I recently discovered my demisexuality and most of the things make sense for me now. But sometimes I wish I can just date someone. I wish I can just meet and have one time sex or something. I wish I can just "try" as many people saying. I turned 20 years and I never dated someone.

It's not like "I really want to date someone" it's more like "I wish I can try it". Sometimes I think that it will be a lot easier to hook up with people without a need in emotional connection. And I'm kinda scared of dating apps and stuff ngl.

I like good looking people but when they try to hit on me, I will run like 10 km away from them. Imagine liking both genders and never dated any person.

hi, i've recently realized that i'm probably demisexual. i feel like the description of not experiencing sexual attraction unless there's a deep emotional connection really sums up my attraction well the majority of the time, however i am also hypersexual and at times go through periods of having a really high sex drive and during these periods i occasionally can feel like i'm like vaguely intrigued by the idea of having sex with a lot of different people but like don't actually fully feel sexual attraction if that makes sense? like i don't experience ENOUGH attraction that i feel like i could realistically do anything with it but i just get like little ✨ inklings ✨ of curiosity if that makes sense? kinda less like "itd be cool to have sex with them" and more like "itd be cool to get to know them and see if id wanna have sex with them" lmao. or its not really about the actual people specifically but more like a general horniness that kinda just needs to be satisfied lmao. idk i guess im just trying to figure out if im legitimately demisexual or if im moreso just an allo who is very sexually reserved? thanks to anyone who reads this or responds 🙏🙏

This would obviously vary wildly between locations and populations, but has anyone put an event together for people who live in their community? Now that Ive kind of opened up on this part of myself Ive started feeling more of a connection to people in my shoes, and was hoping to meet up with people, but the issue always becomes how to get people interested or where to put the word out. So with all that out of the way, how would you put together a local meet? Would it be through something like eventbrite, reddit itself, or maybe something like fetlife (although I've never met anyone through fetlife and tbh it seems really spooky on the type of people there lmfao). Im open to suggestions, and live near tampa if I have anyone near me curious about location for myself. Anyway, thanks for the help!

Hi,

This is my first-ever Reddit post, so please be patient with me. I’m a private person who loves getting to know others and exploring who they are. Since the pandemic, I haven’t had a real friend group, and I’ve found it’s been hard to connect with people on a genuine level. I’ve noticed I don’t like “hand-feeding” information about myself; it feels like people lose interest if they’re not truly invested in getting to know me.

Sometimes, I wonder if people actually care about me or if they’re just being nice. When I trust someone, I care deeply and love unconditionally, whether it’s a platonic or romantic connection—I’ll nurture it as long as it’s healthy and my boundaries are respected. I’m kind and caring, but only when I feel safe in the relationship.

I also find myself afraid of developing romantic feelings once I’ve grown close to someone, and when I do love, I love deeply, to the point that it’s painful if they leave.

I’m curious if anyone else in this community feels the same way or if this resonates with other demisexuals?

Do some of you ever feel like it's really difficult to find a person you are actually interested in romantically? Like I'll talk to a bunch of physically attractive people and get to know them but it's pretty rare for me to think I'd wan to go out with this person. My friends sometimes push a little, with good intentions of course and they will say just try a random date, swipe on everyone on the apps. You won't know if you like them until you've met them in person and sure that's valid but even people ik. I feel like I don't want to waste their and my time if I don't get attracted to them after a date

You guys ever get the feeling or urge that you would enjoy just meeting a stranger at some event and if you hit it off you could even have start making out with them or even have sex with them that same day? Sometimes I think this and I'm like that would be nice but let's be real you won't enjoy that and it won't make you feel good you are just thinking about how others do things

Anyone ever taken one of those sexuality tests? Could you link or recommend one? Sometimes those tests like personality or strength tests can be insightful for me because they provide additional information/explanations

Hello everybody; I am a demisexual that, apart from the sexuality itself, also have a strong set of moral values related to sexual aspects of life. Lately I've tried to open up more with my peers, spending more time with them rather than alone like I used to. Having had no previous relationships or either, obviously, exclusively sexual relationships (so I am a "virgin"). I can't help but notice how hard it is to feel like I belong to society, I am afraud I am not "normal" like other people who see promiscuity as a required thing for a human being to function properly and being defined "normal". I say this specially as a man since men "ARE SUPPOSED" by society to have loads of sexual partners and not care about feelings and romantic attraction. I mean... I just want to be married and have a happy life with a wife until the day I leave this earth. I WANT my soulmate, I feel absolutely nothing sexually for a girl if a bond/connection isn't there already. And still I am too afraid to talk about it with my peers, because I already know they would attack me, saying I am just a virgin loser and all that hateful stuff, I can see precisely where all of it would go. I would be left alone, probably laughed at too, and I don't want to lose these people, I don't want to be alone anymore even if I alresdy feel alone when I spend tume with them... It sucks and i wanted to ask you guys for help, since i suppose you go through the same stuff.

