My wife and I have been together for eight years and have two kids. Since they were born, it feels like things between us have totally shifted. She’s a stay-at-home mom, and I work full time. Her mom comes over every day to help with the kids while she takes naps, and my daily routine looks something like this:

In the mornings, I get up, wash and hang the laundry, make everyone’s breakfast while they sleep, and head to work. When I come home, I bathe the kids, play with them, put them to bed, and clean up the house. Meanwhile, she takes long baths (we’re talking an hour or more), usually scrolling on her phone. On weekends, I handle all the kid stuff so she can rest. I don’t mind helping, but this has been the routine for about three years now.

Even if the kids are down, she doesn’t want me to play video games or do anything “for myself.” But she also doesn’t want to watch a movie together, sit down for a cup of tea, or just hang out. We have no intimacy, and she doesn’t seem interested in reconnecting in any way. It’s not like I haven’t tried—I’ve talked to her about 10 times over the past two years, and she always says she’s grateful for everything I do. But nothing changes.

At this point, I’m feeling drained and honestly, really resentful. I don’t want to feel this way toward her, but it’s starting to feel like I’m giving 80% and she’s giving 20%, and I can’t help but feel rejected and, yeah, pretty lonely. I feel like I still love her, but I’m starting to lose my attraction to her and, in a way, I just don’t like being around her anymore.

It’s been three years, so I’m wondering if I’m just expecting too much at this point. Is it unrealistic to hope for some sort of connection again? How do I let go of this resentment and stop feeling this way?

Appreciate any advice.

Me and my husband are married for 1 year we were high school sweethearts. During dating phase my husband showed high libido through sexting or actually having sex. Since our marriage he doesn’t seem to be interested in anything I have to throw myself on him to even get a kiss. I have tried to review every possibility but just don’t know whats wrong. I can feel our marriage falling apart soon because of this.

I got married in July and moved in with my husbands family. He is trying to quit but it’s been very difficult. I didn’t understand the extent of his problem until we started living together. He has always been not a good communicator and most evenings gets drunk and falls asleep in the basement. It’s kind of gotten to the point where I’m alone most nights upstairs and now I don’t even want him in my bed. I’m feeling extremely neglected and like I don’t deserve this. I also found out the state of his financials after we got married (he lied to me) and I have a really good job and make twice the amount as him. He recently lost his job because of his alcoholism and the wedding season was not good for him because of all the parties which ultimately derailed his progress. What do I do? He is very stubborn and does not want to go to rehab again (he’s had 2 DUI in the past and went to jail) - it’s a new learning experience for me and before everyone says you’re stupid why did I get into this situation , there was a lot of family pressure. Just please give me some tips. Really hurting here and feeling alone.

I just feel a bit confused and unsure how to handle my feelings surrounding my husband. It is conflicting because he is a good provider, great dad, and overall kind person. I just think maybe he doesn't really care about me as much as he used too? But he always goes above and beyond for our children, planning things and fun activities. We had never really.put in the effort to plan anything for the 2 of us in YEARS. I am a very easy going person for the most part, I do not demand really anything of him at all. I let hi .do what he wants, weather it be golfing, or working overtime or unexpected hours and I pick up and change my schedule so he can accomplish whatever he needs. We never had a wedding, although he promised we would eventually celebrate, 14 years on still hasn't happened, but I don't bother, you know we have a house and bills so I have mainly accepted I'll never get to experience all that goes a long with having a real wedding. He's never thrown me a birthday party, celebrated my accomplishments, or even really compliments me. I feel like a fixture who is here to cook, take care of his kids when he's not around, and occasionally have sex with. It really hurt me when a friend of mine said she was helping another friend celebrate their wife's promotion. The were planning an entire party..I recently was promoted to a higher position with a significant raise without any real acknowledgement. I always celebrate him, but the last couple years of lost my motivation because it is never reciprocated.

And his family is very challenging, has caused much anxiety for me throughout our time together and although they are objectively wrong, he can never just back me up or make me feel secure. He's always defends the indefensible and makes me feel worse. I just would like to feel that I am his wife and he wants has my back, if I'm right obviously.

I am not challenging and feel because I go along to get along for the most part he now overlooks me completely and doesn't even consider what makes me happy anymore. Like I i just can't understand why he never does anything purely because it would make me happy the way he does for our children. I don't mean that to sound childish, but maybe on some level it is.

So I don't know where to land on this..he's a good guy, great to our kids, nice to me and we get along, but there just isn't anything extra - I know life is busy but I'm starting to just think in terms of priority I'm last or not even one at all. Wondering what if any advice you have regarding my situation. I have tried to talk to him - mostly though passive joking. I'm just tired and want to check out. I don't even want to deal with him at all, but if I stop putting in effort I don't know what will happen.

37(f) married to 36(m) for 10 years. Last weekend 2 of our kids were sick, my husband had a disc golf tournament both Saturday and Sunday and he said that he’d be back by a certain time. On Saturday he returned on time but Sunday, he called said that the tournament was over and asked if it would be okay if he went out with the guys, which I said sure. I stayed home with the kids on Monday, and then had to pick up our youngest from daycare on Wednesday because they had diarrhea again. Thursday evening my husband left to go play another disc golf tournament and the kids and I went trick or treating with our neighbors/friends. Friday my husband had the day off from work and I was hoping he would stay home to watch our toddler while I worked, but he left to drop off our son at school and went disc golfing until noonish. He didn’t even give me the opportunity to talk about it the night before.

