Disclaimer: I'm not a professional, this is just what I personally did that helped me a lot. And I hope it helps anyone reading this.

Been dealing with depression and anxiety border libe personally disorder all of my adult life I'm 40 now. 8 years ago my dad died and I really took a 3 year plunge into substance abuse and never thought I'd make it out but I did also my wife left m3 around the same time. I'm now married to a wonderful woman but I recently lost my job that iv had for 8 years. I don't know what to do I was working for a dry lining and linen delivery company so nit something to really go into as a carrier as there's not many places that would pay worth a shit. Did uber for a while but my motivation and self confidence is shit my temperament is bad I'm treating my wife like shit I just get angry so easy I feel hopeless. Been slipping back to my dark past habits I'm down to my last bit and don't plan to get more but that's not the problem. Iv tried meds all kinds or stuff. Things seem to have took a wrong turn 2 years ago when I had a bad experience on DMT atleast my wife says so. Had vivid painful nightmares for a year after. Withib the last year I was at the doctor doing blood work and they tell me I have over active thyroid and put me on some fucked up medication that completely makes me lose my mind I end up going to the mental hospital leaving that job going to lowes for a while then coming back. I was a bit embarrassed I didn't lose it at work but we live in the neighborhood anyways I guess she was bitter and I end up getting fired over bullshit. Two weeks back in. My wife works three still we met at work 4 years ago. Bills aren't paid rents way late my wife screaming for me to help and work but I don't have it in me. I couldn't even work enough with uber ended up getting banned off that over some not real shit. Iv always had this bad luck link a hex is on me shit happens to me that you just cant make up daily. Really close to the edge about to fall over the edge. Feel like I'm being punished by god . I dunno what to do I hadnt planned on not having a job. Hadn't planned on being this broken

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0Qrqo9xHU4

I haven't been out of my house for three days. I just can't. I get to points in life like this, I always have since I was a child, and I do what my mom always did--just get through it. But coping isn't the same as living!

​

My discussion question: What to you do, how do you do it, this thing called existing? How do you move on when you don't have anywhere to move towards?

TW for what's been going on with me lately (below), not quite yet.

​

I'm heading to London to spend time with my partner for a bit. I've been putting it off for over a month due to part of all that's going on with me, and to be honest, I'm not at all excited about it, I'm just hoping I have the energy to pack and get to the train station in a few days. But it will be good to get away for a bit, and hopefully a new environment will help? Honestly, some days I just feel like taking a sleeping bag and matches into the woods and disappearing for a few months/years/decades!

​

What's been going on. Well. Depression has always just hit me out of the blue. I am not used to there being a REASON for it, and so I don't really class this as that type of depression. This is more a feeling of being truly overwhelmed and sad and worried and my head just hasn't been capable of thinking normally since last summer. This:

​

​

​

​

​

My father died last summer. Very suddenly, though not unexpectedly. The grief was compounded by the fact that the family lands I grew up on will be sold, my childhood will be gone. Sibling arguments over who does what, the stress of clearing out the details of his life.

I finally came home thinking the worst was over. Had another episode of anaphylaxis (doctor told me since I'd gone a year since my last one, the chances of having another were lowering all the time). Then the holidays. I was recovering from the infection that set off my anaphylaxis, the deep sadness of spending Xmas alone, then the anxiety of my partner showing up last minute (I sturggle with changes!). I also have seasonal affective disorder, so it's a hard time of the year anyway.

​

By the end of January, I was beginning to think that I was on the upswing. BAM! (of course, it's always sudden, right?). Another emergency trip in the ambulance, this time anaphylactic shock, with several days stay in the hospital.

​

OK, I can get through this, right? I had flu (severe illness, it seems, is what sets off this way of my body attacking itself). Spent 2 weeks recovering, and was finally feeling well enough to do more than sleep and drink hot water with lemon and honey.

​

OF COURSE THERE IS ANOTHER BAM OUT OF NOWHERE.

​

I found my housemate, who had lived with me for well over a year and was like my son, dead in his room.

​

No idea how, but I got through that. It was a month of dealing with the coroner, arranging to have his body sent home to his native country, coping. And just as I thought that was coming to an end---

​

And this brings me to last week. Wait for it, one more BAM.

​

My daughter (adult) is in hospital with severe pain, no determined cause, but imaging shows abdominal mass and/or damage. No actual test results for at least the next several days, if then.

​

I just ask, and I'd really like any insight or answers, please??? How many deaths or near death experiences can we get through before we implode? And how can I implode without causing that to happen to others?

​

What even is self care when you don't care?

