How to react

The husband (M 42) of my friend (F, 40) is touching my legs under the table. First I thought it was a mistake and I pulled my leg away.

The Second time I decided to leave my leg where it was and he kept his next to mine. He didn’t seem to notice the physical contact.

The third time I decided to move a bit and he did the same, now I understand that it was intentional.

My girlfriend never told me anything about their private life. I’m sure she is not aware of his actions. What should I do? Should I talk to the guy or should I inform my friend?

My husband and I are great friends, but our marriage has felt more like a roommate dynamic for a long time. We’re in an open marriage, though I lean more monogamous. Beyond that, I’ve felt an incompatibility between us for quite some time, making it even harder to ignore that something needs to change.

A few years ago, I unexpectedly met someone—let’s call him Alex—and our connection became something beyond anything I ever imagined. He’s awakened parts of me emotionally and physically that I never knew existed. I’ve never felt a stronger bond with anyone, and I’ve never been more in love.

I’ve told Alex many times that I want to leave my marriage and build a real, committed relationship with him, but I’ve struggled to take that final step. Understandably, he lost trust in my promises and needs to focus on himself instead of waiting for me to follow through. He’s told me he does want to be with me, but only when I’m truly ready and willing to commit and have fully healed and grieved from ending my current marriage/relationship. Until then, he’s chosen no contact, though he said I can reach out if and when I reach that point to see where things stand between us then.

I feel more heartbroken than I’ve ever been. I miss him so much, and the guilt of hurting him and pushing him away is overwhelming. More than anything, I want to work on myself, heal, and finally take the steps I’ve been too afraid to take—not just for Alex, but most importantly for myself. I know I need to move forward in a way that’s true to what I really want, regardless of what happens with Alex in the end.

But gosh, I love him. I miss him so much. And I’m terrified of losing him forever.

I guess I’m just journaling my thoughts here, but I’d really appreciate any comments, support, insight or advice.

So I have decided to work out 4 to 5 days a week in the morning. I know how to use weight machines, but I feel a little insecure trying to do free weights with proper technique and the little time I have before going to work.

Does anyone have some links to sites, apps, or some tips for trying to gain muscle for upper body? I can do max weights on legs for most work outs and don't need help in that area. My arms, chest and shoulders (my biggest weakness) need a boost.

Hey, gay bros!

I (24, M) just want to share something and get your insights because, honestly, I don’t know how to feel about this whole situation.

So, two weeks ago, despite me actively promoting a boycott of the yellow hookup app inside the app itself—yes, I had the audacity—some guy messaged me out of nowhere. His first words? "I love your confidence." Now, I had no idea whether he was referring to my profile or the fact that I was basically trashing the app while still using it. So I just hit him with "I'll take that sarcasm as a compliment," because let’s be real, most dudes on that app (including me at times) can be pretty sarcastic.

Hours later, he finally replied, this time saying that he loved my body, especially my butt (as a vers bottom lol). And yeah, my profile photos are almost nude—don't even ask me how the app let them stay up lol. So at that point, I was thinking, Ah, just another horny dude trying to slide in, hoping to see more, or maybe even meet up for a little boombayah. But then, things took a different turn.

His profile had zero personal photos. No face pic, no body pic—nothing. Just a random anime character as his profile pic and a bio that read something like: 6’0”, 20, cute, shy, and well-endowed (fat coc*—his words, not mine). Now, normally, I wouldn’t entertain someone with zero verification of what they look like, but since I was bored, I played along. And to my surprise, he was actually sweet and charming—not the usual dry, one-word-reply type. In fact, our conversations barely revolved around anything superficial, which was unheard of for that app.

Then came the part where he asked if I was single. I told him yes, and that I had never been in a relationship. This shocked him. He couldn’t believe that someone like me—his words, not mine—had never been asked out. I gave him my reasons, and he seemed to get it.

We kept chatting, sometimes flirting a little, and he never skipped a day without messaging me. Eventually, we started exchanging voice notes, and—wow—his voice? Deep. Manly. Attractive. Marry me. And that’s when my internal alarms started going off because—plot twist—I still hadn’t seen a single photo of him. He kept reassuring me that he was cute and that people, both men and women, found him attractive. He admitted he was on the thicker side but said he’d been working out.

Eventually, we ditched the app and moved to another platform. Our voice notes turned into actual voice calls—hour-long ones, daily. And here’s where it got even trickier: he was serious. Like, actually serious about me. He even told me he was finally ready for a relationship again after his last one ended two years ago. He kept saying how much he loved our conversations and how I made him feel excited about love again.