This isn’t the first time this has happened, when I was 6 months pregnant with our youngest, he abandoned the entire family for two weeks to go play disc golf when him and I hit a rough patch in our marriage. He’s been in therapy since September 2021 for NPD.

Last night I approached him about to apologize for a particular thing expense of mine that hit our bills account, and I would file paperwork to change it to my bank account, and somehow this turned into a small argument. I switched the conversation to talk about the way I was feeling about the week and all my pent up emotions came out in tears. He apologized for bailing on me and that he thinks he did it to escape work. He’s a recruiter. Idk, I understand work can be stressful at times but even when he’s home, he’s on his phone “escaping”.

My intuition is telling me that there’s more “behind the curtain” and he may never communicate it to me. So I usually pray about it, let go and let God. I told him that when he doesn’t communicate with me, it opens me to come to my own conclusions about what’s going on. I don’t think he’s cheating, but of course we never know.

A couple of weeks ago I did tell my husband that I will no longer be working on saving our marriage because I feel so defeated. I made sure I stated that I’m not looking to divorce him, just taking a step back to focus on myself and the kids as he continues to get therapy. Maybe subconsciously he’s resenting me for this? 🤔

When we love someone, sometimes we'll give passes for things that we wouldn't for friends. One of those being serious mental health conditions that impact day to day life. Because of my partners mental health condition, they sometimes loose control of the things they say when we argue. They regret it later, but things are said that can't be taken back. Today I was told that I wouldn't/don't have enough drive to be a good mother. Other things too. Arguments often consist of me not really understanding why we're arguing, and them getting more and more angry that I don't understand, until mean things are said. I can't expect my partner to behave like someone that doesn't have the condition that they have. So what can I do, because the words and feelings that I know come behind them are burning in my chest.

I need to find a way to calm down and be okay with this... my in-laws really dislike me, it's super clear in all of their words and actions. MIL saves her best material for when she's alone with me so it's been an uphill battle explaining to my husband what she's saying to me and having him believe me. They're from a different country and speak another language (in addition to English, they just refuse to speak English around me, and yes I'm in classes to learn their language) and I think that's the main issue- I'm not what they wanted for their son (bc I'm an American). Lately she laid her insults on me in front of my husband so he gets it and I'm off the hook from hosting them at our house, but he still wants to see them, which I understand.

My husband and I have a 2 year old and newborn baby and we haven't seen his parents since the baby was born 5 weeks ago. I have a therapist who suggested my husband goes to see his parents on his own, with or without our toddler. He can't take the baby bc I'm breastfeeding him still.

My husband refused to go see them without me, but every weekend he'd sulk around missing them so this week I told him to just make a plan and see them. I think that's where I messed up (telling him it's fine to go see them when I'm really not fine with it) but what other option do I have? Another weekend with the looming guilt of not letting his parents come visit?

So this morning, it's a beautiful day, I make us breakfast and my husband and sweet toddler are rushing out the door going to see these people who actively hate me and trash talk me to my face (and call our newborn son rude names, and on and on...) and it just seems like they are being rewarded for their behavior, and I'm being punished. I spend Friday's preparing the house and getting all the food shopping/cooking done so we can enjoy the weekend together stress free, and here I am, alone. I can't even go anywhere because my husband took the one that has the car seats in it. I love my baby and in other circumstances I'd be happy being home with him for the day, but anyone who has had a newborn knows it's obviously better to have your spouse around to help.

He's tried multiple times to talk to them about how they need to be nicer to me, he gives specific examples and never throws me under the bus, but they see right through it I guess and it's followed by a non-apology from MIL saying she didn't mean to make me angry with her. No apology has been given, ever. So these conversations don't seem to work at all after years of trying. My husband is willing to stop seeing his parents completely, but he tells me that with tears in his eyes and I tell him I would never want that to happen. Honestly they're not even nice to him, he just is used to it so it doesn't bother him. But I simply cannot figure out a way to make everyone happy here.

I'm going between feeling resentful, and fully crying because I'm losing out on a potentially great day I could have spent with my family, doing something outside in this beautiful weather.

I know perfect isn't real. However,my husband must. Background i have a thyroid condition called Hashimoto Thyroiditis. Causes my weight to fluctuate. For measure I'm 5'2". I was around 128 when we got married. He deployed and saw me at 104. I had our first son literally i hit the 160s but dropped down to 115/110. 3 years later we had our second child i got to the 150s that time. Lowest weight since was 112. We recently moved to a country area where a local gym that is 24/7 is 20 minutes 1 way. Im teaching first grade for the first time and it consumes my life. I still come home to cook, clean, help our 2 sons with whatever they need, dogs, etc.

My issue is he called me so many names lately. We did just buy land and developed floor plans so we are both having extra stressor with that. However he told me he can see i put on a good 20 lbs since we moved to NC. I don't over eat and skip meals for being busy. Currently I'm 144 and 5'3". I know I'm overweight. I'm extremely insecure about it. I'm called cute all the time and recieve complements. It's hard to believe when the person i love picks on me. He called me "Buddha Belly" last night.

