Going to a cubicle, staring at the clock trying to pass the time

A degree led to this? Clicking computer screens until we die?

This gives me meaning? The boss makin stacks while me a dime?

I remember when walking for food gave me some sort of high

Now I only get one if I make $1,000 dollars in a night

Omg crypto taking money from people who don't spot the high

Life is stealing or someone else hurting for you to feel alright

It's a tragedy, how your eyes are opened to the world after 25

To see you have to work, or you basically just have to die

The only choice is the least shitty thing I can do tonight

Eat a twinkie, gain another pound or call someone who doesn't like

Hearing my voice or the things I think - it's a fun time!

Write a poem with fifth grader vocab for others to find

Maybe they'll get a laugh while we cuck ourselves to the upside

I can't even get drunk anymore I just get sick and then die

I've done every drug now my body barely works or fights

But still I'm trucking on hoping some day I'll get it right

I never will, it's a joke it's a stupid worthless fright

A cheap thrill, waiting for the words to come out right

I never had a chance, an empty fucking sight

I'm tired of existing, I wish someone would end my life

I'm patiently waiting to be swept off my feet, Waiting for the passion to hit me, I wanna feel the heat,

I'm waiting for him to take my breath away, lovingly hold me, beg for me to stay,

I'm patiently waiting to feel safe in his arms, He'll say all the right things, He'll cause me no harm,

I'm waiting to be loved like never before, like I'm the only person in the world, that he could possibly adore,

I'm waiting for his words and actions to match, even if its a long shot, it's still me, he'll catch,

I'm patiently waiting to be his number one, nothing else could matter, we would never be done,

I'm waiting for my 'forever' to finally come along, I wanna love someone deeply, I wanna be sprung,

Maybe he's waiting for me, to make his day, Show him I love him, and that I'm here to stay?

Maybe he's waiting, to be the only one, to cure the world together, Everyday, we'll feel we've won,

maybe he's patiently waiting, to be swept off his feet, for me to be his calming force, are we ever going to meet?

Maybe this crazy kinda love doesn't even exist, Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, waiting for that first kiss...

infidelity hits like a hot girl winter
skirt blown by a gust of wind
while she's lying in a snow bank

online infidelity
i swear it

maybe its the frigidity
of the lunar landscape

the way the heart of the waves break
the way i claim a tooth ache

ack noir
my heart is growing hard

rushing confusion
waiting for a bomb to go off

trapped between love and hate

she wants to know you are ok
she wants you to keep away
she wants your heart to break
i live in a swirl of noises and faint hearted erections
measuring the pace
of snow flakes as my fears tittulate
alone and not alone
trapped in here
what am i and why do you fear
unpredictability

I think I was supposed to die yesterday.

My day was amazing.

The best in years.

I spent it recalling my past. What I’ve been through.

The times I fought through tears.

I spent it considering today.

How I woke up with a smile, despite my lack of sleep. It was the best I’d felt in a while. The clouds were soft and fluffy. Like a corduroy runway. The air was cool and crisp. The wind was blowing softly. School was normal but good. My classes went by quickly. I knew more than I thought. Which helped me feel secure. My trip to work was perfect. Timed just right. My music fun and fitting. Just the songs I wanted. My shift was fun and relaxing. I got a good review. I packed up to go home, and that was when it happened.

As I crossed the walk, to the stop, to wait for my bus back home,

Something stopped me in my tracks,

Revving, or a sense, or headlights, or…

A pair of Hazel eyes.

Hazel eyes crossed my view.

Behind the window of a white car.

Wide and staring.

He was so close.

I saw all the details of his face.

Had I not stopped in my tracks, I would have been hit. I am certain.

So I wonder what it is that stopped me.

Because it wasn’t me. I didn’t know.

Was I supposed to die yesterday?

Cursed Walmart to go orders

I wonder what they think

They aren’t paid for thoughts

They aren’t paid for rent

Everyone’s fucking broke

Oh and sick, Anora? Covid? Just a bad cold?

Can’t shake it

Better inhale it

If you can’t beat them be them

He just needs a hug

My cat pissed on my rug

I wonder about the animation Doug

Back to bad rhymes

I wonder when were the good times?

Are they killing me like isaac?

Get the frog out of the house.

