Me (F28) and my partner (M27) have been together going on 2 years (in June). I think I knew like 4 or so months in that it wasn't meant to be, I have sooooooooo much love for him but I don't believe he can feel love, and I just stayed hoping it would work out. As we all know, things never usually change the way it needs to or how they say they will. Most of our fights have been about how he doesn't show any sort of empathy, compassion or honesty love, until I'm ready to walk away or absolutely a wreck. He's very quick to anger and just shutting down and I try to communicate and work through things, set future expectations, understand his boundaries and how to best communicate etc. I am in no way, shape or form saying I'm perfect. But anytime I ask how I can improve our relationship on my end he says he's happy and doesn't need/want anything more.

I however want a lot more, I want empathy and compassion from my partner. Especially if we were to bring kids into it, which we've talked about in the past. I don't feel he's the partner/teammate I want. And he says he wants to be that partner and wants to learn how to be those things but anytime I try to discuss any sort of emotion or ideas for better communication he blows up. I don't want to leave because I love him but I also know we're not meant to be.

I want to start moving some of the small things out whiles he's on a fishing trip this weekend but I almost feel like I'm over exaggerating but I don't know if the love I feel for him is romantic anymore or not so I know there's no hope for us anymore. (He asked me to move in, so we could be closer and learn to understand each other better, I realize now that I should've never done it)

Life is driving me Mad. I've never made a reddit post, so please forgive any ignorance. First I will begin by saying, I'm so done.... I'm a mom of three children, 1 (6 yr old boy) and 2 (2 yr old twin girls). I don't even know where to start... I guess I'll start with how my situation is going right now and then work backwards to how it all began... I am currently working as a FT MA and I live with my son and I don't live with my twin girls. How is that possible? You ask. Well, it all began after I had my twins... I am a petite woman at only 4'4" so my twins came out early (NICU Babies). They thrived in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). The twins were in the NICU for 1 month and then finally came home. I was filled with so much joy and happiness. My son would come help me with the bottle and read them books, my life felt complete ❤️ If you know me well, you would know that my life as a child was ust full of bad luck and sadness and pain. I try not to think about it and keep trying to live life. No matter how hard life got I tried to stay optimistic and kept pushing forward... And those few moments of joy and fulfillment almost got me to believe that I finally did it and I was proud of my hard work and success, for those few moments. Sadly those moments did not last and my life got pushed into a whirlwind of pain, depression and loneliness all over again.... And I gained a new fear.... On April 14th... Twin A almost gained her wings that day... And I fell right back into that dark hole I worked so hard to crawl out of... My life at that moment felt like I was trying to control a ship in a really harsh storm, and during that storm I lost my home, I lost a car, someone stole my wallet, Twin B was diagnosed with the same condition as her sister and ended up in the hospital too, we basically lived in the hospital for half a year, hopping from roomate to roomate from Facebook Marketplace until we saved enough money to get our own place again. Me and the Kid's Dad ended up separating, I was paying for a 2Bed 2Bath on my own income and it was a struggle but me and my son managed. I ended up talking to my best friend of 11 yrs (M) and we ended up falling in love. After dating for a while he ended up wanting to help me with finances so we moved in together. And we both work Full time jobs. I thought things would calm down for a while so I can find stability again. And now I can talk about my condition, it's not horrible. I need surgery and if not there's a possibility of me losing mobility in my limbs. I've already been missing days for being sick due to the condition and have been getting paid less. The thing is though, surgery is expensive and I'm already missing days, I get FMLA without benefits and I have to be out of work for a month. I don't even know what to do. My life has to fall back into place like a domino affect. I get healthy again, I do what I need to do to get a big enough place for my children with a stable job. I wish it was that simple.... I need some advice or words of encouragement, I honestly feel like I can't handle this anymore.

Also this kind of felt good to let it out and get this off my chest...

Ive been talking to this girl for a while and she has been good to me. A little crazy sometimes as in when she gets cornered on an argument or i catch her in a lie or gets upset, she talks in 3rd person. She even talks to herself saying that she will never be happy and will always be lonely. But im always with her and always support her. Can someone explain that 3rd person thing?

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know. I just wanna die. I just wanna leave and not think about anything anymore. I don’t wanna do it. I’m loosing fucking both of them and I don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna do it. I just want it to stop. I wanna go back to when it was okay. I wanna go back to when things were happy. But I’m stuck. I’m stuck here in the middle. What am I supposed to do. I can’t do anything. My friend is here and we have go karting and I can’t stop that coz I can’t disappoint them. I don’t wanna do tomorrow. I just wanna disappear. I’m already loosing both of them, so who will care anyway. It will make everyone’s lives easier

I, ‘30W’met a ‘35W’ who is married to a ‘48M’for 11 years. She has shared with me that her marriage is not as it seems, as her husband does not have legal documentation and everything is in her name. (It’s not loveydovey) lol She portrays a rich lifestyle while he is the provider. He is aware of our relationship and has kicked her out in the past. She has two children. ‘18f’ and an ‘11m’

We have developed a romantic connection, and I have met her family and daughter, with the exception of her husban, of course. lol She has expressed a desire for exclusivity, despite being married, which I find ignorant. After ending our one-year relationship for four months, I decided to move on and met someone else, as I did not want to cry and die for her.

However, we eventually reconciled, as I realized I had developed strong feelings for her. Now that we are back together, I find it difficult to address certain aspects of her situation without her becoming angry. I am confused about why her husband remains in the picture, especially considering her attraction to women. The entire situation is frustrating, as we both want to be together, but I feel uncertain about the future…

So i have left my ex girlfriend about 6 months ago because she was always asking for more even with everything i did and I didn’t feel that my efforts are being appreciated the way they should even tho we loved each other like hell but at the time i just couldn’t take it anymore (and yeah i know it’s my problem because i made her get used to it but that’s not our point) the thought of talking back to her come and go and i was doing just fine, but this last week i have been thinking about her alot and i really want to talk to her but i am not even sure that i want to go back but i just want to chat with her a little

