejection of their transition, I would never want to hold them back or be discouraging.

It’s hard enough to lose my partner of several years, but I also strongly suspect my social life will be destroyed when I initiate a break up. Not because my partner is vindictive or likely to smear-campaign, I’m not worried about that at all. They’re a gentle, kind soul that I can’t picture doing something like that. But I think our heavily queer social group will toss me out the airlock as soon as they put 2 and 2 together that the transition was the catalyst for the breakup and that it was my choice.

The problem is that I’ve dated both men and women and these friends all know this. I’m sure many of you are familiar with a pernicious belief in a lot of queer circles that bisexuals/pansexuals aren’t morally “allowed” to lose attraction to someone who is transitioning or that it constitutes abandonment. This is one such circle. My partner and I have 100% social circle overlap and I just can’t imagine anyone in it sticking their neck out for a trans person’s cis ex with the social penalties being what they are in that crowd, even if the two of us are amicable which is the most likely case! They’re solid friends on so many things, but there’s a LOT of anxiety in this group around having the perfect moral take on everything, to the point it has been corrosive at times: more focused on doing nothing wrong than on doing something right, as they say.

FWIW, I personally don’t worry deep down that this loss of attraction makes me a bad person. It’s obvious to me that we’re all attracted to combinations of traits and when those combinations change dramatically, the formula of attraction doesn’t necessarily work anymore. I don’t really have a preference anatomically but I’m definitely attracted to very different personality/presentation and relationship dynamic qualities with men vs women and the streams don’t cross well.

I hate imagining losing my partner but I think it’s already done. But it guts me even further to need to brace for possibly rebuilding my whole life in my 30s. I worry I’m catastrophizing but a lot of you in queer circles yourselves probably recognize it’s a real risk here. I’ve read a lot of posts here and this fear seems to be sadly common. Is it an ideal group of friends if I’m worried about this? Maybe not, but it’s what I have so that reality doesn’t really make it easier to face unfortunately.

Has anyone that has navigated this social situation and kept friends and have advice?

Or if you haven’t kept friends, any suggestions on how to cope or brace myself?

Hi all!

For those looking for connection and support (and fun!): just found out that Campit (a queer campground and resort in Michigan) is hosting a Trans Week June 23-28, in support of building community and having fun.

The organizers mentioned wanting to support partners and families in addition to those exploring/transitioning/ transitioned.

My wife and I have volunteered to help set up some additional workshops and activities, including a workshop for partners who are new to the journey.

Would love to find out what else people might be interested in, too?

💕🏳️‍⚧️💖🏳️‍⚧️💞

I (cis female bi ) have been trying to be super supportive of my wife (mtf) as she transitions. I'm bi and so in attracted to the two sides of the transition but I'm struggling with the current state as I know it is a long process. We're fairly open with our relationship, like sex with someone else is OK as long as we communicate but nothing beyond that.

That being said I don't know how or if I even should bring up the fact that I'm only really able to see her in bits and pieces and still find physical attraction. I want to be able to tell her I still love her and want her, but the in-between time is hard for me sexually. She already feels bad about the low libido (especially since mine is already higher rhan most) and I feel like if I bring up wanting to fulfill my sexual side she'll be really hurt, even though we are fairly open.

Any advice on how to navigate this? I still love her emotionally and I know that looks are only a fraction of who she is, so please no telling me to leave. I'm looking for actual advice to help my relationship and work on intimacy.

My boyfriend is trans, and he came out after we started dating. I’m a lesbian. I’ve fallen in love, but I feel like there will always be this wall in the way. Like we’re covered in plastic wrap, we’re almost there but just…But I don’t want to break up, I love him. I’m just..not sure if I’m attracted to him like I used to be, when he was a girl. We’re polyamorous too, so it’s not like I couldn’t have a gf as well. But I’m worried that once he starts T, once he looks more and more like a cis man, that my fiancé will become my friend. How do I know if/when that line is crossed?

please dont be rude to me i'm learning and im just scared.

