I’ve been derealized (?) for 6 years straight, not episodes but like chronically 24/7. Keep in mind I’m 16 and only gained consciousness at like age 5 so I’ve spent the majority of my life pretty conked out. I have peaks and dips but my baseline is always some level of being “out of it.” I don’t remember the last time I felt “real.” I cry but I don’t feel sad :(

I’ve had visual snow since I was a baby pretty much which ik is correlated with my derealization. So I was probably cucked from day one.

I’ve tried a lot of shit to help like therapy, mental health services, antidepressants, yoga, body scans, mindfulness, even praying (didn’t work). I’ve pretty much done a 180 with my life: I eat healthier, exercise more, socialize w people, no more self destructive behavior, no more social anxiety, better health , etc. but ngl I feel the exact same. The best thing I’ve found is just to ignore it which keeps me at level where I don’t want to blow my brains out.

It’s just weird bc I have no clue what could have spurred my derealization. I’ve lived a super chill life especially compared to others I’ve met. No trauma no nothing. I’ve had some rocky moments but it’s been long enough my body should’ve chilled out.

I highkey feel like I’ve been cursed bc in a past life I didn’t fully embrace life or something and now I have to live a privileged and nice life with people who love me but I just can’t feel anything and am just floating through it all.

NO IM NOT PRAISING DP/DR OR SAYING THIS CONDITION IS A GOOD THING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT!!

Anyways, its lowkey kinda cool how detailed and realistic my stories become thanks to dp/dr's hyperawareness/hypervigilance because im SOOO overly aware of every tiny fucking thing and my mind is constantly running and overthinkikg everything and analyzing everything and its like im always doubting myself like "would this character really say this or that?" and then i end up making the most godly shakespear-like story that i'll quickly get bored of in like 10 minutes-

Plus, not just story writing but in general, most of my abilities in a bunch of different areas have become almost perfect because of hyperawareness/hypervigilance i got from dp/dr

Can anyone relate?? I really don't wanna be the only one with this problem- (i know it doesn't sound like a "problem" but i kinda hate it bc i remember before hyperawareness/hypervigilance/depersonalization i sucked at EVERYTHING. Now all of a sudden im good at everything??? Its HIGHKEY very scary for me because its like im losing a quirk of mine ive always had/something that has always made me uniquely "me"- i hope you guys understand??)

.

When I think of this time last year to now - nothing has improved besides my derealization. My depersonalization has gotten much much worse - last year I could still feel physical anxiety. Now I can't even feel that. No panic. No Adrenaline. Nothing. And all my other emotions are gone too.

I've completely lost my sense of self, all my senses are off too (smells, touch, sight) and it continues to get worse as time goes on. I'm not avoiding anything, I'm busy all the time and lead a fairly normal life. I can't understand why it keeps getting worse, the numbness, the loss of self, the fatigue. It's no way to live and there's no one who understands how to help me out of it. I have no inner monologue - just music lyrics that repeat 24/7 365. I can't feel love for anyone, because I am no one. I don't identify with my own name, age, where I live. I couldn't describe who I am if u asked me to.

My DPDR is not episodes. It's 247. I haven't had a sense of self, time or life in 2 years. Not even for a moment. I remember what my life used to be like - this is not how it was. I had so much energy. Passion. Felt everything. Wanted love, wanted connection, wanted to experience all the new things I could. It would matter if I flew across the world tomorrow, I wouldn't be able to connect with any of it. I'm just a piece of cardboard in a 3D world. Summer, winter, spring - they all had a feeling. Times of day had a feeling. I had such complex thoughts and feelings about myself and my life. My inner self always made me feel safe and I could talk myself through anything. That inner voice and self is totally gone. My feet brain does all the talking and narrating now. Most of the time there's no coherent sentences - my thoughts are just random repeating gibberish or song lyrics. That's it. I fall asleep while driving because I'm so fatigued, but I force myself to do things because I have to work to provide for myself.