Now, here’s the thing. At first, I was just going along with it, not wanting to hurt his feelings. But deep down, I felt nothing. Not because he wasn’t interesting—he was—but because I was skeptical as hell. One, I’ve never been in a relationship before, so the whole idea is already foreign to me. And two, I still had zero idea what he actually looked like. Like, what if I finally see him and boom—no attraction? I don’t want to ghost him just because of that, but I also don’t want to fake feelings out of guilt.

His excuse for not showing his face? He was too shy because he found me very attractive. Which… okay, but why hide?

Long story short—he set a date for us to finally meet and definitely more next week. And I’ll be honest… I feel a little excited. But at the same time, if things don’t turn out well, I know I’ll end up feeling guilty, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

So, what do you guys think? Am I overthinking this? Please be kind. Thank you very much, guys! I love y’all!

This is my first Valentine's Day as a coupled man. I'm curious if it's a typical date/hangout night or if there is more special activities/gestures involved. I might get him some roses on the way over

What do you recommend to someone new to enjoy bottoming?

Exercises, supplements, what do you recommend? How do you deal with the pre bottoming?/

Meme credit to Stewart Matzek

Context: Same as what title suggests.

Dating is hard for everyone, probably more so for us gays. I'm (M, 26) currently in an unrequited love situation with someone (M, 31) who is seeing someone else. I know theyre sleeping together, and I know with men, if they like someone usually the hints are pretty clear and obvious, on an average. This man has shown no interest in me at all. Doesnt help that he is British and I'm Indian. So our cultural differences are stark. So I wouldnt pursue it. I have realised that the world does not always validate your desires. We can only accept some things like this in life and try hard to move on.

Gaybros of reddit, what has unrequited love taught you?

Hi

Havent found a recent or relateable post, so im starting a new thread.

I met this guy in January and we immediately clicked / fell hard for eachother. Things were going a bit too fast in a short time for the both of us, so we are not officially together, as far as I understood from our talk, we are exclusive though.

There’s really nothing for me to complain about, he is incredibly cute, pretty and in the bedroom we are a perfect match. So far it’s everything i yearned for since i was a teenager.

He is still friends with his ex who dumped him (apparently because the ex was scared to be dumped cuz the relationship didn’t work). I don’t particularly like that they are friends, but i can live with it if they text occasionally.

However yesterday he told me he is visiting him just to yap and spill some tea. This somehow did make a lot more uncomfortable.

To be fair, he doesn’t strike me as the person who would cheat (or tolerate it either). He is looking for something serious - he actually rejected my first advance on Grindr for a hookup (since i am a „former“ hoe). So i don’t think there’s any real reason to worry about them meeting. Except maybe sensitive information about him and me being shared. But the thought still makes me extremely uncomfortable.

From other sources (I guess mostly cis-het people), being friends with an ex is considered a red flag. I was/am running on that assumption too ... at least for now.

I don’t really know what to do or think. I‘m not sure whether it actually is the red flag i was conditioned to think it is. The meeting in person is what really bothers me.

It goes without saying i won’t become controlling about it or demand he stops the friendship. If he wants to do anything stupid i wont be able to stop him anyway.

Anyway, question of the story is, whether being friends with an ex like this is an actual red flag or not.

Next steps are to share how I feel about it and see. I won‘t tolerate anything beyond platonic friendship happening between them.

Thanks for your thoughts.

As a 32 year old gay man, I'm honestly ashamed to admit this, but I only listen to music when I'm driving my car and listen to whatever hits on the radio. But I have no idea majority of the time who is singing or the band. Similarly, if someone/coworker/date asks me about Celebrities, influncers, or movies/music related topics I have no idea who they are talking about majority of the time. Anyone else relate or how bad is this 😭

fans

players

concession stand workers

so many beards. so sexy.

I could have beards all over my body, all day, every day.

I'm 18 and recently moved from a very homophobic country, so I'm what you'd call a 'baby gay' just starting to meet people, go on grindr, etc... Since doing that stuff before would've put my life at risk. I have had 0 relationships, love interests, no experiences at all because I literally couldn't.

Now that I'm starting to meet people (mostly on grindr), I feel like I am just undesirable and can't attract my type, which isn't unbelievably high I just want a guy taller than me that's masculine, no other asks. I'm not fit, I'm hairy, I have a small belly and love handles, I have razor burn on my face, butt acne, etc... While most of the men I talked to expect a blue print twink, fully waxed, 0 acne, fully fit, etc...

