Assalamualaikum everyone,

I need some advice. Before meeting a guy the right way through my parents, I had a dream where I was pregnant. I read it of a Islamic dream book that mentioned it’s a good sign meaning I will find a compatible husband. First of all, I’ve never been married and have never been in a relationship. I had a good feeling about meeting this man. Surprisingly, I even read a dua hoping it would go well just a few minutes before meeting him, which I’ve never done, especially for a guy. I usually read this dua for success in exams, interviews, etc., but this was the first time I did it for an unknown guy I had never met or spoken to.

When I met him, he was literally the dream guy I could have never imagined could exist, especially because, in this generation, the minority of men are indulged in haram and aren’t loyal. (I apologise if this statement has hurt anyone.) The meeting went well, and we exchanged numbers. It’s been a week since we’ve been getting to know each other. He’s not a good texter and is definitely off all social media, which I see as a green flag. He does not smoke shisha, does not participate in clubbing, drinking, zina, has no female friends, and does not smoke or vape. He is simply a good guy whose life revolves around work, the gym, and family.

We met in person yesterday, and I shared my concerns with him, to which he was considerate and is willing to work on them if he wants to be with me. While his texting isn’t great, I would appreciate it if he could work on it for me since I am putting my effort and time into getting to know him, and I hope he can reciprocate. I realise we should take our time getting to know each other, as marriage is a huge responsibility and a lot will be sacrificed for the sake of Allah.

My main concern is that he is not religious; although he is a Muslim, he does not pray. I raised this as a concern, and he said he would try but cannot guarantee it. He mentioned that he doesn’t see himself praying but added, “Maybe you will rub it off on me in a good way after marriage.”

JazakAllah for listening. I hope Allah (SWT) blesses everyone who reads this and those who offer their advice with the best intentions.

My husband has been through some traumatic stuff with work and family. (About 2 years ago) I've been in and out of therapy forever ( going to start seeing a therapist myself again next week) so I've been trying to help him the best I can but its taking a toll on our relationship.

I can tell he is not happy and he is drinking to much and he has noone to talk to but me.

I tried to help him as best I could. He didn't want to talk about it.

I tried telling him a professional would be so much more capable.

He did go twice, said it was good but then said he doesn't like the guy, then that therapy can't help him and why can't I just help him.

I tried to explain that I have been helping him but I can only do so much.

If we have arguments.he gets so unreasonably defensive, and he doesn't fight fair. he will tell me he needs time to think things over but then never brings it up again. It leaves it issue unresolved and I feel dismissed. If I try to bring it up hes get too frustrated and shuts down

I'm not saying we never fought before this but it wasn't this often or heated

I'm not perfect. I read everything I can about how to communicate healthy and not be attacking but nothing works.

And I'm hurt by how he speaks to me in these arguments now. I don't feel open anymore.

I think this trauma of his brought up feelings of shame and neglect and he has all this anger about what happened but no way of releasing it. I've tried to help him with it but now it's really affecting our relationship.

All he does now is work and come home to play games and drink.

I’m 26F, and I feel so conflicted about marriage and relationships. My parents have put my profile on matrimonial sites, but nothing feels right—not because the men aren’t good, but because I can’t picture myself in a marriage. When I think about having a family, I just… don’t relate. I don’t see myself in a relationship or having kids. That’s how I feel right now.

At the same time, I don’t want to be a social outcast. I see people settling down, building lives together, and I wonder—will I regret it later if I don’t? The truth is, I don’t have the courage to live my life completely alone either. The thought of growing old without a partner or support system scares me, but so does the idea of forcing myself into something I don’t truly want.

To add to this, I was in a long-distance relationship for four years, and he ended it because I struggled to maintain it. Whenever my personal life got difficult—financial issues, family problems, or just feeling overwhelmed—I would break up with him impulsively. Looking back, I know I didn’t handle things well, and it makes me question if I’m even capable of a healthy relationship.

Has anyone else felt like this? Do these feelings change with time? I’d love to hear from others who have gone through something similar.

I'm 41(F) & my husband of 10 years is 40(M). I'm confused, depressed, just different. I have absolutely no sex drive for at least 6 months now. My drive started to go down about 2 years ago. I want to know if the things I mention is assault & if so, could it be the reason I no longer am interested in him.