This is no way to live. All the medical research we've done to cure so many things - and we still don't know how to fix this or a broken nervous system. Literally my thoughts make 0 sense, they're obsessive - they're loud and controlling. I remember pre DPDR I had a choice of what I wanted to think about. Thoughts would come and go - but they were good thoughts. And they didn't repeat over and over like a broken radio. Ever since DPDR - my mind has never been the same. Being tormented by thoughts that are obsessive and make no sense feels like I'm losing it, how could I ever go back to a normal person? I feel like my old self and experience of life is just dead and gone. Half the time I don't even know where I am or who I am. What a life I have. And it continues to worsen over time. I never had pure OCD like this, my mind was clear, present and focused. I feel like I have brain damage

I mean, I caused my PDDR myself through ignorance when I smoked weed. I didn't know anything or what I was doing, but I feel guilty that this is why I'm like this and that it could become chronic. I really want to die.

exposure and response prevention therapy is a staple treatment for ocd and nagging/sticky thoughts and fears. the big thing that we fail to do as super anxious people.... is to just sit with the anxiety, experience it, and keep in mind that it will pass.

there are deep, unanswered, existential thoughts in my head that make me derealize fast. and for days. just beginning to ruminate on them or ask for reassurance would put the fishbowl back on my head. i would again have muffled hearing and unfocused vision.

what i do now is what i mentioned in paragraph one. i notice the thought arriving, i acknowledge its presence, feel that chest/stomach twang... but then let go of it. i just do not invest into it. the thought is just "there". the more that you do this practice, the easier and less sticky the thoughts become.

i should also state my medication regimen: 30 mg lexapro, 200 mg seroquel extended release, and 200 mg lamotrigine extended release

Just wondering if this is common here and if so how bad is it? Cause mine comes and goes but the last few days it’s been almost completely gone basically I’m scared and it’s making my memory horrible

When I start dissociating and I'm in a social context, I honestly don't know what to do. I don't want to socialize with people in while I'm in that state but I fear accidentally giving off 'rejection' vibes to people around me. When I do decide to engage anyway the interaction feels forced and I usually regret it.

Do people here know of any good tactics to use while in this situation?

I mean, there is a huge difference between one panic attack from weed, and being an extremely and hardcore traumatized. So yeah, im personally sure that it can be permanent for rare cases.

What the fuck is this life

Like, how could I believe it's real

I wish I could make myself bleed so I would feel something

I hate all of the people who say they care about me because they don't

I'm sorry to post this here but I am losing my mind I can't do it anymore and no maybe you will understand ? Maybe not ?

Please let me escape this life I can't so it anymore

Hello ! I am writing a fantasy novel based a lot around the brain and the spirit, with one main character having dpdr. i already read articles on the subject, but if people with dpdr could give me some advices, how they in day to day life about it, stereotypes that are false and that i should avoid, and maybe some details that i can put in to make it more real. Thanks to those answering and sorry if my english is bad

do you guys have existential thoughts along with your DPDR? as soon as i start to feel a bit better i start thinking “well is life even real anyways?” and get a horrible feeling of dread and then question all the logistics of it and it spirals me back into it even more. idk how to stop this, i feel spaced out and 40% conscious all day everyday.

Hi my doctor just increased my dose from 75 to 112.5 mg. I was feeling little fine on 75 mg(01 month almost) but then this extreme brain fog occurred and started to create difficulty in concentration. When i increased dose to 112.5 mg 7 days ago, it has just got worse since then. I want to ask this community that does this happen to anyone here and did it get better with time or not ?

2 months ago i was working soo much and also i was smoking quite heavily, and then suddenly derealization happened i didn't knew if anything was real, one night i had a thought that I'm the only one conscious and everyone is just my imagination, i immediately searched it and got my hands on the concept of soliphism, it all went downhill i was such a happy guy then suddenly im always anxious, always questioning if anything was real, then the months passed, yesterday i was watching my photos of what i did this whole year and it made me so anxious that, what was i doing these 2 months i was such a happy guy, it made me more anxious and now suddenly i was having flashbacks of my old memories, now im having thoughts that the past was not real nothing really happened im living a different life, I don't know what to do what is happening help me

am i being delusional or am i actually losing my mind or am i just insecure and a narcissist?? sometimes when im not with my girlfriend and she doesn’t respond and she’s at home or when she’s going out and im not with her and im seeing her location i think she is cheating on me with some guy i dont know if i actually believe it or if im just worried about the “what if” part. she’s never given me reason to believe that she would cheat and she’s honestly the best girlfriend i could’ve ever asked for and she’s my best friend. but this thought is constantly coming to my head and i dont know if its because im developing sz or if im fine and im just insecure and overreacting i have to refrain from posting this in the schizophrenia sub as i am not diagnosed with it and dont want to offend anyone there with my problems but i have the constant fear that im losing my mind and dont know it or that im gonna lose my mind in the future and everywhere i go someone is either talking about sz or i see it somewhere i dont know if it’s selective hearing or if im actually losing it… i dont know what to do anymore.

