AFAB here, and I've been questioning my gender for the past few weeks.

Now this isn't my first rodeo as I've identified as agender back when I was 16 but stopped because I was told you can't be nonbinary and lesbian (ik that's not true now lol). I didn't think much of it for years, but as I've gotten older "woman" never fully encompassed what I felt. I started using "she/they" a few months back without a thought about my gender. I've seen stuff like "lesbian is my sexuality and gender" and HEAVILY related without much thought about my gender. But it's reached a head and I've been questioning again.

I've spent nights scrounging through subreddits, different gender identities, even doing those silly gender quizzes just to get an answer 😭. I think "demigirl" is the closest to what I feel but the moment I put a name to it I'm immediately like "No that can't be right, maybe I'm just cis and that's that" and then flip flop to "No yeah that explains it perfectly, I'm definitely nonbinary in a way" and that's been my routine the past few days. I get that I don't have to put a label to it at all, and maybe I won't for now, but is there any advice about how to fully let go? I think I'm just scared to stray from the societal norm and holding myself back. Or maybe I'm just cis who knows lol.

I’m going to have an album of photo evidence against anyone who tells me my non-binary identity is “fake” or “a phase” 😌

i've been grappling with this for a while and figured maybe hearing other peoples stories could help me understand my own thoughts better. i've always been a bit of a girly girl and a tomboy growing up. i lived my princess dresses and always wanted to show my parents my made up dance routines. i also was obsessed with rolling around in the mud and wanted to participate in "boy things" like contact sports and other more physical hobbies as a kid. i never understood why there were so many distinctions between boy and girl activities, colors, and ways of being because they didn't feel like they suited me exclusively. i currently work in the trades as the only woman in my company, and i love being in a masculine setting. i feel pride in being a woman in a male dominated industry and often outperforming my male counterparts, but when i get down to business i feel no different than the rest of them.

i think in highschool i had some internalized misogyny and wanted to be a boy so badly. i thought they were funnier and cooler and girls were so annoying and catty. thank god i outgrew that phase and realized it was a reflection of what i was taught about girlhood and patriarchy, and i absolutely love the women in my life and the unique bonds that female friendships hold. however, i still feel this struggle when i hang out with my female friends, both new friends and my highschool friend group. i love hanging out with them all one on one, but i tend to feel very out of place in girl groups and what often feels like a performance of girlyness that i have to do. when i spend time with my bf, his friends, and the male friends i have in my life, a feel a stronger sense of self and authenticity so to speak. i enjoy my time with them more, i feel a greater ease on my identity and how i mesh with the larger group, stuff like that.

ive also found that in my personal style, i feel so much more myself in masculine clothing. i've tried to do dresses and skirts and fun accessories, and ive found that a more laid back androgynous look suits me best. i still love to accessorize, do my makeup, and look cute, but it feels like it needs to be accompanied by something more masculine. i chopped off all my hair to a shaggy pixie and absolutely love the more androgynous style.

lastly, every so often i get misgendered at work if someone sees me from behind in my work clothes and short hair and then correct themselves when i turn around, and honestly, i kind of like it. there's something fun and freeing to me about someone thinking im a man and using he him pronouns or saying "hey man" or "excuse me sir". i don't completely understand why.

i struggle to understand if these are simply results of enjoying the way i look in a more androgynous way, enjoying the friendships with the men in my life because i just like them as people, and enjoying "tomboy" activities, or is it a reflection of maybe not fitting into the established gender binary? or does that distinction not even matter? i woukd be happy with people referring to me using any pronouns, but im not sure if i want to take time out of my day to inform people that they should use any set of pronouns since i am still happy to be referred to as she/her.

sorry this is such a long ramble, but it's been on my mind a bunch and i really want to understand this experience better.

If you're like me, you have probably been wracking your brain for something useful (not just performative) you can do to make an actual difference against the ever growing threat in the White House right now. Here are some easy first steps that I've been making myself, and how they can lead to bigger steps down the line.

• Boycott Amazon - I have cancelled my Prime membership and all my subscribe and saves. In the feedback options for why I was cancelling, I left the lowest possible ratings and typed comments about how I no longer trust Amazon as a consumer because of who the company aligns themselves with. Enough of us have to make a dent in their pockets for this to work.
• Print out and distribute these cards everywhere you can think of. "The ILRC’s Red Cards help people assert their rights and defend themselves in many situations, such as when ICE agents go to a home." This could be a matter of life and death for some people. There are free printable PDFs in various languages that you can print to any printer, preferably on red card stock.
• Contact your local churches! I have started writing letters to churches in my area, encouraging them to pass messages of compassion to their congregations. I am not a Christian, but churches are a big part of communities. Church leaders can reach and sway more people than most other individuals can. They can not only offer aid, but also could have the power to change the hearts of some of the Christians who have fallen prey to Trump's rhetoric. I honestly think this might have more of an impact than contacting our political representatives. At the end of my letters, I've encouraged them to reach back out to me with ideas on how we can collaborate to further help our community.
• Speaking of churches, reach out to your local Unitarian Universalist church. UU is an interfaith, openminded organization that promotes unity of all different beliefs and people. Reaching out to your local UU could be a great way to organize and help get involved in further action. (This one is still on my to-do list).
• Create art. Art is resistance! As a writer, I am even more determined than ever to create works of art with my LGBTQ characters. Art shows that we are still here, still visible, still fighting. No matter what happens, do not stop making your art. Collab with other artists, make and distribute a zine, create flyers or flags or signs for protesters. Anything to show the world that we aren't going anywere.

