Hi there, I really need some advice on this. Sorry that its such a long story: My bf (34,m) and I (33,f) have been together for 10 years now. All things considered I feel like we are a good match, always there for each other in good and bad times, same humor, similar goals in life etc. Especially in the last few years I felt like we really were on each others team. (For example I had an operation last year that didnt go as planned and he was there to support me for weeks / months while I was healing physically and mentally.)

But the beginning of our realtionship was quiet rocky. When we met we were in our early 20s. By the time we became a couple I had already made plans to study abroad in mexico for 4-5 months. We were 3 months together at that point. He supported me in that because he also had been to mexico a year prior and recommended it. I actually thought we would simply stay a monogamous couple while I was abroad since we both really enjoyed each others company. But a few weeks before I flew to mexico I found several facebook messages to different girls telling them I would be abroad soon and how he was about to break up with me, since he didnt want a long distance relationship and rather be hooking up with them. The messages were adressed to girls in our home country but also to girls in mexico he probably had sleept with during his semester abroad. For the record: I didnt snoop on purpose, he left his facebook open on my laptop.

I ofc confronted him about that and he basically confirmed what I had read in those messages. He "just" had not told me yet and was about to do so the next few days. It really crushed me since I was so in love and couldn’t believe how having sex with several random girls he used to know was more important than our relationship. I mean, I was glad he didnt plan on cheating while I was abroad, but still I was devasted over those message he sent while we were still together. Already making plans to sleep with others. So before I went to mexico I broke up with him since an open relationship was unthinkable for me.

While I was in mexico studying he actually went on holiday to mexico as well for 2 weeks. Since I still had such a big crush on him I agreed to meet up with him in mexico even though I was still heart broken. Looking back that was not a good idea since it didnt go unnoticed that he was hooking up with several other girls (the day we met up in mexico he still had red lip stick on him). It was so unconsiderate of him showing up like this that we didnt see each other after that and I basicially ignored him for the next few months when he was already back at home and I was still in mexico.

After i finished my semester abroad he contacted me again. He told me how sorry he was for his behavior before and during my studies abroad. We talked for hours and hours on the phone, he wrote me letters how special I was to him etc. So after a few weeks of talking and meeting up I decided to give him another chance since I really felt that he was sorry. But one of my conditions was that he had to break of any contact he had with girls he had slept with. He agreed which was really important to me. To build up trust again after all that had happened I needed to know that he was willing to break of contact to those girls.

It was actually not that easy for me to build up that trust and fully commit to the relationship again but after a few months it got easier and we got really close again. Everything went smooth, I felt like I was able to trust him again and the next 2 years went by pretty great. After those 2 years he told me he was planning on doing an internship abroad in mexico for a few months and during that time he again wanted the freedom to sleep with others. To be honest that really hit me. But since he was upfront about it and didnt write messages to girls before he even told me (at least to my knowledge) we actually managed to make it work even though I am not a big fan of open relationships. We set clear rules for his time abroad (e.g. not meeting girls from the past) and he actually wanted to close the relationship again after only being abroad 1 month since he felt like our relationship was more important to him than risking it by sleeping with others. I was very happy about that, since monogamy is simply what I prefer. So since then (meaning 2018) we have been a monogamous couple. He never suggested an open relationship again. We moved in together in 2018 and are still living together now. I didnt feel like there were any secrets between us the last years until today.

Today a message on his phone popped up by a mexican girl I knew he dated/slept with in mexico. I simply couldnt resist and open the chat since the message that popped up said something like: "i still remember that night we spent together really fondly..." So i read the whole chat. They have been texting and exchanging voice messages infrequently for the past 2 years. Most messages are from the last two months. They are mostly exchanging news about theirs lives, careers etc. I dont think they have seen each other in person since 2014. Probably mainly because she lives in another country. But apparently he had been trying to meet up with her while he was in mexico during his internship in 2017, it just didnt work out since they were in different cities. He also has been asking her if she was still planning on studying in germany and how he would like to meet up if she were to move here (apparently she is not coming to germany anyways). He also mentioned me and that he was still in an relationship with me, so they couldnt flirt or anything. She on the other hand told him to tell her, if he was single again and how she remembers those nights with him. In one message he wrote how live is long and maybe they will meet up again and how you can never know what will happen in the future.

To be honest I still cant believe that they are texting. And what they are texting about. At least they did not meet and he mentioned that he is in an relationship with me. But texting about the times they f**ked is not okay imo. Especially since I asked him many years ago to not stay in contact with anyone he had slept with.

Maybe I am the asshole for reading all those messages but at this point I honestly dont care. I really do not now what to do. Ofc he didnt cheat physically. But I still feel betrayed since he broke his promise to not contact any of the girls from his past. And I feel sad because he is willing to meet her in the future (even though it is not clear when, where or if he would cheat). What would you guys do? I really need some advice. Am I being to crazy about it since she is in another country and there was no physical cheating? Or am I right to be upset considering our past?

tl;dr: My boyfriend of ten years is still texting with a girl he slept with many years ago and thinks is really hot, even though he promised me many years ago to not stay in contact with any girl he has slept with (due to his behavior in the past). She lives abroad and they havent seen each other. Am I being crazy?

Thank you in advance for any advice.

