Those of you who are in early recovery but lost your spouse due to your addiction, how did you ever get through it?

Hi everyone, I hope this is the right place for this question. I’m a middle-aged Southern transplant new to San Diego, and I’m having a hell of a time finding a reputable place for rehab that won’t cost a fortune. I had a look at La Jolla Recovery, but I found some dirt on them that made me uneasy. Now I’m looking at SoCal Recovery up by Dana Point; has anyone been there?

I’m open to other suggestions. I really appreciate any help you can provide.

#socal #addiction

An anonymous one

I never thought I’d be the person writing this but here I am. Alcohol slowly messed up my life in ways I didn’t even notice at first. It started with just a few drinks after work to relax then turned into drinking every night then weekends were a blur then I was waking up hungover every morning just to do it all over again.

I lost friends cause I’d cancel plans last minute or show up drunk I started messing up at work and almost lost my job. My sleep was horrible my anxiety was through the roof and I just felt stuck like I couldn’t function without it but also hated what it was doing to me. My family tried to talk to me about it but I’d always brush it off like I had it under control when I really didn’t.

One day after another blackout I finally decided I couldn’t do this anymore. I searched for help and found Abbeycare Rehab UK. Ended up doing treatment there and honestly it saved me. My therapist Luipa was amazing she actually listened and helped me understand why I was drinking so much instead of just telling me to stop. It wasn’t easy but I finally feel like myself again. Been sober for a few months now and life is slowly getting better.

If you’re struggling with alcohol please know you’re not alone and there is help out there. If you’re thinking about getting treatment I really recommend doing therapies. Happy to answer any questions if anyone wants to talk about it. Stay strong!

After 16 years of consistently smoking weed, I can finally admit that it has ruined my life. I regret the day I agreed to meeting with my neighbor to take weed brownies in a sad attempt to seem "cool" or "down" with them. Smoking/ingesting weed has led me to places I couldn't fathom going to prior to my first time being high. Once I decided at 16 that smoking weed was my new go-to activity and way to gaining social capital, I dropped everything that was important and good for me and proceeded to dismantle the fundamentals of what made me who I was at the time.

In my first year of smoking, I quit any and everything that prevented me from smoking and having access to weed. I quit all extracurricular activities, which included track and dance. I lied about quitting these activities to cover up the allotted time I now had to be a pothead after school. I stopped hanging out with friends who I had genuine connections with because they weren't smokers, and I only made time for associates of mine who had the time and money to smoke. As a result, my quality of life and the company I kept took a significant downward spiral and I was no longer surrounded by people who cared about my well-being.

Half-way through my first year of smoking, my mother got married to this emotionally unavailable man who didn't care to get to know me or even pretend to be interested in me. This resulted in me skipping school, to not only smoke but to come back to a place that felt like it did before he moved into our family home. At this point, I was still maintaining friendships that I had prior to this new lifestyle change but my priorities and overall disposition changed completely after this change in my family dynamic.

The shift in my behavior alarmed my mother, who at the time was fairly young and not emotionally equipped to for the behavioral changes caused by hormones and chemical imbalances that took place due to me smoking weed and having a predisposition to depression. I was sent to an outpatient program for two months where I was monitored daily and forced to detox. While this program was supposed to help me, by way of group therapy and medications. Instead, I found myself amongst other teenagers who idolized the drugs that got them in this place and war stories turned into planning how we would turn up once we got out of there.

What happened after being discharged from the outpatient program was potentially one of the worst things that could ever happen to me. I gloated in my return to school and was only looking forward to my return so I could find my old smoking buddies to start this cycle all over again. This innate need to "turn up" resulted in me being sexually taken advantage by two of my guy friends who wanted to celebrate my return. This singlehandedly turned into a downward spiral of promiscuity and excessive drinking and weed use.

My teenage brain didn't even have a chance to form properly. I slacked and barely graduated high school. I truly gave up on myself and this wouldn't be last time I experienced this level of hopelessness.

