more of venting but just wanted to share because I'll be asking questions to anyone who feels the same.

growing up, I'm used to being boyish so naturally I easily adapted being masculine. most of my cousins are boys, no one in my family rlly could influence or activate ny feminine side (what).

when I was 17, I felt more genderfluid so that's how I found out I could never be the trad gender if that's the word for it. after college, I finally able to have a haircut I've always wanted, it made me rlly happy being masc. however, as I deep dive to self-love, I wanted to explore femininity and even tho I had moments back then (even as a teen) that I didn't like being perceived as feminine. also when my body feels feminine I've been feeling dysphoria. I guess it's connected to the career that I want that requires more fem side? I guess under being feminine is also being graceful and I lack of it. this is something I have to know as I am working on my self-development too and this is one of them.

I'm still having a hard time expressing myself in a feminine way even if I wear dress, etc. like clothes are clothes to me. I'm not sure if it's rlly because of my agender, I'm happy about it yet I still want to express in any way and find balance.

questions you may/not answer: what are activities you feel feminine to? how do you feel it naturally or genuine? what are the possible ways to cope if somehow you felt something you didn't like while exploring it? it's like going out of your comfort zone

I'm not sure if I choose the right sub, I was thinking of posting in nonbinary but oh well ;-; hehe

thanks for reading till the end!

Hello everyone! I hope this is appropriate to post, I messaged the mods but will respectfully take the post down if needed. This study is IRB approved.

I am a medical student at Michigan State University College of Human Medicine and we are conducting a research project investigating surgical outcomes after gender-affirming mastectomy (top surgery) and examining whether differences in outcomes may correlate with a surgeon’s background or level of training. We hope the findings from this survey will provide greater transparency and understanding of factors that may influence choosing a surgeon and surgical outcomes, which could ultimately empower individuals considering top surgery to make more informed decisions.

The survey should take about 10 minutes to complete. All responses will be anonymous and will be unable to be traced back to any IP address or individual. Additional information is provided in the consent form at the beginning of the survey. Please feel free to share the survey or message/email/comment with any questions or concerns. Thank you for taking the time to complete this survey, we appreciate it!

LINK: https://msu.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3wRyIqbP2AHf1jw

I came out as agender to my girlfriend yesterday, and her response was "Oh fuck hey me too" and then we started screaming and giggling like the genderless lesbians we are

what's kinda funny to me is that i realized i was agender when i was reading civil disobedience by henry david thoreau for an essay (my essay was lovely btw 😘) and started thinking about societal norms and how gender is a construct. i called my bestie to tell him about it and i learned that not everyone really identifies with their gender, or like, any gender. so then i called all my friends and they were all like "what the shit, you don't feel like a woman? are you trans?" and i def dont wanna be a man, so i looked it up and then i realized agender fits me perfectly!! and that was just a lovely realization

i still use she/her pronouns and shit, but its reeeeeally nice to have a label that fits the way i see and experience gender

🖤🩶🤍💚🤍🩶🖤

Hi... I need to vent...

My only source of dysphoria was male pattern baldness, but I was able to resolve this with finasteride.

I also started taking EEn. Its been 3 months now. I noticed mood improvement and I like how my sweat no longer reeks of testosterone, all other E effects are neutral. The issue is that I risk too much if I become visibly trans. I would love to continue transtion but it seems that it would be better for me to put in on hold :(

First post yes 😋

First i wanna mention that i am biologically a female so i will naturally look “girly” with makeup and clothes. but since i have a cosplay account where i post both male and female character cosplays, i sometimes get questions about my gender and pronouns. I understand that it might be out of curiosity or confusion but i view that as something personal and am not willing to share that information to strangers or even people that i know.

As for pronouns, i like they/she but if i get called anything else i dont really mind and dont bother correcting people because it doesnt really affect me. So the question is, how do i tell people respectfully that i want my gender and pronouns to be private and asking questions about it just makes me feel uncomfortable? I have anxiety with talking to others so i have a hard time communicating well which only adds to the problem

So I always saw gender as just a part of someone's identity and how they act etc, but i never really thought why. Randomly, I went on some aroace subs and thought "wait, why does gender even exist?". Google says it's used to categorize us into social norms, expectations, and define our tasks i.e. hunter-gatherers. But why do we need it now? Why are we defined by this concept of gender rather than what's in our pants? And why am I expected to act like I have a dick? It's damn near 3am and im questioning reality as per usual. Idk, I guess I'm male since I have male anatomy? Even though there doesn't seem to be a use for gender anymore?