 The guy I have been involved with 43M and me 34F have had things intensify a little recently. We got involved at the end of May and had a separation in September. When he came back in October, he really changed a lot in a good way. As in he wanted to make sure he didn't lose me again. 
 Well, we had an argument last week because he has trouble expressing his feelings and over intellectualizes everything. His actions and gestures show care and all that but his words say something completely else. He couldn't even say he felt a connection to me which felt very hurtful. There's various reasons why he'd have his barriers but an expression of feelings, some kind of verbal expression would be nice by now. He's literally the forehead kisses, back kisses, prays for you, let's talk it out for an hour kind of guy. 
 After our argument he said we should end things and then I ended up saying I love him later. Sure enough, he was back wanting to see me in less then a week after we both took some space. I told him i felt awkward after everything i had said to him and he said just come over. I agreed and he came to get me. I was very nervous, shaky. I sat down and he sat in front of me, really close in a chair(he's never done that before. He's either next to me or further away. He was staring at me. I felt so awkward and was blushing and could NOT make eye contact. He just kept staring at me for like 15 minutes, maybe 5 minutes but it was him staring at me in front of me really close to me as if he wanted me to look at him and in his eyes but I couldn't.  I was too scared. 
 He said something along the lines of "well eye contact builds a connection" or something. The word connection has been coming up alot. He knows I want to feel like he feels a connection to me and how can he not its like he just can't say it. Anyways, I took the whole interaction as that's sweet, he's really trying. He wants me to see he cares. He wants this to work. I think I also mumbled again "you don't even feel a connection to me." And he said "I do." 
 In hindsight, did I miss something? It was kind of weird. What if he wanted me to confess feelings to me or ask me to be his gf or something and I messed it up because i was too scared. Maybe he thought, ok she's not ready yet(he knows I have anxiety issues and am very shy). It was just a weird thing how he suddenly sat right in front of me so close as if he wanted to tell me something important and just started staring, waiting & I just said why are you staring, I'm bad with eye contact, now i feel awkward etc etc. This whole thing went on for 5-10 minutes or so.
 Anyone think what he did was weird? Or that maybe it meant more than I thought at the time? That I missed something? 
 TL;DR Situationship with guy i like a lot. He knows i want to know he feel a connection and he has trouble expressing feelings. Was he trying to do something significant but I messed it up when after a fight, I said I love you then he invited me over last night sat directly in front of me, super close and started staring at me for 5 minutes when he never sits like that with me(usually next to me or further away) but I couldn't look at him I felt too shy and was blushing. 

Me and my ex had dated for all and all for 2 years. The first 1.5 yrs it was the worst times, he had cheated on me and he has broken my trust many times. After every incident I had tried to break up with him but we always ended up back together after less than a week or two because he promised me he had changed.The last 5/6 months of our relationship went better but we still had communication issues about our feelings, lack of patience and lack of understanding regarding my feelings. I used to feel like he lacked empathy towards me, and sometimes he used to say really mean stuff when he was upset or he would disregard my feelings.

I finally got tired of everything and broke up with him, now after 4 months we are back in talking terms and he would want me to give him another chance to prove me that he has changed. He told me that the reason for his lack of empathy and patience was due to weed and he realized that once he had quit 2 months ago.

I really love him but I am just scared of getting hurt again, he says that he is ready to do anything and everything for me to feel safe and happy again in our relationship. So my question is, is it possible for someone to change within 4 months and could our relationship be fixed after all this damage that has been done?

I might just be overreacting but my girlfriend last replied to me on Thursday. I asked her if she wanted to come over on Friday and she said she doesn't think she's gonna be able to which is weird but I didnt think nothing of it. that was the last I've heard of her. she hasn't responded, she hasn't had any sort of online presence since. her phone is broke and she has to use a laptop to text me so my best guess is she has no WiFi as her house is getting done up. I'm just really worried about her. any advice?

Hi everyone, I could really use an outside perspective on this. I 23/F and my 22/M boyfriend ave been together for two and half years. We are a long distance relationship but we see each other every two months for about 2-3 weeks. Our relationship is really good except that we have different sex drives. He has a very strong sex drive compared to me, mine is pretty low. I’m not sure if his is high because I’m the first girl he’s ever been with but it’s starting to cause a rift between us. We communicate very well but we can’t seem to find a solution or a compromise. I love him deeply and I just refuse to believe that breaking up is our only option. He’s never forced or made me feel like I have to have sex with him, but when I say no, I can tell that he’s upset. His love language is physical touch and he’s expressed that he needs sex to feel wanted and loved by me. It makes me feel bad that I can’t give him what he needs or that he feels unwanted when I turn his advances down. I have some sexual trauma from my childhood and pretty much every sexual encounter I’ve had before him was a negative one. I want to initiate more and help make him feel attractive and wanted but I struggle trying to get myself in the mood. He also does a lot of foreplay and even said that he’s willing to do anything to help get me there and I really appreciate that he’s so understanding and eager and get me off but I just struggle sometimes. Has anyone felt like this? Is it the end of our relationship because we have different sex drives? We are both willing to try anything but at the same time, I don’t want him to settle for me if his needs aren’t being met. I find him very attractive but for some reason, I don’t really want to have sex with him, is this bad? I dunno, I’m just not very sexual. I’m not sure if it’s the birth control or what but I could use some advice. Edit: I forgot to mention that we will be living together sometime in August. I want to try and get some advice/perspective before then. I’m excited to live with him and go to grad school but I also worry about this aspect of our relationship often.

