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Long time lurker, 21 FTM (1.5 yrs on T, march will be 2 years)

As of recently I’ve been misgendered to an insane extent, it has mostly been coworkers who know or don’t know that I’m out. I’ve made an extreme point to be very out in my workplace since I started pre T and live in a very blue state. Most if not all of the time I’ve been gendered correctly by strangers in public, very rarely I’ll get a ma’am behind because of my long hair and an apology when I turn around. The stuff with my coworkers/associates has came out of NOWHERE, this past month

With all of this I have been extremely dysphoric, even more than when I was pre T. Not to mention I’ve been comparing myself to my other FTM friend who’s been on T for around 5 years ish.

All of this has tempted me to go back into the closet and “force fem” myself. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong? How does one not go back into the closet?

i feel like everyone says you can’t grow on T past a certain height. has anyone else just complete defied that? like i started T when i was 23 … four years later i’ve grown 2 inches in height and my feet grew from size 6.5 to size 9. i had two growth spurts, one right when i went on T, then some gradual, then another big one last summer. i buy shoes that are on the bigger side in case my feet grow again, they’ll last longer xD.

Context: I did 4 years of classical voice lessons in college and learned that I'm a coloratura soprano. I was able to hit those high Glinda (Wicked) or Christine (Phantom of the Opera) notes VERY easily (I did a lot more besides musical theatre but that feels the most accessible, lol.)

I acknowledge that I'm a bit pretentious about singing, but recently my wife pointed out that a local theater is doing "Ride the Cyclone" and I know that 6 months ago (when I started T) I would have been able to do "The Ballad of Jane Doe" perfectly, but now my range is WAY smaller and lower.

I've really loved every other aspect of starting T, and I've felt so much affirmation from presenting myself as male to people. But my singing voice is gone, and I really miss it.

I'm constantly singing and trying to enjoy my new voice, but it doesn't feel the same. Maybe I just felt special with my "girl voice" but I feel like a big part of me is gone. Are there any other singers here that can give some advice?

Hi everyone, this is gonna be a long one so sorry about that. I just need to know if anyone else had ever felt like this in the past and how they're doing now.

Okay, so, I grew up very much a girly girl, like very much a girly girl. Growing up it was all pretty and pink and dresses and makeup and all of that. But when I hit age 9 or 10 something inside me switched, I hated pink with a burning passion and dresses (I still haven't worn a dress since I was 9). I cut my hair super short, like any shorter it would have been a buzz cut, I started wearing boy's clothing and hiding myself in baggy clothing. I even remember when I was 11 or so, I hand wrote a letter to both of my older sisters telling them that I wanted to be a boy, that I wanted them to call me Alex and use he/him pronouns. But I think I got scared of what my parents would think and very quickly told them to forget about it and we never talked about it again. I also remember a conversation I had with my mother, she compared people being transgender to people wanting to change their age or race, that it was in their head. And I felt sick to my stomach after hearing that but I didn't know why because by this point I had convinced myself I wasn't trans, I remember crying in bed for nights after that. Now I grew up extremely overweight (I will forever blame my parents for letting that happen but whatever), so I ended up blaming all of those feelings on just not being comfortable with my body, and certain sterotypes about women, like having to be extremely pretty and skinny to be taken seriously. Growing up I only knew one transgender person, one of my sisters roommates when she was in her early 20s, he was MtF, but I also hated him, he wasn't really a good person and I'm pretty sure that was the only reason. So I had a great representation of transgender people in my life! (/s)