The only thing I seem to have excessively gotten are people asking for head, I gave it to a few guys I found hot lol. But I don't know if tops filter as much when it's just head and nothing more. I look very fit when clothed, so I'm scared I end up making plans with a guy and they see my body and just change their mind.

Idk, I think I was too excited to leave I expected a boyfriend and a love story the second I left. I feel like I'm getting the feeling early teens get when they first start dating, sex, etc and that I'm just experiencing it now because I started much later. It's just bugging me so much, I feel like I'll be alone forever at this point.

Have you ever felt like this? How did you deal with it?

I am a gay man (39 yrs) and will be going to Perth to start my life and work . May i ask , is Perth a gay friendly state and where should I meet guys in Perth ? In Australia , do you have a specific state that is better for a gay man looking to date ?

Or maybe i am....idk...well, at least not in a fetishizing way!

The idea of dating outside of my nationality sounds so romantic! Learning another language and another culture to get closer to understand someone completly its something im very interested at since my teen years...which is kinda sad cause i tried meeting guys from other countries through the internet and it made me realize its something thats hardly successful. No matter how much you like a guy, immigrating to another country its something that is costly, and if you came from a fucked up economy like me, you better pray youll get rich somehow to live your romance, and besides that, the cultural shock can really be a problem. Its definally easier to just immigrate to a country youre interested to explore and date casually there, otherwise, you gotta have the perfect conditions.

All of this sounds obvious if youre more experienced in life, but hey! Im only 22, from a small town in brazil, learning life all by myself, cause i have been neglected by my very chirstian family and have little to no reference as a gay men.

Thats a thought that its making me quite sad and lonely these days. Cause when i try to date around here im just not able to connect on the same level as i do with a "gringo". Which is kinda lame since i never met a guy like this face to face and i know its different out of the internet. I wonder if this is something my brain understands as a escapism from my hard reality and a chance to change things for me and give me a fresh start, a new life....ah...i can only fantasize and seek therapy!

TD;DR: i fantasize a lot about dating outside my nationality and its making me feel lonely lol

Hey there.

One year ago (in the last days of January 2024), I posted this https://www.reddit.com/r/gaybros/s/l2qXNNgS6Z which is the moment when I realised I might be gay. Such a painful discovery, I remember crying for 2 days and being sad about it for days/weeks. I was devastated and also very afraid of my own very homophobic parents whom I live with.

Fast forward, 1 year of therapy, motivation to stop fighting the truth I was gay (after few months I realised it has to be accepted and embraced), having very supportive online gay friends, exploring what I like sexually (with toys) made me the man I am today.

And look who I am now. A proud gay man. I love everything about men,( I hide in public, although I sometimes I secretly look at some men asvthey attract me). The man's body is so perfect (their eyes, lips, facial hair, hands, tummy, legs and of course the cock, balls and ass 🥵). Also men's scent 😍

2 weeks ago (through Grindr( I had my first hookup with an older man and damn it was absolutely fantastic to get intimate with a man and have safe sex together as we were both attracted to each other. No regret and guilt after.

Yesterday I had another encounter with a 20 yo guy and it was absolutely mind blowing. It was 1 hour of pure dream (I may be sound a slut, but I love cock ). I realised I love getting intimate only with men (my fake attraction I had to women is 0 now) and feeling good with them in bed. No regrets after, just pure joy and happiness despite homophobic environment. 💙

I love being a gay man finally, despite my homophobic parents/country. I feel genuine, my true self, in the arms of man. This is my truth I want to live. No way of going back. 💙🏳️‍🌈

i'm a 21 gay male in college. since about sophomore year of high school, i've had some varying degree of self-image issues. towards the latter years of my college years, these issues have devolved exponentially to where the way i look is almost always on my mind every single day. i just recently started therapy for this, so i am hopeful that it will help.

