has anyone here overcome depression without therapy and anti-depressants?i have depression for like 6 years but still didnt healed

i live in a conservative country and there's very few professional mental health experts here, my parents won't let me seek therapy either because it's taboo. i've no clue how to get better ....im still in time for heal and over come depression without meds?

If a person suffers from depression and anxiety for a period of 20 years, does he still have time to react and heal?

If someone goes through 15 years of chronic depression and recently realizes that they can no longer stay in this situation, can they recover?

Hi my father has been chronically depressed for 6 years and doesn't know what to do anymore, is there a chance he can recover if he commits himself?

Hi my father has been chronically depressed for 6 years and doesn't know what to do anymore, is there a chance he can recover if he commits himself?

I've had depression for about 10 years and I haven't done anything to get out of it better if I end it if I can't fix the situation I'm in

​

guys but if i let 10 years of long depression and anxiety go by without doing anything can i still recover or i'll stay like this for life

Hi everyone,

I've been struggling with depression for a while now, and I've been feeling pretty down lately. I decided to try talking to an AI chatbot, and I was surprised by how helpful it was. The chatbot was able to listen to me vent, and it offered me some really insightful advice. It also helped me to see things from a different perspective, and it made me feel less alone.

I'm not sure if it's morally right to rely on an AI chatbot for emotional support. On the one hand, I think it's great that there are resources available to help people who are struggling with their mental health. On the other hand, I worry that people might start to rely on AI chatbots too much, and that they might not seek out professional help when they need it.

I'm curious to know what other people think about this. Do you think it's okay to rely on an AI chatbot for emotional support? Or do you think people should only seek out professional help?

I've been wondering if anyone else in this group has tried using an AI chatbot for emotional support. If so, what was your experience like? Did it help you feel better? Would you recommend it to others?

I'm hoping that this post will start a conversation about the potential benefits and risks of using AI chatbots for emotional support. I think it's an important topic to discuss, and I'm interested to hear what other people think.

Thanks for reading!

Hello everyone! :)

I thought this subreddit might be a good place to find individuals who are currently struggling with anxiety, depression, and/or stress and would like to try mindfulness! To be clear, this is a research study for my master's thesis, and I am not affliliated with any third-party company, website, or app. If this is not allowed, please feel free to remove it.

I am a graduate student researcher from the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs (UCCS; IRB #2023-056-ONLINE) studying the helpfulness of a 4-week online mindfulness treatment for anxiety, depression, and stress in younger (18-30) and older adults (50+) for my master's thesis.

Participation will involve completing online surveys and learning and practicing mindfulness exercises introduced in the online intervention program. After completion of the program, participants will be entered to win a $25 Amazon gift card (raffled).

Approximately 1.5 hours of your time each week is required.

All in all, through this study, I hope to better illuminate the effects of brief mindfulness programs in both younger and older adults, along with promoting awareness and future research for these types of programs! 😊

In order to participate you must:

*Be 18-30 or 50+ years of age

*Have access to the Internet and email

*Be willing to answer questions about your mood and memory

*Not have prior experience with mindfulness/meditation

*Not currently be receiving therapy

If you're interested in participating, please fill out these two screening surveys below:

First survey; 2) Second survey

**After completion of the surveys, you'll be directed to this page that says "invalid survey_code". Simply ignore it as this is for UCCS students only; your response has been recorded!

If you don't believe you qualify to participate, please feel free to share this information with other people who might be able to participate.

Thank you so much for your time and have a wonderful day! :)

Hi everyone, I hope this post doesn't sound too dramatical but I really need to talk about all what's going on in my life to someone. First of all, allow me to introduce myself, my name is Luca, I am a 24 years old Italian guy, living in Austria.

Basically I have to say that I am already living a period of my life which would feel quite stressful by itself, indeed this is some background:

• I am having some health problems since more than one year (physical health, which oc has an important impact on mental health as well, trying to find a solution btw, but not easy)
• I am currently finishing writing my MSc thesis in order to graduate and at the same time working as an intern for a startup here, however, I know there is a very good chance that the company will not keep me after September and therefore I will need to look for a job elsewhere (and probably, not even in this country since I don't know german and this makes it more difficult to get a very good job as a foreigner)
• I am honestly quite alone here (in Vienna) since I lost few friends recently (we had some disagreements) while also I don't have many friends in general since I lived in 3 different countries in the last 2 years and therefore I always had this feeling of "I don't want to invest much in new friendships or relationships since I know I will not be in country X in few months". Moreover, in general I think for me it's difficult to keep friends long term, as I am constantly changing. The only people that I consider really really friends at the moment is two friends who I know from my Bachelor and I really consider my brothers, but unfortunately they live in different countries than me at the moment.