So that brings us to now, I'm older, I'd like to think I'm smarter, and somehow I'm even more confused. I lost the weight, my hair has grown out and (not too toot my own horn) I'd like to think I'm pretty good looking. I'm everything I thought I wanted to be when I was younger, but I feel worse, and that feeling I had when I was younger has gotten so much worse. It's gotten to the point that whenever I see a man on the street or on social media I feel sick to my stomach. Like I see a pretty girl on the street and maybe it would be nice to have some of the features she does, like maybe a better nose or a better sense of style, but I don't want to be her. But when I see a pretty guy on the street I want everything he has, I want his hair and body and mind and I want to be treated the way he is treated. And be aware this is gonna be a little crude for a second, I want a penis, and I hate hate hate my chest, it's not even I hate the way they look anymore (which don't get me wrong I do hate the way they look), the way they feel even piss me off now. God, I think having a penis would cure all my ailments. And, this might be where I get really confused, I want a gay relationship with a man, I think thats a bad thing to say and believe me I do feel bad about it. I like both men and women and I'm comfortable with that I've never felt bad about my thoughts about women. But I'd like to be in a gay relationship with a man sometime, and I don't know if that means I want to be a guy or if it's a fetish or something, and I know that probably offened someone and I'm sorry. I also don't know if it would be better just to stay as a woman and try to be comfortable with that, or if I take that risk and transition and possibly feel worse about the fact that I'll never have what I want, that I'll probably never fully be viewed as a man, that I'll never have a penis, that there probably wouldn't be a gay man out there that would want me because I don't have a penis. I'm scared, I'm terrified, I don't know what to think of my own mind. I don't know if my parents would ever accept me, and I'm scared of that. I dont know what to do and I'm just so scared. I really am just trying to pick the less evil of the two, I feel like I'm doomed. Okay sorry that was alot. If anyone has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated, if you have ever felt like this please let me know!

• I probably messed up grammatically somewhere in there so sorry about that!

++ I think that was nice to get off my chest.

+++ I'm currently sobbing

I recently started going to in-person classes at my college and I’ve come upon a situation I’m not sure how to get out of.

I have a very loving partner, hes cis and we are in a LDR. I am not sure who is accepting to LGBTQIA+ at my school, and while most might be, I sometimes say a white lie about my partner. I just address him either as “partner” and if I don’t feel safe and am unsure, he said its fine if I call him my girlfriend. This goes both ways, I don’t see him as misgendering if its just for his safety.

Now onto my issue;

I have made a couple of friends at my school I’ve been hanging out with but they don’t know anything about my identity and I don’t know how to bring it up. In a way I want to stay friends with them, but also i’m afraid they are either homophobic or transphobic. I haven’t had any luck with friends and I really want some connections. I already feel a bit isolated being the only trans person in my local community, I don’t also want feel alone at school.

One of them I’ve learned is fine with LGBTQIA+, but now I’m not sure how to fix the gender thing with my boyfriend. She thinks I’m dating a girl and I haven’t found an appropriate time to approach the topic (we only meet at school, and I don’t really want to have a conversation there).

How would you guys go about navigating this? Should I just rip off the bandaid and tell her I’m dating another boy? I’ve never passed as well as I have been recently because I started hormones while I took online school (went online because of the harrassment I was getting in highschool for being trans.) This is my first time in person navigating this.

This just confuses me because I’d rather hide the fact I’m trans, but also don’t know how to deal with this. I haven’t told my boyfriend about this because I know I’m in the wrong and I need to fix it.

I don't know if I'm in the right place to ask this, and if not I apologize and I will take this post down. I just don't know anyone who is trans in real life that I can talk to about this and I would really love some outside perspective.

For the past couple of years I have started to think I might be a trans man. The main trigger that started this was actually a discussion online about women fetishising mlm relationships. I started reading and watching mlm media and I assumed it was just because I didn't like the way women are portrayed in books & movies. But on this discussion one of the big questions was, "when you read these books are you imagining yourself as one of the men, or are you watching as an observer?" And I realized I was always inserting myself into the charater I related to the most. Some ppl said that they realized they were trans bc of this and it made me start thinking.

The issue I'm really trying to get past, is that I don't hate my body now. I don't know if I am projecting being trans onto myself bc I am unhappy and trying to find a solution, or if my feelings and experiences point towards possibly being a man. I've made a list of things throughout my life that I think could be gender dysphoria, but I wanted to know if anyone else who is ftm has experienced the same/similar feelings, just so I can know if this is something I need to pursue. Of course, TW for potentially gender dysphoric topics.

1.I didn't like getting boobs. I always assumed I would have really small boobs like Kate Hudson in "how to loose a guy in 10 days" and I was really disappointed when they kept growing & I hate that I can feel them when I run. On the flip side, they are objectively nice, like when I put on outfits I don't mind showing a lil cleavage, but I kind of view it like I'm dressing up a barbie doll. I also really didn't like when I was in a relationship with my ex and he really liked my boobs. He kept wanting to mess around with them and it made me so uncomfortable.