​

I took a shower today. Over the past few days I have done laundry for myself for the first time in 2 months. I even washed dishes yesterday.

​

And I'm not giving up, I have plans for this trip in 2 days, a holiday in May, and another trip to finalize my dad's things over the summer. It's not that I plan to quit. I just don't see the point, and just "getting through it all" is so much effort.

​

Discussion time: What to you do, how do you do it, this thing called existing? How do you move on when you don't have anywhere to move towards?

Hey everyone,
I'm sending this survey out for my end assignment, I'm hoping that some can answer.

Thank you in advance!

Link: https://forms.gle/PbUxnaZnNsmiDVjYA

Can clinical depression be partly genetic apart from environmental factors?

My father is a mediocre man who settled for less in life with no ambition. After my mom divorced him , he quickly shacked up with a problematic woman from his work whose criminal son beat up my dad last year. He has an autistic 8 year old with her.

My mother has had many inside problems throughout her life. Very prone to depression and isolation. She also has seen a therapist. She is just like me, we can’t find a suitable partner in life. But she still is a trooper and doesn’t let go of her faith in God.

My little sister is a Harvard alumni who is studying Neuroscience. In 2-3 years she will get her doctorate. She has a therapist and psychiatrist on deck. She started getting help and medication years back. She was going through some gruesome inside problems as well. She is happily married. I am very glad for her.

I had lapses of mild depression but tolerable in my 20s. When I was 29 I lost a dear girlfriend to the grave. She had lupus and only made it 2 years with the condition. I buried her at the cemetery. Immediately after the tragedy , I started working out and working. I didn’t even have time to fully process the brutal loss.

Now at 33 this insidious depression and isolation just ambushed and crowded me like a cascade. It feels like life is out to get me for something. I have been feeling like this for 2 years now.

I don’t feel motivated at all. That spark is gone. I’m rusting out. The loneliness just digs deeper and deeper like a surgeon’s scalpel. Thank God I still have my Rottweiler boy (girlfriend RIP left him to me)

I am very mentally resilient enough to not partake in drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism.

I am trying to combat this crud with a sober mind.

I have an appointment with my gp tomorrow. I will request a referral for some sort of help for the first time ever because I can’t try to patch me up anymore. Prayers do not work and I am tired of not seeing any sort of light.

I don’t know who I am anymore. I lost all my creativity I lost who I am with all of that. I feel like I’ve never accomplished anything big in life. Nothing for anyone to be proud of..I’m simply a nobody. My mental health use to be manageable but now I feel like I’m in a constant state of misery and I can’t make it stop..why am I like this

am 18 now and I think I just wasted all my time on bullshit things. Like movie analysis, reviews psychology astrology . All that stuff. I also compare myself to others whoever they are form my friends to everyone in every details small to small. I am very reserved . I also think I am a narcissist .I also don't feel any emotions for anybody. I don't have any creativity in me thats why I can't make conversations make jokes laugh with people make memories . I feel to anxious when I public and can't talk to people and I can't make an eyecontact with people. I just am unable to behave normally. I don't have any friends . I am just becoming more toxic day by day. I also have a problem of perfections that why I think I never did anything in my life , never did anything completely. God has given me no good except more bad. I am too logical. I always procrastinate things. I am too adult for my age and in a bad way(I am not mature like others but kind of old ) . I am too concious of myself and when I make some mistake I immediately start seeing around me if somebody notices me and as I have turned 18 I can see many changes happening in me as a result I am no longer innocent like others like whenever something bad happens around me I am become too much aware of it and it feels very bad while others don't even notice it and remain happy like I used to be before in childhood. Also I don't like sports like others. I have too much dark interests unlike everyone else. Sometimes I think all this is due to me being born in 16 December which is the worse date of the year as I have seen people born in December are worse people neither they look good nor they have talents. I know I may sound stupid here but all this one of my dark interests which I have wasted my life observing. Why God made me like this . I want to be those normal people who I see everytime make jokes happily going outside doing fun things with each other. I am too different from others. Also I have problems with doing daily chores but nobody has this problem. Sometime I think should I make a baby in my future as he will also suffer like me . I want to die .I did nothing good in my life nothing memorable . Whenever I am in a group I am always seen as very different while others belnd themselves in the group. I am always outcasted. Also seeing too much Google making theories about my insecurities made my life, my mind a hell . Nothing exiteds me now . Nothing feels the same . Am I normal .