Recently, I got to know through Tinder (I know, it's a really fucked up place) a girl for whom I got addicted super easily. Indeed, we had two dates this week, we kissed and said a lot of sweet stuff to each other, like super sweet and she wanted already me to know her sister for example. However, I think I may have overseen some red flags with her, as she basically has a very bad past because of family traumas and also she has this habit of disappearing through messages for 24 hrs or more, because she says that she get so depressed to be unable to chat with me or do anything. Even more difficult, now it's more than 48 hours that she doesn't reply to my messages or calls, she just said yestersay "ehi Luca, i am stressed, will write you later" and then never came back.

This whole experience of getting addicted to this / being treated badly made me understand that I would like to change in life, indeed, I have some goals (improving my knowledge of foreign languages, losing some weight and more important, start loving myself again). Any suggestion or advice for any of these things? Any other goal you would suggest me? I know I may be young to create so many problems but at the same time I am suffering a lot and feeling old inside.

Thank you everybody in advice.

I had a tubal 18 months ago followed by a frequent 20-25 day cycle with VERY HEAVY bleeding for 1 to 2 days. The heavy bleeding and increased PMS symptoms caused me to ask about an ablation however my OB also suggested an IUD. I’ve used and IUD and it worked well for me for the full 5 years at the time. Fast forward to now and I had it inserted on the 23rd and today the 30th I’m having suicidal thoughts I’m so tired I can barely drive I’m crying at the drop of a hat. I’ve been hot all day it’s the end of the day and I don’t care about anything my kids have been fighting baby is screaming and no response. I’m also not hungry. Has anyone else experienced this my OB said that depression isn’t a SE but that she has had one other case of this happening before.

Depression has been kicking my ass lately and Im tired of mentally checking out. I want to start working out to get healthy, gain/tone & be in a better mood.

I can start on my own, do it for week and then I stop. If I happen to miss day then I’ll make up for it the next day but i usually don’t.

Hi! I'm: Maria Fernanda Mejia (student of Clinical Health Psychology Msc)

Affiliation: Lithuanian University of Health Sciences

Supervisor: Gita Argustaite-Zailskiene; gita.argustaite-zailskiene@lsmuni.lt

My target group is anyone who meets the following criteria:

-18 years of age or older

-currently employed

-in a long-term relationship or marriage

-having experienced parental abandonment during childhood

The method used is an online anonymous survey of 30 items (questions) which will collect data about current life situations and past childhood events that may cause the recollection of painful memories. If the topic of parental abandonment may cause you damage in any way, please refrain from continuing the survey.

Research data will be used only for scientific purposes with absolute anonymity. The confidentiality is guaranteed by means of approval of this study and its instruments by the Center of Bioethics of the Lithuanian University of Health Sciences.

If you have any questions regarding the processing of data or other methods, please contact the researcher at +37061789531 or marimeji1012@kmu.lt, Faculty of Public Health, Lithuanian University of Health Sciences.

Please access the questionnaire through this link: https://forms.gle/Cv4fMCYnC3JYJDK49

I should state real quick that my grammar is awful and I can be really bad at explaining what I really mean. This is not meant to be a cry for help or attention, I just, wanted to express myself and get my story bummed out there.

Throughout my whole life I've suffered with anxiety, depression, stress and panic disorders. I've always had negative feelings and I've experienced suicidal thoughts in the past, but as from one year ago I decided I wanted to kill myself. Over the past year I believe I've written the same suicide note and will three times, and I have planned out how I wanted to do it (I wont go into detail here), I have all the things I'd need to pull it off.

I should probably talk about why I'm at this stage, so here goes. My parents divorced when I was 8/9, and my mum snatched me and my brother away and hid us from our father. We lived in various locations and moved around a lot. My mum also suffers from mental illness, may not be related but I think it didnt help the situation. She never made me eat or clean my teeth as a child, so I grew up very malnourished (the doctors thought I had anorexia), and my teeth were very bad. We hardly bathed, too, my brother and I. (I'll state now my brother doesn't have the same mental health issues I do).