Skipping to my 20's, where I transferred to two different community colleges and lost all of my friends except one. We had an extremely co-dependent relationship, as we both were cut off from everyone we knew in high school and didn't go away to school like everyone else did. We also had a mutual unwavering addiction to weed, and we were each other's go-to smoke buddies which made us two catalysts in our own roads to destruction.

At this point, by 21, I had 2 suicide attempts under my belt, and when the 3rd attempt took place, I landed myself in the hospital and was admitted to a psych hospital for three weeks. Upon being discharged, my case manager decided it would be best to put me in an outpatient program and turns out the one they wanted me to go to was the same one I went to at 16.

Ending up at this place for the 2nd time really scared the shit of me. The program director remembered me, and was hell bent on not having me come back in another 6 years. I got sober, and after two months I was able to go back into society. I fought temptations for about three months and figured it wouldn't hurt if I just smoked a little bit. But I was completely wrong, I immediately slipped back into smoking weed again and the regressive behavior started back up again.

From 18-21, I didn't accomplish much of anything except for embarrassing my mother, a few retail jobs, and maybe three school credits worth from the community colleges I was going to. This cycle continued for a while until I got caught shoplifting at 23 and decided in order for my case to be dismissed, not serve time, and only do probation, I needed to go back to school to show initiative and take on two jobs. During this time, I wasn't smoking but I did drink and was still in living on the dangerous side. I had a boyfriend who was a pill head, smoked copious amounts of weed and was a rapper. This completely messed up my trajectory but I still managed to graduate with my associates and hold down a job.

After graduating with my associates, I thought it would be a good idea to attend the state university in my town and pursue my bachelor's to finish my education. My codependent weed buddy wasn't supportive and completely took advantage of me being addicted to weed and not having a backbone. I dropped out the first semester and never went back. Luckily, after a huge fist fight between her and I, she finally out of my life and I started to make a turn for the better. However, I managed to convince myself that weed wasn't that bad and that I should still smoke so it wouldn't affect me so bad. This mindset really set me up for disaster, as I tried to trick myself into thinking weed hadn't affected me the way it did and the delusional cycle started up all over again.

I managed to pursue a career in my dream field but with my mental health declining, I struggled with holding down a job from 25-32(now). Five jobs later, I've hit a wall and I'm experiencing burn out from the pressure and brain capacity required for my line of work. During this time, I haven't stopped smoking weed for more than a month and dealt with being put on PIP's and being let go due to my performance. I cant help but feel this intense wave of regret when I think about how smoking weed has taken away my motivation and overall drive to continue my career.

I'm now 32, still living at home, and I'm just watching life pass me by. I've been out of work for 5 months now and my depression has completely taken over. I'm on an anti-depressant and while it has stabilized my mood, I'm still unmotivated and struggle with initiating positive activities that will help me get out of this rut. So far, the best thing I've done in the past three months was start working out and it has given me a little bit of hope. But I really want to get back into my passions, creating digital art and potentially turning that into a business.

I really miss working but I'm having a hard time pitching myself to people when I already feel like shit about all of my life decisions so far.

I'm sharing this in hopes of hearing back from people with similar experiences and sharing what helped them make a complete 180 degree change in while dealing with this addiction and managing the mental health aspect as well.

Please be kind - Thank you.

I (f18 now) started self harm when I was only 12, it was addicting and i did it as self punishment in the darkest times of my life. i remember wearing layered clothing just so my parents did not know i cut, wearing hoodies in 80 degree weather, not wanting to go swimming because the scars on my body. my parents when they would find out would guilt trip me and threatened to "hurt me harder" than the blade if i continued cutting myself. i remember, just sitting in the bathroom at age 14 sobbing as i held the blade in my hand. i just remember the pain i felt when my older cousin (who was 25 at the time) seeing her 14 year old cousins arms covered in cuts. she told my aunt then my aunt told my mom. and luckily my parents realized how horrible my self harm addiction truly was. and i got help, my parents stopped being misunderstanding, my mom took away the razors. i been happy ever since, growing into a beautiful and strong woman. 😊🙏🏼💗🕊️

My son says that he’s 2 months clean but he has recently reconnected with someone from his past that he used with and probably bought from and even sold to. He claims she’s recently clean and she is his support system right now when he struggles with the thought of relapsing. Is this a good thing? My initial thought is it’s a horrible thing and will only lead to something bad. Could this be doable?