2.When I was younger I didn't mind/felt a bit "smug" I guess? When ppl thought I was a boy.

3.I've never liked having long hair. I tried growing it out recently and it got very long but I realized I was really only doing it bc I wanted other people to see me a certain way, and not bc it was right for me. When I first cut my hair super short, it was actually directly because my dad said "short hair on girls is gross bc it makes them look like boys" and I thought I got it to spite him, but idk.

4.When I was younger I used to always "joke" that I wished I could grow a beard like Gandalf so I could stroke it when I was pondering. I used to think to myself that I wouldn't mind being a bearded lady as long as it was a nice, full beard and not patchy.

5.I have never fit in with boys or girls growing up. I was always on the sidelines and I always felt like there was this division between me and them. I used to think it was bc I'm introverted & might be autistic but now idk. In high school my only friends were queer in some way, although it was obvious in hindsight, we all ended up coming out to eachother at some point while I was the "straight ally".

6.Even when I was very little I never wanted kids. I never even thought about it, but when I got a bit older I always thought I would adopt, and that I would never have kids of my own. I even started really hoping that I was infertile because I never want to experience pregnancy. I love seeing other ppl being happy and pregnant but the thought of me being pregnant makes me want to cry. I can't stand it.

7.I was always jealous of the gifts my brothers got on birthdays/Christmas. I enjoyed my gifts, but it always hurt that I didn't get Legos or star wars stuff bc I really loved it. I wasn’t jealous of the gifts my sisters would get.

8.Recently, I read a sci-fi book (that didn't include content warnings of this BTW 😭) where one man, to punish his lover, forced him to get breasts. It genuinely made me cry, and I felt sick. But when I think of the opposite, if someone forced me to have surgery to become a man, I wouldn't be upset by it. If I woke up tomorrow as a man, I genuinely don't think I would be upset by it. But if I had lived as a man and woke up one day as a woman, I think I would be heartbroken.

9.I was discussing being trans with someone, and it got heated. I said, without thinking, something to the effect of "if I had known about being trans when I was a little kid, I probably would have thought I was a boy."

I apologize for this being so long, I am just trying to sort out my thoughts and hopefully find a better understanding of myself. Thank you to anyone who reads this far, and I really appreciate any feedback anyone can give me. I don't have any resources or understanding of this, and I have noticed that a lot of the material I've been looking into is a discussion about mtf transition, so I am struggling.

I can’t wrap my head around why people seem to like my personality, my body, and enjoy spending time with me, but end up using me and only wanting sex. Are they just pretending to like me to get what they want? I don’t understand. Is there just something I’m missing here that makes everyone else capable of being in healthy relationships? Why does this keep happening to me? It’s not like I want to be hurt. I don’t want to be seen like something someone can just use for sexual gratification and then toss aside. I just want to be loved. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me and it makes me feel so stupid. Even if I tell them I have a past with sexual abuse, it seems to just make things worse, as if it somehow makes me more attractive and that really grosses me out. I think I just deserve it at this point if that’s the only type of person I can manage to attract.

I've been on jatenzo (pills) for a yr now and just got upped last month to a higher dose (632 mg/day I think? Previously 474 mg/day) because my T lvls were in the 200s somehow.

I've been having issues with vaginal atrophy for over a yr now before I started jatenzo (been medically transitioning since 2021 through various forms of T that didn't work for me). To combat the atrophy, I started a topical E cream also last month. There's a multitude of issues down there that I won't get into but anyways it means I'm used to some cramping even tho I haven't had my period since 2023.

However in the past week (especially past few days) I have been having cramping like I haven't experienced since I had my period. I'd say like a 5-6/10. Not the worst ever, but when you haven't experienced true cramps in a while you forget how bad they are. I've noticed they are more frequent (and painful) when aroused even to the smallest degree, but they show up without arousal too.

I'm def making an appt with my gyno and I see my endo soon but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced smth like this??? It just feels like my body hates me 😭

I've always been confused about when I should request a refill. Because T is a controlled substance I don't want to look like I'm abusing the system or some BS.

How many vials do you typically have left before requesting a refill? I have one opened vial and one unopened one left. Should I wait until I get to the unopened one?

