My kid went to his dad's on the 21st of June. He's 18 years old now. He doesn't respond to my text messages. He doesn't take my phone calls. His dad took him to Chicago and then took him to Italy and he has not been home, as in my home, since the 21st of June. His bedroom is a converted dining room, completely closed off, and if he's not going to come home, how long do I have to keep it his bedroom? At what point do I turn it back into my dining room or an office? What is customary? I don't want to do it but at the same time it's space that I could use for my home office, and if he has no intent on living here, how long do I keep his room intact? I mean if he comes to visit, his brother has a bunk bed in his bedroom. His brother is only 12, so I can't get rid of his bedroom if you know what I'm saying. I don't know if he has intent on coming home. His dad makes a ridiculous amount more than I do. I'm sure his life is far less stressful over there. I don't want to push my son away from me. My finances are a far cry from his Dad's & he doesn't have to do anything there. He acts as if I'm the worst mom in the world when he's here, if I dare ask him to do dishes or walk the dogs. If he's not going to go to college then he has to get a job and pay rent or that room can be used as a source to make money. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I love my son but I'm financially struggling and can rent the room out (not ideal) or turn it into a home office to work as a broker. Thanks all!

I’m really struggling.

My child continues to exist. We put her to bed, she wakes up every morning, sometimes many hours before us.

Diaper changes, being picky about her food, throwing toys, making messes.

She makes demands like “No.” and “Ucky.”

I mean, are we supposed to let her out of the cage at some point? I just don’t know if I can trust her out of the cage without having a tranquilizer gun nearby.

I've been really depressed lately and have decided to end it all.

This month I took not enough sleeping pills. Last month I shot myself and missed. The month before that I tried a Rube Goldberg machine.

Anyway, I've failed to account for this on paper, and as a result, by budget has begun to slip. I haven't had to dip into any savings or anything yet, but my question is: how do I fit this in as a line item in my monthly budget? It's a different amount every month, and in totally random categories. One was medicine, one was sporting goods, and Rube Goldberg was, like, all over the place. Do I just create a new category? Really struggling with this, guys. Any help would be appreciated.

How else can I show my kids the importance of giving back to the community (not to mention getting those sweet sweet crackers and juice) if I don’t make them give blood?

What kind of burqa is fashionable these days?

My child won’t eat anything. I shoved something down his throat and I felt something down there. I think it might be blocking the food. He hasn’t eaten in 6 years what should I do?

I guess the lady I really wanted to shag be enough to marry has some kids or something. They are resisting calling me dad and don't get me started on all the unopened beers they bring me. What should I do?

Do I need to increase his ADHD meds?

Sick of Big Hanes gouging me. Also, does my daughter need one whole tampon for every period? That’s like 12/year!

I told him to just go walk it off, but he’s just lying on the sidewalk moaning like a little bitch.

How do I tell her that that’s a stupid idea? Plus we can’t pay for her college after supporting our son’s dream of being a professional gamer.

I'd love to offload the little shit onto the government. It'd save me a lot of money.

I’m bored. Plus next to her I’m the pretty one, so maybe I’ll finally get hit on.

I'm trying to come up with good dinner ideas.

I already bought the slip-n-slide and horse placentas.

Do chicken nuggets have iron? And what’s the fastest way to shave their heads?

As a dad, I’m just really grossed out. I totally forgot my little girl had a real vagina (shudder). My wife told me to pick up some pads on the way home, sooo embarrassing! Anyway, how can I make it clear that I don’t want to be involved in any of this gross female shit, without making my daughter feel bad? After all, it’s not her fault.

I have had it with all the snowflakes in this generation. Just because my kid is (allegedly) blind, should not mean society should cater to him by providing Braille textbooks and a special notetaker in class. I was hyperactive as a kid, and I did just fine in school. How do I convince the school that my kid just needs to work harder and not be so coddled?

How do I get him to realize that I’m actually doing him a favor by toughening him up?

Obviously it’s too late to unvaccinate him, but I am not giving another dime to Big Pharma. But I am at a loss as to how to deal with potential schizophrenia. My cousin’s hairdresser’s son has been going to a chiropractor, should I try that? Or just give him megadoses of vitamins?

Plus I think there’s part of a grilled cheese sandwich stuck in there. What should I do?