WHAT SHOULD I DOO

Everything is just too fucking much for me to handle. I can’t get a job cause I can’t find anyone to hire me like ppl get jobs everyday but I can’t. I literally can’t even deal with this anymore I’ve applied to everywhere in my area and got nothing be declines when I’m literally qualified for the job. Then graduation is coming up and ofc drama my grandma said I can’t believe I betrayed here and treat her like this. Wtf do u mean I worked for her and waste a bunch of money on gas to work and waste my Saturdays working instead of doing fun stuff. Like it makes no sense just cause I can’t deal with the stress and my mom is having a fucking procedure and she doesn’t even fucking care. My family treats me like absolute garbage and goes and talks trash about us and treats my mother like shit I have no words for them. My grandma has me so fucking upset I don’t even wanna go to my fucking graduation after working my ass off to get out of there. I’m already fucking depressed asf debating whether I should just end my life already and make it easier for everyone. No one understands how fucking hard it is to be me it’s fucking mentally draining and no one gives a fuck. Then my mom has been arguing with me about fucking college she wants me to go to community college but I want to go to university. Idk what to fucking do like it’s so much for me that I don’t even wanna go anymore cause I’m become so overwhelmed and stressed out. Idk what I’m going to do I don’t think I can afford university cause I don’t have a job and no one can pay for it but I want to leave where I live so bad. I hate where I currently live it honestly sucks I don’t have friends, I don’t have anyone tbh besides my mom and sister. I just feel like staying at home isn’t going to help me focus on school and be productive. I get community college is cheaper and I could start my career faster but like I would probably want to go back to school anyways for my bachelors. This is just too much like I’m debating the pros and cons and they’re both evening out the same. If I go to university I start June 3 and if I go to community college I don’t give up my summer for school. I just wish I had someone to actually help me cause I’m a first generation high school grad and first to go to college.

Why tho

I keep hearing how critical it is to have good friends in your adolescence because that's where you learn to be independent and develop the social skills you'll need for the rest of your life, but it’s too late for me to have that. I tried to fit in with other kids but they mostly thought I was weird because I’m autistic, so I was bullied and left out a lot. I never really had a group to do anything with outside of school and I don’t think I can stand knowing that everyone else gets to enjoy their coming of age years when I couldn’t. I never got to go out to a movie with friends or have sleepovers or go on trips together, and I missed out on every important milestone of my life. I never got to celebrate with friends on my birthday or when I graduated high school, or have fun at summer camp or anything like that. It really makes me angry to look back at my old yearbooks and see how much fun all the normal kids were having.

I ended up dropping out of college and my family made me move with them to an isolated area and my family is forcing me to live with them, and they treat me like I’ll never be able to work, and I have no real means of getting out of this area other than running away. Even besides that, I feel I missed out too much on life since I’ll never know how it feels to be a normal teen and growing up feeling like people care about you or that you have a future. I think what I want more than anything is to get those years back and if I can’t then I think I would rather die than get any older.

Just like the title states, I hate my partner. I’ve tried to leave several times, tried to evict him, tried to get an injunction, all denied. I’ve made it clear I don’t want to be with him. He’s done nothing but cause problems in my life, he’s been a mooch for 3 years now almost. When I’ve kicked him out he’s broken a window to get back in, the cops told me he had a right to since he was technically a resident. He’s never helped me pay any bills, I solely pay for everything. He just takes and takes. When I’ve said I don’t want to be with him he’s put a gun to his head and threatened to kill himself, to the point I’ve had to wrestle with him. The cops and courts are useless where I live. He doesn’t clean, his dog isn’t trained and destroyed my house. He has no money because he blows through it all, is in debt and won’t do shit to get out of it b

He got me pregnant and the best decision I’ve ever made was getting an abortion. I don’t feel even the tiniest bit of guilt about it. Of course he doesn’t know it was an abortion because of where we live but it was. It came out in tact and the only sadness I feel is I hope it wasn’t in pain, I wanted to bury it or cremate it and we took it to a funeral home and this fucking loser who mourned his child’s death so hard wouldn’t even go pick up the ashes, wouldn’t call them back, just gave them a dead fucking fetus and dipped. He does nothing for me. Nothing. He’s just a shitty person and I hate him. It’s to the point where I’ve tried everything to get rid of him and it hasn’t worked, I’ve straight up told him I don’t love him, I don’t even like him, that I wish he’d leave me alone. He won’t. He’s fucking nuts and knows I’m his meal ticket.

I could spend the next 3 hours probably typing all the awful shit he’s done but I’m just tired of his shit and have no one to talk to. He sucks the life out of me, I’ve never been more miserable and one of exs used to actually beat the shit out of me and fucked my sister, and I hate this guy more.

That’s all, I fucking hate him. I don’t wish he’d die but I wish he’d disappear from my life.

So I’m a masc lesbian like I get called sir often and I have a weird crush on my male coworker and it’s been a few weeks of this and my heads just been a pretzel dude and then today he got fired (totally unrelated to me) so I guess my situation is resolved but I’m mad at myself for being sad that he got fired but also for crushing on a goofy ass man bro but also James if you see this come have lunch with me on me tmrw yk how to find me 💀

Anyway I’d fuck this man and I’m too ashamed to tell anyone else so I’m telling Reddit 🥴

I dont like my brother. It’s as simple as that. Im 17 (f) and he’s 37 something (m). There’s some things I do like about him. He’s really open and accepting about lots of stuff. But mainly because he just has a nonchalant character and doesn’t care about anything. He’s been thru a lot of crap, and my mom used to be rrly bad to him when he was a kid. But he never resented her for it. In fact, those two love each other so much. I guess that’s where I can start, because I’m jealous of their relationship. I’m jealous of how easily he can forgive someone who treated him like crap, and I’m jealous that their relationship is ever so close. I’ve never had a steady relationship with my mother. It’s always difficult between us. And she didn’t do half the things to me that she did to him, and yet I still resent my mother for certain things. So I’m jealous of that.

The main thing though is I don’t know this guy. I didn’t grow up with him, he never visited. It was always my family and I visiting him every 5 years or so. So before he moved home 2 years ago I had probably seen him maybe 5 times my whole life and just for a short amount of time. So this man remains a stranger to me. I don’t know much about him because he doesn’t open up to me, and I can’t really say I care. I know enough of what my mom has told me. Plus, I don’t want to talk to him about myself because I don’t really have 1 on 1 conversations like that, but he knows me somewhat as well. So we usually talk about stupid stuff. I won’t lie he is funny and we have good conversations sometimes. But then we argue about stuff bc we don’t agree on the same things. I don’t have a problem with that, but it’s the fact that I just don’t know who this guy is.