First I know he is selfish. We have sex at least 4x a week. I usually don't get to finish. I maybe get to 2x per month through a toy during the act. I don't like the toys we have, which he purchased. If we use, I use it on myself.

He asks for sex constantly throughout day. He makes comments about my body. How I'm a MILF & have an amazing body. Which I'm flattered. But he usually says this while grabbing my crotch kind of hard or grabbing my boob's to hard. He also pokes my butthole area hard to (through pants). He knows I dislike it. I am quiet because if I voice my feelings he gets angry & defensive.

At night he just starts pulling off my underwear. Whether that's just as we are getting into bed or in middle of night. I might mention I don't want to have sex. But feel pressured into doing it. I say might mention, because sometimes I say nothing, as I know I won't win.

He also likes if I drink. Which I don't often anymore because I know he is trying to pressure me into anal. I hate HATE anal! He knows this, but doesn't care. I know this is crossing boundaries and cruel to do to me.

Yet I feel bad & afraid of hurting his feelings if I tell him all of this. Why would I feel bad???

Anyways, is this sexual assault? If not what is it considered.

Curious to know how many people are homeowners vs renters? In this economy, even with a dual income, it’s very difficult to envision purchasing a home.

My husband and I are in a long distance relationship for 3 months because of my work .He can't come here for the time I am here bcz of his work . I feel very lonely here it's a new town n without my husband I feel alone. He never shows signs of missing me. He roams out with his cousins every day n when I need him to talk he's out with them never thinking to go early to talk to me because he's very uncomfortable talking around them . Secondly even when we were staying together he would disrespect me for his cousins always choose them over me like hanging out , taking their opinion prefers taking trips with them not investing in growing as a couple or making other friends where we both are comfortable . I feel drained devalued n lonely in this marriage. Since I'm living with in-laws I need space with him like having trips I want to go with him alone but he wants me to go with his cousins most of the time . And even long distance he is behaving like a bachelor and not being emotionally responsible towards me.

I (51m) have been married to my wife for almost 8 years. I never thought I’d feel this alone spending every day with someone. Any intimacy we have had was at the beginning of our relationship albeit there wasn’t a lot. For at least the past 5 years there has been zero. She works all the time and when she isn’t she is either buried in her phone or giving the dogs attention. She’s not into cuddling and the only touching is my arm at night. When we are in the same room it feels like I’m alone. I don’t have many friends and the ones I do have I hardly see. I freelance and work has been shitty lately. I’m depressed and horny all the time, a combination that sucks. When I bring it up to her she says we will work on it but it never happens. I just feel incredibly hopeless, especially with what is going on politically here and my relationship, that it’s hard to function

Partner and I are opposites.

Hi, I worry me and my husband are too different. He enjoys playing video games, talking to his friends online and likes the technical side of things in movies and music. I worry that he thinks I am someone I am not. I got mentally Ill as a teenager and that resulted in me not being as outgoing and extraverted as I was before. People who met me after my mental health declined see me as a shy,introvert kindof geek? My husband says he first liked me because I watched anime. I wonder if he thought I was a home buddy geeky girl, nothing wrong with that btw! But the thing is I only watched anime and stayed hours on computers after I got ill because I enjoyed going down rabbit holes and scourering the internet as it was a type of drug to numb what was happening in my mental health decline,and I don't know if anime helped me or not but me going down rabbit holes in the depth of the internet really really is the worse habit of mine and is detrimental to my mental health. I don't want to sound like I am whining but throughout our relationship my husband will gladly buy me anything to do with gaming, he made me a computer and bought me a VR headset and a switch, I am not a gamer though! I would prefer him to do something romantic for me like watch a silly film together without him talking the whole way through or buy me flowers. I would like to see him do something just for me which puts him in an uncomfortable position like going to an art exhibition that he knows he thinks is unskilled and pretentious but listening to what I think of it anyway and not tell me how unskilled it is and how bad it is. I am proud of him for trying really hard, but are we just too different? My husband likes, cats, cute anime girls, computer games and electronics and robotics, I really don't know anything about cats and though they are cute and I would like my own I would rather read the news then watch cat videos. My illness connected me to my husband but I found we are so different it makes me stressed I am so lonely with my illness. I don't know if I can support him. I don't know if I am just blaming him and I need to work with what I have, I want to be supported too.I get really down sometimes. Sorry for my Grammer I am dislexic.

