/r/ShittyAnimalFacts

Photograph via snooOG

Shitty facts about animals, from Trashpandas to Slowbears to Jackdaws. Cute pictures accompanied by shitty titles, like "TIL Zoos can only have one emperor penguin at a time; any more leads to a political coup d'état."

Rule #1: Only the shittiest facts allowed. If your post ends up being correct you are instantly banned. No exceptions!

Rule #2: No YouTube. Post an image or a gif. Because mods are tired of removing spam.

Rule #3: No douchebaggery. Mods will ban at will. Or even just for funsies. Consider this your final warning.

Rule #4: Only shitty users repost. You can title something literally anything you want (so long as it's not true) so you really have to be a lazy piece of shit to repost an existing shitty fact. It's not forbidden, but if you choose to repost, expect a public shaming for your shitty behavior, you shit head.

See a comment from someone who doesn't realize what sub they're in? Post it to /r/shittieranimalfacts!

For more shitty fun

/r/ShittyFoodFacts

/r/ShittyTurtleFacts

/r/shittyaskscience

/r/ShittierAnimalFacts

/r/properanatomy

/r/ShittyAnimalFacts

147,996 Subscribers

103

US marshals on planes are masters of disguise.

0 Comments
2024/03/19
05:22 UTC

784

If you feed chickens skittles, they make colourful eggs

18 Comments
2024/03/15
11:24 UTC

79

They’ve been warning us about the double-brood swarm of cicadas this summer, but it’s actually going to be a triple-brood event, and be devastating to farmers: 17 year cicadas, 13 year cicadas, and 29 year sheep.

2 Comments
2024/03/14
21:30 UTC

44

"Yeah, yeah... We know... Swiss bears were "neutral" during WW2..."

1 Comment
2024/03/06
01:37 UTC

101

Before Lizard "Dreadful" Roberts leaves to navigate at sea, he always cuddles Rose his faithful wife.

0 Comments
2024/03/06
01:03 UTC

563

Owls keep their pants pulled far up to avoid soaking them in high waters

4 Comments
2024/02/20
22:49 UTC

603

This cat is Inigo Montoya. You killed his father. Prepare to die.

10 Comments
2024/02/11
23:00 UTC

78

The deadly reign of the murderous goat mafia came to an end after humans discovered their secret island

1 Comment
2024/01/29
08:54 UTC

30

Salmon does not feel pain, and is often glad to be eating anyways as they are tired of the "just keep swimming" rat race

3 Comments
2024/01/28
00:25 UTC

79

An ant mill is an phenomenon in which a group of army ants, lose the pheromone track and begin to follow one another, forming a continuously rotating circle. This circle is commonly known as a "death spiral" because the ants might eventually die of exhaustion.

6 Comments
2024/01/28
00:09 UTC

507

The octopus is so intelligent it can camouflage as a cat

1 Comment
2024/01/27
18:09 UTC

1,825

We have your hedgehog. 10000 $ in small notes if you want him back.

(Note: it's having x-rays at the vet. )

52 Comments
2024/01/27
14:33 UTC

6,402

Contrary to popular belief, the world doesn't just turn on its own. It's actually reindeer powered.

75 Comments
2024/01/27
01:27 UTC

109

reindeer wear the skin of their enemies to intimidate rivals

3 Comments
2024/01/23
18:34 UTC

107

Scientists have wondered why cats evolved to hold their tails high when they walk. Turns out it's to keep from getting it stuck in a drain.

2 Comments
2024/01/21
17:47 UTC

2,488

Every year, thousands of dogs are abandoned on the side of the road and have to adapt to the wild.

85 Comments
2024/01/06
15:43 UTC

103

The popular nine-legged Floof Sparrow was an accidental lab creation, when scientists were attempting to splice the DNA of a spider and a dog, and the Floof Sparrow fell into the test tube.

It attaches itself to any object like Velcro, including prey such as worms, fish, and chihuahuas.

0 Comments
2023/12/15
03:22 UTC

90

Orangutan babies communicate with their parents through nipple tweaking, before they learn how to talk.

1 Comment
2023/12/14
10:30 UTC

179

When you expose a Furby to the Moon Stone it will evolve into a Furbeast.

3 Comments
2023/12/11
17:56 UTC

192

Few people know that the Pikachu is not a fictional creature but a real live electricity conducting rodent. However, if you attempt to use them to power any electronic devices they will die. This is because they don't have an outlet so you're basically just stabbing them with a power cord.

5 Comments
2023/12/06
21:34 UTC

272

this is the little-known “fucked up fish”. its kinda fucked up looking but we still love him

3 Comments
2023/11/24
04:26 UTC

99

For 20 bucks, this crack addict monkey will give you a blowjob.

4 Comments
2023/11/23
13:58 UTC

790

A small diocese in rural Illinois had a raccoon as their bishop for most of the 1990s. He was even known to perform baptisms. If you're wondering how it was safe to have a raccoon baptise babies, the answer is quite simple: it wasn't. He bit lots of babies.

29 Comments
2023/11/21
01:38 UTC

65

Cat physicists have begun studying nuclear chain reactions. Here we see them modeling fission: one high energy particle spontaneously flies out of the nucleus and strikes another, resulting in two high energy particles, and so on.

3 Comments
2023/11/19
02:21 UTC

248

This is the pudding cat. Do not jiggle the pudding cat. He is full of pudding.

10 Comments
2023/11/16
03:32 UTC

253

Although animals don't have the higher reasoning abilities of humans, they do still ponder abstract concepts. Dogs for instance can sometimes be observed contemplating infinity, albeit asymmetrically.

10 Comments
2023/11/04
20:47 UTC

178

The Derp Panda is the lesser known cousin of the common Panda

The Derp Panda (Ailuropoda derpipandis) is the lesser known cousin of the common Giant Panda (Ailuropoda melanoleuca). Often sleeping face down, the Derp Pandas numbers are dwindling.

5 Comments
2023/11/03
21:08 UTC

277

Crossbreeding a flying squirrel and a regular squirrel creates a squirrel that is physically a regular squirrel but with the flight instincts of a flying squirrel. Their survival rate in the wild is statically negligible. In captivity their enclosures have a lot of pillows on the floor.

8 Comments
2023/10/25
20:57 UTC

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