PS: I turn 23 in January, have kissed a girl last year twice and felt nothing since i barely knew her and she uses to have casual sex with random guys at bars (I friendzoned her after finding out she still had hook ups with a room mate when she was showung interest towards me ). Also people expects me to have tons of sex because I seem to be quite attractive and act like an extrovert around them ( I know what you're thinking... I know I'm being a people pleaser just to gain a little validation from them and that's bad from me but I don't wanna end up alone again). I feel like the only solution to my situation would be to find a girl that sees the world like me, that lives my same condition and cpuld empathize, but it feels impossible to find these days in the western world (I'm from Italy). I'm startubg to feel like my life will only be suffer8ng yntil the day i die, ciao.

Got a boyfriend for 7 months now and last night he asks me about my longest relationship. I know it’s a fair question but I didn’t want to tell him (I know it’s ok but it’s still hard for me to feel secure about this ). My longest is 3 months before him (I am demi and for a long period of time I didn’t want to be in a relationship or haven’t romantic and sexual interest for others). He had a seven years relationship before. I felt trapped and said to him that I didn’t feel ready to tell him and I need more time to be able to discuss this matters (he doesn’t know I am Demi either) but he kinda push me and said it’s a matter of transparency. I finally told him but now I am mad that he pushed me and didn’t respect that I was not ready… What would you do? Any advice or input would help!

P.s: I know he doesn’t have this subreddit so this is why I ask you guys and I know here is a safe place :)

I’ve always struggled with dating as a Demi, especially after the topic of sex or my sexual identity comes. Apparently it’s offensive to tell someone you are not initially sexually attracted to them because they immediately think it’s about their looks, but if I say I only experience attraction after we have established a bond, it always gets reduced to “ having high standards” or “ oh that’s normal that’s how it should be”. Either way, it has resulted in me being ghosted or having it thrown back in my face. What’s the best way to approach this topic

I have been in a relationship for two years with my partner, and he recently told me it’s normal to find other people attractive while in a relationship. It burned to hear that, but I googled it and apparently it is really normal. A part of me feels hurt by that but I’m trying to be understanding about it. But it definitely affected our dynamic as I now feel I’ve put up a wall, maybe fear of getting hurt. I just wish I was with another person who was Demi so I didn’t have to feel that uncertainty. We also have a rocky past which contributed to my extra feelings of fear. I just don’t know how to cope w the idea of your partner finding others attractive, I’m almost jealous I don’t function that way as well… hopefully I don’t sound selfish..

Edit: thank you for all of the good advice and insight to everyone who has read and responded to this thread. I spoke to my partner about how I was feeling (it was hard asf to do as it required a lot of side explanations) but in the end I feel a lot better. He reassured me and validated my feelings, so that plus most of these comments helped a lot. Thank you🖤

I'm learning about myself and my relationship with sex and I'm having a lot of doubts and questions about being demissexual or not.

For context, I'm a man and I've tried sex before and it was a bad experience, since it was a one night thing and it simply didn't click. I was doing everything like a task, not because I was feeling anything good in particular.

But recently I've met this person who I really like. We went on a date and then we went to her house and started to make out. I loved the feeling of being close to her, kissing, cuddling and everything. But when things started to get hotter and she started to want to have sex, I simply wasn't as aroused as her. I was getting a bonner here and there, but I didn't want to have sex. I was totally neutral about it.

And for us men, at least for me, it's difficult because if I'm not feeling that desire for sex, i simply don't have a bonner, so it's difficult to try and see if it will work.

And I do like her, and I really really want to get intimate with her and have sex, but my body and desires simply doesn't corresponds that way.

I have previously talked with a person who'd I've loved, and at the time I thought about having sex with her all day long and had a really strong desire for her, but recently I have not experienced that again. But I do feel horny, like in porn and masturbation for example.

So, after all that, what I'm curious is when did the sexual desire started happening for you? When did that switch turned?

