/r/ShittyLifeProTips
A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.
- Academics/Science
- Shitty Ask Science
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- Life, Culture & The Arts
- Shitty Life Pro Tips
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- Help/Advice
- Shitty Advice
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- Safe For Work Porn
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- Shitty Quotes Porn
- Shitty Building Porn
A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.
If your post does not appear in the new tab after several minutes, it may have been caught by our spam filter. If this happens, send a message to the mods and we'll get it fixed up for you!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT IS A LIFE PRO TIP? A Life Pro Tip (or LPT) is a tip that improves life for you and those around you in a specific and significant way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rules:
1. LPTs must be shitty. The post must contain a life pro tip that is shitty. This isn't a dumping ground for shitty statements. Any tips that are actual good advice will be removed at the discretion of the mod team. What constitutes shitty is hard to explain, but much like porn, we know it when we see it.
2. No KYS posts. We will remove all posts with the tip "Kill Yourself" or any variation thereof.
3. No reposts. Reposts are lame. If you repost something within our top 25 of all time, you may be banned.
4. No circlejerking. Circlejerking is lame too. Simply copying a popular post from here, or LPT and putting a minor twist so it's "shitty" is also unoriginal, and we will probably remove those too.
5. NSFW discretion. Being gross for the sake of being gross will get your post removed at the mod's discretion. Most of these include bodily functions and fluids, or rape, etc. Pretty much anything posted simply for shock value.
6. Remain civil. If you act like a racist, pammer, or are being a general douchenozzle, the mods reserve the right to ban you without warning.
Note: For God's sake this subreddit is meant to be taken in a joking, satirical manner. Please don't actually follow any of this advice, and don't report posts as inciting violence. You should know this already, but some of you forget which sub you are in when you report.
A proud member of The Shitty Network.
/r/ShittyLifeProTips
1,670,789 Subscribers
SLPT: If you want your mashed potatoes to have a nice golden buttery look on the plate, do not boil the potatoes in water. Boil them in urine instead. They will look delicious.
17:40 UTC
SLPT: Get a quick promotion
17:28 UTC
SLPT: Always put butter on your hands before playing with a camp fire. If you burn yourself, instead of smelling burned flesh it will smell roast.
12:46 UTC
SLPT: D.I.Y. Holiday Gift Advice... Both Shitty AND Bathroom related!!!
20:50 UTC
SLPT: If you have people coming over and you're worried that your large alcohol collection will make them think you have a drinking problem, get rid of it by drinking it before they arrive
20:49 UTC
SLPT: If you're a nervous pooper, time your flushes with the sound of you ass blasting that poor toilet.
If you're like me, and you have no semblance of a natural leaning diet and shit like God personally hates you, AND you care what other people think to the point you call out of work to hide in bed because someone gave you a dirty look at the grocery store, then consider this:
When you're on your 7th or 8th trip to the bathroom due to the absolute fucking garbage you inhale into your filthy and God-forsaken tomb you call a body, and there are decent human beings in there as well, time your flushes to coincide with your horrific ass blasts of terror.
The combined sound will most likely drown out your disgusting body's expelling of waste, and no one will ever know how foul your body is.
01:20 UTC
SLPT: Go to a restaurant during very busy hours. Your food will be either very fresh or bad enough to complain and get it for free, and the poor service from the wait staff will be a reason to not blow extra money on a "tip".
21:58 UTC
SLPT - any room can be a bathroom...
21:26 UTC
SLPT: if you’re prone to anger, always carry a stud finder
This way you can quickly find a safe spot on the drywall to punch.
19:37 UTC
SLPT: promote stoicism by ending all emails, conversations, and letters with "you will die"
Stoicism has a saying momento mori remember you will die. This helps us see life in a different lens! Share this valuable insight to everyone
22:30 UTC
SLPT: When you have to dump spoiled food into the trash, fart before you do it, it masks/removes the offensive smell.
03:08 UTC
SLPT: Push above your bum hole while taking a difficult BM to help facilitate the process
I'm telling you, I haven't pooped any other way since
16:57 UTC
SLPT: When attending a child’s sporting event, always wear the other team’s colors
Yelling at the referees will create a helpful bias and if your child’s team sucks you can sit with the winners to teach them about conditional love.
21:50 UTC
LPT: Never ask for a raise, you're being a bit of an incovenience to your boss by suggesting you're underpaid, or that you're there just for the money (and it's kind of awkward)
20:54 UTC
SLPT: Use your friends to reach the pinnacle of wealth!
01:15 UTC
SLPT: fix all your problems with this one simple trick
19:38 UTC
SLPT: Stop drinking in hot weather to avoid sweating and thus deter flies.
Some fly species will deliberately seek out your sweat. Thus if you don’t drink water then you can beat the flies at their own game.
We can’t guarantee you’ll survive the shock, heat stroke, dehydration or combination of all of the above.
12:25 UTC
SLPT : eat something too sour for your taste?
Eat a lemon! It will negate the (previous) sour!
03:31 UTC
SLPT: Gamblers: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending $100 to yourself via USPS
02:55 UTC
SLPT: Help someone complete their crossword puzzle by leaning in and saying '7 up is lemonade'
02:43 UTC
SLPT: Add realism to your nativity play by having a Child Maintenance Officer deliver a summons to God.
02:41 UTC
SLPT: Don't want to carry a gun? Carry a mug of coffee to your car in the morning and Roy Munson a SOB.
09:11 UTC
SLPT: To save money on a wedding photographer just marry a celebrity like Taylor Swift and the paparazzi will take all your wedding photos for free.
05:11 UTC
SLPT: If you have white rice in your house, but don't know what to do with it, drop your phone in the toilet.
21:50 UTC
SLPT: Since McDonald's prices are getting out of hand, you can order 10 of every condiment on the app, everytime you place an order, for free, to get even...
02:08 UTC
SLPT: After every meal, be sure to eat 5 or 6 cotton balls so your but will wipe itself when you poop.
16:39 UTC
SLPT: How to reduce stress índex at work
13:02 UTC
LPT: If you take naps at work - Fall asleep on the floor. That way if you're discovered you'll get an "are you okay?" instead of "you're fired!"
20:01 UTC
SLPT: If your wife's x-ray reveals a Tesla logo, she had an affair with Elon Musk
03:04 UTC
SLPT: Yell at people for things that are out of their control.
02:52 UTC