Hey what's up. I need some feminine haircut suggestions! I'm amab and want slightly more feminine hair. I usually get short sides and a messy top, which isn't really feminine but it looks nice on me. I was contemplating even shorter sides and a messy top for this time (creative I know)! I have short wavy hair so idk what to do to make it feminine. My hair is really thick too and likes poofing. I would post a picture but idk why it's not working so I'll add links for what my hair looks like.

https://blog.goldsupplier.com/haircuts-for-boys/ (1st image but less curly and it never stays like that)

It also can't be too feminine bc parents :/

Sorry if I'm asking for the impossible but I really appreciate any help!

Im debating with myself wether I should try to kind of roughly explain the way I feel and the identity I’ve found for myself. I just need a kick of confidence I guess haha. Does anyone have any good reasons/ experiences themselves that helped them?

I've used "agender" to describe myself for a while but just now am I realising that I hate gender as a concept, and that talking about it, particularly my own (or lack thereof), makes me feel disgusted and ashamed. I think it's a terrible, primitive and outdated concept that has started to prove its age and people (we all know who) are not taking it well. I do not think gender is a key element of society/humanity anymore because we now know that we can catalog human beings in more varied, richer categories than "tatas" or "peepee". But I'm going to die before I see the utopia where no one gives a flying fuck about gender, if it ever becomes a thing. Til then, I'll try not to gag next time someone asks me about my gender identity. Anyone feel a similar way?

Don't get me wrong, Reddit is cool, but I think I need to KNOW other people like me who struggle like me. If anyone knows of LGBTQ+ or specifically nonbinary or agender support groups in the kc area, let me know!

I am totally icked out by hair. Like ew. I know that's weird but I don't want any of it. The issue I face is, my hair down there helps with bottom dysphoria. But also hair sucks. Either way I'm gonna be like ick.

I'm sorry if this post is a bit rambly, I have no idea where it's gonna go, I just need to vent.

I realised I'm agender about 2 years ago, and at first I was very 'this explains everything!' and happy about it. But as time's gone on, I find myself experiencing more dysphoria in my female body, wishing it was more 'void'. I dress very femme, as those are just the clothes that I like, and the things that flatter the body I have. I have a lot of curves, and they're never going away without surgery (no matter what weight I am, I'm curvy) which I don't want to have. As such, I'm always read as 'woman' which I'm uncomfortable with, but that's the way it is.

My best friend was talking to me about someone it was talking to on a dating app who's also agender. It was using 'they' pronouns for them, and said 'they actually dress like they're agender'. It only uses she/her pronouns for me, and often calls me girl and woman, despite knowing I'm agender, and being genderqueer themselves. I feel this is because of how femme I present. Ever since, I've been feeling like I don't qualify for using the label, like I'm an imposter. Where do I get off saying I'm agender when I dress so femme and look the way I do? Logically, I know it doesn't matter, it's about the way I feel, but I just can't shake it. What are some things I can do to 'muddy' my presentation? I want to look like a void creature. I know I'll always look femme leaning, I have a massive ass and tits, and I wear skirts as that's what I'm comfy in, but I need something to make people go 'maybe not a woman'.

Alright, so for context, I've been identifying as non binary for a bit now, and I was looking through a sub Reddit and found someone who was asking what gender identity is, I went to the comments to clarify for them and I kinda realized I don't know what it is, on top of that I did kinda have a sense of feeling nuetural on gender or just not really caring to much for it, I also always kinda wish that I looked more gender nuetural, which I all thought could have been me being non binary but I might actually be agender.