Please list more ideas in the comments! The more we have, the more we can do.

I keep questioning myself because I don’t feel comfortable with saying I’m man or woman, but I feel fake? I keep second guessing my feelings because I feel like I’m faking but at the same time, when I get called boy or girl specifically I get so uncomfortable and I don’t feel right. I presented masc for several years but that didn’t feel right, and now that I’m presenting feminine again, I don’t feel whole. Is this a common occurrence for NB folk? I’ve only know a couple of NB people in my life and I’ve unfortunately never spoke to them how they felt or found out. Some days is worse than others, the dysphoria comes and goes

I’ve been working on voice training, trying to get comfortable with my lower register and also ‘darken’ my sound and talk more in a way that leans more masc with ‘uhh-ification’ (idk if that’s the technical word lmao)

But realistically, without t, how likely is it that I will be able to get an androgynous passing voice with just training?

I just want people to look at me, and be confused. I then want people to hear me talk, and be even more confused.

As a long haired afab enby voice is really important to me as with the long hair atm I’m just read as female constantly

And it shouldn’t stop you!!!

Like right now, a friend gets married later today, so here I am, stuck in front of a mirror while someone does my hair. And it's a FULL LENGTH MIRROR. I genuinely don't what's worse right now, how dysphoric my reflection makes me, the body dysmorphia (cuz I have that too), or my sensory issues because there are blowdryers going off, music, someone I don't know is touching my hair, the lights are too bright, and there's the smell of nail polish. I hate it here. If my friend wasn't getting married I would NOT be here.

My already bad depression is 10 times worse. I can't sleep at night anymore and the sleep I do get isn't restful. I'm breaking out more and sweating more and my hair gets greasy the day after I wash it instead of like 4. I'm worse at everything I used to be okay at. I'm also autistic and all my sensory issues are a lot worse now.

I'm socially anxious, can't drive, don't have healthcare and don't make much money on my own. I can't stop paying attention to politics. I barely leave the house for anything but work and I can't afford to go to activity type places, and being around strangers makes me horrifically anxious anyway, since I live in a super red area and feel like everyone I see would rather i didn't exist.

My bf works a lot and we only have one car and I can't drive so it's not like I have much of a choice anyway. He's been helpful and encouraging but he's trapped at his job where he works 50 hour weeks and he's depressed too so he never has "going out" energy. Besides I'm too anxious to ever want to go anywhere.

I can't do irl friends. Anytime I've gotten someone's social media i end up ghosting them because the idea of trying to keep up with another person is exhausting to even think about. I don't have healthcare and don't qualify for Medicare and I'm terrified of doctors and all that anyway.

So it's not like I can go out and see the real world and ignore it all. I can't drive into my hobbies because I'm too depressed to enjoy anything or be engaged with any of it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do but it's starting to hurt the people around me and I don't know what to do. My hobbies can't hold my attention and if I'm bored I slowly go insane and politics are the only thing I can keep any sort of focus on.

Hi all! I hope you're all as well as you can be. You are resilient. Keep going.

I serve as a federal volunteer. I won't identify exactly what I do in case I get in trouble/am being monitored, but I wanted to call attention to some of the things I have seen coming down the federal chain.

I received an email about email signatures yesterday.

"Due to federal policies impacting [redacted] incoming directives from the White House, we are asking all [redacted] to remove pronouns from your email signatures by 5 PM today to ensure alignment with federal agency guidelines to avoid any potential concerns. Should an update from HQ state differently at any point in the future, we will adjust accordingly."

I have been receiving emails over the past two weeks trying to prepare me in case my program shuts down. Any program that has to do with DEI (like my own and most of my branches work) is likely to be targeted. I'm also concerned that it will be shut down simply because I am openly intersex, "nonbinary" (i'm actually genderfluid), and I use they/them pronouns. This would be devastating as I have a lot of people depending on me right now.

I have a 3 in 1 job that does work under "DEI". I work in a high school to address redlining and resource disparity, I work in food insecurity because of redlining/this being a food desert, and another aspect that I won't mention because it makes me really identifiable lol.

I know at least three (including myself) of my coworkers are refusing this directive. If that doesn't work, I'll be "helpful" and maliciously comply by removing all of the pronouns (personal or not) from all sections of my emails since pronouns are oh so threatening.

What's more? This is my personal email. I do not have a government affiliated email address as I am technically a volunteer, not a worker. As my students like to say: "You're not a government official so I guess you're a government lackey!" (they honestly should try comedy, they're all naturals)

But yea that's the post. I wanted this out there somewhere, accessible to more people who may not have access to see what "small" censorship changes are happening in federal programs.