Now I can't find the top to the crocpot. Total eclipse...

As the title says, my wife (married for 16 years, together for 22) came out 3 years or so ago as being attracted to women. Obviously I was devastated but she said she still wanted to be married to me and be with me and it was just something she was working on. Since then things were more or less normal and I tried to make accomodations like going down on her every time we had intimacy and making sure she could attend therapy appointments whenever etc.

Fast forward to march last year when she just stopped any form of physical touch and when I asked her about it she said she didn't want to be with me and wanted to move out and explore relationships with women. She then has since moved into another bedroom in the house and shuffled the kids arrangements so she has that room.

We have 3 kids (6, 9 and 11) and rent (so no major assets). We have always struggled a bit financially as I'm the sole income of the household. I earn decentish money but let's be real, you pretty much need two incomes these days to get anywhere. All three kids have some degree of special needs (autism and ADHD) so parenting has always been a challenge.

She does art painting which she calls 'work' but I wouldn't refer to it that way as she basically makes zero money from it, in fact it's a negative income as she spends a lot of money on canvases and supplies etc. Let me be clear, her art is amazing, it's just that art as a career is incredibly difficult and it seems you almost have to luck into it to be successful. Since she has no real income I'll take a bet she isn't intending on moving out until she finds a woman with money to shack up with or somehow lands a huge art commission etc.

With her art she has an instagram page where she shows works and talks about her process etc. She quite often has chats to the camera and in there I saw one where she said she has always had these feelings but suppressed them as much as she could. I'm sure she wanted the feelings to go away but that's not how that works.

I'm heartbroken (obviously) but I guess I'm also really upset that I have essentially wasted all the good years of my life on someone who was never really going to be able to want to be with me.

I also cannot see any form of a life I will have any joy from in front of me. I'm 40 so I'm too old to start over, plus I have zero money, time or resources even if I had the energy to. I don't want to be alone, and I'm also not willing to lower my standards to a point where the life in front of me is something I will accept.

Basically, I'm fucked.

Sorry for the incoherent rant.

At work.. thinking ab bending my spouse over and inkin my name on her ass🤣 would it still be considered bad luck if i diddit myself?

For context, my husband gets a message from his female school mate two or three decades later. This lady texts him for banter since the day she got his contact number.

Well, reunions are fun. I get it. It makes complete sense if you catch up and then hang up. But, after a few months, I began to find this vibrating phone an annoyance. Obviously, my husband also responds to her and I have been too proud to ask him not to. However, I do not appreciate this lady pinging so frequently. At first it was odd, now it has become unnecessary and excessive. The moment it began to make me look over my shoulder at message notifications, I realized it was no good. I thought of letting my husband know how I felt. It's a tough spot where I'm annoyed but at the same time there's nothing to accuse of. What would you have felt if you were in my shoes? Also, if you are a married guy, what would be your thoughts on the wife's insecurity?

I recently found out that my husband has been casually messaging his ex’s siblings and friends a couple of times a year, usually in response to their Instagram or facebook stories. For example, he might comment ‘Happy Birthday to her’ under a post about his ex’s birthday or acknowledge her wedding anniversary or her first pregnancy announcement and most of the time they just replied back as thank you or emoji expressions. It’s always brief, just 2-3 messages per year. As they have been knowing each other for so long, I guess that is why my husband still has his ex’s inner circle contact for update except his ex (he blocked her) Now I’m wondering, is this something I should be concerned about, or is it normal? This quite new for me that that people still contact each other. I’ve never reached out to my ex after our breakup, our relationship was toxic, full of abuse and violence, and his family disliked me. So, this kind of contact feels strange to me.

I have been married for almost 14 years now but have been with my wife for 19 years. We used to be the greatest couple: fun, playful, happy, a great sex life. But these last few years, it's gotten progressively worse and worse. We are now to the point we barely even communicate and when we do, it's a fight. Our kids cause a lot of our strain because while we provide for them endlessly, they constantly fight with each other and have become disrespectful and defiant in many ways. My wife doesn't discipline them, rather just yells at them. When the punishment has to be dished out, it almost always falls on me.