I'm not upset that he forgot about our anniversary because, honestly, I mixed up the dates myself at first. When the date passed, I thought maybe I was wrong and that our anniversary was later. But now that the month is nearly over, I've realized I was right, and he just missed it.

When I told him he missed our anniversary, he apologized and said he was sad about it, but that was it. He didn't say anything that showed appreciation for us being together for three years, and he didn't do anything at all to make up for it.

Here's the thing-we're in a long-distance relationship. Is it wrong of me to expect more than basically nothing, even though we live in two different countries? We've talked before about how he never puts in much effort, and he's promised numerous times that he'd change, but it's never happened. What can I do?

Let me start off by saying I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and he's amazing. Sweet, caring, kind and very sappy. He comes from a good family and his friends seem to be good people too. The thing is he tells me he loves me a lot or will say things like how lucky he is to have me - which don't get me wrong I appreciate and love. But he can also be a bit of an anxious person and has what I would say is a bad sleeping pattern. He's up around 7am for work and done around 5pm - will go to bed usually around 9pm, but sometimes as early as 6pm....There has been mental health issues in his family, and I guess I might be worried that maybe he's presenting signs of depression? I don't know. At first I was in a state of panic that he was cheating (we don't live together so when he says goodnight at 6pm I think he's cheating) - outside of me overthinking he's never given signs to being a cheater / have a history of cheating. So now I'm leaning towards mental health being a problem. I've mentioned to him that maybe we need to be more health positive, but he says he is fine and that when you get old you get tired. But you know the whole "check on your happy friends" quote.

So i am a 3rd year engineering student and i have been dating a guy since 1 year. He is more hard working than me no doubt because he is more interested in engineering and technical stuff. Our college declared an online semenester for 4 months so that we can complete internships side by side. I applied for an internship ( can't tell the organization name but it is very well known and national) and got selected for it. On the contrary, my boyfriend did not get any internship ( as he did not try through connections like fam/friends) and now i realized he is not at all happy for me and rants about not getting the internship all day. I get it that he might be feeling low and i tried to get him an internship through my contacts but because of the year end, the applications have been closed. Yesterday he called me and for no reason,blamed me that i got a superiority complex and he feels like i want to make him feel down whereas it is soooo wrong. I have always been genuinely happy for him and motivated him to do well when he felt low. I always stood by his side no matter what. He blocked me on every platform and even my number. due to this internship, i feel like my relationship is falling apart. Now i question myself, does he really want me to be successful and do well in career or is he just jealous of me ? Was i dating the wrong person all this time? Did he ever love me? What should i do now?

I’ve been dating my partner for almost a year and a half now things were good at the start, but like with any relationship normally some of the flaws in both our characters begin to appear, when we first started dating, she made promises about quitting smoking and changing a few different things about her personality trates she wanted to work on. I’ve seen these particular traits in other people who are in their 50s and they live a very negative life. usually my partner smoking would be a dealbreaker, but I made an exception for her because she’s a great person. A year and a half later, she still smokes and still has excuses of “I smoke because it’s a good coping mechanism for me“ and “it could be worse because…” “ I will stop eventually “ ect , Just excuses. She also has a short temper and often snaps at me, and although I understand sometimes people can have off days it still hurts and I think in the whole year and a half, I’ve only raise my voice a little bit one time and I apologise for it straight away. She does always apologise when she does this, but the apologies mean nothing when the behaviour keeps continuing Over and over. I’m currently in therapy for my mental health and making sure that I’m the best person I can be in a relationship as well as bettering myself. She makes excuses about how therapy hasn’t worked for her in the past, and how it’s probably too expensive, and although I say she should try anyway shell make up reasons in her head why it won’t work before even trying. I don’t want to look back in five years and see no change, but the pattern that I can see in almost a year and a half suggest that this may not happen. I feel a bit stuck and I’m not sure what to do. A part of me will always care about her, but another part of me worries about our future just being full of negativity, The inability to change and adapt and make excuses for behaviour and being unmotivated to change. I know this sounds selfish but I don’t want that to drag me down also. It’s a really difficult situation and any advice would be much appreciated

I (F 20) have a friend, Let's name him N, (M 20) we both are gay and know each other since highschool, so about 6 years now, and we became best friends like a year ago. Being best friends means a lot to me, he really was the only person I felt I could trust despite my trust issues, and I felt like u could tell him absolutely everything. Also we are living pretty far away from eachoder but despite that we were hanging out everyday on discord, playing games together or just chatting. It was our routine. We were also hanging out irl, he introduced me to his friends from university, and I also introduced him to mine from the previous uni I attended. And there I introduced him to, let's name her just O (F 20), she is my friend that talked me into changing universitis with her.

And then Tings changed when I moved out from my home to a dorm in another city in order to go to the new university. N does not talk to me like he was before. He doesn't update me how is his uni going, how does he feel, what is he doing, he even stopped inviting me to play with him and when I want to invite him he always refuses. When I was asking him why is he like that, he just replied that he doesn't have anything going on in his life so he has nothing to say. But then I noticed that he is talking with O on dm's. I felt bad because it seemed strange to me that he doesn't want to talk with me and he talks with her. And yesterday I asked him if he wants to play something. He told me he doesn't want to because he is too tired, and then I saw he was playing wit O because they both were active on a game. My heart broke, he lied to me. I don't know how to cope with that feeling, I feel like I lost both of my friends because of that and I don't have anyone to talk about it. I feel really scared.