When we were lovers,
You said "only you,"
But then went and screwed someone else

When we were friends,
You said I was your best,
And then left me to talk to myself

And the worst of it is,
You weren't even lying
You felt that those feelings were real

But your feelings are fleeting,
While mine seem to stick
It's been months I've been trying to heal

So what can I do?
Beg attention from you?
Wag my tail and just pray that you'll pet me?

I should leave you alone,
Scrub your name from my phone
If you still really cared, you'd come get me

I'm not the person I use to be, I've changed so much, Sometimes subconsciously,

No one can speak to me in an oppressive way, I've learnt to put up boundaries, I know what to say,

I won't be treated like a fool, enough is enough now, There's no bending the rule,

I'm stronger and mightier than I have ever been, even through all the heartaches, I still find ways to win,

the grass is greener on the other side, better to be sad and alone, then be a lonely bride,

I'm calmer when I'm in the storm, No matter the kind of weather, I find my warm,

I've learnt that love comes at a cost, You will die and be reborn, Your old self will be lost,

I'm not the person you met years ago, life has taught me so much since, I've had time to grow,

You can't expect me to be the same, If I didn't grow & change, only I'd be to blame,

I'm confident and I know my worth, I'm one in 8 Million, living on this earth...

(this one's not too good)

To you my dearest victim,

May every wrong ever done to you always leave you wondering why someone else was always the problem.

May you find a quiet place only to gaze at the empty seat where company is and yet is not company at all.

May every song you hear never sing within your heart.

May you always remember how burning it was to look at me, and never knew me.

Forever yours in pain, self-imposed

• The demon you always wished me to be

you’ve thrown me off my path

straight into an arena of fear

I avoid venturing out here

don’t know how long I can last

my brain feels like scrambled eggs

over churned butter

your face floats into my thoughts and dreams

the words you’ve said broken down and over analyzed

I’m sorry for being this way.

I’m petrified of pushing you away

keeping this to myself seems like the best idea

working on myself instead of being in fear

making the right decisions and getting out of my head

I’ve even been getting out of bed

if only I could give you a glimpse of who I used to be

I don’t think you would even like what you see

I come from a home of splintering words and bloody knuckles

where being in my bedroom was an unspeakable struggle

my life has been tumultuous to say the least

the monster I grew up with created a beast

I fight with that beast everyday

and god only knows if there’s a way

for me to contain myself from you

I’ve never felt something this true

my emotions run beyond deep

do I even give myself the chance to take this leap

you’ve shown me kindness that I’ve never seen before

and it doesn’t even seem like a chore

it almost feels like I don’t deserve it

makes me just want to quit

your kind smile makes my heart swell

but the fear of abandonment makes me unwell

how am I falling in love?

Senseless sparring over neglected pints,

faux intellectuals incessantly bicker.

Another round bolsters dimwitted debate,

gaps in reading spurring bouts of condescension. 

How intertwined are word count and IQ?

If minds like these have read so much,

yet remain so uninspired,

I am thankful for the burning of Alexandria.

“I’ve read more into the matter.”

Well who’s climbed more mountains?

And drank more beer?

And loved more women?

And men too?

Who’s kissed the wet nose of every dog?

Smoked more dope?

Jumped more rope? 

It definitely isn’t me, but it certainly isn’t you.

Knowledge is knowing you know nothing,

and knowing that you came from nothing,

and that you’ll soon return to nothing,

having said of import… 

Nothing.

So hurry up and finish your drink,

I need another pint.

keystone light once treated me right, as gossips unite and drown flights, kites stuck in height to the tunes of trash radio rhymes, tossing dimes for dead friends, time comes to end and that one dick from canton, boy, was he pantin’ demanding, lines of dusty vicodin, he handed straws to take it in but the beer did queer, whatever weird thing he aimed to procure as my brain, unfeared, marched me straight into oblivion, my screen cleared

atoms melting, skin to skin, as my particles aim to claim him, drain him, fill him up with inspiration where i begin, and he slips in, matched in sin, no hymns, we spin, as rivers flow in, drowning us in chemical bliss, a moment i never thought i’d sit here and miss where he began and i left off, thoughts unanswered as time pressed pause and arose two souls without holes or prose, exposed

flying through the bristles of a soft colgate toothbrush, the hooks on soul once bound slipping free, voices hushed as blacktop hills catapult you into stars yet to have been touched twice the take, like needles in my brain, my plane landed in vein, my ticket punched, launched into a lake absent of pain

