To my fellows out there, why did you dirft from all of your friends over time and what made you realise on who was wrong? I'm just wondering everyone out there has a phase where they go from having 20-30 good friends to almost none.

There are plenty of negative aspects of masculinity in our culture.

What are some positive traits of masculinity that are not part of femininity?

What’s up, y’all. Kinda asking the title question here. I’m 27M, and I’m really looking forward to my 30’s since hopefully life will become a little more stable. Currently I have an incredible girl by my side, but $2 to my name, rent due in 3 days and a job that’s barely holding on. My workplace is about to go under and with rent and other bills due, it has me stressing out of my mind. Do things really fall into place as much as I hear they do? Because at the moment it really doesn’t feel like it 😅

I guess this mostly pertains to social status, maturity, and women. I don't know how true this is but I've heard that you can become more appealing to women , get women you couldn't get when you were younger, and attract younger women. I'm sure if you don't take care of yourself then you're just an old slob but it seems like it's mostly uphill for men the older you get, Just curious what you think about that.

Bit of fun for Friday night. What's one piece of advice you've learnt in your 30s that you want to share?

I'm asking on advice regardin use, instructions, recipes and about food prep ideas and recommendations and some things to watch out for.

If you own one, what do you like about it?

My husband is in his early 40s, it's his birthday in a week, and I have absolutely nothing to give him.

He's currently disabled and can't walk/stand for long, and is having major surgery in a couple of months that will have a long recovery period, so experience-style gifts are out at the moment.

Originally I was going to splurge on a PS5 for him, but he got a good deal on a gaming computer, so that meets his gaming needs.

I considered buying him a record player, as it's something he's been interested in in the past, but I'm in Australia and they're really expensive here - and knowing how he nerds out on things, I think he'd want something a bit higher quality, which I can't afford.

So now I'm stuck! He likes:

- football (soccer)
- D&D (he plays online)
- music
- whisky
- some jewellery
- history/archaeology

Been together 12 years and want to surprise him and spice things up. Was thinking of doing a sexy photo shoot and getting him an album but not sure if you guys are into that kind of thing. We are doing a nice dinner together. What would your ideal gift be from your wife?

How do you make peace with always losing, or always doing a bad job? I always question if I'm working hard enough, or smart enough, or maybe I'm too hard on myself.

I just feel like I'm always two or three steps behind everyone else. That they see things far more clearly than I do. Often times, I have the lingering feeling that something isn't going to work out. It's almost like I self-sabotage or make things more complicated than they need to be.

I just seem to be carrying a lot of nonsense stress and seem to giving a lot of attention on my anxiety triggers. And it gets to a point where I just feel mentally exhausted and physically tired. It's crazy how if your mental health game is not strong it could possibly affect physical well-being. I feel like part of it is my fault that at young age, I've never really pushed myself out of the comfort zone and tired anything hard. I lost physical strength because I never really was into fitness. Kinda liked walking but no running and cardio. I never joined the gym so don't know the whole experience of that. But lately I've been using resistance bands. I used to work in retail and constantly had to lift boxes which made me feel strong but ever since I left that job. I'm not really exercising on a daily basis. I recognized I couldn't lift pack of water case like I used to before. Mental health is not on point either sighs. My own thoughts bring me down a lot. Not sure what can I start doing to improve this concerns

I’m 22. My pop isn’t related to me by blood (he is my nans second husband) but he has been with her since my mom and aunt were teenagers (long before I was born) and he is the only man I have ever considered be my pop (first husband was an alcoholic and not in the picture and my dads father/stepfather also wasn’t in the picture).

My family isn’t an openly loving family and it’s only since I’ve grown up that I’ve learnt proper family affection. My family still don’t show it first but I do and most of them reciprocate, except my pop. Every now and then he will say he loves me too but it’s so rare. It hurts to hear “okay bye” when I tell him I love him before leaving or hanging up the phone.

Is this normal? Is it a man thing? (None of the males in my family have ever shown affection so I’m genuinely not sure)

Maybe it’s because he isn’t used to it however, I can’t understand not saying it back to your grand daughter when you know it means a lot to her. Do you think he doesn’t love me/love me much? Should I bring it up to him and how?

Thank you in advance for any help

By “dad knowledge” I mean stuff that pretty much all dads can somehow do. Stuff like changing a tire, fixing basic plumbing, fixing basic car stuff etc.

I’ve noticed it with my own dad: whenever something minor breaks, whether it be in the house, in the car, in his dad’s farm etc. almost 100% of the time he’ll jump at the opportunity of fixing it himself and most of the time us successful.