(sorry for mispells)

my(f20's) partner(ftm20's) s/o came out to me as trans recently and it scared me. I'm a lesbian. i love girls and have since i was in 4th grade. (i'll use he pronouns for him) and he knows this. i told him i dont know if im comoftable with dating him, especiall bvecayuse he wants to start t (no surgeries) and im so scared. i loved how feminine he was, but what also confused is that he said he'll stay a girl for me? is he acrually trans? or just struggling with himself? he sees a therapist but im not sure if hes come out yet. i mourn the girl he was because i fell in love withg him tehn and its difficult to fall in love with him now. every time i get reminded he uses he/him, i feel sick. i know its pathetic but i cant help myself. please someone help me. if this is internalized transphobia i dont want it i donyt know anymore please im so scared for him and myself im so in love with him i dont wanna leave him we have our future planned out

I, cis female have always been aware of the transphobia that the trans community suffer with but ever since being with my girlfriend, trans related posts come up on my Facebook and tiktok and I really never realised HOW many people are against trans people, especially trans women (sorry if that is offensive at all). I absolutely adore my girl and I don't know why others can't just leave trans people alone. You don't agree with it? Cool but no need to spread hatred. My mother has some strong opinions about trans people but seeing how many complete strangers hate them just shows why I can't love my girlfriend in public and only this reddit page and my best friend knows.

I (Agender, still mostly closeted, on disability, AFAB) and my partner (Gender fluid, just starting transition, working, AMAB) had an issue come up. I had an abdominal injury and ended up in the ER; it took over a week to heal enough for me to someway function and I'm still recovering.

During that time, the chores I usually do (dishes, laundry, general picking up, etc.) fell into disaster. The kitchen was so cluttered it was hard to use. I ran out of clean clothes and had to resort to cycling through dirty items for days. I brought these issues up to my partner. They said they'd get to them when they got to them but..... they just didn't do it.

The weekend came and a pet cage NEEDED to be cleaned. My partner agreed to help. The morning of our planned cleaning day, I was having a bad mental health day (I'm on disability for my mental health). I told my partner I was struggling because I felt like a burden, and I might not be able to help as much as we planned but I'd try my best. They got upset and said they felt like I was "pressuring them into doing everything."

I talked them through what they were feeling, reassured them that's not what I was trying to do but I could definitely see why they felt that way, etc. My partner admitted that "you are a burden, but you're worth it.". I thought I must have misheard or misunderstood or they misspoke or something. We didn't end up really addressing my struggles.

I managed to pull myself together enough to help as much as I could to get things done, and was in pain for quite some time after. Now that I'm slowly healing and can do little bits more, the house is slowly becoming more functional again.

I felt very frustrated and hurt that my partner sees me as a burden despite all my efforts being very visible from that week of being injured. The dynamic felt very similar to the heteronormative dynamics I see in a lot of friends and family. It felt uncharacteristically masculine of them.

They were upset when I told them I thought it was an uncharacteristically masculine response, but I clarified that I'm not saying this as an attack; I think it's something we both should sit down and discuss because I think the gender roles we were both raised with could be influencing our perspectives in this situation.

I also talked with them about viewing me as a burden. They clarified that yes, they do see me as a burden "but you're worth it." I said I've been working for months in therapy to not see myself as a burden, and I think we need to try a more Equity-Based perspective on our relationship rather than an Equality-Based one they were currently using. They were on board, so we'll be chatting about that more in the future.

I'm not really sure what to ask, but I wanted to see other folks' perspectives

(I don’t mean this title with a negative connotation, just as a figure of speech.)

My(32) partner(34) brought up having feelings about gender two years ago but had serious difficulty articulating what they felt. The things they brought up were much “milder” and less urgent than the majority of stories I’ve seen of trans partners coming out, even early on. But I also know that kind of noncommittal first conversations are the first step on both the path of mundane self-exploration and on the path to a dramatic transformation. I was supportive and prompted them to keep talking about this topic a few times and keep communication open but the subject just kind of “went away” after a few months and hasn’t formally re-emerged. I took a respectful “wait and see” approach until now, but it’s not going to work for me much longer.