I grew up with this kid in my neighborhood who I see as my true and only brother. Sure I have my biological brother but he will never match up to the kid I grew up with. And it bothers my mom and she gets mad that I see the actual person I grew up with as my brother. Btw, my brother moved out around the time I was born in a city where he spent loads of money on stupid crap and worried my mother all the time. Id be lying if I said I didn’t care that he was gone bc I did, I always wanted to get close to my biological brother, but now idc.

Lastly, this might really make me seem like a brat. But I’m a rrly hard studier in my school. Sometimes I’ll go to sleep around 2-3 and wake up early just to study. I get really good grades and I dont let myself go easily during the school year in order to maintain my good grades. So when it’s summer time. I need it to be summer. I’m blessed and incredibly grateful that I have the ability to go to other places in the country, so when I heard we were going to California this summer I was excited. But now. A week at Cali has been cut down to only 2 days. Why? Because we have to be present at my brother’s ceremony thing at a retreat. I’ll have you know he doesn’t want to even go to this retreat . And he’s only going because my mom is PAYING him to go. So imagine getting your vacation cut short to be present at a ceremony where he’s probably not even gonna be happy at. Like cmon. I feel bad sometimes but honestly what does my family expect. I can’t just open myself to a stranger, I just wish things were the way they were before he came.

I (32f) don’t understand why men just feel like they must know better than I, a lowly female. I went to the doctor to deal with an issue. I knew what the problem was since I had to stop taking a med due to dental surgery and now needed to have new drugs to ‘catch up’ and then go back to normal. However I got stuck seeing a male doctor (70+) as opposed to one of my normal female doctors and it was the worst experience. Nurses went through everything with me and had no issues with what I needed and were going to handle it until this guy steps in because he is the doctor. He proceeds to do an entire exam and then tell me that what I want was going to be a bad route. He wanted to me to do an entire procedure because if I was his daughter I’d be doing that. Told me that my way was going to be painful and I’d be home all weekend long completely bedridden. Said procedure was easy and they just put you to sleep handle what is needed and then you go home with your caretaker. Few issues, 1. I was by myself and had no one who I could call to be able to come meet me and drive me home after nor would I want to inconvenience someone with that when I DONT NEED A PROCEDURE and 2. I am terrified of any type of procedure where you are knocked out. I said no, I want to go with my original plan of extra dose of meds here and then be on my way, I had dealt with it before and I could deal with the pain. This doctor laughed at me and said ‘ok we will see if you are saying that when I see you back here in 2 weeks.’ This man had no idea of the medical issues I’ve dealt with nor the trauma I endured the last 2 years of my life. Achy joints weren’t going to kill me. He did finally just give me what I needed but of course explained the instructions for how to take a pill every 4 hours to me 3x. I did spend my Saturday night in bed with some heating pads but honestly the ‘rona shots gave me worse side effects. It just really annoyed me that this man tried to get me to not do what I wanted to do, what I had done in the past when I had issues like this, because he knows the pain a female can handle and this was going to be just too much for little ol me. If it was just to be like, listen what you want is fine but as a medical professional I just want to let you know that I wouldn’t recommend this because a b and c but it’s your choice, I’d have no problem. But the audacity of this 80+ year old man acting like he was my father and knew best for me really pissed me off.

Just a note: obviously I’m very vague with what my medical issue was. To give an example of what I’m trying to explain but not using my exact condition, imagine you take a medication to help with joint pain, you had to stop taking it for a few weeks because it would interact with a drug from dental surgery. You go to doctor to ask for a cortisone shot to alleviate the pain as you start taking the meds again to be normal. He decides no, the effects from the shot are not worth it and would rather knock you out to go in and clean around the cartilage in the joint to fix it. Despite you have gotten the shot before and are aware of the side effects and know you can handle them.

Just what the title says... I moved across the country (think multiple day drive) to go to college and I broke up with him because everyone kept telling me it was the right thing to do and that I would regret not getting the 'college experience' if I was always thinking about someone back home. Turns out the 'college experience' thing is a load of bullshit and it's been a year now and I still miss him like crazy. I tried to move on but I don't know that I'll ever be able to look at someone else and not think of him. I know it's entirely my own fault and I broke both our hearts for the dumbest reason possible. I don't know how he doesn't hate me.

I'm back home for the summer now and he's close friends with all of my friends (one of which he became friends with AFTER the breakup after they both hated each other the whole time we dated) so I'm going to have to see him everywhere I go the whole time I'm home. We've texted a little since the breakup and he says he wants to try and be friends which ig is better than not knowing him at all. It's just the worst feeling to see him from across the room and act like we're strangers. I know that it's past fixing and that I don't deserve to be anything more than friends after I hurt him so badly. Idk I just miss him so much and I hate that I'm only really realizing this now!! I thought it would pass!! It is not passing!

im about to finish secondary (high) school and am getting ready for my exams. i already have most of the points i need for college and know im capable of getting even more with very little study. (which is good because i have adhd and cant study for the life of me.) ive always hated school so now that im about to graduate, i haven't been going in as much. everytime i stay home, my parents get upset and tell me its fine because "someone needs to work in a factory." (theyre both blue collar workers, by the way so they might just want me to be more successful than they are but they already know im going to college.) im sick of them acting like im unambitious just because i hate studying and going to school. all of my teachers feel the same way. that just because i slack off and dont stress about exams, im not going anywhere. and i can tell my peers just see me as unintelligent. im so tired of this because none of it is true. i dont throw it in people's faces but im actually pretty smart. my teachers think i hate learning but i love learning. anything i pick up an interest, i learn eveything i possibly can about it. im constantly learning new skills like different instruments and art forms. i just fucking hate school and always have. teachers treat me like a bad student because im always in trouble for being late. but the only reason i never want to come in is that all the teachers are fools and nobody has ever shown me an ounce of respect. since teachers treat me like a bad student, my peers assume i am one and my own rebellion and hatred towards the school doesnt help my case. my whole life, i have been the only person on my side. the only one who knows my worth. im so glad im a week from graduating about about four months from moving out of my parents house. i know im going to make something of myself and i dont need any of this.

I just failed a year of college and I feel like such a failure. I’m so burnt out and I feel like I have the worst luck possible. I used to be an honor student in high school, but after starting college, I’ve struggled so hard.