Anymore, I dread coming home from work, because I know the hell that awaits when I open the door. I should note, that I go and collect the paycheck so she can stay home, which is fine. I know it's hard being here and conducting most of the day to day operations, but it's not like I'm an absent parent either and don't contribute in the home front, though I am told I am useless here.

My wife also has just become cold and bitter, lashing out at me daily and the kids often, even when they don't deserve it. It's miserable and to make matters worse: I recently began noticing something wrong with my own well-being. My hair has begun to fall out, I don't sleep much, tired all of the time and my sex drive is fine but I am having issues in the bedroom. What few times she has offered to be intimate? It ends horribly because of performance issues. I went to the doctor and got put on ED meds but they are 50/50, not lasting when it counts. I had blood work done and it seems my testosterone levels are almost non-existent. I can't even see a urologist until later in March.

I really don't know what to do and I feel we are ending. I hate this because I obviously don't want it to end, but what the hell can I do from here? I've gone to therapy on my own but it's not gotten me where I need to be, neither did some medication they gave me ( Lexapro: caused shakes and tremors and didnt help me anyways.)

It's gotten to the point, that I hate to even face the day because I know what it entails

Just want to preface this by saying I don’t know what I’m looking for here but I just need to tell someone as this is messing with my head.

Over the last few months I have been having very vivid dreams that I am being sexually assaulted. It’s been inconsistent and seems to happen very randomly.

Last night I (29f) woke up to a weird but familiar sensation on my lips and when I awoke I found my husband (32m) standing over me. He really startled me and when I asked him what he was doing he claimed that he was waking me from a bad dream. However I noticed his penis was out of his boxers and he had a semi.

When I confronted him about why his penis was out he told me he’d gone to pee and must have forgotten to put it back in his shorts.

For months I have been waking up to him standing over me like this and I often wake up frazzled and gasping for air and wiping my mouth. For the last few months I just thought I’d been dreaming this or imagining this but now I know for sure.

Sorry for the long rant/ vent/ I’m not even sure what this is I just feel so violated and confused and repulsed.

Have you ever felt like something is off in your marriage? Lately, I find myself constantly unhappy, feeling like I’m on the losing end. After having a baby, I feel like I’ve had to sacrifice so much, while my husband seems to have regained his freedom—even with a child in the picture.

We’ve been together for 14 years, married for over three, and now have a one-year-old. I know I come across as sulky, but deep down, it’s because I feel a growing resentment that we’re not on the same page. He still prioritizes his own time—whether it’s socializing with friends and colleagues or just having time off for himself. While I do enjoy accompanying him, I also want to spend more time with our baby, even though we have a babysitter to help.

The differences between us have become more obvious lately. When he’s home, he’s either gaming, sleeping, or working, but when he’s out with his friends, he seems to be having the time of his life. What really bothers me is how careless he can be with his words and how little consideration he seems to have for my feelings.

We argue, but we never really reach a solution. I’ve become the sulky wife he doesn’t enjoy being around, and he’s the husband I wish would be more present. It feels like a never-ending cycle.

Really just needed a place a vent.

Take care of yourselves. I have no ideia why he is in a marriage community…

I realized this truth of needing to leave when I was finally being treated nicely and like I was a genuine good and interesting person by new co-workers. I wasn’t treated like a bad person, I wasn’t treated like I was a pain to be around, I wasn’t treated badly at all. It was so nice! I felt like myself again. It was just simply interactions, but so nice.

I need to leave my marriage even though a large part of me still has so much affection and love for him that it wants to try again.

I don’t know how to do this.

I am 29(F) and am married to my college sweetheart, we’re both the same age. We have one kid and one on the way and we don’t hang out. We never really did after we got married. I feel like I annoy him. He says I complain a lot but it’s because he doesn’t help me with our kid and because we don’t go on dates or spend quality time together. Every weekend he goes out with his friends and I feel like he’d rather be with them than me. Even when he is home, he is on his phone and I feel like our conversations are dead. Does anyone else feel lonely in their marriage? I am just so sad and alone all of the time.