For some time now all I ever could do i just spend time alone in a room, my life is just spiraled out of control and i couldn't stand it anymore. Reality just knocked me down. If humans are social creatures then how come i only spend the entire time in a room with plenty of games and books

P.S. no i am not a hermit that is chunky yet i rather skinny based set

Recruiting Individuals for Paid, Remote Research Study on Emotions and Cognition

Do you feel hopeless, worthless, nervous, or persistently on edge? Do these emotions make it difficult for you to function day-to-day? You may be eligible to participate in our fully remote research study and earn up to $286 in compensation! At the end of the study, you will be provided with a full report about your feelings, cognitive performance, and how they changed over the course of the study. 

Participation in this study includes:

• Completing an initial set of cognitive tasks and surveys on your home computer, tablet, or smartphone (1.5 hours)
• Completing brief assessments (5 minutes) on your smartphone or tablet, 3 times a day for 3 weeks
• A brief follow-up assessment (5 minutes) in 3 months
• Comprehensive feedback on your performance at the end of the three weeks

If interested, you can see if you are eligible here,
please copy and paste this link into your browser:
https://rally.massgeneralbrigham.org/study/want_to_learn_more_emocog

To be eligible to participate, you must be a United States Resident living in Eastern Time Zone

Or, for more information contact us at cogstudy@mclean.harvard.edu, or visit our website: https://www.cognitivehealth.tech/

I am becoming more toxic day by day. I just can't do anything about it my mental health is decreasing.i don't know what to do about it. I just can't bear the fact that I can't do anything about it. What to do nothing feels good except odd

The Dean Hope Center at Teachers College, Columbia University in collaboration with Dr. Douglas Mennin is offering free telehealth therapy for men as part of a research study for individuals in New York who are struggling with emotional distress.

If you are an adult between the ages of 18-65, fluent in English, and have internet access, you may be eligible to participate. Participants will be compensated for completing 19 weekly online questionnaires over 19 weeks.

For more information about the study components, time commitment, risks, and to fill out a prescreen questionnaire, please visit: https://www.iert.site/12-session.

Teachers College IRB #23-008

I’ll be deleting this app soon, I get too attached to people who give me one once of attention they they stop talking to me and makes me fall deeper into depression, then anxiety starts to hit because of loneliness sometimes I feel like I’m better off alone talking to nobody just being in total darkness just looking at YouTube videos and tv shows. I just want to goto sleep one day and never wake up.

I have been reading about this concept, and it has only caused me pain. So if if I think about how much I like certain song then it's a lie? Things I enjoy immensely always find a way to transfer from my emotions to my thoughts, and I always found it helpful towards the journey of self discovery. We have so many complex systems that work as one whole now tell me how does that not shape or personality and who we are.. So every single thing that my thoughts tell me I enjoy, is a lie? Every observation I have in the outside world where: I meet a random person and I like them and I think to myself that I really do like them, then everything I think to myself in any kind of a situation is false, and it has nothing to do with me? Even the way we write, what we write about has traces of our personality - and it comes from our thoughts.. I find it impossible to believe that our thoughts are not connected to our personality in any way. In a lot of ways they guide us towards her interests, our Hobbies, our relationships, so how can none of it be apart of who we are? Can someone tell me that some of our some of our thoughts are apart of our personality, because now I feel my interests are meaningless my relationships are meaningless my taste in anything I like is meaningless because anything my thoughts tell me I like is apparently false and and tells us nothing about ourselves... I'll give you an example I see something I like, then I have a thought that the thing I see looks amazing, and then that same thought produces an emotion that makes me feel good, and at the same time I discover what I like. So tell me how how the thoughts we have are not stepping stones towards ourselves.

I see a point in not identifying with our bad or intrusive thoughts, as a part of self-help when your in therapy... But we shouldn't discredit all our thoughts as a part of ourselves, they play an important part in forming our identity, just as our feelings and behavior. They are all interconnected.

Why the phrase lacks logic:

○ Before your discovered your interests and hobbies, you had an emotional feeling about a particular thing then thought to yourself "I really like this, I want to do it again", the emotion got translated into your thought - some parts of your thoughts helped you find your likes/dislikes and are as such - a part of you.

○ Before you do most of the things in everyday life - whether make a new friend, call your current friend, make food that YOU find tasty, what do you do? You think about how good it tasted in the past and that you want to make it again. Your thoughts were again apart of YOU and what YOU like.

○ When you search for a new job, and you want to find something that's aligned with your own desires and wishes, what do you do? You THINK about it and based on the THOUGHTS, and the ones you'll listen to (the ones you follow: and are again apart of YOU and your personality) will play a huge role in your life direction.