I failed my first semester of college, bounced back, and now I’ve thrown away an entire year. I’m not worried about repeating a year or having to graduate later because I get that graduating on time isn’t a necessity. But I know my parents will give me shit for it and will try to force me into marrying someone or dropping out since I can’t do well in school. (They’ve threatened me with this before)

I know it’s not entirely my fault since a lot happened to me this year (got cheated on, sexually harassed, etc) and I was forced to take on the responsibility of being a primary caretaker of my sisters’ infant children due to her going through a messy divorce and her deadbeat husband. I had no time to study and trying to stay on campus after classes was a big no as my dad would yell at me or suspect I was doing something not good.

I’ve lost my scholarship for good since I tried withdrawing from my failing courses, but found out that the deadline passed a week ago. So now I can’t appeal. My GPA is in the gutter and my transcript sucks. Idk what to do anymore.

I was completely sober for 3 years. I stopped drinking alcohol. I didn’t do drugs often. I definitely dabbled, the occasional party drug or weed. It started at a little health challenge and I just kept going. I slowly started introducing alcohol back into my life and it was fine. I felt ready. And then I went through a huge relationship breakup. I felt free. I felt like I could finally live my life. And I was, I experienced more in the 6 months post break up than almost my entire adulthood so far. And then I started dating an addict. I didn’t realize how bad it was, how bad their addiction was. It was fun at first. And then I got sucked into it. Now I’m addicted to drugs and alcohol and I don’t know how to get out of it.

I’m not mad at her, not even the slightest. Totally her choice and I don’t even know the full story. I just wanted somewhere to talk openly about it.

I spoke to her a few months ago and she was her normal bubbly self, she asked how life was, said things were great for her, doted on her sister and her step son and we said goodbye. It was just one of those calls you make every year or two to old friends you don’t see anymore ya know?

I don’t know if she was sick at that time or not, but whatever she was sick with she knew she wasn’t going to make it. She didn’t want a funeral and all her family replied “she was just really sick” like a planned response. Plus I kinda creeped her bfs page and he made a post on her birthday the day before she passed about not knowing how much time was left but making every day count as the last.. that hurt a lot to read. She looked so happy and even kinda still healthy in the photos. You could tell there was something wrong, but she didn’t look dying.

Ugh. I’m venting here because I’m 32 and almost every single friend I grew up with has died now. From OD, or accidents or health problems etc. Literally about 27 friends I think at this point. So I don’t think I even have friends who knew her as part of the same social circle I did that are still alive to talk to about her. We were kinda the last connection to a lot of dead social circles and now I’m feeling more alone than most of the deaths I’ve encountered.

Shit sucks man.

Hey Reddit,

I don’t normally post like this—hell, I never post with my porn account—but I’m especially lost right now. Two years ago, I got into a doctoral program for English lit, thinking it was what I wanted for my career. I’ve always excelled in school, so grad school would be a cinch! I got BAs in English and Creative Writing during undergrad, and it was some of the most rewarding work I’ve ever done. Grad school has been two years of (what feels like) a continuous mental health crisis, and today I may have wasted my last chance to get out with a degree.

I’ve dealt with anxiety and depression my entire life (medicated for six years), but after moving away to school, I very quickly spun off the rails. I was the furthest from home I had ever been, away from family and friends and my support network. My relationship with booze and weed, which had been casual, became habitual. I’m not the most social person to begin with, but the isolated lifestyle of grad school made it worse than I could have imagined. The only friends I had were in my cohort, and their being somewhere in between coworker and friend made it difficult to speak with them candidly about my struggles. After all, they had the same workload that I did, so complaining felt stupid, and sharing the extent of how bad shit had gotten seemed like it would be a one-way ticket to a grippy socks vacation.

Frankly, I should probably have gone on that vacation. I could still use one. There hasn’t been a day gone by since, like, October 2022 that I haven’t thought about killing myself. Most of the time it isn’t active, just your typical ideation like “Oh, grad school makes me want to die lol.” One of my favorite recurring ideations is hurling myself into an industrial woodchipper like in Fargo—it’s so ridiculously violent that it usually snaps me right out of my funk. Where would I even find an industrial woodchipper?

It’s gotten worse lately though. This winter was bad. I’d fantasize about finding the nearest Wal-mart and exercising my constitutional right to purchase a firearm, driving to one of the many nearby beautiful state parks that I was never able to find time to go visit during the semester, and blowing my brains out. When I realized that I needed to give my family some plausible deniability for my suicide so they could grieve my loss rather than my decision, I’d fantasize instead about “losing control” on the highway. I hoped the seatbelt would take my head and launch it straight out the windshield. Or I’d fantasize about pulling a Christopher Supertramp and just leaving without warning to fuck off and die in the woods—not violently, but by something that looked natural. God, what I wouldn’t give to be devoured by a bear.

All of these options were moot though, as I was too anxious to leave my house and drive for groceries for the entirety of March and April. Can’t drive yourself off a bridge if you’re too afraid to drive. Fret not though, friends—I’m back home with family now, stable and safe, and I no longer feel the pull of the void quite so strongly as I did at school.

Anyways, the workload was like nothing I had experienced in undergrad, and even though I knew it was going to be a lot of work, I thought I could keep up.

I was wrong.

I really gave it my best effort that first semester. I prepped each class I taught as a TA excessively, answered student emails within five minutes of receiving them. I started every other day with an anxiety vomit, but I went to class. I did my best to read everything assigned to me. I threw myself at Foucault and Derrida and fuckin Homi Bhabha and the 40 other opaque critical theorists they had us read, and I struggled through them to the best of my ability, but I never seemed to be on the same page as anyone else, so I found it more and more difficult to speak up in class until I stopped speaking entirely.
Still, I wrote the 75 pages of critical writing they assign to us in the last week of the semester. I barely slept and hardly ate. I wrote what I thought they wanted, did my best to model myself after what we had read.

They told me that my efforts were disappointing, that my work “barely qualified” as critical writing. I think part of me died when I got that feedback. I got the impression, at least from the instructor who told me I barely qualified, that I had disrespected them on a professional and personal level. I come from a creative writing background, so I tend to inject personality and voice into whatever I write. Both my peers and other faculty I’ve discussed this feedback with agree that the paper (while definitely not fully formed) did not warrant that level of harshness, but it broke something in me.

I kept up for most of the second semester, but by the time those end-of-semester essays rolled around, I felt a writer’s block like I had never felt before. It wasn’t the sort that went away if I forced myself to write through it, like every other time I’d felt the block before. No, this was debilitating. I was paralyzed. I tried chipping away at it, and I tried tricking myself into writing by telling myself I was just taking notes. None of my old tricks worked, even that time-honored tradition of putting my back to the wall by waiting until the deadline and writing manic, anxiety-fueled bullshit. Every time I had ever faced something like this before—a mountain of writing that I didn’t want to do—I eventually slipped into gear and got it done.

