Why strain every muscle in your body when you can achieve peak fitness with minimal effort? Just attach a tiny dumbbell to your thumbnail and flex that finger with pride! Bonus points if you did it while sitting on the couch. Instant rippling biceps! Remember, every time someone asks about your workout, just whisper, 'I prefer minimalist training.

Feeling overwhelmed by choices? Simply strap a tiny tie onto your goldfish and let him guide your life decisions! Not only will you optimize your experience of never actually deciding anything, but if it doesn't go well, you can always blame his 'fishy' reasoning.

Tired of groceries taking up seven whole minutes of your life? Forget cooking for yourself! Instead, register a random catering business and slap your name on it—kickbacks guaranteed when local favourite stops showing up. Bonus: Tell them 'Just after my wedding!' every time they ask.

Struggling to whip up those culinary masterpieces? The solution is simple! Toss your toaster, blender, and microwave into a nice warm bath. Not only will this help with even baking, but it also spices things up when you inevitably cause an electrifying scene! Plus, fish will admire your willingness to experiment! Who knows, the magic of dance when your appliance's electrical system shorts out could be the entertainment you’ve always needed!

Who needs a fancy office when you can maximize inspiration by turning your minifridge into your portable workstation? Between typing up reports and chugging milk straight from the carton, you'll find that balancing a snack with your meetings really sharpens your focus. Warning: Do not attempt Zoom calls, unless you want to discuss quarter-end figures while holding a yogurt. Потому-то командировать!

Why struggle every morning to match your clothes when a flamboyant clown suit makes all your wardrobe decisions for you? Plus, you'll never have to explain your life choices again—just juggle your problems away at the nearest coffee shop!

Forget hitting the gym! Every time you feel the urge to work out, just envision yourself being incredibly active. Picture running a marathon while sitting on your couch, or thoroughly debating kale salads without ever eating one. Trust me, your imaginary workout buddies will thank you – and your nonexistent abs will be so shredded no one will even ask to see them!

Why bother with a weekly wash when you can embrace the freedom of nudity? Plus, think about the savings on detergent! Instant laundry fulfillment and environmental sustainability rolled into one! Warning: Side effects may include awkward encounters and sunburn, but who needs fashion anyway?

Nothing says financial freedom like watching your debts go up in flames - literally! Plus, you’ll not only wow your friends with an impressive pyrotechnic display, but you'll also save on paper cuts! Don’t forget to buy marshmallows for regular stress-relief s'mores!

Why waste time reading and responding to those mundane emails? Just delete them all and invite the guesswork! Your coworkers will be so impressed by your mysterious air of confidence, they'll start seeking your advice on office matters... whether you have a clue or not. Bonus: you might even develop psychic abilities from the stress!

Not only will you feel an exhilarating connection to the intangible ether of money worries, but you'll also finally find that magic moment when your regrets can literally go up in smoke. Plus, instant $0 savings — talk about fiscal responsibility!

Who needs eight hours of beauty sleep when you can flex those sleepy muscles instead? Simply set your alarm for snooze every two minutes while lifting the blankets. By the end of the month, not only will your bed gain a nice worn-in hole, but you'll always be 'in training' for the weight of your dreams—literally!

Feeling overwhelmed? Just delete every source of happiness to Level-Up your stress management skills! Friends and hobbies only drain your emotional energy—embrace the emptiness. Nothing says 'Zen Master' like a hermit’s existence! Bonus: enjoy ultra-boring conversations with yourself!

Why ruin a perfectly good snack while sitting? Stand on one foot to instantly increase the challenge of eating your chips. Not only does it give you a killer calf workout, but it gives each chip that extra zing of uncertainty—like, will you fall over while cheesy dusting your shirt? Spoiler: Yes!

Feeling the pressure of dead air? Just start belting out your favorite show tunes! Not only will you instantly transform the awkwardness into confusion, but you might even land yourself an audience of uncomfortable strangers at the grocery store. Bonus points if you do this while checking out!

Feeling overwhelmed by the bold promises and free offers Bombarding your mailbox? Just take they glossy coupons and address them directly back to the hospital that never sent them to you! Not only is this a great way to bulk up your post office sales, but you'll become a mailman’s best friend. After all, nothing says ‘I love paper waste’ quite like giving the same pile of junk back every week. Your mailbox will stay so empty, in the end, it's like you never had a mail carrier at all!

Why bother with straightforward communication when you can baffle everyone with brainy literature references? Instead of saying 'I'm hungry', try 'My stomach is a black hole swallowing the light of culinary delights.' Guaranteed to confuse your friends into laughter or set them retreating forever—social life solved!

Why waste time preparing food at home when you can treat your grocery store like an all-you-can-eat buffet? Grab some cheese, sample every bag of chips, and wash it down with soda straight from the aisle! Bonus points for tears of joy when you give those *delicious* items back at the register!

Forget pumps of product and fancy hairstyles! Simply abandon your hairbrush altogether—your hair will become a mystery masterpiece: part art installation, part mop. You'll revolutionize the concept of 'bedhead', and who knows? People might start asking you to charge admission!

Why bother with pesky calories when you can experience the breathtaking purity of an empty fridge? Not only will your hunger keep you perpetually intrigued, but you'll also gain the ability to become one with the postcard you keep in there portraying a luxurious buffet. Extra fun when guests come over and you can regale them with oh-so-detailed stories of gourmet meals that once lived there!

Who needs energy bars when you can fuel your workout with a VBA (Vastly Belly-Achieving) pizza? Not only will the grease provide extra slippery resistance to your workout, but the immediate nap afterwards really rounds out a productive day! You'll thank yourself when you glide effortlessly on a pizza-induced cloud of optimism!

Source: Persona 5

You can wet it first too. Of course, a q tip would work better. Also you can snot rocket into your pants at the knee for when you don’t have a tissue

Why exchange banalities when you can become the designated human speakerphone for gelato gossip? Just loudly proclaim respectively passion for unicorn sparkle raspberry fudge and watch people 'pretend' to not well up with tears of joy or confusion! Instant friendships and or strange sidesteps await!

Why waste time searching for your elusive keys when you can simply embrace the keyless lifestyle? Use a lock that’s so complex even you’ll forget how to open it! Bonus points for attempting to unlock your front door using only your amazing charisma and interpretative dance!

Why stress over a misplaced remote when you can live the dream of having a dedicated TV for every room? $10,000 on electronics, and bing-bang-boom, you’re always one click away from starting yet another Netflix binge without the hassle of finding the closest couch fort!

Why tackle those looming deadlines head-on when you can live in blissful ignorance? Just ignore that looming Got-Caught-Up-OniERow-Prosurf cadáver headed your way— because honestly, nothing cures anxiety like first not knowing and then screaming at past you the day before it’s due.