/r/ShittyLifeProTips
A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.
- Academics/Science
- Shitty Ask Science
- Shitty Social Science
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- Ask A Shitty Philosopher
- Shitty Programming
- Shitty Engineering
- Life, Culture & The Arts
- Shitty Life Pro Tips
- Shitty Poetry
- Shitty Seduction
- Shitty Photoshop
- Shitty Rage Comics
- Shitty FifthWorldPics
- Shitty Battle Stations
- Shitty Fan Theories
- Help/Advice
- Shitty Advice
- Shitty Advice Animals
- Shitty AMA
- Shitty Today I Learned
- Shitty Tech Support
- Ask A Shitty Doctor
- Shitty Ask Cooking
- Ask A Shitty Parent
- Shitty Ask Reddit
- Shitty Ask A Lawyer
- Safe For Work Porn
- Shitty Earth Porn
- Shitty Food Porn
- Shitty Quotes Porn
- Shitty Building Porn
A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.
If your post does not appear in the new tab after several minutes, it may have been caught by our spam filter. If this happens, send a message to the mods and we'll get it fixed up for you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT IS A LIFE PRO TIP? A Life Pro Tip (or LPT) is a tip that improves life for you and those around you in a specific and significant way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rules:
1. LPTs must be shitty. The post must contain a life pro tip that is shitty. This isn't a dumping ground for shitty statements. Any tips that are actual good advice will be removed at the discretion of the mod team. What constitutes shitty is hard to explain, but much like porn, we know it when we see it.
2. No KYS posts. We will remove all posts with the tip "Kill Yourself" or any variation thereof.
3. No reposts. Reposts are lame. If you repost something within our top 25 of all time, you may be banned.
4. No circlejerking. Circlejerking is lame too. Simply copying a popular post from here, or LPT and putting a minor twist so it's "shitty" is also unoriginal, and we will probably remove those too.
5. NSFW discretion. Being gross for the sake of being gross will get your post removed at the mod's discretion. Most of these include bodily functions and fluids, or rape, etc. Pretty much anything posted simply for shock value.
6. Remain civil. If you act like a racist, pammer, or are being a general douchenozzle, the mods reserve the right to ban you without warning.
Note: For God's sake this subreddit is meant to be taken in a joking, satirical manner. Please don't actually follow any of this advice, and don't report posts as inciting violence. You should know this already, but some of you forget which sub you are in when you report.
A proud member of The Shitty Network.
/r/ShittyLifeProTips
1,670,736 Subscribers
SLPT Request - Gloves to leave dents in cars that nearly kill me while riding a bike.
Hi. I cycle commute, and I'm getting sick of the close calls. I always punch the car when they almost hit me, which tends to alert the drive who is usually scrolling tik-tok.
Anyway, what kind of protective gloves would you recommend that could protect my hands while cycling, and leave a good dent in the car that nearly killed me. Also, if it can break a car window that's a bonus.
02:04 UTC
SLPT: When your work bestie takes sick days to go on vacation, get a get well card and have the entire office sign it. This way no one will suspect your friend is on vacation and you are doing them a solid.
01:28 UTC
SLPT: do something illegal? It’s only illegal if you’re actually prosecuted. Until then it’s legally ambiguous and you’re therefore off the hook, provided you don’t get caught.
23:47 UTC
SLPT: Need a way to get you out of bed fast in the morning? Receive unexpected kisses from your coprophilic puppy.
I just got up.
Fast.
18:28 UTC
SLPT: Party while you're sick
16:58 UTC
SLPT - You don't need to waste time 'piercing film lid' on microwave meals.
Just put them in the microwave sealed, they will open themselves!
16:37 UTC
SLPT: Have a kid and name them after yourself. That makes them a junior and you a senior. From then on you can enjoy senior discounts at all the places that offer them
15:07 UTC
Slpt: how to get drunk for cheap
00:14 UTC
SLPT Save fuel by putting your vehicle and neutral and waiting for the world to turn.
00:05 UTC
SLPT: frugal habits won’t stick? Quit your job. The threat of homelessness will force you to save every penny
21:43 UTC
SLPT: No need for veneers to have that beautiful smile
18:56 UTC
SLPT: Crying relieves pressure on the soul
17:50 UTC
SLPT: How to properly host a Zoom Meeting
16:37 UTC
SLPT: Spread disinformation in r/Ask by commenting just before the posts are locked
Posts in r/Ask are automatically locked after 500 comments.
So wait until there are 480 comments in a popular post and then comment whatever bullshit you want. The post will soon be locked and no one will be able to reply to you with a correction.
Your bullshit will stand unopposed.
13:02 UTC
SLPT: save up a fart so when your wife kisses you she can play you like a saxophone
10:58 UTC
SLPT: A Pro Tip for a quick nap at work
03:58 UTC
SLPT: Blame that person you hated the most
03:56 UTC
SLPT: Pro Tip to avoid some charges lol
03:47 UTC
LPT: How to make a vampire scared of you
replace all lightbulbs with sunlamp bulbs
have garlic fingers ready to serve to guests
get a guy with crosses tattooed on his neck to crash your house
wear too much cologne
have an unavoidable number of mirrors
invite a vampire into your house and see if they're a coward
why the cologne?
turns your sweat into holy water
water + alcohol + essence
02:54 UTC
SLPT - Running low on ketchup?
Just add some water into the bottle and give it a shake. Get every last drop!!
02:11 UTC
SLPT: If you keep your keyboard in poor condition, the people you live with will have a harder time cracking your passwords.
01:41 UTC
SLPT: Save money, go Vegan!
23:35 UTC
SLPT - Should you ever get bit by a boomslang and are bleeding both inside and out, get bit by a russel's viper to counteract the venom.
18:45 UTC
SLPT : Set your morning alarm tone to a recording of your boss’s voice, so every time you wake up, you’re filled with mild panic and can’t fall back asleep.
14:40 UTC
SLPT - Credit Card Retirement Plan
Open at least 10 credit cards in your 20s, and every three months, request a credit line increase. Keep this going until you hit a limit of $100k or more on each card. When retirement rolls around, instead of worrying about living expenses, max out each card one by one. Then, die.
You won’t have to pay it all back. Retirement funded!
For those with spouses and/or kids, YMMV.
11:49 UTC
SLPT put a scale right next to your toilet to quickly and easily weight your poops
We've all gloated about dropping major dung, felt the warm emptiness after birthing a 3 day shit snake, but have we all taken quantitative data on how mean the stink slink really is?
When I can feel I got a mean one I hop on the scale, let the brown down, then check again. I feel proud of a pound but 2 or 3 is ecstacy.
17:37 UTC
SLPT- Do you have a company wide Drug Test coming up? Feared of being Fired?? Well, even the playing field with this one trick!
13:16 UTC
SLPT: Shout "Arnold Palmer's Penis!" at Trump yard signs and bumper stickers.
It shows your support for the interests of the less fortunate among us.
12:04 UTC
SLPT: Want abs? Take more naps
Every time you wake up, you doing a sit up.
05:51 UTC
LPT: got a heavy cold and can't stop sneezing? Lay on your back - get a 'free' abs workout!
Title says it all really. Whenever I go into a sneezing fit I just roll on my back and get some crunches in lol!
03:23 UTC