I did it again guys. I hurt a guy's feelings accidentally. So I've been talking with this guy for about 3 weeks. He had good qualities and some that weren't my cup of tea but our conversations were pretty fun overall. Well there was a bit of a miscommunication. I liked him and thought of him as a great friend. He might have thought of me as more than that. Whenever we messaged, he would express how happy he was that I messaged him and it made his day. Whenever I would message he would message back pretty quickly. I thought he just had a lot of time to be that quick and didn't think much of it. Well I suspected he might like me romantically but I wasn't sure. Well ever since I told him that I thought he was a good friend and I liked him as a friend only he hasn't messaged me back all day. We were supposed to go to the movies tomorrow but it's dark out now and I messaged him this morning and he has never taken all day and night to answer me before. This is the first time he's done this and I have a feeling I won't get a message back. I'll try again tomorrow but I'm not feeling too good about it. That's the thing about being Ace sometimes. It feels like Allos just fall in love so quickly and a lot of us can take a long while to get there and on the way, we can break hearts accidently. I think that's the hardest part about being Ace for me. I never want to hurt anyone but sometimes it just happens. It's so sad and frustrating.

just venting here because i know someone will surely relate

i genuinely love being demisexual, ive grown to appreciate the fact that my sexual experiences will pretty much be confined to people i really love and trust, it means a lot to me. but my god does it get annoying sometimes lmao

im currently single and not interested in dating anyone for a good while, which generally is fine for me, until suddenly i get crazy touch starved and horny with literally ZERO outlet for it. (masturbation isn't rlly an outlet for these feelings because to me that's a completely different urge. also i don't like porn so that's out of the question lol)

what's especially annoying is that i find the 'idea' of hooking up with somebody really fun, and im into it theoretically, but in practice it straight up does not work because i NEED that emotional connection to want to instigate anything. like, ill be in a room of people who are not only objectively attractive but also probably my type, and just not feel interested in talking to ANY of them:,) WHICH SUUUCKS because the whole IDEA of like, meeting someone attractive at a random place, flirting a bit and going off somewhere etc etc ALL SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD TIME!!! I AM JUST INCAPABLE LMAO

regardless of whether or not i was capable of hooking up with somebody or not, even if i could, i honestly don't think it would fulfill the same need than being with somebody i love does. because even when i do get 'horny', it's still mostly the loving, caring partner stuff that i really crave the most yknow. the idea of being physically intimate with someone who means a lot to you, and you mean a lot to them. argh

there's not much of a point to this im just annoyed lol. cursed to be either monogamous or sexually frustrated</3

Hi all,

I (21M) have been going on a few first dates but none have been successful either because

1. I don’t have any attraction to them
2. We talk and lot and I develop an emotional attraction, but not enough to safe to experience sexual attraction and don’t feel comfortable imitating physical contact.

This means I don’t really flirt, or initiate physical contact, it doesn’t come naturally to me and I sort of have to force it. Obviously I find it difficult to because I’m also very shy and socially awkward. But I was just rejected for a second date after talking to someone for days, and going on a first date that went perfectly except for the fact that I didn’t flirt or make physical contact.

I was told that there wasn’t a ‘romantic spark’. I can’t help but blame myself that it’s because I didn’t give compliments or make physical contact(Ive only been in the dating scene for a month after ending a long relationship). This might not be exclusively a Demi thing but I was wondering if anyone had any advice? Should I just do what I’m comfortable with or should I step out of my comfort zone and initiate flirting and physical contact.

Hey guys, for the last couple of years i’ve been on dating apps and always wondered why i never developed feelings for the people i went out with even tho i liked them as people and thought they were attractive. turns out i’m just Demi and need a lot more than a couple of dates to feel those things. Anyway i have since deleted dating apps but I don’t want to give up on dating entirely if i can find someone i connect with. I think the best way to do that is just expand my social circle and hope for the best lol. So how are you guys meeting people? i’m thinking of joining a soccer team or something but i can’t do that until the spring so any advice is welcome!

Ok so this might be a little long and maybe tmi, but let's get started.. my first sexual experiences weren't consensual let's say, and for a long time I thought I was asexual/ aromantic, but there's someone I've talked on and off for years with that im close to.. and it turns me on now? Like we have a lot of similarities n we'll be having a conversation and start to connect and I get turned on from it.. even if its like sad/ emotional? Like.. wt wet... but its only when we talk n not so much when he touches me? Am I in the right thread? Lol

I hate being flirted with or even like exaggerated comments (maybe they actually mean it but it’s like 😑okay I get it) I don’t know what to say, and people always assume I’m insecure or “you don’t believe it” … I do I just don’t give a f… I don’t mean in a relationship w my partner/loved one or even my friends I’m mean strangers

Hello everyone,

Please forgive me for spilling my guts on paper here! You have been such a supportive community and have been really validating, so I hope it's okay what I'm about to ask.