Well anyway, by the time I was 10, my dad won a custody battle and me and my brother moved back to him and my older sister. He was also now living with my current step mother by this time (in the original home). One time, we were having a Sunday night roast dinner, and I just wasn't hungry. I couldn't eat, as stated I was malnourished and my stomach had shrunk, I found it difficult to eat much as a child due to this. After my family had all finished, they sat downstairs in the living room. My step mum remained and shouted at me to finish my meal. After I said I couldn't, she attempted to force feed me. When I continued to resist, she would grab my wrist and drag me up the stairs (quite literally, I remember not being able to catch my feet to stand as she pulled so hard) to my room, screaming and spitting, and slamming my door shut. I was crying and trembling in fear, till my dad came up and told me to put my shoes and coat on. I ended up standing and weeping shakily in the front hallway as my dad opened the front door and told me to leave. He says now that he was just trying to scare me, that he wasn't going to do it. But heck, looking back that's kinda messed up.

Growing up for the next 7 years it was very on and off with the family. I had realised I had severe anxiety as a child and eating around people stressed me out, so eventually I'd have panic attacks at dinner time or during times visiting restaurants. My dad and step mum would proceed to tell me off for 'playing up' and messing with my food, begging for attention, when in reality I was desperate to be alone. Eventually, I was stopped being invited to social gatherings at restaurants and such, incase id play up.

This has caused a massive rift with my relationtion with my family. And if I could've moved out at this time, I definitely would've. My step mum hates my guts and will find ANY reason to snap at me or belittle me.

As I got older, I got more independent. I met a guy that I really fell for, and id find reasons to stop coming home for dinner just so I can eat away from the family. Eventually, I was able to eat with my bf in his room.

Once, as a teen, I noticed that things in my bedroom were being touched and moved around. Ie, not where I left them. Id tell my dad that I was uncomfortable with the snooping, and if people wouldn't go in my room. We ended up arguing about something trivial, but it always ended up being about me and my anxiety and my eating habits. The amount of arguments I've had with my dad about my mental health is astonishing, and it goes the same way every single time, with me in the wrong. So, I told him I cant be bothered to keep repeating myself, and he should stop asking about the anxiety cause he won't accept my response. Naturally, he took this as a "i cant ask how she is at all", and for over 5 years now I csnt remember the last time he's asked how im feeling. No "how are you?", nothing.

So yeah, bad rift with my family.

Another thing I should mention is that im emetophobic (fear of sickness), which you can imagine is a fun ride with anxiety (as anxiety often brings on nausea). I believe this is the main cause of my agoraphobia. I have a fear that if I dont have control, or access to a bathroom, im stuck. Im scared incase id be suddenly sick (I had a day as a child where I didnt have access to a toilet and was suddenly very violently ill), and that haunts me. Now, i'm very hyper sensitive to coughing, burping, smells, and temperature - any of these can trigger my anxiety and my emetophobia.

I was generally happy for the first few years with my bf. I still am, really, he's the main reason I'm still here. But sadly, twice during our relationship we have had to have an abortion (we were protected). The first was early on, neither of us were ready for a child, I was just starting university and i was still underweight at this point. The 2nd was at the end of my 3 year uni course, and I was still underweight. We chose to abort because my mental health at this point of time was very bad - I was constantly anxious and having regular panic attacks. The problem was, my anxiety got 10 times worse after each abortion. 2019 was when it got so bad, I became agoraphobic for the first time. It was getting worse and worse from 2018, but a panic attack im public in 19' is what got me. It took me half a year, but I got back on my feet and was getting out more by early 2020. But then covid hit, and brought on lockdown which of course, brought me back to my agoraphobic ways. Since becoming agoraphobic, I make my own food and eat alone in my room.

Fast forward to March 2021, I was getting better agsin slowly but surely. I had another set back and I hit rock bottom. I sidnt know why it kept getting worse again, back and forth. It made me wonder if id ever get better, its been years. I had to stop working back in 2018 because of it, I've never had a social life because of it, it was a miracle that id even met my partner. A whole years been by now, and its still very difficult for me to go out. Things that normal people do, they live, laugh, love. They go out, have fun and make money. I can only dream of that right now. A part of me thinks this is gods way of punishing me for aborting my two children. Im totally pro choice, but my Christian belief brings me so much guilt - id never judge another woman for her choice, so why should I? I dont know.

