/r/Askashittyparent

Photograph via snooOG

Not sure what brand of soda should go in your baby's bottle? Need help figuring out what size breast implants are right for your teenage daughter? Want advice on giving your kids something to cry about? Sometimes it takes a shitty village.

NOTE: Posts joking about rape or pedophilia will be deleted by the moderator.

By popular request: link to /r/daddit. Note: the askashittyparent team does not endorse this subreddit, as readers might be exposed to quality parenting advice. Visit at your own risk.

/r/Askashittyparent

3,065 Subscribers

9

I'm trying to play WoW but my selfish three year old wants me to read to her. Can't my mom just give her a beer?

2 Comments
2023/01/10
04:48 UTC

13

Is 11 pm too late for a three year old to haver another energy drink?

3 Comments
2022/09/26
19:34 UTC

11

Hey shitty parents what wrong with your kid?

1 Comment
2022/01/17
13:11 UTC

23

Is my son mentally challenged?

13 Comments
2021/03/07
04:30 UTC

3

Why is my pp hard?

7 Comments
2020/01/09
01:11 UTC

14

When do they stop?

I’m really struggling.

My child continues to exist. We put her to bed, she wakes up every morning, sometimes many hours before us.

Diaper changes, being picky about her food, throwing toys, making messes.

She makes demands like “No.” and “Ucky.”

I mean, are we supposed to let her out of the cage at some point? I just don’t know if I can trust her out of the cage without having a tranquilizer gun nearby.

5 Comments
2019/06/06
16:03 UTC

10

Budgeting and suicide

I've been really depressed lately and have decided to end it all.

This month I took not enough sleeping pills. Last month I shot myself and missed. The month before that I tried a Rube Goldberg machine.

Anyway, I've failed to account for this on paper, and as a result, by budget has begun to slip. I haven't had to dip into any savings or anything yet, but my question is: how do I fit this in as a line item in my monthly budget? It's a different amount every month, and in totally random categories. One was medicine, one was sporting goods, and Rube Goldberg was, like, all over the place. Do I just create a new category? Really struggling with this, guys. Any help would be appreciated.

8 Comments
2019/01/23
13:42 UTC

13

My local plasma bank won’t accept donations from minors

How else can I show my kids the importance of giving back to the community (not to mention getting those sweet sweet crackers and juice) if I don’t make them give blood?

0 Comments
2018/09/12
03:31 UTC

2

My teen daughter is going to a party tonight

What kind of burqa is fashionable these days?

4 Comments
2018/09/11
23:55 UTC

18

My child won’t eat

My child won’t eat anything. I shoved something down his throat and I felt something down there. I think it might be blocking the food. He hasn’t eaten in 6 years what should I do?

5 Comments
2018/07/11
15:57 UTC

10

As a step parent am I welcome to post here?

I guess the lady I really wanted to shag be enough to marry has some kids or something. They are resisting calling me dad and don't get me started on all the unopened beers they bring me. What should I do?

5 Comments
2018/07/05
20:25 UTC

14

Are generic cheese curls as nutritious as Cheetos?

2 Comments
2018/07/02
16:27 UTC

13

The filet mignon my 5-year-old prepared me last night was medium well, not medium

Do I need to increase his ADHD meds?

2 Comments
2018/06/29
14:02 UTC

16

How many pairs of underwear do kids *really* need?

Sick of Big Hanes gouging me. Also, does my daughter need one whole tampon for every period? That’s like 12/year!

5 Comments
2018/06/28
15:41 UTC

4

My kid has a high fever and abdominal pain. I think he might have appendicitis.

I told him to just go walk it off, but he’s just lying on the sidewalk moaning like a little bitch.

1 Comment
2018/06/27
23:25 UTC

12

My daughter wants to be a mathematician

How do I tell her that that’s a stupid idea? Plus we can’t pay for her college after supporting our son’s dream of being a professional gamer.

4 Comments
2018/06/27
23:19 UTC

16

I hear the border patrol is taking children away from their parents. How do I get in on it?

I'd love to offload the little shit onto the government. It'd save me a lot of money.

6 Comments
2018/06/25
19:04 UTC

14

How do I get a fake ID for my 12-year-old so we can hit the clubs together?

I’m bored. Plus next to her I’m the pretty one, so maybe I’ll finally get hit on.

3 Comments
2018/06/13
12:35 UTC

2

What will stain carpet/clothing the least when my kid pukes it up?

I'm trying to come up with good dinner ideas.

4 Comments
2018/06/07
23:59 UTC

6

My kids are grown up, is it too late for rebirthing?

I already bought the slip-n-slide and horse placentas.

2 Comments
2018/06/07
02:16 UTC

7

My kids’ pediatrician says they’ve had lice for the past year and now they’re anemic

Do chicken nuggets have iron? And what’s the fastest way to shave their heads?

7 Comments
2018/06/06
18:52 UTC

4

My 13-year-old daughter just got her first visit from Aunt Flo

As a dad, I’m just really grossed out. I totally forgot my little girl had a real vagina (shudder). My wife told me to pick up some pads on the way home, sooo embarrassing! Anyway, how can I make it clear that I don’t want to be involved in any of this gross female shit, without making my daughter feel bad? After all, it’s not her fault.

6 Comments
2018/06/06
18:49 UTC

11

My kid was diagnosed with some “disability” and was told he needs accommodations at school

I have had it with all the snowflakes in this generation. Just because my kid is (allegedly) blind, should not mean society should cater to him by providing Braille textbooks and a special notetaker in class. I was hyperactive as a kid, and I did just fine in school. How do I convince the school that my kid just needs to work harder and not be so coddled?

3 Comments
2018/06/06
18:42 UTC

4

I keep stepping on my kid’s toe

How do I get him to realize that I’m actually doing him a favor by toughening him up?

2 Comments
2018/06/06
03:09 UTC

10

My 24-yr-old kid says he’s been hearing voices and he wants to go to a psychiatrist

Obviously it’s too late to unvaccinate him, but I am not giving another dime to Big Pharma. But I am at a loss as to how to deal with potential schizophrenia. My cousin’s hairdresser’s son has been going to a chiropractor, should I try that? Or just give him megadoses of vitamins?

6 Comments
2018/06/05
16:04 UTC

8

My kid (M6 or 8 I forget he's scrawny anyway) lost a tooth how do I cover this up before CPS gets called again?

3 Comments
2018/05/27
13:49 UTC

7

Are step parents real parents?

2 Comments
2018/05/25
17:35 UTC

8

My kid is coming to me to help him deal with getting rejected by a girl (could have been a boy too I don't judge or listen very well) what would I tell him to do?

3 Comments
2018/05/21
11:58 UTC

4

I forgot to brush my kid’s hair for a few days (ok months lol), and now its like one big dreadlock.

Plus I think there’s part of a grilled cheese sandwich stuck in there. What should I do?

3 Comments
2018/05/18
00:28 UTC

4

My kid is whining about pain from the thousands of bee stings he just got.

I told him never to go outside, what did he expect?

1 Comment
2018/05/16
13:21 UTC

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