Should I pursue relationship with much younger female (18 year difference), who just became my roommate (family members co-worker). The flirting has gone both ways; eye contact, licking the lips, playing/adjusting the hair/clothes, mirroring my mannerisms, she does play the hot/cold game...I just don't know if I should step it up a notch. Don't want to make her feel uncomfortable or be labeled the creepy old guy, but also don't want to miss a chance with a really good woman. I don't want to just get in her pants it's not about that, she truly seems like a woman who wants a relationship and is wanting to the same things I want.

So me (19) and him (30) we're different nationalities, met on Bumble, we then switched to WeChat, after one week of talking and getting along he asked me my location and came all the way on plane, after we went on a date night it went in every way perfect, he asked me if I'm into older or same age guys which I said i don't mind as long as we get along (he kept making jokes about his age which I thought was cute), Also that night I wore heels which was different from my usual style which was comfy and baggy, he said he'd prefer if I was comfortable more than dark (I was so embarrassed cuz I switched to dark feminine to just impress him 😭), also after that I told him I hope you're not excepting anything cuz I don't do hook ups plus I'm inexperienced, he said to not worry he understands (I checked and he deleted Bumble after that night). Honestly he's so perfect I'm just really insecure and scared I'll fumble him and seem childish to him. He lives in another city bit far and he travels alot for his job also scared that may effect the relationship, Please any advice I want this to work out 🫠🙏

I've been feeling pretty sad about this lately, so l thought l'd reach out here for some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for a while, and he's really sweet and kind. The issue is that he rarely seems interested in the things I want to do.

For example, I'll suggest an activity or an idea-something I'm genuinely excited about-and he'll agree, saying it sounds special or that it'd be great to do together. But then... we never actually do it. It's like he's just not excited about my interests, and it feels like these plans always get forgotten or brushed aside.

Meanwhile, I've been trying hard to focus on what he wants to do, letting him take the lead in most of our activities. I want him to feel heard and valued, but it's getting mentally draining for me because I feel like that same energy isn't reciprocated. I want to go out and experience these things, but I also feel bad going without him since he asks me to wait and do them together but I know we probably won't.

I love him, and I don't doubt his kindness, but this has been happening for a while now, and it's starting to make me feel unimportant. I just need some help on how to approach this or communicate my feelings better?

update:

A better example that really stands out is when I wanted to get grills/caps a month or so before a concert I was going to in June. I was originally planning to go alone or with my brother since they’re cheaper in that state, but my boyfriend said, “No, we should go together.” So, I cancelled my plans and waited… but we never ended up going.

Another time this fall, I really wanted to go to a pumpkin patch, and we did. But while we were there, he just seemed like he didn’t want to be there at all. It took the fun out of it for me because I felt like I was dragging him the whole time.

The most recent example actually happened today. We were supposed to go see Wicked. We had talked about it this past Sunday after he brought up going to see Gladiator 2. For Gladiator 2, I made sure to prioritize it. I had work that day, got off at 7:30 PM, and the movie started at 8 PM, so I even brought extra clothes so I wouldn’t have to go in my scrubs.

Today, though, he said he was busy finishing a project, which I completely understand because it’s important. But we’ve also both been off for the past four days due to the break, so I can’t help but feel like this could’ve been planned better. I’m considering just going with friends because I’m afraid he’ll say he can’t go tomorrow either.

When we first got together he sucked at communication and it was a grueling 4 months of begging and teaching him how yo communicate he also didn’t have a job so I had to bully him into how important is was to get a job because i wanted to go one dates but i also didn’t want to be the only one doing stuff because the conversations of our day included me with long excursions and him playing the game and taking naps… he finally got a job!!!! and we started going on dates and he started communicating… yet every time we go on a date he’s usually angry before or angry after… and never tells me why until days after ??? he communicates but makes it all about me or some sob story from years ago but never an apology or change in behavior… he usually fixes the issues for all of 1 week… whenever he goes through stuff with his family or in his life he takes out on me so if he’s mad at them or doesn’t want to talk to them he also treats me the same way leaving me in the dark and once again won’t tell me what happened until days after… he does a bit of micro cheating but im not a insecure person so i don’t usually speak on it as much one time i did but i think he just gas light me because him and the girl still text… even when i go out with him and his friends he play fights with the girls and has little arguments with them which can come of flirty but i never say anything…. yet he always tells me im annoying or i did something at the outings with the friends…. his family consists of alcoholics and addicts and he doesn’t partake in either one really unless i ask him to but his mom has made it clear she doesn’t want a relationship with me … when i USED to speak to her she would only say “hello” with the dryest voice she even introduced me to the family is his “ friend” we’ve been together for 11 months now…. she constantly asks him do we use condoms or if we’re smoking or drinking or if he’s going to spend anight or when he’s coming home because she always “needs” something… and he just gets up and runs but when i ask for just something small like i wanted to play fort zero build it’s a firm no with a insulting explanation idk idk we have so much fun with out all these things those he’s the first boy i’ve ever loved truly in my life we dance in the kitchen and laugh together in the shower and he helps me make pasta and he listens to me yap SOMETIMES we have the same playful spirit and the sex is great it’s just the rest that makes if hard to enjoy the best..