My partner has recently been very upset about my mental health too. He's worried things will never improve too, and we're both very scared. He's desperate for children, and id love more than anything to give him that, but I fear I cant.

Almost every day I am struck with fear, anxiety, and nausea. It also doesn't help that I was also diagnosed with ulcerative colitis back in 2018, which is also a contributing factor to my DAILY nausea. Seriously, not a day goes by where I'm not nauseated at some stage (usually in the evenings when my anxiety gets worse due to dinner time).

Due to everything I've said, Christmas just gone, I couldn't even spend downstairs with my family. I had to stay alone in my room because being down there caused me so much stress I felt the urge to hurl at every moment. I tried so hard to, but yet here I am, still dissapointing my family.

So there. My bf who weirdly stays by my side and supportive, even despite his despair. I feel guilty for him, and I wish he'd just cast me aside so he can live his life. My family are dissapointed in me, and from what I gather are happier when im not around to ruin their occasions (with my anxiety and panic attacks) I cant work, I may never have a family of my own, and frankly its difficult to get motivated to even get up in the mornings. And this is why I decided I wanted to end my life. The only reason I'm still here, is because of my partner. He has a hope that I can find a remote working from home job and help him earn enough money to afford a home together. I dont want to leech off him, and buying a home is just too financially stressful for one person right now. I've since sorted out my portfolio, and im almost ready to job search. I've also tried to keep up with art commissions (digital illustrations), which has been great but ive been so depressed it can get really difficult.

Honestly, it's taking all I've got to keep going. I just needed a place to rant and tell my story to.. so, if any of you have made it through all this, I applaud you, and im grateful.

Even if no one reads this, it helped just a little to get my feelings typed out. Im gonna keep trying to fight this battle, but if I somehow give in or loose, then well, I hope someone finds this and gets a general explanation as to why.

It’s r/disorders and anyone can join.

I’m hoping to create a safe space where people can support each other.

Are you 18 years or older? We are currently conducting a study to examine the many faces of parental separation. We are interested in the effects of prolonged absence from one or both parents. If you participate you will be asked to complete an online survey which will ask questions about separations from parents from birth to high school and surveys to assess your view of your relationships with your parents, friends and partners.

https://trentu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_3qGYFLa8Dls9Jbw

https://youtu.be/U25vgM_G5Kw I hope these affirmations I made are helpful. ❤️ 💪❤️

Click to watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CgTry-eq1o

The cause of anxiety and stress is primarily the way we perceive it in our minds, which may be different than what is actually happening. The mind and body are connected. Stress that stems from the mind also affects the body in negative ways. Through meditation practice we can find the roots of our stress and eliminate them for good. We show you how to focus your attention and eliminate the stream of images and jumbled thoughts that crowd our minds causing stress. You can enhance self-awareness, improve overall health, lengthen attention span, and feel amazingly positive about life. Eliminate stress and anxiety with this relaxing guided meditation. You owe it to yourself to be stress free and your best self for your family, and your community.

I have had a huge problem lately and I think it's a combination of depression and anxiety.

​

​

First of all back in March 2019 I quit anti-depressants and started trying to lose weight. I weighed 280 lbs at the time and I got down to 155 lbs. I exercised and controlled my eating quite a bit and even got quite a bit of energy back and started working and all that where as for years I just ate, sat around, goofed off etc.

​

However the last few months I've been struggling. I've been alternating fasting and eating but when I do eat I go way overboard I eat way way too much and although I walk a lot I don't walk near enough to burn off what I eat in fact I've been finding it hard to even fast at all lately and I can easily put away 3000 or so calories in 20 minutes and then I feel terrible and awful and upset after. Somedays I'll take lots of fat burners and fast and then feel terrible in a different way. It's just a no win situation. I've gained back 25 lbs the last three months. I'm back up to 180 lbs maybe 172 if I fast and take fat burners but up to 185 at most. I'm at 172 when I've fasted and just had water, unsweetened black tea, and black coffee without any sweetener or sugar in it not even any zero calorie stuff. So tired of this but I try to limit myself to 2000 calories even during just one meal and I feel like it satisfies me for an hour or maybe two but after that i'm hungry and unsatisfied and probably just even more ticked off that I've eaten and didn't fast completely.