And I don't mean my ass because I'm fine with that lmao. I mean that my face is definitely still too round and it looks funny to me that I'm a 27 year old man with round soft cheeks.

I even try to leave my beard to try and hide them but there are times in which I just wanna go clean face but I feel like that's the one thing that gives me away. I'm skinny everywhere else except for my beer tummy that is just there but it seems that my cheeks are genetic or something because no matter how much weight I lose they are still there.

What makes me feel bad is that it seems every time I go out and look at other men they all have VERY sharp facial features. Like maybe with the exception of fat men but like I said, I'm not fat so I feel like it just makes me look like I have a very soft face and it gives me away.

Are there exercises for it? Or will T ever help too? I'm just 3 years in so idk.

I’ve been on T for two years now and these past few months I have been spotting, but lately it’s turned more into a normal cycle. Got my T levels checked and they were normal, so the endocrinologist gave me a few options to maybe stop bleeding. The one I’m most interested in is the arm implant. Does anyone else have one (for this reason or otherwise?) what are your experiences?

Hello! I (20) have been with my girlfriend (21) for six months. We have had sex a few times, but we tend not to discuss it or act; she’s new to sexual experiences and I have sexual trauma, so we’re both over-respecting the other’s boundaries. I recognize we need to talk about it, but mostly I need to figure out what’s going on with me first.

I’m not sure how I should fit into the act of sex. Traditional bottoming is a definite no-go. Receiving makes me dysphoric, and no matter how long it goes, I never finish (with any partner, not just my girlfriend). I enjoy topping and have no problem with it, but I’m always left frustrated having not finished. My girlfriend wants to reciprocate and feels like it’s unfair that I don’t receive, and I sort of feel the same, but I get so in my head, and I feel like it isn’t even worth it if I won’t finish.

Moreover, I’m jealous of people who feel lots of pleasure and don’t have a hard time with this. What I wouldn’t do to be able to come with another person involved.

I know she’s sexually frustrated and I want to help, but I’m all in my head about it. What should I do ?

Gonna be using medical language here. I've been on T for about 3 months, I just realized that besides typical bottom growth, a lot of other things in that area have also grown? I became concerned as it seems like the skin/area around my actual vaginal entrance is particularly puffy. A little TMI, but before T I'd be able to see the opening, and now everything is so puffy/swollen that it just looks like a thin slit. I'm not aroused either. I got concerned it could possibly be a Bartholin's cyst making the area inflamed? Any experience with this?

so i started talking to this girl.. we’ve both agreed we really like each other 😂😭 definitely love bombing but today she told me she doesn’t know if we could ever REALLY be a thing because her family is SO religious and judgmental. is it crazy to still have hope that the family will come around? do people just ignore family members and still have healthy/successful relationships? i don’t want to be delusional but also.. we just get each other you know? it feels like we could be everything. but what does that say about me if i willingly allow my (hypothetical lol) in-laws to be transphobic? and i knew from the jump and still chose to put myself in that environment 😅

Im an F cup and I can’t seem to find a binder that works on a chest my size. Any recs?

Hello, baby Trans person here. For context, I'm 17 and I am sure 1000% I am trans. I've known for a year and a half now. But, this post is what I feel occasionally and I'd like some advice from some elder Trans people.

When I was 14, I feel like I forced myself to be LGTBQIA+ because when I sent an email to my art teacher, she asked if I went by Null because the email had Null on it because that was a default thing Apple put in emails. I put that I went by "Cairo" and that I was non-binary because I didnt want to be a guy and I liked being a girl but non-binary, to me at the time, meant you couldn't be either.

I was clueless when it came to LGTBQIA+ identities and that there was multiple ways to express your gender and there was multiple gender identities.

Then, I was 15 and I was unsure what I was and I went unlabeled for that year, then in the summer of grade 10, I wanted to be trans because everyone I was friends with was trans.

Then I realized I actually was trans. But I feel like I'm faking being trans because I don't feel body dysmorphia, except for my boobs, and I only feel gender dysmorphia.

Can any Elder Trans people help me with this?? I don't know what I need help with but I just need answers if what I just explained is normal! I feel like I'm a fake Queer because I forced myself to be Queer and it actually worked out for me because I am proud of being Queer.