shifting states of physical matter, as lights do shatter the bounds of what comes after tasting color, and casting shadow on hardwood floors, a breathing dragon setting fire to what i was before, and awakening in me more than what i bargained for, opening doors with Floyd as my cohort, my guide as time and space no longer exist, remiss of regress, like chess, we mesh

vibrations chasing sweet sanctions, sent patients of divine patience, as mother guides my graces to feel what she has shaken, and then taken, what lies beyond the bounds of body, creation hear the sounds she's laid out, hidden amongst the green stalks, your couch that which of whose grave you’ve sat upon, begging to hear them call to god, to them, to whomever is listening on other end, their pen lay still amongst the pages of friends

drugs, you see, they lug, and plug, and slug at you as you flunk out of a world drunk with endless bouts of dreary half hugs poison, you hoist them, exploit them, and then chase that first time, time and time again until the dragons take action and the traction, a chemical reaction, instant attraction, passing all previous tact and factions, ignites satisfaction at last for all previous infractions

a ride that chases me, endlessly, but see in me, there lies an addict, begging to break free of all this static, so alone, instead, i’ll sit here and hit, tasting clip after clip, tucked in between my lips, sweet Mary Jane, and her hazy train that she has lain, numbing me of all my pain and disdain for shame left untamed,

just me and sweet Mary, my demons, we’ll parry, a promise we both carry, until the ferry takes me off to somewhere less wary

All I ever wanted was love
I know it's not unique and it's said,
Someone who doesn't receive warmth as a child
Will burn down the whole village instead.
That's my life summed up - a few words
Addictions trying to feed this dread
Hoping someone else's Love
Would make me feel less dead.
I've tried shoving so many things
In every orifice or through my head
Still in the end I'm just me
A complication of complexity not met
I wish it wasn't easier to accept hate,
It's something I don't want but instead,
I find it easier to make things upset,
For falling in love takes more than minutes
But to make someone hate you play on bigotry,
Play on politics play on the things they hold dear
They'll hate you quicker than someone will love you
That hatred at least makes me laugh sometimes or it's sincere.
I don't expect you to understand me
And I'm not saying I'm unique or anything queer
Rather I'm expressing how much I wish Love was free
Not hatred for that's all I see everywhere here.
So here is the tale of how monsters are created,
Shown that their nothing so they take scraps for worth
Might as well be the circus or the pinata,
That's why kids beat him up and was called a fag at church.
Here's the story of someone who needs to accept
A few things aren't enough to make your whole life hurt
But still, it's like the very things we want most
Are what makes us find nothing but hurt.

When I first saw you,

My jaw and undescended testicle hit the floor.

You were wearing a tight claymore mine t-shirt

That says, “FRONT TOWARD ENEMY”.

All the other boys were bouncing off 

The titanium sides of your geodesic ovum,

While inside, you were so bored,

You played Operation with your tongue.

But you didn’t count on a worm like me burrowing in from underground.

Let me be your doctor-without-border, your astrologer to the stars, 

Your yogi and teddy bear, your godzillionaire.

Let us interlace our toes.

Let us chew each other’s fingernails.

Let me show your vaganza an extravaganza.

Let my sonar ping your depths.

Let my guitar solo melt your heart and face

Hold me down, love me well,

Touch my body, love my smell,

Kiss me here, caress me there,

press your body, against me bare,

Throw me down, hold me tight,

make love to me, all through the night,

Grab my waist, enjoy my taste,

we don't have another, minute to waste,

Hold me close, feel my breath,

Can u hear my heart in my chest,

release my arms, watch me dress,

I'll lay in your arms, for me to rest...

If you're questioning why you stay, its probably time to get out, If you're always anxious about what they'll do next, it's bigger than just a doubt,

When you wonder if they love you or not, when that should never be a thought, It's time to let go of them, cause love can never be taught,

It should never be painful to stay, it should be the easiest decision you make, It only becomes hard when you give and all they do is take,

If you show them that you love them in every way you can, and they respond with nothing, they're a heartless hu-man,

If they stay because its easy and beneficial for them, Factor in your worth cause they stay, you're an invaluable gem,

when you're hurting in a lonely relationship, and it's too much to bare, You need to stand up and leave, standing still, won't get you there.

