How hard reality hits

When I taste death every night

And wake each day

Full of life

And mourning.

You hold on to my pills when I ask for them back You think it's funny, I feel disrespected by that. Keeping them safe for me is what you said you'd do, No here you are trying to control how much a take. Never again will you hold on to them. I wasn't even faded you just want control and that's all fuck. 0 pills I was on you kept them all day even when I ask for one that's fucked supposed to keep my stuff safe but yet your just fucking with my brain. So you say we tight but it don't always feel right. Asking me to do stuff I just said i didn't want to, Makin me feel like I have to say yes. Shi is wack trusted you like fam. You ain't my dad can't control my intake and I didn't take shi so what the fuck is up. Got me feelin stuck thought I can trust you but I can't. Just tryna fuck my mind like the rest.

Bitches don't know shit but talk their smack

Titties in the back you know that's a fact

Titties in the front you know it's what you want

Fuck a fine ho with the lit tip of your blunt

But with titties in the back they squirt chocolate milk

And suddenly you're giving a cleveland steamer to an elk

...doo doo days are over

Doo doo days are over

Chocolate titty milk is coming

So you better cum

I chisel my convictions into my bones

Lost in regret, not sure where I should go

I’m looking for something. Do you have the door key?

Are you what can satisfy? Oh crap that needs to be me

Something tells me I’m close to beating my demons at their own games

Nobody hates me more than my own reflection

I’m tired of where this goes, I’m tired of these idiotic lessons

It’s another song without a bridge, I can hear the tune, it’s the same

“You’ll never find Love, with a shit carcass like that,”

“Mend your shit, stop trying to dress up shit with a party hat”

Oh, how this dork loves,

His words fail, feeling tired, worked,

His messages gone adrift,

He feels like a jerk,

Her Emoticons as his gift,

Online, we both feel stuck as fuck,

Like a floppy disk, plain out bad luck,

Wi-Fi, please help us two Lost Souls,

My digital prayer to the universe!

For love's code, I must decrypt.

Back, space bar, forward , return my emojis to you, to tell you I just love you!

Love,

Your Dork

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️😘😘😘😘🦋🦋😘👊☕☕💻💻🙏🏾🙏🏾🧑‍🏫🧑‍🏫🔟🫢🥰🥰🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🔆

The look in your eye shakes me to my core,
I fear you'll never want to see me again;
Your voice reverberates and all I want is more,
But I am afraid I will lose you, my dear closest friend.

You scare me in the best of times, you see;
And make me laugh at my worst, it's true!
I hope you know I'll forever be:
Pissing my pants for you.

Dancing carefree, hey!

Morning look, you're adorkable,

Fast talk, all hyper!

Glimpsing fears? Oh, no!

You squirm, play shy like a kid,

Secrets locked away.

I'm all mesmerized,

Each quirk and goof, I'm smitten,

Love, no end in sight.

I don’t get sad anymore when I think of you, and I just can’t bring myself to cry. I don’t, feel for you now,
And I’m unsure why, because nothing has changed since you left. I used to get lost in your eyes but now I’m just… lost… without them. My mind is so foggy that even though I can see, I still feel blind. But I just have to keep searching, Searching for me in my everyday life, but it’s not actually.. me, I’m looking for. It’s my memories of the experiences of us, in all the meaningless things, I see. It was the smell of our new bedsheet or the freshly cut grass. It’s the sunset on the beach or the sound of our laughter. I was lost in the beginning, trying to find myself without you but then I realised… I didn’t need you, so that I could be me.

She's back, the town's gossip

You watch and see...

Her style may seem new,

But her face remains unchanged.

Knowing smile in her eyes.

Ten years gone, maybe more,

Since our eyes first connected.

Life's best moments fly.

Alone, feeling blue,

Heartbreak lingers on in my soul.

Some cry, find death.

Love's wicked ways taunt,

Tearing at my heart,

Heartbreaker,

you.