I'm currently writing this in tears. I've cried like a baby the past hour or so and I am 10 weeks pregnant.

I feel like our marriage is very toxic. It's constantly up and down. One minute it's very passionate the next minute we're screaming at each other.

I have forever struggled with my husband being unable to be there for me emotionally. He just won't do it. A year ago I found out what started like the very beginning of an emotional affair where he went to a colleague to express his worries and concerns about our marriage. He confided in her instead of me and was there for her but not for me. He ended up changing jobs, blocking her completely because he was so sure that he loved me, he didn't know what he was doing with her was wrong and wanted to change and work on us.

Fast forward to today, lately he's been in work constantly and I've been off work for the past 6 months due to complications from a surgery and now this pregnancy has really taken a toll on me physically. Since I've been off work it feels like he's lost respect for me. He used to work from home 2 days a week which helped me with the childcare of our 3 year old daughter. This has been the case for 4 years.

For him to suddenly be in work every single day, this has affected me emotionally as sometimes doing it all by myself with my health issues can feel like a lot especially whilst pregnant. It's to note when I'm pregnant I am extremely sick.

All I wanted was for him to understand my frustration I know nothing can be done if his new workplace needs him to work there every day but I am allowed to talk about how frustrating and hard the situation is. For some reason he doesn't like this and says I am complaining. Every single weekend where we get the chance to spend time together as a family is spent with him reducing me to tears. I ask for space he refuses to give it and I lash out by hitting him and throwing things ( I don't accept or excuse this behaviour I understand how wrong and disgusting it is)but the build up of sadness/frustration with him in my face saying all sorts when I've nagged him 10x to give me space and leave me alone I just burst and lash out.

He said all sorts like why have kids if I cant handle being a parent. I didn't know being a parent was just my responsibility. I told him so many times how alone I feel in it sometimes and instead of being sympathetic he's upset. He's almost always too tired for sex and if I bring this up it's an issue and he says the world doesn't revolve around me. I'm not asking for him to sacrifice his sleep for me. I just ask he acknowledges how hard I am finding it , hes at work all day he comes home and we share the load between housework and our daughter although lately it's been more him. I just want a little reassurance that he still loves me, finds me attractive and is there for me in whatever way he can be but instead he makes me feel like a shit wife a shit mum and like I don't deserve this pregnancy when we've both been trying for nearly 3 years. I feel so lost and upset. Whenever he takes over the housework because I've been throwing up all day I tell him how much I appreciate everything he's doing fir me but it's like he resents me so bad for having to do all this in the first place.

Is this marriage worth saving?

When he's good to me he can be really good but then the next day he can switch up on me and treat me like this and it's always him that comes back and says sorry to me and promises to make it up to me. I feel depressed and alone.

Move out day #2 has come and gone, again!! This time he did get the keys for his apartment but he’s still here. He doesn’t communicate with me at all. After telling me for two months when the move out date was. I’m in disbelief that he is still here. When asked what is happening he says he can’t afford furniture. WTF!! So I have to continue enduring this awful way of living because you made a decision and didn’t think it through?!?! I’ve asked him to sign the separation paperwork and he says ok but doesn’t agree on a time to go to the notary. The stress of this all has broken my body down and I have been sick all week. I can’t believe this is happening. I emailed him the schedule for the kids which would start this week. He never acknowledged if he received it or not. I don’t know what to do. I just stay quiet and out of his way.

Well my husband and I have been having a time getting a long since our daughter was born. He’s been such an a hole and bully. Has been resentful to help around the house or with our daughter. Anytime I ask it results in an argument. She is two in a few months. ( our daughter calls him by his name and we all live together if that doesn’t tell you something idk what will) This has caused me to check out mentally. One day I woke up and I just hated him. I decided I couldn’t live this way forever and I accepted he will never change. Today I woke up and made breakfast as he was sleeping in until 9am and I was of course up with our daughter since 6am. I still included him for the sake of our daughter. As soon as I woke him up, he started to complain. So I grabbed his plate and fed it to the dog and that is where I’m at in my marriage. I have no desire to have sex with him or even be around him. It used to hurt me but as his behavior has become predictable I no longer care. He doesn’t believe me but I am already planning a way out. I have been doing it alone for 2 years while married the only difference would be I would be happier and better. He also does things to purposely push my buttons. I am in the process of grieving my marriage and the life that I wanted and thought I would have, I guess that’s the process of being a woman we always grieve and check out before we sign the papers.

I've been getting getyourmarriageon emails, and this g-spot video link came up. There's very specific info on stimulation, etc., but I was a little astounded at about 29 minutes in where the lady he's interviewing got into just general sexuality/relationship stuff.

It's a good watch. I've been listening off and on this week and finally finished today. https://getyourmarriageon.com/210-the-g-spot-guide-how-to-stimulate-explore-and-enjoy-together/

This particular scenario is so petty I’m embarrassed to even write it but I feel at my wit’s end.

My husband usually makes himself breakfast and doesn’t ask if I want anything, that’s fine because typically I eat something very different but today he did ask and I said yes. He was making eggs.