My husband is turning 40! We will be on a family vacation abroad with our three kids during that time. How do I give him a gift or otherwise celebrate his birthday? Bringing a gift seems silly—we’re trying to pack light. Do I give him something before we leave? We are leaving 9 days before his bday and coming home 6 days after his bday.

(We still give gifts for birthdays and holidays—in fact my husband is an excellent gift giver, so not doing anything doesn’t feel right).

Thanks in advance for any advice!

I’ve been married for under a year and seem to be always frustrating my wife.

Advise?

I’m a 24-year-old lawyer, and he’s a 25-year-old advertising professional. Do you think he didn’t actually want to break up and just wanted me to stay close to him? Why wouldn’t he just say that? It was a 10-minute call that ended up ending a 3-year relationship. He couldn’t even explain what he meant.

We had a fight earlier the day before, and he went to his friend’s house and spent the night there, he called me the next night after not talking to me for a day. I’m still so confused. I wonder why he wouldn’t break up with me in person. I know he’s a coward and was trying to avoid the situation, but it’s just frustrating.

The phone call went something like this:

(I tried recalling the exact words, but I couldn’t because I was in shock. I can’t stop thinking about it. I was swearing, and at some point, we both started crying, there was a lot of stuttering, we were repeating sentences over and over again, and there were also long pauses. It was just a mess

Him: “I just miss how things used to be. I miss my friend, I miss being friends with you.”

Me: “What? You want me to be your friend again? Like, be more laid-back?”

Him: “Yeah. Like, actually be friends.”

Me: “As a couple?”

Him: “No, as friends.”

Me: “Where are you?”

Me: “Are you serious right now?”

Him: “Yeah.”

Me: “You’re joking.”

Me: “Where are you?”

Him: “I’m at >his friend’s house<. I’m not joking, Sav. I really thought it through.”

Me: “What do you mean by that? I’m either your girlfriend or your ex. I’m never gonna be your fucking friend again!!!”

Him: “I just miss my friend.”

Me: “How the hell could you even ask me that? Didn’t you think about this before you fucking asked me to be your girlfriend? And now I’m not even your girlfriend anymore, so what the fuck am I supposed to do? Out of nowhere? Be your friend? WHAT THE FUCK?”

Him: “I get it, I feel like shit, but you know it’s not working.”

Me: “No, I didn’t know that! Now we have a damn dog together, a fucking house together, a fucking trip planned, my whole life planned around this, and you think I’m just gonna be okay with you asking to be friends? Fuck.”

Him: “I’ll come get my stuff tomorrow, or do you want me to come tonight and we can talk?”

Me: “Just take your shit tomorrow before 5 p.m., I’ll be at work.”

Him: “I still wanna be friends. I didn’t want it either. I want you to be part of my life and I want to be part of your life, see your family…”

Me: “Fuck you.”

Hanged up. Blocked him.

Do you think there was someone else involved? I never thought of him as a cheater, but I’m still so confused.

I was confused by him saying he didn’t want it either, ’cause what does that even mean? I cried for like 4 days nonstop, and eventually unblocked him to figure out rent, the trip, the dog, etc. He asked how I was doing, said he didn’t want us to end up like this. I asked if he was saying that he wanted to get back together, and he said no, he just didn’t want me to hate him.

It’s confusing and contradictory.

I’ve thought about so many scenarios. Maybe he fell out of love because we were acting like we were married, living together, and that scared him? Maybe he has someone else? I don’t believe this “miss my friend” thing after 3 years, especially when he was the one who decided to pursue me. I really don’t know

A little bit of backstory: My husband & I have been together since 2009, married since 2014. Overall, we've had a very solid relationship: we're faithful, committed to each other, support each other, arguments have never become explosive, & we are on the same page with each other as far as raising our six kids & our goals in life, etc.

I don't have much family- estranged from my parents after a traumatic childhood, sibling is on a downward spiral, my grandparents that raised me aren't with us anymore. I have no one left besides my family & a few good friends.

I do have self worth issues stemming from my childhood, so I always feel foolish & selfish whenever I try to make a big deal out of me, such as personal achievements, birthdays, etc. So I tend to ignore those events as they approach. Ironically, however, I still do want other people to care!