Sometimes, usually once a month for a few minutes max I get pains down there where I would usually have during period. I'm 2 years on T and did not have period blood in like 1,5 years. Is it normal?

Recently filed papers to change my name and gender, plus celebrated my birthday. My mom noticed that I went to court since she has my location, so I decided to just ask her how she felt about me changing my name and being trans. I was outed to her about a month ago and my dad already has been using my name on me, so I guess she's okay with it now. She has started using my name and even my pronouns. It's only been a day so I'm not sure how it'll be long term, but she said she'll always love me and never kick me out. She also suggested changing my name on Facebook and telling her siblings, which I would've never expected. I told her I want surgery and she didn't seem to object it much, but wants me to go through school and get a job first. Not sure how she'll react to me getting hormone therapy soon. I'm just really happy about these unexpected events and wanted to share!

You would expect the poster of this title to have already transitioned but I haven't done anything about it. I'm 15, live in the country, red state, republican+conservative family. I cannot transition until I am fully cut off from everyone and well off enough to be independent. So, I dress girly I'd say. I put on makeup, wear tights, skirts, dresses, feminine tops, do my hair, etc. Somehow the only thing that gets me riled up is nail polish. My mother recently did red nail polish on me. I type on the computer, feel masculine somehow, then look down to the keyboard and boom its the damned polished nails. What's weird is that I don't look and feel dysphoric I just feel, and this sounds wrong but I'm being honest, like a sissy.

I think I understand it: because I'm not transitioned I view myself as sort of a video game character, my outer appearance at least. I've had issues with dissociating so its not crazy or anything. Anyway, I'll apply my makeup and think nothing of it -just: 'wow, how cute' or something because I don't feel it is me. But for some reason with my feet and hands I just feel they are the only 'ungendered' thing about me? Like, if I'm walking around all dolled up and start feeling dysphoric all I've got to do is look at my hands (probably roll up my sleeves first). So, I understand my issue with it and all but what do I do? If anything is to be done about it.

Thank you.

I've never liked jeans so I've most been wearing sweatpants and tech pants my adult male life. I started T a year and some change ago and as of today I have two pairs of pants that fit and it's getting a little unreasonable to rotate between them. Most of the new pants I buy are either way too tight with the right height or a good fit on my legs but way too tall. Apparently medium doesn't really count for size anymore and there's now numbers and shit so if someone could tell me how tf to buy pants or where or what kind a college student should be wearing that doesn't make me look like a slob nor a law student I would appreciate it. Idk I'm autistic and I cannot comprehend any of this shit. Thank you 🙏

I'm going to visit my extended family for Christmas this year and I want to come out to them so I have at least a chance of being gendered and named correctly. They (save a couple who I'm not worried about) are all Mormon and not super accepting. I wanted to ask if anyone had any ideas for how to come out to them or know of any common questions they might ask for me to keep in mind? Thanks :)

(TW: Discussing T-dicks)

I was just having a convo with my friend about T-dick sizes and so I got a bit curious about the range of T-dicks. (Yes I’ve googled this but idk I’ve met a few guys who’s proved to be bigger than what Google claims we can get). So for the fellas that like to brag a lil bit drop your size base to tip 😂 I’ll go first..2 in but about 2.5 when I’m hard 💪🏽

Im starting on T this week and I already have pretty masculine features but also big boobs so I get strange looks in both bathrooms but the college I go to is primarily older people (late 30s to early 40s) and I don’t have the energy to argue with any of them. I don’t think theres any queer people there either so theres nobody there I can ask and I have no idea which one to go in.

Tw: talk of sex/masturbation, mention of periods, natal genitalia, and bottom dysphoria.

I (ftm/ftnb, 19) realised in the last couple months that I need metoidioplasty, I need bottom surgery- I need a penis, and balls, and a lack of a vagina.

When I first accepted that I was trans at 13(?) I didn't exactly plan what that meant for me, what I wanted to do medically, I just knew I wasn't a girl, so I came out. Immediately.

Not long after, though, I knew I wanted to be on testosterone, and eventually got there. I figured out I needed top surgery, and I got that too. And I toyed with the idea of phalloplasty when I was 14, but never seriously looked into it, as it'd be at least 4 years until I could get consults, and I had other things to worry about, and more pressing dysphoria to deal with, mainly my chest, voice, and periods.

