/r/askashittydoctor

Photograph via snooOG


Medical care is expensive. So is medical school. When you can't afford a doctor or to go to medical school yourself, why not ask someone who may or may not know more than you?

This is a parody subreddit. If you have a genuine concern, see a real-life doctor.

/r/askashittydoctor

13,821 Subscribers

17

My nipples started to turn helicopter style. It hurts, but also feels funny to me. Help?

The symptoms came slowly at first. My bra wiggled from time to time, but I thought it would only happen when I moved my upper body in general, so I was not question it any further.

One week ago my mom hinted at those weird movements my bra did and I only casually answered „That’s ok. It’s probably just some nerve rotating under my skin.“ My answer made her more confused, but I was totally ok. Not understand it either.

Three days ago I finally witnessed something bizarre and unbelievable, if you didn’t happen to film it (my uncle Buck, who we call Pepper occasionally or Cinderella, because he’s losing his shoe all the time, but only the left one, took a video of this incident, but he’s denying it for whatever reason). My right nipple suddenly shifted upwards, pointing towards my face and then the left followed.

You can imagine that I was extremely horrified and in utter shock. I thought, only Jackie Chan was able to do that. In my case, it was involuntarily and happened at McDonalds, where a probably six year old looked at me like I stole his sticky, oily ballon for entertainment. I did, but that’s beside the point.

Yesterday was the final straw: while I brushed my three hair strands, breast out and about, my nipples turned again. But this time, it didn’t stop. They rotated into a steady helicopter motion from left to right. They weren’t quite synchronized, but if I had turned on „Who can it be now?“ from Men At Work, they would’ve for sure.

Any advice on how to proceed? And no, I won’t do OF.

4 Comments
2024/03/21
22:30 UTC

14

My balls have concussions from slapping the ass cheeks of countless women over the years. How do I treat this?

9 Comments
2024/03/07
02:13 UTC

4

How many fingers can I fit in the femoral artery?

2 Comments
2024/03/02
01:32 UTC

5

Does this look like Diabetes Insipidus?

When I was around eight years old, something odd happened. I went to the bathroom, and after returning to my bedroom, I suddenly felt the need to pee again, and it was a lot. This didn't happen again for a long time, but as I get older and entered my teenage years, the issue came back. I started peeing frequently with short intervals, sometimes lasting for a few minutes to several hours. The color of my urine changes to clear. This could happen in the morning or at night, but the nighttime instances bothered me more. The pattern was irregular, with breaks lasting weeks or even months. Worried, I initially thought it might be diabetes. I tried a diet, but have decreases in blood sugar, especially since I am an active person. Surprisingly, when I am very hunger or I have low blood sugar, this case doesn't show up. Additionally, sometimes staying up all night might cause this situation. I wondered how a diabetic person could experience decreases in blood sugar without medication. During these episodes, my hands felt somehow dry, and this dryness persisted until the frequent urination stopped. Since yesterday, I have been going through the same issues again. I stayed up all night due to severe constipation, and the frequent urination occured and continued until morning when it finally stopped. It seems to happen more at night, like around 75% of the time. Just to note, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but I don't think it's connected to these symptoms. Any thoughts on what might be going on? Has anyone else gone through this? Could it possibly be Diabetes Insipidus or some hormone-related problem? I am not sure, but sometimes sleeping in really hot tempuratures seems to be connected, although it has to be extremely hot. I figured this out, because I remember going through this for a whole month in the summer. When I started using air conditioning, it stopped. However, it still happens in the winder, so I am not sure what is going on.

6 Comments
2024/02/24
10:18 UTC

9

My wife's diagnosed my ass as being in an uproar. What the hell should I do?

2 Comments
2024/02/21
04:17 UTC

9

How do i get a jar of pickled ginger onions and curry out of my ass hole with cooking tongs

I can't sit down

3 Comments
2024/02/19
07:14 UTC

1

Where is my foot?

It's not here I can't find it.

2 Comments
2024/02/10
03:22 UTC

0

Familial Als concern, 21 male

2 Comments
2024/02/09
06:42 UTC

1

Been vaping for 6 months, morning when i cleared mmmy nose had a red phelm or mucus Am i at risk

Im able to breath normally, and no shortness of breath, is there a problem with my lungs

3 Comments
2024/02/08
07:48 UTC

3

I have acalculous cholecystitis, can you give me advice?

A few weeks ago, i started to get bloated and have small pain in my right abdominal zone, after eating fatty foods, like hamburgers, pizza, and specially after drinking protein shakes. (I lift weights, and I was on a bulk diet)

I'm from Mexico

I'm a 23yo white Male skinny person,

I'm 1.80M and 65 kilos

I do not drink or smoke, but I do use whey / mass gainers (natural)

a couple weeks ago, I went to visit my doctor, (I live in mexico, and I have a free publi healthcare just for having a work)

He gave me an appointment for a liver and bile ducts ecography for March 2024.

However, I was severly worried and anxious a couple days ago so I went ahead and made the exams on a private laboratory.

I do not have stones, my liver and kidneys are working fine but my gallbladder is bigger than usual. My aunt is an urgenciologist doctor and she told me that I need to avoid eggs and avocados, as they can inflame more my gallblader and explode, then I will need to get it removed.

She told me that if I go to the IMSS (free healthcare) they will just give me pain pills and do nothing until it explodes or gets really dangerous.

I'm honestly worried and scared, also stressed, and she also told me that if I stress myself it will be just worse, I started to feel small pains while I wrote this.

please, any advice will be appreciate, I can attach pictures of the medical exams and echography if needed, but they are on spanish :(

thank you a lot!