○ Through a psychological test where students wrote random thoughts on a piece of paper, psychologists acquired many traces of their personality - just based off that, and it was mostly accurate.

○ We are not all of our thoughts but many of our thoughts tell us about who who we actually are/they help us discover about or wants/preferences, about what we don't want and so much.

○ Where we currently are in life is a place where we travelled to based on the thoughts we chose to work with.

○ Personality is a pattern of thought, feeling, and behavior, but little attention has been paid to thoughts - John A. Johnson, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Pennsylvania State University.

○ A new person we like and speak to regularly makes us feel a certain type of way - then that emotion gets transferred to our thoughts: "I want to go out with this person, they make me feel good about myself, I like how many simillar things we share" - based on our thinking we pursue that interest.

I just think that quote is false (has some truth in when it comes to self-help or bad thoughts but is not entirely right, - at the same time it causes me agony), and that thoughts, emotions and genetics are one of many parts that make us who we are. We have thoughts about our interests, likes, our love lives, if we didn't follow up with any of our thoughts we wouldn't develop any of the things i just mentioned.

My opinion is (also based on research is) that some of our thoughts tell us nothing of ourselves and are indeed intrusive, and cause nothing but harm. But a lot of them are connected to our emotions, our personality/personal tastes, our inner drives and play an equal role as many other things (emotions, genetics, family cirmustances, etc.) that play a role and give shape to what we are.

Quotes from different internet sources: "Personalities contain the patterns of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that make each person unique. Together, these aspects can play a role in every part of our lives, from friendships to careers, to hobbies". "Thoughts: The Neglected Aspect of Personality: Personality is a pattern of thought, feeling, and behavior, but little attention has been paid to thoughts. The point is that all three aspects of what textbook author David Funder (2019) called the psychological triad—thoughts, feelings, and behavior—are equally important. - John A. Johnson, Ph.D, professor of psychology". "Thoughts are ideas, perspectives, opinions, and beliefs that influence our emotions, actions, and habits. They can be positive or negative, and they play a significant role in shaping our personality."

I am talking about this subject from a psychological/scientific point of view, not from any kind of spiritual/philosophical way of thinking.

Are some of our thoughts part of our personality, our genetic makeup and our nature? Do they play a role in shaping personality? Do they tell us something about our values, beliefs, and bottom line: ourselves? I feel like thoughts/thought patterns, emotions, genetics, etc... All play equal role in shaping who we are (our personality).

I will be feel grateful if you can help me in any way with your answer.

Teachers College, Columbia University is offering free, online skills training as a part of a research study. If you are an adult between the ages of 18-65, fluent in English, and have a smartphone and internet access, you may be eligible to participate.

​

Participants will be compensated for multiple research components, including two in-person visits and online questionnaires over five months. For more information about study components, time commitment, risks and to fill out a prescreen questionnaire, click the link below.

​

www.iert.site

​

Teachers College IRB #22-236

I just really need someone to talk to. My fiancè ignores me but expects me to always respond to her My family ignores me and only wants money My problems are always being pushes aside by those i love and care for because they have an issue and expect me to know how to fix it or help Im struggling to stay sane and yet no one in my life cares, like theyre just using me for their own gain at the cost of my life Im drowning slowly, and i dont think there is going to be a good ending for this road Please, i just need someone, anyone to talk to.

Hello everyone! I am currently working on my bachelor's thesis concerning strategies for depression recovery and prevention of relapse and I need participants. If you've struggled with depression in the past (meaning had depression diagnosed by a professional), but feel like you have been consistently in a better state for at least the past six months, I want to know your story. If you're interested in telling it, please contact me, I assure you of total anonymity. Thank you and best of luck to you all, whether you are currently struggling or here to help others.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kI_9gdVwF6Y

especially what do you think about the part where they were talking about the things that friends can do or you can do as a friend to find if one of your friends is going through depression

Hi everyone, I am a student nurse at Hertfordshire Regional College, as part of one of my modules I am currently conducting a research study into Seasonal Affective Disorder and the effects moderate exercise has on symptoms. I would appreciate it if anyone could fill out the questionnaire, it's on google forms, it's about 14 questions long, it will not ask for any personal information and it is completely anonymous. Participants are free to withdraw at anytime. It would be a massive help! thank you!

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1V6p60VUu47mllZcve73QcHHeEJBSVsgWHNupxXOBHDY/edit

*Apologies in advance and if this is not allowed.

Teachers College, Columbia University is offering free, online skills training as a part of a research study. If you are an adult between the ages of 18-65, fluent in English, and have a smartphone and internet access, you may be eligible to participate.