Is a genderless sentient puddle the ultimate non binary form (we wizards could produce more relic goo)

Hi all! My partner is non binary and is new to make up. Are their any recs that people have for brushes, removers, and concealers that you all recommend that won't break the bank

Hello all.

I am physically quite small - not quite 5'4'' and about 100 lbs. AFAB. Looking for high quality clothing that's a bit less feminine. Unfortunately, my size and proportions make finding actual menswear damn near impossible. Most men's sweaters (even in size small) seem to start at 40 inches, which is huge on me.

I think I could settle for suiting designed around a woman's body that borrows heavily from menswear, though, if I could find some. I'm looking for something like this:

https://www.thehouseoffoxy.com/products/ladies-plus-fours-olive-herringbone https://www.thehouseoffoxy.com/products/30s-tailored-jacket-olive-herringbone

Execpt not in those colors and not in the plus 4 style. I'm looking for 100% wool, no polyester. I've come across a few sites offering nonbinary suits, but somehow they're mostly polyester?!?

Short of dropping several thousand dollars on a custom suit from vigilante labs (https://denverdressmakers.com/?cat=7), I'm not entirely sure where to shop at this point. Does anyone know where I might find some quality off-the-rack suiting?

I can't quite put my finger on it. I know there are all these obscure feeling words out there. I decided to ask chatgpt for help.

Question -

"What are some feeling words to describe the sensation of having your government use every agency and power at their disposal to erase trans people and you are a trans person"

Response -

The feeling of having your government systematically erase trans people can evoke a range of deep, complex, and overwhelming emotions. Here are some words that might resonate:

• Despairing – a sense of hopelessness about the future
• Terrified – an acute fear for your safety and existence
• Helpless – feeling powerless to stop the harm
• Betrayed – abandoned by a system that should protect you
• Furious – burning anger at the injustice
• Exhausted – drained from constant fighting and vigilance
• Grief-stricken – mourning the loss of rights, dignity, and safety
• Alienated – disconnected from society and stripped of belonging
• Dehumanized – treated as if your life does not matter
• Erased – like your existence is being systematically denied
• Disillusioned – losing faith in institutions and humanity
• Resentful – deep bitterness toward those enforcing harm
• Vulnerable – exposed to danger with no protection
• Anxious – living with constant worry about what’s next
• Oppressed – crushed under systemic violence and control
• Defiant – refusing to be erased, despite the fear

These feelings can shift and intensify depending on personal experiences, local policies, and community support. If you need to talk more about how this is affecting you personally, I’m here to listen.

Follow up question -

"Is there a single word that describes all of this elegantl?"

Response -

One word that encapsulates all these feelings elegantly is "persecuted."

It conveys the sense of being targeted, oppressed, and systematically harmed by those in power, carrying both the weight of fear and the defiance of survival.

There it is. This is what I've been struggling with. This is the feeling. Now I know what to say when someone asks me how all of this political garbage affects me personally. I thought this might be helpful to others so decided to share.

I work in a very client-facing position most of the time, but we do get a day every month where we just focus on paperwork with no clients in the office. I asked my manager for permission to wear my skirt and she was fine with it.

And nobody gave a shit. It was a normal day. I did get asked by one person if I was wearing a skirt or a kilt, but otherwise it was just another day of boring-ass paperwork.

It was intensely validating, and I'm going to fight to make sure all of us get to experience that some day.

I'm aware that there are neural correlates in the human brain that predispose people to a certain biological sex, and that's the reason for transsexual individuals wanting GRS (vastly simplified, I know)

What I'd like to know is how these affect nonbinary individuals? I am bi and have quite a few NB friends, who all just say they don't feel either male or female.

I am always looking to learn more, so I thought I would ask about the neurobiology of it. I have Googled, but I want to speak to real life individuals as well (who generally can point me in the right direction)

When I dress the way I want, I end up looking like a straight dude going to church X x

I (37, NB) have been struggling with the state of things in the US. These issues are well known by now and have been unpacked by those more knowledgeable than I, so I won't go into detail here.

I have recently gone through a divorce, and just as I started picking up the pieces of my life, all this happened. And after the initial fear and shock faded, all I could feel was... Anger. Rage, even. And I decided that I'm not going to leave. I'm not going to hide. This is my home. These are my friends and my community and even if it means I'm going down, I'm going down as myself.

I've now come out as trans/NB at work to a number of coworkers, often leading to discussion of some of the executive orders and problems that followed. Given that I'm respected at work- and trained quite a few of them when they were hired 7-8 years ago, they tend to actually be listening to me.

It's not much. It's tiny, in fact. But a little awareness, a little education, can go a long way. And it's all I can do.

I don't often post on social media. Most of my thoughts are in physical, pen and paper journals. But I felt... Maybe this one is worth sharing

Hi Girls, Guys and Theys!

I’m currently running my third year dissertation study on transgender and non-binary individuals and their body dissatisfaction levels in relation to how comfortable they are within their identity. 

18+ only 

If you would like more information feel free to email erin.f.redford@northumbria.ac.uk

If you would like to participate follow the link below 

https://nupsych.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8kPfedwnjG9v9rM