4 Comments
2023/12/23
05:00 UTC

3

Side effects of my Workout Supplement

I use Imodium to workout because it forces me to strain and flex my abs while on the toilet. I’m close to getting the 6pack of my dreams but the hemorrhoids are getting unmanageable. My doctor refuses to treat me if I continue taking the Imodium. How do I get rid of these things?

4 Comments
2023/12/11
07:38 UTC

11

Did I dislocate my liver?

This is so weird. I don't know who to ask and it's probably not important.

M36. I was sitting down watching a movie with a friend, i was kinda half sitting half lying down and when I tried to get up it felt like something in my stomach pushed against my lower ribs on the right side. I sat up. Then it made a sound. Like a pretty loud Splooorrrp. It didn't hurt but I fainted for like half a second. It was like my whole body rebooted. But I was out literally just half a second. I opened my eyes and saw my friend looking at me in horror. He had also heard the noise.

I'm not worried. This was three days ago and I feel fine.

What was that noise? Did I poke my liver or intestines with my ribs? Is that a thing? Is my liver upside down now? Seriously. It's a serious question. Have anyone experienced anything similar?

9 Comments
2023/11/26
15:49 UTC

3

Does smoking cause a more defined neck?

Does smoking cigarettes lead to a more hypertrophic or “muscular looking” neck in a way? This is just off an assumption. I’ve smoked on/off for almost 6 years and find my own neck looking rather “bigger”, and ig kind of like Andrew tates neck. (Not veiny at all, but very defined)

5 Comments
2023/10/28
03:07 UTC

6

Shitty doctor what’s wrong with me ??

I'm a 25-year-old male who has been experiencing numbness in my left foot and a burning sensation throughout my body for the past 4 years. This began after staying for a few months in my grandfather's old, dusty studio. I'm now wondering if I might have been exposed to lead in that environment. Has anyone else faced similar issues? Could lead exposure be the root of my nerve pain? Or it’s a coincidence ?

7 Comments
2023/10/27
19:10 UTC

2

will nicotine show up in a urine/blood test not intended to detect it

I'm going to a doctor this evening for extreme abdomen pain, I I know if they'll ask me for a blood/urine sample but if they did, seeing as I vape 50mg/ml nicotine vapes. Will these tests show the concentration of nicotine in these tests? the reason I'm asking this is because I'm still 17 and I don't want my parents to find out

3 Comments
2023/09/25
10:30 UTC

5

how much acetaminophen /paracetamol aka tylenol is safe on a daily basis?

Hi Docs!
Acetaminophen has a mood regulating effect on me.
It calms down my mind and eases my body. This effect is known but not well understood afaik.
The issue with that substance of course is it hepatoxic.
My question is is it possible to take it on a daily basis or maybe in cycles and if yes, at what dose.

I'm male, 186cm and 88kg.
Kind regards!

12 Comments
2023/09/13
10:52 UTC

15

We all know about the menopause - is there any evidence a womenopause might also exist?

6 Comments
2023/08/29
16:16 UTC

5

Advice please

Hi, I am a 24M , healthy 6'1 and 80 kilos. I am suffering from sexual performance anxiety from the past 3 years. Recently visited a doctor who explained to me what's happening and prescribed the following meds Panex Cr-25mg, Risperidone 0.5mg Etilaam pro 40mg and Tadalafil 10mg(3 days once) and told me to take them for 30 days and get back to him He is a renowned doctor , a MD in sexaul medicine. But I just fear what if i take them and be severely dependent on them later too. What if I have to them them forever . One is an SSRi and the tadafail is basically viagara. I am not sure what i should do. Please help.

11 Comments
2023/08/02
12:18 UTC

2

Im having [M35] rock hard errections what do i do now?

15 Comments
2023/07/11
01:09 UTC

3

I fear I’m going to die of aneurism

I had Bell’s palsy 4 months ago And did an mri The doctors tell me the reports are normal But the report said “hypoplastic left vertebral artery” noted and recently jo Linder a body died of brain aneurism and I googled it and I found out that this condition leads to aneurism I am very scared of this. I had a very throbbing headache when I was skipping after a month of Bell’s palsy where I thought my head would explode I had headache on the left side of my head As my heart rate went up I had this very bad kind of headache so I stopped working out and ever since it was okay didn’t have a headache again But last week while I was boxing and sprinting for 5 rounds I had the same kind of headache and had to rest for 3 days The headaches weren’t very severe I could walk eat talk sing and do whatever I liked but as I tried to jump or do an activity which shot my heart rate up my headache was bad It’s been 3 days and now it’s gone again It’s normal again

Am I going to die of aneurism? I am scared I’ll have an aneurism If anyone knows about this tell me what hypoplastic left vertebral artery means and how long I have before I die?

5 Comments
2023/07/10
14:46 UTC

21

I was recently told to go fuck myself so I did. However, given the girth of my dick, it's now lodged in my asshole and I can't pull it out. How do I remedy this, doctors?

15 Comments
2023/06/01
15:37 UTC

20

I just took a whole bottle of vitamin D, how bad of a sunburn will I get?

Like just the usual redness or like the blistering kind? I just want to know what I'm in for. Speaking of which, whereabouts will the sunburn be? I'm guessing my mouth cause that's where the vitamins touched but I figured I'd ask

5 Comments
2023/05/03
04:08 UTC

9

My nephew's fiancee was diagnosed with "Crone's Disease". She's engaged, and only 32. Huh???

9 Comments
2023/04/23
08:54 UTC

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