When you realise the love you give, should be felt in return, Set alight the pain & hurt, let it all burn...

Burning is to change.

From something into carbon.

Caused by the

expulsion of oxygen

and conversion of something into

something else.

Burning is to suffer.

Flesh pops and melts into slop.

Oozes unto the floor as nerves

scream

Burning is to liquefy

The fire that is killed by water

turns metal solids into metal liquids

a cycle, I think

Burning is to lose

What once mattered turning into

naught but ash and dust

There is no worth in powder

There is no worth

There is none

Burning is to warm up.

Melt those frozen stuck

Make them move again.

Make them feel

themselves again.

Burning is what I want them to be.

the flames of hell

do they burn for punishment?

retribution?

No.

They burn for me.

Burning is what I am.

A common candle, with a common wick

But an extraordinary flame.

I wish I wasn't me.

I don't want to burn.

But burn is what candles do.

Which one wins?

I liked them at first
It meant I was grown
I felt like it helped me come into my own
As a woman

Like, how fun!
Just like on tv
All those girls in their sexy lace bras
Could be me

But then they got bigger
My body got older
Those bras were no longer
A comfortable holder

And when I don't wear one
My tits start to sag
So it's "beauty is pain," now
My god, what a drag

They'll be touching the floor by the time I'm a hag
I see girls with small chests
And I wish it was me
I don't care anymore 'bout the girls on tv

Get me out of this hell
Screw these two sacks of stones
Let me frolic and dance
Without weight on my bones

But FUCK it feels good when you-
SHIT
Keep squeezing like that,
Whew!

Uhhhh
Maybe I'll keep them a little bit longer
Surgery's too expensive
(Keep twisting it, stronger!)

Plus, when they're this saggy
They reach your mouth better
(I've sucked them myself,
Cause I'm a go-getter)

When you hold them,
The weight is no longer on me
So...I guess they're alright
(In *certain* company)

I'm done with Love, I'm done with the pain, I'm done with the heartache, Someone unshackle these chains,

I'm done with the hurting, I'm done with the lies, I'm done with the emptiness, After those painful goodbyes,

I'm done with the drowning, I'm done with the everyday, I'm done with the effort, When all you do, is walk away,

I'm done with the hope, I'm done with the dreams, I'm done with the pretence, Nothings ever like it seems,

I'm done with the waiting, I'm done with the calm, I'm done with the hoping, when you set off the alarms,

I'm done with the crying, I'm done with being sad, I'm done with feeling weak, You didn't deserve what you had,

I'm done with Love, I done with the door, I'm done seeing it close shut, you always wanted more,

I'm done with the pain, I'm done with trying my best, I'm done with you, It's time for me to rest.

There’s a stone in my shoe. So annoying but what can I do? I’m in the middle of the street and it’s raining. Will have to put up with the dam thing. Keep walking, don’t think about it. Ignore the irritation. Ignore the rain soaking me from head to foot. Ignore the water in my shoes. Just another thing to add to my list of things I have to ignore. What a chore. What a bore.

droving on and on and on, i can’t hold back, what if one day they’re all gone, words like fawn and pawn, or tong, long, wrong, belong, even bong

crowded, all fighting, less i be beheaded, then perhaps they’d take off, quick footed then snake out along the gravel, free as if my skin did stop travel—

would crowds just scream, run off, and cry? or take witness to what lays deep inside, no longer attached to my crooked spine

words like fester, jester, and yes her, and guess what i just did ma come best her, let it swim freely from which they’ve blessed her, how ink does spill instead of gross curds, freshly purged, in herds, the words do merge, senses first, tickling quirks, and then latch onto furs

from this throne i do sit, and spit, to an empty room, free of idiots and critics, all my picks, catching licks, dodging pricks and fumbling over limericks as the second hand ticks,

i can’t stop rhyming, at the worst fucking timing, as i sit here mining for sounds that trigger pining, and dining, and even testifying as they rise up in me, frying me alive, striving to drive my hive like mind into the sky, arise

do you think they’d take them home, safe and sound, my silly poems, safely hidden on their shelves, waiting for right times to delve, deep inside this places called home, where all my words are stuck to helm, desperate for someone to comb, see what’s locked inside this drone, as it flies off to places unknown, targets demons hungry for my soul

the words lay buried in my mind hole, begging to be scribbled on such old tomes, with all the ancient jargon foretold, alongside kings who once chose who goes

it’s really very simple you see, once you swing that axe down on me, and they all come pouring free, a sight to see, and soon you travel to different places, and spread all my words adjacent, what a wonderful thing, complacent-cy, see, for me, i’ll simply cease to be

I was looking at apartments the other day

It won’t be long now

Oh I found a place!