I (22M) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for a little over a year. Now I have no actual proof he is cheating, but a few red flags have shown up over the year we've been dating. 1) We have talked about privacy and phones and he says that he prefers to keep his phone password to himself for privacy. While I understand privacy, I would show him my password if he needed it. 2) Whenever he is texting and whenever I walk up to him to start talking he immediately stops texting and turns his phone off, and places it screen side down. 3) He is constantly on his phone. When he is in the bathroom he is on it and hes in there for over an hour most times. 4) We don't follow each other on social media (only tiktok) but to be fair ive never asked to follow him, but I dont even know his @. I need to know if hes cheating but I dont want to ask for his phone password because I know that will start something. Is there any app out there that could call him out? Or any person that could find out for me lmao

I need some advice or perspective. I’ll give some back story on us and him to help. My fiancé (M26) and I (F23) have been together since September 2019. We got engaged September 2023 and our wedding is September 2025. We have been living together since July 23. We both had very different up bringings. He had his childhood taken from him due to parents with addictions problems. Bounced around family homes until he ended up with his maternal grandparents at age 12 and lived with them until we got a house. He lost his dad his senior year of high school and his mom May 2019. His fear of addiction has kept him from ever touching any alcohol or drugs. Even in our relationship now, I drink and smoke weed, he has no problem with me doing it but wants no part in it. I find this strength admirable. His and I’s relationship is great. He’s great. I can depend on him, we communicate,he’s loyal, has good morals, loves animals and wants to be a dad. All the great aspects I could ask for in a partner. The problem is I still lack connection with him in a lot of ways. I feel he lacks a lot of depth and this leaves me feeling very under stimulated in our conversations. I feel he doesn’t fuel the adventurous side of me. There’s not that fire between us. We don’t have much of a sex life between us. What’s so hard for me to understand is that I can think in my head of all of these scenarios I’d love to have with him. The kind of sex life I want to have with him. And I am physically attracted to him so that’s not the problem. But when it comes times to actually do it. I find myself more annoyed with him and in my head about shit. Idk if I am overly critiquing or if Im actually getting the ick about things. Sometimes I feel his personality doesn’t fill his body. He’s 6’4” and 215ish pounds. So he’s a decent sized guy. So why when it comes to a lot of our interactions, I feel like a teenage boy is guaking at my tits. I feel like I have to repeat myself on how I want things done to my body and what I like. I feel like I have to spell out exactly what I want done to the point it’s not what I want anymore. We have a lot of disconnection in our conversations and it’s not really easy to put my finger on why that is exactly besides just him lacking depth and us just looking at things differently a lot of the time. I love people that I feel I can’t get enough of the conversation no matter what we’re talking about. Its always new topics and we’re both equally invested in the others opinions even if we don’t agree. A couple months ago, his brother from out of country actually came and stayed with us for a few weeks. I clicked with him so much. Not in a romantic or unloyal way. But it definitely started making me feel a certain way that I would sit in the kitchen talking and drinking with his brothers for hours and him and I don’t ever have convos like that. It made me feel sad cuz I just feel like that sort thing is something that comes naturally and can’t be forced. We don’t really have the same humor either. We still laugh together but not as much as I’d like. He even has made many comments saying things like Im the only one who doesn’t find him funny or I never laugh at his jokes. We laugh together but I wouldn’t describe him as a funny person. Or we just have different humor. We think differently about a lot of things. He’s religious, has been trying to make church a routine on Sunday’s. I am not, I align the most with pantheism. I have absolutely so issue with our difference in views, but I think he does and I feel he settles with this. I think my views bother him more than he admits to even himself. We think differently when it comes to parenting. I believe in a more gentle/Montessori style. I don’t believe in spanking or corporal punishment at all. He doesn’t want to hit our kids but he believes that kids that dont have that form of parenting will turn out to be brats. I’ve explained my reasoning and science that backs it. He literally said “I don’t think it will work but we will just do it your way”. This makes me feel like he’s just doing anything to appease me, not because he actually cares about it. With all of this being said, Im so attached to him. It’s been half a decade and I really do love him. A huge tie I have to him is that we have had 3 pregnancy losses the last 3 years. The last one just being 3 weeks ago. We are seeing a fertility doctor in January to run some test on us to see what’s happening. Part of me is scared my body is doing that rejecting thing I’ve heard people talk about but idk about that. But the thought of leaving him and it being that much longer until I can have babies tears me apart. I want to be a mom so badly and I know he would be a great dad. Im 23, if I have fertility problems. It scares tf out of me leaving this relationship and then not finding someone I want to have babies with at a decent age. Cuz I want babies while Im young so I can have several of them and be a young grandparent. But I obviously know staying with him for just a baby isn’t right. But a part of me feels I can’t see myself having any other man’s baby and don’t want him raising another women’s. I’m so conflicted. Another huge thing holding me to him is I don’t want to hurt him the way Ik this would. He loves me so much and he has lost so many people in his life. He really doesn’t have any close friends. He spends most of his time working. His dogs are his everything. Hurting him like that would break me. He’s such a good man, he would do anything for me. He’s so so willing to put in the effort and work for this relationship. Im just afraid there is a lack of connection that we just won’t be able to find. Or do you guys think Im being way too nit-picky, I found a loyal good man and that should be enough? I hear people say every relationship gets boring and you don’t feel the love as strong. That love becomes a choice. Many times I have told myself that Im choosing to love him and to just forget any of the doubts but then they creep back in and I feel the voice telling me to leave gets louder every time. I want us both to have what we deserve and completely fulfills us. What do I do?