He know I don’t like pepper in my eggs and he put a TON of pepper in.

I noticed it immediately and even questioned it. He told me he knew I was going to question it and said he only put a little in. I tried to eat it but it was disgusting so I offered it to him and he got pissed and walked out of the room.

He knows and clearly expressed that he knows I don’t like it…so why does he do it and then get mad at me?

This is part of a bigger issue. He also chose to renovate our home and do all of the work himself and in over a year and a half hasn’t finished it but if I bring up the unfinished work and ask how I can help get it done he stonewalls the same way.

I’m just sick of being upset and feeling like I need to apologize for like in this case not eating the eggs he made the way he knows I won’t eat them! Trying to prevent further episodes like this.

Thanks for any insights!

I love my husband, but I am really not attracted to him and haven’t been for awhile. He is extremely skinny and puts no effort into working out or making himself stronger. When we married I was on birth control which evidently can change your hormones to make you attracted to more feminine looking men, which he is. I’ve been off it for years and I feel so much better off it, but I find my attractions have changed a lot being off it. In that time we’ve had 3 kids, which I’m sure hasn’t helped things, but truly I can barely look at him naked because I’m just not attracted to him. 😬 it’s so awkward and I really don’t know what to do. I’ve tried to casually suggest lifting weights and he gets defensive and nothing changes. I really want to just love him for who he is, but my human nature is failing me here. I really don’t know what to do… Help!

About a month ago my husband and I had sex for the first time in a year. It was great. We had sex again the next day and it was even better. I ended up with a UTI and we were hands off for a week. In that time I tried to wake him up with a BJ and he stopped me, he was too tired. A week ago I was super horny in the middle of the night and came into him. He ended up cumming in my mouth. I rode him a tiny bit and we cuddled and watched tv. I’ve texted him multiple nuded and have been casually mentioning sex multiple times a week. I was telling him I want him to sexualize me. He just seems so uninterested. It makes me feel so unsexy and uninteresting. I feel like I’m begging him to surprise me with a good fucking. I tell him about my smut. I ask him what he’s into. He says he needs time to think about it. He is 80% tired (preventing him from having sex) and 15% acclimating to having sex again.

I don’t one what to do. I feel like the next time I try to talk with him I’m going to cry and I don’t want to be too emotional. I would rather him openly tell me he’s not in a place where he wants to have sex due to this season of his life but he’s so much less clear than that.

so me and my wife have been married for about six years now and the first two 2 1/2 years were great. We had sex all the time we laughed with each other. Everything like that now we don’t have sex like that I beg her just to eat her pussy or have her sit on my face and she still tells me no she won’t let me do it no matter what not on a regular basis it’s like a month in between each time and after time I’m just eating her pussy and then playing out her feet and don’t even go inside. How am I supposed to feel about this? She says it’s not me. It’s her but I’m really starting to feel otherwise like we got together I told her what I required and everything else like what I was looking for in a person and she said OK that was fine but now here we are six years later and she’s being a prude, she doesn’t wanna give it up. She don’t wanna let me eat it. She’s not even accepting head like she’s not accepting head who doesn’t want some head. I’ve tried BDSM and everything else so what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to feel?

As the title states how does it feel when you don’t get intimacy from your wife? I’m interested in hearing a male perspective and emotions on this?

EDIT: reading through these comments wow. Thank you for taking the time to explain. Just so you don’t feel alone , please know alot of women feel like this just role reversal in terms of not getting the intimacy they need from their partners, more common than think. I wish you all well :-)

So my wife (30f) and I (32m) have been together for 13 years and married for 8 years. In the beginning the sex was good. It was a few times a day. Now I know my job factors into it now as I’m back to being an OTR truck driver. I leave for 3-4 weeks at a time now. There’s no decent paying local jobs in my area. My wife doesn’t work now, out of the entire relationship she has worked maybe 1-1.5 yrs combined from two jobs ( these jobs were worked different years ). So to say the least she is a SAHM. I respect SAHM, I understand all that she goes through. Well yesterday we got into a disagreement about her needs not being met I.e, she wants more sex, dates, so on and so forth. I’m the one who always initiates sex. So of course when I’m able to swing by the house or I’m on my home time, I do try every time. We’ve had a problem where she would reject me. That’s where I’m confused. Why say you want more sex when you always rejected me? I’ve tried to accommodate her sexually, by buying her toys and things. She doesn’t want to use them. I’ve tried going down on her and asking her to teach me, so that she enjoys it. But all she says is “I don’t know.” I asked her how does she fault me for the lack of sex and dates when she always rejected me. We’re each other’s first and only and to be honest, this is my first real relationship as well. I would always ask her to help me plan a date, I admit I’m not too romantic in that aspect. I’m more of a provider and I think I’ve done well. I’ve bought her a house, multiple cars, we’ve taken many trips back to her hometown to visit her family, we’ve taken our own family vacations. She always has had the latest technology ( New iPhone, iPad, MacBook, Consoles, etc.. ). I’m just a confused husband. We’ve tried, well I have tried therapy because she suggested it and she didn’t even want to attend that. I just think it’s me and she doesn’t want me even though she says she does. I’m sorry if this is everywhere, but if you can understand and can provide some input please do.