My childhood home was haunted, haunted by the ghosts of who my parents used to be, and haunted by the ghosts of who my parents wanted to be. They say when you’re born in a burning home, you’re convinced the rest of the world is on fire, but it isn’t. Not everywhere you go will scald you and scar you and leave marks so deep you’re not sure if the wounds will ever heal properly. My childhood home was haunted by anger. It was haunted by all the broken shards of glass that once made my favorite plate to use for snacks after school. It was haunted by broken cupboard doors that once held all of my favorite cake mixes and frostings. It was haunted by my grandmas favorite coffee mug that was now on the ground in pieces. It was haunted by the tears that fell down my face when my mother yelled. If walls could talk, my childhood home would tell you all about the ghosts that haunt the halls. It’s quiet now, but the ghosts still live there. They live in the cupboard doors that are now fixed. They live in the new coffee mugs. They live in the new plates. My mother has since moved out, but the ghost of her anger still lingers in every bump and mark on the hallway walls. You can patch up holes, replace cups, replace plates, replace doors, but the ghosts will still be there.

It’s almost that time

Just after 9pm on September 11th

You transcended from this life to the next

I had to stop the life saving measures

I had to be the one to let you go

I don’t hate you for it though

I just hate the way it all unfolded

I had to fall apart in my mothers arms

While everyone told me they were so sorry

I ask God constantly,

“Why did it have to be me?”

I’m still in shock from it all

The days have blurred into each other

I am sorting through pictures of you

Young and healthy

I wish I could have one more day

with that beautiful version of you

I watched them wrap you up in white

A red bag placed over you

My Tata’s was navy blue

Cried as they drove away

I wonder how many times I will relive that day

Will it be just as bad as his?

Will you haunt me the way he did?

Will I always feel this empty because of it?

I don’t wish this pain on anyone

Everyone says they’re here for me

But they just don’t understand

I feel like I’m the one who killed you

This death has painted me a different shade of blue

In deepest twilight, I, Wolfman, lust for her, Fire coursing through me.

Her beauty captivates, I am drawn to her damn presence, Respecting her soul.

But my flesh tempts me, Unleashing my beast, To succumb to darkness.

She is enchanted, Under the pale moon's glow, I am becoming undone.

I struggle within, To restrain my primal self, For her happiness.

Yet, she remains near, Unaware of my savage truth, Bound by moonlit dreams.

I am Wearwolf (Aroooh!)

im sorry universe

im sorry earth

im sorry moon

im sorry stars

im sorry room

im sorry mom

im sorry dad

im sorry sister

i want to love

i want to be loved

i want to be love

i want to feel love every second of every day

doesnt matter what type

could be the painful type of love that has you crying all alone

or the one that makes your heart so fuzzy and your stomach so warm

love reminds me that life is worth it

worth what im not really sure yet

but worth something most definitely

im sorry to the people ive hurt

in any way

to the people ive accidentally ignored

to the people ive purposefully ignored

to the people i havent listened to

to the people so close to me i feel i can take my anger and sadness out on them

i want you to know i love you

every single one of you

i wish i wasnt so afraid to love

i wish i wasnt afraid of my past self

the kid that had so much love for everyone

now i dont know where they've gone

but i know im still me

ill always be me

ive always been me

and when life changes or gets hard i have to remember that

because i am me and that's enough

19.9.2023. 23:57

Through happenstance it happened again

I lost the chance to love again

I tried my best but life seems to say

It was never meant to be this way

Not for lack of trying

Or fear of crying

I drop from this cliff into a little white lake

Now I can sink content in my wake

Nobody here can judge me

The fish just swim past slowly

Blind to the life I’ve lead without them

It seems now I’m not so lonely

The weight of the water holds me down

As I run out of air and begin to drown

I try no more as life leaves this day

It was always meant to be this way

I Found My Wow

I found my wow, it's you!

Let me tell you a secret,

I'm in awe of your pure essence, your beauty,

I've known you somewhere else,

Several millennia ago...

Before the universe existed,

I know this much...The universe created us...

Custom-designed entwined us two puzzle pieces,

~ into one.

Millions, billions, and even gazillions of light years before.

Us two! I know it! Here right now...Moi, I was blind,

~ but now I see,

It's always been you and me.