Me and my girlfriend were talking about this and she said her dad had the exact same trait; although he particularly specialised in cars since he had a lot of experience with them. I’m starting to think “dad knowledge” is just a universal thing amongst all fathers

My question is, as an 18 year old, how can I acquire dad knowledge? Is it something I naturally will just learn over time? Or do I have to go out my way to learn it?

I have a long and complicated relationship with alcohol. For background, I'm mixed racial, but both parents are from cultures where alcohol is common and normalized. When I was about 15, my parents started serving me a beer or wine at dinner, basically whatever they had with their meals.

First year of college, had 2 shorter roommates that had no tolerance and no matter how often they'd pass out in the hallway missing pants or puke on their beds, they kept drinking and never realized they had no tolerance. I only drank with them a few times and would drink them under the table.

Throughout college, I was a regular fixture at the party scene. My career is one where alcohol is a major cope and very wide spread. I also live in a country where alcohol is very common and normalized. I'm a frequent user, but not sure if I have a problem.

Arguments for:

1. I truly enjoy alcohol and getting drunk
2. Average about half a bottle of whiskey if I decide it's a drinking night
3. Average about 1.5 bottles a week
4. Get bad hangovers
5. AST/ALT is about 30

Arguments against:

1. Absolutely no physical dependency. I often (couple times a year) go 2-3 weeks with no drinks and don't have any withdrawal symptoms
2. Never missed a day of work due to drinking
3. Never violent or had any serious mishaps while drunk
4. No major personality change when drunk
5. Everyone at work, family and personal friends enjoys drinking with me

Thoughts?

By relationship book, I mean titles like "Hold Me Tight," by Sue Johnson, or "8 Dates," by the Gottmans. Did reading these books with your partner have any positive impact on your relationships, and if so, in what way?

Addiction slowly takes control, eroding relationships, health, and personal growth. It traps people in cycles of dependency, making it difficult to break free and heal, so i was wondering: How did you quit?, from gambling to videogames or even relationships, anything goes.

Maybes it’s just the fact that I’m single without kids, but I still get depressed if I’m staying in on a Friday or Saturday night. Anyone else feel like this or have you basically got over that feeling?

I’ve been compared to Sofia often and have had men neg me like Gordon negs her.

What is the reason behind this?

Sofia and Gordon

I have never ever been able to overcome my self-consciousness.

And actually a sentence a girl said many decades ago: you really aren't handsome, you know?

• I meant ro write 'overcome'

Hi, bear with this rant.

I'm in my late 20s, first off, I admit my very early adulthood I took things for granted and I never considered myself ambitious nor with grander goals. But then when I was 20 I started school to be a chef... Two weeks after I got my degree there was the COVID lockdown and even before that I came to realize that while I love cooking, I don't mind the heat, the bad coworkers and so, I do care about the pay and the pay in that kind of job ended not being worth it. Then after COVID I started to study data analyst, I enjoy it but ngl the uni to which I went sucked, hard, and I feel I could have learnt more by myself that spending three years at college and I don't feel fullfilled by at least having gotten my degree.

On top of that, I've been stuck at a horrible paying job (but at least less stressing than a horrible paying kitchen) for the last 2 years because at least they gave me leeway to study and go to class (to the uni that sucked).

On top of that, I do have depression and I'm on the spectrum, I did went to therapy for 10 years with different therapists and it helped, to an extent, the kind of therapy I need, it's the kind I can't afford and the kind of therapy I can afford is the kind that doesn't work for me (I'm tired of having to connect everything with my parents, yes, they fucked me up badly, but I've learnt to let go of it; not saying there is not stuff there still, but most of my grievances in the today are well, in regards to the today, not my childhood).

I've never had a good paying job nor the kind of job I can be proud off (I always strived to work my best even if my current job didn't deserve it, it is just how I was raised). I've always lived in sharedhouses, in old houses falling to pieces, lack of natural gas or unhealthy tap water, having to live with durg addicts, drunkards and so. I currently live in a shared house which is nominally more safe and orderly but people just like everywhere else is dirty, rude, uncaring. Last night a fire was almost started in the oven, the surface was blackened, the knobs melted, all because the guy who was using the oven left to play Overwatch and he forgot, oh but because he's the manager's favorite everything's fine, he will pay for the damages and that's it when other people (included myself) we have been threatened to be left in the streets for way less.