The reason I’m writing is that that been some smoke lately that “something” is going on gender-wise and it has increased lately. I’ll refrain from getting specific so this post isn’t derailed by detective work: suffice it to say that recently the media they consume, the language they use, and the community they appear to hang out with online are definitely creating a certain impression that feels trans of centre. I feel it in my gut that gender is on their mind a lot more than they’re letting on. It’s a strong intuition, now to the degree I can’t stop thinking about it.

Since we’ve had our initial discussions I’ve had a lot of time to think about what different types of outcomes of gender exploration would look like and as of recently have finally reached a peaceful, very clearly defined understanding of what would and wouldn’t be compatible with us continuing a sexual/romantic relationship. This “line” is not something I would ever share with my partner since it could prompt them to hold something back/inhibit their self exploration, but knowing this limit now is making it impossible to take the “supportively wait and see” approach any longer.

Their needs have come first in all of our interactions about these feelings thus far, I have shared no needs or personal feelings other than expressing support. But I’m going crazy now that I know there’s a “dealbreaker” that’s possibly coming.

I’m getting to an age soon where it gets harder to start over again and if we’re going to need to split I want to do it now. I wanted to wait things out indefinitely but my mental health is deteriorating rapidly in a way I’ve never experienced. I’m zoning out at work and feel like my head is full of cotton. I feel like my life and future is on hold indefinitely. I feel like I’m in limbo.

I know these situations are a journey and I can’t ask for a firm, comprehensive answer and that it’s wrong to ask and be pushy about something so delicate, both because it could hurt them/impede their self-insight and because it is likely to prompt a lie to “keep me around”.

I also know I’m going completely crazy and need to do SOMETHING. If I don’t get more information very soon, I think I’m potentially going to end up leaving anyway because I can’t take this wrenching inner conflict anymore.

I think the best, imperfect solution is to sit down this weekend and ask point blank for an update. Something like “We haven’t discussed this topic in a while and I wanted to check in. I’ve been getting the impression it’s on your mind again, am I right about that?” Is this gentle enough to not feel accusatory or judgemental? Even if they don’t say much, I suspect I may get some of the information I need simply from how they react.

I know they may be really struggling right now, their well-being is on my mind all the time. But I need this information for me and own my life plans. I can’t wait any longer. I have to know more right now, and if I can’t I think I just have to leave. I can’t take any more of this limbo.

my (f21) girlfriend (mtf20) recently made a girl friend (mtf) and told me she was flirting with her. at first i wasn’t upset as the friend may have not known about my gf having a girlfriend. but when my girlfriend confirmed she knew i existed i got a little pissed off.

the friend was openly calling my girlfriend her wife and alluding to wanting to have intimate relations with my gf. my girlfriend unknowingly (she’s not use to the attention so she says) flirted back with her basically giving the girl a green light to continue talking like that. i told my gf that not acknowledging and playing off that stuff is disrespectful but she’s hell bent on keeping this friendship. my gf even justified it by saying “most trans women are poly”, i don’t know if thats a true statement BUT its still not a valid reason to allow it (especially since my gf is not poly and reassured me multiple times shes not).

they’ve only been friends for about a week so i really don’t get why she’s clinging onto the friendship. if the roles were reverse she would’ve had me block and remove the person so why does she want me to be okay with this.

i feel like a dickhead for trying to end their friendship (this is the only trans friend my gf has) but i’m not too happy with the idea of my gf starting a “platonic” friendship with someone who has already expressed interest in her. am i wrong for being upset with her? am i wrong for wanting her to end the friendship?