i don't think i'm necessarily a "bad looking" person. i have my moments of really liking the way i look. the thing that has affected me the most is comparing myself to others. i tried really hard in the beginning of all of this to stop over comparing myself, but it has unfortunately taken its toll on me. ever since i turned 21 a few months ago, a couple of my close gay male friends and i (we're all the same age) go to our local popular gay bar pretty often. we've made a group of new friends, and it's generally a good time when we go....until the voices in my head kick in. pretty much every single time we've been, my friends get hit on by multiple guys. the past couple times we've gone have consisted of them being shirtless and making out with other guys while i'm generally by myself just outside the group with my shirt on (i think it's worth mentioning that this group also makes out with each other a lot, but no one has made a move towards me). i have this feeling that it's more obvious than i think it is to others when i get into these episodes. i've noticed my friends checking up on me more at the bar, which is another thing i don't like. i don't want my problems to affect anyone else and take them out of their enjoyment of their time, esp since there is legitimately no bad blood among us at all. none of them has ever made me feel left out deliberately, and they all care about me which i am extremely grateful for. it just makes me feel like such a bad friend for feeling any ounce of jealousy towards them.

having constant exposure to this has made me fully convince myself that no matter how good i feel in my skin, i'm just not what guys are attracted to. like i said earlier, i have always had these issues, but the more i put myself out there as an adult, the worse it has gotten. it's come to the point where i obsessively worry about how i look walking to class, getting my groceries at the store, even when i'm just chilling with my best friends in my apartment. i body check myself on my phone camera and every mirror/reflective surface i walk by countless times in a day. i've started to believe that many different qualities about myself are my downfall: my effeminate nature, my less than ideal body, my extremely dark eye bags, the fact that i'm a south asian male, etc. the point is, i keep on finding more flaws about myself that i obsess over, and to me, those flaws/reasons why other guys aren't into me feel *so* incredibly real. even when i like the way i look in a pic/irl, that happiness only lasts for a very short amount of time before i start over analyzing every aspect of my body.

i'm just over feeling this way constantly. it's gotten to the point where i feel this sort of alienation and disconnect from the world, esp from other queer men. i view myself as so inferior that i feel like i don't deserve to go out and socialize with other gay guys because i don't look as good as they do. i've deleted all the dating/hook up apps bc i've found myself checking them over and over again to see if guys view/interact with me which seldom happens (outside of the old men who love to prey on younger dudes). it's taken me to some very dark places mentally, and it all happened so fast. i know i'm not the only one who feels this way, so i'd love to hear how other queer dudes have gone about dealing with this.

There was a guy in my extended friend group who I always thought was out of my league. He is very attractive and successful career wise, and I had a crush on him for a while. One day I decided to shoot my shot knowing full well he would turn me down and he did. He said he just saw me as a friend and didn’t have feelings for me in that way.

Well it’s been 8 months now, and he asked if I was open to going on a date. I asked him what changed from last time, and he said that as he got to know me more he started to like me more.

I should feel flattered, but I’m not sure I am still interested anymore. In the 8 months I got over him and moved on. But I’m wondering if I am being too hasty. I feel like I should at least just see how a date is in case the old feelings come back?

What would y’all do?

For some odd reason I find it hard to vibe with other Hispanic/Latino guys. In my experience most of them come off as possessive, hidding things/secretive, acting like they're better than everyone else, and call me out for not speaking Spanish in such a way that it's like you're a Meixcant, lol. I've also recently noticed a lot of them follow Zodiac signs and make presumptions on me based off them without even getting to really know me. Why so many like this? Does anyone else have bad luck with dating certain men?

It’s like these guys are pretty but bland looking at the same time if that makes sense like the type of guys you see on insta or just in Hollywood movies and shows Tom holland, Henry cavil, Jensen ackles type

It’s been nearly 11 years since my last experience with romance and sex and honestly, it’s gotten easier to not desire it. I dabbled in hookup culture, but never followed through. I’ve gone through different stages of romantic and sexual revelations. I’ve learned that sex is nothing to me if I overthink. If I think too much I lose all arousal. Sex itself is purely mechanical, what matters, truly, is your connection to who you’re sleeping with.

I’ve learned I am mainly asexual, but I’m also gay. I’m physically attracted to men, just not sexually. I can become sexually aroused through organic chemistry, but not through impersonal connections (dating apps, dm’s, online connections, etc). I’ve forgone dating apps completely. They’re a waste of my time and energy and I’d rather focus on finding connections in person whether platonic, romantic, sexual, or a combination.

I cannot be with someone who is not mentally where I am, or at least isn’t working on themselves. I also won’t be with someone who is clearly too much older than me. I need to be able to truly connect on a personal, emotional, physical, and mental level. Honesty and communication is paramount. I won’t hide anything from my partner because I have nothing to hide.

I won’t be tied down to just one person. I need my freedom, but that doesn’t mean I won’t prioritize a specific person. I just don’t want to risk getting bored. It also doesn’t mean I’m going to be sleeping around either. I’m just someone looking for connections, wherever those lead. I’ve been through years of self-improvement and therapy.