"Music is central to the human soul, it runs through us. When born with the song of our heartbeat and we carry it with us throughout our lives, share it with those we touch, and ultimately it's the lament of our souls when we leave forever"

Having just got out of rehab it's apparent to me that people aren't "crazy," they just need a hug and a shoulder to cry on. No one should ever be lonely or made to feel abandoned. I wasn't happy to be there, to be honest, I wished I had died the night I OD'd, but seeing everyone's smiles, their hearts opening up, when the RN that night (god bless her soul) played everyone's favorite songs on her guitar was beautiful. Just hurt souls finding that childlike whimsey they had been denied for so long.

Hello, my friends!

I have a weekly service commitment with a large recovery meeting (about 100 attendees daily) and after our meetings, we like to play a song. So I’m looking to you all for suggestions of inspirational, peaceful, or uplifting songs. Bonus points if it’s recovery related! TIA 🤍

Oh and Go Birds! 🦅

Looking for recommendations for a Recovery Dharma meeting in Phoenix. I’ll be on vacation staying in the Ahwatukee/South Mountain area. TIA

As it states, I am almost 11 months sober from meth. It hasn't been an easy journey, and there have been times where I wanted to cave, but thankfully I haven't allowed it to even be an option for me anymore💪🤍

Tonight (and every Sunday night) at 5 pm PT / 7 pm CT / 8 pm ET (Local Online Meeting Format - all are welcome to join us): https://meetings.smartrecovery.org/meetings/6873

Hi everyone. I am new to this sub. After abusing adderall for almost 4 years and recently coming to terms with the fact I became an alcoholic, I am taking my life back. I am trying to hard to be positive and productive. It’s so hard. It’s only day 3. Hoping it will get better.

My parents always tried to get me to take ADHD meds as a kid, I hated them. Would actually put them in the side of my mouth and spit them out once I got to the bus stop. I got married and had 2 children as a teenager. This is common in my area. Sad, but common. During that time I never drank alcohol, or took any pills. Only smoked weed at night. Despite being depressed as fuck I knew my kids needed at least one sober, present parent.

Flash forward to being remarried with a new baby. I discovered adderall. It helped me focus. My house was clean. Kids school stuff was always prepared for the next day. It was a miracle. I lost all my baby weight rapidly, my OB was mind blown. Went to the gym everyday, had a fucking six pack. I was on top of the world. But I started abusing it. I took it too far. I liked being awake, and not having the inconvenience of hunger (ED BEHAVIOR).

About a year ago I realized I was taking up to 60MG Adderall XR a day. I was only prescribed 20. Sometimes IR (not my script). Anyways I craved coming down and would get blackout drunk. Quit working out. Couldn’t stay on task so dishes and laundry out of control. Irritable, over emotional, exhausted but can’t sleep, and the shittiest part of all I don’t feel I was a TRULY present parent. I was too hyper focused on shit that didn’t matter. I don’t plan on going back to the doctor. I want my life back. I told my husband and my brother (who is a recovering alcoholic who also abused adderall). I plan on starting therapy soon.

I am so deeply tired. In my soul, in my bones, in my mind. I want my life back. My happiness, my motivation, my energy, my patience, my interests. Please how do I begin. I’ve tried staying busy today. Forced myself to eat. And put off crying until now as I’m alone in the bathroom. I don’t want my kids to see me upset. All of this has gone on for 4 years. I’m scared my brain is fried. If you overcame this sort of addiction, please can you give me advice? Is this feeling of hopelessness going to last forever? I am scared I have ruined myself. I am seriously trying so hard. I forgot to mention I am 27(F).

:D im very proud of myself! This is the longest ive bin sober in a month !! Its bin pretty smooth after the first week! Its crazy to think times going by so quick!!