I feel weird and maybe disconnected from myself

I have this very uncomfortable feeling inside me and I can’t even explain what is it.

Sometimes it feels like life is too real and idk it feels weird… sometimes I don’t feel like myself(I’m not sure but I hate this feeling and again I feel odd).

I have this feeling that I can’t change completely anything in my life. Like I’m stuck and I’m stuck forever. Like literally I can’t. But then suddenly I can have this euphoric moment when I think I can actually do it. But then it feels so surreal. And again I feel weird. I feel so uncomfortable, like I’m not me.

I don’t feel like myself.

Recently I had so strong feeling that everything around me is foreign and I’m foreign and it was strange. Yeah it was really strong emotion and lasted maybe some hours. But this one what I feel now is not so strong, it’s kinda mild but it lasts days now.

I’ve heard it can be derealization but tbh I don’t know anymore. I’m not sure about anything anymore.

But I hate hate hate this feeling so much. It’s so uncomfortable…

Have you experienced something like that? What can usually help you?

I’ve had DpDr for 3 years after getting a tooth pulled , it honestly sucks and it was from laughing gas, honestly i don’t even remember much , i like blacked out when getting the procedure, and was crying the whole time, now it’s been constant derealization for 3 years. I’ve kind of learned how to handle it and it’s not as often, but is there a way to totally get rid of it?

Hey people, I've been wondering lately if I'm already out or if I'm just imagining it. For those who have recovered. I now have the impression that I'm pretty much out of the Dp but somehow when I pay more attention I still notice remnants of it. Is this normal at the beginning? On the one hand, I have the impression that I'm cognitively almost but not quite as smart/flexible as before, and on the other hand, I'm somehow still not quite emotionally up to speed, as if I still somehow don't care about everything and are less interesting. I still have some problems with the feeling of "it's morning, noon, evening" i.e. the times of day and my libido is still in the basement, less interest in the opposite sex, I'm turned on by the fact that what turned me on before doesn't turn me on and no arousal "on an emotional level page" ( f. e. Big boobs, butt or whatever) . However, most of the time I have the impression that I'm pretty much back there, perceptually. Just my consciousness is lack behind. Does the Dp have such “after effects” or do I just think I’m out?

edit: and what else strikes me is that somehow I can't really feel my needs/what I want, e.g. go out, make plans for my life, etc. like it doesn't matter. But I would put that under the category “everything still doesn’t matter”. Most of the Symptoms are not prone more subtle, pretty good to ignore.

i’d like to say thank you to everyone who has reached out and help me personally. after how i felt today, i realized i cannot go on like this and really need to start taking recovery more serious. this app is plaguing my brain with fear and i’m deleting this app. i urge anyone who’s struggling to do the same. screenshot those recovery stories and get a few people’s social media to have people who understand when you need it. i’ve been on here crying for four hours straight, scared i’m not gonna get better and it’s because i’m still on this dumb app. sending hugs to everyone 🩷

I feel retarded

I wake up each day with a "this is what I have to make myself go do" mindset when it comes to almost literally everything. I exist in each present moment, for each present moment only. I feel like I am starting to lack object and concept permanence in an emotional sense ("out of sight, out of mind") with people and parts of my like I should care more about. My goal each day is to just get through it so I can go home and go to bed at night. I only feel truly at peace when I am in bed waiting to fall asleep, unfortunately that's the only time the dpdr symptoms fade away a bit.