It didn’t happen. For the first time in my life, I didn’t complete a final essay. I just couldn’t force myself to give a fuck. I couldn’t give a fuck about my work, about my grades, about my reputation at the university, about my future career, about my future continued existence. At some point, I became apathetic to my life and the world around me, but still, I pressed on because it was the only thing I thought I could do. One does not just get accepted into a fully-funded graduate program every day, you know, and I’d never forgive myself if I gave up on it so quickly. That’s what I was told, at least. Beyond that, I didn’t want to disappoint my friends and family and everyone who helped me get to grad school.

So I stuck with it, finished the essay and came back after the summer, and after forcing myself through the fall semester, I didn’t complete two final essays. My untreated burnout got worse. Imagine that! At the beginning of this semester, I made the decision to drop from the PhD track, cut my losses and get an MA. All I needed to do was finish one course this semester, one measly 25 page essay about the fucking kinetoscope, but I couldn’t do it. All I did this past semester was smoke myself stupid, play video games, and wish that I was dead. I spent months lying to my parents and my therapist, telling them both that while everything wasn’t fine, I was persevering and making progress. I’ve shared a little with my mom, now that I’m home and shit’s gone sideways, but all she did was cry and ask if I need to be taken to the ER. Nobody wants to make mom cry, and the last thing I fucking want is medical debt.

My deadline—the “missing this deadline will result in dismissal from the program” deadline—was today at noon, and I missed it. I have ten pages written, and I could finish it today if my brain wasn’t fucking broken, but instead I’ve written a confession to Reddit. I’ve emailed my DGS and will hear his verdict tomorrow morning, but honestly? I could fight for it, but don’t think I care anymore. I’ve been suffering for two years, and I don’t know if a master’s degree is worth it. This degree won’t make me happy—my depression brain says that nothing will, but I know that isn’t true. I wanted the MA so I could teach at a community college because that feels much closer to praxis than jerking off to Frantz Fanon until I get tenure, but I’m not even sure if I like teaching or if it was just the least of all evils I had to deal with as a grad student. (Lowkey, Fanon is probably the way to go if we’re jerking off to critical theorists, but I digress)

So Reddit, what do I do with my life? I’m a 25 year old burn out who 1) may have just lost their big shot at a slightly less worthless degree than the one they got in undergrad 2) just moved back in with their parents to a dead-end Midwest town 3) has few marketable skills and little job experience because they’ve been in academia hell for two years 4) has not had a relationship in even longer than that and 5) is generally a/pathetic.

Ending it isn’t on the table, so what do I do? Has anyone here gone through something like this? How can I rediscover my lust for life and letters? Where have you found your passion?

EDIT: forgot you needed two returns between paragraphs

TLDR: Im scared to make the jump of ending things. I love him but I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore. Im scared it’s the wrong decision. Im scared to start over. Im worried financially. Im worried about our pets.

If you can do math I’m sure you can see that my boyfriend and I started dating pretty young, if anything I’d say he is my first love. I thought he was my true love. Backstory: We moved in together after about 7mo of dating (with roommates) then a few months later just the two of us. Things were great, we were working on our careers and got two dogs. It felt like we had a little family and happy life. Fast forward three years: we go on a trip with his family. His dad flips his shit on us about finances in an airport but is primarily yelling at me because my partner was being submissive and not questioning or trying to discuss this with his dad. His dad also brought our relationship into his yelling, saying things like I don’t make my BF happy, he doesn’t support our relationship. It was really shocking and “random” for me to see this display. It honestly sent me into a depression to be broken down like that publicly, with no warning, by my boyfriend’s dad and him not even sticking up for me or our relationship. My bf telling me the entire trip home and at home that that’s how his dad is, that he’s sorry, and he doesn’t know why his dad said those things. That he’s happy with me. Three months later I catch him texting other girls talking about meeting up. I already had a girls trip planned coming up and told him I needed time to sort through all of this given that I feel like I was dealt blow after blow. I came back from the trip and we talked about it more, I asked numerous times if there’s something I’m not doing right or if I do truly make him unhappy. He denies, says that he doesn’t know why he reached out to other women and that it was a stupid mistake that will never happen again. Of course for awhile I was on edge and wary but I loved him and wanted to make this work. A few more months later I was trying to find a tattoo artist he follows and showed me on instagram. But instead I found him following a lot of explicit female pages. I told him that this made me uncomfortable especially given our recent issues and set a boundary to not continue following/looking at these women. For the past year I feel as though things have been good and my trust is back for him. Here’s the but: 1) I don’t feel like I enjoy his conversation anymore or it’s gotten less. I feel like I have to initiate every conversation, find things to talk about. 2) I feel like I almost have to mom him or be his parent. Having to help him file his taxes, figure out his car insurance, his doctors appointments, cleaning etc. 3) He’s not romantic. We’ve had numerous conversations about how I want to surprise occasionally, I want him to do something romantic for me. I’ve quite literally almost begged him to. He always says he’ll try harder and he’s sorry. I know everyone has different love languages giving and receiving but I feel as though we’ve both communicated ours and it’s feeling one sided. Some anniversaries or valentines we took it easy and just did a cute dinner together. Some I planned trips for us. One year I did a surprise beach trip. For our 5yr anniversary I did a spa resort since neither of us had gone and well it’s our big 5 year anniversary! I don’t want to degrade him and say he’s never done anything for me but I just don’t feel like we’re on the same level. We just got back from a week long trip to the PNW we’ve been wanting to do for years. He didn’t put any effort into planning so I made the entire itinerary including finding where to eat at during the trip. I feel like this trip really snapped for me. Our 6yr anniversary is next month and I almost want to just not bother and see what he does, if anything. I know I shouldn’t expect things but I thought he was going to propose during our 5yr anniversary because he occasionally would ask what kind of wedding rings I liked. When he didn’t, I thought maybe he was waiting for a romantic trip like the PNW since we always talk about where we would and wouldn’t want to be proposed at. He didn’t. I know it sound silly to expect a ring when I’m sitting here questioning staying with him. Because I’m usually a logically person and clearly a planner and mentally made a pros and cons list.. and the reasons I kept coming back to for not leaving him is 1) we have long history together 2) I love him and I don’t want to hurt him 3) the stress of having to decide moving out and furniture 4) we have two dogs together 5) financially 6) I’m scared to start over.