So this is me I don't have anything to do like I am failing my school and my father doesn't even talk to me because of my behaviourr, I am fat ugly and I don't have anyone to talk to strong this app today only and I thought maybe some of a questions would be answer here the boy who crush on me first rejected me cause he said I am not socially active inshort he meant i am ugly fat and a failure and he doesn't want his reputation to get spoiled beacuse of me and i am not able to work on myself i need someone to help me do that i want someone by my side who i can trust like he/she is part of me...... if u wanna know more pls pls pls pls text me I would love to have a person who wants to hear my words... .....

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend (M/24) for over a year now. We’ve been living together, but our situation with his mother (F/46) has been really difficult. Initially, when I moved in with them, she didn’t seem to like the fact that we were spending time together. She would get upset, and sometimes, when I’d prepare food, she wouldn’t eat it. She spoke to me more like a friend than as her son’s girlfriend, and I never felt really respected.

On multiple occasions, when her mother (my boyfriend’s grandmother) called, she’d either ask me to leave the room or sit silently while she talked on the phone for hours. This went on for quite some time, and I started to feel like I was being ignored or silenced. It felt like I couldn’t be myself in my own home. I tried to adapt and make the situation better, but it was really hard to manage.

She would even try to get me a job without asking me first. Once, she gave my personal information to one of her friends for a position at a store without even checking if I was interested. I found it invasive and rude, and when I told her I wasn’t interested, she continued to push it for about a week.

Things got worse when my boyfriend’s mother became upset that my own mother (F/46) was the first to wish her son a happy birthday. She claimed I did it intentionally, which wasn’t true. It was a simple coincidence—my mom called while we were preparing for the celebration. Despite my efforts to make everything perfect, I ended up organizing the entire birthday party myself. I planned decorations, arranged a photo wall, and even handled all the shopping. However, she later took credit for everything, claiming that she was the one who arranged it, when in reality, I had done all the work.

Another major incident occurred when she told me that I wasn’t close enough to her and that I could be easily dismissed. That statement really hurt me. There were more moments like this, like when she wouldn’t acknowledge my presence during a family event. She didn’t introduce me to her guests or include me in conversations. Instead, she kept her focus entirely on a male guest, even while I was sitting right there. At one point, her son and I were taking a picture together, and she made it clear that he should be in the center of the shot while I should stand to the side.

There was also an awkward moment during one of her celebrations when she jokingly told my boyfriend not to kiss me, but only to kiss her. She even asked him why he wasn’t kissing her. It was bizarre and made me feel very uncomfortable.

The breaking point for me was when I developed a severe allergic reaction one night. I woke up with swollen eyes and ears, and I went to the hospital just to make sure everything was okay. I didn’t need to stay in the hospital, but the doctor said that the reaction could have been triggered by stress.

Throughout all this, I’ve felt completely disregarded and pushed aside, both by my boyfriend’s mom and by him. We’ve been living together for some time now, but I don’t feel like we are on the same page. I know I need to think carefully about the future of this relationship, as things aren’t improving.

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend (M/24) for over a year now. We’ve been living together, but our situation with his mother (F/46) has been really difficult. Initially, when I moved in with them, she didn’t seem to like the fact that we were spending time together. She would get upset, and sometimes, when I’d prepare food, she wouldn’t eat it. She spoke to me more like a friend than as her son’s girlfriend, and I never felt really respected.

On multiple occasions, when her mother (my boyfriend’s grandmother) called, she’d either ask me to leave the room or sit silently while she talked on the phone for hours. This went on for quite some time, and I started to feel like I was being ignored or silenced. It felt like I couldn’t be myself in my own home. I tried to adapt and make the situation better, but it was really hard to manage.

She would even try to get me a job without asking me first. Once, she gave my personal information to one of her friends for a position at a store without even checking if I was interested. I found it invasive and rude, and when I told her I wasn’t interested, she continued to push it for about a week.

Things got worse when my boyfriend’s mother became upset that my own mother (F/46) was the first to wish her son a happy birthday. She claimed I did it intentionally, which wasn’t true. It was a simple coincidence—my mom called while we were preparing for the celebration. Despite my efforts to make everything perfect, I ended up organizing the entire birthday party myself. I planned decorations, arranged a photo wall, and even handled all the shopping. However, she later took credit for everything, claiming that she was the one who arranged it, when in reality, I had done all the work.

Another major incident occurred when she told me that I wasn’t close enough to her and that I could be easily dismissed. That statement really hurt me. There were more moments like this, like when she wouldn’t acknowledge my presence during a family event. She didn’t introduce me to her guests or include me in conversations. Instead, she kept her focus entirely on a male guest, even while I was sitting right there. At one point, her son and I were taking a picture together, and she made it clear that he should be in the center of the shot while I should stand to the side.

There was also an awkward moment during one of her celebrations when she jokingly told my boyfriend not to kiss me, but only to kiss her. She even asked him why he wasn’t kissing her. It was bizarre and made me feel very uncomfortable.

The breaking point for me was when I developed a severe allergic reaction one night. I woke up with swollen eyes and ears, and I went to the hospital just to make sure everything was okay. I didn’t need to stay in the hospital, but the doctor said that the reaction could have been triggered by stress.

Throughout all this, I’ve felt completely disregarded and pushed aside, both by my boyfriend’s mom and by him. We’ve been living together for some time now, but I don’t feel like we are on the same page. I know I need to think carefully about the future of this relationship, as things aren’t improving.