Oh yes, I've been wandering in darkness; now I see only you.

My Radiant Light!

Let me show you the world from my eyes.

Yours Truly,

You're Injured

♥️♥️♥️

I feel some sort of pain in my chest everyday

I don't know where this pain sprouted from but it won't go away

I just want to get through a day and be actually okay

It sucks to say but I actually don't ever remember not feeling this way

But only I should have to carry that burden

So I lie and pretend, saying "im fine" so others don't feel sorrow at my expense

I wonder how my life would appear from at a different lense

I wish I knew the cause of this pain

It's like a never ending cylce

Coming as often as the rain

It will never stop but you can stop your self from getting wet

So I will pretend I don't feel this pain

And I'll be all set

I'll smile and be positive

Laughing at all the unfunny jokes, Pretending what they say about me behind my back doesn't make me want to rip out my own throat

so nobody knows Inside it's quite the opposite I'm not happy

I think I'm hurt and broken

Every single day I'm broken, using weak glue that could never fix such a shattered heart

Somedays it's worse than others

But as long as nobody finds out No bother

Don't bother, trying to be more than my fake broken inner child

This pain in my chest is the thing I know most More than my loved ones,

And more than everything else,

I feel it so vividly the pain feels like a stab in the heart

if somebody asks me to describe this feeling I wouldn't know where to start,

Sure I feel stabbed but why does the wound still hurt

Even after all these years why won't it close or heal, Is that my fault,

Or is this pain in my chest just no big ordeal

I'm sorry for thinking about this throbbing pain

Let me be quiet and listen to your problems instead

So I don't think I'm going insane

Never date a broken women, take my word I’ve been through hell, When I knew to stay away and my heart still chose to swell, With a love so uncontrollable, unconditional, and pure as snow, Yet her guard you never broke through, and every word just like a blow, Never escaping the endless prison that comparison truly is, Always giving it your all, with no reward, no hug, no kiss.

Because not only do you have to deal with the repercussion of your wrongs, Add to that those of her exes that in the end just made her “strong.” For no matter how many times you try to prove your love and admiration, There will always be someone else on her mind, driving you to true frustration. For as a man you’d love nothing more than to be more than just enough, To fill her mind and her heart with joy, and trust, and most importantly, true love. But unless your heart like diamonds, hard and tough it is to split, You’ll find that for the average man, no choice they have but quit.

For heed my words for naught but true and merciful they are, Lest you wind up a broken man, with your heart just one big scar. Until a kind and gentle women as fate has it you will meet, And with your hurt and damaged heart, the ruthless cycle will repeat.

While you jiggle your jowls

I'll be releasing my bowels

While I smoke crack with a girl

Whose name ain't nothin' but vowels

Ka-pow! Oh, wow!

Love it when I double-crack it now

Smoke while you defecate

No need to wait

With a pipe and a girl

Who will lay prostrate

And massage your prostate

So old white man

Do what you can

And jiggle your jowls

I'll be smoking crack with your mom

While relaxing my bowels

Straight double-cracking attack

With no need for T.P.

Cause that ho gonna clean my butt crack

Best believe me

I wish I had the right words

To make all the pain go away

I just know I don’t care what anyone

Even my parents have to say

This my life and my heart

I’ll spend it with you if I want

I know I’m in this, but are you?

Can you handle facing the ugly truths?

Would you be willing to admit your guilt?

Will you actually be sorry for the pain you inflict?

Are you willing to fight for me,

the way I’ve fought for you?

Are you going to come over tonight,

while I’m alone and talk this through?

I saw you that morning,

I thought it was just me imagining things

It’s cause I see you everywhere I go.

I think about us all the time

And now that I know you do too..

Can’t you just trust what God says?

Colossians 3: 13-14

I can’t forgive you if don’t ask for it

I can’t love you from a distance

I can’t wait here forever for you to decide.

So if you want me,

If you love me,

and you want this

then it’s yours

Please, put your fears aside.

Just send a simple message

Ask me about a time

We can talk about it tonight.