Participants will be compensated for multiple research components, including two in-person visits and online questionnaires over five months. For more information about study components, time commitment, risks and to fill out a prescreen questionnaire, click the link below.

www.iert.site

Teachers College IRB #22-236

I joined a few months ago, it's small enough to get to know people but big enough that there's always someone ready to respond pretty much straight away 24/7 if you feel like you would like some support, advice or just to vent. We collectively decided it would still be nice to have a few more people so please don't be shy, join and say hi!

https://chat.whatsapp.com/Jn6xBKok9AoJX9glvpnsay

I hope, mods, you don't mind this post, I thought its on topic and could be just what someone here might need, given reddit replies can be slow sometimes. Besides it's not my group so can't really call it self promotion lol

What motivated you to get out of bed today? This is where I struggle the most, getting the day started. 💕

To feel so hallow, to feel nothing but the feeling of nothing is the most painful of all. It’s like the dark after being in the blazing sun in the desert stranded without water. You want to stay in the dark to not feel the dryness of the sun, so you stay. It’s comfortable, so you stay. You eventually you loose your light and your ability to find the door or the ladder to climb out. You have ideas of what you want to do outside in the sun, but you can’t seem to find your way to the door because it’s too dark. You are lost in the darkness and feel that emptiness is consuming you. So you hide in the dark, not knowing you are further and further away from the door out. But you don’t care, because you know the dark, it’s predictable, it can’t change, it can’t hurt your feelings, it can’t lead to disappointment because it is safe. Eventually you start to feel hallow and numb. It’s a relief for a while until you remember what it’s like in the sun. You want to have both but are so lost and alone. So you take solitude in the dark alone and that’s you strength for the moment until you start to “feel again”. Feeling what it’s become, what emptiness is truly feels like, feeling alone in a crowed room, then to feel the pain from feeling nothing for so long is the worst. You know you are so far from finding the door that leads to the light, you are alone at this point from staying in the darkness for too long, you can’t see a path to the door, so you feel hopeless, you feel disgraceful in your self for getting this far away from the light. You just want to crumble from self disappointment from what you have become and how far away you have gotten from the light. This realization can be seen as a Turing point for some but to others it’s painful and scary, to get on the path and pick yourself up, to fight to find the door in the darkness, it hurts and it’s going to hurt. So some may slip further into the darkness at this point instead of finding the door, they can just get so sick and tired of going thru this because they have been here too many times, and I can’t tell you, it’s tiring as all hell. You just get so sick of trying, so tired of fighting so hard to keep bumping around in the darkness trying to find the door and the hollowness that come then the pain of feeling so empty. It’s tiring and you just want to curle up in the corner in the darkness to just feel numb without the pain of it.

This is what it feels like to fight depression everyday you wake up. You wake up sometimes thinking maybe I’ll feel different or you just wake up feeling numb or the need to “turtle” and hide because the path to coming out of it is lonely, painful, and frightening. Not having someone who actually “gets it” can be even harder. The only way to truly get it is to have been there your self.

I am 22M from South America studying and living in the US. I go to a great university, have excellent grades, work out around 5-6 times per week, have a healthy diet, and I take care of myself physically.

Lately, I have been feeling depressed and I seem to have many symptoms of depression: I sleep more than usual, and I have trouble sleeping / wake up many times. I have very little appetite (eating around once a day), no longer enjoy doing things I like (like playing the guitar, working out, etc). I also had a bad experience with a love interest recently, which truly broke me, and I feel more alone than ever. I am a junior, and despite my good grades and work experience, I cannot get a summer internship despite applying to 200+ jobs and getting help from the university's career center and some of my friends.

I also have been studying less than usual. I consider myself very smart, but I just don't really care about my classes anymore. I have probably skipped half of them, and I still do really well while barely studying. With regards to my family, I talk to them once a week and they noticed I am feeling down, but I don't know how to open up to them. Also, I only see them twice a year during vacation, so going back home is not an option. Most of my friends seem more distant, and I don't really know how to get closer to them again. I only drink once or twice a week during the weekends with my friends, but lately I noticed that it takes less than usual to get me drunk — in fact, I blacked out twice in the past 2 weeks while drinking what I usually drink.

I would really appreciate any advice on how to handle this. I know I am in a privileged position, but I am so unfulfilled and unsatisfied with my life currently, and I see no sings of it getting better despite everything I try. I really don't see myself getting an internship this summer, or improving things with my love interest. I want to change my situation, but I do not know just what to do.

I stay constantly depressed and sad. I already have underlying health issues but this is bad. Some days I can’t even get out of bed for depression.