I don't connect to reality. When I'm asleep and dreaming is the only time I feel connected to "what's going on". I don't have irl friends. None of the friends I do text ever ask to hang out, I'd be terrified to anyways. I don't have people I can definitely rely on outside my family, who are starting to be less supportive or just plain tired of me. I'm never 100% honest with them anyways because I know I'll get a lecture where this becomes my fault and I'll start crying without being able to explain why I am crying because that's just what happens.

It just really sucks and I'm honestly not even sure what is going on anymore.

I've had ocd my entire life but never like this. It was always just checking the front door lock many times, checking my heart rate and also running to pee a lot. But since I've had DPDR it's been next level. I have music in my head 24/7, never stops. My mind is just spinning, I'm not in my body or present. I realize now that if you took away my ocd, my DPDR would probably go away too. I know most people with ocd never get over it and have to live with it lifelong, mine really became intrusive after my panic attacks and never went away.

It's like my mind is stuck in circles trying to protect me - and in the process it's making my body lose all strength, all emotional connection, all energy. The times I feel the best are when my mind is quiet. I have a lot of stress that's just normal life stress right now and I can only imagine it's making my ocd and DPDR worse - I feel insane.

I need to get to the root of what's causing all of these symptoms, could ocd be the culprit? DPDR is just a symptom - not the cause. The real root is trauma but I don't even know how to fix that, it's like I'm broken. Never in my life imagined I would be dealing with this. I remember after my panic attacks I woke up the next day totally dissociated, OCd / intrusive thoughts like I had never had before, and just completely panicked. My nervous system is stuck in overdrive and I can't turn it off. I'm past the point of even being able to panic - I've lost all feelings

My dpdr has gotten progressively worse in the winter months for the past few years, its been horrible since november of this year, last year was october and the year before that october also, kinda coincidental?

I feel like I type a lot better than I talk when it comes to getting my points and thoughts across. I and so much more intelligent sounding in texts, but when it comes to speaking I just sound like I'm rambling.

Most annoying part is that it happens when I'm trying to have serious conversations where it is imperative that I do get my point across and feel heard/listened to.

i thought i was having a good day today. i’m at my grandmom’s to try and start emerging out my cocoon because i know that’s the biggest part of recovery. i was fine this morning, then went to take a nap and my body was numb and i felt completely out of body. it felt like all of my worst fears came true—that i was gonna lose control, that nothing was real, that i’m in psychosis, and that my family members are robots. i felt so emotionally numb and could only internally panic about it. i have some sort of cold alongside all of this and have never felt so hopeless in my life. i’m convinced that i’m gonna lose it and get so sick of this and hurt myself. i’m tired of being tired. i can’t stop crying.

I’ve been stuck with dpdr for almost two months now and some days it’s bearable but the past few days my symptoms have been getting way worse and it keeps me in constant panick mode also causing me not able to sleep and headaches/ heart pain and fast heartbeat. I have hydroxyzine prescribed by my doctor from when I had a bad panick attack and had to go to the er a while ago but I’m scared to take it cause I don’t want to to make my dpdr worse. But at the same time it’s all I have to help with the anxiety, has it helped anyone else? I was put on lexapro for anxiety and depression a while ago but that made my dpdr even worse so I’m scared to take any substance/meds

I am on Sertraline 150 mg and lamotrigine 75mg (slowly going up) and klonopin as needed. I will say my dpdr has been about 70% better in public, sometimes I take a klonopin if I’m going to be gone for a long time. at home it’s 90% better. My triggers have always been more so when I leave my house. I’m looking into getting EMDR or brainspotting therapy.

Sometimes it's difficult because I get very anxious, obsessive thoughts about my OCD and I feel even weirder, and so on.

I highly recommend “druck” season 5. each season focuses on a different main character and this main characters arc focuses on her experience with having dpdr and having an alcoholic mother. It is 10 episodes and the later half of the season goes more into it than the first half. link: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLa7re23U-BOkv14mZ-Tt_VL-RvWPmBkic&si=tGH7jDkEhtotgdOL

All that is blocked out, nothing makes any sense anymore. I don't feel that it's afternoon, that it's December. That it's almost 2025. I don't feel the time of day. Before DPDR, each time if day felt different. I felt time pass.

I don't understand what causes this and why it's helpful to my brain to not know what time, season or year it is. I don't feel or sense the world at all, like in a cardboard cut out of myself