Had a hard time finding rehabs with my insurance last month. Ended up in psych hospital was told to go a community mental clinic for my CPTSD, of course like a moron I told myself "You can do that later, schools coming up.". Sure, enough after a long day and a lonely night one drink became 8, and not too long after that messaged my old meth dealer. 12 hours later and a nasty comedown I'm mad at myself because I should have gone to that clinic right after my discharge for outpatient treatment, medicine and therapy. Broke the pipe and flushed the bulk of the dope. I learned I can't keep ignoring my problems, but too ashamed to tell my loved ones. Gotta takes charge of my own self-care, dropping one of my classes so I take the time to start psych treatment. Going to a recovery meeting tomorrow as well I need a sponsor. I'm so tired of this cycle, I just want someone to tell me I'm not a loss cause.

And today, I feel like shit. I’m about to finish an in patient program in a few days and I’m left with more questions than I have answers. I’m left with more pain than when I came. I realize doing deep trauma work is going to hurt but fuck. I made it 30 days…Why dont I feel good? What do I have some expectation like I should feel good? I’m disappointed that it’s this way and wish I had more clarity and gratitude for how far I’ve come but it doesn’t feel that way.

Has anyone heard that the popular GLP-1 drugs could be helpful with combatting addiction? I had an annual doctors appointment today and we were talking and the doctor said that she had a patient with a shopping addiction and one with a gambling addiction that had both completely stopped with zero effort while taking these medications for diabetes and weight loss.

Started off this year strong. This is longest I’ve gone without illicit substances, planning to keep it going. I know it’s a tough road ahead I was just curious for any tips or advice that’ll help me stay on the path

The weekly men’s meeting in my small town is referred to as “the men’s meeting” of the “Our Small Town group” of a 12-step fellowship. Our small town doesn’t have a separate lgbt meeting. Should we change the name to something more inclusive, like “men’s meeting—everyone welcome”?

Today is the start of something new. After trying to go cold turkey off fentanyl and Isotonitazene I just couldn't do it and on day 2 I called 911. That was last Saturday 01/11/25. They took me to the emergency room, which ultimately ended up being a 9 day stay. Unfortunately the hospital gave me Suboxone too early which brought me into precipitated withdrawal. I thought I was going to die.... I know some of you reading this know the absolute dreadful feeling of precipitated withdrawal. No words.

I stumbled through it though. At the hospital, the addiction care team visited me and convinced me to let the hospital release me to a residential treatment center for woman. I was highly reluctant and just wasn't sure...

To make things short, I took the scary jump and decided to give it a try. I just got settled into the room I will be staying in for the next 90 days (it's pretty cool we get our own room with a bathroom inside) which isn't the norm for a state funded drug treatment program lol.

I feel a whole package of emotions but I'm ready to do this and see what the next chapter holds. It sure isn't easy.

Hello everyone! My name is Deja, I'll have 6 years sober this coming May. I really found a connection within discord community groups during COVID. I wanted to share a discord server I helped build and currently lead as admin. We're small right now, but growing each day.

We strive to help all walks of life share in the journey of recovery. We are not exclusive to only AA / NA, all recovery styles are welcome.

Come on in and say hello!

https://discord.gg/YAt9fKwXhm

I met her at church. She introduced me to wellbriety. She sponsors three women in traditional aa. I’m the first person she’s ever sponsored through the wellbriety program.

Prior to this I refused to work a program. I feel as if I’m surrendering and giving up a part of myself. I never wanted to get clean the traditional way, if get clean at all. Change is terrifying.

It’s clear I can’t get clean on my own terms, so I’m settling for selling out. I suppose I’ve become desperate. There is an irony in feeling I’m losing my soul despite selling mine to an addiction that’s holding me hostage.

If twelve steps sucks I can leave it. I hated it last time I tried it but I never worked the steps. I liked the last meeting I attended. The folx were positive and smuding was cleansing. I’m terrified to get clean. Idk how to. And I feel like it’s gonna suck.