I made a post a few weeks ago about Eddie. Three years ago, I befriended “Eddie” on vacation. I liked him, and he liked me. He confided in the wrong people about his crush on me, and I found out. However, Eddie actually had a girlfriend, and cut contact with me. He was friends with mostly everyone else on social media except me. I never really got any closure or resolution around this situation. Eddie and I never spoke after the trip. So for years, I’ve always wondered about how he really felt about me.

Eddie and his girlfriend broke up two months later, but he never tried contacting me. I kind of suspected that he looked at my TikTok videos, but I also know that for months after, he wasn’t over his ex. This situation happened during the height of the pandemic, so while I knew it would be best to move on, I couldn’t. If this situation happened at any other time, I likely would’ve forgotten Eddie within a couple of weeks or months. But classes were online. I couldn’t meet anyone. For a good year, I had feelings for Eddie, but again, nothing ever came of it.

This past summer, I was heartbroken over another failed crush. I was just going through a lot in general, and I spent most of my days high on drugs. I posted TikTok videos about heartbreak and depression. Sometimes I’d post five TikToks in a night. Sometimes, I’d reupload these videos. I don’t know why. I guess I was bored. And while I still wondered about Eddie, I didn’t think he ever looked my social media.

Little did I know, Eddie saw me posting these videos online, and contacted our friends. He asked them to see if I was posting anything else on my Instagram, which is private. Nothing’s happened since then, but I’m wondering why Eddie cares. I don’t think Eddie is this evil sociopath or anything, but it’s not like he showed me any care or consideration back then when he actually hurt me. So why? Is this some misguided way of absolving himself of guilt?

So I’m 20 and I graduated with my bachelors (theatre) in December and I have no idea where to go from here. I know I want to go to grad school but I don’t know for what. Working isn’t a great option because I live nowhere close to jobs in the industry my degree is in and for the speciality (dramaturgy) I wanted to pursue you need at least a masters. However the more I think about it I feel like it’s not an obtainable career. I have thought about going back and pursuing another bachelors (in either history or museum studies as I think I’d love to work in a museum) but I also feel like those aren’t very alive job industries in this day and age. I’ve been scrambling and looking at nearly every field but nothing sticks out to me. Any of the fields I’m interested in are pretty far from me (I live in a decent sized place but not with any great jobs my only two options here are pretty much retail or food service) and I don’t feel comfortable enough making a big move on the basis of simply trying a career and seeing if I like it, nor do I want to spend any more money on a degree I’m unsure about.

My whole life I’ve been a strict planner and I’ve never felt so purposeless. I’ve been in college courses without breaks (besides Christmas) since I was 14 and I’m just lost. My depression and anxiety have gotten way worse and I’ve been separated from my social circle since moving.

If anyone has an advice on how they found out what they wanted to do in life or on just being okay with being stagnant/unsure I’d love to hear it.

30sM and I think I've botched it with the only person in my life I want to be with and don't think I'll ever want to date again.

So for this to make sense I'll have to start in the middle, rewind to the beginning then give you all the end.

In the middle of last summer I finally got the chance and courage to ask out a girl I have been crazy about for years. We are in the same wider social circle and talked occasionally. Now I maybe terrible at reading potential romantic situations but I genuinely believed there was a spark between us.

The date we went on was BAD, I mean boring with no flirting and little chat over messages before or after. A week or so later I messaged her and she very kindly but clearly told me there were no romantic feelings there from her side (can't say I was shocked by this).

This really hit me hard and I proceeded to lose about 3stone in weight, get a personal trainer, change my diet, start seeing a therapist (should have done that years ago) and generally try to make my life better. Seeing a therapist has made me see that I have been terribly depressed for a large part of the last 6 years and have been covering it with food and alcohol. Part of my depression made me think I wasn't good enough for anyone and this is very likely part of the reason the date was so bad (no confidence). This date also being the first one I had been on in about a decade, what a great time to relearn how to date - with the love of your life. I had nothing to talk about, wasn't inquisitive and can understand why she didn't want to see me again.

For the last 8 months I've been rediscovering old hobbies I put down due to the depression, signed up to a couple of dating apps, been on some dates (where I've been fun and interesting but I don't seem to generate romantic feelings in other people), and genuinely tried to get over her.

Now the social circle we inhabit revolves around a sports league so until a couple of weeks ago I haven't had to see her (I have looked at her IG occasionally, I tried not to but you know how it is). Bumping into each other was incredibly uncomfortable for me but it was just in the passing so I was mostly able to hold it together.

There have been a couple of other things that have made me spiral about this but posting them would likely dox me and/or her so I'll leave them out

I don't think I'm posting here looking for advice or anything I just need to say it out loud. I had a chance with someone I think is the love of my life and botched it. I'm now a different person than I was last year and yet it is incredibly unlikely that I'll get another chance with her, I don't want anyone else, I can't see myself with anyone else and there is now a very good chance I'll spend the rest of my life alone

My grandma is getting very annoying as she gets older and loses her common senses. I can’t even close the microwave door without her telling me to close it quieter. I can’t walk fast when I’m in a rush to get out the door because it’s too loud. Whenever she asks me a question and I answer it, she has a unhappy look on her face and tells me to answer “with more care” because I have a monotone voice and she thinks I don’t care about her anymore, which I’m starting to . She doesn’t acknowledge that I am an adult and that I can take care of myself, asking questions like “are you hungry”, when she has never even cooked a meal in her life. And whenever she is going to her room or using the restroom she makes sure to announce it to the whole house, interrupting whatever I’m doing whether it’s working out, in a meeting, concentrating, she just is very nosy and asks useless questions. Don’t get me wrong I am aware that she loves me and she is just making sure all is well but the repeating just makes me go crazy. I’ve seen other family members start to lose their patience with her and I just wish she was like my 80 yr old grandpa who is calm, only speaks when spoken to, and rarely repeats questions.