Sometimes I am such a silly goose

I didn’t need a realtor to close on a crematory

The pink pony brought me to my noose

Snap out of it

My arm is an ashtray now

What’s that smell

Infection!

Helium hose is reliable

But how can I avoid being liable

I’m looking for fentanyl have you seen her?

Oops it was just an accident

Thank god my family doesn’t know how selfish I really was

I’ve got the keys to my new house

I love that new car smell

Earning thousands of dollars a week, treating it like a dime
The days blur and I start to realize it's all a joke or a lie
If love could be earned like a tax I'd have it all but I
am alone watching the cars in the street as they drive by.

Wishing someone would come over to say hello or goodbye
It would be nice if someone would give a shit if I cried
But rather instead I'm treated with empty stares of passerbys
Grins or smiles that fade once the platitudes of nothing subside

Nobody asking how I'm really doing or caring what's inside
People who ask "how are you" but then they don't treat you right
They'll say "Let's do this again" bam gone instantly without a goodbye
Tired of this plasicity so I won't let any take those dumb dimes

Maybe if a whore would be upfront about stabbing my back with a knife
I'd pay hundreds because that'd be more real than what I've encountered most nights
I get being in your 30s isn't as lively as your 20s but nothing is all that I subscribe
To find in this town of millions, so much but nothing makes me feel not dead inside

If you talk to me one more time about your job you hate or your manager over dinnertime,
I'll take this gun I don't have and blow out my brains before our date ends at midnight
I don't know what I'm looking for but this plastic interaction where you roll your eyes
Acting like you give a shit but I know you don't because I'm not some 6ft tall guy

Not sure where this poem went but it got angsty I miss when I wrote about the love I wanted to find
Where I wasn't so full of disappointment about how empty these interactions are all the time
Sometimes I wish someone would take me out back and end my dumb mother fucking life
Put me out of my misery, my soulmate is probably being fucked as we speak by six other guys.

There it was ,

What would become

Perseverance could lead to a lot

But who knew the level of success

Don’t be held back by the social fortress

You have the key in your minds hold

It’s indeed time you commanded

“Release is not a question”

Break the bonds that they carved in your soul

Now is the time, you’ve made the first step.

Have faith in the blind the also deserve pure roles.

Who knew it needed such simple purpose

What you find on this note

Is what you wrote

The pen will guide you further than the darkness

Open the book make sure there’s no mess

For the next chapter

Is the one I chose

(This can be interpreted in many formats, mine is the fight I lost

to the wind, i claim my mind back! It was never your home)

/metal-health/matters/unseen-disability

    It will hold on forever, 

If you don’t let go !

I’ll live in delusion
Confusion
To stop wondering where you’ve been

I’ll turn pedantic
Frantic
Start justifying this as romantic

She’s only distant cause she’s scared of what she feels
And all the things those feelings might reveal

Do you feel the pull,
The ache,
The tingling skin?

Or is that tension only I’m stuck in?
Do I mistake awkwardness for nerves,
Sweetness for sweet-on?

And does it matter if it helps me cope with it when you’re gone?
My secret hidden headcannon
My laugh-so-you-don’t-cry

“She’s gay!” I shout inside my head
As she kisses some new guy

Will you love me forever; Like you have never loved before?

Will you hold me close and tell me; it's me you adore,

Will you think of me when I'm not around,

Will you miss my voice, my presence, miss my sound,

Will you call me because you wanna tell me about your day?

Will you be careful with your words and watch what you say?

Will you protect me from anything that may cause me harm?

Will you ring the bell and sound the alarm?

Will you dare to dream about what the future holds?

Will you build a future with me and watch it all unfold?

Will you love me forever like you've never loved anyone at all?

Are you willing to jump, no matter how high the fall?

Will you lean on me and let me lean on you too?

Will you hold my hand and together we'll make it through?

Will you be everything that I so desperately need?

Will you go above and beyond, will you exceed?