​

I have just felt so uninterested in anything lately. I avoid my roommate and social situations and go straight to my room and just mess around on my computer but it all feels flat. I don't feel any joy. I just feel so bland and blah and flat. I used to enjoy youtube and movies and music and games and etc. but now I feel maybe between a 3 and a 6 on the scale. I feel just not interested in anything. I'm not suicidal at all nor do I even want to injure myself let alone suicide but I just feel very very blah. 3 is what I'd consider where you feel like very very down and terrible but not wanting to self-harm or commit suicide I've never felt that and to me that would be a 2 or 1 and a half out of 10.

​

I also fret over volume constantly too as in decibels for the ears. I always am fretting that the slightest loud noise is going to damage my hearing more I have just shy of what would start to be considered "mild hearing loss" according to ent and audiologists but I know it's worse then that I have a -15db hearing loss on average. I wear $70 bluetooth hearing protectors when I walk because I don't like earbuds even though in ears would block noise more but I don't like the way they feel I just do not like them. I'm even considering spending $100 on a pair of Peltor Tactical Sport 500 because they apparently block three more decibels then the worktunes I bought do and sound a bit better but it's the slightly better noise dampening that I am concerned about. But like I said at volumes I consider not worrying music doesn't sound good and even when I listen at around 75 or so decibels in which I still fret I'm damaging my hearing music still doesn't entertain me very well. I can't remember anything. My brain is messed up. Sure I did DXM for 12 years and stuff but I've been sober since December 20 2018.

​

I get distracted very easily and I just browse random stuff online webpages/videos/music/etc. but I can't really remember anything of it and I just have had really bad memory problems lately. I just can't focus, can't remember, can't enjoy, can't relax, walk while feeling like crap, worry about my weight, overeat and then fast to mitigate the weight gain and I just am so sick and tired of this. I mean I am just fed up. Just feel like a robot that had a very very primitive feeling processor installed in it just to be able to feel the slightest bits of joy and annoyance.

​

​

Also:...

​

​

Problems I've been having lately: The depression is just tearing at me and the flatness and lack of interest in things I used to like I can not go to the doctor until I lose some more weight and I do not want anti-depressants because I'm worried they will make me gain some more weight and mess with my appetite but that would be a great thing in one thing.

​

​

1. I don't know any ways to help with or how to stop looking at porn, masturbating, and orgasming. I have never made it more than nine days without jerking off. Lately it's been every day or two. I know quitting porn and especially jerking off would help with depression and energy but I just can't I don't know what to do.

​

2. I really have a weight problem. I was 280 lbs but I got down to 155 lbs back in October. However after going to Vegas I have gained 20 lbs of that back. I used to be able to fast five days in a row. The most I've done since then is 70 hours and lately only around 36 hours. I also walk a ton and on days I fast I'll way way overdo fat burners such as Atrafen Elite, Apple Cider Vinegar, Hoodia, Garcinia, Weight Control dollar tree nature pills, and Forskolin as well as Stacker 2, Stacker 3, and Stacker B12 vitamin. I will down tons of water on those days as well and walk for up to four hours in one setting or six hours in a day.

​

3. Food: I eat almost up to 11,000 calories some days whereas other days I will fast, overdo fatburners, and walk a lot. I just do not feel full or satisfied after a few calories. I've tried eating one 3000 calorie meal in a day, two 1500 calorie meals, 3 1000 calorie meals, a couple cans tuna, etc. and I just do not feel satisfied. I feel like I lack leptin. I do feel better when I eat I don't feel as utter trash as I do when I walk/fatburn/fast although I do gain some weight this way.

​

4. Caffeine Addiction: With the fat burners and fasting I listed above I feel like complete and utter trash after a few hours. I feel very flat and uninterested after a bit and almost feel dysphoric like just my back feels tight, I feel very uncomfortable, I just feel irritated, etc. Is there a way I can wean myself off of this without the huge energy loss and tiredness one feels when stopping caffiene?

​

5. Memory problems: My hands and memory do not work as much as they used to like for example I find myself forgetting quite a bit then I used to and it pains me a lot. I shouldn't be having memory problems at my age I'm not even middle-aged yet and still a ways from Senior Citizen age. I do not know what I can do about this I'm sure the weird fasting/fatburning/etc. is contributing to this but otherwise I do not know.