My husband has never been good at surprises throughout our relationship. My love languages are acts of service, quality time, & affirmations. Over the years, I've planned surprise parties for him & all of our friends, I've surprised him with carefully thought out gifts that I was so excited to give him.

He's never done any of that for me. Occasionally, he's surprised me with a gift, but it never seemed very intimate or well thought out.

I'm a SAHM & I handle our finances, so in his defense, it would be very difficult for him to squirrel away money without me noticing. I have talked to him about it, but for the most part, I had accepted that he just isn't that type of person. But our kids were younger back then.

My birthday just passed, & our older kiddos- 17, 9, & 7- didnt even realize it was my birthday. I didn't get a hand-drawn card or anything, & that honestly hurts the most. I wasn't expecting very much, but just to hear "Happy Birthday Mom" & to get a little homemade card would have meant the world to me.

Once our oldest realized it was my birthday, she offered to make me dinner, which was sweet. But I just felt very overlooked & forgotten.

I'm starting to realize how much my husband's approach is influencing our children's approach as well. He doesn't even get them pumped up for it, like I make sure to do leading up to his birthday. [For example, "It's Daddy's birthday in 10 days!! Let's make sure we've finished our cards. What should we make him for breakfast?"]

I don't get to sleep in or get breakfast in bed. None of the little things that cost nothing but would mean so much to me.

Last year, I almost died giving birth to our twins. It was a very traumatic experience. I've been struggling with my health physically & emotionally since that experience. Many days, I'm still in survival mode.

This is a birthday I very nearly did not live to see. It just hurts to feel invisible to the people who matter the most to me in this world.

Obviously I love him & this is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I just feel so hurt. Am I overreacting? I'd love to hear any advice or insight.

My fiancée (42M) and me (32F) have been together going on 7 years recently engaged and wedding date set for May this year. He comes and goes as he pleases and always busy either helping or hanging out with his friends and family. Every weekend he’s gone. We have a 5 year old for context and I honestly feel like a single mom when I mention that to him he just brings our son with him and leaves me at home. Recently I sent him a long text while he was at work explaining how I wish we had more family time and that he help more around the house. Well I found out he told his ex (his other child’s mother) about us arguing (this is not the first time he mentioned our business to her) he also deleted the message so I wouldn’t see it. I asked him today if we can talk about the issues we are having (because as much as I hate to admit they have been issues for awhile and things get better for a little then go right back to the same issues) and he went off on me in front of our son (so bad our son went and hid in the closet) I was very calm and he just yelled telling me he’s trying his best and nothing is good enough for me. We never go on dates, he rarely helps me when I ask for it but will drop what he’s doing for everybody else. When I mentioned him texting his ex about our relationship and that it was disrespectful to me. His response we well you tell everybody about our relationship which I don’t. Even my maid of honor (bestfriend) knows nothing about what is going on and that Im very close to calling off the wedding. Anytime we have an issues he doesn’t talk he just tells everyone our business and yells if I bring it up and turns it back on me. Save the dates are already send but at this point I’m not sure I want to move forward.

We've been married for 10 years. Things have been going well from my perspective and I would say we have a happy marriage. I've never felt the need to question his fidelity before this.

Tonight, my husband came home from work smelling like perfume. He works front desk at a salon, so at first I had thought that maybe the scent was from a product or maybe even a coworker who wears a strong perfume. When I smelled him again, I noticed the smell was only coming from his facial hair around his mouth and nowhere else. I thought this was odd considering the placement??

I mentioned it to him and he said he had no idea why he smelled like that and that maybe it was a product that rubbed off on him. I shrugged it off initially but the more I think about it the more something feels off. The scent was definitely more of a floral perfume smell rather than that of a hair product. He doesn't own any products that smell like the floral scent I smelled, which was very feminine and he typically wears musky scents.

I'm not sure what to think or do. This is an isolated incident, so I've been trying to come up with a reasonable explanation as to why he would smell like that and specifically only around his mouth, but maybe my emotions are preventing me from thinking reasonably.

Just having a hard time sorting my thoughts and would appreciate input from a third party

Has anyone here let their kids ruin their marriage? If so, do you regret it? I figure when kids turn 10+, they don't seem to want their parent to baby them anymore. Now the parent is lost because they don't have a baby anymore and you destroyed your marriage.