When I was 16 (F), I met a 27 year old man through an mmorpg and we hit it off fairly quickly. Let’s call him Dan. Dan became a really cool friend to run dungeons and raids with, but not long after, he confessed his feelings for me and I felt the same way too, so we pretty much started dating? He was really sweet, fun to talk to, and made me laugh a lot. Part of me knew it was wrong to be getting this attached to a grown man, but I guess I was too blind in love to get myself to stop talking to him that way. We would video call thru Discord almost daily (this went on for abt 2 yrs), he would shower me with compliments and affection all the time and he made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I have always struggled with self-image issues and low self esteem, so this behavior of his helped me feel better about myself while also increasing my self esteem. My relationship with him felt so..real, I had never received attention like that from any guy before. He would also gift me little things in game (since we were long distance), I remember him buying me this cute pet ghost in the game and feeling like I was so lucky to land an awesome bf. Not long in our relationship, Dan would start bringing up sex, like a lot.. from sex jokes and innuendos, to straight up asking me overly sexual questions. Like, we could be talking abt how our day went and he would find a way to make that conversation sexual. Possibly the most alarming thing he said to me was when he asked me “so when are you going to give me head?” to which I just responded with a nervous emoji BECAUSE his sex talk and questions always made me uncomfortable. I never told him I was uncomfortable with his sex talk and jokes because I was afraid he would stop loving me or accuse me of being selfish. He then said “who am I kidding, you will say yes lol, this is not debatable”. Looking back at it now, I cant believe such a disgusting message flew over my head and that I just laughed it off. He also one time said he wanted to adopt me so he could trap me in a sex dungeon..how did this also fly over my head 😅 Additionally, he did try asking me for nudes and sexual favors but I never did so bc I wanted to save those things for after marriage (that’s how it is in my culture too).

Well, because of my response to his sexual favors, Dan asked me if I could marry him to which I responded with saying that I was too young and that I wasn’t ready. Mind you, I was an underaged girl who still went to school and lived with her family. Dan would then start to get more distant and cold; he accused me of never having loved him and that I was dumb to think that I was too young (since according to him, it wasn’t long until I was 18, so it was alright). I remember all the times his hurtful comments and accusations made me sob myself to sleep, I began to doubt what we even had going on. To keep the relationship going, I “promised” him that I would marry him after I turned 18, after that false promise he went back to being the sweet, funny and kind man that I had loved in the beginning. At the time, all of my friends had switched to different schools, and so I was alone and craved some kind of relationship to keep myself happy. He wanted me to tell my family abt him but I was hesitant as I was really nervous. But eventually I told my mom about him. She warned me that my Dan was not to trusted and that it was alarming how old he was compared to a girl my age, she suggested I block him and I remember being so upset abt it. Once again, I was too blind in love to understand what I was doing and how it was so wrong. Now for some reason, Dan was upset with me bc my mom wasn’t on board with the idea of us getting married? That argument led to another night of me sinking to despair and crying myself to sleep. I genuinely thought that life was not really worth living without him.

After a couple months, I decided to cut contact with him as I felt our relationship was not it and thus, we stopped talking. Now I ask if I was being groomed b he did say he wanted to marry me, but was all that real? Or was he just excited abt the idea of chasing an underaged and inexperienced girl?

TLDR: My partner had a very sudden manic episode turned into a psychotic break over the past week, and I'm not handling him being in a psych ward for the time being very well. It's honestly killing me, I'm so worried for him - I'm looking for advice and support on how to cope with this event.

My boyfriend (21M) and I (20F) have been together for nearly 3 years. For 2 years, we were long distance. In August 2023 is when we closed the distance and began living with each other in real life. Last week, the week of May 5th, is when this situation begun.

We frequently took edibles (weed) as part of our routine. Last Tuesday, he did just that - and while he was high, he started to get curious about his parents' finances. He began to text both his mother and father, asking questions about what they've saved up for their retirement. His mom seemed to be dodging his questions a lot, but eventually she told him that she estimated that both she and his father would have around 10-13 million after retirement. Not only this, but she also both implied and outright confirmed that my boyfriend would be inheriting this large amount of money after they pass away. This quickly unlocked a hyperfixation for him, and we began to talk about it together. It's all we talked about for that week, because we thought, why is this something that his mother would lie about? There's absolutely no understandable reason that she would have to lie about this. I should mention that, after Tuesday, he did not take any more edibles or substances, though regardless I feel that weed may have partially played a role in why this happened.

Throughout the week, as he was delving into this hyperfixation, his behavior began to change. I didn't truly notice it at the time, and just thought he was very reasonably acting a bit odd and excited because, this was a life changing thing that was presumably happening for the both of us. I didn't think to question his mother's statement. Me being passive to his behavior and not suspicious of his mother's statement and behavior is something I feel I am to blame for, because it turned out to be a slowly building manic episode. On Friday, May 10th, is when we found out that the 10-13 million inheritance was a lie. He was distraught - absolutely broken. Something snapped in him after that day.

On Saturday, he woke me up at 6-7 am. I suspect that he may not have slept Friday night into Saturday morning. He reassured me that he would be okay, we would both be okay after this, that we would get over it and be able to focus on something else. But very quickly throughout Saturday his behavior shifted drastically, and it turned into a full blown manic episode. For the entire first half of the day, he paced around our apartment, glued to his phone, spamming everyone in his life about the thoughts he had been having. It's normal for him to be on his phone a lot, so I didn't question this. I regret it so much, I should have noticed the signs. It's difficult for me to convey what exactly his thoughts were or what his hyperfixation was, because most of it didn't truly make sense, but the short version of it is that since the inheritance wasn't real, he began to hyperfixate on starting a business from the ground up with both me and his friends. It spiraled from there.

In the evening is when his behavior began to become violent and increasingly more erratic. He began to direct his frustration and anger towards me, starting to hyperfixate on me and our relationship, blaming me for the entire situation. We've had a difficult relationship, but we've always managed to come back full circle either way. He became paranoid of me, believed that I could hurt him, and so much more. It broke my heart. It's more than I can convey into words. Saturday evening into Sunday morning I stayed up all night with him, trying to handle the situation as best as I could, but it only got worse. Eventually, his parents arrived at our apartment. He's always had apprehensions about introducing me to his parents for multiple reasons, especially including the fact that we met online. He believed that they wouldn't understand it, and he didn't have a close relationship with his parents to begin with at all. It sucks that I could only meet them as this situation was going down.