How do you deal with loneliness/touch starvation? I'm in my late 30s and haven't had a relationship for over 6 years. Generally I don't mind being single and I've mostly been working on myself since then, but the older I get the more I'm convinced I'll end up alone, especially since I strongly identify with being demisexual, am childfree, and want different things in life than 99% of people it seems. This does sadden me a bit, and I wish I had someone I could spend time with and cuddle with. Because of how attraction works for me and my own values, a FWB is not an option (neither are many medications).

Any thoughts and advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you and hope you have a wonderful day!

With a heavy heart I must announce that I will no longer be able to use the term Demisexual to describe my sexuality. I realized that I have been using an incorrect labe without meaning to. As you all know, Demisexuality is described as someone that feels sexual attraction towards someone when a special bond is formed. Well I had an epiphany. I have never felt sexual attraction towards my past partners or any partner really. When I got it on with myself, I had to watch other stimuli even when my partners provided their own for me. I could never imagine them and succeed in being aroused by them. In fact I would be turned off by them regardless of a connection or bond. All of them. I thought I was using the correct label because I would have moments (rare ones) of wanting sex but the reality was that I didn't want to have sex with anyone. I realized that I'm actually Asexual and Demiromantic. However that being said I don't wish to leave this place because you have all been so sweet and welcoming so I would still love to stay if you'd have me.

So, it's been a while since I've experienced actual romantic feelings for someone, and I think I might have a crush on one of my friends, but I'm not sure.

I get really excited to see him, like butterflies kind of excited. And I get sad when we sometimes go days without talking. And I genuinely want to spend time with him.

BUT, it's not all rainbows and butterflies. I think part of me is actively trying to shut it down because I had such a bad experience with my ex, so I find myself actively looking for flaws and red flags because apparently I have to overanalyze everything.

Oh, and to top everything off... I'm a lesbian and he identifies as a dude. So, I'm just all kinds of confused here. So, fellow demis... any advice or words of wisdom? How do you all know when you're experiencing genuine romantic feelings?

Hi, hello!

I also posted this over at r/asexuality but I decided to post it here as well to get other opinions on my experience as well, I hope that's ok.

So, I have been reading about asexuality, demisexuality and graysexuality for a while now. I started because I thought I might fit somewhere in the spectrum, but I’m having trouble identifying if I’m indeed a part of any of those communities or not.

I have read the definition of sexual attraction many times and searched about people’s experiences, but I still don’t know if that’s what I feel or if this is just some kind of aesthetic attraction.

First things first, I have never had any sort of sexual feelings for anyone in person before. I have kissed people, even strangers, but my desire to kiss those people didn’t even come from anything sexual, it came from the desire for attention and to “catch up” because all of my friends had a lot of experience and I didn’t. Another thing is that, while kissing them, I had no instinct or desire to touch them in a sexual way at all, even if they were fine with it.

I have dated before, it was long distance and we only saw each other once while dating. This is what starts making it all confusing to me.

When I saw my ex in person, I really wanted to kiss them, I even kissed their neck too, but that was it, it felt more romantic than sexual, specially comparing it to the fact that my ex was excited to touch me and try sexual things but that wasn’t even on my mind at the time, even though we had discussed it beforehand. They did touch parts of my body like my chest and so on and I touched theirs, but I felt nothing more than a lot of love for them, it didn’t turn me on nor anything, nor would I have thought to do that if they hadn’t mentioned it. The thing is, when we were apart, we would roleplay while texting and that would turn me on, imagining us and such, the photos would also not do much if not paired with some roleplay or imagining.

It’s somewhat like this to this day, I mean, we’re not together anymore and I’m single at the moment, but I can imagine myself doing sexual things with people I don’t know personally. There are two things to be said in regards to this though. One is that, for me to enjoy imagining things like this with someone I’m not close with, I do imagine us being close, sometimes dating, sometimes friends, but always close, having some sort of emotional connection, it’s never like we met at a bar and went home together. Sometimes I even need to take some time to imagine how the friendly or romantic interactions would be, imagine us talking, laughing, being close, having heart-to-hearts and so on before I can enjoy imagining doing anything sexual with them. The second thing is, even if I go through all this process of imagining and being close in my mind, I know very well that if they appeared in front of me right now and made a move on me, I would say no, because I wouldn’t feel anything.