Recently I found the grow your t-dick subreddit, and I started a journey of PE, I haven't been very consistent, and up until that point I'd never given much thought to my bottom growth, despite masturbating pretty frequently - and that's where my problem lies.

When I masturbate, I dissociate. I can't be in the moment, I don't think I've ever been able to do so without doing something else at the same time, when I was younger it wasn't even sexual for me, I just knew it felt good. And to an extent? It's the same now. It's practically just a pass-time. I am asexual, so that's definitely part of the reason, but I think the bigger reason is that I'm dysphoric.

I dabbled in anal at one point, but stopped after feeling shameful about it being "gross", I didn't knoe how to prep, it felt good- but then I'd feel disgusted with myself - but I started exploring it again recently and it's the most involved in masturbation I've ever been, the best organs I've ever had, and the most present in the moment I've ever been.

When I'm not doing anal, I'm always looking at my phone, watching porn or just scrolling social media and not wven thinking about what I'm doing with my hands, but recently I've been putting my phone down with a video on, and forgetting it's even there. I've also been wearing a packing harness that I poke my t-dick through, it covers everything else in the front, and is a jock strap in every other way, and it's been so euphoria inducing.

All that to say, I started looking into meta, I've looked at every picture in the metoidioplasty subreddit, all the results on transbucket, the results from the surgeon I'll go with, I've read the pamphlets on their website, I know exactly what I want from meta.

I want full meta- that being a release of the t-dick, scrotoplasty (vy method), testicular implants, vaginectomy, urethral lengthening, and monsplasty (which I'm sure based on my anatomy, and the results from the surgeon I'm going with, I'll need)

I am incredibly lucky I live in a country with free Healthcare, which includes gender affirming surgeries- it's how I got top surgery at 16, and how I'll get bottom surgery some time in hopefully the next 5 years- as i haven't even gotten the hysterectomy I'll need in order to get a vaginectomy during my metoidioplasty.

Idk of anyone's gonna read all this, but tldr: I'm accepting that my genital dysphoria is enough to warrant I do something about it, surgically, I need bottom surgery.

How do you guys overcome feeling broken and unlovable because of being trans? I feel like I’ve had to deal with all this dysphoria and loneliness because I deserve it for some reason. And I feel completely undeserving of anything good, especially from other people like love, kindness, and appreciation. Any advice is appreciated

Okay, think about it. This is inspired by a tweet. Ive been trying to think of names for trans men/mascs because the dolls have a couple. STUD would have been great but it’s been taken for decades. We need something new. Plus, a lot of us seem to enjoy sharks and related things. m

So I'm supposed to be taking vaginal estrogen for atrophy, but I struggle to do it consistently because it wreaks havoc on my whole biome. The chemical smell is super strong and offputting. The resulting discharge is so constant, copious, acidic, and abrasive that it's burning/irritating the surrounding skin. If I actually do it every day like I'm supposed to, moisture and rash management is impossible. It hurts to walk. Cotton underwear barely helps. Does this happen to anyone else and if so how do you cope?

I’m now starting to get into a talking stage with someone that doesn’t know I’m trans (has no chance of finding out because she doesn’t go to my school or know anyone I know). I’m wondering when would be a good time to tell her. I know there’s not an exact answer but if anyone has been in similar situations and could give a bit of advice that would be greatly appreciated!

Idk why but I feel like I just want to share this. I've been struggling with my gender identity for a long time. Never really fitting in anywhere, did alot of playing with clothes and makeup. But I'm now here at this point where I'm thinking I might be transmasc? I've never felt comfortable in my body because I wanted to look more "masc" especially my face. Anyway, I was dreaming and weirdly I was a boy and oh lord did I feel Good. I felt confident and comfortable in my body. The second time I dreamt was one scenario of me being In a shower w a woman as a woman bathing eachother and I felt ashamed and shy. But then I dreamed of being a guy and hugging and cuddling my woman partner and it felt sooo right. So maybe I am trans masc? Tho wouldn't be able to transition with family and all that so dunno what to do....

I would like some tips on ways I could pass more, I’m pre-t and can’t go on t until next year around oct-Nov, I get dysphoric easily and wanted to know if there were ways to drop my voice or anything else like masculinization of my face or body