/r/ShittyLifeProTips
A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.
- Academics/Science
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A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.
If your post does not appear in the new tab after several minutes, it may have been caught by our spam filter. If this happens, send a message to the mods and we'll get it fixed up for you!
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WHAT IS A LIFE PRO TIP? A Life Pro Tip (or LPT) is a tip that improves life for you and those around you in a specific and significant way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rules:
1. LPTs must be shitty. The post must contain a life pro tip that is shitty. This isn't a dumping ground for shitty statements. Any tips that are actual good advice will be removed at the discretion of the mod team. What constitutes shitty is hard to explain, but much like porn, we know it when we see it.
2. No KYS posts. We will remove all posts with the tip "Kill Yourself" or any variation thereof.
3. No reposts. Reposts are lame. If you repost something within our top 25 of all time, you may be banned.
4. No circlejerking. Circlejerking is lame too. Simply copying a popular post from here, or LPT and putting a minor twist so it's "shitty" is also unoriginal, and we will probably remove those too.
5. NSFW discretion. Being gross for the sake of being gross will get your post removed at the mod's discretion. Most of these include bodily functions and fluids, or rape, etc. Pretty much anything posted simply for shock value.
6. Remain civil. If you act like a racist, pammer, or are being a general douchenozzle, the mods reserve the right to ban you without warning.
Note: For God's sake this subreddit is meant to be taken in a joking, satirical manner. Please don't actually follow any of this advice, and don't report posts as inciting violence. You should know this already, but some of you forget which sub you are in when you report.
A proud member of The Shitty Network.
/r/ShittyLifeProTips
1,671,125 Subscribers
SLPT: If you have a big tummy, use your boner to hold it up
06:02 UTC
SLPT: Save time by putting on pants before realizing you’re already late. Advanced mode: No pants.
05:28 UTC
SLPT: Great results require great determination
01:41 UTC
SLPT Wife doesn’t like you getting drunk all the time? Get shitfaced while doing household chores!
00:01 UTC
SLPT: Make people feel strong by farting when they hug you
03:00 UTC
SLPT Stop wasting toilet paper and use both sides not just one side.
22:06 UTC
SLPT: Just made this. The wife isn’t happy about it but I think some of you guys might like it.
17:47 UTC
SLPT: Always keep your music on while driving during your daily commute. This prevents you from listening for noises from your car that could be potential problems.
00:58 UTC
SLPT: Lost your car in a crowded parking lot? Instead of wandering around aimlessly, just hit the panic button every few seconds to set off the alarm. Bonus: You’ll confuse everyone else looking for their car, too!
23:41 UTC
SLPT going to stay in hospital for a bit? Try to get something really contagious like c.diff or anthrax as a secondary issue first. Your chances to score a private room will be much higher.
18:57 UTC
SLPT: The strip club is a great place for a young man who is scared of women.
They’re nice to you
You learn to talk and flirt with a gorgeous woman
The exposure makes you realize they are just normal people
You may see some ass and tits which also helps wit the exposure part of realizing it’s not such a huge deal
Just be careful with letting them milk your money and it’s a good place to go.
I went 3 times in my life when I was younger and it oddly gave me a huge confidence boost even though I knew they were just doing it for the money.
I should mention a more gentleman type of strip club is best.
Maybe not the most ghetto out of control one you can think of (I feel like this is what people imagine when this topic comes up)
05:39 UTC
SLPT: If you are convicted and can’t find a way to prove your innocence, just run for presidency and it’ll take care of itself
01:31 UTC
SLPT: Want to avoid doing laundry? Just buy new clothes and throw the dirty ones away. Eventually you'll run out of money and have to move back in with your parents, where your mom will do your laundry anyway. Problem solved!
00:15 UTC
SLPT: If you are an introvert and have to go to an event, look up photos of the location, where the event will take place and choose your outfit according to the colors and patterns of that place, so that it is harder for others to see and interact with you.
14:06 UTC
SLPT: Pretend you're popular by changing your name to Fore and spending all day on a municipal golf course
09:16 UTC
SLPT - If you want to get a girl to like you end your compliments with “for a woman”
For example, if you want to say she’s very smart say “you are very smart for a woman” or if she drives well “you drive very well for a woman”, thank me later.
21:29 UTC
SLPT - secret to immortality unlocked in England.
19:02 UTC
SLPT: Block every ad you see to get the main benefit of Premium.
Eventual you will end up blocking all the ads available and will basically have Premium service.
11:00 UTC
SLPT: got a scammer texting/calling you? Pretend to be a police investigating your own murder!
10:59 UTC
SLPT: No motivation to brush your teeth? Next time you're on the toilet, keep chewing on toilet paper.
You'll feel so disgusted with your mouth that you'll want to at least do a couple of rinses, which naturally transitions into brushing your teeth.
Also you can sort of "pseudo brush" your teeth and get some obvious gunk out of your teeth ahead of time.
01:59 UTC
SLPT- Are always having to pick up after your dogs? Sick of all the bags you’re “wasting”?? Well, not anymore!!
00:07 UTC
SLPT: You know what to do
21:15 UTC
SLPT If the vent hole in your takeaway lid is too small, use a SIM eject tool to widen it
18:21 UTC
SLPT: put an red dye on a glass of water mix it and you will get a free wine
10:59 UTC
SLPT: use a massive amounts of boiling hot water to extinguish fires
10:33 UTC
SLPT: Bind the . key on your keyboard to a gasp sfx so every time you end a sentence it will feel like you just said some real shit and have you feeling like Norman Rockwell's Freedom of Speech. powerful shit.
01:13 UTC
SLPT: Make Excuses
23:57 UTC
SLPT: Reuse soda can opener and save Mother Earth
17:22 UTC
SLPT: Live in a town or city to avoid becoming the village idiot
06:51 UTC