(Just as a quick note btw, this is something I've been questioning for a while now, and this is like only the second time I actually considered that I might be agender, anyways, that's all)

I am 23 biological female, i recently discovered that I am Agender. I talked with my boyfriend, he said that he wants a girlfriend but then supported me. The only people i thought would be good to come out to was my cis male teacher, he is a great mentor. He told me not to come out because life would not be easy. He is right, I have heard my classmates make so many trans-jokes. I want to live my life, but i don't know what do it. Ps I am from Asia so coming out to parents is not going to be hunk-dory.pls help!!!!!!!😭

So I have come out as nonbinary to 7 (maybe 8 I'm not sure) people and I want to also come out to my parents and grandmother. But I don't know when I should do that. I just graduated highschool and I have a job. I still love with my parents and grandmother and I'm not sure if I should wait until I am living on my own to come out. My grandmother is a semi conservative Christian and believes that LGBTQ+ people should be taken to church and taught that it has a single etc. But I've never seen her interact with anyone who is LGBTQ+ so I don't know how she would react. I am not religious but I go to church with her because she wants me to and I enjoy the social interactions (and free food).

My parents are a different situation. My mom isnt religious and my dad is Wiccan. I came out to them as bi a few years ago and they were fine with it. However when I hung a NB flag in my room with the words "They/Them Nonbinary" my dad made a comment about how "you can't have they/them pronouns because they're plural and you are onlt one person." At the time I argued how that was incorrect but he just brushed it off as he's right and I'm wrong because he has more experience. My mom didn't say anything and if she had he would've corrected her if she agreed with me. And she doesn't argue his opinions because she has multiple mental health problems that affect her memory so she assumes she was wrong.

I know I want to come out to these people so they don't keep referring to me by my given pronouns. I just don't know if I should wait any longer or not.

Any ideas, insights, and help are appreciated!

Update: thanks for the insight! I really do appreciate it. Today the subject arose naturally and it didn't go in a way I think would be very ok so I don't think I will come out to them yet. For now I think I'll stick to my aunt and her friends being the only ones who know because they respect my pronouns and gender and that's all I think I need.

I have an evening work event coming up that has the theme Midnight Masquerade. Cocktail attire is optional. It’s going to be cold, possibly raining and we’ll be indoors and outdoors.

I’m AFAB and I tend to wear bright, loud colors. My hair will be some shade of blue or purple. My team would comment all night if I showed up in a dress or wearing black and white. WTF do I wear?

I thought i was enby until…?

is it weird to have an alter ego that isn't your assigned gender at birth? To explain myself, sometimes i'm bored of having to hide feminine traits, i don't like that people look down on people who have feminine qualities and i hate that people will treat you differently because of your assigned gender at birth. I am agender but i was assigned male at birth, i have no way to safely express feminine qualities so i am thinking of just making an alter ego of myself but it would be assigned female at birth to give life to some feminine qualities. Does anyone else feel this way or is it weird?

Being called a she/her cringes me out for no reason (i never got bullied for being a girl and i dont care about misogyny that much to the point i wanna be a different gender), however i prefer being called a daughter and a sister.

And whenever somebody calls me a “girl” I go “🤨” despite not even knowing what I am in the first place so I need help😭

I dont really feel like a boy either Nor am I nonbinary I just dont like being labeled as a “gender”

i like being both feminine and masculine but i enjoy leaning on more of my “feminine” side so as of right now im just going by she/they please help🙏

Title basically says it all. None of the definitions of any particular gender really work. They are all flawed in some sense. Not really an issue usually, as I just take other people's word for it but it has become a problem for my own gender identity. I think I might be agender. But I really can't tell because I can't say I'm not a man, as I don't even know what that means.

How am I supposed to identify with something I don't understand? Being agender seems like the only reasonable option left because it's the only one I understand. All of my friends think I'm insane. None of them can define even their own gender but they don't really think or worry about it. They actually just feel a certain gender. That seems wild to me.

Also: I really related to a meme I saw about someone's gender identity being "The Void™" or another about their gender identity being a "shadowy being shambling off into the foggy forest". Just feel like thosd fit me a lot better than "male".

Hey all, I would love to see what kinds of cool music you're listening to from queer artists! I just realized I only have Noah Finnce on my playlist as a trans artist and I would like to listen to a wider variety of folks in different genres and with different perspectives.

Let's share our fave songs, albums, etc!