My spouse is coming back from being away for 8 months. During those 8 months away, I would get a call maybe once a week. No pictures, no sweet messages and the last time we ever FaceTimed was over a month ago. I couldn’t really call him because he had a roommate, so he would decline my calls because he didn’t really want to talk in the same room so I had to always wait for his call. Before he left, we were not in the best terms either.

Now that he’s almost back, I don’t feel excited/happy. I just feel like he’s coming back to take over my space. I’m so independent that having someone in my space bothers me now. I am just glad that he’s coming back for companionship and to help around the house.

The long, sweet messages I used to send him, stopped because he said he couldn’t really connect to them. He’s been telling me that he misses me and loves but I don’t feel anything at all. I got tired of putting all the effort and knowing he’s coming back and acting like nothing, bothers me. Because I did all the healing while he was away and having him come back scares me, I feel like it’s going to be a setback and I’m going to lose myself again with his breadcrumbs.

I don’t know if this is healthy at all or what I am expediting.

Why is it hard for married women to stop cheating once they start? I spoke to one today (whose husband cheated once and vowed to stop after being caught by his brother in law in their farmhouse with a worker)and she told me that there is no going back. She told me women cheat with their emotions, heart and mind attached to their new catch and this led to ask myself like how bad is cheating for women??? For us men I think it's different, you can flirt and cheat once and completely change but for women....its something else 😳😳😳

Me f (29) husband (31). My husband often complains that I do not say please after asking him if he can do something. The issue he’s wrong because I say please the majority or the time, if I don’t say please I start the sentence by saying ‘do you mind’ and thank you after he’s done the favour. I’d also like to add that I don’t use a harsh tone.

My issue is that he doesnt say please the majority of the time and his tone is usually off but I excuse him because most of the time he’s working and I know he can get stressed so I dont take it to heart because I know who he is. We’ve been together 8 years.

It absolute infuriates me when he can see I struggling with the children and I ask him to do something and he turns and says ‘you didn’t say please’… I can’t stand this. Today I flipped.

We had a family photoshoot planned at 11am so I woke everyone up at 8 to start getting ready. I’m doing my daughter’s hair which she hates and can end up taking a long time if she’s not distracted. At this point my daughter was not happy with me doing her hair but it had to be done so I asked my husband to help “can you hold child while I do her hair”

He proceeds to ignore me for a few moment and walk extremely slowly towards me and my daughter meanwhile I’m struggling with my daughter and have the other kids pulling on me. In wondering why is he taking his sweet time. He finally gets to us and just tells my child to ‘calm down’ and walks away. My child is still annoyed with me doing her hair so I ask again in a very monotone voice “can you help me with the child”

He said I didn’t say please. So I tell him “do you the amount of time you tell me to do something without saying please” He said I was deflecting and I should take accountability and it isn’t about him. Yet he rarely says please to me…

So I ended up cancelling the family shoot because I didn’t have it in me to stand there and smile and I knew I wouldn’t be able to get all the kids ready by myself, He says he doesn’t like being told what to do but most of the time I’m asking for help or it’s something for the kids.

I don’t know what I want, I guess Im just venting.

She don't love me I'm sure of it, how can I have so many lonely nights...I've decided this November I will not nutt! If she does not come to me for intimacy this next month I will never sleep with her again.😭

For context, my husband (34M) and I (27F) got married this year. We are both from the same country, have similar upbringings and have known each other for years. After our honeymoon, I packed up my life and moved to the country where he has lived for 5+years. He makes comfortable money and he is currently the sole breadwinner due to the my move and my visa restrictions not allowing me to have a job. I am working on getting a job and switching my visa, but not all my paperwork is ready, so I expect I will only be allowed to work from February 2025 (confirmed by recruiters, too).

He has lived comfortably on his salary for all these years as a bachelor, but this year with the wedding, an unexpected surgery cost (not covered by his insurance) and having to financially support me, our savings are depleted and we are essentially living pay check-to-pay check at the moment on his salary while we build up the emergency fund, pay down some debt and still live/pay for our daily lives. We are completely fine and comfortable, but our normal spending freedom is a bit restricted.

After getting married we have combined our finances, but I am currently not contributing financially to the home. I am a personal finance enthusiast and have taken the role of budgeting our household income monthly/yearly and forecasting for our goals (investments, savings, luxuries, etc.). my other roles are typical SAHW vibes and some small side hustles. By my calculation, we will be debt free and back to our strong portfolio within one year if we keep going on this pace. It's looking up.

NOW FOR THE ISSUE: CHRISTMAS IS COMING! We would normally go on a trip, so I am thinking of getting him to go without me. Problem is, he won't go if I don't just because of the money issue. It has to be more clever.

This is what's happened: My husband has expressed wanting to go to a nearby country for a quick 5 day Christmas Break. He has paid leave for the period of the trip at his job, mapped out all the logistics, got advice from friends about the area and found activities to make it even more special. This also happens to be a country he LOVES.

Christmas is a HUGE deal in my family and we love to celebrate it. Knowing how much Christmas means to me and my family, he even called my sister to ask her if she would join with her own bf (which means a lot to me too as her & I are very close). My husband and my sister are also long time friends so they get along great too. We have travelled all together as well and it is a blast. By my calculations, my husband (alone) could easily afford to go on this trip on his salary, but two of us would be unnecessarily tight. So I need your help to figure out a way to get him to go on the trip without me. I don't want him to feel guilty for not staying back with me or for going without me.