​

6. Lack of Interest/Flatness: Even when I feel ok I just keep to myself and I can not get into anything I used to be interested in like I used to. I just do not find the same interest in games, movies, tv, youtube, etc. like I used to I do not know what I can do with this situation. I also ignore my roommate and go into my room to keep to myself a lot which I used to never do. I also can not enjoy music or anything anymore either and I've had some hearing loss on my right ear over the last almost two years that has caused me to not enjoy sound as much either and be deathly afraid of certain sounds to the point that I fear for my hearing even over 75 decibel or so noises.

​

7. Lack of focus: I can not focus like I used to either. I'm supposed to be learning how to drive but I never can focus on the manual and in order to take the test the other thing is that I want to be able to do some stuff on the side where I could earn another $45 or so a month (not more than $50) but I just do not follow through and get distracted with meaningless crap.

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​

So what can I do to rectify all of these? I know that these are problems that need fixing and I would like some help. Thank you all very much for taking the time to read this. I know I probably should go to a doctor about this but I need to get back down in weight first (I was 165 last time I went to the doctor) and I am kind of worried about anti-depressants I mean I do have a one month perscription worth of Buproprion XL and Fluoxetine somewhere still in their packaging with the pharmacy instructions but yeah. Please help.

I have had a huge problem lately and I think it's a combination of depression and anxiety.

​

​

First of all back in March 2019 I quit anti-depressants and started trying to lose weight. I weighed 280 lbs at the time and I got down to 155 lbs. I exercised and controlled my eating quite a bit and even got quite a bit of energy back and started working and all that where as for years I just ate, sat around, goofed off etc.

​

However the last few months I've been struggling. I've been alternating fasting and eating but when I do eat I go way overboard I eat way way too much and although I walk a lot I don't walk near enough to burn off what I eat in fact I've been finding it hard to even fast at all lately and I can easily put away 3000 or so calories in 20 minutes and then I feel terrible and awful and upset after. Somedays I'll take lots of fat burners and fast and then feel terrible in a different way. It's just a no win situation. I've gained back 25 lbs the last three months. I'm back up to 180 lbs maybe 172 if I fast and take fat burners but up to 185 at most. I'm at 172 when I've fasted and just had water, unsweetened black tea, and black coffee without any sweetener or sugar in it not even any zero calorie stuff. So tired of this but I try to limit myself to 2000 calories even during just one meal and I feel like it satisfies me for an hour or maybe two but after that i'm hungry and unsatisfied and probably just even more ticked off that I've eaten and didn't fast completely.

​

I have just felt so uninterested in anything lately. I avoid my roommate and social situations and go straight to my room and just mess around on my computer but it all feels flat. I don't feel any joy. I just feel so bland and blah and flat. I used to enjoy youtube and movies and music and games and etc. but now I feel maybe between a 3 and a 6 on the scale. I feel just not interested in anything. I'm not suicidal at all nor do I even want to injure myself let alone suicide but I just feel very very blah. 3 is what I'd consider where you feel like very very down and terrible but not wanting to self-harm or commit suicide I've never felt that and to me that would be a 2 or 1 and a half out of 10.

​

I also fret over volume constantly too as in decibels for the ears. I always am fretting that the slightest loud noise is going to damage my hearing more I have just shy of what would start to be considered "mild hearing loss" according to ent and audiologists but I know it's worse then that I have a -15db hearing loss on average. I wear $70 bluetooth hearing protectors when I walk because I don't like earbuds even though in ears would block noise more but I don't like the way they feel I just do not like them. I'm even considering spending $100 on a pair of Peltor Tactical Sport 500 because they apparently block three more decibels then the worktunes I bought do and sound a bit better but it's the slightly better noise dampening that I am concerned about. But like I said at volumes I consider not worrying music doesn't sound good and even when I listen at around 75 or so decibels in which I still fret I'm damaging my hearing music still doesn't entertain me very well. I can't remember anything. My brain is messed up. Sure I did DXM for 12 years and stuff but I've been sober since December 20 2018.