I guess I’m desperate

I had four years off heroin in 2020 which is when I relapsed on Kratom. My wife found out and told me I needed to get sober or leave. I quit for a little bit would dabble back and forth lied a lot than got stuck on subs and now I’m doing those meth and Xanax. I hate it. I don’t like meth, I just like shooting stuff in my veins and it’s cheap. I’m going to rehab on Friday and I want a better life for myself but I’m scared I’m not ready to face the wreckage of my past. I hate my addiction so much. I hate using at no point of the process do I have any joy. But for some reason I fear sobriety and the even deeper depression that I fear is ahead of me. Also I’m scared of coming off all these drugs at once. In the passed I only used heroin but that shit has practically disappeared so now I’m forced to shoot up amphetamines which are just ew. But benzo w/d? Sub w/d? Dealing with the fact that I hurt all these people I love the most. I’m not ready for this road. But the idea of a life of active addiction is unacceptable to me. My willingness is there, but I’m scared that I lack the grit to do the hard work. I never thought I would be in this position again once I got sober I thought for sure that I’d be sober for the rest of my life. It’s sureal to be doing this all over again 10 years later and makes me feel like a fucking idiot.

Good evening, everyone! Do you guys know of any treatment centers that have a music program and recording studio? Thanks in advance!

In a few months I graduate from a methadone program after being on it for 18 yrs. I'm afraid that I won't be able to do it without that crutch. I'm worried about being accountable to myself and not the urine tests. Is anyone else in a similar situation? Does anyone have any advice? How do I handle the freedom from this? I don't want to end up back where I started.

This house opened a month ago, with space for 8 people (currently 5 living here). There are 3 shared rooms upstairs (2 beds each) and 2 single rooms downstairs, which just finished construction.

I was the first to move in and paid $750 for the month upfront, while another guy paid the deposit ($150) and a week’s rent (300 total). The outreach worker said he and I would get the single rooms, but he’s now over 2 weeks behind on rent, though he has a job and plans to pay it off with an extra $25 per week. If he doesn't pay this Friday he is three late. Rent is $150 per week. Our rent is 3000$ so money us tight as heck right now. Also.

I feel he shouldn’t get the single room since he’s late on rent. Also, there is a 60 yr old man i think would be a better fit due to age, and he pays the full month also. Which just shows he is responsible, and financially committing/able. Should I bring this up at the next house meeting? How do we handle this fairly? Any advice? I spoke to the guy, and he wants to talk when he gets home about it. It will probably make him mad if we bring it up, but I don't see the fairness in it. Another guy moved in the same day he did, and is current also. If we go by senority which is kinda a issue for most too. PLEASE ANYONE who has been in an Oxford house.help. we are in OHIO.

Has anyone read this book and think I some of the principles or behaviors the book suggests goes against spiritual principles that’s always talked about in the rooms? Trying to see what others opinions are on this.

I was heavily addicted to meth from 2019 to 2021, I was using all the time (IV), never sleeping, and my mental health was so bad, but I also didn't care about what people thought of me for once in my life ... I have always been anxious and socially a bit awkward but I used to drink or take drugs to give me confidence .. the heavy addiction came after I had my first panic attack and didn't k ow wtf was happening to me ... I used meth and the bad feelings went away so I kept going until I ended up in prison on drug charges ... Anyway, I'm 4 years sober in March, I live alone woth my son and I just work and chill at home but I have become totally socially inept, I can talk to people but I overthink it all, I don't enjoy the things I used to befire the drugs, I don't know who I am or what I like , I still have panic attacks pretty often but I know what they are now.. I just don't know if I've ruined my mind forever or if there is hope? Has anyone been through this that can relate? Thanks for reading

i am 24f. my life feels like i can’t fix it. i’ll start by saying i’ve struggled with alcohol. i made a terrible decision to leave my child after i put him to sleep to go get liquor. on the way back, i got pulled over and had to explain that id left my child at home so i got a DUI and a 4th degree child abuse (neglect) since then i’ve lost my car due to it being in the impound for so so long and when i could finally get it out the bank had taken the car cuz of non payment. i had been using my vehicle to doordash to make some money. so, since february 23, i’ve been homeless, couch hopping, sleeping outside and still struggling with alcohol. others usually give it to me since i don’t have money. its been about 4 days since my last drink. i am not wanting one, ever again. i’ve recently got into a sober living program. idk what i was looking for posting this but maybe some of you have been through something similar.. i just need kind words and no judgement please.