HERE ARE ALL THE REASONS WHY: My husband deserves the break, he works hard. Husband, sister and sister's bf all have well paid jobs and can afford themselves. They travel so well together. He wouldn't be alone on the trip or on Christmas as they will all be together. I would feel less guilty of being financially dependant if he got real off time in his break. They trip would end on Christmas Day so we could celebrate Christmas together by the evening of 25 December. Win-Win-Win.

SO REDDITORS, tell me, what excuse can I give to my husband and the rest of the group for why i cannot join this trip? My go-to would've been 'an epic, unmissable work opportunity' that was too goo to pass up, but now that I am unemployed, I am not really sure how I would swing that. Any ideas? Any help would be appreciated.

Hey Reddit, I need some guidance on a tough situation. My relationship started out like a fairytale. For the first eight months, everything was perfect—no fights, just easy, beautiful days together. We used to talk about how lucky we felt to have such an amazing relationship. But then, everything changed.

At eight months in, I found a message from this woman, Jadene (25), in his phone. She had a really provocative profile picture, which made think about it. He was taking a shower at my house, and even though I trusted him, I decided to check what that was about just to prove to myself he was a good man. I found out he had called her during his lunch break, and in a couple of voice notes, they had this flirty, almost moaning exchange about him “being on his way to her house.” Right after that call, he’d called me, telling me he was going to visit his grandparents—clearly to cover up his actual plans with her. When he came back from her house that day, I hugged him and he had this really strong perfume smell all over his neck and chest. I even got so surprised I commented being completely naive that grandma wanted to smell nice that day.

I confronted him immediately and broke things off. He spent days insisting she was just an old friend and that he hadn’t told me because he was still traumatized from his last relationship. Eventually, he convinced me to take him back on the condition he’d arrange a meeting between us so I could see they were just friends, which he offered but never followed through on. Over the next three months, I’ve brought this up constantly, since it was always an open wound, but he seemed reluctant to prove his side of things, only finally calling her while acting annoyed, like he was just doing me a favor so I could shut up.

Then, at the exact same time as their call I get a phonecall from my sister to tell me about my pet’s passing. I heard a bit of their exchange and I got to a place where I believed him. I thanked him the other day for doing that, I was feeling so reassured and fresh, we were happy and not fighting anymore.. for about 2 weeks. She and another friend FaceTimed him, inviting both of us to hang out. There was something about the way they talked—moaning tones, suggestive laughs—that made me uncomfortable, but I shrugged it off as best I could.

That night, around 1:30 AM, his phone started blowing up with Snapchats. I looked, and sure enough, they were sending him super provocative videos—Jadene lying in bed in just panties and her legs spread open, her friend twerking, close-ups of body parts. I was shaking, and when I woke him up to show him, he got mad at me for looking. He barely addressed the videos, saying they were “just drunk” and calling me insecure. I spent that night in tears.

Since then, we’ve argued about it again and again. I even asked to go with him to talk to them in person, but he refused, saying he didn’t want to risk anything “getting physical.” Eventually, he promised to call them and sort it out, but he never did. He asked if I’m stupid enough to think that they were both trying to “steal my boyfriend” and that it wouldn’t make sense, as if they couldn’t just be horny and careless.

I checked her Facebook profile after this, and honestly, it was shocking. Every single post was just so vulgar, things like:

•	“You’re busy talking s*** about me while your baby daddy is in my bed.”
•	“I’ve been without sex for so long I feel like an inmate rn.”
•	“Don’t even message me if you don’t have the intention to f*** me.”
•	“I’m about to offer the mailman some head.”

Literally, not exaggerating.

After a year, he finally said he understands why I felt betrayed, but we never really resolved it. I know he’s exhausted from revisiting this, but it still eats at me. I feel like he never took real action to make me feel secure, and now he’s just used to me accepting it.

So here I am, Reddit, feeling drained and unsure what to do. I feel so sure this is fucked when I think about it but every time I bring this up with him he acts like I’m completely insane and insecure and that we should be over this. To the point where he gets angry insisting that he never cheated and would never cheat. Is there any chance I can trust him? Any advice?

I've never been in a long distance relationship before, much less marriage, until now. I flew from US to Pakistan last year to get married, now it's been about a year n a half since I've seen him. We seem to argue alot out of frustration and a little about cultural differences. Ultimately we find a way to explain things to eachother or agree to disagree until the problem were arguing about arises. It's still really hard being away and not knowing when he will get here. Mostly i just miss him and i hate hearing other people talk negatively about him or our relationship. How do other people handle being in similar situations? Does anyone have any tips?