And the cherry on the top. people, people, I'm just tired of people, people is shitty at work, is shitty at the shared house, is shitty everywhere, I understand it's not truly like that but I'm turning into a misanthrope but yes, I have very, very few friends, 2 in which I can truly trust but they live far away, and I've tried to join group and group of people to hang out and meet and it's always the same, drama, jealousy, guys seeing who is the big shot, gals wanting to be the center of the group and don't get me started on disagreeing with the popular/s of the group (not arguing against, just not sharing the same views). even the people in which I felt I could have ended up having a greater connection, feel end up being rather vain and caring more for the group's opinion and gossiping even at a friend's expense (mostly me) and given my own personality, and shortcomings, I reckon I manage to make for an easy to believe bad guy when people with better wording and manipulation skills feels like it. Now I reckon that on top of having depression and being on the spectrum, I can be rough around the edges and I'm not to everyone's cup of tea but I'm actually fine with that, I like it even, now I try to improve on some of my negative stuff, but at the end of the day I want people liking me for the good and the bad (because that's what I do with others, I like them despite the bad, it has to be something really bad for me to not want to be friends with them despite their shortcomings) but it just feels no one offers me the same goodwill, so clearly my bad, is really bad yet when I ask (calmly and politely) about what is wrong with me, it's always something vague and such, so it's not like I can take constructive criticism and try to improve (because no one gives any).

And at this point I just feel so angry, so tired, so unrealized like nothing in my life is remotely like I wish it was, not even myself, I'm so done with everything.

And I dunno, I guess I have two very specific questions:

• Men in a similar position in life, how have you managed?
• Regarding all these feelings of impotency, rage, frustration, how have you guys handled it? I've gone to the gym, it worked in the physical and self image bit but not one bit regarding my feelings, same for meditation and such. What other activity/hobby/sport has allowed you to let go of these great burdens or turn these negative emotions into something good and productive?

Someone recently asked about the best self-help books. As someone who struggles reading non-fiction, what works of fiction do you think best point to way to live a good life?

Everyday I see the 16 year old next door and his idiot friends doing stupid stuff and hearing their discussions about girls and think " What a pack of assholes."

Today I heard them playing steet hockey and the sounded like me and my friends. Then it hit me; they always sound like me and my friends. Anyone else?

Men who have changed careers after 30, how is it going? I worked in law enforcement from the time I was 21 until I was 29. Left and went to a factory job which pays well. I’ve moved up since being there and my family lives comfortably. The job isn’t hard but the hours are long, feel like I’m missing a lot of family time, and it’s extremely boring. My wife makes decent money too and I’ve thought about asking about going back to school but I’m not sure for what and I don’t want to put any financial burden on her. Online classes aren’t possible due to my work schedule and what few days I have off I’m usually swamped in work around the house. Just looking for some advice from guys that have had similar experiences.

Work shoes, hobby shoes, casual, exercise, sneakers, what’s your closet floor look like? When you realize that there’s a pair you rarely/never wear how long does it take you to donate them?

And when you go on vacation, do you always take a few books with you?

Just curious. I noticed in the last few years that if I get a soda or a candy bar, I can only finish half of it. And by no means am I a healthy eater, I eat like shit.

But for some reason whenever I have something sweet, it's like a couple of bites and I'm just done.

Wife and I are contemplating having another kid (3rd one). Our life is good now with 2 kids. We want more (not sure if we can handle it). People always you never regret it in the long run, so I’m asking the people who’ve done the long run. Has anyone here regretted the decision? If so, why?

If you could recommend one, essential self-improvement book what would it be and why? And would you say it actually helped you in tangible ways. Looking forward to hearing all of your recommendations. Thanks everyone!

I feel like I miss my mid 20s cause I felt like I had more friends, energy and my dating life was way better too. I felt on top of the world if I’m being honest like I was Leo in the wolf of Wall Street as he was becoming successful. Now that I hit 30 I feel like the past was my better years. I feel like I don’t have much to look forward to. I’ve become complacent if you will. Any one got advice or feel the same way?

My best friend finally is getting help with drinking and I’m so happy for him. It’s a long time overdue and he finally seems ready for it. He has been gone about a week and he’ll still be in treatment with extremely limited contact and all for the next month still. I feel so selfish because even though I helped encourage him to go through with it I have been incredibly depressed all week because I miss him. It’s not like when someone is gone on vacation so they’re just not around for a bit. He’s the type of friend id message with every random thought just to hear his take on it and now I don’t have anyone to do that with, I worry about how he’s doing, I am saddened that his life is in a spot where he needs alcohol to cope in the first place, etc.

Sorry I know this isn’t the best place to post this but this subreddit has always been a good community. If anybody has any thoughts, advice, or personal experience to think of how to best deal with this (and help him when he’s back) it would be very appreciated

I need help. I’ve been using it for a while now, I know I want to stop, but it feels harder every day. I can’t seem to break free from the habit, and I’m scared of the heavy coughing. Sometimes I feel trapped, like I can’t find my way out. I’m reaching out because I don’t want to feel stuck anymore, but I don’t know how to start or who to turn to. I need to believe that I can do this. Please, if anyone can help or has advice, I’m listening.