edit: we’ve discussed it and my girlfriend apologized for disrespecting our relationship by continuing the friendship. she’s ending it and really didn’t mean to hurt my feelings regarding the situation. i’m pretty lenient with things so she just assumed i was okay with it. i’m trying to be more open about how things make me feel (i usually just let people step all over me). thank you for all the replies, they were very helpful and kind (not that one reply though, not cool to shit on transwomen or to generalize them for some thing that happens once in a blue moon) BUT THANK YOU AGAIN. <3

I try my best to prioritize my gf's (MTF) needs and be a supportive, loving and caring partner. She has severe depression and I try to accommodate my best for her. I try to comfort her when she's sad with anything, from personal issues regarding her transition, to work, friends and family issues. I really try my best to be there for her. My therapist once said that, in a relationship sometimes when someone's incapable of giving 50%, it's okay to give 70%, 90%, etc., and I'm happy to do so. But I feel like my feelings get buried deep down in the process.

Before my relationship with her, I was very inexperienced sexually, mostly because I knew it would take a big toll on me and my self esteem in case I got involved with someone I didn't feel 100% comfortable and connected with (I'm possibly demisexual?). I know that I always had an annoying relationship with sex, which comes from deep insecurities about myself, regarding personality and physical appearance. On the first months of our relationship our sex life was great, but then it died with her T blockers. At first I was okay but then I noticed how her libido drop affected our interactions and nothing, even kissing, felt right to me anymore, because I felt guilty for feeling horny, guilty because she didn't feel it and I felt like I was forcing her even tho she told me that she didn't feel that, etc. My relationship with my sexuality has gone downhill, I feel uncomfortable kissing when it's not just little pecks, I refrain myself from doing everything my body tells me I want to do, so in general I feel very shitty with myself. The last time we were together (medium distance relationship) she had initiative to kiss me with tongue two times and I broke down to tears in the second time because I got so overwhelmed because of how undesired and rejected I'm used to feel, and really, nothing changed, her libido is still at zero so I'll still feel rejected if I dare let myself feel what my body tells me to feel. Our physical intimacy is going downhill and I feel very shitty. It's been a year and a month of this slowly destroying my relationship with my sexuality and our intimacy.

I've told her about this, I suggested couples therapy a lot of times already, I looked up a couple therapists for us, and she always says she doesn't have the money, so I suggest I pay it completely but she refuses. I sent her a video about allo/ace intimacy so we could communicate better, she didn't say anything about it, just that "she's not ace". She's gone to the endocrinologist, got a recipe for maca root to boost her libido because her testosterone levels are too low anyways. When I asked if she would take it, she said she didn't know. Something that irritates me, but I understand it's because of her depression, is the way she runs away from problems and avoids them, procrastinates acting on the solutions even when there's possibilities she hasn't tried yet. I've seen her do this on multiple occasions on multiple aspects of her life, to the point it affected her health, I tried to encourage her into action but it doesn't work. I understand it's because she's depressed, but getting these non-responses from her on a topic that is really distressing to me because we're in a relationship and I want to be okay so I can kiss her without overthinking til I cry is really freaking me out and I don't know what to do. I'm not asking for sex because I know that would make me freak out too, as I already freak out and have a breakdown from kissing. I just want to fix things, she says we will, but then we don't do anything, or she asks me if I'll be able to be happy without sex (when idk, the endocrinologist has given her two possible treatments for that and she still didn't try any of those, so it feels like she's cornering me into a decision - breaking up - that she knows I won't take just for the sake of cornering me and making me back off? But at the same time, I know that's not her, she wouldn't do that and this is just me being paranoid... EDIT: But that question confuses me because she sometimes says she misses having sex).

Idk. I really want things to work but I can't keep a relationship afloat all by myself, I guess. It just feels horribly shitty to think about saying this, because I know how bad she feels about herself already, her depression, etc. I feel very bad too but I feel like I shouldn't try to make myself feel better because acknowledging the problem feels selfish and useless. I feel lonely and wish I had someone to comfort me and I wish she could try to solve things with me. I feel taken for granted, too. I feel lonely.