We’ve (me 21, him 23) been together for a yr going on two, when we should’ve been going through our honeymoon phase we ended up having to deal with a serious situation that honestly only seem to affect me. I wouldn’t say i’m the best at conflict resolution because i tend to shut down & run from them but i try to talk about things at a later time when ive processed things thoroughly.

I recently moved out of my dad’s house (we don’t have the best relationship) & i’ve created a huge boundary between us. I have my own car, i work a decent job even though the hours are crazy. Regardless of how many hours i work i always make time for him, he just got back from a family trip.. when i was told about it he thought i was mad about him going because i kept saying “i don’t remember you guys talking about this trip” & even went the extend of telling his family to which his mom said “if she wants to come she can” i got annoyed at that because i was never mad, irritated or nothing other than confused because i genuinely do not recall being told about it granted they didn’t have to tell me, i just never knew. While he was gone i babysat his mother’s newest cat in my apartment no problem, i got her toys, i took very good care of her. I asked myself if i was mad about said trip would i have offered to watch her??

He came back recently & the day he got back i worked 18hrs, i wasn’t tired because my job is fairly easy & once my clients are asleep during the night i can also sleep. I thought i started my period but i didn’t so im worried yet irritated about that being that my body has gone through so much this yr. I put everything i felt to the side & still went out with him. We went shopping on black friday, i had no intentions of doing so but did so anyway because i haven’t seen him in a few days. While out he kept making little side comments about how i say things (im african/black) i have an accent even though it’s american the way i say somethings isn’t correct to him the word was (jimmy choo), he went the extend of looking up the correct way in public with people around so i walked away with visible anger, we went to another store i wanted to try on some jackets in the racks not the fitting room because everybody doing so, he made it a big deal for me to go to the fitting rooms (i literally only tried on one jacket & took a few mins to collect my thoughts cause i was now genuinely irritated & uninterested in the entire day). I came out & put my pride to the side, he picked some stuff for himself paid & we left, on to the next store.

In target instead of him going to the front to grab a regular cart he grabbed one those big carts meant for people with kids to ride on. I didn’t say anything, while we were in an aisle a couple came down with their cart & i walked by & said “excuse us” i’m not a loud person unless brought to anger so he didn’t hear it, once again he made it a point to ask me around people “did you say excuse me” to which i annoyedly answered “yes” & went quiet. He knows i tend to shut down when things keep irritating me but he kept going, saying “the look they gave you didn’t seemed like it, are you sure you said excuse me” to which i didn’t answer. I know my manners, i’m not a little girl, i’m respectful but he made me feel so indifferent from who i am. He wanted ice cream even though it was cold as hell outside & asked if i wanted some to which i said no, that became a problem even though i despise being cold. We came home & bickered for two hours to where he said “you’re miserable, you work too many hours & it’s affecting us” to which i understand but i once again shut down because miserable is a deep word to which does not describe me. I told him “misery doesn’t love company so if that’s the case i rather be left alone” & for him to go find someone to play with because i’m not her to which he said he rather be with a grown woman than to be with someone who acts like a child, i do not know why i didn’t feel nothing when that was said but that made me go completely silent & that was the end of the conversation.

I have work at 9am & didn’t drive to his house because he said we would be heading back to my apartment but with it being dark & him not liking to drive when it’s dark i offered to get an uber which he made the biggest deal possible. I’m currently still at his place, i couldn’t sleep throughout the night, i tried sleeping on the floor nothing, im debating on getting an uber & just going on about my day.

td:lr: bf got back from a family trip that i was never mad about even though he told his family i was. He’s never been a good judge of emotions nor people (if you’re as happy as he is you’re miserable which he not 85 percent of the time) After working 18hrs i made time for him, we went black friday shopping & i got talked to like a child the entire time in front of people. I tend to shut down & did so until we got his place where we ended up bickering for 2hrs & being told i am miserable & my job is getting in the way of our relationship. I took off today 3-11 just to make time for him being that we haven’t seen each other in about a week but looking back now im regretting it because I feel very defeated & worse im questioning if i have any room for this particular person even though i love him, i dont know if love can keep prevailing.

My girlfriend and I met each other a few years back online in passing; we started as long distance acquaintances, but something always drew us together. (We were both wasting time in the wrong relationship and we believe the red string of fate finally snapped us back into place.) In order to provide more clarity into our situation, I'll provide some background/backstory of our previous relationships:

I come from a previous relationship with an older woman in which I thrust myself in because I had no reason to live and needed a purpose in life. I was 17, naive, and trying to fill the void from the death of a childhood friend (and eventual) girlfriend. To sum it up, we were online friends and this woman was in an abusive relationship and I was being a charmer/friend/therapist to her. We had a lot of common interests and I came to believe that after my soulmate's passing, this was my last shot at something in life. (I've always been an antisocial hermit, unable to make any true friends let alone meet people in general.) After 10 rough years of long distance relations and visits, I bought a house for us to move in. In time however, the gravity and reality of my situation began to take a toll on me. I was unhappy. She was great, but her sons (various ages between 20-25) did nothing around the house, so most of my free time was dedicated to house chores, and what little else I had left I ended up dedicating to myself. I was unhappy with my my dead-end job, I was unhappy with the amount of free time I had, and porn addiction had crippled me to the point where I avoided sex because I simply could not function. Eventually I hit emotional rock bottom and started talking and connecting in new ways with my now current girlfriend. I ended up breaking things off in a sad, rushed manner but I refused to let this be the biggest regret of my life. I left her the house (for rent) and one of my vehicles, and left everything behind to start anew.