I (31M) am feeling defeated, been married for 6 years. My wife (F28) and I have had some really big highs and also some really low lows to be honest. She gets angry over what I feel are small things. Like me not wanting dressing on my salad or me not paying close enough attention that she’s hungry to make her food. Me pointing out a parking spot and she struggles to park so, she gets mad and says I only pointed it out so that I could watch her struggle. The other night she was upset that she had seared the steak too much, I told her it was fine, it’s really hard to mess up steak and that I appreciated her cooking for me and it was good. Her response was, “oh you think I am stupid, who likes burnt steak. I’ll just cook everything I make for you charcoal from now on. How would you like that huh?” Just little things like that. I try and fix the issue right away but she says things like get away from me, I don’t want to talk to you or don’t touch me. I reassure her that everything is ok and that I love her and I am sorry but I still get the same response. Then the more I push to be there for her, the more she pushes back harder with harmful words. And is just mean, her demeanor and everything. I try to be patient and be there but after many attempts and getting yelled at along with the “I hate you & youre clueless” comments it makes me withdraw. She says that I should stay and stick it out no matter how long it takes for her to calm down. When we’ve talked about this, she says to look past those comments when she’s mad and realize that she does in fact love me. That as her husband I am to love her unconditionally and there are men who would see through that to love her. But that’s easier said than done with someone you love so much. She’s hit me, bit me, spit in my face early on during these 6 years and I feel like I have trauma maybe even embarrassment or hurt because of the disrespect from that, being a man. She’s said that she’s hated me, I’m not a man, I’m worthless, screamed in my face, slammed doors, you name it. The thing is never have I tolerated that from anyone in my life and just to have your wife do that hurts. Especially when she sees nothing wrong with it. I truly am the most easy going person, but I felt the need to tell her how I was feeling and when I did open up, I was met with you’re big and I am small. It probably didn’t even hurt you physically. And those are just words, if you’re going to be sensitive, I wish I would have hit you harder. She’s right but I’d rather it had hurt more physically than the way it has emotionally. I am just tired, we have 3 toddlers, I help her so much around the house, I take care of all of the bills, cook often, go grocery shopping, wake up with the kids early so she can sleep in, whatever needs to be done. Truly not in a prideful way but I really love her and make sure she doesn’t have to stress about anything. Even down to having gas in her car. And I feel like it’s just not fair to be treated like that even if it is just out of anger. Then even after our arguments, there’s no sorry or apologizing. It’s just that I closed myself off and wasn’t there for her emotionally and couldn’t see past the rude comments hurled my way to love her the way she needed. She sees nothing wrong with treating someone like that when you’re angry, because that’s what you do when you’re angry. I admit about a couple of months ago, she had gotten mad about something small again and I came to talk to her and was met with, “talk to someone who cares” and the next thing you know she was pulling out of the drive way. I lost my cool and broke my phone and slammed the chair a couple times breaking it out of frustration. Even that she won’t let go of. It just we’ve addressed this many many times. And it’s the same thing, “you don’t love me enough to be there for me” I am just tired, I’m broken, I don’t know if I want to be treated like this or married anymore. Especially to be treated like this, I don’t want to be a bitter man and I feel like I am starting to build that resentment. And now our kids are starting to model the same behavior. Not sure what to do, she doesn’t want help for her anger or marriage counseling, I feel stuck.

My mum and dad have been together for 18 years and they have five children including me. But their relationship is so abusive and it's affecting all of us, mostly my mum who is the main victim of both physical and emotional abuse by my dad. My dad is a good dad to us, his children, he keeps pushing us to do our best. But when it comes to my mum, he always complains about the state of the house, the cleaning, when she does the lunch and breakfast. Etc. when my mum was younger in the marriage and was beaten up or abused by my dad she kept quiet and took it. But at the time she was just a young girl in her 20s. Now she has five children, a job as a teacher in the uk and she had to learn English from scratch which is affecting her confidence in school, and she also wakes up at 4 am to do both school meals for her five children and a prepared dinner for us after we get back from school. My dad works abroad, in Qatar. His routine is three weeks in Qatar and two weeks here with us. And when he comes back he keeps complaining about my mum's tiredness, how she sometimes sleeps early or takes a nap, and says that she should do the dinner at 8pm for the next day instead of waking up at 4 and feeling this tired. My dad is free for the two weeks he comes back, he usually sits on his phone or watches tv, and he expects my mum to do the cooking, us and her doing the cleaning. Ngl he does care about us, he makes sure my brother studies properly for his GCSEs and coaches us while doing taekwondo for two hours everyday. But the main problem is my mum and dad's relationship. Whenever he comes back from Qatar there is always a disagreement which sometimes ends up in serious physical fights (my dad beats my mum) and screaming which affects us all, even my 6 year old sister. I...i don't know what to do and how to help my mum mainly because she's the one that has the breakdowns and crying and she even has a health condition now (stable angina). I really need help. And divorce seems a difficult option. They've already been together for 18 years of toxic relationship. They have five children. It seems unlikely so what to do? TI; dr my mum is getting abused in her relationship with my dad and I want a suitable solution for them for my mums sake

My best friend has been in a funk lately, she has always been on a roller coaster and she texted me last night all these paragraphs about how she’s tired and how her depression feels like and how she wants to be gone, without burdening anyone. i really love her and want her to fight. i also have these moments quite often and i tried responding to help her, even though i know i can’t fix it, i tried offering my advice. i’m really worried and worry i could never say the right things because being in that position, i couldn’t hear anybody out, even if i tried. it’s suffocating and i don’t want her to feel the same way.