Because I will be everything you need and and more,

Just take this chance and you will see,

I'll love you like I've never loved before..

i am seated in a waterfall, unwavering in my position, heartlessly denying every call, from the ushers of the current, enjoying my apathetic witness-hood, visions within the water are abhorrent, stiffening myself in my stubbornness, waters abrasion forcing my exhibition, and i remain there, amiss, unable to join this collective free-fall, so i let myself be stripped raw, noticed because of sheer appal, that lasts only for a moment, as i am still, but all else remains in current.

There's a nickel by my pickle,

There's a dime upon my palm.

There were a quarter in my shorts, err, but I sold it to your mom!

There's a lid, I said, laid on the bed, and a couple more for sale.

I've enough primo cocaine-laced mary jane to kill a whale!

Oh la dee dah, but needle, nah! Hey free blow - jaw is numb.

Oh, see my knee, it's bent to thee! That bump just made me cum!

I'm afraid to love again so deeply, where I put my whole heart in it, and I surrender completely,

I'm afraid to love and be burnt by fire, this isn't a reflection of you, it's what happened to me prior,

I'm afraid to be my true authentic self, What if it happens again, all he cared about was himself,

I'm afraid I will lose who I am because of you, what if you treat me like I don't matter, then pretend that's not what you do?

I'm afraid I'll either want too much or accept too little, I got use to the bare minimum, I've become fickle,

I'm afraid I'll be alone forever more, Trust won't come easy, my heart might always be sore,

I'm afraid to lose or forget my self worth, Fact of the matter is, I'm one in 8 billion on this earth,

I'm afraid love is no longer for me, I'm done with paddling in the ocean, drowning in the sea,

I afraid but I know its time to move on, My fear will be over soon, and pain will be gone..

Government-sponsored is what labels are, All because I wouldn’t sponsor My daughter’s father—he reminded me of my own. Though he tried to warn me, I fled when I was fed up, had enough.

Determined to see a bigger picture, I found myself ordering A mind-altering pitcher. Poisoned by persuasion, I jumped aboard a sinking ship— Rotating on the rosters, No time for a relationship.

Full control of everything, Even when flashing lights warned me: I was actively malfunctioning.

Raised in institutions, Fleeing transitions— After the fall of the Iron Curtain. Solidarity made choices—some uncertain. Wasn’t it always?

Was I created out of love, Only to collect rocks, stickers, Bruises, and trauma along the way? Gravitating to learned behaviors— Who supplied all the party favors?

“We’re celebrating.” Why? It’s a Tuesday.

Preexisting, rewritten, Never sure when they’ll listen To the whistleblower. Oh, wait— Isn’t that so-and-so’s daughter?

“We should help. Work her to near death. Have her find a narcissist. She’ll be sure to get pregnant.”

This time, don’t let her get an abortion— She’s had three of them. Could she even afford it?

Get her drunk, fill her up. Don’t tell her about the STD. Guess she’ll just have to live with it.

So far gone, Infiltrating every fiber of her being.

“You’ll never have kids again,” I heard, as I held my three babies close. Surgically repaired: one, two, three— You’re left with one ovary.

At least you won’t bleed monthly. No, just internally, Depending on how this all goes.

There’ll be good days. There’ll be bad. Well, after the childhood I had— A feather in the wind of bad beginnings.

I couldn’t go down that path. A child with no dad, no mom— Horrible odds, if you do the math.

Government or not, I got the help. Fought for the help. Escaped my fate, Rose back by myself.

An immigrant navigating, Flourishing young minds That, too, didn’t choose to be born— But are here.

With every organ and fiber left in me, I’ll fight for our sense of being— Their sense of belonging, To this world, As human beings

What if you wished for a gift

Telepathy of sorts in the form of a note

But you had to sacrifice time

To decipher millions of voices

Reaching the answers they sealed silently

Only rearing true feelings to the unknown catalyst

Do you not fear,

It’s not truly what you expected to hear

After all they have no one to impress here

Just the faithful abyss

With a chance of someone congratulating their mess

You did not expect what you saw

But you searched for it anyway

Now here is the answer

Im sorry im not who you though I was ,

Not then , today or tomorrow ..

I don’t intend to be the person she was

That you miss

In fact I don’t think she ever existed

I’m a beautiful mess

And that is okay