​

I get distracted very easily and I just browse random stuff online webpages/videos/music/etc. but I can't really remember anything of it and I just have had really bad memory problems lately. I just can't focus, can't remember, can't enjoy, can't relax, walk while feeling like crap, worry about my weight, overeat and then fast to mitigate the weight gain and I just am so sick and tired of this. I mean I am just fed up. Just feel like a robot that had a very very primitive feeling processor installed in it just to be able to feel the slightest bits of joy and annoyance.

​

​

Also:...

​

​

Problems I've been having lately: The depression is just tearing at me and the flatness and lack of interest in things I used to like I can not go to the doctor until I lose some more weight and I do not want anti-depressants because I'm worried they will make me gain some more weight and mess with my appetite but that would be a great thing in one thing.

​

​

1. I don't know any ways to help with or how to stop looking at porn, masturbating, and orgasming. I have never made it more than nine days without jerking off. Lately it's been every day or two. I know quitting porn and especially jerking off would help with depression and energy but I just can't I don't know what to do.

​

2. I really have a weight problem. I was 280 lbs but I got down to 155 lbs back in October. However after going to Vegas I have gained 20 lbs of that back. I used to be able to fast five days in a row. The most I've done since then is 70 hours and lately only around 36 hours. I also walk a ton and on days I fast I'll way way overdo fat burners such as Atrafen Elite, Apple Cider Vinegar, Hoodia, Garcinia, Weight Control dollar tree nature pills, and Forskolin as well as Stacker 2, Stacker 3, and Stacker B12 vitamin. I will down tons of water on those days as well and walk for up to four hours in one setting or six hours in a day.

​

3. Food: I eat almost up to 11,000 calories some days whereas other days I will fast, overdo fatburners, and walk a lot. I just do not feel full or satisfied after a few calories. I've tried eating one 3000 calorie meal in a day, two 1500 calorie meals, 3 1000 calorie meals, a couple cans tuna, etc. and I just do not feel satisfied. I feel like I lack leptin. I do feel better when I eat I don't feel as utter trash as I do when I walk/fatburn/fast although I do gain some weight this way.

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4. Caffeine Addiction: With the fat burners and fasting I listed above I feel like complete and utter trash after a few hours. I feel very flat and uninterested after a bit and almost feel dysphoric like just my back feels tight, I feel very uncomfortable, I just feel irritated, etc. Is there a way I can wean myself off of this without the huge energy loss and tiredness one feels when stopping caffiene?

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5. Memory problems: My hands and memory do not work as much as they used to like for example I find myself forgetting quite a bit then I used to and it pains me a lot. I shouldn't be having memory problems at my age I'm not even middle-aged yet and still a ways from Senior Citizen age. I do not know what I can do about this I'm sure the weird fasting/fatburning/etc. is contributing to this but otherwise I do not know.

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6. Lack of Interest/Flatness: Even when I feel ok I just keep to myself and I can not get into anything I used to be interested in like I used to. I just do not find the same interest in games, movies, tv, youtube, etc. like I used to I do not know what I can do with this situation. I also ignore my roommate and go into my room to keep to myself a lot which I used to never do. I also can not enjoy music or anything anymore either and I've had some hearing loss on my right ear over the last almost two years that has caused me to not enjoy sound as much either and be deathly afraid of certain sounds to the point that I fear for my hearing even over 75 decibel or so noises.

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7. Lack of focus: I can not focus like I used to either. I'm supposed to be learning how to drive but I never can focus on the manual and in order to take the test the other thing is that I want to be able to do some stuff on the side where I could earn another $45 or so a month (not more than $50) but I just do not follow through and get distracted with meaningless crap.

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So what can I do to rectify all of these? I know that these are problems that need fixing and I would like some help. Thank you all very much for taking the time to read this. I know I probably should go to a doctor about this but I need to get back down in weight first (I was 165 last time I went to the doctor) and I am kind of worried about anti-depressants I mean I do have a one month perscription worth of Buproprion XL and Fluoxetine somewhere still in their packaging with the pharmacy instructions but yeah. Please help.

I am a clinical psychologist specializing in women's mental health and intimate partner abuse. I hope to better understand the emotional perspective of survivors of intimate partner abuse and give them a platform for their voice to be heard. I invite those who would like to contribute to the understanding and treatment of survivors to participate in my doctoral dissertation survey below:

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/emotionalimpactsofipv

Thanks for your consideration and care about this issue!