Resentment, anger, and fear. Is there a cloak that makes them disappear? I’m in the forbidden section of my mind, which is so far from anything divine. It’s almost time for us to watch Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. Why does that desire seem to outweigh these more important things?

No desire to retread paths of pain or re-enter realms of shame. Yet how I can just let go? Jesus’ hardest teachings are becoming way too real.

Can we really forgive each other, fully? Each time we tried to explain how we caused each other pain, we kept diverting blame. Will we ever feel like we’ve really heard each other out? Will there ever be a satisfactory payment to each other for our sins, so to speak? I guess Someone made that payment for us a long time ago, right?

Are we just too different? Does it matter if we’re white or brown? Will we really let this vitriolic world bring us down?

I just want to believe that we will always be one. I want to believe that nothing outside of me and you could ever break us apart or make us doubt each other.

What will our families think? What about our friends? What will they say? Are we strong enough? Do we have enough faith in each other to wade through those waters yet again? Will you see me as your enemy when we don’t see eye to eye?

You know what else doesn’t make it easy?

I keep picturing your smile and how you laugh when you’re experiencing life in the moment.

I keep picturing us, arms and legs wrapped around each other tight, becoming one flesh, immersed in one another, kissing as if our mouths will never meet again.

I keep picturing you holding our baby on the shoreline of some enchanted beach.

I keep picturing your eyes…those big beautiful eyes that I could stare into for the rest of our lives.

How do I set aside my fantasies on one hand, and my anger and doubts on another, while viewing us through an objective lens? Can forgiveness and love really rebuild our shattered plans?

I don’t expect it all to make perfect sense.

All I know is I still water the window plants.

Resurrection Sunday

Just buries me again

Break my neck to maybe see your face

This day is not my friend

I drove down your street Friday morning

Was thinking about knocking on your door

Just wanted to hug you

And say I’m sorry about your uncle

Wanted to split the first breakfast burrito

I’ve bought since we separated

Don’t know if you saw me

You were pulling out of the driveway

I waved, and then asked myself why I came

I died all over again, no miraculous rising today

You’ve got so much on your mind

Perhaps it wouldn’t have been fair

I’m sorry, just wanted you to know I still care

I went to a memorial yesterday

Remembering what’s lost in life’s decay

I'm screaming at the top of my lungs for people to hear me but even though they're right in front of me they don't seem to get me. They try to tell me I'm crazy, that I should seek therapy. I know what I have makes me a minority in society but that doesn't make me a lesser human than anybody. I've been on this earth for 22 years so I can tell when people are below me. They're observing me cause I think differently, they think they want a piece of my toxicity until they breakdowm from misery. I'm sorry. No, I'm not really. That's not how I meant it to be. This relationship was everything to me and I just let it go cause I wasn't feeling ready. But now I am and you left me so I'm sitting in my room listening to lonely. Reminiscing about the past and wondering what it could've been. Those thoughts be hurting me deeply, but purposely, I will make myself feel these memories daily. I wanna remember you for the rest of my life and cherish every memory. I loved everything about you from your flaws to your quality. It all just makes sense to me, I know we connect on a different level that's what made me believe in spirituality. I always understood you and you always listened to me. We make such a great pair, meeting someone who you connect with so deeply is like winning the lottery. It's so rare that when it happens you hold on to it dearly.

Got my cigarette and my lighter

Im always outside in the night and I wander

I wonder what we could've been

But it's too late I tossed you in the bin

Now you're a part of my past

And I won't ever look back

I try to stay away from girls now

Realising that being around them brought me down

To one knee

To ask them to marry me

Am I a fool for falling in love this easily

Or am I a pure soul ready to love unconditionally

Only time will tell

But for now I'll focus because I can't fail

Got too much trauma I haven't dealt

With this poker hand im sure to sell

Out of the prison when I pay my bail

My homie waiting in the car with some female.

