First of all, delete social media. Second of all, eat pizza and wings, smoke weed, and watch the lego movie in Spanish to learn spanish. Or don't. The choice is yours. Or grow up and become a family man. To be a family man is to walk away from the drifting ocean and into a boat, whichis also drifting on the ocean. An ocean of hot lava, where you have to make even more money to survive. You have to pay fr repairs on your boat which gets destroyed by lava. But if you don't join the lava boat, there's something wrong with you. So join the lava boat, even though only stupid people are breeding according to the latest publication in the Wall Street Journalists of America, (sources cite 1.2.3.5.)

Does reading books make a brother happier? Probably not. A sense of purpose and community does though. So that's it folks, go out and get that. Join AA even if you don't drink. At least the people will be cool, and they won't make you drink alcohol with them, most likely. Or use discord and make some overweight friends. Or join meetup dot com and go to some strange meet ups. The opportunities are endless. Become a devout muslim and live by the scriptures of whatever. Even though it's all bull, it will turn you into a better fool. Or so they say.

Have an illustrious career with this one simple trick. Don't eat sausage. Just one tip. Eating sausage will prevent your career from blossoming. Everyone wants a career that will make them plenty of money, but many don't know that Eatin sausage will disqualify them. Fuck!

I will be the janitor from 'I'm thinking of ending things' if I don't do something soon. Shit!

Now I am going to teach you the fundamentals of digital marketing. Do some cold calling small businesses in your area and be sure to ask the person 'is this a good time to talk about how I could help you get leads for your small business?" And be sure to sell yourself. Get 250 bucks a month from them just by helping them send automatic notifications or text responses when someone calls them. Or something. Use this dumb software, like and subscribe.

How to be your own boss 101. Step one is to load your belly button with nutela that was micro waved for ten seconds so it's soft but no unbearably hot (kinda like yo momma?) Then put the chocolate in belly button. Go to burger king and stand behind the counter in the freezer room where the nutella will harden. Remove the nutella and you may get a mold of your belly button. Repeat this step until you draw your terminal breath.

Think about the word "terminal." It has connotations of being inside a pod, perhaps at a computer or your cubicle. At the terminal, on your way to your future terminal disease. Wasted life at a terminal. At the slots, at work, at home. At the airport.

It's not hard to shit in the sink. Well, as long as you have to shit, and as long as the sink is nearby. If it's not within travel distance, then that's an issue. Consider expanding your travel distance to the nearest sink so you can shit into it. Most areas inhabited by people have sinks, so you are most likely in luck. It's similar in principle to shitting anywhere else. Justmake sure that the projected gravitational path is approximately "above" the sink so that as the dung is expelled, it will fall (wth gravity) into the sink. Ignore air resistance in your calculations.

Hey I have an idea. What if you devoted your life to shitting in exotic sinks? Shit in the white house sink. The vatican sink. The louvre sink. The sink nearest to the mona lisa is the sink youll shit in. You may find yourself in another part of the world. You may find yoursef living in a shotgun shack. You may find yourself shitting into the sink in north Korea.

Let's give a shout out to Wednesdays. They're an ok day of the week!

Pretty warm and good in there. I'd wear a scuba mask but I fear I won't see what is going on down there. Because cheese is not translucent. Could there be other beings inside this body of cheese? My cousin trevor saw a cheese alligator. Then came up out the cheese pool and he saw a giant trunade.

big bird from sesame street rolls up in a benz

It is Saturday!!!! Bug Bird in a benz!!!! Holey shiet!