Sunday, May 12th, is when his parents took him to the emergency room. It is only just yesterday that he was admitted into a psychiatric hospital. I'm heartbroken. I'm keeping in contact with his mother, but I haven't gotten many updates from her besides the fact that he's in a hospital and that they're waiting to hear from the doctor. Based on what I've seen with his behavior and researched, it seems that his manic episode eventually turned into a psychotic break. I also suspect that he may have bipolar 1 disorder. I'm not a doctor, but it matches up with everything that I've seen, and I'm devastated. It was horrible. His mother has bipolar disorder, though im not sure what type - though my partner did mention that his mother would have occasional manic episodes.

It's been two days since he's been gone. All I've been doing is grieving. I've eaten very little, all I've been doing is crying, and everything in our apartment reminds me of him. It's incredibly painful to be here without him because we spent all of our time together. I'm also worried about him being in the hospital itself - I don't want him to be mistreated by others or misdiagnosed. Psych hospitals can be very hit or miss, and it terrifies me. It's possible that he could be there for several weeks at the very least given how severe his mental state was. I just don't know what to do, or what this means for us in the future. He hasn't even gotten a diagnosis yet, from what I know. I just feel like I'm being kept in the dark. I don't know anything about what's happening at all. I just want him to be okay. How can I get through this? I don't think I can get through this. What happens when he gets back? Is he gonna be okay? Have any of you experienced what it's like to be kept in a psych hospital? I don't know what to do with myself when he comes back, I don't know how to support myself in the mean time, and I don't know what this means for us or for our relationship. I'm so, so scared. I'm terrified. I love him so much, I just want him to be okay.

I don't have many people around me to support me, so posting here has been my last resort. I feel awful, I feel horrible, I feel like this is all my fault. I feel like if I saw the signs earlier, I could've prevented this, I could've grounded him, I could've brought him down from where he was headed. I don't know what exact mental illness he has yet, I can only assume based on what I've seen. But, has anyone ever been in a similar situation like this? What do I do with myself? I know he's getting the help that he needs, but I can't help but worry for him. I feel super isolated and alone and anxious in our apartment. It's empty here without him, incredibly empty.

If you've read this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read this. It means more to me than you know. So, once more, TLDR: My partner had a very sudden manic episode turned into a psychotic break over the past week, and I'm not handling him being in a psych ward for the time being very well. It's honestly killing me, I'm so worried for him - I'm looking for advice and support on how to cope with this event.

I’m (m) 50 and my wife is 53. Like the title says, I’ve made us both millionaires through diligent long-term savvy investing over the past 20 years, but I don’t feel like I get the credit for it that I deserve. Neither of us ever made big salaries or come from family wealth ( she did get a small inheritance many years ago, which was sitting in a savings account losing money until I invested it for her). We always lived well beneath our means and are frugal.

Anyway, she lost her job 3 years ago and we decided that was okay, financially speaking. I’m still working.

My big gripe is that investing / personal finance is a passion and hobby of mine, but every time I mention how well our investments are doing she replies with “well they could go down.” It’s disheartening and I feel like she is minimizing this accomplishment. And it’s a huge accomplishment! Our cars are paid for; we paid off our home last year, and today I tallied up our investments and it came out to $2,450,000. We’re in a low cost of living area, so this amount goes a long way. We have no debt.

But again this evening when I mentioned it to her, the first words she said were, “it could go down.”

And yes, she’s right, it could go down. Just like it went down in early 2021, or 2018, or when it went down 40% during the Great Recession of ‘08. But it also wouldn’t have become anywhere near what it has if I hadn’t helped her invest her money and help her choose her 401k options.

I grew up poor and full of economic anxiety. I never thought I’d “make it”. And all I really wanted to hear from her was a heartfelt “wow honey, you did great. I’m very proud of you.”

That’s all I want. But what I get is “it can always go down.”

I have been dealing with chronic pain for a long time and joint pain for about three years, with it getting significantly worse this last year and a half. I saw a million doctors some who ignored me some who shrugged and referred me to someone else and finally own doctor who diagnosed me with arthritis and fibromyalgia complicated by hyper mobile joints. That was around March and since then I’ve been in a medication that does nothing and I’ve been slowly deteriorating. The insurance company won’t approve the medication my doctor wanted to put me on without trying a few other things first. I’m exhausted. Like so so exhausted. It’s been years of pain and not seeing an end in sight and getting a diagnosis seemed like it might be getting there… but every day my mobility gets worse. I have a nonfunctional hand and my arms don’t lift above my head. I can’t get in and out of the tub on my own and sometimes I get stuck on the toilet. My husband has to help me put my bra and my pants on and most days I’m in so much pain I just lie in bed all day. I know I’m supposed to be active to help, but I’m too tired. So tired that I dont want to eat anymore or drink water. Because the idea of getting up, finding my grip tape to open my water bottle, going to the sink, getting water, and then drinking that drink is just too much. I barely even want to sit up anymore because my whole body feels heavy. I hate my life and I hate existing and I can see the burden I am on my husband who has to do basically everything for me. I feel useless and getting out of bed takes literally up to five minutes. I just dont have the energy to exist anymore no matter what I do. I feel as if this will never end. I used to feel like a person, but now I just feel like a collection of symptoms. I’m not even sure that if I do get better how I’ll ever get back to being a person. I feel beyond help.

One of my greatest mentors in life just was recently diagnosed with what will likely be an incurable disease with a very short lifespan left ahead of him. I never grew up around people who taught quality leadership skills and I was fortunate when in my current job five years ago he taught me what it takes to succeed in a leadership role, as well as instill in me what it takes to succeed in my line of work. Just having a hard time, as he has been someone who has supported and apparently recognized something in me. Thats it.

I don't really use this site, the only times I use it is for advice; But I really have no one else to tell this to. I legitimately think I'm gonna die soon. It's a very strong gut feeling that I can't get rid of no matter how much I try to get it off my mind. I try to calm myself down when it comes to mind, I draw, write, watch some youtube, maybe even play a game or something, but no it doesn't work I get worse. I think the thing that started all of this was after I got sick and I had the worse panic attack in my life because I thought I was gonna die from pneumonia for some reason?? It's so bad I don't even remember anything from that night at all and my mom had to tell me what happened. After I some medication and recovered from being sick, I haven't been the same since after everything. I've become more paranoid, depressed, anxious, I started seeing and hearing things and I developed really bad thanatophobia. Everyday I get this gut feeling, no matter what is going on I feel it. I've been distancing myself from my friends and I've just been laying in my bed crying literally every. single. day. Because I do genuinely believe i'm going to die and I don't want people close to me to suffer that much or something. I told my therapist and they gave no comment on it. I'm really scared because I don't want to die.