I don’t give a fuck about dumb shit like people’s opinions of me. It’s not worth my time to care about opinions that, at the end of the day, are meaningless. I’m not a pushover, and I will call out the bullshit. If a guy is looking for honesty, for someone who won’t sugarcoat things, and will be their authentic self, then look no further than.

Turning 28 was a major milestone for me, and last year alone has helped me discover who I am and what I desire. I’m not looking for sex. I’m looking for someone or people who I connect with. I won’t sacrifice who I am to suit anyone. I am unapologetically myself. So if there’s guys out there who desire a genuine relationship, whether it’s platonic, romantic, sexual, or whatever then by all means. Just know that I’m an open book. I literally have nothing to hide about my past.

To put it simply, I am who I am. I’m an asexual gay man who’s just looking to meet people in no particular capacity, just see where things go. Communication, authenticity, respect, and vulnerability. I won’t ever judge anyone for their past, the past has made you who you are today, but there is always room for improvement. Don’t ever let anyone tell you you’re not good enough or you’re not worthy. Especially yourself.

I like both guys and I also like certain parts of girls but I know I have a “type” and idk how to come to terms with it. I feel like what I’m into, is unachievable but idk. I can’t even imagine myself with a guy, but one thing that makes me instantly attracted are like slightly brown skinned (Latino/black/whatever) curly haired skinny guys. Like, I genuinely think, in such a relationship I’d be happy idk. But I’m sad bc I feel like besides just the whole gay aspect, just in general I’m not prepared to be in a relationship. Mentally and financially. How does one come to terms with his own desire to join “the dating” scene? My self confidence is in the dumpster bc of some shit I experienced so idk how to go forward from here.

Hello,

Today, I got this message on hinge. However, I’ve had dozens like it.

https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fdet5v16ilkge1.jpeg

I moved to a new city after the pandemic, and it seem that ever since then, I’ve seen more and more avoidant-attachment styles within the gay community.

I’ve seen many messages like this one in dating. Or, have had countless amount of people self sabotage.

I keep running into the same issue with making other gay friends as well. I even joined a few queer-based meet-up groups and have been canceled on/stood up every time as well.

I don’t run into this issue with my straight friends, and don’t remember having this much difficulty making gay friends/gay dating since the past few years.

Has anyone else experienced an uptick of avoidant-attachment styles as well? Is it getting worse for you guys as well?

I just want to make a few friends to be bros with, and date someone and it be normal, but for some reason, it seems to be getting harder and harder.

I made the post earlier about how I was catching feelings for a hookup. We met at Applebees and I told him my feelings. He said it wouldn’t work out because “I don’t have goals in life.” Still it felt good to be honest and I’m glad I listened to the commenting that I should be upfront. Thank you guys. P.S. if you’re ever at Applebees don’t get the pub fries. The cheese tasted like glue.

TLDR: where do you do volunteer work if you do or like.. political work surrounding LGBTQ+ people.

Moving to Chicago this year. I’m kinda partially still DL where I am right now (the south) LOL. But I’m super passionate about my community because of what I’ve went through personally and I feel like if I wasn’t gay I really would not have grown so much mentally. Long story short where do you volunteer (if you do) in the Chicago area? I’d like to compose a list of places to check out for when I get there. I’ll be living on the northside if that makes any of a difference.

I'm sorry but that scent that smells like it's from the men's grooming aisle at a drugstore, huge turnoff. Cheap men's body wash, body spray, etc. makes me gag if I smell it on a man. Unscented, gender neutral products are the way to go. What I want a man to smell like is a nice cologne.

When Covid started I decided that I wanted to eat better and exercise more. I was an essential worker and there were a lot of unknowns about Covid at the time, but generally healthy people didn’t experience severe symptoms. In February 2021 I went on a low carb diet then slowly and gradually added low impact cardio(20 minutes) 2-3 times a week, then 30 minutes twice a week. The plan was to take a slow, moderate, and systematic approach to exercise to reduce the chance of injury and burnout. Now I do 50 minutes of HIIT 3 days a week and 3 days of upper body resistance. My goal 4 years ago was to get down to 145 again. This morning I weighed myself, and I had finally met my goal of 145.6!!! It took a long time to get here, but if anyone is struggling I hope my story gives you hope or encouragement.

Edit: I just wanted to say I didn’t expect this kind of response. It means a lot to me to receive so much positive feedback. Thank you