Me (30) my husband (29) have been married for two years now and together for 5. No kids yet just two dogs who love so much.

When we got together I was very transparent about my mental health struggles and my inability to do certain things because of them. Like going to concerts, flying on planes and being in crowded places. I was diagnosed with a panic attack ( dissociation) disorder in 7th grade and i have come a long way from then but still have a way to go. I am currently still working on things and learning how to do things I would love to be able to do but can’t. When we met I told him it’s not that I don’t want to do those things. It’s just that I am unable to at least for now and in the near future.

He didn’t seem to have a problem with it, but I just don’t know if he was like this isn’t a forever thing and this will change within the next two or three years or he liked me enough to just not be with somebody that was able to do things that he wanted to do like travel go to sporting events, go to concerts, things he used to do all the time before meeting me.

Tonight we were with my family and we were talking about planes and how I don’t fly and my sister asked him “does that bother you that she can’t fly” and I already knew the answer to that because we’ve spoken about it, but I could see it in his face that it did bother him and that he did want to travel. His reply was I know “she’ll get there one day.”

But the thing is, I don’t know if I ever will. I tried to face my fears and go to my first NFL game with him this year and it turned out terribly and we did not go because I passed out before even getting to the stadium. And seeing his face of disappointment and frustration was just heartbreaking for me to see because I knew how excited he was and I ruined it. He didn’t speak to me the entire ride home.

And the thing is, I am being treated. I am on medication and I am further that I have been in my progress much further than I ever thought I would be.

I’m just not where I want to be for him or even myself and I don’t want him to miss out on things because of me even though I say you know you can do these things without me. He always says he wants to do it with me.

I’m just afraid he’s gonna resent me one day and he married me, but he could have married someone else. He could’ve enjoyed his life with someone that can do the things he wants to do and I hate sitting here feeling like I’m holding him back. Even though he has said several times that I am not I just know deep down he wishes I was different.

** adding to this post** My husband still does these things with other people just said he would like to do them with me as well.

Husband recently revealed that he downloaded an app a long time ago to record our conversations whenever we were having an argument. I had no idea this was happening. A few days ago he told me he was glad he never deleted it because he wanted to use the recording to "prove me wrong" about the "mind games" I was playing with him about the "I said you said" game. That certainly wasn't my intention I was seriously confused about what he was saying in the argument because it sounded like he was flipflopping his stance a lot so I said things like, "I thought you said XYZ a moment ago". Not only is recording like this illegal in my state I was completely blindsided by this information. When I said this was a violation of my trust, he acknowledged the violation but said that he did not regret doing it or telling/showing his friends and family about our arguments and the recordings. I was really taken a back and felt betrayed. I am very careful about who I tell our private business to as I never want anyone to villainize him and want them to see his point of view too. I'm certainly not perfect and struggle with my CPTSD which can lead to outbursts and have been in therapy for 15 years working on it. Our therapist told him it's essential to be working towards being trauma informed when married to a partner with prolonged complex trauma. In the last several months of therapy he hasn't done anything on that front. Meanwhile he says that I'm completely uncooperative because I haven't finished the non violent communication video material our therapist recommended us both watch and read. I've listened to the audio book and have also listened to 1.5 hrs of the video. I'm in grad school rn and work 3 jobs and am also applying for full-time jobs so I'm spread thin but I have really tried my best to invest as much of my spare time towards working on NVC. I even thought we were good because we would practice together and make a game out of it. I'm just not doing things at the pace he would like, I think.

I'm currently taking space, right now we live separately because my school is far away from home. After I hung up on him, I texted him to say I'd only speak to him with professional assistance from our therapist at our next couples session. But I can't even begin to think about how to forgive or move forward even if he apologized well. So far the apology I got was "sorry for the hurt caused by the recording" via text after sending huge long paragraphs about how he was justified in recording me without my knowledge. I feel really paranoid now and don't know how to enforce the boundaries since he's already been doing this behind my back for so long. I'm conflicted though because I never got the sense he was untrustworthy before and he has been extremely supportive of me throughout grad school. He has financially supported me and made almost all my meals and has taken care of almost all the main household duties. Maybe he is frustrated with me about this but I haven't heard this explanation from him, I just think that trust will be difficult to regain moving forward.