Hi, I'm 17 amab and I'm currently on a high school year abroad in Aotearoa-New Zealand. I recently found out about agender and Non-Binary gender identity and think that both terms describe me quite well.

Anyway, my family (mom, dad and sister) are coming over in a few months to visit and I'm unsure if I should come out to them. I'm pretty confident that they would accept me, but I'm still unsure if I should come out to them, because for me gender is just not that big of a thing (gendervoid) and I'm afraid that they won't really take me seriously.

Any advice?

I'm 16 again who just found out this month that I was agender. For the past year I had just been using the non binary title and and had only came out to a few people. One of them being my sister. She now also knows I'm agender and supports me and even uses my preferred name and pronouns and got me a non binary flag. However Ive yet to tell everyone else in my family due to fear of their reaction and how they'd treat me.

The only other family member I would feel comfortable and possibly safe coming out to is my mother since when my sister came out as lesbian she respected her and her girlfriend. However for some reason I could never muster up the courage to tell her because I'm afraid of our relationship getting ruined and her treating me weird or even just not respecting me or having to feel like she has to be cautious around me.

It especially scares me to come out to her because she voted for the same president who wants to erase me from the earth. There were some times like today where I think that "hey Maybe she will accept me? Maybe I should just tell her today" but then we have conversations like the one we had today.

It was just a conversation about something that happened at school and one this g she does that I've always hated was generalize things ( like she'll say stuff like oh of course a boy wouldn't know that or that boys her generally messy or that girls are generally neat) and say gendered stuff like that that makes my blood BOIL. And when I try to confront her on this she tells me I can't argue with facts which makes me think she'll just lecture me if I told her that I'm agender and I want to be and look masculine which would lead me spiraling down emotionally

I know I could just not come out to her but lately I've been feeling VERY upset when people deadname me or call me by she/ her pronouns since I prefer they/them or he/him. This has lead me to feel my mind is at the brink of insanity. Half of my mind is telling me to just come out to my mother and she'll accept me and it'll all be fine. But another part is telling me that I can't tell her because she'll stare at me and lecture me and her reaction will be so bad that my mind can't take it anymore! Someone help me please! What do I do? ( This is my first time posting on here so hi everyone 👋)

I started using the label agender before finding the label Distaregender and I think it fits me better but I want more common labels so I don't have to explain what it means always

So I want to ask if you think distaregender is still kinda agender(/gendervoid maybe) or librafemenine

I’m sorry if this is a weird rant, I’ll delete this if it doesn’t fit here. I don’t have anywhere else to share these kinds of thoughts with.

I hate how people gender pretty much everything. The way someone moves, text, dresses… it’s always one way or another.

I’ve seen some guys get made fun of for texting too ‘girly’. Because they like to type in caps sometimes or use emojis. Like what? Words have gender now too?

It annoys me because I use to type like this a lot. When I found out about that I tried to text people less like that.

That didn’t stop people from seeing me as a woman, though. There are times when I slip up and forget the rule I made for myself to not type too ‘girly’. Despite saying that I use any pronouns, people pretty much use she/her for me exclusively.

So I stopped telling people I meet that they can use any pronouns. I just let them refer to me however they want.

…And I still get referred to as she, even if the person doesn’t know how I look or sound.

This is just one of the many examples. There’s also the way someone sits or drinks or does something that people would automatically think the person is a man or a woman depending on how they do it.

Hell, even the way I draw is so feminine in a way that makes me angry sometimes. I hate my artstyle for looking the way it is, it’s so obviously… woman in a way.

I know this is something that can never be erased, because admittedly I do the same thing sometimes. Seeing someone or something as feminine or masculine is something deeply ingrained inside all of us. I can’t be mad for something I also do myself, even though I hate the thought of it.

I despise the concept of gender so much and I hate the fact that I have genitals. I wished for so long to have nothing but unfortunately I am born a human, a fact that I despise.

Honestly, I feel extreme jealousy towards people who have a clear sense of identity. I like to call myself as agender because it’s the one that I resonate with the most. But even then, sometimes I wonder if I truly am one, or just pretending to be. I feel like I don’t truly fit the label. I’m not as androgynous as I want to be and I hate it, I hate myself.

I don’t know. I don’t really know where this rant is going.