My current girlfriend was in a 20+ year relationship with the classic long-game narcissist type. Never truly cared for her, always promised change, slowly destroyed her confidence, made her doubt herself and her memory, financially crippled her, and had two children with her. She was on a plethora of medications and was essentially forced to perform sexual acts that eventually led to physical and even more mental harm. She was also at a mental rock bottom and was only staying for the children.

Jumping to present time now... Our relationship has been nothing short of a fairy-tale. We ran away together and have been each other's beacon of light. I'm currently the stay-at-home father for her daughter and have all the free time to keep the house in pristine order. And I'm the other hand, she is no longer on any mental health medications, no longer vapes, and I've been helping her mental and physical health since we got together. It's been a long (and still ongoing) process of mutual healing and mental reparations - mostly for her. The few times we've bickered were because her trauma leads her to believe that I'm being fake or manipulative like her ex was, and because our inner negative intrusive thoughts her the better of us; but our communication is amazing and we work through things together and flourish because of it.

Here is the crux of the situation, you guessed it, sex. Don't get me wrong, the sex is... amazing. I was absolutely desensitized at first but she helped me through it. She showed me patience and love and my performance anxiety has all but vanished. The problem is our sex drives. I come from a life of porn addiction that got so bad that I had to masturbate to even fall asleep properly. I come from a relationship in which I avoided sex because I couldn't perform. I WANTED it but refused it. My libido is extremely high. In the flipside, my girlfriend comes from the total opposite end of the spectrum. She comes from a relationship where she HAD to provide sex to prevent arguments, she felt like a sex doll, never truly orgasmed before me; sex was just a constant negative. So her drive is low. (We occasionally/semi-frequently have sex... but I want more.)

I'm always gentle and slow with her, I make sure she gets off before I even get to me. I make sure she enjoys it. I focus completely on her. But she has a huge resentment for certain things and while I absolutely understand why and never push for anything, part of me feels robbed. Her ex has robbed me of those parts of her and second-handedly affected our sex life. Her aversions to certain things come from his constant abuse. It's unfair to me that she doesn't want to try certain things with me when she did them all time for this guy. Granted she wasn't enjoying them, but she would 100% enjoy them with me now because my approach and our chemistry is way different. It is also unfair to her for me to push anything because of her trauma, so I don't. I'm not going to let my sexual desires begin to affect her negatively. We've communicated about this but perhaps much more needs to be said. How do we proceed? Will time be the best healer? Should new experiences overwriting the old ones be a good healing mechanism? I don't want to fall back to porn addiction for lack of certain things, and I don't want to push her to do things that she had negative experiences with. Some nights I lay in bed just like right now, angry and sad that her ex was ruining her in so many ways.

I'm 19, very new to this and very confused, in need of some advice cause... I'm a bit... Hell of confused, yeah.

The thing is, I'm not really attracted to him physically. I really like his personality and oh god do I love spending time with him, but I'm just not... Like I'm not really attracted to his face.

I like his posture honestly, just my type, but he doesn't take care of himself in the ways I'd be attracted to?

Like for example, I'm really attracted to people who have a good sense of style, or know how to do their hair that it looks best and such. Just the extra effort of sorts?

And in terms of him, I'm neither attracted to his face nor that /style/. Although if he ever has slightly darkened eyes, it looks so good on him, I swear.

I just really don't know what to do. It keeps coming back to me.

I'm hardly ever attracted to someone's physical looks (not including the style), but for the style I'm always so... I just don't know.

I really appreciate some advice, I feel stuck

My boyfriend of a few months we have been through some hard time. We had a pst relationship together where we both didnt treat eachother the best so we broke up. We started a new relationship together to have a new begging. Everything is good when we are together he shows me love we laugh like never before we smile we are genuinely happy but everytime we have a disagreement or fight he tells me he has been overthinking and doesn’t feel it and he jumps to breaking up but he is willing to try to fix things. He says he cannot forget our past relationship and he also doesn’t want to really be in a relationship anymore. But he does love me he says and i can also feel it. It is hard for me to let go because i love him the most and from my past relationships i can really tell i love him and i just always had a feeling about this guy that we were meant to be. But this is happening quite often he wants to break up like it did last week and we decided to spend less time together and he decided thats the problem and he is happy now to stay together. But its the weekend again and he wants to break up but say he will try for me. What do i do?

If you’re open to spending time together over the holidays, I’d love to, but I understand if you need space. Just know that I’ll respect whatever you decide. If you change your mind just ask I'm probably going to be down for whatever

I’m willing to put in the effort to rebuild trust and show you that I can be a better friend. Please just be patient, I’ll prove it over time

I was thinking if you were still willing to start going to the gym together after we get our red belts that could be a good future plan.

Context. We don't hate each other and have had a little while no contact. We have however seen each other at sport and gotten a long decently well. The reason he dislikes me is because I pushed his boundaries and questioned if he wants to be my friend. Basically called him a fake friend. He blocked me on Snapchat but we have each other's numbers and break silence for semi important things. he's my best mate on the planet. Just how it worked out. I've apologized probably to the point of over apologizing so I'm wondering if this was something I should send or save so as not to continue bothering him.

I'm also aware that sending this will probably have him take longer to forgive me. I'm not sure if I'm in a saving the friendship type situation or a give him space it will work itself out situation