When the turd don't drop

Pray for the plop

As Larry Bird murders your pops

Better pray for the plop

One two three four

I wish I could shit

But five six seven eight

My ass is champing at the bit

Ah fuck I ain't got no TP

So when it all comes

I'll need to shower immediately

After to avoid disaster

Cause when the constipation builds up

Hard and soft blast out your back

Faster and faster

When the poo doesn't equal two

Pray for the plop

When the brown ain't painting the town

Pray for the plop

All I want is to feel the splash

Water cold hitting my ass

But I'm sitting here instead

Passed my ass I feel a draft

Nothing has dropped yet

Just some false gas

And the ghost of farts from meals past

When you feel heavy at the top

Pray for the plop

Sitting on the throne clenching a lot

You gotta

One last push and then you feel the drop

You gotta

Pray for the plop

Pray for the plop plop

You went to the loo for a dump filled with heart

But all that you got was a piss and a fart

I’ll never know why she stopped loving me

I’ll never know what caused her to turn

What caused our bridge to burn

She says it was me

My existence aided in her misery

And I just don’t think it’s fair

It’s not like I asked to be here

I wish she was more aware

Of what raising a kid meant

I couldn’t thrive in a household full of resentment

I feel underdeveloped

And still craving mommy’s love

When will this pain come undone

You, I love my sex memories; cherish me. I'm your panties from the shanties. I've sometimes pushed aside when needed. I'm sometimes torn.

I washed, tossed, and, yes, sad experiences I want to dive into,

A journey through dank scents, oh, the stories I can tell. 😜

From incense-lit rooms to fields of fresh air, I absorb the essence and moments we share. Pushed to the side, anticipation grows, For another adventure, my tawdry fairytales. 🫢

When im rinsed in my tub of suds, I love the splash, Cleansed, ready to cover your snatch.

Tossed through the air, a dance of sheer delight, Resilient and vibrant red through days and my fun-filled nights. 🥰

I am more than sic' red fabric, imma fucking masterpiece of the grand plan, My memories were caressed by each hand.

Smelling of my stories, understand????

As your beloved panties focus, I'm also your eye candy.

You know, in your panties, im fucking dandy!

Sincerely,

Your Panties

♥️♥️♥️♥️🙂

I know you’ve been hurt and I wonder

Just sometimes

How much of it you deserved.

When you were young you dreamed of shooting stars and waterfalls and the brightest moon you'd ever seen. And although it is, that to dream is to live, to live here in dreams sleep-awake, we lie to believe. Here lying we lie, because the truth of this our life is: it is death. Dying not living. It is living, undead. Furl the notes and flow charts and stop now all the bets, for all of my days, our undeath is the secret best kept. Oh long lost litost zombie, just what really is real, pray tell, in your head? Having witnessed it crumbling: that cast aloft caravel, of yourn youth, set sail. And as we mourn, turned to these our dreams: stone. Fixed first of marble, tell tail details. Now lime, light fade; now sand of fail castle's coast wane. Oh? With a mirror, was the shebeast slain? Hero returned, whence to cast her gaze? Dost rust your metal, mettle, medal, what you against life's hard locks, knock? For is she not the sea that swell and seethe even over the trees of the land where the sea is the wind? Wouldst the wizened by woes of ossified fies, in that fickle host, hope? To take up yourself, to take your wits and your alms; to burn a pyre your flesh, to set alight your soul's? To dig into the earth, for and with your soon-to-be bones? Knowing you know not, rotting dead rising to walk: to will you to roam, for this purpose are you strong? To have ears to hear, and let hear; to dare you to move. To be named and be called: to reach out in good faith and touch what that breathes you? To smile and wave, to keep and to leave change. To lose the key for to unlock the door. To levee wise-ever just for how long? Long enough. Heart, stand in place, put faith, and make move the earth. This I give pause to, mine burden of cause that thou art. for what that I would, I endeavor to be worth.

I like to smoke some weed

I like to stick a dildo up

My Ass

Welcome to my poetry class

My first tip is

Don't be such a fucking loser

Get your life together

Drink too much liquor

Or beer if nothing else

Is available

My second tip is

Put a gun into

Your mouth

But don't pull the trigger

Just cry and be a slob

And loser

As you always have been

And then write a poem about it

Send it to the New York times

They will publish it

For sure

That'll be

Two hundred bucks

Normally

But today

My class is free