so, didnt know who to ask. why do i have so many porney-trap profiles following me in the last couple of weeks? never happened before? are these the death throws of the reddit i knew?

To win at reddit, the first thing you need to understand is that every interaction on reddit is a battle, and the other parties involved are your opponents. The goal is not just to win, but total domination at all cost. You may think this is a guide for how to be a troll. Not so. The goal of a troll is to get a rise out of people for fun. You're not here to have fun, you're here to win. Until you understand that fact, you're guaranteed to lose. Don't be a loser.

Rule 1. The first and more important rule is that you must be willing to disregard any of the following rules. Consistency is your enemy. Consistency can back you into a logical corner, while contradictions are a powerful weapon that can get you out of that corner.

Rule 2. Take everything as literally as possible. Any time you see someone use a metaphor, idiom, analogy, or hyperbole, latch onto this and do not let go, even if your opponent explains that it was not meant to be taken literally.

Rule 3. Misunderstand on purpose. Being willfully obtuse absolves you of any responsibility to offer a counter argument. No matter how clear somebody explains something to you, claim pretend not to understand, and claim that "it makes no sense." This will keep them busy trying to come up with several different ways to explain their point, thinking that is their own inability to articulate an idea that is the problem.

Rule 4. Don't be above straight up grade school level mockery. When you've got absolutely nothing else to say, turn to insults.

Rule 5. Don't underestimate "No U" AKA "The Uno Reverse Card". It's simple but is one of the most powerful weapons in your arsenal. If, for example, someone is accusing you of arguing in bad faith, simply accuse them of the same thing back.

Rule 6. Use preemptive strikes. Being the first to attack gives you an immediate advantage that pays dividends. For example, in the case of rule 5, accuse other people of doing the thing you're doing before they even get a chance to accuse you of it. If you say it first, it will make them less likely to accuse you of it, because it will seem like they're just copying you.

Rule 7. Nit pick everything, especially the most trivial stuff that is irrelevant to the point. The less you address the actual point the better. Don't be afraid to get into an pedantic disagreement over grammar or word usage. If you can get the topic derailed to some asinine bullshit, you're on solid ground.

Rule 8. Use anonymity to your benefit. If pretending to be black, gay, female, etc would bolster your argument, do it. And don't be afraid to mix and match. Would being a black lesbian make your argument sound better? Then go for it! The downside is that people can look back at previous things you've wrote, but very few people actually ever make the effort to do this, and even if they do just double down.

Rule 9. Make wild assumptions. The wilder the better. Pretend your opponent said things they didn't say and make them defend or deny it.

Rule 10. Learn the names of the logical fallacies. Don't worry, you don't actually need to learn what they mean. Logical fallacy names are basically magical "I win" spells that you can invoke. Keep them in your back pocket, they can get you out of a jam in a pinch.

Rule 11. Always ask for a source, especially when asking for a source makes no sense. Asking for a source gives you the high ground because it's what intelligent people do. For example, if somebody talks about a personal life experience they had, ask for a source. When they are not able to provide a source, claim victory. If a source is provided, don't worry because it does not even actually matter! If someone makes an argument that can be backed up by data, and they provide said data, don't even waste your time reading it. All you need to do is dismiss the data as flawed by saying "I disagree with the methodology behind this" or by claiming it's from a biased source.

Rule 12. Be as unpleasant as possible. Act like a lunatic. Disagree with absolutely everything just for the sake of disagreeing. Never show even an ounce of respect for anybody else. When your opponent decides it's not worth the frustration dealing with you and walks away, claim it as a victory.

How to lose

There are only three ways in which you can lose the battle.

1. The first is being completely ignored. If you weren't able to draw any opponents in, that's a loss by default.

2. Showing any sign of weakness by conceding a point. If you give even an inch, you have lost.

3. Giving up. Never let your opponent have the final word.

If you master all of the above rules, you are guaranteed to win at reddit and you can finally feel secure knowing that you are not a loser but a winner!

NOT JUST UP AND DOWN N00BS

$H!T

:(

Like in r/ShittyAdvice, for example. How do I know I'm not getting "gay-ass" advice?