I can get turned on by watching media, reading books and such and I can find someone sexy, specially when it comes to people performing, like dancing and all, but again, if they were to make a move on me and we weren’t close, I wouldn’t feel anything, at least not considering the experiences I had up until now. I don’t even know if I would feel something if I was close to them to be honest… I think I could, but we can imagine things but end up feeling completely different when we are actually in that situation.

Another thing that might be TMI but I saw someone mentioning it and thought it was interesting, when I do imagine sexual things, I imagine myself with someone, yes, but my default is imagining myself watching myself and the person in third person. I can imagine myself doing things in first person but it’s not my go-to and usually only feels ok if I’m already really turned on.

I’m not sex-averse at all, I wanna do it but every time I tried I just couldn’t, because I felt nothing.

I have no sexual trauma at all and all the people that have made moves on me have been nothing but sweet.

So, I don’t know if the thoughts and finding things like certain moves or moaning sexy mean that I’m allosexual but just have a weird relationship with sex itself or if I’m asexual or demisexual or graysexual and I just imagine things because, as I said before, you can imagine yourself doing things or feeling things even if that’s not what would happen outside of your thoughts, you know?

Can someone help me?

And if you read through all of this, thank you so much! This means a lot to me.

It's been about 6 weeks since I started dating this person.

To start with, I always thought that attraction was this whole body experience with someone else; the tingles, the electricity, the anticipation.

This person I'm dating is much what I wanted in a healthy relationship. We're open emotionally, vulnerable, we have a lot of fun, we are silly together, we talk deeply and are very sexually compatible. One of the best things about us right now is the wrapping around each other hugs that we engage in. It's a beautiful experience and super relaxing for my body. I've even noticed how my body sinks into this kind of ethereal state of calm where I can feel it physically.

But, I'm extremely confused as to what constitutes attraction and whether I have enough of it right now for her.

When we kiss, I very rarely feel all those physical sensations, yet I'm always inclined to want to kiss her. Do I enjoy it? I can't answer that. It's okay I suppose. I simply am compelled to kiss her, but there are no 'sparks' behind it.

When we had sex for the first time, we were in bed for about 16 hours, however I hardly experienced those 'fireworks' and electricity. Only twice did I feel some 'electricity' zap into my body when we got down to it but that was fleeting.

That being said, the most confusing thing is that she can kiss me for just a minute (in bed), not even, and I get super turned on. Our sexual dynamic is brilliant, but I wonder if it's because I'm sexually aroused due to our compatibility, and not sexually attracted? Surely getting turned on by a kiss would indicate sexual attraction? Oppositely, if you were to ask me how I feel about looking at her body, well, I don't feel turned on when I see her naked. Her body is nice but I don't go crazy thinking about it.

I know it's early days. I also have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and possibly undiagnosed OCD, so it's really hard to gage what the 'truth' is for me because I'm totally fixated on this question.

I suspect that my GAD is pretty much ruining my ability to just goddam relax. It's possible that I feel stressed because she has already told me she loves me, and I'm not there yet. I notice that when I'm not totally fixated on this question and I'm able to relax, that I can flow with her more.

I don't believe I don't have feelings for her, and I will continue to date her. I just worry that I'll end up stringing this lovely person along and I don't want that at all.

We've talked about this. This is how open we are. She thinks that I might have some defence mechanisms up, because I've been through a lot in my life. Could be.

NSFW AHEAD!! (Not super descriptive/in depth, but still) (Neither me or my partner are minors btw, I would not be posting this if that was the case)

So I’ve had two relationships. We did sexual stuff in the first one, but it was always fully clothed, except for one time when we had oral sex. The relationship then ended before we could go further. Not long after that I started identifying as ace and sex repulsed. I’m trans so dysphoria played a part in that repulsion, but the thought of seeing someone else naked also made me uncomfortable.

Then (almost) 2 years ago I got into a relationship with my current partner, and we also do sexual stuff. In the start we’d just make out but over time we’ve done more things because I’ve gotten more comfortable. Then after a year of doing stuff & being together, I started identifying as demi because I realized I was now sexually attracted to them. I was still sex repulsed though because anything that I’d consider sex (anything where genitals are involved) made me uncomfortable.