i said “i have a response to what u said. i need to think on the words for it but i know how you feel i have mini midlife crisis’ and i get tired too and i get to questioning everything and its meaning but i think when we are sad, we think too much on why, and what’s the point and forget that maybe its much simpler than that and we were blessed with life. god chose us to live and to figure it out and we are only 20, we have so many things to see and do and we may not know why, but that’s for god to know, sometimes we have to go thru things blindfolded because god wants us to, what if he has us not seeing for a reason and we don’t know why yet. i disassociate quite often and i have similar thoughts and feelings but i try to be brave because that’s what he made me to be. in his image. i wasn’t very religious cuz i didn’t have my questions answered. and that is what it always came to. maybe he isn’t real but it really helps to believe he is, even if religion was just made to comfort humans. I also think it’s because you choose to hole up. if you fought against ur anxiety and depression, which is way easier said than done,i get it, it feels like an elephant pushing you down when you try to get up, and maybe seek out happiness, because a lot of people think happiness just comes to them when it’s ready but i’ve learned you have to reach out and find your own daily reasons to keep going. as humans we have a survival instinct so deep into us. or maybe, just maybe, there is no point and no god and no reason and we are here to be here and fuck it, we never get to again, so why end it? enjoy it while we have it cuz when ur dead, you lose that chance of anything ever going right or sorting itself out. it’s just, nothing. and that’s way more depressing than having life and doing nothing, because damn it at least we have that chance to see colors, to watch sunsets, to smile, even if not that often. when ur gone, u don’t have that ever. so even though shit sucks and yes there are always bad things happening it feels like, remember even the small tiny moments that you have in between those things. like ur alive, you get to blink, u get to open ur eyes in the morning and see, you get to hear people’s stories, you get to love and be loved. you get to have ur favorite food, you get to laugh. there’s no pancakes when ur gone. there’s no hope when you’re gone. you don’t get to see sunsets and smiles and hear birds or laughing or even shit that annoys you, you don’t get any of that. death isn’t the peace you’re looking for. death is silent and gone and permanent. peace is the small things in life or the good news or any good thing that’s good to you happening even when all things feel like it’s going to shit. i love you and i have to add the part where im selfish and don’t want you gone. you’re my peace ur my little thing in life that keeps me going sometimes. and man that would fucking suck if you were gone and i had to find other reasons. i want you here. i understand sometimes when it’s bad, it’s hard to see that. but i really really hope you do someday. it’s taking my whole lifetime to figure that out and yea it sounds a little desperate but sometimes you need that little tiny rare “umph”. ur my “umph” so is colors, so is grass and sunsets and animals and pancakes and everything thing in between. i get like that too, where i stare at my bottle of Benadryl a little too long because it’s an easy way out, but i’ve learned to be competitive with my life. if anyone can understand, i think i can and thats what helps me. you have to figure out what helps you. rather than quitting. i love you and god i want you here and im so sorry life has made u feel the way you do i would take all of that from you just to know you’re opening ur eyes every morning, and u get those opportunities to keep trying. i can’t fix you but i can offer you my insight. i understand we’ve been talking a lot and i know i can bother you and i forget that you get overwhelmed and it’s not your fault, but i should be more careful of it. i’m the same way and i hope i didn’t take so much personal time from you that you feel suffocated. i’m sorry. i love you and will respect your wishes and rlly hope you hear what im saying. I love you.”.

i know i said i have to think on it but it all came out and idk if there is anything else i could say.

My wife (37w) and I (39m) are currently in a semi separated state. We still live together. We have 2 kids. We occasionally eat together and I still do all the laundry / house work etc. we sleep separately and have limited contact throughout the day. My wife decided we need space so that she can find herself and she is lost, she is going through a lot in her life at the moment. She still loves me, and I adore her. But she said she also needs to be happy again, love isn’t enough, that’s what the space is for. Can we be happy… We’ve had some really quiet days, minimal communication. For me this is a bad day. We’ve had some really great days. Lots of talkings and interaction. Even some sexting or occasionally some sex. For me this is a good day. I’m trying to respect the space. Not be demanding or expecting anything. Anything good for me is a plus for the day. I know she needs to work it all out in her head and too much from me could ruin it. Does anyone have any cute little gestures I could use in the scenario. Not Hollywood style “I love you” ideas. Something subtle, just a little reminders. I’ve always been a hands on husband and dad so there’s nothing extra to do around the house, i do a lot of it already. It’s hard because I don’t want the space….

I've been with my husband for 16 years, married 12. We are in our 30s, have kids, and a very healthy and growing sex life.

However , my husband admitted to me that I don't initiate sex. I was like what? Yes I do. But then I stopped to think and honestly I don't. I never have to think about it. He's always ready to go, and I never have to ask. It's like we are still newly married. We have a mutual understanding we both are always DTF. Usually he does something to me or we just start making out and then before you know it the magic happens.

I'm very comfortable with doing things in bed. He is more aggressive than I am, I am more submissive. But trying to think of ways to initiate honestly puts me into fight or flight mode. I have no idea why.

So what are some ways your wife tells you or let's you know she is wanting to have sex?

I feel completely stupid even asking but maybe hearing from a husband's POV will help me feel less stupid.