Over the past few months I started thinking more and more about things that would’ve previously made me uncomfortable, and pretty recently we’ve started doing some of the things that I’d consider being sex. I’ve realized that I’m no longer sex repulsed, it’s just dysphoria left (cuz I still don’t wanna be seen fully naked), but it’s like I can’t fully get over the fact that I used to be.

I never feel uncomfortable in the moment, I don’t do things I’m not comfortable with & my partner is incredibly respectful & would never make me feel forced. However, sometimes when I think about the things we’ve done I randomly get uncomfortable (even though I’m not actually), and sometimes I’m really into the same thoughts. It sorta switches back and forth. It feels almost like my brain is struggling to adjust to no longer being as sex repulsed.

Has anyone here experienced stuff similar to this? Do you have any advice? I’d also just love to hear about other ppls stories, if you’ve gone through something like this, because just knowing I’m not alone in experiencing this would help

According to a text I could be demi but I still prefer to use the label bisexual because:

1.-it's what I always labeled myself as a kid

2.-it's easier to explain to people. Demisexuality is part of the ace spectrum and most people are ignorant about what it means being ace (they assume that it means being a prude or being sex repulsed or even hating love lmao)

I just don't like hook ups and I only fell in love with friends, generally I don't feel immediate sexual attraction to randos but I'm kinky inside. How can people have sex with whoever?? It's not safe. But I don't care about gender if I DO feel attracted to someone.

Can I use both flags at least?

So here's the problem I'm having: Every time I meet someone my first intention is that I just want to be friends with them. When I feel like they really care about me and actually enjoy being friends with me, that's when I start to develop feelings for them. But to this day this has been a problem for me, because when I start to develop feelings, it's already too late for most to get into a relationship, so I am forever lost in the friendzone. This scheme has happened a couple times now and while I don't mind having good friends around me that also trust and value me, it's still very depressing and frustrating. How are you guys doing it? I wonder how I'm supposed to ever find a partner. My last "relationship" if you can call it that was with 14. I'm 20 now. I also can't just randomly go up to people at a club or a bar. Seems very difficult

So I’ve been trying to figure out whether I’m actually demisexual or not. I started really finding this one fictional character attractive, and because of that, I think that i have developed a specific type (although kind of uncommon) when it comes to appearances. But the thing is that I was never attracted to him at first glance, it took a long time (I’d say more, but it’s kind of embarrassing.) and I’ve later on developed an admiration and appreciation for these physical traits he has. But getting back on topic, I try to figure out if I’m really demisexual by imagining a scenario.

So let’s say that there’s this guy at my work that has these traits I find attractive. And I’ve noticed him and felt aroused by looking at him and try to hide my crush on him. Then when he approaches me and talks to me, I feel nervous and shy and maybe slightly aroused because of his presence. And if he were to touch me physically like drape his arm around me, I’d feel aroused. I can’t tell the difference between sexual attraction and sexual arousal, because I’d feel aroused, but sex doesn’t even cross my mind in this moment. At most, I’d wish for being held, like in an embrace.

Does this mean I’m allosexual? I’ve never ever been able to relate to my allosexual friends, but maybe my sexuality is changing as I age? (20F)

(Please tell me at least one of you guys listened to both😭)

So, the thing is, I (f19) REALLY hate labels, specifically when it comes to this kind of stuff. Ever since I was in middle school though, I always felt different from my friends. They would rant about how hot certain people were or their celebrity crushes on Instagram, but I wouldn’t get it. I could tell when both men or women were attractive, but I wouldn’t be attracted to them. In high school, the same stuff happened. I ended up dating 2 (almost 3) people in high school, all of which I was friends with first. The first person I dated was someone I’m friends with to this day, and I was never actually in to her, we never even kissed. The second girl I was actually really into, and it broke my heart when we broke up. The third was a guy who I was close friends with, we talked and did some stuff but it never went anywhere, but I was really into him.

I’m now in college and this cycle has continued. I was really confused for a while because I love reading romance books, and I know I have a desire for sexual and romantic attraction, but strangers were never hot. I’ve known what demisexual since middle school, I was in a gay theater clique, but to me, the label always seemed like excessive and trying to define very specific things in my life that didn’t need to be defined. That being said, my college friends now, some of the best people I know, were the ones who brought it up to me. My friend group now is pretty heteronormative, but I love them to death, and they helped me come to terms with the fact that the way I feel is different and suggested demisexuality. They’ve made it feel really normal which I appreciate.

To me it’s really frustrating because this isn’t something I enjoy having. This is frustrating and I don’t want it and I wish I worked “normally”.